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1
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:03,960
Oh, that's fine, Charles. Yes,
I'll confirm it in writing. Ciao!
2
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:09,480
Well...that's that.We're in?
Yes.
3
00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:14,520
A double room, balcony overlooking
the sea ― Hotel Miramar,
4
00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:19,720
Puerto de Vallarta, Majorca. That's
for the whole Christmas period.
5
00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:24,920
Good! I see there's a golf course.
Is that a separate charge?
6
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:30,080
Yes, but you can pay here.
Saves spending the old pesetas.
7
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:45,280
Excuse me...
The dustbins are in the alleyway.
Please do not come into the shop!
8
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:52,000
How are we doing?
This hotel ― it's all RIGHT, is it?
9
00:01:52,200 --> 00:02:00,040
There's so much riff...eh,
working class in Majorca these days.
Not in the Hotel Miramar, sir!
10
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:05,680
It has 32 acres and its own beach.
No, you'll be well away from them.
11
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:09,480
They have guard dogs as well.
12
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,560
Fine.
13
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:16,640
I see they have a beauty salon.
Yes. First class standard.
14
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:22,920
Is there a sauna?
15
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:22,920
You'll find they have everything
16
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:22,920
that you have in Epsom.
17
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,520
SNIFFS
18
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,760
Eu-eugh!Oh...
19
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:35,560
Excuse me! I do beg your pardon!
20
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:42,000
You'd think they'd be used to that,
living in Epsom!
21
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:47,240
What do you want?A bit of service.
I'm going on holiday, ain't I?
22
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:52,920
Remember me?Should I?You took
my bleeding deposit quick enough!
23
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,640
You booked me in. Eh...Steptoe.
24
00:02:55,640 --> 00:03:01,280
I've come to pay off the balance.
Steptoe?Harold.Excuse me.
25
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:08,640
S... S...I've got my horse
and cart on a meter outside.
26
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:15,200
Stern... Styles...
Could you get a wiggle on, please?
27
00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,920
Step... Steptoe... Ah, yes.
28
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,920
Steptoe... Oh, dear.
29
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:33,920
Is this right ― Hotel Miramar?
That's right! Puerto de Vallarta!
30
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:40,800
Double room with balcony. Ten days,
including Christmas.Quite right.
31
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:45,120
Eh...there has been
a slight change of plan.
32
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:49,560
Oh, you can't go?No...
You want to cancel?No, no!
33
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,800
But, unfortunately,
I shall be going on my own.
34
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:58,800
I had originally booked for a young
lady friend and myself.Ye-es.
35
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:04,040
Well, regretfully, I found out that
the said young lady has decided...
36
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,720
to give me the elbow!
37
00:04:06,720 --> 00:04:12,720
I see.I'll keep the room. No doubt
I'll pick up something out there!
38
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,960
Eh...excuse me.
39
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,960
Eh?
40
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:20,200
Did you say you'll be staying
at the Miramar?
41
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,960
Yes...
42
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,960
Are you going as well?Eh...yes.
43
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:29,240
Oh, that is MARVellous!
My name's, eh...Steptoe.
44
00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:34,760
I'm in room 23.
What room are you in?
45
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,360
..24.
46
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:44,880
Oh, that IS good news! We can
have breakfast on the balcony!
Oh, no, I...Don't worry.
47
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,480
I DO wear pyjamas...on holiday!
48
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:56,160
I mean, one has to in these
Spanish hotels. You never know
when they're going to fall down!
49
00:04:56,320 --> 00:05:00,640
You can't be dug out of the rubble
in the noody!
50
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,760
Us-ted hab-la Espanol?
51
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,760
Si, poco.
52
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:10,680
Oh, moi au-ssi!
53
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:15,920
I take lessons at Shepherd's Bush
Adult Further Education Institute.
54
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:20,320
Excellent teacher!
Eh...he's Pakistani.
55
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:25,360
His English ain't too hot
but his Spanish is muy excelente!
56
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,080
He was first rowed ashore
in Barcelona.
57
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:34,280
That explains it. See, he thought
he was in Dungeness, poor...!
58
00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:39,480
I really must pay my bill!
I don't like to leave the horse.
59
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:45,120
She might kick some parking warden
up the Black Hole of Calcutta!
60
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,640
Heh-heh! Oh, dear...!
61
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:54,680
How much do I owe you, please?
That's, eh...98 pounds to pay.
62
00:05:54,680 --> 00:06:00,240
Oh, very reasonable! This will be
the best Christmas I've ever spent,
63
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,280
especially now I'll have friends!
64
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:09,520
I...must apologise
for their condition.
65
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:14,480
They pass through some mucky hands
in my business!
