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[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[instrumental music]

♪ What does my heart most desire ♪

♪ What am I craving for ♪

♪ A tune to set my feet on fire ♪

♪ And a ballroomfloor ♪

♪ In the winter in the summer ♪

♪ In the spring or fall ♪

♪ In the morning in the evening ♪

♪ Any time at all ♪

♪ An ear full of music ♪

♪ An arm full of you ♪

♪ A soul full of rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ever be blue ♪

♪ A room full of dancers ♪

♪ With still room for two ♪

♪ My mind full of dance time ♪

♪ And dancing with you ♪

♪ Now I don't care if the sun goes down ♪

♪ If the sky is blue or black ♪

♪ I just know I'm going to town ♪

♪ And I'm coming back ♪

♪ With an ear full of music ♪

♪ And an arm full of you ♪

♪ A soul full of rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ever be blue ♪

♪ An ear full ♪

♪ Of music ♪

♪ And an arm full ♪

♪ Of you ♪

♪ A soul full of rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ever be blue ♪

♪ Would you like to tango ♪

♪ Would you like to waltz ♪

♪ Would you like to carioca ♪

♪ Would you like to start a riot ♪

♪ Turn and somersault ♪

♪ Would you care to shim sham ♪

♪ Would you like to strum I don't care what we do for ♪

♪ I am more than satisfied ♪

♪ As long as you are by my side ♪

♪ As long as the band plays hide-hidey-hay-hay ♪

♪ Red hot I got an ear full of music ♪

♪ And an arm full of you ♪

♪ A soul full of red hot rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ever be blue ♪

♪ A room full of dancers ♪

♪ Squeeze a little room for two ♪

♪ My mind is full of rhythm ♪

♪ When I'm dancing with you ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Don't care If sky is blue red ♪

♪ Yellow grey or black ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ Just know that I'm going to town ♪

♪ Brother I am coming back ♪

♪ With an ear full of music ♪

♪ And an arm full of you ♪

♪ A soul full of red hot rhythm ♪

♪ Who could ♪

♪ Ever ♪

♪ Be blue ♪

♪ An ear full of music ♪♪

[instrumental music]

[clears throat]

I gotta talk to you. I got news.

I thought I told you not to come here when I was workin'.

Yeah, well, you ain't workin' here anymore.

Say, what's gotten through you?

Well, I got news.

Guess what I read in the paper?

I didn't know you could read.

Remember that old bird you met

on the Boardwalk Atlantic City?

- Who? - His name was Wilson.

You know he looked like an Airedale.

Oh, yeah. What about him?

Well, he's pushing up the daisies. You know, dead.

Dead? Could have told you that in Atlantic City.

Yeah, well, take a look at that.

Something has gotta be done.

[female #1] 'Can you imagine that old buzzard signing off'

'and leaving all that dough?'

You know who he left his all money to?

Don't ask me riddles. Who?

- Nobody. That means you. - Me?

- Are you nuts as well as dumb? - It's the law.

The law says if a guy meets a dame

on the boardwalk in Atlantic City

and introduces her around as his wife

she is his wife.

Yeah, what kind of a law is that?

Common law. That's what you are.

His common law wife.

Now the mug's dead, you're his widow.

And the heir to 77 million bucks.

Seventy seven million? Where is it?

- Agypt. - Agypt?

E-G-Y-P-T, Agypt!

Egypt,you dope. Egypt.

Okay, but let's grab the dough, let's hop a train

and go to Agypt tonight.

You lame brain, you can't go by train.

Agypt is across the ocean.

Well, there must be some way of getting over there.

Say, what do you think?

I've dug up Professor Wilson's heir.

- What? - There is a son.

Where did you find him?

I followed the clue that Jerry Lane

Wilson's assistant gave us.

The boy is living on a barge in Brooklyn

with an old stevedore and his three sons.

- Stevedore? - Yes.

He's been living with them

ever since Professor Wilson

disappeared 23 years ago.

- Did you see him? - Not yet.

I'm on my way to break the news to him now.

Say, you wire Jerry Lane

and I'll have the boy sail Wednesday.

Right, I'll have Lane meet the boat in Gibraltar.

Wait, Will, you better take about $2000 for expense money

to get young Wilson to Egypt.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

[foghorn blaring]

Oh.

- How do you do? - How'd you do?

Well, pardon me.

Does Edward Grant Wilson Jr. live around here?

Yes. He lives on that barge.

Oh. Thank you.

Okay, Eddie?

Eddie, where are you?

- Are you sure it's safe? - It's okay.

Alright, kids, come on out!

Alright!

[children clamoring]

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Nora, who was that guy?

- He asked for you, Eddie. - For me?

Maybe somebody complained about your brothers beating you.

They ain't your real brothers, are they, Eddie?

No, Lenny, they are his step brothers.

Yes, and every chance they get, they step on me.

Look, what Oscar gave me on account of being jealous.

- Whoa. - Jealous?

Yeah, jealous of Adolph for giving me this.

[in unison] Whoo!

Boy, that's a beauty.

I even think Oscar's is bigger than Adolph, don't you?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

No, Adolph comes clear around the elbow.

- No! - Oscar's is bigger than Adolph.

[children clamoring] Oh, yeah.

Take it easy, you bunch of Tarzans.

My brothers are gonna get just what's coming to them.

I've got something right here in my pocket.

And the next time those gorillas lay their hands on me

it'll be just too bad.

- Eddie, you mustn't. - You got a gun?

- No. - Knife?

No.

[children clamoring]

Take a look at this.

[in unison] '"Build Up Your Muscles In Twenty Lessons.'

'Learn to croon for ten cents extra."'

[laughing]

Come on, let's fight.

- Oh, you wanna fight? - Yeah.

Ah-hah, now you can't take it, huh?

I'll show you what you can..

You boys wanna play, go outside.

[knock on door]

Come in!

Well, I beg you a pardon.

Well, what is it?

My name is William Slade.

Come on, get up.

Don't play alone like that.

Can't you see, we got company.

Well, what do you want? What's your business?

Oh, I, uh..

- I'm a lawyer. - A lawyer?

Now, wait a minute, wait a minute

wait a minute, wait a minute.

First off, it wasn't me or my sons.

We saw a cop get hit on the head

we saw a crowd running and we ran the other way.

And besides, we got an alibi.

Well, does a Mr. Edward Grant Wilson Jr. live here?

Sure he does. What about it?

Well, I'd like to have a talk with him.

Now, wait a minute.

If he's in a jam, he's on his own.

Besides, he's not my son. He's adopted.

No, we don't have nothing to do with him.

You see, pop, I told you to throw him out.

- He's good for nothing. - Well, I--

Say the word, mister and we'll kick his teeth out.

Well, gentlemen, what I came here to say

is that Mr. Edward Grant Wilson Jr.

has inherited considerable money.

- You mean dough? - Yes.

- How much? - Well, about $77,000,00.

- Seventy seven million? - Seventy seven million?

- Seventy seven millions? - Yes, seventy seven millions.

Say, have you got it with you?

Alright, now listen, kids, we got a lot of work to do today.

Are you all ready to tune up?

[in unison] Yes!

Okay, Toots.

[foghorn blaring]

[instrumental music]

One, two.

[instrumental music]

Now, Lenny, don't you know that you're two bars behind

all the other kids?

Oh, don't worry about me.

I can catch up with them any time I like.

Now cut out the kidding and let's go.

One, two.

[instrumental music]

Gee, kids, look at that big ship.

[Eddie] 'It's got a rich cargo.'

It ain't your ship and it's not mine.

Oh, but I've got a ship someplace.

And it's coming in someday.

And when it does..

