All language subtitles for Baroness Von Sketch Show s03e04 Sex Things and Whispers.eng

[BACKGROUND CHATTER]

- There she is, there she is.
- Janeane Garofalo, hi.

- Janeane, hi.
- Hi.

Sorry we don't want to hold
you up I know you're busy,

but can you take a selfie with us.

- We're huge fans.
- Yeah.

Thank you so much, so much, okay, ready.

Thank you. We've been
waiting all morning.

- This is so nice. Okay.
- Oh, that is so nice of you.

- Alright.
- Here we go, okay.

- Super quick, oh, oh, sorry.
- Okay, one more, okay.

- Cheese!
- Oh, no, it's just...

I think it's 'cause you're short.

I'm just going to give
you a little boost.

- Ready? There we go.
- Cheese.

No it's just, no you're out of it now.

Oh, I'm so sorry, excuse me,

we're trying to take a
selfie but its not working,

could you take a selfie for us?

- Oh, yeah, sure, of course.
- Thank you so much.

- No problem.
- Okay, thank you.

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

- There you go.
- Oh, thank you.

- Thanks.
- You're welcome.

Oh, my God, that is
such a great picture.

JENN: It really is, the
contouring really pays off.

Yeah. I'll always remember where we were

- when that girl took a picture.
- She really knows her angles.

- It's good one.
- Yeah, yeah.

- She's, um, stunning.
- It's a good one.

["DANCING UNDERWATER" BY BRAVE SHORES]

? Me and my friends
will spike the punch ?

? Rolling in the party
we'll start the fun ?

? Get fancy ?

? Hey Hey ?

? There's no clouds its just the sun ?

? Living in times that are
meant for fun, yeah ?

? Hold your breath a little longer ?

? Let's go dancing underwater ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh ?

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

How's it goin'?

Good, I'm just finishing up

this client investment summary.

Well I just thought I'd
step by for a little chat,

little chitty chat,
little recap chit chat,

chitty chit chit chat,
watcha watcha what chat,

off the top of the day,

just you and me.

It's 9:30am so I've only been
here about half an hour.

Well Karen,

here's a little lesson from the boss,

a lot can happen in the
first half hour of the day.

Nothing to report really I just, uh,

am working on my report. So that's...

Just working on your
report, nothing to report.

- Okay, listen...
- Why report that

- I'm working on my report?
- BOSS: That's so good of you, I know.

I'm the boss and you're the employee

and I have this beautiful office

and you have this cubicle
that smells like an old apple

but, you know, we should share things

we really should, let's
share things, let's share.

- I'm so sorry.
- What's so funny?

I was really thinking of
something that Darren said.

KAREN: Oh, yeah, what did Darren say?

BOSS: Exactly what did Darren say,

'cause you sit right beside
him, so what did he say?

Did he say anything to you? Did he say

something 'cause I know he did.
He probably did

'cause he sits right there and

he's probably always
thinking thee things

and he's thinking no
and he's whispering,

and what's he saying, what's he saying?

No, he's usually like working
really hard just like me.

Like we're actually, you know,

just trying to get our stuff done.

- There's a lot of deadlines.
- He's not saying anything?

With the cut backs
have just been sort of

staffing issues and we just
have to get stuff done.

There's nothing? There's
nothing, he's not saying...

You know, Karen, 'cause
I'm asking you directly,

like what did Darren say?

- About what?
- About the off goss.

I don't know what that means.

The gossip around the office.

- The office gossip.
- Oh.

Office gossip.

- Oh, you know what?
- BOSS: Oh, yeah, tell me, here we go.

- Here we go what you got for me?
- It's 9:30, I actually

- haven't had my coffee yet.
- BOSS: You haven't had a coffee yet,

no, that's good, that's
code for something.

What's that code, is that code for

sex and things and whispers,

what's the code for? It's code for?

Oh, no, I just haven't had my
coffee yet so that's all it is.

- Okay.
- I just have so much to do here.

You got a lot of work to do?

- I'd be happy to talk later.
- Let me distract you.

Liz, tell me something about Liz,

look at her, look at her,

she's hiding something.

- In her granola clusters?
- BOSS: How 'bout this,

tell me who Sheila's been humping,

- can you tell me that.
- Sheila?

Look at her, who's she
getting her leg up over?

