Original subtitles

I know it's been a long night, team,

and we have a long shift ahead of us,

- but I want you all to know that... - Diane.

Jack. Don't worry.

I got a rapid test this morning,

so I'm clean as a whistle.

Uh, what are y... What is she...

I asked her to come.

There's been a death, and you are all grieving,

so I asked her to come.

I'm sorr... You me...

- You talking about George Floyd? - You brought in a therapist

to help us process the death of George Floyd?

I did.

I feel powerless to help,

and this felt like something I could do.

There are not many fire captains

who would treat a moment of national crisis

like an internal tragedy, and your captain is.

I respect it,

so I'm honored to be here to help however I can.

I don't need you to talk about Mr. Floyd.

I'm not gonna make you talk to me at all.

This isn't mandatory.

I'm just here if you need me.

Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com

You're bold, and you're trying.

Right or wrong, you tried something today.

You tried something to help.

Thank you.

I love you.

How do you do it? I mean, how do you...

I-I-I know you have to be as shaken up as I am,

so how do you...

- How do I do my job? - Well, yeah.

You fought a fire this morning.

How did you do it?

I pushed my pain aside and did what had to be done.

Same.

I saw what happened to Dean Miller.

He's suing the police department,

and he's right to do it.

But?

But, uh... uh, it... It makes me uncomfortable.

Because he's a firefighter

and we're supposed to shut up and look pretty?

No, because when the police

made me lie down on the street like an animal

during a routine traffic stop...

You didn't sue.

I didn't do much of anything at all.

I did yell, you know, whi... which was...

I feel like a hypocrite.

- A hypocrite? - Yeah. I have two kids.

I have a new son since we last spoke.

- Congratulations. - Thanks.

- You get any sleep? - Well, he's 18, so, you know...

Oh.

While I'm not losing sleep because of him...

You're losing sleep over him.

Yeah.

Anyway, m-my wife and I, we...

We gave "the talk"

and explained that young Black men

don't get to behave any old way they want

when dealing with the police.

We told them to do whatever it took to get home safe.

But when I had a run-in with the police myself,

I... I-I yelled at that officer

as he got into his car.

I mean, if my boys had yelled at a cop like that, I...

You'd be upset with them?

Well, hell, yes, I'd be upset!

I'd...

But I'd also be proud.

U... Because they'd be right.

You know, I was right.

Miller was right.

But y-you can't do that.

You can't yell at a cop because, you know, w...

Because they've got a gun, you know?

They're given authority.

They have the power t...

D-Do you have kids?

Three teenagers.

Oh, wow. Okay, so, you get just how frustrating

and infuriating it is to pour every ounce

of energy and brain power you have

into them to... To try and mold them

into confident young men...

To make them honestly believe

that they can accomplish anything,

to... to work so hard to get them to s-stand tall

and feel good in their own skin...

Only to then have to tell them that

because of the color of that skin,

they have to shrink

when in the presence of a police officer.

Do you tell them that?

Do you tell them to shrink?

No.

No, I... I don't tell them to shrink.

I...

I tell them to stand with dignity,

and I tell them to de-escalate.

I-I tell them that in any confrontational situation,

their job is to de-escalate.

But it should be the cop's job.

You're right. It should.

So, let me just make sure I have this straight.

You're mad at yourself that you didn't do more

after that cop treated you that way,

and you're mad at yourself that you didn't do less

after that cop treated you that way.

Because Miller's doing more,

and because you want your boys to do less.

Look...

I'm exhausted, you know?

I'm exhausted by navigating a... a w... a world

that sees me and... And my kids as a threat.

I mean, it's... it's this...

It's this constant nagging worry

that... That never goes away.

And i-if I do manage to forget and just...

You know, just exist...

...a comment or a look

or the news that a man has been killed in the street

reminds me that I have to be careful.

And... And it steals all of my mental and emotional energy

that I should be giving to my wife

and my kids and my health.

Is something going on with your health?

Being Black in America is a life-threatening condition.

Other than that...

Seattle protests continued late into the evening last night

with police presence on the scene.

Should we go?

Can we?

I mean, after shift.

- No, still... can we? - Oh, you mean...

Because we're FD.

I mean, is that an official policy?

