Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:13,950
Can't even enjoy a
simple... cup of coffee.
2
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,152
Somebody...
3
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,819
Hello, Elroy. What
can I do for you?
4
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,655
Fred, I need a date.
5
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,512
I don't play that.
6
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,961
Fred, this is serious.
7
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,363
I need to find a lady
8
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,698
for our Moving and Storage
Mens' Party next Saturday.
9
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,434
Don't you know
any moving ladies?
10
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:33,603
All the ladies I know
can't move at all.
11
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,671
As a matter of fact,
12
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,406
they should be
kept in cold storage.
13
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,975
Well, let me look here
in my classified directory
14
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,677
of the Sanford Stables.
15
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,678
Sanford Stables...
16
00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:43,813
Guaranteed to horse around too.
17
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,183
Yeah?
18
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:50,187
Yeah, here's one good
one... Theresa Logan.
19
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:52,189
I took her out once. You did?
20
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,458
I mean, she was...
You know what I mean?
21
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,193
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
22
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,383
Built like a brick shipyard.
23
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,932
Hello. Hello, Theresa, honey.
24
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,401
Fred Sanford here.
25
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:05,735
Yes.
26
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:09,506
Say, a friend of mine needs
a date for Saturday night.
27
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:11,141
What's he look like?
28
00:02:11,165 --> 00:02:12,642
Well, he's a lot like me.
29
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:17,280
Theresa... Theresa?
30
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:18,281
Hello?
31
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:19,782
Theresa!
32
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:20,850
I was disconnected.
33
00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,285
I think you were scratched.
34
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:24,821
See that?
35
00:02:24,845 --> 00:02:26,856
Yeah? It was a disconnect.
I know what I'm...
36
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,558
Hello, Theresa.
37
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,826
Uh, who?
38
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:30,994
Who is this?
39
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:32,429
Janet?
40
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:33,830
You're calling about
your date with Lamont
41
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:35,198
Saturday night?
42
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,399
Say, listen, Janet.
43
00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:40,504
Would you be interested
in a double date?
44
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,539
Yeah. Like to get
a friend of yours
45
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:45,342
for a friend of Lamont's?
46
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,646
Uh-huh.
47
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,819
Well, see, his name is Elroy,
48
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,421
and he looks a lot like Lamont,
49
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,090
except around the face.
50
00:03:01,114 --> 00:03:02,592
Yeah, I'll put him on, Janet.
51
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:03,627
Here you go, Elroy...
52
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,495
Janet? Give me the phone.
53
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,929
Hello, Janet?
54
00:03:06,953 --> 00:03:09,199
Oh, 9:00 instead of 8:00. Okay.
55
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:10,200
Yeah, I'm sorry that happened.
56
00:03:10,224 --> 00:03:12,335
Just forget about it.
57
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,437
What's the matter with you, Pop?
58
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,838
He was doing it for me, Lamont.
59
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,740
You see, I need a
date for next Saturday.
60
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:19,742
Why don't you call one
of those escort services?
61
00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,611
Escort service?
62
00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,413
Yeah, they got escort
services for people like yourself
63
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,081
who need a date, but
don't know anybody.
64
00:03:25,105 --> 00:03:27,651
They'll give you a date
for the entire evening.
65
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,852
See, Elroy? Lamont
knows everything.
66
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:33,156
I'm proud of you, dummy.
67
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,991
Say, listen,
68
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,993
how much do they charge
for getting someone a date?
69
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,195
Two or three dollars?
70
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:40,197
No, I think it's
more like 15 or 20.
71
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,864
Twenty bucks?
72
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,933
Say, look, Elroy, for 20 bucks,
73
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:46,503
I'll put on a formal
gown and a tiara,
74
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,137
and you can take me to the party
75
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,739
and bring me back home,
76
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,003
and I'll smack your face
for trying to get fresh.
77
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,084
This is it right here.
78
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,186
See, Gramercy Escort Service.
79
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:04,221
Fred, I don't think
80
00:04:04,245 --> 00:04:05,422
we should go through with this.
