Original subtitles

Gortimer: I've lived my whole life on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end,

and a forest of shady trees at the other.

But what lies in between is anything but normal.

Some days you wake up with a spring in your step,

and a smile on your face.

The whole world is yours for the taking.

Ed: We've had the same conversation a million times,

and it never changes.

Vicki: Because you won't listen.

- I don't know why I bother. - Ed: Neither do I.

Gortimer: But then there are the other kind.

Ed: You know what? Just because you want something

doesn't mean that you should get it.

Gortimer: The days you wish you never got out of bed.

Vicki: It is not about what I want,

- it is about what I need! - Ed: Oh...

Gortimer: On those days...

things can get pretty...

- Vicki: ...in a different room! - Ed: Good!

- [door slams] - Ed: I appreciate it!

Gortimer: ...heavy.

♪♪

Just the guy I was looking for.

- Your share. - Share of what?

The proceeds.

I had a brilliant business idea,

and Gortimer helped make it a reality.

Wait. Was this your secret Popsicle plant?

No, no, no, Popsicles have sticks.

These are Weasel Pops.

Frozen fun in a convenient no muss, no fuss sleeve.

Squeeze the bottom and pop goes the weasel.

I'm sold. Give me three.

Well, I don't actually have any more.

Sold out during the Normal craft fair this weekend.

You told me you were gonna be at your grandma's.

That's why I hired Gortimer to work the booth.

Couldn't have done it without you.

What can I say? I'm the Weasel Pop salesman of the year.

[chuckling]

Give us a minute.

Oh, this must be some serious money.

Just don't forget who your friends are.

Thirty bucks?

What'd I tell you? Easiest money you'll ever make.

But there was over $200 in the cash box when I finished.

Right, and I had to cover all the costs.

It was 100 bucks just to rent the booth.

- I did all the work. - All the sales work,

for which you're being paid.

Gortimer, you sold them all.

That's amazing.

[school bell rings]

[sighs]

Hey.

What's up?

Gortimer: Everything okay?

Yeah. Fine.

Come on, you can tell us.

I'm trying not to think about something right now,

and I'm pretty sure talking about it involves thinking about it.

And now you've got me thinking about not thinking about it,

which is the same thing as thinking about it.

I know how you feel.

But it can help to talk, even if you kind of don't want to.

If you don't want to tell us,

you might check out peer counseling.

I go sometimes.

Man: Okay. Really good work.

All right? Remember, you're in charge of you.

Okay. See you next week.

Oh! Hello.

It looks like you're busy. I can come back. Or not.

No, no, no. Let's talk.

I'm Mr. Ross. But please, call me Reggie.

I like to keep it "caj" here at the PCC.

The Peer Counseling Center.

Okay, Reggie.

Hey. There you go.

So, what can I do for you?

Do you need to talk to somebody?

Uh, I think we have a slot open Wednesday,

and then one on Friday.

Sorry, we're a little short staffed.

Unless there's something you need to talk about right now.

Uh...

Actually, I came to volunteer.

Really? That's terrific.

I had a feeling today was an upside down, rainbow kind of day.

Come on. Let me fill you in on what you'll be doing.

Think of this as a safe space.

Privacy is paramount.

- Respect it. - Got it.

And listen. That's what you're here for.

Totally.

People don't come to Peer Counseling for advice.

They come to be heard. To have someone...

- share their burden. - Share the burden.

- Check. - Okay.

You ready for your first customer?

I don't think anyone is really paying attention to what I'm doing.

I mean, what's the point?

Maybe you need to really figure out

who you're doing it for, them or yourself.

I don't like any of my friends.

But they're the only ones who like me,

and I really, really don't want to be alone.

Like, ever.

I'm here if you need me.

I just had to get that off my chest.

Thanks.

I'm glad I could help.

This was good.

I actually feel lighter.

No, it's Addis Ababa.

Next, capital of Botswana?

I just don't see how she thinks it's fair.

So when you said you were done talking about it,

you weren't actually done talking about it?

I did all the work. She wasn't even there.

I know she doesn't know it, but it feels like Catherine cheated me.

Gortimer, what would you have done on a Saturday

if Catherine hadn't hired you to work the fair?

- Nothing. - And now you have 30 bucks.

Sounds like a win.

But Catherine wouldn't have had anything if it wasn't for me.

So ask her for more money.

- It's not about that. - It sounds like it is.

So you're taking her side?

Don't make this into something bigger than it is.

Fine.

Whoa.

Okay, uh, who's here to see me?

Uh, okay. Who's here to see Ranger?

Okay. Uh, hold on.

- [voices overlapping] - Girl: Why is chemistry so hard?

Boy: I think I have mono.

Girl: There's no one to ask to the formal.

- Boy: Why can't I bring my dog to school? - [creaking]

Girl: My brother's leaving for college soon.