66
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:20,120
Not everyone's as particular as me.
I'm sure...W-would YOU do it?
67
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:36,120
I've got some more here, somewhere.
A-hem!
68
00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,800
O-oh!
69
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:45,160
Oh, my gawd...! My lunch!
70
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:50,160
If I take these home,
the old man'll go POTTY !
71
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,840
Bung them in the bin, will you?
72
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:57,120
Unless you would care to partake?
No, thank you!
73
00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:04,600
It's Polish sausage ― a bit chewy,
but very nourishing.Thank you, no.
A-hem! One too many.
74
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:08,760
You keep that.
You have been most helpful, squire.
75
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,360
You're most kind(!) Your tickets.
Thanks.
76
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,440
Well, I shall bid you adios,
mon braves!
77
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:23,640
I shall look forward to seeing you
in Puerto de Vallarta.
Perhaps we might meet on the plane!
78
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,960
Have them for your tea.
Silly to be proud!
79
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:33,000
I shall look forward to a knees-up
with you on Christmas Day!
80
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:37,040
We'll show these Spaniards
how to dance, eh ?!
81
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,400
HORSE WHINNIES
82
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,400
I'm coming!
83
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:48,120
Vaya...con...
84
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:48,120
WHINNYING
85
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:48,120
Shut up, you great ugly pillock!
86
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:53,280
We've changed our minds.
We'll go to Bournemouth instead.
87
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,760
Can't say I blame you!
88
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:10,840
#Enoch's dreaming
89
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:10,840
of a Whi-ite Christmas...
90
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,600
#Just like the ones
91
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,600
'e used to know...#
92
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,680
That should do it.
93
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:26,200
HUMS "WHITE CHRISTMAS" TUNELESSLY
94
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:33,600
#..da-de-da...Enoch...
95
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,640
#..Christmases...
96
00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:41,680
#With every...Christmas...
97
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:44,680
#..card...I write...
98
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:50,440
#May your days...be merry
99
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:50,440
and bright...#
100
00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,040
Oh, that's nice... Yeah.
101
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:57,640
#..May all...your Christmases...
102
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,640
#..be white.#
103
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:05,400
VERY nice... Very nice.
104
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,720
Bit shiny, but...festive!
105
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,720
Where shall I put the holly wreath?
106
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,640
Yeah, that's it.
107
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,680
DROPS NAIL
108
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,680
Oh, ga-awd!
109
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,480
A-a-argh...!
110
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:38,960
Oh, cobblers! I'll leave it there
and hang it up later.
111
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:04,440
There you are ― John Gregson!
112
00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:09,720
Now...
113
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,880
that's the lot.
Just the tree...and that's it!
114
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,120
Must think about getting a new one
next year.
115
00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:33,600
Still...saves sweeping up
the floor after!
116
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:38,840
You go there.
Let's see what we've got here.
117
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:47,520
Cor blimey!
You look like you've seen
more Christmases thanIhave, doll!
118
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,280
Oh, well... There you go.
119
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:57,040
Yeah... There you are ―
your first Common Market Christmas!
120
00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:02,720
Good, isn't it? WE remember the bad
old days, don't we ― you and me?
121
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:07,400
Yeah... Bleeding sight better
than they are now!
122
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:15,360
Do you remember
your first Christmas? 1932.
'Arold was only 6 months old then.
123
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:20,560
He kept gurgling and pointing
up at you, so I lifted him
124
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:24,600
and he stretched out
his chubby little fist,
125
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,560
grabbed hold of you
and pulled your leg off!
126
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,320
We never did find that, either!
127
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:35,280
I think he must have et it!
128
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:42,120
We've watched him grow up,
you and me, from that little baby
into what he is now ―
129
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:44,840
a bleeding disappointment!
130
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:53,520
You've seen a lot of Christmases,
stuck up there, haven't you?
Good ones and bad ones.
131
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:58,720
Remember 1936? That was the year
his mother was took from us.
132
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:02,280
Very sudden ―
two days before Christmas.
133
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:07,640
And I'd BOUGHT her present already,
so that was a waste of money!
134
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:13,440
Miserable Christmases we've had
since then ― miserable.
135
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:18,520
..'Cept 1940! That was a good one ―
'cept for the blitz!
136
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:25,840
Still, if it hadn't been
for the blitz, I wouldn't have had
that A.T.S girl billeted on me!
137
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:30,760
Now, what was her name...?
Yeah, Annie McFaddern!
138
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:35,760
You didn't see much of me
THAT Christmas, did you ?!
139
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,440
Cor, she was a big girl !
140
00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:44,760
If they'd stuck her up on a cable,
she'd have brought down
half the Luftwaffe!
