Original subtitles

Gortimer, narrating: I've lived my whole life on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end

and a forest of shady trees at the other.

But what lies in between

is anything but normal.

It's human nature to want to take care

of the people around us.

We try to do all we can

to make their lives as complete as possible.

But we can't do everything.

And sometimes, the more we try to do,

the less we actually achieve.

Right. Mm-hmm.

Oh. Of course.

There's an incredibly strong narrative voice here.

- Right. - [humming]

Well, the issues that I see

have mostly to do with, um, with pacing

in the later chapters. Right.

And making sure the ambiguous resolve--

which, by the way, I love--

- is fully earned. - Mommy, look.

Mommy, look.

[chanting] Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.

- Mommy. - For sure.

- Mommy. - Hey, Mom, where's my cactus shirt?

That sounds great. I look forward to working with you, too.

Bye-bye.

Could you just, please?

Okay.

What is the rule

when Mommy's on the phone?

- That goes for you, too. - Sorry.

- Was that? - It was.

- And? - I got it.

No! My mom's going to be working

with a bestselling author!

You're amazing.

Well, okay it is only on a trial basis.

I have one week to finish my notes on his manuscript.

If he likes my work, we'll make it official.

Of course he's going to like your work.

Fingers crossed. That does mean

I will have no social life for the next week.

Oh, Adam is going to be so bummed.

We were supposed to go to that jazz festival.

Ow.

What is it?

Ooh. Looks like a little splinter.

How did you get that?

Here, let me get my-- my tweezers.

- Where did I put them? - [oven bell dings]

Oh.

Ooh.

Is it a special occasion?

Only the bake sale you and Ranger

have been talking about all month.

For the animal shelter.

Yes. Did you forget?

What? What's wrong?

No. Nothing. It's just the bake sale's next week.

But-- But that's okay.

I'm sure the cake will be just as good then.

Probably better. Besides, it's for homeless animals.

- Who's going to complain? - Gortimer, stop, please.

It's fine. I'll just-- I'll make another one.

Oh, no, no, no. We're late for preschool.

Come on, buddy. Let's go.

Oh. Bye, guys.

- Bye. - See you soon.

Come on, sweetie. Let's go.

Ow.

Oh. Oh, no. Your splinter.

Sorry, honey. Come on.

Don't wanna go.

Sorry. I'm late.

Crazy morning, and then there was lane close on Topeka--

It's so hard to get out of the door with the little ones.

Yeah.

Even with these guys dressing themselves.

Oh, uh, before I forget, would you like to sign up

for the Mommy and Me pickling class this Tuesday?

The kids love it because you get to eat your project.

Oh, how fun. Do you happen to have a weekend class?

It's just because of work and everything.

Oh. We found a lot of people

were having family time on the weekends,

so there wasn't enough interest.

I'm sorry.

Uh, it's fine.

Are you staying for the circle sing-along?

Oh, uh, I wish I could. I just--

Uh, have a great day.

Okay, buddy?

I love you.

Bye, Mom.

Come on, little buddy.

Let's blow bubbles.

Everyone wants puppies and kittens,

but people discriminate against older animals.

I had no idea they had it that bad.

Yeah. It's a problem.

But you know, I'm starting to see myself

as a champion for the underdog.

See you.

Bye, Ranger.

See you.

[yawn]

[door closes]

Long day?

Oh, yeah. And it isn't over yet.

Come on, buddy. It's time for your bath.

No bath. No bath.

Gardner, don't start this.

[chanting] No bath. No bath. No bath. No bath.

- Come on. - I don't want to.

Let's go. [grunt]

I don't want to.

"Call 911 because you're phoning it in."

[chuckle]

"You do enough to get by,

"but you're easily overwhelmed.

Mac 'n cheese? Pa-lease."

"Mediocre Mommy"?

Huh.

Who comes up with this garbage?

She doesn't need to be reading this.

Did you see how high Ella got when she blocked Julie?

And did you see her jump serve?

She has crazy hops.

Since when are you wearing make-up to school?

Ever since these freckles started invading my face.

Oh. But yours are cute.

I don't get it.

It's meta.

No, I'm pretty sure it's a bowl.

What do you think of this?

Think she'll like it?

It's your mom's birthday?

No, no. It's not her birthday.

I just want to do something special for her.

She's been kind of overwhelmed lately.

She'll love it, even though it is very literal.

Cool. "This is not a bowl."

Meta. Nice.

$6.00.

And 40 bucks.

For a mug?

Yeah. Well, it's part of our very special

Albanian Matriarch Collection.

It's, uh, super rare.

The bank of Lake Pogradec

is home to a very fine clay

that only appears when the moon is full--

[howling]

...and the frogs near the lake cease their croaking.

The clay is taken to the home

of the oldest woman in the village,

where it remains for 70 long years.

At the end of the 70 years,

the youngest girl in the village gathers the clay.

She keeps it for another 70 years.

- As they wait for-- - Ranger: Another 70 years?

We don't have time for this.

Right. Handle with care,

if you know what I mean.

You're up early.

Good morning.

Mexican vanilla latte for Madame.

