Original subtitles

In a village in the region of La Mancha,

whose name I don't care to remember,

there lived not so long ago

one of those gentlemen who keep a lance in the rack,

an old shield, a lean horse, and a swift hound...

gaunt and wizened,

an early riser and a lover of the hunt.

They say his name was Don Quixote de la Mancha,

who spent his days reading books of knight errantry,

which he loved and enjoyed so much

that he completely lost it.

Now, all the fantasies in those books

became such an obsession

that he thought of nothing else

but duels, enchantments,

battles, and impossible love,

until the day came

when he had the most extravagant notion of all:

to call himself a knight errant

and go in search of grand adventures,

just like all the heroes in his books.

But Don Quixote needed a squire,

so he decided to work on a neighboring farmer,

and although it wasn't easy,

he persisted and promised so much

that in the end,

poor Sancho, for that was his name,

agreed to go with him,

leaving behind his wife, his land,

and all his possessions.

Now all he lacked in his search for eternity

was a lady to fall in love with

and yearn for.

You see, a knight errant without love

is a knight without a soul.

He suddenly recalled

a farm girl from a nearby village.

Although he didn't actually know her,

he'd been in love from afar,

and so was inspired to create the damsel of his dreams.

And although that lady never existed,

she would always be for him his Dulcinea.

Dulcinea Del Toboso.

Not again, I'm fed up with this !

Who cares, anyhow ?

It's always the same old yarn.

What are you saying ?

I mean, the book says very clearly that--

Why should I bother with some old book

when I was there to see it for myself ?

You mean, you're Rucio, Sancho's donkey ?

Hold it right there !

The only talking donkey I know

is a friend of mine who hangs out with some green ogre.

I'm a horse.

And it's about time the world knew the truth.

The truth ?

What truth ?

It all began quite some time ago,

after we got back from that first adventure--

Quixote, Sancho, Rocinante, and yours truly.

♪ new day ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

♪ new day ♪

♪ Ahh ♪

Ugh, it stinks of donkey around here.

So where do you think you're going, donkey ?

This road is for horses only.

So what's this pig doing here then ?

Are you blind ?

Can't you see what a wonderful steed he is ?

I wasn't talking to you.

One day I'll be a great horse,

and I'll do all kinds of important stuff.

You'll see.

Just remember, you'll have to pass the pony exams first.

Whoa, I'm afraid he'll have a tough time at the practical.

No one will humiliate me ever again.

♪ I don't know what I've been told ♪

♪ I don't know what I've been told ♪

♪ Discipline will make you bold ♪

♪ Discipline will make you bold ♪

♪ I don't know what I've been told ♪

♪ I don't know what I've been told ♪

♪ Discipline will make you bold ♪

♪ Discipline will make you bold ♪

♪ Hey ho ♪ ♪ Hey ho ♪

♪ Hey ho ♪ ♪ Hey ho ♪

Right, left, right, left,

right, left, right, left--

Squad ! Positions !

I don't believe it.

Yes !

Three in a line.

And what exactly do you think you're doing, James ?

It's perfect !

A hurricane wouldn't even knock this lot down.

You're safe, I got ya.

Off, James.

Now !

Everything's under control.

You won't believe this, Rocinante, it's incredible !

No screaming in the barn !

But-- No excuses in the barn !

Stop !

Hey, you-- you... don't take another step !

What do you want?

We're not even meant to be talking to each other.

Our masters might not be speaking,

but you and I are horses-- Negative.

He's already made it clear, he doesn't want to talk.

Look, buddy, when I was working as a bodyguard

for Babieca, El Cid's horse, we were right in the middle of

shooting a big scene in Valencia--

Besides, it was greedy Sancho's fault.

No, it was Quixote's fault,

and his absurd obsession with chivalry and love,

which don't even exist.

Don't exist for you, maybe.

Horses like you turn their life into a big, fat lie.

Look at yourself here in this old barn,

a sad and ridiculous officer with a handful of hens

and some little squirt as a bodyguard ?

What are you gonna invade ? The drinking trough ?

Rocinante, you've become a coward.

Now you've gone too far, pal.

We have to stop Quixote from seeing this !

Stop him ?

But this is our chance to get

some dignity back in our lives,

make our dreams come true.

Your dreams, you mean.

But then you're just the same as Quixote, a--

Say it, Why don't you ?

A fool !

Losers.

One word from you, and he's mincemeat.

Don't you even think about it!

Give that back !

This is really important !

Very, very important.

There's an end to your dreams.

That Quixote lives in our house,

you haven't spoken in months,

and now, all of a sudden, you've got to talk ?

Well, just make sure you remind him

to pay the rent-- that's all !

This time it's different.

We're meeting at Bachelor Carrasco's place--

mutual territory.

Who knows what trouble he'll get you into now.

Oh, please !

What do you think you're doing dressed like that, Sancho ?

This is a Calf Klein occasion.

And what's wrong with this ?

Ten years and still like new.

Fits like a glove, too.

Hey, my friend.

