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1
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,480
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
2
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,083
who's the
best-dressed man of all?
3
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,785
Give me my answer
and make me contented.
4
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,943
Make it quick, because
this suit is rented.
5
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:28,898
Woody, come on in.
My home is your home.
6
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,467
Thanks, Fred.
7
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,624
And what about me?
8
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,477
What did you say?
9
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,878
I said, what about me?
10
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:46,383
Esther, your home is
where the buffalo roam.
11
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,520
I didn't ask to come
over here, Fred Sanford.
12
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,789
You invited me to dinner.
13
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,392
That's right, I did.
I'm sorry, Esther.
14
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,759
Listen, Esther,
15
00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,563
why don't you start helping
us out in the kitchen?
16
00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:03,567
You can start by sticking
your face in the freezer
17
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,702
and making us some Ugly-sicles.
18
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,170
Say, Fred,
19
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:08,605
why don't you stop
the insults, man?
20
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,340
Now, you did invite her,
21
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,143
and the dinner
was supposed to be
22
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,978
so we can all get acquainted
23
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,879
with Lamont's girlfriend.
24
00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,215
Yeah, you're right, Woody.
25
00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,616
No more insults.
26
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,386
I want Lamont's girl to
think his family is the best.
27
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,921
Yeah, it would be easy for her
28
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:28,046
to get the wrong impression
about us, you know?
29
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,562
She's definitely gonna get
30
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,397
the right impression about you.
31
00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,166
Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Fred.
32
00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,767
See, I'm just a little
nervous, you know,
33
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,503
meeting Lamont's girl and all.
34
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,138
I hear she's really special.
35
00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:43,740
Woody, you'd never be
as nervous as Lamont,
36
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,308
because tonight after dinner,
37
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,944
he's gonna take her home
and pop the big question.
38
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,079
Oh, really? That's wonderful.
39
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,548
I'm so happy for Lamont.
40
00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,716
Yeah, me too, you know?
41
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:58,488
What joy. What
happiness... What question?
42
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,823
Lamont's gonna ask
Janet to marry him.
43
00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,860
Oh, now, I'll drink to that.
44
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,804
You'd drink to an
ingrown toenail.
45
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:11,168
Listen, I wanna show you
my surprise for Lamont.
46
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,335
Surprise?
47
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,737
Yeah, you see...
48
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,006
after Lamont proposes to Janet,
49
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,241
and she says yes,
50
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,510
I'm gonna build an
extra bedroom upstairs.
51
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,744
Look here. Yeah.
52
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,347
Fred, are you sure
Lamont and Janet
53
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,650
want to live in this house
after they get married?
54
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:27,817
Sure, they will.
55
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,419
We have to carry on the dynasty.
56
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,421
Dynasty?
57
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,822
Yeah, you know,
58
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,925
like the son and his family
will carry on the empire.
59
00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:39,095
Just like in China, you
know, the Ming Dynasty.
60
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,597
Hmph,
61
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,866
and what you gonna call
yours, the Ding-A-Ling Dynasty?
62
00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:47,571
Why, you greasy
neck-bone chewing...
63
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,955
Oh, hello, Son. Hi, Janet.
64
00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,476
Hey, son.
65
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,445
Hi, everybody.
66
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,347
Uh, Aunt Esther, Uncle Woody,
67
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,948
I'd like for you to
meet Janet Lawson.
68
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,149
Nice to see you, Janet.
69
00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,150
Hi.
70
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,686
So you're Woody.
71
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,654
Lamont's told me you
have such a great marriage.
72
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,956
Now, I'll drink to that.
73
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,292
Woodrow... now, sweetheart,
74
00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,760
you wouldn't want Janet to think
75
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,562
that all you have on
your mind is liquor,
76
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:16,132
now, would you... booze brain?
77
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,235
Listen, why don't we
all go over to the table
78
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,502
and sit down, make
ourselves comfortable.
79
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,070
That's a good idea, Pop.
80
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,873
Lamont, you sit right there
next to Janet over there,
81
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,509
and Woody, you find
Esther somewhere,
82
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,712
and I'll sit right here.
83
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:34,183
You made place cards.
Oh, how nice, Mr. Sanford.
