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1
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,907
Oh, I'm so bummed out.
Hate to go to work
2
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,776
without being able
to kiss a beautiful woman.
3
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,744
That, uh... (gasps)
Wait a minute.
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:12,746
-(laughs)
-There is one right here.
5
00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,915
-Oh, you are, you... Morning.
-Good morning.
6
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,418
-Yay.
-Look at. Wait a minute.
7
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,420
Oh. Silver dollar pancakes.
8
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:22,123
All the breakables
are gone out of the living room.
9
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:25,826
So my conclusion is our
granddaughter is coming over.
10
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,928
-Yeah, she'll be here
any minute. -Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:27,995 --> 00:00:30,098
I get to spend the day
with our little
12
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,966
Sarah-sweetie-squiggly
squirmy-worm. (laughs)
13
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:36,437
Yeah, just like the worm
in the movie Tremors. Huh.
14
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,106
Uh, yeah, yeah, well,
15
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:39,940
she has been getting
a little frisky, that one.
16
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,543
Yeah, a little frisky.
She put all the ceramic mugs
17
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,679
in the dryer
and turned the dryer on.
18
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:49,483
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah. She has been getting a little more, um...
19
00:00:49,617 --> 00:00:51,519
Revved up? Crazy?
Hannibal Lecter-like?
20
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,954
Uh, no.
I was going to say "spirited."
21
00:00:54,021 --> 00:00:56,124
-Yeah.
-Do you think this is becoming a problem?
22
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,359
-Well...
-Well, no, not for you, because you're going to work.
23
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:01,028
It kind of reminds me of Eve
a little bit, right?
24
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,996
Remember when Eve was that age?
25
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,632
She didn't like the tree
out front we just planted.
26
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:05,966
-Ugh. (laughs)
-We both loved that little tree.
27
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,301
She didn't like that tree.
28
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:08,969
Yup, she was a handful.
29
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,339
She spent half her childhood
in time-out.
30
00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:13,807
-And the other half
trying to get into time-out. -Mm.
31
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,476
Well, you know what?
You might be right.
32
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,478
I-I think maybe I need
to set some firmer boundaries
33
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,147
for Sarah when she's here.
34
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:21,014
Yeah, that worked out
real well with Eve.
35
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:23,217
-Yeah.
-Timber! Cuts the tree down
36
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,818
-with a bowie knife.
-I know. Ugh. Yeah.
37
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,721
God, I miss that kid.
38
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,057
♪ ♪
39
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,064
(kazoo playing)
40
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:39,233
Sarah?
41
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,570
Sarah?!
42
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:46,240
Okay, four dollars.
That's my final offer.
43
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,908
(plays kazoo)
44
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,246
(laughs) Thanks for keeping
an eye on her.
45
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,248
I left your laundry
on your bed.
46
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:58,586
Could you go ahead and put that
in my suitcase so I can move?
47
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,254
Oh, no. Has she been a bit much?
48
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:02,890
At one point, I was going
to call the police,
49
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:05,193
but I didn't want
to endanger them!
50
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:06,727
She's just a little girl.
51
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:07,861
Why don't you just
tell her to stop?
52
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,697
Why didn't I think of that?
53
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,233
Oh, yeah, I couldn't think
of anything
54
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,968
because someone was
blasting the kazoo!
55
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:18,406
I'll-I'll handle this.
Sorry. Sarah, honey?
56
00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:19,973
Come here, Sarah. Listen.
57
00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:22,109
Music time is over, all right,
58
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,777
and now we're going
to read some books.
59
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,879
-Okay?
-No!
60
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:28,382
-Yes.
-No!
61
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:31,285
I've tried this.
She never changes her vote.
62
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,554
All right, look,
listen, sweetie, I mean it.
63
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,889
Music time is over
so give me the kazoo. Come on.
64
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:38,259
-(playing kazoo)
-Hey, Sarah? Hey, Sarah, stop!
65
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,261
Sarah, give me the kazoo.
66
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,795
(gasps)
67
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:48,469
Oh, you just earned yourself
a time-out, missy.
68
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,471
Oh. Come over here. Sarah!
69
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,073
I can still call the police.
70
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:59,079
-Ooh, that's pretty good.
-Yeah.
71
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:03,451
What did you do?
Tastes like a hot Popsicle.
72
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,254
It's, uh, my little secret.