81
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,789
What do you mean?
82
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:08,592
You're not only gonna
have a date Saturday night,
83
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,992
but you're gonna
get paid for it,
84
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:10,993
and so will I.
85
00:04:11,017 --> 00:04:12,495
Is this Mr. Carmen?
86
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:15,632
Oh, this is Mrs. Willis of
the Gramercy Escort Service.
87
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,735
Well, you're to meet Ms.
Nolan at the party at 8:00.
88
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,470
Yes, and it's black tie.
89
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:21,971
I'm in trouble, Fred.
90
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,307
I don't have a black tie.
91
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,475
Well, you got black paint.
92
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:26,543
Yeah.
93
00:04:26,567 --> 00:04:29,312
Well, I'll make you a black tie.
94
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,313
But Lamont said
95
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,648
these escort places only hire
96
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:32,649
a certain kind of men.
97
00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:34,251
I'm that kind of man.
98
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:35,252
Oh, yeah?
99
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,019
Suave and debonair.
100
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,862
What is he doing?
101
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:49,354
That was my friend banging
his suave into his debonair.
102
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,237
Can I get you something?
103
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,572
Yes, indeed.
104
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:58,664
Sanford's the name.
Escorting is my game.
105
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:02,646
You want to be a
Gramercy Escort?
106
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:07,105
Does President Ford
need a personality?
107
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,957
You really want to be an escort?
108
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:19,696
Lady, we'll escort anything
without a moustache.
109
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:20,764
Now, when do we report?
110
00:05:22,856 --> 00:05:24,334
Well, actually,
111
00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:27,203
I don't think that you're
what I'm looking for.
112
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:30,329
I don't think you're what
anyone's looking for.
113
00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:35,545
Well, I'll have you know
we'd be perfect escorts.
114
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:37,714
Oh? Do you dance? Yes.
115
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,416
Can you waltz? Certainly.
116
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,483
Good.
117
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:41,884
Then why don't the two of you
118
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:44,120
waltz on out of here.
119
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,423
Listen, why can't we be escorts?
120
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,591
Oh, I'm sorry. I should explain.
121
00:05:48,615 --> 00:05:49,726
You can't be escorts
122
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,528
because you simply
don't have the experience.
123
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,596
We've got experience.
124
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,332
My name is Fred G. Sanford.
125
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,733
You know what the G is for?
126
00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:00,169
What? Gigolo.
127
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,871
And my friend here, Elroy,
128
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,507
his nickname is Big
Hand, Little Hand.
129
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:05,875
Big Hand, Little Hand?
130
00:06:05,899 --> 00:06:08,277
Yeah. Service around the clock.
131
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:10,313
Marvelous,
132
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,914
and I think I'm
running out of time
133
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,383
for both of you.
134
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:14,851
Oh, don't worry about that.
135
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,609
If you ever need more
time, look at a clock. It'll stop.
136
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:31,000
Mr. Sanford, I don't find
you the least bit amusing,
137
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:34,471
and I'm afraid neither of
you fulfill our requirements.
138
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:35,505
Good day.
139
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,639
Wait a minute.
140
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:37,674
What requirements?
141
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,609
Well, here, see for yourself.
142
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,979
Mm-hmm.
143
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,647
Aha!
144
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:45,982
They're well read.
145
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,950
Oh, well, I read all the time.
146
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:49,986
Are you familiar with
Ladies Home Junk?
147
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,290
And House and Garbage?
148
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:56,693
The majority of our escorts
are professional men.
149
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:58,094
Now, there.
150
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,029
You're not a professional
man, are you, Mr. Sanford?
151
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:02,265
That's Dr. Sanford.
152
00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:03,666
My bag's in the truck, isn't it?
153
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,668
Yeah.
154
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:08,438
If you're a doctor,
then I'm an airline pilot.
155
00:07:08,462 --> 00:07:11,173
I can believe that.
156
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,209
I can believe that by
the excess baggage
157
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,566
in your tail section.
158
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:24,120
I think you had better leave.
159
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:25,388
Let's go, Fred.
