Original subtitles

Bite its leg off!

Do you want to escape?

Wanna go?

This is the 9th one.

You.

What are you reading?

You don't know it.

Just tell him.

Have you heard of Shakespere?

Who are you?

Miss Alibaba is the Beauty Queen

chosen from all prostitute houses.

She accompanies with me for a tour this time.

And we will get the Hower Cracker from Chiu's Town.

Judging from your name,

you don't seem to be local people.

My grandma was the princess of Ching Dynasty.

So, you are a princess.

Are you Princess Margaret,

or Princess Diana?

Don't get angry.

I tell you, I want to buy your grasshopper,

how much is it?

You are giving others a chance to insult you.

Look at my grasshopper,

it's so strong looking that,

it's called "Invincible God of Fighting".

I bought this especially to defeat yours.

So, how can I sell it to you?

Don't you think you can buy anything with money?

Yes.

Well, let's have another bet.

I've just lost $5,000, let's bet ten thousand this time.

Master Ford, we just have one grasshopper left.

And this is not a well trained one.

Thank you! Do you want me to scold you again?

Are you giving me advantage? How to bet this time?

Same rule, which grasshopper dies first is the loser.

How long will the race take?

It's up to you.

Fine! Seal it.

Set them free after ten years.

Let's see whether your "Invincible God Of Figthers"

will die or not.

What do you want?

I just want to fool you.

Give that grasshopper to me.

Come and get it after ten years.

I want to buy it back.

Three times of its price? How about 4 times? 5 times?

I don't care about money.

I don't have much money.

But my wealth isn't less than others.

Freeze!

Do you know where you are standing? It's Chiu's Town.

Do you know my surname is Chiu?

If I am not in the mood,

I am sure you can't go back home.

This girl has just been courted by me, can you give me face?

Please give me some face.

-Alright. -Thank you.

Other than reading books of Pere, what else do you know?

Being the Beauty Queen of all the prostitute houses,

I should be good

at everything!

You are such a capable girl, but you have to become prostitute.

If you give me a satisfactory reason,

I will give you 500 dollars.

All because of my family background.

If you tell me a simple story

by such common background,

I will give you a thousand.

Poor family! Finished.

Great! Straight forward!

Are you interested to play with me for half year?

Deal.

Now, you know her very well.

Send her to my Yang Ming Villa.

Yes, Master Ford.

When I know you, you are not that greedy for money!

Cause I have become mature now.

Let's go to Yang Ming Villa.

Don't be upset, I'll give you another chance.

If you are capable to get the Flower Cracker of Chiu's Family,

other than your grasshopper,

I will send you that girl and ten thousand dollars too.

Don't you think this is exciting?

Great! I will come and get it! Let's go.

Murdering! Exciting!

Can you be a bit emotional?

You die over 10 times a day, how can I be emotional?

So boring, let's go.

They have all gone, let me help you!

Wonderful...

Do you need to do so?

The people of this place are so generous, we have got 29 cents.

But it's not enough for you to gamble.

Daughter, gambling can be positive!

By the way, I have been taking care of the family.

Family?

Don't you think we have a home?

It's my fault, actually, I have my plan.

Let's work hard and perform in more towns.

After earning much money...

enough to be a rich man,

we will find a place to settle down.

I will find a

good husband for you.

Actually, what kind of boy do you like?

How about the type of your dad?

Never.

Alright, I've decided to find a rich guy for you.

I am not that money minded.

Other than being rich, he should love me too.

I want 70% of it.

Nothing is more important than predestiny.

It really stinks!

It's the famous "Supreme Stink Bean Cube".

It really stinks to hell!

I am longing to eat this.

What a coincidence! He just makes such bean cube once a year!

I am so lucky to meet this rare chance.

What's most attractive is...

For every bean cube,

it's still sold at normal price.

It really worths!

Have you finished the introduction?

If you don't want to buy it, come earlier next year.

Miss, after you.

After you.

-Let's buy it together. -Alright.

How come?

This is the last one, after selling it, I'll leave.

Pack it for me please.

Hey.

You are a man, can you be a bit gentleman like?

You are a woman, you should act like a lady!

Do you want to fight with me?

Fighting with others brings me great interest in my life.

Stop kidding.

From your dark face,

you show your extraordinary pale teeth.

From your smile, it shows that,

your inner heart is extremely lonely.

And very unhappy.

From your weak breathing and irregular heart beats,

and from few unhealthy hair of yours,

as well as judging from your dress,

I am sure you come from a single parent family.

You are always wandering off and have no sense of security.

And...

From your weak breathing,

I think you have poor digestion system.

You too.

How is your research?

If you don't want to buy it, I'll leave then.

I'll pay you double price, pack it for me please.

I'll pay you a dollar.

Two dollar.

I am rich.

Three.

Four.

Ten.

Eleven.

Twenty.

Twenty one.

Fifty.

You fell in my trap!

Show your money!

Can't you afford it?

50 dollars for one stink bean cube?!

50 dollars can buy a shop here!

How dare you fight with me?

You fool!

Thank you...

If you really want to show your appreciation,

thank this lady.

Boss, your bean cube.

Since you appreciate this so much,

why not share it?

I've never shared things with others.

Just take it.

I won't give it a damn.

By the way.

I am not called Fool.

I am called Ford.

I am rich!

Boss, I only have a bite of it,

it's 90% new.

I'd like to return it to you, can you give me 25 dollars?

What a fool! How can you raise such request? No way.

Just forget it.

Well, if we meet next year,

I'll send you a free bean cube next year.

Keep your promise!

-See you! -See you!

The workers want a raise, or they will go on strike.

Just find some jobless workers from another village.

But our workers are all under-paid.

They are too greedy, you know?

Master Ford, a rich guy wants to buy our rice shop,

what do you think?

Just sell it to him.

I'll ask the farmers to send the rice to our new shop,

so he will buy an empty shop only.

Any other thing else?

-Nothing... -Dismiss.

Be careful, it worths ten thousand.

What's that?

Madam, this is a grasshopper.

Master Ford.

Mom isn't feeling well.

Shit...

Brother Ford.

Mom, just tell me what you want, stop pretending to be ill.

If you keep on pretending, it may bring you bad luck.

Ford, you have grown up.

I think this precious jade should

be sent to my daughter-in-law.

