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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:10,480 Mirror, mirror on the wall, 2 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,083 who's the best-dressed man of all? 3 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,785 Give me my answer and make me contented. 4 00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:17,943 Make it quick, because this suit is rented. 5 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:28,898 Woody, come on in. My home is your home. 6 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,467 Thanks, Fred. 7 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:32,624 And what about me? 8 00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,477 What did you say? 9 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,878 I said, what about me? 10 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:46,383 Esther, your home is where the buffalo roam. 11 00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:50,520 I didn't ask to come over here, Fred Sanford. 12 00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,789 You invited me to dinner. 13 00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:55,392 That's right, I did. I'm sorry, Esther. 14 00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,759 Listen, Esther, 15 00:01:56,783 --> 00:01:59,563 why don't you start helping us out in the kitchen? 16 00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:03,567 You can start by sticking your face in the freezer 17 00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:05,702 and making us some Ugly-sicles. 18 00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:07,170 Say, Fred, 19 00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:08,605 why don't you stop the insults, man? 20 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,340 Now, you did invite her, 21 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,143 and the dinner was supposed to be 22 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,978 so we can all get acquainted 23 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,879 with Lamont's girlfriend. 24 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,215 Yeah, you're right, Woody. 25 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:19,616 No more insults. 26 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,386 I want Lamont's girl to think his family is the best. 27 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,921 Yeah, it would be easy for her 28 00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:28,046 to get the wrong impression about us, you know? 29 00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,562 She's definitely gonna get 30 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,397 the right impression about you. 31 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,166 Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Fred. 32 00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,767 See, I'm just a little nervous, you know, 33 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,503 meeting Lamont's girl and all. 34 00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,138 I hear she's really special. 35 00:02:41,162 --> 00:02:43,740 Woody, you'd never be as nervous as Lamont, 36 00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,308 because tonight after dinner, 37 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,944 he's gonna take her home and pop the big question. 38 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,079 Oh, really? That's wonderful. 39 00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,548 I'm so happy for Lamont. 40 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:53,716 Yeah, me too, you know? 41 00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:58,488 What joy. What happiness... What question? 42 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,823 Lamont's gonna ask Janet to marry him. 43 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:03,860 Oh, now, I'll drink to that. 44 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,804 You'd drink to an ingrown toenail. 45 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:11,168 Listen, I wanna show you my surprise for Lamont. 46 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,335 Surprise? 47 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,737 Yeah, you see... 48 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:17,006 after Lamont proposes to Janet, 49 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,241 and she says yes, 50 00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:20,510 I'm gonna build an extra bedroom upstairs. 51 00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:21,744 Look here. Yeah. 52 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,347 Fred, are you sure Lamont and Janet 53 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,650 want to live in this house after they get married? 54 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:27,817 Sure, they will. 55 00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,419 We have to carry on the dynasty. 56 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,421 Dynasty? 57 00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,822 Yeah, you know, 58 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,925 like the son and his family will carry on the empire. 59 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:39,095 Just like in China, you know, the Ming Dynasty. 60 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,597 Hmph, 61 00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,866 and what you gonna call yours, the Ding-A-Ling Dynasty? 62 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:47,571 Why, you greasy neck-bone chewing... 63 00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,955 Oh, hello, Son. Hi, Janet. 64 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:53,476 Hey, son. 65 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,445 Hi, everybody. 66 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,347 Uh, Aunt Esther, Uncle Woody, 67 00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,948 I'd like for you to meet Janet Lawson. 68 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,149 Nice to see you, Janet. 69 00:04:00,173 --> 00:04:01,150 Hi. 70 00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:02,686 So you're Woody. 71 00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:04,654 Lamont's told me you have such a great marriage. 