Original subtitles

Gortimer: I've lived my whole life on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end,

and a forest of shady trees at the other.

But what lies in between is anything but normal.

It's normal to try on different roles in different situations.

We pretend we're more confident.

Or more outgoing.

Or more adventurous.

But when we play at being someone else,

is there a chance we might lose ourselves?

♪♪

"You are cordially invited to the Marlow Mystery Party,

"a night of suspects and secrets

"celebrating the legacy of Normal Street's most esteemed author,

"Polly Marlow.

"Please find enclosed your character assignment cards."

I've never read any of her books.

Start with "Curse of the Singing Fountain,"

then read "Secret of the Wandering Oak,"

and after that, either "B is for Blackmail,"

or "T is for Theft."

So you've read all of them?

No way. She wrote, like, a hundred.

That's how they make the Mystery Party feel new every year.

So many characters.

Who'd you guys get?

Ranger: Tex Matthews is an oil baron with no scruples

when it comes to his precious black gold.

You make a man sharp

by cheatin' him every chance you get.

Abigail: You like your jazz hot?

Head uptown to hear Anita Carmichael,

New York City's most soulful songbird.

♪ Will I always be lonely? ♪

♪ Will I always be blue? ♪

Stanley: Riding the rails across

the great plains of America as a hobo,

hungry for life.

His name: Beans.

Only when you ain't goin' nowhere,

and you don't care,

then you're free.

Mel: Do you like the night life?

This southern belle is the toast of every party.

From Harlem to Montmartre,

Fanny Flannigan.

[southern accent] You can keep New York.

Paris is the cat's pajamas.

Catherine: Emily Lynn Jones is an archeologist,

and adventurer with a tragic past.

I've been to every place that's in the atlas,

and every place that isn't.

The only treasure I've never found

is my long lost baby sister.

Gortimer: This star burns brighter

than all the neon on Broadway.

Renowned actor Raymond Bloodstone.

To be or not to be,

that is the question.

Here's another.

Am I the greatest talent to ever grace the stage?

The answer.

Yes.

♪♪

[indistinct conversations]

- Gortimer: Hi, guys. - Ranger: Hey, guys.

Mel: You guys look nice.

These deviled eggs are awesome.

Don't you mean the bees knees?

Or the cat's meow, or the gnat's whistle?

Hey, check this out.

The brooch was a gift to Polly Marlow from President Coolidge.

He was one of her greatest admirers.

One of the things they're raising money for tonight

is to have the ruby eye replaced.

Gortimer: "The owl was inscribed with the words

"'In recognition of your incomparable talent,

and dramatic genius.'"

That's a pretty great honor.

Woman: Is that Raymond Bloodstone I see?

Well, then, if it isn't Lavinia Gearhart.

[chuckles] First woman to fly across the Pacific.

If you think the Bermuda Triangle is bad,

try the Polynesian Hexagon.

Crash landed and lived to tell the story.

[laughing]

Woman: [clears throat]

Ladies and gentlemen.

The year: 1924. The place:

the manor of Peter Westerly, III.

Tonight we celebrate his safe return from the South China Seas,

but our celebration will be short-lived.

I have a sh-- [coughing]

Sorry. I'm coming down with something.

I have a shocking announcement.

The priceless oolong diamond has just been stolen.

[crowd gasping]

And everyone here is a suspect.

Luckily, we have world famous detective Derrick Dixon here.

Man: Excuse me.

Comin' through.

This egg is...

hard boiled.

♪♪

[no audible dialog]

♪♪

I can't stand that Calvin Coolidge.

I've seen coyotes with more sense than him.

I lined his pockets with half my money,

and got nothin' in return.

It was the best of crimes,

it was the worst of crimes.

It was almost... an unsolved mystery.

'Til a small clue led me to a big fish.

Lavinia Gearhart.

Why, I have no need for a little diamond

when the whole world is my pearl.

No one would suspect the esteemed pilot.

Everyone knows her sponsor, General Aviation,

leaves her wanting for nothing.

