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1
00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:23,030
(rain falling)
2
00:00:27,079 --> 00:00:29,289
(thunder rumbling)
3
00:00:37,140 --> 00:00:40,140
(door opens, crowd chatter)
4
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,130
Beverly:
Good morning.
5
00:00:44,149 --> 00:00:46,089
It's really coming down
there, huh?
6
00:00:46,109 --> 00:00:48,159
Only two seasons in this city,
rainy and riot.
7
00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:50,059
Is Larry in yet?
Beverly:
Uh-huh.
8
00:00:50,079 --> 00:00:51,279
Do you want some of this?
Uh-uh.
9
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,260
Supposed to have
that Ted Danson interview
done yesterday.
10
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:55,100
Oh, Paula.
11
00:00:55,119 --> 00:00:57,009
Paula, Ted Danson's
people called.
12
00:00:57,030 --> 00:00:58,190
He's not gonna be able
to make it tonight.
13
00:00:58,210 --> 00:01:01,040
A little rain and this whole
town shuts down.
14
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:03,210
Beverly:
Well, they said he has the flu.
Shit.
15
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:05,059
"Larry Sanders Show."
16
00:01:05,079 --> 00:01:07,129
Oh, hi.
Hold on for a moment.
17
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:10,000
It's Artie on line two,
Paula.
18
00:01:10,019 --> 00:01:11,149
Hello?
19
00:01:11,170 --> 00:01:13,210
Artie:
Paula, listen very carefully.
20
00:01:13,230 --> 00:01:16,100
I'm gonna be a little late today
because the roads are blocked,
21
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:17,250
including the Coast Highway.
22
00:01:17,269 --> 00:01:18,279
Paula:
Mudslides?
23
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,090
Uh, yes.
24
00:01:20,109 --> 00:01:21,279
There's a goddamn house
that's sitting right here
25
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,030
in the middle of the road.
26
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:25,099
Don't ever move to Malibu.
It's a fucking hellhole.
27
00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:26,200
That's why I live
in the valley.
28
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,059
Yeah, well, I'll get in
eventually,
29
00:01:28,079 --> 00:01:30,239
even if I have to shove
that goddamn house
30
00:01:30,260 --> 00:01:32,130
into the ocean myself.
31
00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:34,020
Are you still with me?
I'm here.
32
00:01:34,039 --> 00:01:37,009
I'd like for you to fill in for
me, you know, till I get there.
33
00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,210
Can you handle it?
Yeah, I can handle it.
34
00:01:39,229 --> 00:01:41,229
And don't tell Larry
that I'm there,
35
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:43,240
because you know how he gets
when I'm not around.
36
00:01:43,259 --> 00:01:45,189
Okay, um,
I'll tell him that--
37
00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:48,010
I don't want to lie to Larry.
I understand.
38
00:01:48,030 --> 00:01:50,180
Tell him, uh, I'm in editing.
39
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,260
Okay.
40
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,120
Uh, is there anything
I should know about yet?
41
00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:56,290
Yeah, Danson canceled
his lead.
42
00:01:57,009 --> 00:01:58,079
Shit.
43
00:01:58,099 --> 00:02:00,289
Paula, go to my Rolodex.
44
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:03,250
You'll see the names with
the red sticky notes on them.
45
00:02:03,269 --> 00:02:05,259
Start checking those out
for availability.
46
00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,280
Also, uh, listen, Paula.
47
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,230
The network would like Larry
to give a plug
48
00:02:10,250 --> 00:02:14,120
for their new Saturday night
rock-and-roll video fuck fest,
whatever it is.
49
00:02:14,139 --> 00:02:16,159
If you catch him in the right
mood, maybe he'll do it.
50
00:02:16,180 --> 00:02:18,040
Got it.
51
00:02:18,060 --> 00:02:20,150
And Bruno Kirby will be
on tomorrow,
52
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:22,160
but don't tell Darlene
53
00:02:22,180 --> 00:02:24,200
or she won't be able
to function all day.
54
00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:26,149
Didn't they break up
like two years ago?
55
00:02:26,170 --> 00:02:29,120
Trust me, two years is two days
Darlene time.
56
00:02:29,139 --> 00:02:34,009
Uh, Paula?
Um, have you seen Artie?
57
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:36,170
Um, he was here
just a second ago.
58
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,229
Oh.
59
00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:41,049
Is that him on the phone?
60
00:02:41,069 --> 00:02:42,289
It's my mom.
61
00:02:43,009 --> 00:02:44,089
You know what?
He went down to editing.
62
00:02:44,110 --> 00:02:46,030
Have you, um--
63
00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:48,120
did you, by any chance,
hear Artie say anything
64
00:02:48,139 --> 00:02:50,139
about a couch?
65
00:02:50,159 --> 00:02:51,289
Something about your couch?
66
00:02:52,009 --> 00:02:53,239
Yeah, said it was...
67
00:02:53,259 --> 00:02:55,159
Spot cleaned.
68
00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:57,100
Um, you know what?
Yesterday--
69
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,180
yesterday, he said something
about spot cleaning.
70
00:02:59,199 --> 00:03:01,039
He did.
Yes.
71
00:03:01,060 --> 00:03:03,030
Great.
Okay, good.
72
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,180
That's a good idea.
Thanks.
73
00:03:04,199 --> 00:03:06,119
Tell your mom
I said hi.
Sure.
74
00:03:06,139 --> 00:03:09,049
I think you'll do
all right, Paula.
75
00:03:09,069 --> 00:03:11,019
Don't worry about anything,
I got it all under control.
76
00:03:11,039 --> 00:03:13,089
I'm not gonna let you down.
Bye.
77
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,190
Okay, okay, listen up.
Here's the deal.
