All language subtitles for Whitney s01e06 Two Broke-Up Guys.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,378 --> 00:00:06,344 - No... - No... 2 00:00:06,469 --> 00:00:08,913 - Yes... - Yes! 3 00:00:09,038 --> 00:00:12,174 - No! - Oh! 4 00:00:13,434 --> 00:00:16,391 I told you we should have watched this at my place. 5 00:00:16,557 --> 00:00:19,357 They always lose when we're here. 6 00:00:19,482 --> 00:00:21,359 We're switching it up for the Notre dame game. 7 00:00:21,484 --> 00:00:24,608 We should go to Sal's. This place is bad luck. 8 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,397 I can't. 9 00:00:26,522 --> 00:00:28,265 Whitney's on her way home from Trader Joe's. 10 00:00:28,390 --> 00:00:32,407 We're cooking Paia tonight. 11 00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:34,238 What's up with you and dinner lately? 12 00:00:34,363 --> 00:00:37,537 It's been like every night this week. 13 00:00:37,703 --> 00:00:39,911 Well, Whitney's been shooting a lot of weddings lately, 14 00:00:40,036 --> 00:00:42,113 and I've been having a lot of meetings on my new website, 15 00:00:42,238 --> 00:00:43,168 and this is the only time we can see each other. 16 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:46,171 Oh, God. Write a love song about it. 17 00:00:47,543 --> 00:00:49,383 Hey, man, can you recycle that? 18 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,656 - What? - The can. 19 00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,095 You know Whitney and I recycle. 20 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:56,598 Oh! You do that even when she's not here? 21 00:00:56,764 --> 00:01:00,519 Yeah, man. Can you just put it in the blue bin? 22 00:01:00,685 --> 00:01:03,271 It's already in the garbage. I'm not gonna take it out. 23 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:06,704 - Recycling's not my thing. - What is it with you lately? 24 00:01:06,829 --> 00:01:08,026 Why's everything a debate, dude? 25 00:01:08,192 --> 00:01:10,445 Recycling's a scam! 26 00:01:10,611 --> 00:01:12,410 It's just another way that the government 27 00:01:12,535 --> 00:01:15,613 keeps us all distracted from the one real problem in America... 28 00:01:15,738 --> 00:01:18,870 People living under the city. They're there. 29 00:01:27,049 --> 00:01:32,397 Uh, well, I don't want to talk about sewer people. 30 00:01:32,522 --> 00:01:34,886 So can you just recycle the can? 31 00:01:36,492 --> 00:01:37,973 What if I don't? 32 00:01:38,261 --> 00:01:40,809 "What if I don't?" What are you, five? 33 00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:43,270 What are you... four? 34 00:01:43,436 --> 00:01:45,810 Oh! Nailed it! 35 00:01:45,935 --> 00:01:47,612 One trip. 36 00:01:47,737 --> 00:01:49,276 Bad news. 37 00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,695 I have crabs. 38 00:01:54,243 --> 00:01:55,881 You know what? I should have known. 39 00:01:56,006 --> 00:01:57,367 Baby can't throw away his own bottle. 40 00:01:57,533 --> 00:02:00,537 It was a can. And since when do you recycle? 41 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:02,205 Since always, officer Murphy. 42 00:02:02,371 --> 00:02:04,562 But you would know that if you were, I don't know, 43 00:02:04,687 --> 00:02:07,999 a detective. 44 00:02:08,124 --> 00:02:09,366 Wow. Okay. 45 00:02:09,491 --> 00:02:11,202 You know that test was at 7:00 in the morning. 46 00:02:11,327 --> 00:02:13,461 And standardized tests are racist! 47 00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:19,060 Honey, I don't think you heard me. 48 00:02:19,185 --> 00:02:20,724 I said, uh, I have crabs. 49 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,780 I mean, that killed in the checkout line. 50 00:02:22,905 --> 00:02:24,394 Come on. 51 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,885 Whitney is taped in front of a live studio audience. 52 00:02:28,010 --> 00:02:29,357 You heard me. 53 00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,526 I don't understand. Where is all this coming from? 54 00:02:31,692 --> 00:02:32,890 I don't know. He's been a baby. 55 00:02:33,015 --> 00:02:34,525 He's been arguing with me about everything 56 00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:35,793 for like a month now. 57 00:02:35,918 --> 00:02:37,562 Best place to get subs. Fastest way downtown. 58 00:02:37,687 --> 00:02:39,247 - Hottest Selena. - That's obvious. 59 00:02:39,372 --> 00:02:41,578 It's Gomez. 