73
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,588
Half coffee beans,
74
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,323
half jelly beans.
75
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,460
Please tell me, Joe,
you're not making
76
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:14,595
that Easter candy coffee again,
'cause if you are,
77
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,664
you're fired.
78
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:19,032
Uh, hey, Mr. B, I was able to
find that bottle of whiskey
79
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:20,801
you wanted me to pick up
for Mr. Alzate.
80
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,102
-Thank you.
-Um...
81
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,937
why is Ed getting whiskey?
82
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,773
For not being you.
83
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,342
It's celebrated
throughout the world.
84
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:31,479
Oh, every year, Mr. Alzate
85
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:32,946
and Mr. B get each other gifts
86
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,482
to celebrate
their business anniversary.
87
00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,385
And every year,
Baxter passes it off on Kyle.
88
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:40,521
I do the hard part--
I decide it's got to be booze.
89
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:43,291
Otherwise, it would be booze.
90
00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:46,394
All right, I'm gonna go pick
that up and some jelly beans.
91
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,496
Mandy is in for a surprise.
92
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,165
You know, it's pathetic, okay?
93
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,801
Gifts are supposed
to be personal.
94
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,669
They're supposed
to mean something.
95
00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,038
Like when I gave my mom...
96
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,641
the other half of this.
97
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,510
Could you please
button your shirt?
98
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:05,479
People are eating food in here.
99
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,214
Joe's right. If you told me
100
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:09,383
to run an errand like that,
I'd tell you to shove it.
101
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:10,984
-Would you?
-Mm-hmm.
102
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,321
Morning, gentlemen.
Morning, morning, morning.
103
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,489
Hey, Chuck, did you take care
of the thing
104
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,857
with the thing for the guy?
105
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,258
You're not doing anything
for Ed.
106
00:04:18,359 --> 00:04:19,693
You'd tell him to shove it,
wouldn't you?
107
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,229
Mm-mm.
I have to do stuff for Ed.
108
00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:24,532
If he orders something
off the Internet
109
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,734
without me, we all get a virus.
110
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,336
Boo, hiss! You know, I thought
111
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,070
you guys were supposed
to like each other, okay?
112
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:32,506
If you want to do something
special, make something.
113
00:04:32,573 --> 00:04:33,841
That's a present.
114
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,176
Hmm, a homemade present, uh-huh.
115
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,945
He's drunk.
He's been drinking all morning.
116
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,847
I was just writing him up
when you walked in.
117
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,115
Oh, well, I think it's nice.
118
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,352
Showing someone you care
should take a little effort.
119
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,855
This took three years.
120
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,859
Sounds warm, Mikey.
You know how much I love warm.
121
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,528
Come on, remember
the first time you saw me cry?
122
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,797
'78-- I made you a brass lure
123
00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:58,699
out of a bottle cap.
124
00:04:58,766 --> 00:05:02,135
I know exactly
what I'm making for you, Mikey.
125
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,938
Chuck, cancel the thing
with the thing for the guy.
126
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:06,874
Right? Yeah.
127
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,443
What the hell is this?
128
00:05:14,548 --> 00:05:15,749
Hey.
129
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,084
It's your favorite daughter.
130
00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:20,588
Well, it's one
of my favorite daughters.
131
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,390
It was worth a try.
132
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,626
So, how was your day with Sarah?
133
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,994
You know what, it was great.
134
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:30,063
I think we came to a bit
of a rapprochement.
135
00:05:30,130 --> 00:05:31,399
Oh, my God.
You taught her French?
136
00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:33,100
-I can't wait to hear it.
-No. No, honey.
137
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,168
No, no, no, I mean we-we came
to an understanding.
138
00:05:35,268 --> 00:05:37,971
Look, I feel like
I've been making your job
139
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,140
as a mom a bit harder
by letting her run wild
140
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,809
when she comes over here.
141
00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,243
What do you mean?
Where is she?
142
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,579
She's-she's just looking
at books on the couch.
143
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,782
Well, geez, Mom,
that's hardly running wild.
144
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:50,584
No, no, no, this was earlier.
145
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:53,320
She misbehaved, and I put her
in a little time-out.
146
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,088
Oh, no. Sarah?
147
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,624
No, honey, it's okay.
148
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,859
Look, she's been a perfect
little angel since then.
