All language subtitles for A Black Lady Sketch Show s02e01 But the Tilapias Are Fine Though.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,009 --> 00:00:02,220 [tv static drones] 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,219 [bright tone] 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,179 [birds singing] 4 00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:12,060 - Oh, you thought a pandemic was gonna stop me? 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,169 Start up that Spike Lee dolly shot 6 00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:15,140 'cause I've been silent for too long. 7 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,059 [Run-DMC's "Down With The King"] 8 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:18,160 That's right, it's me, 9 00:00:18,179 --> 00:00:21,149 Dr. Haddassah Olayinka Ali-Youngman. 10 00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:24,010 Google me, then throw your smartphone in the trash. 11 00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:25,129 It's making you stupid. 12 00:00:25,149 --> 00:00:26,230 See, see, see, 13 00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:29,070 5G was created to infiltrate our brains 14 00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:31,210 with the Devil's propaganda-- TikTok. 15 00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:35,009 Ticktock, you're wasting your fertile years on the 'Gram. 16 00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:37,210 The only five Gs I recognize is "Da 5 Bloods." 17 00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:39,200 Five triumphant Black men 18 00:00:39,219 --> 00:00:42,200 going back to steal the oppressor's gold from Asia. 19 00:00:42,219 --> 00:00:44,189 Meanwhile, in this country, 20 00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,200 the only way five Black men can gather 21 00:00:46,219 --> 00:00:48,109 is if they're playing basketball. 22 00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:50,000 I reject Verzuz. 23 00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:52,060 Why would I ever celebrate our Black icons 24 00:00:52,079 --> 00:00:53,119 battling each other? 25 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,109 News flash-- it's us versus them. 26 00:00:56,130 --> 00:00:58,070 You know who "them" is. 27 00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,200 And why so many Zs in Verzuz? 28 00:00:59,219 --> 00:01:01,189 They're trying to put us to sleep! 29 00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:02,189 If you cut a dollar bill in half, 30 00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:04,150 you know what you'll find on the inside? 31 00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:05,189 A blond hair. 32 00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:07,189 Now, they didn't put Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill 33 00:01:07,209 --> 00:01:10,180 because they don't want our dollars to be free. 34 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,140 Think about it. Tubman breaks down to tub man. 35 00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:15,230 They don't wash their legs. 36 00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,109 Stevie Wonder's not blind. 37 00:01:17,129 --> 00:01:19,099 He was just sick of looking at white people. 38 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,140 White people wouldn't know a racial reckoning 39 00:01:21,159 --> 00:01:24,170 if it pulled up in a Volvo with a kayak on the roof. 40 00:01:24,189 --> 00:01:27,200 See, see, see, the real racial reckoning 41 00:01:27,219 --> 00:01:29,230 will be when Black people are reinstated 42 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,039 to our true place in society-- 43 00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:33,200 "106 & Park." 44 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:35,170 I'm not worried about coronavirus. 45 00:01:35,189 --> 00:01:37,120 See, see, see, see, see, see, see, 46 00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:39,009 white people are the pandemic 47 00:01:39,030 --> 00:01:40,150 for which we'll never have a vaccine. 48 00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:41,189 But y'all don't hear me. 49 00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:43,049 Maybe I have to rap it to you 50 00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,210 to get you to understand the true learning. 51 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,099 ♪ Construct is a race ♪ 52 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,060 ♪ Not the other way and back again ♪ 53 00:01:48,079 --> 00:01:50,009 ♪ You stupid with a saggy face ♪ 54 00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:51,109 ♪ 'Cause you ain't got no collagen ♪ 55 00:01:51,129 --> 00:01:52,150 Bars. 56 00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,129 Now enough with this dolly. It's making me dizzy. 57 00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:56,150 Where is this thing airing--HBO? 58 00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,200 What's that stand for, he bought and oppressed us? 59 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,180 [scoffs] Terrible name for a network. 60 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,159 - ♪ Here's a little story 'bout a raw-ass bitch ♪ 61 00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:04,150 ♪ That'll take yo' man like she take that dick ♪ 62 00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:06,170 ♪ She got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one ♪ 63 00:02:06,189 --> 00:02:08,080 ♪ She like strapped street niggas ♪ 64 00:02:08,099 --> 00:02:09,120 ♪ Who gon' run them funds ♪ 65 00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:11,210 ♪ I got a gang of bitches who gon' see 'bout me ♪ 66 00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:14,039 ♪ Quick to run up in your shit, ho, one, two, three ♪ 67 00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:16,110 ♪ Selling out 'bout me, I still remain untouched ♪ 68 00:02:16,129 --> 00:02:18,210 ♪ I just walk through them hos and drop my nuts ♪ 69 00:02:18,229 --> 00:02:21,079 ♪ Your baby daddy fell in love, I just wanted to fuck ♪ 70 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,139 ♪ I just wanted the cash, all he wanted was us ♪ 71 00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:25,219 ♪ Take a blunt to the face while he rubbing my butt ♪ 72 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,039 ♪ Countin' money in my panties ♪ 73 00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,039 ♪ That shit give me rush ♪ 74 00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,180 ♪ And be like ♪ 75 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:30,170 ♪ Go, girl, wit' yo' fine ass ♪ 76 00:02:30,189 --> 00:02:31,229 ♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪ 77 00:02:32,009 --> 00:02:33,120 ♪ Bitch, you bad with your fine ass ♪ 78 00:02:33,139 --> 00:02:35,090 ♪ Go, girl, with your fine ass ♪ 79 00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:36,170 ♪ Make a mess, leave 'em pressed ♪ 80 00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,079 ♪ You the best wit' yo fine ass ♪ 81 00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:39,199 ♪ Go, girl, with your fine ass ♪ 82 00:02:39,219 --> 00:02:40,229 ♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪ 83 00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:42,129 ♪ Bitch, you bad with your fine azz ♪ 84 00:02:42,150 --> 00:02:44,159 [cork thuds, music stops] 85 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,030 ♪ Fly with it, vibe with it ♪ 86 00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:50,219 ♪ Talk to your homegirl, high-five with me ♪ 87 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,110 ♪ Let me see you do it ♪ 88 00:02:54,079 --> 00:02:56,020 [overlapping angry crosstalk] 89 00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:58,110 - Ladies, enough! 