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1
00:00:00,739 --> 00:00:03,307
♪
2
00:00:03,351 --> 00:00:06,745
So, Danuta, you still haven't
said how you and Marco met.
3
00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:09,052
Oh, no. [chuckles] Here we go.
4
00:00:09,096 --> 00:00:12,751
Well, Marco here is
the reigning champion
5
00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:16,146
on a certain quiz show
on Langley Public Radio.
6
00:00:16,190 --> 00:00:18,018
Oh, you mean Oo Oo, I Know That?
7
00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:19,323
A-ding ding dong.
8
00:00:19,367 --> 00:00:20,977
When they asked him
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,979
who his favorite
philosopher was,
10
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:26,722
he said, "I Kant remember."
11
00:00:26,765 --> 00:00:28,593
His wit was bone-dry,
12
00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:31,074
but I was quite the opposite.
13
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,163
[laughter]
14
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:37,080
Okay, soup.
This time... you're mine.
15
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:42,259
Ow! That sneaky stuff just falls
off the spoon so fast!
16
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,957
Babe, remember,
flip your spoon over
17
00:00:45,001 --> 00:00:46,437
so it's like a little bowl.
18
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:47,438
Ohhhhh!
19
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,614
Like a little soup bowl
20
00:00:49,658 --> 00:00:51,094
- on a stick!
- On a stick.
21
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:52,791
Yes, Jeff. Very good, Jeff.
22
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,619
And how did you two meet?
23
00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:57,579
Oh, it's so hard to recall.
24
00:00:57,622 --> 00:01:00,451
I fell into the touch tank
at the aquarium!
25
00:01:00,495 --> 00:01:01,974
Hayley pulled me out.
26
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:03,541
Oh, that's right.
27
00:01:03,585 --> 00:01:05,326
We're actually going
to a benefit
28
00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,110
at the aquarium
with Johanna this...
29
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:09,199
Johanna Gurney-Schaffner?!
30
00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:11,593
The host of This Way or That
on Langley Public Radio?!
31
00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:12,985
Wha...?! You hang out with her?!
32
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:15,205
Oh, she's a dear friend.
33
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:17,294
We actually went to the new
Almódovar film with her
34
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:18,426
just last night.
35
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,950
Unngh! Have you seen it?
36
00:01:20,993 --> 00:01:23,996
Oh, I really wanted to,
but Jeff kinda likes to watch
37
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,607
the same movie over and over,
38
00:01:25,650 --> 00:01:27,565
so right now most nights
we're watching
39
00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:30,177
The Land Before Time:
The Secret of Saurus Rock.
40
00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:32,701
Hayley has to explain
a lot of it to me,
41
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:35,182
but I'm this close
to understanding
42
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:37,097
that dragons
couldn't actually talk.
43
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,359
Dinosaurs.
44
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:40,709
"Dino-snaurs."
45
00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:43,799
[patriotic music plays]
46
00:01:43,842 --> 00:01:46,149
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
47
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:50,153
♪ I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
48
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:53,243
♪ The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ♪
49
00:01:53,287 --> 00:01:57,073
♪ And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ♪
50
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:02,644
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
51
00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:04,776
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
52
00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:05,908
Aah!
53
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:10,782
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
54
00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,393
[crickets chirping]
55
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:14,003
[Hayley and Jeff
moaning and giggling]
56
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,439
HAYLEY: Ohh! Ooohhh!
57
00:02:15,483 --> 00:02:17,398
Mmmmmm... Marco!
58
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,703
JEFF: Polo!
59
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,488
- HAYLEY: What?
- JEFF: What?
60
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:23,186
Wait just one minute.
61
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,928
[gasps]
You were thinking about
62
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:27,886
Danuta's smarty-pants boyfriend!
63
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:29,758
Jeff, I love you. I just...
64
00:02:29,801 --> 00:02:31,934
I can't even remember
the last time
65
00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:34,023
we had an intelligent
conversation about anything!
66
00:02:34,066 --> 00:02:36,852
We talked for hours
about Mad Men!
67
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,680
Because I had to keep explaining
68
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:40,203
that you didn't
have to be scared,
69
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,162
because the men
weren't mad at you!