84
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,184
Classy, huh?
85
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,386
I had them made up special.
86
00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,554
Yeah, hey.
87
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:40,957
Dr. Gummo Smith,
credit dentist. Yeah.
88
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:41,991
Turn the card over.
89
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,393
Oh, oh.
90
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,328
Yeah, you know, Pop,
this is really nice, man.
91
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,830
The flowers and the
candles and everything.
92
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,666
You tried hard, and
I want you to know
93
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,368
that Janet and I
really appreciate it.
94
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,769
Thanks, son.
95
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,305
I spent the whole day
getting everything ready,
96
00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,573
getting the room and the table
97
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:57,974
so this would be
the perfect dinner.
98
00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,208
I wanted it to be right.
99
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,145
It's beautiful, Mr. Sanford,
100
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,381
and I'm looking forward
to a delicious meal.
101
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,182
What are we having? Huh?
102
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,317
What's for dinner?
103
00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:10,787
Uh, ah, uh... Oh, no.
104
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,390
Janet, we're having
braised tips of beef
105
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,515
and mushroom
surprise and menudo.
106
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,531
But see, I was so busy
getting the house cleaned up
107
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,455
I-I forgot to cook.
108
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,090
Surprise!
109
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,542
Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?
110
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,010
No, it certainly wasn't,
111
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,112
considering this
is the first time
112
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,980
Janet's been over
here for a meal
113
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,050
catered by Melvin's
Menudo Manor.
114
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,787
I never thought I'd
like sole enchiladas.
115
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,289
Well, I have a church
meeting at 9:00.
116
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,324
I have to go.
117
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,991
Bye, Fred, Lamont.
118
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,092
Aunt Esther. Janet.
119
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,428
Yes, goodbye.
120
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,496
Yeah, thanks for everything.
121
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,831
Yes, thank you.
122
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,098
And, um...
123
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:59,101
Come by the church sometime
and meet Brother Spike.
124
00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,102
I'd love to.
125
00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,304
Yeah, and jump in the lake
126
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,973
and go take a hike.
127
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,742
You old heathen.
128
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,998
Oh, glory!
129
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:17,454
Lamont... Lamont, Mr. Sanford,
130
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,255
if you'll excuse
me, I'll be right back.
131
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,345
Okay.
132
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,963
Well, son. Tonight's
the big night, ain't it?
133
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,331
I'll bet you're really excited.
134
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,199
I'm excited, and
I'm nervous, Pop.
135
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,801
See, we gonna go back
to Janet's apartment,
136
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,202
and I'm gonna pop
the big question,
137
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,204
and if she accepts, I'm
gonna buy the ring tomorrow.
138
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,606
Do you know what
you're gonna say?
139
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,841
Not exactly,
140
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,676
but I'm not gonna
get down on one knee
141
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,877
because I don't
like corny stuff.
142
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,612
Well, when you get
back here tonight,
143
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,013
I got a big surprise for you.
144
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,882
A surprise? Yeah...
145
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,517
And I can hardly
wait. Now, you listen.
146
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,118
Can I give you a bit of advice?
147
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,387
No. Good.
148
00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:55,925
Now, when you ask
her, be tough, be firm.
149
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,527
Let her know who's
the boss right away.
150
00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,628
Say, "Look, baby,
151
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,829
"you and I are getting engaged,
152
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,030
"and that's the way it is,
153
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,335
and gonna be that
way all the time."
154
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,690
Is that what you told Mom?
155
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,961
No, that's what
your mom told me.
156
00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,046
Oh, Lamont, thank you.
157
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,783
I had such a nice time.
158
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:20,784
Me too, Janet.
159
00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:21,785
Can I get you something?
160
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,052
No, thank you, Janet.
161
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,854
There's something
that I want to say to you.
162
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,457
I want to say it fast, or
I might not ever say it.
163
00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,458
Okay, yeah.
164
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,960
Janet, would you...
Hi, Lamont. Hi, Mom.
165
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:31,961
Hi.
166
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,329
Hi, Roger.
167
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,398
Mom, I'm going outside
to shoot some baskets.
168
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,399
Be back in a while.
169
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,467
Okay.
170
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,451
So long, Lamont. So long, Roger.
