All language subtitles for The Comedy Get Down s01e06 Unsuitable.eng

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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Is it legit or is it a scam?

Hey, Charlie,

how come you come to a
nice restaurant like this

and you order cereal like you're a kid?

I save a lot of money
eating cereal, man.

It's real good for you.

Sometime, I eat cereal
three times a day.

Man, sugar is just another
method the government use

to keep our children addicted.

You're just confusing cereal with crack.

[LAUGHS]

Nah, nah, it's a sweet crack.

I hate to interrupt, but Ced,

I just got an email confirmation.

Your package is arriving here today.

Is that the package of those
DVDs of "The Honeymooners"?

The Blu-ray with the
director's commentary?

Actually, it's individual signed copies

of "Beverly Hills Chihuahua."

[LAUGHTER AND GROANING]

Actually, man, it is something
I did get for you, though.

Oh, wow. What's the occasion?

I just wanted to do something special

for getting us all together
and doing this tour, man.

That's all, bro.

- Thanks, Ced.
- Man, you my brother, man.

Oh, man. Which way...

- It goes...
- All right.

- Think they're gonna kiss?
- We're in North Carolina.

They better not do that in the bathroom.

Y'all got jokes.

Okay, let's save all
this hilarious banter

for your live TV interview later.

- What interview?
- What live TV interview?

"Hollywood All Access"?

Charlotte's number one
entertainment news show?

I guess I shouldn't
really call it "All Access"

since they don't have
the access to Hollywood,

unless it comes to visit Charlotte.

But anyway, y'all are
doing it at 5:00 today.

This show could really
help us sell out tomorrow.

Enjoy the rest of breakfast,

which I assume you'll
be doing until lunch.

Please be at the studio at 4:00.

Touch�.

- Man.
- WHITE TERRY: Hey, guys.

There he is.

Hey, man. What's up, White Terry?

Is there room for me?

Look, you can sit down if you
can name 10 black comedians

that are not sitting at this table.

Uh-oh.

And George is an honorary
black comedian, 4%.

4% of my life matters.

[CHUCKLING]

Um, that's easy.

Tyler Perry. Come on, man.

Madea. "Good afternoont"?

What the hell are
you... That's not real.

They are the same person, man.

Um, Don Cheadle?

Now you're just naming black people.

I'll just sit over here.

You know what?

For that, you're gonna
take care of the tip.

Okay.

Leave a big tip. That's our reputation.

Just write "good afternoont"

right there on top of the ticket.

[THEME SONG]

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- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com

The Comedy Get Down 1x06
"Unsuitable " Nov 16, 2017

Hey, Mr. Griffin, Mr. Murphy.

I just wanted to let you know

I got the Escalade ready outside.

Charlotte is your oyster.

Good, 'cause I could
[BLEEP] 10 oysters up.

What's your name again? Keith.

- Keith, do you eat cereal?
- Love it.

Stay here and have some
cereal with us, man.

Or have some leftovers.
There's kids starvin' in Africa.

So this "Hollywood All Access"
show," people actually watch it?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

They probably got one of them
hot female hosts that would like

some Hollywood access their self.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I think we should go on on down there

and see which one of
us gonna get the access.

[LAUGHTER]

CHARLIE: I'm gonna get cleaned
up real good for this one.

- We got to represent.
- Haircut, shave.

I don't let nobody come to
my neck with a straight razor.

I seen "The Color Purple."

Don't worry about this, guys.
I'll just consult my Yelp app.

Y'all want a great local joint?

Sam's Barbershop on 3rd.

You mention my name and
they will hook you up.

Actually, why don't I take you, hm?

EDDIE: Let's roll, Keith.

There's also The Cut.

It's got a one $ sign.

Mark P. Gave it four stars,

and he's been a Yelper since 2010,

so you know you can trust him.

Seriously?

Hey, Smurfette is way
finer than Betty Boop.

Jessica Rabbit, though.

Oh, you're right. She's finer.

- Yeah, she is.
- [DOOR KNOCKS]

Come in.

Hey, hey. Ced's package arrived.

Ooh, a suit. Nice.

Hey, man. This is Yohji.

This ain't cheap.

Wow, check this out.

"A great man deserves a great suit.

"Can't wait to see you wear
this on 'Hollywood All Access.'

"With love and friendship, Ced."

What?

That's just touching. That's nice.

Mm-mm. I'm not sticking around,

watching you get all emotional again.

Hey, in his defense,

everybody cried after
watching "The Notebook."

That's true. I'mma try it on.

Oh, man, Yohji is very expensive.

Steve Harvey don't even shop there,

and he got more shows than you.

He got the radio show.

He got the talk show.

He got the gameshow.

