All language subtitles for The.Karate.Killers.1967.WEBRip.x264-ION10.SDH

[chopper whirring]

[whirring continues]

[engine revving]

You hear something?

[missile firing]

[explosion]

[explosions continue]

[whirring continues]

[tires screeching]

[missile firing]

[gunshots]

[whirring continues]

[gunshot]

[tires screeching]

[Every Mother's Son singing
"Come On Down To My Boat"]

* She sits on the dock
a fishin' in the water uh-huh *

* I don't know her name *

* She's the fisherman's
daughter uh-huh *

* Come on down
to my boat baby *

* Come on down
where we can play *

* Come on down
to my boat baby *

* Come on down
we'll sail away *

[instrumental music]

* She smiled so nice like she
wants to come with me uh-huh *

* But she's tied to the dock
and she can't get free *

* Come on down
where we can play *

[music continues]

* She sits on the dock
a fishin' in the water uh-huh *

* I don't know her name *

* She's the fisherman's
daughter uh-huh **

[instrumental music]

- Dr. True?
- Solo?

Yes, I'm Solo,
and this is Kuryakin.

Mr. Kuryakin.

As you know, gentlemen,
I've, uh..

...I've devoted
my life to the..

...problem of relieving
the world's thirst by..

...purifying sea water.

Desalination.

We also know
that your laboratory

has been broken into twice.

Are we also right in assuming
that the thief's were after

something other than
you're desalination formula?

You are, Mr. Solo, and I have
taken adequate precautions.

Our enemies would have
to hunt down the four winds

to find what I've stumble upon.

Here we are, gentlemen.

[machine whirring]

Concentrated essence
of ordinary sea water.

Concentrator's in this
pressure chamber.

Being subjected to bombardment
by gamma particles.

[gasps]

What's the matter?

It's nothing.

[sighs]

When you see the end result
of this process..

...you'll understand why it must
never fall into the wrong hands.

[intense music]

For..

Formula..

Daugh..

Daugh-ter..

...has..

[dramatic music]

[glass shattering]

Yes, gentlemen..

That's what
Dr. True stumbled on.

The secret of extracting

gold from common sea water.

The key to limitless wealth.

Yeah, limitless wealth
and limitless power.

No wonder
THRUSH was tempted it.

It was THRUSH,
wasn't it?

Yes, Mr. Kuryakin.

Who else could hurl
a private Air Force against us?

And if they should
ever succeeding in

getting hold of
Dr. True's secret..

...the world is theirs.

And knowing THRUSH as we do,
they're going to keep after it.

Yeah, we'll fortunately
Dr. True anticipated that.

He said that his enemies would
have to hunt down the four winds

to find his formula.

And one more word..

...daughter.

I only wish
the poor man told you more.

Well, I'm sure
Mr. Solo is

more than eager to
follow up on the daughter.

Well, since you
suggested it, yes.

It's the only clue.

Oh, gentlemen, please,
five clues.

Our information is
that he has five daughters.

Five?

'Scattered all over the world.'

Margo in Italy somewhere.

Imogen in London.

Yvonne in Paris.

Gee, that may take some time.

Which is what we haven't got.

I suggest you get in touch
with Dr. True's widow.

Dear Amanda.

Randolph.

How good of you to come.

What you must have
been going through.

I, uh.. I dropped everything
the moment I heard.

No..

No, don't.

Not while I'm feeling
so terribly guilty.

Guilty? What about?

About Simon of course.

I killed him.

[scoffs]
What are you talking about?

- The newspaper said--
- It was just heart.

But I know the truth.

Oh, if I only hadn't been
so stupidly honest.

Blurting everything out.

What did you say to Simon?

Well, I told him
about us of course.

About you and me.

And I'll never forgive myself.

You told him what about us?

Well, at first
all I said was that I..

...wanted a divorce.

There's nothing so unusual
about that, is there?

I mean, what did you
tell him about me?

Nothing.

You know, Randolph,
I don't think you've

ever been aware of this,
because Simon always

had such beautiful manners.

But he absolutely loathed you.

I'm flattered.

Go on.

That's all.

A few hours after we talked

he had the attack.

You know, I really
do believe that Simon

was the only man
I ever truly loved.

Now, really, Amanda.

After four husbands,
not to mention me.

I mean it.

Oh, he could be so sweet
when he chose.

Our first meeting in Stockholm..

...seemed like fate.

He was there collecting
his second Nobel Prize.

And I was picking up
my fourth divorce.

Randolph!
That is Simon's desk.

I know it's Simon's desk.

- Which is why I'm searching it.
- Why?

There was something
I needed from Simon.

And now, I..

Listen to me carefully.

Did Simon ever speak to you
about the process

he was working on?

Certainly.

He kept me up
night after night for weeks.

I hope you
can remember some of it.

No.

After five marriages
if a women hasn't..

well, learned to appear
to listen to a man without

actually having heard one word..

...then she might just as well..

...turn in her wedding rings.

You can remember nothing
about what he was telling you?

Nothing.

Nothing?

No, nothing.

Not even where
he kept the formula?

Randolph, the way
you're behaving

I don't think I'd tell you
even if I knew.

Oh.

[dramatic music]

Search.

What is this?

What are you doing?
You have no right--

- You want them to stop?
- Yes I do!

Then refresh your memory.

Tell me where
he kept the formula.

I don't know.

Randolph, what's come over you?

Shut up and keep out of my way.

It was the formula you wanted.

Not me.

I still intend to get it.

Did he take all of these?

I don't know.

You were the one
who told me they were harmless.

Even an overdose
of vitamins can be fatal.

They weren't vitamins,
were they?

When you gave me
back that bottle..

...there was
something else in it.

Not his pills.

Something you put in it.

