Original subtitles

- [Conductor] All aboard!

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(train whistles)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(soft jazz music)

(horn honking)

(siren blaring)

- [Mike Voiceover] His name is Mike Case.

He looks like a pretty normal average everyday kind of guy

except that he's one of those rare people,

who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty,

to keep yours clean.

He's a private eye.

(Mike snoring)

He's me.

It was a hot day in the city.

And I had had a hard night with some Singapore slings,

and the waitress who served them.

So I wasn't feeling too much like business.

That's when someone knocked on the office door.

It's got my name on it.

(knocking on window)

- [Victoria] Hello?

- [Mike] What?

- [Victoria] Hello?

I'm looking for Mike Case, P.I.

- [Mike] Who is it?

- [Victoria] Mr. Case, I need your help.

- All right, hold on.

Don't get your panties in a knot.

- Victoria Billows.

- Mike Case.

- My pleasure, nice to meet you.

- Enchanted, what can I do for you?

- My husband went missing a couple of weeks ago

and I'm hoping you can help me find him.

- Missing husband, well.

Never heard of that one before.

- Look, the police were trying to find him.

(mini fan spinning)

- Don't mind me, just keep talking.

And they haven't been able to find anything yet.

They're still on the case,

but I don't know what they're doing.

- Why, why me, why now?

- I read on the Internet that you were the best there is.

- Well, I'll have to thank Craig for that.

- Yeah, all right,

I'll offer you a hundred dollars a day plus expenses.

Good?

- A hundred bucks a day.

What do you think this is, like 1946 or something?

- No.

- My rate's 400 a day.

- $250 a day, final offer.

- You know, I'm kind of busy,

not really my kind of case.

What's your name again?

- Victoria Billows.

- Listen, Victoria, Vicky,

- Victoria.

- Victoria Billows.

- Of the Billows empire.

- Doesn't ring a bell.

- $350 a day.

It's my final offer.

- Not really interested.

(Victoria sighing)

- How about $450 a day plus expenses?

- Yeah?

Well, maybe we could work something out.

What can you tell me about your husband?

- Well, he looks great in an Italian suit.

- That's touching.

- He loves playing chess on the computer.

- You think he's on the computer playing chess.

- That's what he does.

- Do you have any pictures of this guy?

- I do, look.

Oh, we were drinking and it was an all night siesta,

and we were just having the time of our lives here.

- He's wearing a mask.

In every one of these pictures, he's wearing a mask.

How am I supposed to find a guy,

if I don't know what he looks like?

- You can see his teeth.

- You don't have any wedding pictures?

- These are the wedding pictures.

- All right.

- I really appreciate it, and I just want you to know,

I may seem like a small town girl, but I mean business.

- Yeah, I mean business too.

I'll get right on it.

- Thank you.

(soft jazz music)

(Mike grunting)

- Even those blurry pictures

gave me a hunch.

There's only one place I know

where a guy could wear a shirt like that in public.

But first I need to call my go-to guy.

(razor buzzing)

Yeah hey Bootsie, how you doing?

Hey, do me a favor.

I need as much information as you can give me

on Lennie and Victoria Billows.

Yeah, a new case.

Yeah, let me know as soon as you can.

Thanks Boots.

Got to remember

to tell my Twitter followers I got a new case.

(playful music)

Hiya friend.

- Aloha.

- Aloha, bourbon.

Nice shirt.

- Thanks.

- Where'd you get that shirt anyway?

- Got it when I got the job.

- Quite a fringe benefit for ya.

A friend of mine comes in here a lot.

He always talks about how nice it is.

Maybe you know him, Lennie?

- Lenny, Lenny Kravitz.

- [Mike] No.

- You're gonna go my way?

- No, let me just show you this picture.

Maybe you know him.

- It's really expensive to live in this part of town.

- Yeah?

- He's wearing a mask.

- I know, you seen him before?

Recognize the mask?

- Gas prices are going up, fuel everywhere.

I appreciate the money.

But were you asking me something?

- Honest Abe.

- No, I've never seen him.

Want another drink?

- You could have told me you didn't know the guy

before I gave you the picture and gave you the money.

- You know, sometimes if you give me money,

it helps the mind a little.

- Are you telling me you might know the guy?

- I might know him.

Geez, the economy's so bad right now.

- All right, all right, all right.

- Yeah, I seen him when you showed me the picture

the first time.

- Thanks man.

Serve crap bourbon too.

- Do you want another shot?

- No thanks, it's horrible.

- Take a shot or go on outside.

You ask too many damn questions.

This isn't an information booth.

You're not a tourist.

- Yeah, I got it.

- I'm not a tour guide.

This is a bar, I'm trying to make money.

- Shut up!

The Tiki Freaky Bar.

- I got it.

- That's what it is.

Aloha right? - A-hooey-ho.

- Aloha, and pay the bill.

- Hey there, Honeysuckle, how you doing tonight?

- I'm doing good.

- What you doing, can I get you a cocktail, baby?

- Stop talking to Mr. Information.

- You know I never remember faces,

but I always remember cocktails.

What do you drink, sweetheart?

You want a Rusty Nail, babe?

Hey boss, Rusty Nail, no ice.

Okay, do you want one of these, honey?

No, I know, I know.

- I'm trying to find this guy.

- Are you a photographer?

Oh my God, that's a nice picture.

I mean, it's a little out of focus.

Can you take a picture of me?

I'd love to... - He's not gonna

take your picture. - I don't have a camera.

- No, you don't have a camera with you?

Let me get you a complimentary one.

- I'm gonna get the hose.

Like two dogs are making out in here.

- I can get you a shot if you like.

You're more of a cocktail guy?

You want some wine?

- That wasn't somebody else's, was it?

- Mmm, that's not wine.

Do you like margaritas, I'm working on...

- [Bartender] Start working over there.

- I'm working.

I'm trying to sell this man a big Red Rita.

- [Bartender] That's Mr. Information.

Mr. Information, you wanna buy one more drink?

- Just talking here.

- [Bartender] One more drink.

(jazz bass)

(Magnum P.I. theme ringtone)

- Hey Bootsie, whatcha got?

Normal place and time?

Okay, I'm there. (bright jazz)

That bartender

didn't give much information.

But his hostility told me he was hiding something.