Do they have to say anything? We know.

Well, it's a free country, so...

In theory.

But the Department's a public entity.

And the protests are considered anti-police.

'Cause asking for our right to live

is inherently anti-police, and nobody seems to...

realize that's the problem.

Any takers?

Just one, so far.

- And you. - What?

- Sit. - No, I'm not...

You're what? You're... You're... You're not grieving?

You had a happy little firehouse

where everyone was best friends

and racial disparity was not a hot topic.

- And now? - Everything has changed.

Everything and nothing.

I know fire.

I mean, I'm the person that studies them for fun.

But this fire...

This fire is beneath our feet.

It's built into every foundation...

Our history, language, n-news coverage.

It's everywhere. I mean, we vent fires

to let out the hot smoke and gasses

so that we can contain the fire,

but I don't see how we can contain this,

let alone put it out.

And growing up, we were taught about

Black history and the Civil Rights movement.

We were taught to believe that they had beat it.

And I think, on some level,

that belief was still inside of me,

because I didn't listen to Dean, and I didn't listen

to the mothers of those kidnapped girls,

and I am so embarrassed saying that to you.

Well, you were taught that in school...

and probably also at home.

And that teaching,

it's the coal that keeps the fire hot.

When I was a child

and I learned about the Native American genocide,

I pictured one small village...

One small village of men with feathers in their hair

who gave the white people turkey

and then got mad that they wouldn't leave.

Now, I pictured it because

those were the literal pictures in my history books.

And even though I knew

that my people had been stolen from their homes

and brought here chained up on ships,

somehow, I believed that textbook.

I was 35 years old when I learned that in 1492,

Columbus sailed the ocean blue,

and in the wake of that,

millions upon millions of people

who had been living here for 15,000 years

were extinguished.

And the ones who survived were fighting every day

against a culture

that still wants to pretend they don't exist.

We learn when we learn.

And the shame we feel

at having taken so long to learn,

well, that can be useful as long as we use it well.

Once we know better, we have to do better.

When I was 13, I ran cross country and track,

and during the off-season, my dad would train...

...a group of us girls who ran both.

And he would push us too hard,

and when I didn't hit a drill

the way he wanted me to...

...he'd make me do it over and over and over

until I would collapse on the ground.

And my dad would leave me there,

and one by one,

my team members would lie down next to me.

Face to the concrete, eyes on me, silent.

Giving me space, but...

also making sure I wasn't alone.

And my instinct is that that is what I have to do

for the Black members of my team...

To quietly show up

and let them know that I support them.

But I think that instinct is wrong,

because when my friends and I were 13,

we didn't have the capacity

to stand up against an abusive power.

And now I do.

I... I have the power to stand up

and say when something is wrong.

I mean, I have the power

to call out injustices when I see them.

I have...

the power to make sure that everyone can breathe.

- Hey. - Hey.

The protests have really grown.

Yeah, I saw.

What happened to you? You get into a bar fight?

Yeah, with an SCBA.

- You okay? - Nope.

You gonna talk to Diane?

I doubt it.

Yep.

God, look at that.

It's just getting bigger and bigger, hmm?

- Mm-hmm. - It's all over the world.

Almost makes you...

hopeful?

Take this.

Turn to channel 17.

And let me get that.

- What? - So you don't throw it across the room.

...the news in Minneapolis.

We stand in support of our communities,

no matter their color.

Oh, God. Give me that coffee cup back.

This little play-act

has been on loop for half an hour now,

and these stations are eating it up.

Like he's some shining example of PD valor.

Oh, God, I just threw up in my mouth a little bit,

- I think. - Well, get ready to throw up some more.

As far as any question about where this department stands

on the issue of Black Lives...

I know this little earthworm is not gon...

Mm.

- Oh. What?! - Yeah.

- Oh, come on. - That.

That is why every time I wonder

whether to continue with the lawsuit,

whether it's too much...

...too little, too fast, too slow.

It's... It's something, at least.

Some way to fight against this...

This performative, uh... Uh, hypocritical, destructive...

Yeah.

Yeah.

Travis.

Diane.

You know, the Department pays me no matter what,

but, uh, there's only

so many crossword puzzles I can do, so...