Don't worry, it will never
show up in an autopsy.

You murdered...Simon?

You murdered Simon?

You murdered Simon!

No need to be melodramatic
about it, is there, my dear?

Simon..

Please forgive me.

[dramatic music]

Looks like THRUSH
got here before us.

Anybody here?

- Mrs. True?
- You're too late.

She's already cleared out,
and in a hurry, too.

Who are you?

Sandy True.

One of Dr. True's
five daughters.

My father's only real daughter.

The others are step-types,
by Amanda's four other husbands.

And you, and you two
are from UNCLE, I suppose.

My father said to contact you.

Did he give you
something for us?

No, we just spoke on the phone.

What did he say?

He, um..

...said something about..

...how in the end,
only I would know the truth.

I know this isn't easy for you..

...but it's terribly
important to us.

Now he said that
you'd know the truth.

Was it about the process
he was working on?

Hardly, we haven't talked

about that in a long time.

Amanda saw to that.

Besides...he said..

...something about..

...how the truth
was scattered to the four winds.

Four winds?

Four stepdaughters.

She did this,
for them.

Wasn't enough what she did
to my father, I could kill her.

Somebody already has.

[dramatic music]

I still don't see
why I have to come along.

For one very simple reason.

You're the only key
that we have

and we don't intend
to lose you.

Oh. So I'm a key.
How very flattering.

[instrumental music]

Buongiorno, Napoleon.
Good to see you again.

Nice to see you.

Recognition, signal A.

The ocean is near,
and the coastline is sandy.

- That's me.
- That's it. Have fun.

Hey, hey, listen,
I don't want to go with her.

I want to be with you.

When in Rome,
you do as UNCLE says.

Hey, now, wait a minute!

Listen..

[instrumental music]

Yes, we're looking for
the Countess Margo De Fanzini.

Not bad.

Reminds me of home.

I am the count.
Valeriano De Fanzini.

Tell me, what do you want?

We were looking
for the contessa.

The contessa?

We have business
with the contessa.

Business?

(Solo)
'Yes.'

And you are from America?

Yes.

From U-N-C-L-E.

U.. Uncle?

Hey, bene, bene.

You do not have to
spell it out for me, signore.

I understand.

My wife, her uncle.

She have you
bring me the money, eh?

Uh, what money?

What money?

Hey, no money, no contessa, eh?

Arrivederci.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

"Help, I'm being held prisoner.

Contessa De Fanzini."

Came from up there.

[dramatic music]

[hinges squealing]

- Ooh! Ah.
- 'Uh.'

'Ooh! Ah.'

Uh. Excuse me.

Sorry, gentlemen.

I'm sure you've...
heard this before..

...but, honestly,
I haven't a thing to wear.

[instrumental music]

Uh, don't just stand there,
be a gentleman

give her your coat.

She looks
more your size to me.

Bluebeard!

That brute!

That throwback
to the Middle Ages.

I don't want to be
personal, but..

...just why exactly
has he locked you up

left like this?

So I can't run away, of course.

Can you imagine me fleeing
down the Via Veneto like this?

Oh, you will help me, won't you?

Well, maybe
we can help each other.

We're, uh, trying to find out

if you've heard
from your stepfather.

Oh, which one?

Dr. Simon True.

Oh, the sea water one.

He's dead.

Oh.

Tell me...
did he leave any money?

The beast never
brings me my mail.

I've no idea
what's been sent to me.

We'll have to search downstairs.

- 'Well, let's go.'
- Oh, not now.

Unless you want
a load of buckshot

from that bluebeard
I married.

Alright, let's wait
till he goes to sleep.

'It won't be long.'

He's goes to bed
with the chickens

just to save on electricity.

[instrumental music]

Hey, how come
he's taking your picture?

Well, that's the way
the paparazzis work.

'They photograph
everyone in sight.'

Because you never know, it might
be tomorrow's film star, right?

[chuckles]
Right.

[intense music]

[screaming]

[screaming continues]

[screaming continues]

(Margo)
Do you know he was offered
a fortune for this place?

He could have sold it
a dozen times, but no.

His stupid, arrogant pride.

You should have
seen the wedding.

Made all the picture magazines,
and so it should have.

But he stripped
the palazzo to pay for it.

Naturally, I wasn't going
to stay in this ghastly ruin.

Are you rich?

No, Illya and I work, uh..

[clears throat]
...very hard for a living.

- And mostly in the dark.
- Oh.

What a pity.

That's where
he keeps all the junk.

He calls it the music room

because the rats kept
running over the guitar strings.

Before he hocked the guitar.

My trunk!

I do hope there's some
clothes left in it.

He sold everything else

just to keep
this empty stone quarry.

Why, is beyond me.

(Solo)
Somebody has
an inordinate interest

in mail-order catalogs.

Yeah, and old bills.

And here's an invitation
to the Chicago Exposition, 1892.

(Solo)
Here's a foreclosure
dated two months ago.

Mr. Solo.

Aah!

Oh, I caught you

in flagar de delito.

Just a moment, sir.

Keep out of this, you Casanova.

- You cheap Romeo.
- You're jumping to conclusions.

(Valeriano)
How dare you parade around like
this in front of strangers?

Never...in the history
of the De Fanzinis..

Peasant!

Peasant, che-asant!

Excuse me, but all
we came here for--

Where's my mail?

- Where did you hide my mail?
- What mail?

I'll be glad to tell you.

It's Dr. True's formula.

(Randolph)
Where is it?

What formula?
And who are you?

- Answer me, where is it?
- Ow!

How dare you hit my wife?
She is a De Fanzini!

Did you hear him?
He admits I'm his wife.

- Did you hear it?
- I demand an apology!

[grunts]

(Margo)
You beast!

