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1
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Grandad wants to hear
all the nice things
2
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:03,959
said about him.
At his own funeral?!
3
00:00:05,660 --> 00:00:08,180
I suggested we have a
pretend funeral and let
4
00:00:08,181 --> 00:00:11,899
Grandad hear them.
We better ask the corpse.
5
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,319
Grandad, how would you like
to die on Friday?
6
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,159
Friday is grand!
7
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,039
Friday it is, then!
8
00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:22,759
Hi, Grandad!
9
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,039
Don't talk to him.
He's fuckin' dead!
10
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:28,119
What's this?
It's Grandad's death certificate.
11
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,919
You don't need a death certificate.
Oh, yes, I do!
12
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,639
He's due 15,000 euro from his union
the day he dies.
13
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,199
He's retired 15 years. I'm flipped
if I'm waiting any longer!
14
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:41,159
Now let us
take a moment to remember him.
15
00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,480
Would anybody like to say
a word in his memory?
16
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,119
OK, then!
17
00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,079
GASPS
18
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,319
Has nobody got anything good to say?
19
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,159
He's... he's not dead!
20
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,759
No, he's not! He's alive.
Oh, my God... it's a miracle!
21
00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,600
It's a miracle, Father!
22
00:01:11,825 --> 00:01:13,825
Sync and corrected by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:17,639
'Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!'
24
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,039
# She's Mrs Brown
25
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,439
# That's Mrs Brown
26
00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:26,679
# Oh, Mrs Brown. #
27
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:28,679
APPLAUSE
28
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,479
Winnie, put the kettle on.
I just want to do Grandad's feet!
29
00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,399
Hello! I'll be with you
in a couple of minutes.
30
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,679
Grandad,
are you ready for your pedicure?
31
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,359
Ah, good man. Give me a second.
32
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,679
Well, no sign of a flat
yet for Dermot and Maria,
33
00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,039
but they are looking.
34
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,879
Agnes, can I ask a stupid question?
35
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,519
Better than anyone else I know!
36
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,319
Why do crabs walk sideways?
37
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:53,560
So they can do their song!
38
00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:54,599
What?
39
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,160
# Oh, I do like to
be beside the seaside! #
40
00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,279
Ah, right!
41
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,880
Well, you can't blame Dermot and
Maria for wanting to move out.
44
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,680
Foot!
45
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,399
NAILS SHOOT LIKE BULLETS
46
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,519
I love The Blue Planet.
47
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,239
I'm sure it loves you right back!
48
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,359
No, the programme, on the telly.
49
00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:29,439
Oh, right!
50
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,999
Did you know penguins mate for life?
51
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,080
Of course they do.
They all look the same!
52
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,480
They're hardly going to leave
for a feckin' better looking one!
53
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:44,159
I suppose.
54
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,919
It would be nice if Trevor
could stay for the big event.
55
00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:51,879
Oh, I never told you.
The big event! Maria's pregnant!
56
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:54,439
It's so feckin' exciting!
57
00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:55,759
How's Sharon, Winnie?
58
00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,799
Don't ask...
59
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:58,880
Why? What's up?
60
00:02:58,881 --> 00:03:02,279
She has no boyfriend. What happened?
They wanted different things.
61
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,220
Sharon wanted the big
white wedding dress
62
00:03:04,221 --> 00:03:06,159
and the honeymoon
in the Carrabini.
63
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:08,760
And what did he want?
He wanted to break up.
64
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,360
Well, that is feckin' different.
65
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,279
Oh, I better go. Get her up!
66
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,359
I'll call in later.
67
00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,999
Oh, me life will be empty till then!
68
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,159
Morning, Mammy!
69
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,439
Hiya, Cathy. How's your Dick?
70
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,120
It's Mick!
71
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:33,639
And how are things there? Grand
thanks, Winnie. How's Sharon?
72
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:36,599
Not great. Jeez, better go,
she'll be late!
73
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,199
I'll call over her later
and see if she's OK!
74
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,559
Who's the letter from?
75
00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:44,079
The insurance company...
about Grandad's insurance!
