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1
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,120
I got my toiletries.
I got my show clothes.
2
00:00:08,140 --> 00:00:10,150
Make sure that, uh,
Brian sends out my trunk.
3
00:00:10,169 --> 00:00:12,059
And, uh, the avocados.
4
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,220
Oh, for God's
sake Hank,
5
00:00:13,240 --> 00:00:15,240
you're not going
off to college, you know.
6
00:00:15,259 --> 00:00:18,149
You're spending a week
with a family in Wisconsin.
7
00:00:18,170 --> 00:00:19,210
Geez, it's just a bit.
8
00:00:19,230 --> 00:00:22,290
Yes, but a bit with enormous
spin-off potential!
9
00:00:23,010 --> 00:00:24,140
Why should
Charles Kuralt
10
00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:26,040
have a monopoly in
this kind of shit!
11
00:00:26,059 --> 00:00:27,999
Hank, Charlie's
no longer with us.
12
00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:30,039
I know, that's
what I'm saying!
13
00:00:30,059 --> 00:00:33,059
It's, it's wide open!
14
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:36,210
We're back
with, uh, Steven Wright.
15
00:00:36,229 --> 00:00:43,029
Of course, Steven, who is...
oddly enough...
16
00:00:43,049 --> 00:00:44,279
I just realized when
I said Steven Wright,
17
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,280
that you're actually
to my right.
18
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,250
It's a good thing
your name isn't Steven Left
19
00:00:48,270 --> 00:00:50,240
because I'd be looking this way.
20
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:53,039
(laughter)
21
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:56,209
So...
Yeah?
22
00:00:56,229 --> 00:00:58,179
You're gonna be
in town all week?
23
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,120
Uh, probably, yeah.
24
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:04,280
Good. And, uh,
anything special going on?
25
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:09,180
Well, I was at a, uh...
benefit at the planetarium
26
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,160
last night,
and, uh...
Yeah?
27
00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:15,190
Stephen Hawking
was mad at me
28
00:01:15,210 --> 00:01:18,200
'cause I took
his parkin' space, and...
29
00:01:18,219 --> 00:01:21,289
I said to him,
"Don't you have
30
00:01:22,010 --> 00:01:26,100
better things
to think about?"
31
00:01:27,289 --> 00:01:29,159
So are you
a Boston Red Sox fan?
32
00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:31,190
Well, I go to lots
of the games,
33
00:01:31,210 --> 00:01:32,240
Uh-huh.
34
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:34,209
I follow the team
regularly,
Yeah.
35
00:01:34,229 --> 00:01:36,249
I love goin'
to Fenway Park.
36
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:41,000
I do not consider
myself a fan.
37
00:01:42,129 --> 00:01:44,159
I don't wanna
be labeled.
38
00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:51,009
Have you ever learned
a, um, a foreign language?
39
00:01:51,030 --> 00:01:53,180
Yes,
I'm studying Italian. I'm...
40
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,280
Really?
I'm...
41
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,050
I've been studying
Italian for years
42
00:01:57,069 --> 00:01:59,059
because
I have to study it,
43
00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:02,239
'cause it's-- I eventually
wanna teach it.
44
00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,270
Let me ask
you this,
Yeah?
45
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:09,260
Uh, are you
raising horses?
46
00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:12,020
Am I raising horses,
absolutely.
47
00:02:12,039 --> 00:02:13,089
Someone said
you were raising horses.
48
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:15,140
Absolutely, I've been
raising horses for years.
49
00:02:15,159 --> 00:02:17,089
They're getting
taller and taller...
50
00:02:17,110 --> 00:02:19,210
and, uh... it's goin' great.
51
00:02:19,229 --> 00:02:22,259
You should come over sometime
and we'll watch them.
52
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:28,010
Horses are a fabulously
interesting animal.
53
00:02:28,030 --> 00:02:31,020
They're one
of the only species named that.
54
00:02:35,050 --> 00:02:37,020
Why don't
we take a break
55
00:02:37,039 --> 00:02:39,069
and, uh,
we'll come, uh, right back.
56
00:02:39,090 --> 00:02:40,080
No flipping.
57
00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:45,019
(applause)
58
00:02:46,150 --> 00:02:49,080
Very, very funny.
