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Closed Captions Provided
by TruTV
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(whistling)
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(snapping)
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>> * Bad to the bone
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* Don't wanna be mean
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* Bad to the stone
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* Still wanna be me
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* Chained to the stone
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* Don't wanna be mean
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* I hear this public long
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* Don't wanna to be mean
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* Bad to the bone
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* Don't wanna be mean
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* Bad to the stone
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* Still wanna be me *
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(gun cocking)
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**
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(gun shot, screaming)
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>> Oh, (bleep)! Oh, (bleep)!
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**
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>> Hi. I'm Dr. Freeman.
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Morgan Freeman.
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One night in my
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underground laboratory, I was
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working on an experimental cure
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for eczema using strands from a
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very remarkable donor--
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Tracy Morgan--
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when something horrible
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happened.
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(groaning)
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**
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>> Oh, morning, Mr. Freeman.
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>> Good morning there, Clifford.
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How's your mother?
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>> Well, she's dying.
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>> Oh.
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>> But nobody lives forever.
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>> Oh, that's the spirit,
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Clifford-- keep the spirits up.
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>> Morgan-- Morgan Freeman?
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>> Yes.
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>> I am such a big fan.
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>> Oh, thank you so much.
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Obliged-- Thank you, darling.
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>> Guess I'll have to watch
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"The Dark Knight" tonight.
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>> Well, don't forget
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the popcorn then, huh?
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Have a good one.
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>> You too, Mr. Freeman.
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>> Oh, Lord.
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No.
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Butt.
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(groaning)
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>> Mr. Freeman, are you okay?
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>> Hey, yo, sexy!
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I like them two bran muffins
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right there, man.
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Let me bite that.
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Get that fiber.
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I ain't gonna poop out
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nothing but those yoga pants.
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(chuckling)
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>> You're being very rude right
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now.
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>> Let us play a little game.
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Guess who has an erection.
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Here's a clue.
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It's Tracy Morgan.
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Now guess.
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>> For heaven's sake!
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Mr. Freeman,
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is everything okay?
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>> Mind your business, Cliff.
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Fun fact: I don't give a bus
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driver's ass about those sick
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moms.
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I hope them hemorrhoids
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spread to her ankles.
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Come over, girl.
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Go out with me, man.
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I keep my money
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in a Build-A-Bear.
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(chuckling)
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>> Sweet heavens.
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What evil have I unleashed?
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**
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>> Can you help me with this
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crossword, Kevin?
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>> Of course, Miss Williams.
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Anything for you.
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>> What's an 11-letter word for
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something you put a turkey in?
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>> Hmm... 11... tough--
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>> Plastic wrap!
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>> (muffled screaming)
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>> Old Killers!
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>> It's the announcement that
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shook the basketball world.
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At a press conference today,
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basketball superstar Darryl
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Powell made news that caught
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the entire league off guard.
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>> I'm sure you've all heard
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the rumors.
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I can't live a lie.
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I think it's time
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the world knew
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that I, Darryl Powell,
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am monogamous.
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>> Darryl.
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>> Darryl.
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>> Over here.
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>> Darryl, Is this a new thing?
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>> Well, I've known I was
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monogamous since I was seven,
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but. I hid it from my father.
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>> Mr. Powell!
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>> Mr. Powell.
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>> Mrs. Powell, how have you
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been taking all of this?
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>> I'm just as shocked as the
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rest of the world, but I, I love
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my husband and we're going to
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work our way through this.
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>> Darryl, are you the only
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monogamous player in the league?
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>> Well--
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No comment.
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>> Darryl.
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>> Darryl.
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>> No more questions.
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>> Once again, the NBA's
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Darryl Powell comes out
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as monogamous.
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Monogamy, a condition in which
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the person has only one sexual
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partner was thought to be
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non-existent in professional
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sports.
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>> I don't like other women,
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okay?
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>> As expected, Powell's
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announcement set off a firestorm
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of reaction around the league.
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>> Is monogamy contagious?
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No, I'm serious, like,
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how can you even get that?