76
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,999
They say they want to investigate
his death. Why would that be?
77
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:52,239
Let me think...
Maybe because he's not dead!
78
00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,759
Well, I blame Grandad.
79
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,799
I told him,
"Stop collecting your pension."
80
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,759
But would he listen? No!
81
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,359
This is serious, Mammy.
They're alleging fraud.
82
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,119
You could go to prison!
83
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,400
PSYCHO VIOLIN SCREECH
84
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,920
Piss off!
85
00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,079
I better go.
86
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,960
Don't touch me. Dead man walking!
87
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,719
WASP BUZZES
88
00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:44,439
Grandad, now, remember,
if anyone calls, you're dead!
89
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,079
OK!
90
00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,360
WASP BUZZES
91
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:55,439
Winnie? Yes, Agnes?
92
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,520
Give us me flapper.
93
00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:05,040
BUZZING STOPS
94
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,239
I'm dead!
95
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:12,360
Don't feckin' move!
96
00:05:12,361 --> 00:05:14,919
Aarrgh!
97
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:16,639
Fastest flapper in the west!
98
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:18,600
Good shot, Agnes!
Ah, thanks, Winnie.
99
00:05:18,601 --> 00:05:20,999
Ah, Jesus,
you should clean this thing, Agnes.
100
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,079
I tried, Winnie.
You can't get it off!
101
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,239
I'm sure I have stuff
that would clean this.
102
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,679
One of the products
they sent me to test!
103
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:28,760
I'll do it right now!
104
00:05:28,761 --> 00:05:30,879
Thanks very much, Winnie!
DOORBELL RINGS
105
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,239
Cathy, Cathy!
Get that door will you please!
106
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,999
Ah, Mammy, I'm doing me make up!
107
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,919
It might be the insurance man
and I have to prepare Grandad.
108
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,639
Come on, Grandad!
109
00:05:40,640 --> 00:05:42,919
Get down!
110
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,439
Oh, for God's sake, Mammy!
111
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,440
He's supposed to be feckin' dead!
112
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,719
Oh, it's YOU.
113
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,079
Jesus, Cathy, what happened to you?
114
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,639
Shut up, Buster Brady.
I'm getting ready for a date.
115
00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,679
With who? The Lone Ranger?
Oh, get stuffed!
116
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,640
Hello, Mrs Brown.
117
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,879
Hello, Grandad!
118
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,599
I'm dead!
119
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,479
Is Dermo here?
120
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,719
No. Did you not get your insurance
money yet, Mrs Brown?
121
00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:22,839
Not yet.
122
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,639
Oh, lovely. Two sugars please.
123
00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,919
Don't be feckin' cheeky!
And what are you doing here anyway?
124
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,439
We haven't seen you
since the Christmas party!
125
00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,439
I just popped around to say hello.
126
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:35,480
Well, you've said it. Now shag off.
127
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,759
I mean it, Buster Brady.
128
00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,119
Every time your name comes up,
Maria gets upset
129
00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:42,960
and I don't want her upset. Not now.
130
00:06:42,961 --> 00:06:45,079
If she walks in
and sees you sitting there,
131
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:46,920
she'll go through the feckin' roof.
132
00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:51,880
Oh, shite.
133
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,920
How are you, Maria?
134
00:06:54,921 --> 00:06:56,400
Don't feckin' wave!
135
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,720
Are you pregnant, Maria?
136
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:03,479
No, Buster, it's a cyst!
137
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:04,559
A cyst?
138
00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:08,239
Yes, a cyst.
A big lump of useless fatty tissue.
139
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,880
Ah yeah, my Ma had one of them.
140
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:16,800
Yes, she feckin' did!
141
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,079
Will you have a cuppa tea, love?
142
00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:23,439
Oh, I'd love one...
and a biscuit or something.
143
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:25,199
And a biscuit. Thanks, Mrs Brown.
144
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,040
Maria, I wish you'd stop
calling me Mrs Brown. It's Agnes!
145
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,080
I'll have a biscuit, Agnes.
146
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,679
It's Mrs Brown to you!
