All language subtitles for The Comedy Get Down s01e01 N-Words with Friends.eng

Where are we headed Mr. Lopez?

We're going to Atlanta.
It's the 10th stop of our...

...check this out...
Comedy Get Down tour.

Wow. So what made all you guys
decide to do this tour?

I got the idea after we did a
benefit honoring Richard Pryor.

We all had such a good time,

that I thought we ought
to take this on tour.

So I said, let me call
Cedric, throw him a bone.

George begged me to be on this tour.

Begged me to be on this tour.
Called me all the time.

He tracked me down.

He's like, Ced, I need
you on this tour, man.

You're one of the original
Kings of Comedy, man.

Plus, I love all your movies, man.

I love Johnson Family Vacation.
I love Roscoe Jenkins.

Loved you when you killed it in Be Cool.

That's one of the main reason
I decided to do this tour...

sell my book.

Hey, if you wanna buy one... I
mean, I would give you this one,

but it's already been
autographed for 2 Chainz.

I had to do it twice.

He's a real stickler about that 2 thing.

Lemony Snicket.

He was like, Madagascar 1, 2, and 3.
1, 2 and 3.

He actually said it like that...
in succession,

with all the numbers.

Then I found out that George
called Cedric the Entertainer

before he called me.

When I ask George about
it, he gonna try tell me

he called everybody in
alphabetical order.

Last I checked,

Murphy comes before the
Entertainer in the phone book.

He's like, Barber Battle,
one of my favorite shows.

Barber Battle is one of my
favorite shows of all time.

That's when I kind of thought, like,

maybe he puttin' it on a little thick.

Like, for real, have you
ever seen Barber Battle?

You're just gonna shake
your head no, man?

You could've lied.

See, they puttin' fluoride
in the water over here,

my Indian brother, in an attempt
to control our minds, man.

I was asking about

how you guys started doing
the comedy tour together.

How do you expect me to
remember all that shit, man?

My memory's shot.

It's probably from all that
fluoride they put in that water.

You ever thought about turning
on the mother [BLEEP]

air conditioning on in this damn thing?

How are you gonna [BLEEP]...

India is very hot.
Turn it off?

Turn that [BLEEP] damn thing off!

I'm gonna whoop your ass.

?

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

- [AIRPLANE ENGINE]

Man, y'all see how much
they gettin' for these

Double Stuf Oreos in
this mother [BLEEP]?

$9.

At least they double stuffed.

Guys, the minibar is on the sponsor.

Don't worry about it. Go crazy.

No, no, no, that ain't right, Ced.

You know who pays $9 for
regular stuffed Oreos?

- The 1%.
- That's right.

That's how these hotels
get away with it.

I wrote all about in my new book.

Oh, you wrote a new book, DL?
Damn, man, I almost forgot.

You ain't said shit about
it in five minutes.

You're just jealous 'cause

I've written more books
than you've read.

- Dang, that's funny.
- DL only wrote two books.

I have a library.
[BLEEP] both of you [BLEEP].

Hey, good news.

I found a roadie to take
Terry's spot while he's gone.

This is Jeff.

Hey, what's up, White Terry?

No, it's Jeff, actually.

No, you're white,
you're replacing Terry.

We gonna call you White Terry.

You probably heard
about DL's new book, huh?

I have.
I'm a huge fan, actually.

All right, don't kiss ass.

He used to work with Van Halen,

so he's got all these stories
about Sammy Hagar and David.

You guys don't know who the
[BLEEP] I'm talking about.

Van Halen? Who's that?
He kill vampires?

I don't give a shit
about that shit, son.

- Hey, White Terry?
- Yeah?

Down south, they got this
string of restaurants

called The Pussycat Pie Factory.

They got the best pies in the country.

And that's why I want you to
take your white ass down south

and get me a razzleberry pie.

Do you have that? Can you remember that?

- Razzleberry.
- CHARLIE: Okay.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hey, Nina, this is White Terry.