♪ I'll have a golden castle ♪

♪ Grand and tall ♪

♪ With eighteen butlers ♪

♪ Standing in the hall ♪

♪ And Walter Disney paintings ♪

♪ On the wall ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll leave the choice ♪

♪ Of all autos up to you ♪

♪ And if you think ♪

♪ A big Rolls Royce will do ♪

♪ I think I'll play it safe ♪

♪ And order two ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll buy ♪

♪ Barnum and Bailey ♪

♪And move 'em ♪

♪ Right next door ♪

♪ They'll give two ♪

♪ Performances daily ♪

♪ For the kids ♪

♪ Who never saw a show before ♪

♪ In golden chairs we'll sip our tea for two ♪

♪ I'll have Paul Whiteman there ♪

♪ To play for you ♪

♪ I'll have Bing Crosby singing ♪

♪ Booh booh booh booh booh ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll buy out every ♪

♪ Ice cream factory ♪

♪ So all the kids ♪

♪ Can come and get it free ♪

♪ And I'll throw all the spinach ♪

♪ In the sea ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll buy up all the public schools ♪

♪ In sight ♪

♪ And all day long ♪

♪ I'll have them closed up tight ♪

♪ But they'll be used ♪

♪ As picture shows at night ♪

♪ When my ship comes in ♪

♪ I'll have suits ♪

♪ Made to measure ♪

♪ In fact I'll buy a store ♪

♪And can you ♪

♪ Imagine the pleasure ♪

♪ Wearing shoes that no one ever wore ♪

♪ Before ♪

♪ I'll phone to each ♪

♪ Department store and say ♪

♪ Call up your Santa Claus ♪

♪ And raise his pay ♪

♪ And tell him we'll have Christmas ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪When my ship comes in ♪♪

- Hey, Eddie! - Look, Eddie.

Come here! Come here!

Quick, Eddie, let's hide.

Eddie. Oh, Eddie!

Eddie, come here! Eddie, let us in!

Come on, Eddie! Oh, Eddie, open the door!

Oh, Eddie, Ed..

What's this under here?

- Hey, you, where's Eddie? - I don't know.

Leave him alone, Herman, here I am.

- Eddie. - I can explain everything.

Why, there's nothing to explain.

We want you to come home. We missed you.

- You did? - Come on, Eddie, sure we did.

Come on, Eddie.

Oh, please, Oscar, don't hit me.

I only borrowed your shoes.

That's alright, Eddie.

- Keep the shoes. - Keep 'em?

Yeah, and Edward

I'm gonna give you my new overcoat too.

You mean the one that's too big for you?

Oh, you'll grow into it, Eddie.

Sure, you're gonna be a big guy now.

Oh, get into this, will you, Eddie?

- Oh, my.. - Oh, boy, do you look good?

Eddie, you look like a million dollars.

And I'm gonna give you my blue surge pants too.

Well, with this coat, I won't need any pants.

And I'm gonna give you my new hat.

Now you got a swell outfit.

Gee, it's an all-year-round outfit.

I can wear the coat in the winter

and the hat in the summer.

Eddie...have a cigar.

Oh, but I don't smoke.

Take it. I like you.

I'll light it for ya.

Now, wait a minute. I'll light it.

Hey, listen, you, I like Eddie

and I'll be the one that lights his cigar.

Say, what's the idea?

You think you're the only one that liked Eddie?

I guess you all like me.

Hey, you, shut up.

- We'll tell you who likes you. - Wait a minute.

You keep your paws off this kid, you understand?

Listen, mug, I'm gonna light Eddie's cigar.

Oh, you are, huh?

I'm sorry.

Are you gonna put that cigar back in Eddie's mouth?

It's alright, fellas, I'll smoke it later.

And maybe you'd like to put it back to yourself.

Yeah, maybe I would.

Yeah. What are you doing?

[coughing]

I like Eddie best and I'm gonna light his cigar.

No, you don't. We'll all light it.

- Yeah. - Here you are, Eddie.

Where's your cigar?

- You got it? - No, he took it.

I didn't take it.

Oh, he wants to play.

[laughing]

Here he is. That's him.

Are you Edward Grant Wilson Jr.?

- Yes, sir. - Congratulations, my boy.

You have just inherited$77,000,00

[screams]

[instrumental music]

- Radiogram, sir. - Hmm.

Well, thank you, boy.

If this is bad news, bartender

I'll need a little touch of somethin' to fortify my spirits

so set me up another Julio.

Let's hope it's good new, sir.

[chuckles] Then I'll celebrate.

'Eternal thunderation!'

- Joan! Joan! - Anything I can do, sir?

Uh, yeah, yes, give me whisky, bartender.

- Plain, straight whisky. - Yes, sir.

Joan!

Joan!

Joan!

- Uh, steward, here. - Yes, sir.

- What can I do for you, sir? - Find my niece.

And bring her here to me at once.

Yes, sir.

[instrumental music]

Are you having little trouble?

I'm trying to take a picture of myself

then send to my girl.

Well, I'll take it for you.

- Would you? - Of course.

Now, uh, you sit up there.

- Up here? - Mm-hmm.

[instrumental music]

Ready now? Hold still.

Don't move.

I won't move.

- Pardon, Miss Larrabee? - Yes?

Your uncle wants to see you at once.

- Oh, thank you. - It seems important.

Oh.

Did you want me, Uncle Harry?

Read that.

Oh, how perfectly wonderful.

Wonderful?

I can't tell what's wonderful about it.

Why, about Jerry getting aboard at Gibraltar.

Young lady, the purpose of this trip is to lay claim

to a treasure worth millions.

Not to help along your romance with that young whippersnapper.

But this radiogram says

the treasure belongs to someone else.

Our society financed Prof. Wilson's

expedition to the Sahara.

And I as representative of that society

shall claim whatever's found.

[instrumental music]

- Look, Louie, look. - Hey, be careful.

- Keep off them maps. - What are you looking for?

- Africa. - There it is, stupid.

It's green. I always thought Africa was black.

No wonder Columbus had such a tough time findin' it.

Seventy seven million bucks.

You know what I'm gonna do with that dough?

I'm gonna get me yachts, swell cars

forty suits and coats, see Europe, go around--

Before you spend all the money, take a look at this.

'"Wilson, Edward Grant, Jr."'

What do you mean Junior?

A son. The old bird had a son.

You mean he had a baby?

I'll say it slow, so you can soak it up.

Mr. Wilson is dead. He left some dough.

He also left a son.

The son gets the dough and we get the air.

You mean the son's comin' between us

and the money we're waitin' for?

Exactly.

Why, I got half the dough spent already.

Well, it looks that we just came for the boat ride.

Son or no son, I'm gonna knock his ears off.

No Junior is gonna horn in on our dough.

- 'Where are you going?' - To give Junior a music lesson.

- 'Wait a minute.' - Wait, nothing.

I'm gonna knock that chump off, I'll fill Junior

so full of lead, he'll drown if he takes a bath.

Great idea, you knock him off

jump in a taxi, and escape through the crowd.

- Certainly. - On a boat?

Cer..

Oh, that's right. You can't get a taxi on a boat.

Relax. Sit down. Rest your hands and face.

But I can't think unless I stand up.

That's fine. Sit down.

This calls for immediate action. We gotta do something.

I have an idea, if we can get Junior to sign

his name on a piece of paper..

[knock on door]

Come in.

Pardon me, is your name Eddie?

Yes, ma'am.

- Eddie Wilson? - Yes, ma'am.

- Eddie Wilson Jr.? - Yes, ma'am.

My boy, my boy, my little boy.

- Don't you know me? - No, ma'am.

- I'm your mother. - My mother?

You mean, you were married to my father?

Yes, darling.

- Mama. - Junior.

[both sobbing]

Kiss me, darling.

Now I know what killed father.

Sit down, mama.

I'm so happy to meet you, mother.

- You're beautiful. - Yes, I know I am.

And you're so young too. How old are you?

- I'm 19, son. - I'm 25.

- You are? - Yes.

Twenty five, ninetee..

Say, maybe I'm your mother.

[laughing] There you go. Joking just like your father.

You know you're the perfect image of your dad.

Large, sad, brown eyes.

You talk like him, and you act like him.

I'll bet you even write like him.

- Could papa write? - Oh, yes, Junior.

Now I bet you write exactly like him.

Junior, write something for mama.

Alright, I'll get a pencil.

No, wait a minute. Here, I have a fountain pen.

- Hmm. - Then I'll get some paper.

Oh, never mind. I have some paper too.

[giggles] What luck!

[laughing]

And here's a blotter too, Junior.

Mama, you don't happen to have a writing desk handy?

Oh, no, Junior. Mama can't think of everything.

Here, just use the table.

Oh, what-what will I write, mama?