149
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,428
No, it's not okay, Mom.
150
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,262
-There needs to be an apology.
-Honey,
151
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,865
it's over-- she did the crime,
she did the time.
152
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,435
Oh, it was only five minutes.
153
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,805
(sighs) Sarah, honey?
154
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,340
Is it okay to be mean to people?
155
00:06:13,441 --> 00:06:16,176
-No, Mommy.
-That's right. It never is.
156
00:06:16,276 --> 00:06:17,945
And so...
157
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:20,448
Grandma has something
she'd like to say to you.
158
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,684
What?
159
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,218
Apologize.
160
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:26,386
Me?
161
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,622
You put her in a time-out.
Apologize to her.
162
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,791
I'm not going to apologize.
163
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,160
It's okay, Grandma.
164
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,498
What a beautiful, loving heart
you have, my little angel.
165
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,332
She forgives you.
166
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:41,702
But I don't need to be forgiven.
167
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:42,970
Too late. She already did.
168
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,805
Okay, go get your jacket.
169
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,474
Mandy... (scoffs)
170
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,008
what I did was right.
171
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:50,678
When she misbehaves, she needs
to know there are consequences.
172
00:06:50,811 --> 00:06:53,380
Uh, no, the only thing she needs
to know is that I love her.
173
00:06:53,481 --> 00:06:55,583
And the only thing you need
to know is this:
174
00:06:55,683 --> 00:06:58,418
time-out is
the opposite of love.
175
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:00,153
Mandy. Mandy...
176
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:03,190
Oh, you want to hear French?
I got some French for you.
177
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,599
VANESSA:
No, I don't know, I don't know.
178
00:07:11,699 --> 00:07:13,601
It's something...
179
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,335
(groans)
180
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:17,671
-What's going on?
-Hmm?
181
00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,842
I'm sorry.
I was trying to be quiet.
182
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,443
Well, I was trying to sleep.
183
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,346
-Looks like we both failed.
-Mm.
184
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,849
It's this thing
with Mandy and Sarah,
185
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,684
it's really bothering me.
186
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,286
I guess-- what time is it?
187
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:35,856
This can't be right.
188
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,357
No, if you think about it...
189
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,192
-Honey, listen, can we just...
-Um...
190
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,361
Don't turn the light on,
please don't turn it, please...
191
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,263
-You know...
-Okay, good,
192
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,566
now I'm totally awake.
This is perfect.
193
00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:48,368
Mandy didn't spoil Sarah
when they lived here.
194
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:50,103
Uh-huh.
195
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,606
I mean, I-I'm not trying
to take credit, um...
196
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:55,308
but when she left here...
197
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:57,277
I don't know.
Uh, where are you going?
198
00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:58,546
It's the middle of the night.
199
00:07:58,646 --> 00:08:00,313
My prostate and bladder
are going,
200
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,916
"Hey, make him think
he can pee."
201
00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,451
I can hear you.
202
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,219
Yeah, but I don't want
to hear you.
203
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,556
So I'll aim for the side
of the bowl.
204
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,723
(scoffs)
205
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,925
I'd be happy if you just
got it in the bowl.
206
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,894
MIKE:
What?
207
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,495
Yep, like sand
208
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,331
dripping through an hourglass
if you know what I mean.
209
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,669
You know,
ever since they moved there,
210
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:25,606
I bet, I bet Ryan has been
brainwashing her
211
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,576
with his, with his trendy
parenting techniques.
212
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,979
You know, like-like
"no is a no-no" theory.
213
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,981
-(toilet flushes)
-MIKE: Uh-huh.
214
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:36,483
So, um, so we're
getting screwed up
215
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:39,286
by Ryan's absurd philosophies?
216
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:40,821
How-how crazy is that?
217
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,090
You know, I'm gonna go,
I'm gonna go talk to her.
218
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,457
(chuckles)
Right now?
219
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,259
No, honey,
it's the middle of the night.
220
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,762
That would be rude.
221
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,198
And yet you woke me up for it.
222
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:56,469
(sighing)
223
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:01,208
Did you wash your hands?
224
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,811
Ah, didn't pee on them.
225
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,220
(mouth full):
You wanted to see me, Baxter?
226
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,122
Yeah.
227
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,456
The etiquette school called.
228
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:19,226
They'd like you
to teach a class.