And ask properly.
147
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,199
Sorry. May I have a biscuit please,
Mrs Brown.
148
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,400
That's better. Thanks. No!
149
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,599
Are you not talking to me, Maria?
150
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,919
Are you upset about the little incident
at the Christmas party? LITTLE incident?
151
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,799
You stole my mother's handbag.
152
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,079
I made a mistake, that's all.
153
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:03,400
What, you robbed it by accident?
Well, no, I didn't know it was hers.
154
00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:10,199
All right, listen, I'm off.
Will you tell Dermo I called?
155
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,359
No. No.
156
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:15,080
Well, I'll just call round
and see him tomorrow so, see yis.
157
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,599
Maybe I was a little hard on him.
158
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,319
Do you think does he still steal?
159
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,720
Are you kidding me?
Does the Pope shit in the woods?
160
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:27,320
Well, he would
if there was a bear chasing him.
161
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:34,320
Thanks, Mrs Brown. You're welcome.
DOORBELL RINGS
162
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,519
Maria, get that door!
163
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:42,239
Grandad! Oh, Jesus Christ!
OK. Plan B!
164
00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:43,520
Code red! Code red!
165
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,520
Hold on, Maria!
166
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,880
Go!
167
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,079
Hi, Mum!
168
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,680
Come in!
169
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,479
So what are you doing here?
170
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:11,560
I just picked up
the most beautiful mater...
171
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,439
nity dress!
172
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,959
I just couldn't resist it.
I wanted you to try it on.
173
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,919
Ah, thanks, Mum...
I'll try it on now.
174
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,199
Mrs Brown, it's my mother!
175
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:27,039
Hello, Hillary, how are you?
176
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:29,839
Sore shoulder from the tennis.
And you?
177
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,560
Oh, itchy crotch from the golf!
178
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,999
Oh, well a new baby's
so exciting, isn't it, Agnes?
179
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,239
Well, yes, it is but the excitement
wears off after six.
180
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,199
I don't even think I went
into hospital for the last one.
181
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,919
I just dropped it. Badump!
182
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:04,920
"Oh, look there's a baby.
Put it in the pram!"
183
00:10:06,360 --> 00:10:10,120
Great fashion eye, Mrs Nicholson.
It looks well on her!
184
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,599
It's lovely, Mum, thank you.
185
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:15,319
Cuppa tea, Maria?
186
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:16,759
Sure. Tea, Mum?
187
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,639
No, thanks, I'm off.
I'm playing golf in an hour.
188
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:21,240
Oh, watch out for the...
189
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,719
OK, I'll see you tomorrow,
I'll call over after work!
190
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,879
You were right, Agnes,
even my stuff didn't clean it!
191
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,519
Ah, hello, Mrs Nicholson.
192
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,959
Hello, I'm just going.
Oh, here, Mrs Nicholson,
193
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,040
how do YOU clean the dead
flies off YOUR flapper?
194
00:10:41,880 --> 00:10:43,199
What?!
195
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:48,119
I'll try bleach Agnes.
I'll dip your flapper in bleach!
196
00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,599
BLEACH? I must be off...
197
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,959
It's such an exciting time,
childbirth!
198
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,879
Well, I've been excited six times!
199
00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,719
I only had Maria,
but it was such a wonderful time.
200
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:03,359
Jonathan was so generous.
That's nice.
201
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,639
When he found out I was pregnant
he bought me this diamond ring.
202
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:07,919
That's nice!
203
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,279
And then when I was
five months pregnant
204
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,359
he took me away for the weekend
to Paris!
205
00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:15,399
That's France!
206
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:16,679
That's nice.
207
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:20,119
And THEN when Maria was born,
he bought me a Mercedes Benz!
208
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:21,359
That's nice.
209
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,399
What did your husband buy for you?
210
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,359
He got me elocution lessons!
211
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,919
(LAUGHS) Didn't really work,
did they?
212
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:30,599
Actually, they did!
213
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,839
I used to say "Fuck off"...
214
00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,080
but now I say, "That's nice."
215
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:46,240
Yes, I understand.
