All language subtitles for station.19.s04e12.720p.web.h264-glhf

I know it's been
a long night, team,

and we have a long shift
ahead of us,

but I want you all
to know that Diane.

Jack. Don't worry.

I got a rapid test this morning,

so I'm clean as a whistle.

What are y What is she

I asked her to come.

There's been a death,
and you are all grieving,

so I asked her to come.

I'm sorr You me.

You talking about George
Floyd? You brought in a therapist

to help us process the death
of George Floyd?

I did.

I feel powerless to help,

and this felt like
something I could do.

There are not many fire captains

who would treat a moment
of national crisis

like an internal tragedy,
and your captain is.

I respect it,

so I'm honored to be here
to help however I can.

I don't need you
to talk about Mr. Floyd.

I'm not gonna make you
talk to me at all.

This isn't mandatory.

I'm just here if you need me.

You're bold, and you're trying.

Right or wrong,
you tried something today.

You tried something to help.

Thank you.

I love you.

How do you do it?
I mean, how do you.

I-I-I know you have to be
as shaken up as I am,

so how do you.

How do I do my job? Well, yeah.

You fought a fire this morning.

How did you do it?

I pushed my pain aside
and did what had to be done.

Same.

I saw what happened to
Dean Miller.

He's suing
the police department,

and he's right to do it.

But?

But, - it
it makes me uncomfortable.

Because he's a firefighter

and we're supposed to shut up
and look pretty?

No, because when the police

made me lie down on the street
like an animal

during a routine traffic stop.

You didn't sue.

I didn't do
much of anything at all.

I did yell, you know,
whi which was.

I feel like a hypocrite.

A hypocrite? Yeah.
I have two kids.

I have a new son
since we last spoke.

Congratulations. Thanks.

You get any sleep?
Well, he's 18, so, you know...

While I'm not losing sleep
because of him.

You're losing sleep over him.

Yeah.

Anyway, m-my wife and I, we

we gave "the talk"

and explained
that young Black men

don't get to behave
any old way they want

when dealing with the police.

We told them to do whatever
it took to get home safe.

But when I had a run-in
with the police myself,

I I-I yelled at that officer

as he got into his car.

I mean, if my boys had yelled
at a cop like that, I.

You'd be upset with them?

Well, hell, yes, I'd be upset!

I'd...

But I'd also be proud.

U Because they'd be right.

You know, I was right.

Miller was right.

But y-you can't do that.

You can't yell at a cop
because, you know, w

because they've got a gun,
you know?

They're given authority.

They have the power t.

D-Do you have kids?

Three teenagers.

Wow. Okay, so, you get
just how frustrating

and infuriating it is
to pour every ounce

of energy
and brain power you have

into them to
to try and mold them

into confident young men

to make them honestly believe

that they can
accomplish anything,

to to work so hard
to get them to s-stand tall

and feel good in their own skin

only to then
have to tell them that

because of the color
of that skin,

they have to shrink

when in the presence
of a police officer.

Do you tell them that?

Do you tell them to shrink?

No.

No, I I don't tell them
to shrink.

I

I tell them to stand
with dignity,

and I tell them to de-escalate.

I-I tell them that in any
confrontational situation,

their job is to de-escalate.

But it should be the cop's job.

You're right. It should.

So, let me just make sure
I have this straight.

You're mad at yourself
that you didn't do more

after that cop
treated you that way,

and you're mad at yourself
that you didn't do less

after that cop
treated you that way.

Because Miller's doing more,

and because you want your boys
to do less.

Look

I'm exhausted, you know?

I'm exhausted by navigating
a a w a world

that sees me and
and my kids as a threat.

I mean, it's it's this

it's this constant nagging worry

that that never goes away.

And I-if I do manage to forget
and just

you know, just exist

a comment or a look

or the news that a man
has been killed in the street

reminds me
that I have to be careful.

And And it steals all of
my mental and emotional energy

that I should be giving
to my wife

and my kids and my health.

Is something going on
with your health?

Being Black in America is
a life-threatening condition.

Other than that.

Seattle protests continued late
into the evening last night

with police presence
on the scene.

Should we go?

Can we?

I mean, after shift.

No, still can we? You mean.

Because we're FD.