229
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,294
You know, very funny, okay?
When you figure out
230
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,163
another way to talk
while eating,
231
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,732
let me know, will you, okay?
We through?
232
00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,466
No, no, no, where'd you
come up with this idea
233
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,736
about handmade gifts?
You know, I think that's why God
234
00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,571
invented cash, so he wouldn't
have to do this.
235
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,974
You know, I happen to know
six cats in a castle
236
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,310
made of toilet paper rolls
that would disagree with you.
237
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,979
Well, I happen to have
three daughters
238
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:41,014
who would disagree with you.
You know what they gave me
239
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:42,650
every year from their art class?
240
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,152
It was construction paper
with macaroni
241
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:46,687
cemented all over it, right?
242
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,388
I have enough of that pasta
around the house still
243
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,523
to feed an Italian village.
244
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,860
Okay, we've established
you're a cold-hearted bastard.
245
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,695
What else do you want from me?
246
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,330
Hey, listen, I...
I'm asking for some ideas
247
00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,266
of handmade gifts.
I've been looking at this list.
248
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,434
I can... How much
for the thing around your neck?
249
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:04,404
It isn't hard, okay?
250
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:07,274
You need to be original,
thoughtful,
251
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:09,376
and personal, okay?
252
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:11,444
Like a Steven Seagal movie.
253
00:10:11,544 --> 00:10:15,048
Let's just pretend I could
understand what you just said.
254
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,717
I don't have time for this.
255
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,285
I'm not Santa Claus.
256
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,553
Look, if you can't think
of anything personal,
257
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,522
I don't know
what to tell you, okay?
258
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,858
Uh, why don't you just
give Ed a check?
259
00:10:26,059 --> 00:10:27,360
That's not a bad idea.
260
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,429
I'm kidding.
That's not a personal gift!
261
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,365
Listen, I'm saying
it's a pretty good idea.
262
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,634
A-And thanks so much
for letting me watch you eat.
263
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,636
It's been fun.
264
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:44,812
-Hey.
-Hey.
265
00:10:44,912 --> 00:10:46,379
Mandy will be right out.
266
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,648
Sarah likes us both
to put her down for her naps.
267
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:51,218
And of course you do it
because you love her.
268
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,585
Right.
269
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,554
Because if you didn't,
that would be mean,
270
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:57,891
and it's not okay
to be mean to people.
271
00:10:57,991 --> 00:11:00,127
I want to say yes?
272
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,762
No.
273
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:05,565
Sometimes we have to be mean
because we love someone.
274
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:09,803
Sometimes being nice is
the cruelest thing you can do.
275
00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:10,971
You understand, Kyle?
276
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,941
I-It was just a nap.
277
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,743
Hey, hey, what's going on?
278
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:18,145
Your mom, she hates naps.
279
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,580
That's not what
I was trying to say.
280
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,582
Did you tell him
about what happened yesterday?
281
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,151
Yesterday? What happ-- Oh.
282
00:11:24,251 --> 00:11:25,753
Or is this, like,
an opposite thing,
283
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:28,288
like, mean is nice and we're
talking about tomorrow?
284
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,689
(Mandy laughs softly)
285
00:11:29,790 --> 00:11:30,824
No, it's nothing.
286
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:33,660
I put Sarah
in a little time-out.
287
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,863
So? I put her in those
all the time.
288
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,865
That kid is a handful.
289
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:38,966
MANDY:
There.
290
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,000
He's not upset.
291
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,769
Thanks for stopping by, Mom.
292
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:43,436
What-- No, hey.
293
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,605
So-so you're okay
with time-outs?
294
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,875
I mean, Ryan didn't
tell you that you shouldn't?
295
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:51,044
Why would I listen to Ryan when
I can learn from the parents
296
00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:54,147
who turned out the most
perfect woman on the planet?
297
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,715
Aw, that's so sweet.
298
00:11:55,816 --> 00:11:58,618
Let's not ruin this moment
by talking more.
299
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,854
Mandy, what's going on?
300
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:04,057
-Yeah, babe.
-Oops, we woke up Sarah.
301
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:06,126
-I don't hear anything.
-You don't hear that?!
302
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:07,627
SARAH:
Daddy!
303
00:12:07,694 --> 00:12:09,662
All right, now I do.
I'll be right back.
304
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,366
(scoffs)
What was that about?
