All language subtitles for Gortimer.Gibbons S02E16_English

Gortimer:
I've lived my whole life
on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end,

and a forest of shady trees
at the other.

But what lies in between
is anything but normal.

Gortimer:
They say to know a person--

to truly know them--

their hopes, their faults--

You have to walk a mile
in their moccasins.

But what happens when the
moccasins won't come off?

Gortimer, you're nothing
if not consistent.

Again?

[whistle blows]

Come on, Audrey!
You can do it!

No, sit down.
I'm sorry.

Don't worry, Audrey.
You got this.

I obviously don't.
You could have done that
in your sleep.

I've been setting
longer than you have.

Just try getting
to the net quicker,

and get under the ball.

How much longer?

- Another week at least.
- [sighs]

I know. I feel terrible.
I'm letting you guys down.

- Woman: Audrey!
- Don't worry.
I'll figure it out.

I know you will.

[groans]

I did ask you to make sure
to put these records

back when you were done.

Mm-hmm. I'm not done.

Are you sitting over there,
listening to that album?

I might be real soon.

Depends on how good
this chicken parm is.

[both laugh]

[clears throat]

Oh, please, continue.

As I was saying,

not a vacuum, just
your average living room.

Sea level,
average air pressure.

- Pillow cushion?
- Pile carpet, minimal padding.

I calculate
the maximum drop height

of a regular large egg
without breakage

- is 68 centimeters.
- Dream on, sis.

- You max out at 60.
- Not with a parachute.

- Oh, I forgot the rolls.
- Ooh!

- Dad.
- Keep going.
I can hear you.

With average air pressure,

the parachute
wouldn't even open
for 30 centimeters.

- Oh, good point.
- Catherine? Rebuttal?

But it would
stabilize the egg.

Impact would be at the base,
the strongest point.

Ooh! Point, Cat!

- Great debate, kids.
- Of course, I was clearly
punching down.

- Easy, now.
- Please.

Winner, winner,
chicken dinner.

I'm the chicken dinner.

- Okay, I have a tally.
- So do I.

- It's Catherine.
- Michael.

All right,
we'll just move forward

with the customary
tie-breaker.

Dillman Family Quiz Bowl
tomorrow night.

- Loser does the dishes
for a week.
- Yeah.

Can I put my order in
for a burnt tuna casserole?

- Only if you're gonna eat it.
- [laughs]

Here. You'll need these.

I hope no one else has
a sprinkle emergency,

because I just bought out
Hill Market.

Thanks, kid.
You're a life saver.

[phone rings]

Union Bakery.
If it can fit in an oven,

we can bake it.

What?

Yeah. Okay. Got it.

Mom, Tom and Dillon just
doubled their cupcake order

for their wedding.

No, that's in like--
That's two days.

We already have-- We've got
five showers this week--

two baby, three bridal.

Guess I'll ask your grandpa.

He's in Ohio
until Thursday.

Of course, and your dad--

He's worked late
every night this week.

- I'll do it.
- Are you sure?

Don't you wanna hang out
with your friends?

Yeah, but I'm your
life saver, right?

Oh, you really are.
Thank you.

Single file,
and smile pretty.

These cards are your primary
source of identification.

- Well?
- Good job. You're right.

It's definitely better
than a B-plus.

- I knew it.
- What did Miss Francis say?

- What do you mean?
- You asked her about it, right?

No, I'm not gonna question
a teacher about a grade.

Miss Francis is pretty smart.
I'm sure she had her reasons.

- Guess what I did on Saturday.
- Ran with bulls?

Just a shot in the dark.

Worked at the bakery.

Guess what I did on Sunday.
I'll give you a hint.

It rhymes with
"perked at the lakery."

Worst part is, there's
this special sneak preview

of the awesomest movie
ever made, and I can't go.

- Code Black?
- Code Black: Red Alert.

They took
Johnny Black's family,

and now they're going
to see red.

They took his family
last time.

He's gotta keep
better track of them.

Do you know how hard it was
for me and Stanley
to get tickets?

Why don't you just
tell your mom you wanna
go to the movie?

Life savers don't go
to the movies.

I don't know what that means.

- All of us?
- Four at a time.

Facial recognition software
cross-references a data base

with students and faculty
in real time.

We cut processing time by 75%.

The future is now,
my friends.

- [typing]
- Hey, girl on the right.

Eyes up there.

Hello in there.

Sorry.
Quiz bowl tonight.

I gotta be chicken dinner,
or else I'm elbow deep
in dishes.

- Five...
- hard to explain.

Let's just say today
is not a good day to be me.

- Three...
- Or me.

