All language subtitles for Greys Anatomy 17x13 - Good as Hell.PHOENiX_MiNX_ION10_STRONTiUM_TOMMY.en-en

There's a moment
I've noticed in the OR...

...especially when a patient
is going south.

You're working so hard,
you lose yourself.

All of your problems.

Your relationships.

Career goals.

Your fears.

They all just fade away.

It's not even you and your patient.

It's you and yourself.

Your hands.

Your skill.

You might call it muscle memory...

or being in the zone.

But whatever you call it,

it's rare...

...and you never want it to end.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

- Hey.
- Hey.

Are the, uh... Are the kids okay?

Yeah, they're great.

It took a little longer
to get through the park

'cause of the protests,
but Mom had French toast ready.

How was, uh, therapy?

- Virtual.
- Yeah.

Is that why you're out here?

Making sure that I did it?

No. I'm here to make sure

that you're done, 'cause
I have something to show you.

Come on.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Didn't your shift end a while ago?

Yeah, I went to check on Mer.

Still no change.

She'll get better.

Just like Jennilyn did.

You didn't even know Jennilyn.

She's my favorite ICU nurse.

It might be my first official day here,

but she and I... We go way back.

I'm just glad I didn't miss

her big post-COVID sendoff.

She is one of us.

Here she comes!

Ladies and gentlemen,
Jennilyn's going home!

Whoo!

- Whoo!
- Alright!

Whoo!

Hey, excuse me.

Hey, did we miss it?

No, you're just in time.

Ah.

Six weeks in the hospital.

Our tenth official discharge this week.

Ah, I remember the day I hired her.

I will never get sick of this.

You okay?

That should be Meredith.

I hate ER days.

Everything's so urgent.

What are we watching tonight?

Whatever you want. I'll be with Nico.

Movie nights are sacred, Levi.

Movie nights are new

since your sex friend disappeared.

Don't deprive me of mine.

I have to talk to Bailey about OB today,

and I know that Webber told me
everything I need to say,

but still... Bailey.

You have to talk to Bailey every day.

I'll cancel my plans
when you actually do it.

Hey. Uh, you forgot this.

Oh, well, uh, could've just
gotten it later.

Oh, it was kind of in the way.

Well, it wouldn't be if you
gave me a drawer or something.

Is the sex still good?

It's amazing.

See how supportive I was of you
just now?

Bye!

Okay, Felix, and how's
your range of motion been?

It's still stiff when I throw.

I thought I'd be back to pitch
this fall.

Hey. Teddy hasn't returned my calls.

Have you talked to anyone
from the hospital?

'Cause I...

Sorry. It's just,
I had a dream about Mer.

I'm going.

Sorry, Felix.

Um, you know, it's still early days,

you're only four months post surgery,

and it was a decent-sized tear.

This is the last season
to get scouted by a D-1 school.

Huh.

Why are you still here?

Right. I'm gone.

Uh... yeah, Felix, it's gonna
take a little bit more patience.

It's... It's gonna be...

I'm so sorry.

Felix, is it?

Um, a-are you right-handed?

- Yeah.
- Amelia.

I know this is weird.
I'm... I'm a surgeon, too,

and I just, uh, wanted
to check one thing with you.

H-Have you noticed that your left arm

feels stronger
than your right arm recently?

I guess so. Kinda?

- Why?
- What the hell?

If this is a neurological issue,

it could end more than just his career

if it goes untreated, so I'm...

Hey. I just want to to over a
couple maneuvers with you, okay?

Okay.

Meredith's vitals
have been stable for days.

Her X-rays have shown
a remarkable improvement,

and her oxygen requirements
have gone down.

Which is why she should be awake

for more than two minutes at a time.

Why isn't she?

What is it?

Her labs this morning showed
elevated liver enzymes.

It might just be a side
effect from the medications,

but we do want to order some new tests.

And we'd also like to get CTs,
both chest and abdomen.

It might seem extensive, but...