305
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,968
Because I didn't want
to have this conversation
306
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,303
in front of him.
307
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,405
Okay, all right,
well-well, now he's gone.
308
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,974
I also don't want to have it
in front of you.
309
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,575
Mandy, I-I'm your mother, I...
310
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,644
I-I love you.
If something's bothering you,
311
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,479
just come on,
just-just let me help.
312
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,016
Okay, if-if I tell you,
will you drop it?
313
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:30,918
Yes.
314
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:33,253
Probably not, but...
315
00:12:33,353 --> 00:12:35,488
You may have noticed
that Sarah's turned
316
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,157
into a real handful.
317
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,325
Oh, yeah. Wow.
318
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:39,726
I just-- I'm sorry.
319
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,394
That-that came out
a little more strongly
320
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,030
than I-I wanted.
321
00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,398
Well, she's really been
pushing it with me lately,
322
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:46,867
and, I don't know,
it just feels like
323
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,836
-we're fighting all the time.
-Mm-hmm.
324
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:51,371
Well, that-that's normal
for a mom.
325
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:55,008
Well, you know
what's sick for a mom?
326
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,045
I really don't like my kid.
327
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,015
Okay, she is back down.
328
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,184
Uh, but I-I hear her crying!
329
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,853
SARAH:
Daddy!
330
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,595
What? What do you mean,
you don't like your daughter?
331
00:13:15,695 --> 00:13:17,697
No... (sighs)
Only sometimes.
332
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,532
I mean, it's not like
she's an evil person.
333
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,201
-No, no.
-You should hear her play the kazoo.
334
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,470
She's an angel.
335
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,706
Um, well-well, honey,
when don't you like her?
336
00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,575
Uh, mostly when
she's doing something
337
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,878
that she's not supposed to
and I tell her to stop
338
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,113
and then she tells me
that she hates me.
339
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,882
She tells you she hates you?
340
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,952
No, but the tone in her voice
is very mean.
341
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:42,322
All right, look, Mandy, honey,
look, I-I know you think
342
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,892
you're very special, but I have
some bad news for you.
343
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:48,962
This has happened to every
mother that has ever lived.
344
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,630
My God.
345
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,133
-Why do people have kids?
-(laughs)
346
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,336
It's because we love our kids,
even though,
347
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,907
even though sometimes
we may not like them very much.
348
00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:03,243
So there were times
where you didn't like me?
349
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,579
Oh, honey. Especially you.
350
00:14:07,414 --> 00:14:09,016
-I can see that.
-Mm.
351
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:12,585
And it's only natural for kids
to-to not like us.
352
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,988
I mean, I'm sure you felt
that way plenty of times.
353
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,357
(laughs):
Oh, yeah.
354
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:18,625
Sorry, I didn't mean
for that to come out
355
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:20,093
-as strongly as it did.
-Mm.
356
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:23,263
Look, but the thing is,
you don't want to stop
357
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:27,100
being a parent just
because you might upset them.
358
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,302
Yes, I do.
359
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:32,272
Mandy, look-look,
Sarah's your daughter,
360
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,174
so-so this is your decision.
361
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,808
If you want to be a good friend,
362
00:14:35,943 --> 00:14:38,011
then you just, you keep doing
what you're doing.
363
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,846
But if you want to be
a good parent,
364
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,349
you really need
to set some boundaries.
365
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:47,520
Is it okay if I don't really
like you that much right now?
366
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,790
Okay, she is finally back down.
367
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,792
Boy, sometimes
you really have to
368
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,327
lay the law down with that one.
369
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:56,296
I heard her already.
Get off my back!
370
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,165
SARAH:
Daddy!
371
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,634
(laughs)
372
00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,305
(laughter)
373
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,374
This-this is 35-year-old Scotch.
374
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:10,677
-Uh-huh? Oh, that's good.
-Mikey gave it to me last year for our anniversary.
375
00:15:10,810 --> 00:15:12,980
-Even wrote a poem on the note.
-Yeah.
376
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,049
Yeah, and he spelled
"anniversary" the Kyle way.
377
00:15:16,149 --> 00:15:17,217
ED (laughs):
Yeah.
378
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:18,751
-Boys. This'll do it.
-ED: Hey.
379
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,653
-Hey, Mikey.