Yes, I'll tell her that.
216
00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:50,679
I'll pass that on, goodbye.
217
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,119
Who was that?
218
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,399
A Mr Rooney. Claims adjuster
from Celtic Life Insurance.
219
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:58,679
Oh. What did HE want? He wants to
interview you. He's coming today!
220
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,679
I sent them the death certificate.
That's all that matters!
221
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,879
And HE knows he's dead,
don't you Grandad?
222
00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,039
What?
223
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,359
You... dead!
224
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,439
Yeah... dead!
225
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,639
Mammy, look, this is really serious.
You're not going to get paid.
226
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,479
Grandad is NOT dead!
That's just a technicality!
227
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,879
It says Cadbury's Chocolate
on the side of buses
228
00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:18,080
and they don't sell it!
229
00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:22,679
I promised the money
to Maria and Dermot
230
00:12:22,680 --> 00:12:24,999
to get them
started in a place of their own.
231
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,319
Well, you'll have to unpromise
them, then. No.
232
00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:31,159
Mammy, never mind the money,
you could go to prison for fraud!
233
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,039
You're being ridiculous now, son!
234
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,360
I hope you're right!
235
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,319
Hi, there!
236
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,999
Hello, Maria. How was work?
237
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:44,479
Don't talk to me. I've never seen
A&E so busy! Hiya, Trevor.
238
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:47,359
Any word about going back
on the missions? Nothing yet.
239
00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:49,679
Now we don't need to be
talking about that now.
240
00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:51,839
Let's just thank God you're home.
241
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,119
I'll make you a sandwich, Maria.
No, I'm grand.
242
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,799
I've got some couscous.
Some what what?
243
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,599
Couscous. It's healthy.
244
00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,840
Looks shit shit!
245
00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,680
Don't worry about anything for
Dermot, I have a pesto pasta salad.
246
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,860
I'm after cooking some
Superquinn sausages!
247
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,719
No. The salad's better for him.
248
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,400
He'll have the sausages!
Oh, no, he won't!
249
00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,399
I think I know what my son likes!
250
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,759
Well, I think
I know what's good for my husband!
251
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,760
I think I'll just go
and say a few prayers.
252
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,120
Chicken bastard!
253
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:32,119
Maria, look, I know you're only new
to being a wife,
254
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,319
but I'm cooking
for my children for years.
255
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,159
I know what Dermot likes.
Let's just leave it at that!
256
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,599
No, Mrs Brown,
let's not leave it at that.
257
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,359
What you fed your children
in the past was dictated
258
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,399
by budget and availability
but times have changed.
259
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,640
There's healthier options out
there now than everything fried.
260
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:51,800
Dermot will have the salad!
261
00:13:51,801 --> 00:13:53,960
Dermot will eat the sausages.
262
00:13:57,520 --> 00:13:58,800
Hello, everybody!!
263
00:13:58,801 --> 00:14:01,959
Hello, son. Come on,
sit down in Mammy's chair.
264
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,399
Thanks, Mammy.
265
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:08,399
Hiya darling,
I got you a lovely salad.
266
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,599
Yeah! And once you've realised
you're not a white rabbit,
267
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,960
you can have some lovely
Superquinn sausages!
268
00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,319
Right then, let's begin.
269
00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,599
You have six offspring?
270
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:44,679
Yes. Five boys and a child.
271
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,880
And this is?
272
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,999
That's Gretchen, our exchange
student from Switzerland.
273
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,279
I see. And Grandad is dead?
274
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,319
(SOBS) Why do you keep
bringing it up?!
275
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,919
When did Grandad die?
276
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:08,039
If he'd lived till next Friday, he'd
be dead ten months. And he died of?
277
00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,519
A Tuesday. Right.
278
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,319
What is this?
279
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:15,679
It's a toe nail.
It's all we have left of him.
280
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:18,479
Well, one of the problems
we are having Mrs Brown is
281
00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:20,999
we can find no record
of Grandad dying.
282
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,839
Well, I sent in the death
certificate. Oh, this!