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>> Hey, Darryl, when I cheat on
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my wife, will you keep your fat,
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monogamous mouth shut, huh?
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>> What if we're in the shower,
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you know, and he wants to. talk
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about his wife and their future?
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>> Hours ago, Steel Body Spray
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announced they have pulled their
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commercial starring the 6'8"
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small forward, stating they
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cannot condone soft-ass dudes.
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Here to help us make sense of
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these developments, live via
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satellite, monosexual
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Darryl Powell.
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Darryl, what's going on,
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man?
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>> Well, ever since the
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announcement, I've received
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multiple death threats and I
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have no plans of putting my
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wife's life in danger,
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especially since she's the only
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one I'm having sex with.
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>> Yeah, that's. Yeah.
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>> So after this season, I'm
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taking my talents to Kansas
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where all the other monogamous
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people live.
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>> Well, God help you, Darryl.
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After the break, the NFL steroid
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problem-- they've eaten
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them all.
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That and more on
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"Sports News."
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>> Hey, yo, would you mind
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taking a picture of all of us?
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Would that be cool?
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Okay, just, the button.
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The bottom button.
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>> Three count?
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>> Give us like a one, two,
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three.
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>> Three, cheese.
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>> One, two, three.
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There you go.
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(giggling)
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**
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>> The end is coming!
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The end is coming, everybody!
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Technically speaking.
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In like, 2.8 million
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years the sun is gonna totally
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engulf the earth, at which
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point, you know,
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that'll be the end.
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And I know like, that seems
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like a long way away, but like,
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the end' speaking-- Whoa.
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>> (laughing)
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>> Well, you two seem to be
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hitting it off.
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I'm glad we finally
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got you together.
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>> Yeah.
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>> Okay, let's play two truths
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and a lie. I played it
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in college and I would
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die laughing.
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Uh, Sean, you go first.
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Two truths and a lie.
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>> Okay, I went to Yale,
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I love to windsurf and I have a
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parasitic brain worm.
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>> Too easy.
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The brain worm.
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>> Oh no, I got a brain worm.
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It's in my head.
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I got it while
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eating contaminated pork while
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doing Habitat for Humanity in
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Guatemala.
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The doctor said it
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would be too risky to remove it.
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>> Did you hear that, Julia?
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Guatemala.
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>> You ever been to Guatemala?
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>> No.
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>> You should really go.
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It's ama-- (screaming) Oh God!
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(screaming) Oh my God.
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I'm so sorry.
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Must be the wine-- The worm
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don't like wine sometimes.
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I'm going to go to the restroom
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real quick, do you mind?
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>> Take a thousand minutes.
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>> Excuse me.
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>> What the (bleep) just
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happened?
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>> I knew you were going to
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react like this, Julia.
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>> That man has a worm in his
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brain.
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>> Sean is a catch.
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He helps poor Guatemalans.
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>> I think you just need to
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relax, I think you need to open
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up your heart to love, okay?
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>> Hey, I'm back.
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Party on.
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>> Well, back to the game.
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My turn: I love fudge--
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>> Can I ask a question about
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that brain worm?
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>> Okay, shoot.
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>> Is it a permanent brain worm?
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>> No, it's not perm-- No.
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Eventually it will die.
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And it will start to rot.
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And you know,
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they'll suction it right out of
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my head.
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I just hope it dies
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before my charity marathon
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in June.
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>> Oh my God, charity marathon,
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Julia.
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>> So rot, you say.
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>> Yeah, ah, I'm so sorry.
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Sometimes the worm gains control
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of my motor functions when it
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wants bread and butter.
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I apologize.
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>> And it causes you to eat
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butter like that.
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>> Sometimes.
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Excuse me.
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I'm going upstairs
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to the bathroom.
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>> Yeah, mm-hmm.
291
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:31,600
So that worm controls his body.
292
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,370
>> Do me a favor.
293
00:09:32,367 --> 00:09:33,227
How is this any different
294
00:09:33,233 --> 00:09:34,403
from when you dated that DJ?
295
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,370
You dated a DJ.