141
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,960
'Arold and me was nearly killed,
that Christmas.
142
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:54,000
She thought she heard a bomb coming
and threw herself on top of us!
143
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:54,080
If it hadn't been for the rationing
I would have married her.
144
00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:59,120
If it hadn't been for the rationing
I would have married her.
145
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,720
Never mind...
I've still got 'Arold.
146
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:10,120
He always spends Christmas with me.
I couldn't bear Christmas
on me own ― not at MY age.
147
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:14,840
Ye-e-eah, I've a lot
to be thankful for.
148
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,360
Now, let's have a look at you...
Yeah, very nice!
149
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:24,480
Well, he'll be home soon. I'll go
and switch the yard light on.
150
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:38,440
YEE-EAAARGH...!
'Arold ?! Is that you, 'Arold ?!
151
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:42,280
Where ARE you ?! 'Aro-o-old...?!
152
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,400
I-I'm sorry, 'Arold!
153
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:58,360
'Arold, you didn't...?Yes, I DID !
154
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:01,200
From a height of two feet!
155
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,160
It was part of the decorations.
156
00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:08,600
So am I, now!
Why did you leave it on the seat ?!
157
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:13,160
I forgot. It was going on the wall.
..Are you in pain?
158
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:18,960
Yes! Wouldn't YOU be in pain
with a bum full of perforations ?!
159
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:23,160
Oh, well, never mind.
Don't DO that...!
160
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:27,720
You go inside.
I'll fill a basin full of hot water
161
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:31,520
and you can sit in it.
Oh, leave me alone!
162
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:36,560
I've, eh...I've finished
the decorations. They look nice.
163
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:41,640
Oh, yes, Dad, I wanted a word...
I left the balloons for you.
164
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:44,880
Me lungs...ain't what they were.
165
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:50,920
I can't even inflate
the little tits
on the ends of the sausage ones!
166
00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:58,000
Christmas wouldn't be Christmas
without balloons.
There's something I want to tell...
167
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,640
What do you think?
168
00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:07,600
Oh, yes. Oh, very nice.
Very colourful.
169
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:13,360
Dolly looks nice on the tree,
don't she?Yes. Yes, eh...she does.
170
00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:18,400
She's lasted well ― 41 years.
Wouldn't be the same without her.
171
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:23,440
Eh...look, Dad, I, er...wanted
a word with you...about Christmas.
172
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:28,640
Yeah, we've still got a lot to do.
I haven't ordered the turkey.
173
00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:32,800
We'll get one at the market
on Christmas Eve.
174
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:36,760
Dad, before you go on, I...
O-ow...!
175
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:44,720
I left the vegetables to you.
I can't hump them around,
not with MY back.
176
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:51,560
I've got biscuits
and, em...a big box of dates,
'cos I know you like dates.
177
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:55,280
And I've got the crackers ―
good ones.
178
00:15:55,280 --> 00:16:02,840
Good presents ― whistles, and them
things you move about trying to get
the balls into the little holes.
179
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:07,080
You like them.
You're always playing with them!
180
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:10,280
D-dad, please, sit down. I want...
181
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:17,120
Now, booze. We've got some,
and we'll order crates
of light ale and brown ale,
182
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:24,760
a bottle of Tom Thumb, a bottle
of...gold watch and a bottle of
Vera Lynn, in case the vicar comes!
183
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,480
Do you want wine?Dad, please...
184
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:32,240
They've got Dago Red
at the supermarket ― 81p a litre!
185
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:37,760
I don't know if that's the cost
or the effect it has on you!
186
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:42,280
And I put the puddings on to boil.
Can you smell 'em?
187
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:45,120
Yes, yes. They smell...wonderful.
188
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:49,960
Nice and dark, they are ―
black as a gorilla's goolies!
189
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:58,280
I've put
half a quidsworth of sixpences in ―
make sure you get one this year!
190
00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:06,320
Now, do you want mince pies?
Dad, I won't be here.If you do,
you'll have to tell me n...
191
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,160
What did you say?I won't be here.
192
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:14,760
'Course you will ― it's Christmas!
No, I'm going away.
193
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:20,200
Where?Puerto de Vallarta.Where
the bleeding hell's that?!Majorca.
194
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:27,920
We don't want to go to Ma-jorca (!)
I didn't say "we". I'm going
on my own.
195
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:33,200
On...on your OWN ?!Yeah.
Without ME ?!
196
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:36,920
Yeah.Without me ?!Without you.
197
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,720
On your own?On my own.
198
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:49,520
I-I should have told you,
but I wasn't sure if I could raise
sufficient conkers.