Mr. Bloodstone, would you read that right there?

"General Aviation files for bankruptcy."

- [all gasping] - I swear I--

I didn't know.

But I did.

Hmm?

- The diamond. - Oh!

This little birdie's going to the big house.

[applause]

[laughing]

- Wow. - [laughs]

I didn't know you were such a devious thief, Mom.

I know. Speaking of which,

I have to go steal your brother back from the sitter.

- Okay. - Bye.

Bye, Mom. Love you.

All right. See ya.

Here. I've got it.

You really don't need to.

No. No, no. You're coming down with a cold.

The last thing you need to be doing is cleaning up.

- It's not your job. - I don't mind.

Never argue with Gortimer when he's trying to help.

It'll get done six times as fast if we pitch in.

Thanks.

I'll go get another broom.

Do you mind getting the rest of the trash from the kitchen?

Dumpster's outside.

- On it. - Thanks.

♪♪

Mel: Amazing craftsmanship.

Polly Marlow was an old lady.

Why was she playing with dolls?

She used them for inspiration.

[chuckles] There's Fanny.

And Beans.

Stanley: And Tex and Emily.

That's how she figured out the surprise ending

in "The Mystery of the Brown Recluse."

See, Beans climbs up the chimney,

only to find Lord Farnsworth is hiding there.

Then he finds out--

Hey. Don't ruin it for me.

- [thunder] - Mel: [screams]

[click]

[southern accent] Well. That's peculiar.

[footsteps running]

Beans!

Beans, where are you going?

Is everyone all right?

A little darkness never hurt nobody.

It's like a song I used to sing.

It was called,

"A Little Darkness Never Hurt Nobody."

[humming]

Where is that rapscallion Beans?

He left me alone in the dark.

Git! You're gettin' nothin' from me.

This ain't no welfare state.

Why are you guys talking like that?

Why are you talkin' like that, Bloodstone?

[scoffs] Ranger, cut it out.

Who's this Ranger fella?

Is he a park ranger?

I don't like parks.

More public land that could be oil wells.

Mel, please tell me what's going on.

Did something happen while I was outside?

Oh, Mr. Bloodstone. Are you doin' one of your silly roles again?

No, it-- it's me. Gortimer.

Your friend.

Gortimer G. Gibbon.

1-1-8-2 Normal Street.

Hilarious, Raymond.

Now, where were we?

I believe Anita was going to charm us with a ditty.

[humming]

Oh, no. You guys are stuck in your roles.

[scoffs] Dry up, Ray.

I'm trying to sing here.

[humming]

You sing real swell. Let us hear it.

I don't know where your grubby hands have been.

Everyone stop!

Someone picked the lock.

The owl.

It's gone.

♪♪[dramatic]

Abigail: So it's missing.

I don't see what that has to do with any of us.

Don't you guys get it? We're the only ones here.

Someone's gonna think one of us took it.

He's right, and I think I know the culprit.

He was closest to the display case

when the lights went out.

And he had a motive.

He's been walkin' around all night like some big cheese.

But he told me he has shares in General Aviation.

Couldn't buy a cup of Joe with those now.

Ranger-- I mean, Tex.

Did you take the owl?

No, siree.

What kind of sap do you take me for?

Wait!

He's on the level. I can prove he didn't do it.

Follow me.

If you recall, just an hour ago,

Tex was talkin' our ears off about the biggest cheese of all.

Calvin Coolidge.

I can't stand that Calvin Coolidge.

I lined his pockets with half my money,

and got nothin' in return.

See? Tex would have never stolen the brooch.

It was a gift from the president himself.

Whom Tex despises.

You're darn tootin'.

The way that man's runnin' this country,

the '20s may be a roarin',

but I see storm clouds on the--

Horizon?

Whoa.

That was intense.

I felt like Tex. I thought like Tex.

But now I'm me.

Wait. Why are you still you?

Oh, I-- I don't know.

I was outside when it happened,

and I came back in and everyone was acting crazy.