White Terry, Nina. She's
our tour manager.

She runs this whole organization.

Right, we met.
I signed his paperwork.

- I thought your name was Jeff.
- Yeah, so did I.

Great.
Guys, we have a big problem.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Please, listen.

Look, I just spoke with our
representative from our

corporate sponsor, and they have
been getting a lot of flack

about a certain word you all
are using in your acts.

Okay, so do you want to
tell us what word it is?

Yes, it is the... N-word.

You mean [BLEEP]?

Nina, I mean, you know
you are a black woman.

It's okay for you to
say the word [BLEEP].

I just don't like using it.

Are you seriouse?

You have the filthiest mouth
I've ever heard on a woman.

In Cleveland, you called the
hotel manager, and I quote,

"[BLEEP] dude ass mother [BLEEP].

"Y'all don't know who
you're dealing with.

"I'm mother [BLEEP] Nina, bitch.

"I'm gonna [BLEEP] you up."

He disrespected me.

I just don't feel comfortable
using that word.

I don't got a problem with it.

Me neither.
I pray on it every night.

Lord, please, give this
[BLEEP] the strength

to deal with another one
of these white people.

We all use the word [BLEEP].

Well, TSG said if you
don't stop using it,

they're gonna pull their sponsorship.

Well, that's not good.

We're used to private
jets and hotel suites.

And the Double Stuf Oreos.

Wait a minute. That is some
corporate BS right there.

You know what? Forget them.

Just find us a new sponsor.

No, no, no.
I'm sorry, it's not that easy.

Who has to get the new sponsor? Me.

I had to jump through hoops to get TSG.

You know what, guys?

When I think about it for real,
this may not be a bad thing.

Aw, come on, man.

I mean, we lean on the word a
little too much sometimes.

I'm not gonna let no
corporate suit-wearin'

mother [BLEEP] tell me I can't
say [BLEEP], my [BLEEP].

That's because you
can't stop saying [BLEEP].

No, I can stop saying [BLEEP].

[LAUGHS] Are you serious, man?

Some of y'all use the word [BLEEP]

like a valley girl uses the word like.

Like, [BLEEP], no, oh my god, ?[BLEEP].

Yo, Ced, man, I take offense
to you comparing us

to valley girls, all right?

Those white women from Malibu, man.

We're black men.

Charlie, Charlie...

It's a figure of speech, Charlie.

Just calm down there. Look,
I'll say it this way.

Let's just put some money on it, right?

Look, we'll go to lunch.

First person that says the word [BLEEP]

- gives the other guys $100 each.
- Bet, my [BLEEP].

You might want to stop by the ATM.

Hey, Charlie, how
come you're not eating?

Actually, I'm saving some
space for my razzleberry pie

that White Terry's bringing me back

from The Pussycat Pie Factory.

Ooh, make it sound so good.

I'm not gonna order dessert here.

You're gonna let me have a slice?

Look at here, n...

Whoa, whoa.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I didn't say "ger."
I didn't say "ger."

I just said "n..." I didn't say "ger."

Sir, you are going to have to procure

your slice of pie somewhere else.

Procure.

That's very astute
of you, there, Charles.

He even bought a vowel.

[LAUGHTER]

All right, to be honest,
I'm actually proud of us, man.

It's been, like, 20 minutes,
ain't been one slip-up yet.

Almost, though, Charlie.
Yeah, almost.

I thought Eddie would crack first.

CHARLIE: Everybody thought
Eddie would crack first.

No, I'm good.

You know, you just gotta...
choose your...

...words extra carefully, now. Mm-hmm.

You guys are making it too hard.

All you gotta do is get
yourself a substitution.

I'm going with ninja.

Using the same thing in same context?

[STUTTERS] Don't count.

You just mad 'cause
I came up with ninja.

Ninjas were started in the
centuries before in Japan.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Yo, Ced, what's happening, man?

What's up, [BLEEP]?