According to the ancestors' instruction, you'd further the family line.

-Is that a choir? -Have more children....

You shouldn't interrupt other's conversation!

Just so simple?

You need someone to reproduce kids? Just up to you.

I am going to arrange your wedding then.

I won't give it a damn.

You are the eldest son of the family...

It's a must for you to further the family line.

Deal! I am going to have a bath.

Brother Ford...

What's the matter?

Congratulations! Brother Ford.

Don't worry, I will try my best...

to find a decent and pretty girl to be your wife.

Be honest.

I can't cheat you at all.

Mr. Sha Sam wants to buy back the grasshopper.

He wants to pay you $2,000...

How much?

I can't cheat you at all.

He offers $2,500.

Don't you think you can cheat me?

It's true, $2,500!

Brother Ford, it's late, please don't scold me.

Sorry, he offers three thousand.

Don't you think I am damn poor?

No.

So you must be poor and you need to sell something for money.

No.

Damn you!

Where is your ear-ring?

You pawned your ring in Wing Hing Bank

for 3000 taels of gold.

Don't you know such ear-ring can buy the whole Wing Hing Bank?

Kidding?

I tell you, you addict.

If you do anything to harm our fame,

I will send you to Hong Kong.

Brother Ford, no! I don't want to go to the colony.

If you can't get the ear-ring back, never come back again.

I am so poor to be scolded in the middle of night!

I'll give you three more days.

If you don't pay me, I'll double the interest.

And I'll teach you

and your daughter a great lesson.

Please don't curse me.

No way.

I don't mind you

scolding me,

but you can't curse my daughter!

I would beat you, don't you believe it?

No.

So, forget it.

Brother Ford, it's not convenient to go in from the front door.

Let's take the rear door.

What did you say?

Open the door.

You married once!

None of your damn business!

Don't push...

Master Ford is really handsome!

May I be your wife? What do you think?

Stay calm... don't push! Everyone has a chance!

Stay calm, don't push!

Master Ford, they come here to be the candidates of your wife.

I heard that, many girls queued up for two days.

Someone offers two dollars to buy the first place.

I always under-estimate my charm.

You are really "attractive"!

Your attractions include: a piece of precious jade.

a thousand dollars, 500 cattle.

An independent house plus 25 pieces of furniture.

A membership of a country club.

Find ten coolies and 20 construction site workers for me.

Are they for the dowry?

It's really special.

No, I need them only.

Kidding? Don't you have anything for fun?

Miss Wong Mo-lin, aged 22, weight 90 catties.

She loves shopping in the market, but hates looking at the mirror.

Miss Pak Yu-kiu, aged 19.

Weight 91 catties and 2 tales.

She likes reading, her favourite book is...

Penthouse.

Sorry, I've made a mistake.

No way...

From the way she walks,

I can't tell she is bitchy.

Not good...

What number is it?

Chan Nim-chi, she is from cultured family.

Today is her first day out.

She has clean background.

Her family matches Chiu's family!

She is pretty looking too.

She must be reproductive.

But she is too fat and short.

She will have at least 4 children in three years.

May I see her parents?

Are your parents alive?

I don't know, better ask my mother.

Has your mom come with you?

I don't know, just ask my mother.

Where is your mom?

I don't know, better ask my mother.

Do you have mother?

I don't know, better ask my mother.

You have gone too far!

Come out.

I want to quit your application.

I don't know, better ask my mom.

You are a man!

Of course.

I am a rich guy in town, named Rich Wong.

I am really rich.

I come here to register on behalf of my daughter.

You are Mr. Rich Wong!

Why don't you come with your daughter?

Ridiculous! How can a decent lady queue up in street?

It's true.

My daughter is a famous multiparous woman!

Is that true?

It's predicted by my family doctor.

A famous doctor's words are believable.

My daughter has good luck!

See her horoscope, it matches with your son.

If you don't believe it, just have a look.

From the birth date, it means good luck!

It's a rare horoscope!

Congratulations!

She has heart attack!

Let me send her some inner air.

Have a pill.

I am too happy! I am fine.

Have a pill, it'll be safe.

What?

Stay calm, Chiu's family wants to choose a wife for Master Chiu.

So I took your horoscope to try.

I heard that the potential candidates will be granted a house.

I can't imagine that you would be chosen immediately.

So, I accepted some dowry.

You are selling me.

Appearantly yes, practically no.

Since you have to attend the wedding.

But you needn't sleep with the bridegroom.

Basically...

You'd better go yourself!

And, if you want me to sleep with him, you'd better disguise me.

Alright, if someone pays me 500 dollars,

I don't mind being screwed.

Just pretend to marry him, & put the ether into the wine,

we can get the money and go into fugitive!

Do you mean it?

I know I can't cheat you at all.

I've got 100 taels of gold exchange curpon.

Any trick behind?

It's believable! From the famous bank, Wing Hing Bank.

No, I mean the ether.

I think the rich guys just want to fool the bridegroom.

They have nothing new to play, you know?

I know, but this is a shame!

The money is enough for us to build up a family.

We may move to a distant

place and run small business.

You can marry with someone else to start a new living.

We needn't wander off then.

If your descendants know you

have made such sacrifice,

they will be proud of you.

The whole family will be proud of you.

The whole nation will be proud of you too.

Think over it.

No, I want to insist my principle.

What is that?

Other than necessary expenses,

I want 70% of the profit. And you will have 30% .

-50-50. -60-40.

Deal.

Brother Ford, today is your big day.

If you go out, you may miss the lucky time.

Lucky time or not, it's all up to my decision!

Dear friends, uncles, buddies and classmates.

Now I am holding the flower Cracker.

If you get it, ring the gong over there,

then you'll be the winner.

I always talk much, but I'd like to stop here.

You needn't place it in such high place.

This is a special arrangement,

it's placed up there for special luck.

Won't you mind it?

Forget it, let's fight for it now!

Master Ford, please take a seat.

Go to work.

Brother Ford, do you want to sit on this to fight for the cracker?

Only the fools will fight for it.

I am coming to receive it.

-I'm sorry. -Forget it, work hard.

Don't waste my time.

Let me see whether the boat has arrived or not.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

I discovered that you are quite pretty.

You remind me of your deceased mom.

Cut the crap, or you won't stop.

