Original subtitles

[ Thunder crashing ]

Kingdom come...

What is it, Mary Catherine?

Oh! The building, Sister Wilma.

It's alive!

[ Burping, gagging ]

Ahh! [ Vomiting ]

Okay, well, uh, can you wrap it up?

'Cause the last thing we need is more shitty press.

♪ Hey!

[ Rapping ] Who is the girl that saves the world? ♪

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

Hey! [ Imitating fanfare ]

Birdgirl!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Okay, how many do we have?

1,014.

How many do we need? 2,074.

Ugh. It'll be so much easier sending them

company-wide memos when we have the Internet.

You know, we could just send this out Monday,

like when we have the Internet.

Then why would we need a memo?

You're up. I can't turn another turn.

- Oh, yes, you can. - Oh, no, I can't.

One, two, three, huh!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

No, you guys.

No psych-up music, not today.

♪

[ Handle whirs ]

♪

[ Train whistle blows ]

Quittin' time!

[ Cat meows ]

[ Car alarm chirping ]

What do you think Brian does on a Friday night

besides trying to find his car?

Uh-unh.

At just over a quarter-mile, he's kind of hot.

Would you ever?

Um, maybe... not.

Definitely. I would.

Me too.

But he chews his cuticles, so we'd...

"You'd." He'd need to fix that.

Also, he looks like he has a mini fridge

in his bedroom, and I struggle not to nighty.

So, yeah, never.

Me too. 2,000. And done!

So, you guys will put one of these on everyone's desk and...

Who are "you guys"?

You guys.

You guys, come to my office immediately.

Please.

If you're not busy.

Come on, Mer. We're gonna have e-mail!

People will be able to use a winked at, at work!

It's time to modernize this place!

[ Plaster thuds ]

You see?

Yeah, that's a no for me.

I'm going home to binge a bunch of shows

because there'll be spoilers all over the joint

once the flip-phoners get the Internet.

[ Plaster thuds ] You see?

Do you know how hard it is to avoid the Internet?

It's like the main reason I work here.

Night, Jude.

And he'd have to lose the Hummer.

[ Bagpipes playing ]

♪

[ Telephone ringing ]

♪

[ Dramatic music playing ] Ahh!

Is that a startled drib?

Maybe. Or as sensitively brewed masala chai tea.

And how can you two not even scream?

Eh, I don't scare easily.

You know, fear's a useful survival response, Judy.

Like right now.

Can you feel it?

[ Cellphone vibrates, rings, Keypad beeps ]

Does she scare you just a tiny bit?

Who? Her? Yes.

[ Sniffing ] That's not Masala.

That's where I brew it.

You know what actually terrifies me?

People not listening to me. Ow! Trigger point!

Like, this one time, I'm on a Cazmatrans bus sitting next

to this old... well, let's call her a lady to keep it simple...

Do you have a plan?

Yes, I have a plan.

The union electricians will be here in a sec.

They'll do the wiring while we distribute the memos.

But the whistling was coming from her nose.

And then it hit me!

It's the fear that no one can hear me.

[ Singsong voice ] It's happening.

I can't hear me!

That's masala chai.

[ Eerie music plays ]

I'm watching you.

Why do the plans say two-story building?

It was originally two, but then my dad added

87 additional floors, most without a permit.

Well, permit or no, wiring, phone systems...

it's all got to go.

[ Rumbling ]

Ohh.

Ah. Now it's 86.

Should have gone union.

Oh, dear.

There's a presence in that building,

you must warn them not to awaken it.

[ Telephone rings ]

Hello?

Hello. Hello?

I can't hear you. Hello?

Your building is alive! Get out now!

I'm a nun, and we know these things.

Dave? Dave, is that you?

My friend Dave... his phone's for shit.

[Bleep] AT&T.

Who was it? Not sure.

Bad connection.

Ugh. Dave.

Guys, uh, I'm, uh, looking over the plans here,

and I don't see a place for my fax machine.

[ Knock on door ]

Who is it?

BRIAN: It's the super.

Ugh!

Uh, yes, I'm here to hang the picture.

Oh, yes, you are.

Hey, if this isn't a good time, I-I can come back.

Oh. Can you come back?

Definitely seems like a bad time.

Unh! You're ruining it! Shut up and get in here.

First thing we need to do is find the old telephone exchange.

I know where it is.