70
00:02:42,205 --> 00:02:43,748
Well, maybe you should
watch it with Narco.
71
00:02:43,772 --> 00:02:45,687
- Marco.
- Polo!
72
00:02:45,730 --> 00:02:47,036
Oh, my God!
Why are you so dumb?!
73
00:02:47,079 --> 00:02:48,733
[yelps]
74
00:02:48,777 --> 00:02:51,519
Jeff, I'm sorry.
I-I just got frustrated.
75
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:53,651
- Where are you going?
- Out!
76
00:02:53,695 --> 00:02:54,957
Jeff, those are my pants.
77
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,569
I know!
I happen to, um...
78
00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:01,746
like the way
they make my butt look!
79
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:03,357
[squishing]
80
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,708
KLAUS:
Jeff! Lookin' good!
81
00:03:06,751 --> 00:03:09,319
[melancholy music plays]
82
00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:13,671
Oh, man, what if Hayley leaves
me because I'm too dumb for her?
83
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,630
Who's gonna tie my shoes?!
84
00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,980
[whistles] Hey. Jeffy-boy!
85
00:03:18,023 --> 00:03:19,982
What up, man?
Little moonlight stroll?
86
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:22,637
Mr. S?
Why are you out so late?
87
00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,379
Collectin' critters.
Dr. Weitzman needs animals
88
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:27,598
for a new experiment
he's doing at the CIA.
89
00:03:27,642 --> 00:03:29,209
The agent
that brings in the most
90
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,211
gets to go to McDonald's
in a limo!
91
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:32,995
Whoa!
92
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,563
Say, Roger was helping me,
but he quit on me.
93
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:38,043
Got bit trying to nab
a copperhead snake and just went
94
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,481
straight to the emergency room,
like a quitter.
95
00:03:40,524 --> 00:03:41,524
You wanna help me out?
96
00:03:42,396 --> 00:03:43,919
[possum squeaks]
97
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:46,791
Mr. S, can I talk to you
about something?
98
00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:48,116
- Not if I turn on the radio!
- [switch clicks]
99
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,359
♪
100
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:51,405
- [gasps] Critter!
- [tires screech]
101
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,146
JOHANNA GURNEY-SCHAFFNER:
This Way or That is made possible
102
00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:56,124
by the Arthur and Elaine T.
McKennon Foundation...
103
00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:57,691
STAN [grunting]:
Get back here, you little...
104
00:03:57,715 --> 00:03:59,282
...creating
a brighter generation
105
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:00,849
through the power
of public radio...
106
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:01,980
STAN:
You're coming with me.
107
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,722
...and SmutPile.com.
108
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,550
Check it out. Stray dog.
109
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,160
[man shouting indistinctly]
110
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:10,032
Can you change the station?
111
00:04:10,075 --> 00:04:13,296
This is that Jo-hannis
Grundy ShniffShnaff lady
112
00:04:13,340 --> 00:04:15,167
Hayley loves so much.
113
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:17,474
Ugh! Yeah, I hate
this nerd shit, too.
114
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,955
That nerd Francine
must've been driving my car.
115
00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:22,392
- Let's listen to some Stern!
- [beep]
116
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,438
DANIEL STERN:
A lotta people don't know this,
117
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:27,789
but I was high every day
of shootingCity Slickers.
118
00:04:27,832 --> 00:04:29,704
I'm of course talking
about Daniel Stern's
119
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:31,706
autobiography on Audible.
120
00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:35,536
Also, Jack Palance
was soooo strong.
121
00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:38,147
♪
122
00:04:38,190 --> 00:04:40,367
Well, Misterrrr...
123
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:41,759
Pastafocaccia.
124
00:04:41,803 --> 00:04:44,501
You seem to have fully recovered
from your snakebite.
125
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:46,460
So that just leaves
the small matter of...
126
00:04:46,503 --> 00:04:48,331
uh, the bill!
127
00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:53,031
Sweet child o' mine!
Why is it so darn much, Doc?!
128
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,382
Because antivenom is scarce.