296
00:09:35,367 --> 00:09:36,327
Spin--
297
00:09:40,367 --> 00:09:42,127
>> I'm sorry.
298
00:09:42,133 --> 00:09:42,773
It's been a rough year.
299
00:09:42,767 --> 00:09:45,597
I'm not going to lie.
300
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:46,600
And it means a lot that
301
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:47,570
you guys invited me out.
302
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:49,167
I appreciate it a lot.
303
00:09:49,167 --> 00:09:50,327
I just, I'm just happy
304
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:51,233
that people still want
305
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:52,533
to hang out with me even after
306
00:09:52,533 --> 00:09:54,073
knowing about the disgusting
307
00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,327
nature of my illness.
308
00:09:56,333 --> 00:10:00,073
>> You are so brave.
309
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:02,197
It's just so inspiring--
310
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,170
>> Sean?
311
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:04,167
I just gotta--
312
00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:05,127
There's a little bit.
313
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:06,103
>> It's coming out.
314
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:07,070
>> The tail, is it the tail?
315
00:10:07,067 --> 00:10:08,097
The tail's out?
316
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,830
Okay, somebody better get it.
317
00:10:09,833 --> 00:10:10,773
Get it, get it!
318
00:10:10,767 --> 00:10:11,967
>> No!
319
00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:14,927
(all speaking at once)
320
00:10:14,933 --> 00:10:16,173
>> No, no!
321
00:10:16,167 --> 00:10:17,067
I will not scoop a
322
00:10:17,067 --> 00:10:18,397
worm out of your nose with that
323
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:19,730
tiny knife!
324
00:10:19,733 --> 00:10:22,003
Get out of my way!
325
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:22,700
>> You're not getting any
326
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:24,200
younger, Julia.
327
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:24,900
>> Well, we have failed as
328
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:26,500
matchmakers.
329
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,500
>> Thank you so much, that's so
330
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,500
stuffed up.
331
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:30,270
>> Oh, don't worry about it.
332
00:10:30,267 --> 00:10:31,067
What are neighbors for?
333
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:32,127
I can get this unclogged
334
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:34,103
for you in no time.
335
00:10:34,100 --> 00:10:36,000
>> Toss it, Lenny.
336
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:36,630
>> Toss it, Lenny?
337
00:10:36,633 --> 00:10:39,873
(screaming)
338
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:47,997
>> Old Killers!
339
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:54,470
>> Yo, that's Keith.
340
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:55,497
>> And that's Kenny.
341
00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:56,300
>> And welcome to the latest
342
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:57,270
episode of
343
00:10:57,267 --> 00:10:58,427
"Squabblin' and Quarrelin'"
344
00:10:58,433 --> 00:10:59,303
where we squabble
345
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,130
and quarrel about some of
346
00:11:00,133 --> 00:11:01,933
the hot topics, 2014.
347
00:11:01,933 --> 00:11:03,103
>> Yep.
348
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,070
>> First topic,
349
00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:05,127
"Crash Bandicoot."
350
00:11:05,133 --> 00:11:06,533
>> Let's squabble and quarrel.
351
00:11:06,533 --> 00:11:09,873
It's a good game.
352
00:11:09,867 --> 00:11:10,897
>> Still holds up.
353
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,830
>> Yeah, after all these years.
354
00:11:12,833 --> 00:11:14,333
You want to play today?
355
00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:16,633
>> Let's do it.
356
00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:18,173
>>All right.
357
00:11:18,167 --> 00:11:19,767
>> All right.
358
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:22,127
>> Second topic, cookies.
359
00:11:22,133 --> 00:11:24,133
>> Let's squabble and quarrel.
360
00:11:24,133 --> 00:11:25,373
>> I'm a big fan of oatmeal
361
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:26,497
raisin personally.
362
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,330
>> Word?
363
00:11:27,333 --> 00:11:28,273
>> Yeah.
364
00:11:28,267 --> 00:11:29,067
>> You don't like chocolate
365
00:11:29,067 --> 00:11:30,197
chip?
366
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,200
>> I like those too.
