Original subtitles

Gortimer, narrating: I've lived my whole life on Normal Street.

There's a lake at one end,

and a forest of shady trees at the other.

But what lies in between is anything but normal.

I'm pretty sure we've been telling each other stories

ever since the first camp fire was invented.

We all participate in the telling.

Some perform it.

Some listen to it.

All of us pass it down the line.

Some stories are true.

Many stories are make believe.

But what happens when we can't tell the difference?

Today's audition is your opportunity

to channel your inner pirate.

Square your shoulders, swash those buckles,

and prepare to show me what you're really made of.

The 176th annual Normal Day celebration

begins next week.

I will be directing this year's production of

"From Buccaneer to the New Frontier:"

"The Captain Normal Story."

I'm very excited.

[growling]

Next.

Next, please.

[growling]

Thank you. Next, please.

Yar.

Cute.

I-- I just don't-- I can do it more Black Beard.

Next, please.

Arrr!

Avast, ye scallywag.

I serve no master but the fair ocean,

and it be me what hands out the orders.

Did your brother give you any pointers?

My brother?

Boy: Michael Dillman,

Since he directed last year,

and won all those awards.

He's a very talented director,

and I think his version was really interesting.

But this year's play isn't about the flash.

We have a responsibility to history.

Uh, Mel. Sidebar.

We're, uh, auditioning pirates right now.

And...

And all pirates are men.

[scoffs] So you're not even gonna let me audition?

I'm sorry.

It's just my thing is authenticity.

I hear that they need volunteers at the historical society.

I mean, your talent is wasted here.

Why be just another grubby sailor,

when you can truly be part of history?

Next!

Fred: Well, I know it isn't as glamorous as the theater,

but being a volunteer docent here

at the old Captain Normal Room

does have a certain, shall we say, panache.

So, how did you get started here?

Well, you could say it was a family business.

You don't see the resemblance?

Well, you're both people?

[chuckles] I happen to be a descendant of Captain Normal.

Oh, yeah, now I see it.

You have his...

nostrils.

How's the paper work coming?

All finished, Dr. Grapehall.

And can I just say I'm really looking forward to

working with someone with your background in Normal Street history.

Come and see this.

Dr. Grapehall: This photo was taken the day

Captain Normal defeated the last of the marauders,

and wrote the town charter.

This room is about honoring the blood, sweat,

and sacrifice of those brave men.

This is Captain Normal's legacy.

And, in a small way, mine.

And in a smaller way, yours.

I've heard from, well, all of you, really,

who think that the multiple auditions were...

overkill,

but I guarantee that you'll find it was worth it.

And now, it's time to announce

the roles for this year's production.

But first, let's meet our new stage manager.

Gortimer.

Gortimer: [clears throat]

And in the role of Captain Normal...

[drum roll]

Behold, the town charter.

With the stroke of a pen, the once dreaded pirate Captain Normal

established a new home for liberty and freedom.

So, does anyone have any questions.

Why is it all smeary, the charter?

I don't know the answer to that,

but I'll look into it.

Mel, I got the part. I'm gonna be Captain Normal.

Starting now, I'm gonna live, breathe, and eat Normal history.

That's fantastic.

Everyone, we have a real celebrity among us today.

I'm happy to introduce, for the first time,

this year's Captain Normal, Ranger Bowen.

Arrr, 'tis true.

I am Captain Alonzo Ezekiel Normal, born in 1821.

- 1812. - 1812.

'Neath this cage of old bones beats a gentle heart,

but by thunder, if ye should cross me--

Uh, best save something for the stage.

Aye. As you were, dogs.

How's this?

What you lack in swarthiness, you make up for in attitude.

That's what I always say.

Does this pirate look different to you?

Not especially.

Kind of short, but I don't get judgy about height.

If I hold my sword in my right hand,

that means I'm right-handed, right?

Right.

Ranger: Right as in correct, or right as in handed?

Mel: Both.

Hmm.

Dr. Grapehall: Well, this was the handwritten draft

penned by Captain Normal after the great battle.

Mel: But that doesn't explain why it's all smeared.

I have a friend, Gortimer,

his writing gets smeared like that and he's left-handed.

- Captain Normal was-- - Right-handed.

What are you saying?

You think someone else wrote the town charter?

I don't know. Is that possible?

Just a moment.

Here we are.

Captain's log, 7 August, 1838.

"Setting sail with a motley crew,

"not a man of letters on the ship."

Everyone except Normal was illiterate.

So I'd say it's not possible.

And lunge, parry, extend, attack, twirl!

Again. Lunge, parry, extend, attack, twirl.