- Two...
- Me, either.

- One.
- Ditto.

Say cheese.

Your IDs will print out
right over there.

Ow. My ankle suddenly hurts.

And mine feels better.

There you go.
There you go.

And here you go.

- Mine has Gortimer's name.
- Melody Fuller?

The machine must
have scrambled us up.

Mine, too.
Looks like I'm Catherine.

And I'm Ranger.

Hey, Sal,
we need new pictures.

The machine
mixed up our names.

Huh.

That's a head scratcher.

Okay, you guys sit back down.

Three, two, one...

[keyboard clicks]

- What happened?
- [keyboard clacking]

It froze.
Some sort of software glitch.

[keyboard clacking]

Can you force it
into de-bug mode?

You might be drawing too much
power from the USB bus.

Have you tried turning it off
and back on again?

All right, everybody out.
You're annoying me.

Hey, Gortimer,
here's your science book.

- Thanks for letting me
borrow it.
- Thanks, Stanley.

That's for Gortimer.

- I'm not Gortimer.
- I'm Gortimer.

Ranger, is this one
of your classic pranks
I never understand?

- I'm Ranger.
- I'm Catherine.

Okay, I guess
I'm Principal Jimenez today.

- I'm Mel?
- I'm Gortimer?

- I'm Ranger?
- I'm confused.

Our IDs.
When the machine switched

our pictures and our names,

it actually switched
our identities.

That's why my ankle hurts
and yours doesn't.

We're in each other's bodies.

Not much I can do
for you guys right now.

- Sal, this is a big problem.
- Yeah, tell me about it.

Blew my annual budget
on this piece of garbage,

and I have my performance
review coming up.

It switched
our identities.

Use your old ones.
I don't care.

Hi. Yes.
Yes, I'm still here.

No, don't put me
back on hold! No!

Representative.

Representative.

Guys, come back tomorrow.

[sighs]

- What do we do now?
- This is a mess.

Sal:
Representative!

Am I the only one
who sees this?

This is almost
the exact plot

of Code Black:
Double Double Agent.

How does that one go again?

Come with me to Paris...

♪♪

...where Johnny Black
and his family are
enjoying a vacation,

until thieves steal
the Mona Lisa and kidnap

the only witness,
Johnny's son, Bobby.

As if that weren't
bad enough,

a motorcycle gang kidnaps
Johnny's daughter, Sarah.

With the help of
state-of-the-art makeup
and prosthetics,

Johnny, appearing as
his wife, Gloria,

infiltrates the biker gang
to rescue Sarah

because Johnny is
a world-class motorcyclist,

and the lead evil biker
used to date Gloria.

Long story.
Meanwhile,

Gloria, who looks like Johnny,has to rescue Sarah,

because the art thieves don't
know what Johnny looks like.

But Gloria is a famous
art expert and can verify

if the stolen Mona Lisa
is a forgery.

Uh, then Bobby and Sarah
switch denies somehow.

Then a bunch
of stuff blows up,

and Sarah ends up
driving a train

while Bobby's riding
a motorcycle on top of it,

trying to keep up with the plane that Gloria's flying.

And Johnny is standing
on the wing,

fighting with the head
art thief

over the real Mona Lisa.

And the guy says,
"Give me the painting."

And Johnny knocks him off
the wing and into the river.

He looks at the camera
and says,

"You didn't say please."

And they live
happily ever after.
Pretty close, right?

Amusing but pointless.

Let's just try to do
our best to be each other

until the machine gets fixed.

Hey, isn't that
Gortimer's locker?

Yeah.

Right.

Not my locker,
because I'm not Gortimer.

I'm Mel,

who has a different locker.

Right.

Hey, ladies,
quick question.

Since I'm Mel
and I'm obviously
a girl just like you,

I was just wondering
if any of you have noticed

how effortlessly cool
Gortimer is.

Right?

I mean,
just between us girls.

[bell rings]

Catherine?

Oh, totally.

I was just doing
my Ranger impersonation.

What do you think?

What did I get
on my quiz?

You mean
what did I get-- 90.

- What?
- 90.

My brother is never gonna
let me hear the end of it.

And why should he?
I'm the kind of loser

who gets a 90,
it's barely an A.

It's almost a B.

Whoa. Catherine, you okay?

[bell rings]

You shrugged
and agreed to disagree.

Oh, also you owe
Marie Cameron a dollar.
Long story.

Sounds like
I had a full day.

Sounds like I did, too.

Apparently,
I asked some girls

if Gortimer was
effortlessly cool.

- What was that?
- A very bad idea.

So you ready
for volleyball practice?