- Boy: Why is Mia ignoring me? - Boy: Is that normal?

[voices overlapping]

[creaking]

[voices overlapping]

[chair cracking]

[school bell rings]

Come on, it's Make Your Own Burrito day.

We can't be late.

[sighs]

Are you feeling okay?

Yeah. Fine.

It's just these new super heavy thick socks.

Oh. Hey, is that a sunbeam I see?

Nope, it's just Ranger, my star peer counselor.

Wait, you're a peer counselor?

Only the best this school's ever had.

It is remarkable how many students have come up to me,

and said the same thing.

You take the weight off their shoulders.

Great job, buddy.

- Thanks, Reggie. - Hey, there you go.

The point was to get counseling.

Turns out they needed it more than I did.

I'm helping people.

Yeah, by taking the weight off people's shoulders,

and putting it on your own.

So I took out how much it cost

to buy the pops and rent the booth,

and gave Gortimer 30 percent of what was left.

Sounds fair to me.

I mean, he was only there for a couple hours, right?

Exactly, but now he's mad at me.

[sighs] He shouldn't be.

It was your idea in the first place.

But he did the work.

Who ran the stand?

Gortimer.

Who handed out the pops? Gortimer.

But who reaped the benefits

from the comfort of her grandma's sofa?

- I paid him. - 30 bucks.

How's he gonna pay the bills with that?

He doesn't pay any bills.

Not on that salary.

But, that's just my two cents,

or 30 percent of my two cents.

[alarm ringing]

[creaking]

[water running]

We find out about the extra charge on the phone bill?

It was a mistake. They took it off.

[sighs]

Hey, Dad. Egg said he's getting in some cool new fishing rods.

Maybe time to take a trip to the lake?

Uh-huh.

Oh, and Mom. I've almost perfected my figure 8 bagel.

I'm thinking of calling it the Infina Bagel.

It could be our next big thing.

That's great.

[rumbling]

[locks rattling]

When did that start happening?

This morning. I've been sticky all day.

Am I magnetic?

That's not magnetism. That's gravity.

[sighs] My old nemesis.

This is serious.

Things could get out of hand.

Mel: Gravity is the force exerted by two masses upon one another.

The Earth pulls on you, you pull on the Earth.

It's just that the Earth has a lot more mass.

If you start gaining mass,

you're gonna start pulling on everything around you.

At first, it'll be little things.

Ranger: That's not so bad.

Mel: But the more the mass, the greater the pull.

Ranger: That's annoying.

Mel: And the more you attract,

the more mass you'll have,

which means even more gravity.

You'll start pulling in bigger things.

Ranger: Like how big?

Mel: That big, and even bigger.

- [horse neighing] - [cow mooing]

Mel: And if it continues, you'll snowball until...

Ranger: Everything works out okay in the end?

Mel: Until the gravitational force exceeds the nuclear force,

and you collapse into a singularity.

Your irresistible gravity swallows the Earth,

and the entire solar system.

Light itself can't even escape.

The laws of physics collapse,

and you become a black hole.

I need to quit peer counseling.

One second.

Uh, perfect. Great. Bye.

Just the man I was looking for.

I need to talk to you.

Okay, hold that thought. You've booked your first group session.

[sighs]

Ooh. Slow and steady. There we go.

- Catherine: I know that's a long time. - Abigail: That's a long time.

Reggie: Hey, guys.

Ah, fish sticks.

Ooh. Language.

You said we'd be partners.

I meant like we'd be working together,

not splitting things 50/50.

- It was my idea. - But I sat out in the hot sun for hours,

and sold until I got hoarse.

I sold more product than any other vendor out there.

This is pure exploitation.

You guys are just being pig-headed.

Gortimer: Pig-headed is better than greedy.

- [rattling] - Stan: You've got to be kidding me.

Catherine: You need to let this go.

That's it. We're starting a union.

Catherine: You can't unionize. You don't have a job.

Stop!

This isn't gonna work. Gortimer, I'm your friend.

And I'm Catherine's friend, too.

[rattling continues]

I can't be impartial.

You need a mediator who doesn't have any skin in the game.

Someone who knows all about business, and really gets it.

I don't get it.

Well, we came to you because you're a respected business owner.

Uh, maybe the most respected business owner

on all of Normal Street.

We just need someone to tell Gortimer he's wrong.

Can you help us?

I can help you if you're buying something. Please buy something.

Your honor, Stanley Zielinski for the plaintiff,

if it pleases the court.

I'm not a judge, this is not a court,

and you're definitely not a lawyer.

On the grounds of Mr. Gibbons'

well documented excellence in salesmanship,

and the imprecise nature of his verbal contract with Miss Dillman,

I move that you enforce an order

to summarily split the profits equally.

Minus, of course, Mr. Gibbons' legal fees.

Half? I put up all the money,

I took all the risk.

And I did all the work. It's only fair.