72 00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,956 Now, I'll drink to that. 73 00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:09,292 Woodrow... now, sweetheart, 74 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:10,760 you wouldn't want Janet to think 75 00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,562 that all you have on your mind is liquor, 76 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:16,132 now, would you... booze brain? 77 00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,235 Listen, why don't we all go over to the table 78 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,502 and sit down, make ourselves comfortable. 79 00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,070 That's a good idea, Pop. 80 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,873 Lamont, you sit right there next to Janet over there, 81 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,509 and Woody, you find Esther somewhere, 82 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,712 and I'll sit right here. 83 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:34,183 You made place cards. Oh, how nice, Mr. Sanford. 84 00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,184 Classy, huh? 85 00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,386 I had them made up special. 86 00:04:36,410 --> 00:04:37,554 Yeah, hey. 87 00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:40,957 Dr. Gummo Smith, credit dentist. Yeah. 88 00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:41,991 Turn the card over. 89 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,393 Oh, oh. 90 00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,328 Yeah, you know, Pop, this is really nice, man. 91 00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,830 The flowers and the candles and everything. 92 00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,666 You tried hard, and I want you to know 93 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,368 that Janet and I really appreciate it. 94 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,769 Thanks, son. 95 00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:55,305 I spent the whole day getting everything ready, 96 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:56,573 getting the room and the table 97 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:57,974 so this would be the perfect dinner. 98 00:04:57,998 --> 00:04:59,208 I wanted it to be right. 99 00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:02,145 It's beautiful, Mr. Sanford, 100 00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:04,381 and I'm looking forward to a delicious meal. 101 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,182 What are we having? Huh? 102 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,317 What's for dinner? 103 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:10,787 Uh, ah, uh... Oh, no. 104 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,390 Janet, we're having braised tips of beef 105 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,515 and mushroom surprise and menudo. 106 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:21,531 But see, I was so busy getting the house cleaned up 107 00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,455 I-I forgot to cook. 108 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,090 Surprise! 109 00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,542 Now, that wasn't so bad, was it? 110 00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:34,010 No, it certainly wasn't, 111 00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:36,112 considering this is the first time 112 00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,980 Janet's been over here for a meal 113 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,050 catered by Melvin's Menudo Manor. 114 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,787 I never thought I'd like sole enchiladas. 115 00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,289 Well, I have a church meeting at 9:00. 116 00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:47,324 I have to go. 117 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:48,991 Bye, Fred, Lamont. 118 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,092 Aunt Esther. Janet. 119 00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:51,428 Yes, goodbye. 120 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,496 Yeah, thanks for everything. 121 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,831 Yes, thank you. 122 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,098 And, um... 123 00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:59,101 Come by the church sometime and meet Brother Spike. 124 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,102 I'd love to. 125 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:01,304 Yeah, and jump in the lake 126 00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:03,973 and go take a hike. 127 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,742 You old heathen. 128 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,998 Oh, glory! 129 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:17,454 Lamont... Lamont, Mr. Sanford, 130 00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,255 if you'll excuse me, I'll be right back. 131 00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,345 Okay. 132 00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,963 Well, son. Tonight's the big night, ain't it? 133 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,331 I'll bet you're really excited. 134 00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:30,199 I'm excited, and I'm nervous, Pop. 135 00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,801 See, we gonna go back to Janet's apartment, 136 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,202 and I'm gonna pop the big question, 137 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:35,204 and if she accepts, I'm gonna buy the ring tomorrow. 138 00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,606 Do you know what you're gonna say? 139 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,841 Not exactly, 140 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,676 but I'm not gonna get down on one knee 141 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:40,877 because I don't like corny stuff. 142 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,612 Well, when you get back here tonight, 143 00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,013 I got a big surprise for you. 144 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,882 A surprise? Yeah... 145 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,517 And I can hardly wait. Now, you listen. 