I mean,
is that an official policy?

Do they have to say anything?
We know.

Well, it's a free country, so...

In theory.

But the Department's
a public entity.

And the protests
are considered anti-police.

'Cause asking
for our right to live

is inherently anti-police,

and nobody seems to

realize that's the problem.

Any takers?

Just one, so far.

And you. What?

Sit. No, I'm not.

You're what? You're You're
You're not grieving?

You had a happy little firehouse

where everyone was best friends

and racial disparity
was not a hot topic.

And now? Everything has changed.

Everything and nothing.

I know fire.

I mean, I'm the person
that studies them for fun.

But this fire.

This fire is beneath our feet.

It's built into every foundation

our history,
language, n-news coverage.

It's everywhere.
I mean, we vent fires

to let out
the hot smoke and gasses

so that we can contain the fire,

but I don't see
how we can contain this,

let alone put it out.

And growing up,
we were taught about.

Black history
and the Civil Rights movement.

We were taught to believe
that they had beat it.

And I think, on some level,

that belief
was still inside of me,

because I didn't listen to Dean,
and I didn't listen

to the mothers
of those kidnapped girls,

and I am so embarrassed
saying that to you.

Well, you were taught that
in school,

and probably also at home.

And that teaching,

it's the coal
that keeps the fire hot.

When I was a child

and I learned about
the Native American genocide,

I pictured one small village

one small village of men
with feathers in their hair

who gave the white people turkey

and then got mad
that they wouldn't leave.

Now, I pictured it because

those were the literal pictures
in my history books.

And even though I knew

that my people
had been stolen from their homes

and brought here
chained up on ships,

somehow,
I believed that textbook.

I was 35 years old
when I learned that in 1492,

Columbus sailed the ocean blue,

and in the wake of that,

millions upon millions of people

who had been living here
for 15,000 years

were extinguished.

And the ones who survived
were fighting every day

against a culture

that still wants to pretend
they don't exist.

We learn when we learn.

And the shame we feel

at having taken so long
to learn,

well, that can be useful
as long as we use it well.

Once we know better,
we have to do better.

When I was 13,
I ran cross country and track,

and during the off-season,
my dad would train

a group of us girls
who ran both.

And he would push us too hard,

and when I didn't hit a drill

the way he wanted me to

he'd make me do it
over and over and over

until I would collapse
on the ground.

And my dad would leave me there,

and one by one,

my team members
would lie down next to me.

Face to the concrete,
eyes on me, silent.

Giving me space, but

also making sure I wasn't alone.

And my instinct is that

that is what I have to do

for the Black members of my team

to quietly show up

and let them know
that I support them.

But I think
that instinct is wrong,

because when my friends and I
were 13,

we didn't have the capacity

to stand up against
an abusive power.

And now I do.

I I have the power to stand up

and say when something is wrong.

I mean, I have the power

to call out injustices
when I see them.

I have

the power to make sure
that everyone can breathe.

Hey. Hey.

The protests have really grown.

Yeah, I saw.

What happened to you?
You get into a bar fight?

Yeah, with an SCBA.

You okay? Nope.

You gonna talk to Diane?

I doubt it.

Yep.

God, look at that.

It's just getting

bigger and bigger?

It's all over the world.

Almost makes you

hopeful?

Take this.

Turn to channel 17.

And let me get that.

What? So you don't
throw it across the room.

The news in Minneapolis.

We stand in support
of our communities,

no matter their color.

God.
Give me that coffee cup back.

This little play-act

has been on loop
for half an hour now,

and these stations
are eating it up.

Like he's some shining example
of PD valor.

God, I just threw up
in my mouth a little bit,

I think. Well, get ready
to throw up some more.

As far as any question about
where this department stands

on the issue of Black Lives.

I know this little earthworm
is not gon.

What?! Yeah.

Come on. That.

That is why every time I wonder

whether to continue
with the lawsuit,

whether it's too much

too little, too fast, too slow.

It's It's something, at least.

Some way to fight against this

this performative, -
hypocritical, destructive...

Yeah.

Yeah.

Travis.

Diane.

You know, the Department
pays me no matter what,

but, there's only

so many crossword puzzles
I can do, so...

You want to talk? No.