- KAREN: I have no idea.
- She's humping someone.

KAREN: I honestly think Sheila
might still be a virgin.

Please for the love of
the lord let's blue sky,

let's get a little creative.

- I'll take anything creative...
- I am creative I'm just not...

BOSS: Jamal, Warren,

- the lady that brings in the muffins.
- I don't know anything about her.

- Look, I don't even eat muffins.
- BOSS: Something Karen, listen I need you

to look me in the eye and you
need to tell me some off goss,

or everybody in here is working
on a Saturday and that's on you.

- I have a wedding on Saturday.
- That is on you.

- Everyone has work to do...
- You tell me something right now.

Do not do this to me, please.
Do not do this...

- One, two, everybody in the office.
- Okay, Becky...

- What?
- Becky...

- Yes?
- Um, she has...

- Yes?!
- Horrible bunions.

That's it?

Useless, what am I going
to do with a growing bone?

- Ow.
- That's nothing.

- But they-they-they...
- Terrible,

- you're working on a Sat...
- It keeps her up at night.

- Karen.
- Karen's pregnant!

Yes.

Fuck you Darren.

Liz, you wanna have a little chit chat,

a little recap chit chat of the day?

[FUN POP MUSIC]

How's it going over here?

A ha, okay.

Ah, do you mind if I get
these in the next size up?

They're a little too snug for my liking.

Sure, absolutely, not a problem.

Thanks.

Here you go.

Oooh, um, that's not really the same.

This has got all of these bits on it.

SALES CLERK: Yeah, it sure does,

when you go up a size

it actually bumps you
up into the plus sizes

and, you know, it's a
little something extra

for ladies with a
little something extra.

Oh, okay, but those pants they're
not even remotely the same.

Oh, yeah, no these are those.

No these are jeans.

Oh, yeah, these are the plus
size take on those jeans.

Okay, why can't I just get
a larger size in the style

I was interested in?

Oh, well, for a bigger
gal, you know like,

bigger gal

our designers they
really like to have fun,

you know, like, let
you ladies get funky.

You know what? If
you're not loving these

I'm going to take them away

'cause I actually brought
something out from the back

and I think you're going to love it.

Just stay right here.

For summer, right?

Oh, my God, I'm so excited about this,

I can't even tell you.

Okay, I'm right here if you need help.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[GASPS] Oh, my gosh.

Whoa, I was so right about this.

I knew it. It is so sassy,

now you see how these chiffon panels,

they just really disguise
a little bit of tummy

and they just elongate your whole body,

they just really bring
out your leanness,

you know, long lines,

long lines.

Now one thing you do want to
be careful about with this

is not to get around any open flames

because it'll be like pooof, right.

Oh, my gosh!

I forgot the hat.

Okay, so you just

bring it right down.

See how it just kinda
covers your face there.

- Ah, excuse me.
- Mhm.

Yeah I asked you to bring
me a pair of blue chinos.

Oh, no, no, those are them
that's just the tall version,

our designers they really
feel that the tall gal

should stand out as well as standing up.

Oh, I hate it here.

SALES CLERK: What do you think?

- Uh, I can't see.
- I love this.

[LIVELY REGGAE MUSIC]

WOMAN 1: Well she told me that

dry shampoo got her through her divorce.

- Really?
- She looked amazing.

[GASPS]

WOMAN 1: Look at the towel swans!

So cute.

We are going to have to leave a tip.

Do it at the end of the week.

- Hm.
- Yeah.

[FUN LIVELY MUSIC]

WOMAN 1: He says is that your uvula

and I said you're in the wrong place.

[GASPS]

WOMAN 1: Oh, my gosh!

Can we please tip them
now this is amazing.

I really think we can do it at the end.

[UPTEMPO TROPICAL MUSIC]

It's totally my nightmare
to be serenaded

and it's happened twice.

WOMAN 1: Oh, I feel for you.

Oh, oh, oh.

Come on, we have to tip them now.

- You're right, you're right.
- Mhm.

Oh, um,

I only have a hundred or some change.

Hm. It'll probably be fine.

Yeah, I think that's good.

- I think the exchange rate...
- Yeah.

- [TROPICAL INSTRUMENTAL]
- WOMAN 1: I just feel like SkyMall

is really reasonably priced.

I need to go take out some cash.

Yeah, I'll come too.