Both of you.
59
00:02:49,099 --> 00:02:50,289
Do you know where
Beverly is?
60
00:02:51,009 --> 00:02:53,249
(Beverly vomiting)
61
00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:58,080
Beverly,
are you okay?
62
00:02:58,099 --> 00:02:59,129
Yes.
63
00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:00,150
You know,
I did that once.
64
00:03:00,169 --> 00:03:02,079
I lost 15 pounds,
but I gained it all back.
65
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:03,259
I'm not bulimic.
66
00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:04,290
Come on, Beverly,
67
00:03:05,009 --> 00:03:06,219
this isn't the first time
this week I've been in here
68
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,280
while you're doing that.
I'm pregnant,
all right?
69
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,200
Oh my God...
Congratulations!
70
00:03:11,219 --> 00:03:13,129
(gags)
71
00:03:13,150 --> 00:03:14,160
Who's the father?
72
00:03:14,180 --> 00:03:15,170
I don't wanna
discuss it.
73
00:03:15,189 --> 00:03:16,209
It's not Larry,
is it?
74
00:03:17,229 --> 00:03:18,259
Close?
75
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,080
It was a guest,
all right?
76
00:03:21,099 --> 00:03:22,119
You're kidding, who?
77
00:03:22,139 --> 00:03:23,189
Never mind
who it was.
78
00:03:23,210 --> 00:03:25,090
We're not seeing
each other anymore.
79
00:03:25,110 --> 00:03:27,060
And, Mary Lou,
I would appreciate it
if you didn't
80
00:03:27,079 --> 00:03:28,229
let anybody know
about this, okay?
81
00:03:28,250 --> 00:03:31,010
Of course.
82
00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:32,110
I keep thinking
it's Martin Lawrence.
83
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,169
Nah, he's too wild.
84
00:03:33,189 --> 00:03:35,189
his idea of a first date
is driving into a tree.
85
00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:37,050
Oh, no,
Beverly likes wild men.
86
00:03:37,069 --> 00:03:38,269
I know things you guys
don't wanna know about.
87
00:03:38,289 --> 00:03:40,139
Richard Mulligan.
88
00:03:40,159 --> 00:03:42,079
What about
human interest guests?
89
00:03:42,099 --> 00:03:44,039
Well, if you're
gonna throw some money down
90
00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:46,060
on the potato chip lady,
go for it.
91
00:03:46,079 --> 00:03:48,029
No, I was thinking
the log man.
92
00:03:48,050 --> 00:03:50,280
David Copperfield!
Oh, yeah!
93
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,030
Huh?
Yeah, because he's tired
of fucking Claudia Schiffer.
94
00:03:53,050 --> 00:03:55,020
Okay, enough
of this mumbo jumbo.
95
00:03:55,039 --> 00:03:56,209
I just wanna make
a straight bet.
96
00:03:56,229 --> 00:03:59,019
50 bucks,
Billy Dee Williams.
97
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,269
My man, Sid.
98
00:04:00,289 --> 00:04:02,209
Brian:
That is so 1970s!
99
00:04:02,229 --> 00:04:04,119
Ladies
and gentlemen,
100
00:04:04,139 --> 00:04:07,089
excuse me... and Phil.
101
00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:09,140
Beloved Larry
would like you
102
00:04:09,159 --> 00:04:11,169
to take another pass
at the Richard Simmons
103
00:04:11,189 --> 00:04:12,279
space shuttle sketch.
104
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,260
What's wrong
with it?
105
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:17,010
I believe the word
"bad" was bandied about.
106
00:04:18,199 --> 00:04:20,209
What are you hiding
over there?
107
00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:22,240
Oh, no.
We jus-- we have this
little pool... goin'.
108
00:04:22,259 --> 00:04:24,279
Oh, for God's sake.
109
00:04:27,220 --> 00:04:30,250
Show some decency,
this is Beverly.
110
00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,220
Jimmy Caan?
111
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:41,010
No way, he's still
tied up in court.
112
00:04:41,029 --> 00:04:42,179
(applause)
113
00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,099
Once again,
time to check in with Hank,
114
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,260
who is staying
with the Schmitts
115
00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:47,179
in Racine, Wisconsin,
and I think, Hank,
116
00:04:47,199 --> 00:04:50,049
you're making an apple pie
or something?