78
00:03:17,210 --> 00:03:20,210
Because of inclement weather,
Arthur cannot be here today,
79
00:03:20,229 --> 00:03:23,229
absent, detained,
not-oh here-oh.
80
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:25,030
Fuck!
81
00:03:25,050 --> 00:03:27,140
All right, all right, now,
come on, no need to panic,
82
00:03:27,159 --> 00:03:28,199
we're gonna be fine.
83
00:03:28,219 --> 00:03:30,099
Now, Teddy Danson
fell out, so--
84
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,000
Ted Danson fell out?
Yes.
85
00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:33,040
Oh, my God.
Hey.
86
00:03:33,060 --> 00:03:34,060
Oh, my God.
Hey.
87
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:35,089
Oh, my God!
88
00:03:35,110 --> 00:03:36,210
Hey, stow that shit,
sailor.
89
00:03:36,229 --> 00:03:37,289
Paula.
90
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:41,079
Great, listen, can you get
Ray Combs on the blower?
91
00:03:41,099 --> 00:03:42,239
You know, Danson fell out.
92
00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:45,009
I already took care of that.
93
00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:46,060
Jerry:
Didn't you hear?
94
00:03:46,079 --> 00:03:47,179
Paula's producing
the show today.
95
00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:49,209
(chuckling)
96
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,029
That's the spirit.
97
00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:52,050
Gallows humor.
98
00:03:52,069 --> 00:03:53,129
Paula:
It's not a joke.
99
00:03:55,079 --> 00:03:56,089
You're producing.
100
00:03:56,110 --> 00:03:59,040
Yes.
101
00:03:59,060 --> 00:04:00,280
You're in your 20s.
102
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,290
Arthur called her and asked her
to fill in till he showed up.
103
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:05,099
(exhales)
What are you?
104
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,030
You're-- you're 28.
26.
105
00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:08,100
Thanks for your support.
106
00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:09,290
Listen, you guys,
I really gotta have
107
00:04:10,009 --> 00:04:12,019
that mid-show comedy piece
before lunch.
108
00:04:12,039 --> 00:04:14,049
You realize we don't have
a lunch till 5:30.
109
00:04:14,069 --> 00:04:15,199
Before brunch.
110
00:04:15,219 --> 00:04:17,029
Brunch it is.
Thank you.
111
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,059
(scoffs)
112
00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:21,159
What you got there, Hank?
113
00:04:21,180 --> 00:04:22,260
Hmm?
114
00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,109
Oh, uh, well, uh,
115
00:04:24,129 --> 00:04:26,229
well, in case, you know,
we don't get the lead guest,
116
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,250
you know, I might have
to stretch out there tonight,
117
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:31,159
so I was just dusting off
the old sleight of hand
118
00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:34,010
from my cruise ship days
and, uh, here.
119
00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,279
Larry hates
your magic tricks.
120
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:39,190
Oh, I know, this isn't
a magic trick.
This is an illusion.
121
00:04:39,209 --> 00:04:41,099
The card.
122
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,160
And you put it
back, and...
123
00:04:44,180 --> 00:04:47,150
What crawled up his ass
and died?
124
00:04:50,139 --> 00:04:51,289
And I go like this.
(spits)
125
00:04:52,009 --> 00:04:53,279
And you go like this.
126
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,080
Like that.
127
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:58,080
Cut.
128
00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,110
And shuffle.
129
00:04:59,129 --> 00:05:01,229
Uh, lots of rain
we're having, eh?
130
00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:03,050
And shuffle.
131
00:05:03,069 --> 00:05:05,149
And is this your card?
132
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:07,240
(clears throat)
No, Hank, it's not.
133
00:05:07,259 --> 00:05:09,239
I know.
134
00:05:09,259 --> 00:05:11,239
Because...
135
00:05:11,259 --> 00:05:13,089
take off my shoe
and look inside.
136
00:05:21,029 --> 00:05:22,189
No way.
(chuckles)
137
00:05:22,209 --> 00:05:24,229
No way!
138
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,140
(laughs)
Did you see that?
139
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,170
That's my card.
140
00:05:27,189 --> 00:05:28,219
That's amazing.
How'd you do that?
141
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,010
Magic.
142
00:05:30,029 --> 00:05:31,169
Huh?
143
00:05:31,189 --> 00:05:34,029
(low voice)
Fuck!
144
00:05:34,050 --> 00:05:35,230
Great news about Paula,
isn't it?
145
00:05:35,250 --> 00:05:37,220
Mmm.
(snickers)
146
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:39,040
Paula!
147
00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:41,140
Girl, it's your boyfriend
on line five.
148
00:05:41,159 --> 00:05:44,019
Oh, shit, I forgot
about him.
149
00:05:46,060 --> 00:05:48,000
Robert, hi, I'm sorry, honey,
150
00:05:48,019 --> 00:05:49,159
are you at the restaurant
right now?
151
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:50,210
Shit.
152
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:52,080
I know, I know, I know, I know
we need to talk,
153
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,140
work is so crazy today.
154
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:55,129
Listen, are you
at a pay phone?
155
00:05:55,149 --> 00:05:57,999
Yeah, I know your time is
valuable, I know that, okay?
156
00:05:58,019 --> 00:05:59,119
Are you at a pay phone?
157
00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:01,049
Give me your number
and I promise I'll call you back
158
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,239
in five minutes.
159
00:06:02,259 --> 00:06:05,109
All right, yeah, I'm really
sorry and I will call you.
160
00:06:05,129 --> 00:06:08,009
I love you.
Good-bye.
161
00:06:13,069 --> 00:06:14,069
Sid is out sick today.
162
00:06:14,089 --> 00:06:15,109
Sid?
Yes.
163
00:06:15,129 --> 00:06:16,189
Is Bruno really
on the show tomorrow?