146 00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:49,118 Can I give you a bit of advice? 147 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,387 No. Good. 148 00:06:50,411 --> 00:06:55,925 Now, when you ask her, be tough, be firm. 149 00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:57,527 Let her know who's the boss right away. 150 00:06:57,551 --> 00:06:58,628 Say, "Look, baby, 151 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,829 "you and I are getting engaged, 152 00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,030 "and that's the way it is, 153 00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,335 and gonna be that way all the time." 154 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,690 Is that what you told Mom? 155 00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,961 No, that's what your mom told me. 156 00:07:15,536 --> 00:07:17,046 Oh, Lamont, thank you. 157 00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,783 I had such a nice time. 158 00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:20,784 Me too, Janet. 159 00:07:20,808 --> 00:07:21,785 Can I get you something? 160 00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:23,052 No, thank you, Janet. 161 00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,854 There's something that I want to say to you. 162 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,457 I want to say it fast, or I might not ever say it. 163 00:07:27,481 --> 00:07:28,458 Okay, yeah. 164 00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:30,960 Janet, would you... Hi, Lamont. Hi, Mom. 165 00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:31,961 Hi. 166 00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,329 Hi, Roger. 167 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,398 Mom, I'm going outside to shoot some baskets. 168 00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:36,399 Be back in a while. 169 00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,467 Okay. 170 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:39,451 So long, Lamont. So long, Roger. 171 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:43,361 Uh, let's... let's sit down. 172 00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,077 Um, see, Janet, uh... 173 00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,513 Well, what I wanted to say to you was that, see... 174 00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:52,515 Now, I feel... 175 00:07:52,539 --> 00:07:54,383 It's too cold outside for basketball. 176 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,585 I'm going to get a snack. 177 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,119 Good idea, Roger. Get a snack. 178 00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:00,323 Why don't you make yourself a 24-decker sandwich? 179 00:08:00,347 --> 00:08:01,925 Lamont, is something wrong? 180 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,259 You're acting very strangely. 181 00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:05,061 Yeah, I know, Janet, and it's silly. 182 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,663 If you got something to say to somebody, 183 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,264 you should come right out and say it, 184 00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:09,899 and I'm gonna say it. 185 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,422 I'm gonna kill Roger. 186 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,839 This rocky road is great. Mm. 187 00:08:15,863 --> 00:08:17,674 So how's it going, Lamont? 188 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,108 It's going great, Roger. 189 00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,309 Say, Roger, do you... 190 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,511 Do you believe in pay television? 191 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:22,712 I love it. 192 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:25,236 Okay, here's a dollar. Go watch the Lakers. 193 00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:28,751 Okay, I'm going upstairs to watch it. See you later. 194 00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,119 Okay, Roger. 195 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,721 I know the way your mind works. 196 00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,656 Now, what's the matter? 197 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,759 Well, I said I wasn't gonna do this, 198 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,761 but a chance like this only comes once 199 00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,762 in a man's lifetime, and... 200 00:08:39,786 --> 00:08:43,087 I love you a lot, Janet. 201 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,205 Lamont... 202 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,620 Hi, Pop. Don't "Hi, Pop" me. 203 00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,455 Did she say yes? Did she say no? What happened? 204 00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,691 Well, you know that old saying, 205 00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:10,560 "Rocky is the road to marriage"? 206 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:11,694 Sure. 207 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,963 Well, I got rocky road all over my pants. 208 00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:14,964 She said yes. 209 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,533 She said yes. 210 00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,768 Oh, will you look at him, Elizabeth. 211 00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:21,804 So tall, so handsome, so intelligent. 212 00:09:21,828 --> 00:09:23,439 It won't be long before we'll hear 213 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,374 the pitter-patter of tiny dummies 214 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,298 around the house. 215 00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,480 Hey, Pop, now just go easy on that baby talk. 216 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,315 I mean, we're not even married yet, you know? 217 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,751 That never stopped nobody. 218 00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:35,952 Listen... 219 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,855 Come over here. I wanna show you a surprise. 220 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,557 Hey, what are these blueprints for? 221 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,358 Our family castle. 