117
00:04:50,069 --> 00:04:53,009
You want to be real liberal
with the cinnamon.
118
00:04:53,029 --> 00:04:54,999
A lot of people don't know
Hank used to work
119
00:04:55,019 --> 00:04:57,269
at the House of Pies
before he worked here.
120
00:04:57,290 --> 00:05:02,080
We get the edges...
and... et voila!
121
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,160
That is how you make
Grandma Kingsley's
122
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:06,000
famous apple pie.
123
00:05:06,019 --> 00:05:08,259
Looks good.
Grandma was, uh...
was from Russia,
124
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,219
Uh, Minsk, I believe.
125
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:14,040
She came over here
with, um... with, with Dad,
and, and the...
126
00:05:14,060 --> 00:05:16,290
and the twins.
Uh, and, uh, you know,
127
00:05:17,009 --> 00:05:19,059
she was the, uh, first one
uh, in her neighborhood
128
00:05:19,079 --> 00:05:21,179
to own a Minsk coat.
129
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:25,009
I think you mean--
he means mink.
130
00:05:25,029 --> 00:05:27,209
No, she was from Minsk.
131
00:05:29,009 --> 00:05:32,149
Now, um, as you know,
Larry, I mean, obviously
we don't have time
132
00:05:32,170 --> 00:05:33,200
to bake
this particular pie,
133
00:05:33,220 --> 00:05:35,010
so I thought ahead...
134
00:05:35,029 --> 00:05:41,999
Uh, sorry.
And, um... and I, uh...
I put this in the oven...
135
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,249
and so now
we can check out the, uh...
136
00:05:44,269 --> 00:05:46,159
the finished product.
137
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:48,220
It smells good from here,
if I may say.
138
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,040
As you can see,
139
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:53,020
the, uh... the, uh...
the-- it, uh...
140
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:59,110
the, um, um,
crust is, uh, is, uh,
uh, tender, flaky...
141
00:05:59,129 --> 00:06:00,139
Larry:
Hank.
Yeah?
142
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,050
Hank, I'm no expert
on pies,
143
00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:04,129
but that one looks like
it needs to go back in
144
00:06:04,149 --> 00:06:06,089
for another three
or four hours.
145
00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:10,080
You forgot
to turn the oven on.
146
00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:15,229
Why don't you put your head
in there, Hank,
147
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,220
see if it's working!
148
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,120
Why don't we, uh,
take a break,
149
00:06:20,139 --> 00:06:23,129
and we'll be, uh, right back.
No flipping.
150
00:06:28,019 --> 00:06:30,189
That's it, that's it,
that's it, that, that's it!
151
00:06:32,090 --> 00:06:34,190
The show is over.
152
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,180
I'm turning
into Bud Melman.
153
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,229
What?
154
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,250
What, what did we do?
155
00:06:41,269 --> 00:06:43,109
(mockingly)
What did we do?
What did we do?
156
00:06:43,129 --> 00:06:45,069
Please, everyone,
could you sit down?
157
00:06:45,090 --> 00:06:47,190
Come on, come on,
sit down, sit down.
158
00:06:47,209 --> 00:06:52,259
Uh... okay. Let's go,
let's go over this... again.
159
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,049
The premise
of this bit is,
160
00:06:55,069 --> 00:06:57,099
Hank moves in
with a bunch of yokels,
161
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:01,240
not, a bunch of yokels
make Hank look like...
162
00:07:01,259 --> 00:07:04,199
an asshole!
163
00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:06,080
Anyway, thanks for being
here tonight.
164
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,150
I know it went quickly.
165
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:10,090
I can't believe
this is an hour-long
talk show myself,
166
00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:13,180
tonight, didn't it seem more
like 54 minutes?
167
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:16,159
Sleep well, and, uh,
I'll see ya tomorrow.
168
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:19,090
My guests will be, uh,
Eriq La Salle,
169
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:21,020
Drew Carey
and Michael Bolton.
170
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,030
(applause)
171
00:07:23,050 --> 00:07:25,140
Who can sleep?
172
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:27,150
I won't be able
to sleep.
173
00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:33,010
It's one
of those guys!