I mean, I I want to let

the Black firefighters go first.

O Do you see a line
outside this door?

I-I know the past couple months

can't have been easy
for you, either.

Hate crimes are hate crimes,

no matter the race.

My mom got, -.

Well, she was spit on
at the grocery store

the same day that
George Floyd...

My, - my mom was leaving,

and a crazy mask less woman
was like...

"If this Kung Flu is real,

it's because of people
like her."

The woman both
didn't believe COVID was real

and was blaming my mom for it.

When my mom told me,

it actually felt like
my organs were melting.

I was so hot with rage,
you know,

remembering the times
when I was a kid,

and, you know,
people would say stuff to us.

And then, we would just go home.

Never to be discussed again.

And I And I didn't say
anything to anyone here about it

because, you know,
it didn't feel appropriate.

This giant, massive thing
was happening

a hate crime.

An atrocity so much more brutal
and egregious.

You know, other people
were hurting so much more.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why
I'm talking to you about this.

I don't know why I'm doing that.

Because I'm a Black woman,

and my racist stuff is "bigger"?

Something like that.

That doesn't work.

It doesn't not work.

I know that since COVID,

hate crimes against
Asian Americans

have spiked like crazy.

And yet, no one is talking
about it

no one but us.

Not the media.

No the

I mean, grandmas and grandpas

halmoni and haraboji.

People being shoved into walls

and off subway platforms.

You have Filipina nurses

who say goodbye
to their families

and their own country
to come here

to work the front lines
of a pandemic

being attacked in the streets.

A 2-year-old and a 6-year-old

stabbed at a big-box store.

I mean, who stabs a 2-year-old?

And why is that not news?

Why are we so

invisible?

I don't know.

I

I don't know.

I don't know either!

But how can we even make a fuss

when this is all it is
relative to how horrifically

this country treats
Black people?

I mean,
I watched that whole video,

and in addition to the
absolute horror that I felt

and feel I also thought.

"What do we have
to even complain about?"

Travis, it's all bad.

I know you're trying
to be generous,

but it is all bad.

There are no winners
in the Oppression Olympics.

Okay?

And it's gas lighting
if anyone tells you

or if you tell yourself

to be okay with the brutalities

being inflicted
on your community

because worse things
are happening to another.

She's just trying to help.

Okay.

Robert.

Look, I'm not gonna do it, okay?

I'm not gonna just sit there

and and perform my pain...

It's not

so that Bishop
can feel better, alright?

That's not I'm not gonna do it.

Andy, I just need a minute.

Okay.

I need a minute.

Okay. Okay.

You know,
it's always bothered me

when men would suddenly
see the world differently

after they had a daughter.

Like, I always wondered

why it took
them having a daughter

in order to open their eyes.

But I guess
that's how it feels for me now.

I'm that guy.

The world changed for me

because I fell in love
with a Black man,

and now I see what he sees.

You know, I I worry
for him every day.

I-I've taken on the fear

that he doesn't
allow himself to feel.

I You know, I've always seen it

and felt it growing up.

I saw my dad go through it.

People would call him
awful names,

and he would
he would just walk by,

hold his head up high.

A-As a kid, people would look at
my last name,

and they would ask me,
"Where are you really from?"

I even had teachers
who would look really surprised

once they realized
that I was smart.

But, you know, mostly...

It's okay to say it.
Mostly, I got treated okay

because my skin is light.

I pass for white.

And you feel guilty about that?

I

You know

I swear to God,
I don't even know how I feel.

Can we walk?

This year has been
so much so much.

It's been just one thing
after another a

with no time to recover.

And that video?

I feel

I feel betrayed.

I mean, j I know
it's always been this way,

but I needed to love a Black man

I needed to be married
to a Black man

in order to see
the whole picture?

Why? Why?
Where was my call for justice?

Like, why didn't I
see this before?

W Why am I just waking up now?

A lot of people
are waking up now,

and they're asking themselves
the same questions.

And you you're the daughter

of a fire captain.

Police have been
a part of your life

since you were a little girl.

Cops and firefighters
were your family.

They would call me Pruitita.

It means Little Pruitt.

And there was this sort of
mental gymnastics going on

where, a-as I got older,
I thought I knew

that police brutality
was rampant.