I used to go there to tap everyone's office line

when that was still legal.

That was never legal.

Hey, hey, y'alls. It's the fun cops.

[ Chuckles ] Take a right.

I don't like to be contradicted.

Maybe we can just follow this old phone line

until it reaches the exchange.

[ Rumbling ]

Ahhhh!

- Fellas. - Oh, God!

- Whew! [ Chuckles ] - Glenda!

I'm not ashamed to admit that I clammed my pants!

- Glenda! - Anyone else pitted out?

Can you hear me?!

You need to allow for the possibility

that Glenda is gone forever.

- Yeah, she's dead. - Glenda go bye-bye.

You never leave a sister electrician behind!

Help me pull on this!

♪

- Where do you want it? - I have a couple ideas.

If only my fiancé weren't too busy cleaning

the plaque out of people's mouths

to take care of the little things around the house.

Oh, I don't mind. I like to work with my hands.

Ooh! A hammer for... nailing.

Yeah, that's what it's for.

I'm not sure I can do this.

I have a fiancé.

Oh, wait. I already told you that.

What? I am so bad at this.

Is it super hot in here?

The thermostat's set at 97... for my teeth.

I'm burning up.

It's no wonder.

That T-shirt's so thick.

Here. Let's get it off you.

Ahh!

Ah! Ugh! Ah! Ahhhhhh!

Ahhhhh-ohhhh!

Ah! Ugh! Ugh! Ah!

Ooh!

[ Thunder crashing ]

Fellas, are the walls slowly closing in on us?

Get behind the cart!

Ugh. You going in, or am I?

I got it.

Voice: You didn't ask if you could come in!

[ Screaming ]

Yeah, we just had sex.

Shush. Don't speak.

I don't know about you, but I could really get used

to this having sex. Me too.

I cannot wait to tell everyone at work.

[ Laughs ]

Boy-oop!

[ Crackling ]

By consenting to be mindtaken, you'll have no memory of this

transaction and agree to be bound by the terms

of the mindtaken so far as it spares both parties,

mainly me, undue embarrassment.

Signify your agreement by clicking the "accept" button.

Where's the button? Where's the button?

Okay.

Goodnight, Gracie.

[ Body thuds ]

It's fine.

She's got to come to a stop sometime,

and when she does, we'll just pull her up.

[ Imitating phone ringing ]

- Hey, Mer. - Hypothetical for you.

Oh, if it's a hypothetical, you've got to do

"once upon a time." Right.

Once upon a time, there were two friends...

Who lived in a magical land.

With benefits.

[ Gasps ] Oh, are you boning Brian?

Repeatedly.

No wonder you didn't want to pass out memos.

Does he wax?

He so waxes.

- Clear! - Bring by the lee!

[ Spool thudding ]

And... You wiped his mind of the whole thing.

Hey, Jude, quick sidebar.

We just passed 3,000 feet, and there's a super good chance

we discovered a second portal to hell, so...

You did get his consent?

Sorta, yes, with an asterisk. Yes?

You're good! Got to go.

He's got feelings for me!

[ Knock on door ][ Sighs ]

Brian: It's the super?

I'm good. No. I'm good.

Man the backstays, boys! I'm going in!

[ Thud ]

[ Coughs ]

3,216 feet.

Eh, nowhere close to hell.

Damn it.

Ahh!

[ Indistinct voice ]

[ Mid-tempo jazz music plays ]

♪

[ Screaming ]

[ Metal clangs ]

[ Clicking ]

[ Electricity humming ]

So, this is designed to, what, freak me out?

Where'd you get that?

That's from my private collection,

the dirty deeds I've done for the company.

Ooh, the Insta-Skinner!

When skinning seals was efficient and fun.

Now, that's a good angle.

So, I've done some questionable things for the company.

Big whoop.

You have to break a few necks

to make a... capitalism.

[ Clicking ]

Ahh! Ow! Ahh.

[ Chuckling ] I'm alive, goddamn it.

[ Gasps ] I'm alive.

[ Laughing ]

[ Farts ]

Ahh! Ugh!

Ooh-ooh-ooh.

Landed on the old feet.

And that is not how that usually happens.

Charlie: You know, fear's a useful survival response, Judy.

[ Weakly ] Useful survival response?

Charlie: Can you hear me?

[ Bagpipes playing ]

No! [ Gasps ]

And that's why my folks make me come here to practice.