[grunting]

[grunting continues]

[yelling]

[indistinct shouting]

[grunting]

- Where'd you come from?
- You mean escape.

They tried to kidnap me.

You bring the troops?

Sure, I thought
it'd be the quickest

and safest way to get here.

Good thinking.

Sandy, find some cover.

[gunshot]

[yelling]

[blows whistle]

Aah!

'Aah!'

[yelling]

I'll show you!

Chase them!

Chase them!

My darling.

[groaning]

Oh, signore,
you are wasting your time.

She has nothing.
No letters, no gifts.

No answers
to my wedding invitations.

Oh, not even a response
to your ransom?

- Nothing. Nothing.
- Oh..

(Sandy)
'Help! Help!'

- Sandy?
- 'Help!'

I try never to jump
to conclusions, but--

Be my guest, jump.

Sounds like it's coming
from in here.

- 'Help!'
- Uh, excuse me.

Do you happen
to have a secret passage?

We've been searching
for five generations.

(Sandy)
'I'm behind the fireplace!'

(Valeriano)
Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, I'm rich.

I'm rich.

Aah!

[Valeriano laughing]

Ohh.

- Are you alright?
- Oh!

The lost treasure...
of the De Fanzinis!

So, that's why you refused to,
to sell our palazzo.

- Why else?
- Oh, darling.

Why else would I keep you
in this refrigerated ruin?

Ooh! Oh!

[indistinct chatter]

(Valeriano)
'Signore.'

'Signore Solo.'

'Signore!'

Is this, uh, what..
Oh, pardon, madam.

Is this what
you have been looking for?

My father.

But I thought you didn't get
anything from my father.

Well, it looked valueless

so naturally,
I forgot all about it.

Luckily I found it
this morning.

Under his pillow.

Oh, my darling.

-Arrivederci.
- Oh, ciao.

- Mr. Solo?
- Yes, sir?

Uh, Mr. Solo..

Um...about that photograph.

We've tried to interpret the
symbols in every possible way.

The result.. Scientifically,
they're meaningless.

Hmm, I see, sir. Just something
for the family album, eh?

I-I think not.

So far you've followed
only one of the four winds.

This may be the first piece
of a jigsaw puzzle.

So...good luck
with daughter number two.

[patriotic music]

(man on TV)
'Explendid array'

'the soldiers of the Queen'

'are marching proudly in'

'London's oldest
traditional pageant'

'the Lord Mayor's Procession.'

'They the are,
the Lord Mayor's party'

'waiting for
the fairytale coach.'

'It's 200 years old by the way.'

'That's just
500 years younger..'

Well, I didn't get
to see much of Rome.

You could at least show me
Carnegie Street.

I'm sorry, Sandy, not right now.

- We're going to put you on ice.
- I'm not gonna stay cooped up.

I'll run away. This is London.
This is where the action is.

Well, our orders are,
where the action is, you ain't.

(male on TV)
'Hello? What have we here?'

'My goodness.
This is unbelievable.'

Hey, look!

Imogen.

- Where?
- Right there.

Daughter number two.

(male on TV)
'Oh, good.'

'Here's a constable,
I'm sure he'll take'

'complete charge of the
situation in no time at all.'

You got a pencil on you, miss?

I like that fringe.

"I was on duty in the Strand.

"The Lord Mayor's Show
was in procession.

"And, uh, when the coach
drew level with me, it stopped.

"And out of it
stepped the accused.

'"She was wearing
a black-and-white'

two-piece bathing costume."

Is that all?

No, sir, it had a fringe.

[laughter]

"Fearing a breach of the peace

"I approached
the accused and said..

"Madam, your behavior

"by riding in
the Lord Mayor's coach

"and your attire, may well lead
to a breach of the peace.

'"At this moment I was jostled
by members of the public'

which caused me to be
thrust against the accused."

[laughter]

"She said, What do you think
you are doing, love?

"I replied,
I'm doing nothing, miss.

I have been thrust
against you, against my will."

[chuckles]

'"The accused
laughed and replied'

"Against your will, eh?

Pull the other one,
it's got bells on."

[laughter]

[gavel pounding]

The other one?

Uh, the accused was referring
to her leg, Your Honor.

(magistrate)
'Yes, yes. Alright,
proceed, proceed.'

Yes, sir.

Um, "Pull the other one,
it's got bells on.

'"At this point,
the jostling of the crowd'

"caused my helmet
to fall over my eyes.

"I duly warned the people behind
me, and the accused said..

Oh, darling,
never mind them, pinch me."

[laughter]

[gavel pounding]

"I said, I shall, miss.
What is your name?

"She replied, Imogen Smythe.

"And she said, You will soon

see that name
in lights, handsome."

'Handsome?'

Me, Your Honor.

[laughter]

Quiet, or I'll clear the court.

"Imogen Smythe..

"I arrest you for conduct

"which may well lead
to a breach of the peace.

"In that you
are indecently exposed

in a public place."

And at the same time, sir

I unrolled my rain cape

and put it about the accused.

And that was so sweet of you.

But that leather against me..

Well, I still have goose flesh.

[laughter]

[gavel pounding]

[crowd exclaiming]

- Step down, constable.
- Sir?

I said, step down.

Yes, sir.

A-as a matter of fact..

...you did everything
beautifully. From the arrest..

[gavel pounding]

(magistrate)
'Constable, that's enough.'

Yes.

- Ms. Smythe?
- Yes, darling?

You mustn't call me that.

It's contempt.

Well, it's not
in my circles.

(magistrate)
'What is your profession?'

I shake.

[laughter]

Shake? Shake what?

I shake me.

Um, eh..

Oh, you know,
at the Girls A-GoGo.

[laughter]

(magistrate)
'One aspect emerges
clearly from this case.'