129
00:04:55,425 --> 00:04:58,428
Yep, if someone
went out right now
130
00:04:58,472 --> 00:05:00,604
and harvested venom
from poisonous snakes,
131
00:05:00,648 --> 00:05:02,650
which is what antivenom
is made from,
132
00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:05,043
they could make
quite the pretty penny.
133
00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:07,655
- Why are you telling me this?
- I'm a doctor!
134
00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:11,267
I'm all about that sweet
mmmmoney-money-money-money...
135
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,313
money-money-money-money
money-money-mmmoney!
136
00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:14,618
Hmmm.
137
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:17,273
"Money, money, money, money,"
you say?
138
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,753
No, like this...
139
00:05:18,796 --> 00:05:20,513
Mmmmoney-money-money-money
money-money-mmmoney!
140
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,800
Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah.
Money-money-money-money!
141
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:24,430
BOTH: Money-money-money-money
money-money-money!
142
00:05:24,454 --> 00:05:27,283
Money-money-money-money
money-money-money-money!
143
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,893
Now Eskimo kisses!
144
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:30,852
Money-money-money-money
money-money-money!
145
00:05:30,895 --> 00:05:33,202
[flashers clicking]
146
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:37,075
Wait here while I run these
bad boys on down to Dr. Dubs.
147
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:39,643
What kind of experiment is
the doctor working on, anyway?
148
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,384
Eh, some kind of
experimental surgery
149
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:43,560
to increase intelligence
or some crap.
150
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,432
[gasps] Do you think
he could do it to me?
151
00:05:45,475 --> 00:05:46,824
Dumb guy like you?
152
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,435
I can see why
you'd be interested.
153
00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:50,350
But he still hasn't perfected
the operation.
154
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:51,501
Most of these animals'll end up
155
00:05:51,525 --> 00:05:53,483
dimmer than an Amish
Christmas tree.
156
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:54,876
[owl screeches]
157
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,661
I like that you screeched
at my joke, wise old owl.
158
00:05:57,705 --> 00:06:00,055
You I might just keep
for myself.
159
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:04,842
Sure is spooky here after dark.
160
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:06,409
[ominous music, wind whooshes]
161
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,063
Aah! Babadook!
162
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:12,372
I wish! It's just stupid old me.
163
00:06:12,415 --> 00:06:14,417
I was making ramen
on my hotplate,
164
00:06:14,461 --> 00:06:16,419
and the dang pot
fell on my head.
165
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:19,030
Oh. Phew!
What are you doing here?
166
00:06:19,074 --> 00:06:20,597
My girlfriend kicked me out!
167
00:06:20,641 --> 00:06:23,774
Aw, that's awful,
Mr. Whoever-You-Are.
168
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:26,386
Take it from me, kid...
don't ever be in a relationship
169
00:06:26,429 --> 00:06:27,996
with someone smarter than you.
170
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,389
It won't last.
171
00:06:31,129 --> 00:06:32,174
[door whooshes open]
172
00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:33,915
Dr. Wishbone...
173
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,831
I'd like to volunteer
for your a-speriment.
174
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,616
Oh, I would love to have
a human test subject,
175
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,445
but you should know
there's a 99% chance
176
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,881
you'll end up brain-dead.
177
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,841
Uhhh, 99 out of a million?
178
00:06:46,884 --> 00:06:50,627
I think I'll take my chances.
179
00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:52,063
[thud]
180
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:55,240
♪
181
00:06:55,284 --> 00:06:56,894
STAN:
Tell you what, Screechy...
182
00:06:56,938 --> 00:07:00,158
maybe the move is to track down
this beautiful sicko.
183
00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:01,856
Score ten dogs at once.
184
00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:03,553
[owl screeches]
185
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:06,077
Dad, have you seen Jeff?
He never came home last night.
186
00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,688
Oh, yeah, he volunteered himself
187
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:10,081
for a deadly experimental
surgery at the CIA.
188
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,736
What?! Why didn't you stop him?!
189
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:14,651
I guess I don't care
whether he lives or dies.
190
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,261
Ughhh!
191
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:19,351
- Hoo!
- Jeff.