But at the same time,

I didn't count the cops
that I knew personally

into that issue.

You know, it was double-think.

Like, I never stopped
and questioned

why the good cops weren't
calling out the bad ones.

You know, not a single one
of my dad's old police friends

have stepped forward
to denounce the actions

of the officers
that murdered George Floyd?

Not a single one.

It is my instinct
as a therapist to comfort you,

but your comfort

and everyone else's comfort

has been such a big part
of this problem

for so long.

You're beautiful,
and you're brave,

and you are Okay,
no, just listen.

I want to tell everyone

that I support them
attending the protests.

I want to go.

I don't want
to silently support anymore.

I want to scream in the streets.

Wonderful. I'll join you.

You don't understand.

It's Things are bad enough
right now between 19 and PD.

The Department won't like it.

Okay, but they cannot

officially discipline you
for it, though, right?

No, no.

But

I'm on a track,

and if I support this publicly

which everything in me
wants to do

it'll take me off that track.

Because people are setting
fires to police stations.

Yes, and because firefighters
work with the police, okay?

They're our brothers, too,

and there are
some bad apples, bu.

Okay, they keep saying that
on the news.

The "one bad apple,"
"one bad apple."

And I didn't understand
what it meant,

so I looked it up,

and one bad apple
ruins the whole barrel.

That's the saying.

So, after we all saw
the horrific video,

why aren't all the brothers

why aren't all the friends

why isn't
every member of the police force

in the streets
demanding systemic change?

Why?

Because it'll take them
off of the track.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

How do you become a therapist?

I'm sorry. I'm not,
often taken off-guard.

Are you considering
a career change?

No. No, no, no. I mean, not now.

I just It would be nice

to have a back-up plan
that's better than

waiting tables
at my parents' restaurant

in case I get injured or...

Or what?

Or if I give myself permission

to throw a brick
at a police station

and it gets me kicked out of FD.

It's, four years of undergrad

plus two years of grad school.

I'm only like eight credits shy

of my undergrad degree, so...

In what?

It'll be a
Bachelor of Fine Arts.

A Bachelor of of Fine Arts?

Yeah, I studied musical theater.

Wow.

What are the classes
when you get

a Bachelor of Fine Arts
in musical theater?

Well, let's see.

There's voice and speech,

and acting, singing, ballet,

and also circus skills

like walking a tightrope
or juggling.

And they give you a degree
for that?

Well, they would have,
but the theater burned down,

and my favorite teacher
didn't make it out.

And I did make it out,
but I couldn't go back.

I couldn't finish, so...

So...?

Why are we talking about this?

I don't know,
but if I had to guess,

I'd say it's because
you are desperate to talk

and think about
literally anything

besides that video.

Can you think of anything...

No.

I like to fix things.

I see a fire and I put it out.

But we have been having
this same fight for so long

for so long.

I mean, my grandma used to
tell me about the sit-ins

and boycotts she used to do
in the '60s.

And we're how many moments

and movements and marches later,

and what do we have
to show for it?

And to see so many people
act like this is news

like this is just
some brand-new information

they're just now waking up to.

Do you know how many
white friends

texted me or emailed me
just out of the blue?

Right? And everything
under this guise

of just checking in
and just asking how I was doing.

"How are you feeling?" You know?

I I knew they meant well,

but I also knew
what was behind it guilt.

So, I Pbht.
I don't know, how am I feeling?

How are you feeling?
'Cause that Like.

'Cause as much
as I couldn't fix this problem,

at least I knew it was there.

And for a better reason
than I was just

stuck inside my house this time

and I couldn't look away.

Yeah.

And the way they're
talking about him already.

Yeah. T-T-The spin already afoot

by usual suspects in the media

trying to vilify him
rather than the murder of him.

You kn You know what's almost

equally as enraging to me, too?

It's the people patting
themselves on the back

trying to humanize him.

It's like, you're trying
to humanize a person.

Do you really
have to look for proof

that we're people, too?

Really?

We should care more about him

because he was a a good father

or a loving brother

or a high-school athlete
or he's fun at a party?

No, we we should care about him

because he was a person.

George Floyd shouldn't have been

treated this way
because he's a person.