Alright, remember, after putting the ether into the wine,

we will leave this place for our new life!

Miss, Master Ford will come to pick you up soon.

Hurry up, move!

Fool! Go, go!

Move a bit over!

All are fools!

Bring me a bamboo.

Catch up.

Master Ford, Mister Sha is coming towards you, be careful.

I feel bad omen!

I'd better prepare a pad for Master Ford.

Take it!

Do you want it?

Do you want to fight with me?

Give it to me?

Catch it.

Hold it!

You addict, bring me a bamboo.

Hurry up! You creep!

Sway me over there.

Use more force!

Got you!

You trash!

Don't let him get the gong.

The cracker is still over there!

Go and catch it.

Don't come up, or it'll fall.

Forget it, go!

What are you doing?

Brother Ford, it's loose!

No... No!

What's up?

What?

Why hasn't Master Ford come?

I can't imagine that when I went for the pad,

and I took a nap on it, then it became a mess!

Where is Master Ford....?

Master Ford...

I won at last!

How dare you compete with me?

Come here.

We come to get the bride.

What are you doing? Where are you going to?

Let the bride down first.

Where are you going?

Let the bride down, where are you going?

Master Jack asked you to wait for him in the room.

Enrich the electricity.

How?

Turn with force!

Use an aged ginseng,

an aged gyrophora, aged orange peel.

And add a fresh cabbage.

Cook it with 100 bowls of water to be one bowl of herbal tea.

We can't wake him up by electricity.

So, it's a failure.

Have you heard of "Asinosinopet"?

It's a kind of medicine.

It's specially for insomnia & nervosity.

It'll let the patient have sound sleep.

Master Ford hasn't waken up, do you still want him to sleep?

This is for Madam.

How is Ford?

No big deal, but we don't know when he will wake up.

Chinese doctor are not scientific enough.

Obviously, Master Ford's brain has been striked,

simply speaking, that's coma.

I am sure he will wake up.

But when?

May be an hour later.

May be half century.

Bull shit!

Madam...

Let me save Madam...

I'll give her injection.

-Watch my inner air. -Injection!

Bitch, shup up and listen to me.

I am Doctor Chan, I have rich foreign medical knowledge.

You'd listen to me.

You are liar!

Stop arguing, think something to save Ford.

I've found apoplexia in Master Ford's brian.

We should cut his head off and take the blood cube out.

How can he live any more?

I'd better use my inner air to cure him.

-Chop his head. -Inner air.

Better chop your head off.

Inner air...

My dear chicken, Master Ford loves eating chicken congee.

Let me catch you, don't move.

Be good, let me kill you,

I am sure you won't have any pain.

Don't move...

How are you?

It's you!

I can't imagine that it's you!

I can't imagine that it's you.

How are you?

It's you!

I can't imagine that it's you!

How are you?

It's you!

I can't imagine that it's you.

I am Doctor Chan, I am rich in foreign medical knowledge.

I've found apoplexia in your brain.

I have to cut your head and get rid of the blood.

Cut the head.

I wanna catch you, don't move.

Let me cut you, I am sure you won't feel pain.

You will die with ease.

Finished? How do you feel?

It's itchy!

Are you sleepy?

Kill him.

You...

I am Chiu Jack.

He...

He is Chiu Ford.

If you don't kill him, our trick will be discovered.

I just come for money, I won't kill.

People always kill for money!

Will you be that childish?

Don't you think you

can get 500 dollars just by putting ether in wine?

Go!

Ford...

Master Ford...

Ford...

Madam...

Let me use my inner air.

Keep your medicine and your air away.

She is too old.

It's almost time...

Your business is finished.

Go.

We'll tell others that this woman

came to kill Ford for money.

Is that a good idea?

This is the fact.

Right, this is the fact.

We will tell others this story.

Master Jack, we will follow you from now on.

Madam, don't worry,

I will take good care of Master Ford.

He is so lovely now.

I can't imagine that after I've cooked the chicken congee...

Madam, do you have enough paper money to spend?

Master Ford has gone to a distant place for fun.

Set the spirit tablet inside the house, but...

don't let me see it.

Master Ford, burn some incense for Madam.

Master Ford...

Where are you? Master Ford.

Thread and fragrant bags...

Boss, if you don't go now, you can't catch the boat.

I have to hurry to leave now.

Waiter, check please.

I will be the boss this time.

One, two, three.

Take good care.

Thank you for your concern.

We are friends!

Take care of other people.

How are you? Are you alright?

I am fine!

Did I tear your clothe?

No.

So, forget it.

I have bought something for you.

What's that?

Jade bracelet.

So pretty.

Did you ask for any discount?

Sure, but he didn't agree!

He said he would give me discount next time.

Why don't you buy it next time?

Never mind, just try it.

It's a bit bigger.

It doesn't matter, it fits me when I become fat.

Why do you send me this jade bracelet?

You sent me a handerchief last time.

I sent you that for you repaired the door of my toilet.

I repaired that for you sent me carrot cake.

Boss, I am long waiting!

If you don't leave now, we can't catch the boat!

Alright... let's go.

You're wasting time!

I have to leave for 2 weeks to a month.

I want to buy some goods

and receive some order for you.

I have made some leek dumplings for you.

Don't you know I hate leek?

Really? I'll give it to my dad.

Boss, cut the crap, or we can't catch the boat!

Just a few words left.

I have to go now.

Well, when I am back...

I will... you!

Let's talk when you are back, OK?

Alright, I am leaving, take care.

Good bye...

Good bye.

Good bye...

Good bye.

You are so nagging! Go now!

See you...

What's up? Take it back!

Get lost! Don't scare my clients.

Are you leaving? You beggar! Leave now!

Sweet sugar cane...

How dare you steal my sugar cane?

I wanna beat you to death...

How dare you! Are you looking for death?

I wanna beat you to death!

Give way...

Go to hell...

Why did you beat him? Stop!

You are killing him, you know?

How about he stole my sugar cane?

And how about my jade bracelet?

I don't care!

It's your bad luck.

Take it.

Where are you going?

To the toilet.

The toilet is over that!

How dare a beggar knock our door for food, get lost...

Isn't he...

Yes.

What a serious matter!

Go and answer the door now!

The door is loose, we are just repairing it now.

Go to sleep, haven't you seen anyone repairing the door?