Where would we be without you ?

And you're not riding that broken-down donkey !

Take the new horse.

Just her way of showing affection.

My dear Sancho, come in !

We were waiting for you.

Where's Quixote, then ?

Sancho.

Let's get this over with.

I've got the donkey double-parked.

Gentlemen...

we have known one another since childhood.

You, Quixote, are the most famous

and cultivated in the village.

After you, Bachelor.

And you, Sancho, wealthy and respectable man.

You followed him for a dream,

but it all went sour, didn't it ?

He said I'd get to be

governor of an island if I went with him.

Yeah, but we didn't find Dulcinea.

You saw her, but I didn't.

Because you left me alone.

As you can see, there have been quite a few letters

concerning that book about you two.

You've even got a fan club,

which isn't bad,

especially when you consider that I, for example,

haven't had a letter in years.

And on top of it all,

they flooded the region with these pamphlets.

"I, Knight Of The Crescent Moon,

"having learned of the adventures

"of the knight errant Don Quixote,

"do challenge him to a duel in Barcelona this full moon.

"If I should win, Quixote will hand over his arms

"and renounce Dulcinea forever.

"But if Quixote be the winner,

"I promise to reveal

"the true identity of Dulcinea,

and will give her all my treasures and possessions."

So what's all this gotta do with me ?

You ?

My dear Sancho, do I have to remind you

that you were the one who went off with him

to resurrect this whole chivalry thing ?

And now you are Quixote and Sancho,

Sancho and Quixote--

an indivisible symbol of this beautiful village,

its main heritage, the pride of La Mancha !

You are everything !

And your point is ?

The truth is, Quixote asked me to intercede.

Just shake hands, can't you ?

Go along with him on this new adventure.

Help him as I do,

for the sake of friendship.

Well, he can forget about Barcelona, for a start.

I cannot, in truth, forget about Barcelona,

if that is where I shall find the beautiful Dulcinea,

queen of my days and princess of my nights.

For you, Quixote.

That old pile of junk ?

Extraordinary !

Ah, looks like Teresa's girdle.

If I'm not mistaken, this magnificent gem

is nothing less than Esplandiana--

the armor of the mythical knight Esplandian.

You seem to know everything, Quixote.

Everything is in the books.

Please, take this as a small sign

of Bachelor Carrasco's commitment

to our beloved Quixote.

What about me, huh ?

Nothing ! For me, nothing !

Hmm...

Hmm.

Hah.

Hmm-hmm-hmm.

GiddyaP-

Oh, no.

Hah !

Hi-yah !

Oh, this is absurd.

We can't go on like this.

Pay me and we're even.

But of course I will-- Yeah, right.

Just as soon as we get back from Barcelona.

Oh, not again, please !

I already said no back there, didn't I ?

I mean, what do you want?

Me to follow on another mad escapade

just to get dumped on again ?

Oh, but we'll show the world how to live an exceptional life.

Forget it !

So that's a yes then ?

Look at them.

They're impatient to be off.

Get out.

Between honor and money, second is first.

Ooh, I'm with him.

Didn't I make myself clear ?

Come on ! No !

My friend, a knight errant is not one

who just does what the world expects-- no.

He must live as his heart dictates.

You forget I'm not like you, Quixote.

I'm not a knight errant.

I'm just... a simple man.

A swap !

Can I suggest a straight swap ?

It was good to see you again.

Yeah, good luck, and have fun.

But I need you, Sancho !

You're the only one who ever saw her.

Look, Quixote, I don't--

Okay, give me one good reason why I should go.

Mmm, the treasure ?

Not bad, huh ? That treasure--

How much are we talking about?

I mean, does it say anywhere ?

Well, then I need another reason.

ls that you, sweetie ?

Just in time to help!

Hurry up, there's a lot to do today. Uh-oh.

Okay, sweetie.

But I get the treasure.

You can keep the windmills.

Oh, no-- but who's gonna take care of my chickens ?

Sancho... how should I put this ?

Have you got any spare cash on you ?

Here we go again.

But what about me ?

Doesn't my opinion count for anything around here ?

Sweetie ?

Are you there ?!

But if you don't want them to reach Barcelona,

why do you help them ?

To play to the gallery, of course !

If I want to be famous,

I have to start with my own village.

Here, everyone worships Quixote,

and they will believe I supported him.

And now ?

We have to stop them getting to Barcelona at all costs.

I want to humiliate them !

To get rid of them,

have their fame vanish forever !

Quixote is already wearing the first trap.

That armor is as dangerous as his damn madness.

And now I'll hire the services

of Sinister Knight,

and you will help execute my foolproof plan.

Is that clear, Avellaneda ?

But does Sinister really exist, then ?

Ooh.

My little chickens.

No, no, I said no !

I'm not going--

Um, excuse me !

Excuse me, would you like to be an

authentic knight errant ?

Build your own armor in easy installments.

Windmill or giant?

Check for yourselves with today's special offer.

For sure it is-- Horrible.

Magnificent !