A cop

should not have had his knee
on his neck

until the last gasp of life
was choked out of him,

because he is a person.

So, do you think I could
get into grad school, or...?

You really gonna throw
that brick?

I just want a back-up plan.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure I'm not the one
you're here to talk to.

I'm here to talk
to anyone who needs it.

I'm afraid to talk
to anyone right now.

Not just you t-to anyone.

I'm afraid
to talk to my best friend.

Miller.

I'm afraid I'm gonna get
every word wrong,

or even one word.

Yeah, I know I'm not a racist.

I-I know that.

You do realize that
"I'm not racist" is kind of

the the club slogan of racists?

And that's because
we live in a culture

built on white supremacy,

so the racism is baked in.

And we can't begin to undo it

until we name it and own it.

Okay, see,
this is exactly my point.

You know, I'm damned if I do,
and I'm damned if I don't.

Cops take a knee,
join the protests,

they're called hypocrites.

And Dixon? He is a hypocrite.

He is a racist.

But it can't be that
across the board.

Jack, you come to see me
twice a month,

so I have to assume
that you like me, right?

You like
that I give you tough love

and tell it like it is
and don't pull punches?

And you came in here today
looking for some clarity.

So, here it is.

I know what you mean

when you say you aren't racist,

and I believe

that you do not have hatred
in your heart.

But you also aren't damned.

Not even in the least bit.

You're blessed as hell.

I know you grew up
on the streets in the system,

and I'm not diminishing
your hardship,

but you are.

Yeah, I'm privileged
because I'm white.

I get it.

When I was a kid
when I was squatting

after that last foster home,

there were a few of us
who would hunker down

to make a place for ourselves.

You know,
to stay out of the system.

Eventually,
the cops would find us,

and we'd run.

And it was scary.

But when I was being chased,

not once did I think that,

"If he catches me,
he might kill me."

I never feared for my life.

But I know
some of my friends did.

I know I'm privileged, Diane.

I watched
what those cops did to Miller,

I watched that video,

and I want to blow up the world.

And?

And

we're firefighters.

We need the cops,
and they need us.

And we can't all of a sudden
overnight decide

that the whole institution
is evil.

Some good guys stayed silent,

and that makes them bad.

Except, they're not
actually all bad.

They're individuals.

And I feel like
I'm not allowed to say that.

I'm afraid to say anything.

I was a firefighter, too.

I have cop buddies, too.

Our cop buddies
are not the point.

Do you know
what the 13th Amendment did?

Abolished slavery.

Except as a punishment
for a crime.

Yeah, but that was like.

That's still the law.

It is still legal
to enslave Americans

as a punishment for a crime.

And do you know the statistics

of incarcerated Black folks
in America?

34%.

We are 34%
of the prison population,

but we only make up 13%
of this country's population.

That seem right to you?

And you're thinking,

"Well, that's because
more Black people are poor,

so they have to resort to crime.

So they get arrested more.

Sucks for them, but, hey, you do
the crime, you do the time."

But how many crimes
did you commit, Jack,

when you were out there
on the streets?

Did you, steal to eat?
Did you run from police?

Did you get drunk sometimes and
make a mess with your friends?

Yeah, all of that.

But you never went to prison.

Never went to jail.

Never had a gun pointed at you.

Never have a knee
put on your neck.

When you make mistakes,
you get to learn from them.

When people who look like me
make any kind of mistake,

we go to prison... or worse.

And way too often,
no mistake is needed.

We can laugh too loud
and they'll arrest us.

We can put our hands in the air,

and they'll shoot us.

It's not in the past.

It's now. It's still.

And I know you don't have
hatred in your heart, Jack.

But that's not enough anymore.

You have to dig deeper.

When you're
too uncomfortable to talk

and you don't know what to say?

That's okay.

Listen instead.

I know.

You want me to talk to her.

No, I want you to do
whatever you need to do.

Hey, there. Yeah?

Is it alright if we come in?

You guys okay?

You need medical attention
or anything?

No. I was just hoping

someone could show my boys
around the station.

Can we slide down the pole?

Sorry, but the station tours
are cancelled because of COVID.

I'm sorry. Aww!

Can we go now?

Hey, guys, um
just, um, wait for me

out there on the bench
for me, okay? Fine.