60 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:43,872 Yeah, I know. He said the dead one. 61 00:02:45,328 --> 00:02:47,375 Well, have you guys ever had a fight like this before? 62 00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:49,474 - No. - You guys have been friends 63 00:02:49,599 --> 00:02:50,758 for six years. 64 00:02:50,883 --> 00:02:52,172 Just go down there and see what's going on. 65 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,428 No, I'm not gonna go down there. 66 00:02:53,553 --> 00:02:55,296 He started it. Look, it's probably fine. 67 00:02:55,421 --> 00:02:57,115 He's gonna come over tomorrow and apologize 68 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,317 for acting like a little bitch because the Black Hawks lost. 69 00:02:59,442 --> 00:03:00,889 It'll all blow over. 70 00:03:01,177 --> 00:03:03,642 Okay, I'm just trying to get inside Mark's head... 71 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,853 No, no, no, no. Don't do that. 72 00:03:07,019 --> 00:03:09,827 Was he talking about actual Selena 73 00:03:09,952 --> 00:03:12,150 or Jennifer Lopez as Selena? 74 00:03:14,774 --> 00:03:16,267 'Scuse me. 75 00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:18,402 Did a little detective work around my apartment, 76 00:03:18,527 --> 00:03:20,321 and I just want to return a few things 77 00:03:20,446 --> 00:03:22,577 that I found that belong to Alex... 78 00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:24,621 Including this key 79 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:27,374 which I will never use again. 80 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:29,292 Oh, and at some point, 81 00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:31,332 I would like back my Jersey, my blender, 82 00:03:31,457 --> 00:03:32,750 and my protein powder. 83 00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:35,627 Not that I need it. 84 00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:43,974 He gave me back my Xbox controller. 85 00:03:46,088 --> 00:03:48,061 Think you two just broke up. 86 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,984 So wait, Mark and Alex broke up over a can? 87 00:03:54,263 --> 00:03:56,190 Mark brought over a box of Alex's stuff 88 00:03:56,315 --> 00:03:58,113 and then Alex de-friended Mark... 89 00:03:58,434 --> 00:03:59,443 Wait, back up. 90 00:03:59,568 --> 00:04:02,742 I can get Mark out of my life with a can? 91 00:04:02,972 --> 00:04:04,369 So how is Alex about all this? 92 00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:05,750 Oh, not good. 93 00:04:05,875 --> 00:04:07,455 When Alex is upset, he just tries to keep busy. 94 00:04:07,621 --> 00:04:09,624 Do you remember that time we broke up for three hours, 95 00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:11,589 and he went to Vegas, made $1,000, 96 00:04:11,714 --> 00:04:14,421 and got sawed in half by criss angel? 97 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,028 But this can't just be about a can, right? 98 00:04:17,153 --> 00:04:18,383 Oh, yeah. Guys fight. 99 00:04:18,549 --> 00:04:20,364 It's in their DNA. 100 00:04:20,489 --> 00:04:22,366 They used to kill each other for meat and women 101 00:04:22,491 --> 00:04:23,601 but, you know, they got nothing left 102 00:04:23,726 --> 00:04:25,432 now that you can get both online. 103 00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:28,372 They do have a few outlets, you know... 104 00:04:28,497 --> 00:04:30,520 Road rage, sports radio. 105 00:04:32,068 --> 00:04:34,983 Barbecues. 106 00:04:35,237 --> 00:04:36,614 You just don't come to a man's house 107 00:04:36,739 --> 00:04:38,649 and touch his grill. 108 00:04:38,774 --> 00:04:40,251 Don't squeeze down my burgers. 109 00:04:40,376 --> 00:04:43,120 You don't get that juice back. 110 00:04:43,245 --> 00:04:44,367 Hello, friends. 111 00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:46,161 - Oh, hi. - Whitney, uh, 112 00:04:46,499 --> 00:04:48,259 I understand you already have a dog in this fight, 113 00:04:48,384 --> 00:04:50,206 but I'd like to address the group. 114 00:04:50,372 --> 00:04:52,797 - You're welcome to stay. - That's kind of you, Mark. 115 00:04:52,922 --> 00:04:55,967 I know fallouts can be rough on a group of friends. 116 00:04:56,092 --> 00:04:57,714 This is the time when you gotta choose sides. 