283
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,399
Yes, well, although this IS
the death certificate,
284
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,519
it was never officially registered
285
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,279
at the office of Births,
Marriages And Deaths.
286
00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:33,879
Well, that's not my fault.
287
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,039
And actually,
I put it to you, Mrs Brown,
288
00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:41,719
that this strange little girl
is in fact Grandad!
289
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:45,719
No, no that's Gretchen our exchange
student from Switzerland!
290
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,119
Hello, Mrs Brown!
291
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,440
How are you, Grandad?!
292
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:56,599
You feckin' ejit!
Well, that's that! Fair enough.
293
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:59,399
Thanks very much for dropping in.
No, hold on Mrs. Brown,
294
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:00,640
That is NOT that.
295
00:16:00,641 --> 00:16:03,759
My company takes
a very dim view of your actions.
296
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:06,239
A false insurance claim
is a criminal offence.
297
00:16:06,240 --> 00:16:08,759
I have to caution you,
you may be charged.
298
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:10,159
How much?
299
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:12,559
Charged in a court of law,
Mrs Brown.
300
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,040
You could go to prison!
301
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:20,199
Hold on there, pal. You can't talk
to Mrs Brown like that!
302
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,239
If you knew about this, you
could be charged as an accessory.
303
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,640
You could also go to prison.
304
00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:27,439
Prison?
305
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,479
It was her.
306
00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:32,000
See yas!
307
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,319
(SOBS) Prison?
308
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,160
EASTENDERS DRUM ROLL
309
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:49,560
You could become some big, butch
woman's bitch!
310
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:53,640
I beg your pardon, Sharon?
311
00:16:53,641 --> 00:16:56,879
In prison!
You'll have to get a tattoo!
312
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,159
Sharon!
313
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,039
Shut up, Sharon!
314
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,359
You are not going to any prison,
Agnes Brown.
315
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,799
Thanks you, Winnie.
316
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,839
But I did check and the number 40
bus stops right outside,
317
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,879
so I'll have no problem visiting.
318
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:13,439
Well, thanks for the feckin' pep
talk! Will you stop, Winnie?!
319
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:16,039
Mammy, maybe you should get
a solicitor.
320
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:19,439
I tried. I called Mr McGocchi
of Hardy, Kunch and McGocchi.
321
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,079
Tom? Tom McGocchi?
322
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,359
Yes.
323
00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:24,679
What did he say?
324
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,360
He's in prison.
325
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,599
I'm off to the toilet, who's coming?
326
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:32,279
I'll go with you, Winnie.
327
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,439
Are you comin' Sharon? No.
328
00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,999
Maybe you should.
With your complaint.
329
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,719
What complaint?
330
00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,200
She's anorexic.
331
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,799
Anaemic!
332
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,479
Oh, that's better.
333
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,519
Oh, Sharon,
I'm sorry about the break-up.
334
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,280
It's all right.
Plenty more fish in the sea!
335
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:57,039
Hiya.
336
00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,959
Speaking about prison,
he's only out after 15 years.
337
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,760
What did he do?
He murdered his wife.
338
00:18:01,761 --> 00:18:04,600
He's single!
339
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,560
Well, God help the feckin'
fish in the sea!
340
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:15,439
Hello, son! Hello, Maria love.
How are you?
341
00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:19,719
I'm fine. I heard about the letter.
How are you? I'm OK.
342
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,879
Sharon. How are you, Dermot?
343
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,319
Could we have a quiet word
with me mammy?
344
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,079
Sure.
345
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,200
QUIET!
346
00:18:31,280 --> 00:18:33,120
There you go, Dermot.
347
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,280
Sharon, family business. Feck off!
348
00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:46,319
Mammy, we heard about
the insurance letter.
349
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:47,960
PSYCHO VIOLIN SCREECH
350
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:53,800
I said PISS OFF!
351
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,280
That sound goes
through me feckin' head!
352
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,839
We heard about
the letter, Mrs Brown.
353
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,079
I wanted to help you's
get a place of our own.
354
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:14,999
Don't worry about that, Mrs Brown.
