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1
00:00:01,815 --> 00:00:08,423
?
2
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:11,860
Hey, so listen, man.
3
00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:13,291
I told you guys selling
Comedy Get Down t-shirts
4
00:00:13,342 --> 00:00:14,639
was a great idea.
5
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:17,556
They are selling like
sizzurp at a Drake concert.
6
00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:22,080
What the hell does that mean, George?
7
00:00:22,191 --> 00:00:23,457
I just wanna give a reference
8
00:00:23,562 --> 00:00:25,130
so you guys know how well we're doing.
9
00:00:25,235 --> 00:00:26,537
Why don't you say it like that?
10
00:00:26,641 --> 00:00:28,176
All right, cool, we're
doing great, guys.
11
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:29,715
Listen, and when we're in Houston,
12
00:00:29,819 --> 00:00:32,089
my friend Gunther has this
heavy metal death band,
13
00:00:32,195 --> 00:00:34,465
and I told him that we'd make
an appearance in his video.
14
00:00:34,571 --> 00:00:36,073
George, nobody wants
15
00:00:36,177 --> 00:00:39,147
to go and be in some
devil worship music video.
16
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,857
I'll do it for you, George.
17
00:00:40,962 --> 00:00:43,264
But the minute I see someone
drinking blood, I'm out.
18
00:00:43,371 --> 00:00:44,505
GEORGE: Okay, that's cool, all right?
19
00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:45,777
Cheers to a good show tonight.
20
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,217
- All right.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
21
00:00:48,324 --> 00:00:50,259
Get down!
22
00:00:50,364 --> 00:00:51,632
Hey George, listen...
23
00:00:51,737 --> 00:00:53,905
I wanted to holler at you
about them t-shirts, man.
24
00:00:54,011 --> 00:00:55,746
I think we're charging
a little too much, man.
25
00:00:55,851 --> 00:00:57,787
We comedians, not Ralph Lauren.
26
00:00:57,894 --> 00:00:58,904
No, you're right, you're right.
27
00:00:58,939 --> 00:01:00,207
Hammer heard the same kind of talk
28
00:01:00,298 --> 00:01:01,216
when he was with British Knights.
29
00:01:01,313 --> 00:01:02,582
But listen, here's the thing.
30
00:01:02,686 --> 00:01:04,120
It's more expensive
'cause the cotton's better.
31
00:01:04,225 --> 00:01:06,361
It's 100% Himalayan pure jersey cotton.
32
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,600
Now, most guys use the bad cotton,
33
00:01:08,708 --> 00:01:10,110
and then you wash it once,
34
00:01:10,213 --> 00:01:12,650
and then you end up with, like,
a little t-shirt like DL wears.
35
00:01:12,757 --> 00:01:14,157
[CHUCKLES]
36
00:01:14,262 --> 00:01:16,965
Yeah, my daughter, she can't
fit in my Cyndi Lauper shirt.
37
00:01:17,073 --> 00:01:19,308
She's seven years old.
She can't get the shirt on.
38
00:01:19,416 --> 00:01:21,084
You're a Cyndi Lauper fan?
39
00:01:21,189 --> 00:01:22,824
"True Colors" was the
soundtrack of my life,
40
00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:24,465
mother [BLEEP].
41
00:01:24,569 --> 00:01:28,172
- That comes shining through.
- It does come shining through.
42
00:01:28,283 --> 00:01:29,451
Okay, hey, listen.
43
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:31,691
The bottom line is we're
firing on all cylinders.
44
00:01:31,797 --> 00:01:33,131
We're like the Avengers.
45
00:01:33,235 --> 00:01:34,436
We're gonna have a rough time
46
00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:36,209
trying to figure out which one of us
47
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,648
is gonna be the Black Panther.
48
00:01:37,754 --> 00:01:40,222
It' ain't gonna be me.
My grandma'd get mad.
49
00:01:40,329 --> 00:01:42,030
Hey, Eddie, let me get
you another cigar, man.
50
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:43,603
Fo sho, man. I'm coming up short.
51
00:01:43,709 --> 00:01:45,944
He be smoking his cigar
like it was a blunt.
52
00:01:46,051 --> 00:01:47,119
Where are you guys going?
53
00:01:47,222 --> 00:01:48,757
I'm gonna get Eddie a cigar.
54
00:01:48,862 --> 00:01:50,931
Okay. Uh, great news guys.
55
00:01:51,036 --> 00:01:52,672
Yes, hello.
56
00:01:52,776 --> 00:01:55,412
Y'all have been upgraded
to the presidential suite
57
00:01:55,521 --> 00:01:58,156
by one Ms. Nancy Vandenberg?
58
00:01:58,265 --> 00:02:00,333
- Really?
- NINA: Yes.
59
00:02:00,438 --> 00:02:02,041
Who the hell is Nancy Vandenberg?
60
00:02:02,145 --> 00:02:03,513
She's a rich white woman
61
00:02:03,617 --> 00:02:06,121
who want a slice of Charlie Murphy pie.
62
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,729
What?
63
00:02:07,834 --> 00:02:09,836
Yeah, she's been sweating
me for about two months,
64
00:02:09,943 --> 00:02:11,945
sending me gifts, love letters.
65
00:02:12,051 --> 00:02:13,285
Oh, the audacity!
66
00:02:13,388 --> 00:02:14,757
[CHUCKLING]
67
00:02:14,862 --> 00:02:17,163
Oh, she's also inviting
all you guys to lunch today.
68
00:02:17,269 --> 00:02:20,540
Oh, check it! Look like
somebody got a Oprah.