- You want to talk? - Oh, no.

I mean, I... I want to let

the Black firefighters go first.

O... Do you see a line outside this door?

I-I know the past couple months

can't have been easy for you, either.

Hate crimes are hate crimes,

no matter the race.

My mom got, uh...

Well, she was spit on at the grocery store...

Mm.

...the same day that George Floyd...

My, uh... My mom was leaving,

and a crazy maskless woman was like...

"If this Kung Flu is real,

it's because of people like her."

The woman both didn't believe COVID was real

and was blaming my mom for it.

When my mom told me,

it actually felt like my organs were melting.

I was so hot with rage, you know,

remembering the times when I was a kid,

and, you know, people would say stuff to us.

And then, we would just go home.

Never to be discussed again.

And I... And I didn't say anything to anyone here about it

because, you know, it didn't feel appropriate.

This giant, massive thing was happening...

A hate crime.

An atrocity so much more brutal and egregious.

You know, other people were hurting so much more.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why I'm talking to you about this.

I don't know why I'm doing that.

Because I'm a Black woman,

and my racist stuff is "bigger"?

Something like that.

That doesn't work.

It doesn't not work.

I know that since COVID,

hate crimes against Asian Americans

have spiked like crazy.

And yet, no one is talking about it...

No one but us.

Not the media.

Not the...

I mean, grandmas and grandpas...

Halmoni and haraboji.

People being shoved into walls

and off subway platforms.

You have Filipina nurses

who say goodbye to their families

and their own country to come here

to work the front lines of a pandemic

being attacked in the streets.

A 2-year-old and a 6-year-old

stabbed at a big-box store.

I mean, who stabs a 2-year-old?

And why is that not news?

Why are we so...

invisible?

I don't know.

I...

I don't know.

I don't know either!

But how can we even make a fuss

when this is all it is relative to how horrifically

this country treats Black people?

I mean, I watched that whole video,

and in addition to the absolute horror that I felt...

And feel... I also thought...

..."What do we have to even complain about?"

Travis, it's all bad.

I know you're trying to be generous,

but it is all bad.

There are no winners in the Oppression Olympics.

Okay?

And it's gaslighting if anyone tells you

or if you tell yourself...

...to be okay with the brutalities

being inflicted on your community

because worse things are happening to another.

She's just trying to help.

Okay.

- Robert... - Look, I'm not gonna do it, okay?

I'm not gonna just sit there

- and... and perform my pain... - It's not...

...so that Bishop can feel better, alright?

- That's not... - I'm not gonna do it.

Andy, I just need a minute.

Okay.

I need a minute.

Okay. Okay.

You know, it's always bothered me

when men would suddenly see the world differently

after they had a daughter.

Like, I always wondered

why it took them having a daughter

in order to open their eyes.

But I guess that's how it feels for me now.

I'm that guy.

The world changed for me

because I fell in love with a Black man,

and now I see what he sees.

You know, I... I worry for him every day.

I-I've taken on the fear

that he doesn't allow himself to feel.

I... You know, I've always seen it

and felt it growing up.

I saw my dad go through it.

People would call him awful names,

and he would... He would just walk by,

hold his head up high.

A-As a kid, people would look at my last name,

and they would ask me, "Where are you really from?"

I even had teachers who would look really surprised

once they realized that I was smart.

But, you know, mostly...

- It's okay to say it. - Mostly, I got treated okay

because my skin is light.

I pass for white.

And you feel guilty about that?

I...

You know...

I swear to God, I don't even know how I feel.

Uh, can we walk?

This year has been so much... so much.

It's been just one thing after another a...

With no time to recover.

And that video?

I feel...

I feel betrayed.

I mean, j... I know it's always been this way,

but I needed to love a Black man...

I needed to be married to a Black man...

In order to see the whole picture?

Why? Why? Where was my call for justice?

Like, why didn't I see this before?

W... Why am I just waking up now?

A lot of people are waking up now,

and they're asking themselves the same questions.

And you... You're the daughter

of a fire captain.

Police have been a part of your life

since you were a little girl.

Cops and firefighters were your family.

They would call me Pruitita.

It means Little Pruitt.

And there was this sort of mental gymnastics going on

where, a-as I got older, I thought I knew

that police brutality was rampant.