Or buy here, your own copy of "Don Quixote."

So that of the book was true.

You absolutely have to own a copy

and pretend to have read it

if you want to be anyone around here.

A bargain, 10 eurocrowns.

But I am Don Quixote.

Of course you are-- they all are.

8 eurocrowns ?

What are they doing here ?

Paying to see the fair Dulcinea

before the duel, of course.

5 eurocrowns ?

Can this be possible ?

So who's written it ?

Miguel de Cervantes.

There's this great bit about how Sancho found Dulcinea--

Okay, okay, I'll take it, but tear out those pages

about Sancho and Dulcinea.

Is this-- by the sacred laws of chivalry--

home to the peerless Dulcinea ?

Hey, I don't need it autographed.

You don't think I'd sell the original

for 20 eurocrowns, do you ?

But we said 5.

That was before I knew it was an adaptation.

What's all this about a book, then ?

What's not in books, life will teach you.

I must pay my respects to my true love !

Hey, you, get in line.

I am Don Quixote de la Mancha.

My beloved--

Get in line!

Hmm.

Relax, Sancho, as soon as they see us,

they'll send these impostors packing.

Invitation ? Membership card ?

But-- Out !

No sneakers.

Next !

Noble guardian of the virtue of the peerless Dulcinea--

please announce the arrival of Don Quixote.

Let him in.

No, no, he's Quixote.

Actually, my squire, here present,

and Dulcinea are already acquainted.

Hmm.

A great honor.

100 eurocrowns.

Just to see her ?

Per person.

Discounts only for babies, pensioners

and veterans of the Battle of Lepanto.

Hmm ? Hmm.

You !

And the other gentleman ?

I'll see her in Barcelona.

Everything's free there.

But how will I know it's truly her

without you by my side ?

Nice doing business with you gentleman.

This way.

Hurry along now, and no pushing.

If it's her, just give me a sign.

ls it really you, beautiful lady ?

Move back.

Well ?

How... should I know ?

I can't see her face.

Move back to the line, Pendejo.

Are you crazy ?

Well, technically, yeah.

Could you possibly draw that curtain back

a little, my friend ?

I wait to count to five.

One... two--

You dare challenge me !

Three, four, cinco !

They're in trouble, we've got to help !

No way, I can't stand violence.

Coward.

So I guess this is where we all get beaten to a pulp.

What's wrong with that piece of junk ?

Well, according to the legend...

the soul of the Knight Esplandian

lives inside this armor.

Is there room in there for the two of you ?

Allow me to express my sorrow for all of this.

See how my heart beats in torment.

My beloved one, I always--

Perhaps you were going a bit too fast for her.

Can I come in ?

They've kidnapped Dulcinea !

Sinister's forces are at hand !

What have you done with our little Dulcinea ?

No time to waste !

I must save my love.

Don't leave me here--

Ooh, whoops, ohh !

Confess !

Are you not at Sinister's service ?

Uh-oh !

How dare you claim such a thing ?

If I were you, I'd run !

I'm with you, partner.

Let's get out of here.

That old piece of junk gives me the willies.

Brother knights, gentlemen,

who is Don Quixote ?

Oh, it's me !

And I say, why be Don Quixote ?

Why not Lancelot, Percival, Amadis,

King Arthur or the Peers of France ?

Who are those ?

What kind of knights are you ?

Because all of you are knights, aren't you ?

Yeah !

Pursuing justice, protecting widows,

helping orphans, and seeking true love !

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely !

So why not do so each in your own way ?

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

You, sir, what was your name

before becoming a fake Quixote ?

My name was Peter, Peter the Pan Maker.

But there's got to be more to life than that.

Quite so.

But why not as yourself ?

Sir Peter, the pan maker.

Hmm...

Sir Peter Pan.

Sir Peter Pan ?

Yes, I like it!

Before you know it, that name will be as famous as...

Don Quixote.

You think so ?

Ridiculous.

And... you, what's your name ?

My name ?

Remigio, and I sell balloons.

They call me "Globus."

Sir Globus is...

good.

Then, who is Quixote ?

Not me, not me...

I entreat heaven to protect you, my friends !

The world will remember your deeds.

And one day, we shall gather 'round the fire,

and with great joy, recall our exploits !

To adventure !

Yes, to adventure !

And now what ?

Puh, they're all nuts.

You're a genius.

I'd have never thought of that.

How do you mean ?

That nonsense you made up to get rid of them.

It was no trick, my friend.

True nights one and all.

Perhaps you too will join us one day.

Come on, Sancho,

let us depart to free my love

from the evil jaws of Sinister.

But we don't even know it was her.

It was.

Trust me !

Enough!

My Olympic days are over !

Ohh, ooh...

Oh... ow.

But wasn't that guy blind ?

Ugh, I do so hate the countryside.

Not that I'm against the occasional picnic

or anything, but-- pah !

Tastes like a dishcloth.

Hmm, how do you imagine her ?

Who ? Dulcinea.

I told you before, I don't want to talk about love.