The electricity went out is what happened.

A real nuisance.

It happens all the time in the Congo.

Wait a minute. When the lightning struck,

everybody but you got stuck in their characters.

But when Tex was proven innocent,

I turned back into me.

Which means to get everyone back,

we just have to prove them innocent.

Or find the guilty party.

Come with me.

♪♪

All of you are suspects.

And none of you are leaving until we figure this out.

[breathing heavily]

What's with her?

[panting]

Are you okay?

Please, fellas. Give a gal some space.

Somebody looks nervous.

Something you want to tell us?

Yes.

You're guilty.

No. I'm claustrophobic.

[panting]

Feelin' any better?

Yes.

And I know who stole the brooch.

Him.

Beans?

Yeah. We were in the children's room,

and when the lights went out, he took off faster than

a flea on bath day.

He definitely could use the money.

What do you have to say for yourself?

Mind your potatoes.

Wait. He's got something in his jacket!

What are you doin'?

You're all fixin' to run me out of town on a rail.

I best feed my belly first.

See? He is a thief.

He stole the brooch.

What are you hiding in your coat?

What do ya think?

Food.

Hold this.

Where's the owl?

If I can't eat it, I won't steal it.

That proves nothin'.

You could sell the owl and buy all the food in the world.

Wish I'd thought of that.

Hunger makes me a little slow in the brains,

if you know what I mean.

[gagging]

- I hate raisins. - [scoffs] What a mug.

I can't believe he didn't even know about the black market.

So you know all about the black market.

It was you.

You could have secured your voyage on the Queen Mary,

and happily spent a year in Paris.

That owl was your ticket out of here.

[scoffs] Fancy yourselves pretty clever, eh?

Well, for your information,

I was upstairs when it was stolen.

Tell me, how could I have possibly run down the stairs,

and crossed the living room without being noticed?

She has a point.

It makes sense.

- Except-- - Except?

♪♪

That you could have gone down the secret stairwell.

You came down the secret stairwell into the butler's pantry,

and out into the living room,

none of us the wiser.

I didn't, I swear.

I believe you.

- You do? - You do?

I do.

Somebody looks nervous.

Something you want to tell us?

I'm claustrophobic.

You can't be claustrophobic and go down that.

By golly.

Just lookin' up at it is makin' my head spin.

Oh, my.

[sighs] That was rough.

Experiencing someone else's claustrophobia

is now on my list of moments I hope never to relive.

Good to have you back.

And then there were two.

It was her.

Says you.

Yeah. Says. me.

The brooch is contemporary.

It's of no interest to me.

I only deal in ancient artifacts.

So, you wanted the dough.

Listen. Money means nothing to me.

All the money in the world

can't buy me the thing I want most:

To be reunited with my baby sister

who was kidnapped as an infant.

But you know who would need dough?

A struggling jazz singer.

[scoffs] Applesauce.

I ain't strugglin'. I got a job at the Tin Pan.

That's simply not true.

My friend Johnny is a piano player there,

and he said you were fired months ago.

You lied.

Please. You gotta believe me.

I'm on the up and up.

I don't know.

You could have done it. You were right there.

All you had to do was pick the lock.

No. No. There's no way.

Something's wrong with her fingers.

When I handed her the mic, she couldn't hold it.

And then later, she couldn't hold Ranger's pen and pad.

How could she pick a lock?

It's true.

These hands, they're useless.

That's why they fired me.

The crowd wants a singer who can slink around the stage with a microphone.

But me, I just had to stand behind it like a dummy.

If word gets out, I'll never work again.

So what's wrong with your hands?

They call it...

digitist degeneritis.

It's very rare.

Liar. The only person in the world

with digitist degeneritis is my mother.

Well, her and my long lost--

Sister?

Sister.

So if none of us took the owl,

where is it?

Maybe it went missing during the party.

No, it was definitely in the case when we were cleaning up.

Well, there was someone else at the party.

All: Sara.

Of course!

Never trusted her.

No. She didn't steal it.