117 00:04:57,880 --> 00:04:59,203 - Oh. - Well, I would like to 118 00:04:59,328 --> 00:05:01,255 formally throw my hat into the ring, 119 00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:05,176 and may I remind you it's a, uh, Chicago police hat. 120 00:05:05,301 --> 00:05:06,723 - Mark, can we just... - Whitney. 121 00:05:06,969 --> 00:05:08,229 Technically, when I'm in my uniform, 122 00:05:08,354 --> 00:05:11,148 that's assaulting a police office. 123 00:05:11,273 --> 00:05:12,270 Sorry. 124 00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:13,563 Now, Roxanne. 125 00:05:13,729 --> 00:05:15,219 You should take my side. Let's face it... 126 00:05:15,344 --> 00:05:18,022 You're a DUI waiting to happen. 127 00:05:18,147 --> 00:05:19,390 That is an excellent point. 128 00:05:19,515 --> 00:05:21,279 Let me drink about it. 129 00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:23,828 Lily and Neal, I know you both have 130 00:05:23,953 --> 00:05:25,784 bachelor and bachelorette parties coming up. 131 00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,399 There is such a thing as a "get out of jail free" card, 132 00:05:28,524 --> 00:05:30,334 so just in case you find yourselves 133 00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:33,500 in a dead hooker situation... 134 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,706 You know, Mark, we've been talking about it 135 00:05:35,831 --> 00:05:37,041 in couples therapy, 136 00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:40,711 and I think Neal is done killing hookers. 137 00:05:40,836 --> 00:05:43,218 - For now. - Yeah. 138 00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:46,217 Well, then, I made my case. I hope you choose wisely. 139 00:05:46,342 --> 00:05:47,685 I'm off to fight crime. 140 00:05:47,810 --> 00:05:51,977 While Alex sits at home and does nothing for society. 141 00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:05,782 Hi, honey. 142 00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:08,216 Hey. Just, uh, going at it. 143 00:06:08,341 --> 00:06:10,702 I ran down to the store to pick up this jump rope 144 00:06:10,827 --> 00:06:12,320 and I ran back, 145 00:06:12,445 --> 00:06:13,705 then I drank a bunch of orange juice 146 00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:15,573 and threw it all up kinda. 147 00:06:15,698 --> 00:06:16,991 Now I'm just kinda going at it again. 148 00:06:17,116 --> 00:06:19,295 Okay, well, um, 149 00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:21,256 sorry to interrupt your training montage. 150 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:24,165 Just, you know, getting all yoked. 151 00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,718 Burn, burn, burn. 152 00:06:29,395 --> 00:06:31,506 Psss-ah! 153 00:06:31,631 --> 00:06:32,724 - Okay, honey... - Psss-ah! 154 00:06:32,849 --> 00:06:34,644 Watch out one second. Watch out. 155 00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:35,727 Do you wanna stop? Just stop. 156 00:06:35,852 --> 00:06:39,607 Okay. Just put down the semi-gloss. 157 00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:40,900 Feel my lats. Feel my lats. 158 00:06:41,066 --> 00:06:42,360 Okay. I don't know what lats are. 159 00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:44,402 Um... Honey, 160 00:06:44,527 --> 00:06:46,254 you're going trough a breakup, 161 00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:48,906 and I don't think you're handling it particularly well. 162 00:06:49,031 --> 00:06:50,892 Oh, my God, stop the dips. Stop... 163 00:06:51,017 --> 00:06:52,443 Let me get to eight. Get to eight. 164 00:06:52,568 --> 00:06:53,894 - Eight. There. - Eight. Okay. 165 00:06:54,019 --> 00:06:55,897 I have been through breakups before, 166 00:06:56,022 --> 00:06:57,031 and you gotta get back out there. 167 00:06:57,156 --> 00:06:58,752 We gotta get your mind off of Mark. 168 00:06:58,991 --> 00:07:00,234 My mind is not on Mark. 169 00:07:00,359 --> 00:07:04,090 My mind is on my money, and my money is on my mind. 170 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:07,469 I don't need Mark. 171 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:09,910 Okay, look, I know this is a hard day for you, 172 00:07:10,035 --> 00:07:11,879 because it's Wednesday and you and Mark 173 00:07:12,004 --> 00:07:14,282 normally go and get your chicken fingers. 174 00:07:14,407 --> 00:07:17,285 Oh! It's chicken wings. It's wings day night. 