Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NEW LINE HOME VIDEO

[DIALS TELEPHONE]

Answering machine: IT'S WOO. LEAVE IT.

[BEEP]

GIRL, CELESTRIAL CALLING.

COME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MESSAGE.

MISS THING, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE

WHAT I AM SEEING IN YOUR CHART.

WHOO!

* NAUGHTY, BUT YOU LIKE IT NASTY *

* BUT YOU WANT IT *

* I'M THE CHICK THAT NEVER FRONTED *

* PICTURE THAT *

* ME WEARING A PAGER SO YOU CAN BE DOWN MY BACK *

* IT AIN'T HAPPENING, JACK *

* AM I TOO FINE? *

* IF SO, I CAN LEAVE, HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO *

* YOU BETTER BELIEVE I KEEP A TIGHT SCHEDULE *

* NOT MANY ARE BLESSED *

* STILL ON A QUEST, NOT KNOWIN' I'M THE BEST *

* CAUGHT IN A MESS *

* WHEREVER I GO, THEY STILL WANT ME THERE *

* I'M THE STAR OF THE SHOW *

* YOUR RIDE IS SWEET, MINE IS MUCH SWEETER *

* COME TAKE A RIDE WITH THIS *

* THEN YOU'LL SEE THAT THERE'S... *

* MORE TO ME THAT THE EYE CAN SEE *

* BUT I'M TWICE AS MUCH AS YOU THOUGHT I'D BE *

* WHEN I HIT THE SCENE, ALL BETTER BEWARE *

* 'CAUSE THE PARTY DON'T JUMP TILL I GET THERE *

Man: * YEAH *

* WE CAN HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT *

* ONLY IF YOU WOO IT RIGHT *

* ONLY IF YOU WOO IT RIGHT *

* WOO IT RIGHT *

* WE CAN HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT *

* ONLY IF YOU WOO IT RIGHT *

* OH, YEAH *

* NOW, WHEN YOU WOO WOO, SO NASTY, YOU'RE SICK *

* WANNA KNOW MY TRICKS, STUDYING ME LIKE A FLICK *

* I'M THE GIRL YOUR MAMA WARNED YOU ABOUT AT NIGHT *

* ASK RONNIE, ROBBIE, RICKY, AND MIKE *

* I'M THAT CANDY GIRL *

* I GOT THE SUGAR FOR YOUR SWEET TOOTH *

* COMIN' IN YOUR CRIB IN MY BIRTHDAY SUIT *

AAH!

* ...YOU JUST CAN'T SHAKE, WHAT I WANT, I TAKE *

YOU ALL RIGHT, PAL?

* GOT YOUNG TO GET YOU STUCK LIKE GLUE *

* IT AIN'T OVER TILL WE ALL COME THROUGH *

* WHEN I HIT THE SCENE, ALL BETTER BEWARE *

* 'CAUSE THE PARTY DON'T JUMP TILL I GET THERE *

* WE CAN HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT *

* ONLY IF YOU WOO IT RIGHT *

DAMN!

* YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, BABY *

* WE CAN HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT *

* PARTY TONIGHT *

* ONLY IF YOU WOO IT RIGHT... *

HELLO THERE.

HELLO.

OH! UH--

I'LL GET THIS FOR YOU.

I'M SO CLUMSY.

I'M SORRY.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT. Y-YOU ARE GORGEOUS.

MM-HMM.

OH, GIRL.

ONE DAY!

CELESTRIAL...

I CAME AS SOON AS I COULD.

GIRL, YOU LOOK OVER.

THESE ARE FOR YOU, DOLL.

AH, THANK YOU, SUGAR.

COME SIT DOWN.

A NEW MOTIF. HA HA.

HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

SO WHAT'S THE 411?

GIRL, YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT I'VE SEEN.

PUT YOUR HAND ON THE BALL.

YOUR HOUSE IS IN SCORPIO.

GORGEOUS.

YOUR MOON IS RISING PERFECTLY.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN OUT OF NOWHERE,

A METEOR IS CROSSING YOUR ASTEROID BELT.

IS IT GOOD?

IT'S ALL GOOD.

TONIGHT IS YOUR SPECIAL NIGHT, CHILD.

SPECIAL IN WHAT WAY?

LET'S CONSULT THE TAROT DADDY, SHALL WE?

AND YOUR CARD SAYS LOVE. TASTY. I KNEW IT.

UGH!

CELESTIAL, PLEASE RESHUFFLE THOSE CARDS.

I SEE AN EXPLOSION OF LOVE.

OR MAYBE JUST AN EXPLOSION.

THIS LAST YEAR,

MY LOVE LIFE HAS BEEN A DISASTER.

WHAT ABOUT LAMAR?

LAMAR? I CAN'T WEAR A PAGER FOR HIM.

GIRL, YOU ARE A TAD TOUGH ON MEN.

EXCUSá?

GIRL, YOU'VE GOT TO GIVE IT UP TO SOMEBODY.

CELESTRIAL, I HAVE GIVEN IT UP.

I HAVE TWIRLED IT AND SWIRLED IT

IN MANY DIRECTIONS.

I NEED SOMEONE WHO'S...

IMPULSIVE...

EXCITING...

...WHO KNOWS YOUR THOUGHTS

BEFORE YOU SAY THEM.

EXACTLY.

THAT'S WHO I'M SEEING RIGHT HERE, DARLING.

WHERE?

OOH, GOOD GLAMOUR, GIRL!

HE'S A VIRGO AND HEADED RIGHT TOWARDS YOU.

OHH. OH, NO!

I HOPE THIS IS NOT ANOTHER HEAD-ON COLLISION.

JUST BE HAPPY IF YOU GET YOU A MAN TONIGHT.

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]

NOW LOOK AT THAT GIRL OVER THERE, BOY.

OH, MY GOSH!

THAT GIRL GOT AN ASS LIKE A SMOKED HAM.

YO, YO, YO. LOOK AT THAT ONE.

THAT'S THE BOMB.

HEY, YO, YO.

WHY IS IT THAT THE FINE ONES

ARE ALWAYS HANGING OUT WITH THE FRANKENSTEIN ONES?

NO COMPETITION.

PSST.

EXCUSE ME, MISS. HOW YOU DOING?

OH, LOOK AT THE BODY ON THIS ONE.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

LOOK AT THEM DAMN FEET, THOUGH, MAN.

WOMAN MUST WEAR ABOUT A 12.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY

ABOUT WOMEN WITH BIG FEET.

WRONG GENDER, HOP.

NOW, DO Y'ALL MIND?

HOW COME EVERY TIME WE COME DOWN HERE,

YOU SPEND THE WHOLE TIME TALKING TRASH?

TIM, COME ON, MAN.

HALF THESE GIRLS ARE DOWN HERE

BECAUSE THEY'RE DOING THE SAME THING WE'RE DOING--

ASS WATCHING--

EVEN YOUR TINY ASS.

I GOT A QUESTION FOR YOU, TIM.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

YOU HAD A DATE?

I'LL TAKE THAT ONE FOR 100, ALEX.

5 MONTHS AGO.

AND THAT WAS BY ACCIDENT.

I'M TELLING YOU,

EVER SINCE DENISE LEFT HIS ASS,

COSIGN'S BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH TIME HOME ALONE

WE NEED TO CALL HIM MACAULAY CULKIN.

LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

OHH!

OHH!

AAH HA HA!

I TOLD Y'ALL ABOUT THAT COSIGN SHIT, OK?

I DON'T CARE HOW GOOD THE LOVIN' IS,

YOU CAN'T BE COSIGNING FOR NO CAR.

WORD. WORD.

AND IF SHE DUMPED ME,

I'D SURE AS HELL GET THAT SWEET RIDE BACK.

HEY, FUCK ALL Y'ALL, OK?

MM-HMM.

WHOO! 12 O'CLOCK!

MMM MMM! WHOO-WEE!

BOY, SHE'S THICK, TOO, JUST LIKE I LIKE 'EM.

THICK LIKE A STALLION. JUST LIKE A HORSE.

I'M GONNA RIDE IT LIKE A HORSE.

[IMITATING HOOFBEATS]

YEAH! LIKE A HORSE. OOH! LIKE THIS.

[WHINNYING]

MAN, CAN Y'ALL JUST CHILL, MAN,

FOR ONCE?

HYAH! HYAH!

COME ON, MAN.

GET DOWN ON THE VIBE.

THE MUSIC.

TIM...

YOUR WORDS HAVE BEEN WELL-SPOKEN, MY BROTHER.

WE WILL LEAVE YOU

TO SOJOURN WITH YOUR JAZZICAL EXPRESSIONS

WHILST WE VENTURE FORTH INTO THE LAND OF...

PUNANI!

PEACE TO YOU, MY SENSITIVE ONE.

I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

EXCUSE ME. IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?

NO, AS A MATTER-- IF YOU--WHOA!

WHOA!

MY BAD, Y'ALL.

YO, MAN, TAKE CARE.

IF YOU WANNA SIT THERE, IT'S NOT TAKEN.

UM, YOU COME HERE OFTEN?

Woo: BUT CELESTRIAL MIGHT BE RIGHT.

IF SHE'S SO PSYCHIC,

HOW COME SHE DON'T KNOW WHETHER SHE'S A BOY OR GIRL?

SHE'S EVERYTHING.

OK. SHE GONNA HAVE YOU JUST AS CONFUSED AS SHE IS.

SHE'S THE BEST.

ARE YOU GOING OUT WITH ME TONIGHT?

BABY COUSIN, I TOLD YOU ONCE, TWICE--

NOW THIS IS THE THIRD TIME TODAY.

LENNY IS COMING OVER TONIGHT.

HE'S PLANNED SOMETHING SPECIAL.

OH, SPECIAL FOR LENNY

IS A GALLON OF NIGHTYARD AND A BUCKET OF CHICKEN.

[SARCASTIC] HA HA HA.

YOU ARE GOING TO SHAKIM'S BLOCK PARTY TONIGHT, RIGHT?

NO.

WOO.

AHEM.

WHAT IS THIS?

WHAT?

WHO GAVE YOU THIS?

MY LENNY.

THAT'S NASTY.

YOU JUST JEALOUS. IT'S CUTE.

WE CAN EITHER GO TO THE VENUS OR TO THE MERCURY,

AND I WANNA BORROW A COUPLE OF YOUR OUTFITS.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WEAR?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WAIT A MINUTE.

DO YOU NEED AN EBONIC TRANSLATION?

I AIN'T WEARIN' NOTHIN'

'CAUSE I AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.