367
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:31,930
>> Nothing better than chocolate
368
00:11:31,933 --> 00:11:32,733
chip.
369
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:37,603
>> Can you name one thing?
370
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,970
>> No.
371
00:11:38,967 --> 00:11:39,967
>> All right.
372
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,427
Final topic, drone strikes.
373
00:11:41,433 --> 00:11:42,873
>> Let's squabble and quarrel.
374
00:11:42,867 --> 00:11:43,797
>> I don't know much about it.
375
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,100
>> Me either.
376
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:45,800
I don't know anything about
377
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:46,800
drone strikes, man.
378
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,100
>> See, the only thing I know is
379
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,730
that since 2008,
380
00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:50,403
the United States has
381
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,900
employed about 5,331
382
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,570
unmanned aerial vehicles.
383
00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:56,867
You see, on the plus side,
384
00:11:56,867 --> 00:11:57,767
you're not risking American
385
00:11:57,767 --> 00:11:58,467
lives.
386
00:11:58,467 --> 00:11:59,227
No troops have
387
00:11:59,233 --> 00:12:00,503
to hit the ground.
388
00:12:00,500 --> 00:12:01,670
But on the downside, it's like a
389
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,067
detached experience.
390
00:12:03,067 --> 00:12:03,867
We're actually really
391
00:12:03,867 --> 00:12:04,727
murdering people
392
00:12:04,733 --> 00:12:06,103
and killing a lot of innocent
393
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,970
civilians.
394
00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:11,297
>> I just did a little bit of
395
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:12,270
independent research.
396
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:12,967
>> Okay.
397
00:12:12,967 --> 00:12:13,897
>> And I think I do dig oatmeal
398
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:14,930
cookies, man.
399
00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:15,673
They're pretty dope.
400
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:18,597
>> Mm.
401
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:19,500
>> That was it.
402
00:12:19,500 --> 00:12:21,700
>> Yeah, that was the show.
403
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,700
>> That's "Squabblin' and
404
00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:23,670
Quarrelin'"
405
00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:24,597
>> That's "Squabblin'
406
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,570
and Quarrelin'"
407
00:12:25,567 --> 00:12:26,527
with the Lucas Brothers.
408
00:12:26,533 --> 00:12:28,803
Goodnight, guys.
409
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,300
>> Yeah, goodbye.
410
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:33,600
>> (vocalizing)
411
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,330
Hey, you ever
412
00:12:34,333 --> 00:12:37,203
have French toast before?
413
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:38,230
Hey, where you going?
414
00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:39,073
Hold on.
415
00:12:39,067 --> 00:12:39,867
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
416
00:12:39,867 --> 00:12:43,167
wait, wait, wait, wait.
417
00:12:43,167 --> 00:12:44,427
All right, keep going.
418
00:12:44,433 --> 00:12:45,833
Go ahead-- Do your thing.
419
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:46,803
How you doing?
420
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,670
I'm Tracy, man.
421
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,067
Sit in my lap, man.
422
00:12:50,067 --> 00:12:51,827
Like Santa.
423
00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:52,803
I got pepperoni in my
424
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:53,830
belly button.
425
00:12:53,833 --> 00:12:56,703
**
426
00:13:01,567 --> 00:13:03,567
>> Lady with the red hair and
427
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,267
the phone, can I have a moment
428
00:13:05,267 --> 00:13:06,827
of your time?
429
00:13:06,833 --> 00:13:09,273
Please? No? Sir.
430
00:13:09,267 --> 00:13:10,267
Could I have a moment of your
431
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,897
time for a very worthy cause.
432
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:12,870
It's going to be the most
433
00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:13,827
important thing you do
434
00:13:13,833 --> 00:13:14,773
in your life.
435
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:15,667
We're trying to reunite
436
00:13:15,667 --> 00:13:18,067
Steve Harvey with his flattop.
437
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:18,827
>> We're trying to reunite
438
00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:20,103
Steve Harvey and his flattop.
439
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:20,870
We're trying to reunite
440
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:22,097
Steve Harvey with his flattop.