Oh, just write your name, your full name on this.

- Uh-huh. - No, no, Junior.

Down at the bottom where it says "Signature."

Mama, what does it mean, "Witness the hands

and seals of the parties hereto--"

Oh, pay no attention to it, Junior. It doesn't mean a thing.

Now, go on, sign your name for mama.

Oh, mama!

Oh! I better clean that up.

Oh, never mind, Junior. I'll wash it later.

Oh, no, how would it look for a big boy like me

to stand by and see his mother do the washing?

Oh, please, Junior, first sign your name on the paper for mama.

What a mess, I'll bet they'll charge me..

...for the things.

[knock on door]

- Oh, pardon me, mama. - Oh, never mind, Junior.

I'll answer the door.

- Did he sign the, uh-- - Well, well.

This is a pleasure.

Junior, I want you to meet your Uncle Louie.

I'm glad to meet up with you, kid.

I heard your old man talk about you an awful lot.

- You're my Uncle Louie? - Yeah, your Uncle Louie.

Now, Junior, kiss your nice Uncle Louie.

Oh, shucks, couldn't we just shake hands?

- Sure, that's enough. - Kiss him, darling.

Uncle Louie..

- You don't kiss like mama. - Oh, yeah.

Uh, Junior was just giving mother his autograph.

Oh, you mean at the corner where it says signature?

Yeah, mama wants to see if I write like papa.

Now, listen, Junior, make sure you put down the right name--

Come out in the hall, Uncle Louie.

- Mama wants to talk to you. - 'What for?'

Don't go away, Junior. Mama will be right back.

- Hey, did he sign the paper? - Yes.

And if you hadn't helped me, I would have had it by now.

- Where is it? - He's got it in his pocket.

Well, go on back and ask him for it.

I'm afraid he's liable to get wise.

Listen, you stay here and don't try to help me.

I'll get it somehow.

Now, Junior.

Gee, mommy, isn't that Uncle Louie a funny duck?

Oh, wait till you get to know him better, he'll kill ya.

You know, I don't remember him at all.

Of course, you don't remember him.

You were just an itsy-bitsy baby.

Come on, darling. Now sit down on mama's lap.

Come on, sonny, come on.

You know, mommy, I feel funny about this.

Junior dear, where's the paper you signed for mama?

I have it right here in my pocket.

- Well, then, give it to mama. - No, no, mama.

First tell me some more about daddy

and you, and me, and Uncle Louie.

Oh, well, Eddie, when you were a little baby

we used to have such good times together.

I used to play with your little toes.

This little piggy went to market.

This little piggy stayed home.

- Gee, I-I can't remember. - Of course, you can't remember.

- You were just a little baby. - And you weren't even born yet.

Gee, I'm-I'm all mixed up.

Yes, Junior. Just like your father.

Oh, mama, forget about the paper.

Tell me some more, momsie.

Oh, then we used to play another little game

called Tickle Me, Tickle Me More.

Tickle Me, Tickle Me More. Well, what's that?

Well, it used to go like this, you used to tickle me

and then I used to tickle you. Just like this.

[both laughing]

Now, let me tickle you, mama.

Oh, no, Junior. You're not a baby anymore.

And remember when we used to play Leap Frog?

- Leap Frog? - Oh, I keep forgetting.

Let's be kids again.

You leap over me, Junior, and I'll leap over you.

- Alright. - Come on.

- Yoohoo, mama, I'm first. - Alright, come on.

- Alright. Ready? - Come on, Junior, come on.

- Now you, ma. - Alright. Here we go.

[grunts]

[laughing] Mama, you're playing Tickle Me, Tickle Me More again.

[laughing] Mama.

Oh!

- Oh, I beg your pardon. - Oh, hello.

I want you to meet my mother.

- Your mother? - Yes.

Well, somebody should tell your father.

Wait, Miss Larrabee, wait a minute.

Oh, Junior, you forgot to give mama the signature.

Oh, yes, here.

Here, mama. Miss Larrabee, Joan.

[instrumental music]

- Darlin'. - Joan.

Oh, I'm so glad to see you.

Honey, it's been two long years.

- Two years and nine days. - And four hours.

And ten minutes if you wanna be exact.

[both laughing]

[clears throat] Now, as I was saying.

That was General Graham.

This is General Lee here.

And here was the Levine.

- Levine? - Yep.

I knew a Levine in Georgia City.

These were the Virginia Levine.

Oh!

A that-that, uh, Levine, Levine.

Well, sir, General Lee kept on advancing and advancing

until he reached the river.

General Graham kept falling back and falling back.

Yes, sir, it was a magnificent war.

Just a minute, colonel. You got my general.

Are you insinuating that I would pilfer a measly, little drink?

Why, sir, I could buy you and sell you.

Yeah, and I could buy you and keep you too.

Only you'll have to have 77 million bucks to buy me.

Stranger, it may surprise you to know that I got $77 million.

You're nuts.

Well, I just gotta go to Egypt to pick it up.

- You mean the Wilson fortune? - Exactly, sir.

Well, listen, sourpuss, I'm the guy that's entitled

to that, and I'm the guy that's gonna get it.

If you try to horn in on that dough

I'll shove this down your throat.

Well, you're nothin' but a low-down

conniving rapscallion.

Say that again.

A low-down, conniving rapscallion.

Wait. Hey, what's a rapscallion?

A scoundrel, sir.

Oh, that's different.

Oh, Colonel Larrabee. How are you, colonel?

Save that, save that.

Now, I want you tell this insolent upstart who I am.

Go on, tell him that I'm the head

of the Egyptological Society of Virginia

and the only rightful claimant

to the fortune found by Edward Wilson.

- But, colonel-- - No, go on, tell him.

- But I can't tell him that. - Well, why?

Well, I'm sorry to tell you, sir

but you're not gonna get a penny.

And that's still too much.

Do you realize it was my society that financed Prof. Wilson?

If your society sent Prof. Wilson any money

after the first month, he never received it.

See here, sir.

Are you accusing me of stealing the professor's money?

- That I'm an embezzler? - Yeah, and a crook.

- Shut up. - Listen, buddy.

I'm Dottie Clark's manager, and she's Wilson's widow.

This is a lot of nonsense. Wilson never had any widow--

Oh, so you're tryin' to horn in on the dough too, huh?

Tryin' to rob a poor, little widow.

Why, you're nothin' but a, uh..

- B-but a thief. Yes. - Thanks.

- Now, look here-- - Now, wait a minute.

Just a minute.

Prof. Wilson's last words were

that he wanted his son to get the treasure.

And it's my duty to see that he gets it.

You mean to say that I'm to be robbed, sir

of my lawful inheritance?

No matter what you think, Colonel Larrabee

you know that your claim is false.

As a matter of fact, neither of you have any claim

and you both know it.

Dear, I'm sorry I had to run away from you before.

Come on, we've got a lot to talk about.

I think you've done enough talking.

But, Joan darling, hey, wait a second.

What is this all about?

I heard what you said about Uncle Harry.

But, dear, you don't understand. Your uncle's claim isfalse.

No, Jerry, you're wrong.

Uncle Harry sent the money to Prof. Wilson every month.

Well, I'm sorry, dear

but Prof. Wilson never received it.

Are you insinuating that my uncle stole the money?

Well, I wouldn't exactly say that.

Oh, let's forget about it.

It's not important enough to argue about.

Well, then, you go to Uncle Harry to apologize.

- And say you were wrong. - No, dear, I can't do that.

Alright, then, there's nothing more to talk about.

I tell you, there ain't no justice.

- What's the matter with you? - Oh, I got news.

I'm all mixed up. As a matter of fact, I'm puzzled.

That's not news. What's happened?

Remember, you said there was only one guy standing between us

and that 77 million? Well, you was wrong.

- You mean he's a phony? - No, there is two guys.

Colonel Larrabee, an old Virginia apple-knocker

from some Egypt optical company.

What?

The captain will be claimin' it next.

- Oh, but I got an idea. - Oh, quit your kiddin'.

No, wait, this will floor you. Something has got to be done.

Listen, just leave the old bird to me. I'll handle him.

Yeah, you handled Junior for six days and all we did was

kiss him goodnight. What do you want me to do?