69
00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:22,084
Which makes you her Steadman.
70
00:02:22,188 --> 00:02:23,289
DL AND CEDRIC: Ah!
71
00:02:23,394 --> 00:02:24,629
I'm not interested.
72
00:02:24,731 --> 00:02:26,833
Hold on, Charlie. Wait a minute, man.
73
00:02:26,941 --> 00:02:30,343
You got a woman that's
basically hunting you down
74
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,056
to get a little piece of you,
75
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,194
spending money on you and everything?
76
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:36,404
That's every man's dream. DL: Uhhuh.
77
00:02:36,510 --> 00:02:39,087
I'm not seeing the downside here, man.
78
00:02:39,455 --> 00:02:41,457
? So what you lookin' at ?
79
00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:43,333
? That's right ?
80
00:02:43,436 --> 00:02:45,605
? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?
81
00:02:48,155 --> 00:02:49,724
Oh my god, is that a Thundercat?
82
00:02:50,631 --> 00:02:52,954
No, that's the downside.
83
00:02:54,915 --> 00:02:55,916
Hi, baby.
84
00:02:57,222 --> 00:02:58,458
[THEME SONG]
85
00:02:58,562 --> 00:03:02,818
?
86
00:03:02,877 --> 00:03:08,205
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
87
00:03:08,368 --> 00:03:11,789
The Comedy Get Down
1x08 "Shirts and Skin " Dec 7, 2017
88
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:18,006
So, uh, what's up with these
two oak trees behind us?
89
00:03:18,116 --> 00:03:20,487
NANCY: Oh, well, when you
wear rare yellow diamonds,
90
00:03:20,593 --> 00:03:22,395
it's better to be safe than sorry.
91
00:03:22,502 --> 00:03:23,802
Oh.
92
00:03:23,906 --> 00:03:26,175
They're harmless, as long as
you don't try and touch me.
93
00:03:26,281 --> 00:03:27,983
You ain't gotta worry about that.
94
00:03:28,089 --> 00:03:30,492
There is no concern there.
95
00:03:30,599 --> 00:03:32,101
Except for Charlie.
96
00:03:32,204 --> 00:03:34,374
You can touch me wherever you want.
97
00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,582
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
98
00:03:39,934 --> 00:03:41,402
I got you a little something.
99
00:03:42,378 --> 00:03:43,511
Open it.
100
00:03:44,485 --> 00:03:45,886
Whoa.
101
00:03:45,991 --> 00:03:48,993
Oh, oh, oh!
102
00:03:49,102 --> 00:03:51,571
Dude, that's the Lexara watch I wanted.
103
00:03:51,679 --> 00:03:54,115
That watch has been on
back order for six months.
104
00:03:54,222 --> 00:03:56,123
It's impossible to get.
105
00:03:56,229 --> 00:03:59,466
It is impossible if you
don't know the CEO of Lexara.
106
00:03:59,576 --> 00:04:02,512
You know the CEO of Lexara? Whoa!
107
00:04:02,621 --> 00:04:04,623
Because my friend Steve introduced us
108
00:04:04,729 --> 00:04:08,500
a couple of years ago
before he passed away.
109
00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:09,644
Steve?
110
00:04:09,748 --> 00:04:10,949
Steve Jobs.
111
00:04:11,052 --> 00:04:12,989
Steve Jobs? IPhone Steve Jobs?
112
00:04:13,094 --> 00:04:14,597
You know iPhone Steve Jobs?
113
00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:15,835
Yes.
114
00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:17,607
Can you get the new 7's? Or the 8?
115
00:04:17,713 --> 00:04:20,182
'Cause by the time you
get it, it will be the 9.
116
00:04:20,288 --> 00:04:22,390
Get the 9. All 9's.
117
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,599
Look at Nancy, you out
here in the streets.
118
00:04:24,706 --> 00:04:26,840
You put a bid right
now. Who else you know?
119
00:04:26,948 --> 00:04:28,116
I know a lot of people.
120
00:04:28,218 --> 00:04:29,653
You know President Obama?
121
00:04:29,759 --> 00:04:30,893
No, no.
122
00:04:30,995 --> 00:04:32,998
But I am going to meet
Michelle in a couple weeks
123
00:04:33,103 --> 00:04:34,871
'cause she's going to
that private concert
124
00:04:34,977 --> 00:04:36,279
that Beyonc�'s putting on,
125
00:04:36,383 --> 00:04:38,217
and Bea promised to introduce me.
126
00:04:38,324 --> 00:04:39,759
Get outta here. You crazy.
127
00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:41,531
No, no, for real.
128
00:04:41,636 --> 00:04:45,072
As a matter of fact, would
you guys like to come?
129
00:04:45,184 --> 00:04:46,619
I mean, maybe bring your wives?
130
00:04:46,723 --> 00:04:49,192
And I can also get you each a watch.
131
00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:50,600
[STUTTERS]
132
00:04:50,705 --> 00:04:52,073
Good Charlie... Charlie, come on.
133
00:04:52,176 --> 00:04:53,244
She a keeper.
134
00:04:53,347 --> 00:04:54,549
DL: I got the feeling
135
00:04:54,652 --> 00:04:56,522
that we are gonna be
friends for a long time.
136
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:58,497
NANCY: I am so glad you said that, DL,
137
00:04:58,602 --> 00:05:01,371
because I really believe
friends should help friends out.
138
00:05:01,478 --> 00:05:03,548
DL: They should, absolutely.
What can we do for you?