But at the same time,

I didn't count the cops that I knew personally

into that issue.

You know, it was double-think.

Like, I never stopped and questioned

why the good cops weren't calling out the bad ones.

You know, not a single one of my dad's old police friends

have stepped forward to denounce the actions

of the officers that murdered George Floyd?

Not a single one.

It is my instinct as a therapist to comfort you,

but your comfort...

And everyone else's comfort...

Has been such a big part of this problem

for so long.

You're beautiful, and you're brave,

- and you are... - Okay, no, just listen.

I want to tell everyone

that I support them attending the protests.

I want to go.

I don't want to silently support anymore.

I want to scream in the streets.

Wonderful. I'll join you.

You don't understand.

It's... Things are bad enough right now between 19 and PD.

The Department won't like it.

Okay, but they cannot

officially discipline you for it, though, right?

No, no.

But

I'm on a track,

and if I support this publicly...

Which everything in me wants to do...

It'll take me off that track.

Because people are setting fires to police stations.

Yes, and because firefighters work with the police, okay?

They're our brothers, too,

and there are some bad apples, bu...

Okay, they keep saying that on the news.

The "one bad apple," "one bad apple."

And I didn't understand what it meant,

so I looked it up,

and one bad apple ruins the whole barrel.

That's the saying.

So, after we all saw the horrific video,

why aren't all the brothers...

Why aren't all the friends...

Why isn't every member of the police force

in the streets demanding systemic change?

Why?

Because it'll take them off of the track.

Can I ask you a question?

Of course.

How do you become a therapist?

I'm sorry. I'm not, uh, often taken off-guard.

Are you considering a career change?

Oh, no. No, no, no. I mean, not now.

I just... It would be nice

to have a back-up plan that's better than

waiting tables at my parents' restaurant

in case I get injured or...

Or what?

Or if I give myself permission

to throw a brick at a police station

and it gets me kicked out of FD.

It's, uh, four years of undergrad

plus two years of grad school.

I'm only like eight credits shy

of my undergrad degree, so...

In what?

Uh, it'll be a Bachelor of Fine Arts.

A Bachelor of... of Fine Arts?

Yeah, I studied musical theater.

Wow.

What are the classes when you get

a Bachelor of Fine Arts in musical theater?

Well, let's see.

Uh, there's voice and speech,

and acting, singing, ballet,

and also circus skills

like walking a tightrope or juggling.

And they give you a degree for that?

Well, they would have, but the theater burned down,

and my favorite teacher didn't make it out.

And I did make it out, but I couldn't go back.

I couldn't finish, so...

So...?

Uh, why are we talking about this?

I don't know, but if I had to guess,

I'd say it's because you are desperate to talk

and think about literally anything

besides that video.

Can you think of anything...

No.

I like to fix things.

I see a fire and I put it out.

But we have been having this same fight for so long...

For so long.

I mean, my grandma used to tell me about the sit-ins

and boycotts she used to do in the '60s.

And we're how many moments

and movements and marches later,

and what do we have to show for it?

And to see so many people act like this is news...

Like this is just some brand-new information

they're just now waking up to.

Do you know how many white friends

texted me or emailed me

just out of the blue?

Right? And everything under this guise

of just checking in and just asking how I was doing.

"How are you feeling?" You know?

I... I knew they meant well,

but I also knew what was behind it... guilt.

So, I... Pbht. I don't know, how am I feeling?

How are you feeling? 'Cause that... Like...

'Cause as much as I couldn't fix this problem,

at least I knew it was there.

And for a better reason than I was just

stuck inside my house this time

and I couldn't look away.

Yeah.

And the way they're talking about him already.

- Yeah. - T-T-The spin already afoot

by usual suspects in the media

trying to vilify him rather than the murder of him.

You kn... You know what's almost

equally as enraging to me, too?

It's the people patting themselves on the back

trying to humanize him.

It's like, you're trying to humanize a person.

Do you really have to look for proof

that we're people, too?

Really?

We should care more about him

because he was a... A good father

or a loving brother

or a high-school athlete or he's fun at a party?

No, we... we should care about him

because he was a person.

George Floyd shouldn't have been

treated this way because he's a person.