We haven't eaten dinner yet!

Eat while you fall asleep! Go to sleep now.

Eat it while I fall asleep?

Just try.

Take it.

It's delicious.

I've caught you!

Have they gone?

Yes.

We moved here so as to escape anyone

from Chiu's family.

Do you want trouble by taking him back home?

Don't you think I mean it?

You can't let him stay here, take him back to his home.

You said we cheated Chiu's money.

If we go back now, we're surrending ourselves.

We can't let him stay here.

But we can't send him back.

What'll we do?

The only way is...

to kill him.

I've got ready.

Move it.

What's up?

You said you are going to kill him.

I don't mean it.

Keep your promise, move it.

Chop from his head.

I'll catch his blood by the bucket.

And then cut him into pieces.

Eat whatever edible and bury those not edible.

If we can't eat all, just send it to others for making dumplings.

So, no one will discover our trick any more.

Why are you standing here?

Why do you hold so many things?

For collecting his blood.

Are you scared?

I am a girl.

If I couldn't chop his head off,

his head will be hanging...

and the blood will spray to everywhere...

What are you doing?

Stab him.

So the blood won't spray to everywhere and he'll die at once.

Where to stab?

According to this "Killing handbook",

stab from his chest, he will die at once.

Where?

Between the 3rd and the 4th rib.

You are the master of the family, you do it.

You suggested to kill him.

No way.

I'm giving you a chance to show off.

-Go ahead. -You do it.

I'll count to three, and you do it.

One.

Two.

Two and a half.

Three.

Bingo! It's stabbed in.

It hurts! It really hurts.

What are you laughing at?

Since I've seen your cheerful look.

Where are you going?

What do you say?

Stop.

Or you will wake up our neighbours.

Stop! You will wake up the neighbours.

Don't wake others up...

Stop! Come down!

Take off your clothe.

I haven't asked you to compensate my hand.

I will let you pay in future.

Take off your clothe and take a bath.

Come on!

Take off your clothes and take a bath!

Take off your clothes and take a bath.

Damn it.

Since you love copying other's words.

Follow me.

Take off the clothes.

How about the pants?

Take a look after the bath.

You are not young, but you don't know how to wear your clothes!

This is the address of your home.

If anyone asks you, just show him.

This is money, place it properly.

And.

Dee!

Dee.

Fool, we are nice to dress you up!

Yeah.

You are not called Fool, you are called Ford.

Ford.

Cut the crap, set up now. Fool.

Daddy....

I am not called Fool, call me Ford.

Really? When was you named Ford?

Just for a while.

You're sweating!

Look.

You!

I've caught you!

If you want to make money, come over here.

Bet more, you will win more...

Give way...

Tell me the past records.

You'll have better chance to bet in Small.

Alright, small!

I've waited you for ages, why are you so late?

Open!

5, 5, and 3, total 13, big!

You lost!

Lost?

I have a precious jewel.

I wanna change it with you.

Jewel?

Boss, how much can you pay for it?

20 cents.

Alright, deal.

Bet on Big!

Alright.

Open.

Three 6s, all lost.

It's really big.

Boss, how much will you pay for him?

Damn you!

Look at him! He is strong and tall,

and he is productive too.

Give him a smile.

At least he worths two dollars.

You give me two dollars and

I'll help you to throw him away.

You nuts!

I just wanted to know the possibility,

you needn't be that fierce!

You have gone too far.

Run, stop bothering me.

Don't bother me!

Your jewel is too hard!

Forget it.

Just go to play and don't bother me again.

Boss, your are so smart to choose this jade bracelet.

Mister, you haven't paid yet.

Not enough!

What's wrong? It's stone!

If you don't have enough money, just return the bracelet to me.

Such nice packing! It must be expensive.

Do you want to destroy the evidences?

Where have you been early in the morning?

Yesterday I was bothered by that fool for one whole night.

That's why I have to go for tea now.

He comes again!

Dee!

Ford is back.

Let's have something to eat.

None of my business, he comes back by himself.

You took 2 dollars from me and you're responsible to take him away.

Go again.

Again?

Give me another two dollars.

One more! Go as far as you can.

Deal.

Help... I beg you, you have followed me for one whole day.

Don't follow me, go and play alone.

I am tired, I want a rest.

If you are busy, just leave me alone. I can catch you up.

The ass!

Bite, stop hesistating! Bite!

Help...

Come and help!

What's the matter?

How come?

Take him in.

Take him in too.

Ford, what's happened?

It must be food poisoning.

How can a toe get food poisoned?

No! He must be bitten by snake.

Right, his tongue must be bitten by snake.

And he used his toe to loose his mouth.

So his toe is poisoned too.

Stop guessing.

Since my toe was bitten by snake.

He used his mouth to suck the poisoned juice out.

Dee, come here.

Ford saved my life.

I think we should let him stay and take care of him.

Who is Ford?

He is the neighbour of a friend of my cousin's wife.

I met him coincidently on the road.

Does he have any family? Why don't you send him home?

He is the only son of his family.

Before he was born, his parents died.

Before he was born?

He climbed out from the grave, isn't it scaring?

I am not scared!

He has no relatives, so he comes here to live with us.

We decided to let him stay.

It's deal, OK?

Yes.

So, it's time for me to faint now!

For 6 yards of silk, each yard costs $04.3.

For 8 yards of blue cotton, each yard costs $02.8.

And, for 14 yards of organdie, each yard costs $03.6

Plus the rest of it...

total is $9.86.

Correct.

And, you offer 10% discount to us.

Total is $8.88.

Just for get the change, say a total $8.

Is the bargaining correct?

He is faster than a calculator.

He is your good assistant.

What is his name?

He is called Ford.

Nice to meet you. Come and buy more!

Please take care of us.

Brother Ford, thank you so much!

Magic ice bar, 2 cents each.

It'll stop hyperprexia and you

won't get sunstroke after having one.

If you don't take any, you'll get sunstroke.

Let's go.

We are not buying.

We still have some sweet soup left.

Take a rest.

It's really hot!

Ford.

Where are you going? Ford...

Ford...

Ford, where have you been?

Help...

Shit, why the ice bar is getting smaller and smaller?

I didn't take any of it.

Hurry up...

Don't you feel cool?

Feeling better?

It's cool.

Feeling cool?