Kiss Larrabee too? No.

This time, we'll do it my way.

I'll knock 'em both off and it's done.

I'll take care of the old guy. You just worry about Junior.

Worry about him? I'll feed him to the sharks.

I'll tie an anchor around his neck and throw him overboard.

Oh, yoohoo, mama.

- Hello, Uncle Louie. - Hello, Junior.

Come in, Junior. We were just talking about you.

Sure.

Now, Junior, kiss your Uncle Louie.

Oh, I don't feel very well.

What's the trouble? You look pale.

I don't know, I ate so much fish.

My stomach goes in and out with the tide.

You know what's the matter with you?

- You are seasick. - I am?

Sure, come on, let's go out and get some air.

Will I see you later, mama?

Well, uh, that's up to Uncle Louie.

- Uncle. - Look.

You know what's makin' you seasick?

What?

[Louie] 'Well, you see that thing bobbin' up and down out there?'

You mean the equator?

Well, that's the thing that's makin' you sick.

Now, look. Shut your eyes.

You feel better already, don't you?

Yeah, but I can't walk around with my eyes shut.

Oh, I'll fix that.

Oh, wait a minute, uncle.

I'm liable to fall down and get, and get hurt.

Will you let me take care of that?

Oh! Uncle Louie, are you taking me for a ride?

You took the words right out of my mouth.

[Junior] Oh, it's awful nice of you to do this for me, unckie.

Well, what are you gonna do now, Uncle Louie?

I don't know, but sit still, I'll think of somethin'.

Oh, uncle, I-I think I'll take off my blindfold.

No, no, no, no. Not now. Not now.

Of all times, not now, Junior. How do you feel?

Well, I would feel better if you would push me some more.

Oh, you wanna be, uh, pushed some more?

- Yes, unckie. - Okay, Junior.

Ooh!

Give me a big push.

Oh, you want a big push, huh?

- Uh-huh. - It's a pleasure.

Oh, Uncle Louie, I think I've had enough of this.

What do we do now?

I don't know, Junior.

As a matter of fact, I'm puzzled.

Oh, I got what we'll do.

Uncle, I'll take your picture.

- Huh? - I'll take your picture.

No, I'll take yourpicture first.

- For mama? - For mama.

Alright.

Now, back up a little bit.

Now go back a little bit further.

- How is this? - That's perfect.

Only I'd go back about five more feet.

- Is this better? - 'No.'

'Further than that, Junior.' Further.'

Uh, just go back a little itsy-bitsy more I think will do.

- How did you make out? - How did I make out?

When I set my mind on somethin', it's in the bag.

The 77 million bucks is ours because little Junior

is now playing with the mermaids.

[Eddie] 'Uncle Louie!'

'Uncle Louie!'

'Oh, Uncle Louie!'

Did you get my picture before I moved?

I don't know, from the way things look

I can't tell whether you're lovesick or seasick.

Jerry, if it makes you happier, you can have

any part of my money, take ten million dollars.

- No, thanks. - Alright, make it 15.

Alright, take $20 million. I'm not gonna argue all day.

Well, Eddie, it-it's not a question of money.

- No? - No.

Mr. Lane, the lady wouldn't take the note.

- May I keep the quarter? - 'Yeah, that's alright, son.'

Thank you.

Oh, I see, it's a girl, huh?

Well, look, Jerry, if she makes you unhappy

she's not worth bothering about. Forget her.

Yeah, but it's not as easy as that.

Oh, listen, someday, the right girl will come along

who'll appreciate you, a girl like my Toots.

Hey, but, Eddie, maybe you're luckier than I am.

What do you mean lu.. Wait a minute.

There's a girl on this boat you'll be crazy about.

I want you to meet her, she's gonna sing at the ship's concert

tomorrow night, and say, they're looking for somebody

to sing with her, a guy like you.

Yeah, but, I don't feel like singing.

Oh, but, Jerry, I promised her I'd find somebody.

Well, couldn't you find somebody else?

Oh, but, Jerry, I do want you to meet her. She's wonderful.

She's got a nice, round face, and the biggest eyes

and the whitest teeth, and when she walks..

[chuckles] Oh, come on, will you?

[piano music]

Well, I've got just the fellow to sing with you.

- Really? - This is my pal, Jerry Lane.

Jerry, this is Joan.

What is this? Hate at first sight?

- This isn't first sight. - You mean, you..

- You know each other? - Yes.

Oh, so she's the girl you're all broken up about.

Don't be absurd.

And he's the fellow you're so heartsick about.

Certainly not.

I don't know which one of you is the better liar.

- Well, I'll see you later. - Now, wait a minute.

You promised me you'd sing with her, didn't you?

- Well-- - I won't sing with him.

Oh, but, Joan, you've gotta sing with some fella.

You don't wanna spoil the show, do you now?

Well, ask him if he knows "Head On My Shoulder."

She said, do you know "Head On Her Shoulder?"

Tell her she knows very well I know "Head On Her Shoulder."

He says to tell you that you know very well that

he knows "Head on Your Shoulder."

Tell her to move over.

He says to tell you to move over.

- Alright. - She says alright.

Tell him I'll start here.

She says to tell you she'll start right here.

- Right. - He says right.

Ask him if he's ready.

She wants to know if you're ready.

Tell her I'm ready.

- He says he's ready. - Ready.

Well, if you're both ready, there's nothing else

for me to do, so I'll scram.

[piano music]

♪ I don't envy any king's ♪

♪ Palace of gold ♪

♪ I'm content to hold ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

Here's where you sing.

Well, go ahead.

♪ Every time you incline ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ There's no better happiness ♪

♪ Than holding you near me ♪

♪ In all the sweetness of your caress ♪

♪ There's a heaven to cheer me ♪

♪ The years will go along ♪

♪ Life will be sweet ♪

♪ And to make it complete ♪

♪ To make it complete ♪

♪ Your head on ♪♪ Your head on ♪

♪ My shoulder ♪♪ My shoulder ♪♪

Don't forget, this is only a rehearsal.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct]

♪ Of that red hot rhythm ♪

♪ Rhythm ♪

♪ Red ♪

♪ Hot ♪

♪ Rhythm ♪

♪ Red ♪

♪ Flow ♪

♪ Rhythm ♪♪

[knock on door]

[male #1] 'Better hurry. You're on next, Mr. Wilson.'

Okay. You'd better get my mommy ready.

This is tough to put on.

And take off.

You know you're lucky.

♪ I want to be a minstrel man ♪

♪ I've always been a minstrel fan ♪

♪ I want to dance just like a dandy ♪

♪ And sing that song about my sugar candy ♪

♪ I've learned about those minstrel ways ♪

♪ So bring me back those minstrel days ♪

♪ And let me be George M. Cohan ♪

♪ And make me your minstrel man ♪

♪ We've always loved ♪

♪ A minstrel man ♪

♪ He thrills us like nobody can ♪

♪ The way he dances sure feels dandy ♪

♪ And sings a song about his sugar candy ♪

♪ I've learned about those minstrel ways ♪

♪ I'm crazy about minstrel days ♪

♪ And let me be ♪♪ Ah ♪

♪ George M. Cohan a minstrel man ♪

♪ The way he dances sure feels dandy ♪

♪ And sings about his sugar candy ♪

♪ I've learned about Mr. Minstrel man ♪

♪ So bring me back ♪

♪ Min min min min minstrel man ♪

♪ Give us a man ♪

♪ Like George M. Cohan ♪

♪ I want a minstrel man ♪

♪ We've always loved a minstrel man ♪

♪ He thrills us like nobody can ♪

♪ The way he dances sure is dandy ♪

♪ And sings the song about his sugar candy ♪

♪ We've learned to love the minstrel ways ♪

♪ So bring us back those minstrel days ♪

♪ Give us a man like George M. Cohan ♪

♪ We want a minstrel man ♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen.

Introducing our interlocutor

Mr. Jerald Lane.

[instrumental music]

Presenting Mrs. Edward Wilson Sr.

[instrumental music]

Mr. Edward Wilson Jr.

[instrumental music]

[Jerry] 'Ladies and gentlemen, b-e-eseated.'

[instrumental music]

Mr. Interlocutor, there's a little something

I want to ask you.