222 00:09:42,382 --> 00:09:43,726 See, these are the plans 223 00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,327 where I'm building the extra room for you. 224 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,495 Uh, Pop... 225 00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:48,097 See, and this here is the basketball court 226 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,098 for Roger. 227 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,499 Oh, but Pop... And then over here, 228 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,002 I figure that you could share my room, 229 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,004 and the new room will be for Roger and Janet. 230 00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:56,272 I know, Pop, you see, I... 231 00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,540 And I thought you'd say that, 232 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,108 and then, see, well, 233 00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,110 Roger can sleep with me and you sleep with Janet. 234 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:02,111 It's no good, Pop. 235 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,312 Huh? Sure. It's no good. 236 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:07,617 See, Pop, Janet and I discussed it, man, 237 00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:08,918 and once we're married, 238 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,519 we're gonna get a place of our own. 239 00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,421 A place of your own? 240 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,857 Oh, I-I understand, son. 241 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,525 I was hoping you would, Pop. 242 00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:21,230 Just make sure you get a place near the cemetery, 243 00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:24,823 because if... if you move out, it would kill me. 244 00:10:26,893 --> 00:10:28,738 My moving outta here is not gonna kill you. 245 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:29,906 But what if... 246 00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,507 The big one comes, and I'm not around? 247 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:35,044 Oh, I feel one coming now. 248 00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,981 Pop... It's the big one! 249 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:40,583 It's like a big hand clutching my heart. 250 00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,674 That's your hand. 251 00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,525 Son, I'm sorry I was trying to make you feel guilty 252 00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,327 by having a phony heart attack. 253 00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:53,696 Well, that's the first time you've ever admitted 254 00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,098 that those heart attacks were phony. 255 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,433 Well, for once in my life, 256 00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,003 this time I'm gonna play it straight with my own son. 257 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,471 No trickery, no games, no lies. 258 00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:03,472 Just plain facts. 259 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,540 Good. 260 00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:05,842 Lamont? Yes? 261 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,477 Yesterday, I went to the doctor, 262 00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:12,115 and he said I have this mysterious, incurable disease 263 00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:15,251 called "Son-move-outis-ectomy". 264 00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:18,254 See, first, your nose fall off, 265 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,245 then your toes fall off, and then... 266 00:11:28,454 --> 00:11:29,799 Hey, Lamont. Dig, man. 267 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,600 Look here, let me do all the rapping, man. 268 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:32,702 I know all about jewelry, 269 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,503 and I can get you a real good deal. 270 00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,305 Okay, bro, you got it. Yeah. 271 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,440 Now, watch how I handle this dude here, man. 272 00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,043 It'll be like taking candy from a baby. 273 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,110 All right, then. Eh, mister! 274 00:11:41,134 --> 00:11:43,234 Yes? 275 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:47,850 May I help you? 276 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,118 Yeah, you work here? 277 00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,754 No, I just asked if I could help you 278 00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,791 because I just made corporal in the Salvation Army. 279 00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,026 Hey, look, I'm gonna give it to you straight. 280 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,427 We'd like to see the cheapest thing 281 00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,796 you have in a ring. 282 00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:03,232 Yeah, how about two tickets to the bullfights? 283 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,934 Hey, man, are you trying to get smart? 284 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,692 Oh, no, then you and I would have nothing in common. 285 00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:10,973 Hey, Lamont. 286 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,208 Come on, man. Let's split. 287 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,210 We ain't gotta stay here and take all his hurrah 288 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,211 and his stuff. 289 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,445 You are so right. 290 00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,447 You can just go down the street to the fruitstand 291 00:12:18,471 --> 00:12:20,449 and put a kumquat on your finger. 292 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,752 Wait a minute. Excuse me for a minute. 293 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,853 Come here, Rollo. 