The barmaid was another story.

I don't think she hides much at all.

I have to check her out again.

Not for the case, but for Mike Case.

Hey, I got a new Twitter follower.

It's time to pay a visit to my special source,

a direct line to the cops.

And it never fails.

Lorena and I were partners when I was a cop.

And even though now she's a lieutenant,

she's still crazy about me.

I'm sure she'll help me find Lennie.

- Captain Fantastic.

- Hello stranger.

- How you been?

- I've been well, I'm better now.

- Me too.

- So nice to finally hear from you.

- It has been a little while I suppose.

You're looking wonderful.

- Thank you.

- This is a new outfit?

- Yeah, absolutely.

- I remember your red, like the shoes.

- Thank you.

- Matches your lipstick.

- That's no accident.

- Pretty color coordinated, aren't you?

- I plan everything.

Especially when you're coming over.

You gave me a whole 32 minutes to get ready.

- I know, so I had a pretty good day.

- Oh yeah, how was your day?

- (chuckling) I got a new case.

- Aren't we always getting new cases?

- Once in a while.

Yeah, it's a missing husband case.

Yeah, so it's kind of typical,

but this is a little bit different.

- How is it different?

- Victoria Billows is the client.

(smooth jazz)

She's looking for her husband.

Ring a bell?

- I don't know, not really.

But this, does this ring a bell?

- Oh yeah, I remember that.

- Remember the blue one?

- That was a lot of fun.

- I know.

- That was great.

- I got this the same day as the shoes.

- (laughing) So anyway, Lennie's been missing for,

I'm not exactly sure how long,

it's kind of vague.

But I know the police have been working on it.

Maybe you know something about it.

- I don't know, teacher.

- Ooh that's cute.

- Maybe I do and maybe I don't.

- You know I might have to put you in detention.

- Oh, please give me referral.

I've been a bad, bad, bad girl.

- You have been a bad girl.

Maybe you should help me out on the case.

- You're supposed to help me teacher, teacher, teacher.

- Let me just check the files.

- If I hear the word files one more time.

- Then we can play.

- No not then, then, then.

What, I mean seriously,

I don't want to hear the word files anymore.

Jesus.

Hello, look at me.

- You look great.

- I know I look great.

What is your problem?

- Oh, okay.

- No, okay nothing.

- You're right, you're absolutely right.

- No, I'm done.

I look silly here in pigtails

and you're not even noticing all the work I put into it.

- You look great in pigtails.

I've never seen a woman in pigtails better than you.

- I don't know.

I'm not feeling it anymore.

I feel like you came over here to ask me about the case.

And it's kind of none of your business.

- Oh, come on.

- No no no, I don't know.

I feel really used right now.

- Oh please come on.

- I'm not gonna tell you anything about the case, okay?

So are we good then?

- Well.

- It's not about that, is it?

- It is kinda on my mind.

- You know what, get out, get out, get out.

I'm serious.

- Okay, all right.

- I am so insulted.

Who comes over here just to ask me about files in the case.

- It's okay.

- You know, it's not okay.

- Should I hold on to your key?

- You know, I look hot.

Anybody would agree that I look hot right now, okay?

(Lorena growls)

(door closes)

He actually left, he actually left.

I swear to God.

(soft jazz music)

- [Mike Voiceover] I can't blame Lorena

for being disappointed.

I'm fantastic.

I can tell she knows something about Lennie, but what?

Better figure it out because Lennie's trail,

like Lorena's bed, was growing cold.

(smooth jazz music)

- Yo, you got some money?

- I ain't got no money.

- Dude, I said you got some money, dude.

- I ain't giving money to a punk like you.

- I'm gonna knock you out, like a bucktoothed termite.

- Get away from me. - Get over here.

Sucker, get over here, you hear me, I'm calling you.

- Get away from me, you crazy bastard.

Damn Bootsie, do we always have to meet like this?

I think I cracked a rib.

- You're acting like a fool on the streets.

- How about someplace flat next time, huh?

- You choose it next, okay?

I'm tired of this.

- How you doing buddy? (indistinct)

What's going on?

- I've been following your gal though.

Victoria around town and all.

She's an interesting gal.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, been using my new audio surveillance device

called the gum mic.

- The gum mic?

- The gum mic.

- Gum?

- Yeah, I put my device in a wad of gum,

stuck in the middle of her shoe.

She stomps on it, the device is set.

- You're getting sound off the bottom of her shoe?

- You heard it right. (laughing)

- That's amazing.

- You should've seen her.

She was pissed.

Her Jimmy shoes were jacked up to that.

- I wish I could've seen that.

So who's she hanging with?

- Some new age guru guy by the name of Tamal.

- Dupta?

- Yeah.

- I've heard of that guy.

- Yeah well listen,

she's getting her fill of enlightenment from him.

- No.

(mellow jazz)

- [Boots] Yo Mike, help me set this up.

- [Mike] Sure, Boots.

You're the master.

So he's some kind of medium?

- (laughing) Medium, I don't know.

She probably could be getting large.

(woman groaning)

- [Mike Voiceover] Tamal Dupta had a sanctuary

on the West side where he did his consultations.

He was as much a guru as I was.

I couldn't wait to see his latest scam.

- Feel the warmth, feel the light.

Let it engulf you.

Let it be you, you be the light.

Do you feel the warmth?

Do you feel it?

Yes, and I shall now do three gongs.

And at each gong, you will feel and breathe.

Feel and breathe.

(hits gong)

Feel and breathe.

(hits gong)

Feel and breathe.

(hits gong)

Feel and breathe, that is the key.

Open your eyes.

An dhow do you feel?

- Refreshed.

- So now look behind you.

What do you see?

- A mirror.

- What else do you see?

- Trees. - Buildings.

- You also see yourself.

That is a reflection.

You see yourself.

The reflection is you.

You are that reflection.

That is the key for what we have to be.

That is your reflection.

And see the mirror is round, it's circular.

What does that depict?

A wholeness, a completeness.

That is the key.

That is the key for everything.

You see yourself, you reflect yourself.

You see you, that is you.

That is a complete, that is yourself.

And the reflection is the key.

Oh, I think we must go now.

And you know, 'cause departing is also one of the keys

to self, to the self.

- The self, yeah.

- Oh, and don't forget the deposit.