Alright, go ahead.

Do you know the difference between a horse and a girl?

- 'Why, no.' - Hooh!

You certainly must have some funny dates.

If you insult me just once more

I'll have you taken right ashore.

- You make a prose, don't ya? - Prose?

Why, you don't even know the difference

between prose and poetry.

- Who don't? - You don't. Look I'll show ya.

If I said to you

"Poor little Annette, she fell

in the water and got all wet"

that would be poetry.

But if I said to you

"Poor little Annette, she fell

in the water and got soaked"

that would be prose, do you see?

Oh, that's easy, I can do that.

- You can? - Well, of course.

Look, poor little Annette fell down the well.

She got to the bottom and went straight to..

What do you want? Prose or poetry?

[crowd laughing]

Introducing the silver-voiced tenor Mr. Edward Wilson Jr.

singing, "Mandy."

♪ I was strollin' out one evenin' ♪

♪ By the silv'ry moon ♪

♪ I could hear somebody singin' ♪

♪ A familiar tune ♪

♪ So I stopped a while to listen ♪

♪ Not a word I wanted to miss ♪

♪ It was just somebody serenading ♪

♪ Somethin' like this ♪

♪ My pretty Mandy ♪

♪ There's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If we'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's the ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes bring happy times ♪

♪ For Mandy and me ♪

♪ Mandy there's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If we'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's the ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes bring happy times ♪

♪ For Mandy and me ♪

♪ Mandy ♪

♪ There's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If you let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's the ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes bring happy times ♪

♪ For Mandy and me ♪♪

♪ Night is falling on the Southland ♪

♪ The stars are shining ♪

♪ Up in the sky ♪

♪ Darkies roll along the river ♪

♪ And sing a song ♪

♪ Of lullaby ♪

♪ Soft winds blowing through the Southland ♪

♪ Are filled with romance ♪

♪ You can't deny ♪

♪ What a place to be ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ I don't envy ♪

♪ Any king's palace of gold ♪

♪ I'm contented to hold ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ When the stars begin to shine ♪

♪ Night is nearby ♪

♪ Every time.. ♪

♪ Your head on my shoulder ♪

♪ For me ♪

♪ There's no greater happiness ♪

♪ Than holding you near me ♪

♪ In all the sweetness of your caress ♪

♪ There's a heaven ♪

♪ To cheer me ♪

♪ The years will go along ♪

♪ Life will be sweet ♪

♪ And to make it complete ♪

♪ To make it complete ♪

♪ Your head on ♪♪ Your head on ♪

♪ My shoulder ♪♪♪ My shoulder ♪♪

♪ Mandy ♪

♪ There's a minister handy ♪

[both] Hey!

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If we'd let him make a fee ♪

Hey, Cavalli.

♪ Here's the ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times for Mandy and me ♪

[scatting]

[scatting]

[instrumental music]

Look.

Well!

[music continues]

Whoa!

Yeah!

[indistinct]

♪ Mandy there's a minister handy ♪

♪ And it sure would be dandy ♪

♪ If we'd let him make a fee ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Here's the ring for your finger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times for Mandy and me ♪

♪ So don't you linger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Isn't it a humdinger ♪

♪ Come along and let the wedding chimes ♪

♪ Bring happy times for Mandy ♪

♪ And me ♪♪

[instrumental music]

Well, I got to see about the baggage

and, um, uh-uh-uh, a few other things.

Alright, don't be long.

Remember me?

Joan, I'd like to speak to you for a minute.

There's nothing you can say that I care to hear.

- Well, would you do me a favor? - Well, what is it?

Would you please tell your uncle for me

that I love his niece very, very much?

I'll tell my uncle but I don't think

his niece will be interested.

We got just 24 hours and then junior gets all the dough.

And you can get a skip and row home

but, brother, you'll be without me.

Now, listen, sweetheart, I tell ya I got it all fixed.

If I ever wanted a guy to live to a ripe old age

I'd hire you to bump him off.

I'm promisin' ya, junior won't not be with us long.

What you gonna do? Outlive him?

No, there's a ploy.

See them mugs over there?

Well, I got it all fixed with those boys to drag junior

up an alley and cut him into little itsy bitsy pieces.

Shh!

[instrumental music]

- Oh, hello, mama. - Hello, junior.

- Hello, Uncle Louie. - Hello, junior.

We were just talkin' about you.

Yes, making plans for the day.

Don't forget to include me.

Oh, we won't forget.

Are we going places and doin' things?

Yes, junior, you're going places

and Uncle Louie is gonna to do things.

Oh, but wait a minute.

I've got to go to this address first.

Jerry Lane wants to see about the treasure or something.

Oh, well, wait a minute, junior.

Uncle Louie will take you.

He knows Egypt very well.

Huh?

Egypt. Like the palm of me hand.

Leave your things with mama, junior.

Uh, you won't need 'em.

Fine, mama, here's my tennis

and here's here's my music

and I'll give Uncle Louie the bird.

No, give it to her.

- Here, mom. Goodbye, mama. - Goodbye, junior.

Come on, Uncle Louie. We're buddies now.

Ready, ready, ready.

Look, everybody!

I make big trick.

Put boy in basket.

Say few magic word

boy become dog.

Come on, junior. Let's go.

No, Uncle Louie, he's gonna make tricks.

I now put boy in basket.

I now change boy into dog.

- Are you inside, boy? - 'Here I am.'

Hello!

Abracadabra!

Presto!

[crowd clapping]

Come on, let's go.

- This guy's a fake. - Fake?

[male #2] 'What you mean fake?'

You heard me the first time, I said "fake."

Perhaps the gentlemen would like

to get into the basket and see for himself?

Ah, you're screwy, roll over.

'Afraid, eh?'

My Uncle Louie afraid?

- Go on, show him. - No!

Why should I get in the basket?

I'm no tomato.

'You see, he is afraid.'

Come on, buddy, get in.

Show him you're not afraid.

Come on, call his bluff.

[indistinct chattering]

- Come on, get in. - Go on.

Show him you're not yellow.

Who's yellow?

[indistinct shouting]

[crowd] Yes! Yes! Yes!

Okay, give me the works.

Are you in there, Uncle Louie?

'Certainly! Where do you think I am?'

Ready, ready, ready.

[male #2] 'Sacokoko abracadabra.'

Presto!

Uncle Louie!

[crowd laughing]

Uncle Louie, my poor Uncle Louie

don't you know me?

I'm junior. I'm your nephew.

I'm sorry I let you go in the basket.

Now you're a dog.

While I'm eating strawberry shortcake and ice cream

you'll be gnawing on a bone.

Uncle Louie! Uncle Louie!

Wait!

Help! Help! A bear!

[female #1] 'Help! Help!'

Help! Help!

Bear! A bear!

'Help! Help!'

'A bear!'

A bear! Help!

Help! A bear!

Do something. Do something.

Look out, lady, he'll bite you.

If he bites me, I'll bite him back.

He wants the frankfurter.

Let him buy his own frankfurter.

Come on, Uncle Louie. We'll have dinner together.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

I want to thank you for saving me from that big bear.

Big bear?

He's a small dog.

Oh, you were wonderful.

You not only saved my life

but you saved my frankfurter's too.

[chuckles] Believe me, if I were emotional

I'd kiss you again for what you've done.

But I'm not very affectionate.

Especially with strangers.

Do you see what I mean?

Say maybe you don't like me?

You know, I'm the daughter of a shiek.

- A shiek's daughter? - Yeah!

I thought there was something distinctive about you.

Uh, ha, that must be from hangin' around these camels.

[giggles]

So you're the daughter of a sheik?

Uh-huh.

Where can I get a hold of your father?

Oh, I don't know, he awfully ticklish.

[giggles]

Say, come here.

You want to know somethin'?

I bet for saving my life

my father will make you stay at the palace.

What would I do at the palace?

[giggles] We play games and, uh--

What kind of games?

- Hula gula. - What's hula gula?

Well, that's something like your American ping-pong

and it's some fun, I'll say.

You hit a little ball and it goes under the table.

Then you hit it again

and it goes under the table again.

Then you pick it up.

Yeah, but where does the fun come in?

[chuckles] Under the table.