90 00:02:58,129 --> 00:03:02,000 It is far too early for us to be losing our minds. 91 00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:05,000 We have to look out for each other. 92 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:08,180 We have to have each other's backs. 93 00:03:08,199 --> 00:03:11,180 We're all we got. It's just us. 94 00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,120 [doorbell rings] Oh. 95 00:03:13,139 --> 00:03:16,120 [suspenseful music] 96 00:03:16,139 --> 00:03:21,129 ♪ ♪ 97 00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:24,009 - Before Kevin cut the phone! - It's just a phone! 98 00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,170 - Fuck you! 99 00:03:25,189 --> 00:03:26,189 - When you sent us a Facebook invite 100 00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:28,050 to the end of the world, 101 00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:30,030 I did not think that you would be right. 102 00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,150 - Bottoms up, hos. all: Cheers! 103 00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,219 - Ginuwine was... all: On the gurney! 104 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,030 - Yes! - Yaas! 105 00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:35,189 - [grunts] - Clear! 106 00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:38,150 - Y'all dildo-to-alcohol ratio is all off. 107 00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:39,229 - You all have me to thank. - [laughs] 108 00:03:40,009 --> 00:03:41,180 - What is wrong with you people? 109 00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:45,009 I am the only one who had a plan! 110 00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:47,030 I am the-- 111 00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,150 - Is she dead? - Robin? Please get up. 112 00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:49,210 [doorbell rings] 113 00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,150 - You had me muted on twerk. 114 00:03:51,170 --> 00:03:53,050 - Robin, wake up. 115 00:03:53,069 --> 00:03:55,060 [school bell rings] 116 00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:58,219 [school bell rings] 117 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,009 [school bell ringing] 118 00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,069 - Wake up, girl. How you gonna pass out? 119 00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,159 Laci, do you know CPR? 120 00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,199 - No, but I know P90X. 121 00:04:08,219 --> 00:04:09,229 - That is not helpful. 122 00:04:10,009 --> 00:04:12,060 - Okay, Robin. Get up. 123 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,150 It's time to toast. 124 00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,180 We just survived the end of the world! 125 00:04:15,199 --> 00:04:18,220 - I know. Thanks to my fortified house. 126 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,079 But that was yesterday. 127 00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,189 - No, thanks to Skye's fortified warehouse. 128 00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:26,040 - Today. Just now. 129 00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:27,209 - What? 130 00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:30,040 The fuck? 131 00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:33,029 [bassy dramatic music] 132 00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:39,000 [suspenseful music] 133 00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:41,120 ♪ ♪ 134 00:04:41,139 --> 00:04:43,110 - I thought I'd be driving a nice car, 135 00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:44,110 you know what I'm saying? 136 00:04:44,129 --> 00:04:45,230 Married to my fantasy man 137 00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:48,090 and live in a mansion with a bathtub big enough 138 00:04:48,110 --> 00:04:50,079 that my knees and my titties can be underwater 139 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,209 at the same time. 140 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,009 Instead, I ended up smelling like hot grease 141 00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:55,170 married to a man whose beard doesn't connect 142 00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:57,220 and having nine very ugly children. 143 00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,180 - [Caribbean accent] Well, nine for now. 144 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,100 - I rebuke that. 145 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,050 Why has my life turned out so wack, Psychic Zabrina? 146 00:05:04,069 --> 00:05:07,060 [dramatic music] - Ah... 147 00:05:07,079 --> 00:05:09,100 [ethereal shimmering] Hmm... 148 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,129 do you remember playing a game of MASH 149 00:05:12,149 --> 00:05:18,199 March 26, 1996 with LaDonna Deladio? 150 00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:21,029 - MASH? No, what are you-- 151 00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:25,000 - You and LaDonna sealed your future 152 00:05:25,019 --> 00:05:29,209 the day you used the gel pen to circle your fates. 153 00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:31,160 ♪ ♪ 154 00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:33,060 - [gasps] - See? 155 00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:37,090 S is for the living in shack with nine kids. 156 00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:41,019 - Oh, that's me. - And driving a... 157 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,110 [American accent] Ford Pinto? 158 00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:45,009 - Mm-hmm. - Girl, pick a struggle. 159 00:05:45,029 --> 00:05:46,029 - Yeah-- - [Caribbean accent] Wait. 160 00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:49,129 - Oh, what? - Oh... 161 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,019 this is troubling. 162 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,170 - What--what--what--what is it? 163 00:05:52,189 --> 00:05:55,090 - It seems that LaDonna 164 00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:58,090 tragically miscounted. 165 00:05:58,110 --> 00:06:00,040 - That girl was always trash at math. 166 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,209 You know she tried to tell me 167 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,129 that trigonometry was just slang for three niggas? 168 00:06:03,149 --> 00:06:07,089 - You must find her and replay the game, 169 00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:10,089 for she is the only reason 170 00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:13,170 you are not pushing a Lambo. 171 00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:16,180 - I knew I was meant to be opening my doors like this, 172 00:06:16,199 --> 00:06:19,040 not like this. 173 00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:20,079 [grunts] 174 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,019 Aah! 175 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,000 [engine backfires] 176 00:06:24,019 --> 00:06:26,199 [dramatic music] 177 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,110 LaDonna, LaDonna! [car door opens] 178 00:06:29,129 --> 00:06:33,029 Hey, it's me! Salina Duplass, your bestie from middle school! 179 00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:34,069 Remember? 180 00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:35,230 - Oh, my Jesus. 181 00:06:36,009 --> 00:06:39,139 - Oh, so good to see you! I bow to you! [laughs] 182 00:06:39,159 --> 00:06:42,209 L-Drizzle! You look good, girl! 183 00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:44,220 You look good like you own two couches. 