-Ed, happy anniversary,
380
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,689
uh, blah-blah, blah-blah-blah.
381
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,357
Eh.
382
00:15:24,491 --> 00:15:25,858
Okay, this is going well.
383
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:27,660
-Maybe we should leave.
-JOE: Oh, no, no.
384
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,097
I live to see Baxter humiliated.
385
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:33,733
It doesn't happen that often,
so my life can be pretty empty.
386
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:36,569
So, Mikey, tell me,
what did you come up with?
387
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,672
MIKE:
Actually, I-I got this with Joe's help.
388
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,541
No, Ed, I had nothing to do
with any of this.
389
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:42,675
It's a check.
390
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,245
I wasn't even here that day.
391
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,047
This is incredible.
392
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,617
I mean, he said it was,
you know, my idea, so...
393
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,286
Okay, well,
what-what am I missing?
394
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:56,356
Well, when I started
Outdoor Man, things were...
395
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:57,790
slow.
396
00:15:57,890 --> 00:16:00,860
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Mikey wanted to be my partner.
397
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,031
And he was the smartest,
hardest-working man I ever met,
398
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:05,965
so I said yes.
399
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,701
And I wrote him a check
to buy into the business
400
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:11,771
and he tore the check
in-in half.
401
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:15,142
Well, hey, I-I've got,
I've got half a necklace.
402
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:17,944
I think you're half-drunk.
403
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,646
All I wanted from him
was his word,
404
00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:21,914
his smarts and his dedication.
That's it.
405
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:24,884
"You can't put a price on that."
That's what you said to me.
406
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:27,454
Yeah. So we spit in our hands
and shook on it.
407
00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:30,223
Back then you could do that
without gargling hand sanitizer
408
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,458
and taking your temperature
409
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,760
before you took
your temperature.
410
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:36,563
-That was 30 years ago.
-CHUCK: Mm.
411
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,266
I don't know if my gift
can follow this.
412
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,000
You know, you don't need to.
I was going through
413
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:43,736
all those boxes of, uh,
memories in this place
414
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,638
and I think I...
I think I'm good.
415
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:47,240
Wow, look at this, guys.
Look at this.
416
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,476
Hey, uh, where do you want
your conga drum, Mr. Alzate?
417
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:52,512
Oh, right-right over there--
right there, my boy. Yes, yes.
418
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,481
I composed a little song
for this occasion
419
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,649
-called "Mi Amigo Miguel."
-CHUCK: Ah.
420
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,651
You know what that means?
"My Lover Mike."
421
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,287
(sighs)
Loosen your necklace.
422
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,322
You're not getting
enough blood to your head.
423
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,357
So you wrote me a song.
You know, before you get going,
424
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,426
I think we got to send you out
for more booze.
425
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,129
♪ Ooh ♪
426
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,164
♪ My amigo Miguel,
he is so swell ♪
427
00:17:11,264 --> 00:17:15,168
♪ So he won't go to hell,
my amigo Miguel... ♪
428
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:16,836
CHUCK:
Yeah.
429
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,808
Building blocks?
430
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:23,710
Are those for when
Sarah gets here?
431
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,678
Uh, yeah, I know they're kind
of old-school,
432
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,647
but all kids
love playing with blocks.
433
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,950
Not me.
My dad was a civil engineer.
434
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:33,653
It was less "playing" and more
435
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:37,290
"structural
reinforcement analysis."
436
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:39,126
Well, I'm pretty sure
437
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,794
that's not what Sarah's
gonna be doing with them.
438
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,896
No. What Sarah
will be doing with them
439
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:46,032
is chucking them at our heads.
440
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,171
(mouths)
441
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:52,405
Yay!
442
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,674
-There's my little honeybunch.
-Hi, Grandma.
443
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:56,309
Hi, cutie-pie.
444
00:17:56,409 --> 00:18:00,012
Yeah, are you ready to have
some fun with Grandma today?
445
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,981
Yeah, Sarah and I had a big talk
446
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,716
about how to behave
at Grandma's.
447
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:06,052
-Didn't we, baby? Mm-hmm.
-Yes, Mommy.
448
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:08,221
And she is gonna be
a good girl today, right?
449
00:18:08,321 --> 00:18:10,089
-Yes, Mommy.
-Yeah.
450
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:12,159
What a sweet little
scrumble-bumble you are.