139
00:05:03,653 --> 00:05:05,288
You want tickets to the show or...
140
00:05:05,393 --> 00:05:06,763
Maybe call your momma on the phone.
141
00:05:06,866 --> 00:05:08,701
That's a big request
we get all the time.
142
00:05:08,807 --> 00:05:10,542
Hello, this is Cedric.
143
00:05:10,648 --> 00:05:14,518
How are you doing, Mrs.
Whatever Your Last Name Is?
144
00:05:14,630 --> 00:05:17,666
No, all I want in return is for Charlie
145
00:05:17,774 --> 00:05:19,609
to make an honest woman out of me.
146
00:05:19,715 --> 00:05:20,984
[SPUTTERS]
147
00:05:21,089 --> 00:05:22,490
CEDRIC: Oh. Oh!
148
00:05:24,133 --> 00:05:25,501
You want me to marry you?
149
00:05:25,604 --> 00:05:28,807
[LAUGHING] Oh, no, of course not.
150
00:05:28,917 --> 00:05:31,287
- I want sex.
- Huh?
151
00:05:31,393 --> 00:05:33,362
NANCY: I want you buck
naked with a necktie on
152
00:05:33,468 --> 00:05:35,704
so I have something to hang on to.
153
00:05:37,115 --> 00:05:40,718
That... that is... that
is reasonable, Nancy,
154
00:05:40,829 --> 00:05:45,000
'cause Charlie has a
great necktie collection.
155
00:05:45,113 --> 00:05:46,414
That's so good,
156
00:05:46,518 --> 00:05:50,489
because as soon as you take
me to my happy place, Charlie,
157
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,538
I can make that call for
those watches and tickets.
158
00:05:54,649 --> 00:05:55,951
[SOFTLY] Charlie...
159
00:05:56,055 --> 00:05:57,122
You know what's funny?
160
00:05:57,227 --> 00:05:58,994
When I was getting
dressed to come down here,
161
00:05:59,098 --> 00:06:01,336
I noticed that I didn't
pack none of my neckties.
162
00:06:01,442 --> 00:06:03,744
Not one.
163
00:06:03,851 --> 00:06:06,553
My man, my man here's
$50. Give me the necktie.
164
00:06:07,465 --> 00:06:08,566
Necktie, yeah.
165
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:09,736
There you go, that's beautiful.
166
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,575
There you go. You can
hold on to that, huh?
167
00:06:11,682 --> 00:06:12,883
That's perfect.
168
00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,325
Man, what you thinking?
I'm a piece of meat, bro?
169
00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:18,402
No. Yes.
170
00:06:18,508 --> 00:06:20,009
DL AND NANCY: Charlie?
171
00:06:21,652 --> 00:06:24,956
- He...
- He's high-strung.
172
00:06:25,065 --> 00:06:29,637
He... did you know that he
is a huge Cyndi Lauper fan?
173
00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:33,154
DL: Yeah. "True Colors" is his g-spot.
174
00:06:33,263 --> 00:06:34,498
So about these watches.
175
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,304
Now, listen. Can you
get that in all black?
176
00:06:36,409 --> 00:06:39,345
Like a black face with black
diamonds with a black band?
177
00:06:39,454 --> 00:06:40,689
Yes.
178
00:06:40,793 --> 00:06:42,528
- Black on black on black?
- Anything you want.
179
00:06:42,632 --> 00:06:43,500
- Anything?
- Anything.
180
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,605
CEDRIC: That's awesome.
181
00:06:50,227 --> 00:06:52,996
AUDIENCE: [APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING]
182
00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:54,911
- Good show, George.
- Oh, thanks.
183
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,316
Bringing joy to the world, brother.
184
00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:57,990
That's why the good lord put me here.
185
00:06:58,095 --> 00:06:59,596
How are we doing on
the t-shirts tonight?
186
00:06:59,700 --> 00:07:01,002
Well, it's interesting.
187
00:07:01,106 --> 00:07:03,241
Each of the last two nights,
we've sold about 2,000 shirts.
188
00:07:03,347 --> 00:07:04,415
Tonight, we sold seven.
189
00:07:04,518 --> 00:07:05,886
7,000? That's amazing, man.
190
00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,092
That's badass.
191
00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:08,796
No, no, no. Like, no zeros.
192
00:07:08,902 --> 00:07:11,872
Like, one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
193
00:07:11,981 --> 00:07:14,149
What are you talking about?
That's impossible, White Terry.
194
00:07:14,256 --> 00:07:15,357
What are you doin'? You stealing?
195
00:07:15,462 --> 00:07:17,029
You lost the shirts?
You trying to cover up?
196
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:18,233
No, no, no.
197
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:20,808
I mean, look, we actually sold six.
198
00:07:20,914 --> 00:07:22,148
Somebody stole one.
199
00:07:22,253 --> 00:07:23,688
Well, technically they didn't steal one.
200
00:07:23,792 --> 00:07:25,127
I mean, he said,
201
00:07:25,230 --> 00:07:27,500
"Give me a shirt or I'm gonna
punch you in the mouth hole."
202
00:07:27,607 --> 00:07:29,175
I said, "I don't want to get punched.
203
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,515
"I'm a pacifist, and
I don't enjoy pain."
204
00:07:31,622 --> 00:07:33,290
- That's weird.
- I know.
205
00:07:33,396 --> 00:07:35,663
People are so violent nowadays.
206
00:07:35,771 --> 00:07:38,440
I'm talking about only
selling seven shirts.
207
00:07:38,549 --> 00:07:39,816
Right.