184 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,180 - Look, I don't have any drugs, babe. 185 00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:48,170 - Drugs? Why would you-- 186 00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:50,220 Oh, 'cause of the-- 'cause I smell. 187 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,009 That's mustard. 188 00:06:52,029 --> 00:06:53,189 Yeah, well, look, the funny thing is--it's a funny story, 189 00:06:53,209 --> 00:06:55,189 'cause I went to a psychic a couple days ago, 190 00:06:55,209 --> 00:06:58,189 and she told me the reason why my life is like "Baby Boy 2" 191 00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,199 is because of this MASH game we played years ago. 192 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,160 - MASH? Mm. - That's crazy, right? 193 00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,079 That's crazy. - Yeah. 194 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,230 - So I just got in my car and bought some adult diapers 195 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,209 and came to find you, and here I am. 196 00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:09,060 - Yeah. - Yeah! 197 00:07:09,079 --> 00:07:10,189 - You are here in an adult diaper, wow! 198 00:07:10,209 --> 00:07:12,000 - Yeah! 199 00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:13,170 - Um, a MASH game, yeah? - Yeah. 200 00:07:13,189 --> 00:07:15,149 - Yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about. 201 00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:16,160 - Oh, okay. That's cool. 202 00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:17,199 We can just replay it real quick. 203 00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:19,060 You don't have to remember. We can just play. 204 00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:20,209 You can just-- 205 00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:22,050 - Put that Trapper Keeper shit away, Salina. 206 00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:23,089 Of course I remember you and the game. 207 00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,069 - Oh, zero to 100 real quick. - You know what? 208 00:07:25,089 --> 00:07:27,199 You got a lot of nerve coming up in here demanding a replay. 209 00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:29,139 What you get is what you gots. 210 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,050 Them's the rules. 211 00:07:31,069 --> 00:07:33,069 - I got what I got 'cause your ass can't count. 212 00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:35,069 - What the fuck you mean I can't count? 213 00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,189 - I mean, how many fingers and I holding up? 214 00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:39,079 - Uh... 215 00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,100 five. 216 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,189 - You gonna play this MASH. 217 00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:43,090 - No, no! There's no do-overs in MASH! 218 00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:45,060 - Uh-uh, LaDonna! You gonna give me my LaDo-over! 219 00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:47,090 - No, please! No, please! Don't touch me! 220 00:07:47,110 --> 00:07:49,019 Oh, my God, you're so greasy! 221 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,170 - Hey, hey, hey, what's going on over there? 222 00:07:51,189 --> 00:07:54,220 Jason, Lyric, y'all stay in the house. 223 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,139 Daddy'll be right back. 224 00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:59,100 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 225 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,089 [dreamy music] 226 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:05,189 ♪ ♪ 227 00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:08,050 [gasps] 228 00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:15,040 ♪ ♪ 229 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,100 - Is everything okay, baby? 230 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,000 both: Yes. 231 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,180 - Oh, my God, you married Omarion? 232 00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,149 You know he was my top choice. 233 00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:24,079 Wait a minute. Omarion, two kids, mansion. 234 00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,110 Don't tell me you a-- both: Video vixen. 235 00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:27,189 - God damn it! - Yeah. 236 00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,209 - [sobs] Those are all my good choices! 237 00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:31,040 You stole my life! 238 00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,159 You were supposed to be with me, Omarion! 239 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,019 [electrical crackling] 240 00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:37,100 both: Damn. 241 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,169 - [chuckles] 242 00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,200 You didn't think that you would be able to touch me, did you? 243 00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,100 - [groaning] 244 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,139 - I know all about your little MASH game, 245 00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:46,049 Salina Duplass from sixth grade. 246 00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:48,169 And I'm thrilled to be in this paid-off house 247 00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:51,129 with this perfectly symmetrical woman 248 00:08:51,149 --> 00:08:53,129 and our Rhodes Scholar children. 249 00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:56,009 Now, if you'll excuse me, 250 00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,220 me and my queen have a Lambo to get into. 251 00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,100 - A Lambo. 252 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,139 - Baby, remember the doors open like--- 253 00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:02,080 [imitates zooming] 254 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,230 - [sobs] 255 00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,039 All I wanted to do was touch. 256 00:09:06,059 --> 00:09:08,159 [crying] Oh, God! 257 00:09:08,179 --> 00:09:11,000 Oh, oh, God! 258 00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:12,179 Oh, my hat. And my Trapper. 259 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,190 [crying and screaming] 260 00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:18,179 [quirky dramatic music] 261 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,070 ♪ ♪ 262 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,000 - What? 263 00:09:24,019 --> 00:09:25,220 The fuck? - I know, right? 264 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,149 Everybody's probably dead now. 265 00:09:27,169 --> 00:09:30,059 - No, not that. I've done this before. 266 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,179 You were there. And you were there. 267 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,080 And you were not. 268 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,149 And...no, you were not. 269 00:09:36,169 --> 00:09:38,029 - Robin, not that I don't appreciate 270 00:09:38,049 --> 00:09:39,230 the Judy Garland moment you're having, 271 00:09:40,009 --> 00:09:42,139 but do you think you hit your head when you passed out? 272 00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:43,220 - Well, of course she passed out. 273 00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:45,179 It was an apocalypse. 