171
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,361
Uh, let's... let's sit down.
172
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,077
Um, see, Janet, uh...
173
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,513
Well, what I wanted to
say to you was that, see...
174
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,515
Now, I feel...
175
00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,383
It's too cold outside
for basketball.
176
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,585
I'm going to get a snack.
177
00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,119
Good idea, Roger. Get a snack.
178
00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:00,323
Why don't you make yourself
a 24-decker sandwich?
179
00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,925
Lamont, is something wrong?
180
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,259
You're acting very strangely.
181
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,061
Yeah, I know,
Janet, and it's silly.
182
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,663
If you got something
to say to somebody,
183
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,264
you should come
right out and say it,
184
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,899
and I'm gonna say it.
185
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,422
I'm gonna kill Roger.
186
00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,839
This rocky road is great. Mm.
187
00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,674
So how's it going, Lamont?
188
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,108
It's going great, Roger.
189
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,309
Say, Roger, do you...
190
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,511
Do you believe
in pay television?
191
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:22,712
I love it.
192
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,236
Okay, here's a dollar.
Go watch the Lakers.
193
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,751
Okay, I'm going upstairs
to watch it. See you later.
194
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,119
Okay, Roger.
195
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,721
I know the way your mind works.
196
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,656
Now, what's the matter?
197
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,759
Well, I said I wasn't
gonna do this,
198
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,761
but a chance like
this only comes once
199
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,762
in a man's lifetime, and...
200
00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:43,087
I love you a lot, Janet.
201
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,205
Lamont...
202
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,620
Hi, Pop. Don't "Hi, Pop" me.
203
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,455
Did she say yes? Did she
say no? What happened?
204
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,691
Well, you know that old saying,
205
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,560
"Rocky is the road to marriage"?
206
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,694
Sure.
207
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,963
Well, I got rocky
road all over my pants.
208
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:14,964
She said yes.
209
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,533
She said yes.
210
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,768
Oh, will you look
at him, Elizabeth.
211
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,804
So tall, so handsome,
so intelligent.
212
00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:23,439
It won't be long
before we'll hear
213
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,374
the pitter-patter
of tiny dummies
214
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,298
around the house.
215
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,480
Hey, Pop, now just go
easy on that baby talk.
216
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,315
I mean, we're not even
married yet, you know?
217
00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,751
That never stopped nobody.
218
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:35,952
Listen...
219
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,855
Come over here. I wanna
show you a surprise.
220
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,557
Hey, what are
these blueprints for?
221
00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,358
Our family castle.
222
00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,726
See, these are the plans
223
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,327
where I'm building
the extra room for you.
224
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,495
Uh, Pop...
225
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,097
See, and this here
is the basketball court
226
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,098
for Roger.
227
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,499
Oh, but Pop...
And then over here,
228
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,002
I figure that you
could share my room,
229
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,004
and the new room will
be for Roger and Janet.
230
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,272
I know, Pop, you see, I...
231
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,540
And I thought you'd say that,
232
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,108
and then, see, well,
233
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,110
Roger can sleep with me
and you sleep with Janet.
234
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,111
It's no good, Pop.
235
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,312
Huh? Sure. It's no good.
236
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:07,617
See, Pop, Janet and
I discussed it, man,
237
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:08,918
and once we're married,
238
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,519
we're gonna get
a place of our own.
239
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,421
A place of your own?
240
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,857
Oh, I-I understand, son.
241
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,525
I was hoping you would, Pop.
242
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:21,230
Just make sure you get a
place near the cemetery,
243
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,823
because if... if you
move out, it would kill me.
244
00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,738
My moving outta here
is not gonna kill you.
245
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:29,906
But what if...
246
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,507
The big one comes,
and I'm not around?
247
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:35,044
Oh, I feel one coming now.
248
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,981
Pop... It's the big one!
249
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,583
It's like a big hand
clutching my heart.
250
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,674
That's your hand.
251
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,525
Son, I'm sorry I was trying
to make you feel guilty
252
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,327
by having a phony heart attack.
253
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,696
Well, that's the first
time you've ever admitted
254
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,098
that those heart
attacks were phony.