DON'T STICK THAT KEY IN THAT DOOR.

OK, DON'T WALK IN, DON'T GO IN THERE.

WE GONNA FIGHT.

ASK LENNY IF WE CAN BORROW HIS CAR.

...JEANS OFF.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? GIMME THAT. LET ME SEE.

THAT'S RIGHT. WHATEVER I SAY IS RIGHT.

I'LL RIDE YOU LIKE ONE OF THEM GO-GO DANCERS ON SOUL TRAIN.

MAN, WHY YOU TOUCHING ME LIKE THAT?

I LIKE TO KEEP EVERGREENS VERY DARK TOWARD THE BASE.

HOME ALONE MY ASS.

Woman: HELLO?

HEY, MICHELLE, HOW YOU DOING?

I WAS WONDERING, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

Woman: WHO IS THIS?

EXCUSE ME?

YOU'RE A TRIP. "WHO IS THIS?"

YOU GONNA ASK ME WHO THIS IS?

GIRL, YOU KNOW--

HELLO?

HELLO?

I FORGOT. NENE IS HAVING A PARTY AT THE SOUL KITCHEN.

WE CAN GO THERE FIRST.

WOO!

I TOLD YOU, ME AND LENNY...

AND...

LOWER HALFWAY AND SQUEEZE UP.

AND...

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

[RING]

HELLO?

TIM! THANK GOD, MAN.

HEY, BUDDY, IT'S LENNY.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

UH, I NEED YOU...

HEY, HOW YOU DOING, BROTHER?

GOOD.

LOOK, I NEED YOU TO DO ME A LITTLE FAVOR, MAN.

I NEED YOU TO HANG OUT WITH CLAUDETTE'S COUSIN TONIGHT.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER, MAN?

SHE LOOK LIKE AN ANTEATER?

NO, MAN.

LOOK...

CLAUDETTE JUST GOT OFF HER CYCLE, YOU KNOW?

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S A LITTLE MORE INFORMATION

THAN I NEED RIGHT NOW?

WE'RE TRYING TO GET OUR QUALITY TIME IN TOGETHER.

SO WHY DON'T SHE JUST GO ON HOME?

HEY, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE, MAN?

YOU AIN'T DOING NOTHING.

YEAH, BUT I KNOW YOU, THOUGH, MAN.

YOU BIG, DUSTY DICK-HAVIN'.

WHAT, YOU THINK I NEEDED TO CALL YOUR ASS? HUH?

I'M TRYING TO HOOK YOU UP, NIGGER.

LOOK, LENNY, I AM STUDYING FOR THE BAR, OK?

TIM, JUST TALK TO HER, MAN!

JUST GET DRESSED,

'CAUSE YOU'RE COMING WITH ME.

[GROANS]

HEY, UH, WOO. HMM...

GOT A PHONE CALL FOR YOU.

WHO IS IT, WEENIE BOY?

IT'S A BROTHER WHO WOULD LOVE TO TAKE YOU OUT.

I'M REALLY NOT FOR YOUR MESS TONIGHT, LENNY.

WILL YOU JUST TALK TO HIM, PLEASE?!

TIM, HER NAME IS WOO.

WHO?

MMM.

HI, THIS IS WOO.

OH, HI.

THIS IS TIM.

UH, LENNY WAS SAYING

THAT YOU MIGHT WANNA HANG OUT TONIGHT.

ARE YOU ASKING ME OUT ON A DATE?

YEAH.

YEAH, I'M ASKING YOU.

WHY?

WELL, MIGHT BE YOUR LUCKY NIGHT.

WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?

SEPTEMBER 18th.

VIRGO, VIRGO...

OOH. VIRGO.

LOOK, UM...

I'LL BE THERE IN AN HOUR.

Lenny: TIM, YOU ARE THE MAN.

VERY, VERY INTERESTING.

THANK YOU, BROTHER. THAT'S GOOD LOOKING OUT.

LOOK, I'M GONNA GIVE HER YOUR ADDRESS, ALL RIGHT?

PEACE.

LENNY...

CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, YEAH.

IS DARRYL HOME?

IT'S TIM FROM ACROSS THE HALL.

COME IN...

TIM FROM ACROSS THE HALL.

[SLOW R&B MUSIC PLAYING]

DARRYL, BABY.

Darryl: MMM?

TIM FROM ACROSS THE HALL IS HERE.

Darryl: I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE, TIM.

DAMN.

Tim: HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

WHAT'S UP, BLACK MAN?

THANK YOU, SWEETHEART.

I GOT A WOMAN COMING A LITTLE LATER ON.

I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU HAD ANY, UM...

POINTERS?

TIM.

MUSIC...

I COULD BORROW.

DARRYL...

DO YOU WANT TO SHAVE BEFORE DINNER?

I'LL BE THERE IN A MINUTE, SWEETHEART.

MUSIC?

WELL, WHAT KIND DO YOU LIKE?

WANT A LITTLE ROMANCE?

SOMETHING SLOW, SOMETHING SMOOTH?

UM...

I DON'T KNOW. WHATEVER YOU GOT.

YOU KNOW. 'CAUSE WE JUST GONNA KICK IT.

TIM'S GONNA KICK IT.

HMM. "HOT AND WET."

"FOR THE PANTIES"?

IT'S GOT ALL THE SEXIEST SLOW JAMS.

BY THE TIME YOU HIT THE "B" SIDE,

YOU SHOULD BE GOOD AND NAKED.

WORD?

SEE THIS?

IT'S ONE OF MY FIELD KITS.

4 MINIATURES OF HENESSEY,

A JOINT, INCENSE,

EDIBLE BODY OILS.

LATEX, OF COURSE.

JUST THE ESSENTIALS. IT GOES WITH THE TAPE.

Woman: DARRYL, THE WATER'S GETTING COLD.

KEEP IT WARM FOR ME, SUGAR.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

WHAT YOU GONNA DO?

HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU, TIGER.

HEY, TIM FROM ACROSS THE HALL.

POP THAT THANG, BABY.

[POP]

Darryl: TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES.

[POP]

NO, I PREFER A SELF-ACTUALIZED WOMAN.

I THINK THE TERM "BITCH"--

IT'S, FIRST OF ALL, OVERUSED,

AND IT'S SOME CONDESCENDING BULLSHIT.

YOU KNOW YOU ABOUT AS FINE AS FROG'S HAIR?

YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER SAID THE SAME THING.

THAT'S HOW FINE...

YOU ARE.

MY SISTER SAID THE SAME THING.

DO I WANNA FUCK?

STOP IT.

[DOOR BUZZER]

[BZZT BZZT]

[HEART BEATING AUDIBLY]

[BZZT]

[WHIMPERS]

I'M WOO.

IS YOU TIM?

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

MY FAVORITE ASSET.

MY BIGGEST ASSET.

BIG!

DING, DING, DING!

MM-HMM.

WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

WHAT YOU KNOW?

NOTHING!

WOO IS WHAT?

GONE!

[BZZT]

[BZZT BZZT BZZT]

HI, I'M LOOKING FOR TIMMY JACKSON.

IS THAT YOU?

UH, YEAH, I'M TITTY--

I MEAN, UH, TIM.

TIM JACKSON. THAT'S ME.

AND YOU ARE?

HOPEFULLY THE WOMAN YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.

CAN I COME IN?

BY ALL MEANS.

JUST--COME IN. YEAH.

LOOK, I'M NOT FINISHED GETTING DRESSED YET.

WHY DON'T YOU, UM, HAVE A LOOK AROUND, OK?

AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

JUST MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.

WHEW.

LET'S SEE. INCENSE.

Tim: DAMN.

WHOA.

GET--GET--SHIT.

OW.

NICE PLACE.

ARE YOU A LAWYER?

UM, YEAH.

YEAH.

BUT, UM...

DON'T HOLD THAT AGAINST ME.

[WOO GIGGLES]

A SENSE OF HUMOR. I LIKE THAT.

BROTHERS TAKE THEMSELVES SO SERIOUSLY.

YOU NEVER CATCH ME DOING THAT.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

IT'S ALL ABOUT HAVING A LITTLE FUN, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I ENJOY HAVING A NICE LAUGH NOW AND AGAIN.

LIFE'S TOO SHORT, DON'T YOU THINK?

I SURE DO.

I SEE YOU GOT A LITTLE SOMETHING GOING ON HERE.

I'M FLATTERED.

THIS IS FUNNY. THIS IS FUNNY.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

IT JUST SEEMS TO ME LIKE A SISTER LIKE YOU

WOULD HAVE BROTHERS LINED UP AROUND THE CORNER, BECAUSE...

A SISTER LIKE ME?

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

I'M JUST SAYING THAT YOU GOT THE TOOLS--I MEAN...

I HAVE THE TOOLS?

YOU SEE, NOW, WHY CAN'T A MAN AND A WOMAN

JUST GO OUT AND HAVE A GOOD TIME?

DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE ABOUT SEX?

NEVER MIND.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER

THAN TO EXPECT ANYTHING MORE

FROM ONE OF LENNY'S FRIENDS.

OH, YEAH. WHAT'S THIS, YOUR LITTLE FREAK KIT?

THAT CAME IN THE MAIL.

SHOPPING NETWORK. I--I...

STOP IT.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

LOOK, I DIDN'T MEAN IT. REALLY. REALLY, OK?

COME ON. SOME BROTHERS CAN LOOK AT A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

AND NOT LOSE THEIR MIND.

I WAS TELLING THE FELLAS JUST THIS AFTERNOON,

"YOU DO NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO CONDUCT YOURSELF LIKE DOGS."

I TOLD THEM THAT.

MM-HMM?

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED, YOU COULD BE MY SISTER.

REALLY?

I COULD BE YOUR SISTER?

YEAH.

YEAH, YOU CAN BE MY SISTER.

OK.

WELL, IN THAT CASE...

YOU SHOULD OPEN THAT BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE.

THAT'LL WORK.

MMM.

YOU ARE SUCH A GENTLEMAN.

I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU FEEL COMFY.

WHOO!

WHOA.

[LAUGHING]

WHOA.

HERE YOU GO.

A LITTLE BUBBLY.

THANK YOU.

[GIGGLES]

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

EXCUSE ME?

YOU KNOW, I GET SO TIRED OF PLAYING ALL THOSE GAMES,

DON'T YOU?

I MEAN, IT'S LIKE...

WE NEVER SAY WHAT WE REALLY WANT.

NOW BE SERIOUS.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST THOUGHT

WHEN I WALKED IN THIS HOUSE?

I MEAN,

YOU HAD YOUR MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY.