199
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,400
But today I paid the balance,
so I'm off.
200
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:58,840
But you ALWAYS spend Christmas
with me, here, just the two of us.
201
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:01,880
That's WHY I'm going to Majorca!
202
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:09,600
I'm going
to be...perfectly honest, Dad.
203
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:14,640
I cannot spend another Christmas
stuck in this rat-hole with you!
204
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,880
Over 40 years I've done it.
If I do another one,
205
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,720
I shall go stark raving bonkers!
206
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,920
I thought you enjoyed it!
We never enjoy it!
207
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:33,960
Ienjoy it!Liar! You just enjoy
seeing me being miserable! We go
through the same ritual every year!
208
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:42,000
I sit there for 3 solid days,
wearing a daft paper hat, watching
you sat in front of the goggle box
209
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:47,320
with walnut shells and fag ash
piling up round your boots!
210
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:54,360
If it wasn't for calls of nature,
you'd be buried alive
by Boxing Day!
211
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:59,560
It's soul-destroying, Dad!
I-I just can't stand it any longer!
212
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:04,960
I didn't realise.Well, you should!
I tell you every year!
213
00:19:05,120 --> 00:19:10,640
You sit there chomping on your nuts
with the telly up full blast!
214
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,840
You don't hear ANYTHING, do you ?!
215
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:18,440
What about the present-giving?
That's a nice part.
216
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,960
Yes, it is. I agree. It is.
I agree.
217
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:24,560
All of 30 seconds that takes up!
218
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,160
"Here's yours. Where's mine?
219
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,960
"Go on, open it, 'Arold!"
220
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:35,800
"O-oh, just what I wanted ―
3 handkerchiefs and a pair
of Y-fronts"(!)
221
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:42,320
How did you know ?!H...how (?)
'Cos that's what I always get!
222
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:47,080
I've had handkerchiefs and Y-fronts
for 25 years!
223
00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:54,600
You're getting very cynical,
'Arold. You never used to be.
It's the THOUGHT that counts.
224
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,960
Yes, I know.
Look, I'm not knocking the presents
225
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:07,560
but I've got to get away this year!
Surely you don't begrudge me ten
days?You're going for TEN DAYS ?!
226
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:11,000
I'm not going
just for Christmas dinner!
227
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:16,040
So you've got yourself
all sorted out, have you (?)Yeah.
228
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:19,920
I suppose you haven't thought
about me!
229
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:25,000
Oh, that's where you're wrong, see.
I've got you all sorted out.
230
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:30,080
Here. I...have had a word
with the vicar.Oh, ga-awd!
231
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:35,280
He's throwing his annual
Old People's Christmas Dinner
232
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:40,280
and he'll be delighted to see you,
providing...Providing what ?!
233
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,360
You do not get Brahms and Liszt!
234
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:48,800
You do not shock all those sweet
old ladies with your dirty stories!
235
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:53,960
The vicar ain't forgotten the way
you done up his crossword puzzle!
236
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,600
He doesn't know the time of day!
237
00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:02,840
Those "sweet old ladies" worked
down the fish market
when they was girls!
238
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:08,880
I was 4 years in the trenches and
I never heard words like THEY use!
239
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,080
They sound like a stokers' reunion!
240
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:16,160
Don't be stubborn!
Now then, here's your ticket.
241
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:22,200
This gives you a 3 course dinner,
an apple, an orange and an ounce
of tobacco.
242
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,160
And you can see the conjuror after!
243
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:31,840
I'm not going.The Mayor's going
to be there.Oh, how exciting (!)
244
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:39,880
He'll turn up in his Rolls. "Hello,
how are you?" On to the next one
before he gets an answer!
245
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:45,120
He'll only stay long enough to have
his photo in the local paper ―
246
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:52,960
him and his missus carving
the turkey and then...off!
You won't see him for dust!
247
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:58,480
You talk about ME being cynical !
It won't be like that at all !
248
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:03,280
You should be grateful...!
Go on ― take the ticket.
249
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:08,320
You can KEEP the ticket
and stick it in the kharsi!
250
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:13,360
And they can stuff their Christmas
dinner ―Iain't going!
251
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:18,840
I've got me own home, me own food
and...me own son.I won't BE here!
252
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,880
And I won't be there!Why not?
Give me a reason.I won't!
253
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:28,400
You ain't got one!I have!
Then let's HEAR it!
254
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:34,000
..I don't want to embarrass you.
And what's THAT supposed to mean ?!
255
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:39,720
If you can't see, there's no use
discussing it.That's no argument!
256
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:44,960
All right, then. It's for people
with no-one to look after them.
257
00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:50,080
Well, they all know about you.