160
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:26,756
No, no.
161
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,058
Not until she gets
us a paying date.
162
00:07:29,082 --> 00:07:30,393
Are you kidding?
163
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,629
My clients wouldn't be
seen in public with you.
164
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:35,064
That doesn't matter to me.
165
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:38,423
I'll take them to the
junkyard and dance with 'em.
166
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,972
Mr. Sanford...
167
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:47,510
if I hired you as an escort,
I'd become the laughing stock.
168
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,945
Okay.
169
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,814
Well, I'll return
to my junkyard,
170
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,672
and you return
to your stockyard.
171
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,325
Hey, how'd it go at
the escort service, Pop?
172
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,293
The lady wasn't interested.
173
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,662
I'm through.
174
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:10,333
The man I was... isn't.
175
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:14,136
See, the women
that want Don Juan...
176
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,906
Don Juant me!
177
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:19,175
Pop, I don't know what
that woman said to you, but...
178
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,611
She said I looked
ridiculous in this suit.
179
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:24,180
Now, your mother
loved this suit.
180
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,382
I bought it from her brother.
181
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,852
Pop, Mom loved
everything about you.
182
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:33,756
Yeah. Your mother had taste.
183
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,157
And if Mom were alive today,
184
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,093
she'd still feel the same
way about you, Pop.
185
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:39,662
I mean, the things that
turned Mom on to you
186
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:40,830
you didn't lose.
187
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,931
You really mean that, Lamont?
188
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,634
Sure I do.
189
00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,736
You hear that, Elizabeth?
190
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,972
If I'm good enough
for you, honey,
191
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:50,607
I'm good enough for anybody,
192
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:51,608
and I'm gonna prove it.
193
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:52,709
Prove what?
194
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:55,578
That I've still
got what it takes
195
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:56,682
to take what they got.
196
00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:09,058
You see, son, you are
looking at the president
197
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,816
of Los Angeles'
newest escort service.
198
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:16,499
Look, Pop, just
hold on a second.
199
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,300
Now, you don't have to
prove anything to anybody.
200
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:19,702
Why don't you
just forget about it?
201
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,504
Forget it? I'll
forget about it...
202
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:24,240
just as soon as I put them
Gramercy Escort Service
203
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,775
out of business.
204
00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:26,776
We'll show them, Lamont.
205
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:27,844
What do you mean, we?
206
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,278
We...
207
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:32,415
Hutch, Elroy, and yours truly,
and you can be in on it too.
208
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,284
See, you can head up our
swinging singles division.
209
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:37,253
Just leave me out of this.
210
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,121
Think it over, son.
211
00:09:39,145 --> 00:09:42,525
Think. Fred and Lamont Sanford,
212
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:48,097
President and Vice President
of our own escort service.
213
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:51,422
Title... "Sexy and Son."
214
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:04,814
Hello.
215
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:07,772
Fred's Escort Service
and/or Junkyard.
216
00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:13,522
Oh, you saw my ad in
the Los Angeles Sentinel.
217
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,224
Yes, indeed.
218
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,359
Uh-huh. We've got escorts.
219
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,861
You can come take your pick.
220
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,620
Give them a chance,
and they'll flick your Bic.
221
00:10:25,525 --> 00:10:27,670
All right. Saturday night?
222
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,238
Saturday night for the opera.
223
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:30,707
Pagliacci?
224
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,109
Why not-chee?
225
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,176
You'll call back?
226
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,778
I'll be here.
227
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:37,814
Phone hasn't
stopped ringing, son.
228
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,986
Hutch is here.
229
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:49,092
Elroy's with him.
230
00:10:49,116 --> 00:10:51,360
Hi, Fred. Hi, Lamont.
231
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:52,561
Did you get any calls, Fred?
232
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:53,863
Plenty of them,
233
00:10:53,887 --> 00:10:55,564
and there's a lady
coming here today,
234
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:58,234
and if she likes what she
sees, we're in business.
235
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,136
It's this ad that did it.
236
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,403
Well, what's the ad say?
237
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,039
It's not what it says, Lamont.
