All language subtitles for Whitney s01e03 Silent Treatment.eng

Alex, I got a lot of 35!

There is no Alex.

Hi, I am Hans, your favorite
foreign exchange student.

Well, hello, Hans,
it's been a while.

We've missed you
at our high school.

Yes, how has
the cheerleading been going?

Have you been telling
the football team

to play defense
und be aggressive--

be, be, be aggressive?

Well, uh, I was actually
made the captain

of the cheerleading team
after Sally had a baby

in the bathroom.

Uh, how were your travels?

Oh, they were magnificent
and comprehensive.

I have circled the globe
to try and find someone

as beautiful as you,

und I have failed.

Oh, well, maybe
we should go do it

on the guschtenflauden.

Oh! What the heck
is a guschtenflauden?

You're silly.

It's a German word for table.

- Oh.
- Yeah, I know German.

Shh...
Yeah.

Oh, somebody needs more
tutoring, it seems like.

- Oh, yeah.
- Come with me over to

- the guschtenflauden.
- Okay.

Whitney is taped in front of
a live studio audience.

You heard me.

Maybe I'll get a smoothie, or
maybe I'll get a super smoothie.

I feel like my body
probably needs all that crap.

Yeah, but what is
the "ah-sa-yee" berry?

What is that?
Is that gonna stick around?

'Cause I feel like
I got into Goji berry

and then it just,
you know, went away--

wow.

What?

You totally checked her out.

- Who?
- Who?

Spongeboob sweatpants.

I-I didn't see who you're
talking about.

Sorry, I don't know.

You ogled her,

and while I was sharing
my feelings with you.

That's--that's pretty rude.

I didn't ogle anyone, Whit.

Alex.

I was looking to see if he was
refilling that half-and-half.

No, you weren't.

Just admit
that you checked her out.

No, I don't even know
who you're talking about.

Honestly.

So you're sticking
with that story?

- I'm sticking with the truth.
- Okay, okay.

Why is he lying about it?
I know what I saw.

****.

He's like a girl with his 2%.

Well, it's better than
my ex-husband's move

of checking out hot chicks
and then having intercourse

with them in my saab.

It's so weird, Neal doesn't
check out other women.

That is so weird,
and so not true.

Okay.

Love the top.
Hate the jeans.

The jeans are mine.

What happened to the
black miniskirt I gave you?

Oh, I took that back
to the children's department

where it belongs.

Roxanne,
you're single again, okay?

You need to recalibrate
your thinking.

Like, your Facebook page
is just sad.

The only two pictures
you have on there

are of your niece
and Michelle Obama.

It's true, guys look at
your page and your last update

was "frowny face,
I just paid $3 for gas."

I only go on Facebook
to play scrabble.

It takes my mind off...My mind.

Trust me, okay?

Facebook is, like, the most
important part of dating.

You need new pictures that show
how funny and smart you are.

So put this on.

That shirt is like catnip,

and the cats are douchebags.

It's good.

You know, I'm not even mad
that Alex checked out that girl,

I'm just annoyed
that he lied to me about it.

If you wear
something like this,

he'll admit to anything.

My mom always says,

"when in need,
show your cleave."

Is that supposed to rhyme?

Why do you always focus
on the wrong thing?

No, it's just 'cause
your mom's an actual poet,

like, as a career.

Okay. Okay.

So you did check her out,
right?

Of course, yeah.
She was hot.

And her cleavage was aggressive,
and she was wearing

those sweatpants
with the words on the butt.

- What words?
- I don't know.

I'll never know.

She sounds awesome, man.

Wheels up!

What the hell
is that supposed to mean?

I'm trying out
new catchphrases.

Stupid new guy
down at the station said,

"let's do this thing,"
and it really took off.

Yeah, that still
doesn't really explain it.

Well, thank you
for the heads-up.

Fights tend to bleed
from one girlfriend to another,

so I'm ordering Lily something.

Just putting out
the fire before it starts.

Wheels up, wheels up.

- Flowers?
- No, edible arrangement.

Lily's got a thing for fruit
that comes in cute shapes.

What is she, a gay grandpa?