255
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,433
Well, for once in my life,
256
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,003
this time I'm gonna play it
straight with my own son.
257
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,471
No trickery, no games, no lies.
258
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,472
Just plain facts.
259
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,540
Good.
260
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:05,842
Lamont? Yes?
261
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,477
Yesterday, I went to the doctor,
262
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,115
and he said I have this
mysterious, incurable disease
263
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:15,251
called "Son-move-outis-ectomy".
264
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:18,254
See, first, your nose fall off,
265
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,245
then your toes
fall off, and then...
266
00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:29,799
Hey, Lamont. Dig, man.
267
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,600
Look here, let me do
all the rapping, man.
268
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,702
I know all about jewelry,
269
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,503
and I can get you
a real good deal.
270
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,305
Okay, bro, you got it. Yeah.
271
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,440
Now, watch how I handle
this dude here, man.
272
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,043
It'll be like taking
candy from a baby.
273
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,110
All right, then. Eh, mister!
274
00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,234
Yes?
275
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:47,850
May I help you?
276
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,118
Yeah, you work here?
277
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,754
No, I just asked
if I could help you
278
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,791
because I just made
corporal in the Salvation Army.
279
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,026
Hey, look, I'm gonna
give it to you straight.
280
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,427
We'd like to see
the cheapest thing
281
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,796
you have in a ring.
282
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,232
Yeah, how about two
tickets to the bullfights?
283
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,934
Hey, man, are you
trying to get smart?
284
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,692
Oh, no, then you and I would
have nothing in common.
285
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,973
Hey, Lamont.
286
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,208
Come on, man. Let's split.
287
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,210
We ain't gotta stay here
and take all his hurrah
288
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,211
and his stuff.
289
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,445
You are so right.
290
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,447
You can just go down
the street to the fruitstand
291
00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,449
and put a kumquat
on your finger.
292
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,752
Wait a minute.
Excuse me for a minute.
293
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,853
Come here, Rollo.
294
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,254
Now, look, man,
it's 4:00 already,
295
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,056
and I wanna give the
ring to Janet tonight.
296
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,457
Now, there's no more
jewelry stores open
297
00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,491
at this hour.
298
00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:30,492
Let me handle it.
299
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,128
Yeah, okay, man. Good luck.
300
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,129
All right.
301
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,764
Uh, sir. Sir?
302
00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,100
Well, I like that.
303
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,035
You call me sir,
and I call you sir.
304
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,603
That's mutual respect.
305
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,739
It shows a regard for the
other person's feelings.
306
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:45,842
Uh, I'd like to see
a-an engagement ring
307
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,110
for under $200.
308
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,566
Under two hu...
309
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,948
You've got to be kidding!
310
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:52,949
No.
311
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,718
Well, I may have something.
312
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:58,054
Oh, this ring is $75.
313
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,390
It shines in the dark,
decodes secret messages,
314
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,859
and is already engraved
315
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:06,717
if you want to give it to Marsha
and your name is Skippy.
316
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,400
I think I'd like to see
this ring right here.
317
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,370
Oh, excellent!
318
00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,972
You know, I tend to judge a man
319
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,573
by his discriminating
taste in jewelry.
320
00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,242
Oh, thank you very much.
321
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,244
How long has your
girlfriend been a Gypsy?
322
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,779
I'll bet... Hey, wait a minute.
323
00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,947
Remember what you told
me, jack. Look here, man.
324
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,850
You gotta be crazy to buy
anything from this dude, man.
325
00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,586
This dude is the rudest,
crudest dude I ever met.
326
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,322
You know, you're
absolutely right, sir.
327
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,590
I'm sorry.
328
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,425
Please accept my
deepest apology.
329
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,328
Would you mind turning
the other way for a moment?
330
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,729
For what?
331
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,631
Well, the store is having
a little free giveaway,
332
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,100
and I want to surprise you.
333
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:47,236
Oh, yeah, sure.
334
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,338
Good, the security camera
just took your picture
335
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,339
for nothing.
336
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,441
Good!
337
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,243
How would you like
me to take your teeth
338
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,045
for the same price?
339
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,218
Hi, Pop. Hello.
340
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,020
Oh, you're speaking
to me now, huh?