274 00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,200 - Uh, okay. So how did we all get here? 275 00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,210 - Aw. You really do have amnesia. 276 00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,159 This is cute. - Guys. 277 00:09:53,179 --> 00:09:56,000 Let's reset her memory. 278 00:09:56,019 --> 00:09:58,210 Robin, your name is Viola Davis. 279 00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,190 You're the star of a legal drama. 280 00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:03,000 And-- - Laci, no. 281 00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,110 Robin, we all answered Skye's Facebook invite 282 00:10:05,129 --> 00:10:07,080 to come to the end-of-the-world party, 283 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,049 met her here about 15 minutes ago, 284 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:10,110 then there was a loud boom, 285 00:10:10,129 --> 00:10:13,049 and now we're the last people left on Earth. 286 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:14,190 - And then we toasted. 287 00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:16,070 [bottles clink] [chuckles] 288 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:17,190 - Okay. 289 00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:20,000 All right, that sounds familiar, I guess. 290 00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,210 - Yay, her memory is back. 291 00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:23,230 - Ah! But just to be sure... 292 00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:25,220 follow my finger. [chuckling] 293 00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:28,049 - Skye, it has been a minute. 294 00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:29,169 I haven't seen you since you installed 295 00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:31,049 my summer locs in January. 296 00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,149 - You do like to stay ahead of the curve. 297 00:10:32,169 --> 00:10:34,000 - Oh, and I haven't seen you 298 00:10:34,019 --> 00:10:35,009 since my hair appointment in February 299 00:10:35,029 --> 00:10:36,059 when you got scissor-happy. 300 00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,139 - Ooh. - In my defense, 301 00:10:37,159 --> 00:10:39,070 you had split ends and beginnings. 302 00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:41,029 [laughter] - You right. 303 00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:42,100 - Let me ask you this, Skye. 304 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,100 Exactly how did you find this place? 305 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,080 - Oh, yeah. 306 00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,210 So you know when I'm not doing hair, I'm a courier, right? 307 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,149 - I thought you were a chef. 308 00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:51,080 - I thought you taught rich people's kids how to krump. 309 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,210 - Mm-hmm. So I had courie-ay a package here last week. 310 00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,149 - Ooh, that's not a word. 311 00:10:54,169 --> 00:10:56,080 - And I realized that there was nobody working here. 312 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,080 So, when I heard the apocalypse was gonna pop off, 313 00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,039 I knew this place would be dope. 314 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:01,179 So of course I had to hit my girls up 315 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,039 and see if you wanted to come through and live! 316 00:11:04,059 --> 00:11:06,019 - Yes. You know I like being alive. 317 00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:08,139 - I know you do! [laughter] 318 00:11:08,159 --> 00:11:11,149 [light music playing] 319 00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:15,019 ♪ ♪ 320 00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:16,159 - All right, listen up! 321 00:11:16,179 --> 00:11:19,120 Everybody on the ground now! 322 00:11:19,139 --> 00:11:22,029 I said now! You think I'm playing with y'all? 323 00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,159 Because I ain't! 324 00:11:23,179 --> 00:11:25,110 Do you know how many times 325 00:11:25,129 --> 00:11:27,110 I had to call up here to get somebody on the phone? 326 00:11:27,129 --> 00:11:29,019 16! 327 00:11:29,039 --> 00:11:30,169 I didn't call Steve Harvey that many times, 328 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,029 and I really needed an answer to my Strawberry Letter. 329 00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:35,129 - Just take the money and let us go, please! 330 00:11:35,149 --> 00:11:38,009 - Money? This isn't about money. 331 00:11:38,029 --> 00:11:40,019 This is about customer service! 332 00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:43,029 Somebody is gonna listen to me today! 333 00:11:43,049 --> 00:11:45,110 [relaxing music playing] 334 00:11:45,129 --> 00:11:47,080 [door opens] [clamoring and screaming] 335 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:49,139 - Everybody on the-- 336 00:11:49,159 --> 00:11:51,190 [relaxing music playing] 337 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,080 Oh, y'all already on the ground. 338 00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,120 [chuckles] Amen. 339 00:11:56,139 --> 00:11:59,080 Well, stay on the ground then. [clamoring and screaming] 340 00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,139 - Don't shoot me. 341 00:12:00,159 --> 00:12:02,200 You can have all the cash. That's not even why I'm here. 342 00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:04,110 - You're preaching to the choir, saint. 343 00:12:04,129 --> 00:12:05,120 [inhales deeply] 344 00:12:05,139 --> 00:12:07,009 [chuckling] Mm-hmm. 345 00:12:07,029 --> 00:12:10,059 Ms. Harlot, I'm gonna ask you this one time... 346 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,149 [suspenseful music] 347 00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:13,070 To what capacity do you trust the security 348 00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,019 of online banking services? 349 00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:19,019 Completely, somewhat, dubious, or not at all? 350 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,100 - Um...dubious? 351 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,110 - [gasps] Thank you. 352 00:12:23,129 --> 00:12:25,139 I am sick and tired of being ignored. 353 00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:27,139 - [chuckles] I hear that. - Yeah. 354 00:12:27,159 --> 00:12:29,230 Don't nobody ever want to take these dang surveys. 355 00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:31,230 And I desperately need a diverse, 356 00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:35,000 as in Black, group of people to participate 357 00:12:35,019 --> 00:12:36,080 so that I can reach my weekly quota. 358 00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,049 - Handle your shit. I'll hold. 359 00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:42,019 Since that's what I'm used to, anyway. 360 00:12:42,039 --> 00:12:44,070 [mechanical whirring] 361 00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:55,179 - [sniffs, slurps] Mmm! 362 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,230 [door opens, clamoring and screaming] 363 00:12:58,009 --> 00:12:59,190 - Everybody freeze! 364 00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,139 - Oh, shit. - Oh, Lord. 365 00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,159 - Oh, wait, you can't 366 00:13:03,179 --> 00:13:06,190 because the Earth is officially warming at a rapid pace. 367 00:13:06,210 --> 00:13:09,070 - Just take the money and get. We have bigger fish to fry. 368 00:13:09,090 --> 00:13:11,029 - The fish are frying. 