I'm just sitting
on the bench, right?

Rules, team members' names,
pictures, and positions.

One girl in particular--
Audrey.

She's the setter now,
so you have to help her
become the new me.

- But I'm the new you.
- Whatever.

Hurry. No version of me
is ever late.

- What happened?
- Apparently, Ranger, I mean I,

parkoured across the parking
lot into a trash bin.

I never turn down a stunt.
You know that.

But did you have to do it
in front of the entire school?

These people depend on me
for their entertainment.

I have your family,
Johnny Black.

Give me the yellow
cake uranium

if you ever wanna
see them again.

Ranger, your line is,
"You didn't say please."

- I'm Catherine.
- How long are we doing this?

We're being serious.
The student ID machine
messed up our IDs,

and now we're switched.

And you expect me
to believe that?

- Test me.
- What's the square root
of 417?

- I have no idea.
- Neither do I.
Story checks out.

For the record, it's 20.421.

Just in case.

All right?
Let's go.

- So what movie are we seeing.
- No movie.

You have to help my mom
at the bakery.

But Catherine can go
to the movie.

No, you can't.
You have a yearbook meeting

followed by debate team
practice.

But most importantly,
you have to get ready

for the Dillman Family
quiz bowl.

It's already a lot less fun
than I thought it would be.

Tell me about it.

Wait. Don't!

Now you could be anybody.

Okay, here we go.
You're gonna set it, Audrey.

Whoo! Awesome job, guys!

Sarcasm is unappreciated,
Fuller.

Give it to me again.
Audrey, you're gonna set it.

- [groans]
- Audrey!

- Sorry.
- Run a line.

Let's go, guys.
Right?

Miss Francis,
do you have a moment?

Gortimer,
what a nice surprise.

I'd like to talk to you
about my Animal Farm essay.

Good work on this.
You made some really
interesting arguments.

That's what I thought.
The thesis is clear,

and the argument
is well reasoned.

I admit the cheesy puns
might have been a mistake.

But in general,
it's better than a B-plus.

- Mel.
- Sorry?

Mel put you up to this,
didn't she?

Mel Fuller needs to learn
there's more to life
than grades.

What? Well,
that may be true,

but Gortimer needs to learn
to speak up if something's
bothering him.

I need to learn that.

Fair point.
You're off to a good start.

Thank you.

How was debate club?

I don't know how anyone

can get anything
accomplished

with that much arguing...

Michael.

Did you get your quiz back?

Yeah, 90.

- Have fun in summer school.
- That's rude.

A 90 is an awesome grade.

A 90 is basically an F-plus.

[sighs]
I am wiped.

Thank you so much
for helping out.

You know what's weird?

Even though nobody wins,

frosting cupcakes
is actually pretty fun.

Okay. Oh, hey.

If you don't have
too much homework,

could you zest
that bag of lemons?

You'd be a lifesaver.

Lifesaver.

- So, um, Mom--
- Hmm?

I have something to tell you.

I was supposed to go see
a movie with Stanley today.

Oh, yeah? Which one?

Some ridiculous
Johnny Black movie.

I thought you loved those.
"You didn't say please."

Anyway, that was today.

And I really wanted to go.

Yeah, but you volunteered
to help out here.

Maybe I was volunteering

because that's what I thought
I was expected to do.

You kept calling me
a lifesaver.

And so you kept
offering to help

and I kept depending
on you and--

And we made a vicious circle.
You're right.

I think I was just
trying to be a good son.

- You're the best son.
- [phone rings]

Union Bakery. Yeah.
Yeah, right here.

Here. It's Catherine.

Ranger speaking. Proceed.

Hey, your quiz bowl
is starting soon.
Any advice?

Quiz bowl!
I'll be right there.

Hurry.

Catherine really needs
my help.

- You think I could--
- Go.

Even lifesavers
need a break.

- I love you, kid.
- I love you, too.

Okay, here we go.

- Audrey, the game's Thursday.
- I'm trying my best, Coach.

All right, give me another ball.
Let's go, let's try it again.

There you go.

- I can't replace you.
- Maybe you shouldn't.

What? You can't play.
Your ankle--

No, I mean Audrey.

She can hit really hard.

Maybe she could be
the spiker person?

- A hitter?
- Yeah, sure.

- But Rebecca's the hitter.
- Why?

- Because the coach said so?
- She's the tallest.

Hitters are the tall ones,
setters are the short ones.

I'm short like you.

But trying to be Mel--

me-- obviously isn't working.

- Maybe you should just be you.
- I'm a hitter?

Yeah, I've seen you hit.
It's terrifying.