238
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,495
It's the picture. See?
239
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,779
Hey, Pop, you shouldn't
have done this, man.
240
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:11,614
This is false and
misleading advertising.
241
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:14,550
I prefer to think
of it as insurance.
242
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,686
Insurance? Yeah.
243
00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:19,221
You see, the ladies will
take one look at your picture,
244
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:22,380
and they'll say, "I want
a piece of that rock."
245
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:27,363
Okay, and what's gonna
happen when they finally see you?
246
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,799
I just wanted them to
start calling, that's all.
247
00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:32,234
Once they meet me,
my own natural charm
248
00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:34,637
and animal magnetism
will take over.
249
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:37,173
Well, what about Elroy and me?
250
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,275
Do we have animal magnetism too?
251
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,710
Certainly,
252
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:45,281
but if the wind is right,
nobody will notice.
253
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,816
I'll see you later.
254
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:51,087
If you'll excuse us, I
have to instruct my escorts
255
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:54,924
on the art of being
a top escorter.
256
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,292
Such as?
257
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,294
Such as table manners.
258
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,563
Now, suppose a
client and yourself
259
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:02,065
are in a restaurant.
260
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,466
What's the first thing you do
when you come to the table?
261
00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:05,534
Grab the tip!
262
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,536
Before that.
263
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:10,973
Oh, you pull out the
chair for your lady.
264
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,141
That's right.
265
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,376
Then suppose she asks
you for some change.
266
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,611
Change for what?
267
00:12:15,635 --> 00:12:16,879
To tip the attendant
268
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,280
when she goes to
powder her nose.
269
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,882
How much are you
supposed to give her?
270
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,206
How big is her nose?
271
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,522
That must be the
lady that called
272
00:12:26,546 --> 00:12:28,991
earlier this afternoon.
273
00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:30,126
Oh, good evening.
274
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,628
Um, I must have
the wrong address.
275
00:12:32,652 --> 00:12:35,098
I was looking for
the escort service.
276
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:36,199
This is it.
277
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,400
But this is a junk shop.
278
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:41,537
Antiques, my dear, antiques.
279
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:42,739
Do come in.
280
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,240
Now, you told me on the phone
281
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,775
that you were from out of town.
282
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:48,711
Yes. I'm here for the
Coiffeur Convention.
283
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,580
Coiffeur... I work with hair.
284
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,249
Mm-hmm. That's perfect.
285
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,852
All of our escorts
like to be teased.
286
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,519
Yes.
287
00:12:57,543 --> 00:12:59,355
Look, perhaps I won't be
needing an escort service
288
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,689
after all.
289
00:13:00,713 --> 00:13:03,059
No, wait a minute, wait.
At least just look us over.
290
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,660
Hey, Pop, I was on the truck...
291
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,028
That's him!
292
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,663
That's the man in the ad!
293
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,198
Oh, he's not available.
294
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,800
But that's the one
I expected to meet.
295
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,068
Good. You just met him.
296
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,403
Now forget him,
because he has split ends.
297
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,172
But he's young and handsome.
298
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,374
Are you busy tomorrow night?
299
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,210
I'm sorry, but I'm not
part of their organization.
300
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,274
Take me, honey. I
give blue chip stamps.
301
00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,283
If you change
your mind, call me.
302
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,417
Marlene Williams.
303
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:31,654
I'm at the Beverly
Central Hotel.
304
00:13:31,678 --> 00:13:33,589
Hey, Pop, I told you,
you shouldn't have...
305
00:13:33,613 --> 00:13:35,124
Don't talk to me.
306
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:37,326
I just made a fool out of
myself because of you.
307
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,527
Because of me?
308
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,529
Yeah. You're the one
told me I still had it.
309
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:43,732
Well, Pop, this young lady
obviously wasn't interested
310
00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:46,102
in a... in a mature
man such as yourself,
311
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:47,904
but there are a lot
of women that are.
312
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,605
He's right, Fred.
313
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:53,009
I know a lot of elderly widows
would be glad to go out with us.