YOU HAD YOUR LIGHTS DOWN LOW.

I MEAN, COME ON.

SEE, THAT WAY...

WE CAN STOP WASTING TIME.

I MEAN, IF THIS IS ALL YOU WANT...

[GIGGLES]

HERE IT IS.

SEE, NOW, YOU DON'T REALLY NEED TO BE DRINKING,

'CAUSE THEN YOU'LL REALLY START TRIPPING.

OHH, TIMMY.

TIMMY, TIMMY, TIMMY.

PUT MY FIRE OUT.

SAY WHAT?

PUT...

MY...

FIRE...

OUT.

GOTCHA!

WHAT?

[DOOR BUZZER]

BETTER GET THAT.

OOPS.

DON'T FORGET THAT.

[BZZT BZZT BZZT]

SISTER, HUH?

Man: I KNOW YOU WATCHING YOUR PORNOS--

TIME TO THRILL, STARRING SAMUEL JACKHAMMER!

[BZZT]

OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.

YO, BOY.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT'S UP, FELLAS?

IS THAT A JOINT IN YOUR MOUTH?

HELL, YEAH. HERE YOU GO, HOP.

OH, SHIT, MACAULAY GOT THE PARTY STARTED UP IN HERE.

HOLD UP.

LOOK, I'M KINDA BUSY NOW, Y'ALL.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR CLOTHES, TIMOTHY?

OH, SHIT.

TIM TRYING TO GET SOME TRIM, Y'ALL.

WHO YOU GOT IN THERE, BOY, UGLY RITA?

DID SHE GET OUT THE KENNEL?

ARR ARR!

RITA!

HEY. HEY, LOOK, FUCK ALL Y'ALL, OK?

TIM...

OHH.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WE HAD MORE COMPANY.

UM, WELL, FELLAS, THANKS FOR COMING BY.

UM, I'LL CATCH UP TO Y'ALL LATER.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS, MAN.

AREN'T YOU GONNA INVITE THEM IN?

HELL, YEAH.

YEAH, YEAH.

AND THIS IS?

THIS IS WOO.

WOO, THIS IS THE FELLAS--

ROMAINE, FRANKIE, AND HOP.

WOO?

SEE, I KNEW YOU WAS PART JAPAN.

UM, WE WERE JUST LEAVING.

PERHAPS WE'LL JOIN YOU.

WE WERE JUST GONNA GO TO A MOVIE.

SOMETHING DULL.

WHAT MOVIE?

UH, WHY DON'T YOU FINISH GETTING DRESSED?

I AM DRESSED.

YOU KNOW HOW I HATE TO MISS THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE.

HOME ALONE, HUH?

DID YOU FUCK HER?

CAN YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH, PLEASE?

IS THAT ALL Y'ALL THINK ABOUT?

TIM, YOU KNOW THAT'S TOO MUCH WOMAN FOR YOU.

YOU GOTTA CRAWL BEFORE YOU WALK, BRO.

NO, TIM, REALLY. FOR REAL, THOUGH.

SHE A HO, AIN'T SHE?

Frankie: NO DOUBT.

AW, SHIT.

TIM DONE PAID FOR A HO TO COME DO SOME WILD SHIT!

SHE DO PARTIES?

Frankie: DOES SHE DO BAR MITZVAHS?

Romaine: DOES SHE DO HO BAR MITZVAHS?

[LAUGHTER]

SHE'S NOT A HO, OK?

OH, SHIT.

SHE EITHER GOT TO BE GETTING PAID OR CRAZY

TO BE UP IN HERE WITH YOUR ASS,

FINE AS SHE IS.

YOU KNOW WHAT...

Woo: AAH!

[GLASS SHATTERS]

OH, SHIT. THAT'S HER PIMP, HOP.

WHAT? I'M GONNA WHUP HIS ASS AND TAKE HIS MONEY.

Tim: OH, NO.

YOU USE RED VELVET?

YEAH.

MY COUSIN WORE RED VELVET.

IT'S A POPULAR FRAGRANCE.

MY COUSIN WAS A CONSTRUCTION WORKER...

OK?

AND ONE DAY...

HE WALKED UNDERNEATH ONE OF THOSE THINGS

THAT DRIVES THE BEAMS INTO THE GROUND.

OH, THAT'S A PILE DRIVER.

RIGHT.

A PILE DRIVER.

THEY STRUCK WATER TRYING TO GET HIM OUT OF THERE.

I'M SORRY.

[WOO WEEPING]

TAKE IT.

Hop: YOU SEE THAT?

Frankie: SEE IT? I GAVE HIM THE BALL.

I THINK A NICE 90-MILE-AN-HOUR CURVE BALL

WOULD CUT ALL THAT STUFF SHORT.

WELL, UM...

I GUESS YOU...

PROBABLY NEED A MINUTE TO--

YES, THAT'S VERY TRUE. I DO NEED A MINUTE.

BUT I WANT YOU TO GET THAT OUT OF HERE.

GET IT!

I GOT IT.

OK, SO SHE'S A LITTLE HIGH-STRUNG.

HELL, NO!

THAT HO CRAZY AS A ROACH.

YEAH, MAN.

"WOO" IN JAPAN

MUST MEAN "NUTTY BITCH WITH 7 YEARS BAD LUCK."

Romaine: TIM, SALSA NIGHT, WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK.

YO, YO, YO.

THAT'S WHERE WE'LL BE

WHEN YOU FINISHED WITH SYBIL.

YEAH. RED-HOT PUERTO RICAN CHICAS.

HA HA!

* OYE COMO VA *

* PLEASE SAY *

* OYE COMO VA *

Y'ALL JUST JEALOUS, THAT'S ALL!

[DOOR CLOSES]

I REALLY DON'T LIKE BEING REFERRED TO

AS A HO.

LOOK, I'M SORRY.

NOW I SEE WHY THERE'S SO MANY SINGLE WOMEN

IN NEW YORK.

THEY WERE JUST CLOWNING.

SO WAS I.

I HOPE YOU DIDN'T TAKE ME SERIOUSLY.

LOOK, I'M NOTHING LIKE MY BOYS.

COME ON, THEY'RE MY BOYS AND EVERYTHING,

BUT, HEY, I'M DIFFERENT.

CAN WE START OVER?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST LET ME TAKE YOU TO DINNER?

GREAT.

[HORNS HONKING]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CHANGING.

IN MY CAR?

WELL, STOP THE CAR, AND I'LL CHANGE ON THE CORNER.

[BICYCLE BELL RINGING]

MAN, WOULD YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!

GET OUT OF HERE!

GO!

YOU ARE SO GROUCHY.

SORRY.

SWEETHEART!

I'M GONNA OPEN UP ANOTHER BOTTLE

OF THE OLD NIGHTYARD.

BEAUTIFUL, BABY.

WHAT YOU WANT, PEACH OR WATERMELON?

THEY TASTE THE SAME.

WATERMELON IT IS.

OH, SHIT.

BABE!

I GOT ONE MORE HOT WING LEFT.

WANT IT?

GO FOR IT, BABY.

HEY, BABY...

I'M THINKING...

MAYBE ME AND YOU SHOULD GO TO SHAKIM'S PARTY EARLY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT SHIT TONIGHT.

HUH?

SIT TIGHT, SWEETHEART!

BIG WILLY COMETH.

BIG WILLY...

COMETH?

COME ON, WILLY, WE GOT WORK TO DO.

[VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING]

UH, EXCUSE ME.

UH, NICHOLAS.

NICHOLAS!

HMM.

THIS IS A GREAT TABLE. REALLY WONDERFUL.

THIS IS THE BEST I COULD DO WITHOUT A RESERVATION,

BUT YOU'LL LOVE THE FOOD.

DO THEY SERVE SPAGHETTI HERE?

SPAGHETTI?

MM-HMM.

WOO, THIS IS A 3-STAR ITALIAN RESTAURANT.

YOU CAN HAVE ANY DISH YOU WANT, AUTHENTICALLY PREPARED,

AND YOU WANT SPAGHETTI?

WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST, HOME BOY ARDEE?

TRUST ME, OK?

YES, SIR. MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

YES, YOU MAY.

I'D LIKE THE POLO AL PERDE--AL PERDEL.

FUNGUS DI GRES SCRATCHY--

GRES SCUCCI.

YES, NUMBER 13, SIR.

YES.

AND...

UH, FOR THE LADY,

THE GALETTO DON CORNELIUS...

DON CORNELIUS?

THE NUMBER 23. VERY GOOD, SIR.

I UNDERSTAND.

UH, HOW ABOUT SOME WINE, YES?

UH, VERNA.

UNA BOTTIGLIA DE CHIANTI, PER FAVORE,

CONTI CAPONE A TANTI DUE.

BENESSIMO, SIGNORINA.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

OH, I LEARNED A LITTLE ITALIAN

WHILE DADDY WAS TOURING IN EUROPE.

I SPEAK A LITTLE ITALIAN, TOO, YOU KNOW?

"YO, THROUGHOUT MY HOUSE, MICK, MY HOUSE STINKS.

OR I STINK! I STINK, MICK."

STALLONE, GET IT?

BUT...

YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION.

DO YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, NOT AT THE MOMENT.

A LAWYER, AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN SPOKEN FOR?

THAT'S SURPRISING.

WELL, LET'S JUST SAY I'M A LITTLE OLD-FASHIONED.

WHO'S THIS?

WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?

YOU JUST GONNA STEAL SOMETHING THAT--

YOU JUST GONNA TAKE SOMETHING OUT OF MY CRIB?

LIKE 'EM CHUNKY, DON'T YOU?

[WAITER SPEAKING ITALIAN]

ECCO IL VINO, SIGNORINA.

GRAZIE.

PREGO, PREGO.

DE NIENTE.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

...COME SAMMY DAVIS JR.

VERY FUNNY.

WELL, YOU THINK MR. DON CORLEONE

COULD GET ME SOME WATER NEXT TIME, PLEASE?

I HATE WEDDINGS.

EXCUSE ME?

WAIT A MINUTE.

OH, MY GOD.

TOOKIE!

TOOKIE!

Woman: GOOD LORD.

TOOKIE!

TOOKIE!

[POUNDING WINDOW]

THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND. COME MEET HER.

WAIT UP, TOOK!

WE'LL LOSE OUR TABLE.

AAH!

COINCIDENCE, KARMA, OR WHAT, GIRL?

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD'VE WORN THE HEADDRESS

LIKE THE OTHER BRIDESMAIDS?

ABSOLUTELY. IT'S TRADITION.