[laughing]

Say, don't hit me like that

even if you are the sheik's daughter.

- You know, I'm not very strong. - No?

When I was born, I only weighed four pounds.

[chuckles] That's nothin'.

When I was born, I only weighed eight ounces.

- Eight ounces? - Yeah!

- Did you live? - Oh, sure.

You ought to see me now.

I wonder what the doctor said

to your father when you were born.

Well, why bring that up?

That's just what I thought.

[laughs]

[indistinct shouting]

Well, stupid, I can see what happened to you.

But what happened to junior?

Junior didn't get in the basket.

[instrumental music]

Oh, sire, here is the treasure.

It is worth millions.

In all the desert there is no treasure to compare with this.

My ancestors fought, robbed, even killed to acquire it.

If necessary, I shall do the same to keep it.

'Allah is just.'

Yes, but Allah should have let me

kill this Prof. Wilson.

This American dog who dared to ravage the tomb of my ancestors.

'You may still have your revenge, oh, sheik.'

I know.

Wilson's heir is coming here to claim the treasure.

And when that heir comes

it will mean death.

I have sworn it! Death to the Wilson heir!

[instrumental music]

Oh, come on, come on out, Eddie.

Don't be afraid. This is my home.

How do you like it?

Where's third base?

- Fanya! Fanya! - Hello!

- Oh, father! - My daughter!

My precious daughter!

You have saved the woman I love.

You mean...that?

Someday she shall be my wife.

If any man tries to take her away from me, he shall die.

And he'd be better off dead.

Here he is! This is my father!

How can I show my gratitude for your wonderful bravery?

What bravery? It was nothing.

Nothing? Father!

It was terrible. A tiger got loose at the marketplace.

It was six feet long and weighed a thousand pounds.

It was a sma-a-all dog.

Well, he leaped at my throat and was getting ready to mangle me

when like a shot out of the cannon

Eddie appeared and killed him

till he was dead.

It was a sma-a-all dog.

My son, you've been through a terrible ordeal.

It's funny, I don't feel the least bit tired. Look.

It will be an honor to break bread with you tonight.

Alright, we break bread.

- But wait! Wait! - What? More?

Yeah, yeah.

Right after he shot the leopard

a ferocious lion came running towards me.

I never saw such a lion.

I never heard such lion.

He was the largest beast I ever saw.

It was a small dog!

Well, tell us, daughter, what happened then?

Yes, what did happen?

Yeah, tell us what happened.

Yeah, yeah. Go on.

Tell them what happened to the lion. Go on.

- Who me? - Yeah, you.

Tell 'em what happened.

Listen, you brought him in

now you get him out.

I think it was a small dog.

[all men] What?

That's right.

It was a small dog

that attracted the lion's attention.

And when the lion turned around, he bit him, unh!

The dog bit the lion?

- No! - The lion bit the dog?

- No. - No, I, uh, I bit the lion.

Yeah. Some lion.

What a man! What a man!

Yeah, I'll say!

Array him in fine clothes.

Bring him rich gifts.

We must keep him here as our guest.

Yeah. My hero!

[laughing]

Go away. I can't talk to an idiot.

Come here. I can.

[laughing]

Oh.

[instrumental music]

Good. Say, that's a nice little show you got here.

I wish we had seats down front.

That is not a show, Eddie-Bay.

These are my wives.

- All of them? - Certainly.

I have not so many now.

- A mere 125. - Just an armful.

But once I had over 200.

I know everybody cut down during the depression.

[dings]

[dings]

Are they on the night shift?

No, they are late!

And that redhead there is always late!

Oh, those redheads.

I traded a very fine camel for her too!

I certainly got cheated.

You mean, you prefer a camel to a..

Oh, Eddie-Bay, she won't even kiss me.

- Did the camel kiss you? - Of course not!

Then what are you complaining about?

Ooh, thou speak'st wisdom, sahib.

Tell me, do all the sheiks have as many wives as you?

No. My brother has only 30.

Only 30? Practically a bachelor.

Say, I bet when you guys get divorced

you must spend a lot foralimony.

Allah?Allahmoney.

No, no, no.Alimony.

What isalimony?

Well, in America, when you get rid of a wife

you've still gotta keep on paying her money.

Oh! But isn't that like buying oats for a dead horse?

Thou speak'st the hunk of wisdom yourself, sheik-y.

What are you cooking here? A beef stew?

Oh, no. This is my pipe. Here, try it.

Yeah, I never smoked a tub of boiler before.

Oh, it is very simple. See.

[coughing]

Now I'll try it.

[sloshing]

- Oh! - Why you..!

Gee, you ought to get a plumber, your pipe is leaking.

What! Why you-you--

He's got some crust, some nerve bullying me.

Who's got some nerve, some crust?

Sen Hammed got fresh with me.

- He did? - Yeah, he asked me for a kiss.

- Did you slap his face? - 'Certainly.'

[Fanya] 'Soon as he got through.'

- Will you do me a favor? - What?

Will you go away and leave your father

and me alone together?

No. I won't go until you give me somethin', hmm?

Alright, here.

- Oh! - Lollipop.

Wait a minute. Wait. You take off the paper and eat it.

- What? - Take off the paper and eat it.

Oh.

[Fanya laughing]

- Now, look!Look! - Oh, sheik, I'm sorry.

Look, what you've done to my beard.

and I was all dressed for my rendezvous.

You mean you had a date for tonight?

Shh!

Keep this under your turban.

I am going to the village. There is a famous dancer there.

Mm-hmm. And you're one of her fans?

I am going there.

- You look after my wives. - Yeah!

I can trust you, can't I?

Oh, sheik-y, you don't have to worry about me.

I've got a little girl in Brooklyn.

Oh-h-h.Pretty.

Hmm.I like her.

I will trade you a horse for her.

A horse?

How would it look me sitting in the movies

holding hands with a horse?

Oh.

Sheik-y, remember

you're not a kid anymore.

'Not too much dancing.'

Oh, Eddie-Bay..

...not a word to my wives.

I'll tell your wives you went to the pool room.

Imagine that guy, Nora, thinking I'd ever look at another girl.

I'll be true to you, toots, no matter what happens.

Uh-oh.Thingsare beginning to happen.

Look around, Nora. Look what I'm up against.

It won't be my fault.

Oh, Nora! Help! Help!

As you were!

Now, listen to me, you girls

I want you to hear something.

♪ I have heard the story of ♪

♪ The glory of the Orient ♪

♪ But never went for oriental charm ♪

♪ Now you care for oriental charm ♪

♪ Back in Brooklyn there's a belle ♪

♪ Around my heart she cast a spell ♪

♪ I won't be happy till I'm in her arms ♪

♪ He's happy in his Brooklyn baby's arms ♪

♪ And I can't forget though I'm away ♪

♪ That I used to tell her everyday ♪

♪ Okay toots if you like me like I like you ♪

♪ We'll know nobody new will do ♪

♪ It's okay toots ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ If you say yes then I say yes ♪

♪ And if you say no then it's no go ♪

♪ It's okay toots ♪

♪ You know I'm in favor of ♪

♪ Whatever you do ♪

♪ I tasted the flavor of ♪

♪ One kiss and I knew it was okay toots ♪

♪ If you wash dishes I dry dishes ♪

♪ I dry dishes I'm ambitious ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ Okay my little toots ♪

♪ If you do cooking I do cooking ♪

♪ If you won't bake I won't eat cake ♪

♪ It's okay toots ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ If you say cold-cuts I eat cold-cuts ♪

♪ Cold or hot or just warmed over ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ I'll bring all my dough to you ♪

♪ I'll keep every vow ♪

♪ I'll never say no to you ♪

♪ You've got a yes man now and it's okay toots ♪

♪ If we have baby I mind baby ♪

♪ If we have nursey I mind nursey ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ Okay tu-ru-toots ♪

♪ If you say pictures I say movies ♪

♪ Holding hands is nice at movies ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ Okay my little toots ♪

♪ If you say rumba I try rumba ♪

♪ Though at rumba I'm a bumba ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪

♪ When I'm on a ballroom floor ♪

♪ They push me about ♪

♪ But I'll try a ballroom floor ♪

♪ Till my feet give out and it's okay toots ♪

♪ I like the sheik I like his daughter ♪

♪ But I prefer her underwater ♪

♪ Okay toots ♪♪

Sire! I have news!

