Original subtitles

Gortimer, narrating: I've lived my whole life on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end,

and a forest of shady trees at the other.

But what lies in between is anything but normal.

It's human nature to label things.

Even people.

Labels are a quick, easy way

to understand the world around us.

But do they describe the truth?

Or do they create it?

Take Stanley, for instance.

Do people think he's a goof because of how he acts?

Or is it the other way around?

Guess how many islands there are in Japan?

- Ranger: Four. - Stanley: Five.

- Nine. - Eleven.

6,052.

Closest. I win.

What's with the pop quiz?

I'm in mock world council.

I've been researching Japan all week.

How come I never get picked for stuff like that?

Do you want extra homework?

I didn't get picked. I signed up.

Great. I'll sign up, too. We'd be partners.

Uh, aren't you gonna add water to that?

It's instant oatmeal.

The instant it hits my stomach, it becomes oatmeal.

Maybe mock world council isn't for you, Stanley.

It's pretty serious.

I'm serious.

Classic, Stanley.

Can't you just make up a category?

- The people have spoken. - What's going on?

Class superlatives are in, and I got nothing.

Not even "most unique name."

Superlatives are pointless. Who cares about "best smile"?

I'm with Ranger. Who wants to be labeled?

I bet Catherine does. "Most likely to succeed."

That's ridiculous.

That shouldn't even be a category.

What'd I get, "best dressed"?

"Best drummer"?

"Best dressed drummer"?

"Class clown," of course.

Like there was any doubt.

Great.

I still can't believe they eliminated

the "most helpful" category. I was a shoe-in.

If you want to be most helpful to Mel and Abigail,

we've got an idea.

Do we?

Oh. Yes, we do.

[giggling]

I feel like you're taking advantage of my good nature.

Shh. The model shouldn't speak.

Unless it's in Greek.

How do you say "I'm starving" in Greek?

[sighs] Just hold still a little longer.

Almost done.

I have to get up. My arm's asleep.

And, by the way, I haven't gotten any less hungry.

[sighs] Quick break.

The model needs sustenance.

I can't believe you guys talked me into this.

What can I say? I'm evil.

Yeah, well, you could have at least put me in a cooler pose.

You know, something heroic, like--

You know what you need? A sword or--

No.

This.

Behold, Perseus, your winged steed hath "arriven."

"Arroven."

Arrived?

[clattering]

[gasping]

My hand's asleep.

Mel's grandmother gave this to her.

She's gonna be so mad.

What'll we do?

Well, we have to tell her.

Obviously.

[footsteps]

Change of plans.

All right, I've got carrot sticks,

and cucumber slices.

What, no dressing? I can't work like this.

[heavy sigh]

Mel: Do you want balsamic or ranch?

Both.

And don't forget about the hummus.

[inaudible dialogue]

**

Thank you.

[music stops]

Maybe this isn't a good idea.

Come on. What's cooler than a Polynesian power ballad?

In theory, nothing,

but this feels very "Stanley" to me.

You are Stanley.

If Gortimer's shorts fall down in gym class,

it's embarrassing.

If my shorts fall down, everyone cheers,

and it's "Classic Stanley."

I want people to take me seriously.

I don't want people thinking I'm a clown anymore.

Come to karate with me. Master the martial arts,

and everyone will respect you.

All right.

Huh! Huh! Huh!

Huh!

Well done, Catherine. Thank you, Claire.

Who else wants to try?

[whispers] No, Stanley, don't.

What's your name?

Stanley.

Very well, Stanley.

Begin.

Hyah.

[laughter]

Every journey begins with a first step.

Thank you, Stanley.

That is all for today. On your feet.

Bow.

Class dismissed.

Stanley. Wait.

Yes, Sensei?

You volunteered on your first day,

despite having neither knowledge nor skill.

That was brave, but you lack focus.

What's bothering you?

I-- I feel like everybody's just

expecting me to do something dumb,

and it gets in my head,

and I end up doing something dumb.

I want to be like her.

I want people to take me seriously.

You sound just like me when I was your age.

I might have something for you.

When I was young, I was impatient, undisciplined.

I couldn't find my center.

Like you, I needed something to help me focus.

Wow.

For me, the tiger is a symbol of quiet power.

It helps me concentrate my energy on the task at hand.

Maybe something similar will help you.

Let this be your totem.

This is awesome.

Remember, if you want people to take you seriously,

first, you have to take yourself seriously.

May this guide you on that path.

So, I laid all the pieces out on my work bench,

and the good news is there are only 6 or 7 pieces.

That's not too bad.

And about 20 shards.

[sighs]

All we need is a little glue and a little time.

It'll be good as new.