[TOOKIE WHIMPERS]

WOO, WE'RE GONNA LOSE OUR TABLE.

WHAT THE--

YOU GOT A LOT OF NERVE

SHOWING YOUR FACE AROUND HERE, ERIC.

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?

TOOKIE, YOU NEED YOUR GLASSES.

THIS IS NOT ERIC.

DAMN, IF YOU DON'T LOOK A LOT LIKE ERIC.

[SARCASTIC] HA HA HA.

WELL, DAMN, I AIN'T, OK?

LENS CRAFTERS.

THEY HAVE YOUR SHIT READY IN LESS THAN AN HOUR.

I'LL BE INSIDE, WOO.

WHAT IS UP WITH BRYANT GUMBEL?

HE IS A LITTLE STUFFY, ISN'T HE?

I'M TRYING TO LOOSEN HIM UP A LITTLE BIT.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

HA. OOH.

HEY, I BROUGHT YOU A PIECE.

NO, THANK YOU.

I DON'T WANNA RUIN MY APPETITE.

ALL RIGHT, SUIT YOURSELF.

MMM.

COCONUT MANGO.

LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT TOOKIE, BUT...

SHE'S WITH THE, UM...

WHAT--

WOULD YOU LIKE A BETTER VIEW?

SHE LOOKED FAMILIAR, OK?

WELL, THAT'S NOT SURPRISING,

SINCE THEY ALL DO FROM THE ASS DOWN,

TIMMY.

[CLANG]

OW. OW!

CAN'T THEY JUST MOVE THIS THING?

EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME, SIR. HI.

SIR. OVER HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? FORGET IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I AM DOING A LITTLE REDECORATING.

Woman: SHE'S DOING IT AGAIN.

WOO.

MISS, PLEASE DON'T TAMPER WITH THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT LIKE THIS? HUH?

WHY ARE WE SITTING AT THE FUNKY TABLE?

AS YOU CAN SEE, WE'RE FULL.

OH, YOU'RE FULL TONIGHT,

SO YOU SIT THE BLACK PEOPLE AT THE PUNK TABLE.

WE DIDN'T WORK HARD ENOUGH IN THE FIELDS

TO DESERVE A DECENT TABLE?

SIR, LOOK, REALLY, THERE'S NO PROBLEM.

HEY!

I AM TALKING TO RICKY RICARDO HERE.

WE MIGHT AS WELL BE IN THE STORAGE ROOM, OK?

LOOK AT ALL OF THIS, HUH? AND WHAT ABOUT THIS ROPE?

[SCREAMING]

WHY YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR HAND ON ME, THOUGH?

AND DON'T COME BACK!

[GLASSES SHATTER]

OH, IT'S LIKE THAT, HUH?

YES, IT'S LIKE THAT!

SCUSI. SIGNORE. UH, YOUR CHECK, SIR.

AND I TOOK THE LIBERTY

OF WRAPPING YOUR POLLO A LA GRATISCUCCI.

YOU DON'T--YOU DON'T NEED THOSE, DO YOU?

NO, NOT ANYMORE I DON'T.

LET'S DO SOMETHING FUN.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SOMETHING ELSE.

OH, COME ON, TIM.

[SALSA MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

* SEÑORA *

* WE'RE GONNA RIDE *

NO, NO.

COCO!

I SEE YOU CAME TO YOUR SENSES, BOY.

CO, WHAT'S UP, BABY?

YO, YO, COSIGN, WHAT'S HAPPENING, BABY?

I TOLD YOU ABOUT THAT COSIGN SHIT.

MAN, HE JUST MESSING.

YO, MAN, FORGET ABOUT THEM.

YOU NEED TO BE CHECKING OUT

SOME OF THESE HONEYS.

YO, MAN, RELAX.

I SEE YOU FINALLY GOT RID OF THAT CRAZY GIRL.

HER NAME IS WOO, AND SHE'S NOT CRAZY, OK?

HEY, HEY, WHATEVER YOU SAY, BRO.

I MEAN, I SEEN THE SISTER RUN FROM A BOTTLE OF COLOGNE.

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

BRAVO!

THAT'S MY KIND OF GIRL!

COME BACK!

Woo: TIM?

WHEW.

HEY, TIM!

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

YOU'RE MISSING ALL THE FUN!

YO, YO, YO. CHECK THAT OUT.

HEY, HEY! HEY, CUTIE!

NOT YOU. YOUR BOOTY.

LOOK IT.

LOOK AT THAT.

HA HA HA.

ACTUALLY, I, UH...

Frankie: iMAMACITA!

HEY, FRANKIE.

I'M TELLING YOU, BOY,

SOMEBODY'S DEFINITELY GETTING LICKED TONIGHT.

YOU BETCHA, BABY. I TELL YOU.

DO YOU MIND...

ROCAINE?

THAT'S ROMAINE.

WHATEVER.

YO, YO.

YOU CHECK OUT THAT GIRL WITH THEM BIG ASS--UH...

TEETH.

COME ON, MAN. LET'S STEP OUT OF HERE.

SEE HE DIDN'T USE THAT BALL AND BAT.

I DON'T PARTICULARLY CARE FOR THOSE YOUNG MEN.

THEY DON'T RESPECT WOMEN.

LOOK, THEY AIN'T THAT BAD, OK?

Man: WHAT'S UP, WOO?

FRANKIE WORKS DOWN ON WALL STREET.

HEY, THESE ARE SOME TOGETHER BROTHERS.

WHOO!

NOW THIS IS ON!

THIS IS ON, SONNY!

I SAW IT, BABY. YOU ARE THE MAN!

I WISH SOMEBODY WOULD SLAP ME!

COME ON!

THANK YOU.

MMM.

MMM!

NAH, I DON'T LIKE SPICY. IT'S JUST TOO--

OH, LIVE!

SEÑORITA.

AAH!

CHEESE!

ES BUENO.

SO WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ABOUT PROPANE?

UM, ROMAINE HAS GOT HIS C.P.A.

THESE ARE SOME SMART...

AY. SHAKE IT, GIRL.

POLITICAL, SENSITIVE BROTHERS.

* AY TI YAY, AY TI YAY *

ARR. ARRRR.

Frankie: DAMN, BABY GIRL. LET ME SUCK THE LEFT ONE

AND MAKE THE RIGHT ONE JEALOUS.

OH, ME SO HORNY.

WHOO! ME SO HORNY.

HEY, MIRA.

WHY DON'T YOU COME BACK HERE

AND LET ME SHOW YOU MY TOOTSIE ROLL?

* TOOTSIE ROLL, MMM MMM *

* TOOTSIE ROLL *

WHY DON'T YOU SHOW ME YOUR TOOTSIE ROLL?

AW, SHIT.

HEY, WOO, WHY DON'T YOU LET ME SHOW YOU

A DESIGNER STRAITJACKET?

[FALSE LAUGHTER]

YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE BEST ABOUT YOU?

OH, NO. HELL, NO.

TIM, YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR WOMAN.

HEY, MAN, Y'ALL STARTED THIS.

ROSA!

LOOK HERE, LET ME TALK TO YOU, GIRL.

I KNOW YOU CAN RELATE TO THIS.

LOOKY HERE.

NOW, DON'T THOSE FELLAS...

LOOK INTERESTING?

WE HAVE HERE THE FLAVOR OF...

MOCHA NUTHEAD...

Rosa: I HEAR YOU, GIRL.

...WITH A LITTLE JHERI-CURL COFFEE CREAM,

AND OVER THERE WE HAVE A LITTLE NAPPY ROAD.

OH, I SEE THE NAPPY ROAD.

FOCUS, MAN. FOCUS.

AY, CHIQUITITA.

DID SHE JUST CALL ME A CHICKEN FAJITA?

LATER FOR THIS SHIT, MAN.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO? YOU GONNA ROLL WITH US,

OR ARE YOU GONNA WAIT FOR HER MEDICATION TO KICK IN?

[LAUGHING]

YOU'RE LUCKY ROMAINE DIDN'T HURT YOU.

OH, EXCUSE ME? I DON'T THINK SO.

GIMME A QUARTER.

GIMME GOT HIT BY A TRUCK.

MAY I HAVE A QUARTER, PLEASE?

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

HEY, HEY, HERE.

OK, TAKE IT.

Celestrial: IT'S ME, SUGAR.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE LISTENING TO THIS MACHINE.

YOU SHOULD BE OUT THERE

SEARCHING FOR THE ONE I PREDICTED.

I'M AT THE CLUB IF YOU NEED ME.

YO, WOO, THIS SHAKIM. HIT ME ON THE CELLY, LOVER.

YEAH, WHO THIS?

IT'S WOO. WHAT'S UP, SHAKIM?

HEY, I DON'T KNOW. WHAT'S UP WITH YOU?

YOU COMING THROUGH?

[CLANG]

YO, HOLD ON.

YOU NIGGERS SAID YOU WERE PROFESSIONAL MOVERS.

EXCUSE ME. COULD YOU TALK TO ME, PLEASE?

MAN, FORGET YOU.

Woo: SHAKIM.

HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

SHAKIM. HELLO.

YO, M.T., YOU KNOW YOU'RE MY GIRL

AND A BAG OF PEARLS, RIGHT?

BUT PLEASE, GET YOUR BIG ASS UP OFF MY CAR.

YOU'RE FUCKING AROUND, PUTTING DENTS IN MY HOOD.

HEY, FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD.

IT AIN'T YOUR WORLD, BIG GIRL.

IT AIN'T YOUR WORLD.

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT YOU GONNA DO? YOU COMING THROUGH?

NO, I'M NOT COMING.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

LOOK, THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME.

DENISE!

DENISE, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!

HEY, DENISE, YOU BETTER STOP!

NEED A LIFT, SUCKER?

[LAUGHS]

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!

DENISE, LISTEN TO ME!

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!

DAMN!

AIN'T THIS A BITCH?

I TOLD YOU NO.

YOU KNOW WHAT? DON'T EVEN COME THROUGH, OK?

DON'T EVEN COME THROUGH.

SHA--HELLO?

EXCUSE ME.

WHO'S THAT?

YEAH. ME AND HER GO WAY BACK.

THAT'S THE GIRL FROM THE PICTURE. YEAH.

MM-HMM?

SHE NEEDED A CAR. SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY CREDIT,

SO LIKE A DAMN FOOL, I--

WAIT A MINUTE. DID YOU COSIGN FOR THAT CAR?

WELL, YEAH.