164
00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,159
Yeah, I'm sorry, I was gonna
tell you about it.
165
00:06:18,180 --> 00:06:20,130
You know, I haven't seen him
since we broke up.
166
00:06:20,149 --> 00:06:22,159
I know, okay, all right.
And I don't want to see him.
167
00:06:22,180 --> 00:06:24,150
We'll talk about this later.
The whole thing was so awful.
168
00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:25,190
Your air conditioner
has died.
169
00:06:25,209 --> 00:06:26,229
Oh, really?
170
00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,020
Yes.
171
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:29,270
Condensing unit needs
a new compressor.
172
00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,220
Fine, whatever.
What do I got to sign?
173
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,080
Artie's gonna have
to sign the invoice.
174
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:34,280
I'll just sign it
for him.
175
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,230
You can't do that.
176
00:06:36,250 --> 00:06:38,040
I'll just go and get
Artie's signature.
177
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:40,220
No, no-no-no-no-no.
I'll find him, it's fine.
178
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,100
Just...
179
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,150
Boy, it's hot in here.
180
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,190
Don't go anywhere,
don't move.
181
00:06:46,209 --> 00:06:48,169
(clears throat)
182
00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:50,019
Do we have
a lead guest yet?
183
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,030
Artie's working on it
right now.
184
00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,180
All right.
185
00:06:53,199 --> 00:06:55,159
Isn't my chair supposed
to be a little higher?
186
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:56,250
Huh?
I mean, I don't think it--
187
00:06:56,269 --> 00:06:58,249
would you check with Artie,
make sure that this is adjusted
188
00:06:58,269 --> 00:07:00,079
at the height
that I normally sit.
189
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,060
You got it.
190
00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:03,159
Where is Artie,
by the way?
191
00:07:03,180 --> 00:07:05,050
He's on the phone
booking a lead guest.
192
00:07:05,069 --> 00:07:07,049
Well, I don't want to have
to wait till the last minute
193
00:07:07,069 --> 00:07:08,099
to look at the notes.
194
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,220
Do we have any idea
who the guest is?
195
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,070
Yeah, I believe he's speaking
with Elayne Boosler.
196
00:07:13,089 --> 00:07:15,119
For lead?
I don't know.
197
00:07:15,139 --> 00:07:16,209
Well, that's just
one option.
198
00:07:16,230 --> 00:07:18,220
There's many, many others.
(snorts)
199
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:20,130
(coughs)
Like who?
200
00:07:20,149 --> 00:07:22,999
Uh, Jody Watley.
201
00:07:23,019 --> 00:07:24,069
Funny.
202
00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:25,089
She's a singer.
203
00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:26,290
I know.
204
00:07:27,009 --> 00:07:28,249
Uh, Marla Maples.
205
00:07:28,269 --> 00:07:32,149
Let's try and find someone that
Donald Trump hasn't screwed.
206
00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:33,270
Coffee.
207
00:07:33,290 --> 00:07:35,010
(clears throat)
Thank you.
208
00:07:35,029 --> 00:07:36,089
I hope it's as hot
as it is in here.
209
00:07:36,110 --> 00:07:37,210
It is hot in here.
210
00:07:37,230 --> 00:07:39,060
Everyone keeps saying that,
it's fine.
211
00:07:39,079 --> 00:07:40,229
It's really hot.
Paula, it's hot.
212
00:07:40,250 --> 00:07:41,290
(snorts)
213
00:07:42,009 --> 00:07:44,019
Look at you,
you're sweating.
I am not.
214
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,020
Artie, Artie, Artie!
215
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:47,140
When are you coming in here?
216
00:07:47,159 --> 00:07:50,189
I don't think I'm going
to make it by showtime, kiddo.
217
00:07:50,209 --> 00:07:51,209
Can you handle it?
218
00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:53,180
This is your big chance, Paula.
219
00:07:53,199 --> 00:07:56,039
You're going to produce the show
while it's on the air.
220
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,010
Isn't this what you wanted?
221
00:07:58,029 --> 00:07:59,039
Right.
222
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,100
Good.
223
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:01,190
Now, remember,
224
00:08:01,209 --> 00:08:04,249
you stand by Larry while
he's going over his cue cards.
225
00:08:04,269 --> 00:08:08,009
Make sure he's got his
hand makeup, both hands.
226
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:11,109
Don't let the weird intern
bother the guests.
227
00:08:11,129 --> 00:08:15,079
And sweetie, before the show,
have a glass of wine.
228
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,070
I'm not much of a drinker.
229
00:08:17,089 --> 00:08:18,189
You don't have to drink it,
Paula.
230
00:08:18,209 --> 00:08:21,069
You just walk right out in front
of the audience with it.
231
00:08:21,089 --> 00:08:23,199
They see you're relaxed,
it relaxes them.
232
00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:26,110
The way I look right now,
it's not gonna relax anyone
233
00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:27,219
to see me with alcohol.
234
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,260
Larry:
Paula?
235
00:08:31,230 --> 00:08:32,240
Paula?
236
00:08:34,009 --> 00:08:35,159
Yes.
237
00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:37,109
We don't have
a lead guest yet, do we?
238
00:08:37,129 --> 00:08:39,109
Now what's gonna happen is
Hank is gonna try
239
00:08:39,129 --> 00:08:41,139
and jam in one of those
stupid magic tricks.
240
00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:44,049
I got Steven Wright.
Goddamn--
241
00:08:44,070 --> 00:08:46,220
Good, Steven Wright's good,
good.
242
00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,180
What is this, by the way?
Do you know what this is?
243
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:52,050
Oh, that's the new plug
for the video music show.
244
00:08:52,070 --> 00:08:53,220
Well, you know,
I'm not gonna do--
245
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,060
I'm not gonna do a plug.