'You appear
to have courted arrest.'

I don't want to spend
the rest of my life

at the Girls A-GoGo
shaking my f--

Oh, y-yes, quite, quite.

Yes, well, further
inquiries will be made.

You are remanded for seven days.

That's a dirty, rotten shame.

What did you say?

I said it's not
too lame for her.

Oh, dear, w-well does that
mean I have to be in jail?

(magistrate)
'Yes, unless you
can put out 500 pounds bail.'

[crowd gasps]

Oh, puh!

You-you've got to be joking.

Well...I couldn't
raise sixpence at the moment.

Well, you'll be permitted
to contact your friends.

Right here, sir.

Right here.

* I don't know her name *

* She's a fisherman's
daughter uh-huh *

* Come on down to my boat baby *

* Come on down
where we can play *

* Come on down to my boat baby *

* Come on down
we'll sail away *

[instrumental music]

- Hello, Stacy.
- Hi.

Hey, what about this?

[cheering]

- 'Where have you been?'
- Out to tea.

- 'For five hours.'
- Oh, you know me.

Darling, I'm lost in the face
of a toasted crumpet.

Come on, this way
to the dressing room.

Come on, wake up,
stupid, it's night time.

* Come on down where.. *

I've been camping out
in the dressing room

ever since I had that spot
of bother with my flat.

* Come on down
we'll sail away *

* Fish all day
sleep all night *

Well, here are all
my worldly possessions.

* Soon I'm gonna have
to get my knife *

* And cut that rope
cut that rope *

Cooler that Rome,
isn't it, Mr. Solo?

Let me save you the trouble
of searching the room.

It's not here.

He could be right, you know?
My things are in such a mess.

Perhaps we can help you
to straighten them out.

* Come on down where.. *

[grunting]

* Come on down we'll sail away *

* Come on down to my boat baby *

* Come on down
where we can play *

[crash]

* Come on down
to my boat baby **

[screaming]

[grunting]

[screaming]

Oh!

[clamor]

Quiet!

[murmuring]

This doesn't concern you.
Go on playing.

Play!

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

- Ow!
- Ow! Oh!

* She sit on the docks
a fishin' in the water uh-huh *

What happened, love?

* I don't know her name *

* She's a fisherman's
daughter uh-huh *

[grunting]

* Come on down to my boat baby *

* Come on down
where we can play *

* Come on down to my boat.. *

- Where did you get this?
- Well, that's Imogen's.

It's got a chiropractor's
phone number on the back.

Well, this business,
you know

we're always throwing
our backs out or something.

[screaming]

[music continues]

* She smiled so nice *

* Like she wants to come
with me uh-huh *

* But she's tied to the dock
and she can't get free *

[blows whistle]

(Imogen)
'You beasts!'

Oh! Oh!

[music continues]

* Come on down to my boat baby *

* Come on down.. *

- Aah.
- You again.

- Oh.
- You alright?

Oh, tell me, handsome..

...were you thrust against me

completely against
your will this time?

Well, not entirely.

You'll catch a cold.

Oh, a net.

Oh-oh, how charming.

Are you alright?

I think I found
what you're looking for.

What is it?

Another photograph?

Well, as Mr. Waverly would say..

...better luck
with number three.

Both photographs
seem to be identical, sir.

Except for the lettering
in the background.

(Illya)
'And apparently the answer
lies in those figures.'

We might have to get
all four photographs

'before it makes sense.'

I'm afraid so.

By the way, sir, how did,
uh, Ms. Imogen Smythe make out?

Oh, admirably.

It seems she's engaged
to be married to a policeman.

'Now that you've set your mind
at rest on her score'

'I hope you'll give
your full attention'

'to daughter number three.'

[guitar music]

Oh, God.

If only...it could go on
like this forever.

[music continues]

It can. Forever.

How?

Simple.

You move out of your hotel..

...into my ski lodge..

...and live happily
ever after.

[chuckling]

Isn't there...something

you want to ask me first?

Uh, no.

Something I have to tell you.

I should have told you before.

[chuckling]

I'm married.

You are what?

Married.

'Uh..'

I know, I know, I..

I should have told you
before, I know, I..

I should have had the courage.

You know, my-my wife

a helpless invalid.

I can't divorce her.

- You asking me to..
- No, uh, Yvonne, uh..

Let's talk about it
a little more practical, huh?

I find you, a secretary
for my Paris office, here

in a hotel
you clearly cannot afford.

Wearing clothes that are
obviously not paid for.

What kind of girl
do you think I am?

You're the kind
who's been here and there..

...and who...
would thoroughly enjoy..

...having a charge account..

...in all those
enchanting little shops

down in the town, eh?

And why not?

You're such
a pretty little thing.

Hmm?

Oh!

Sorry, Herr Director.

Better luck next girl.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

'Uh, Fraulein! Fraulein!'

I-it's about you bill.

It hasn't been paid, I know.
But don't give up hope.

No, no,
no, actually Ms.Fraulein..

...the bill
has been taken care of.

[accordion music]

Well, what are you?

Santa Claus or Old Nick
in sheep's clothing?

Let me put it this way, Yvonne.

I knew your mother well.

Oh.

But how grateful
do you expect me to be?

I want a very special
photograph.

Fly to London,
my half sister

she's goes in
for that sort of thing.

A pleasant thought,
but, uh, listen.

Actually it's a photograph
of your stepfather Dr. True

that I'm after.

A photograph of Simon,
worth thirty thousand shillings?

If it's the one
against the black board.

If that's all you want,
it's in my room.

It isn't.
I've already looked.

Oh.

I've got it. It must be
in my bag of course.

I left it in
HerrVon Kesser's ski lodge.

Let's go.

You don't waste time, do you?