Too worn. Not worn enough. Too small.

What's going on?

Arrr! Tanner talked back to the captain,

so we cocked him in irons.

Are you kidding me?

We have work to do.

We've been working all day.

They're just having a little bit of fun.

Fun.

Is it fun that our first mate overslept?

Is it fun that our pirates don't know their lines?

Am I the only one who cares about this production?

[sighs]

[sighs]

[tapping]

[knocking]

[gasps]

- [knocking] - Hello?

Is somebody in there?

[knocking]

[phone ringing]

[sighs]

Dr. Grapehall.

Hello? Anybody there?

Hello?

Hello?

A.R.?

I don't understand.

I checked that trunk myself.

There was nothing of note in it.

There was a false bottom.

Someone did not want this to be found.

You can't just go pulling artifacts out of trunks willy-nilly.

Everything in this archive

has to be properly cataloged and preserved.

I know. But I found something else.

Something really important.

Have you authenticated this?

Well, no, but I mean, don't you think--

And you took this to your home?

It was in the jacket pocket,

I didn't know.

You entered the archive room without permission.

You removed historical artifacts from this museum.

And you appear to have abandoned your tour duties all together.

But this letter could change everything.

For all you know, this could be a forgery.

You were hired to present history,

not to re-write it.

Clean out your locker. You're fired.

[sighs]

Gortimer, where is everybody?

I don't know how to say this,

but there was a meeting after rehearsal last night.

Well, not so much a meeting as a mutiny.

What? There's no mutiny in the play.

No, no, an actual mutiny,

as in people want to go a different direction.

I don't understand.

Does everybody hate me or something?

Should have never taken this job.

Why do you say that?

I was never gonna be better than my brother.

Right, right, the, um-- the award winner.

Two years in a row.

Sounds amazing.

He is. I can't compete with him.

Then don't.

I don't think it was ever meant to be a competition.

Now what do I do?

I've driven my crew away.

Ah, they're pirates. Their loyalties are questionable.

I bet you can persuade them to come back.

But maybe go easy on the whip.

What do you say, captain?

Round up the men, Gortimer.

We're setting a new course.

[knocking]

You're still up? Hm?

What did we talk about with the computer before bed?

I got fired.

What, from the museum?

That-- That's ridiculous. You're a volunteer.

Not anymore.

Okay.

What happened, huh?

[sighs] I discovered something really important,

but when I told my boss, he fired me.

Hm. This has gotta be good. What did you find?

Evidence that Captain Normal

might not have founded Normal Street.

Wh-- what?

Look at this.

Let's see, uh, "Dear Madam,

"we hereby decline your request

"to incorporate the town of Normal

"on the grounds that women, being of intemperate humor,

"and modest faculties--" Okay.

"Are not permitted to enjoin in municipal practices.

"The state may reconsider an application

"from your husband or appropriate man folk."

And it's dated 1840.

A year before Captain Normal supposedly founded the town.

A madam.

That'd be a pretty big bombshell.

Who is she?

I don't know, but what if I'm wrong?

What if you're right?

You believe in this?

Yeah.

Well, then, I believe in you.

Don't be afraid to rock the boat.

Ranger: Let's go over what we have so far.

[sighs] All of these pirates were men.

And all of them, except for Captain Normal, we're illiterate.

Who else could have written the charter?

- His mom. - Orphan.

- His girlfriend? - There's no mention in the log

of any girlfriend.

- Aunje Runtung? - Who's Aunje Runtung?

A woman who won Captain Normal's horse in a card game.

I read it in one of these books.

I'm using it to fuel my anger

for when we fight the marauders in act two.

Aunje Runtung.

Why does that ring a bell?

Wait. Aunje Runtung. A.R.

Her initials were embroidered on the coat.

[sewing machines humming]

Great job, everybody.

Keep it up.

Looking good, guys. Way to bring it alive.

Jasper. Can we get the first mate a sword?

Thank you.

What Gortimer said really woke me up.

I'm delegating more.

Trying not be such a perfectionist.

[clattering]

I don't have to prove anything.

We have three days to finish,

and I'm not going to stress.

Ranger: Um, Catherine.

Just one quick question.

On a scale of one to ten,

how attached are you to this particular script?

Um, eleven.

Right. See, uh, here's the thing.

Mel was doing some research and, um--

[indistinct whispering]

Thanks for coming.

Mel, what are you doing?

Do you know how hard we've worked,

and now you're just gonna make us change everything?

Sorry, I just saw something that didn't look right.

Are you mad at me for not casting you?

No. I'm grateful.

If I hadn't ended up in the Captain Normal room,

I wouldn't have ever discovered any of this.