314
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:55,411
Yeah, Fred, and
those widows are rich,
315
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,813
and they tip big.
316
00:13:56,837 --> 00:13:57,814
They do?
317
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:58,815
Yeah. Yeah.
318
00:13:58,839 --> 00:13:59,982
Well, look, Hutch,
319
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,583
why don't you
call us up a bunch,
320
00:14:01,607 --> 00:14:02,852
and we'll take them out. Right.
321
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,821
Wait a minute. Look
at this good feeling.
322
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:06,388
The Three Musketeers.
323
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:09,458
The Three Musketeers
may be up in years,
324
00:14:09,482 --> 00:14:11,493
but one thing we got...
325
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,198
we're still hot to trot.
326
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:16,787
Get the phone.
327
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:23,039
♪ Folks, here's the story
About Minnie the Moocher ♪
328
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:28,878
♪ She was a red hot
Hoochie Koocher ♪
329
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:33,782
♪ She was the roughest
And the toughest frail ♪
330
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:39,621
♪ Minnie had a heart
As big as a whale ♪
331
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:42,458
♪ Hidee hidee hidee ho! ♪
332
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,261
♪ Hidee hidee hidee hee ♪
333
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,551
♪ Hi... ♪♪
334
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,101
Look, son.
335
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,236
Do I look like something
336
00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,304
that stepped out of Esquire?
337
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,505
No, you look more like something
338
00:14:56,529 --> 00:15:00,142
that was kicked
out of El Segundo.
339
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,210
Thank you, son.
340
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:02,611
Yeah, but you don't
look anything like
341
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,612
the picture in this ad.
342
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,881
Well, what are
you talking about?
343
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:06,170
You told me...
344
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:10,619
What are you talking about?
345
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,922
You told me to use
my own face, and I did.
346
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:14,790
Yeah, but that's the
only thing that's your own.
347
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:16,158
Whose body is this?
348
00:15:16,182 --> 00:15:17,360
Mine.
349
00:15:17,384 --> 00:15:19,161
When was the last time
you saw me undressed?
350
00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,229
Yesterday.
351
00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:24,200
Well, this morning
I did 20 pushups.
352
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:26,102
See, I shape up fast.
353
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,637
Pop, you're only going
to be disappointed again.
354
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:30,406
Not this time. Not this time.
355
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:32,041
We're in full swing.
356
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:35,433
We've got three dates
confirmed for tonight.
357
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:48,690
Fred...
358
00:15:48,714 --> 00:15:50,293
Hutch just told me
the good news, kid.
359
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:51,294
Yeah. We in business.
360
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:52,295
Yeah.
361
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,096
Look, you can do what
you wanna do, Pop,
362
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,898
but just don't say I
didn't warn you, okay?
363
00:15:55,922 --> 00:15:58,434
Now, we're meeting the ladies
at the Continental Restaurant
364
00:15:58,458 --> 00:15:59,435
at 7:00.
365
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,569
Right. Right.
366
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,138
I'm looking forward to it.
367
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:03,739
How much money are
we gonna make, Fred?
368
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:07,243
Well, now, the way I see it,
369
00:16:07,267 --> 00:16:09,078
it'd be $15 for tonight,
370
00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,081
and if we... if they liked
us, $15 tomorrow night.
371
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,150
Hey, that's $30 each.
372
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,585
How you figure that?
373
00:16:16,609 --> 00:16:19,121
Fifteen and fifteen comes to 30.
374
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:22,024
Yeah, but when 15
and 15 comes to 30,
375
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:24,327
ten and ten comes to Freddie.
376
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:25,727
How come you get so much?
377
00:16:25,751 --> 00:16:27,629
Because the whole idea was mine,
378
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:28,630
and I got expenses.
379
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,366
Well, I got expenses too.
380
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:34,370
New shoes, new shirt,
new can of Right Guard.
381
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,872
Okay. How much are
you willing to give me?
382
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,941
Nothing. I want the whole $15.
383
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,376
Me too, Fred.
384
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,711
Well, I'll tell you
what. I'll give you five.
385
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,348
No way, Fred.