Give me 2 cents, I haven't paid yet.

You are great! You've stood for two hours.

Aren't you tired?

Not too tired, but I feel itchy.

Wonderful, you needn't close your eyes.

It's true.

Ford is too easy going! Just to make others happy.

He will do anything you request.

Is that true?

If you don't believe it, just try.

Call me dad.

Call me Ford.

Ford.

Dad.

Call me Beauty Queen for ten times.

Ford.

Beauty Queen...

I feel shy!

He is just a fool.

I am not fool, call me Ford.

You can call me anything,

but you can't call me Fool.

Why do you bother him?

They are not bothering him.

They just fool him.

How is the business?

That rich lady wants to see the fashion tomorrow.

Look at the material, how can we show her?

She knows it's cheap just by a small touch!

How can we cheat the customers?

So, think something new, say packaging!

What's new?

Just think something.

Do you mean this?

Yes.

Miss Natasha Kimski Lowahdelowa, please have some tea.

Make it simple, just call me Anna.

Alright, Miss Natasha Kimski Lowahdelowa.

I've got ready your dresses.

Show me now.

For such decent customers like you,

it's so nice of you to tailor fashion in our shop,

how can we show you in a common way?

What does that mean?

Please enjoy it.

First of all, you will see the high-classed fashion.

It's of decent design with 1 st classed tailoring.

And the material is the top graded wool plus dacron.

So when you walk, you will feel cool and fresh.

How can you feel cool when wearing wool plus dacron?

It's because of top-grade material.

Who is this guy?

He is the model of our shop.

He is so famous in this field.

What's his name?

He is called Ford.

This is the sport wear designed for the royal family.

When you wear it, you will feel great!

The pattern is fancy looking.

What's on his chest?

To cover the hole.

No, the designer is called Cover Ho.

Yeah...

The pattern is really fancy looking.

How about the one I love most? Can you show me now?

Right away.

He doesn't want to get changed.

May I be excused?

Where is she going?

She runs fast, she must be hurrying to toilet.

Get changed, hurry up.

No.

Why not? What are you doing?

This clothes is too disgusting!

Who said so?

They all tease me.

See, they are all teasing me.

They...

They tease you since they like you.

-Is that true? -Yes.

I laugh at you too.

So, you mean you like me?

Sure.

Get changed.

That model is so famous,

may be he is putting on an air.

He will come out soon.

He is coming.

Wonderful!

This clothes is the mixture of wildness and culture.

Please enjoy it.

The last one is a mixture of fancies and illusions.

It can be a night gown or a gown before sleeping.

You are so bad.

It's sexy and sentimental.

What a terrific show.

Wonderful...

Come here, I want to talk to you.

Come on.

I love those clothes very much.

Thank you.

On the 7th of this month, a banquet will be held in my place.

I will introduce some business to you.

But my friends are all rich,

they are experts in fashion too.

Don't lose my face.

But, you have to bring Ford along.

Don't worry, he will go with us.

Don't forget that.

Thank you, bye bye.

Where are you going?

I want to buy something.

Boss, do you have any book about tailoring?

Yes.

I want the most advanced editions.

How about these?

"Incredible Tailoring" & "Invincible Needlework".

They are published in Tang Dynasty.

How much is it?

Including this.

This is funny,

a girl disguised to be a boy to court another boy.

But the boy didn't know that she was a girl.

Can you read?

What's the matter? Ford...

What's wrong with you?

Leung San-pai died.

Chuck Ying-toi died too!

Ford, please don't cry.

Don't cry, sit down.

Don't cry.

They became a pair of butterflies.

And they flew happily here and there,

they were so happy.

-Fly here and there? -Yes.

What will we become after our death?

Have some dragon eyes.

When sewing silk, you can't use thick needle.

When sewing cotton, thin needle won't work.

When sewing leather, fingers will bleed easily.

For linen, it's hard to...

To make burls!

Yeah...

I will remember that.

One for you and one for me...

This is his, why did you eat his?

Ford, get changed now.

Where are we going to?

To the banquet.

He will stay.

Cut the crap.

He will mess everything up.

What?

Miss Anna appointed him to go with us.

We have to take him there.

You can tell from the first sight that

the fat woman is fond of Ford.

We can't let her stay too close to him.

So Ford can be her dream lover forever.

What lover?

Ford, choose a handerchief for me.

Which one?

Search the most pretty one for me please.

Go.

Daughter, here is big, stay close to me.

Behave yourself.

What did he say?

I don't know.

Dee!

You've come!

Dee.

Dee and dad.

Why didn't you wait for me?

You've come!

I intended to pick you up.

When I arrived your workshop, I just found Ford alone.

So I came with him.

Don't you mind that?

Of course not! Ford said he didn't want to come.

Come and take a seat.

This is a rich merchant from Sinkiang, Mr. Hamihua.

He wants to tailor some new clothes to Sinkiang.

Great...

This suit is made in their shop, isn't it pretty?

About sewing technique, that's fair.

But the material used is so poor.

Who are you, granny?

If you don't know tailoring, please shut up.

My master is the royal tailor, Mr. Gerdano.

And he is the boss

of the famous fashion shop Boo Sin Ni.

Sorry, I didn't say anything.

Miss, how can these clothes

match you and Mr. Hamihua?

What did you say? These clothes are so pretty.

This is...

He is the model of their shop, Mr. Ford.

I haven't heard of such post of a tailor shop!

What's your design famous for?

All the clothes are sewed by Dee.

How special?

We sewed that according to the Tailoring handbook of Tang Dynasty.

For silk and lustre, no thick needle should be used.

For cotton...

thin needle will break easily.

For sewing leather, fingers will bleed easily.

For linen... it's hard to make burls.

With the technique written in the "Invincible Needlework".

49 drop stitches.

64 plain stiches...

Plus...

Five one three, 13, big.

And then three sixs, all lost.

Everyone lost.

Sorry.

What he means is... there are 18 kinds of color.

It's really pretty.

Why not show me some samples?

Don't you have any?

Mr. Hamihua, beware of being cheated.

For many people, they just want to cheat.

I don't mean to pick on anyone.

Be very careful of those who just talk!

Miss Anna, we are leaving.

Why? I have just drunk the soup.

Let's go, we have much work to do.

I have finished all my work.

And I have brought the handkerchief you want.