Hey, hey.
Yeah, yeah!

- What's up with you?
- What's up?

Whatcha doin' in Atlanta, bro?

Oh, man, we're out here
shooting Barbershop 4.

Sorry your character died.

[LAUGHTER]

He's joking, man.

Ain't no Barbershop without Eddie.

If Eddie dies, everybody
in the [BLEEP] barbershop

will be dead

He's playing. He's playing, man.

You ain't doin' it for real, are you?

A lot of [BLEEP] at this
table right here, man.

This is, like, a legendary table.

Yeah, man.

DL? That book, man.
You got a book on Amazon Kindle.

[BLEEP], you Paperwhite now?

That means a lot coming
from you, my ninja.

Ninja?

[SIGHS]

Cool.

So, uh, whatcha all
doin' in Atlanta, man?

Where you [BLEEP] performing at?

[STUTTERS] We got a show Monday...

Whoa, whoa.

We got a show over
at the Philips Arena.

Yeah, at the arena.

What's up, George?

[BLEEP] having a stroke or something?

Got a little zika from
travelling, spring break.

EDDIE: That's it.
Mosquitoes.

We're all just kinda a little tired.

That's cool, you know?

If I'm interrupting
something, man, I apologize.

But it's some weird...

you know, you [BLEEP]
actin' weird at this table.

We gonna be performing at the arena.

[CLEARS THROAT]

All right.

I'ma just break, man,
'cause I see y'all busy.

It's always good running
into Ben Carson's academy.

Oh! Oh! Ouch!

That brother just called
us the Ben Carson academy.

CHARLIE: Ben Carson.

[BLEEP], [BLEEP], [BLEEP], [BLEEP].

Hold up, my [BLEEP]!

We definitely gonna
lose our sponsorship.

[DOOR KNOCK]

My man!
White Terry.

White Terry came through in the clinch.

That's what I'm talkin'
about, White Terry.

You got me...

- You went to Kitty Cat's?
- Yeah.

That's not where I sent you, man.

I sent you to The Pussycat Pie Factory.

Is there a difference?

Kitty Cat's a knockoff, like, uh,

Dairy King or Light
Castle's or McDowell's.

Actually, McDowell's
isn't a real place.

It's fictional.

It's from the movie Coming to America.

Do you have a brother in that movie?

- No.
- Yeah, I didn't think so.

You know what?

I want you to take my 100
[BLEEP] dollars down to

The Pussycat Pie Factory and
buy me a razzleberry pie.

- Razzleberry pie.
- Okay?

Take this with you,
throw it in the trash.

Okay, sure.

Take it!

Of course, yeah.
It's garbage.

Razzleberry pie.

WHITE TERRY: Razzleberry pie.
You got it, man.

[DOOR SHUTS]

I ain't gettin' no pie, and
I missed the end of Zootopia.

Well, here's the
thing, Mr. Randall,

is that we love TSG as a sponsor.

Yes, sir, we do.
Collectively, thank you.

CEDRIC: And we do.
We want to make you happy.

But for us to go from whatever we say...

let's call it a collective 50
[BLEEP] a night down to zero,

is gonna be a little tough for us.

I mean, it's a part of our language.

It's like asking Shakespeare
not to say doth.

[LAUGHTER]

317.

- Excuse me?
- You didn't say it 50 times.

You said it 317 times
between the bunch of you.

I'm sorry.

So you're saying you
actually counted them?

We have a team of
people counting them.

You pay [BLEEP] counters?

Well, they're interns, actually.

The show before last was 306.

The one prior was... wow, 422.

DL: Wait, but that
was Jacksonville.

And Jacksonville was
when Eddie got into it

with Dwayne from What's Happening.

There was a lot of "hey, hey,
heys" thrown around with malice.

You know, you can't pick and choose.

Sir, we get it.

It was indeed an
above-average [BLEEP] night.

It was a lot of [BLEEP] going on,

and [BLEEP] got thrown
around just left and right.