175 00:07:17,410 --> 00:07:19,787 It's wings day night. 176 00:07:19,912 --> 00:07:21,723 That's the joke... Wings day night. 177 00:07:23,567 --> 00:07:24,694 Oh, man, that's funny. 178 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,330 Wings day night. What? 179 00:07:29,455 --> 00:07:33,995 Okay, well... Why don't I go with you? 180 00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:36,998 Well, um, real... I'm gonna bring my girlfriend to wings day? 181 00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:41,795 Okay. Not as your girlfriend. As your buddy. 182 00:07:42,034 --> 00:07:43,010 I mean, I don't know. 183 00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:44,912 It's just like a bunch of guys hanging out, 184 00:07:45,037 --> 00:07:46,914 - watching the game, right? - That sounds awesome, okay? 185 00:07:47,039 --> 00:07:48,316 I can be a guy. 186 00:07:48,441 --> 00:07:52,847 I once peed standing up at Lollapalooza. 187 00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:54,388 That's not really like a guy. 188 00:07:54,513 --> 00:07:57,382 That's more like a gross chick. 189 00:08:01,053 --> 00:08:02,982 Bros night out. 190 00:08:03,148 --> 00:08:04,484 Two buddies shooting pool. 191 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,694 Yeah, this is great. Mark never wants to play pool. 192 00:08:06,926 --> 00:08:09,694 See? I can be fun without Mark. 193 00:08:13,367 --> 00:08:14,709 Uh, no... 194 00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:17,979 You actually have to hit the white ball into another ball. 195 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,548 But, uh... It's okay. 196 00:08:20,673 --> 00:08:22,416 Uh, we'll... here. Try again. 197 00:08:22,541 --> 00:08:24,709 Okay. 198 00:08:27,914 --> 00:08:29,968 Fire! Fire! 199 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,344 You hit the 8-ball. You lost. 200 00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:33,094 But you're getting the hang of it, 201 00:08:33,219 --> 00:08:34,879 so let's play again, huh? I'll rack. 202 00:08:35,004 --> 00:08:38,957 Oh! Speaking of racks... 203 00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:41,335 Here are your nuclear wings 204 00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:43,314 and extra blue cheese. Can I get you something else? 205 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:45,483 I think she meant to order mild. 206 00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:46,841 Mild? Are these to eat 207 00:08:46,966 --> 00:08:49,028 or use instead of tampons? 208 00:08:49,301 --> 00:08:51,114 I ordered the nuclear. 209 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,034 Okay, yeah, if you could just set it up at our booth... 210 00:09:01,864 --> 00:09:03,543 You know, we'll just have 'em here. 211 00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:05,893 Thanks. 212 00:09:06,170 --> 00:09:08,339 I can't believe he let a stranger sit in our booth. 213 00:09:08,505 --> 00:09:11,301 Honey, that's not a stranger. That's Neal. 214 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,470 Did he give Neal my Jersey? 215 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:17,438 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 216 00:09:17,563 --> 00:09:19,267 Oh... Neal! 217 00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:20,758 Ha ha! 218 00:09:20,883 --> 00:09:22,426 All right, Neal's not that funny. 219 00:09:22,551 --> 00:09:24,105 Don't let that get to you, okay? 220 00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:26,232 We are having fun, right? We got our wings... 221 00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:28,048 Okay. Good. Good point. Yeah. 222 00:09:28,173 --> 00:09:30,195 Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 223 00:09:30,361 --> 00:09:31,613 Oh! 224 00:09:34,239 --> 00:09:35,723 Oh! 225 00:09:35,848 --> 00:09:37,452 Mmm! 226 00:09:38,684 --> 00:09:40,661 - Oh, my God. - What are you doing? 227 00:09:40,786 --> 00:09:42,663 You're... 228 00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:44,250 These taste like war! 229 00:09:44,416 --> 00:09:47,401 Oh, my God, my mouth's like... 230 00:09:47,526 --> 00:09:48,836 It's like crying. 231 00:09:48,961 --> 00:09:51,049 Here, here, have the blue cheese and the celery. 232 00:09:51,215 --> 00:09:53,457 Eat that. Yeah... ooh. Okay. 233 00:09:53,582 --> 00:09:56,077 Muuah! 