208
00:07:39,921 --> 00:07:41,455
Of course that's what
you're talking about.
209
00:07:41,559 --> 00:07:43,528
You wouldn't be talking about
me getting punched in the mouth.
210
00:07:43,634 --> 00:07:46,238
You're talking about the shirts.
You want me to come with you?
211
00:07:46,345 --> 00:07:47,680
- GEORGE: Come on!
- Yes!
212
00:07:50,127 --> 00:07:51,061
[DOOR KNOCKING]
213
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:53,602
- Hey, man.
- Hey, man.
214
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:55,877
Hey, good to see you,
man. How are you doin'?
215
00:07:56,886 --> 00:07:58,788
Hey, uh, can we talk for a minute?
216
00:07:58,892 --> 00:07:59,960
Yeah, have a seat.
217
00:08:01,503 --> 00:08:04,873
Hey, Charlie, you and I,
you know, have gotten to be,
218
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,452
I think, pretty close during the tour.
219
00:08:06,555 --> 00:08:07,823
We're kind of like brothers.
220
00:08:07,927 --> 00:08:09,762
And brothers help other brothers out.
221
00:08:09,867 --> 00:08:11,903
Like, if I knew you needed something,
222
00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,411
I'd be the first in line.
223
00:08:13,516 --> 00:08:15,585
So, I mean, you know,
that's what brothers do.
224
00:08:16,661 --> 00:08:18,029
You need some money?
225
00:08:18,134 --> 00:08:19,636
No, no. No, no.
226
00:08:19,739 --> 00:08:21,273
That's nice, though. That's really nice.
227
00:08:21,379 --> 00:08:23,581
But me and Ced, we're talking, and, uh,
228
00:08:23,688 --> 00:08:25,055
we've been discussing this.
229
00:08:25,161 --> 00:08:29,899
And what we need is for
you to [BLEEP] Nancy.
230
00:08:30,011 --> 00:08:32,347
[CHUCKLES]
231
00:08:32,455 --> 00:08:34,590
You must've lost your [BLEEP] mind.
232
00:08:34,696 --> 00:08:37,132
You want me to [BLEEP] a monster?
233
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:38,609
- A monster?
- Monster, man!
234
00:08:38,713 --> 00:08:40,214
Monster is a strong word.
235
00:08:40,318 --> 00:08:44,456
But this monster can get us
watches and Beyonc� tickets...
236
00:08:44,567 --> 00:08:48,337
tickets, by the way, which I've
already promised my wife, man.
237
00:08:48,448 --> 00:08:51,486
Come on, take one for the
team. Take one for the team?
238
00:08:51,595 --> 00:08:52,862
Yes.
239
00:08:52,965 --> 00:08:54,668
Because you and Ced playing me?
240
00:08:54,773 --> 00:08:56,008
Because all of us...
241
00:08:56,112 --> 00:08:59,782
all of us need watches
and Beyonc� tickets.
242
00:08:59,893 --> 00:09:02,830
- Dang, that's not happening.
- That's not happening?
243
00:09:02,937 --> 00:09:05,072
- That's taking it too far.
- That's taking it too far?
244
00:09:05,180 --> 00:09:07,349
Nah, I'm not [BLEEP]
monsters for the team.
245
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:08,824
You remember the Brazilian chick
246
00:09:08,928 --> 00:09:10,562
that thought you was Denzel?
247
00:09:10,666 --> 00:09:12,669
And I went along with it
so you could get some ass.
248
00:09:12,776 --> 00:09:14,144
You remember that?
249
00:09:14,247 --> 00:09:16,282
I had to play Carlton
from "Fresh Prince."
250
00:09:16,388 --> 00:09:19,558
My hips don't move like
that. That's what brothers do.
251
00:09:19,668 --> 00:09:20,836
You gonna go there, really?
252
00:09:20,939 --> 00:09:22,275
I'm gonna have to go there, man.
253
00:09:22,379 --> 00:09:24,181
You know my hips ain't
been the same since,
254
00:09:24,286 --> 00:09:25,687
doing that dumbass dance?
255
00:09:25,792 --> 00:09:27,528
That's low, man. That's real low.
256
00:09:27,632 --> 00:09:29,466
- And I feel terrible.
- Real low.
257
00:09:29,572 --> 00:09:31,241
And I don't wanna do it.
258
00:09:31,346 --> 00:09:32,881
- Yeah, right.
- Yeah.
259
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:35,894
[EXHALES LOUDLY]
260
00:09:36,966 --> 00:09:39,236
Okay, I'm gonna [BLEEP] your monster.
261
00:09:39,343 --> 00:09:41,145
I would hug you, but
I know you're upset.
262
00:09:41,250 --> 00:09:42,885
But I'm hugging you from the inside.
263
00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:44,359
Yeah, don't hug me, man.
264
00:09:44,463 --> 00:09:46,732
I just... hey, man...
Charlie, you're a...
265
00:09:46,838 --> 00:09:48,373
they don't make them like you no more.
266
00:09:48,478 --> 00:09:51,148
Wrong, bro. Real wrong.
267
00:09:52,828 --> 00:09:54,296
If it's any consolation...
268
00:09:55,907 --> 00:09:57,209
...aw, [BLEEP] it.
269
00:09:58,349 --> 00:09:59,517
Consolation.
270
00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:00,754
[PHONE RINGS]
271
00:10:00,859 --> 00:10:02,862
Hey, Ced? Guess who's [BLEEP] Nancy?
272
00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:04,502
[LAUGHS] Yeah, he did.