It was a [BLEEP], and
it was the Super Bowl,

and we [BLEEP] know it.

Uh, [BLEEP] was just coming in and out,

and it was just a plethora of [BLEEP].

A cornucopia. It was
like a [BLEEP] palooza.

But what we are suggesting
is maybe we, um, taper.

- Taper?
- Taper.

I believe what my colleague is
trying to say...

that instead of going from
100 N-words to zero N-words,

that we're allowed, you
know, some N-words.

Do you guys mind if I
actually say the word?

- You're not saying it, man.
- I'm not comfortable with that.

None of you guys
better say puto, then.

I'll put that down right here.
Can't say it, no.

Okay, Mr. Randall,
here's my suggestion.

100 [BLEEP] a night.

Right there, that's one
third less [BLEEP].

I'll give you 10.

Okay, so 90.

25.

80.

I'll give you 63.
That's my final offer.

63?
That must be that new math.

That's an odd number, Sir.

I mean, how do you divide that by five?

CEDRIC & DL: Five?

Four! Four.
By four.

One more than 63 and we're
pulling our sponsorship.

You understand me?

Sure, fine.
We get it.

Understood. We'll, uh...
we'll work with it.

Thank you. We'll work with it.

Come on, guys.

That's one uptight
[BLEEP] right there.

- Now you're down to 62.
- You know what?

You Stephen H. Smith-lookin' ass...
you're not...

[PANTS]

[KNOCKS]

[PANTS]

- Pussycat?
- Pussycat's.

[PANTS]

[SNIFFS]

- You messin' with me, right?
- No.

I distinctly sent you down there

to get me a razzleberry pie.

And you come back with boysenberry pie.

Do you want me to go back there and...

Don't come back here
till you got my pie.

Understood.

Boysenberry pie.

That's some fake-ass Willy Wonka shit.

- DL, you gotta say something.
- I'm not saying nothin'.

It's you. You set it up.

I think it's a good deal.

- DL: Then we should...
- You're the better negotiator.

What's up, Ced? DL?

What up, guys?
What up, baby?

What's up, man?

Hey, fellas, before the show tonight,

I have some good news, all right?

We talked to the guy at TSG,
and he gave us some [BLEEP].

That is what I'm talkin' about.

You know I was panickin', DL.

I was about to use your ninja thing.

You're not gonna get to use ninja.

Did you patent ninja?

It is owned by Japanese people.

We got the [BLEEP].

Don't argue over that. We got it.

- Well, Charlie, we got 62.
- 62 what?

N-words.

Well, how are we gonna divide them up?

Well, obviously,
George doesn't get any.

Whoa, I thought we were
dividing everything equally.

You're not gonna
get to say [BLEEP], [BLEEP].

It's not that I wanna say it.
I might want to sell 'em because

I think they might fetch a
pretty penny out there.

You were gonna say black market, huh?

I wasn't gonna say black market.

[CHUCKLING]

Look man, guys, this is
my suggestion, all right?

I'm gonna take five.

That's all I really need, you know?

That leaves 57, 19 [BLEEP] each.

- That's cool.
- Well, can I get a few extra?

I'm still a little cranky.
I didn't get my pie.

You see?
I could've sold some to Charlie.

[SIGHS]
Guys... we can do this, guys.

Come on, you know what I'm sayin'?

Let's keep our eye on the prize here.

Everybody in this group can
handle this situation.

Eddie, did you squash the situation

with Dwayne from What's Happening?

I mean, [BLEEP].

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

What if he's still around here?

Everything's fine.
I've taken care of it.

It's squashed between me and Dwayne.

- It's not a problem.
- All right, come on, guys.

- Let's do this, baby.
- Let's do it!

- Comedy...
- ...Get Down!

Excuse me.

Hi, it's me again.

I need one razzleberry pie, please.

Ugh.
One razzleberry pie!

- MAN: We're out of razzleberry!
- We're out of razzleberry.

No.
No, no, no.