369 00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,200 Alaskan salmon can't even lay their eggs 370 00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:15,230 because the rivers are too hot! 371 00:13:16,009 --> 00:13:19,049 - But the tilapias are fine, though, right? 372 00:13:19,070 --> 00:13:21,009 - Look, lady, 373 00:13:21,029 --> 00:13:23,179 those plastic titties won't work as a flotation device 374 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,190 when Miami just slides off into the ocean! 375 00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:29,190 And is this plexiglass biodegradable? 376 00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:32,029 What part of minimizing our carbon footprint 377 00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:33,139 don't you people understand? 378 00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:34,200 I can't be the only one 379 00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:36,200 who flips my panties three times before I wash them. 380 00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:40,080 - Oh, Jesus. Be an antibacterial wipe. 381 00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:42,039 - No money! 382 00:13:42,059 --> 00:13:44,070 We just want to be heard. 383 00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,159 - Come on, sis! You should understand! 384 00:13:46,179 --> 00:13:49,149 - Do you hear us, lady? We're talking to you! 385 00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:51,009 - Listen up! 386 00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:53,179 [all tapping plexiglass] 387 00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:57,230 - Oh. 388 00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,190 [click] 389 00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,149 - Made me pop my ear on. 390 00:14:07,169 --> 00:14:10,049 Fine. What? 391 00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:14,179 - See, this is why I hate customer service. 392 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,110 She ain't even have her ear on? 393 00:14:16,129 --> 00:14:18,090 How was I supposed to get my questions answered 394 00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:20,090 when you don't even have your ear on? 395 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,159 Man, this is so unprofessional. 396 00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:23,049 Like, that's not a lot to ask, lady! 397 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,220 - Didn't hear not a single one of my questions. 398 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,159 - I hate this shit. 399 00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:29,230 - I just want to be sure, the tilapias are fine, right? 400 00:14:32,159 --> 00:14:34,169 - Okay, baby. You ready? - Huh? 401 00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:37,110 You know I can't hear you when my eyes are covered. 402 00:14:37,129 --> 00:14:39,159 - Happy anniversary. 403 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,080 I know you come here all the time with your girls, 404 00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,139 so you must love it. 405 00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:44,029 It's a steak house, and you vegan. 406 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,070 - Yeah, I like their truffle fries. 407 00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:47,159 - Well, you do fucks with a truffle fry. 408 00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:49,070 - Hey, Taryn. - Tron! 409 00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:51,090 Hey, uh, 410 00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:54,139 my husband brought me to this fine-dining establishment, 411 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,110 uh, for our anniversary. 412 00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,139 - That's right. And you said Tron, is it? Tron? 413 00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,039 Like the movie? Pleasure to meet you, brother. 414 00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:03,169 Let me tell you, the way my wife's eyes twinkle 415 00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:06,019 when she comes home on Fridays and Saturdays, 416 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,000 my man, your customer service must be rock solid. 417 00:15:09,019 --> 00:15:10,139 - Nice to meet you, too. 418 00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,049 All right, I'ma go grab y'all some men... 419 00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:14,200 - Hey. - [chuckling] ...us. 420 00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:16,120 Grab y'all some menus. 421 00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:18,120 [chuckling] All right, be right back. 422 00:15:18,139 --> 00:15:20,139 [sultry music] 423 00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:22,000 - Did I just see his butt? 424 00:15:22,019 --> 00:15:24,080 - I'm sorry? - Did I just see Tron's butt? 425 00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:27,000 - Uh, did you? I don't know. Uh... 426 00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:28,200 - Feel like I saw his ass just now. 427 00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,120 - Oh, you know athleisure? - Mm-hmm. 428 00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:31,230 - Now they got ass-leisure. - Oh. 429 00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:33,090 - You should look it up. - Yeah, I will. 430 00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:35,120 Baby, this is nice. This is nice. 431 00:15:35,139 --> 00:15:37,039 They got a little stage over there. 432 00:15:37,059 --> 00:15:38,169 - Yeah. - All these mirrors? 433 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:39,190 You know, I've never seen 434 00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:41,169 so many full-length mirrors in a restaurant before. 435 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,220 It's kind of kinky, 436 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,179 like those hotels with the mirrors over the bed. 437 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,200 - Well, I mean, we could just get this food and take it home. 438 00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:50,190 I know you like to eat with your pants unbuttoned, anyway. 439 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,190 - I unbuttoned 'em as soon as we sat down. 440 00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:55,110 I'm not letting anything get in the way of our special night. 441 00:15:55,129 --> 00:15:57,149 - Aww. [both chuckling] 442 00:15:57,169 --> 00:16:00,000 Look at that. 443 00:16:00,019 --> 00:16:03,009 - And they got extra support beams? 444 00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,090 Any place that keeps my wife this safe-- 445 00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:08,039 all right by me. - [chuckles] 446 00:16:08,059 --> 00:16:10,179 - Taryn, girl! Guess what! 447 00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,210 both: Chocolate cakes is back! 448 00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:14,000 [both laugh] 449 00:16:14,019 --> 00:16:15,019 - [chuckling] Yeah. 450 00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:16,149 - They got chocolate cake? 451 00:16:16,169 --> 00:16:18,049 Now, that's what I'm talking about. 452 00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:20,009 Do they have that molten lava, though? 