She probably just put it back in the vault for safe keeping.

And then went home.

She said she wasn't feeling well,

but would she just leave?

Maybe if she felt really sick.

So we've been trying to solve a mystery

that never existed?

[chuckles]

I guess we all got a little carried away.

So what next?

Let's just finish cleaning up.

I-- I'm kind of tired.

[sighs] And this isn't our job anyway.

Let's get out of here.

Wait.

Nobody move.

There is a thief among us.

Him.

What?

[scoffs] Ranger. Come on.

The game's over.

I'm not playing. I'm serious.

You took the owl.

Where were you when the lightning struck?

I was outside taking out the trash.

Then tell me this.

If he was outside in the pouring rain,

why is there no mud on his shoes?

Look, Ranger, this is crazy.

And, when we were in the kitchen,

I noticed that the trash had never actually been taken out.

Not taking out the trash does not equal stealing the owl.

Yeah. Besides, Gortimer would never steal.

Or lie.

Gortimer wouldn't.

But Raymond Bloodstone would.

♪♪[dramatic]

We all thought that Gortimer was the only one

that didn't get trapped in his character,

because he was outside when the lightning struck.

But if he never took out the trash,

that means he was inside.

- Which means he-- - Which means he has been

in character this whole time.

In the character of Raymond Bloodstone,

playing the role of a lifetime.

The role of Gortimer Gibbon.

I'll go get another broom.

Do you mind getting the rest of the trash from the kitchen?

Dumpster's outside.

- On it. - Thanks.

[thunder]

Ranger: When the lightning struck,

Gortimer was transformed,

just like the rest of us,

into the ruthlessly ambitious Raymond Bloodstone.

He concocted the perfect crime.

By playing the role of

a universally liked and trusted teenager,

he could get away with anything.

I mean it-- it kind of adds up.

But then where's the owl?

Wow.

I can't believe this. He fooled us all.

How could a hammy third rate actor like Raymond

do such a good job playing Gortimer?

Third rate?

Would a third rate actor be able to craft a character

out of this?

Or this?

What about this?

Or this?

Huh?

Out of these scraps,

I created a flesh and blood character

that you believe to be your very own friend.

But why, Raymond? Why would you steal the owl?

It's not like you needed the money.

Read the inscription on the back.

"In recognition of your incomparable talent,

"and dramatic genius.

"From the President of the United States."

So?

Tirelessly I've toiled

waiting for that kind of recognition,

and yet it never came.

You can't just pass off someone else's award as your own.

You didn't earn it.

Didn't I?

Look at me,

and tell me that wasn't an award winning performance.

It was pretty amazing.

Gortimer's our best friend,

and you fooled us all.

It was...

genius.

[clapping]

And on that, my curtain falls.

[chuckling]

On my finest performance.

Thank you. [chuckles]

Thank you.

Uh--

[stammers] I think I'm me.

I-- I'm me, right?

Yeah. You're definitely you.

Can we go home now?

Yeah.

Oh, uh, one more thing.

I think I--

I mean Raymond

locked Sara in the cellar.

Sara: Oh. Good. You found me.

I guess I accidentally locked myself down here

when I went to get a broom.

Tried to call out,

but I guess you couldn't hear me.

Maybe I'll get paid overtime.

Thanks, guys.

- Gortimer: Bye. - All: Bye.

Get well.

You know, there's one mystery I still can't solve.

How did you figure out that Gortimer was actually Raymond?

Well, when Raymond didn't want to take out the trash,

it was obvious.

Gortimer would never do that.

He can't help helping.

It's my greatest weakness.

Or your greatest strength.

I gotta say, if you ever decide baking's not for you,

I think you got a pretty good shot at becoming a detective.

I'll keep that in mind.

Gortimer: As Raymond Bloodstone once said

in Shakespeare's "As You Like It,"

"All the world's a stage,

"and all men and women are merely players."

Sometimes we wear masks or play different roles,

but the people who know and love us the most

can always see who we truly are.

♪♪