192
00:07:19,395 --> 00:07:21,092
[tires screech, glass shatters]
193
00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:25,880
Stop this atrocity at once!
194
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,186
Oh, Hayley!
I'm glad you're here.
195
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:30,624
As Jeff's legal guardian,
you need to sign this release
196
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:32,669
before I can do the operation.
197
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:35,672
You must be suckin'
the glass [bleep] if you think
198
00:07:35,716 --> 00:07:38,632
I am gonna give Jeff permission
to go through with this...
199
00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,677
"Intelligence Enhancement"?
200
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,723
Out of curiosity,
has this worked
201
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,768
on any of your test animals?
202
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:47,728
There's one goose
that's now in Mensa.
203
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,164
[goose honks]
204
00:07:49,207 --> 00:07:51,514
Did I get it right
this time, Doc?
205
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,647
Oh, if it isn't Babe.
206
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,344
Hopefully here to stop me
207
00:07:55,387 --> 00:07:58,086
from doing this
super-dangerous thing.
208
00:07:58,129 --> 00:08:00,958
- He's all yours, Doc!
- Oh.
209
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:03,047
[saw whirring]
210
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,179
♪
211
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,485
[pop!]
212
00:08:05,528 --> 00:08:10,533
♪
213
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,361
[beeping]
214
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:15,712
♪
215
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,764
JEFF [weakly]: H-Hayley?
216
00:08:23,807 --> 00:08:26,636
Dr. Weitzman? Smart Goose?
217
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:28,682
- Did it work?
- Let's find out.
218
00:08:28,725 --> 00:08:30,858
Which of the little people
219
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:34,339
is wearing his hospital gown
correctly?
220
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:36,472
- This one.
- [Hayley and Dr. Weitzman sigh]
221
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:39,083
...seems to have had a bit
of a sartorial snafu.
222
00:08:39,127 --> 00:08:41,129
- Hm?!
- He's taken his "privates"
223
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:43,087
public, so to speak.
224
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,568
One might even call it an IPO...
225
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:48,005
an Ignominious
Penile Ostentation.
226
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,137
[goose honks]
227
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,966
You can honk that again,
Squawky.
228
00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:54,446
Now, he will need
to avoid marijuana,
229
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,666
which could dull the effects
of the procedure.
230
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:59,147
I can also tell you
that is a fake diploma.
231
00:08:59,190 --> 00:09:00,931
He's not wrong!
232
00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:03,586
♪
233
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:06,415
[French accent]
Ah, Mr. Fischer, welcome back!
234
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:09,461
Shall I bring for you
extra children's menus
235
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:12,334
so you may attempt the maze
as many times as you like?
236
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:13,727
Merci, non.
237
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,380
Une bouteille de
Châteauneuf-du-Pape
238
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,295
et du pain pour la table,
s'il vous plaît.
239
00:09:17,339 --> 00:09:19,950
[American accent] You have
exposed my secret shame.
240
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,736
I am not French,
nor do I speak the language.
241
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:25,652
Did Jeff take
a ten-gallon Gingko enema
242
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,002
this morning or what?
'Cause he seems, like,
243
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,960
a billion times smarter
than he used to be.
244
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,962
I know! Isn't it great?
245
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:34,661
Per te, amore mio.
246
00:09:34,704 --> 00:09:36,880
Say what you will about Seurat.
247
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,839
No one can accuse his art
of being...
248
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:39,970
pointless.
249
00:09:41,058 --> 00:09:44,235
That is so witty,
it's almost funny.
250
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,890
You know, Johanna is hosting
a small fundraiser
251
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:49,632
for the McKennon Foundation
at her lake house this weekend.
252
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,591
You guys should come.
253
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:52,592
[shrieks]
254
00:09:52,635 --> 00:09:54,594
As they say in Reykjavík...
255
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:59,729
[speaking Icelandic]
256
00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,426
What he said.
257
00:10:01,470 --> 00:10:03,777
[bird screeching]
258
00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,083
So, by now, Barry's going back
259
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,452
to the Steve Madden
a third time...
260
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:08,912
- [rattling]
- Shh, shh, shut up!
261
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,871
Your story sucks,
and I hear a rattler.