441
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,070
>> What is a flattop?
442
00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:23,897
>> Oh, I'll show you.
443
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:24,730
>> We're trying to get
444
00:13:24,733 --> 00:13:25,573
Steve Harvey to put
445
00:13:25,567 --> 00:13:26,467
his flattop back on.
446
00:13:26,467 --> 00:13:27,097
>> I'll sign for that.
447
00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:28,100
>> Thank you.
448
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,600
>> It's a movement, baby.
449
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,700
Yeah.
450
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:33,770
>> They see the bigger picture.
451
00:13:33,767 --> 00:13:35,267
>> They understand that the
452
00:13:35,267 --> 00:13:37,467
flattop needs to come back.
453
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:38,767
>> Hey, man, you ain't gonna
454
00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,127
find better coke than this.
455
00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:49,167
>> No, this ain't pure.
456
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:52,197
I'm not buying this.
457
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:53,770
>> That's fine.
458
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:54,467
You ain't have
459
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,927
to buy it.
460
00:13:56,933 --> 00:13:57,973
But you ruined my bag.
461
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:02,467
>> What are you talking about?
462
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,667
>> You put a knife in the bag
463
00:14:03,667 --> 00:14:05,067
and you ruined it.
464
00:14:05,067 --> 00:14:06,097
>> Look, I didn't ruin anything.
465
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:06,800
All I did was poke a hole
466
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:07,530
in there.
467
00:14:07,533 --> 00:14:08,233
>> Just a hol-- Dude, do you
468
00:14:08,233 --> 00:14:09,603
know what bags do?
469
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:10,600
>> Look, I know what bags do.
470
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,570
Especially bags of drugs.
471
00:14:11,567 --> 00:14:12,527
Okay, what you do is
472
00:14:12,533 --> 00:14:13,503
you poke a hole
473
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:14,470
in it, you put your finger in
474
00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:15,427
there and then you try it out.
475
00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:16,403
>> Then you could have just used
476
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,370
the sample flap.
477
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:18,367
>> Nobody said nothing about
478
00:14:18,367 --> 00:14:19,327
a sample flap!
479
00:14:19,333 --> 00:14:20,203
>> How do you not know about the
480
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,170
sample flap?
481
00:14:21,167 --> 00:14:21,897
I mean, everybody
482
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:23,100
knows about a sample flap.
483
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:23,830
>> Look here, if you would have
484
00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:24,773
said something to me about a
485
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:25,697
sample flap, I would have
486
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:29,630
sampled flap.
487
00:14:29,633 --> 00:14:30,873
Who is this guy?
488
00:14:30,867 --> 00:14:31,597
>> He's my neighbor.
489
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,830
>> Holy smokes, that's a lot of
490
00:14:32,833 --> 00:14:37,503
cocaine!
491
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:38,830
Giddyup!
492
00:14:38,833 --> 00:14:40,073
>> He sample flapped.
493
00:14:40,067 --> 00:14:41,327
>> You didn't sample flap?
494
00:14:41,333 --> 00:14:42,373
>> Just tape it up, okay?
495
00:14:42,367 --> 00:14:43,327
>> Do you know how hard it is to
496
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:44,303
take powder and put it in a
497
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:45,300
brick shape?
498
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:46,300
>> We gotta smoosh it all
499
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,200
together--
500
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,200
>> And then you gotta fold it.
501
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,070
>> And that folding's worse than
502
00:14:49,067 --> 00:14:49,767
the smooshing.
503
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:50,767
>> Yeah, it is.
504
00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:51,967
>> I ain't got time for this.
505
00:14:51,967 --> 00:14:52,897
I'm about to leave.
506
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:53,870
All right, you take care.
507
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,797
It was a good--
508
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:56,930
>> You better re-bag up that
509
00:14:56,933 --> 00:14:58,373
stuff or we're going to put a
510
00:14:58,367 --> 00:15:02,897
sample flap in your head.
511
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:04,600
>> Sample this.
512
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:05,500
>> I told you, you gotta turn
513
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:06,530
the fan on when you got company
514
00:15:06,533 --> 00:15:07,403
over.