This is the most pretty one.

Where did you get it?

This is his stuff.

Show me.

Come on, show me.

It's sewed according to the "Invincible Needlework".

Look at this dragon.

The color is so bright, and the figure is so good.

A great one!

Where did you learn such lost technique?

It's no big deal,

all my workers know such technique.

Mr. Hamihua wants to order 50 suits of clothes from you.

But you have to deliver the clothes within ten days.

No problem...

Deal.

We will prepare some samples for you first.

Please stay.

Never mind, Ford won't go,

he will stay behind to accompany you.

You may come back late.

I don't mind if you won't come back.

Great.

Daughter, let's go.

Dee.

What did they say?

He said Dee has fallen into a well.

What's wrong with you?

Dee...

Ford, I am up there.

You're up there!

Catch the bucket.

Thank you.

Dee.

Dee's ass is being clipped.

Pull it out...

Be careful.

I worry too much!

Ford, I was almost scared.

I worry about you, you know?

I am afraid you would be drowned, are you alright?

Answer me, come on!

I worry about you, you know?

Last time,

I followed your instruction to sell with worms,

but I couldn't sell any catty of it.

The villagers went to next village to buy rice.

I followed your instruction to beat the worker on strike.

But he died on that night.

Thus, it made more workers on strike.

I bribed the official as you said, however

he is now charging us of bribery.

In Chiu's family,

every male of all generations,

should wear an ear-ring crafted with poems.

"The moon in front of the bed."

"It's suspected to be..."

so and so...

Good peem!

It's Chiu Ford's poem.

I think mine is better.

Sing it to me.

"Spring flower..."

Sing!

"Spring flower and autumn..."

Sing!

"Spring flower and autumn moon..."

"how can you remember all the past..."

"Last night in the balcony..."

Ford is still alive?

What's the use of ears which can't hear?

Bomb it.

Go ahead.

Don't use less gold thread to sew the dragon.

How come!

We used the famous brand of gold thread.

This is a big business of us, don't miss the delivery date.

Don't worry, I'll fix it.

Isn't Ford homeless?

No.

What's the relationship between you two?

What do you think?

I wish you haven't any relationship with him.

We have no relationship at all.

Miss Anna, you mean...

I like Ford, I want to ...

I think, Ford will...

Miss Anna, you are so wise!

I wish to bring Ford back to my hometown.

Where is your hometown?

It's in Sinkiang.

13.35 miles south east of Nima mountain range.

I own the whole mountain range.

What a distant place.

It doesn't seem to be alright.

Come to pick him up early tomorrow morning.

Are you crazy?

Why don't make use of this chance to send him away?

That's a distant place!

I wish it would be as far as possible.

So he won't remind me of the evil deed I've done!

By the way, Nick is coming back soon.

If he finds that a fool is living with us,

how can I explain to him?

Are you scared?

I'll give you 10 days' time,

if you can't pay, I'll double the interest.

And I will teach you a great lesson.

I'll burn your house too.

I lost my money only, I didn't borrow money from you!

I am sorry...

I lost the money for buying gold thread, what'll I do?

You have to pay cash for the high quality thread.

COD you know? You nuts!

I can pay you after delivering my goods.

I beg you...

Get lost.

I beg you.

Get lost.

I beg you, please help...

Scarface Keung.

What is the matter?

No big deal, it's just light injuries.

I've told you to dump the old urine holder!

Buy a new one.

No, I'm used to an old me.

By the way, it's hard to find a suitable size for me.

You are not economical at all.

I wash daily!

Have you bought the gold thread?

Yes, it's ordered, and it'll be delivered tomorrow.

I just want to sleep now.

What're you doing?

You asked me to put all my favorite things on the table.

Now, I place everything I like on the table.

You laught, that means you like me.

You have good memory.

You laugh happily, so do you like me very much?

Isn't it? Isn't it?

Don't go.

Dee....

Let me tell you.

I like you too.

Dee!

Tomorrow you have to go to Sinkiang.

What?

Anna said she wants to take you to Sinkiang.

Are you going?

I won't go.

If you don't go with me, I won't go.

When you arrive Sinkiang, you can be the master.

Anna likes you.

You like me too.

If you don't go, I will get angry.

Alright, I will go there for just one day.

You won't come back.

So great!

-You're back! - Yes.

I've opened the door to wait for your return!

Why did you fly in?

Kid, I warn you, don't tell others that you have seen me.

But everyone knows that I've seen you.

He should hide up nearby, go and search.

Yes.

Just ahead.

Don't tell others that it's stolen by me.

Right here, go in.

He is here.

That's him.

Freeze!

Don't go!

What's the matter?

How dare you steal?

Catch him.

Yes.

Why so noisy?

He stole my gold thread.

What's the matter?

They said Ford stole their gold thread.

Nuts! What proof do you have?

See?

This gold thread is linking my shop up here.

You are caught red-handed.

Don't go.

Let's talk!

I think it must be a misunderstanding.

Don't you think so?

You look familiar to me.

Well, it's predestiny for us to meet each other!

Let's forget it.

How come?

What made me feel furious is,

he stole the urine holder of mine.

So cheap!

Maybe he appreciates your urine holder very much.

Thus he can steal it then, can't he?

Beat him!

Wait...

How about if it isn't stolen by him, what'll you do?

Did you steal it?

What made you think it's me who stole it?

I am a righteous person!

You won't tell me who did it and he didn't admit it.

Where does this gold thread come from? Speak up.

Who gave it to you?

Don't you confess?

Stop beating him.

Ask the theif to confess then.

I am so old now...

Nobody admits that?

Beat him!

Enough, he is only a fool.

That's why he didn't react! He is a fool.

Either catch him to the police,

or take the compensation.

Say 18 dollars.

You bastard! You charged me 13 dollars in this morning!

I have brought so many buddies here, I need to pay them!

How about 15, take it or leave it.

Alright, I'm being nice!

Let's go.

If you don't go, I'll teach you a good lesson.

Ford, are you alright?

You bastard! You didn't say a word!

Now, you are so enthusiastic!

Go to sleep...

Go back.

Brother Ford, you are my buddy!

I want you to be my brother.

You are righteous & passionate!

I am not called Fool.

I am Ford.

Are you hurt?

No.

But I feel painful.