They'll say, "Where's 'Arold?
258
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:55,160
"Gone to Majorca to enjoy himself
and left you alone ?!"
259
00:22:55,160 --> 00:23:00,200
I'm not having that! I'm not having
them talking like that about you.
260
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:05,240
No, it's best if I just stay here
by myself and then they won't know.
261
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,920
You can't stay here by yourself.
262
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,800
Oh, don't you worry! I'll manage!
263
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:16,240
I'll go to the cemetery and sit
with your mother for a few hours.
264
00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:19,280
Then I'll have me bit of dinner,
265
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:24,960
pull a cracker with meself, put on
a paper hat and watch the telly.
266
00:23:25,120 --> 00:23:30,720
It'll only be for one day. I'll be
in BED for the rest of the time!
267
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,720
You make it very easy,
don't you (?)
268
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:46,680
It's probably me last Christmas
here, anyway.
269
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:51,640
You've been saying that since 1955
and you're still here!
270
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:56,840
Then you can go abroad every year.
I ain't gone and neither have you!
271
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:02,000
I don't really want to stay here
another Christmas without your Mum.
272
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:04,800
I get very...tired these days.
273
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:09,400
I-I only keep going
in order to look after you.
274
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:15,720
Now you don't want me,
I...I might just as well turn it in
and go up
275
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,440
and join her.
276
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:21,120
Are you going to join her now (?)
277
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:26,520
I'm going to bed!
YOU'll want to do your packing!
278
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,640
You won't want ME under your feet!
279
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:36,000
Maybe I won't bother you
THIS Christmas either!
280
00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:45,160
Oh, yeah... As you're not staying,
you might as well have
your Christmas present now.
281
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:50,280
Merry Christmas, son.
282
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,560
Thank you, Dad.
283
00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:07,720
Three handkerchiefs
and a pair of Y-fronts!
284
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,520
Just what I wanted!
285
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:16,840
Really...
I haven't got yours yet.
286
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:21,360
If I'm still here in the morning...
give it to me then.
287
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:25,400
Goodnight, son.
288
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,600
'Oy...! What's that?What?
289
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,840
Those... Pills.Oh, just...
something the doctor gave me.
290
00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:41,480
What for?
Nothing. Nothing... O-oh!
291
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:48,120
Goodnight, son.
292
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,600
All right!
293
00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,520
What?
294
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,360
I'm not going.
295
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:29,880
Oh no, son. You mustn't stay here
on MY account.No, it's all right.
296
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:32,840
I never expected to go. Not really.
297
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:35,920
I KNEW I wouldn't be going.
298
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,960
When I booked it...
when I chose the hotel...
299
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:44,960
when I give him the money...
when he give me the ticket...
300
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,680
I KNEW I'd be staying here...!
301
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,760
It's all a game now, really.
302
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:56,000
No, son, you go. I'll be all right.
I'll manage.
303
00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:02,360
I-I wouldn't want to spoil
your Christmas.Nah, it's okay.
I'm stopping here.
304
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:09,000
I'll tell you one thing ― I'm not
stopping here just with you.
305
00:27:10,120 --> 00:27:14,360
I...am going to cash in
my ticket...
306
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:20,240
and blow it on the BIGGEST PARTY
ever seen in this house!
307
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:23,400
I'm gonna invite EVERYbody!
308
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,440
Just so long as we're not ALONE !
309
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:29,280
I know, son. I understand.Grrr...
310
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:32,000
I'd better look at them puddings!
311
00:27:35,120 --> 00:27:39,240
HYSTERICAL GIGGLE
312
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:46,280
"Now, with British Airways,
take an Earthshrinker to any part
of the world" (!)
313
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,200
If MY world shrinks any more...
314
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,480
I shall disappear
up the back of these!
315
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,920
DOOR CLOSES
316
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:17,000
Ho, ho, ho, ho! Oh, yeah,
that's it! That's MUCH better!
317
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:22,120
What have you got there?
The Christmas fare, mate!
318
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,680
A goose...
319
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,480
a turkey...
320
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,480
I've had to wrestle with it
all the way!
321
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:37,520
Another two turkeys and a York ham!
322
00:28:37,520 --> 00:28:40,600
Here you are, mate ― get stuffing!
323
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:45,200
Three turkeys ?!
That's too much for a dozen people!
324
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:52,040
That's just the sit-down dinner,
mate. There's another 20 coming
in the evening!
325
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:57,200
Then there's Boxing Day ― 40 more
when the Skinner's Arms close!
326
00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,880
This'll be a 3-day thrash, mate!
Oo-oops!