174
00:07:33,029 --> 00:07:35,179
Shh, shh, shh!
Everybody calm down.
175
00:07:35,199 --> 00:07:36,999
We didn't hear a thing.
176
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:42,240
Wow, wow, wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow, wow...
177
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:52,110
Three queens.
178
00:07:52,129 --> 00:07:54,169
Oh, shit!
179
00:07:57,149 --> 00:07:59,049
Shit.
180
00:07:59,069 --> 00:08:02,239
oh, shit, shit, shit!
181
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:10,070
Sorry, Russ, Lady Luck
just gave me a blow job.
182
00:08:10,089 --> 00:08:11,149
No...
183
00:08:11,170 --> 00:08:15,100
Excuse me,
excuse me...
184
00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,110
Mm. I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
sorry, sorry...
185
00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:21,169
Go get 'em, big guy.
186
00:08:21,189 --> 00:08:22,269
Yeah.
187
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:25,230
He was drinking again.
188
00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:29,080
He was doing
so well, 91 days!
189
00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:37,040
Hey. Come on,
enough of that.
190
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,069
I just don't know
what to do anymore.
191
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:43,030
He's not the man
I married.
192
00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:46,269
All right, come on,
come on... enough of that.
193
00:08:46,289 --> 00:08:48,279
Come on.
194
00:08:52,169 --> 00:08:54,249
Shh, shh, shh...
195
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,260
Oh, you're here.
196
00:09:16,279 --> 00:09:18,269
Yes. Uh, you want
something?
197
00:09:18,289 --> 00:09:22,129
Oh, no, uh...
well, I was just looking
for a protein shake, actually.
198
00:09:22,149 --> 00:09:25,129
Oh. Oh! I'm sorry,
your protein shake.
I'm sorry, I'm...
199
00:09:25,149 --> 00:09:26,249
No, that's okay.
200
00:09:26,269 --> 00:09:27,269
Sorry.
201
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,140
Well, don't worry
about it... I'll get it.
202
00:09:30,159 --> 00:09:32,189
Oh no,
I'll get it.
203
00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:36,040
No, um, just, um, give me,
give me 15 minutes.
204
00:09:36,059 --> 00:09:38,239
You know, I just--
what if I-- this is
a great idea, I think.
205
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:40,209
Maybe you should come in
a few minutes early
each morning,
206
00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:42,050
and then you could make
some protein shakes,
207
00:09:42,070 --> 00:09:43,130
and then, you know,
there they'd be.
208
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:46,109
You want me to come in
even earlier?
209
00:09:46,129 --> 00:09:48,149
Sure, or late,
you could stay late,
you know,
210
00:09:48,169 --> 00:09:49,149
whichever works out best.
211
00:09:49,169 --> 00:09:52,099
Larry, I'm in this office
already for 12 hours.
212
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,140
If you think I'm gonna
come in even a minute early,
213
00:09:54,159 --> 00:09:55,159
I think you're
out of your mind,
214
00:09:55,179 --> 00:09:57,129
because
I have a life... okay?
215
00:09:57,149 --> 00:09:59,129
Excuse me, folks,
it's that time.
216
00:09:59,149 --> 00:10:00,159
Hey.
217
00:10:00,179 --> 00:10:03,119
Pardon me, Beverly.
Let's go, kiddo.
218
00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:08,160
What the fuck was that about?
What, what is going on?
219
00:10:08,179 --> 00:10:11,009
Larry...
she's pregnant.
220
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:14,020
Who?
221
00:10:14,039 --> 00:10:15,099
Beverly.
222
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:19,170
Well, why didn't, um...
she tell me?
223
00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:22,070
Well, we thought she should,
but she didn't 'cause,
224
00:10:22,090 --> 00:10:23,250
you know, she didn't want
to hurt your feelings,
225
00:10:23,269 --> 00:10:25,009
you know how close
you two are.
226
00:10:25,029 --> 00:10:27,159
Well, we are close.
227
00:10:27,179 --> 00:10:28,249
Is she married?
228
00:10:28,269 --> 00:10:29,259
No.
229
00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:30,289
Is she...
dating someone?
230
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:32,019
Not that
I know of.
231
00:10:32,039 --> 00:10:33,219
Well, who is it?