294 00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,254 Now, look, man, it's 4:00 already, 295 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,056 and I wanna give the ring to Janet tonight. 296 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,457 Now, there's no more jewelry stores open 297 00:12:28,481 --> 00:12:29,491 at this hour. 298 00:12:29,515 --> 00:12:30,492 Let me handle it. 299 00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,128 Yeah, okay, man. Good luck. 300 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:33,129 All right. 301 00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:34,764 Uh, sir. Sir? 302 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:37,100 Well, I like that. 303 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,035 You call me sir, and I call you sir. 304 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,603 That's mutual respect. 305 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,739 It shows a regard for the other person's feelings. 306 00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:45,842 Uh, I'd like to see a-an engagement ring 307 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,110 for under $200. 308 00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:48,566 Under two hu... 309 00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,948 You've got to be kidding! 310 00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:52,949 No. 311 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,718 Well, I may have something. 312 00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:58,054 Oh, this ring is $75. 313 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,390 It shines in the dark, decodes secret messages, 314 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,859 and is already engraved 315 00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:06,717 if you want to give it to Marsha and your name is Skippy. 316 00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,400 I think I'd like to see this ring right here. 317 00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:14,370 Oh, excellent! 318 00:13:14,394 --> 00:13:15,972 You know, I tend to judge a man 319 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,573 by his discriminating taste in jewelry. 320 00:13:17,597 --> 00:13:19,242 Oh, thank you very much. 321 00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,244 How long has your girlfriend been a Gypsy? 322 00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,779 I'll bet... Hey, wait a minute. 323 00:13:22,803 --> 00:13:24,947 Remember what you told me, jack. Look here, man. 324 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,850 You gotta be crazy to buy anything from this dude, man. 325 00:13:27,874 --> 00:13:30,586 This dude is the rudest, crudest dude I ever met. 326 00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,322 You know, you're absolutely right, sir. 327 00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,590 I'm sorry. 328 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,425 Please accept my deepest apology. 329 00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,328 Would you mind turning the other way for a moment? 330 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,729 For what? 331 00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,631 Well, the store is having a little free giveaway, 332 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,100 and I want to surprise you. 333 00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:47,236 Oh, yeah, sure. 334 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:49,338 Good, the security camera just took your picture 335 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:50,339 for nothing. 336 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:52,441 Good! 337 00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,243 How would you like me to take your teeth 338 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,045 for the same price? 339 00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,218 Hi, Pop. Hello. 340 00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:04,020 Oh, you're speaking to me now, huh? 341 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,387 Of course. 342 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:06,989 I'm speaking to you the way I'd speak 343 00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,546 to any of my tenants. 344 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:11,828 Tenants? 345 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,296 That's right. 346 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,131 You treat the place like a motel. 347 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,035 Move in. Stay 35 years. Move out. 348 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,639 Pop... Just remember, Mr. Sanford, 349 00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,709 no pets and no cooking cabbage in the room. 350 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,111 Would you cut it out? I got the ring. Wanna see it? 351 00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:31,247 What for? I've seen rings before. 352 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:32,248 It's not an expensive ring, 353 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:34,050 but I went through a lot to get it. 354 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,051 Look. Yeah. 355 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:38,587 One thing you went through was my heart. 356 00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:39,889 Now, don't start that again. 357 00:14:39,913 --> 00:14:41,357 Pop, you've gotta face it, man. 358 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:43,781 Things change, man. Nothing stays the same. 359 00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:50,066 And I was changing your diapers since you was 8 years old, 360 00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:52,001 and now you're running out on me. 361 00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,236 Okay, just forget about it. 362 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:54,904 I've got a couple of deliveries to make, 363 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,505 and then I'm gonna go over to Janet's 364 00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:57,673 and give her the ring. 365 00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,375 Already? So soon? 366 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,865 I'll see you later, Pop. 367 00:15:02,668 --> 00:15:07,383 Oh, no. He's really gonna do it. 368 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,419 Then I'll be all alone. 