I COSIGNED FOR THE CAR. SHE NEEDED ONE.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GONNA HAVE TO GO THROUGH HELL

TO GET THE CAR BACK.

TIM, YOU'RE A LAWYER. SUE HER.

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.

THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WATCH THINGS HAPPEN,

AND THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

OH, I'M A MAKER.

YEAH, I MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

OK, LET'S GET TO MAKING SOMETHING HAPPEN, FELLA.

COME ON.

THEN LETS SET IT OFF, THEN.

YEAH, THAT'S HOW I DO IT, YOU KNOW?

SEE, SYSTEMATIC.

RIGHT.

THERE YOU GO.

VOILá.

NOTHIN' BUT THE BENJAMINS, BABY.

WHERE'S MY MONEY?

I SAID WHERE'S MY MONEY, BITCH?

UH-UH, WAIT.

DAMN IT, LENNY. WHAT IS A CHICKEN HO?

HEY, BABY, LOOK.

SWEETHEART, I THOUGHT I EXPLAINED THIS TO YOU.

YOU KNOW BIG DADDY LOVES CHICKEN.

RIGHT?

AND YOU KNOW BIG DADDY LOVES HOS.

AND YOU KNOW BIG DADDY LOVES YOU.

THIS IS ONE TIME I THOUGHT WE'D DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

OH, LOOK AT YOU.

YOU LOOK SO GOOD.

OK, FINE. ONE MINUTE.

THAT'S ALL I'LL NEED.

* HERE, CHICKY, CHICKY *

* CHICKY, CHICKY *

* LITTLE CHICKY *

COME ON, BABY.

LET ME SEE THEM HOT WINGS.

YEAH, YEAH.

LET ME SEE THEM THIGHS, CHICKY.

OH, CHICKY, OH, CHICKY.

DIRTY LITTLE CHICKEN.

LET ME SEE THEM BREASTS.

OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

YEAH.

IT'S TIME FOR CHICKY TO EAT.

WHAT?

UH-UH. UH-UH.

HERE, CHICKY, CHICKY, CHICKY.

HERE, CHICKY, CHICKY, CHICKY.

HERE, CHICKY, CHICKY, CHICKY.

COME ON, WALK RIGHT.

JUST LIKE I SHOWED YOU.

COME ON, CHICKY.

HERE, CHICKY, CHICKY, CHICKY.

NOW CLUCK FOR ME.

BAWK!

BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!

BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!

BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!

BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!

BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!

BAWK, BAWK, BAWK!

BAWK!

EAT YOUR DINNER.

OH, YEAH.

OH, YEAH.

GO FOR THE WORM, BABY.

AH-CHOO!

AH-CHOO!

CHICKY GOT A LITTLE COLD.

WHAT IS THAT, MUCUS?

NO, IT'S THESE FEATHERS.

I'M ALLERGIC.

CHICKEN HO.

WHAT IS A CHICKEN HO?

I KNEW THIS WAS A SIN.

BABY, IT'S NOT A SIN. IT'S A LITTLE FREAKY.

CHICKEN HO!

HOLD UP. NO!

YOU WANT CHICKEN?

YOU TAKE YOUR ASS TO THE COLONEL...

PIMP DADDY.

THIS IS QUITE A NEIGHBORHOOD.

IS THIS WHERE THE PARTY IS?

IT'S JUST A LITTLE CHILL-OUT SPOT.

[HORN HONKS]

[CAR ALARM BEEPS]

BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY. BE RIGHT THERE.

[WHISTLING]

WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LEAVE IT IN THE BATCAVE?

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'RE AWARE OF THIS,

BUT THIS BABY HAPPENS TO BE AN INVESTMENT.

COME ON.

[CAR ALARM BEEPS]

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S A CLUB IN HERE?

POSITIVE. WHAT IS THE MATTER?

JUST DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY OUTSIDE. THAT'S ALL.

IT'S PRIVATE.

I DON'T HEAR ANY MUSIC.

LISTEN, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST--

I DIDN'T SAY ALL THAT. JUST--THIS IS DIFFERENT.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, THEN, RELAX.

BREATHE.

[LOUD RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

GOD DAMN!

CAN I HELP YOU?

UH, YEAH, HEY.

I'M WITH THE SISTER WHO JUST WENT IN.

I DON'T KNOW YOU,

SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO STEP, ALL RIGHT?

NO. YOU SEE, I WAS WITH THE SISTER--

LOOK, YOU AIN'T GOT TO READ THE BOOK

TO KNOW THE WHOLE STORY, BABY.

SHE NOT HERE, SO FLOAT.

GET ON WITH YOURS.

PEACE, MAN. WHAT YOU SAY?

WHAT'S UP? HOW YOU DOING?

I'LL BE OVER IN AN HOUR, ALL RIGHT?

HEY, WOO!

TIM, WHAT'S UP?

PLEASE TALK TO THIS MAN.

YOU KNOW THIS PUNK?

BEAST, PUT HIM DOWN.

GET ON IN THE CLUB, LEISURE SUIT.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WHOO! WHAT'S UP?

CALL ME.

WHOO!

[NEW SONG BEGINS]

WHOO-HOO!

THAT IS MY SONG!

UHH!

* WE CAN HAVE A PARTY TONIGHT *

* ONLY IF YOU WOO IT RIGHT *

* YOU TOOK TOO LONG TO ASK *

* NOW I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN HANG WITH MY FLOW *

* KEEP IT ON THE D-LOW *

SO, YOU WANT TO DANCE?

NO!

YOU DON'T WANT TO DANCE?

IT'S TOO LATE NOW.

WHAT?

BEEP, LEAVE A MESSAGE.

I'M SORRY?

WOO, SLOW DOWN, PLEASE.

WOO!

EXCUSE ME.

THE MOMENT'S GONE, OK?

I WANTED TO DANCE,

BUT INSTEAD OF JUST TAKING ME OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR,

YOU HAD TO CONDUCT A SURVEY,

AND NOW I DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCING WITH YOU, TIM.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T--

WOO.

TIM?

OH, ROGER, HI.

TIM, THIS IS MY, UH, NIECE.

BY THE WAY, THANK YOU FOR THE HELP ON THAT BRIEF TODAY.

UH, NO PROBLEM,

MR. SMITH.

YEAH, THAT'S ROGER SMITH, ESQUIRE.

LISTEN. TIM IS THE BEST DAMN PARALEGAL IN THE FIRM,

AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT.

SO, THIS IS THE LITTLE WOMAN?

WELL, UH...

DON'T YOU WORRY

YOUR PRETTY LITTLE HEAD ABOUT TIM.

I'M GONNA MAKE SURE HE PASSES THAT BAR EXAM

IF I'VE GOTTA TAKE IT FOR HIM MYSELF.

[WOO LAUGHS]

I'M HUNGRY.

OK, BABY.

THAT'S WHAT WE CALL HER. BABY.

SHE'S THE YOUNGEST ON MY SISTER'S SIDE.

Y'ALL HAVE A NICE EVENING, OK?

BABY.

THEY CALL HER BABY.

THAT'S A TRIP, 'CAUSE SHE'S FINE, AIN'T SHE?

YOU'RE NOT A LAWYER?

NOT QUITE. WOO.

I'M A LAW CLERK.

SO YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD IMPRESS ME BY LYING?

I DIDN'T LIE. I WAS JUST GOING WITH THE FLOW.

YOU, GO WITH THE FLOW?

IF YOU DIDN'T THINK SO MUCH,

WE COULD BE HAVING A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW.

MAYBE WE COULD BE HAVING A GOOD TIME RIGHT NOW

IF YOU COULD CONTROL YOUR PSYCHOTIC MOOD SWINGS.

YOU'VE GOT A POINT.

I COULD SAY THAT DIFFERENT.

HI. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

SUCKER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

SO WHAT? I LIED.

SHE'S THE ONE WHO PULLED MY PANTS DOWN.

OH?

HEY, I'M A MAN.

OH, I CAN SEE THAT YOU ARE, BABY,

AND I'D BE HAPPY TO HELP YOU WORK OUT

WHATEVER YOUR PROBLEM IS,

JUST AS SOON AS YOU BUY ME A DRINK.

BARTENDER!

I'M MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, RIGHT?

LET ME GET 2 CHAMPAGNES AND WHATEVER HE'S GONNA HAVE.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE CHAMPAGNE.

I GOT SPRING WATER AND MELTED ICE.

YOU AIN'T GOT NO LIQUOR?

ARE YOU DEAF?

HOME ALONE, MY NARROW ASS.

I NEED ME A DRINK.

COME OUT TO THE CAR WITH ME, BABY.

HOW MUCH MONEY YOU GOT?

CAN'T YOU SEE I'M EXPERIENCING A CRISIS?

JUST FORGET ABOUT HER, BABY.

IF YOU GOT YOU A BOTTLE OF REMY AND A BLANKET--

RRR.

WE COULD HAVE US AN EVENING.

WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU?

DAMN.

MAN, THEY WOULD SELL A PACK OF HAIR TO ANYBODY.

HAVING TROUBLES, HUH, DAWG?

YOU CAN TALK TO ME, MAN.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

ALL RIGHT.

SUPPOSE YOU MET A WOMAN, RIGHT?

MM-HMM.

THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT HER.

YEAH.

THERE'S A VIBE THERE.

SO, WHAT'S SHE GOT?

LIKE, SOME BIG TITTIES?

A FAT ASS?

NEVER MIND.

Woo: WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?

I TOLD YOU I WANT YOU WEARING MY PAGER!

GET OFF OF ME, LAMAR, OK?

I'M NOT WEARING THAT CUSTOMIZED PAGER.

LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!

WHY?

JUST RETURN MY PHONE CALLS.

I JUST WANT TO TALK, ALL RIGHT?

GIVE ME A SECOND.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHAT YOU GOT TO DO WITH THIS, NIGGER?

HEY, WE HAVE NO PROBLEM.

WHAT ARE YOU, THE FUCKING REGULATOR?

THIS IS MY WOMAN, FOOL. GO ON. TELL HIM.

EX-WOMAN, LAMAR, OK?

AND YOU REALLY NEED TO GET WITH THAT.

LOOK HERE, GIRL.

I AIN'T GONNA ASK YOU AGAIN.

HEY, THE SISTER IS WITH ME.

YOU KNOW, YOU KEEP PLAYING THE HERO,

AND YOU'RE GONNA FIND YOUR ASS FUCKED UP.

LOOK...

Man: NIGGER GOT A GUN!

LAMAR, YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO HIT HIM.

YES, I DID.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

OH, YEAH.

NOW WHAT?