Well, let's do it.

We're seeing more and more
patients in the same position.

It seems like they're finally
out of the woods,

and then some new problem arises

and they just...

they just crash.

We can't let this happen to Meredith.

Were you in pain?

You know, the worst part was knowing

they were getting it wrong.

I didn't want to leave you,

but I knew, you know,
at a certain point...

I came to the hospital.

I know.

You could hear?

Not through my ears.

Dying is exhausting.

You know that point as a surgeon...

you've done everything for your patient.

I could try and will them to fight,

will them to live,

but I never understood
the level of exhaustion.

There comes a point

where the desire to rest
overrides the desire to live.

You got that.

You gave me permission to go.

You told me it was okay.

You got me.

You gave me everything I needed
until my last breath.

Do you need more time to think about it?

No.

Okay.

And your answer is...

I just told you. No.

Bailey...

I didn't come to this decision lightly,

and without your recommendation,

I may have to redo
my entire intern year.

Only if you were changing specialities,

which you are not doing.

That is not your decision to make.

It's not. No. It's yours,

and you made it
when you signed a contract

as a general surgery attending.

It's got a few more years on it,
last time I checked.

Bailey, you can't...

I-I need this.

And I need surgeons, Wilson.

I'm losing them
to, uh, sickness, exhaustion,

hell, murder, or in Avery's case,

just suddenly taking a leave of absence.

Y-You need to think about the hospital.

I can't afford to lose you right now,

especially when Meredith...

Look, we can, um, revisit this topic

after this thing is over,

but for right now, my answer is no.

Okay. Felix is headed in.

Mm. Great.

Uh... Is he set up for his MRI
in case he beats us there?

Yes. You know, I would have caught

- that right-sided deficit.
- Yeah, I know you would have.

We had just started.
I was focused on the shoulder.

Yeah, I know you were.

Not to mention
I kept getting distracted.

All my fault. I got it.

I'm ready.

No, we... We can't leave.

Maggie's not here yet.

Oh, well, that means you can't,

but I can, and I should.

Or, you know, I could call Koracick

and you could stay here.

Well, this was my find.

Oh, I'm sorry. You wouldn't
want somebody waltzing in

- and stealing your patient?
- W...

Please don't take this from me.

I have not operated in over a month.

Oh, and this sudden need
to operate has nothing to do

with your sister
still being unconscious?

Nope.

I just really miss cutting.

Got it.

- Okay.
- I-I'm still coming.

Hey. Great to see you, Maggie.

Thanks for all the help.

Um, everybody's eaten.

Hi?

I take it this is a new hobby?

Should have started with the plow stop,

but my kids wanted
to learn the moonwalk.

I was killing it
until I hit that railing.

My mom would never do that.

- She's a total worry...
- Dr. Schmitt, order tib/fib X-rays

and page me when they're done, please.

Okay, Erika, I'd like to
do an abdominal ultrasound.

Oh. Nice.

I've lost 50 pounds in Q-tine.

Check out these abs.

Damn.

That railing ate me alive.

- Yep.
- Oh.

Okay, let me know if this hurts at all.

50 pounds, huh?

Tech lawyer. Boatloads of money,
but... tech lawyer.

Sedentary job, sedentary life.

Then COVID hit, and I figured,
if the world's ending,

I might as well be happy.

I was so tired of being tired, you know?

So, I quit that job that I hated,

spent time with my kids,

started working out,

then I started my own business
making peanut brittle.

Ooh. Try some.

Ooh.

No eating in the hospital.

Um, so, Erika, it looks like
you have some bleeding

under your abdominal muscle,

so we'll need to do a CT
to evaluate how severe it is.

Alright, page me
when she's ready, Schmitt.

I won't tell if you won't.

And I know we've only
technically met on the phone...

but I'm marrying your sister,

so how about you wake up

and give me a "Congratulations"
or something?

I mean, I heard you were tough,

but I didn't think you were cold.