Ranger: Come on, where'd you get it?

Get what?

He's talking about my ink.

Sick, right?

Sensei gave it to me after class.

He said it would make people respect me more.

A temporary tattoo?

Yeah, but that's what makes it funny, right?

- Classic Stanley. - [laughter]

This is not temporary. It's the real thing.

Whoa. Seriously?

You got a real tattoo?

I like the design.

Very aggressive.

Did it hurt? It looks like it hurt.

Yeah.

But I've got a high threshold for pain.

One time, broke my arm, didn't even notice.

I can't believe it.

I've been taking karate for six months.

You take one class, and boom--

You're a whole new Stanley.

- [laughter] - Wow.

This is part of what makes "Honest Abe"

one of the most enduring figures in American history.

Without opening your books,

who can tell me other things about Lincoln?

He wrote the Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope.

- Teacher: Very good. - Catherine: Ran for Senate twice.

- Lost both times. - Teacher: Anyone else?

Mr. Zielinski.

Anything?

Uh... he invented the penny?

[chuckling]

No, it's true.

I read somewhere that he invented the penny.

That doesn't--

I guess that makes sense.

But I'm not seeing anything here.

Well, I guess you can't cram a great man's life

into one chapter.

[rattling]

Lincoln played the saxophone,

and kept a pet zebra in the basement of the White House.

Teacher: Fascinating.

This book is useless.

I should call the publisher and complain.

Hey. Remember that time you didn't invite me to your party?

Actually, you did invite me, I just didn't show up.

Hope to see you at the next one.

Just so you know, my pants never fell down.

Not in gym class, not at the pool,

and definitely never in the cafeteria.

Meg, you and I are dating. It's going great.

I can't wait for you to meet my mom.

Unfortunately, we just broke up.

Right here? In front of everyone?

But it was your idea and you're totally over me,

and we're still friends, and you'll meet someone new.

I'm sure you will, too.

It just wasn't the right time for us.

Stanley: Excuse me. I have a special pass.

Excuse me. Special pass.

Hi. Special pass.

I have a special pass. Special pass.

Just so you know, I need two scoops of mashed potatoes.

I'm training for the Olympics.

Bring home the gold, hon.

Thanks.

You know what?

You're the best lunch lady in the country.

I love what I do.

Hey, what's up?

Everyone is talking about you.

We've heard some things.

Some crazy things.

They're retroactively named you

"best-dressed drummer" for the past two years.

I heard you're exempt from all detentions.

I've paid my debts.

And you got the lead role

in the school play.

The director just had to have me.

- That's so exciting. - And so cool.

That's so... Stanley.

Don't think of it as a math problem.

Think of it as a math conversation.

You'll be fine.

Thanks, man. See you Saturday night?

It's gonna be crazy.

You're amazing.

Nah. Still the same old Stanley.

Yeah. Same old Stanley who has his pilot's license,

scaled Mount Normal bare-handed,

and wrestled an octopus.

Whoa. Where'd you get all that?

It's all over the school.

Well, you shouldn't believe everything you hear.

Oh. Does that mean you're not an origami master?

Um...

would it be good if I was?

Absolutely.

What can I say? I like folding things.

Great. Do you know anything else about Japanese culture?

Mock world council delegates

have to give speeches about their countries,

but it's always boring stuff everybody already knows.

I need inside information. I need a real expert.

Well...

you might not believe this, but...

I'm part Japanese.

Really?

Yeah, my mom's side.

We left generations ago, but my family goes way back.

Stanley: This was during the wild days,

when Japan had descended into war,

and chaos.

And your ancestors were there?

Right in the middle of it.

In fact, I'm actually descended from

the greatest shogun of all time,

Stanimoto the bold.

He used the power of his sword

to forge a new nation.

He conquered Mount Fuji,

and put his throne right on top.

He built the Great Wall of China--

In Japan?

Yeah. Then he...

moved it.

To China, as a favor to his new neighbors.

After he retired,

Stanimoto invented the bonsai tree,

because, let's face it, there's nothing more fun

than pretending to be a giant.

This is exactly what I need.

Oh, I haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet.

None of this stuff came up in my research.

It's gonna blow them away.

Can't believe I never saw this side of you.

Thanks.

This is gonna be great.

Gortimer: I think it's an ear.

So, um, that would go right about there?

Perfect.

I've got the muzzle.

And now we have to glue everything in between.

[sighs] We're gonna need more hands.

That should do it.

Abigail: Okay.

Hand me the last piece.

That was the last piece.

It can't be. We're missing the horn.

Maybe she won't notice.

It's Mel. She noticed when I wore

the same pair of socks two days in a row.