234 00:09:56,202 --> 00:09:57,180 Ah! 235 00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,796 Okay. Uh, I'll get you some water. 236 00:09:58,921 --> 00:10:00,081 Uh, waitress? 237 00:10:00,206 --> 00:10:01,933 I don't have time for that. Uh-uh. 238 00:10:02,058 --> 00:10:04,020 Whoa. Thank you! 239 00:10:06,479 --> 00:10:08,105 Can I get a water, please? 240 00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:10,942 And a time machine? Thank you. 241 00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:12,610 Hey, Whit. 242 00:10:12,735 --> 00:10:13,861 Tell Alex I'm sorry. 243 00:10:13,986 --> 00:10:16,797 I ran into Mark earlier, and he was just so sad. 244 00:10:16,922 --> 00:10:18,034 And he begged me to come with him. 245 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,702 This whole thing is so weird. 246 00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:21,819 I'm Indian. 247 00:10:21,944 --> 00:10:23,748 This is confusing. 248 00:10:25,498 --> 00:10:26,709 Neal! 249 00:10:26,932 --> 00:10:28,378 Wings here! 250 00:10:33,756 --> 00:10:35,783 What's up? 251 00:10:35,908 --> 00:10:37,804 - Ah. - What did Neal say? 252 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,056 What? Nothing. 253 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:43,768 Hmm. Two more. 254 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,937 Four more over here, please. 255 00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:51,399 Actually, make that eight more. 256 00:10:51,524 --> 00:10:54,237 You know what? We'll take the keg. 257 00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,781 Thank you! 258 00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,739 Come on. Okay. Come on. 259 00:10:58,864 --> 00:11:01,976 Get off me, pants. This is your last warning. 260 00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:04,662 If I told you once, I told you twice... 261 00:11:04,787 --> 00:11:07,999 Get off my legs! 262 00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,484 Hey, I wanna touch your boobs. 263 00:11:10,609 --> 00:11:12,920 - No. - Yeah. I know, but it's okay. 264 00:11:13,045 --> 00:11:14,188 'Cause I'm not even a boobs guy. 265 00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:17,091 Mark is a boobs guy. I'm more of an ass guy. 266 00:11:17,216 --> 00:11:18,826 That why we make such a great team. 267 00:11:18,951 --> 00:11:20,638 But that's all rig, 'cause I don't miss Mark, 268 00:11:20,804 --> 00:11:22,697 and Mark misses me. 269 00:11:22,822 --> 00:11:25,184 Rraaww. 270 00:11:26,492 --> 00:11:29,188 I feel like you might miss Mark a little bit. 271 00:11:29,354 --> 00:11:31,172 Yeah, yeah. I miss him a little bit. 272 00:11:31,297 --> 00:11:32,609 But you know... Hey. 273 00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:34,842 Do you even know how we m... How we met? 274 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,310 No. 275 00:11:36,435 --> 00:11:38,312 Dude, we met on the softball team. 276 00:11:38,437 --> 00:11:39,780 What? We met on the softball team 277 00:11:39,905 --> 00:11:42,149 when he played... 278 00:11:42,274 --> 00:11:44,318 He played... He played... check it out... 279 00:11:44,443 --> 00:11:46,354 He played second base, I played short base, 280 00:11:46,479 --> 00:11:48,990 and he and I... 281 00:11:49,115 --> 00:11:52,545 He and I were like making beautiful double plays together, 282 00:11:53,018 --> 00:11:55,963 so shut up. 283 00:11:56,088 --> 00:11:58,933 Honey, I'm gonna put this trash can here for you. 284 00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,262 Yeah. I love a trash can. 285 00:12:02,711 --> 00:12:04,015 I don't wanna say he completes me, 286 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:05,272 'cause you complete me, 287 00:12:05,397 --> 00:12:08,394 but he butters the nooks and crannies. 288 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:12,190 Oh, let's make toast, dude. 289 00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,566 No. 290 00:12:13,732 --> 00:12:16,350 I wanna be honest with you for one quick second. 291 00:12:16,475 --> 00:12:19,614 I wanna put my hand under your shirt. 292 00:12:25,951 --> 00:12:30,792 So... The jury's in. You'll let me do that. 293 00:12:34,326 --> 00:12:36,878 Yeah... 294 00:12:47,940 --> 00:12:49,727 Found it. 295 00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:56,401 This is a disaster. 296 00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:58,444 Mark and Alex have to get back together. 