I want you closer.

You're worried about the kids.

If you get closer...

I'll never leave.

I think that's the theory.

Your dad died when you were young.

Yes.

And it almost ruined me.

But it didn't.

Kids survive.

And struggle makes them stronger.

Sometimes. Sometimes,
it makes them stronger,

and sometimes, it makes them...

Amelia.

She's doing great, by the way.

- I know.
- And she named her baby...

I know!

Oh.

People love you, Meredith.

People need you.

I'm tired.

Your body's tired.

But your soul...

Your soul won't even let me near you.

You're still fighting.

Have you seen the last...

one or two years?

Yeah.

Was that hard for you?

It's harder watching you be lonely.

I want to say you're beautiful,

but it's... shallow.

Say "pretty on the inside."

That's what I tell Zola to say.

"Be pretty on the inside."

You're pretty on the inside,
Meredith Grey.

- How's Grey?
- Not getting better.

She won't stay awake, and her
liver enzymes are elevated.

Any sign of acute infection?

No, but that doesn't mean anything

because this stupid disease causes

every complication in the book

without any consistency whatsoever.

Well, it's still relatively new.

There's information coming out
every day, and...

Yeah, vague information.

We have no idea how this disease

is gonna affect these patients
in the long-term.

I mean, there could be
permanent lung scarring,

vascular damage, neurological issues...

Eh, oh, no, please, keep... keep going.

Tom, I didn't...

- I'm... I'm sorry.
- That's...

I'm sure that you're fine.

Alright. She's all set.

Okay. Great. Thanks.

Tom, I'm sorry. I...

Hey, Doc, you're just stating facts.

Don't be sorry.

Okay.

What happened?

Carolyn Hexton.

Cardiac arrest.

When I talked with her yesterday,

she didn't even need oxygen.

Yeah, and then she started
having arrhythmias,

and then she went into V-fib.

37 years old.

Kindergarten teacher.

She ran 10ks for charity.

I thought she'd be going home this week.

Yeah. So did she.

We all did.

I got to call her family.

Hello, Mrs. Hexton. This is Dr. Hunt.

No. No, um...

No. She...

Uh, she's, uh...

Um, there were some complications.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Hexton.

Could you give me one moment, please?

Dr. Seip. Dr. Tracy Seip to Recovery.

Please tell me you're not eating in...

I'm not! I'm not!
I'm just, uh... I'm smelling.

I-I miss smelling things.

Smell things after work
in the comfort of your own home.

My home smells like unwashed laundry.

It's impressive, huh?

Leaving a successful career,

getting in shape,

being there for your family.

She really made lemonade out of, um...

a-a very deadly virus.

Must be nice.

You think she should be doing
something different?

I think if I suddenly started
baking snickerdoodles

and going base jumping,

do me a favor
and throw a big net over me.

It's peanut brittle.

It's... It's actually
a-a lot harder to master

than snickerdoodles.

Scans are up.

Mm. Mm.

Okay. Deep breaths, buddy.

She told me to drop everything
I was doing and rush to the ER.

Well, Dr. Shepherd has a tendency...

...to, uh, raise the stakes
of any situation.

MRI results will be back in a second.

You look worried, and he keeps
telling me I'm gonna be fine.

Dr. Shepherd, baseball is Felix's life.

It's what got him into junior college,

and it's his only hope of getting

into a Division I school.

What would you do if suddenly,

you couldn't be a surgeon anymore?

You paged Koracick?

No. Radiology did.

Uh. Be right back.

He has a meningioma, C6, 7.

Let me look at it, please.

That is a nasty little tumor.

We'll have to do an intricate
multi-level decompression.

Start with a wide excision,

but that will destabilize
his cervical spine,

so he'll need hardware.

Forget about his pitching arm.

Any slip, and you risk
making him a paraplegic.

I mean, but there's a lot
going on with your sister

and our lives.

It's been a long time since...

I'm not that rusty, thank you.

You can go, Tom.