262
00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:12,612
[rattling]
263
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:15,484
Oingo boingo! We got cornbread!
264
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,660
Here. Take some clackers
and work that string bean
265
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:18,984
- on outta there.
- [tongs clack]
266
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,881
What?! Why would I do that?!
267
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,752
Because I'm Chazz Babylon,
268
00:10:22,796 --> 00:10:25,015
Speculative Venom Harvester.
269
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:26,495
And you're my bag man.
270
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,715
You told me you were
Chico Dungaree,
271
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:30,804
Former Twisted Sister Roadie,
272
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,849
and that we were just
going on a nature walk!
273
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,808
Chazz Babylon
is a pathological liar.
274
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,070
Now get clackin'!
275
00:10:36,113 --> 00:10:37,811
I will not!
276
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,726
The world needs antivenom,
Steve.
277
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,858
Think of how many lives
we'll save.
278
00:10:41,902 --> 00:10:44,382
[sighing]
All right. We can try.
279
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:46,689
Okay, now first we gotta
clack him outta that bush.
280
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,473
[tongs clacking]
281
00:10:48,517 --> 00:10:50,345
- [snake hissing]
- Now hold up a second.
282
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:51,955
I wanna make sure
we got a good one.
283
00:10:53,174 --> 00:10:55,089
Ow! It's him!
And he nipped me!
284
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,786
- Oh, my God!
- I got nipped!
285
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,353
Quick, grab his tail!
286
00:10:58,396 --> 00:10:59,702
[screaming]
287
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,139
Ohh, he's mad now!
Oh, he nipped me again!
288
00:11:02,183 --> 00:11:05,142
- I got nipped! You get nipped?
- Ohh! Yow! I got nipped!
289
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:05,926
- I got nipped!
- I'm gettin' nipped!
290
00:11:05,969 --> 00:11:07,318
- Ohh! Ow! Oww!
- Ohh!
291
00:11:07,362 --> 00:11:08,731
I'm gettin' nipped
a whole bunch right now!
292
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:10,365
Ow! Let's bag this sucker!
293
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:12,454
- [screaming]
- Get him in there! Aah!
294
00:11:12,497 --> 00:11:14,499
- I'm trying!
- [both screaming]
295
00:11:14,543 --> 00:11:17,067
[both screaming]
296
00:11:18,199 --> 00:11:19,983
Ah! We did it, Steve.
297
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,333
[Steve screaming, snake biting]
298
00:11:22,377 --> 00:11:24,161
Oh, my God.
299
00:11:24,205 --> 00:11:26,947
He doesn't have his clackers.
He's doomed!
300
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,165
[Steve screaming]
301
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:30,559
[Vivaldi's Spring plays]
302
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,953
Wife. Noun.
303
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,782
A woman who regrets a decision.
304
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,741
[laughter, fingers snapping]
305
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,091
What then of "husband"?
306
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,354
The man who begets her derision.
307
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:44,791
[laughter]
308
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:48,708
More snaps! More snaps for you!
309
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:51,188
Jeff, we simply have to have you
310
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,364
as a contestant on
Oo Oo, I Know That.
311
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:55,236
Johanna's going to be
a guest panelist.
312
00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:56,933
What do you say, Johanna?
313
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,152
Certainly.
314
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,284
So long as he helps me
with this devil
315
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:02,460
of a New Yorker caption contest.
316
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,375
Any suggestions?
317
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:05,899
JEFF: Hmm.
318
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,249
How about,
"I've heard of a bull market,
319
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:09,903
but this is ridiculous"?
320
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:11,382
[laughter]
321
00:12:11,426 --> 00:12:15,560
Or, "Of course on the day
I wear my red tie."
322
00:12:15,604 --> 00:12:19,347
Or, "Everybody has been
saying the new guy is horny."
323
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,349
"Think that belt
is real leather?"
324
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:23,612
"I heard this place
had fresh beef,
325
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:25,919
but this is ridiculous!"
326
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:28,573
[laughter continues]
327
00:12:28,617 --> 00:12:30,227
Now you do one, babe.
328
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:34,057
Uhhhhhhh...