Easy. Easy. I know what the problem is.

Let me tell you guys a little story.

When I was in college, my roommate Phil

was really big into turkey jerky.

Had his own dehydrator and everything.

But what he didn't have was a steady supply of seasoning.

And that's where I came in.

Well, he pulled up but the back of the pick up

was still full of live turkeys.

[chuckles] I said, "What the hibbity heck, Phil?" Right?

Ostriches will eat anything they can catch,

including humans. I'm not kidding.

Yeah. A weird bunch.

They had just rows and rows of teeth.

Nothing can hold their breath that long,

not even an alligator, which is renowned in the animal kingdom

for being able to hold its breath for up to a day.

We weren't gonna use just any little thermometer,

we wanted to use the biggest thermometer in Kansas.

Long story short, [laughs]

I got a full refund.

That's how I roll.

And there were feathers everywhere.

And that's when it finally dawned on us.

Friends and business don't mix.

Uh, um, what does that have to do with us?

He means if you're serious about running a business,

you shouldn't hire friends,

because it will just complicate things.

No, he means when your friends help your business thrive,

you should reward them fairly.

You're being unreasonable.

- [bell jingles] - Wait.

We should have been the ones to storm off.

Come on.

[sighs]

[alarm ringing]

[heavy thud]

[heavy footsteps]

Ow. Ow!

- [thudding] - [groaning]

[heavy footsteps]

[heavy thudding]

- Ranger. - Oh, no. Not now. I can't take it.

You've gotta talk some sense into Catherine.

I can barely lift my feet.

Listen, right now it's two on two,

and my number two is Stanley.

- I need you. - No!

I've developed my own gravity.

- What? - Just get help.

- Go! - I can't.

- [shoes squeaking] - [grunting]

Okay.

- [grunting] - Okay. That's weird.

Just-- just-- just don't panic.

All right. Uh, we'll think of something.

You can't out-think gravity.

Okay, then we'll try brute force.

Just push on three. One, two, three.

[straining]

Glad no one saw that.

Let's get out of here.

Yeah.

- You gotta hang a left. - Almost there.

Mel: Let me guess.

You didn't quit peer counseling.

I tried, but then Gortimer

got sucked into my gravity and got stuck.

Please help.

How, exactly?

You know. Science.

Can't you guys just whip up some anti-gravity field or something?

Come on, Catherine, you're good at this kind of stuff.

Oh, now you need help?

Gee, I don't know.

I mean, what's in it for me financially?

- Don't be like that. - Be like what, exactly?

- Guys. - All I wanted was to be treated fairly.

I was being fair. You were being greedy.

- [rumbling] - Ranger: Stop it. Stop arguing.

[squeaking]

[rattling]

It's getting harder to breathe.

Catherine: It's not my fault.

Mel: The fighting is making it worse.

I can't take any more problems right now.

Can't you guys handle this yourselves?

- You said we'd be partners. - We weren't!

But here. I'd rather give you the money

than fight with a friend.

No, I-- I don't care about the money.

I don't need to get paid to help a friend.

I just couldn't stand thinking that

you were taking advantage of me.

I didn't think I was.

I should have been clear up front.

Let's just forget this ever happened,

and give the money away.

- [rumbling] - I have a better idea.

We'll take all our profits and re-invest.

Then we could start over. As full partners.

I'd like that.

- [grunting] - [clattering]

Ranger, are you okay?

I can breathe. I like breathing.

Yeah, glad we got that off our chest.

Fighting with you was really weighing on me.

Me, too.

[sighs]

Looks like you're still carrying around a lot of weight.

What's wrong, Ranger?

Why won't you tell us?

[sighs] Because you can't fix it.

No one can.

Telling other people is just spreading the burden.

Who wants that?

- I do. - Me, too.

We're your friends.

That's what we're here for.

It's about my parents.

I need to talk to you guys.

I can't keep it inside anymore.

What's wrong, pal?

Are you getting a divorce?

- Oh, honey. - What?

Why would you think that?

You've been fighting all week.

Oh, buddy.

You've got the wrong idea.

We've been fighting about a very expensive mixer for the bakery.

It's not that expensive.

It's not important.

You know, sometimes a fight isn't about what it's about.

Does that make any sense?

I don't know.

Are you guys still mad at each other?

No.

Well, okay, yes. A little bit.

People argue.

That's not always a bad thing.

It's better to get feelings out than to let them build up.

Even if they come out a little louder than they should.

So no divorce then?

Honey, we're fine.

We love each other very much.

That hasn't changed. And we love you.

Love you, too.

Come here.

Oh, whoa, buddy. You're getting heavy.

Funny. I feel lighter.

Gortimer: When it comes to burdens,

we all carry our own.

But that doesn't mean we need to let it weigh us down.

The whole point of having friends and family

is to help share the load.

And if you do...

you may find that life isn't so heavy after all.

♪♪