[ Bagpipes playing ]

No!

Wait. Your folks?

Like, actual human parents who aren't the undead?

More or less.

So, you're not hell spawn?

Wouldn't that be the [bleep]?

Young lady, you shouldn't be saying "the [bleep]"

Neither should you. The [bleep].

[ Squeaky voice ] Young lady.

Ah. You're a weirdo.

You should meet Charlie. In fact, we both should.

Why don't we go find her right now?

I'm Evie, by the way.

Um, I'm Judy.

My mom works here, and I use her I.D.

to practice on the weekends and wander around

and stare at people through fans... like you.

I've stared at you a lot.

Um...

A lot.

[ Rumbling ]

Evie, have you noticed the building sort of doing stuff?

Yeah. Looks like it's [bleep] pissed.

Language. Wait. Who's passed?

The building!

It's been saying things.

Put your ear to the wall.

It's saying, "Two will live. Two will die.

You decide which."

Little help?

Hey, how about you let her go?

For me?

Did you see what I did?!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oops! Oops!

[ Knock on door ]

[ Sighs ] Who is it?

It's the super. I'm here to hang your...

Oh, yes, you are.

...picture.

I'm having the weirdest déjà vu.

Really? Fascinating.

Can we keep this moving?

[ Shattering]

Okay, you know what? Put your shirt back on.

It's not déjà vu. You've been here before.

You come in, pretend to hang a picture,

we get busy, then I erase your memory.

That old story.

What? But it's consensual.

I-I'm not a creep.

The first time, you asked me to do it,

to keep things exciting in case we ever did it again,

which we did.

Then you started to get emotionally invested

and wanting to tell people at work.

So I double-erased it 'cause, I mean, emotion, ugh!

[ Chuckles ] Right?

How many times have we done this?

Boy-oop![ Crackling ]

How much is two reams?

1,000 times?

Oop. Found another.

We filled the first one in, like, a week and a half.

We both took vacation days... and ayahuasca.

So, every time, I show up at your door

dressed like the super?

That was actually your idea.

My taste runs more to nerdy grad student

who can't pay his vet bill. But here's the thing.

I'm feeling a little conflicted, and I wanted to come clean

with you before ending it... us.

No more mindtaking.

You can tell whomever you want about this... us.

Huh.

You okay?

Are we okay?

Huh? Oh, yeah, I agree.

But, listen, if it's all the same with you,

can you just go ahead and mindtake me?

Knowing that we shared something and having a lovely

memory of it will kind of be torture.

Uh... sure.

That makes me feel both wonderful and horribly guilty.

Okay, ready.

Boy-oop.

Am I the super?

Yes, you are, and I've got one last picture I need hung.

So, how long you been talking to buildings?

For a while now. I do most of the talking.

The building mainly listens.

Or you just couldn't hear it over your [bleep] bagpipe.

I'm sorry? Look, Evie, I know you spend

a lot of time by yourself around here.

I did, too, when I was your age.

The building is not alive.

It's just old and falling apart.

[ Plaster thuds ] You see?

Hey, it's Tay-Tay!

[ Weakly ] It's Taylor McGillicuddy.

How on earth did you do this to yourself?

It's the building.

It's a mother[bleep]! [ Coughing, gasping ]

Let's not blame the building for our own failings.

Stay calm. We'll get you out.

[ Rope snaps, whips ]

- Ahh! - Oh, my God!

Two must die.

Well, that's one down.

[ Gasping ] Oh, my God.

[ Babbling ] Stay calm!

We'll get you out!

Judy, it's Dave.

Goddamnit, Judy.

- Ahhhhh! - And that's two.

The merciless one has claimed her victims.

I was trying to save them!

Which is what I'll tell the authorities,

should it ever come to that.

Now she's owed the two who will live.

Charlie: It's not possible. Nobody has a picture of that.

Charlie!

Where did you get that?

- I burned it. - Then I buried it. - Cha...

Listen, no one can ever see that.

[ As Birdgirl, echoing ] Charlie!

Wha... How did you...

[Bleep] if I know.

I will trade anything.

I'll give you Paul or Judy.

I will do anything, so long as that never gets out.

Birdgirl: Charlie!

What am I doing?

I'd never do anything to hurt Judy or Paul.

Well, Judy. It's this job.

[ Voice breaking ] It's turned me into a... psychopath!