329
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:37,539
Business... bull?
330
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:39,125
- Ugh. That's just...
- That doesn't quite connect.
331
00:12:39,149 --> 00:12:40,629
- Nice try, but...
- Very, very bad.
332
00:12:40,672 --> 00:12:41,978
[crickets chirping]
333
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,719
[snoring]
334
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:45,852
[ominous music plays]
335
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,725
[choking]
336
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,510
What th... A weed gummy?!
337
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:55,122
You know that could affect
my treatment!
338
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,515
Oh, my God!
A-Are you trying to...
339
00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:59,343
sabotage me?!
340
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,824
ALEXA: Playing "Rabbitage"
by Weird Al.
341
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,608
♪ I'll nab cabbage ♪
342
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,349
- Alexa, off!
- ♪ And do my da... ♪
343
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,656
You know,
Johanna was right about you.
344
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:10,093
You are pathologically insecure!
345
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:13,009
Wh... You've been talking
to Johanna about us?
346
00:13:13,053 --> 00:13:15,533
First you risk my life
to make me smarter,
347
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:18,449
now you nearly kill me
trying to dumb me back down?!
348
00:13:18,493 --> 00:13:20,016
I'm sorry, Jeff!
349
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:22,212
I-I was scared you were getting
too smart for me and...
350
00:13:22,236 --> 00:13:23,846
But I should thank you.
351
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,935
Because now that I am smart,
352
00:13:25,979 --> 00:13:29,417
I finally see what
a selfish person you are.
353
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:31,332
No, Jeff, please don't see that!
354
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:32,768
I never cared you weren't
355
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:35,292
the most erudite person
in the world.
356
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:39,557
But I can't be with someone
who's downright flagitious!
357
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,646
[gasps]
358
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,170
[door slams]
359
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:45,259
- F-L...
- It means "villainous"!
360
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:47,827
- I know what it means!
- [door slams]
361
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:52,875
♪
362
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,877
Well, Screechy, he did it.
363
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,531
He won the Tournament
of Champions.
364
00:13:56,574 --> 00:13:57,662
Hoo.
365
00:13:57,706 --> 00:13:59,621
Don't make me say his name,
Screech.
366
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,841
Hayley, honey?
367
00:14:01,884 --> 00:14:04,408
The ice-cream truck
just came by.
368
00:14:04,452 --> 00:14:07,759
I got you one of those
[bleep]-up Sonic the Hedgehogs.
369
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,849
[sighs] Thanks, Mom.
370
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,589
You've just seemed so sad
371
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:14,157
these last few months
since Jeff left.
372
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:15,811
No, we've both moved on.
373
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,682
He's with Johanna now,
374
00:14:17,726 --> 00:14:21,338
and I'm happy
with my new boyfriend ...ron.
375
00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:24,037
Dahhh! Hey, Hayley! Lookit!
376
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,953
I knocked it right outta
its nest with a rock
377
00:14:26,996 --> 00:14:29,564
from all the way a long ways!
378
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:31,218
Like, ungh!
379
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:34,134
Myron! You're gonna get
West Nile again!
380
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:36,919
Aww! You got a Sonic bar?!
Gimme!
381
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,442
[munching]
382
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,488
Let's go to the old tire factory
383
00:14:40,531 --> 00:14:42,882
and whip this bird
against the big rock!
384
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:44,405
[chuckles and grunts]
385
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,015
[chuckling]
386
00:14:46,059 --> 00:14:47,408
[sighs]
387
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:52,761
I wish Stan would
take me places.
388
00:14:52,804 --> 00:14:55,024
- Waaaaah! Rock-throw!
- [glass shatters]
389
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,678
Million points!
390
00:14:56,721 --> 00:14:59,507
Hey, Hayley! You see that?
[laughs]
391
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:01,335
Yes, Myron. Very good, Myron.
392
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:04,381
♪ I'll nab cabbage and... ♪
393
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:06,731
Gouda Tenuta, what's nuts?
394
00:15:06,775 --> 00:15:09,082
Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down.
395
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,953
Marco's been missing
for how long?
396
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,566
Listen, I've been doing
a lot of research.