So far as I'm concerned,

there's no such thing.

Could you imagine someone searching the world for you,

just because you're the way you are ?

Ugh, I think I prefer eating a dishcloth.

One day, I'll be a horse,

and Dulcinea will kiss me.

You don't say.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have important business to attend to.

One more time, Sancho.

Tell me again.

What was she like ?

One in a million.

The fairest damsel who ever took breath.

Quixote, what would happen if Dulcinea...

didn't exist ?

My life would be meaningless.

Well, that wouldn't be so bad, would it?

And how was her voice ?

Was it bright ?

Look, Quixote, if I was a woman,

I'd think you were a good man

and I'd give you a chance.

Seriously ?

Of course not.

I'm just saying that to shut you up.

It's time to sleep.

Hmm.

Good night, Sancho.

Good night, Quixote.

Sancho!

What ?

Thanks for believing in me.

♪ And that's why I love you ♪

♪ So don't be afraid ♪

♪ To let them show ♪

Hey, boss !

Do you want to scare me to death, or what ?

Everything's under control.

Ahh !

♪ In the field and on the lawn ♪

♪ Waking at the crack of dawn ♪

♪ There's no time for having fun ♪

♪ A rooster's job is never done ♪

♪ In the barn and in the yard ♪

♪ Laying eggs is pretty hard... ♪

If that chicken can't keep up the pace,

it's his problem.

They're so far ahead, the way I see it,

we'll have to gallop all day until sunset.

A great plan.

How very convincing.

♪ In the barn and in-- ♪

Wake up, Sancho.

We must free my love.

Day is for work, night is for rest.

It's already daylight.

I say it's night.

There's nothing wrong with stopping to eat.

Everyone needs to eat, and so many people--

Help, help !

A damsel in distress.

So?

We must help her.

I can't hear a thing.

Ooh !

Ahh !

Will anyone help me ?

I'll take care of the lion, and you save the fair lady.

But I don't even know her !

Forward, my great steed !

Who ? Sorry, never heard of him.

Uh-oh.

Okay, so what do you do when you come

face-to-face with a wild lion ?

Tremble ?

Tremble, that's it ?

That's it.

Ahh !

Okay, okay, step aside, I'll take care of this.

Everything's under control.

Hurry, there's no time to waste.

Listen, lady, take it easy.

We must act immediately !

She's in great danger!

But the lion's coming straight towards us.

Here I go !

Gah, did we have to come all this way

just to make fools of ourselves ?

Yahhh ! Get lost.

Oh, my !

Ooh, is-- is he dead ?

He's killed my Rucio.

Is he dead ?

Yah !

Stand, stand if you dare !

Ahh, ohh !

Thanks for the escort.

Your wish is our command.

Though, unfortunately, we can't detain ourselves further,

as we are pursuing the delinquents

who kidnapped my beloved Dulcinea.

How romantic !

Let's go to the castle.

I'm sure my husband will send

a fearsome army after those villains.

And besides, that means you'll be able to rest a little.

Ay!

Attend to my guests

and take care of their mounts.

Our fearsome army.

Ahh, chicken supper.

Oh.

Well, isn't that the lion--

Never fear.

Bartolo is only aggressive outside the castle walls.

A little insecurity problem.

My respects, your grace.

Don Quixote de la Mancha, at your faithful service.

Darling, I told this brave knight

we'd help catch the kidnappers of his beloved lady.

I guarantee that wagon will never leave this land--

uh, because I imagine

they travel in a wagon, don't they ?

Many thanks.

But I can't possibly let anyone else perform

the duty that is mine alone.

You saved my love.

Permit me, in the name of the sacred laws of chivalry,

to do the same for you.

Well, if you invoke the laws of chivalry,

then I have no option.

First, we shall send my army with Bartolo,

a great tracker.

And once they've found the wicked miscreants,

it will fall to you to free her.

But if you wish, my men can beat them,

and whip them, drag them along the ground

until they scream and plead for mercy !

Darling...

Your commitment is all too clear.

And your reward.

Ask whatever you wish, and it shall be yours.

I consider myself already paid in full.

And you, my friend, from all I possess,

choose what you wish.

So, for example, if I ask for food,

you'd give it to me ? Done.

What else do you wish ?

Money ? Can I ask for money ?

Done.

Hmm...

It is said that the wish of the noble Sancho

is to be governor of an island.

Yeah, right.

Can I ask for one of those islands

with water all around it?

By luck, in my dominions,

there is just such an island,

and it needs a governor.

An island, hey, with water all around it !

But how can I leave you on your own ?

After all the sacrifices you have made,

I insist you take immediate possession.

I have to tell Teresa.

Don't worry, we'll take care of everything.

My friend, forgive me if I ever doubted you.

All you ever promised has come true.

To the new governor.

Governor Sancho Panza !

Your eyes--

your eyes are like...

two eyes.

That's just gone too far.

Your voice-- now, let me see.

How does your voice sound ?

I don't believe this.

Hmm, you're such a seducer.