Alright, one millimeter off...

I said you can go, Tom.

And, uh, if you want to help,

you can comfort the patient
while I book an OR.

How we doing today?

Oh, you know,

just thinking about how selfish it is

to follow my dreams.

I meant Luna, but, uh, good to know.

Luna's trending upwards,

so Luna is a bright spot
in a sea of unfettered misery.

What's all this about dreams?

I want to switch to OB,

but Bailey said it's a bad time.

Ah, she's not wrong there.

Thank you.

Listen, everything will sort itself out

once Grey's back on her feet.

If she gets back on her feet.

Well, I thought she was on the mend.

We all did.

Well, how bad is it?

Her liver enzymes
are elevated this morning,

and her creatinine is worse,

so her kidneys could be failing,
and nobody knows why.

God, it's just one thing
after another, isn't it?

This is my way of remembering
that there is more to the world

than just misery and death.

At least, I hope there is.

I'll get out of your way.

Tell me you found something.

Meredith's chest CT was clear.

However, her abdominal CT wasn't.

We found a filling defect
in her IVC and hepatic vein.

And is that clot in her liver?

Yes, which explains
why she can't stay awake.

Her body's fighting a build-up
of ammonia.

It's a small clot, but
if we don't treat it quickly,

then there could be fluid build-up,

which will just wreak havoc
on her liver.

Can you do, uh, an IR shunt
or thrombolytics, or...

A TIPS procedure should be done
in the IR suite, for sure,

but I don't think I should do it.

Why not?

Because Dr. Altman's here,

and because Dr. Grey is Maggie's sister,

- and if anything...
- Dr. Altman...

are you sure you're up to this?

It's a simple procedure.

I know what it is.

I'm asking, are you...

I will book an IR suite.

Altman...

...are you sure?

Meredith doesn't have time
for this conversation.

Hey.

Webber send you to check in on me?

No. No, he told me what was going on

and asked me if we thought
you were okay to operate.

- And?
- And I told him

you were fine to operate

and there was no one better to do it.

- Thank you.
- And I also told him

that if something goes wrong,

either something within your control

or something outside of it,

I'm not sure that you'll recover.

I lost a kindergarten teacher today.

I had to call her family.
I broke down on the phone.

I don't know if they knew
that I was crying

or if they thought that I was choking,

but I was pretty much doing both.

Never in my career have I... cried

while delivering news to a family.

It is unprofessional,

and honestly, it is embarrassing.

And after all we saw in the war,
all that loss,

and this kindergarten teacher
that I barely knew

just... broke me.

Because, uh...

Because COVID.

Yeah.

You've been through a lot, Teddy,

and you just came back,
and it is Meredith.

If something goes wrong...

I might not recover.

Can you page Dr. Ndugu for me, please?

Dr. Shepherd, I've worked
with a lot of neurosurgeons.

None of them were as good as you.

One millimeter in the wrong direction,

and I end this kid's career.

That's what Tom said.

That is what he said,

and that's what I said.

But you are Amelia Shepherd.

So you got this.

What's she doing?

She's getting ready to crush it.

Did something happen?

- Yeah, you'll be joining me.
- Okay.

She's not just your family or Maggie's.

She's mine. She's everyone's.

So, she's gonna have two of the finest

cardiovascular surgeons in the country,

and we're not gonna think about

what she means to us or to everyone.

We are gonna help each other do
what we know how to do,

and we will watch
each other's every move.

No ego. There's no question
that's too stupid to ask.

It's just about the work,

and we are going to remove this clot.

Deal.

Okay, then.

Here we go.

Ultrasound?

Ellis draws this picture of us.

- I'm in a wedding dress.
- Uh-huh.

And then you're in a suit.

I showed her the Post-it Note,
but she just...

- Hates it.
- Hates it.

She feels robbed.

Well, she gets that from my mother.

Oh.

You hate weddings.

I hate weddings.

But I would give this to her if I could.