The weekly payment.

You have my banking routing number.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Namaste, thank you.

- Hello, Mr. Dupta?

- Yes hello, how are you?

- I'm well.

- And you are?

Your name.

- Oh, my name is Scott Turner.

- Oh, Mr. Turner, how are you?

- I don't know, I'm feeling a little bit down.

I think my root chakra is a little bit overstimulated.

- Hmm, one moment, let me check.

(whimsical music)

Let me see.

Oh dear, oh it definitely is.

- Wow.

- Oh, oh my God, dear no.

It's really bad.

- It's really spinning around.

- I mean, this is just,

it's telling me that not only the root chakra,

but the other chakras also are out of alignment.

- Wow.

- So, you know, the colors are,

it's just like your shoulders are here,

but it's like the colors are all over

and it's not in a straight line.

- Oh really?

- Yes, so you need to,

before starting class with me,

because I think you should immediately,

you need like two or three days off

and cleanse yourself.

- Really?

- You need to get some incense sticks,

a box is $20, but if you have like a big box of ten,

then you can get it for $60.

You know, otherwise it's $80.

And then you have the creams and the oils

that you have to apply before you, you know,

kind of come to the class

and those range of like, maybe $50 to $60 a bottle.

- Wow, that's not bad.

- So you need to use all of them

but for two days before you come here to do the class,

and then you know you're ready.

- Wow, obviously I have come to the right place.

- Yes.

- A friend of mine told me you just really

opened up her senses.

- Of course yes, that's what I do best.

- So I understand, Victoria Billows.

You've heard of Victoria?

She said she did a tantric thing with you recently.

Short cute blonde.

- [Tamal] Not really.

- A little bit high strung.

- [Tamal] No, no, not even vaguely.

- Doesn't ring a bell, huh?

(Tamal gasping)

Listen to me, Dupta.

I know exactly who the hell you are.

You're a fake and a charlatan.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Turner, I'm sorry.

- I'm not Turner, you idiot, that's another detective.

I know you know Victoria.

- Yes, I do.

- I heard the animal noises you made the other night.

- Yes, so good.

I mean, position A, B... (whimsical music)

- Hey, stop that.

I don't care about that.

I want to know everything you know

about Victoria and her husband, Lennie.

- I don't know who Lennie is.

I didn't know she was married.

I just know Victoria.

And oh God, Victoria. (whimsical music)

It was just the best thing ever.

- Focus.

Is that true?

- Absolutely.

- Swear on your third eye.

- I don't know anything about her husband.

You have to believe me.

- All right.

If I find out you're lying to me about Lennie,

I'm gonna come back here, (smooth jazz)

and I'm gonna grab your chakras,

gonna twist them around, all right?

You get my drift, look at me.

I want you to stand against this wall for five minutes.

You're on timeout.

But if you move,

I'm gonna come back here and kick your ass.

(Tamal sighing)

Five minutes, I mean it.

I'm watching you.

Suspects lie, witnesses lie.

Cops, judges, lawyers,

parking lot attendants, grandmas lie.

You expect that.

But when the client withholds information, you feel scammed.

Whatever reason Victoria had

for damaging her own case didn't matter.

The fact that she did was enough to get my guard up.

Sometimes no matter how much they pay you,

it's just not enough.

- What are you doing here?

- Time for you to come clean, Vicky.

- What?

- Mind if I come in?

Oh, great, thank you. (tense music)

Nice place I guess, if you like new age stuff.

- Thank you.

- Who the hell is that?

- It's just some kid.

- Ah never mind.

Bet you do a lot of entertaining here, a lot of parties?

- Yes, I do have a lot of friends

in the international community.

- Yeah, I hear you've been doing the maharajah

with Tamal Dupta, for example.

- Who told you anything about that?

- I have my sources.

- You know, that actually did happen

but let's just put that behind us.

- I don't know, it becomes like a trust issue.

You know, it's like therapy.

- All right, well let's just have a seat.

- All right.

Part of the P.I. code,

if I can't trust you, I can't work for you.

That's just the way it is.

- I am so sorry, sweetie. (soft music)

- Is that what you called Tamal?

- No.

You know, Lennie and I have our problems

and I just didn't want him to find out.

I hope that you understand that.

- I might be able to understand that.

- Yeah, okay.

- But you have to promise.

- Okay.

- I mean promise.

You'll never withhold information from me.

- I promise.

- Uh uh, repeat after me.

I will never withhold information from Mike again.

- Okay, I promise never to withhold information

from Mike again.

The sexiest, most desirable P.I. alive.

Look, I've got a bunch of wine in the refrigerator

and I got a brand new duvet cover.

- All right.

(Victoria moans)

Who said P.I.s

can't sleep with their clients?

If you think that, you've been watching too many old movies.

We both got what we wanted,

and it was everything we'd hoped for.

I left her place feeling like it was Christmas morning,

the last day of school and prom night all at once.

I was the King of the Universe

and absolutely nothing could ever go wrong.

- Hey Mikey hey.

Hey, don't look so sad to see me, Mike.

Come here, how's your family doing?

(tense jazz)

- Oh, we're good, man, how are you?

- Doin' all right, my dad told me tell your Mom hi.

- [Mike] Really?

- Circus World's gonna be in town next weekend.

And ma says, she's gonna take me if I'm good.

- Well then, you better be good.

- Look Mike, I think you know why I'm here.

- Hold on a second all right?

I know what's coming.

- I don't like doing this, Mike.

I'm real sorry.

- Yeah, I know.

- I don't like doing this, Mike.

I'm gonna have to hit you like three times.

- Three times?

- Yeah.

- All right, three times.

- I'm gonna hit you right there in the rib cage, Mike.

- Just don't hit me in the same place twice in a row.

It hurts. - I'm sorry.

- A lot.

- Yeah, here goes, Mike.

(Mike grunts)

Sorry Mike.

My God, you're losing your hair, Mike.

- Put my hat on.

- Hey Mike, you seen any good movies lately?

- Well, there's that Spielberg,

but I'm not sure about the art direction.

- Never been a big Spielberg fan actually,

but the Safari park is opening next week.

(Mike grunting)

If you're not doing anything, I never seen a giraffe before.

Maybe we could go together.

- Getting pretty good at this.

- We go way back, Mike.