Get me the hotel.
Suite 23, please.

Mm-hmm.

Still no answer?

Oh. Never mind.

No. No message.

Thank you.

Yes, sir?

There's a small

but highly confidential

commission I wish
you turn to take.

Certainly,
Herr Director.

The young lady
in suite 23.

Add her account to mine.

That is impossible.

The bill...has been paid.

By whom?

A complete stranger to me.

'And I think to the fraulein.'

- Oh.
- Anything else, sir?

[piano music]

Cognac.

And make that a double.

That's what I need.

Why? You worried about Napoleon?

Well, how long does it
take to search a room?

Well, it depends
who's in it.

The, uh, young lady in suite 23.

You want to pay
her bill as well?

Well, if necessary, yes.

I'm afraid you are
the second gentleman..

'...who's too late.'

[music continues]

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me.

I understand we maybe, uh..

companions in misfortune.

Perhaps you could tell me
where I might find a Mr. Yvonne.

Now what is that
about this girl?

Two weeks she carries on as if
I'm the only man in the world.

Then we have a slight
misunderstanding

and before you can say, fush,
she drops me like a..

...a hot kartofell.

- A what?
- Uh, like a hot kartofell.

Oh-uh, p-potato.

- Oh. Oh, yeah.
- Oh.

Can you imagine?

Just because
I said I'm married.

[chuckles]

Women are funny.

[speaking in foreign language]

- Hm?
- Yeah.

Yeah, women are funny.

Oh.

Nevertheless, uh, perhaps you
could tell me where I might..

thank you to find her.

Now, you look like
a man of the world.

Haven't you used
this old Dodge before?

[laughs]

Thank you.

And after I came
running back here

ready to apologize and even
to ask her...to marry me.

She takes up with the first
ski tramp who pays her bill.

Hmm.

You know who the tramp was?

Why you ask me?

Ask the desk clerk,
he's got the money.

[clears throat]

Thank you.

Ah, excuse me.

Who was the man
who paid that bill?

I haven't the slightest idea.

Where're you going?

Never you mind.
You stay put.

Order anything you want.

As long as it's ice-cream.

(Napoleon)
I've got to know. Come on.

[speaking foreign language]

I've got to know.

[speaking foreign language]

I've got to know.

I know that man, he's dangerous.
Now, where did he go?

Now, you heard the gentleman.

Tell him. That's an order.

[speaking foreign language]

They went to your ski lodge.

Oh, I can't understand it.

I'm sure I left it up here.

This isn't only a trick
to bring me here, hmm?

Why would I do that?

To give those UNCLE agents
a chance to get the jump on me.

What UNCLE agents?

I had an argument,
uh, with Von Kesser

and I left in a hurry
without my bag.

It has to be here some place.

It better be.

Remember you've been
paid for it already.

And I don't like
to waste my money.

[wind howling]

(Solo)
How much further is it?

Almost there.

Wait.

[intense music]

Let's take cover.

[gunshot]

Would you mind telling me
what this is all about?

It'll take too long to explain.

They're trying to stop us
from getting to your lodge.

Yvonne is there.

[gunshots]

- Let me!
- Please don't.

I've got to get to her.
Let me go!

[gunshot]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[screams]

Oh, please.
I'm not lying.

Not lying?
You're Amanda's daughter.

No. It has to be here
some place.

How can it be?
You've turned it over to UNCLE.

I didn't. I didn't!
I don't even know who..

No!

- Yvonne, my darling.
- Oh, God.

You wanna fight?

Fight a man, you..

Alright, you..
you model of chivalry.

Do you want to save
your girlfriend?

Name your price.
I'll pay any amount.

- Where is it?
- What?

My bag.

Bag? Is that what
you're looking for?

Where is it?

I-I took it to the hotel.

Ooh, and...I left it at the bar.

[sobbing]

Oh, my darling.
Oh, it's alright now.

Your Carl is here.
Huh?

My Carl?
You mean Foucault's Carl!

No, but, Yvonne,
don't you understand?

I only said it because,
you know, a man in my position--

Your position?
What about my position?

[accordion music]

Fraulein.
Fraulein!

[speaking foreign language]

Oh, my bag. How silly of me.
Thank you.

[speaking foreign language]

Did you get your bag?

Certainly not.
I left it at the hotel.

That's where Sandy is.

[guitar music]

You..

You.. You're not married?

No, of course not.

Don't you understand, Yvonne?

I only said it to,
to test you.

To make sure that
you're interested in me.

And not by interlocking
directorates.

[speaking foreign language]

[laughing]

[whirring]

Hey, Mr. Solo, Mr. Kuryakin.

If you fellas are still lookin'
for it, forget it. Here it is.

[instrumental music]

(Solo)
We're ready to take off
anytime you are.

Hey. How about this?

Our own private plane.

You know, I've never even
been on a plane before.

Mr. Solo!

Welcome aboard, gentlemen.

Will you have coffee or tea?

Ah.

Oh!

You have three pictures.

I want them.

You will give them to me

or I shall be forced
to introduce

your charming companion here

to the pleasures of free fall.

Don't give in to him.

There's a time for heroics
and a time for prudence.

Napoleon?

[sighs]

Thank you.

[intense music]

And now, not without
some regret on my part

we must say goodbye.

(Randolph)
My colleagues and I
have a rendezvous below.

You will continue
your journey alone.

It won't be a long one.

There is just enough
fuel to take you

out of the blue Mediterranean.

The aircraft is now
on automatic pilot

and when the fuel runs out..

Happy landings.

Go.

[intense music]

The weatherman says
the water is lovely today.

I've got it.

Ms. Rogers.

This just came in, sir.

From the Flight-6 Captain.

The plane was hijacked
in Austria.