What do you want me to promise?

To torture yourself less.

I don't want to leave the kids.

I don't want you to leave the kids.

Hey, Zola.

Your math teacher said you
signed out of class early today.

Are you okay?

What's wrong?

I'm mad.

- At someone at school?
- At everything.

Hm.

Did you see the news,
about the protests?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

When my teachers try to talk about it,

they get really weird
and seem scared to say anything.

That happens.

Do you want to go to a protest?

I could take you.

I don't want to go without my mom.

She'd be mad, too.

But she doesn't even know
what's happening.

She says she works at the best hospital

with the best doctors.

She does. We do.

Then why isn't she home?

You know Dr. Fox?

She told me to try something

when I'm really upset
that really helped.

What?

Screaming.

I'm serious.

It'll wake up the baby.

It's okay.
It's time for his bottle anyway.

Come on. Come on.

Okay.

Come on. Shake it off. Ready?

One, two, three.

Your CT shows what's called
a rectus sheath hematoma.

It's when you have bleeding

under your middle abdominal muscles.

Banged myself up good, didn't I?

And your blood counts are a little low,

so we'll need to watch you overnight

to make sure the bleeding
doesn't get worse.

Well, your tib/fib
fracture should heal nicely

without surgery, but we're gonna need

to put you in a cast
before you're discharged,

which you'll have to be in
for about six weeks.

Mm, I can make brittle from a chair.

Must take a lot of peanuts to
make what you made as a lawyer.

I-I'd need a factory for that.

Yeah.

You think I'm crazy, don't you?

I didn't say anything.

There was this poem I read
in high school.

This lady stood near a cliff,

afraid to get close to the edge
for a better view

because she thought she might fall.

But then someone pushed her.

Was the poem about murder?

No, because she didn't fall...

She flew.

The cliff was a metaphor...

It's what we're afraid will happen.

There's so much
the world tells us we need

that we don't really need.

Couldn't see it until I took the jump...

Isssh...

beautiful...

Shhhhome...

Uh...

- Oh.
- Pulse is thready.

Hematoma's expanding.

She's actively bleeding.

Let's get her to the OR.

We're coming up to the OR!

Stent looks patent after the procedure.

And liver enzymes? The creatinine?

Already improving.

Then why isn't she waking up?

- It takes time.
- We have given her time.

We have given her time,

and every test and every treatment.

We removed that clot
perfectly... perfectly...

And she's still not waking up,

and she's still not improving,
and she's still not going home.

- Why isn't she?
- Altman, there is...

I'm sorry. I-I can't.

I have to take a walk.

More suction.

Ah, there's the inferior
epigastric artery.

Hemostat.

Yeah, looks like she'll live
to skate another day.

2-0 silk.

You know how a pearl is formed, Schmitt?

Should I?

It all starts with one
very irritating grain of sand.

The oyster doesn't like it,

wants to keep its shell pristine.

So, to get rid of the sand,

the oyster coats it with
the inner layer of its shell.

Then we're gonna tie off the
collateral while we're in there.

Good.

Perfect.

But that just makes the sand bigger.

And even more annoying to the oyster.

So, the oyster just keeps adding
layer after layer,

until... a pearl.

Lap pads.

So, I'm the sand,

and you're trying to transform me?

The story wasn't about you, Schmitt.

The pandemic is the sand,

and it's pushed its way
into all of our homes,

but it doesn't mean
it has to ruin everything.

Maybe it is an opportunity to transform.

Maybe Erika here has the right idea.

I guess that's what
Jo Wilson's doing, right?

Now, why would you bring up
losing one of my best surgeons

when I just got to my happy place?

Goodness.

Goodbye, tumor.

You two really are co-dependent.

She ask you to chaperone?

Nope.

Just living vicariously.

You here to chaperone?

No.

Don't tell her I said this,

but Shepherd's fun to watch in there.

Elegant, focused, confident.

Pippen to my Jordan.

What do you hear about Meredith?