341
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,387
Of course.
342
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:06,989
I'm speaking to you
the way I'd speak
343
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,546
to any of my tenants.
344
00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:11,828
Tenants?
345
00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,296
That's right.
346
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,131
You treat the
place like a motel.
347
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,035
Move in. Stay 35
years. Move out.
348
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,639
Pop... Just
remember, Mr. Sanford,
349
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,709
no pets and no cooking
cabbage in the room.
350
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,111
Would you cut it out? I
got the ring. Wanna see it?
351
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,247
What for? I've
seen rings before.
352
00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,248
It's not an expensive ring,
353
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,050
but I went through
a lot to get it.
354
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,051
Look. Yeah.
355
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,587
One thing you went
through was my heart.
356
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:39,889
Now, don't start that again.
357
00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,357
Pop, you've gotta face it, man.
358
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,781
Things change, man.
Nothing stays the same.
359
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:50,066
And I was changing your
diapers since you was 8 years old,
360
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,001
and now you're
running out on me.
361
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,236
Okay, just forget about it.
362
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,904
I've got a couple of
deliveries to make,
363
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,505
and then I'm gonna
go over to Janet's
364
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,673
and give her the ring.
365
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,375
Already? So soon?
366
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,865
I'll see you later, Pop.
367
00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:07,383
Oh, no. He's really gonna do it.
368
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,419
Then I'll be all alone.
369
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,022
I'll have to sell the
house and move out.
370
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,223
I can see it now...
371
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,792
Old man living
here in California
372
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,261
with nothing to do
373
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,763
but sit on the back porch
and drink orange juice
374
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,021
with Bing Crosby
and his families.
375
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,138
I-I can't let him do that to me.
376
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,528
I just can't.
377
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,388
Who is it?
378
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:46,389
Janet.
379
00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,125
Just a minute, Janet.
380
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,859
Come in, dear.
381
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,196
Listen, I don't care how
much Lamont owes you.
382
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,764
Don't be bothering me about it.
383
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,799
Good day.
384
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,534
Hello, Mr. Sanford.
385
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,869
Oh, hi, Janet. Come
and sit down, darling.
386
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,471
Can I get you
something? No, thank you.
387
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,872
Lamont should be
here any time now.
388
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,308
We're gonna go
out and have dinner.
389
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,842
Oh, by the way,
390
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,444
I couldn't help overhearing
that phone conversation.
391
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,445
Is Lamont okay?
392
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,612
Oh, nothing to worry
393
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,448
your pretty little head about.
394
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,083
Fine, good.
395
00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:17,553
It's just that Lamont
owes a huge pile of money
396
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,555
at the liquor store,
and if he don't pay it,
397
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,379
they're gonna kill him. What?
398
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,126
But don't worry about it.
399
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,828
Last month he owed
them money too,
400
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,830
and somehow he paid them.
401
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,999
By the way, that
was the same month
402
00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,600
all the children in the
neighborhood got mugged
403
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:35,271
and had to go to school
without their milk money.
404
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,773
What are you talking about?
405
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:38,774
I thought you knew.
406
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,509
Knew what?
407
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,810
That Lamont was a heavy drinker.
408
00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,811
A what?
409
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,713
And a heavy gambler.
410
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,582
A drinker and a gambler.
411
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,418
Sometimes he bets on
how much he can drink.
412
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,854
Mr. Sanford, I think you're...
413
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,889
I guess I shouldn't
be surprised that...
414
00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,291
That he didn't tell you.
415
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,925
Lamont's so ashamed about it.
416
00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,660
He don't want anybody to know.
417
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:02,764
That's why he belongs to
A.A... Anonymous Anonymous.
418
00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,166
I don't really believe...
419
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,501
But look, don't worry, Janet.
420
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,036
He'll make you a good husband.
421
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,538
Just always hide
your purse at night,
422
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,475
and if you smoke,
hide your lighter fluid,
423
00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,776
because he'll drink that too...
424
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,646
And see, I even have
to lock up my own liquor
425
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,881
here at home.
426
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,682
Can I tell you something?
427
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,584
I know just what you're
gonna say, honey.
428
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,220
I know exactly what
you're gonna say.