THRUSH got away with Mr. Solo,
Mr. Kuryakin, and the girl.

Clear the emergency channel.

Red alert.
Attention, radar control.

Get a fix on UNCLE plane,
Flight-6. Top priority.

[instrumental music]

Come on, let's stand up.

- Both together.
- Wait.

Help me get up.

Push. Up.

[Sandy grunting]

Mr. Solo, do you read me?

[dramatic music]

[beeping]

Alright, now.
Work your hands out.

[groans]

[beeping continues]

Okay...alright.

Get the rope off.

My other hand.

Get it out.

[groaning]

Come in, Mr. Solo.

Come in, Mr. Solo.

I read you, sir.
Loud and clear.

What's the situation?

Moderately desperate, sir.

Correction. Desperate.

Both fuel gauges
already read zero.

According to our calculations

you're within 12 minutes

of emergency
landing field Charlie.

- The Balearic Islands?
- 'Right.'

Lock in on
homing signal frequency.

Red, Abel, Baker, Seven.

(Solo)
'Done, sir.'

[music continues]

If this was my car..

...I still have
a gallon and a half left.

Well, with this bird,
a gallon and a half

will last us
for about 12 seconds.

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Ah, welcome back.

Oh, Sandy.

Sandy, uh, Mr. Waverly,
this is Miss True.

Well, Miss True.

Well, I'm glad you made it
comfortably, gentlemen.

Yes, we seem to have made it

all the more comfortable
for THRUSH though.

They now have all three
of the Dr. True photos.

All four.

'Amanda's daughter
in Rio De Janeiro'

is very nicely married
with two very lovely children.

An enterprising journalist asked
her for the latest photograph

of her famous stepfather.

And there it is.

For all the world to see.

Including THRUSH.

'Yes.'

And we've just intercepted
a THRUSH signal.

They're very busy converting
their central complex

to produce gold.

Of course we have no idea
where that complex is.

Not the slightest, Mr. Solo.

But we do have one advantage.

And if I may say so,
a very lovely one.

You see, you, Sandy..

...are the key
to Dr. True's photo code.

Come here, my dear.

Here are the four photographs.

We isolated the symbols
on the black boards.

Our experts subjected them

to the most
sophisticated analysis.

And found them meaningless.

'So, we decided to be
unsophisticated.'

'Play a few simple word games.'

Maybe it's an anagram.

My daddy used to make up
funny ones for me

when I was little.

That's quite right, my dear.

So we rearrange the letters

'and came up with..'

'All yours, Miss True.
Go ahead.'

"Japanese lullaby."

I'm sorry Mr. Waverly,
I don't know what that means.

[sighs]

"Japanese lullaby."

You know, I never thought I'd be
pleased that our friends..

...are still alive.

[dramatic music]

[instrumental music]

So silly of me not be able
to figure it out.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Maybe when we get
to your father's house

in that atmosphere,
you'll be able to remember.

Meanwhile, think
about something else.

Like what?

[revving]

Hey, did you guys order
a-a-a motorcycle escort?

That's no escort.

Duck, Sandy. Duck.

[gunshot]

[tires screeching]

[gunshot]

[grunting]

[Sandy groans]

Get the wheel!

[tires screeching]

[intense music]

[motors whirring]

[inhales deeply]

[device beeping]

[crickets chirping]

[beeping continues]

[engine revving]

[Sandy grunting]

[man grunting]

(Randolph)
Crude. Crude, my boy.

We want the young lady
to talk to us.

She won't be able to do that
if you've, uh..

battered her
into unconsciousness.

I won't tell you anything,
no matter what you do to me.

Do to you?

Now, don't be silly.

First, a little demonstration.

[machine whirring]

[thudding]

[alarm beeping]

[thudding]

Alright.

No. Don't!

No, please don't.

- No.
- Talk.

(Randolph)
'Talk.'

(Sandy)
Stop that thing.

I'll tell you.

That's the wrong way around,
my dear.

First, you tell me
then I will stop it.

Japanese Lullaby.
What does it mean?

I'll-I'll tell you.

It r-refers to a friend
of my father's in Japan.

He must've sent him the formula.

A friend of
your father's in Japan.

What was his name?

I don't remember.

[screaming]

[sobbing]
Please, don't kill him.

I'll tell you,
I don't remember.

I was a little girl,
I don't remember.

You will remember in Japan.

[Sandy screaming]

Sayonara, Kuryakin.

[Sandy screaming]

[thudding]

[tires screeching]

[beeping]

[thudding]

[beeping]

[instrumental music]

Sandy?

THRUSH to Japan.

Oh.

It's all go on this job,
isn't it?

Yeah, isn't it just?

Four hours.

We've toured Tokyo
for four hours.

I'm sorry,
it was a long time ago.

Miss True,
believe me, I, uh..

fully appreciate the sentimental
overtones of the situation.

The Japanese gentleman

'a fellow scientist
of your father's'

'endeared himself to you
by singing you to sleep.'

He did. I can even
remember the lullaby.

I'm not asking you
to sing it to me.

Just tell me his name,
and where to find him?

I'm trying.

Daddy brought me here
to some conference.

It was a, a big building,
modern, with fountains.

And we even visited
the lullaby man.

But I was a child,
I don't remember.

I give you another five minutes.

[instrumental music]

I think that's it.

Uh, M-Marine Museum.

That's where we went.
I can't remember his name.

But his office,
it's up there.

[oriental music]

Please, don't give me away.

I'm in great danger.

Please?

Okay, teenybopper,
you stick with us.

[speaking Japanese]

Overseas operator wants
to know Uncle what?

Just UNCLE.

[speaking Japanese]

They've got no phone number
for uncle.

Oh.

Ask them to trace Mr. Waverly.

[speaking Japanese]

They say what initial?