453 00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,169 - Uh, hey, Todd. You know what? 454 00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:25,100 I actually think you probably wouldn't like it 455 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,200 'cause-- - They got nuts. 456 00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,210 - Mm-hmm. 457 00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:28,210 - Got to go! 458 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,080 - Bye! - Bye! 459 00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,200 - [softly] Get out. Get the fuck out. 460 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,200 - Babe, you've been tense since we got here. 461 00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,120 What's wrong? 462 00:16:35,139 --> 00:16:37,090 - Uh, what are you talking about? Nothing's wrong. 463 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,159 - You all right? - I'm not tense. Ow. 464 00:16:38,179 --> 00:16:39,159 - Relax. 465 00:16:39,179 --> 00:16:42,169 I've known you since you were 35. 466 00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:44,179 Talk to me. - Okay, okay. 467 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,090 So I have been keeping a secret. 468 00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,029 I come here so much 469 00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:51,019 because this place-- it's not a steak house. 470 00:16:51,039 --> 00:16:53,039 It's a strip club! [sobs] 471 00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:54,080 Well, it also serves steak. 472 00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,049 But it's a strip club! 473 00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:57,070 I'm sorry. 474 00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:58,220 [air horn blaring] 475 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,220 [women cheering] 476 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,210 [Ginuwine's "So Anxious"] 477 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,180 ♪ ♪ 478 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,019 Todd? What are you doing? 479 00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,210 - Happy anniversary, baby. 480 00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,130 - Happy a--what? 481 00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:14,160 - ♪ Wishing you'd come over ♪ 482 00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:16,059 - Oh, yeah. 483 00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,170 ♪ ♪ 484 00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:18,170 Whoo! 485 00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:20,089 - Oh! 486 00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:24,230 - ♪ Girl, I hope you hurry 'cause ♪ 487 00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:27,230 [squealing] 488 00:17:28,009 --> 00:17:29,119 No, no, no. That's my husband! 489 00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:33,000 - ♪ Love the way you're talking dirty ♪ 490 00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:38,160 ♪ Said I'm so anxious ♪ 491 00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:41,069 ♪ Girl, could you quit this stallin'? ♪ 492 00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:43,029 ♪ You know I'm a sexaholic ♪ 493 00:17:43,049 --> 00:17:47,140 ♪ Said I'm so anxious ♪ [cheering] 494 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,029 - Mm. 495 00:17:49,049 --> 00:17:50,200 You catch all that? 496 00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:51,190 What you think, baby? 497 00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:54,099 - [chuckling] 498 00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,150 I didn't love it. 499 00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:57,059 - But I thought you like when half-naked men 500 00:17:57,079 --> 00:17:58,140 gyrate in your face. 501 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,059 - Hey, Taryn. 502 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,009 - Not now, Chocolate Cakes! 503 00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:03,009 [groans] 504 00:18:03,029 --> 00:18:04,160 Listen... 505 00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,190 it's just that it's different when you do it. 506 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:09,109 You kinda--[sighs] You ruin the fantasy. 507 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,150 - Really? 508 00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:12,079 - [sighs] After that, 509 00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:14,170 I don't know if I ever want to come back here again. 510 00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,039 - Mission accomplished! 511 00:18:18,059 --> 00:18:19,160 - What the fuck? - Good job, fellas. 512 00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:22,009 All right. Hey. Get y'all ass out of here. 513 00:18:22,029 --> 00:18:23,099 That's firm, that's firm. 514 00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,210 Hey, Tron! Where them menus at, man? 515 00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:29,190 - ♪ So anxious ♪ 516 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,019 - Aww. 517 00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,029 You know, if Rodney hadn't been sleeping with both of you 518 00:18:34,049 --> 00:18:37,039 at the same time, you two never would have become friends. 519 00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:40,059 - And we would have never met the Serena of hairstylists. 520 00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:42,039 - I guess Rodney did one thing right. 521 00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:43,190 - Oh, he did a couple things right. 522 00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:46,029 - Okay, her memory is back for real. 523 00:18:46,049 --> 00:18:48,069 - A dick will spark a memory. 524 00:18:48,089 --> 00:18:50,170 - Ooh, I remember dick. It's been so long. 525 00:18:50,190 --> 00:18:52,150 Like what, 15 minutes? - I know. 526 00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:55,009 - Too long. - 45 for me. 527 00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:59,009 ["People's Court" theme] 528 00:18:59,029 --> 00:19:03,059 - That was a good filter. [chuckles] 529 00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:06,079 - Good morning. - [chuckling] 530 00:19:06,099 --> 00:19:08,160 ♪ ♪ 531 00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,079 - Good morning! 532 00:19:10,099 --> 00:19:13,170 I'm Nadia. - I'm Shantira, the bailiff. 533 00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,069 - I know who you are. - [chuckles] 534 00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:17,039 - Is that the picture? 535 00:19:17,059 --> 00:19:19,029 I thought that that was, like, a Black Twitter rumor. 536 00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:21,029 You know, like COVID-19. 537 00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:22,109 Do you think it'll ever happen again? 538 00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:24,000 - Ooh. 539 00:19:24,019 --> 00:19:26,079 I keep hoping, but you know what they say. 540 00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,019 Good things only happen to Black women once. 541 00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:30,059 - I'm actually inclined to agree with your client, 542 00:19:30,079 --> 00:19:32,059 but I'm not interested in cutting corners. 543 00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:36,029 I was voted most professional in my graduating class. 544 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,049 Oh, snap! 545 00:19:37,069 --> 00:19:38,140 Negresses! 