369 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,022 I'll have to sell the house and move out. 370 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,223 I can see it now... 371 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,792 Old man living here in California 372 00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,261 with nothing to do 373 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,763 but sit on the back porch and drink orange juice 374 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,021 with Bing Crosby and his families. 375 00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:29,138 I-I can't let him do that to me. 376 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,528 I just can't. 377 00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:45,388 Who is it? 378 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:46,389 Janet. 379 00:15:46,413 --> 00:15:49,125 Just a minute, Janet. 380 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,859 Come in, dear. 381 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,196 Listen, I don't care how much Lamont owes you. 382 00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,764 Don't be bothering me about it. 383 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,799 Good day. 384 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,534 Hello, Mr. Sanford. 385 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,869 Oh, hi, Janet. Come and sit down, darling. 386 00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,471 Can I get you something? No, thank you. 387 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:03,872 Lamont should be here any time now. 388 00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,308 We're gonna go out and have dinner. 389 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:06,842 Oh, by the way, 390 00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,444 I couldn't help overhearing that phone conversation. 391 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,445 Is Lamont okay? 392 00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,612 Oh, nothing to worry 393 00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,448 your pretty little head about. 394 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,083 Fine, good. 395 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:17,553 It's just that Lamont owes a huge pile of money 396 00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,555 at the liquor store, and if he don't pay it, 397 00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,379 they're gonna kill him. What? 398 00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:24,126 But don't worry about it. 399 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,828 Last month he owed them money too, 400 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,830 and somehow he paid them. 401 00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,999 By the way, that was the same month 402 00:16:30,023 --> 00:16:31,600 all the children in the neighborhood got mugged 403 00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:35,271 and had to go to school without their milk money. 404 00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,773 What are you talking about? 405 00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:38,774 I thought you knew. 406 00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,509 Knew what? 407 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:41,810 That Lamont was a heavy drinker. 408 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:42,811 A what? 409 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,713 And a heavy gambler. 410 00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,582 A drinker and a gambler. 411 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:49,418 Sometimes he bets on how much he can drink. 412 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,854 Mr. Sanford, I think you're... 413 00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:53,889 I guess I shouldn't be surprised that... 414 00:16:53,913 --> 00:16:55,291 That he didn't tell you. 415 00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,925 Lamont's so ashamed about it. 416 00:16:56,949 --> 00:16:58,660 He don't want anybody to know. 417 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:02,764 That's why he belongs to A.A... Anonymous Anonymous. 418 00:17:02,788 --> 00:17:04,166 I don't really believe... 419 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,501 But look, don't worry, Janet. 420 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,036 He'll make you a good husband. 421 00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,538 Just always hide your purse at night, 422 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:12,475 and if you smoke, hide your lighter fluid, 423 00:17:12,499 --> 00:17:14,776 because he'll drink that too... 424 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,646 And see, I even have to lock up my own liquor 425 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,881 here at home. 426 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,682 Can I tell you something? 427 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,584 I know just what you're gonna say, honey. 428 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,220 I know exactly what you're gonna say. 429 00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,355 Well, look, if you change your mind 430 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,390 about marrying Lamont 431 00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,891 because you found out about him 432 00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:30,192 drinking and gambling like that... 433 00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,793 Drinking and gambling? 434 00:17:31,817 --> 00:17:33,129 It's okay, Lamont. I understand. 435 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:34,252 Excuse me a minute. 436 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,733 Hey, wait a minute. It's gone. 437 00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,168 The ring is gone. Where's the ring? 438 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:40,169 Well, don't ask me. 439 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:41,603 You probably sold it 440 00:17:41,627 --> 00:17:44,006 and then spent the money at the Kentucky Derby 441 00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:45,741 on some Kentucky bourbon. 442 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,842 What are you talking about? 443 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:48,277 He probably doesn't remember. 