All or nothing. 15!
386
00:16:45,372 --> 00:16:47,249
Five! Fifteen!
387
00:16:47,273 --> 00:16:48,351
Six. Fifteen!
388
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,353
Seven. Fifteen! Fifteen!
389
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,553
Eight, and that's
my last offer...
390
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:52,754
Come on, Elroy. Let's go. Yeah.
391
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:53,956
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
392
00:16:53,980 --> 00:16:55,924
wait a minute, now.
What about the ladies?
393
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,094
They're counting on all
three of us to be there.
394
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,828
Well, let them count
all they want to.
395
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:03,332
Until you count
to 15, count us out!
396
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,855
Come on.
397
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,817
How do you do?
398
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,854
My dear, my name
is Fred G. Sanford.
399
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,156
Don't get up.
400
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:03,025
Oh, my, Mr. Sanford.
401
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:05,961
Your face is just like
it looked in the ad,
402
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:09,898
but your body failed to develop.
403
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:12,568
No, see, I'm wearing
a bulletproof suit.
404
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,538
See, what may appear
to be fat is all lead.
405
00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,973
Now, you order some
appetizers, I'll go to the washroom,
406
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:20,364
and I'll rush back as
soon as I get the lead out.
407
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,246
How about that 15 in front?
408
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:25,581
Oh, yes.
409
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:28,839
Yes... Thank you so much.
410
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:32,743
Let me kiss your hand.
411
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,514
Oh, my goodness!
412
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,196
Your goodness hasn't
reached your hand yet.
413
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,220
Phew!
414
00:18:51,498 --> 00:18:54,042
Allo, allo, allo.
415
00:18:54,066 --> 00:18:55,844
Mon amie.
416
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,346
You must be Maxine.
417
00:18:57,370 --> 00:19:00,048
Yes, I'm Maxine.
418
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,750
You must be Frenchy.
419
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:02,784
Oui, that's me.
420
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,787
Frenchy Sanford at your service.
421
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:09,925
Hey, Frenchy, were
you really born in France?
422
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:14,130
I am French born,
and I am French bred.
423
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:18,033
With my French bread,
I make ze French toast.
424
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:19,235
Toujours.
425
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,260
May you live long to
pay me my 15 bucks.
426
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:26,609
Thank you.
427
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,344
Please order your appetizer,
428
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,078
and I shall return
429
00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:32,948
as soon as I come
from ze room of ze wash.
430
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,605
Okay, Frenchy.
431
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:55,671
Buenos dias, Buenos noches.
432
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:59,775
Buenos knows where
the wild goose goes.
433
00:19:59,799 --> 00:20:03,179
Oh, are you Señor Pitts?
434
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,382
Sí. Do you have any pesos
while we're on that subject?
435
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,083
Like $15 worth,
436
00:20:08,107 --> 00:20:11,809
and then we'll get down to
the Spanish love, Señorita.
437
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,456
Here you are.
438
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,925
Now, if you want to dazzle me
439
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,061
with Spanish words of love,
440
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,664
I'm ready to be dazzled.
441
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,965
Ooh, well, then perhaps
442
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:26,168
you would like to hear
the sound of the ocean.
443
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,504
Ooh, I'd love that very much.
444
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,505
Oh, great.
445
00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,240
I'm going to the washroom,
446
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:34,365
and I'll leave ze
door open for you.
447
00:20:49,215 --> 00:20:50,826
Pop?
448
00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,495
Son, I feel like I'm
going to... What?
449
00:20:53,519 --> 00:20:55,063
Pop.
450
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,532
What happened?
451
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:59,635
Oh, I just ate three lamb
chops, four enchiladas,
452
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:00,969
duck under oranges,
453
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:05,507
and a big bowl of menudo.
454
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,209
Really?
455
00:21:07,233 --> 00:21:09,678
Yeah. Son, I never washed
so many times in my life.
456
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:12,914
I entertained three
women in three accents,
457
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:15,751
ate three meals, made $45,
458
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,354
and I'm too sick to
spend the money.