Huh ?

What the--

Well, when you know mares like I know mares.

If I were you, I'd come check this out.

Oh, get lost !

My dear governor, forgive me for summoning you like this,

but I need your help !

Oh, right, governor.

Your wish is my command, duchess.

Take this.

I understand you alone

have actually seen this Dulcinea,

and I was wondering what she is like.

Why do you ask ?

It's all there in this new best-seller, you see,

everything that happened.

And Cervantes assures us you never even saw Dulcinea.

And another thing--

Quixote is in danger from the Sinister Knight,

and only you can help him.

Don Quixote made him up.

Oh, no, he is real, as real as they come.

And he plans to destroy Quixote.

But we know how to be rid of him,

and in doing so, help Quixote find his Dulcinea.

But she doesn't exist either.

Listen carefully, Sancho.

If you want to save Quixote

and keep your precious island...

As midnight has passed,

and your valiant soldiers have not returned,

I beg your leave to depart.

Don't be so impatient !

I'm sure they'll be back soon.

But Barcelona is my final clue to Dulcinea,

and the full moon is but two nights away.

Forgive such forwardness, my lord,

but I must abandon you forth ways because...

oh, yeah, that's it.

I thought I heard the guardsman.

Perhaps they have news.

Off you go.

Tell me, Quixote, is it true you never

actually saw Dulcinea ?

Not with my eyes, it's true.

But with my heart, every second of my life.

But Sancho has seen her,

and his eyes are keener than mine--

so often blinded by passion.

I think I'm headed off to my island.

Sir, the constable has--

The wagon ?

A wagon, and brought it to the--

Here ?

Sorry ?

Oh yeah, a wagon,

with two men and a woman in the back,

and they asked to take refuge

according to the sacred laws of chivalry.

Hmm.

Okay, can I go now ?

What's wrong ?

Under laws of refuge...

we can't touch them.

Am I to believe that with Dulcinea

and her captors right here, you plan to do nothing ?

Do men make laws only to deny justice ?

But nobody even knows what she looks like.

Except the governor.

What if it really is her ?

You're right.

Justice should be above the law.

Is the governor willing to help ?

Is it she ?

Out with it !

Is she or is she not Dulcinea ?

Quixote, the truth is--

This is not the behavior of a governor !

Is it possible ?

Is this, by the glory of the sacred laws of chivalry,

the place where--

Come on, come on, let us not waste more time.

Don't get near, Pendejo.

I shall respect you under refuge on condition:

you immediately release the beautiful Dulcinea,

queen of my days and princess of my nights.

Oh, that's nice.

Release me, you say ?

The macho man hasn't been born

who can get the better of me.

I-- I have no words, Dulcinea.

Love weakens my voice and my will.

And you are ?

Don Quixote de la Mancha, at your faithful service.

Ugh, not another one.

Don't waste your time, sunshine.

Well, I never imagined the moment quite like that.

Why don't humans understand what we say ?

They can't be too intelligent, can they ?

After all, we understand everything they say.

It's all for the best, Rucio.

Your master got his island, mine his Dulcinea.

And I got a mare with a magnificent apartment.

But it's all a lie.

It's always been a lie.

Where are you ?

Not as long as we believed in it.

Hunky ? Hunky ?

Rucio, we're off right now !

Not now.

I said, no !

What have I done, what have I done ?

I'll never be able to look Quixote in the face again.

Rue...

Hunky, are you deaf or something ?

My dear Don,

cool your aching heart.

Dulcinea will speak with you, or else !

Without her, I'm nothing.

And your thoughts are now of marriage ?

Marriage, so soon ?

And how long have you been searching for her ?

For all eternity !

Time goes by, Quixote.

I married duchess without knowing her--

Well, I don't suppose I know her now, really.

If you put it like that...

So you accept ?

We still aren't far enough.

We could've brought a horse.

Still a good way to go until we reach

the Isle of Barataria, governor.

Good-- the further, the better.

Queen of my days, princess of my nights,

I am your faithful servant.

Ugh !

Must you keep repeating yourself ?

So what's on offer, exactly ?

Your true love.

Um, something a little more tangible ?

One must marry well, you know.

I haven't even asked her yet.

Uh, what pretense of love is this,

if you can't show how much you care ?

Don't I deserve a diamond necklace ?

Aren't I worth a house in the country ?

A private pension ?

Paid holidays in Palm Beach ?

A weekly facial ?

Ugh, get him out of my sight.

How can this skinflint possibly be the true Quixote ?

But I am he.

Ugh, yeah, the one who fought windmills

and traveled the world for love without even knowing me ?

Giants, they were giants.

Look, I never asked a thing.

Not battles nor adventures.

And now, when all I want's a decent wedding,

the true Quixote wouldn't reject me,

just because I wasn't up to his dreams !

Ugh !

He wouldn't treat me like some toy !

Wisdom was never so painfully gained.

I have been selfish, Dulcinea.

Let us do as you say, immediately.

All that is mine is yours.