273
00:10:04,606 --> 00:10:06,274
He mad. So what?
274
00:10:06,379 --> 00:10:07,614
Yeah, I know.
275
00:10:07,718 --> 00:10:09,287
How did we sell six t-shirts tonight?
276
00:10:09,392 --> 00:10:10,994
I don't know. It's weird, right?
277
00:10:11,099 --> 00:10:12,867
Look, I saw a van outside, okay?
278
00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:14,339
There's a bunch of
people crowding around it.
279
00:10:14,444 --> 00:10:16,013
I thought they were just smoking weed,
280
00:10:16,118 --> 00:10:18,020
'cause that's sort of
your demographic, frankly.
281
00:10:18,125 --> 00:10:20,361
But now I think they were
selling bootlegged shirts.
282
00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:22,236
I bet you're right.
283
00:10:22,342 --> 00:10:23,510
Bastards.
284
00:10:23,612 --> 00:10:25,847
White Terry, go get my stun gun.
285
00:10:25,954 --> 00:10:27,757
The one that you hold against the body
286
00:10:27,862 --> 00:10:28,964
or the one that you shoot?
287
00:10:29,068 --> 00:10:30,369
Do you hear what's happening, man?
288
00:10:30,472 --> 00:10:31,741
Get 'em both!
289
00:10:31,844 --> 00:10:33,379
Yeah. Oh, they're back at the hotel.
290
00:10:33,484 --> 00:10:35,552
They're back at the hotel? Shoot!
291
00:10:35,659 --> 00:10:37,760
Well, then get me a
table leg or a stick.
292
00:10:37,867 --> 00:10:39,001
What?
293
00:10:39,106 --> 00:10:41,241
Get me, like, a can of
soda, but a 16 ounce,
294
00:10:41,347 --> 00:10:43,749
or one of those California
Kong packs, the 7 ounce.
295
00:10:43,855 --> 00:10:45,692
George, don't do anything stupid.
296
00:10:45,798 --> 00:10:48,167
- Come on!
- NINA: No, listen to me!
297
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,442
I'm responsible for you and everyone!
298
00:10:50,548 --> 00:10:53,619
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
299
00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:59,206
Here, take one. One at
a time, one at a time.
300
00:10:59,316 --> 00:11:00,718
What the [BLEEP] are you... Eddie!
301
00:11:06,302 --> 00:11:08,370
All right, here, here.
Got one for the lady.
302
00:11:08,476 --> 00:11:11,263
Here you go. For the lady right there.
303
00:11:11,476 --> 00:11:12,443
[LAUGHS]
304
00:11:12,491 --> 00:11:14,026
Eddie, what the [BLEEP] are you doing?
305
00:11:14,053 --> 00:11:15,655
Why is Affion Crockett with you?
306
00:11:15,808 --> 00:11:17,143
Hey, I don't want no trouble, George.
307
00:11:17,246 --> 00:11:19,481
Affion, put your hands down.
George ain't the law, man.
308
00:11:19,588 --> 00:11:22,190
I heard on TMZ he be carrying
stun guns and shit, man!
309
00:11:22,298 --> 00:11:23,833
I got stun guns and shit,
310
00:11:23,939 --> 00:11:25,473
just White Terry left
them in the hotel room.
311
00:11:25,577 --> 00:11:26,845
Cool.
312
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,218
What are you doing?
Bootlegging the t-shirts?
313
00:11:28,323 --> 00:11:29,857
No, I'm not bootlegging, man.
314
00:11:29,961 --> 00:11:32,697
I'm trying to give our
fans an affordable option.
315
00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:34,741
Affion got a guy that gave us a t-shirt
316
00:11:34,847 --> 00:11:36,548
at half the price
you're getting yours for.
317
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:39,322
We selling double the t-shirts.
Right now, we're breaking even.
318
00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,700
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Minus Affion's finder's fee.
319
00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:43,209
This is it right here?
320
00:11:43,313 --> 00:11:45,615
This is a 50/50
cotton-poly blend, Eddie!
321
00:11:45,721 --> 00:11:48,390
George, don't nobody give
a damn about the poly blend.
322
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:51,101
All these fans when they come
out is some kind of souvenir.
323
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:53,179
I wish you would ask
me before you did this.
324
00:11:53,284 --> 00:11:54,885
You got, like, 1,000 shirts in here.
325
00:11:54,991 --> 00:11:57,727
Ask you? Did you ask us, George,
326
00:11:57,835 --> 00:12:00,204
when you went and got your
little Gucci-ass t-shirts?
327
00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:01,612
Oh, oh, wait a minute.
328
00:12:01,716 --> 00:12:04,351
How about that time you
said, let's all go skydiving,
329
00:12:04,460 --> 00:12:06,195
some kind of literacy charity event?
330
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,069
That was for a good cause.
331
00:12:08,173 --> 00:12:11,744
A good cause? [BLEEP]
don't skydive, George.
332
00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:15,558
I'd rather pay a mother [BLEEP]
than jump out a damn plane!
333
00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:17,639
Man, who died and made you king, George?
334
00:12:17,744 --> 00:12:19,580
There are no Mexican kings.
335
00:12:19,685 --> 00:12:22,487
Maximilian. That's a Mexican king.
336
00:12:22,594 --> 00:12:24,964
- Affion, shut the [BLEEP] up.
- Shut the [BLEEP] up, Affion.
337
00:12:25,071 --> 00:12:26,139
Damn.
338
00:12:26,243 --> 00:12:27,912
Two for 35!