397
00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:17,960
Every male winner of
the Tournament of Champions
398
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:20,397
has gone missing
a few weeks later.
399
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,747
And it has something to do
with the McKennon Foundation.
400
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:25,272
Oh, Hayley, conspiracy theories
401
00:15:25,315 --> 00:15:27,709
are the refuge
of the dispossessed.
402
00:15:27,752 --> 00:15:29,798
Kava root ristretto?
[slurps]
403
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:32,975
Jeff, please. I think you
may be in some kind of danger.
404
00:15:33,019 --> 00:15:34,716
Only of losing my patience!
405
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,979
Clearly,
you've transmuted your guilt
406
00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:38,676
over destroying our relationship
407
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,678
into this absurd fairy tale.
408
00:15:40,722 --> 00:15:44,117
Well, enough.
It is over between us.
409
00:15:46,815 --> 00:15:48,599
[Myron panting]
410
00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:52,908
♪
411
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,736
Forget about her, lover.
412
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:58,174
A brighter future awaits us.
413
00:15:58,218 --> 00:16:00,307
Let's play at puns.
414
00:16:00,350 --> 00:16:03,005
"Air Hare." Ten letters.
415
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,876
Hmm. Kite Rabbit?
416
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,054
Close.
But the answer is actually...
417
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:09,925
- Ether bunny!
- [muffled scream]
418
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:14,451
Come now, Jeff. Destiny calls.
419
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:17,541
[door bangs]
420
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,109
Wakey, wakey! Milk some snakeys!
421
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,807
Time to get out there again,
right back on the horse.
422
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:23,983
Clack clack clack!
423
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:26,463
You must be suckin'
the glass [bleep]
424
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,552
if you think
I'm going back out with you.
425
00:16:28,596 --> 00:16:30,250
You were never out
to save lives.
426
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,991
You just wanted to make money.
427
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,533
It may have started out
being about the money,
428
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:34,950
but not anymore.
429
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:36,908
Well, maybe a little.
I did sink quite a bit
430
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:38,954
into having
all these T-shirts made.
431
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:42,218
But otherwise,
now it's all about saving lives.
432
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:45,265
I won't rest
until every snakebite victim
433
00:16:45,308 --> 00:16:46,875
has the antivenom they need!
434
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:49,225
- [snake hisses]
- Aah!
435
00:16:49,269 --> 00:16:50,661
[ploink!]
436
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:51,749
- Aah!
- [ploink!]
437
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:56,319
- Aah!
- [ploink!]
438
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,321
- Aah! Aah!
- [ploink! ploink!]
439
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:00,584
[ploink! ploink! ploink!
ploink! ploink!]
440
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:01,933
- [snake hisses]
- Aah!
441
00:17:01,977 --> 00:17:04,066
I'm afraid
you've single-handedly
442
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,851
depleted the world's
entire supply of antivenom.
443
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:09,941
Many have died,
and now you will, too.
444
00:17:09,985 --> 00:17:12,596
Clack's all... folks.
445
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,728
[monitor flatlines]
446
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:16,165
[gasps] My Chazz!
447
00:17:16,209 --> 00:17:17,819
Noooooooo!
448
00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,168
[Jeff groans]
449
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:22,998
[gasps]
The Meisterzucht awakes!
450
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:24,652
Wh-Where am I?
451
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:28,047
At the threshold of a new age.
452
00:17:28,090 --> 00:17:29,396
Welcome...
453
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:32,181
to the McKennon Foundation!
454
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:34,140
Why are you doing this?!
455
00:17:34,183 --> 00:17:37,012
Why, to create
a brighter generation,
456
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:40,711
free of dumdums,
dingdongs, and dingalings.
457
00:17:40,755 --> 00:17:43,627
We use Oo Oo, I Know That
458
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:47,109
to identify intellects
of the highest genetic caliber,
459
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,633
then harvest their seed to be...
460
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:51,461
disseminated...
461
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:53,289
[laughter]
462
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:56,379
Pun uh-very much intended.
[chuckles]
463
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:59,556
...to fertility clinics
the world over!