Then you really peak here and
then it falls sharply...

It also looks like a arc...

Hey, are you guys ready for the meeting?

Oh. Yeah.

Sure.

[SIGHS]

It's conference room three, right?

Oh, no, uh, actually it's
in conference room four.

No it's in three, it's always in three.

It got switched, it's in room four.

No, the last email I got
said conference room three.

Yeah it's in three.

Trust me it's room four.

Why don't we just go to
three we'll see, okay.

Or we could got to room four
where it's actually happening.

No let's go to the one we
always go just to be safe.

- _
- BROWN SUIT: Oh, my God,

we're in room four.

Lynn you were right.

- I, I was right! Oh.
- Yeah.

Hey everybody,

Lynn was right!

I was right!

[TRIUMPHANT INSTRUMENTAL]

[APPLAUSE]

[JOYOUS INSTRUMENTAL]

?

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, I mean, um,

it's been a really, uh, long hard road

um, but, sorry.

I always knew in my darkest
moment that I was right.

I knew her when she was only half right.

[CHANTING] Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn, Lynn!

- Hey Lynn! Lynn.
- Lynn, Lynn, Lynn!

Lynn, Lynn, can we get
back to the meeting?

Oh, yeah, sorry. Sorry.

I was still right though.

No one cares.

? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ?

[DANCE MUSIC]

GREETER: So just through those doors

Conference Room B.

WOMAN 1: Anyway Zoe, I love
your book and it's fantastic.

Andrea, thanks for coming.

Hi, baby!

I made it!

- You made it.
- I made it. Hi.

Mwuah mwuah mwuah!

Why don't you come over here.

Oh, my God, look, look at you.

Look your speech is on at 4pm.

It's a talk and I know
when it's on 'cause

I've been preparing for
like, six months for this.

No place like home, trans-local praxis

in the comfort of return praxis.

Honey, I'm sorry,
that's not a real word.

- Praxis?
- Yeah it's not a real one.

It's Latin for practice

- so it is a real word.
- What? Are you kidding me?

- No.
- No big deal my smarty pants sexy baby

doing her speech in Latin.

- Are you?
- It's a talk and no it's not in Latin,

it's-it's-it's not in Latin,
it's just a Latin word.

She's doing-she's doing a Latin word.

I'm really looking forward
to your deconstruction

of the Ruby Slipper as a
classist mode of transportation,

- brilliant, right.
- Absolutely.

Me too, I was waiting my whole life

for this thing, talk, speech,

- chit chat.
- It's a talk, it's a talk.

And I was born for listening to it.

Yeah.

What-what's your talk on?

Uh, foot and imperial measure

performing post-colonialism
against the odds.

Really, no, babe, what's it on?
What are ya...

- It's an actual talk.
- It's an actual talk of that,

and I know, it's not a joke?

It's not a joke, babe,

it's a serious chat that's happening,

thank you, of course it is.

- Do you know what?
- What, Hun?

You can just hang out
in town if you want,

you don't have to stay
here, it'll probably be

- a bit boring for you. Why don't you just uh...
- Boring!? Babe!

Are you kidding me? Look at your face.

Uh, this is a shoe conference,

what does mamma love?

- Shoes.
- It's not a shoe conference.

Guess who's here.

Sara Ahmed?

- Roxane Gay.
- Ana Maria Rodrigues.

Susan Stryker?

Allyson Mitchell.

Indigo Girls, oh, my gosh,

please tell me it's the Indigo Girls.

Babe, we love the
Indigo Girls, don't we?

Dina Georgis.

Oh, I love her.

I love her.

- Yeah, no, she's fantas...
- Dina Georgian is so cool.

- It's Georgis. It's Dina Georgis.
- Dina Georgia?

Yeah, Dina Georgis.

Dina Georgian in da house.

It's Georgis, don't say da.

- Don't say da.
- In da.

Um, oh, there she is, she's
an academic rock star.

Oh, my God, she's with Laura Lovitz.

Hi, Laura.

Hi, Laura.

WOMAN 1: Hi, Dina.

Did you see her lipstick?

Who is going to "Bunions,
Corns and Blisters:

Feeling Feminine Failure"?

Oh, I am.

I'm so into failure.

WOMAN 1: Yeah, so am I.

I think I'm going to
have to pa-ss on that.