515
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,330
It's too hot in here.
516
00:15:08,333 --> 00:15:09,173
>> No!
517
00:15:15,133 --> 00:15:17,273
**
518
00:15:17,267 --> 00:15:19,397
>> Well, uh, thank you for
519
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,370
coming on a date with me.
520
00:15:21,367 --> 00:15:22,427
Sorry.
521
00:15:22,433 --> 00:15:23,373
I don't even know what I'm
522
00:15:23,367 --> 00:15:25,097
doing-- I'm not really good at
523
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,230
first dates, I never--
524
00:15:26,233 --> 00:15:30,603
>> Oh, neither am I.
525
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:31,530
>> So.
526
00:15:31,533 --> 00:15:32,403
>> (together) What are you
527
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:33,070
going to order?
528
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,367
Jinx!
529
00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,627
Double jinx!
530
00:15:36,633 --> 00:15:37,573
>> You know, I'm pretty sure
531
00:15:37,567 --> 00:15:38,967
when you do a double jinx, you
532
00:15:38,967 --> 00:15:40,327
have to buy me a drink.
533
00:15:40,333 --> 00:15:41,733
>> No, actually, I'm pretty sure
534
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:42,833
double jinx is when you act-
535
00:15:42,833 --> 00:15:52,573
(guns shot)
536
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:54,067
>> Old killers!
537
00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:58,930
>> Hey, yo, is that-- Is that
538
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:03,633
Steve Harvey's flattop?
539
00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:05,273
>> You know, I think it is.
540
00:16:05,267 --> 00:16:06,697
>> Only one way to find out.
541
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,870
>> Hey, yo, flattop.
542
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:09,797
Are you Steve Harvey's flattop?
543
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:10,800
>> Yeah, I'm Steve Harvey's
544
00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:11,970
flattop.
545
00:16:11,967 --> 00:16:12,667
>> What happened with you
546
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:13,627
and Steve?
547
00:16:13,633 --> 00:16:14,403
>> He thought he looked better
548
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,370
without me.
549
00:16:15,367 --> 00:16:16,527
So I had to leave.
550
00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:17,473
>> Oh.
551
00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:18,427
>> Oh.
552
00:16:18,433 --> 00:16:19,573
>> Well, what are you doing
553
00:16:19,567 --> 00:16:20,327
today?
554
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,273
>> Oh, I just got this bike
555
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:22,367
race.
556
00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:24,597
>> You have a bike race?
557
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,470
Can we come watch?
558
00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:27,327
>> Sure.
559
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:28,603
>> Yes!
560
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:31,270
>>All right!
561
00:16:31,267 --> 00:16:32,167
>> Well, let's finish our ice
562
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:33,227
cream first though.
563
00:16:43,667 --> 00:16:46,527
>> On your mark, get set, go!
564
00:16:46,533 --> 00:16:49,133
>> Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on.
565
00:16:52,567 --> 00:16:53,427
>> Man, I didn't think this
566
00:16:53,433 --> 00:16:54,733
one through.
567
00:16:54,733 --> 00:16:55,633
Anyway, thanks for
568
00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,073
coming to my bike race!
569
00:16:57,067 --> 00:16:57,827
>> Hey, man, you can't win 'em
570
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,273
all, flattop.
571
00:16:59,267 --> 00:17:00,327
Have a good day.
572
00:17:00,333 --> 00:17:01,073
>> We're going to get out of
573
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:01,827
here, man.
574
00:17:01,833 --> 00:17:02,973
>> Wait, wait, wait.
575
00:17:02,967 --> 00:17:03,927
I hate to ask,
576
00:17:03,933 --> 00:17:04,973
but I'm trying to get a
577
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:06,367
bird to fly me home.
578
00:17:06,367 --> 00:17:07,767
You mind giving me a toss?
579
00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:09,127
>> Uh, yeah.
580
00:17:09,133 --> 00:17:11,773
No worries, I can do that.
581
00:17:11,767 --> 00:17:13,767
See you later, flattop.