451
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,660
Oh. Why don't you go
in the kitchen,
452
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:14,994
put your backpack down?
453
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:17,564
Then we're gonna
play, play, play.
454
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:19,098
(quietly):
How's it going?
455
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,100
Pretty good. Yeah, she hasn't
pushed it with me yet...
456
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,170
-Okay.
-...but I realize I have to hold the line when she does.
457
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:25,838
Uh, yes, you do. You imagine
what would have happened
458
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:28,341
if your father and I didn't
hold the line with Eve
459
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:32,179
and she wound up
using her powers for evil?
460
00:18:33,913 --> 00:18:36,849
(laughs):
Right. Hey, here she is.
461
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,451
Listen, I have an idea.
462
00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:41,854
What if we put the easel outside
and do a little painting?
463
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,290
Can I watch TV?
464
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,058
Oh, you know what, honey?
Watching TV is no fun.
465
00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,361
Don't you want to paint
outside with Grandma?
466
00:18:48,428 --> 00:18:50,029
No, I want to watch TV.
467
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:54,534
Uh, maybe no TV right now,
honey. Okay?
468
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,869
(cartoon music playing)
469
00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:00,707
(clears throat)
Uh, Sarah, honey? Mommy said no.
470
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,277
Sarah.
471
00:19:05,778 --> 00:19:07,380
Mommy said no TV.
472
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,283
Now please turn it off and give
the remote back to Grandma.
473
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,719
(TV turns off)
474
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:15,054
Okay, next time I want you
to listen to me the first time.
475
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,656
-Do you understand?
-Yes, Mommy.
476
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:19,091
Okay. Thank you.
477
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:21,928
Thank you for being a good girl.
478
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:28,167
Oh, I think it's okay
to watch a little TV.
479
00:19:28,935 --> 00:19:30,970
(laughs):
Hey!
480
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:33,172
I thought you were teaching me
how to be a good mother.
481
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,507
I was.
482
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,809
Now I'm teaching you
how to be a good grandmother.
483
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:45,352
Structurally perfect.
484
00:19:47,454 --> 00:19:50,022
Go ahead. Try and break it.
485
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:53,760
Go ahead.
486
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,596
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
487
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,931
(laughs)
488
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,439
Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.
489
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:08,775
If you've been watching these
vlogs for the last ten years,
490
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,343
you probably feel
like my friend, right?
491
00:20:10,443 --> 00:20:12,178
And if you celebrate
these words of wisdom
492
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:13,946
by clicking on a link
and buying something,
493
00:20:14,013 --> 00:20:16,616
-well, that feeling is mutual.
-(dings)
494
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,050
But if you're just freeloading,
495
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:19,852
enjoying the wisdom
without buying the cow,
496
00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,021
I'm gonna have
to reconsider our friendship.
497
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,292
Now this month only,
if you purchase over $300
498
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:27,394
of high-end sporting goods,
you qualify
499
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,330
for the Mike Baxter
Best Friend Circle.
500
00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,499
You might be thinking,
wait a minute,
501
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,834
how can somebody have
more than one best friend?
502
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,904
Well, I'm just that likable.
503
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,839
And truthfully,
it's okay for multiple people
504
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:41,308
to think they're
your best friend, right?
505
00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,376
As long as none of those people
are your kids,
506
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,478
because being best friends
with your kid
507
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,080
is a formula for disaster.
508
00:20:48,180 --> 00:20:49,482
Now, for most of you,
it's pretty easy
509
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,318
not being friends
with your kids because,
510
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,987
let's be honest,
young people are terrible.
511
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,856
But do you know how hard it is
not to be friends
512
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:59,191
with your kids
when they're as awesome as mine?
513
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,327
My daughters?
514
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:03,062
Hell, I got a kid
who's a fighter pilot.
515
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:04,497
Yes.
516
00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:05,732
Because I did something right
517
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:06,999
and I didn't try
to be her best friend.
518
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,401
She'll always look up to me.
519
00:21:08,501 --> 00:21:09,936
Even when she's looking
down at me
520
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:13,840
from 30,000 feet
keeping us safe.
521
00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,675
Damn, she's cool. Baxter out.
522
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,444
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
523
00:21:17,544 --> 00:21:18,845
and TOYOTA.
524
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:20,547
(chicken clucks)
525
00:21:20,597 --> 00:21:25,147
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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