Just, um, Mr. Waverly
in New York.

That's all I know.

Listen, can't they start with
the first Waverly in the book

and keep calling till
they find the one with UNCLE.

[speaking Japanese]

Supervisor say it's impossible.

They must have first initial
or can't place the call.

Oh, well.
I gotta get outta here.

Wait a minute.
Where will you go?

I don't know.

Then you stay here.
They never find you here.

Oh, you don't know them.
You can't hide from them.

Oh, yes, you can.
Right here.

Mina.

Well..

[speaking Japanese]

What are you doing?

In this place, a girl
can spend entire life

and no one ever know.

What kind of a place is this?

A geisha house.

A geisha house?

You mean, all you girls
are geisha girls?

Most famous in all Tokyo.

Which is why you must
not disgrace us.

Not to ruin our reputation.

Me ruin your rep?

Well, what do you
plan to do with me?

To make you one
high-class geisha girl.

[girls giggling]

(Kuryakin)
That's a photograph
of the girl, inspector.

She was brought to Japan
against her will.

(inspector)
Interesting.

This girl, answering
the same description..

...was reported to us
by a taxi driver

entering
a certain geisha house.

Geisha house?

Geisha house? Sandy?

[speaking Japanese]

Now no one will ever know you.

No kiddin'.

[Sandy chuckles]

[whispering]

Two foreign gentlemen outside.

I told you it was no use.

Don't worry.

[speaking Japanese]

Good evening. You gentlemen
has reservation, yes?

(Solo)
Regrettably no.

(Kuryakin)
We understand that you have
a friend of ours here.

Miss Sandy True.

Uh, yes.
Uh, come in.

She told me
she was expecting you.

Oh, she did?

You know, uh,
when homesick

think of friends.

Loneliness flees.

- It's ancient haiku.
- Haiku?

It's a classic form
of Japanese poetry.

'It has to have exactly
17 syllables.'

My favorite is

"The old pond,
a frog jumps in, plop."

- Uh, please, take shoes off.
- Yeah.

Uh, Sandy, uh, is here though,
is that correct?

Uh, yes, Sandy,
very much here in bath.

Japanese bath, very hot,
take long time.

Uh, you gentlemen
like to have tea while waiting?

Well, thank you, but, please,
don't worry about us.

Oh, no worry, please.

Friends withSandy-san.

Mina.

Not be like other gentlemen.

Always business.

No time to make happy.

Uh, please.

If you don't mind, I'd, uh..

rather like to keep my coat on.

I can see why.

Uh, those guns,
old American tradition?

Uh, yeah, old West. Yeah.

Please.

Well, if it'll
make you happy, um..

[girls giggling]

[girls laughing]

- Please sit down.
- Uh, must we?

We'd like to look around
a little bit.

We've never been
in a geisha house before.

Speak for yourself.

Oh, then we must
show your friend

the ancient tea ceremony.

Most traditional,
shows virtues of hospitality.

Uh, a quiet contemplation
of feminine beauty.

Oh, well, I'm all
in favor of that.

Uh, I'm afraid
we must postpone

that pleasure
for some other time.

Oh, please, for you
I make very fast.

[speaking Japanese]

- After you.
- Oh, no.

Japanese custom.
Gentlemen sit, geisha serve.

Oh, alright.

[speaking Japanese]

[grunts]

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

Oriental custom.

Guests must bow in return.

[instrumental music]

Sandy, you see.
You have nothing to worry about.

Oh, but what have you done?
These are my friends.

I thought you said--

This is Mr. Solo,Mr. Kuryakin.

(Sandy)
From UNCLE.

[speaking Japanese]

I'm so sorry.
So sorry.

[oriental music]

I always understood
that geishas

were dedicated
to making men happy.

Oh, it depends on man.

Sometimes happy,
sometimes not.

If tired businessman,
not as tired as he thinks

and wants more than conversation

we use samurai chop.

You mean, you knock us out
with a paper fan?

- Uh!
- 'Very effective, no?'

Steel ribs, uh?

Uh, perhaps, UNCLE
would like to hire

a girl with fans
for special assignment.

Excellent idea. Why don't you
submit that to Mr. Waverly?

If it's so very excellent
an idea

I suggest you present it
to Mr. Waverly yourself.

Mr. Waverly? Very big man?

Yeah, he's big zaibatsu.
Number one.

[beeping]

- It may be number one.
- Kuryakin here.

Your whereabouts
and situation, please.

Whereabouts, Tokyo.
Situation, extremely pleasant.

[oriental music]

What is that I hear,
Mr. Kuryakin?

A group of charming young
ladies, sir, and a koto, sir.

(Waverly)
Oh, I see.

Well, I suppose this
has something to do

with the tracing
and rescue of Miss True?

Yes, she's duly traced, sir.

She's, uh, sitting here with us.

(Waverly)
'Splendid! And we've identified
our Japanese Lullaby man.'

'His name is Dr. Sazami Kyushu.'

We know his name, sir,
but it seems

he disappeared
five years ago.

Quite so.
But we've traced him.

'He can be found
with his beggar's bowl'

'at the East Gate Temple.'

[gong]

I am humbled and honored, Sandy

that your good father,
entrusted with me

his secret for a little while.

You were the one man he knew

who couldn't be tempted by gold.

We are all tempted.

All the time.

That is why

I abandoned the world
of science

and took up the beggar's bowl.

I think I understand.

Sandy..

I think I understood your father

better than any man alive.

And perhaps

I know how he felt

when this discovery
forced itself upon him.

He realized
it's potential for evil.

Therefore, he wanted
this formula

to be held in trust

to a day when mankind

can use it.

This is your responsibility,
gentlemen.

Bury it deep

and guard it well.

If you don't mind,
I'll have that.