Hooray !

Tonight, a party !

And you'll be able to wear the new clothes

I've embroidered for you with all my love.

Sweetie pie, where are you ?

I tell you, Sinister,

they'll never reach Barcelona.

They're finished.

That includes the supplement for your thugs

letting themselves get walloped by Sancho,

and exclusive rights in case you decide

to sell the story some day.

Is that clear, Avellaneda ?

Now, let me see.

We have to pay rent on the set and the castle,

my husband has to conduct

a very expensive wedding tomorrow.

Oh, and you can't begin to imagine

the amount of top-quality meat that beast eats every day.

This is what we agreed.

The rest later.

Aren't you going to say anything ?

Yes, I want to keep Bartolo.

Oh, what on earth for ?!

To eat people!

But he's a vegetarian !

I want to keep Bartolo.

Um, what about me ?

That Quixote don't look like he's so loaded after all.

But his friend is, my dear, and he feels so guilty,

He won't deny you a thing.

Ugh-- who was it ?

Sweetie pie !

Get away from me !

Are you okay, hunky, darling ?

Don't you like my new hairstyle ?

You really think a thoroughbred like me

would be interested in some cheap trotter ?

Oh, here comes the part where I really get it.

Oh, now I'm angry !

You are, like, so...

pathetic !

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, ooh ♪

Ah, Oh, Oh...

Nice outfit, Quixote.

You have to admit, Altisidora has impeccable taste.

Altdi-- who ?

Did I say Altisidora ?

My friend, forget Barcelona.

You've got your Dulcinea now--

the real one, of course.

The truth is, I was wondering

if my good friend Sancho

will be back in time for the wedding.

Of course, how could he miss this ?

♪ Just one desire I can't deny ♪

I've got this funny feeling

we've been going around in circles.

It's a trick, don't you see ?

Now I understand.

Of course ! Great !

It's simple, they gave me the wrong map.

Oh, really.

How can this be the Isle of Barataria ?

It hasn't got water all around it.

And did you figure that out all by yourself,

or did the donkey help ?

Thanks for your help, guys,

but I'm heading back to the castle.

Quixote needs me, and I don't think

I'd be much of a governor anyhow.

What do I owe you ?

You're not going back anyplace.

I'm a free man, I'll do what I want.

No, you won't.

I'm raging !

Roasted over a slow flame, I think.

Ooh !

Wait !

The beating was bad enough, but burned alive ?!

Don't worry, boss !

Now you're making me dizzy !

Oh, oh, great plan !

Really effective-- no !

Smoke...

No, thank you, I don't indulge--

Fire !

Rocinante !

Couldn't you even wait for us

to be properly cooked ?

Don't you touch him !

We've got to get out of here.

Everything's under control.

Sorry, but I'm too young to die.

What's all this ?

Him. Him.

Oh, my love !

What have they done to you ?

If I don't get married tomorrow,

someone will have to compensate me.

Dumb's okay, but not a vegetable !

Rocinante.

Ow-- huh ?

My brave steed.

What about me ? Who's more important ?

Me, or some stupid horse ?

Queen of my days and princess of my nights,

I-- I have--

maybe we should wait a bit-- this wedding is--

Enough with these childish pranks.

What are you two waiting for ?

Sorry ?

Why wait until tomorrow, with such a magnificent full moon ?

It isn't quite full yet, it's--

Who cares ? Why not get married right now ?

Altis--

Dulcinea !

Do you take Quixote to be--

Yes !

And you, Quixote, do you take this beautiful lady

to be your lawfully wedded wife ?

This isn't the way I imagined it.

Did you understand the question, Quixote ?

I...

Well... l...

No !

No!

Sancho ?

The governor of...

There'll be no wedding, Quixote.

I lied to you.

I never saw Dulcinea all that time ago.

I looked right enough, day and night,

day after day, for you,

for my best-- my only friend.

But the truth is... she doesn't exist.

Then this lady--

Ugh, "lady" ?

Some jumping midget comes along

and says I'm not your Dulcinea,

and you believe him ?

I invented it all.

And this one's just another invention.

Try inventing these, buster !

This is a real woman !

Come along, my dear, better luck next time.

Yes, my love.

Ahhh !

Rucio !

I hope your insurance covers it.

I never thought I'd be so glad to see you.

James, James !

Wake up, this isn't funny.

Too late.

James...

Well, you oughta be happy.

We're going home.

You know, I'm not sure about anything anymore.

And you ?

Rocinante !

It's that way to the village.

Teresa will be hopping mad,

but at least we'll get something to eat.

After all, Barcelona's a long way,

and it will just be more of the same, right ?

This is the end, Sancho.

It's over.

All my life, I've been a coward,

running away from reality.

But you can't live on illusions.

A coward ?

You've lived a great life.

Are you serious ?

I never met a braver man,

a man who dares to live as he feels

and thinks with his heart.

At least Dulcinea was a beautiful illusion.

Oh, Dulcinea...

So... home ?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking ?

Hmm...