246
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:57,150
"Stay tuned for late-night
videos, dance all night, dudes"?
247
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:58,199
Okay, okay, okay.
What is this?
248
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:00,020
Come on.
Okay.
249
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,089
Come on, okay.
I-- I got you.
250
00:09:01,110 --> 00:09:03,120
And you know what?
It's still really hot in here.
251
00:09:03,139 --> 00:09:04,279
I-- it's kinda nice.
252
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,070
(clears throat)
253
00:09:06,090 --> 00:09:08,160
And my chair is a half-inch
to five-eighths-inch too low.
254
00:09:08,179 --> 00:09:10,019
I'm-- I'm positive of it.
255
00:09:10,039 --> 00:09:11,079
All right.
256
00:09:12,179 --> 00:09:13,289
Oh, no.
257
00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:17,029
Steven, thank you so much
258
00:09:17,049 --> 00:09:18,099
for coming down
at the last minute.
259
00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:19,190
Yeah, uh...
260
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,210
I'm gonna be first,
right?
Of course, yes.
261
00:09:21,230 --> 00:09:22,290
Bruno:
Excuse me, Paula?
262
00:09:23,009 --> 00:09:25,039
But I was told that
I was on first tonight.
263
00:09:25,059 --> 00:09:27,209
Bruno, I have you booked
for tomorrow night lead guest.
264
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:28,230
That's what I thought, too,
265
00:09:28,250 --> 00:09:30,070
but when Hank called me,
I came right over.
266
00:09:30,090 --> 00:09:31,090
Bruno?
Hank.
267
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,240
Oh, you're a lifesaver.
268
00:09:32,259 --> 00:09:35,059
Thanks for-- for appearing
on short notice,
269
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,000
but don't worry now,
I got some tricks up my sleeve.
270
00:09:38,019 --> 00:09:40,189
Hank, may I speak with you
for a second, please?
271
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:42,280
Steven:
Hank, nice to see you again.
272
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,080
I'm sorry, I don't believe
I've had the pleasure.
273
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:46,270
Steven Wright.
274
00:09:46,289 --> 00:09:49,119
Sorry.
Steven Wright.
275
00:09:49,139 --> 00:09:51,239
Y-- yes, yes,
of course.
276
00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:55,019
Hank, I think you do
a great job as a sidekick.
277
00:09:55,039 --> 00:09:57,009
What a nice compliment.
278
00:09:57,029 --> 00:09:59,009
I thought you said
I was on first.
279
00:09:59,029 --> 00:10:00,059
You told me I was first.
280
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:01,220
It's--
no, no--
Pardon me.
281
00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:03,270
Paula, you do know that Sid is
out sick today, right?
282
00:10:03,289 --> 00:10:05,019
Sid?
Yeah.
283
00:10:05,039 --> 00:10:06,229
Paula, I have
to go on first,
284
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,270
because I have
a prior commitment.
285
00:10:08,289 --> 00:10:10,039
We're gonna work
this out.
286
00:10:10,059 --> 00:10:11,119
It's just a mistake.
287
00:10:11,139 --> 00:10:13,019
Come on, man,
if it's an ego thing,
288
00:10:13,039 --> 00:10:14,229
just say it's an ego thing.
289
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:18,130
Hey, man, I don't even know
what an ego thing is, man.
290
00:10:18,149 --> 00:10:19,269
Where's--
where's Artie?
I'm--
291
00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:21,149
Somebody get me Artie.
It's okay.
292
00:10:21,169 --> 00:10:23,119
I will take care of this,
one second, all right?
293
00:10:23,139 --> 00:10:24,169
One second.
294
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:25,200
Beverly?
Uh-huh.
295
00:10:27,129 --> 00:10:30,199
Gentlemen, um...
296
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:32,270
can I get either of you
something to drink?
297
00:10:32,289 --> 00:10:36,029
Yeah.
Water, please.
298
00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:38,019
Sparkling water.
299
00:10:38,039 --> 00:10:39,269
Okay,
it's taken care of.
300
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,030
You know, this really isn't
even about us.
301
00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:49,219
This fucking show is run
so fucking sloppy.
302
00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:52,070
This would never happen
on "Letterman."
303
00:10:52,090 --> 00:10:53,160
Right.
304
00:10:53,179 --> 00:10:56,099
It's amateur night
in Dixie.
305
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:57,150
What are you
doing to me?
306
00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:59,099
I already booked Steven Wright
as lead guest.
307
00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:03,000
Uh, uh, you could lower
your voice just a-- just a bit.
308
00:11:03,019 --> 00:11:04,069
Now, Steve Wri--
309
00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,160
Steven Wright?
Mm-hmm.
310
00:11:05,179 --> 00:11:07,229
Yes, well, he's very funny,
but bad mix.
311
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,020
You know what?
312
00:11:09,039 --> 00:11:10,999
You've got to tell Bruno
that you've made a mistake
313
00:11:11,019 --> 00:11:12,119
and that you're very sorry.
Excuse me.
314
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,189
Excuse me.
315
00:11:13,210 --> 00:11:16,080
But if I were you,
I'd concentrate on the fact
316
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:19,100
that it's 105 degrees
in the studio,
317
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:23,280
but I suppose it's a dry heat
and I'm just an old fuck.
318
00:11:27,210 --> 00:11:29,120
Paula!
What?!
319
00:11:29,139 --> 00:11:31,029
Robert, what are you
doing here?
320
00:11:31,049 --> 00:11:33,009
I came to say good-bye.
What?
321
00:11:33,029 --> 00:11:34,069
This is it, I--
322
00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:35,220
Unless you can give me
one good reason
323
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,220
why you've been so completely
rude to me today.
324
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:39,270
Honey, it's just Artie...
325
00:11:39,289 --> 00:11:41,019
What?