I'm hearing that they're even
gonna do a "CSI: Steve Harvey."

GEORGE: Oh, man, what the...

DL! [SPEAKS SPANISH]

Come and look at this! Uhuh, man.

First the wine. Now you
want me in the bathroom.

What do I look like, a altar boy?

GEORGE: Man, get in here!

Damn.

Crazy.

[BLEEP] damn!

Woo!

[LAUGHS]

Hey, you know what that looks like?

What Liberace would wear if
he were a Mexican dictator.

GEORGE: What the hell is it?

We don't even paint our cars this color!

What is this?

I can't wear that out!

Uh-uh, uh-uh,
you have to.

You know how sensitive Ced is, man.

Remember when you forgot his birthday?

He didn't talk to us for a week.

No tellin' what he'll do
if you don't wear that suit.

It could mess up the
harmony of this tour,

and nobody [BLEEP] up the harmony.

Oh man, come on. Would
you wear that anywhere?

Hell no!

If I dreamt I wore that shit,

I'd wake up and beat
the hell out of myself.

But he didn't give it
to me. He gave it to you.

All right, fine, I'll wear it. Oh, man.

What?

It's just hard being an amazing friend.

?

And he'd be partying back here

with his drummer and six hot chicks,

except he'd be in, like,
women's makeup and a dress.

And they'd party while
I drove them around town.

And then he would take off
the makeup and the dress.

And then he'd put his rock star
clothes on and go do his show.

And no one ever knew.

Dude, them rock stars
are crazy mother [BLEEP].

That story was messed up.

Mm-hmm.

Wait, I missed the end.
Can you tell it again?

I couldn't hear 'cause I'm
the driver, for some reason.

Hey, could you just mind your business,

keep your focus on the road,
get us to the barbershop safely?

Hey, White Terry, you want
me to take back the wheel?

Yes, and the name is Jeff.

White Terry, Keith is talking.

Now, Keith, back to you.

Finish telling us about when
you was driving Bobby Brown.

Oh my god, it was crazy.

Now, was this before Whitney or after?

Before, during, and after.

Come on, tell the story! [BLEEP]!

- What's up, DL?
- Hey, Ced.

Hey, George.

I just came by to see
if, um, my gift came.

Yeah, it did, Ced. It came, man.

It damn sure did. It
came, it saw, it conquered.

Well played, Cedric. Beautiful.

You know I try, man.
So you love it, right?

I love it. I do.

And you know what, man?
Listen, it means a lot

that would you go to
all that trouble for me.

I mean, there was trouble,
don't get me wrong, man.

But, uh, it's gonna be all worth it

to see you just rockin' that on live TV.

Live TV, wearin' it.

Yeah, here's, uh... here's
what I'm thinking, okay?

I think that the suit is
too nice for that show.

Too nice? I'm not following.

I mean... I mean, do I... do
I want to waste that suit on...

On Charlotte TV at 5 o'clock?

I mean, that suit is more New
Orleans or Mardi Gras, Europe,

deep India, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know what? Maybe you're right.

Ah, pshaw.

Listen, Charlotte
deserves our very best.

And him in that suit? Mwah!

Yes, yes.

You know what? You're right, DL.

George is in Charlotte, man.
You gotta kill it in Charlotte.

Yeah, okay.

Well, you know, to be honest, I mean,

I don't wanna make the
other guys look bad.

Those fools can't
rock a suit like I can.

- You mean Eddie and Charlie?
- Obviously.

I mean, don't worry about that, man.

I mean, you know, I'm gonna look nice.

And then DL, of course, you're gonna...

I always look nice.

George, you gotta think about it.

You are the reason
why we're all together.

It's you that put this thing on,

and so you should be a cut
above everyone, you know?

That little bit of extra accoutrements

that makes it nicer, you know?

We orbit around you.

You're the disco ball
that we revolve around.

? You make... ? That's you.

That's a great way of putting it.

I love that one. Great analogy.

And, uh, you know, guys, I get
emotional with stuff like this

and I don't mean to, you know?

Emote, emote. Come on, Cupcake.

[SNIFFLES]

But, you know, George, the thing is,

is that this means a
lot to me, you know?

I mean, to have you guys as brothers

and to be out on this tour, you know?

I didn't grow up with brothers.

I grew up in a single-parent household.

It was my mom and it was my sister.

I mean, I had one cousin, Big Tina.

But, you know, she was a
girl, but she was a boy.

And, you know, I spent one
summer in chamber choir,

but that's not the same, you know?

We had two dogs. We had a girl dog.

We had fish. They were girls.

And, uh, you know, to be able
to have brothers, you know,

to have you guys here...

Especially you, my special
Latino brother, mi hermano.

Mi hermano. That's you, George.