A cop...

...should not have had his knee on his neck

until the last gasp of life was choked out of him,

because he is a person.

So, do you think I could get into grad school, or...?

You really gonna throw that brick?

I just want a back-up plan.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure I'm not the one you're here to talk to.

I'm here to talk to anyone who needs it.

I'm afraid to talk to anyone right now.

Not just you... T-to anyone.

I'm afraid to talk to my best friend.

Ah, Miller.

I'm afraid I'm gonna get every word wrong,

or even one word.

Yeah, I know I'm not a racist.

- Ohh. - I-I know that.

You do realize that "I'm not racist" is kind of

the... the club slogan of racists?

And that's because we live in a culture

built on white supremacy,

so the racism is baked in.

And we can't begin to undo it

until we name it and own it.

Okay, see, this is exactly my point.

You know, I'm damned if I do, and I'm damned if I don't.

Cops take a knee, join the protests,

they're called hypocrites.

And Dixon? He is a hypocrite.

He is a racist.

But it can't be that across the board.

Jack, you come to see me twice a month,

so I have to assume that you like me, right?

You like that I give you tough love

and tell it like it is and don't pull punches?

And you came in here today looking for some clarity.

So, here it is.

I know what you mean

when you say you aren't racist,

and I believe

that you do not have hatred in your heart.

But you also aren't damned.

Not even in the least bit.

You're blessed as hell.

I know you grew up on the streets in the system,

and I'm not diminishing your hardship,

but you are...

Yeah, I'm privileged because I'm white.

I get it.

When I was a kid... When I was squatting...

After that last foster home,

there were a few of us who would hunker down

to make a place for ourselves.

You know, to stay out of the system.

Eventually, the cops would find us,

and we'd run.

And it was scary.

But when I was being chased,

not once did I think that,

"If he catches me, he might kill me."

I never feared for my life.

But I know some of my friends did.

I know I'm privileged, Diane.

I watched what those cops did to Miller,

I watched that video,

and I want to blow up the world.

And?

And...

we're firefighters.

We need the cops, and they need us.

And we can't all of a sudden overnight decide

that the whole institution is evil.

Some good guys stayed silent,

and that makes them bad.

Except, they're not actually all bad.

They're individuals.

And I feel like I'm not allowed to say that.

I'm afraid to say anything.

Mm.

I was a firefighter, too.

I have cop buddies, too.

Our cop buddies are not the point.

Do you know what the 13th Amendment did?

Abolished slavery.

Except as a punishment for a crime.

Yeah, but that was like...

That's still the law.

It is still legal to enslave Americans

as a punishment for a crime.

And do you know the statistics

of incarcerated Black folks in America?

34%.

We are 34% of the prison population,

but we only make up 13% of this country's population.

That seem right to you?

And you're thinking,

"Well, that's because more Black people are poor,

so they have to resort to crime.

So they get arrested more.

Sucks for them, but, hey, you do the crime, you do the time."

But how many crimes did you commit, Jack,

when you were out there on the streets?

Did you, uh, steal to eat? Did you run from police?

Did you get drunk sometimes and make a mess with your friends?

Yeah, all of that.

But you never went to prison.

Never went to jail.

Never had a gun pointed at you.

Never have a knee put on your neck.

When you make mistakes, you get to learn from them.

When people who look like me make any kind of mistake,

we go to prison... or worse.

And way too often, no mistake is needed.

We can laugh too loud and they'll arrest us.

We can put our hands in the air,

and they'll shoot us.

It's not in the past.

It's now. It's still.

And I know you don't have hatred in your heart, Jack.

But that's not enough anymore.

You have to dig deeper.

When you're too uncomfortable to talk

and you don't know what to say?

That's okay.

Listen instead.

I know.

You want me to talk to her.

No, I want you to do whatever you need to do.

Hey, there. Yeah?

Is it alright if we come in?

You guys okay?

You need medical attention or anything?

Oh, no. I was just hoping

someone could show my boys around the station.

Can we slide down the pole?

Sorry, but the station tours are cancelled because of COVID.

- I'm sorry. - Aww!

Can we go now?

Hey, guys, um... Just, um, wait for me

- out there on the bench for me, okay? - Ugh, fine.