326
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,050
Can we please just talk
about this later?
327
00:11:48,090 --> 00:11:49,260
You know what?
I knew you would say that.
328
00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:51,249
Come on.
329
00:11:51,269 --> 00:11:53,009
Did I, uh...?
330
00:11:53,029 --> 00:11:54,069
No, it's fine.
331
00:11:54,090 --> 00:11:55,280
Listen, it's still
very hot out there.
Right.
332
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,230
Does Artie know
about it?
Yes.
333
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,180
He's got the pages handing out
sodas to the audience.
334
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,040
Good.
That's a good idea.
335
00:12:01,059 --> 00:12:03,109
(theme music playing)
Where are my cue cards?
336
00:12:03,129 --> 00:12:05,089
Where's Larry's cue cards?!
337
00:12:05,110 --> 00:12:06,230
Where's Sid?
338
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,280
Where's Sid?!
339
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,150
Sid?
340
00:12:11,179 --> 00:12:13,049
Sid?
341
00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,230
Sid.
342
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:16,070
Sid, Paula.
343
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:17,220
The cue card guy!
Yes.
344
00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,080
Oh.
Here, let me
take care of this.
345
00:12:20,149 --> 00:12:23,159
(cheering and applause)
346
00:12:26,159 --> 00:12:28,099
Thank you.
347
00:12:30,019 --> 00:12:33,009
(theme music ends
cheering, applause continues)
348
00:12:35,159 --> 00:12:37,009
Please, please, please.
349
00:12:37,029 --> 00:12:39,269
Please, please, please,
you keep that up--
350
00:12:39,289 --> 00:12:43,059
you keep this up, you're not
gonna be able to hear the jokes.
351
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:45,210
Richard Simmons--
352
00:12:45,230 --> 00:12:48,200
let's see how it goes before
we get thrilled.
353
00:12:48,220 --> 00:12:51,120
Richard Simmons is being sued
for sexual harassment
354
00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:54,009
by a woman who claims
he's made lewd,
355
00:12:54,029 --> 00:12:57,209
sexually explicit remarks
to her.
356
00:12:57,230 --> 00:12:59,190
Boy, and when asked
to defend himself,
357
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,140
Simmons said,
"The woman's crazy.
358
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,249
I was talking to the guy
next to her."
359
00:13:03,269 --> 00:13:06,109
(laughter)
360
00:13:06,129 --> 00:13:08,249
(cheering and applause)
Right over there.
361
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,210
A pharmaceutical company is
about to start marketing
362
00:13:14,230 --> 00:13:16,270
a female condom.
363
00:13:16,289 --> 00:13:19,019
Please, keep it down.
364
00:13:19,039 --> 00:13:22,219
The new female condom has
a failure rate of 26%.
365
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:27,130
Now, why can't they just say
it has a success rate of 74%?
366
00:13:27,149 --> 00:13:29,289
This, again, is just another
example of people seeing--
367
00:13:30,009 --> 00:13:32,179
some people seeing the condom
as a quarter empty
368
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,120
when it's really
three-quarters full.
369
00:13:34,139 --> 00:13:37,019
(laughter and applause)
370
00:13:37,039 --> 00:13:38,289
(cheering)
371
00:13:39,009 --> 00:13:42,169
My guests tonight are
Steven Wright, Porno for Pyros,
372
00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:45,110
80-year-old parachutist
George McDonald.
373
00:13:45,129 --> 00:13:47,159
Don't flip around.
We'll be right back.
374
00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:49,009
(music begins,
cheering and applause)
375
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,219
Do not flip around.
376
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,260
No flipping!
377
00:13:56,039 --> 00:13:58,109
Larry, are you gonna need
the monologue cards anymore?
378
00:13:58,129 --> 00:14:00,059
No, the monologue is over,
Darlene, thank you.
379
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,230
Good job.
Thank you.
380
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:04,240
Where the hell is Artie?
381
00:14:04,259 --> 00:14:06,179
Doesn't he give a damn
about the show anymore
or what?
382
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,110
Yeah, he's just sick.
He's really sick today.
383
00:14:08,129 --> 00:14:10,039
He's sick?
Yeah.
384
00:14:10,059 --> 00:14:12,159
But, um, I have him--
he's in the booth.
I have him on the headset.
385
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:14,059
Oh, I didn't know that.
386
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:16,070
Yeah, and--
and he can see you
387
00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:17,250
and he says you are
doing a great job.
388
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:19,129
Oh.
And he's waving.
389
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,089
I can't make him out,
but good.
390
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,230
Hi.
391
00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:26,060
Sip?
Hmm?
392
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:27,230
Sip?
393
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:29,050
No.
394
00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:36,050
(music, cheering and applause)
395
00:14:36,070 --> 00:14:37,220
The, uh...
(music ends)
396
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:42,229
Thank you, welcome back.
397
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:45,020
We missed you.
398
00:14:45,039 --> 00:14:48,019
We have a wonderful show
for you tonight, and...
399
00:14:48,039 --> 00:14:50,269
(metallic clinking)
400
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:52,169
(light laughter)
401
00:14:52,190 --> 00:14:55,020
Soda pop cans being opened.
402
00:14:55,039 --> 00:14:58,269
You know, in L.A., you can't be
too sure what that popping is.
403
00:14:58,289 --> 00:15:02,079
My next guest is
a wonderful comedian.
404
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,120
I've been a big fan of his
for some time.
405
00:15:05,139 --> 00:15:08,169
He can be seen in many places
in the country.
406
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:10,050
He performs, uh, all--
407
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,150
Hmm?
408
00:15:11,169 --> 00:15:13,089
He performs in--
409
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:16,210
He was wonderful
in "City Slickers," wonderful.
410
00:15:16,230 --> 00:15:18,070
No, he-- he's not
in "City Slickers."