Ladies, I've had a light bulb moment

- for a shoe conference.
- It's not a shoe conference.

And guess what I'm not seeing,

spicy shoe options.

I don't see that on your feets.

It's not a shoe conference.

No it's a conference on footwear

as the final frontier
of feminist resistance.

I know that. I know that.

I'm going to click my
ruby heels together

'cause there's no place like home,

and also there's no place
like an outlet mall

across the street. So you
get all up in your bunions.

Thanks so much for coming,
I do appreciate it.

Oh, my God, I love you.

Mwuah. Look at you,

you're so smart with your chit chats

and your corns and warts

and all those things
that get on your feet.

She's great.

You're still in that relationship?

That one, yeah yeah,

it's a very fulfilling relationship,

it works on different levels.

So happy about it.

Anyway should we go to the...

Bunions, corns, blisters?

- Bunions, let's go.
- Let's catch that.

You know, and she's good in the sack.

- She better be.
- Yeah.

[SOFT TINKLING MUSIC]

- Mommy?
- Yes, sweetie?

What am I going to be when I grow up?

Oh, well,

I think first you'll achieve
your dream of being a doctor

but then the ocean currents
will change course

and there will be waves of

mass migration and crop failure

and you'll end up as a scavenger

sifting through piles of garbage for

food and raw materials.

And then after the final war

when Daddy and I are long dead,

the people of your sewer tribe
will catch an incurable cold

and you'll be the person
who cradles the bodies

as they die.

[SOFT TINKLING MUSIC]

[UPTEMPO CLASSICAL MUSIC]

?

- Oh gosh!
- Jesus!

- Like actually, who did this?
- It was too cold!

Eh? You want me to swim in this shit?

- Give me my robe!
- Get a heater in here.

It's so cold.

Canada. Hi.

What's the sitch, Chief?

We gotta tough nut to crack.

Seen her hanging around
the playground, no ID,

won't tell us her name.

Why don't you go in there and

see if you can get some answers for me.

We got this.

We'll see.

[SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL]

Hello.

Hello. [CLEARS THROAT]

DETECTIVE DAZIEL: Sorry to
keep you waiting, ma'am.

That's okay.

I'm Detective Daziel this is my partner.

Detective Hardcrack, and you are?

- Mabel's mom.
- Uh huh.

What's your name?

Oh, uh, just Mabel's mom.

Cut the shit lady, what's your name?

I'm so sorry 'cause I
don't know what you mean.

- Don't you?
- Hey, hey, hey, easy Hardcrack,

easy.

Sorry about that Mabel's mom.

Let's try something different.

We've got some photos here of
other parents in the park,

maybe that'll help jog your memory.

Okay.

- Who's this lady?
- Gene's mom.

And who's this man?

Ah, Charlotte's dad.

- And what do they call you?
- Mabel's mom.

- Ah.
- No! No.

You had a name

and you had a separate identity

before you became a parent.

Now, who are you!?

- Mabel's mom.
- No! Who are you?

- Mabel's mom!
- Ah.

DETECTIVE DAZIEL: Give it up Hardcrack,

this goes deeper than we thought.

All these parents have
lost their identity.

No, I won't give up,

who are you!?

Mabel's mom!

Okay.

Let's try this a different way.

Are you married, ma'am?

Yes.

When you're in bed at night

with your husband and you're having sex

and you're feeling good

and he starts to get
there, what does he yell?

Ah, oh, oh, oh, don't stop,

oh God, oh God, don't stop,

oh, oh, Mabel's mom!

Shit!

Cut her loose.

Mabel's dad just showed up

with Mabel's mom's lawyer.

Ugh.

CHIEF: You're, um,

you're free to go, ma'am.

Could you please call me Mabel's mom.

DETECTIVE HARDCRACK: This
isn't over Mabel's mom,

this is not over!

Hey, give it up,

do you want to go away again?

You're right,

you always keep me so grounded.

Absolutely true.

I mean, Diane is trying to make
a point over here everybody.

Thank you. Thank you.

It's just that the system is
totally rigged against us,

it's not individual, it's the system.

Well you have to want
to neglect the issue.

It's a well known fact
that women make 22% less

than men in the workforce.

- Twenty-two percent.
- It should be well known.

JANEANE: It's not well
known and if it is

I think people pretend they don't know.

But maybe, maybe they're
just doing different jobs.