An heir has come to claim the Wilson treasure.

Allah is good.

At last my ancestors can beavenged!

He shall die!

[trumpet music]

Welcome to my palace, oh, my brothers.

Sorry to bust in on you, kids.

Your Honor, this little gal is the widow of Edward Wilson.

What?

And as the mouth-piece for this

poor defenseless little wren

I come to you to grab the dough

because all the boys said that you was straight shooter.

Do I understand, sahib, that this little lady

is the only surviving relative of the..

'...the old gentleman who discovered the treasure?'

Brother, you said it.

All the rest is phonies.

Then she is the one I have been waiting for.

Hold everything. I'm coming.

What is this?

Your Honor, it is my pleasure

it is my privilege

it is my duty--

Yeah, but it's my dough.

My friends, I am most eager

to discover the real heir

to the treasure.

And when I do..

What is this, a parade?

On behalf of the rightful owner

I am here to claim the treasure found in the tomb

by Prof. Edward Grant Wilson.

Edward Grant Wilson!

You dare mention the name of that infidel in my presence?

On the memory of my ancestors

I have sworn it, death, death to the heir

of Edward Grant Wilson.

Wait a minute.

You mean whoever tries to claim the treasure

is gonna get knocked off?

He shall die!

He shall be boiled alive in castor oil!

[stammering] Personally speaking, sir

I have said from the very first

there ain't a court in the world

that would uphold a measly little old claim like that.

Are you the heir?

Me? The heir?

[chuckles] Why, sir, I have to laugh.

- Are you? - Who me? No.

Youlie. You all lie!

Nowspeak, in the name Allah

who is the heir of Edward Grant Wilson?

Somebody paging me?

Coming.

Somebody here called for Edward Wilson?

- Jerry! - Eddie!

And Joan!

- Mummy. - Hello, sonny boy.

Just a minute, oh, Eddie-Bay.

'Is your name Eddie Wilson?'

Sure, that's me. Didn't you know?

- I'm the son of Prof. Wilson. - What?

Your Highness, don't believe him, he's not the son

and he's not the heir of Prof. Wilson.

- Jerry...I'm not the heir? - No!You're not!

- Tell him you're not. - No, I won't. I won't!

Mama, you tell him who I am.

Uh, junior, mama doesn't remember who you are.

But, mama, Mr. Lane said that papa wasn't my daddy.

But, junior, mama doesn't remember daddy's name.

Maybe it wasn't Wilson.

You see, you're mistaken.

Of-of course, you are.

And I thought you two were my friends.

He'scrazy. Please believe me. He's not Eddie Wilson.

Why, the boy is out of his mind, Your Honor.

He didn't even know Prof. Wilson.

[Sheik Mulhulla] Silence!

You couldn't prove you're his son

could you, Eddie-Bay?

You think not?

Every Wilson for generations

had a mole on his right elbow.

Take a look at this!

Here! Wrong elbow.

Here you are! Here's my mole.

Who stole my mole? Here you are! Look at that.

[Jerry] 'It means nothing. A lot of people have moles.'

Of course, they have. It's just an accident.

Yes. Well, here's one accident you can't laugh off.

Look at my birth certificate.

Now, give me the treasure and I want

everything that's coming to me.

Well, son, I can't say you didn't ask for it.

I'm sorry, oh, Eddie-Bay. Ihateto lose you.

Oh, that's alright. You'll get used to it.

You know what they say, "Here today, gone tomorrow."

Then you'll die like a man?

-Die? - Yes!

Imustkill you.

But...but I thought you liked me.

I do, Eddie-Bay. I'm very fond of you.

But you don't have to kill me to prove it.

An oath has been taken.

But I didn't take it, search me.

I swore to my ancestors

that I would kill the heir

of Edward Grant Wilson.

- But I'mtooyoung to die. -Nonsense!

- There is no way out! - What about that door?

No!

[Jerry] Wait a minute. You can't do this!

He's an American citizen and I demand his release!

Silence! Take him away and imprison the others!

Mama! I want my mama!

[sobbing] I want my mama!

[sobbing continues]

I warn you, sir, the State of Virginia

will never stand for this.

Silence!

Keep them locked up here.

I will dispose of them later.

Well, what shall we do with the women, sire?

Oh?

- I will marry them. - Yes, sire.

[bubbling]

Strip him.

What's this?

This is the way I came into the world

and this is the way I'm going out.

Prepare him for the oil!

Oh!

Sire! He'll make fine soup for your camels.

Me? Camel soup?

I'm sorry, Eddie-Bay, it's an ancient custom.

[claps] Make haste!

[crying]

Some salt.

Make it smelling salt.

[crying continues]

[Sheik Mulhulla] 'Now, some pepper.'

What? No mustard?

[whimpers]

[sneezes]

Gesundheit.

Where areyougoing?

I'm going out to buy some vegetables.

- I am the chef! - Sure, you're the chef.

- But I'm the soup! - Are you ready?

Ready or not, you're sure to be caught.

Goodbye, Eddie-Bay.

This is going to upset me

more than you know.

Take him up!

[screaming]

♪ He flows through the air with the greatest of ease ♪

♪ The first sheik I've seen on the flying trapeze.. ♪♪

[screaming]

[indistinct chattering]

[Eddie] 'Don't bother about him!'

Help me! Help me!

Silence!

Now you die!

Stop!

Father, you can't kill him.

- No? - No.

Why not?

What?

He kissed you?

On a camel?

Oh, Eddie-Bay.

You have placed me in a very embarrassing position.

Look at the position you got me in.

Silence.

Do you realize

that according to our tribal laws

you have committed tramafat.

- Tramafat? - Tramafat?

In our country, when a man commits tramafat

there is only one thing possible.

Marriage!

Yes.

You must marry her.

That settles it, boys. Drop me in.

No! Take him down.

Eddie-Bay!

Amscray!

Well, you finally got someone to marry you.

Even though it's through tramafat.

Listen, I'll have you know that I've been asked

a 1000 times to get married.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Who asked you? - My father.

[chuckling]

Take the dog away.

- Take her away. - No, you!

- Me? - Prepare him for the wedding.

Bathe him, shave him.

Spray him with lilac water from head to foot.

And spread the news throughout the desert..

Tomorrow, at high noon

a shotgun wedding.

Ooh! I can hardly wait!

[laughing]

- Are you alone? - No.

- You are not alone? - No, you're here.

So, you're gonna marry Fanya.

Do you know what a wedding means?

Sure, wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.

Your sense of smell will be cut off.

You mean..

...I'm gonna lose my schnozzle?

You are going to lose your life. Now!

- Please! Not with a knife! - Why not?

Make such an awful mess with blood and everything.

Besides, it's so foreign.

We Americans, we're used to being killed by a gun.

Now, if you wanted to shoot me with a gun

I wouldn't mind, see?

- But you have no gun. - But I have!

[whimpering]

Some surprise, isn't it?

Not only am I going to shoot you

but so there'll be no sin on my head

you yourself will give the command to fire!

You mean I'm gonna say fi..

Oh, I almost said it.

Don't worry, I'll make you say fire.

- No you won't. - Yes, I will.

What comes out of a stone?

Fi-fi...flames.

Yes, but what makes the flame?

Fi-fi...fuel!

Ha! You thought I was gonna say fire.

[squealing]

Come out and die like a man, you dog.

Oh, please, Mr. Ben Ali

I don't wanna marry Fanya. Believe me.

I've got a girl in Brooklyn.

I love her and I want to get back to her.

- You mean that? - So help me Allah.

And if I should help you to get away?

You swear you'll never try to see Fanya again?

Oh, my! Yes, yes!

I promise. I'm bendin' elbows!

- Yes. - Good!

Then come with me!

[whimpering]

I forgot that.

- Don't forget my dog biscuits. - Come!

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

Hey.

Where do you think it leads?

Maybe it leads to the wine cellar.

Oh, what difference does it make?

It couldn't be any worse than this place.

Oh, that's what you think!

I spent three months diggin' my way out of prison once

and come up into the warden's office.