297 00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,046 Last night Alex got blackout drunk, 298 00:13:00,171 --> 00:13:01,330 and he tried to convince me 299 00:13:01,455 --> 00:13:03,949 to have a threesome with a pillow... 300 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,369 And then he wanted to watch me with the pillow, 301 00:13:06,944 --> 00:13:11,332 and now I have to do so much laundry. 302 00:13:11,498 --> 00:13:13,025 - Right. - Yeah, this breakup is hard 303 00:13:13,150 --> 00:13:14,627 on everyone. 304 00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,462 Neal hung out with Mark last night for seven hours, 305 00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:19,065 came to my apartment smelling like Charlie girl 306 00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,067 and carrying a stolen street sign. 307 00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:22,510 Yeah. 308 00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:24,429 "Ball Avenue." 309 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,138 I don't know. 310 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:27,723 I just really hope this ends soon. 311 00:13:27,889 --> 00:13:30,209 Well, they're not gonna solve it on their own. 312 00:13:30,334 --> 00:13:31,977 Guys are way too proud and stubborn 313 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,479 to ever admit they're wrong. 314 00:13:33,645 --> 00:13:39,152 Yeah. Neal acted like he already had that street sign. 315 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,453 So what do I do, 316 00:13:40,578 --> 00:13:42,405 just wait for Alex to make a new friend? 317 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,323 What? No. Never gonna happen. 318 00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:46,451 People don't make new friends in their 30s. 319 00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:48,294 Who's got time for that? 320 00:13:48,419 --> 00:13:51,464 What, oh, I'm just gonna go out to lunch with some new girl 321 00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:54,800 and hear all about her battle with gluten? 322 00:13:54,925 --> 00:13:56,127 Mm-mm. 323 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,586 The craziest part is that 324 00:13:57,711 --> 00:14:00,005 since Alex and Mark haven't been seeing each other, 325 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,423 I realize that Mark and Alex 326 00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:03,217 are weirdly perfect for each other. 327 00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:05,887 He's his spirit animal. 328 00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:10,308 Mine is Nicki Minaj. 329 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,986 The whole situation is just not good. 330 00:14:14,111 --> 00:14:15,488 Guys need their guy friends. 331 00:14:15,613 --> 00:14:16,731 You should go talk to Mark. 332 00:14:16,897 --> 00:14:18,357 If you just sit down with Mark, 333 00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:19,725 you know, like you would with us... 334 00:14:19,850 --> 00:14:22,195 No judgments... He'd open up a little. 335 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,029 Roxanne! I'm Kelly. 336 00:14:24,154 --> 00:14:26,115 - I think we met that one time... - Oh, I'm sorry. 337 00:14:26,281 --> 00:14:29,792 I'm 33. I'm... At capacity. 338 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:33,796 Oh... 339 00:14:35,123 --> 00:14:37,376 Is she still there? 340 00:14:45,937 --> 00:14:46,803 Hi, Mark. 341 00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,687 What are you doing here? We're not talking anymore. 342 00:14:48,812 --> 00:14:50,956 What kind of ice cream is that? 343 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,425 It's rocky road. It's fat-free. 344 00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:56,020 It's much better when you eat it straight out of the carton. 345 00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:58,814 That's my favorite, and you know it. 346 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:01,984 I just wanted to come over and talk. 347 00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,003 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 348 00:15:04,128 --> 00:15:05,638 I am mad at Alex, 349 00:15:05,763 --> 00:15:09,325 but I am not gonna sleep with you. 350 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:12,912 You wanna do side-by-side stuff, that's cool. 351 00:15:15,973 --> 00:15:18,624 You know what? Maybe we'll skip the wine... 352 00:15:18,917 --> 00:15:21,119 I just wanted to see if there's anything 353 00:15:21,244 --> 00:15:24,423 you wanted to talk about, no... Judgments. 