546 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,130 Deuces. [chuckling] 547 00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:42,200 ♪ ♪ 548 00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:44,019 [door opens, music stops] 549 00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:46,019 [gasps] Oh. 550 00:19:46,039 --> 00:19:47,210 [door closes] 551 00:19:47,230 --> 00:19:49,140 - Won't he do it? 552 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,150 - He just did. 553 00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:52,130 - One, two, three, four. 554 00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,039 Dare I say it? 555 00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,009 I think we have ourselves a... 556 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,180 ♪ Black lady-- ♪ Oh, no. 557 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,150 - Good morning, ladies! - [groans softly] 558 00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:01,210 - What am I, a pregnancy test? 559 00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:03,230 Y'all looking at me real negative. 560 00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,089 - [groans] No, you're good. 561 00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:08,190 - All right. Well, uh, let's get started. 562 00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:10,170 Just as a reminder, we are all here 563 00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:14,190 to select a jury for Civil Case 5669-B, 564 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,029 which starts tomorrow. 565 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,069 Bailiff Shantira, can you bring the pool in? 566 00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:19,200 - Forgive me, Your Honor? - Why? 567 00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:21,079 Do you run the Wi-Fi for Verzuz? 568 00:20:21,099 --> 00:20:22,180 - [chuckles] 569 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,140 I'm a little confused, Your Honor. 570 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,089 See, I'm a good-looking Black man, successful attorney, 571 00:20:27,109 --> 00:20:28,230 got my Euro-cut suit on, 572 00:20:29,009 --> 00:20:31,009 and I know I got you seasick with these waves. 573 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,180 Ah, ah, ah. Ahoy, matey. 574 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,019 - [chuckles sarcastically] So? 575 00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:38,079 I got waves, too. 576 00:20:38,099 --> 00:20:40,180 - What does any of that have to do with the case, Counselor? 577 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,069 - Nothing. I'm single. 578 00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:44,180 - I'm good. 579 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,150 - [gasps] - Holy Dora Milaje. 580 00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:49,130 ♪ ♪ 581 00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:50,170 - It's a--a-- 582 00:20:50,190 --> 00:20:53,029 it's a Black lady jury, Your Honor. 583 00:20:53,049 --> 00:20:54,119 - Oh, it's happening. 584 00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:56,000 Oh, it's happening. Oh, it's happening. 585 00:20:56,019 --> 00:20:58,069 - Hey! Y'all better pose. 586 00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,130 - Yes! - Come on, melanin. 587 00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,160 - Oh, ooh! - Yes! 588 00:21:00,180 --> 00:21:02,079 - It's a video, it's a video. 589 00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:04,130 - [chuckling] Okay, "America's Next Top Jury." 590 00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:07,089 - Yes, sis, sis, sis, sis, sis, sis, sis, sis, sis. Yes! 591 00:21:07,109 --> 00:21:10,039 - Come on, Fro. Dance or something. Yes! 592 00:21:10,059 --> 00:21:11,119 Fine-ass jury. 593 00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:13,160 - You can't film in a courtroom. 594 00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,170 - Really, guy? [gavel bangs] 595 00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,190 - Order in the court. 596 00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,150 Let's begin jury selection. 597 00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:19,210 Plaintiff's counsel, we will start with you. 598 00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:21,160 - Thank you, Judge Harper. 599 00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:24,069 Ladies of the jury, have any of you worked for 600 00:21:24,089 --> 00:21:27,150 or do you have family members who work for the government? 601 00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:29,019 Okay, great. 602 00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:31,000 So that brings me to my second question. 603 00:21:31,019 --> 00:21:35,009 Uh, have any of you previously participated in a... 604 00:21:35,029 --> 00:21:37,089 Black lady jury? 605 00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:39,099 all: ♪ Black lady jury ♪ [two claps] 606 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,099 ♪ Black lady jury ♪ [two claps] 607 00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,089 ♪ Black lady jury ♪ [two claps] 608 00:21:43,109 --> 00:21:45,009 ♪ Black lady jury ♪ [two claps] 609 00:21:45,029 --> 00:21:46,210 - Now y'all doing the Rockaway. 610 00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:48,210 [gavel bangs] - Okay, everybody, settle down. 611 00:21:48,230 --> 00:21:50,170 - Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 612 00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:53,049 My client had a shift at Burlington Coat Factory. 613 00:21:53,069 --> 00:21:56,200 She doesn't work there--she just steals from 10:00 to 4:00. 614 00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:59,230 What in the pink oil? 615 00:22:00,009 --> 00:22:02,180 What in the Murray's? - Yeah, girl. We can't call it. 616 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,119 - Hey, y'all in here doing Fat Joe choreo 617 00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:07,119 when we're supposed to be selecting the jurors 618 00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:09,109 for Case 5668-B. 619 00:22:09,130 --> 00:22:11,200 [gavel bangs] - First, your tone. 620 00:22:11,220 --> 00:22:13,200 Second, that's not even the right docket number. 621 00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:16,150 I said it is case 5669-B. 622 00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:19,029 - Ah, that's on me. 623 00:22:19,049 --> 00:22:21,059 Let me just leave you ladies to your 624 00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:22,180 ♪ Black lady-- ♪ - Uh-uh! 625 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,009 - You right. 626 00:22:24,029 --> 00:22:26,029 Excuse me. 627 00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:28,059 - [scoffs] 628 00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:29,109 - He done lost his doggone mind. 629 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,019 - Thank you, Your Honor. 630 00:22:31,039 --> 00:22:32,210 Now, first, I'd like to begin by petitioning the court 631 00:22:32,230 --> 00:22:35,029 for a waiver of jury limits so that 632 00:22:35,049 --> 00:22:37,039 all these queens can take part in the proceedings! 633 00:22:37,059 --> 00:22:38,089 [laughter] 634 00:22:38,109 --> 00:22:39,220 [gavel bangs] - Granted. 635 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,039 - ♪ Black lady jury ♪ 636 00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,039 - Um, um... 637 00:22:43,059 --> 00:22:45,089 Miss Judge, ma'am, I would like to say something. 638 00:22:45,109 --> 00:22:48,130 Ever since I first stepped in your courtroom, 639 00:22:48,150 --> 00:22:50,130 my life changed. 640 00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,130 I had never seen 641 00:22:52,150 --> 00:22:54,130 so many professional, Black women in one place. 642 00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:59,119 It inspired me, and I wanted that feeling every day. 643 00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:04,049 So I went from a successful but lonely small-business owner 644 00:23:04,069 --> 00:23:07,150 to committing petty crimes and swindles, 645 00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:10,200 hoping that it would one day lead me back into a courtroom 646 00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:12,230 full of beautiful Black goddesses. 