Ha-ha !

Come on !

Quixote, that duel between you

and the Knight Of The Crescent Moon, wasn't it...

Uh-huh. Alone...

Face-to-face at dusk ? That's right.

Then could you explain something to me ?

Ah.

Huh ?

Oh, look who's here.

Sir Peter Pan.

I'm not Peter Pan anymore.

It'll never catch on.

I've decided to be Quixote again.

Sir Globus !

Me too.

Tent, helmet, armor, and once set of lances.

The sword is optional.

Social-security number ?

What's that ? A photo i.d. ?

Hmm...

Well... well...

It's not my best, but--

Okay, in the case of accident ?

Sancho, Sancho Panza.

6-3-3 8-4-5-6.

That's all, sign here.

You're Quixote 163.

50 eurocrowns ?

But first, where's my book ?

I'm gonna go broke.

Well, this is the end of us.

Never fear, Sancho.

It's all going to work out just fine.

The light, I can already see the light !

And...

what are you planning to ride, exactly ?

Hmm, good question.

I just saw some pretty good rental horses outside-- Hey, I'm here, what about me ?

Got the afternoon free, what do you say, Don ?

Can't you hear me ?

Hey, hello !

Maybe...

Oh, forget it.

Why not ?

Yes !

I've got it, Rucio shall be my steed.

Yes !

Where's Rucio ? Right here !

There you are.

Yes !

Rucio, would you consent... Yes, yes !

To being my horse-- Can't you understand a simple yes ?

Oh, that's right, just finish me off.

Don't take offense, Quixote, but Rucio's only a donkey.

Don't ruin it !

This beast has show great courage.

He's strong and resilient.

He's a survivor.

Kneel, Rucio.

By the authority vested in me,

by the sacred laws of chivalry,

I name thee horse of the highest rank.

It's the battle of the century !

And remember, the joust, the duel

the winning Quixote will have the honor to fight

the Knight Of The Crescent Moon !

Quixote 26 enters the arena.

His opponent, Quixote 13 !

Applause, please !

Yeah, that hurts !

Let's pick up the pieces and move on,

'cause here comes Quixote 76 !

Whoa...

You know, I'd fight in Quixote's place

if they'd let me.

Be careful !

Watch out !

Ooh.

Holy cow !

Forget I said that !

Do we have our ringer, then ?

666.

Unbeatable.

He'd better be.

I entreat thee, dispatch me to the Elysian fields

if cowardice I show.

I pray also for the Knight Esplandian,

son of Amadis and Oriana, here with me today.

Show him the way to courage,

and help free his soul from such cruel punishment.

Surely you're not gonna wear that old junk.

It's my armor.

It's for real out there, Quixote,

and this thing--

well, I don't know what's up with it,

but it's not good.

The spell will only be broken when the soul of this knight

takes part in an act of courage.

Ahh, impossible.

That's impossible.

I believe in you.

♪ Born free ♪

♪ As free as the wind blows ♪

♪ As free as the grass grows ♪

♪ Born free to follow your heart ♪

♪ Live free... ♪

Hi.

I suppose they do need someone

to pick up the helmets around here, donkey.

Let go of me !

I'm off into battle in a moment !

I am Don Quixote's steed !

You're going nowhere, you're a donkey.

If your Quixote needs a horse,

then he can rent us.

That's what we're here for.

Exactly.

And it's no fun being grounded on the beach.

Ow, ow, ow...

On the beach ?

On the bench !

Let's go, sir Rucio.

It's time.

What did he just call him ?

Sounded a bit of a putdown to me.

Look who's come to see you !

Can we talk about this ?

Here's the deal.

I just eat your legs.

That way, your master doesn't get

to take part in the joust.

Don't you know anything ?

I'm retired !

Rucio is Quixote's horse now and--

What did you say ?

You want me to repeat it for you, pal ?

Hi-yah !

Hey, boss ! James, you're alive !

You're safe.

Off, James.

There's a good chicken.

Well, I'm going lettuce hunting.

Due to circumstances beyond our control,

we'll be passing directly to the semifinal.

Peter Pan, Don Quixote 25.

Remigio, alias: Globus, Quixote 26.

Don Alonso Quijano, Quixote 163.

And a last-minute entry, Quixote 666,

The Golden Knight.

Well, at least we should be home for supper.

Hail, Sinister!

What have I gotten into ?

Hi-yah !

Whoa... whoa !

Whaa-ha-ha !

Whoo-ha-ha !

Woo-hoo !

First finalist !

Remigio Globus !

What, me ?

And you hired this hopeless failure

to get rid of Quixote ?

Don't worry, he's not in the final...

Yet.

Alonso Quijano !

But what's this he's riding ?

This is ridiculous !

I suppose you had to inherit something from me.

♪ A new song ♪

♪ new day ♪

♪ Has... ♪

Ahh !

Don Alonso and his miniature charger" finalists !

Not bad, not bad !

That kid's got it !

My boy !

Hooray !