339
00:12:28,017 --> 00:12:29,419
George, you treating the rest of us
340
00:12:29,522 --> 00:12:31,457
like we're some mother
[BLEEP] daycare or some shit.
341
00:12:31,563 --> 00:12:33,265
I'm a grown-ass man, George.
342
00:12:33,370 --> 00:12:36,573
I got nine kids, two
divorces, two warrants, man,
343
00:12:36,682 --> 00:12:38,951
and a prostate exam
next week to prove shit.
344
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:41,327
Okay, listen, I wouldn't
treat you like you were daycare
345
00:12:41,434 --> 00:12:44,370
- if you didn't act like a baby.
- You acting like a baby.
346
00:12:44,478 --> 00:12:46,982
- You're acting like a baby.
- No, you acting like the baby.
347
00:12:47,090 --> 00:12:48,691
You act like a baby in the crib
348
00:12:48,796 --> 00:12:50,498
that [BLEEP] bottle
empty, [BLEEP] birds.
349
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,138
You got a diaper on right now.
350
00:12:52,243 --> 00:12:53,344
- Oh, I do?
- Yeah.
351
00:12:53,446 --> 00:12:55,181
You know what? You got a diaper on.
352
00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:56,956
And you got Neo helping
you too. I'm out.
353
00:12:57,997 --> 00:12:59,232
Give me the money, man!
354
00:13:05,392 --> 00:13:07,060
Do what you do, porno.
355
00:13:07,166 --> 00:13:10,936
WOMAN IN PORNO: Yes, yes, yes, yes!
356
00:13:14,159 --> 00:13:15,828
Hey, Big Daddy. How do I look?
357
00:13:17,372 --> 00:13:20,275
- Interesting.
- Heh... thanks.
358
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:23,018
So, are you ready for all of this?
359
00:13:23,126 --> 00:13:26,563
Uh, I could use another
minute or two with the iPad.
360
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:29,476
No. No.
361
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:35,495
I like you, Charlie Murphy.
I see I'm the lucky guy.
362
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:40,279
Yeah, and you are about
to get a whole lot luckier,
363
00:13:40,393 --> 00:13:43,763
'cause it's gonna go down now.
364
00:13:43,872 --> 00:13:46,342
And I hope you brought those bullets,
365
00:13:46,449 --> 00:13:48,352
'cause I brought the guns.
366
00:13:48,457 --> 00:13:50,192
Yeah, oh!
367
00:13:50,297 --> 00:13:53,601
- [GROWLS]
- Oh!
368
00:13:53,711 --> 00:13:57,514
I'm taking one for the team!
I'm taking one for the team!
369
00:13:57,626 --> 00:13:59,694
I'm the taking one for the team!
370
00:13:59,801 --> 00:14:02,637
I'm taking... I'm taking... oh!
371
00:14:10,455 --> 00:14:12,216
George, what you got at the bar, man?
372
00:14:12,318 --> 00:14:13,041
I need a drink.
373
00:14:13,090 --> 00:14:14,460
I'm not proud of my actions right now.
374
00:14:14,509 --> 00:14:16,211
Yeah, right there. What's going on?
375
00:14:16,257 --> 00:14:17,262
Ah, tequila.
376
00:14:17,319 --> 00:14:20,391
Charlie's having sex
with this woman for us.
377
00:14:21,331 --> 00:14:23,100
- What?
- It's a long story.
378
00:14:23,204 --> 00:14:24,605
But the bottom line is
379
00:14:24,710 --> 00:14:27,179
if Charlie pleases this
strong, pasty woman sexually,
380
00:14:27,285 --> 00:14:29,921
we get Beyonc� tickets and watches.
381
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:32,131
- [CHUCKLES]
- Lexara watches, man.
382
00:14:32,237 --> 00:14:33,773
And I'm getting one
with the black diamond
383
00:14:33,878 --> 00:14:35,479
with the black face, with
the eel skin, snakeskin,
384
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,219
and lamb's wool all in one band.
385
00:14:37,324 --> 00:14:38,926
GEORGE: [LAUGHS] Okay, come on, man.
386
00:14:39,031 --> 00:14:40,233
Lexara watches?
387
00:14:40,336 --> 00:14:41,604
Man, you guys got some gourmet tastes.
388
00:14:41,707 --> 00:14:43,610
- [CHUCKLES]
- We got expensive taste?
389
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,686
Look who's talking over
here, Mr. $60 T-Shirt, yeah.
390
00:14:46,794 --> 00:14:48,462
Wait a minute, man. Okay, listen...
391
00:14:48,567 --> 00:14:51,404
Lexara watches and high-quality
Himalayan cotton t-shirts,
392
00:14:51,513 --> 00:14:52,881
those are two different things.
393
00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:54,719
I want our fans to have
something that's quality.
394
00:14:54,825 --> 00:14:56,292
The fans with the fat-ass wallets.
395
00:14:56,397 --> 00:14:57,932
[LAUGHS]
396
00:14:58,036 --> 00:15:01,141
CEDRIC: George, our fans,
man, once they buy the tickets,
397
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:04,352
get their hair did, get an
outfit, get their car washed,
398
00:15:04,461 --> 00:15:05,562
they're tapped out.
399
00:15:05,665 --> 00:15:07,701
They not gonna go show up in the concert
400
00:15:07,808 --> 00:15:10,244
with some Wrangler jeans on
and some dusty-old cowboy boots
401
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:12,119
like your people...
you know, no offense.
402
00:15:12,225 --> 00:15:13,359
Wait a minute, man.