354 00:15:24,589 --> 00:15:25,791 No. 355 00:15:25,916 --> 00:15:27,059 I'm great. 356 00:15:27,342 --> 00:15:29,361 Okay, well, then I'll start. 357 00:15:29,486 --> 00:15:32,223 Um... I'm not doing so great. 358 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:35,000 Me either. 359 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,395 I really miss you and Alex being friends. 360 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:38,813 Me too. 361 00:15:38,979 --> 00:15:40,106 Here. Do you want a blanket? 362 00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:42,491 - Uh-huh. - Here. 363 00:15:42,616 --> 00:15:44,861 So... How are you feeling? 364 00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:49,824 No one's ever asked me how I'm feeling before. 365 00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:52,651 I don't know! 366 00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:55,921 It's... It's like I feel... 367 00:15:56,204 --> 00:15:58,023 Sad. 368 00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,125 Okay. Yeah. 369 00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,294 - Sad how? - Like... 370 00:16:02,419 --> 00:16:05,214 Pushed aside, left out, 371 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,132 like a third wheel. 372 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:09,768 Alex was my last single friend, and... 373 00:16:09,893 --> 00:16:11,345 Now he's gone. 374 00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:14,599 He's just upstairs. He's just one flight away. 375 00:16:14,765 --> 00:16:16,692 Yeah, but you guys are so together. 376 00:16:16,817 --> 00:16:18,436 You're such a solid couple. 377 00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:21,480 And the closer you guys get, the less I feel like I fit in. 378 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:24,774 And now you have this inside joke about recycling. 379 00:16:27,177 --> 00:16:30,613 Not a joke. Not inside. 380 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:32,691 Yeah. But it's so adult. 381 00:16:32,816 --> 00:16:35,461 I mean, what's next, a house in the suburbs? 382 00:16:35,586 --> 00:16:37,896 It's inevitable. That's how life is. 383 00:16:38,021 --> 00:16:41,000 Hos tear bros apart. 384 00:16:41,125 --> 00:16:43,502 Mark, look, we're not going anywhere, okay? 385 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:44,470 And I... I'm sorry. 386 00:16:44,595 --> 00:16:47,239 I had no idea you were feeling this way. 387 00:16:47,364 --> 00:16:50,551 I wasn't even sure you had feelings at all. 388 00:16:50,717 --> 00:16:52,061 I'm very sensitive. 389 00:16:52,186 --> 00:16:55,080 I'm like a cluster of raw nerves. 390 00:16:55,205 --> 00:16:58,775 I'm basically a giant penis tip. 391 00:17:04,481 --> 00:17:08,194 That is why I assume you don't have feelings. 392 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,321 Um... Look, 393 00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:12,698 if I have realized anything over the past couple of days, 394 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:14,533 it's that you are an indispensable part 395 00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:16,535 of Alex's life, which... 396 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,996 Makes you an indispensable part of my life. 397 00:17:19,162 --> 00:17:21,006 Thanks. 398 00:17:21,131 --> 00:17:22,308 And you know... 399 00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,510 I totally get how he looks at you 400 00:17:24,635 --> 00:17:26,612 and thinks, uh, 401 00:17:26,737 --> 00:17:28,480 "I'm in this for the long haul." 402 00:17:28,605 --> 00:17:31,517 See? Sometimes hos help bros 403 00:17:31,642 --> 00:17:33,552 and sometimes bros should apologize to hos 404 00:17:33,677 --> 00:17:36,555 for calling them a ho. 405 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,599 Yeah. Not gonna happen. 