No!

This is a house of peace.

You cannot desecrate..

[gunshot]

[intense music]

[grunting]

[grunts]

Gentlemen,
you have my respect..

'...as worthy
and courageous adversaries.'

'In fact, I respect you so much'

'I want you to see
the full extent'

'of the THRUSH victory'

before you die.

The polar cap.

'The perfect cover for
THRUSH Central Complex.'

'On your right'

'our nuclear power output.'

Over there, the most
sophisticated weaponry plant

'ever conceived by man.'

But I specially direct
your attention, my friends

to the central area.

'There, quite simply,
we shall make gold.'

[dramatic music]

Your father was a genius,
Miss True.

If genius be defined
as originality plus simplicity.

His gold-making method
was astonishingly simple.

A method of subjecting sea water
to intense pressure

at a hypothermal temperature.

Imagine, tons of gold.

Tons pouring
into our storage vats.

With gold
as plentiful as dust

won't it lose its value?

We will control
its rate of release

don't you worry.

We won't.

Before you die, you'll see
history in the making.

When gold production starts,
lock them up.

[intense music]

(Sandy)
Hey, I thought you guys
had some marvelous gimmicks

sewn in the pattern
of your neckties.

Not this trip.

No knockout gas
in one of your buttons?

Not this shirt. No.

And you can't even
get on one of those

transistor ballpoint pens
of yours and holler help.

Confiscated
when we were searched.

Graceful surrender seems to be

the most dignified course
left open to us.

Imagine giving up like that.

Well, it takes great imagination

to even think of us
getting out of here.

- Infinitely.
- Defeatists.

What does the impetuous child
expect us to do?

Escape?

With our customary ingenuity

bravado, flair, dash, et cetera.

Oh, ah, yes.

Yes, I'm supposed to say
something to you

very elliptically, like, uh..

"Pawn A to Kings may deploy."

And you understand
what I mean and we go into one

of our daring escape routines.

Mm-mm, wouldn't that be nice.

Hey, look.
We're on TV.

Hi, there.

- They're spying on us.
- Mm-hmm. Wave.

Just, uh, checking
if you're comfortable, my dears.

Well, it is a bit austere.

And a little too antiseptic.

No serious complaints then?

Oh, we haven't even
been shown the menu

and we are getting hungry.

Food, at a time like this?

'I'm sorry to seem inhospitable'

'but I doubt it,
there'll be time before--'

Oh, we don't want
anything elaborate.

The condemned are traditionally
entitled to a last meal.

Touche.

Get them anything they want.

I'll have, uh,
bacon, uh, eggs.

White toast,
grapefruit, coffee.

How can you? I wouldn't even
give them the satisfaction.

Tomato juice, a pair of kippers,
French rolls

tea with lemon and the young
lady will have a salad.

- I'm not eating anything.
- You be quiet.

Just bring the oil
and vinegar separately.

[beeping]

- Mm-hmm.
- Alright.

Isn't that nice?

Sandy is surprisingly quiet.

Sandy is absolutely disgusted.

Frightened.

Child is obviously frightened.

Talk to her, Illya.

(Solo)
Get her to eat something.

Quietly.

Oh..

Come on, Sandy.

[whispers]
We are getting out of here.

Why don't you watch Napoleon
make some salad dressing?

[whispers]
No questions.
Just do as I tell you.

Then maybe, you'll, uh..

feel like eating some..

- Let me check.
- Yes.

(Kuryakin)
The salt and pepper.

- Now then, uh..
- 'Well..

(Solo)
'Mm.'

Uh-huh.

[Solo whistling]

Uh, uh, uh, achoo!

- Oh.
- Mm.

Where'd it go?
It's here somewhere.

[whistling]

[explosion]

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

[grunts]

Sir, they've escaped
from the cell.

Alert all stations.
Shoot them on sight.

[chuckles]
Excuse me, I've just escaped.

Can you tell me
the best way out of here?

[grunts]

"You are here."

Yes, I know where we are,
but we want to be

where they're making the gold.

Uh, must be there. Up.

Up.

The pressure's coming up

to ten thousand pounds
per square inch.

Have you notified
the substation?

Yes, sir. We are in constant
contact with them.

Not a single thing
must go wrong.

Danger to the whole plant.

Sir, if anything goes wrong

everything goes wrong.

Don't worry,
it's been triple-checked.

It's impossible for the pressure
to go beyond ten thousand.

[dramatic music]

[grunting]

[grunting]

What are you men doing?
Playing with the pressure?

It's progressing normally.

Not according to her,
and she's from central control.

- Central control?
- Who are you?

Show 'em.

[grunts]

The, the pressure control valve.

It'll blow the entire process

if pressure builds one pound
above ten thousand.

Just like a pressure cooker.

Yes, except we wanna blow up
the entire kitchen.

And that's the way to do it.

How do you reach it?

You...follow the green pipes.

[intense music]

[gunshots]

[gunshot]

[gunshots]

[grunting]

[grunts]

[grunts]

[gunshots]

[beeping]

[gunshot]

[gunshots]

[screams]

[beeping]

(Randolph)
What's wrong?
We must not exceed ten thousand.

I can't understand,
the automatic cut-off

'should have gone on
at ten thousand.'

[siren wailing]

[gunshots]

You see?

Gold! Gold!

[Randolph laughing]

[explosions]

[instrumental music]

Wouldn't you know,
we were in time

to save the world, but we're
late for Imogen's wedding.

Oh, look,
they're coming out.

A little bird, uh, whispered

that, uh, you paid
for the bride's trousseau

and her reception.

And why not, Napoleon?

When the father of the bride
is not available

(in unison)
the next best thing is an UNCLE.

Quite so, gentlemen.
Quite so.

[instrumental music]