459
00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,188
You go about things
all wrong, man.
460
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:22,691
Would you put on a
pot of coffee, please?
461
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:23,726
At this hour?
462
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:25,127
Sure. I found out
463
00:21:25,151 --> 00:21:27,429
that it's cheaper
eating in restaurants
464
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,431
and then have coffee at home.
465
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:30,733
Uh, ladies!
466
00:21:30,757 --> 00:21:31,800
All right.
467
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,602
Ladies?
468
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,404
Here he is.
469
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,621
♪ Got a date with an angel ♪
470
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:55,758
♪ Gotta meet her at 7:00 ♪
471
00:21:55,782 --> 00:21:58,394
♪ Got a date with an angel ♪
472
00:21:58,418 --> 00:22:02,631
♪ And I'm on my way to heaven ♪♪
473
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,032
Hey, Pop, how come the new suit?
474
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:05,301
You like it?
475
00:22:05,325 --> 00:22:07,869
I bought it with the
45 bucks I made
476
00:22:07,893 --> 00:22:08,870
from the escort service.
477
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:10,272
Why do you need a new suit?
478
00:22:10,296 --> 00:22:11,674
Well, this morning I got a call
479
00:22:11,698 --> 00:22:13,542
from the Gramercy
Escort Service.
480
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:15,977
I guess they recognize
talent when they see it,
481
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,781
because they got a date for
me, and I'm gonna get paid for it.
482
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:20,081
Well, I'm happy about that,
483
00:22:20,105 --> 00:22:21,383
but what's your plans?
484
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:23,485
Well, son, you
know, with women...
485
00:22:23,509 --> 00:22:25,253
See, women are flexible.
486
00:22:25,277 --> 00:22:26,855
It's necessary to
be flexible with them.
487
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:29,124
See, I plan to play it by ear,
488
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:31,360
and if I play it by
ear long enough,
489
00:22:31,384 --> 00:22:34,318
I might work my
way round to the lips.
490
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,667
Well, Mrs. Willis, here I am,
491
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:40,469
ready, willing, and able.
492
00:22:40,493 --> 00:22:42,871
Well, two out of
three isn't bad.
493
00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:45,273
All right, Mrs. Willis,
we better get on with it.
494
00:22:45,297 --> 00:22:47,843
Tell me about my
date, because, you see,
495
00:22:47,867 --> 00:22:50,512
I'm very particular
about who I'm seen with.
496
00:22:51,937 --> 00:22:53,915
I'm sure the two of you
will get along beautifully.
497
00:22:53,939 --> 00:22:56,518
Now, here's your escort fee.
498
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:57,553
Uh-huh.
499
00:22:57,577 --> 00:23:00,288
And here are your
driving instructions
500
00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:01,490
to the house in Beverly Hills.
501
00:23:01,514 --> 00:23:02,791
Beverly Hills?
502
00:23:02,815 --> 00:23:04,226
That's right.
503
00:23:04,250 --> 00:23:06,851
Just ring the bell and
ask for Lola Falana.
504
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:10,566
Lola Falana?
505
00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:11,590
Lola Falana!
506
00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:25,614
What happened?
507
00:23:25,638 --> 00:23:28,216
Son, you won't believe this.
508
00:23:28,240 --> 00:23:32,087
For the first time in my life, I
had a date I couldn't handle.
509
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,923
I been mauled, and hugged,
510
00:23:34,947 --> 00:23:36,027
and nibbled at the ear.
511
00:23:37,450 --> 00:23:38,627
By your date?
512
00:23:38,651 --> 00:23:39,928
No.
513
00:23:39,952 --> 00:23:41,730
I had to go over to
Lola Falana's house.
514
00:23:41,754 --> 00:23:43,265
Lola Falana!
515
00:23:43,289 --> 00:23:44,600
Uh-huh.
516
00:23:44,624 --> 00:23:46,368
You had a date with Lola Falana?
517
00:23:46,392 --> 00:23:50,472
No, I escorted
her dog to the park.
518
00:23:50,496 --> 00:23:51,862
Here.
35651
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