327
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:07,440
Now...I've ordered 2 dozen loaves,
a gross of sausage rolls,
328
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,640
14 jars of pickles
and a wheel of cheddar!
329
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:17,160
And a new set of rods
for the drains ?!
330
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:22,360
I've thought of that. I've invited
Basil from the caravan site.
331
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:26,600
He's setting up 2 chemi-kharsis
in the yard...
332
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:30,880
with canvas windbreaks!
You'll need them!
333
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:39,840
This is the first Christmas
I've ever really looked forward to!
I'm going to have a good time!
334
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:45,000
Well, I'm not. I don't like
having the house full of people.
335
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,080
'Arold, let's spend it on our own.
336
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:55,560
You don't have to stay here.
I'll set you up a nice little table
all of your own, out in the yard.
337
00:29:55,760 --> 00:30:03,200
I'll send your dinner out. You can
pull crackers with the horse.
She'll look lovely in a paper hat!
338
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:08,440
It's a waste of money!
It's MY money! My holiday money!
339
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:13,960
If I wish to invite my friends,
that's up to me!YOUR friends!
340
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:19,480
None of mine!You ain't got any!
They were killed in the trenches.
341
00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:24,440
Yeah ― going over the top,
trying to get away from you!
342
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:29,520
That war's been over 55 years. You
should have made some since then!
343
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:37,360
You will find, as you go
through life, that you don't make
many friends ― not REAL friends.
344
00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:42,560
Aw-ww (!)Them that's coming
tomorrow night, they're scroungers!
345
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:47,360
They just want a free meal
and a booze-up!That is not true!
346
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,840
Look!
55 cards I've had this morning!
347
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:56,320
Exactly. Nothing until you invited
them!How many have you had?! Eh?!
348
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:03,840
60 ? 70 ? No ― one! ONE !
And who was that from?
The Scrap Metal Association.
349
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:06,600
The Scrap Met...
350
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,280
Ain't you had mine yet?No.
351
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:14,360
I sent you one.Huh!I did!
I wouldn't forget to send you one!
352
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:21,840
It'll come 2 days after Christmas,
like last year! One of your old
ones, with the writing rubbed out!
353
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:27,080
It was a funny one. It had a horse
on the front. When you open it,
354
00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:32,480
a cut-out of a great big pile
of manure springs right out!
355
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:38,680
Very seasonal (!) That's got a lot
to do with Our Lord's birthday (!)
Oh, well...
356
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:43,240
if you're going to bring religion
into Christmas...!
357
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:47,800
You'll be going to Midnight Mass
tonight (?)Might do.
358
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,840
Huh! You ain't been in that church
since 1940,
359
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:56,680
when you fell through the roof
with half a ton of lead!
360
00:31:56,680 --> 00:32:02,040
I was fire watching!You could
have been shot for looting!
361
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:07,280
I'll never forget the disgrace.
The Headmaster pointed me out ―
362
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:13,760
"There is the boy
whose father has had to turn in
his A.R.P helmet."
363
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:19,000
The rotten, sadistic swine, he was!
364
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:26,280
I didn't know.
Why do you think they chalked
the swastikas on the front gate ?!
365
00:32:26,480 --> 00:32:33,280
I thought it was because
we were the only ones
that weren't bombed out.
366
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,760
Your daft little moustache
didn't help!
367
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,920
I had it before him!Heil !
368
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:44,960
Look, there's one to both of us!
You can have that one.
369
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:51,040
You put it with yours. There ―
you've got two now.One and a half.
370
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,560
Well, when mine comes,
you'll have two and a half!
371
00:32:55,560 --> 00:33:00,520
Now, come on, let's sort out
the seating arrangements!
372
00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:07,480
There's 5 birds coming to dinner.
Which one do you want
to sit next to?I don't care.
373
00:33:07,640 --> 00:33:11,360
All right.
You're there ― Mr Albert Steptoe.
374
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:16,320
How about Miss Sheila Figge there
and Miss Elsie Harmer there?
375
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:20,560
Yeeuch!What?
I'd sooner have the horse!
376
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:27,920
They're both very nice girls!
I won't get much grub
sitting next to Elsie Harmer!
377
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,960
She's bigger than that A.T.S girl !
378
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:36,320
A 28 pound bird on the table
and an 18 STONE bird next to me!
379
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:41,520
You won't have to bother carving!
True. Do you remember the way
380
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:46,560
she ripped that side of beef
to pieces on Guy Fawkes night ?!
381
00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:46,640
With her bare hands!
Frightened the life out of me.
382
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:50,920
With her bare hands!
Frightened the life out of me.
383
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,960
She fancies you, you know.
Oh, get off!