403
00:15:13,463 --> 00:15:14,765
Don't say that, 'cause
they gotta get documents,
404
00:15:14,868 --> 00:15:16,369
and then they gotta shave their heads
405
00:15:16,473 --> 00:15:18,410
and let the ink dry from
the tattoo on their neck.
406
00:15:18,516 --> 00:15:20,351
Listen, if you guys had
a problem with all that,
407
00:15:20,456 --> 00:15:21,958
how come you didn't say anything?
408
00:15:22,062 --> 00:15:23,129
Come on, man.
409
00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:24,667
Once you made your
mind up about something,
410
00:15:24,772 --> 00:15:26,374
there ain't no talking you out of it.
411
00:15:26,479 --> 00:15:28,280
You're like my wife
if she were a Mexican
412
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,988
and she smelled like weed all the time.
413
00:15:30,093 --> 00:15:32,762
Okay. Well, maybe you guys are right.
414
00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:34,438
Listen, man, I'm just so pissed off
415
00:15:34,543 --> 00:15:36,044
that Eddie Griffin was
bootlegging the t-shirts.
416
00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:39,485
- What are you saying?
- Eddie bootlegged the t-shirts?
417
00:15:39,596 --> 00:15:41,465
Yeah, man. Eddie and Affion Crockett.
418
00:15:41,569 --> 00:15:43,438
Affion Crockett? What
are you talking about?
419
00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:45,013
It's a long story.
420
00:15:45,116 --> 00:15:47,019
[MOANING IN NEXT ROOM]
421
00:15:47,125 --> 00:15:48,894
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is
that... is that Charlie?
422
00:15:48,998 --> 00:15:50,099
Oh!
423
00:15:50,203 --> 00:15:51,905
Somebody is taming
the monster right now!
424
00:15:52,011 --> 00:15:54,246
- Releasing the kraken.
- Ha ha!
425
00:15:54,352 --> 00:15:56,387
I guess we know who the
Black Panther is, right?
426
00:15:56,493 --> 00:15:58,563
- Charlie Murphy.
- Charlie Murphy!
427
00:16:03,220 --> 00:16:06,123
Can you walk? You know I put it on you.
428
00:16:08,373 --> 00:16:11,009
It was fun. Thank you.
429
00:16:11,117 --> 00:16:14,152
Hey, don't act like I ain't
just blow your back out.
430
00:16:14,261 --> 00:16:17,898
I wouldn't say you blew my back out.
431
00:16:18,008 --> 00:16:21,378
Well, I did the deed.
That means that my boys
432
00:16:21,488 --> 00:16:24,660
is getting the free Beyonc�
tickets and the watches, right?
433
00:16:25,872 --> 00:16:27,740
Oh. Oh, yeah.
434
00:16:27,847 --> 00:16:30,482
Um, well, see, about that.
435
00:16:30,591 --> 00:16:32,226
All the stuff that I said
436
00:16:32,332 --> 00:16:36,903
as far as the watches
and the Beyonc� tickets?
437
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:39,986
I just said that stuff
to get you into bed.
438
00:16:40,094 --> 00:16:44,031
- You used me for my body?
- Yeah, pretty much so.
439
00:16:45,146 --> 00:16:47,983
See, I really like
sleeping with comedians.
440
00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:51,594
And, well, hon, you were
just the next on the list.
441
00:16:51,703 --> 00:16:54,308
- You're just a chuckle [BLEEP]?
- Yeah.
442
00:16:55,988 --> 00:16:57,422
[SHUTTER CLICK]
443
00:16:57,527 --> 00:16:59,129
But if it's any consolation,
444
00:16:59,234 --> 00:17:01,704
you were so much better
than your brother.
445
00:17:01,810 --> 00:17:03,112
Hey, wait a minute.
446
00:17:03,216 --> 00:17:05,250
Yo, you can't just walk out
on Charlie Murphy like that.
447
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:06,458
Yo... hey, yo!
448
00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:10,470
Hey, what the [BLEEP] you doing, man?
449
00:17:10,578 --> 00:17:11,811
Hey, that's my watch!
450
00:17:11,915 --> 00:17:14,618
You know how hard I had
to work to get that, man?
451
00:17:16,666 --> 00:17:18,403
That's wrong, man.
452
00:17:19,913 --> 00:17:21,315
Whatever happened to Black Lives Matter?
453
00:17:29,014 --> 00:17:31,117
- What's up, Eddie?
- What's up?
454
00:17:32,996 --> 00:17:34,831
Listen, man. I just want to apologize.
455
00:17:34,935 --> 00:17:36,303
I was out of control, man.
456
00:17:36,409 --> 00:17:38,011
And you were right about the t-shirts.
457
00:17:38,115 --> 00:17:39,550
Well, go on and apologize. I'm waiting.
458
00:17:40,625 --> 00:17:42,693
I... I'm apologizing. I said I'm sorry.
459
00:17:42,799 --> 00:17:44,001
That's an apology?
460
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,307
You're telling me that's an apology?
461
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:46,812
Come on, man, that's an apology.
462
00:17:46,915 --> 00:17:48,082
I'm being sincere.
463
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:49,488
I'm just busting your balls over here.
464
00:17:49,593 --> 00:17:51,027
Come on, man. Whatcha doin', man?
465
00:17:51,132 --> 00:17:53,634
Listen, man, I blame the
17 years I was married, bro.
466
00:17:53,741 --> 00:17:55,176
I lost a chunk of money, man.
467
00:17:55,281 --> 00:17:57,517
That shrapnel, the
medication, lost my house...