406 00:17:47,291 --> 00:17:50,026 Ah... 407 00:17:54,531 --> 00:17:56,158 - Hey, um... - Hey. 408 00:17:56,992 --> 00:18:00,369 Mark has something he wants to say to you. 409 00:18:01,997 --> 00:18:05,450 You guys might wanna sit down. 410 00:18:05,575 --> 00:18:07,243 Okay. 411 00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:13,749 Hey. 412 00:18:16,153 --> 00:18:17,553 Hey. 413 00:18:20,657 --> 00:18:23,702 So, um... 414 00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:27,473 Fletch was on TV last night. 415 00:18:27,598 --> 00:18:30,609 Yeah, I know. I-I saw it, uh... 416 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:35,047 I came in at, "gonna use the whole fist, doc?" 417 00:18:35,322 --> 00:18:37,616 Okay, now that you guys are both in the same room... 418 00:18:37,782 --> 00:18:38,951 "Can I borrow your towel?" 419 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,494 "My car just hit a water buffalo." 420 00:18:42,078 --> 00:18:43,422 "It's, uh..." 421 00:18:43,547 --> 00:18:45,541 "All ball bearings nowadays." 422 00:18:45,666 --> 00:18:47,760 - Yeah. - Man, it's a classic. 423 00:18:47,885 --> 00:18:50,462 Yeah, it is. That is such a classic. 424 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,924 I'm sorry I was being a tool. 425 00:18:57,127 --> 00:19:00,181 You kinda like... Broke up with me. 426 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,940 I don't know. 427 00:19:02,065 --> 00:19:05,436 I was being really girly or whatever, but... 428 00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:07,646 I'm over it. 429 00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:10,149 Dude, it's all good, you know? 430 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,251 Well, I was gonna go down to Sal's. 431 00:19:12,376 --> 00:19:14,253 They got like seven games playing. 432 00:19:14,378 --> 00:19:16,288 I was just gonna go get a pizza or something 433 00:19:16,413 --> 00:19:17,656 if, uh, you want. My treat. 434 00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:19,291 Hey, you don't have to pay for it. 435 00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:20,459 We can... 436 00:19:20,584 --> 00:19:22,194 Put it on the underhill's. 437 00:19:22,319 --> 00:19:25,790 All right, cool. I'm gonna go get a sweater. 438 00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,251 What was that? Why didn't you say 439 00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:31,212 any of the stuff we just talked about? 440 00:19:31,378 --> 00:19:32,588 We did. 441 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,474 Thanks, man. 442 00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:46,185 I'm in on the joke now. 443 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,027 Hey, uh... 444 00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:56,654 Thanks, you know? 445 00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,948 Oh, he's your best friend. 446 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,408 Nah, nah. You're my best friend. 447 00:20:07,712 --> 00:20:09,834 So Mark didn't text you back? 448 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,372 He probably just can't find his cell phone. 449 00:20:12,497 --> 00:20:14,625 What did I do? 450 00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:15,959 I mean, Alex comes back, 451 00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:18,478 and I all of a sudden don't exist. 452 00:20:18,603 --> 00:20:20,547 Just let it out. 453 00:20:20,672 --> 00:20:23,350 We had so much fun together. 454 00:20:23,475 --> 00:20:25,302 I mean... 455 00:20:25,427 --> 00:20:27,654 He thought I was so funny. 456 00:20:27,779 --> 00:20:30,924 You are too good for him. You deserve better. 457 00:20:31,049 --> 00:20:32,192 Mark did you a favor. 458 00:20:32,317 --> 00:20:36,163 I mean, ball Avenue... 459 00:20:36,288 --> 00:20:39,066 Doesn't that mean anything anymore? 460 00:20:43,829 --> 00:20:46,707 Ha. They're at Lou Malnati's. 461 00:20:46,832 --> 00:20:49,567 I'm just gonna swing by. 462 00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:51,395 But... but honey... 463 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:52,879 No. 464 00:20:53,004 --> 00:20:54,086 You just have to let him go. 465 00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,338 Boys need their girl time. 466 00:20:56,504 --> 00:21:02,344 Sync and correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 467 00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:06,944 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32847

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