444 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,746 Lamont has those blackout spells where he forgets everything. 445 00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:52,214 Pop. 446 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,217 Last year, he disappeared, and we found him in Denver 447 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,654 with a hootchie coochie dancer from Durango. 448 00:17:58,678 --> 00:17:59,755 Mr. Sanford, 449 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,557 would you come over here and sit down, please? 450 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,824 We'd like to talk to you. 451 00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,148 Over there? Mm-hmm. 452 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,333 What'd you do that for? 453 00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,601 Because I love you. Huh? 454 00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:15,337 And I love you because you love your son so much. 455 00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:17,473 Listen, I... I don't know... 456 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,275 We knew what you were trying to do, Pop. 457 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,876 I know Lamont is not a heavy drinker 458 00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,378 or a gambler. 459 00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:27,816 Yeah, but I forgot to tell you he's a burglar and an arsonist, 460 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:30,619 and in the morning, he needs a gallon of mouthwash 461 00:18:30,643 --> 00:18:31,763 before he can say hello. 462 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,890 Mr. Sanford, you love Lamont so much 463 00:18:34,914 --> 00:18:36,959 that you're terribly afraid of his moving out. 464 00:18:36,983 --> 00:18:38,160 Now, that's why you're making up 465 00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:40,028 these stories, isn't it? 466 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:42,398 Well... When Lamont and I get married, 467 00:18:42,422 --> 00:18:44,100 you're not going to lose his love. 468 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,334 That's right, Pop. 469 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:48,370 In fact, you're going to be getting a family 470 00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,306 that loves you very much: 471 00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:54,743 me, Roger, and maybe even our child. 472 00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,200 Already? 473 00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,973 You sly dog. 474 00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,591 No, Pop, that's not what she means. 475 00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,326 Now, look, this isn't the end. 476 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,560 It's the beginning, man, 477 00:19:11,584 --> 00:19:13,929 of a whole new way of life for all of us. 478 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,331 We love you very much, Pop, 479 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:17,766 and with all that love, you'll never be alone. 480 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:18,767 Excuse me. 481 00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,291 I'll be right back. 482 00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,227 Excuse me. 483 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,375 That was a beautiful thing you did, honey. 484 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,809 I just hope Pop can understand it. 485 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:28,944 I think he understands. 486 00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:30,446 I think he understands a lot more 487 00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,713 than we give him credit for. 488 00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:33,081 Yeah, you know, 489 00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,083 now that you're gonna be a member of this family, 490 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,885 there's family secrets that I think you should know. 491 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,487 I'm gonna show you one of them now. 492 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:39,622 Come here. 493 00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,557 Now, this is our family vault, 494 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,159 and I'm gonna show you this one time, 495 00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:45,161 and you gotta get it right or it won't work. 496 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:46,350 You ready? 497 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,299 You think you got that? 498 00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,355 I think so. 499 00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:58,974 Hey, son, here. 500 00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:00,676 Okay. 501 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,778 Now, I know this isn't an expensive ring, Janet, 502 00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:04,079 but see... 503 00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,081 Hey, wait a minute. This isn't the ring I bought. 504 00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,483 What are you trying to pull, Pop? 505 00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:08,484 Lamont, I don't understand. 506 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,552 Well, I do. He took... 507 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,554 This ring is beautiful. 508 00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,888 It is? 509 00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:15,491 Oh, it's not only beautiful, it's unique. 510 00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:16,758 Unique? 511 00:20:16,782 --> 00:20:18,960 They haven't made a ring in this particular style 512 00:20:18,984 --> 00:20:20,718 in at least 40 years. 513 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:27,436 Hey, Pop, that's Mom's ring, isn't it? 514 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,104 I guess it is. 515 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,506 You're the greatest, Pop. I love you. 516 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,007 Oh, thank you. 517 00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:34,732 No, I don't want this stuff on me. I don't want that stuff. 