Uh, I don't.

Uh, I... don't.

I largely try to avoid that
entire wing of the hospital

because... God.

When is it just too much, Lincoln?

When do we get to scream at God?

When do we get to open
a bottle of Scotch

and pour him a giant God-sized glass,

push it across the table, and
when he's too drunk to smite us,

just scream...

"What kind of a sick joke is this?"

I don't get how kids still
get cancer during all this.

What kind of a sick joke is this?

Is she awake?

No.

What if we did something wrong?

You didn't.

What if we caused the clot to break off

and now she's having a massive stroke?

Teddy, there's nothing that
indicates any of that, okay?

Then why isn't she awake?

Teddy, breathe, okay?

Just... Just breathe.

Listen, hold my hand.

Can you feel my hand?

Okay. Just feel that
and just concentrate on that.

Concentrate on the weight
of my hand on your hand.

Good.

No. No. No.

Owen, please... Teddy, no.

Listen, I'm here.

I am here with you.

Okay?

But you need to feel this, Teddy.

Just feel it.

Dr. Webber, maybe you should go.

- Why?
- Because it's only my first day,

and I want to try something that
could very well get me fired.

Absolutely not.

Well, at least hear the man out.

I've heard.

Zola is already traumatized.

I am not bringing her to the hospital.

We need to do something, Maggie.

Hearing her daughter, feeling her?

- Maybe it could help.
- Winston, if your mother or my mother

could have stayed and lived,

they would have stayed and lived,

but people don't just decide.

It's not a choice.

Our mothers were terminally ill,

but Meredith...

we have fixed the only thing
we found that was wrong.

It's too much to put on a child.

All she'll know is that
she's coming to see her mom,

which she wants to do anyway,
and Meredith's negative now.

- It's safe.
- Maggie, you know good and well

that there is a psychological
component to recovery.

I've seen it again and again.

I have, too.

Well, don't you think
it's at least worth trying?

Maggie, whether it works or it doesn't,

at least Zola gets to see her mom again.

Let me call you back.

Hey.

I want to go.

I want to see Mommy.

You got it?

All of it?

All of it.

And my arms?

You show us.

Oh.

Alright, you get some rest.

Okay. I need Scout.

I know. We haven't even
been gone that long.

- I miss him, too.
- Ooh, no, my boobs hurt.

I need to nurse or pump.

Or both.

- And let's go.
- Hmm.

Bandage is clean and dry and intact.

No evidence of bleeding.

How's your pain, Erika?

Nothing I can't handle.

How long until I can work again?

Well, you'll be back
in brittle business in no time.

I meant work-work, not brittle.

At least, if anyone's hiring.

To the job you hate?

To the job that keeps me alive
and in one piece,

and keeps my kids fed.

Quarantine was a nice vacation,

but I can't live in the clouds.

I need to be realistic.

God, what was I thinking?

That this world had more to offer.

Oh, Erika.

You know, that... That feeling

that you have to keep going
no matter what,

that it's all on your shoulders...

It's something
that we're taught as women,

as Black women.

And I'm guilty of it.

And the pressure
to keep this place running?

I never used to take any breaks.

I never used to let down my guard.

I never... I never took breaks.

And then I had a heart attack in my 40s.

"Rest" is not a dirty word.

Rest is... not laziness,

no matter what you're told

or how many times you're told it.

Rest... Rest is love.

Rest is peace.

Rest is a beautiful model
for your children.

And I was...

forgetting again until I met you.

So, don't be too quick
to give up on your joy.

You can... make it your revolution.

Hey.

It's the smallest one that we have.

Who's it for?

The less you know, the better.

Eh, and don't worry...

I won't tell anyone it's from you.

Fine with me if you do.

Now, go on.

She's waiting for you.

Hey, if you change your mind,
it's alright.

It's okay if you're scared.

Mommy?

It... It's me.

I'm here.

It's Zozo.

I miss you so much.

I got your page.