NOW WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO SAY, BROTHER?

[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]

WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO SAY NOW?

I KNOW YOU AIN'T TRYIN' TO SAY NOTHING.

YOU AIN'T SAYIN' NOTHIN' BUT A WORD.

OUT OF THE CENTER, OR I'LL BEND YOUR LEISURE SUIT.

THIS BROTHER HERE, MAN.

YOU KNOW WHAT, WOO?

EVERY WEEK IT'S SOMETHING NEW WITH YOU.

YOU AND SAMMY DAVIS GOTTA GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF HERE.

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.

COME ON.

Beast: LOOKING LIKE TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEDUM.

BRINGING UP JERRY'S KIDS.

YOU GOT ME, HUH?

YOU GOT ME AGAIN.

LENNY!

LENNY PUT YOU UP TO THIS, DIDN'T HE?

THAT'S IT. LENNY FOUND THE FINEST WOMAN HE COULD,

AND HE WANTS TO SEE HOW LONG IT'LL TAKE

BEFORE I SAY, "FUCK IT."

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

FUCK IT, ALL RIGHT?!

YOU WIN, OK?

I BET YOU WOO ISN'T EVEN YOUR REAL NAME, IS IT?

IT'S COOL. WHY DON'T WE JUST GET IN THE CAR,

AND I'LL TAKE YOU HOME, OK?

[CAR ALARM BEEPS]

[ALARM GOES OFF]

WHAT?!

MY CAR!

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS SHIT NOW?

DON'T YOU SAY A WORD.

IS MY NAME CRAYOLA?

OH, I GETS MY MAN.

WELL, THEN, YOU KNOW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ON,

'CAUSE LAST WEEK IN THE GROCERY STORE,

ME AND HER WAS ABOUT TO GET TO BOXING.

GIRL, HER BABY AIN'T GOT NO INFANT MEAL

OR SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE THAT.

MM-MMM, 'CAUSE LENE TOLD ME SHE WANTED TO GET WITH HIM.

EXCUSE ME.

I COULD HAVE BEEN FLYER IF I'D GOTTEN MY ORANGE

PATENT LEATHER SUIT OUT OF THE CLEANER'S.

Woo: I'LL BE IN A CELL. MY FRIEND IS HERE.

FINE. EXCUSE ME.

HOLD ON FOR ONE SECOND, PURINA.

WHAT?

MY CAR WAS STOLEN ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR AGO.

HAVE YOU REPORTED IT?

THAT'S WHY I CAME HERE.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

IT TOOK ME SOME TIME TO WALK--

IS THERE SOMEONE I COULD TALK TO, PLEASE?

YOU GOT THE WRONG FORMS. CHILL OUT.

HELLO, PURINA.

WELL, THEN, CALL ME BACK.

GIRL, USE 911. I'LL GET IT. OK.

HERE YOU GO.

YOU'RE ALL SET.

NOW, EXACTLY-- EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

OK, I NEED TO SEE YOUR REGISTRATION, PLEASE.

IT'S IN THE CAR. I LEAVE IT IN MY GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

THAT'S AWFULLY DUMB.

YOU LEAVE YOUR LICENSE THERE, TOO?

LOOK, IT'S BEEN A LONG NIGHT, OK?

ALL I WANT TO DO IS REPORT A STOLEN CAR

AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

CAN I PLEASE TALK TO SOMEONE WHO'S GOT A G.E.D.?

OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T.

LOOK, I'M SORRY.

I ALMOST GOT MY G.E.D., MOTHERFUCKER,

SO YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!

I KNOW YOU BETTER QUIT TRIPPIN'.

LOOK...

I DON'T CARE IF YOU NEVER FIND

YOUR LITTLE RAGGEDY-ASS CAR.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, CRAYOLA?

ITTY-BITTY NEGRO COMMITTEE

DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ABOUT HIS MOUTH.

I-- SHUT UP.

WHAT DID HE DO?

STOLEN CAR.

OH, YOU STOLE A CAR, HUH?

IT'S MY CAR, MAN!

YEAH, LET'S SEE SOME I.D., BROTHER.

Crayola: 911. WHAT'S THE EMERGENCY?

HEY, PURINA, GIRL.

WHAT'S GOING ON, TONY?

CAN YOU SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

YOU KNOW THIS GUY?

WELL, KIND OF. IT'S OUR FIRST DATE.

YOU KNOW, BUT HE'S OK.

WELL, IF YOU SAY HE'S COOL.

LISTEN, BABY, I GOTTA JET,

BUT WE'LL KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR YOUR CAR.

THANK YOU.

Crayola: I'M NOT CATCHING A BUS TO A PARTY

IN MY GEAR, OK?

YOU FUCK HER OVER, AND IT'S YOUR ASS.

I'VE GOT 2 WORDS FOR YOU, MAN. JOHNNIE COCHRAN.

UH-HUH. YEAH.

WATCH IT.

ARE YOU OK?

AM I OK?

NO, I AM NOT OK! I AM DEFINITELY NOT OK, OK?

WELL, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS HASN'T BEEN

THE MOST FANTABULOUS DATE FOR ME, EITHER,

SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD STOP CRYING.

STOP CRY--I'M GOING HOME.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT YOU NEED, TIM.

YOU NEED TO RELAX.

OK, NOW LISTEN.

IF YOU WEREN'T SO UPTIGHT,

MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T GET INTO ALL THE TROUBLE

THAT YOU'VE BEEN GETTING INTO.

OH, I'M THE TROUBLE?

WELL, YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I KNOW WHAT THE DEAL IS WITH YOU.

YOU'RE TOO FINE FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.

THAT'S WHAT IT IS. PEOPLE BEEN TELLING YOU

YOU'RE SO FINE ALL YOUR LIFE,

AND YOU'RE STARTING TO BELIEVE THE HYPE.

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU GOT FINE-ITIS.

I GIVE UP. I GIVE UP!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

HERE.

HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A CAB

TO WHATEVER ELSE YOU DECIDE TO DESTROY TONIGHT?

DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.

I DON'T NEED YOUR LITTLE BIT OF CHUMP CHANGE.

TAXI.

NOW, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO GO AFTER HER.

HEY, AREN'T YOU--

YOUR CONSCIENCE.

MY CONSCIENCE LOOKS LIKE BILLY DEE?

THINK OF ME AS THE BILLY DEE IN YOU.

WORKS FOR ME.

SO...

WHY AREN'T YOU GOING AFTER HER?

FOR A SUBCONSCIOUS,

YOU GOT A MIGHTY SHORT MEMORY.

THIS ISN'T MAHOGANY.

I'VE GOT ENOUGH PROBLEMS ON MY HANDS

THAN TO BE WORRYING ABOUT SOME CRAZY BABE.

WHY DON'T YOU SPEND A LITTLE TIME WITH THE WOMAN?

CHECK HER OUT. FIND OUT WHAT MOTIVATES HER.

IT'LL TAKE SOME ENERGY,

BUT IT WON'T KILL YOU.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

WELL, MY LITTLE BROTHER,

IF YOU REALLY LIKE HER, YOU WON'T LET HER GET AWAY.

SHE MIGHT BE...

THE BEGINNING...

OF SOMETHING...

SPECTACULARLY BEAUTIFUL IN YOUR LIFE.

Diana Ross: * DO YOU KNOW... *

OH!

Woo: WHAT A BABY.

OK, SO THE NIGHT DIDN'T GO THAT SMOOTHLY,

BUT HE'S THE ONE THAT LIED ABOUT BEING A LAWYER.

YEAH. WHERE TO, LADY?

YOU BE TRIPPIN', MAN. YOU CAN'T GET US IN.

YO, I TOLD YOU I'M A FRIEND OF YERBIE'S.

AND I TOLD YOU YERBIE AIN'T HERE.

THIS IS A PRIVATE PARTY.

YOU BE BULLSHITTING, HOP.

I KNEW YOU COULDN'T GET US IN.

I'M GONNA HANDLE THIS, ALL RIGHT?

COME HERE, LITTLE BLUE MOON.

PLAYING HARDBALL, HUH?

WHAT'S IT GONNA TAKE?

50, 75, $1.00?

[DROPS CHANGE]

GOD DAMN!

HEY, MARY.

HEY, WOO. HOW YOU DOING?

GREAT. CARRIE'S BACK.

Mary: YOU KNOW THEM?

YOU GUYS SHOULD COME IN WITH ME.

WHY WOULD WE WANT TO DO THAT?

WE AIN'T THAT DESPERATE.

Hop: YOU JUST KICKED MY NICKELS,

YOU NICKEL-KICKING HEIFER.

WE WITH HER.

Hop: DON'T GO IN WITHOUT ME.

DAMN.

YOU BETTER BEAM ME DOWN ANOTHER QUARTER.

GOOD GOOGAH-MOOGAH!

UH, YO, UH...

WHAT KIND OF PARTY IS THIS?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SOME HARD-LOOKING SISTERS UP IN HERE.

AND BIG, TOO.

SHIT. Y'ALL TRIPPIN'.

LOOK AT THEM CALVES.

SOME OF THESE WOMEN GOT IT GOING ON.

I'M ABOUT TO GO TO WORK.

CALL ME ON MY LUNCH BREAK.

HEY, WOO, WHERE YOU GOING?

CELESTRIAL, THERE YOU ARE.

HEY, SO YOU GOT MY MESSAGE.

OH, YOU LOOK FIERCE, MISS THING.

DID I PREDICT TWINS?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

OH, COME AND HAVE A SEAT.

THERE IS DEFINITELY A VIBE UP IN HERE.

UM, EXCUSE ME.

UM, I DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE,

BUT IS THAT A PAPER BAG THAT YOU'RE WEARING?

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT IS.

I'M A DESIGNER/ASTROLOGER.

I BELIEVE IN ALL THAT COSMIC CARRYING ON AND OOH-LA-LA.

MAKES SENSE TO ME.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

HOME ALONE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SO BAD TONIGHT.

I WOULD HAVE BEEN DRY, AT LEAST.

KICK LENNY'S ASS.

[CLATTER]

SURE AM GLAD I TOOK THOSE KUNG FU LESSONS.

YEAH. MAN WOULD BE A FOOL TO MESS WITH A BROTHER

WHO KNOWS 13 FORMS OF CHINESE KUNG FU.

WAH!

[BOTTLE ROLLS]

YEAH.

NOTHING BUT A "G" THING, BABY.

OH!

GIVE ME YOUR MONEY.

YOU WANT MY MONEY?

WHAT IS IT, SMURF NIGHT IN THE GHETTO?