468
00:17:57,624 --> 00:18:00,559
George? We good, King George, we good.
469
00:18:00,668 --> 00:18:03,205
- Love you, man.
- Love you too, brother.
470
00:18:03,313 --> 00:18:04,480
Y'all seen Charlie?
471
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:05,584
- No.
- No?
472
00:18:05,686 --> 00:18:07,689
Wait a minute. Did you check his room?
473
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:08,897
CEDRIC: I don't know, man.
474
00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:10,569
He had the Cyndi Lauper
music playing so loud,
475
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,874
I don't know if he's putting
it down or putting it up,
476
00:18:12,982 --> 00:18:13,917
you know what I'm saying?
477
00:18:14,019 --> 00:18:15,753
[LAUGHTER]
478
00:18:15,859 --> 00:18:17,293
There he is. Hey, Charlie!
479
00:18:17,398 --> 00:18:18,867
- Charlie!
- What's up?
480
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,107
Bad news, fellas.
481
00:18:20,209 --> 00:18:22,944
Uh, no Beyonc� tickets, no watches.
482
00:18:23,052 --> 00:18:24,289
Hey, man, where the watch, man?
483
00:18:24,393 --> 00:18:27,229
- Come on, man.
- Damn.
484
00:18:27,336 --> 00:18:28,670
There ain't gonna be no watch, bro.
485
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,310
What happened? You couldn't get it up?
486
00:18:30,416 --> 00:18:32,050
This is me you talkin' to, bro.
487
00:18:32,155 --> 00:18:34,491
I put it on. I even
put the Murphy grip on.
488
00:18:34,597 --> 00:18:36,066
How come you needed the Murphy grip
489
00:18:36,169 --> 00:18:37,671
to grab a [BLEEP] damn watch?
490
00:18:37,777 --> 00:18:38,878
Hey, listen.
491
00:18:38,981 --> 00:18:44,020
The woman just wanted to
use me for my body, okay?
492
00:18:44,134 --> 00:18:46,469
She likes having sex with comedians.
493
00:18:46,577 --> 00:18:48,246
She's a chuckle [BLEEP]?
494
00:18:48,351 --> 00:18:49,552
Is that the term?
495
00:18:49,656 --> 00:18:51,090
- Chuckle [BLEEP]?
- Chuckle [BLEEP].
496
00:18:51,194 --> 00:18:52,529
That's the term.
497
00:18:52,634 --> 00:18:54,536
Damn my luck, man. Shit.
498
00:18:54,642 --> 00:18:57,679
Damn your luck? Your luck?
499
00:18:57,786 --> 00:19:00,389
[BLEEP] had to just [BLEEP]
Chuckie's grandmother.
500
00:19:00,496 --> 00:19:03,365
- Come on, don't say that.
- Tell me about your luck.
501
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,744
I'mma tell you something right now, too.
502
00:19:04,846 --> 00:19:06,581
I better not hear about
this from nobody else
503
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,724
in the street, man. I know
you like to run yo mouth.
504
00:19:09,833 --> 00:19:12,168
Yeah, I'm telling you,
Ced... I'm telling you, man.
505
00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:13,810
Your fans would love to find out how
506
00:19:13,915 --> 00:19:17,351
you eat peanut butter
sandwiches with a knife and fork.
507
00:19:17,462 --> 00:19:18,597
Everybody do that.
508
00:19:18,701 --> 00:19:20,469
CHARLIE: How are fans
gonna feel about you?
509
00:19:20,573 --> 00:19:22,775
You know, they don't change
since you got the money, bro.
510
00:19:22,882 --> 00:19:24,217
And you, George.
511
00:19:24,321 --> 00:19:26,089
Yeah, you like flapping your lips too.
512
00:19:26,194 --> 00:19:28,498
Telling you right now, you
want people to shake it out?
513
00:19:28,604 --> 00:19:30,140
Your 35 chihuahuas?
514
00:19:30,243 --> 00:19:31,745
I'm gonna kidnap them mother [BLEEP]
515
00:19:31,851 --> 00:19:33,652
and mail their ass to North Korea.
516
00:19:33,758 --> 00:19:36,360
All right, okay. All right, all right.
517
00:19:36,468 --> 00:19:38,270
Okay, all right. I got it.
518
00:19:38,374 --> 00:19:40,409
- Oh, man, yo, fellas, fellas.
- Hey.
519
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:42,351
- You're not gonna believe this.
- What's up, Af?
520
00:19:42,458 --> 00:19:44,527
Just ran up on this
rich-ass chick, right?
521
00:19:44,632 --> 00:19:46,601
She gave me this watch.
You ever seen one like that?
522
00:19:46,708 --> 00:19:48,642
- Look at that, man.
- AFFION: You never seen that?
523
00:19:48,746 --> 00:19:49,916
All the money standing here right now,
524
00:19:50,019 --> 00:19:51,520
you ain't never seen one like this?
525
00:19:51,626 --> 00:19:53,695
Come on, man, let me
put it in the middle.
526
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,535
Like a football huddle,
you know what I mean?
527
00:19:55,641 --> 00:19:57,009
Just look at that real quick.
528
00:19:57,114 --> 00:19:59,015
- Hey, sweetheart, let's go.
- All right.
529
00:19:59,122 --> 00:20:00,489
You're gonna get my
Netflix turned back on?
530
00:20:00,594 --> 00:20:02,295
Of course.
531
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,803
- That boy's in trouble.
- [CHUCKLING]
532
00:20:04,853 --> 00:20:09,403
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