582
00:17:13,767 --> 00:17:15,197
>> Thanks, fellas!
583
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,200
Whoo!
584
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:16,970
>> Bye, flattop.
585
00:17:16,967 --> 00:17:18,367
>> Bye.
586
00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:19,667
>> Bye, flattop.
587
00:17:24,233 --> 00:17:25,473
>> Excuse me.
588
00:17:25,467 --> 00:17:26,397
Is there a camera
589
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,200
crew behind me?
590
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,330
Like, a light dude.
591
00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:30,373
>> Yeah.
592
00:17:30,367 --> 00:17:31,167
>> Oh, damn it!
593
00:17:35,067 --> 00:17:37,627
**
594
00:17:44,467 --> 00:17:53,067
**
595
00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:02,097
>> I was gonna marry this girl,
596
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:02,900
you know, I was.
597
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:05,470
And then. Boom.
598
00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:07,097
She was gone.
599
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,430
>> Just let me set you up with
600
00:18:08,433 --> 00:18:11,503
my friend Katie.
601
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,070
>> I don't want Katie.
602
00:18:13,067 --> 00:18:16,097
>> What do you want, man?
603
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:16,730
>> I want to go to
604
00:18:16,733 --> 00:18:18,473
Chuckle Cheese's.
605
00:18:18,467 --> 00:18:19,597
Wow, look at this.
606
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,330
We used to come here
607
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:21,273
all the time.
608
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,067
>> I cannot believe you're so
609
00:18:22,067 --> 00:18:22,797
excited.
610
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:23,670
>> Hey!
611
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:25,167
Welcome to Chuckle Cheese's.
612
00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,197
Name's Herbie.
613
00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:27,830
You guys here for a party?
614
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:28,773
>> Uh, no, actually, we just
615
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:30,167
came by ourselves.
616
00:18:30,167 --> 00:18:32,267
>> I'm sorry, fellas, but adults
617
00:18:32,267 --> 00:18:33,227
can't get inside Chuckle
618
00:18:33,233 --> 00:18:34,203
Cheese's unless they're
619
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,600
accompanied by a child.
620
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,530
Sorry about that.
621
00:18:39,533 --> 00:18:43,273
Rules are rules.
622
00:18:43,267 --> 00:18:45,197
>> You know what?
623
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,670
Set me up with Katie.
624
00:18:47,667 --> 00:18:48,667
>> Really?
625
00:18:48,667 --> 00:18:51,197
>> Yeah.
626
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:58,900
**
627
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:23,267
>> Okay.
628
00:19:23,267 --> 00:19:24,327
Congratulations, you got
629
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:26,633
a beautiful baby boy.
630
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:27,573
>> Finally!
631
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:29,897
>> What?
632
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:30,800
Wait!
633
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,630
(choir singing)
634
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:08,933
>> Every year, thousands of
635
00:20:08,933 --> 00:20:11,103
adult men impregnate women
636
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,400
solely to gain entry
637
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:13,730
to Chuckle Cheese's.
638
00:20:13,733 --> 00:20:15,273
Stop the madness.
639
00:20:15,267 --> 00:20:16,927
Legalize unaccompanied adult
640
00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:18,073
playzone entry.
641
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,100
>> Get on down get on down
642
00:20:22,100 --> 00:20:24,800
get on up with that booty
643
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,630
get on down with that booty
644
00:20:26,633 --> 00:20:28,303
Sweat pants sweat pants
645
00:20:28,300 --> 00:20:30,170
six pack six pack
646
00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,027
look at them nipples
647
00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:33,573
look at them nipples
648
00:20:33,567 --> 00:20:35,397
Look at that look at that
649
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,970
tap the ground tap the ground
650
00:20:36,967 --> 00:20:37,827
what you looking for
651
00:20:37,833 --> 00:20:42,673
your keys your your money
652
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:43,997
what you got what you lose
653
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,030
your contact what you lose
654
00:20:47,033 --> 00:20:48,433
let's find it find it
655
00:20:48,433 --> 00:20:49,373
with your foot point at the air
39487
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