I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS SESAME STREET.

WHO ARE YOU, ELMO?

THE SISTER ASKED YOU FOR YOUR MONEY.

DAMN, SHE GOT A FAT ASS.

Tim: HA! YES, YES!

I OUGHT TO BUST YOUR ASS!

YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

HOO!

Woman: THAT'S RIGHT.

Tim: LOOKY HERE. WHAT HAVE WE GOT?

A 20.

Celestrial: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IT DIDN'T WORK OUT?

HE WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE

THAT HAS TO ANALYZE EVERYTHING.

FROM THE MOMENT THAT WE MET

TILL WE GOT TO THE POLICE STATION,

HIS LITTLE BRAIN WAS JUST--

WAIT. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT THE POLICE STATION?

HIS CAR GOT STOLEN, BUT ANYWAY--

HIS CAR GOT STOLEN?

HE'LL GET IT BACK, BUT THANK THE GODDESS

THAT WE GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CLUB WHEN WE DID.

WAIT. YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CLUB, TOO?

WELL, AFTER THE FIGHT.

WHAT FIGHT?

YOU KNOW HOW LAMAR IS.

HE CAN'T TAKE "DROP DEAD" FOR AN ANSWER.

HE FOUGHT LAMAR OVER YOU?

WELL, KIND OF.

IT WAS MORE LIKE HE GOT PUNCHED OUT.

SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU SAYING IS WRONG WITH THE BROTHER?

HE'S JUST--I MEAN--

AFTER SOME OF THE WRETCHED LOWLIFE MEN I'VE SEEN YOU WITH,

HE SOUNDS LIKE A WINNER TO ME.

GIRL.

ARE YOU SURE YOU EVEN TOOK THE TIME TO NOTICE?

IT'S IN THE STARS, WOO.

NOW, THAT WAS A DUDE IN THAT DRESS!

THAT WAS SOMEBODY'S FATHER, GIRL!

SHOULDERS.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

LOOK, I GOTTA GO.

WOO, WAIT.

LOOK HERE. HEY. HEY, YO, YO.

I'M THE MAN UP IN THIS SPOT!

YO! AND I DIDN'T FORGET ABOUT MY BOYS.

I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO ADRIAN, CHRISTINA...

AND MANINA.

[LAUGHING]

HI.

YOU POUTING? YOU POUTING?

NO.

QUIT THAT POUTING. QUIT THAT POUTING.

ALL RIGHT, YO, I GOT ALL OF THEM IN TOW.

HEY, WHO'S IN MY POCKET?

I'M DADDY.

CALL ME DADDY.

DADDY. DADDY.

STOP THAT POUT.

GIVE ME A KISS. GIVE ME SOME SUGAR.

UH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

Y'ALL PARTY UP. SHOW MY BOYS A GOOD TIME.

PHYLLIS!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MY GIRLFRIEND GOT THAT SAME DRESS.

YOU KNOW, WE IN LOVE.

I MEAN, LIKE, REALLY IN LOVE.

Man: SO AM I, BABY. COME HERE.

* WAY-OH *

* GIRL, YOUR BOOTY IS SO ROUND *

* LET ME LOOK YOU UP AND DOWN *

DAMN.

* CAN I FEEL YOU ONE MORE TIME? *

* I WON'T STOP UNTIL YOU'RE MINE *

* IF I CANNOT BE WITH YOU *

* MAYBE I COULD HAVE A TASTE *

* PUT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME, GIRL *

* AND YOUR KISSES ON MY FACE *

* BOOM, BOOM, BOOM *

* NOW LET ME HEAR YOU SAY WAY-OH *

* WAY-OH *

* SAY BOOM, BOOM, BOOM *

* NOW LET ME HEAR YOU SAY WAY-OH *

* WAY-OH *

* SAY BOOM, BOOM, BOOM *

* NOW LET ME HEAR YOU SAY WAY-OH *

* WAY-OH *

* SAY BOOM, BOOM, BOOM *

* NOW LET ME HEAR YOU SAY WAY-OH *

* WAY-OH *

* GIRL, YOUR BOOTY IS SO FINE *

* LET ME LOOK YOU UP AND DOWN *

* CAN I FEEL YOU ONE MORE TIME? *

NO, HOP! NO!

* IF I CANNOT BE WITH YOU *

* MAYBE I COULD HAVE A TASTE... *

* GONNA BE SEARCHING *

* FOR YOUR LOVE *

* OH, BABY, I DON'T KNOW *

* JUST WHAT I'M SEARCHING FOR *

* BOY, I'LL BE SEARCHING *

* FOR YOUR LOVE *

* OH, BABY, I DON'T KNOW *

* JUST WHAT I'M SEARCHING FOR *

* BABY, I'VE BEEN THINKIN' 'BOUT YOU *

* AND IF YOU EVER KNEW *

* ALL THE THINGS I WANT TO DO *

* LOVE AND HOLD AND SQUEEZE AND PLEASE YOU *

* NEVER GET YOU OFF MY MIND *

* THINKIN' 'BOUT YOU ALL THE TIME *

* AND HOPIN' THAT YOU WANT ME, TOO *

* BABY, CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY MIND, AND... *

* BOY, YOU'RE SO EXCITING *

* AND SO INVITING *

* I'M GONNA LOVE YOU, BOY *

* GONNA BRING YOU SO MUCH JOY *

* GONNA BE SEARCHING *

* FOR YOUR LOVE *

* OH, BABY, I DON'T KNOW *

* JUST WHAT I'M SEARCHING FOR *

* BOY, I'LL BE SEARCHING *

* FOR YOUR LOVE... *

WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

Woo: SORRY.

NEED A LIFT?

WHY?

WHY?

Driver: HELPS WITH THE WETNESS.

YOU BETTER TAKE THAT WET SHIRT OFF

BEFORE YOU CATCH A COLD.

OH, WHAT? YOU THINK THAT I'M TOO STUPID TO KNOW

THAT I GOT ON A WET-ASS SHIRT THAT I GOT TO TAKE OFF?

WELL, I'M NOT.

DO I SENSE A LITTLE ATTITUDE PROBLEM?

YEAH. YOU SENSE A WET-NIGGER WHO'S-HAD-IT-UP-TO-HERE

ATTITUDE PROBLEM.

THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT YOU'RE SENSIN', WOO.

SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN MARRIED?

Both: WE'RE NOT MARRIED.

WHAT?

YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER BROOKLYN FOR THIS GUY,

YOU'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED?

YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ME?

ALL OVER BROOKLYN? LET ME CHECK THE METER.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN THIS CAB? "42.50"?

YOU SPENT 42.50 LOOKING FOR ME?

UM, IS THAT WHAT THE METER SAYS? 42.50?

OH, I GET IT NOW. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

YEAH. YOU THINKING I'M GONNA PAY FOR THIS, AIN'T YOU?

YEAH, WELL, I'M BROKE.

IF YOU WANT MY MONEY,

GO FIND THE LITTLE NUBIAN MIDGET THAT TOOK MY SHIT.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I NEED, TIM.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU NEED?

Driver: OH, DEAR LORD.

SO SORRY.

I NEED YOU TO STOP DRIPPING ALL OVER ME.

I STRONGLY SUGGEST

THAT YOU LEARN HOW TO APPRECIATE A BROTHER LIKE ME.

HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME.

[CLEARS THROAT]

YEAH, WELL, I, UH...

I GUESS...

I GUESS I CAN FORGIVE YOU,

BUT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN TRIPPIN'.

I KNOW.

I'VE BEEN TRIPPIN' ALL NIGHT.

YOU THINK YOU CAN MAKE ONE MORE STOP WITH ME?

PLEASE?

Tim: WOO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Woo: JUST STAY HERE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

UM, EXCUSE ME.

SHAKIM, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?

LOOK WHO DECIDED TO DROP BY AND FUCK UP OUR THING.

UH, CHOCOLATE DELIGHT,

I'D JUST LIKE TO TALK TO SHAKIM A MINUTE.

NO, NO, NO. LOOK, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, OK?

LET'S GET A COUPLE OF THINGS STRAIGHT HERE, OK?

I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE MY WAY.

I'M A MAN NOW, WOO, OK?

I GOT HAIR ON MY CHIN, MY CHEST, AND MY BALLS,

WHICH MAKES IT OFFICIAL.

YOU'RE DAMN SURE A MAN, BABY.

UH, SHAKIM--

NOW, LOOK, NO, I DON'T NEED YOU COMING AROUND HERE

TRYING TO MESS UP MY LITTLE--

SHAKIM! SHUT IT UP FOR ONE MINUTE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO KICK THIS BITCH'S ASS.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT! HOLD! HOLD! HOLD!

COME ON!

NOW WHAT?

JUST LET ME TALK.

LOOK. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY, WOO?

WHAT I WANT TO SAY...

IS THAT I'M HAPPY

FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.

OK? AND I'M VERY SORRY

THAT I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND YOU

OR YOU.

I'VE REALIZED THAT...

NO MATTER WHERE YOU FIND LOVE

OR WHO GIVES IT TO YOU, IT'S A GOOD THING.

SO I JUST WANT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS.

LOOK AT THIS.

COME HERE, GIRL.

AW, HELL, NO. HELL, NO, WOO.

I DID NOT RIDE AROUND NEW YORK CITY

ALL NIGHT LONG TO GET MY ASS CHEWED UP

AND SPIT OUT, FOR YOU TO END UP WITH NEON NEGRO.

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT YOU HAD

SOME OLD SCARECROW-LOOKING MOTHERFUCKER

CHASING YOU AROUND.

YOU BETTER SKIP YOUR ASS DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD.

HEY, HEY, HEY. HEY.

LISTEN TO ME. MEET MY BROTHER SHAKIM.

YOU MEAN A BROTHER OR YOUR BROTHER?

MY BROTHER, AS IN RELATIVE.

Y'ALL GOT THE SAME FATHER? WHAT?

YES.

NOW DON'T YOU FEEL HURT?

AND MEET HIS FIANCáE. THAT'S MISS FOXY.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

HEY. HOW ARE YOU?

M.C.: YO, EVERYBODY, THIS IS FOR SHAKIM AND FOXY.

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR ENGAGEMENT.

KEEPIN' IT REAL.

HEY, THIS IS OUR SONG.

EXCUSE US.

THANK YOU, TIM.

FOR WHAT?

YOU OPENED MY EYES.

DID I?

MM-HMM.

WELL, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU GOT TO DO FOR ME.

WHAT?

LET'S JUST SAY I'M ABOUT TO MAKE SOME THINGS HAPPEN.