[ Laughs ] I'm a psyc...

Oh, hi! You must be one of the little girls

that lives in the vents.

Right! There are two of us.

Ahh! Ugh!

[ Body thuds ] Oh, Judy, thank God you're alive!

I've completely changed in the last hour,

although I can't tell you why.

Does she scare you just a tiny bit?

Who, her? Yes.

Paul: [ Singing ] Here's to the ladies who lunch.

Everybody laugh.

Lounging in their caftans

and planning a brunch on their own behalf.

Paul? Paul!

Can you hear me?!

I never shot up.

Did you know that when you fart,

there's a sound that goes with it?!

That's what the building taught you?

I lost nine pounds in my room.

[ Rumbling ]

Does anyone have a [bleep] clue what's happening?

And when I found those nine pounds,

it was a little boy, and that little boy...

he's my son now, I guess.

[ Building growls ] Ahh!

[ Switches clicking ]

This is nice.

I remember it all. What?

I pretended to forget, but I... I remember all of it.

Wait. So, I didn't mindtake you?

Nope. Boy-oop!

[ Engine revving ]

Oh, my God, you have no mind to take.

You're my kryptonite.

There is a lot of room in there.

Holy [bleep]!

You remembered, but you didn't tell anyone at work.

Nope.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

Are we dating?

Nope.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

It's been watching me since I was a little girl.

- Well, "she." - Shut up, Paul.

You shut up.

She's been watching all of us, taking care of us.

We're her family.

[ Saw buzzing ]

Taylor's death shall be avenged!

Ohh, boy.

I follow the code of Local 836

International Brother and Sisterhood

of Electrical Workers.

Yeah, you do.

Her memories!

[ Building growling ]

Evie!

[ Electronic beeping, whirring ]

We're one now.

I'll be the keeper of her memories.

Ahh!

Leave her out of it!

This fight's between me and you!

Ahh!

[ Thudding ] Ugh!

Hey, guys, remember me? Beep-beep.

[ Laughs ]

[ Sirens wailing ]

I've got a bit of a mindtaking situation down here.

Got it. Be there in 10.

Got to fly. Work thing.

- Can I come? - I don't know. Can you?

[ Drums beat, cymbal clashes ]

Judy's cat.

Not a big fan of dudes, super feminist.

Laters!

Uh, why am I here on an off day?

Okay, the building is alive, and it merged personalities

with a 10-year-old girl.

The one who plays the accordion.

- It's a bagpipe. - No. The other one.

Wait. There are two little girl...

Anyway, these two have mind-melded

to protect the building's memories.

Mindtaker.

Paul: [ Laughing ]

Charlie: Remember us?

It's scared to lose its memories once we update the wiring,

but mostly I think it's scared to lose

the memories of her.

Evie: Transferring 1968 memories.

Transferring 1969 memories.

You got to get me in her head.

Just lace up the old booty-ooty-oots,

and, Birdteam, go! What?!

Hmm. I usually fly solo on the mindtaking.

It's breaking a lot of rules.

Plus, it's going to take off four months off your life.

I can't say which four.

Do it.

♪

I know she's your friend, but she's not worth dying for.

That's friendship.

You two used to be friends,

but maybe you forgot since you grew up.

We've got to figure out a way to save her memories.

Let me do it. Trust me?

♪

I get it. You're afraid.

And fear is a useful survival response.

You have my word. I'll keep your memory safe.

Yes, I did it!

I did it.

Uh, I think she's dying.

You're kidding, right?

She's got a duct through her pelvis.

Oh, the building.

[ Electronic whirring ]

♪

[ Electricity zapping ]

[ Electricity surging ]

[ Electronic beeping ]

[ Computer chimes ] Mail time.

We got the Internet!

Yes. But will we prevail against it?

Oh, mailman. We should have done mailman.

Never mind. It's my own sex fantasy thing.

[ Fax machine whirring ]

Where's Dog? He just got a fax.

[ Up-tempo music playing ]

[ Vocalizing ]

♪

[ Rapping ] ♪ Who is the girl that saves the world? ♪

♪ Hey! Birdgirl!

♪ Wings of fire, unique like pearls ♪

♪ Hey! Birdgirl!

♪ Who's the one they came to see? ♪

♪ Hey! Birdgirl!

♪ Ultra fierce and so unique

♪ Hey! Birdgirl!

♪ Hey!

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