And this is the deal,

you gotta stay off the Billows case, all right?

- I'll see what I can do.

- Okay, ready?

- Okay, I'm ready.

- This is really gonna hurt, Mike.

(Mike grunting)

Mike.

Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.

Here's your hat back, Mike.

I love you, Mike, have a nice day.

- Dreamland.

Sometimes it's the best place to be.

Especially when you don't know where the hell you are.

I fought to get my brain back in gear

and the taste of pavement out of my mouth.

As I tried to get in a wake up call to my legs,

I thought about if it was worth it to eat a pile of pain

just to plant a bug on a thug.

Ow!

(sexy music)

- Morning sunshine.

- Hi, I thought we could save these for later.

- You know something, I saved your ass last night.

- It was only Vinnie.

- Only Vinnie.

Let's see, how many people has he killed?

I can count them on two hands.

- Well, we can talk about it a little more

if you get closer.

- Don't mess with me, Case.

Look at me, look at me.

I told you to stay off of this case.

The Billows case is mine and you didn't listen to me.

I saved your ass, and I'm not gonna do it again.

Agree, I'll leave you here until next Tuesday.

- What day is it?

- It's Monday.

I'm talking next Tuesday.

- All right, so what do you want?

- Mikey, you need to butt the hell out of my cases.

You understand?

- Is there a pretty please in there?

- No, here's your pretty please.

Inspire me to find that key.

- This is more like it.

Uh, well, I think I might know where it is.

- Hm, I don't think you'll ever find it.

- Yeah. (moaning)

Keep going like that, I might not want to

get out of these cuffs.

- [Lorena] Oh, look.

- I've already got cuffs on.

- [Lorena] I didn't say they were for you.

- How's that gonna work?

- I don't know, we'll figure something out.

- [Mike] That sounds good.

(Mike gasps)

- [Lorena] Get down.

- Watch the hat.

- You mean my new hat?

- That's my hat. - I think it's my hat.

- It is very becoming.

- I think I'll keep it.

- [Mike Voiceover] Well, that was fun.

But why was Lorena so interested in Lennie?

I needed to wrap my head around this case,

and I knew just the place to think about it.

A cute little art gallery.

(soft piano music)

This case was getting bogged down in its own muck.

The clues and the people didn't seem to have

anything to do with each other.

And I had had more than enough of each.

Any other case would have been put to bed by now.

But the Billows case just wanted to stay up late

and watch infomercials.

The answer was out there somewhere,

if I could just put it together.

- Recognize her?

- Hi Guy, how you been?

- All right, I'm good.

I was just wondering if you recognized her.

She used to work here.

Maybe her vibe is resonant for you.

- Doesn't really ring a bell.

- I was just wondering, you know.

Every time I look at it,

I just remember what a lovely gal she used to be

before she dyed her hair and bleached her hair,

and dyed her hair and bleached her hair,

and dyed her hair and bleached her hair

and her hair just died, so she shaved her head.

- Yeah, I know the feeling.

- Um, Mike, do you want to talk about your feelings?

I'm always here for that, you know.

- Not really looking for therapy, Guy, but thanks.

- My rates are really reasonable.

- I'm sure you're dirt cheap.

- I wouldn't go that far,

but I'm certainly glad to see you here.

It's been too long.

- Been kind of busy there, Guy.

- I'd love to catch up with you.

Of course, I'd be getting a very important call.

I'm just gonna have to get right on that, because you know,

there's a lot of business, right?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm sure you're really busy.

- So do you like it?

I think it'd make a really nice gift

for a special lady in your life.

Maybe Lana or Jan or Tara or Vera?

- I'll think about it.

- Yeah you know, I'm just here to help.

Anytime you need help, just let me know.

- I'll be the first.

- That'd be great.

Just text me.

- Okay.

- So you got a case?

- Yeah, just, I was about to figure it out too.

- Oh, okay, sounds good.

Well, you know, if you want to bounce some ideas

or something, I'm right here.

- I'll keep that in mind, Guy.

Great offer.

- Human trampoline, that's me.

- Human trampoline, I'll be sure to bounce on you.

- Okay Mike.

(phone rings)

- That must be the call.

- Yes, I'm gonna have to go and get that.

- That's okay.

- But I'll be back.

- Great yeah, take your time though.

I know it's important.

It sounds like it.

- So excuse me, I'm sorry to dash off

and get that, you know.

- Okay, great, I'll be here.

- All right then, I'll be back

in two shakes of a lamb's tail.

- Okay, great.

Shake on back...

(soft piano)

Damn, I am getting nowhere.

Hi Tara, how you doing?

Kinda busy.

- You're not too busy for me, are you?

- Well, I'm just on a case.

I'm trying to figure it out, I don't know.

- Oh come on, Big Mike.

I haven't seen you in so long.

Are you gonna come over and see me tonight?

- No, I don't think so.

Thanks, but you know, I just...

- Oh Mike, look here, I've got some of those chocolates

that you love so much.

- Yeah, I love those chocolates.

I like the way you eat them too.

I don't know.

- Mmm, come over, and we'll eat them together.

We could even play doctor...

- Case, what's going on in here?

- Love you, bye.

- What's that?

Love you?

- Client, that's...

- A client, right?

So where's my husband?

It's been four days and there's no word of my husband

or that you've really been doing much of anything.

- Yeah yeah, I haven't been doing much of anything

on your case.

See this?

Because of your husband, I got beat up.

All right, look, see?

- Wow, I'm sorry about that.

But I need information and I'm paying you for results.

- Here's the result

I'm off the case, I'm done.

- What?

I paid you and you have absolutely produced nothing.

- I've done this for a long time.

I've been beat up more than once.

It's not like anything new,

but your husband's got enemies all over town,

and who knows what's gonna happen

next time they catch me?

- Who cares about that?

Who cares?

You need to find Lennie.

You need to find Lennie now!

- Hey, all right, just relax.

Take a Prozac or something, damn!

I'm on it.

(light piano music)

Crazy chick.

(Magnum P.I. theme ringtone)

Hey Bootsie, whats shakin'?

You have it all set up?

Any idea where they are? (soft music)

All right, at least we can listen in.

Text me your address.

- So how ya been, sis?

- I miss my favorite brother.

- It's good to see ya, huh?