[ominous music]

What are you gonna do? What is this?

This is the Chamber of the Dead.

Chamber of the...Dead?

Yes.

And these...mummies?

Dead.

Old guys standing up, huh?

Get into an empty casket and wait.

Later I'll come for you.

Empty casket? Me?

Do as you're told!

Don't forget to come for me.

[frog croaking]

Dead.

[whimpering]

[ominous music]

[croaking continues]

[music continues]

The treasure.

[clears throat]

[croaking continues]

[instrumental music]

Oh, Spirit of the Dead

the hour of vengeance is at hand.

I swore, by all that is holy

to kill Eddie-Bay.

'But in my heart, there is great love for him.'

Oh, spirit of my ancestors

'if only you could speak and advice me.'

[squeaking] Ooh, Ow.

What?

Do I hear a voice?

Who is talking to me?

'I am the spirit of your ancestor.'

My ancestor, Allah in heaven..

Which one?

Your Uncle Benny.

Ah, yes, Benhamed.

Your voice sounds so young.

Benhamed died when he was 76.

Are you his spirit?

'Yes.'

'I'm the spirit of 76.'

'Ooh!'

Oh, spirit of my ancestor

art thou in pain?

Thou, too, wouldst be in pain

if the spirit of the Royal Crab

was crawling around your shroud.

You will rest more easily, oh, worthy ancestor

after thy honor has been avenged

and these three other Americans

have been sacrificed.

[Eddie] 'What Americans?'

The old gentleman from the south..

[clears throat] 'I beg your pardon, sir.'

In behalf of the gentleman from the south

I would just like to say that all we mummies think

he is a mighty fine fella too.

Us mummies was in a huddle.

'And we all agree that Louie is a sweetheart too.'

[Eddie] 'And the two girls, oh, mightiest of mighty Sheiks?'

'What about them?'

I was going to marry them.

[all shouting]

'If all you mummies don't pipe down'

'will I but to wind up in the soup.'

Oh, spirits, speak.

What sacrifice can I make to appease thee?

[Eddie] 'There is only one way for us mummies to rest in happiness.'

'Let the Americans go.'

- Yes? - 'Let my people go!'

[Col. Harrison] 'Oh, Lordy, let my people go.'

♪ Oh Lordy Let my people go ♪

♪ Let my people go ♪

♪ Oppressed so hard they could not stand ♪

♪ Let my people ♪

♪ Go ♪♪ Let my people go ♪

I heard strange voices. Are you in trouble, sire?

The spirits of my ancestors have spoken.

Now they sing!

Allahbe praised!

[Eddie] 'And what of my people?'

Your people shall be freed.

[Eddie] 'You have said a beard full, big boy!'

Sire, it's this mummy here who speaketh?

Allah be praised!

Take it. Carry it to my throne room.

Set it up in state where all may see and wonder.

[ominous music]

Be careful, boys.

Take it easy. Easy.

I'm not really dead.

[rumbling]

[muttering]

- Wait. - You wait!

- What do you want? - You should come with me.

- Where are you taking us? - Out of the palace.

Sheik Mulhulla has ordered you Americans to be released. Come!

- It's a lie. - Come with me.

Ben Ali wants to see you.

But I don't wanna marry Fanya.

Come!

[intense music]

[whirring]

Come on! You're leaving with the other Americans.

Wait, wait. Where are we going?

- Do you see that plane? - Yes.

That's our only means of escape.

Do you mean we're going in that?

No. You're going in it.

Me? I've never been in a plane in my life.

Remember if you stay here to marry Fanya, you die!

Yes, but if I go in a plane, I'll die.

Fanya or the aeroplane?

Give my regards to Fanya.

- Get in! - I'll miss her.

Get in!

[engine revving]

Somebody left their laundry.

[engine whirring]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[kids screaming]

♪ Were you good little boys ♪

♪ Did you lie to your mother ♪

♪ Were you nice little girls ♪

♪ Are you kind to your brothers were you ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ Did you brush your hair ♪

♪ Did you scrub your faces ♪

♪ Did you put your clothes ♪

♪ In their proper places did you ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ Patience is a virtue ♪

♪ That will never hurt you ♪

♪ Spare another moment please ♪

♪ And you'll be satisfied ♪

♪ In the meantime in between time ♪

♪ You may look inside ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ Are you perfectly contended ♪

♪ Mrs. Cow ♪

♪ Now you're working only five day a week ♪

♪ Do you like to have a speculum ♪

♪ Is there something we can get you ♪

♪ If you are not satisfied just speak ♪

♪ Moo moo moo moo moo ♪

♪ Aa-aa-aah ♪

♪ Would you like us to redecorate your stall ♪

♪ Would you like a beverage or hay ♪

♪ Is there any little favor ♪

♪ That would give your cream more flavor ♪

♪ Is life unpleasant here in any way ♪

♪ No no no no ♪

♪ We want ice cream we want ice cream ♪

♪ Children don't get nervous ♪

♪ We will give you service ♪

♪ When the ice cream's made ♪

♪ It will be just the kind you like ♪

♪ We have been delayed ♪

♪ Because the cows declared a strike ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ If you like ice cream ♪

♪ You'll like vanilla ♪

♪ And we got enough ♪

♪ Enough to fill ♪

♪ A million tum tum tummies ♪

♪ Now not now ♪

♪ And how ♪

♪ If you like ice cream ♪

♪ You'd be in favor ♪

♪ All the goodly share ♪

♪ Of chocolate flavor ♪

♪ And of course it's understood ♪

♪ It's good ♪

♪ So good ♪

♪ Open your mouth and close your eyes ♪

♪ We will give you something to make you wise ♪

♪ Strawberries of gigantic size ♪

♪ Yummy yummy yum ♪

♪ If you like ice cream ♪

♪ We'll make you love it ♪

♪ This is no wild dream ♪

♪ Presently often we're gonna make it bright ♪

♪ And hard ♪

♪ Right now ♪

♪ Right now ♪

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

[music continues]

[music continues]

♪ Ready children ready ♪

♪ Here's your old friend Eddie ♪

♪ Just about to open up the door ♪

♪ As you can see ♪

♪ In the meantime in between time ♪

♪ I've misplaced the key ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

♪ You've torn my clothes ♪

♪ You've wrecked my nose ♪

♪ But here's a day ♪

♪ When anything goes ♪

♪ I'm feeling low but here ♪

♪ You go you're going ♪

♪ Way up high ♪

♪ Going up up up up ♪

♪ Feeling high and wise ♪

♪ You'll really need to fly ♪

♪ You're going higher and higher ♪

♪ And higher and now you've reached the top ♪

♪ Sip sip sip sip till you get your fill of it ♪

♪ Sit sit sit sit and enjoy the film-en ♪

♪ Here we pour an another ice cream soda ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ We want ice cream ♪

♪ Ever since the time ♪

♪ I was a lad when I made up my mind ♪

♪ My dream of heaven was an ice cream factory ♪

♪ Oh Lord why me ♪

♪ So I told myself ♪

♪ That I would get it and I kept my word ♪

♪ So give me credit for I made my dream come true ♪

♪ For you and you and you and you ♪

♪ Hail to the ice cream king ♪

♪ Vanilla chocolate strawberry drops ♪

♪ Hail to the ice cream king ♪

♪ Hail hail ♪

♪ Hail ♪

♪ I used to be as hard as nails ♪

♪ But now I'm soft as putty ♪

♪ You crack that oh so tender ♪

♪ I'm afraid I'm slightly nutty ♪

♪ Louie Louie Louie Look at uncle Louie ♪

♪ These are very unique berries ♪

♪ Hail to Louie ♪

♪ The same to you-ee ♪

♪ Hurray for Louie ♪

♪ He's a lot of hoeey ♪

♪ Now that you've eaten ♪

♪ To your hearts' content ♪

♪ And since you know ♪

♪ It doesn't cost a cent ♪

♪ Next time you call you better wear atent ♪

♪ Since my ship came in ♪

♪ We've got our great big ice cream ♪

♪ Factory ♪

♪ And everything is as it ought to be ♪

♪ For I have you and sweetheart ♪

♪ You have me ♪

♪ Since my ship ♪

♪ Came here ♪♪