411
00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:19,290
I swear to you--
I don't know who
you're thinking of.
412
00:15:20,009 --> 00:15:21,129
He is not
in "City Slickers."
413
00:15:21,149 --> 00:15:23,229
Um...
He's a wonderful
stand-up comedian,
414
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:25,210
and he performs
all around the country.
415
00:15:25,230 --> 00:15:27,110
Whatever you say.
But he's not
in "City Slickers."
416
00:15:27,129 --> 00:15:28,999
You got it.
You're right.
417
00:15:29,019 --> 00:15:30,159
And I am wrong.
418
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:33,029
(light laughter)
419
00:15:33,049 --> 00:15:36,069
Well, if you're gonna be
that way about it...
420
00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:39,090
(music, cheering and applause)
421
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,130
That's Bruno Kirby
and Steven Wright.
422
00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:49,119
Larry:
Have a seat, gentlemen.
423
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:52,210
Well, so we were both
right, Hank.
424
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:54,110
Bruno, of course, was
in "City Slickers,"
425
00:15:54,129 --> 00:15:56,219
and Steven Wright is
a talented...
Thank you.
426
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,240
uh, standup comedian
and a--
427
00:15:58,259 --> 00:15:59,279
whom I'm a big fan of,
428
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,000
and you're both
friends of mine.
429
00:16:01,019 --> 00:16:02,029
Thank you.
430
00:16:02,049 --> 00:16:03,099
Welcome aboard.
Thanks a lot.
431
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:05,080
I'm a little thrown because
we've never had two guests
432
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:06,170
come out at the same time.
433
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:07,220
I don't know quite
what happened.
434
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,090
How did this, uh, come about?
435
00:16:09,110 --> 00:16:13,000
Look, I was told I was gonna
come out first tonight.
436
00:16:13,019 --> 00:16:14,279
So I know that
I've done nothing wrong.
437
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,290
No.
438
00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:18,289
I think you have done
something wrong.
439
00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:20,089
What have I done wrong?
440
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,130
'Cause they told me
to come out first,
441
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:24,089
and you know, coming out
with you is, like,
442
00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:28,020
something is just, like,
dragging on my foot.
443
00:16:28,039 --> 00:16:30,069
(laughter)
444
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,050
You know, I don't usually,
I don't,
445
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:34,010
you know, you know...
446
00:16:34,029 --> 00:16:36,009
All right, settle down,
settle down.
447
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:38,289
I've never seen Steven
this wound up, if I may say.
448
00:16:39,009 --> 00:16:41,259
Are you saying, like,
having me around you
449
00:16:41,279 --> 00:16:43,179
is like having something
drag on your foot?
450
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,180
No, no, no.
Yes.
451
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,220
That's totally
disrespectful.
452
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,150
That's totally dis--
it's your show, Larry.
453
00:16:49,169 --> 00:16:50,999
I'm gonna have a drink,
straighten him out.
454
00:16:51,019 --> 00:16:52,289
Bruno, I think he's clearly
making a little joke
455
00:16:53,009 --> 00:16:54,999
about the fact that you're both
supposed to be on first,
456
00:16:55,019 --> 00:16:58,099
and he's saying you stick
to his shoe like toilet paper,
457
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,240
which I think is rude.
458
00:16:59,259 --> 00:17:01,029
Is that what
you were saying?
459
00:17:01,049 --> 00:17:02,179
All right, let's move on
with the questions.
460
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:04,260
I'm glad you're both here.
Maybe we can make this work.
461
00:17:04,279 --> 00:17:08,119
Okay, so where have you
been lately?
462
00:17:08,140 --> 00:17:09,190
Just got back from...
463
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:10,250
New York.
464
00:17:10,269 --> 00:17:11,289
The Gap.
465
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,220
All right,
both fascinating places,
466
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:18,080
and both very romantic.
467
00:17:18,099 --> 00:17:20,289
Uh, okay.
468
00:17:21,009 --> 00:17:23,079
Who would like to go first
on why they were...?
469
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:24,139
Why don't you go first?
470
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,140
'Cause I'm suffering
from jet lag.
471
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:31,210
From The Gap?
472
00:17:31,230 --> 00:17:33,050
(laughter)
473
00:17:33,069 --> 00:17:36,159
Now, I also see that you both
have guest number one cups.
474
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:38,170
Yeah.
Uh...
475
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:39,210
That was part
of the deal.
476
00:17:39,230 --> 00:17:41,100
Yeah, but I got mine
first.
477
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,169
(laughter)
478
00:17:43,190 --> 00:17:46,120
My next guests are from
right here in Los Angeles
479
00:17:46,140 --> 00:17:49,180
and making their world
television debut,
480
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,120
please welcome Porno for Pyros!
481
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:55,160
Let's hear it for 'em.
(cheering and applause)
482
00:17:55,180 --> 00:17:58,180
♪ ♪
483
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:13,210
(harmonica playing)
484
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:42,190
♪ Hey, where you going now
Mejia? ♪
485
00:18:46,220 --> 00:18:48,050
♪ Yeah, you got your money ♪
486
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:50,289
♪ In your hand
and you mind ♪
487
00:18:51,009 --> 00:18:52,269
♪ Already out of the door ♪
488
00:18:52,289 --> 00:18:55,079
♪ Didn't get her
started ♪
489
00:18:55,099 --> 00:18:56,239
♪ There ain't no stopping her ♪
490
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:58,219
♪ You gotta
wait till she runs ♪
491
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,070
♪ Out of money ♪
492
00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:02,249
♪ Or maybe get to sleep ♪
493
00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:06,109
♪ She knows everybody ♪
494
00:19:06,130 --> 00:19:07,140
♪ Go ♪
495
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:11,110
♪ ♪
496
00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:12,280
♪ Ooh ♪
497
00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:17,260
Who booked them?