HMM? COME ON.

IT'S A '92 PATHFINDER, RIGHT?

THE CLUTCH IS SLIPPIN',

SO I FIGURE IT'S THE TRANSMISSION.

WANT TO CHECK IT OUT FOR ME?

SURE. HERE.

GIVE ME A CALL AT THE SHOP SOMETIME.

ALL RIGHT.

RUNNING THINGS! WHOO!

* I'M RUNNING THINGS, HUH *

* I'M RUNNING THINGS *

YO, THIS IS THE SPOT!

I'M HERE EVERY WEEK, EVERY WEEK.

I GOT IT ALL UP IN HERE, YO. I HAD A BALL.

NAH, MAN, I THINK YOU HAD 2 BALLS.

HE HAD SO MANY BALLS

HE COULD HAVE PLAYED SOME POOL UP IN THIS PIECE.

WHAT?

WHAT? OH, Y'ALL WAS PLAYING POOL AGAIN?

I CAN'T BEAT HIM, BOY. LEAVE HIM ALONE.

HEY, YOU ALL CHECK OUT PHYLLIS?

THAT'S PHILIP.

YOU DIDN'T SEE THE CRYING GAME?

YOU AIN'T LOOK AT THE NECK?

YEAH, I CHECKED OUT THE NECK, FOOL.

I'M THE ONE THAT PUT THEM HICKEYS ON IT.

I BEEN SUCKING ON IT ALL NIGHT. HA HA. SHOOT.

COME ON.

HOP, THEY WERE ALL MEN.

YO, IT'S TIME TO GO, MAN.

DON'T CALL ME NO MORE.

YOU NEED TO RENT THE CRYING GAME.

OH, GOD! OHH!

HOP! HOP! THESE ARE MY GIRLS.

HI! HI!

RRR! GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE, NIGGER!

RRR! [SOBS]

OOH!

COME ON, HOP. LET'S GO, MAN.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

DON'T TOUCH ME!

COME ON, MAN.

YOU DIDN'T SEE ME KISSING HIM.

Driver: I DON'T LIKE THIS.

Tim: TURN YOUR LIGHTS OUT. TURN THE LIGHTS OUT.

OK.

YEAH, PULL RIGHT OVER HERE.

YEAH. OK.

GIVE ME YOUR SLIM JIM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

GIVE ME YOUR SLIM JIM, PLEASE.

COME ON, ALL CABBIES GOT SLIM JIMS.

YOU GOT ANY MONEY, WOO? COME ON, GIVE HIM A 10.

20.

20? I DON'T THINK SO. LET'S TRY 15.

FIRST YOU'RE A LAWYER, NOW YOU'RE A CAR THIEF?

TO THE NAILS, OK?

JUST WATCH MY BACK, ALL RIGHT?

THANK YOU, GENIE.

TIM, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU'RE DOING THIS.

HEY, MAN, IT'S A 'VETTE.

JIGGLE IT TO THE LEFT AND CHOKE IT UP.

[ALARM SOUNDING]

Deep voice: STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR.

STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR, MOTHERFUCKER.

STEP THE FUCK BACK.

I SAID STEP.

TIM.

STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

STEP AWAY FROM THE CAR, MOTHERFUCKER.

iHASTA LA VISTA, PRETTY LADY!

I SAID STEP.

[ALARM STOPS]

UM, WHAT'S GOING ON?

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON.

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?

LATIFAH JEFFERSON. STATE REPOSSESSION AGENCY.

I AM HERE TO REPOSSESS YOUR CAR.

WHAT?

WE CAUGHT UP WITH YOUR LITTLE FRIEND TIMMY JACKSON,

AND HE LED US RIGHT TO YOU.

THAT LITTLE BITCH.

SENDS A WOMAN OVER HERE TO COME GET HIS CAR.

HE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH BALLS OF HIS OWN TO COME GET IT HIMSELF.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER, 'CAUSE I COULD CALL HIM UP TOMORROW,

THROW A LITTLE SOMETHING SOMETHING ON HIM,

HUH, AND HAVE ANOTHER ONE BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS A BAG OF SUBWAY TOKENS,

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE CATCHING THE TRAIN

FROM NOW ON, BABY!

COME ON, WOO.

GOT TO GO, SISTER!

GIRL, YOU BETTER GIVE ME BACK MY KEYS!

I DON'T THINK SO!

HELP! HELP ME!

NICE MEETING YOU, DENISE!

COME BACK HERE, TIM!

YOU KNOW YOU STILL LOVE ME!

YOU KNOW YOU STILL WANT THIS!

UHH!

SHIT!

Tim: WHOO HOO HOO HOO!

[WOO LAUGHING]

YEAH! HA HA HA!

WHOO!

WHOO! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, GIRL.

THAT'S HOW I'M LIVIN'. KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

YOU WERE SO SEXY WHEN YOU THREW THAT BRICK THROUGH THAT WINDOW.

I CAME STRONG WITH IT, DIDN'T I, GIRL?

OH, YOU CAME STRONG.

I FEEL LIKE A WHOLE NEW ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, WOO?

I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU, TIMMY.

OH, I GOT IT IN ME.

I GOT WOO IN ME. I GOT YOU IN ME, GIRL.

I AIN'T LETTIN' IT GO NEITHER.

WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? THE NIGHT IS YOUNG.

COME ON, IT'S YOURS.

[INCREASES VOLUME]

WHOO! THAT IS MY SONG!

OHH!

OHH!

[GIGGLES]

WHOO!

* WE'LL MAKE TOMORROW *

* MMM *

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

THIS TIME, I'M NOT GOING TO MISS THE MOMENT.

COME ON, GIRL.

* IN TIMES OF SORROW *

* OOH *

* WE'LL MAKE THE TEARS GO AWAY *

* IS THERE SOMEONE TO SHOW YOU THE WAY *

* TO MAKE ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE? *

* I WILL *

* I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU *

* OOH *

* I WILL *

* I'LL ALWAYS BE FAITHFUL AND TRUE *

* BABY, I WILL *

* 'CAUSE I ADORE YOU *

* SAID I WILL *

[HORN HONKING]

Man: GET OUT OF THE WAY!

SHIT! HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

Man: I CAN'T STOP!

FORGET THE CAR! TIM, RUN!

NO!

OH, MY RIDE!

[CRASHING NOISES]

Man: SORRY!

YOU DID HAVE INSURANCE, RIGHT?

Woo: YOU WOULD LOOK MUCH BETTER IN A PORSCHE ANYWAY.

Tim: YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.

COME ON. LET'S DANCE.

* I SAID COME ON *

* NOW IT'S SUMMERTIME *

* WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER NOW *

* FOR A LITTLE WHILE *

* IT'S THE PERFECT KIND OF SEASON *

* TO FALL IN LOVE, BABE *

* LET'S GO ALL THE WAY AND MAKE THIS LAST *

* YOU SEE, MY MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP *

* MADE UP *

* I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT *

* WHAT I WANT *

* AND I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO GIVE IT *

* JUST LET YOUR MIND RUN FREE *

* AND GIVE YOUR LOVE TO ME *

* MAYBE THIS COULD BE WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE *

* WON'T YOU LET IT BE? *

* LET IT BE *

* LET IT BE *

* BABY *

* I WANT THEM TO SEE, BABY *

* LET IT BE, LET IT BE *

* WE CAN MAKE LOVE ON THE WHITE SAND *

* WE CAN DO IT ALL NIGHT *

* TILL THE SUN RISES AGAIN *

* WE'LL BUILD SOME MEMORIES *

* TO LAST ETERNALLY *

* YOU KNOW MY MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP *

* MY MIND IS ALREADY MADE UP *

* I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT *

* AND I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO GIVE IT *

* AND LET YOUR MIND RUN FREE *

* MAYBE THIS COULD BE WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE *

* WON'T YOU LET IT BE? *

* LET IT BE *

* LET IT BE *

* OOH OOH OOH *

* WON'T YOU LET IT BE? *

* LET IT BE *

* NOBODY *

* DOES IT BETTER *

* NOBODY *

* DOES IT BETTER *

* THEY CAN COME CLOSER THAN CLOSE *

* YEAH *

* ORIGINAL THEY NEVER WILL BE *

* WE BUMPIN' FROM COAST TO COAST *

* YEAH, YEAH *

* WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU SEE *

* NOBODY DOES IT BETTER *

* I'M SITTIN' HERE TRIPPIN' *

* MY MIND IS BLOCKED *

* NATE DOGG JUST DID IT, SO IT'S TIME TO CONCOCT *

* NO ONE CAN DO IT BETTER, LIKE THIS 2-MAN CREW *

* THEY SAY WE ONE-HITTED QUITTERS *

* NOW WHAT Y'ALL GONNA DO? *

* ALWAYS INTO SOMETHING, THAT'S MY NAME *

* ONLY GOT THE MONEY, HEY, 'CAUSE THAT'S THE GAME *

* PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME WHY I'M OUT FOR SCRATCH *

* HE WHO HAS THE MOST IS HE WHO WON THE MATCH *

* STRIKE ONE, ME AND NATE DOGG IS A MATCH *

* STRIKE 2, LEAVE 'EM STANDIN' STILL IN THEIR TRACKS *

* STRIKE 3, YOU COULD CALL US 2-1-3 *

* IT'S THE L AND THE B THAT MAKES ME ACT LIKE A G *

* MY EXHIBITION STARTED BACK IN '93 *

* THERE WASN'T NOBODY LISTENING BUT WARREN AND ME *

* TO ALL THE NONBELIEVERS, NOW I BET YOU SEE *

* NOBODY DOES IT BETTER THAN ME *

* THEY CAN COME CLOSER THAN CLOSE, YEAH *

* ORIGINAL THEY NEVER WILL BE *

* WE BUMPIN' FROM COAST TO COAST *

* YEAH, YEAH *

* WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE YOU SEE *

* NOBODY DOES IT BETTER *

* THEY CALL ME G-EASY, THE SPARK PLUG, KEEPING IT LIT *

* THERE IS NO ACCIDENT FOR THESE PLATINUM HITS *

* SO WHEN WE MAKE IT, JUST SHOW LOVE *

* BANGING IN YOUR CLUB *

* HANGING WITH YOUR THUGS, GIVING UP G-LOVE *

* DO YOU REMEMBER BACK ON THE EAST SIDE *

* WHEN ALL OF US NIGGERS USED TO LOVE TO RIDE? *

* NOBODY *

* DOES IT BETTER *

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY NEW LINE HOME VIDEO

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE