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1
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:06,902
Do you think the VIP is gonna have
2
00:00:07,005 --> 00:00:08,273
regular-sized sandwiches?
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,410
The little sandwiches they have,
4
00:00:09,512 --> 00:00:11,381
they don't be doin' it for a brother.
5
00:00:11,485 --> 00:00:13,420
Why don't you just eat a bunch of those?
6
00:00:13,524 --> 00:00:15,927
The bread-to-meat ratio
is whack, that's why.
7
00:00:16,031 --> 00:00:17,866
Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
8
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:20,072
Oh, man, it's Cedric the Entertainer.
9
00:00:20,176 --> 00:00:21,678
[LAUGHTER]
10
00:00:21,781 --> 00:00:24,317
Eric Dickerson, the
legendary football player.
11
00:00:24,422 --> 00:00:26,624
- What's up, man?
- How are you doing?
12
00:00:26,728 --> 00:00:27,663
You know Charlie, right?
13
00:00:27,765 --> 00:00:28,933
- Oh, yeah.
- Big fan.
14
00:00:29,036 --> 00:00:31,271
- Pleased to meet you, bro.
- Big fan of yours too.
15
00:00:31,375 --> 00:00:33,010
Watched you walk off
people's space for years, bro.
16
00:00:33,113 --> 00:00:35,849
Man, I ain't seen you
since I beat your butt
17
00:00:35,956 --> 00:00:37,557
in that celebrity golf
tournament a year ago.
18
00:00:37,660 --> 00:00:39,495
You sure about that,
that's what happened?
19
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,636
Oh, you need me to pull the
scorecard out to prove it?
20
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:45,211
I got it at the house
in a frame in my office.
21
00:00:45,315 --> 00:00:46,227
He ain't joking either.
22
00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:49,154
He got it with a little
light shining on it.
23
00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:50,929
I heard you guys killing on tour.
24
00:00:51,032 --> 00:00:53,334
- Aw, yeah.
- What you doin' in Dallas?
25
00:00:53,439 --> 00:00:55,656
- I got an aunt that lives here.
- You know, family stuff.
26
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,448
Hey, think you can hook me
up with a couple tickets?
27
00:00:58,553 --> 00:00:59,755
- I don't see why not.
- You know
28
00:00:59,858 --> 00:01:00,962
I'll take care of you, now.
29
00:01:01,034 --> 00:01:02,295
- Okay.
- You know.
30
00:01:02,399 --> 00:01:03,833
- You got me?
- You got it.
31
00:01:03,936 --> 00:01:05,772
I'm gonna give you a
couple tickets to the game,
32
00:01:05,875 --> 00:01:08,644
that platinum wristband,
drinks, appetizers.
33
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:10,118
- Oh, yeah!
- [BLEEP]!
34
00:01:10,220 --> 00:01:12,323
I love them appetizers there
35
00:01:12,428 --> 00:01:15,130
'cause they got the
grilled fried pickles.
36
00:01:15,235 --> 00:01:17,004
So they grill 'em and then they fry 'em.
37
00:01:17,107 --> 00:01:19,176
You know, you're gonna
get 'em in this batter...
38
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,082
with a light batter and
a Cajun dusting on it.
39
00:01:21,186 --> 00:01:23,121
Man, you can get this at the game only.
40
00:01:23,225 --> 00:01:25,027
- Swag.
- T-shirts.
41
00:01:25,131 --> 00:01:26,799
It'd be all that. All the gifts.
42
00:01:26,902 --> 00:01:28,137
The funny glasses? Okay? Okay?
43
00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:30,742
- All right, man.
- There you go, man.
44
00:01:30,847 --> 00:01:32,715
Consider it done, baby.
45
00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:34,388
ED!
46
00:01:34,491 --> 00:01:35,925
I got a question for you, bro.
47
00:01:36,028 --> 00:01:40,433
How come you givin' away free
stuff to a multimillionaire?
48
00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:42,711
- It's Eric Dickerson, man.
- Dude a legend.
49
00:01:42,815 --> 00:01:44,650
I mean, I'm not gonna
disrespect him like that.
50
00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:46,890
Plus, it's okay to give out tickets
51
00:01:46,994 --> 00:01:49,129
to friends, family, or whatever.
52
00:01:49,233 --> 00:01:51,469
Plus, he givin' me tickets.
You heard what he said.
53
00:01:51,573 --> 00:01:52,908
He givin' me the platinum package.
54
00:01:53,011 --> 00:01:54,679
Quid pro quo, man.
55
00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:57,218
Ain't nuttin' wrong with that, Charlie.
56
00:01:57,323 --> 00:01:59,692
You're slidin' down
a slippery slope, bro.
57
00:01:59,764 --> 00:02:00,798
What you talkin' about?
58
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,335
I went through this with my sister.
59
00:02:02,438 --> 00:02:05,007
She asked me for free
tickets. I told her no.
60
00:02:05,113 --> 00:02:07,014
- No?
- That's right.
61
00:02:07,119 --> 00:02:09,187
You're gonna have to learn
how to do the same thing.
62
00:02:09,291 --> 00:02:11,026
Tell people no.
63
00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:12,664
And once you learn how to say no,
64
00:02:12,734 --> 00:02:15,871
then that's when you have to
start practicing saying hell no.
65
00:02:15,977 --> 00:02:17,478
And your sister was okay with this?
66
00:02:17,581 --> 00:02:18,749
I really don't know.
67
00:02:18,852 --> 00:02:20,854
I haven't talked to [BLEEP]
in the last three years.
68
00:02:22,998 --> 00:02:24,232
[THEME SONG]
69
00:02:24,334 --> 00:02:27,754
?
70
00:02:30,758 --> 00:02:34,657
- Synced & Corrected by Dragoniod -
www.addic7ed.com
71
00:02:34,774 --> 00:02:38,055
The Comedy Get Down 1x04
"No Tickets No Peace " Nov 2, 2017
72
00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,095
[LIVELY CHATTER]
73
00:02:41,177 --> 00:02:43,085
Guys, we have a problem.
74
00:02:43,189 --> 00:02:44,858
Yeah, we do have a problem.
75
00:02:44,961 --> 00:02:46,896
White Terry lost my Bluetooth again.
76
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,169
We have bigger issues, okay?
77
00:02:49,273 --> 00:02:51,075
That stuff you said last
night to the paparazzi?
78
00:02:51,179 --> 00:02:52,280
- Me?
- Yah.
79
00:02:52,382 --> 00:02:53,817
It made a lot of people upset.
80
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:55,922
- What stuff, DL?
- Right here.
81
00:02:56,026 --> 00:02:58,161
- MAN: DL, DL, big fan.
- Hey, man.
82
00:02:58,266 --> 00:02:59,383
MAN: What do you think
about Caitlyn Jenner?
83
00:02:59,439 --> 00:03:02,438
I don't think about
Caitlyn Jenner at all.
84
00:03:02,545 --> 00:03:04,413
MAN: She is a very
beautiful woman, you know.
85
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,052
Beautiful woman?
86
00:03:06,155 --> 00:03:07,823
To me, she look kinda
like Mrs. Doubtfire.
87
00:03:07,927 --> 00:03:09,395
It's kinda hard for me to see beauty
88
00:03:09,498 --> 00:03:11,133
with [BLEEP] poking
through your nightgown.
89
00:03:11,237 --> 00:03:12,772
That's a little rough.
90
00:03:12,806 --> 00:03:14,009
[ALL CHATTER]
91
00:03:14,045 --> 00:03:15,780
I can't help it she's strong faced.
92
00:03:15,849 --> 00:03:16,951
[LAUGHTER]
93
00:03:17,054 --> 00:03:18,555
And it's exactly attitudes like that
94
00:03:18,658 --> 00:03:20,894
that have HAAPPY organizing
a blackout against us.
95
00:03:20,998 --> 00:03:22,166
- HAAPPY?
- Who's HAAPPY?
96
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:24,270
It's a lesbian/gay/transgender
rights group.
97
00:03:24,374 --> 00:03:25,508
You mean GLAAD?
98
00:03:25,612 --> 00:03:27,714
HAAPPY... Homosexual Alliance
99
00:03:27,818 --> 00:03:30,173
Against Perpetuating
Phobias of Yesteryear?
100
00:03:30,255 --> 00:03:32,130
Oh, these gay people
gonna run out of initials.
101
00:03:32,184 --> 00:03:33,298
Think of it this way, HAAPPY is like
102
00:03:33,315 --> 00:03:35,503
GLAAD's drama filled cousin that watches
103
00:03:35,577 --> 00:03:38,142
a lot of reality TV and loves
to yell back at the screen.
104
00:03:38,248 --> 00:03:41,184
And they have come out swinging
by organizing this blackout.
105
00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:42,324
What's a blackout?
106
00:03:42,426 --> 00:03:44,094
- It sounds racist to me, George.
- Yah.
107
00:03:44,198 --> 00:03:46,434
I'mma run to the mall and
get me a new Bluetooth.
108
00:03:46,538 --> 00:03:48,907
- Can we go to the food court?
- I'm goin' there myself.
109
00:03:49,012 --> 00:03:50,447
Sweet.
110
00:03:50,550 --> 00:03:52,252
A blackout is a
different way to protest.
111
00:03:52,355 --> 00:03:53,923
Basically, they go
to businesses and say,
112
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:56,329
hey, do you want their
business or our business?
113
00:03:56,434 --> 00:03:58,736
What if our vendors choose
their business over our business?
114
00:03:58,907 --> 00:04:00,308
We might have to shut down the show.
115
00:04:00,411 --> 00:04:01,579
Cancel? Come on.
116
00:04:01,682 --> 00:04:03,317
There's gotta be a better way to fix it.
117
00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,255
Why don't we just get
other people to work?
118
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:07,929
We can stop by the parking lot
of any home improvement center
119
00:04:08,034 --> 00:04:09,635
and pick up a couple
of George's cousins.
120
00:04:09,739 --> 00:04:11,640
- Oh!
- There you go.
121
00:04:11,745 --> 00:04:13,913
Again, you can't say stuff like that.
122
00:04:14,018 --> 00:04:14,924
It offends people.
123
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,423
Ofcourse, I can be offensive,
as long as it's funny.
124
00:04:17,528 --> 00:04:19,497
And I'm always both.
125
00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:20,902
- That's right.
- We're comedians.
126
00:04:21,004 --> 00:04:24,007
We shouldn't be held to the
same standards as normal people.
127
00:04:24,113 --> 00:04:25,615
- Well, HAAPPY disagrees.
- And you know what?
128
00:04:25,718 --> 00:04:28,821
So do about 20 protestors
who are standing outside,
129
00:04:28,927 --> 00:04:30,762
preventing our vendors from
getting in and setting up
130
00:04:30,933 --> 00:04:32,334
for the venue tonight.
131
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,473
I hate to say this, but if
this isn't handled quickly
132
00:04:34,577 --> 00:04:38,181
and quietly, we're gonna have to
postpone until things calm down.
133
00:04:38,288 --> 00:04:41,958
Think about what happens when
we get up to San Francisco.
134
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:44,968
Look, I don't wanna mess
this up for you cats.
135
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,775
- I'll step off.
- No, no, no.
136
00:04:46,879 --> 00:04:49,982
Look, I'm gonna put an end to
all the protesting right now.
137
00:04:50,055 --> 00:04:51,790
I'm composing a tweet. Check this out.
138
00:04:51,893 --> 00:04:53,995
"We tell jokes, people.
139
00:04:54,066 --> 00:04:55,868
"DL and The Comedy Get Down crew
140
00:04:56,005 --> 00:05:01,444
"loves and supports all of
our LGBT brothers and sisters."
141
00:05:01,555 --> 00:05:03,457
Wow, that was really nice.
142
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,028
And I was gonna end it with...
143
00:05:05,131 --> 00:05:06,800
because it's 140 character limit...
144
00:05:06,970 --> 00:05:09,673
"So get off our backs,
chimichanga nibblers."
145
00:05:09,778 --> 00:05:11,713
And I put "#blacklivesmatter"
for you guys.
146
00:05:11,818 --> 00:05:14,416
- Oh, please.
- That's way over.
147
00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:16,427
- NINA: It's not the...
- It's 192 right there.
148
00:05:16,531 --> 00:05:17,499
Stop!
149
00:05:24,053 --> 00:05:25,554
What's with the metal detector?
150
00:05:25,657 --> 00:05:27,259
Is this about the people from HAAPPY?
151
00:05:27,362 --> 00:05:29,164
Because I thought my
tweet settled them down.
152
00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:32,404
It did a little, but it
infuriated Moms in Arms.
153
00:05:32,511 --> 00:05:34,846
They're an ultraconservative
family rights group.
154
00:05:34,951 --> 00:05:36,052
According to them,
155
00:05:36,154 --> 00:05:38,657
that tweet was promoting
alternative lifestyles.
156
00:05:38,762 --> 00:05:40,397
Are you kidding me?
157
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,602
Wait a minute, we're
gonna be on the inside
158
00:05:42,706 --> 00:05:44,141
and the protests are gonna be outside.
159
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:46,713
- Why do we need metal detectors?
- It's the venue's protocol.
160
00:05:46,818 --> 00:05:49,454
- So what now?
- So now we either get shut down
161
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,728
because the protestors
cause a security hazard
162
00:05:51,832 --> 00:05:53,968
or because more vendors pull out,
163
00:05:54,106 --> 00:05:56,676
unless someone cleans up this mess.
164
00:05:57,884 --> 00:05:59,619
Oh, because I'm Mexican,
I gotta clean it up.
165
00:05:59,722 --> 00:06:02,124
All right, I'm Mexican too.
I can cut all these tires.
166
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:05,502
Hey! Don't try to play me.
167
00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:06,607
This way.
168
00:06:06,709 --> 00:06:08,210
We're the artists. We're not a threat.
169
00:06:08,313 --> 00:06:09,448
Yeah, I thought that too
170
00:06:09,551 --> 00:06:11,286
until I did security
at a Katt Williams show.
171
00:06:11,389 --> 00:06:13,091
- Over here.
- This is just set for metal?
172
00:06:13,161 --> 00:06:15,230
It don't pick up oregano or baked...
173
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,502
Just metal.
174
00:06:22,254 --> 00:06:24,223
[DETECTOR BEEPS]
175
00:06:25,764 --> 00:06:27,832
- I got my phone.
- Let me see.
176
00:06:27,937 --> 00:06:31,540
Uh, forgot I went to a little
soul food restaurant early.
177
00:06:31,647 --> 00:06:33,582
Had some really nice forks on there.
178
00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:36,356
I got... oh, got these batteries.
179
00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:40,166
Still got a beeper. Hit me on my thing.
180
00:06:40,273 --> 00:06:43,376
And about... there's, like, 19 cent.
181
00:06:43,482 --> 00:06:44,917
It's probably just my jewelry, though.
182
00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:47,189
I don't care. Where's Charlie Murphy?
183
00:06:47,226 --> 00:06:48,194
He on his way.
184
00:06:48,296 --> 00:06:49,864
He got a girl?
185
00:06:49,967 --> 00:06:52,803
Because I heard he's real freaky.
186
00:06:52,909 --> 00:06:54,344
I wouldn't know about that.
187
00:06:54,446 --> 00:06:56,215
Look, can I go now?
188
00:06:56,319 --> 00:06:58,087
I'm gonna leave the
batteries. You can use them.
189
00:06:58,225 --> 00:06:59,426
You're a little freaky yourself.
190
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:04,775
NINA: Okay, I'll tell him.
191
00:07:04,877 --> 00:07:06,979
Will call's having some issues
with Eric's comp tickets.
192
00:07:07,053 --> 00:07:07,983
What's wrong?
193
00:07:08,015 --> 00:07:10,021
MAN (ON RADIO): Hey, I have
someone here from the moms group
194
00:07:10,192 --> 00:07:12,628
to speak to George. Should
I send them to his room?
195
00:07:12,733 --> 00:07:14,301
Hey, what's up with the tickets?
196
00:07:14,404 --> 00:07:16,406
No, wait. I need to
speak to George first.
197
00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:17,778
And can someone please tell me
198
00:07:17,881 --> 00:07:19,516
if there's a conference
room in this building?
199
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:20,987
Okay, you know what?
200
00:07:21,091 --> 00:07:23,493
I'll just go handle the
Eric ticket situation.
201
00:07:23,597 --> 00:07:24,765
Thank you.
202
00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:27,238
Hey, yo, man, what the hell is this?
203
00:07:27,308 --> 00:07:28,342
[CHUCKLES]
204
00:07:28,445 --> 00:07:30,314
They can't protect a dog from fleas,
205
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,552
or a scalp from dandruff.
206
00:07:32,657 --> 00:07:35,260
Just some metaphors I'm
putting together for my act.
207
00:07:36,735 --> 00:07:39,138
How would you feel if I
called you an ugly woman, huh?
208
00:07:39,276 --> 00:07:41,612
That's a lot better than
what they call me on Fox News.
209
00:07:41,717 --> 00:07:44,353
Not everything is a joke,
all right, Mr. Comedian?
210
00:07:44,458 --> 00:07:46,827
Oh, you're so funny, huh?
211
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:49,367
That was like putting lighter
fluid on a forest fire, bro.
212
00:07:49,472 --> 00:07:52,341
You burned the joint down,
man. You burned it down!
213
00:07:52,448 --> 00:07:53,549
Awesome.
214
00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:55,079
That was...
215
00:07:55,089 --> 00:07:56,523
Hold up, Charlie Murphy.
216
00:07:57,629 --> 00:08:00,566
Random check, come
on. Hold your arms up.
217
00:08:02,643 --> 00:08:04,445
Spread those legs for me, come on.
218
00:08:04,549 --> 00:08:05,917
- Hey, what's up?
- What's the...
219
00:08:06,019 --> 00:08:07,921
- Whoa!
- I knew you'd be packin'.
220
00:08:08,025 --> 00:08:10,428
You're not supposed
to touch me like that.
221
00:08:13,842 --> 00:08:15,310
You shouldn't be working here.
222
00:08:16,237 --> 00:08:19,737
?
223
00:08:24,181 --> 00:08:25,449
Hey, excuse me.
224
00:08:25,551 --> 00:08:28,020
Is there an issue with
Eric Dickerson's tickets?
225
00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:29,493
Talk to them.
226
00:08:29,611 --> 00:08:31,480
Charlie, what are you
doin' out there, man?
227
00:08:31,569 --> 00:08:33,237
Here's the generous man himself.
228
00:08:33,340 --> 00:08:36,143
He believes in charity and
all things of that nature.
229
00:08:36,248 --> 00:08:37,516
Oh, good.
230
00:08:37,619 --> 00:08:40,155
Hi, I'm Caldonia, Eric's aunt.
231
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:42,929
You must be "Cee-dric" the Entetainer.
232
00:08:43,035 --> 00:08:44,836
You have tickets for us.
233
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:48,210
- Yes, ma'am.
- Actually, it's "Ceh-dric."
234
00:08:48,317 --> 00:08:50,552
"Po-tay-to," "po-tah-ta."
235
00:08:50,657 --> 00:08:52,392
Actually, it's "Po-tay-ta."
236
00:08:52,495 --> 00:08:54,831
- Where's Eric?
- Oh, he'll be here.
237
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:57,038
But I hope you're not
gonna make an old lady wait.
238
00:08:57,142 --> 00:08:59,111
At my age, the only
thing worth waiting for
239
00:08:59,215 --> 00:09:02,251
is Jesus and a kiss from Denzel.
240
00:09:02,358 --> 00:09:04,860
Why are all the big girls
so horny down here in Dallas?
241
00:09:04,965 --> 00:09:07,101
- Excuse me?
- No, I'm on it.
242
00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:08,806
Let me, uh...
243
00:09:08,909 --> 00:09:10,945
We got tickets for Eric Dickerson?
244
00:09:11,049 --> 00:09:14,419
This is it? Here you go, babe.
245
00:09:14,526 --> 00:09:16,294
One, two.
246
00:09:16,398 --> 00:09:19,467
"Cee-dric," we're gonna
need way more than two.
247
00:09:19,573 --> 00:09:22,109
- Come on, y'all.
- Ced got you.
248
00:09:22,214 --> 00:09:25,418
See more of Eric's family!
249
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:29,428
- Oh, hell, no.
- Oh, hell, yeah.
250
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,504
- Ticket sales lookin' good?
- Sold out.
251
00:09:31,608 --> 00:09:33,811
Our whole tour is sold out,
you know what I'm sayin'?
252
00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,721
- This is the Get Down.
- All right, of course.
253
00:09:35,732 --> 00:09:38,123
Oh..[BLEEP], no! I ain't
goin' in there, man!
254
00:09:38,227 --> 00:09:39,528
Remember, Nina said
255
00:09:39,631 --> 00:09:42,034
the venue may need some
more security as a precaution
256
00:09:42,139 --> 00:09:43,407
because of the protestors.
257
00:09:43,509 --> 00:09:44,977
That's what they want you to think.
258
00:09:45,013 --> 00:09:47,116
Like, they want you to think
there's a place called Delaware.
259
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,188
You ever seen somebody from Delaware?
260
00:09:49,292 --> 00:09:51,394
Well, actually, Vice President
Joe Biden is from Delaware.
261
00:09:51,499 --> 00:09:53,000
Is he really?
262
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:56,006
Have you seen that mother
[BLEEP] birth certificate?
263
00:09:57,583 --> 00:09:59,085
- No.
- I didn't think so.
264
00:09:59,188 --> 00:10:01,290
I ain't goin' through here,
man. You understand me?
265
00:10:01,394 --> 00:10:03,396
I got a phobia. I ain't no terrorist.
266
00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:05,335
You're gonna have to do somethin',
267
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:06,574
you know what I'm sayin'?
268
00:10:06,676 --> 00:10:09,078
I mean, Eddie, you have a show.
269
00:10:09,184 --> 00:10:10,852
No show!
270
00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:12,323
Make it happen, you understand me?
271
00:10:12,426 --> 00:10:14,528
- Make it happen.
- Okay, yeah.
272
00:10:15,836 --> 00:10:17,170
No, it's worse.
273
00:10:17,273 --> 00:10:19,576
The protestors have formed a
human blockade at the entrance.
274
00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:23,517
But the leaders of both groups
have agreed to move their people
275
00:10:23,625 --> 00:10:26,561
if you'll speak with them.
276
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,836
Okay, but I'm not apologizing.
277
00:10:29,486 --> 00:10:30,181
He's right.
278
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:31,948
Apologizing is accepting censorship.
279
00:10:32,049 --> 00:10:33,818
I was willing to back
out and take the heat,
280
00:10:33,921 --> 00:10:35,422
but I'm never willing to back down
281
00:10:35,526 --> 00:10:36,960
and do something I don't want to do.
282
00:10:37,063 --> 00:10:39,599
That's how I ended
up doing "Soul Plane."
283
00:10:39,704 --> 00:10:40,739
You did "Soul Plane"?
284
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:43,277
My wife needed hardwood floors.
285
00:10:43,382 --> 00:10:44,516
Look, you're right, okay?
286
00:10:44,618 --> 00:10:45,719
You can't compromise your beliefs.
287
00:10:45,822 --> 00:10:47,124
You can't apologize.
288
00:10:47,226 --> 00:10:49,828
But maybe you can use your charm, right?
289
00:10:49,935 --> 00:10:52,470
Get them to love you the
way everyone loves you.
290
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,360
Nice smile, George.
291
00:11:00,464 --> 00:11:02,399
Hello, mothers.
292
00:11:02,503 --> 00:11:04,939
LBGT, I'm guessing you're Q.
293
00:11:05,044 --> 00:11:08,748
I just wanted you to know
that "Orange is the New Black"
294
00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:10,156
is my favorite show.
295
00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,462
I love it. And, well, look.
296
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:13,901
We tell jokes. It's what we do.
297
00:11:14,004 --> 00:11:15,305
That's right. That's what we do.
298
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,844
Okay, I enjoy a laugh
as much as the next guy,
299
00:11:17,948 --> 00:11:19,216
but there's a line.
300
00:11:19,319 --> 00:11:20,520
But we're comedians, ma'am.
301
00:11:20,622 --> 00:11:22,591
And you know, sometimes,
we're gonna cross that line?
302
00:11:22,695 --> 00:11:25,031
Ma'am? No.
303
00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:27,138
I do not gender identify
304
00:11:27,175 --> 00:11:29,611
nor subscribe to the
heteronormative binary, okay?
305
00:11:29,716 --> 00:11:34,721
You can refer to me as a person
or by my chosen name, Zenith.
306
00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:37,166
Zenith? What, is Magnavox taken?
307
00:11:37,204 --> 00:11:38,706
[LAUGHS]
308
00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:39,943
No?
309
00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:42,509
Okay, alright..look,
310
00:11:42,519 --> 00:11:45,889
Show of hands, who all here is
with Eric Dickerson's family?
311
00:11:48,202 --> 00:11:49,236
Who is this dude?
312
00:11:49,339 --> 00:11:51,274
Oh, that's my daughter's babydaddy.
313
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,513
She wanted her kids to have good hair.
314
00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:56,657
Here you go, my man.
315
00:11:56,761 --> 00:11:58,663
All right, y'all, I got one ticket left.
316
00:11:58,766 --> 00:12:00,134
I'll take that.
317
00:12:01,875 --> 00:12:03,376
Are you serious? Come on.
318
00:12:03,479 --> 00:12:05,248
- You go down.
- I'm going down.
319
00:12:05,285 --> 00:12:06,887
- Okay, go back.
- Go back.
320
00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:08,992
- Got it, got it.
- Thanks, man.
321
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:10,864
Okay, that's it.
322
00:12:10,967 --> 00:12:13,337
CHARLIE: Hey, Ced, look who I found.
323
00:12:13,442 --> 00:12:16,611
More of Eric's family!
324
00:12:16,718 --> 00:12:17,685
What?
325
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:20,123
- Step right up, y'all.
- Step right up.
326
00:12:20,228 --> 00:12:21,863
Give me a couple of more tickets.
327
00:12:21,966 --> 00:12:23,568
Sorry, you're all out of comps.
328
00:12:23,671 --> 00:12:25,072
You're gonna have to buy more tickets.
329
00:12:25,242 --> 00:12:26,944
- Fine, you know what?
- I'll pay for them.
330
00:12:27,048 --> 00:12:28,783
Go ahead, how much is it?
331
00:12:28,886 --> 00:12:31,956
CASHIER: That'll be $654.
332
00:12:32,062 --> 00:12:34,264
$600?
333
00:12:34,301 --> 00:12:36,871
That's an expensive show right here.
334
00:12:36,976 --> 00:12:38,811
To everybody but the Dickersons.
335
00:12:38,915 --> 00:12:41,151
[CHEERING]
336
00:12:42,650 --> 00:12:44,650
?
337
00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:51,047
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
338
00:12:51,112 --> 00:12:53,781
All right, all right, okay.
339
00:12:55,625 --> 00:12:57,461
Do you got any more shrimp cocktail?
340
00:12:57,564 --> 00:12:59,866
You ate it all.
341
00:12:59,971 --> 00:13:01,306
Good.
342
00:13:02,612 --> 00:13:06,282
Okay. Excuse me for a second.
343
00:13:06,389 --> 00:13:09,726
Hey, uh, Caldonia, when
is Eric gonna get here?
344
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,667
I told you he was running a little late.
345
00:13:11,772 --> 00:13:13,607
Why are you worrying man?
346
00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:15,980
He said you was gonna take care of us
347
00:13:16,084 --> 00:13:17,719
the way he was gonna take care of you.
348
00:13:17,822 --> 00:13:19,891
- Ain't that right?
- You're right.
349
00:13:19,995 --> 00:13:22,230
Look at you, man.
350
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,171
You runnin' around here,
takin' care of folks.
351
00:13:24,275 --> 00:13:25,743
You remind me of Forest Whitaker.
352
00:13:25,845 --> 00:13:29,015
What's that movie he played
where he played the butler?
353
00:13:29,122 --> 00:13:30,757
"The Butler."
354
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:32,562
Oh.
355
00:13:32,665 --> 00:13:34,366
No, man, I ain't nothin' like that.
356
00:13:34,471 --> 00:13:35,672
I'm just over here
357
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:39,277
teaching Aunt Caldonia
how to Milly Rock, right?
358
00:13:39,384 --> 00:13:41,687
Hey, where you get them
chicken fingers from?
359
00:13:41,792 --> 00:13:44,561
All he had was some
undercooked vegetables.
360
00:13:44,666 --> 00:13:46,201
Actually, they're steamed vegetables.
361
00:13:46,371 --> 00:13:48,106
You know they're healthier for you.
362
00:13:48,210 --> 00:13:49,411
I use steam
363
00:13:49,514 --> 00:13:51,849
to get the wrinkles out
of my choir robe, not cook.
364
00:13:51,954 --> 00:13:54,423
You need to get some real
food up in here, "Cee-dric."
365
00:13:54,529 --> 00:13:57,665
Yes, some real food, "Cee-dric."
366
00:13:57,771 --> 00:13:59,740
- Pizza.
- Pizza?
367
00:13:59,844 --> 00:14:01,412
Pizza.
368
00:14:01,482 --> 00:14:07,154
ALL: [CHANTING] Pizza! Pizza!
369
00:14:07,265 --> 00:14:12,003
Okay, all right, everybody.
I'll get pizza for everybody.
370
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:14,148
[ENTHUSIASTIC CHATTER]
371
00:14:14,252 --> 00:14:18,189
Hey, yo, yo, bro! What
are you doin' in my jacket?
372
00:14:18,296 --> 00:14:21,700
- We're the same size, dawg.
- No, we're not.
373
00:14:21,807 --> 00:14:24,643
- I think the shoes fit, man.
- You think so?
374
00:14:24,749 --> 00:14:25,950
[JACKET RIPS]
375
00:14:27,289 --> 00:14:28,523
Oh.
376
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:33,508
My bad, fam.
377
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:37,978
No justice, no peace!
No justice, no peace!
378
00:14:40,427 --> 00:14:42,296
No justice, no peace!
379
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,702
BOTH: No justice, no peace!
380
00:14:44,806 --> 00:14:46,107
Get with it, man!
381
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:48,846
Please, please understand
that as comedians,
382
00:14:48,952 --> 00:14:50,253
we're equal opportunists.
383
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,025
Everyone can and will get roasted.
384
00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:54,932
Take, for instance, George's haircut.
385
00:14:55,036 --> 00:14:56,371
Look how [BLEEP] up it is.
386
00:14:56,506 --> 00:14:59,209
It looks like Charlie Sheen
after he went batshit crazy.
387
00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,583
[LAUGHTER]
388
00:15:00,685 --> 00:15:02,020
You see what I did?
389
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:04,592
I got a laugh, and yet
I still brought attention
390
00:15:04,697 --> 00:15:06,654
to mental illness and HIV.
391
00:15:06,728 --> 00:15:07,738
That's true. Is my hair [BLEEP] up?
392
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:08,974
No, no.
393
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,646
The point is, everyone is fair game.
394
00:15:11,751 --> 00:15:13,052
And it doesn't matter to us
395
00:15:13,155 --> 00:15:15,324
whether you call yourself he or she.
396
00:15:15,428 --> 00:15:17,397
That's your choice. We don't judge.
397
00:15:17,567 --> 00:15:19,569
God made that choice.
398
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,575
If you're born a boy, you're a he.
399
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,581
Oh, is that so?
400
00:15:23,652 --> 00:15:25,587
Yeah, listen, can we just play nice...
401
00:15:27,830 --> 00:15:31,367
So you don't think someone
should have a sex change?
402
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:35,111
God no! It's unnatural.
403
00:15:35,218 --> 00:15:36,319
GEORGE: Zenith, get over there.
404
00:15:36,422 --> 00:15:37,890
Don't act that way with that...
405
00:15:37,993 --> 00:15:40,229
I say labels are unnecessary.
406
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:41,768
- Yes, they are.
- That's right.
407
00:15:41,871 --> 00:15:44,574
You're sick. You're unnatural.
408
00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:50,685
[ARGUING]
409
00:15:54,441 --> 00:15:55,609
[LAUGHS]
410
00:15:55,711 --> 00:15:57,045
Ah, hello, Nina.
411
00:15:57,149 --> 00:15:58,417
What's going on?
412
00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:01,221
Well, we got them arguing
and so mad at each other,
413
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,029
they forgot about protesting our show.
414
00:16:03,132 --> 00:16:04,133
[LAUGHS]
415
00:16:04,235 --> 00:16:05,537
Oh, perfect! Thank you.
416
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,475
All right, now, don't cause
any more trouble today.
417
00:16:07,646 --> 00:16:08,914
You're gonna push me to brown liquor.
418
00:16:09,016 --> 00:16:11,919
And I am too cute to be a drunk.
We're taking the stage in 15!
419
00:16:12,025 --> 00:16:13,927
She's good, but not as good as we are.
420
00:16:14,351 --> 00:16:16,136
- Nobody's as good as us.
- That's true.
421
00:16:16,407 --> 00:16:20,009
?
422
00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:23,444
How can this be racist? They're black.
423
00:16:23,549 --> 00:16:27,453
Massa always gets one to
keep the rest of us in line.
424
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,262
You ain't never seen "Django"?
425
00:16:29,366 --> 00:16:31,302
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
426
00:16:31,405 --> 00:16:33,040
I've tried everything. He won't budge.
427
00:16:33,144 --> 00:16:35,680
You tell him that I don't
have time to deal with this
428
00:16:35,785 --> 00:16:37,320
because I had to break up that fistfight
429
00:16:37,423 --> 00:16:39,491
that George and DL instigated
and order a bunch of pizzas
430
00:16:39,595 --> 00:16:41,064
for everyone in Ced's dressing room.
431
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,169
And now what? He doesn't want
to be treated like a criminal?
432
00:16:43,273 --> 00:16:45,308
This from the man who was
banned from a Dippin' Dots?
433
00:16:45,412 --> 00:16:47,448
You tell him to get his
ass in here right now.
434
00:16:47,552 --> 00:16:49,320
Say it just like that.
435
00:16:50,928 --> 00:16:53,397
She says, please go through, Eddie.
436
00:16:53,502 --> 00:16:54,503
Ha!
437
00:16:54,605 --> 00:16:55,906
I can't with this right now.
438
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:57,711
No, he is literally
taking years off my life.
439
00:16:57,814 --> 00:16:58,949
You deal with it.
440
00:17:00,422 --> 00:17:01,823
She hung up.
441
00:17:03,498 --> 00:17:04,732
[CLEARS THROAT]
442
00:17:06,940 --> 00:17:09,777
Look, he is never going through there.
443
00:17:09,883 --> 00:17:13,253
- I'm just doin' my job.
- And I'm trying to do mine.
444
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:15,828
So tell me, how can I get him inside
445
00:17:15,933 --> 00:17:18,769
without going through the detector?
446
00:17:18,875 --> 00:17:21,578
Maybe we can make an arrangement.
447
00:17:21,683 --> 00:17:23,085
I'm listening.
448
00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:28,193
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
449
00:17:29,606 --> 00:17:32,709
Yo, the show's on in,
like, five minutes, bro.
450
00:17:32,815 --> 00:17:34,317
You know what? You're right.
451
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,123
That's it. That's it right here.
452
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,170
Aunt Caldonia, seriously, where is Eric?
453
00:17:42,276 --> 00:17:43,411
I didn't tell you.
454
00:17:43,513 --> 00:17:45,348
He wasn't gonna make it after all.
455
00:17:45,452 --> 00:17:47,487
He said to give you this.
456
00:17:47,658 --> 00:17:49,660
Thanks for everything, "Cee-dric."
457
00:17:49,764 --> 00:17:54,169
[LAUGHS]
458
00:17:54,278 --> 00:17:57,014
Eric Dickerson's platinum tickets, baby.
459
00:17:57,119 --> 00:17:59,054
[LAUGHS]
460
00:17:59,158 --> 00:18:00,827
Yeah!
461
00:18:00,930 --> 00:18:02,698
That's what I'm talkin'
'bout right here.
462
00:18:03,905 --> 00:18:05,907
What is it, one ticket?
463
00:18:06,011 --> 00:18:08,280
You know what? That's all right.
464
00:18:08,384 --> 00:18:11,454
I actually like going to
the football game by myself.
465
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:16,899
Section 230 preseason? What the hell?
466
00:18:17,009 --> 00:18:18,444
Hold on, man.
467
00:18:20,419 --> 00:18:21,854
What is this shit?
468
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:25,096
Yeah, I think I can squeeze into this.
469
00:18:28,576 --> 00:18:30,611
All right, you know what? Everybody out.
470
00:18:30,715 --> 00:18:33,218
Everybody get the
[BLEEP] out! All of you!
471
00:18:33,323 --> 00:18:35,392
Everybody named Dickerson
get out of this room!
472
00:18:35,496 --> 00:18:37,798
Get the [BLEEP] outta
here! Get outta here!
473
00:18:37,903 --> 00:18:40,439
By the way, guys, enjoy the show, okay?
474
00:18:40,544 --> 00:18:42,746
I hope you enjoy the show. Thanks.
475
00:18:44,222 --> 00:18:46,324
Don't... no, don't even say it.
476
00:18:46,428 --> 00:18:47,629
I told you, baby.
477
00:18:47,764 --> 00:18:49,833
You need to stop trying to
be so nice to people man.
478
00:18:49,938 --> 00:18:51,006
You see what they did?
479
00:18:51,108 --> 00:18:53,277
They got your blood
pressure up there, see?
480
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:57,388
Oh, my jacket! Man, dang it all!
481
00:18:59,666 --> 00:19:00,800
Can somebody get a thimble?
482
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,376
GEORGE: You see, the problem
with the world right now
483
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,982
is that everything you
hear, you have to like.
484
00:19:07,087 --> 00:19:08,589
That's not the world.
485
00:19:08,692 --> 00:19:12,596
It creates small minds.
It creates small thinkers.
486
00:19:12,704 --> 00:19:14,706
And I'm not talking
about midget [BLEEP].
487
00:19:14,843 --> 00:19:15,878
AUDIENCE: [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
488
00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,014
You think that's funny, Jake?
489
00:19:17,116 --> 00:19:18,885
Now we're gonna have
the little people on us.
490
00:19:18,988 --> 00:19:20,656
EDDIE: I believe the PC term
491
00:19:20,794 --> 00:19:22,996
is vertically challenged
little mother [BLEEP].
492
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,268
Eddie, thank goodness.
493
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,039
I didn't think you were
gonna go through security.
494
00:19:26,142 --> 00:19:27,143
I didn't have to.
495
00:19:27,245 --> 00:19:29,815
- Then how...
- White Terry cut a deal.
496
00:19:31,023 --> 00:19:32,958
- You don't wanna know.
- I... I think I do.
497
00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:36,035
[SEXY MUSIC]
498
00:19:36,138 --> 00:19:40,309
?
499
00:19:40,417 --> 00:19:42,052
Charlie Murphy.
500
00:19:44,729 --> 00:19:48,066
I was promised I could
search you all night.
501
00:19:48,172 --> 00:19:49,774
You ain't supposed to be back here.
502
00:19:49,878 --> 00:19:51,046
Security!
503
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:53,283
Security's already here, baby.
504
00:19:55,585 --> 00:20:01,425
[LAUGHS]
505
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:06,025
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