498
00:19:17,279 --> 00:19:19,019
Paula.
499
00:19:19,039 --> 00:19:20,169
I like 'em.
I think they're great.
500
00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:23,050
I can't believe Artie approved
them, but that is terrific.
501
00:19:23,069 --> 00:19:25,239
I used to dance like that
in high school, by the way.
502
00:19:25,259 --> 00:19:28,189
♪ We all know
we know why ♪
503
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,170
♪ We know why ♪
504
00:19:30,190 --> 00:19:31,240
♪ Baby back again ♪
505
00:19:31,259 --> 00:19:33,029
♪ We know ♪
506
00:19:33,049 --> 00:19:34,149
♪ Where's she going ♪
507
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:37,100
♪ Someplace better than here ♪
508
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,079
♪ Everybody
count your money ♪
509
00:19:42,099 --> 00:19:45,109
♪ Everybody count your money ♪
510
00:19:47,279 --> 00:19:53,119
♪ Everybody, yeah
you better count your money ♪
511
00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:56,090
♪ ♪
512
00:19:57,220 --> 00:19:59,280
I think I got one of those
low-grade fevers.
513
00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,280
Hmm?
No, it's just hot.
514
00:20:02,009 --> 00:20:04,029
Whew, really hot
in here.
515
00:20:06,099 --> 00:20:08,069
(clicks tongue)
516
00:20:08,089 --> 00:20:10,069
What,
you got a pain?
517
00:20:10,089 --> 00:20:12,159
Got my magic cards
with me tonight.
518
00:20:12,180 --> 00:20:13,220
(clicks tongue)
519
00:20:18,059 --> 00:20:22,189
♪ ♪
520
00:20:22,210 --> 00:20:26,010
♪ Didn't come back ♪
521
00:20:26,029 --> 00:20:28,119
♪ For nearly two days ♪
522
00:20:28,140 --> 00:20:29,200
♪ Where's she been? ♪
523
00:20:29,220 --> 00:20:30,270
♪ Why'd she go? ♪
524
00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:32,029
♪ Why's she back now? ♪
525
00:20:32,049 --> 00:20:34,189
♪ We all know
we know why ♪
526
00:20:34,210 --> 00:20:36,200
♪ We know why ♪
527
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:38,020
♪ Baby back again ♪
528
00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:39,139
♪ We know ♪
529
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:40,190
♪ Where's she going ♪
530
00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:43,100
♪ Someplace better than here ♪
531
00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:46,139
♪ Everybody
count your money ♪
532
00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:51,280
♪ Everybody count your money ♪
533
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:55,069
♪ Everybody ♪
534
00:20:55,089 --> 00:20:58,239
♪ Yeah, you better count
your money ♪
535
00:20:58,259 --> 00:21:00,089
(cheering and applause)
536
00:21:00,109 --> 00:21:01,139
You guys enjoy them?
537
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:02,180
The best.
Of course you did.
538
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,070
Fabulous group.
539
00:21:04,089 --> 00:21:06,139
Yeah, Steve couldn't
control himself.
540
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,250
Listen, I know you guys, uh,
uh, have someplace to go,
541
00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,249
I want to thank you for staying
through the whole show.
542
00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:13,099
I'm sorry
about the little confusion
543
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:14,249
about the first guest thing.
My pleasure.
544
00:21:14,269 --> 00:21:15,279
It seemed to all work out.
545
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,070
I hope you'll come back
another night.
546
00:21:17,089 --> 00:21:18,089
No hard feelings.
547
00:21:18,109 --> 00:21:19,209
Thanks.
Appreciate it.
548
00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:21,150
And the rest of you,
stay tuned.
549
00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:25,100
We'll be back in 60 seconds
to wrap-- wrap the show up.
550
00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:27,129
(music, cheering and applause)
551
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,200
Steven, excellent.
552
00:21:39,220 --> 00:21:41,180
Bruno, the best.
553
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,010
Hank, fuck you.
554
00:21:44,269 --> 00:21:47,039
Larry:
This way is out, fellas.
555
00:21:47,059 --> 00:21:48,169
Steven:
Thanks a lot,
thanks for everything.
556
00:21:48,190 --> 00:21:50,030
He always wears the same
shirt, Steven Wright.
557
00:21:50,049 --> 00:21:51,039
I love them.
I know.
558
00:21:51,059 --> 00:21:52,089
Same shirt every show.
559
00:21:52,109 --> 00:21:53,269
Great show.
Yeah.
560
00:21:53,289 --> 00:21:54,289
Great show.
Yeah, it was good.
561
00:21:55,009 --> 00:21:56,019
How did Artie like it?
562
00:21:56,039 --> 00:21:57,059
He thought
it was the best.
563
00:21:57,079 --> 00:21:59,049
I thought it went
pretty well myself,
564
00:21:59,069 --> 00:22:01,029
considering everything
he had to do on the show,
565
00:22:01,049 --> 00:22:02,079
you should learn
a little from him.
566
00:22:02,099 --> 00:22:04,089
Watch him closely,
a lot to learn.
567
00:22:04,109 --> 00:22:06,239
He pulled this off.
Guess what?
568
00:22:06,259 --> 00:22:10,069
I produced the show
all by myself.
569
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,200
What are you saying?
570
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:15,010
Artie wasn't even here.
571
00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:16,279
He wasn't here, he was, like,
in a mudslide.
572
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,130
I was--
it was just me.
573
00:22:18,150 --> 00:22:20,130
Thank you very much.
574
00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:21,210
Where is Arthur?
575
00:22:21,230 --> 00:22:23,170
Quit kidding around.
Where is he?