He is angry, he is angry with you.

By the way, he has no chance to get angry with me again.

Ford... what are you looking for?

You have hid so many things!

What are you looking?

Don't you want to leave for hiding all these?

Just go ahead.

I am leaving, I don't want others to be unhappy.

Let us help you.

No.

Let him do it himself.

Brother Ford, have you packed up?

What's wrong with your face?

Just a little accident, a light injury.

See your buttons! The order is all wrong.

I intended to do it.

You are so funny.

My man bothered you for a long time.

I should pay some money as his living expenses.

No.

How about $50?

Alright....

Why not make it 88 dollars? Just to be lucky.

Alright, just as you like.

Thank you.

Let's share the money from selling Ford.

Don't take those unnecessary things.

Don't touch my stuff, I like them most.

Just let him take it away.

You will have anything in my place,

it's a waste to take it along!

I am leaving.

If only you are feeling happy.

Yes.

Dee.

Nick.

Dee, do you miss me? I miss you so much!

If you don't miss me, it'll upset me.

Let's talk about it later.

Why not now?

I have made up my mind on the boat,

I really have careful consideration.

I want to marry you.

Ford.

Yes!

Don't go!

I haven't left at all.

You can't stay.

If he stay, we will be dead meat if his secret is disclosed.

Who is Ford?

He is my husband.

We have had wedding before.

Stop.

We cheated other's money.

So we moved here in order to escape from his family.

What'll I do?

What'll I do then?

I don't know.

Show me a turn please!

There isn't any difference after this incident.

So, it won't do any harm to us.

Yeah, no harm at all.

Ford, are their words true?

Ford...

Stop chasing.

Butterfly!

Leung San-pai and Chuck Ying-toi.

Why not catch them?

No.

Why?

They are so happy!

If we catch them and then set them free,

they will be happier!

How come? You fool.

I am not fool, I am Ford.

I like fool.

So I am fool, I am not Ford.

Daddy...

How are you? Wake up please.

Dad, how are you?

Please don't leave me alone.

Dad...

He wakes up now.

I was beaten and I just wanted to take a rest.

Why did you beat me?

What's happened?

Some rascals rushed in to look for Ford,

they look so fierce,

so I told them that Ford's gone to Sinkiang.

Why did they beat you then?

When I was beaten, I over-heard that,

they said they had to do something anyway.

Who are they?

Nasty people.

I can't imagine that, I couldn't inform you on time because of a nap.

Thus it caused a mess...

Master Ford, I miss you.

I thought you were a scumbag.

Who knows, Master Jack is worse 10 times than you.

I know you! Why do you cry?

Let me wipe the tears for you.

Don't move... Be good.

Shit! Master Ford, why are you so kind-hearted?

What's wrong with kind-hearted?

You don't know!

Your great-uncle, remember? He comes back to celebrate

his birthday after knowing your death.

And he wants to name Jack be the number one of Chiu's family.

You'd make use of this rare chance,

to disclose the secret and trick of Jack.

But how can he fight with Jack now?

Who want him to fight with Jack?

I do! Those rascals beated me up for I've sharp tongue.

I can stand it.

But they burnt my workshop! I have to take revenge for that.

We have to take this chance!

Why not just sell this workshop and start all over again?

I haven't said an honest words in all these years.

Today, you have to give me a chance.

As an old Chinese saying, a man should be bold and brave.

I won't care being charged of cheating!

If we have a light punishment, I will be beaten once.

Worse to worst, I will be exiled for 10 years.

Even I will be beaten to death, I won't complain a word.

I just want Ford to be a real man!

Who cares what will happen to us?

I will be right back.

Ford agrees that too.

So, we decided to train Ford.

To train Ford.

Oh, Dee's dad!

Don't be too impulsive, warm up first...

The head breaks!

Stay calm...

What are we doing?

We just go to join a birthday party, why should we practise so hard?

Go back...

It's takes long time to climb down!

I have a hope.

I hope Master Ford heart less & cool.

I have a hope.

I hope only hatred is filled in Ford's heart.

I have a hope.

I hope Ford has no love.

Remember, this is the nasty guy Chiu Jack.

On the birthday, don't escape from his eyesight.

No matter how, stare at him.

Chiu Ford is notorious for scolding people.

To scold others "Cheap" is the basic lesson you need.

Cheap.

Cheap...

Since you have to attend a birthday party, you'd drink some wine.

So you have to practise drinking.

Wisdom is a must to defeat Chiu Jack.

So, this is the best training.

Here! You are so stupid!

Master Ford, walk smartly!

Master Ford, you did it,

but I think there is something missing.

Ford.

Don't laugh.

Wear it.

Great-uncle, wish you happy birthday!

Great-uncle, have a birthday drink.

Now, everyone is employed in Chiu's Town,

I can't even see a beggar or a wild dog.

Let's celebrate it, take a seat...

Let's take a seat.

How much will you be paid?

If one has line to say, he'll get 5 dollars, if not, he'll get $2.

When can we go home?

After confirming Chiu Jack be the number one of Chiu's family.

Don't panic, stare at him.

Who are you?

Stab at him!

Cheap.

Chiu's Town becomes peaceful and prosperous,

Jack, you have done a good job.

It's my duty.

But, I haven't a proper title,

so I feel difficult in carrying some jobs.

Now I announce...

The number one of Chiu's family...

Cheap...

Go that way.

Cheap...

Aren't you lost?

Cheap...

Not this one, speak.

I come here to take back my belongings.

Ford, where have you been?

Where have you been?

For fun.

For fun too.

That two persons...

They are my fellows.

Brother Ford, where have you been in these days?

I worry so much...

Great-uncle, I think, before his disappearance, he's gone crazy.

And he hasn't recovered yet.

I don't think so.

He is really crazy and he is a bit hot.

I hear noise in his brain, I think he's inclination of violence.

It's better to send him to hospital.

Send him to a western hospital.

No, Chinese hopsital.

Western hospital.

Chinese hospital.

Stop!

They are all your men.

I have a fair way to prove whether he is a fool or not.

Witness.

I prove that Master Ford isn't a fool.

Evidence.

Ford, what's this?

Sausage.

Bingo.

How can a fool recognise sausage?

From the witness and the evidence provided, he isn't a fool.

How can you say sausages are evidence?

Great-uncle, he is a fool.