I'll be right out.

Look, u sir,
I'm I'm sorry, but I...

My kids saw the video.

They watched it.

I didn't tell them
that they could,

but it's all over social media.

And before I even
got home from work,

they had watched it.

My 11-year-old slept with
his comfort blanket last night.

He dug it out of storage
and he hid it under his pillow.

He thought I didn't see it.

He hasn't slept with that
since he was 8 years old.

They don't understand,

and I cannot find
any honest words

to explain it to them.

But I saw your station
on the news,

and I knew that there were
Black firefighters here.

And I thought
that my boys should see

good people in uniform
people that look like them.

So... please.

Stand back, sir. Please.

You all have to sanitize,
alright?

Come on. Let's go.

Hey, guys, come on!
Come on, boys.

Here you guys go.

Thanks.

See that? Whoa!

This is Station 19.
This thing is huge!

Awesome. Whoa, it's so.

Firefighter, baby!
Perfect, yeah.

Does it look good on me?
Of course it does, yeah!

I'm wearing a
firefighter helmet! Whoa!

Unh!

Yeah, man!

Hey! Hi! Hi!

Hey!

Bye! Bye! Say thank you.

Come on. Thank you!

This one was different.

This wasn't just another video

of an innocent Black man
being shot by police.

This wasn't an officer
making a split-second decision

that resulted in another
Black man losing his life.

This wasn't fight-or-flight
or panic-induced impulse

or unconscious bias
or unnecessary escalation.

This was the murder
of an unarmed, defenseless,

compliant Black man

in the middle of the street
in broad daylight.

Right in front of our eyes

all of our eyes.

And, you know, white people
are finally realizing

that we aren't hysterical
or beating a dead horse.

They saw that white woman
in Central Park

casually use a racist
police system as a weapon,

and they're starting
to understand

that all of it renders us
Black people terrorized.

Hunted.

Exhausted by everyday life.

And, you know, I'm tired.

I'm And I'm mad, and I'm sad.

And I'm tired for having to
explain why I'm mad and sad.

I'm mad because
I have to take a magic pause

every time I'm being tracked
by eyeballs in a store.

Or when people who are
in life-threatening danger

choose to take their chances
by themselves

rather than being rescued
by a Black firefighter.

But, you know,
mostly, I'm scared.

I'm scared.

Because no matter
how tired I am,

how mad I get, how sad I get,

there's nothing I can say
to change their minds.

There's nothing I can do

that will make them see me
as a hardworking professional.

A loving husband.

Or just a man.

There's nothing that prevents
something like this

from happening to me.

Nothing.

I'm scared because
I am eight minutes away

from being another George Floyd.

We're a quiet bunch tonight.

Look, I'm just
I'm just glad to see your faces.

You know,
know you're good and safe.

Are you sure
we can't go to the protest?

A bunch of my friends are going.

They're all masked
and everything.

I'll follow your lead, Ben.

Another Black Trans woman
was killed today.

Tuck I want to march, Aunt Roz.

I want to march for you
and for myself.

I want to march.

W-W-Why won't you let us march?

You sure? Hey.

It'll be great.

I was thinking tomorrow
after shift,

Captain Bishop
has given the all-clear

for us to go to a protest.

Us?

I'd like to go,
if you'll have me.

- Cool.
- Yeah.

Um, but if anybody
comes at us with weapons,

it is your job to put your body
between us and them.

Got it. Yeah, he's not kidding.

I'm not kidding.

I kinda figured, yeah.

Okay.

I was so desperate
for a promotion

that I was gonna try and stop
Miller's lawsuit,

which is the best shot we have
at anything changing.

Robert...

This demotion has been humbling.

It's been humbling,

and I've had
so many dark thoughts.

Sometimes, I doubt my own

my own goodness.

No one is just good.

We We make mistakes,
and we learn from them,

and we do better next time.

That's how goodness works.

It's not about purity.

It's about It's about growth.

Let's get into the
car real quick. I

19.

Hopefully this goes
without saying,

but although you have the right
to peacefully protest

and my wholehearted support,

I trust that you will not engage
in any activity or action

that will bring discredit
to you, 19, or the SFD.

19.

19.19.19.19.

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!
No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!