576
00:22:23,190 --> 00:22:25,000
Man:
We're back in five,
577
00:22:25,019 --> 00:22:26,029
(music begins)
four, three...
578
00:22:26,049 --> 00:22:27,049
Are you producing?
579
00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:28,259
You're running the show?
Artie?
580
00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:30,229
You're what, 28?
26.
581
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:32,110
(cheering and applause)
582
00:22:32,130 --> 00:22:34,000
Uh, we're back.
583
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:36,109
And welcome back.
584
00:22:36,130 --> 00:22:38,010
And, um...
585
00:22:39,259 --> 00:22:41,149
We are back.
586
00:22:41,170 --> 00:22:47,030
We are back with, uh,
with Hank and, uh...
587
00:22:47,049 --> 00:22:49,039
thanks for being back.
588
00:22:49,059 --> 00:22:51,019
How much time do we have?
589
00:22:51,039 --> 00:22:52,219
Man:
Two minutes, 30 seconds.
590
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:54,010
2:30?
591
00:22:54,029 --> 00:22:55,129
What do you recommend we do
592
00:22:55,150 --> 00:22:57,280
for the two minutes
and 30 seconds, Paula?
593
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,220
Paula, who's filling in
for our producer, Artie.
594
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:02,290
Well, just...
595
00:23:03,009 --> 00:23:04,089
why don't I do
some plugs?
596
00:23:04,109 --> 00:23:05,229
All right.
(clears throat)
597
00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:08,020
Stay tuned
for late-night videos.
598
00:23:08,039 --> 00:23:11,099
Dance all night, dudes.
599
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:12,999
How much time do we have now?
600
00:23:13,019 --> 00:23:14,149
Man:
Two minutes, five seconds.
601
00:23:14,170 --> 00:23:16,050
Two minutes and five seconds.
602
00:23:16,069 --> 00:23:19,269
Sounds like we have time
for some magic.
603
00:23:19,289 --> 00:23:21,079
I do magic.
604
00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:22,209
You do?
Yes.
605
00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:25,040
I mean, I--
it's not magic, per se.
606
00:23:25,059 --> 00:23:27,189
It's, uh, this is more
of an illusion.
607
00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:29,010
Beverly:
Artie, welcome back.
608
00:23:29,029 --> 00:23:30,029
Two minutes left?
609
00:23:30,049 --> 00:23:31,189
Two minutes, sir.
How's it going?
610
00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,220
Uh, interesting.
611
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:34,070
Hank's doing card tricks.
612
00:23:34,089 --> 00:23:35,159
Oh, Christ.
613
00:23:40,009 --> 00:23:41,029
Okay.
614
00:23:41,049 --> 00:23:42,139
Don't--
don't show me.
615
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,200
Now, put it back in.
All right.
616
00:23:43,220 --> 00:23:45,050
And I--
good.
617
00:23:45,069 --> 00:23:48,019
And I, uh,
I, uh...
618
00:23:48,039 --> 00:23:49,129
I shuffle.
619
00:23:58,019 --> 00:23:59,019
Thank you, Paula.
620
00:23:59,039 --> 00:24:01,019
Artie, you scared me.
621
00:24:01,039 --> 00:24:04,109
Hank:
All right, so there are 52 men
in a shoe store.
622
00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:07,070
Is that your card?
623
00:24:07,089 --> 00:24:08,119
No.
624
00:24:10,230 --> 00:24:11,270
You told him, didn't you?
625
00:24:11,289 --> 00:24:13,049
It was an accident.
626
00:24:13,069 --> 00:24:14,109
You know
I shouldn't drink.
627
00:24:14,130 --> 00:24:15,210
Horse hockey.
628
00:24:16,250 --> 00:24:18,020
Hey, Artie!
629
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:20,129
Artie, our producer is back.
630
00:24:20,150 --> 00:24:22,030
How much time
do we have left, Artie?
631
00:24:22,049 --> 00:24:23,179
Twenty seconds.
632
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,230
Twenty seconds, Hank.
633
00:24:24,250 --> 00:24:26,110
Well, then, there's no time
for any magic.
634
00:24:26,130 --> 00:24:27,230
We'll have to put
the cards away.
635
00:24:27,250 --> 00:24:29,130
I know--
Let Hank finish the trick.
636
00:24:29,150 --> 00:24:31,130
All right, Hank,
let's finish the trick.
637
00:24:31,150 --> 00:24:33,030
Normally,
I don't like magic,
638
00:24:33,049 --> 00:24:35,039
'cause I try and figure out how
it works and get frustrated,
639
00:24:35,059 --> 00:24:36,159
same with a porno film,
640
00:24:36,180 --> 00:24:38,040
but in this case,
let's take a shot.
641
00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:39,999
Okay.
642
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:44,169
Mmm.
643
00:24:44,190 --> 00:24:47,040
Smells like
the ten of clubs.
644
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:51,269
That is my card.
645
00:24:51,289 --> 00:24:53,169
That is my card,
the ten of clubs.
646
00:24:53,190 --> 00:24:55,120
Hank got it.
(cheering and applause)
647
00:24:55,140 --> 00:24:57,240
Hank got my card,
the ten of clubs.
648
00:24:57,259 --> 00:24:58,279
And, uh...
649
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:00,190
are we out of time now,
Artie?
650
00:25:00,210 --> 00:25:02,090
Let's wrap it up.
Thank you.
651
00:25:02,109 --> 00:25:04,009
Boy, I hope we can do
magic more often.
652
00:25:04,029 --> 00:25:05,239
Gosh, that was great.
Good night.
653
00:25:05,259 --> 00:25:08,069
Sleep well.
(music, cheering and applause)
654
00:25:10,029 --> 00:25:12,209
My card was the four
of diamonds, asshole.
655
00:25:20,109 --> 00:25:23,109
(theme music playing)
45718
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