I don't see you that much.

- [Mike] It's not even open all the way.

- [Bootsie] Yes it is.

- Yeah see, look at that.

Do you have to teach you your job or something?

- Listen, move over a little bit.

- Come on, give me a little room here.

- Right, let me get a bearing on this.

- [Vinnie] I'm good.

I'm actually starting a business.

- Yeah.

- Ice cream company.

Vinnie's Ice Cream or Vinnie Scream.

- I can see it.

- I'm gonna name a flavor after you, huh?

- That would be so special.

- [Mike] Could you move your elbow?

I mean really seriously, your elbow.

I didn't hit your antenna again.

This is a little bit cramped, don't you think?

- Well.

- Why don't you get a bigger truck?

- Can you give me more blanket?

- Blanket, I haven't got all the blanket,

- I've been out here three hours.

- Look at this.

- I'm squished.

- That's a good idea.

People want the beach.

Why not have a castle, huh?

It's a lot more walls, you know what I mean?

- [Penny] Yeah.

- Damn, speaking of the blanket, give me some.

- Okay, take it, damn.

There you go.

- I think we lost it again.

- Wait, wait, wait.

- North, remember?

- I'm trying to find the North Star.

I'm seeing it. - You know where to find one?

- Can't see a damn thing. (indistinct)

- So this guy's got this big horse-like dog.

And on the back of the dog

was this little saddle and a spider monkey.

I thought that was... - Spider monkey?

- Yeah.

- From where?

- I don't know, like the jungle or something.

- Was it cute?

- It was so damn cute.

The little guy had this little lasso.

He got off the dog and he tied it to the tree.

(imitating monkey sounds)

- Let me check the antenna.

Hey, come on.

- Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- Seriously?

- That's it, that's it. (indistinct)

- You screwed up.

I'm disappointed.

You know what this means, Vinnie.

Once again, Penny's got to take care of it.

- [Both] Whoa!

- Hey, what about that?

- Oh yeah. (indistinct)

- I'll be on the lookout for her.

- You dog.

- Sure, but these Big Rig Ritas.

- That's my kind of girl.

No foreplay required there.

Just power in.

- All right, all right. (indistinct)

there she is.

- [Shelly] You know baby, I was down at the horse races

and it got me thinking.

How's your ferret?

- You know what?

I ain't seen this son of a bitch in six months.

- You're kidding me. - It got out of the cage.

I think he's under the couch.

I'm finding cotton all over the damn place.

- [Shelly] Did you look behind the couch?

- I did, I pulled it out.

I think he's living up inside that bit.

- [Shelly] Okay, that's fair, that's fair.

Did you get the license for him?

That's okay too, here's to that.

- He bit me right here, right?

- [Shelly] Oh my Gosh, did you get that looked at?

- I'll show it to you later.

- [Shelly] Okay that's fine, here's to that.

- It just ain't healed yet.

- Leave us, Shelly.

- [Shelly] Yeah babe, you want some shots?

Okay.

What do you think of that, huh?

(soft music)

- [Mike Voiceover] Well, that's something.

I didn't even know Vinnie had a ferret.

Other than that, and Penny coming to pay me a visit,

that stakeout was a bust.

(suspenseful music)

- Hey, my case is in the trunk.

My case is in the closet.

My case is latched.

My case is in the trunk.

- Wonderful.

- I left my case at work today.

My case is in court today.

- I'm Mike Case.

- No, hey, excuse me.

I'm seriously looking for you.

I have some thoughts that might help you.

And I know you're the guy who can help me.

Because we can be a team and we can work things out.

- Great, thanks.

- No, this is not serious.

- Not serious.

- I'm deadly trying to get to my heart attack.

I need you to get those people because I want it to happen.

That is why I watched you park out there,

and I saw where you pulled up.

You're not a stalker, are you?

- I got ahead of you and I know what you're up to

and I know what you've been doing.

And I have some key information

that is gonna shed some light on some things.

Because I had some some kind of bad luck happened to me.

I had a thing happen where after I was born and raised,

I got married and that didn't work out,

because the guy I was working with, took my wife,

because it really hurt my feelings.

At the time I was really distraught, but I'm okay now.

You can tell that I'm almost, almost all better.

- You're almost all better.

That's really an interesting story, but I have to-

- No, please don't go.

I have some very important information

that if you listen, I can convey it to you,

and you can put pieces together and everything works out.

It's a clue.

- I'm already looking for a husband right now.

I'm not really looking for another case, but thank you.

- I could have sworn this was gonna go

all differently in my head, I had a picture.

I had a thought, I had this planned out.

I would just say all those magic words,

and Lennie and Victoria would get their comeuppance.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

you're talking Lennie and Victoria Billows?

- Lennie and Victoria Billows, of course.

Lennie and Victoria Billows.

Those cockamamie, backstabbing,

barn-burning, upside down Bible-thumping bastards

who ruined the life that I had planned.

Because the Billows of smoke that come out of my ass

are just like them.

That's what they do.

They get into your brain and they come out your ass.

Because I married that bitch on a beautiful sunny Sunday.

- You were married to Victoria Billows? (laughs)

- Yeah, Victoria and I were married for a long time.

You're a cruel slimeball. - Sorry.

- You do not have any manners.

- [Mike] A lot of people tell me that.

- You don't have any clue about how to be sensitive

to another human being's feelings

when they're having feelings.

When I go to church on a Sunday morning,

and I think I wake up, I get in there.

I put on my nice shoes.

I pat the guy on the back who's sitting next to me.

You know why?

Good will towards man, good will towards man.

I've spit up people like you, in my lungs.

Like when you get sick and you have a cough and you (coughs)

and a sticky thing comes out and it's yellow,

and it's gross and it hangs on a fence and it's not nice.

That's what you are.

Look, you're my teammate.

You're my ally.

I need you to help me.

I'm gonna change my attitude right now.

Right in front of your eyes.

There look, I like you again.

Listen to me.

The other day upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there.

He wasn't there again today. (light music)

Oh, how I wish he had gone away.

- That was a clue?

Guy's a ghost.

What the hell was that about anyway?

(soft jazz music)

(fire crackling) (dramatic music)

My old partner, Sam used to say

the best place to figure things out,

was hot water.

At this point, I'll try anything.

If only Bootsie could see me now.