647 00:23:13,009 --> 00:23:15,000 [dramatic music] 648 00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,230 - [choked up] You did all of that... 649 00:23:18,009 --> 00:23:19,200 just to be with us? 650 00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:22,220 - Yeah, Bailiff, I did. 651 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,160 - I'm sorry. [sobs softly] 652 00:23:24,180 --> 00:23:27,099 - Your Honor, I don't represent her, 653 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,190 but I would like to plead for the court's mercy on Trina. 654 00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:34,029 - I appreciate you, sis. Thank you. She is so dumb. 655 00:23:34,049 --> 00:23:36,200 - That's obvious. 656 00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:39,089 - Now, Trina, as special as this Black lady courtroom is-- 657 00:23:39,109 --> 00:23:40,119 - [crying] And Black lady jury, Your Honor. 658 00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:41,170 And a Black lady jury. 659 00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:43,210 - You better say it. Say it. 660 00:23:43,230 --> 00:23:47,000 I cannot in good conscience turn a blind eye 661 00:23:47,019 --> 00:23:50,029 to the crimes you have just confessed to on today. 662 00:23:50,049 --> 00:23:51,119 - Oh, no. 663 00:23:51,140 --> 00:23:52,230 - But considering this is a civil court 664 00:23:53,009 --> 00:23:55,029 and not a criminal court, sustained! 665 00:23:55,049 --> 00:23:57,230 [cheers and applause] 666 00:23:58,009 --> 00:23:59,089 [laughter] 667 00:23:59,109 --> 00:24:00,190 - You probably going to jail soon! 668 00:24:00,210 --> 00:24:02,059 - Worth it! [laughter] 669 00:24:02,079 --> 00:24:04,109 Black lady courtroom! all: [two claps] 670 00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,109 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 671 00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:08,130 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 672 00:24:08,150 --> 00:24:10,210 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 673 00:24:10,230 --> 00:24:12,119 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 674 00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:14,039 - Hey! 675 00:24:14,059 --> 00:24:15,150 all: ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 676 00:24:15,170 --> 00:24:17,099 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 677 00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,140 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 678 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,140 ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪ [two claps] 679 00:24:24,190 --> 00:24:27,160 [mellow techno music] 680 00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:34,170 ♪ ♪ 681 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,079 - Forgive me, Your Honor. - Why? 682 00:25:26,099 --> 00:25:27,220 Are you the one that hired the second Aunt Viv? 683 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,210 - Forgive me, Your Honor. - Uh, why? 684 00:25:29,230 --> 00:25:31,130 Do you clap on the ones and threes? 685 00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:34,009 - Please go. You're getting grease on my chair. 686 00:25:34,029 --> 00:25:35,170 - I'm sorry about that. 687 00:25:35,190 --> 00:25:37,059 - But leave positive Yelp review. 688 00:25:37,079 --> 00:25:38,210 We are Black-owned business. 689 00:25:38,230 --> 00:25:39,230 - Okay, I will. 690 00:25:40,009 --> 00:25:41,089 I don't have any internet. 691 00:25:41,109 --> 00:25:42,190 Do you have a Wi-Fi and a computer? 692 00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:44,099 I have to ask you a question. - Yes? 693 00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,029 - Do you have a bathroom? - Not for non-customers. 694 00:25:47,049 --> 00:25:48,160 - Okay, well, it's good I went in the chair, then. 695 00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:49,190 You ever have your door get stuck 696 00:25:49,210 --> 00:25:51,029 in the middle of the freeway? 697 00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,069 - No, I have excellent credit. 698 00:25:53,089 --> 00:25:54,069 - Oh, okay. That's cool. 699 00:25:54,089 --> 00:25:55,079 Can I have some? 700 00:25:55,099 --> 00:25:56,119 - No. - Okay. 701 00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:57,220 - Please go-- 702 00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,049 - Y'all need any help around here? 703 00:25:59,069 --> 00:26:00,119 [laughter] 704 00:26:00,140 --> 00:26:02,220 All right, look, can I ask you just one more thing? 705 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,190 - Sure. 706 00:26:04,210 --> 00:26:06,059 - Do you think, like, I could ever look like Halle Berry? 707 00:26:06,079 --> 00:26:07,170 'Cause I had thought when I was younger-- 708 00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:08,170 - Cut. - No? 709 00:26:08,190 --> 00:26:11,099 [laughter] 710 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:12,190 - Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 711 00:26:12,210 --> 00:26:14,130 My client refused to come to court 712 00:26:14,150 --> 00:26:16,009 until she found a snakeskin shirt, 713 00:26:16,029 --> 00:26:18,119 and this is the one she chose. 714 00:26:18,140 --> 00:26:19,230 - [stifled laugh] - What? 715 00:26:20,009 --> 00:26:21,180 - She's out, she's out. [laughter] 716 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,140 She's done. [laughter] 717 00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,000 We lost her. 718 00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:30,039 - Sorry I am late, Your Honor. 719 00:26:30,059 --> 00:26:32,200 I just found out my client has been impersonating Issa Rae 720 00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:34,119 and is now wanted for fraud. 721 00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:36,089 Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 722 00:26:36,109 --> 00:26:39,039 My client decided to enter a Malcolm X lookalike competition 723 00:26:39,059 --> 00:26:40,150 and, clearly, she lost. 724 00:26:40,170 --> 00:26:42,039 - Aww. 725 00:26:42,059 --> 00:26:44,009 - Sorry I am late, Your Honor. 726 00:26:44,029 --> 00:26:45,210 My client said she would not come to court-- 727 00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:48,170 - No, stop. - It's over before it began. 728 00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:51,230 - [laughing] Oh, God. 729 00:26:52,009 --> 00:26:54,000 - Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 730 00:26:54,019 --> 00:26:55,190 My client decided to trick-or-treat, 731 00:26:55,210 --> 00:26:57,069 but because she was dressed as Lauryn Hill, 732 00:26:57,089 --> 00:26:59,190 she just finished three months late. 733 00:26:59,210 --> 00:27:01,160 Sorry I am late, Your Honor. 734 00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:04,140 My client decided to audition for "Princess and the Frog 2" 735 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,019 and got the frog. 736 00:27:08,039 --> 00:27:11,099 What in the pink oil? 737 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,039 What in the Murray's-- You laughed! 738 00:27:13,059 --> 00:27:15,119 - It's her! [indistinct] [laughter] 739 00:27:15,140 --> 00:27:17,130 [shouts indistinctly] 740 00:27:17,150 --> 00:27:20,059 [laughter] 741 00:27:20,079 --> 00:27:21,230 - I had already laughed, but I just-- 742 00:27:22,009 --> 00:27:24,000 - [laughing] I know, I know. 743 00:27:35,230 --> 00:27:38,009 [bright tone] 744 00:27:38,059 --> 00:27:42,609 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53312

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.