♪ Breakin' rocks in the hot sun ♪

♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪

♪ Robbin' people with a six gun ♪

Ooh !

♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪

♪ I fought the law and the law won ♪

Incredible !

The winner is Alonso Quijano,

the one and only Don Quixote !

Damn the lot of you !

And now we give you the battle of the century,

between the true, the one and only,

the inimitable Don Quixote de la Mancha !

Weighing in at 140 pounds!

And the Knight Of The Crescent Moon...

Sinister, I might have known.

Must you always ruin things ?

Bachelor, what are you doing here ?

And dressed like that ?

Damn you, Quixote !

Ever since I was a child, I've been nothing !

I studied, I try, oh, but in our village,

Don Quixote and Sancho Panza

are the only ones who count !

I tried to stop you when I put

an early end to your first adventure.

So it was you.

Just you wait.

And now I finally get a chance to be someone,

a chance to be famous,

and you humiliate me in front of everybody !

Come along, my friend.

If you really wanna be someone--

someone important-- why not become a knight ?

Maybe they'll write a book about you too,

and you'll be immortalized for all eternity.

A knight, you say ?

You could sign up for a course...

at night school.

Sorry, old chap, I've gotta go.

I'm on again.

There's everything to play for !

May the best man win !

Woo-hoo !

This could be the end for Quixote.

Careful !

Watch it, hang on !

Forget it, Quixote !

It isn't worth it !

To the bitter end !

I know my destiny !

And mine !

Incredible !

They're still standing after that !

Wow.

All right, he did it !

Yes !

Hmm.

No.

I believe in you.

No !

Enough.

Come here.

Hah !

Ahh !

Must still have a few old scores to settle.

Whoa !

You win.

I'm mad about Dulcinea,

but she deserves the best and bravest of knights.

I must renounce my love

for the sake of a...

a pure love

and what is best for her.

Renounce ?

Only the true Quixote

would take honor and courage so far.

Only Quixote would renounce love

for the sake of true, pure love,

which is why you are the winner,

the best among knights.

Wow.

For I am Dulcinea.

Ahh !

What? Huh ?

Much like you, I had to know if Quixote was real,

or just a figment of my imagination,

so I set all this up.

Can it be possible ? ls this the--

ls this, by the glory of the sacred laws of chivalry--

Cut the crap.

Yeah !

Oh, yes !

Bravo, congratulations and all that.

Now what about the treasure ?

Treasure ?

Do you know how much it costs to organize this ?

You made it !

It was nothing.

But you're a horse, a real horse !

A horse ?

And of the best of breeds !

A Percheron, no less !

All right, all right, okay, enough flattery.

Make way, give him some room, everybody back !

Hmm !

Sancho!

Hasta la vista !

We'll be together again soon, my friend !

Just don't come back without the rent.

What's that ?

Everything under control.

Why does your friend want a lion ?

You haven't met his wife.

And this, my friends,

is the true story of Don Quixote.

Sancho returned home happily to Teresa

and Rocinante went back to his dear dusty barn

to care for his beloved hens.

For taking care of Don.

Did you see that ?!

It's no surprise Quixote lived happily ever after

with that adorable creature.

Of course, I stayed with him, too.

I don't get paid much, but he does understand me.

♪ On this lonely September night ♪

♪ I dream of you ♪

♪ So far from sight ♪

♪ 1,000 stars in the moonlit sky ♪

♪ Just one desire ♪

♪ I can't deny ♪

♪ It's a simple fact ♪

♪ There's no turning back ♪

♪ My heart says now or never ♪

♪ My heart says now or never ♪

♪ There's no turning around ♪

♪ This new love that I found ♪

♪ We can make it together ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ When the rain is falling ♪

♪ When you're lost and lonely ♪

♪ Can't you hear me calling ? ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ I'll be there to hold you ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ I will travel 1,000 miles ♪

♪ To reach your heart ♪

♪ To see you smile ♪

♪ And this long winding road ♪

♪ We follow ♪

♪ Takes us to ♪

♪ A bright tomorrow ♪

♪ It's a simple fact ♪

♪ There's no turning back ♪

♪ My heart says now or never ♪

♪ My heart says now or never ♪

♪ There's no turning around ♪

♪ This new love that I found ♪

♪ We can make it together ♪

♪ Ohh ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ When the rain is falling ♪

♪ When you're lost and lonely ♪

♪ Can't you hear me calling ? ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ I'll be there to hold you ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ When the rain is falling ♪

♪ When you're lost and lonely ♪

♪ Can't you hear me calling ? ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ I'll be there to hold you ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ Yesterday is behind us ♪

♪ Today we'll make a vow ♪

♪ A vow ♪

♪ Forget about the future ♪

♪ Time to live right now ♪

♪ Yes right now ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ When the rain is falling ♪

♪ When you're lost and lonely ♪

♪ Don't you hear me calling ? ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ I'll be there to hold you ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh, ohh ♪

♪ You're my one and only ♪

♪ My one and only ♪

♪ Uh-huh hoo-hoo ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