I know what "hermano"
mean. Thanks for your help.

CEDRIC: I can't do it
anymore. Come on, George.

Give me a hug, bruh. Yes, yeah!

You bring it in here too, DL.

Let me squeeze you by your throat.

I'm feeling all the love
I can from right here.

All right.

Well, I guess I'll see you guys later.

You know, with that suit on the set.

Only if you really want to wear it.

You know I do.

I want to. I do, Ced.

- CEDRIC: Of course.
- GEORGE: I do.

- Lovely.
- I do.

- He says he loves it.
- How can he not, man?

Look out.

All right, I'm gonna go talk
to my friend Sam, the owner.

Make sure you two are taken care of.

You know, Keith is really great.

- The best, man.
- Absolutely, absolutely.

But if you think about it, all
he really does is drive a limo.

I mean, I can drive
the shit out of a limo,

but I can also do a lot of other things.

I'm really good at carrying bags.

I mean, duffle bags,
gym bags, grocery bags...

Anything with a handle, or even without.

Yeah, man. Bags we got.

I also know what kind
of food you like to eat.

I'm really good at keeping
the unattractive female fans

away from you so you can...
You know what, White Terry?

Man, you really need
to learn how to chill.

Me? Chill? I'm totally chill.

I'm one of the most chill guys

you'll ever meet in your entire life.

I'm a very chill guy.

It's not like it's a competition, man.

Good.

But if it was, you'd be White
Terry livin' in a trailer park.

Cool Keith would be in
a penthouse somewhere.

Cool Keith.

His name is Keith. The dude is cool.

You are white. Your name is Terry.

White Terry.

- My name is Jeff.
- I didn't know that.

Yeah, Jeff, Jeffrey.

It's a family name. It's a strong name.

Whatever your name is, you know,

a brother's tryin' to get a manicure.

Why don't you get out of the way
and give me some space in here?

WHITE TERRY: Totally, totally.

- It's too tight.
- All right.

Cool Keith?

[BLEEP] not very cool if you ask me.

Sir? Seats are for customers only.

Of course. I am very sorry.

Jesus!

?

The white boy knew
where to take us, man.

DL: Woo-wee!

You cats look sharp. What
the hell happened to y'all?

Keith took us to this barbershop.

Got us dusted off.

DL: I see.

That's pretty cool of Keith.

Matter of fact, Ced, I gave
him the nickname Cool Keith.

[LAUGHTER]

It's got a nice ring to it. I like it.

I think we ought have the boy full time.

Okay, okay, let's just pump the brakes.

He found one barbershop.

That place I found, The
Cut, seemed pretty dope too.

Don't say dope. You don't say dope.

Man, if Cool Keith wanna
go on the road with us,

I think we'd be lucky to have him to.

Man, he got some great stories, y'all.

Hey, hey! All right, are we ready?

You're on in a few.

- All right, all right.
- Wait, where's George?

I am sure that he is working
on getting that new suit right.

With a suit like that, you
gotta treat that like a woman,

you know what I mean?

You gotta step into it
and you let that suit know.

You gotta go in slow and take your time.

And you gotta let it
know that you're ready,

and that nobody's gonna get hurt.

So you give it a safe word.

I don't know about that,
but now I'm horny as hell.

That's what's important about suits.

I gotta be honest, Ced.

That whole speech sounded
a little serial killer-y.

Yeah, you know what?

My analogies have been
off this week a little bit.

MALE MANAGER: All right,
three minutes, then we're on.

Three minutes!

I'm, uh, sorry I'm late.

What the [BLEEP] is that, George?

- Man, you look fly.
- Don't say fly, but thanks.

You guys are just jealous

'cause Ced didn't get you
guys one of these suits.

You love it, man?

Aw, come on, man. I mean,
what's not to love, huh?

You look good. I'm telling you.

I feel good.

Hey, guys, we're gonna go
live in a few min... oh!

Nice suit, right? You know what?

This is real yak from
a yak named Gerald.

[LAUGHTER]

It's interesting, George.

Hey, man.

So, uh, yeah, man,
you look good, George.

You're killin' it.

You look like a Mexican drumline.

[LAUGHTER]

You'd need to take that suit
to the cleaners and a car wash.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, George, don't let
'em get to you, man.

They just mad that I didn't
get them a prank suit...

That you're the only one
that got a prank suit from me.

What?

[LAUGHTER]

I didn't think you was
gonna wear the damn thing.

I'm sorry. Let me get this straight.

You spent 8 grand on a prank suit?

You get it.

You see what I'm sayin'?
It makes sense, right?

You should've seen his
face when he tried this...

And actually, you can,
'cause I took pictures.

CEDRIC: Aw, that's
nice. That's killing it.