I don't know,

I thought about telling
Whitney the truth.

You should,
you did nothing wrong.

We're men, we have needs,

we look at boobs.

Deal with it, ladies of America!

Boobs!

No!

Admitting that you looked
at another woman

is an open invitation

to exploring your girlfriend's
insecurities.

"Was she prettier than me?"
"Is she skinnier than me?"

"Do you think I have man hands?"

Yeah, it's trickier
with Whitney too,

'cause she has three times
the daddy issues

'cause she has
three times the dads.

- Whatever you do, deny.
- Yeah, you're right.

Why is his opinion
always more important than mine?

Uh, because he invests
my money and doesn't yell out

"boobs!" In public.

- Hmm?
- Hey, Whit.

- Hi.
- What are you eating?

It's Lily's edible bouquet.

I don't understand why people
send these things.

Aren't they kind of offensive?

It's like,
"I'd send you chocolate,

but you should probably lose
a couple pounds."

Yeah, take that,
adorable snack.

Look, about that girl earlier,

I don't want you to feel like
you have to lie to me

about these kind of things,
so if you just admit

that you checked her out,
I'll just drop this whole thing.

Whit, it's been like five
hours since I've seen you last.

Nothing new has annoyed you yet?

Nothing that knocked you
out of first.

Are we really
still talking about this?

Yeah, I just want you
to be honest with me.

I thought he was putting 2%

in the half-and-half.

Seriously!
You think I am an idiot.

No, I don't think
you're being an idiot,

I just think you're taking this
a little bit too far.

No, I just want you to be
honest with me, I--

you know I'm not
a complete moron, I'm not.

- It's really just--
- Shh!

Okay.

You just shushed me.

Great!

I'll "shh."

You're about to be
knee-deep in "shh."

I can "shh" like nobody else.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

'Cause you know it means
the exact opposite

of what you're doing right now?

Come on, Whit,

let's just order in some dinner,
okay?

What do you feel like having?
We can get whatever you want.

Whitney?

Whit?

Wah!

Am I actually getting
the silent treatment?

Is that what this is?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what's happening, huh?

All right, well,
I definitely know how this goes.

Uh, hey, Whitney,
what do you want for dinner?

I don't care Alex, I'm such

an easygoing girlfriend.

Okay, Whit, what about
Chinese food?

Well, can we all just agree

that there is no such thing
as good Chinese food?

M.S.G.? Seriously?

Like restaurants actually have
to advertise not putting poison

in their food?

Oh yeah, Whit, I forgot,
you have such strong opinions

about Chinese food.

What about Sushi?

Whoa, just wait a gol-darn minute.

Why? So I can overdose on
Mercury and grow another neck?

All right, let's just skip
the whole idea

and go into the bedroom
and have sex.

Oh, my gosh, that's such

a good idea, Alex.

I love having sex with you,

but you make it last so long.

Just for once,
can you focus on yourself?

Why aren't pictures
of me in my apartment enough

for my Facebook page?

Why do we have
to Photoshop me in Prague?

It's so you look worldly
and Cosmopolitan,

and we're not in Prague.

We're in Rome.

My bad.

Yeah.

Neal says he's gonna
take me to Rome someday.

He says the lifestyle
is so relaxed, you know?

People drink wine for breakfast
and children smoke.

Okay, Roxanne,

give me a look that says,
you know, like,

"I'm fun, date me."

That look says, "I'm
out of heroin and I'm cold."

Hey, guys.

- Hi.
- Hey.

Whitney.

Still nothing, huh?

This is still, uh,
a thing we're doing, yeah?

All right.

Lily, this was outside for you.

Really?

"I thought you ladies might be
thirsty from your photoshoot.

Love, Neal.
P.S. You all look beautiful."

Aww.

That is so sweet.

I know.

Neal is the best.

He can't even see you.

You know, I would've taken
the trash out

if you'd told me it was full.

You just need
to use your words, babe.

Tell me who it is
and I'll let you in.

Safety's off.

What is that supposed to mean?
Hello?

Eh, it means hello,
goodbye, thank you.

It's, uh, it's my aloha.