518 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,114 Look, it fits perfectly. 519 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,649 Come on, let's show it to Roger 520 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,984 so he'll feel part of this beautiful evening. 521 00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:44,253 Yeah, and y'all hurry back here 522 00:20:44,277 --> 00:20:46,288 and I'll take the two of you out to dinner. 523 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,489 You're gonna take us to dinner? 524 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:49,458 Uh-huh. Thank you, Pop. I love you. 525 00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:51,293 Bye, Dad. 526 00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,837 Bye... bye, now. Bye, daughter. 527 00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:04,172 Elizabeth, honey, are you busy? 528 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:07,175 Well, I'd like to talk with you for a minute. 529 00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,944 See, I know you didn't mind me 530 00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:12,448 giving your ring to Lamont, did you? 531 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,317 Because we always wanted the best for our son, 532 00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:19,087 and Janet... well, she's the best, honey. 533 00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:21,457 Of course, it'll never look as good on her finger 534 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,024 as it did on yours... 535 00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,327 And another thing about the ring 536 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:28,997 I know you... I know it's gonna make you real happy. 537 00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,789 I paid it off this week. 538 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:41,310 That was a marvelous dinner. 539 00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,678 Yeah, and wow, 540 00:21:42,702 --> 00:21:44,480 when that truck pulled up in front of Chasen's... 541 00:21:44,504 --> 00:21:46,282 Well, I never thought I'd ever eat there. 542 00:21:46,306 --> 00:21:49,785 I loved the tip your father gave the parking attendant. 543 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,387 Yeah, he told him to pull the choke 544 00:21:51,411 --> 00:21:53,389 or the truck wouldn't start. 545 00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,724 Where is your father, anyway? 546 00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:56,992 Well, I think he's upstairs sleeping. 547 00:21:57,016 --> 00:21:58,260 He's had a big day. 548 00:21:58,284 --> 00:21:59,261 Mm. 549 00:21:59,285 --> 00:22:00,562 You know, it's really nice, 550 00:22:00,586 --> 00:22:02,298 just the two of us here, alone. 551 00:22:02,322 --> 00:22:03,332 Yeah. 552 00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:04,733 I'm glad Pop finally realized 553 00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,335 that we have to lead our own lives 554 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,125 and make our own decisions. 555 00:22:10,229 --> 00:22:12,240 Hey, Lamont, Janet. 556 00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,075 I've been working on these upstairs. 557 00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:15,210 Take a look. 558 00:22:15,234 --> 00:22:16,412 Well, what is that, Pop? 559 00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:18,314 It's my plans for the wedding. 560 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:20,382 See, we'll rent out the Legion Hall 561 00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:23,752 and put the tables here and the violin players there. 562 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,087 And here's the guest list over here, 563 00:22:26,111 --> 00:22:28,791 and then, Janet, you'll get your gown 564 00:22:28,815 --> 00:22:30,659 at Leon's Discount and Wedding Wear 565 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:33,128 and War Surplus, and uh... 566 00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,798 Let's see. 567 00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,967 Pull out the choke or else it won't start. 568 00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:41,470 And then... and then I'll get some more place cards 569 00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,372 from Dr. Gummo, 570 00:22:43,396 --> 00:22:45,040 and Esther will sit with the musicians 571 00:22:45,064 --> 00:22:46,675 and stick her head out the tuba... 572 00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:48,699 There'll never be a greater wedding... 573 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:04,793 Yes? 574 00:23:04,817 --> 00:23:06,294 You work here? 575 00:23:06,318 --> 00:23:10,265 No, I'm the heavyweight champion coming out for round two. 576 00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:13,101 Listen, I got something I'd like to return. 577 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:14,236 I can see that, 578 00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:17,127 but Mother Nature doesn't work here anymore. 579 00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:23,645 Uh, was that an insult? 580 00:23:23,669 --> 00:23:27,249 Was Attila the Hun naughty? 581 00:23:27,273 --> 00:23:29,317 Look, my son bought this ring here yesterday, 582 00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:30,519 and I'd like to return it 583 00:23:30,543 --> 00:23:32,120 so I can give him the money back 584 00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:33,589 for a wedding present. 585 00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:36,124 Oh, I'm sorry, sir, that's a no-no. 586 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,659 But on the other hand, 587 00:23:37,683 --> 00:23:39,227 if you don't give me my money, 588 00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:41,530 I'm gonna take that tie, wrap it around your neck, 589 00:23:41,554 --> 00:23:43,766 and wrap the other end around my truck, 590 00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:46,134 and stamp "Just Married" on your butt 591 00:23:46,158 --> 00:23:48,191 and drive you to Niagara Falls. 592 00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:55,277 Would you like it in cash, check or money order? 593 00:23:55,301 --> 00:23:56,545 You changed your mind. 594 00:23:56,569 --> 00:24:00,237 Yes, nobody ever explained it to me that way before. 41708

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