You knew this was a joke?

And you didn't? Look at it, man.

Come on, now. Come on, man.

So what's all that talk about
brotherhood and all that?

That's just bullshit?

That's what brothers do, George.

That's what we do with each other, man.

Ain't no biggie, you
know what I'm sayin'?

You get me, I get
you. That's what we do.

I'd never do anything to you like that.

I'll just tell you right now.

I know you just didn't let
that come out your mouth.

Sending a whole bouquet of
flowers with a little teddy bear

to Andy Dick from me?

And the dude, like, still
texts me late night, "U up?"

Eew.

All right, all right.

That was a dickish move,
but that doesn't equal this.

Andy Dick was a half dick.

No, no, no. Andy Dick
was a full dick move.

If you're gonna do a full
dick, I'm doing a full dick.

This is half. This is half.

Okay, great news.

You can continue discussing
who's giving who a fuller dick

on the show because it's time right now.

Oh, that's right, man. [BLEEP] that.

I'm gonna take this shit off.

Sit your ass down.

MANAGER: Just fade. In three, two...

Live at 5:00, it's
"Hollywood All Access"

from beautiful downtown Charlotte,

where The Comedy Get Down tour
is making a long-awaited stop.

[CHUCKLES]

CEDRIC: Yeah, man, you gotta do it.

Yeah, how 'bout it. Cool Keith.

Get a little freshening up there, buddy.

Yeah, I'll take a little bit in there.

Very cool, Keith. Very cool.

Hey, guys, this is awesome.

Ticket sales are already growing.

George, that suit was a hit.

[LAUGHS]

Who knew the people of
Charlotte loved a good prank?

Hey, Ceddie Bear, this isn't over, man.

When you least expect it, expect it.

[LAUGHTER]

George, that was a payback.

You can't pay a payback
with another payback.

It's done, man.

Not where he come from, bro.

- Hey, Cool Keith?
- Yeah?

Why don't you run over
there and do a cannonball

right next to White Terry?

[LAUGHTER]

Nah, nah, I'm cool being
up here with you guys.

Come on!

ALL: [CHANTING] Cool Keith! Cool Keith!

All right. All right! Here I go!

That's what I love about white boys.

You chant their name,
they do anything you want.

[LAUGHTER]

Here I go. Y'all ready?

Make it count!

Yeah!

What the [BLEEP]? What
the mother [BLEEP]?

?

Cannonball!

- Hey, man!
- What the [BLEEP]?

Whoa, dawg.

What's...

What is that?

What is it? It's the Confederate flag.

Hey!

Oh, White Terry.

NINA: Keith, what the [BLEEP]?

Get the [BLEEP] out of the water.

He went from Cool Keith
to Ku Klux Klan Keith.

No, no, no. It's not what you think.

You tryin' to tell us
our eyes don't work?

Ain't that a mother
[BLEEP] Confederate flag

on your mother [BLEEP] redneck back?

Represent hangin'
[BLEEP] and shit, bitch!

It's a symbol of racism, you
ignorant [BLEEP] piece of shit.

If I just didn't run
out of cocoa butter,

I'd jump in that damn water now, fool.

Maybe we oughta call you Racist Keith.

Oh, no, no, I'm not racist.

I was a teenager. I was
drunk with my stepdad.

He's dead now, so
that's good, all right?

I didn't know what I was doin'.

You gotta believe me. I'm not racist.

I'm just from the South.

Ugh, god.

All right? It means nothin' to me!

I'm ashamed of it.

Prove it.

You are a disgrace to white people.

Ridiculous tattoo.

And that's comin' straight
from the mouth of a man

with a ridiculous Chinese
tattoo on his ankle.

It means love or life.

My sister and I got them together.

It's special.

So this... this cover-up tattoo
makes it all good again, right?

I mean, a lion isn't offensive, is it?

Nah. I [BLEEP] like lions.

Due to affirmative action, I
don't know if we can fit you.

We've already got our quota covered.

But I will call you when
we need another driver.

That is a nice tattoo
you got there, bruh.

That's real nice, I'm tellin' you.

Honestly, the lion tattoo?

So good. So good.

King of the jungle. [GRUNTS]

Hey, are you ready for this next city?

Oh!

CEDRIC: Superfly T! Oh!

Come on.

Lookin' real fly.

You look like a Mexican clown.

[LAUGHTER]

I love being part of the family, guys.

Well, you know, we... oh! Oh, okay.

Let go of me before I
put you up for adoption.

[CHUCKLING]

You know what, White Terry?

I apologize. You were right, man.

You're real good with them duffle bags.

Thank you.

You've got glitter all over you.

Noriega called. He wants his suit back.

I don't know what that
means, but it sounds good.

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