232
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,140
It's one
of tonight's guests.
233
00:10:43,169 --> 00:10:46,119
Drew Carey, Eriq La Salle,
Michael Bolton?
234
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:51,159
Eriq. Hey. Thanks
for comin' to do the show,
appreciate it.
235
00:10:51,179 --> 00:10:52,239
Yeah, thank you, Larry.
236
00:10:52,259 --> 00:10:54,129
Good, everything all right?
Need anything?
237
00:10:54,149 --> 00:10:55,139
No, no, no,
everything's fine.
238
00:10:55,159 --> 00:10:58,009
Any problems?
Okay, good, good, good.
239
00:10:58,029 --> 00:11:00,009
'Cause if anything needs to be
taken care of, let me know.
240
00:11:00,029 --> 00:11:01,179
Yeah, yeah.
I'm fine.
241
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,100
Happy to see you,
we'll talk about Italy,
242
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,130
and we'll talk a little bit
about, uh... whatever.
243
00:11:06,149 --> 00:11:07,179
Yeah.
Whatever you wanna
talk about,
244
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,280
I'm, I'm open, man.
Great.
245
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,190
Whatever.
246
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:11,280
Is somethin' wrong?
247
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,240
No... no,
everything's cool.
248
00:11:14,259 --> 00:11:17,009
I'm just sortin'
some shit out here.
249
00:11:17,029 --> 00:11:18,289
You know, yeah.
250
00:11:19,009 --> 00:11:21,049
Anything
I can help with?
251
00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:22,080
No, it's...
252
00:11:22,100 --> 00:11:24,250
Well, you know...
whenever I've had a problem,
253
00:11:24,269 --> 00:11:27,069
I always try to do the thing
that seems that...
254
00:11:27,090 --> 00:11:29,050
I'm most afraid of.
255
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,250
You think I should
leave "ER"?
256
00:11:32,269 --> 00:11:35,179
"ER"?
257
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,000
Welcome back,
of course,
258
00:11:37,019 --> 00:11:40,179
every uh, night we've been
checking in with Hank,
259
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,010
who is living
with the Schmitt family
260
00:11:42,029 --> 00:11:43,059
in Racine, Wisconsin,
261
00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,170
and let's see
how he's doing today.
262
00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:47,060
Hi, Hank.
How are you doing?
263
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,150
Fine, Larry.
How are you today?
264
00:11:49,169 --> 00:11:51,049
Larry:
Good, is that
a, a feather duster
265
00:11:51,070 --> 00:11:52,170
you're, you're holding there?
266
00:11:52,190 --> 00:11:53,270
Yes... yes it is.
267
00:11:53,289 --> 00:11:55,249
Larry:
Oh... that's a relief.
268
00:11:55,269 --> 00:11:57,259
You're gonna be doing
a little housework
today, huh?
269
00:11:57,279 --> 00:12:00,199
That's right,
because when you win a week
with Hank, y-- you,
270
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,090
you get a full
range of services.
271
00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:06,160
I said when I got back,
I wanted you gone.
272
00:12:06,179 --> 00:12:08,009
Russ:
Okay? Did ya hear me?
273
00:12:08,029 --> 00:12:10,149
(bleeping)
274
00:12:10,169 --> 00:12:12,079
Russ:
I want him out of here now.
275
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:14,160
He can take his whore
with him! Okay?
(woman sobbing)
276
00:12:14,179 --> 00:12:17,249
Looks like a delightful place
the Schmitts have.
277
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,999
Hank:
Uh, uh, that's great, Larry...
278
00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:22,179
I can't find
any of this...
279
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:25,110
I can't find
any of this on the page.
280
00:12:27,019 --> 00:12:29,289
Now, I understand
that you've also-- you--
you've been working out?
281
00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:31,169
Yeah, I went to join
the Warner Brothers gym,
282
00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:33,290
and, uh, the guy there,
the first thing he tells me
283
00:12:34,009 --> 00:12:35,199
is you have to learn
to listen to your body.
284
00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:37,140
Mm-hm.
Like, how do you think
my body got like this
285
00:12:37,159 --> 00:12:38,249
in the first place?
286
00:12:40,289 --> 00:12:42,279
Listen to your body,
"Hi, give me a porno tape
and a pizza!"