[chuckling] Gortimer, this is so sweet.

Actually, it's just instant coffee.

"World's Best Mom."

Wait. Did you make this?

Well, I know you've been kind of busy lately, so--

Mm. This means a lot to me.

Thank you for being so thoughtful.

I'm going to go get ready for school.

I made you whole grain pancakes.

Well, dig in. You're a growing boy.

Shakespeare's use of literary devices

was extremely deliberate, as you can see in--

[bell rings]

We'll pick this up next week.

Homework on my desk, please.

Oh, no.

- No, no, no, no. - What?

My homework.

I left it on my desk at home.

I'm so sunk. Ms. Francis!

I kind of left my essay at home.

I'm really sorry.

- Oh. I have your essay. - You do?

Your mom dropped it off earlier.

She also brought me an apple

and an apple pie.

She's an inspiration.

That's weird.

Not weird. It's really nice.

You should appreciate your mother more.

Do these animals look sad enough?

I mean, we want them to be pretty sad

so that people buy cakes,

but we don't want them to look so sad

that the people lose their appetites.

It is a fine line.

This is incredible.

Your comics are organized

by primary and ancillary superpower.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Check this out.

I don't believe it. Your socks have been Roy G. Bivved.

Right? Who knew I had so much indigo?

- Where'd you get that? - Mel: I love it.

Good, because my mom made one for each of you.

How does she have time to do all that?

Isn't she on a deadline?

I don't know. Ever since I gave her that mug,

she's been the world's best mom.

Take that, Lady 365.

What are you talking about?

Oh.

[chuckle] "Mediocre Mommy"?

Wow. Good job with the positive reinforcement, Lady 365.

Who even reads this?

I'll recycle it for you.

Yoo-hoo!

I made you guys some seven grain cookies.

Oh. And, Gortimer,

can you remember to check the chore wheel?

You were supposed to start a compost pile.

We have a chore wheel?

You have a compost pile?

We would if Gortimer had started one.

[scoff]

[blender whirring]

Kale, radish, and quinoa.

- [gulp] - Mm.

What am I going to do?

She went from the world's best mom

to the world's most annoying mom.

[knocking]

Hey, guys. Gortimer, your mom called.

Said to get home right away. It's "GST"?

What is that?

Gibbon Silent Time.

She wants all the Gibbons to meditate together.

She's even got Adam doing it.

See you later.

Bye, Gortimer.

What are you looking for?

Aha.

Lipstick?

What's going on?

I'm 14,

and the only make-up I own is from a place

that you guys bought me three years ago.

Yeah, I'm okay with that.

I have to start wearing make-up.

I see. You have to.

And who exactly made that rule?

- [scoff] - Well,

in any case, you do wear make-up.

Yeah, on special occasions,

not every day.

I'm tired of looking like a kid.

But, honey, you are a kid.

You don't get it.

[humming]

Ah-ah-ah.

You're not stacking according to the chart.

Mug after bowl, that is not your goal.

But bowl after mug, and you get a hug.

Why don't we just use the dishwasher?

Wait. Don't tell me.

Blah blah blah, successful adult.

I know you're being facetious,

but you're right.

Mug after bowl, that's not my--

[vacuum running]

♪♪[rock playing in headphones]

Mom.

- Mom! - Aah!

- Oh. - [vacuum off]

I just discovered a super-quick way

to pick up Gardner's toys.

Right?

Ha ha.

Wait. Why are you up so early?

It's not early. It's late.

My alarm clock was unplugged.

Oh, no, no, no. That was me.

Yeah, I figured you should get extra sleep

since you're always so tired.

But the bake sale is in an hour,

and we-- we don't even have a cake yet.

Oh, yikes, I forgot about that.

Wait. I still have a lot to do before my meeting.

I can't let my client think I don't have my act together.

You know what they say: messy house equals messy brain.

You know how to make a cake, right?

No.

Ooh.

Uh, mix it all in here.

The mail bowl.

Well, not with the mail in it, silly.

Here.

Need some help, buddy?

Here. Come on.

Hey, Mom, what's going on? Gardner's starving.

I know. He keeps saying that.

I told him to go ahead and eat without me.

He doesn't know how to open milk.

Are you okay?

Yes. I'm fine.

Why?

I have to run an errand.

Can you start making the cake?

Oh. Yes. Of course. No problem.

No problemo.

Pas de problème.

You don't know how to make a cake, do you?

[bell dings]

Can I help you find something?

Yeah, I need another one of those mugs--

the Armenian old lady ones.

Albanian.

I need another one.

Why do you need another?

You didn't break it, did you?

Uh, maybe.

[sigh]

When the mug is ready to be shipped out,

the old women of the village

gather to cast the final spell.

[chanting]

Whatever words you inscribe upon the mug

will forever be true.

But if the mug shatters,

the spell will turn into a curse.

[woman laughing]

And the only thing that can lift it is...

To give most heart like tiny grass?

What does that mean?

How should I know?

This is very poorly translated.

Got it. So, uh, can I have another one?

They only make one every 140 years.

Didn't you get that?

Mom, what are you doing?