384
00:33:54,960 --> 00:34:00,720
She DOES ! She likes little blokes
'cos they can't struggle so much!
385
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:06,520
You keep her away from me! She can
go there. Who else is coming?
386
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:12,560
Joyce, Beryl and Hermione.Give me
Joyce and Beryl.No! They're mine!
387
00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:17,800
You don't want 2 ?!
I'm going to enjoy this Christmas!
388
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:22,800
I like to keep one in reserve
in case the other one flakes out!
389
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:26,000
Well, you can have Hermione...
390
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:32,840
and Sheila.I don't know them.
They're okay. But keep your hands
above the table.
391
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:40,880
Chris and Arthur fancy them.
Well, scrub out Chris and Arthur!
I can't! They're bringing them!
392
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:45,080
I can see me getting lumbered
with Gargantua!
393
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:50,120
If I see her carrying you upstairs,
I shall blow the whistle!
394
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:55,200
Now then, what else? O-oh! Did you
cut up the fruit for the punch?
395
00:34:55,400 --> 00:35:01,440
Yeah, it's in the punch-bowl.
Go and get it
and we'll make it tonight.
396
00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:04,440
Ohh, this'll make their eyes water!
397
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:09,560
If I don't enjoy myself this year,
it won't be through want of trying!
398
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,320
Here you are.
399
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,920
What's that?
400
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:27,960
I told you to buy a punch-bowl.Why
waste money? This is big enough.
401
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:38,640
I am not making my fruit sangria
in a po!Why not?
402
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:43,400
It's never been used.
That's beside the point!
403
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,600
It's the PRINCIPLE of the thing!
404
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:52,480
It's going to look very choice
ladling the stuff out of there (!)
405
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:57,280
Hermione won't reckon it.
She's a Young Conservative.
406
00:35:57,280 --> 00:36:04,120
So what ?!
They don't normally serve
their punch out of a china po.
407
00:36:04,240 --> 00:36:06,960
They use silver or glass.
408
00:36:06,960 --> 00:36:09,520
I don't think we have a glass po.
409
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:13,720
A glass punch-bowl !
Nah, haven't got one.
410
00:36:13,720 --> 00:36:20,000
Turf the goldfish out
and use his bowl.
Where are we going to put him?
411
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:24,120
Bung him in there!You will NOT !
412
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:31,960
Cor blimey, he don't have much
of a life as it is, but he likes
to have a look out now and again!
413
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:37,160
Can't he look up?For 3 days ?!
He'll get a stiff neck!
414
00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:41,240
You know nothing
about piscatorial anatomy!
415
00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:50,120
Well, it's up to you...I suppose
I COULD tell them it's an imported
novelty from Harrods.
416
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,560
That's right!
Now, bung the booze in!
417
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,560
All right, I'll take a chance.
418
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:05,400
That's not much!I ain't finished!
A little gin...
419
00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:09,840
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh !
420
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:20,080
A soupcon...of grape brandy!
421
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:20,080
BELTS OUT "LA MARSEILLAISE"
422
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:25,560
Just a hint of vodka!
423
00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:25,560
"COSSACK" TUNE
424
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:34,320
A threat of whisky!
425
00:37:27,720 --> 00:37:34,320
"SCOTTISH" TUNE
426
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:38,120
Lemon squash.
427
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:26,240
Is it all right?
428
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,880
All right ?! Is it all ri-i-ight ?!
429
00:38:30,880 --> 00:38:36,840
A bowlful of that
in the reservoir...
and we could paralyse South London!
430
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:42,320
Roll on tomorrow afternoon!
431
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,960
You get the birds stuffed
and put one in the oven.
432
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:52,560
Before you say anything vulgar...
I mean the dinner!
433
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,560
Do the goose first.
It'll take the longest.
434
00:38:57,560 --> 00:39:02,880
And don't leave your rubber glove
in it, like you did last year!
435
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:08,120
And you!
436
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:14,920
#..The lit-tle Lord Je-sus
437
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:14,920
laid down his sweet head,
438
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,960
#Oh, the cattle are lowing,
439
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,160
#In the fields where they lay...#
440
00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:24,960
To Dad...
441
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,760
with...love...
442
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:30,000
No!
443
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,480
To Dad...
444
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,840
wishing...you...
a Merry Christmas...
445
00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:44,880
and...many...of them...
446
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,160
No!
447
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,680
To Dad...
448
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:00,280
..from Harold.
449
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:04,960
#Jingle bells, jingle bells,
450
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:04,960
Jingle all the way,
451
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:09,720
#Santa Claus is coming
452
00:40:04,960 --> 00:40:09,720
Upon this Christmas Day...!#
453
00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,920
Oh, what a GLORIOUS smell !