Abigail: Maybe we need to get her a new one.

I need your advice. It's for a friend.

A famous friend? Is it a movie star?

Are they making a movie about your life?

Can I play you?

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Who'd play me?

Oh, duh! Gortimer.

- But-- - There's no movie.

Yet.

Anyway, this friend may have told a couple lies,

and someone who believed those lies

might possibly, probably, definitely make

a complete fool of herself because of it.

Can't he just tell her the truth?

He's hoping there's a way to fix it

without having to do that.

Can this friend stop her from making a fool of herself?

He can't stop her,

but there is something he can stop.

Stop the council!

Can I help you?

Call it off. Call it all off.

I'm afraid the proceedings have already begun.

No one is allowed inside.

But you have to let me in,

I'm the president of mock world council.

Wow. It is such an honor to meet you.

The honor is mine. I just need to get inside.

Oh, I hate to bring this up,

but we desperately need new flags.

France and Italy have been using the same flag for six months,

and sooner or later, someone's going to notice.

Fine. Great. I'll triple your flag budget.

Catherine: ...atop Mount Fuji where Stanimoto built his palace.

But the truly interesting thing

about this great island nation

is the number of giant monsters

it has both spawned and defeated.

Is this a joke?

No.

You may not know this stuff. I just learned it myself--

Stanley: Everything she's saying is true.

I'm an expert in Japanese history,

so I can vouch for her.

Also, I'm in charge of the real world council.

So you have to do what I say.

We really don't have time for jokes, young man.

Oh, no.

Ms. Dillman,

is there anything you'd like to add to your presentation?

I--

No. I'm done.

I'm sorry.

- Hey. - Hey.

So I've got good news and bad news.

I found where we can get the same unicorn,

but it's $300.

Oof! We're sunk.

We gotta tell her.

I'll do it. It was my fault.

Well, I'm the one that dropped it.

I shouldn't have messed with it in the first place.

Besides, you and Mel have been friends for years.

There's only one way to settle this.

Rock, paper, scissors.

One, two, three.

Again.

You guys are weird.

Just go tell her together.

Hey.

What was that?

Why did you tell me all that stuff?

Why did I believe you?

I totally embarrassed myself.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to help.

Well, instead, you ruined it.

You knew this was important to me.

I can explain.

I don't need excuses

from the class clown.

[sighs] We broke your unicorn.

My what?

The unicorn head.

But it's okay. Um--

Because I got you a new one.

What?

[chuckles]

Guys, these are really expensive.

I returned some art supplies.

I sold some comic books.

[both chuckling]

We're sorry.

This is really sweet, but--

I never really liked that thing.

But your grandmother got it for you.

Which is why I was never allowed to get rid of it.

If you really wanted to make it up to me,

I probably would have preferred comic books,

or art supplies.

[slamming]

Excuse me.

I know you all probably hate me,

and... I deserve it,

because I lied.

A lot.

So, in case you haven't figured it out,

I never wrestled an octopus.

I'm not from Japan.

I've never dated a cheerleader.

In fact, I've never even held hands with a girl.

I don't even know karate.

Well, I know one move.

But that's it.

But my biggest lie was...

pretending that I was okay with being a joke to you.

The truth is...

it bothers me.

I guess I thought getting laughs

was better than being ignored.

Anyway, I-- I just wanted to set the record straight.

I'm sorry.

[indistinct chatter]

Appreciate the dedication, Stanley.

We're closing soon.

A few more minutes, Sensei?

I've almost got it.

I have to say, you seem more focused.

The totem must have worked.

I guess. It's been a weird couple of days.

The road to wisdom often takes unexpected turns.

He likes you,

Sensei Jeff.

And he's not easy to impress.

About the other day.

I'm really sorry.

I just don't understand why you lied to me.

It's 'cause I'm sick of being class clown.

I just wanted everyone, especially you,

to respect me.

That's not the way to do it.

I know.

But what you did in the cafeteria the other day was really brave.

I couldn't have done that.

Standing on a table?

It's not that scary.

But you do have to watch out for the mashed potatoes.

Super slippery.

Sorry.

Can't help it sometimes.

No, funny is good.

I wish I was funnier sometimes.

But there's more to you than that.

So you're not mad at me anymore?

Oh, I'm definitely mad at you.

But that doesn't mean we're not friends.

Come on. Let me show you a few moves.

You can be my sparring partner.

Me? Seriously?

Seriously, Stanley.

Gortimer: Sometimes we hide the truth

to avoid getting in trouble.

Sometimes hiding the truth is what causes

all the trouble in the first place.

Being honest with yourself can be hard.

But if you ask me,

it's worth all the trouble in the world.

**