I was trying to find a book on multitasking,

but I got distracted.

Why did I ever join a book club?

Your manuscript, Mom. What happened?

Well, I told Gardner he could read it.

He doesn't know how to read, Mom.

Yeah, or spell, apparently.

Oh, no. He colored all over it.

[gasp] What am I supposed to do?

Oh, no.

[smoke alarm blares]

Mommy, make it stop.

N-N-No.

Aah! No, no, no, no.

Aah! Oh! Aah.

[coughing]

Mom, why is Gardner in the sink?

He got egg yolks all over himself,

and I didn't want him to make a mess everywhere.

[smoke alarm continues]

[smoke alarm stops]

Mom, why don't we have any food?

Didn't you just go grocery shopping?

Well, the chore wheel said

I was supposed to clean the fridge today,

so I just got rid of everything.

Oh, boy. I really am off my game.

That quiz was right. I am a mediocre mom.

That was wrong. I'm a terrible mom.

Mom, don't worry. I-- I can help out.

I'll clean up here and take care of things,

but I need you to go to the store.

Can you do that?

We just need so much stuff,

I don't even know where to begin.

Here's a-- Here's a list.

Thanks, Gortimer.

Mom, you forgot your list!

- [clatter] - Gardner, no! Don't do that!

[sigh]

Hey.

Are you ready to do your part for unfortunate cats and dogs?

Oh, no. The bake sale.

I'm sorry. You got to go without me.

W-Whoa. What happened?

I'll explain later. Let's just say

you might want to get more cookies from the bakery.

[doorbell rings]

Maybe I should have had the bake sale

- at the bakery because-- - [ding dong]

...it's kind of like we have one there every day anyway.

- Yeah, yeah. Food for thought. - [ding dong]

- I got to go. Bye. - Okay.

It's open!

Hello.

Let me guess.

You must be Gortimer Gibbon,

first issue of the delightful Claire Gibbon.

Never heard it put that way, but yeah, sure.

I'm Winston Hobbes. I have an appointment.

Your mother has been mangling my manuscript.

[laughing]

I'm kidding. Ha ha ha!

But really, I don't have much time. Is she in?

Yeah. She'll just-- She'll be here in a second.

- [glass shatters] - Gardner: Oops.

Can you hold this, please? Thank you, sir.

Gardner! Put down the whisk!

"Butylated hydroxytoluene."

I guess they wouldn't put it in there if it was bad for you.

These kids look like they're having fun.

Mel.

Oh. Hi.

I was hoping I wouldn't run into anyone I know.

Yeah. I totally know that feeling.

Hey, uh, do you know what butylated hydroxytoluene is?

Do kids like it?

You okay? What's wrong?

I'm fine.

I just wanted to cover my freckles,

and now this stuff won't come off.

Why are there a hundred

different types of make-up remover?

And how am I supposed to know

what types of pores I have?

[sigh]

Well...

I like this kind.

It's for sensitive skin like ours.

Thanks.

You know, Mel,

your freckles make you unique.

You look so much like your mom.

Hey.

I miss her, too.

I want you to know

that you can always come to me

for mom stuff.

I know, I know it's not the same.

But I'm here for you...

for anything.

Let's get out of here.

You don't want that stuff?

That's all just a bunch of junk food.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Come on. I'll give you a ride.

I just have to make one quick stop first.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to get this gunk off this stove.

Oh, don't worry about it. I have special stuff for that.

I got it.

Mom?

[chuckling]

Hey, you better get going.

Going where?

To your bake sale.

Oh, no. It's okay.

I already told Ranger I couldn't go.

Besides, it's too late to make a cake now.

Well, here you go.

Made from scratch.

What? How?

I didn't say I made it from scratch.

It's what bakeries are for.

I have no idea how you do this every day.

Me, neither.

Go. Have fun.

Oh. And before I go,

Gardner's taking a nap,

your ficus plant needs a new pot,

and your client guy's been waiting in the living room

for, like, 30 minutes. I love you.

Oh.

Wow. Uh--

Okay. Ohh.

Winston.

Mr. Hobbes.

I am so, so sorry I'm late.

I had a parent emergency.

I'm on a very tight schedule.

I'm sure you of all people can appreciate that.

I completely understand.

To be honest, after waiting for you for 20 minutes,

I was only staying so I could tell you

that you didn't get the job.

Oh.

But then I saw the manuscript

and decided to go through your notes.

That really wasn't meant for you to see.

My son kind of went crazy on it.

Yes, I know.

But I'm glad I got your unfiltered thoughts.

These notes are fantastic.

Ha ha. Although scribbling out chapter 3 in blue crayon

seems a little unnecessary.

[laughing]

But the drawing of the poodle was quite charming.

So can we make it official?

Are you giving me the job?

I'd be a fool not to.

Thank you.

I promise you will have my undivided attention.

No more emergencies.

Gardner: Mommy! Mommy!

Gortimer: We sometimes think

that the only way to show our worth

is by doing things for others.

But when that gets to be too much,

remember that people don't expect more from us

than to just be ourselves.

So let yourself off the hook

and appreciate the things that make you...

well...you.