429
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,355
Well, look, if you
change your mind
430
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,390
about marrying Lamont
431
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,891
because you found out about him
432
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,192
drinking and
gambling like that...
433
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,793
Drinking and gambling?
434
00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,129
It's okay, Lamont. I understand.
435
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,252
Excuse me a minute.
436
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,733
Hey, wait a minute. It's gone.
437
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,168
The ring is gone.
Where's the ring?
438
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,169
Well, don't ask me.
439
00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,603
You probably sold it
440
00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:44,006
and then spent the money
at the Kentucky Derby
441
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,741
on some Kentucky bourbon.
442
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,842
What are you talking about?
443
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,277
He probably doesn't remember.
444
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,746
Lamont has those blackout
spells where he forgets everything.
445
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,214
Pop.
446
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,217
Last year, he disappeared,
and we found him in Denver
447
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,654
with a hootchie coochie
dancer from Durango.
448
00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,755
Mr. Sanford,
449
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,557
would you come over
here and sit down, please?
450
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,824
We'd like to talk to you.
451
00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,148
Over there? Mm-hmm.
452
00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,333
What'd you do that for?
453
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,601
Because I love you. Huh?
454
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,337
And I love you because
you love your son so much.
455
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,473
Listen, I... I don't know...
456
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,275
We knew what you
were trying to do, Pop.
457
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,876
I know Lamont is
not a heavy drinker
458
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,378
or a gambler.
459
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:27,816
Yeah, but I forgot to tell you
he's a burglar and an arsonist,
460
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,619
and in the morning, he
needs a gallon of mouthwash
461
00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,763
before he can say hello.
462
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,890
Mr. Sanford, you
love Lamont so much
463
00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,959
that you're terribly
afraid of his moving out.
464
00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,160
Now, that's why you're making up
465
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,028
these stories, isn't it?
466
00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,398
Well... When Lamont
and I get married,
467
00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,100
you're not going
to lose his love.
468
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,334
That's right, Pop.
469
00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,370
In fact, you're going
to be getting a family
470
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,306
that loves you very much:
471
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:54,743
me, Roger, and
maybe even our child.
472
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,200
Already?
473
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,973
You sly dog.
474
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,591
No, Pop, that's not
what she means.
475
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,326
Now, look, this isn't the end.
476
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,560
It's the beginning, man,
477
00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,929
of a whole new way
of life for all of us.
478
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,331
We love you very much, Pop,
479
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,766
and with all that love,
you'll never be alone.
480
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:18,767
Excuse me.
481
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,291
I'll be right back.
482
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,227
Excuse me.
483
00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,375
That was a beautiful
thing you did, honey.
484
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,809
I just hope Pop
can understand it.
485
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:28,944
I think he understands.
486
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,446
I think he
understands a lot more
487
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,713
than we give him credit for.
488
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,081
Yeah, you know,
489
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,083
now that you're gonna
be a member of this family,
490
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,885
there's family secrets that
I think you should know.
491
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,487
I'm gonna show
you one of them now.
492
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,622
Come here.
493
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,557
Now, this is our family vault,
494
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,159
and I'm gonna show
you this one time,
495
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,161
and you gotta get it
right or it won't work.
496
00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:46,350
You ready?
497
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,299
You think you got that?
498
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,355
I think so.
499
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:58,974
Hey, son, here.
500
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,676
Okay.
501
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,778
Now, I know this isn't
an expensive ring, Janet,
502
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,079
but see...
503
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,081
Hey, wait a minute.
This isn't the ring I bought.
504
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,483
What are you
trying to pull, Pop?
505
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,484
Lamont, I don't understand.
506
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,552
Well, I do. He took...
507
00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,554
This ring is beautiful.
508
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,888
It is?
509
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,491
Oh, it's not only
beautiful, it's unique.
510
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:16,758
Unique?
511
00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,960
They haven't made a
ring in this particular style
512
00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:20,718
in at least 40 years.
513
00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:27,436
Hey, Pop, that's
Mom's ring, isn't it?
514
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,104
I guess it is.
515
00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,506
You're the greatest,
Pop. I love you.
516
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,007
Oh, thank you.
517
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,732
No, I don't want this stuff
on me. I don't want that stuff.