Is Whitney out there? I locked
her out of the apartment.

You can probably end
this whole thing

by telling her the truth.

But what do I know?
I'm no Neal the wonder kid.

I didn't go
to girlfriend college.

I'm not an Indian wizard.

Well, look,
I'm not letting her in

until she starts talking
to me again.

It's done.

Game over.

Hello, mark.

- Hey, dude.
- Hey, dude.

Hey, Whit, how are you?

Mark, thank you so much
for helping me, mark.

You still not talking to me?
Really?

You know I kind of miss
your voice.

Not really the volume of it,

but more
the sentiment behind it.

Dude, are you okay?

I am awesome!

At first I thought that this
whole silent treatment thing

was kind of a bummer,
but now I'm realizing

it's kinda great.

I ate a pop-tart.

The wrapper,
I just threw it on the floor.

And I was able to finish

the whole first season
of Dexter, and guess what.

I didn't have to explain
anything to anybody.

That is beautiful.

Hey, did you know
that baseball games

have commentators?

You're a genius.

When life gives you lemons,
you tell the lemons to "shh."

Whoops.

Okay. I'm sorry.

These photos are great.

I look good in Rome.

I think it's all the walking.

Yeah.

Yeah, you look great,
but it's just you

in all these pictures.

It looks a little
eat. Pray. Lonely.

You need to look popular.

- I am popular.
- No.

Being popular doesn't
count anymore unless

you have the pictures
to prove it.

I know.

We'll have drinks tonight,
I'll invite some people,

we'll post the photos.

I'm gonna call Neal, see
if he can bring some ethnicity.

White people
aren't cool anymore.

- Hi.
- Hi. Hi.

Sorry I'm late, I had to have
mark help me move some stuff

'cause I'm still giving Alex
the silent treatment.

You should see him,
he is such a mess.

And I know
I should feel bad about it,

and a small part of me does,

but it's just such a small part.

Nice.
Tell me, how is he such a mess?

Oh, he's got
pop-tart wrappers everywhere,

he's lounging around
in his sweats,

staring at the tv all day.

I think he's gonna
come clean soon.

- Or is he?
- Yeah.

'Cause isn't all that stuff

the stuff that guys love?

He's miserable, okay?

He's--he's lying around.

He was so bored
that he read a book,

and he's watching tv all day,

and--oh, my God,

that little bitch.

Hey, Neal thinks he can get us

two Koreans and an Egyptian.

Hey, Whit.

Hi, honey.

- You're talking to me now?
- Oh, yes, I am.

And I have more
to say than ever.

You know, I was doing such
a childish thing

giving you the silent treatment,

waiting for you to admit
to checking out that girl,

but of course you didn't,

or you would have
admitted it, right?

- Right.
- Right.

In that case, I want to catch up

on everything
that's been happening.

First, I had
this dream last night,

and we were in this apartment,
and it wasn't our apartment,

but it looked exactly
like our apartment,

and there were lamps everywhere.

And then, I read my horoscope,

and it said that I would be
on a windy road,

and that everything would be
illuminated.

And it also said
that my power color is blue,

so let's go to my closet
and talk about

my prettiest blue things.

Hmm, this is more
of a royal blue

and this is more
of a cornflower.

Wait, is this room
the right color?

I feel like we should talk
about repainting.

I know, we should sit down,

and we should go through
magazines page by page

and talk about inspiration

for redecorating
for, I don't know,

like, four or five hours?

Thoughts?

I didn't check her out.

Oh, I know you didn't.

You know what's
a really good color? Periwinkle.

That would be perfect in here.

I once had a periwinkle tanktop,

but I left it a guy's house
named Chad,

who I met at a y2k party.

You know what?
It was not a y2k party.

It was flag day,
I remember now,

'cause we were having...

His name was not Chet.

No, no.

I am getting all
of my ex-boyfriends confused.

I think I need to list

all of my ex-boyfriends
alphabetically,

'cause I keep
getting them confused.

What comes first,
Aron with one "a"

or Aaron with two "a"s?

I didn't check her out.

Oh, of course you didn't.