What am I supposed to do?

You wanted the play to be historically accurate.

This is the real story.

Do it.

Dr. Grapehall.

What now?

You come here to tell me the moon landings were faked?

Oh, great. You brought the junior eyewitness news team.

This is Joshua Auerbach,

of the Auerbach Argonaut.

I just want you to listen

even if you don't like what I have to say.

I have a feeling you're going to speak

whether or not I'm listening.

For 176 years, people have been saying that

Alonzo Ezekiel Normal was the founder of our town,

that he wrote the charter.

I have evidence that he was just a front

for the real pirate, Captain Runtung.

Aunje Runtung?

You know about her?

Uh, she won a horse from Normal in a card game,

or arm wrestling, accounts vary,

but she wasn't a pirate.

There's no record of her after 1838.

Unless you know where to look.

It's well established that Captain Normal was right-handed.

Yes, it is.

And you said that everyone on the ship

besides Captain Normal was illiterate.

Yeah, no man but Captain Normal was schooled in letters.

No man.

But you didn't say anything about a woman.

The left-handed woman, Aunje Runtung.

Holding her sword in her left hand.

Notice the ink smudging on the outside of her palm.

The diminutive stature.

No Adam's apple.

Aunje Runtung disguised herself as a man

so that she could have the same opportunities as a man,

including the founding of the town of Normal.

[scoffs]

Do you have any idea how historical research works?

Where's your corroborating evidence?

Your secondary source?

- Well, I-- - Have you published your findings

in a peer reviewed journal?

No? You just came up with some

cockamamie conspiracy theory,

and you thought that would hold water.

How about you save your junior detective work

for lost pets and get out.

Before I have security escort you out.

Or I die of boredom.

I'm sorry.

Now, please.

Wait.

Captain Normal was a fraud.

Can you tell us who you are, please?

I'm Fred Fisher.

The great, great, great, great grandson

of Captain Normal.

I was always so proud of my heritage.

When I learned the true story, I was ashamed.

I didn't want people to know I was descended from a fraud.

But Mel inspired me.

I can't live a lie.

[popping]

[gasps] It does that?

This place is the coolest.

This is the secret diary of Alonzo Ezekiel Normal.

It substantiates everything Mel has been saying.

She's quite the sleuth.

This is gonna be the biggest story

to ever hit Normal Street.

Excellent work.

You, uh, put together all the clues I left for you.

I knew you'd get there eventually.

[chuckles]

History will regard us both kindly.

What are you talking about?

You tried to get rid of me.

I figured this all out in spite of you.

I have so much work to do.

I know. This changes the whole play.

Yeah, but I'm proud of you.

And we're definitely going to need all hands on deck.

So, Captain Normal wasn't even a pirate?

Oh, he was a pirate.

And his story just became a lot more interesting.

[applause]

Ranger: The year is 1830.

The place, Indonesia.

I am Captain Alonzo Ezekiel Normal,

a down-on-my-luck pirate and part-time importer

living gilder to gilder,

until that fateful night when a mysterious stranger...

changed the course of my life.

Blooomers, bloomers for sale.

Can I interest you in a pair?

I fear I have not the coin for such luxuries.

Then perhaps a free sample for you, sir.

I am no sir.

I am Aunje Runtung of Java,

the most fearsome woman of the isles.

And you are the captain of the La Mas Bonita del Mar.

I decided to set sail for another port.

Little did I know that Aunje had snuck on board.

Stowaways walk the plank.

Being a woman, I let her off easy.

Arrr! I am--

Captain Normal, the not-so-fearsome.

Uh-- I mean, arrr!

You are a gentle man

who doesn't have the stomach to be a pirate.

But you have a memorable name and a seaworthy vessel.

I have a plan for both.

I'm listening.

You be the face of the captain,

and I'll be the brains.

The plan was sound.

Aunje gave me the orders,

and I gave the orders to my men.

- [thunder rumbles] - Under Aunje's leadership,

our ragtag crew became the greatest pirates on the high seas.

Arrr!

Run the ship ashore.

But it'll smash into splinters.

Aye. We'll use the wood to start a town.

Aunje and the men worked hard,

but rival pirates heard of their growing treasure,

and attacked.

Aunje was right.

Battle was something I had not the stomach for.

I left it's contents behind this rock.

I joined my crew just in time to take the famous photo.

Truth is, twasn't this old pirate who founded this town.

It was Aunje Runtung.

The mother of Normal Street!

[cheers, applause]

Gortimer: Someone once said

those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it.

Sometimes history requires a second look.

And if you're not afraid to rock the boat...

you might make a little history yourself.