287
00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,280
Yeah, comin' right up.
Yes, oh, best body,
I obey.
288
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,270
I don't listen
to my body.
Don't.
289
00:12:51,289 --> 00:12:53,259
No. I don't listen to my body,
but then honestly,
290
00:12:53,279 --> 00:12:55,279
I don't think it ever
tries to say anything.
291
00:12:57,179 --> 00:12:59,069
Now, you're
from Cleveland, right?
Yeah.
292
00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:01,160
You did that big song
about Cleveland.
Right,
"Cleveland Rocks," right.
293
00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:02,269
And you're
from Cleveland.
Right.
294
00:13:02,289 --> 00:13:04,119
so you must
be a big Cleveland Indians fan.
295
00:13:04,139 --> 00:13:05,239
Huge Cleveland Indians
fan, yeah.
296
00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:07,109
The only thing
is that, you know, every year,
297
00:13:07,129 --> 00:13:08,179
it's tough being
in Cleveland,
298
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,130
because you have
to wear the logo,
the Chief Wahoo logo,
299
00:13:10,149 --> 00:13:11,199
and there's a few people
don't like it,
300
00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:14,010
'cause, 'cause, yeah,
nobody has a logo
about him...
301
00:13:14,029 --> 00:13:17,269
Chef Boyardee, Aunt Jemima,
Fightin' Irish...
302
00:13:17,289 --> 00:13:19,249
that's all I can tell you,
if you're an American Indian
303
00:13:19,269 --> 00:13:21,009
and you're offended
by the logo,
304
00:13:21,029 --> 00:13:22,079
all I can tell you is,
305
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,190
hey, you should've
fought harder.
306
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:28,190
Now, did you ever
hear this one?
307
00:13:28,210 --> 00:13:31,250
If, uh, if women ran the country
there would be no war.
Uh-huh.
308
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,059
Yeah, I'm sure no one
would start a fight
309
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,170
for no reason at all
if women ran the world.
310
00:13:36,289 --> 00:13:39,009
Why don't we take a--
Let's go out on that,
311
00:13:39,029 --> 00:13:41,149
'cause, you know,
then I can forward
the letters right to you!
312
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:44,039
Okay.
We'll be right back.
No flipping.
313
00:13:44,059 --> 00:13:45,149
No flipping.
314
00:13:45,169 --> 00:13:48,219
(applause)
315
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,230
Hilarious.
316
00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:51,120
Thanks, man.
317
00:13:51,139 --> 00:13:53,019
Yes, really funny,
I wished we could've
talked more
318
00:13:53,039 --> 00:13:54,109
about your
personal life.
319
00:13:54,129 --> 00:13:56,999
Oh, yeah, but you mention
one hooker, you gotta mention
them all.
320
00:13:57,019 --> 00:14:00,019
You never think
they'd be so territorial,
but Jesus Christ!
321
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:02,019
Hey! Uh, I'm workin'
on a new bit,
322
00:14:02,039 --> 00:14:03,229
tell me what you think
of this for Vegas.
323
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:05,210
Great to be here at Caesars,
I've only been here a day,
324
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:06,220
I'm already up 10 grand.
325
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:08,160
Of course I had to let
a fat Arab fuck me up the ass,
326
00:14:08,179 --> 00:14:09,189
but hey!
327
00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:13,050
I heard
you like black women.
328
00:14:13,070 --> 00:14:14,180
I like 'em all.
329
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,160
Really?
Yeah, I mean, I think
women are like snow flakes,
330
00:14:16,179 --> 00:14:18,069
you know?
331
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,010
Are you fucking
my secretary?
332
00:14:20,029 --> 00:14:22,039
No, you want me to?
333
00:14:22,059 --> 00:14:25,159
No, no, no, no, no,
no, I don't.
334
00:14:25,179 --> 00:14:27,089
I just know
that it's Drew Carey.
335
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:28,250
Right... good choice,
good choice.
336
00:14:28,269 --> 00:14:30,129
Larry:
Please give a warm welcome
Eriq La Salle.
337
00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:32,099
I'll take
Eriq La Salle.
338
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,280
(applause)
Michael Bolton.
339
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,080
Good to see you.
340
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:40,090
Have a seat.