355
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,839
We will get a place and actually,
356
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,119
I think we'd prefer to get it
ourselves.
357
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,599
Wouldn't we, Dermot?
358
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,840
Well, yeah, but if the money
was there... Dermot!
359
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,879
Yeah, we would. So don't you be
worrying about us, Mammy.
360
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:30,920
Let's just get this fraud
thing sorted.
361
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:35,600
Anyway, with you going to prison
there'll be a lot more room!
362
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,159
It'll probably just blow over.
363
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,639
I'm not sure, son.
Celtic Insurance are a big company,
364
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,359
and that man looked VERY serious!
365
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,439
Celtic Insurance? Yes.
366
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,279
Hmm. They are big.
367
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:55,760
Jaysus, all this just
cos Grandad is still alive!
368
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:16,480
Grandad!
369
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,359
I have some chocolate
eclairs for you!
370
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:24,279
No.
371
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:27,159
Come on, lovely chocolate eclairs.
You know you love them!
372
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,439
Come on, follow me
into chocolate eclair land!
373
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,600
Ooh, I'm going to
chocolate eclair land!
374
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,919
Grandad, look I mean it,
real chocolate eclairs, look!
375
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:42,639
No.
376
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,639
Who is that? I'm chocolate eclair.
377
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,079
I want somebody to eat me!
Come on Grandad, eat me!
378
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:53,359
Grandad, look, I mean it,
real chocolate eclairs!
379
00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:56,399
Look, smell, smell, smell!
Mmm, Lovely!
380
00:20:56,400 --> 00:20:59,720
PHONE RINGS
381
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,919
SPEAKS IN A STRAINED VOICE: Hello?
382
00:21:15,920 --> 00:21:17,680
Hold on, Mick.
383
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:20,520
Cathy!
384
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:24,679
SHE WHEEZES
385
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,480
Cathy!
Mick the dick is on the phone!
386
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,240
Hi Mick. Oh, great.
387
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,879
Yes, Mick. Where are you?
388
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,999
Ah, that's just around the corner!
389
00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:45,719
Cathy! Have you got a light?
390
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,600
In me handbag, Mammy.
391
00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:04,079
No, don't get a coffee.
392
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:06,440
I'll meet you.
You can come here for a cup of tea.
393
00:22:06,441 --> 00:22:08,599
Ah, for feck's sake!
394
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,199
Listen, I'm just slipping
out to meet Mick.
395
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:15,759
I'll be back in a few minutes,
all right? I said I'd...
396
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,860
I said...
I'd go down the shops with Winnie.
397
00:22:17,861 --> 00:22:19,959
KNOCK ON DOOR
398
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,840
It's open, Winnie!
399
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,919
How are ye, Cathy?
How's it going with Mick the dick?
400
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,039
I wish you'd all mind
your own business!
401
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:33,479
Jaysus, she's in bad form.
402
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,199
She mustn't be getting it.
403
00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,480
Maybe he hasn't shown
her his truncheon!
404
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,439
Here, are we going to the shops?
Let me finish me tea...
405
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,159
Here. Look.
406
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:52,599
Jaysus, where did you get them?
Cathy's handbag. They fell out!
407
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,879
Why Jesus, Winnie,
how times change.
408
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:57,519
So many different feckin'
kinds nowadays.
409
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:01,440
I remember when there was only
Wrigley's or Juicy Fruit!
410
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,239
I don't think they're chewing gum,
Agnes!
411
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,360
They're French Letters. Jaysus!
412
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:16,239
What's she doing, wearing them?
413
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,719
They're not for her,
they're for him.
414
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,200
That's the thing nowadays.
415
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:24,519
Girls do buy them, keep them handy.
Sensible I say.
416
00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:27,479
I've never used one, Winnie.
No? No.
417
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:32,199
Redser wouldn't, he said it'd be like
having a bath with his socks on.
418
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:36,120
I'd have been happy
if he just had the feckin' bath!
419
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,879
Oh, look at that Winnie. Ah-choo!
420
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:46,079
That's disgusting Agnes!
421
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,160
Here, look,
what do you think of this?