518
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,114
Look, it fits perfectly.
519
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,649
Come on, let's show it to Roger
520
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,984
so he'll feel part of
this beautiful evening.
521
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:44,253
Yeah, and y'all hurry back here
522
00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,288
and I'll take the two
of you out to dinner.
523
00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,489
You're gonna take us to dinner?
524
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,458
Uh-huh. Thank
you, Pop. I love you.
525
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,293
Bye, Dad.
526
00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,837
Bye... bye, now. Bye, daughter.
527
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:04,172
Elizabeth, honey, are you busy?
528
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:07,175
Well, I'd like to talk
with you for a minute.
529
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,944
See, I know you didn't mind me
530
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:12,448
giving your ring to
Lamont, did you?
531
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,317
Because we always
wanted the best for our son,
532
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:19,087
and Janet... well,
she's the best, honey.
533
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,457
Of course, it'll never
look as good on her finger
534
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,024
as it did on yours...
535
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,327
And another thing about the ring
536
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:28,997
I know you... I know it's
gonna make you real happy.
537
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,789
I paid it off this week.
538
00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,310
That was a marvelous dinner.
539
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,678
Yeah, and wow,
540
00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,480
when that truck pulled
up in front of Chasen's...
541
00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:46,282
Well, I never thought
I'd ever eat there.
542
00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,785
I loved the tip your father
gave the parking attendant.
543
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,387
Yeah, he told him
to pull the choke
544
00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,389
or the truck wouldn't start.
545
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,724
Where is your father, anyway?
546
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:56,992
Well, I think he's
upstairs sleeping.
547
00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,260
He's had a big day.
548
00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,261
Mm.
549
00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:00,562
You know, it's really nice,
550
00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:02,298
just the two of us here, alone.
551
00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,332
Yeah.
552
00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:04,733
I'm glad Pop finally realized
553
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,335
that we have to
lead our own lives
554
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,125
and make our own decisions.
555
00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:12,240
Hey, Lamont, Janet.
556
00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,075
I've been working
on these upstairs.
557
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,210
Take a look.
558
00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:16,412
Well, what is that, Pop?
559
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:18,314
It's my plans for the wedding.
560
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:20,382
See, we'll rent
out the Legion Hall
561
00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:23,752
and put the tables here
and the violin players there.
562
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,087
And here's the
guest list over here,
563
00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:28,791
and then, Janet,
you'll get your gown
564
00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:30,659
at Leon's Discount
and Wedding Wear
565
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:33,128
and War Surplus, and uh...
566
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,798
Let's see.
567
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,967
Pull out the choke
or else it won't start.
568
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:41,470
And then... and then I'll
get some more place cards
569
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,372
from Dr. Gummo,
570
00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,040
and Esther will sit
with the musicians
571
00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:46,675
and stick her
head out the tuba...
572
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:48,699
There'll never be
a greater wedding...
573
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:04,793
Yes?
574
00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:06,294
You work here?
575
00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:10,265
No, I'm the heavyweight
champion coming out for round two.
576
00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:13,101
Listen, I got something
I'd like to return.
577
00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,236
I can see that,
578
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:17,127
but Mother Nature
doesn't work here anymore.
579
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,645
Uh, was that an insult?
580
00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:27,249
Was Attila the Hun naughty?
581
00:23:27,273 --> 00:23:29,317
Look, my son bought
this ring here yesterday,
582
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:30,519
and I'd like to return it
583
00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,120
so I can give him the money back
584
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,589
for a wedding present.
585
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:36,124
Oh, I'm sorry,
sir, that's a no-no.
586
00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,659
But on the other hand,
587
00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:39,227
if you don't give me my money,
588
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:41,530
I'm gonna take that tie,
wrap it around your neck,
589
00:23:41,554 --> 00:23:43,766
and wrap the other
end around my truck,
590
00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:46,134
and stamp "Just
Married" on your butt
591
00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:48,191
and drive you to Niagara Falls.
592
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:55,277
Would you like it in cash,
check or money order?
593
00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:56,545
You changed your mind.
594
00:23:56,569 --> 00:24:00,237
Yes, nobody ever explained
it to me that way before.
41708
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