You know what's weird?
The Aron with one "a"

was in a.A.,
'cause he was an alcoholic.

So weird.

Anyway, Aron, Aaron, Brian--

but I didn't call him that,
I called him peanut--

um...

Hey, Roxanne,
go stand with those hot guys

and pretend like
they said something funny.

Good, now pretend like
you like his fedora.

I can't do that.

And that's why I feel like
I learned everything

I know about being a woman
from Mr. belvedere, you know?

I mean, I used to write
about him in my journal

every day after school.

You know what?
I have low blood sugar,

we should probably
order some food,

or maybe I'll just get
some wine--

- I'll get it.

You guys, I think I need
to tell Whitney the truth.

All right,
if she doesn't stop talking,

I'm gonna suffocate myself

with her dead body.

You sure you don't want
to run that by the, uh,

relationship president?

Please end this.

I am running out
of things to get Lily.

I mean, I bought her a star.

Oh, hey, my buddies are here.

No...

They brought stupid new guy.

Yo, mark,

let's do this thing.

How 'bout let's not
do this thing?

Yeah. Let's uh,

let's not do this thing.

- Good one.
- Yeah!

I can't do this anymore.

I just talked about Capri pants
for 45 minutes.

I feel like
I'm hosting the view.

All right, well, you only have
one card left to play.

It's time to go nuclear.

Full female assault.

I don't know, I just,

I really don't feel like

you think I'm pretty.

And, and, just--

I know I'm kind of emotional
right now,

but I just got my period

and it's just kind of
a weird one.

Uh! Okay.

Uh, God, okay!

Whit, fine, I checked her out.

I knew you did!

Yeah, I did, all right?

- You happy? Okay?
- Yeah.

Because I'm a man,

and this is what men do.

I-I-it's not even my fault,
all right?

When a man sees
an attractive woman, he notices.

You really wanna know?

You want me to tell you
every time it happens?

I just want you
to be honest with me.

Okay, cool.
Well, guess what.

There's four hot chicks
in this bar right now.

Red dress over there by the bar,

her friend yellow skirt,

pink stripes getting food,

a-and Roxanne,

who I clocked before
I realized it was her.

Aww!

Thank you.

They weren't nice thoughts,
at all.

Great.

Great.

I'm gonna go get a beer.

Yellow skirt? Really?

See! You don't really
wanna know the truth.

Of course I don't!

'Cause women
are not animals, okay?

We don't run around
gawking at dudes like,

"oh, hey, Roxanne,
check out the bulge on that guy.

I wanna tear that up."

No, you just pretend like

you don't like Ryan gosling
because he's hot.

You say it's because
he--he rescues dogs

and he hates being famous.

That's what
he told Jimmy fallon.

And I'm sorry that
I'm so shallow for liking a man

for his mind.

Oh, really?
So it's okay if I just...

Let all this go?

'Cause you haven't already?

Look, I'm sorry.

Okay?

I handled all this
really stupidly

because I didn't want you
to take it as a sign

that something was wrong with
our relationship, all right?

I know your dad cheated
on your mom

and your mom cheated
on your stepdad--

- no, my dad cheated on my mom

and my stepmom cheated
on my dad.

Right. Everybody kinda
cheated on everybody,

I'm just saying.

The point is,

is that we're not them.

Okay?

Okay.

Come here.

I'm so glad they made up.

I feel like whenever they fight

it kind of affects us.

Neal.

What?

Just people-watching.

Want to go to Rome?

Yes!

That dude just checked you out.

- Who?
- Blue shirt.

Oh, the fighter pilot?

How do you know
he's a fighter pilot?

Oh, I just thought that
when I saw him.

I also imagine that
he has good credit,

no cavities, and builds houses
for poor people.

Oh, what?

Are we done being honest?

Oh, what?

Ah, am I getting
the silent treatment?

It's okay,
I know how this goes.

Oh, look at me!

Yes!

Oh, I'm Alex, look at me
and my beard.

- I think--
- You're a jerk.

That's a terrible impression.

Duh, I think I'm
in a '90s grunge band.

Look at me, I'm Alex.

My eyebrow moves
all over my face.

Look at me...

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