(dreamy music)

- Hey.

- My fantasy in the flesh.

What brings you here?

- Can you keep a secret?

- My job is all about keeping secrets.

You can really do that?

- I can do everything.

- Okay, I've got a secret for you.

Can you take it?

- I can take it all.

- Well, we'll see about that.

- You have to tell me.

- It's true. - You're not serious.

- It's true.

- Well, let's go dry off.

- Sure.

I don't know if this is Penny or not.

Who cares?

One way or the other,

I need to see what she has up her sleeve.

Don't feel like you have to change on my account.

You looked great in white.

- [Penny] Just a minute.

- [Mike] Looks like that's kinda tight.

(film noir music)

Wow.

Ooh, you look great in red too.

- [Man] Hey!

- What is it about you?

I've never met a private eye before.

- How did you know I was a private eye?

- I just was guessing.

- You're good.

- What was your day like?

- Oh, you know, you wake up late.

You have a bowl of cereal.

Watch "The Price Is Right."

(man grunting)

- Do you have a gun?

- Large caliber.

- How big is it?

- Oh, let's put it this way.

You have to be a private eye

to be able to conceal this large weapon in a small space.

- Can I see it?

- Oh yeah, I think you'll see it.

(man grunting)

- Have you ever killed anybody?

- No, but I've offended a few people.

(punch landing)

- If you heard about that missing guy,

the neighbors seem really worried.

- Really, what's his name?

- I think it's Lennie.

- Lennie, doesn't really ring a bell.

- So you haven't heard anything?

- Mm-mm.

- You don't know where he is.

- Do you?

- Oh no, I was hoping that maybe you found him.

- Do you know him?

- Do you ever take that hat off?

(man grunting)

- You know, I only take this hat off for two reasons,

and I'm not tired.

Good for you.

(man groans)

(sultry music)

That was amazing.

Now things were going my way.

Damn!

- Hello Keyes, Neff.

(tense music)

Better quit those electronic cigarettes,

they'll kill you.

That'd be a shame.

- Neff, don't you hate these wannabe...

- Hey!

- Wannabe cops always showing up where they don't belong?

- Mm-mm.

- [Neff] Babysitting all over again.

- [Keyes] Babysitting, really.

- What are you guys doing here?

- I'm sorry, you hear somebody talking?

- I didn't hear anyone talking.

- I don't hear anybody, hey!

- Wait for Detective Dietrichson.

- [Mike] Oh, you're playing her butt boys, huh?

- Remember that last detective we encountered?

We found him with a dead body.

- [Keyes] Oh yeah.

- He was six months in jail

before they found out he didn't do it.

- That's right.

- Surprised you morons didn't arrest the dead body.

(Neff chuckling)

- You're about to get punched in the face

any second now, Case.

- Hey, I'm your only witness.

I didn't see anything.

- That's true, that's true.

- You might miss though, that's the only problem.

Get outta here.

- [Keyes] Hey!

- [Neff] Do that again, I'm gonna put you in the car.

- [Keyes] Please.

- You got a car now?

Thought you were still on your bike.

- Have you ever been punched in the face real hard, Case?

- [Neff] No witnesses.

- Two days ago.

- You're about to catch another one.

I don't think you felt a punch like this.

- Why don't you wear a tie or something?

This guy, regardless of how ugly he is,

at least he's got a proper hat.

Follow his lead or something, huh?

Get outta here.

- Hey!

(dog barking)

(tense music)

Oh Dietrichson, thank God. (chuckling)

- Detective Dietrichson.

- Well Mike, so nice of you to wait.

- My pleasure, these guys are charming and witty.

- I thought I told you to stay the fuck off my case.

- Did you say that, I don't remember that?

I'm telling you, Mike,

these guys are gonna be so on your ass

every day of the week,

if you don't stay the hell off of my investigation.

- [Mike] These guys?

- Yeah, these guys. - Mm.

- Guys, I got this.

I'll see you back at the station, okay?

Thank you.

- Have a great night.

Get that tie.

- You said you were gonna

stay the hell off this investigation, Mike.

- Oh, maybe I just need some discipline.

- You said it about three times in the last 48 hours.

And then you show up here.

Why doesn't that surprise me?

You know something, it's my ass on the line.

I've got the chief breathing down my neck.

You know how it is for me.

And I swear to God, if you fuck this up for me, Mike,

I'm gonna have these guys and worse,

on your ass every day of the week.

You understand me?

I don't even want to smell you around this investigation.

I mean it.

- Okay.

(dog barking)

Wow, I haven't seen Lorena that angry

since the last time I pissed her off.

For Lennie's sake, he better hope I find him,

before she does.

(Magnum P.I. theme ringtone)

Hey Boots, what's happening?

What?

Okay, I'll be there in 10 minutes.

(light music)

What was that all about?

I don't know, but when Bootsie sounds like that,

I'm on my way.

(knocking on door)

Friends are important shit, you know?

- Hey Mike, how you doing?

- You all right, Boots?

- Yeah, I'm all right, come on in, man.

Good to see you, want a beer?

- Yeah.

- All right cool, glad you're here.

- [Mike] Is that a new one?

- [Boots] Yeah, it sure is.

- Yeah thanks. - I'm glad you like that.

I just got that recently and I hope to get some more.

- Yeah yeah, but I gotta know,

was it Vinnie who did that to you?

- Nah, Vinnie didn't do that to me.

I know his fist.

- So what's going on?

- I have no idea who or what,

but it wasn't Vinnie.

- It just doesn't connect.

I don't get what's going on.

- How long have we been doing business together?

- (laughing) Man, that's a question

with a long answer, brother.

A long time.

- We've been down some road, haven't we?

- Roads and trails and rivers, yeah.

- Thanks to you.

- All of the above.

- Getting me down there that last place.

Hanrahan, the Hanrahan case.

You know, 24 hours we were there and we got nothing.

Never forget that, much as I'll try.

- I won't either, that's why I need to relax.

Kick my heels, stretch my feet,

meditate on my navel a little bit, if you get my drift.

- What does that mean?

- (laughing) Means I'm out of the business, Mike.

- Yeah right, you've said that before.

- I mean it this time.

- No way, I don't buy it.

- Hey, I've already looked at my account.

With this job, I've got enough cash to do a nice retirement.