You are a fool.

Well, I have my way to prove it.

Now, we will prove it by a quiz.

We will know who is a real fool soon.

Let us introduce our competitors.

Chiu Ford's team.

Damn it!

Chiu Jack's team.

Who answers correctly will get a mark, no mark for wrong answer.

Who rings the bell first may answer, you may reanswer after a wrong answer.

The competition starts.

What're the 4 great inventions of China?

Congee, noodles, vermicelli and rice.

Wrong? Any answer?

Fire-work, compass, paper...

Printing.

Printing!

Yes, one mark for Jack.

Kidding?

How come my answers are wrong?

Fire-work and compass?

Nothing is edible!

The competition goes on.

Why do we see lightning before hearing thunderstorm?

I don't know.

I give up.

Why did you ring the bell?

To show my grievance!

Any answer?

I give up too.

It's very simple.

Since our eyes are in front of the ears.

Damn it! Can you ask simple questions?

Get out.

You are so mean!

Go, go to the back, go...

You deserve it!

You have to leave too.

What are you looking at?

Other than those named Chiu, everyone should leave here.

Whose fellows give hints or shout, I'll deduct the mark of his side.

Now, Chiu Jack got one mark.

How can a horse eat an elephant?

Cause the horse is hungry.

Wrong, any answer?

Since it's a chess game.

Right, have one mark.

In one's life, what words are spoken most?

I don't know.

Right, the answer is "I don't know", one mark for Ford.

Great!

Congratulations!

What are you doing?

None of your business, sit down...

You are great.

A goat has a blind left eye.

There is mutton on his left and a chicken leg on his right,

what will it eat first?

Chicken leg, a goat won't eat mutton.

Wrong.

Goat eats grass, you fool!

Right, one mark for Ford, break even.

Great-uncle, how can you ask such tricky questions?

These are copied from the entrance exam of Cambridge University.

If you are not satisfied, you may quit.

Give up if you like.

Congratulations, you have another mark.

Are you kidding?

Have one more glass of wine.

Drink it...

-I didn't say anything. -You're great!

I didn't hear anything.

Next, what is Confucious famous for?

He is a famous old man.

I read such question before.

Yes, one more mark for Jack.

Master Ford.

Master Ford, congratulations!

I didn't answer correctly.

Your relative answered correctly, it's just the same.

Why not drink it together?

If you don't drink with me, I won't drink.

Come on...

Let's have a happy time.

Come on...

A pregnant woman was kicked.

But she wasn't hurt, why?

Since the kick wasn't strong enough.

I know. Her baby kicked her.

Good answer.

I mean the kick of the baby wasn't strong enough.

No argue. Three to three, break even.

He is drunk!

Bravo!

Since you have broken even,

following is action section.

Trifle ring.

Bravo! I've got it!

You first.

You needn't be that nice to me.

Double trick?

This isn't fair, once again, I will go first.

Don't you think I am nobody?

You can't say no! Four to three.

I announce Jack is a fool.

I've said I am not a fool at all.

He is a fool! Bravo!

Your tail has fallen.

No.

It hasn't fallen.

You may ask someone else.

Dee, has my tail fallen down?

She said no!

No? Why are there so many people teasing you?

They like me, so they laugh.

They don't like you, so they won't tease you.

They like you, so they tease you.

Little girl, did you tease him because you like him?

Of course not! He is a fool.

No, I am not a fool.

Brother Ford, what will a female pig give birth to.

Little pig.

How about a bitch?

Doggie.

How about a fool?

Little fool.

Right, you will give birth to a little fool in future.

When little fool grows up, he will become a big fool.

Then he will be teased.

Just like what you have just experienced.

Dee, let's go.

You haven't taken back your belongings.

I have everything.

Let's go.

Ford is my brother, he doesn't need your care.

Catch him.

I want to go home.

Hands off.

Although he is crazy, he is my brother anyway.

Great-uncle, I will take care of him until he dies.

Send Ford to his home.

I want to go home.

Home!

Dee.

I want to go home!

Ford!

Do you wanna go?

Run!

What's the matter?

How dare you compete with me?

Come here.

How did my mom die?

She had heart attack but Jack didn't allow to let her take pills.

How did you know that?

I was around.

Why?

Jack gave me $500 & asked me to have fake marriage with you.

You adopted me for you pitied me.

Or, didn't you regret?

Both reasons.

Nothing else?

Let me think.

Are you pig?

No.

Are you dog?

Are you human?

Yes.

Damn it!

You are worse than pig or dog.

How did my mom die?

In fact...

Shut up.

Leave here now, and never cure people again.

Thank you, Master Ford.

What are you doing?

None of your business, you'll know it later.

Speak up.

Can't I defeat you in my life?

Yes...

If only I want to compete with you.

I don't believe it, I want to fight with you!

I don't think I can't defeat you! It's ridiculous!

Mom, you aimed sharply.

Hold the spirit tablet of my mom.

Yes.

-Now, you understand everything? -Yes.

Will you take the seat to be the number one?

Damn it!

Where is Dee?

She is kicked away by you.

I am Siu Ming.

I am Siu Ming, I am a good boy.

I want to study, I am going to school.

Serve him right.

He is so tough! He wants to take revenge!

Let's run for our lives!

Let's split up and meet in the abandoned temple.

What do you want, Mr. Chiu?

Except pity and regret,

any other reason made you adopt me?

No.

You can't cheat me.

Either let me go,

or sue me.

Take me to the police.

I want to lock you up for the rest of your life.

Why? What crime did I commit?

We have married me! We drank the wedding wine!

That's ether.

Don't you worry I would harm you again?

It's predestined that you would control my life.

If you didn't go crazy, will you fall for me?

If I didn't go crazy, will you fall for me?

Sure.

Cause you are rich.

I can tell you are money minded.

If not greedy for your wealth,

don't you think I am attracted by your handsome look?

That's right.

Miss, I am glad to see you!

I promised to treat you bean cube this year.

I have found you for hours.

Take it now, but I think you have to fight for it again.

-Fix it yourself. -You'd better leave.

Sorry...

I think we will enjoy this bean cube tonight.

Do you still have time to enjoy it?

What else can be done other than eating bean cube?

Do you want me to remind you, Brother Ford?

I am not Brother Ford.

I am your fool.