464
00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:04,735
And you, Jeff, you are
the most smartest one of all!
465
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:06,476
Der Meisterzucht!
466
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,739
The Master Stud!
467
00:18:08,783 --> 00:18:10,567
Commence milking!
468
00:18:10,611 --> 00:18:12,874
[clang, machinery whirring]
469
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:15,181
[men screaming]
470
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:17,226
Yaaaaaaawwww! You might think
this would feel good,
471
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:19,533
but it's agonyyyyyy!
472
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,056
[screaming]
473
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,537
[scream fades]
474
00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,016
[whirring stops]
475
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:27,715
Ready the Meisterzucht
for harvest!
476
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:30,500
Wait! No! No! Listen!
My genes are useless to you.
477
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:33,286
My intelligence stems
from biomedical intervention!
478
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,940
Uh, you don't think we already
tried that old chestnut...
479
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:38,160
- [machinery clangs]
- My balls!
480
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:41,424
Milk the Meisterzucht!
481
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:44,079
♪
482
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,474
Yah, Myron! Yah!
483
00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:48,779
♪
484
00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:51,130
Myron! Attack!
485
00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:53,175
Rock! Bird! Bird!
486
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:54,481
- Rock! Rat!
- [grunting]
487
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,004
[all shouting]
488
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:58,180
Let's get outta here.
489
00:18:58,224 --> 00:19:04,099
♪
490
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,274
[banging]
491
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:06,884
You came for me.
492
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:09,452
Even though it means
now you'll die, too.
493
00:19:09,496 --> 00:19:10,801
What can I say?
494
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:13,108
I think my problem
all along has been,
495
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:17,068
when it comes to you,
I'm just a great big dummy.
496
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,418
[banging continues,
man shouting]
497
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:19,941
We gotta think of a way
out of here.
498
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:21,832
But those are some of
the most intelligent people
499
00:19:21,856 --> 00:19:23,031
in the world out there.
500
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,598
We'll never outsmart them!
501
00:19:24,641 --> 00:19:27,601
No. But we may be able
to outstupid them.
502
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:30,386
I need to be dumb again,
so I can think up a plan
503
00:19:30,430 --> 00:19:32,693
so stupid
they could never expect it.
504
00:19:32,736 --> 00:19:35,043
How?! We don't have any weed!
505
00:19:35,086 --> 00:19:38,264
The answer's as easy
as autolobotomy.
506
00:19:38,307 --> 00:19:41,658
[squishing]
507
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,486
[pop]
508
00:19:43,530 --> 00:19:46,924
Have you ever wondered
what the colors on maps mean?
509
00:19:46,968 --> 00:19:49,057
They gotta mean something.
510
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,146
Quick, what's your stupid plan?
511
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,845
Since Vaseline is clear,
512
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:57,021
once we cover ourselves in it...
513
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:59,720
...we become absolutely,
514
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:02,549
one-million-percent invisible.
515
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:05,508
Oh, wow. This is stupid.
516
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,423
Seize them!
517
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:08,903
♪
518
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:11,122
- [squishing]
- Ugh!
519
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:12,646
[squishing]
520
00:20:12,689 --> 00:20:15,301
Uch! They're too damn slippery!
521
00:20:15,344 --> 00:20:17,477
- [squish]
- Whoo!
522
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,696
[alarm blaring,
machinery clanking]
523
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:23,570
♪
524
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:26,921
[gasps] The Spank Tank!
525
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:29,053
All our precious seed!
526
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:38,541
♪
527
00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,500
CARTOON DINOSAUR:
C'mon, Snugglesaurus.
528
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:43,154
We can still make it
to the Great Valley.
529
00:20:43,198 --> 00:20:44,330
You know what I'm wondering?
530
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,114
If we maybe should've
tried to save
531
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,463
those other men
in that basement?
532
00:20:47,507 --> 00:20:48,769
No.
533
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:51,119
Do you think all the dino-snaurs
stayed friends
534
00:20:51,162 --> 00:20:52,947
when they were done
shooting the movie?
535
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,906
Babe, don't ever change.
536
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,865
Have a great night!
537
00:20:57,915 --> 00:21:02,465
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