- Boots man, I got some cases on the back burner.

You know, we can fill out that bank account

a little bit more.

Give you a little cushion.

- I'm out of town, heading South, my friend.

- Mexico?

- More like France, chateau, the whole business.

- France.

(Bootsie speaking in foreign language)

Cut the frog, you know I hate it when you do that.

- No, I'm done, man.

I really want some time now and enjoy.

But I want to let you know something.

If you got some brains,

better get out while the getting's good.

- Well, we know that's a big if, don't we?

- We do.

And knowing you, you won't do it.

- It's not gonna happen.

Not gonna be the same without you, Boots.

- You'll be all right.

- Au revoir Bootsie.

- To your success, my friend.

- [Mike Voiceover] Bootsie has talked about quitting before,

but this time he sounds serious.

The best going away present I could give him,

was to find out who gave him the beating.

This was no ordinary assault and battery.

Somebody who was part of this case was sending a message.

And I owed him a payback, with interest.

I needed the who and the why.

And I knew the best place to start was at square one.

(crashing)

Mrs. Billows.

The client.

Hello?

- You.

- Get your skinny ass in here.

- What are you doing here?

You can't just keep barging in like that.

- I can barge in here, whenever I want.

What do you know about Bootsie?

- I don't know anything about a Bootsie.

- Bootsie's my friend, he got beat up tonight.

What do you know about it?

- Maybe Lennie had something to do with it.

- Maybe Lennie and his wife, Vicky Billows.

- I don't know anything about it.

It wasn't me.

- Ever since I met you,

life has just been getting weirder and weirder by the day.

It all revolves around you.

- Maybe I can make it all better, like I did before.

- All I care about is getting to the bottom of this.

Yeah.

It all revolved around Vicki and Lennie.

And I was sure he was pulling the strings.

I only had two connections to Lennie,

and only one of them had a history of using his fists.

(tense piano)

(elevator dings)

- Mike, hey Mike.

Mike hey easy, what's wrong with you?

What are you doing here?

Loosen up.

- This ain't a social call, Vinnie.

- I don't know what that means, Mike.

- What do you know about Bootsie?

- Mike, you gotta believe me.

I don't know anything about Bootsie

or the beatdown they gave him.

I don't even work for the guy anymore, Mike.

- Work for who?

- The guy you're harassing me about, Mike.

- Lennie?

- Yeah, Lennie.

- Where can I find him?

- He's working with a lot of hired muscle these days

and it's somebody different every day.

All right, so I don't know anything.

- [Mike] Listen, Bootsie didn't deserve to get beat up...

- How is Bootsie, how is Bootsie, Mike?

- He took a beatdown, what do you think?

He's not doing so good.

Hey, I got a mark on my rib where you beat me.

- I was just doing my job, you gotta understand.

I was in a bad situation, a bad spot, Mike.

- It's sore.

- I was just doing my job.

I only hit you three times.

- You hit me twice in the same place.

That hurts like the dickens, come on.

- I kept it easy, I kept it light.

- So you got fired?

- I'm thinking about getting out of the business.

- What are you gonna do?

- I don't know, drive an ice cream truck

around town or something.

- What kind of song?

- Maybe like a (hums the circus theme)

It doesn't matter, Mike.

Look, tell Bootsie I love him, and I'll send him a card.

- If I find out you had something to do

with Bootsie's beatdown, I'm gonna give you a beatdown.

- I mean, I'll take you down to Frankie's.

I'll buy you some cannolli, man.

- Gino's, we're going to Gino's,

we're not going to Frankie's.

I don't like the ones at Frankie's, they're dry.

- Gino's is good, I like Gino's.

- Cannolli's on you.

- Gino's it is, I'll be there.

- All right. - All right.

- Keep your nose clean.

- [Vinny] Okay, give Bootsie a hug for me, huh?

Kiss, hug.

- Okay.

- [Mike Voiceover] Vinnie sounded sincere

and he's too stupid to lie.

So that only left one person on my list.

(knock on door)

- Door's open.

- [Mike] Hi Penny.

- Mike, you came to see me. (dramatic music)

I thought I'd never see you again.

- Well, I wish I could say I came to see you,

but it's not that.

- What's wrong?

- My friend Bootsie, he got beat up,

I gotta find out who did it.

- I don't know anything.

- You know, this all comes back to Lennie Billows.

- We don't have to talk about Lennie.

Can we just talk about us?

- Penny, Bootsie didn't deserve this.

You know Lennie, don't you?

- No I don't.

I know Lennie, but I don't know where he is.

- All right, let's start with who he is.

What can you tell me about him?

- I can't tell you anything.

- Can't or won't?

- I can't.

- How do you know him?

Penny, it's important.

- I know, it's not important.

I think we're so much more important than that.

I'm sorry about your friend.

- Penny, help me please.

- I would do anything for you, but I can't give up Lennie.

Lennie's my father.

- I gotta go.

Neither Vinnie or Penny were gonna give up Lennie.

And that left me nowhere.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

It was time for the Post-it technique.

(soft piano music)

- Hello, Michael Casepi.

My name is Alejandro Marrero.

You can call me Alexander.

- Mike Case.

- I'm a vegan bullfighter.

And I come here for your services.

- A vegan bullfighter.

- Yes, I'm very good at what I do.

- And I'm very busy.

- Please, Michael Casepi, I need your help.

- Maybe later. (mellow music)

- I have lost my cat.

- You're still here?

- He's my lucky cat, El Torito.

- You want me to find a cat named after a chip?

- No, not chip.

That's a tortilla chip.

I'm saying, my little bull.

Not tortilla, torito.

Little bull. (imitates bull)

- Right, you're a bullfighter.

- Yes.

(Mike speaking in foreign language)

- Michael Casepi, I will use force,

if you do not find my bull.

You know what I do to bulls?

I stab them with my blades.

When people do not listen to me, I treat them like bulls.

Find my cat, Michael Casepi.

Find my cat.

- It's Mike Case.

There's no P at the end.

- Please, Michael Casepi.

I need your private investigator skills, please.

- Okay, I'll find your cat.

If you leave now.

- Ole!

(knocking on window)

- I said I'd find your damn cat.

God, who is this guy?

- [Lorena] Case, it's me.

- Lorena?