My answer is no.

Did you forget
that you already told me that?

No. I will not be making you keep a job

that no longer fulfills you.

What about all of the...
The surgeons that you're losing?

Do you want me to change my mind?

No.

Look, all non-emergency surgeries

are non-existent anymore,

and if I have to hire
a new general surgeon,

I will, but that's not your problem.

- That's mine.
- I will help you find anyone to...

Eh...

Thank you. Thank you.

Just love it, Wilson.

Love it with every part of you.

Hey.

How's the, uh,
peanut brittle woman doing?

Heard you had to rush her into surgery.

Nico, I think you're standing
on a cliff and you're scared.

Sounds a little crazy because
you're never scared of anything,

but me having a little space
in your apartment...

It's not the end of the world.

Doesn't mean I'll never leave.

It doesn't mean
that we're getting married.

It just... It means
that you're carving out

a small amount of room for me.

Huh.

Well, move in with me.

You're right. I guard
my own space out of habit

because it makes me feels safe,
but safe from what?

You?

I love you, Levi.

So just...

move in with me.

Oh, I just... I just remembered
I can't come over tonight.

Jo is really sad about Jackson leaving.

She is? What?

Yeah, and I-I promised her
that I'd hang out.

But... great talk.

Levi!

See you tomorrow.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Bailey said yes!

Great. What are we watching?

Wait, what happened to Nico night?

- Oh, he's, uh... he's busy.
- He's standing right over there.

Yeah, yeah.
I said, "What are we watching?"

Whoa! Easy there, kiddos!

Oh, alright.

Yeah. Cool fort.

You got room for one more?

What's the password?

- Uh... Rainbow Donkey?
- Nope!

I'm gonna go check on Scout.

He just ate.

Little thing was out
in about 10 seconds.

I'm sorry, was I supposed to
keep him up?

Uh, Mom? What...
What are you doing here?

Did Zola wake up Mommy?

- What?
- She went to try and wake up Mommy.

Did something happen with Meredith?

No change in her mentation.

Sorry.

Well, it's something.

And no matter what happens,

you did something,

and I'm grateful.

I want her to live.

I haven't met her yet.

And she's...

she's not just Maggie's sister.

She's Dr. Meredith Grey.

So she lives, right?

Please God.

Please God.

Those moments,
when everything fades away,

you're at your best.

But there's a problem with
disappearing into the work...

You can't save every patient.

It was Richard and Winston's idea.

What?

It's a good idea.

And when I was checking Ellis' homework,

she was actually doing pretty well.

I'm scared.

I don't know why.

Me, too.

I need this year to get better.

Me, too.

What happened? Is she okay?

Yes. Yeah, she's the same.

What?

Why... Why'd you bring Zola?

I couldn't think of a better idea.

Oh, my God.

I can't breathe.

I'm so sorry. I-I should've told you.

You were in surgery.

I need her to live.

I need her to live.

Oh, my God.

Please, I need her to live.

What? Did something happen? What?

- Shh.
- Uh...

All of it.

Just all of it just...

All of it happened.

And if surgery is all you have,

no matter how great you are,

eventually,
you're going to disintegrate.

It's not time yet.

There's no pain here.

Mm.

You want to know a secret?

I even miss the pain.

You have to go.

I'm so tired.

It's not your time yet.

Our kids need you.

You have to go.

Mom, Ellis keeps coming
into my bed at night,

the way I would come into yours.

At first, I thought it was annoying,

but now, I tell her she can come
in my bed whenever she wants.

And sometimes,
I let Bailey come in, too.

But he sleeps on pillows on the floor,

but I always cover him with a blanket.

That's so nice of you, Zozo.

Mommy!

Hi.

As nice as it is to lose
all your worries,

you also lose the good.

I love you so much, Mommy.

We love you so much.

We love you so much.

You're awake.

And if you hope to have any
kind of life worth living...

We love you, Zozo.

...you're definitely
going to need the good.