341
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:42,210
Nice to have you here,
sorry we kept you so long,
342
00:14:42,230 --> 00:14:44,240
the show has gone
very... long
343
00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:46,049
thanks to Hank!
344
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:48,120
(sobbing)
345
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:50,179
So tell me
about how your character's
346
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,000
coming along on "ER."
347
00:14:53,019 --> 00:14:58,279
Um... he... basically messed up
and got his girlfriend pregnant,
348
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,220
and they had a baby.
349
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,100
Talk about human, right?
350
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:05,210
Idiot.
351
00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:07,060
Uh, hey, uh... Beverly?
352
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,090
Yes?
353
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,070
Listen, uh, Larry told me
that we might hit it off,
354
00:15:10,090 --> 00:15:12,120
so I thought,
maybe you'd like
to go out to dinner with me.
355
00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:14,209
I'm pregnant.
356
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:17,210
Hey, the more
the merrier.
357
00:15:19,139 --> 00:15:22,189
Well... I don't think
it's La Salle,
358
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:24,110
it's not Drew Carey,
359
00:15:24,129 --> 00:15:27,229
that leaves one man,
pretty boy.
360
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:29,080
Yeah, you know singers,
361
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:32,180
they're just a pair
of lungs with a dick.
362
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,130
Right. We're...
Get going.
Okay.
363
00:15:37,139 --> 00:15:39,009
(applause)
364
00:15:39,029 --> 00:15:41,039
We're back,
and, uh, my next guest
365
00:15:41,059 --> 00:15:43,119
is of course,
very popular.
366
00:15:43,139 --> 00:15:45,179
We're lucky to, um, have him.
367
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,220
His new CD is called
"All that Matters,"
368
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,060
and, uh, please
give a warm welcome
369
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:52,190
to Michael Bolton.
Michael Bolton.
370
00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:56,270
(applause)
371
00:16:13,279 --> 00:16:17,169
♪ I got this something
to tell you ♪
372
00:16:19,039 --> 00:16:23,019
♪ There ain't no doubt
in my mind ♪
373
00:16:24,139 --> 00:16:29,029
♪ All I'm askin'
to keep you near forever ♪
374
00:16:29,049 --> 00:16:33,079
♪ Just till
the end of time ♪
375
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:38,089
Beverly. Beverly!
376
00:16:38,110 --> 00:16:40,270
Beverly, wait!
Beverly, Beverly,
I wanna talk to you!
377
00:16:40,289 --> 00:16:43,109
Oh, now you
wanna talk.
378
00:16:43,129 --> 00:16:45,209
I left that message for you
four days ago, Eriq.
379
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:48,090
Look, I'm sor-- I'm sorry
I didn't return your call.
380
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:50,210
Oh, well, I just called you
to tell you I'm... pregnant.
381
00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:53,050
Yes!
Thank you!
382
00:16:54,210 --> 00:16:55,260
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, Beverly!
383
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:59,120
Um... whoa.
384
00:16:59,139 --> 00:17:02,129
Look, I'm, I'm sorry,
I-- you know,
385
00:17:02,149 --> 00:17:03,159
I've been directing
this film,
386
00:17:03,179 --> 00:17:04,169
and my mind has
just been on...
387
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,260
W-- w-- wait,
wait a minute,
388
00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:07,139
I-- I just told you
that I'm pregnant,
389
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,240
and this is
how you react,
390
00:17:08,259 --> 00:17:09,279
you're directing
a film?
391
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,030
No, no, no, no.
392
00:17:11,049 --> 00:17:12,269
Look, I'm, I'm just trying
to sort through this thing,
393
00:17:12,289 --> 00:17:14,169
because I-- I'm trying
to do the right thing here.
394
00:17:14,190 --> 00:17:15,240
Oh, well, let me
help you out there.
395
00:17:15,259 --> 00:17:17,149
Just keep on doing
what you have been doing.
396
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:18,200
Nothing.
397
00:17:18,220 --> 00:17:21,150
Because I can
raise this baby
just fine without you.
398
00:17:21,170 --> 00:17:23,090
Oh, no, Beverly,
no-- Beverly... I'm--
399
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:25,229
Eriq!
400
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:28,070
Yeah,
that's real mature.