422
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,240
I see he's a large!
423
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,160
Next patient please!
424
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:02,079
Oh, Winnie, I remember one night,
425
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:05,759
me and Redser walking
along the beach in Portmarnock.
426
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,239
He started chasing me
into the sand dunes.
427
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,999
So I was there
pretending to run.
428
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:13,679
And he caught me
and he threw me on the sand.
429
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:16,680
So I was lying there
and I said, "What do you want?"
430
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:23,559
And he said, "I want your knickers
around your ankles!"
431
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,320
I had to get them out of me feckin'
handbag and put them on!
432
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:40,719
Then he starts to...
And I go, "Will ya stop it?"
433
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,679
Why?
He was flicking sand up me arse!
434
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:50,919
There was a sandcastle there
when I was finished!
435
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:55,119
Those were the days!
Those were the feckin' days!
436
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,999
Winnie, imagine looking at a man's
willy wrapped in one of them.
437
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,879
It'd look like a little bank robber.
438
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,680
With one eye!
439
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,720
Gimme the fuckin' money!
440
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,280
Look who's here for a cup of tea!
441
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:23,319
We have to go down the shops.
442
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,119
Don't be so rude, Mammy!
443
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:28,199
Gimme a second to introduce Winnie.
She's already met him!
444
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:32,759
Not properly. Mick, this is my
mother's friend Winnie McGoogan.
445
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,600
Hello, Mrs McGoogan. Hello, son!
446
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:43,680
Hello again, Mrs Brown.
447
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,759
That's a condom on your hand!
448
00:25:59,760 --> 00:26:03,520
Well, you can't be too careful with
some of the wankers you meet nowadays!
449
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,759
All right, Grandad,
your bath is ready.
450
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:15,479
Now, you get into that bath
and soak in the bubbles
451
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,519
and just lie back and relax
and let the whole world drift away!
452
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,240
Here, take that with you,
I'll be up in a minute.
453
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:26,239
Morning Grandad.
I'll look after this!
454
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:27,520
Mammy, what are you at?
455
00:26:27,521 --> 00:26:30,040
I was only joking!
456
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,639
Shit! Shit! Shit!
457
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,079
One for you
from the insurance company.
458
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:44,279
And one for me,
from the Bishop's office!
459
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,959
What's that Trevor?
A letter from the Bishop.
460
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:51,559
They've nothing for me, I'll be here
at least another ten days. Great!
461
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:55,319
Well, you know what I mean, Trevor.
Well, go ahead Mammy. Read it.
462
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,440
You read it, son.
463
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:02,679
Dear Mrs Brown, it is the conclusion
of this company
464
00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:06,759
that the insurance claim on the death
of Mr Brown is without foundation.
465
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,239
Oh, Jesus! No, wait, Mammy.
466
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,879
However, I've been
instructed by my supervisor,
467
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,679
Mr James Nicholson,
to take no further action.
468
00:27:14,680 --> 00:27:16,879
Yes! Yippee! Yes!
469
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,999
Trevor, get the piranha
out of Granddad's bath!
470
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,279
What? I'm joking!
471
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:25,039
But go up and check that he's OK.
472
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,919
That's fantastic, Mrs Brown.
Isn't it?
473
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:32,439
Maria, his supervisor's name
is Mr Nicholson.
474
00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:36,639
Your name is Nicholson!
So it is.
475
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:39,999
Isn't that a coincidence? I'll make
you a cup of tea, Mrs Brown.
476
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,160
I knew those bastards
wouldn't take me on!
477
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:47,140
It's lovely to have Grandad
back from the dead.
478
00:27:47,141 --> 00:27:49,159
Mrs Brown, would you
like a biscuit?
479
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:55,879
No, thanks love. I'll have a cracker
with some couscous.
480
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,400
What?
481
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:01,799
People change! Good n...
482
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:06,559
Maria, don't open the feckin'
fridge!
483
00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:07,720
LARGE EXPLOSION
484
00:28:07,745 --> 00:28:10,045
Sync and corrected by APOLLO
www.addic7ed.com
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