Please, can you just check again?

- Are we out of razzleberry?
- MAN: We're out of razzleberry!

- We're out of razzleberry!
- Well, can you make me one?

The ovens are shut down for the night.

Please.

I mean, I cannot go back
there without this pie.

Please! I will get murdered.

Is there a problem here?

Yeah, Sir, there is a huge problem.

Charlie Murphy is going to kill me

if I don't bring him
back a razzleberry pie.

- Charlie Murphy sent you?
- Yeah.

I love Charlie Murphy.

I just saw him perform with the guys

a few weeks ago in Jacksonville.
Unbelievably funny.

I swear, I told everyone
I know about that show.

- Didn't I?
- Mm-hmm.

Why was Eddie so angry

at the guy who played
Dwayne in What's Happening?

I don't know.

Look, Son, my name is Joe Garvin,

and I happen to be the owner of
The Pussycat Pie Factory chain.

And I'm gonna go back there
and heat up the ovens

and make you a fresh razzleberry pie.

Are you serious?
Oh my god.

Thank you.

- Thank you.
- My pleasure, really.

Hey, by the way, what's your name, kid?

My name?
My name is White Terry.

White Terry.
It's interesting.

AUDIENCE:
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

That's it!

We did that.
We did that.

We good. It's all right, man.

When you think about it,
I think we did good.

- I didn't use my ninja.
- That tripped me out.

I was actually proud of you.

You weren't even about to do this thing.

- Bad news, guys.
- What's up?

You went over.

I'm sure we had a little wiggle room.

You went over by, like, 200.

255.

Are you sure your [BLEEP]
counter's calibrated properly?

It is.
You alone had almost 80.

Damn, [BLEEP].

Look, I'm sorry, but
effective immediately,

TSG is withdrawing our sponsorship.

Aw, man!
Come on, man!

By the way, funny show tonight!

[LAUGHS]

Man, I'm gonna get your ass, man.

Hey, my bad, y'all.
I apologize.

You know, I tried my best, man.

But I'm Eddie Griffin, man.

I'm gonna say [BLEEP] quite a few times.

It's all right, Ed.
It's cool.

Who is he to tell us what
we can and can't say?

Who is anybody to tell us
what we can and can't say?

He's right.

It took us a helluva long
time to take that word back,

and now we're supposed to
cowtow to some dude in a suit

just 'cause it makes him uncomfortable?

Hell no.

I concur, man.
It's in my DNA.

It's my favorite acronym.

It stands for non-immigrants
gaining, gathering, achieving.

We the only people that ain't
immigrate to this country.

And I ain't gonna let no
African bougie American

and his little white friends
tell me what the hell I can say

and my choice of
vernacular up in this...

You know what I'm saying.

- Same.
- We're artists.

And once we start censoring
ourselves for our other people,

what do we have, guys?

Nuthin'.

You know, the private jets
and the presidential suites.

And DL likes those little
watermelon pieces cut in half.

Yeah, I do.
I like it.

But you guys should be able to say it.

Razzleberry pie.

A three-and-a-half-hour-late
pie.

- I don't want it.
- I'll take it.

I was being hyperbolic [BLEEP].

Ah ha!

Look, man, so what are
we gonna do now, guys?

Well, I guess I can try
to find another sponsor.

Also, you need to get us a new roadie.

- TSG dropped you?
- Yeah.

You know what?
I think I might have an idea.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

Pie, pie, pie.

That was not smart.
I'm very, very sorry.

Oh my gosh. Excuse me!

Get out of my way, people!

- CHARLIE: Good work, man.
- Thanks.

You got us our new sponsorship.

- That's hot, man.
- Yeah.

- CEDRIC: White Terry!
- EDDIE: Thank you, White Terry!

DL: Thank you, White Terry!

GEORGE: You're the
man, White Terry!

Why is everybody
thanking this white boy?

You left two of my bags
over there, mother [BLEEP].

What?

?

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0