401
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:33,149
♪ You know you've got
my, my deepest devotion ♪
402
00:17:33,170 --> 00:17:36,090
♪ Just keep
givin' me ♪
403
00:17:36,109 --> 00:17:38,209
♪ Just keep on
givin' me ♪
404
00:17:38,230 --> 00:17:41,130
♪ The best of love,
best of love ♪
405
00:17:41,150 --> 00:17:44,030
♪ Best of love, baby ♪
406
00:17:44,049 --> 00:17:46,279
♪ Ain't nothin' better ♪
407
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:52,220
♪ The best of love, babe ♪
408
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,070
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
409
00:17:56,089 --> 00:17:59,089
♪ Keep on givin' me ♪
410
00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:04,029
♪ The best of love,
best of love,
best of love, baby ♪
411
00:18:05,029 --> 00:18:08,059
♪ Ain't nothing sweeter ♪
412
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:12,239
(cheers and applause)
413
00:18:20,049 --> 00:18:23,059
Great, great.
Thank you
for being here.
414
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:24,099
Have a seat,
have a seat.
415
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:25,159
My God, that was great,
416
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:27,060
and I love the new haircut,
it's fantastic.
417
00:18:27,079 --> 00:18:28,099
Thanks. thanks.
418
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,179
I still get
phantom tangles.
419
00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,089
Why don't
we take a break.
420
00:18:33,109 --> 00:18:35,999
We'll be right back.
No flipping.
421
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:39,059
(applause)
422
00:18:40,210 --> 00:18:42,040
Nice song.
423
00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:43,179
Thanks.
424
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,080
Nice picture.
425
00:18:45,099 --> 00:18:47,029
Thanks very much.
426
00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:53,090
What's the name of that--
what was the name
of that song?
427
00:18:53,109 --> 00:18:54,179
It's called
"The Best of Love."
428
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,230
That's a nice one.
429
00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,030
Yeah, it's the first single
from the album.
430
00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:00,999
Yeah... well, good luck
with it, really. Really,
good luck with it.
431
00:19:01,019 --> 00:19:04,129
You know, it--
it's Beverly's favorite song
on the whole album.
432
00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:07,140
You know, you're,
you're, you're
a fuckin' asshole.
433
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,100
Excuse me?
434
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,109
Because you come in here,
you knock up my assistant,
435
00:19:12,130 --> 00:19:16,090
and then you leave her
and then you come out here
and sing?
436
00:19:16,109 --> 00:19:18,059
Let me say
something to you.
437
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:23,130
First of all, I-- I did not
fuck your assistant.
438
00:19:23,150 --> 00:19:26,200
She's a fan of mine,
she's been to a lot of shows,
439
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:29,040
and I don't fuck
all my fans, okay?
440
00:19:29,059 --> 00:19:31,159
Right.
441
00:19:35,119 --> 00:19:39,099
That haircut is gay.
Do you know that?
442
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:40,239
Seriously?
443
00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:42,169
My haircut's gay?
444
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:46,150
No... their haircut.
Yes, it's your haircut.
445
00:19:46,170 --> 00:19:50,090
But you know...
it goes with the, uh...
446
00:19:51,099 --> 00:19:53,229
You know what?
I'm a little uncomfortable,
447
00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:56,050
and I think it's time
for me to go. Okay?
448
00:19:56,069 --> 00:19:57,149
Good luck
with the show.
449
00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,180
Have a good life.
450
00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:04,250
Hey... sensational, maestro,
come back real soon, will ya?
451
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:06,249
Don't hold your breath.
452
00:20:06,269 --> 00:20:09,109
You're terrific.
453
00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:15,069
Michael,
he's a joker, huh?
454
00:20:15,089 --> 00:20:16,259
I feel better. I feel better.
455
00:20:16,279 --> 00:20:19,099
You do?
I think I put that guy
in his place.
456
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,129
Who, Michael?
Yeah.
457
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:23,140
Gee, well, I'm glad
you feel good about it,
458
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,200
because it turns out
that it's La Salle.
459
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,230
La Salle what?
460
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:29,140
He's the paparino.
461
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:33,200
We should send Bolton
some flowers.
462
00:20:33,220 --> 00:20:36,060
(theme music playing)
33627
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