Coach, can Audrey and Rebecca
switch positions?

I'm willing to try
anything at this point.
Give me a ball.

Set it up, guys.
Let's go.

[laughs]

Well, I think
we got our team back.

- [knocking on door]
- I'll get it.

Hey, look who it is.
Ranger.

That's weird every single time.

- Hey, Dillmans.
- Welcome.

So, Ranger, when is your mom

gonna put those apple cider
crullers back on the menu?

In about three weeks.

It's just a random guess.

He's right.

She's right.

Just three weeks.

This conversation just got
weirdly confusing
for no reason.

Dad, can we start
the quiz bowl, please?

All right.
[laughing]

How's it going?

Wow! That was amazing!

- But Audrey's a hitter?
- If the shoe fits.

[chuckles]
You're a genius.

- No.
- You're too humble.

You don't give yourself
enough credit,

which is why I talked
to Miss Francis about
your essay.

- Wait. You what?
- She's going to give it
a second look.

Mel, you shouldn't
have done that.

I told you.
Your essay is really good.

I don't care.
Miss Francis is the teacher.

Bugging her about
a grade is annoying

and disrespectful.

No, it's not.

It's totally reasonable.

I was just trying
to help you.

That's helping.

What you did is meddling.

Well, sometimes you need
to stand up for yourself.

Yeah, and I get to
decide when.

[exhales]

All right, Catherine,
next question's yours.

What is the atomic number
of molybdenum?

Um...

4-2...

42 is another way
to say it.

- Correct.
- Took a while there.

- All right, what's the score,
honey?
- Ooh, Neck and neck.

- One question remaining.
- All right, son.

For all the marbles.

How many voyages did
Vasco da Gama make
from Europe to India?

Four.

I mean three.
I meant three!

Nope! You said four,
which is wrong.

W-R-O-N-G.
Wrong.

Which means I win
and you lose.

Winner, winner,
chicken dinner.

Loser, loser,
beach cruiser.

Well, that's a little
inappropriate, Ranger.

- We always do this.
- Who's we?

This is, like, the second
time I've ever met you.

Frankly, I thought
your name was Mortimer.

- Gortimer.
- Gortimer.

- Whatever.
- I meant to say

You and Catherine
always do this.

She's my sister.
It's normal for us.

It's not normal.

All this weird competition,
all this putting
each other down,

who would act like that?

Honey, it's just
a little sibling rivalry.

- It's not so unusual.
- Yeah, it's all in good fun.

Trying to win
at everything isn't fun.
Not like this.

We're just encouraging
your competitive spirit.

I don't see
any harm in that.

There's a difference
between competitive spirit

and mean spirited.

Do you really think
we're mean spirited?

I'm sure Catherine,
who is me,

is gonna kill me
for saying this,

but when I found out
that I only got a 90
on my quiz,

well, I almost cried.

You were really that upset?

Yes, she was.

Oh, honey, we didn't mean
to push you this hard.

We thought you enjoyed this.

I thought
Catherine did, too,

but maybe she didn't
realize what it was
really doing to her.

She's so wound up
trying to win everything,

she doesn't realize
that sometimes you need
to stop and frost a cupcake

or parkour across
the parking lot.

I mean, I'm just thinking
out loud here.

You have a really insightful
friend, Catherine.

I say let's call
this family quiz bowl

a tie and have
some dinner.

We have a guest, after all.
Kids, give us a hand.

The question I wanna know
is how good my dinner is.

- [laughter]
- Hey, Ranger.

Yeah?

Thanks for sticking up
for my sister.

You know, she's my only
real competition.

And don't tell her
I said this,

but she's probably
smarter than I am.

So you're a hugger.
That's cool.

You can let go now,
though.

Hey.

Look, I just wanted
to say I'm sorry.

You told me not to talk
to Miss Francis,

but I did it anyway.

Mel, you were just
being you,

which means that you
stood up for a friend

when he wouldn't stand up
for himself.

- So you're not mad?
- No.

- I'm grateful.
- Good.

- Wow! Thanks.
- [chuckles]

- You're a good me.
- I prefer the original.

Oh, hey, guys.

Come over and get
your IDs fixed.

- We got the machine
up running again.
- What? How?

Did you get a software update?
Did de-bug mode work?

Tried all that.
None of it worked.

Turns out all I had to do
was restart the darn thing.

So simple.
Who would have
thought of that?

I did.

Gortimer:
In general,

people don't like to be
thought of as outsiders.

But sometimes being
an outsider

is exactly what you need

to see the problem within.

With a fresh perspective,

you can let go of old habits

and remember the things

and the people

that matter the most.

♪♪