I'll be right out.

Uh, look, u... sir, I'm... I'm sorry, but I...

My kids saw the video.

They watched it.

I didn't tell them that they could,

but it's all over social media.

And before I even got home from work,

they had watched it.

My 11-year-old slept with his comfort blanket last night.

He dug it out of storage and he hid it under his pillow.

He thought I didn't see it.

He hasn't slept with that since he was 8 years old.

They don't understand,

and I cannot find any honest words

to explain it to them.

But I saw your station on the news,

and I knew that there were Black firefighters here.

And I thought that my boys should see

good people in uniform... People that look like them.

So... please.

Stand back, sir. Please.

You all have to sanitize, alright?

Come on. Let's go.

Hey, guys, come on! Come on, boys.

Here you guys go.

Uh... Uh...

Thanks.

- See that? - Whoa!

- This is Station 19. - Oh, this thing is huge!

- Awesome. - Whoa, it's so...

Firefighter, baby! Perfect, yeah.

- Does it look good on me? - Of course it does, yeah!

- I'm wearing a firefighter helmet! - Whoa!

Unh!

Yeah, man!

- Hey! Hi! - Hi!

Oh, hey!

- Bye! Bye! - Say thank you.

- Come on. - Thank you!

This one was different.

This wasn't just another video

of an innocent Black man being shot by police.

This wasn't an officer making a split-second decision

that resulted in another Black man losing his life.

This wasn't fight-or-flight or panic-induced impulse

or unconscious bias or unnecessary escalation.

This was the murder of an unarmed, defenseless,

compliant Black man

in the middle of the street in broad daylight.

Right in front of our eyes...

All of our eyes.

And, you know, white people are finally realizing

that we aren't hysterical or beating a dead horse.

They saw that white woman in Central Park

casually use a racist police system as a weapon,

and they're starting to understand

that all of it renders us Black people terrorized.

Hunted.

Exhausted by everyday life.

And, you know, I'm tired.

I'm... And I'm mad, and I'm sad.

And I'm tired for having to explain why I'm mad and sad.

I'm mad because I have to take a magic pause

every time I'm being tracked by eyeballs in a store.

Or when people who are in life-threatening danger

choose to take their chances by themselves

rather than being rescued by a Black firefighter.

But, you know, mostly, I'm scared.

I'm scared.

Because no matter how tired I am,

how mad I get, how sad I get,

there's nothing I can say to change their minds.

There's nothing I can do

that will make them see me as a hardworking professional.

A loving husband.

Or just a man.

There's nothing that prevents something like this

from happening to me.

Nothing.

I'm scared because I am eight minutes away

from being another George Floyd.

We're a quiet bunch tonight.

Look, I'm just... I'm just glad to see your faces.

You know, know you're good and safe.

Are you sure we can't go to the protest?

A bunch of my friends are going.

They're all masked and everything.

I'll follow your lead, Ben.

Another Black Trans woman was killed today.

- Tuck... - I want to march, Aunt Roz.

I want to march for you and for myself.

I want to march.

W-W-Why won't you let us march?

- You sure? - Hey.

It'll be great.

I was thinking tomorrow after shift,

Captain Bishop has given the all-clear

for us to go to a protest.

Us?

I'd like to go, if you'll have me.

Uh...

- Cool. - Yeah.

Um, but if anybody comes at us with weapons,

it is your job to put your body between us and them.

- Got it. - Yeah, he's not kidding.

I'm not kidding.

I kinda figured, yeah.

Okay.

I was so desperate for a promotion

that I was gonna try and stop Miller's lawsuit,

which is the best shot we have at anything changing.

Robert...

This demotion has been humbling.

It's been humbling,

and I've had so many dark thoughts.

Sometimes, I doubt my own...

my own goodness.

No one is just good.

We... We make mistakes, and we learn from them,

and we do better next time.

That's how goodness works.

It's not about purity.

It's about... It's about growth.

- Let's get into the car real quick. - I...

19.

Hopefully this goes without saying,

but although you have the right to peacefully protest

and my wholehearted support,

I trust that you will not engage in any activity or action

that will bring discredit to you, 19, or the SFD.

19.

19!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace! No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!