Are you kidding me right now?

[VOICES IN UNIFIED OBJECTION]

It's across the board,

it's all jobs, it's all fields.

JANEANE: And women with advanced degrees

still make less than men
with Bachelor's degrees.

And it's way worse for women
of colour, way worse.

Good point, Jenn, good point.

Yeah, I-I-I know.

TEAM LEADER: Okay, whoa whoa whoa.

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

If what you're all saying is true

then, um, looks like Todd over here

needs to get a raise.

I'm just looking over
your pay scale here and

you're only making 12%
more than-than Sharon.

So...

- Well that's absurd.
- Yeah.

? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ?

? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ?

WOMAN IN BLUE: This place is gorgeous,

like how did you get it?

WOMAN IN WHITE: I made this vision board

and within two years

I had manifested a boyfriend,

this house, a new car

and a pile of cash from
my fantastic new job.

Did you-did you get
that snazzy red blazer?

Oh, no I didn't, no.

Bit of a fail then, no?

[IN UNISON] Mhm.

Yeah.

They all agree, it's
just a bit of a fail.

Hey, listen to me, listen to me,

this is-this is now bordering
on the ridiculous,

your client's testimony
is spurious at best.

Alright, let me say it
for the first time,

you don't have a leg to stand on.

So, I think we all know what that means.

Well then, I guess we'll
see you in court.

I guess I'll see

you in court.

- Yeah, that's what we just said.
- Mhm.

Well then that's where I'm gonna see ya,

in court.

Yes.

Did you want to share a cab

- or something or?
- Oh my...

To the courthouse?

- Where I'm gonna see ya?
- [IN UNISON] Yeah.

No, thanks.

Because I'm gonna see
ya when we get there

so I'll see ya in court.

Okay, well, we've got
to get there quickly.

So we're going to get a cab

and we will see you in court.

Not if I see you there first.

Why do you have a faster
route to get there?

Maybe I do, maybe I don't.

Which one is it?

- You do the math.
- What math?

The math you're gonna have to do

when we eventually get to court.

- We just need to get to court.
- Right.

We don't have to do
math to get to court.

- Don't you?
- You can take any transportation whatsoever.

We could actually even walk it.

- Ridiculous.
- You're going to walk to court?

Good luck to you, sir.

I'll see ya in court.

The court I'm gonna see you in,

is called court.

- After you.
- Nooo, after you.

Well I'm holding the door so.

No. Right, so I'm just gonna step ahead

and you're going to walk through it

and I'm going to go after
you on our way to court.

- That's right.
- It's not a trick.

- Okay.
- It's not a trick.

Look at me I'm walking.

- There she goes.
- There we go.

[ARGUMENTATIVE CROSS TALK]

For the record, I'm not out the door.

No, after you, after you, after you.

No, you're through the door already.

Let's just go. Let's just go.

LAWYER 2: You do the math.

I knew I shouldn't have hired a lawyer

whose ad I saw in a bus shelter.

I met mine in the shelter
where I've been staying.

Oh God, Larry,

Larry.

[SUSPENSEFUL INSTRUMENTAL]

?

Alright, gather around people.

Fall in. Here we go.

Fugitive is this man,

Mr. Matthew Albert Right

he's been on the run for
about four hours now

which gives us a search radius

of approximately fifteen miles.

Does anyone have any ideas

on how to find Mr. Right?

Yeah, uh, be open minded,

try and step out of your comfort zone.

OFFICER 2: Be yourself,

always be yourself.

I don't think that's going to work

in this particular circumstance.
Anyone else?

Some people find Mr. Right online.

Shut up, rookie,

we're looking for Mr. Right,

not Mr. Right now.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, okay, other ideas? Yeah.

Join a club or take a class.

Never works

and I have the pottery to prove it.

OFFICER 2: Use the law of attraction,

Mr. Right will manifest.

CHIEF: No, next.

ROOKIE: Hey-hey, Chief,

I found him.

OFFICER 2: Oh, see we
stop looking for him

and then Mr. Right shows up

when you least expect it, huh.

[CHUCKLES]

He's dead.

[IN UNISON] Ahhhhhh.

CHIEF: Figures, all the good ones

are either married or gay or dead.

Alright, gather 'round ladies,

I'm gonna teach ya how to bag a man.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Repair and Synchronization by
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