454
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,680
Ah, Bisto!
455
00:40:15,680 --> 00:40:18,720
Come on, Dad! It's Christmas!
456
00:40:18,720 --> 00:40:21,800
#Jingle bells, jingle bells...#
457
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:26,640
Stop stinking in that pit!
We've got work to do!
458
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,680
#Jingle bells, jingle bells...#
459
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:34,960
Might as well start as we mean
to go on... They'll be here soon!
460
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,600
'Arold...
461
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:43,440
Good morning, Father,
and a very merry Christmas to you!
462
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:48,320
I am sorry for all the rotten,
vicious, nasty...things...
463
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:52,280
what I've said to you...
What's your game?
464
00:40:57,240 --> 00:41:00,240
What's all that on your face?
465
00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:06,080
It's on me legs as well,
and me arms, and me belly...
What is it?
466
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:08,760
I think I've got chickenpox.
467
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,840
Chickenpox ?! You CAN'T have!
468
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:16,440
You can't have chickenpox!
469
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:21,880
It can't be chickenpox...
Chickenpox!
470
00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:30,920
C... C-a-a...
471
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:34,640
Cholera ?!
472
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:38,240
Catalepsy...!
473
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:44,560
Chickenpox! "The patient is...
with vesicles all over his...
474
00:41:44,720 --> 00:41:49,080
"and his body..."
He's got spots underneath his neck?
475
00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:56,600
You've got chickenpox!
476
00:41:56,600 --> 00:42:03,600
..You can't have that at your age!
I've never had it before.
Why not, you silly great...?!
477
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,800
You can't have chickenpox.
We're having a party.
478
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:12,960
I mean, everyone's HAD chickenpox!
YOU haven't.
479
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:18,160
I must have done!
When I was little...?
480
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,400
NOBODY gets chickenpox at our age!
481
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,280
We've got people coming!
482
00:42:24,280 --> 00:42:30,680
You'll have to stay in the stable!
If the horse catches it ―
well, it's hard luck.
483
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:36,040
I-I won't mention it. I won't say
a word. I'll say you've gone away.
484
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:41,720
You can't stay in here.
You're contagious! Get out!
485
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:48,560
I-I'll put on me balaclava helmet
and gloves and I'll cover me face
with f-flour...
486
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:04,960
Yo-o-o-ou rotten, stinking,
little GIT !
487
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:08,040
Look ― SPOTS !
488
00:43:08,040 --> 00:43:10,840
You've given it to me now!
489
00:43:10,840 --> 00:43:16,320
You've deliberately given me
chickenpox!I didn't know, 'Arold!
490
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:23,440
I'll KILL you!
491
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:23,440
If you get better, I will kill you!
492
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:23,440
DOORBELL
493
00:43:23,600 --> 00:43:28,640
Let's hide in the stable!I'm not
spending Christmas in the stable!
494
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:32,920
Jesus did!
HIS dad didn't have chickenpox!
495
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,200
DOORBELL RINGS
496
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,480
Hello?
497
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,520
↑
498
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:41,520
'Ere! There 'e is!
499
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,640
↑
500
00:43:41,520 --> 00:43:44,640
Come on, 'Arold! Open up!
501
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:47,400
Eh, we've got a slight problem.
502
00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:52,400
He's started playing games already!
This is going to be good!
503
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:55,800
↑
504
00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:55,800
Open up! I got something for ya!
505
00:43:55,800 --> 00:44:02,960
RIBALD CHORUS
506
00:43:55,800 --> 00:44:02,960
There's a slight technical hitch.
507
00:43:55,800 --> 00:44:02,960
Have any of you had chickenpox?
508
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:10,040
Chicken-what?
509
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:10,040
We...we've got chickenpox.
510
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:10,040
We thought you had TURKEY !
511
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:14,680
I'm serious! We've got chickenpox ―
me and my dad!
512
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,680
↑
513
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,680
All right, who's had chickenpox?
514
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:22,120
CHORUS OF "DON'T KNOWS"
515
00:44:22,120 --> 00:44:25,360
If you've had it, you can come in.
516
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:29,840
I'm not going in!
517
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:29,840
You come out in spots!
518
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,840
↑
519
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:32,840
What are we going to do, then?
520
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,680
I can't hear you! I'll come out!
521
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:38,760
LOUD PROTESTS
522
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:44,240
It's all right, 'Arold...! Let's go
round my mum's. SHE won't mind.
523
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:49,360
AGREEMENT...CHANGING TO HORROR
524
00:46:12,440 --> 00:46:16,200
Subtitles by Diane Reid
BBC Scotland 1988
44934
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