- [Lorena] Yes.

- What's up?

- Scootch over.

- What brings you here?

- So who was that guy?

- You don't want to know. (mellow music)

- What do you mean, I don't want to know?

I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know.

- Okay, he's a vegan bullfighter named Alejandro Marrero.

He wants me to find his cat, Dorito.

Like the chip.

- Yeah, sure.

And I suppose he has nothing to do with the case.

- It has nothing to do with the case.

- Listen, I told you to stay off the case

and I know you haven't,

because I know you, Case.

- You know I'm not gonna get off the case,

just because you told me to get off the case.

It's my case.

- I rest my case.

- Exactly, all right so?

- I'm supposed to believe you're a pussy finder now.

- I am a pussy finder.

(Lorena laughs)

Don't go there.

- All right listen.

We can just forget about the other night

and just be professionals,

and possibly share any information we may have.

What do you think?

- What's in it for me?

- If you share your information with me

I'll let you off the hook about doing this case without me.

- Oh, you're gonna let me off the hook.

Well that's awful big of you.

- Listen, what do you got?

- What do you got?

- I asked you first.

- So I asked you second.

Hey, I'm the guy here.

You know, you came into my office.

Whatcha got?

- I will be happy to tell you,

as soon as you tell me what you have.

I believe in sharing, but you go first.

- Sharing, huh?

- Sharing is caring.

- Pinky promise?

- Let's have it.

- I don't got much.

- [Lorena] So let's have it, I don't have all day.

- I do have a little something.

Yeah.

Surveillance tape.

- Oh well, I'll take it.

- [Shelly] (indistinct), I got you guys some refreshers.

Three Big Rig Ritas.

I got you a nice Cherincourt.

I think you'll like it a little better, Vinnie baby.

- This is nothing. (indistinct)

What is this?

This is all you've got?

- It's all I got.

- This is crap, Case.

- Not much, I told you.

- Yeah, you weren't kidding.

Okay, is that it?

- What do you got?

- Um, I think I'm gonna keep that to myself.

When you have something for me, I'll let you know.

- Hold on, we had a deal.

We pinky promised.

- [Shelly] Did you look behind the couch?

- [Vinny] I did, I pulled it out.

I think he's living up inside that bit.

- [Shelly] Okay that's fair, that's fair.

Did you get the license for him?

That's okay too. (dramatic music)

- [Mike Voiceover] That lunatic was right.

Find the man that wasn't there.

Find the guy hiding in plain sight.

- All right, Junebug, I got you the Slippery Doorstop.

Vinnie, baby, I got you a...

- Just put that anywhere, huh?

- Kamikaze.

I know how you like it, honey.

- Good to see you, sugar.

- All right, you too, sweetums.

And I got you, baby.

It's a nice mix, it's nice and dark.

I think you're gonna like what's in it.

It's real special from the '70s.

- [Penny] Okay.

- The other day upon the stair (light piano)

I met a man that wasn't there.

- He wasn't there again today.

How I wish he'd go away.

- I bet you do, Lennie.

- Hey Mikey.

How'd you find me?

- Oh, call it a trade secret.

- [Shelly] That's okay too, here's to that.

- He bit me right here though, right?

- Oh my God.

Are you a photographer?

Oh my God, that's a nice picture.

- The other day upon the stair.

- You know what this means, Vinny.

- I met a man who wasn't there.

(rapid music)

- Good to see you, sugar.

- All right, you too sweetheart.

- So what now?

Looking forward to seeing Victoria again?

- (chuckles) Ah, I have a better idea.

I have some friends, said they'd like to talk to you.

- Friends, huh? (light music)

Friends are good.

I bet they have friends too.

- They are very popular.

I think you'll find them entertaining.

- Friends.

E pluribus unum.

Words to live by.

- Mike, like I was sayin,

it's only business, you know what I mean?

- What did I tell you?

- Like I said, it was...

(Vinnie grunting)

(Vinnie coughing)

What'd you do that for?

- Bootsie's gonna want this one back.

Your turn.

- Mikey, we got a deal.

- Your turn.

- Hey, not the face.

(Lennie grunting)

- That's for Bootsie.

(Lennie coughing)

- I had a hunch you'd be here.

- Is that so?

- Yeah, I also followed you.

- Case closed.

- Ah, I thought you had bupkis.

- Sometimes you get lucky.

- Yeah.

- Speaking of getting lucky, doing anything later?

- Hmm, if you're extremely lucky.

- I usually am.

I'll see you later. (Lorena scoffs)

- Hey, are you gonna call me?

- Count on it.

What?

(indistinct)

- Lennie Billows.

- [Mike Voiceover] All tied up in a nice, neat knot.

Except for what I was gonna tell Vicky.

I had taken her money, her trust and her... hospitality.

I guess I would think of something.

Just hope I could keep a straight face.

(light music)

(knocks on door)

Hi Victoria, good morning.

- Good morning.

- Hope I didn't wake you up.

- You did. - I'm sorry if I did.

I really hate to bother you, but I got some bad news.

- What happened to Lennie?

- Oh, that's a really good question.

That's the bad news.

I have no idea where the guy is.

I could not find him.

Lord knows I tried.

- Where's my husband?

I want him back.

- Some people just don't want to be found.

You know, there's always 2%.

You know, even Magnum PI in one episode,

couldn't find the guy.

- Did you check the hospitals?

- The morgues, the mortuaries,

the taverns, sanatoriums, city parks.

You know, all that stuff.

But yeah, that guy's gone.

It happens.

I'm really sorry, but I'm sure the pain

you're feeling in your heart right now

over time will ease.

You'll find someone else.

- What about my refund?

- Oh, your refund's long gone.

You know, that's a standard clause

with private investigative services.

You know, standard, no refunds, services rendered

and all that kind of stuff.

It's legal, but it's the way it goes.

- Oh really?

So you sleep with me and you rip me off.

- Yeah, I didn't find your husband, that's true.

But we did have that moment together that night

and consider that a silver lining to the cloud, huh?

- Bye.

- [Mike Voiceover] Something in me was almost sorry

to see her go.

(Victoria growls)

Almost.

(upbeat jazz music)

It happens in every case.

There's always a big kiss off.

(soft jazz music)

Don't say a word.

(cat purring)

(soft jazz)