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00:00:02,009 --> 00:00:02,220
[tv static drones]
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,219
[bright tone]
3
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,179
[birds singing]
4
00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:12,060
- Oh, you thought a pandemic
was gonna stop me?
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,169
Start up that Spike Lee
dolly shot
6
00:00:13,189 --> 00:00:15,140
'cause I've been silent
for too long.
7
00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,059
[Run-DMC's
"Down With The King"]
8
00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:18,160
That's right, it's me,
9
00:00:18,179 --> 00:00:21,149
Dr. Haddassah Olayinka
Ali-Youngman.
10
00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:24,010
Google me, then throw your
smartphone in the trash.
11
00:00:24,030 --> 00:00:25,129
It's making you stupid.
12
00:00:25,149 --> 00:00:26,230
See, see, see,
13
00:00:27,010 --> 00:00:29,070
5G was created
to infiltrate our brains
14
00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:31,210
with the Devil's propaganda--
TikTok.
15
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:35,009
Ticktock, you're wasting your
fertile years on the 'Gram.
16
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:37,210
The only five Gs I recognize
is "Da 5 Bloods."
17
00:00:37,229 --> 00:00:39,200
Five triumphant Black men
18
00:00:39,219 --> 00:00:42,200
going back to steal
the oppressor's gold from Asia.
19
00:00:42,219 --> 00:00:44,189
Meanwhile, in this country,
20
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:46,200
the only way
five Black men can gather
21
00:00:46,219 --> 00:00:48,109
is if they're playing
basketball.
22
00:00:48,130 --> 00:00:50,000
I reject Verzuz.
23
00:00:50,020 --> 00:00:52,060
Why would I ever celebrate
our Black icons
24
00:00:52,079 --> 00:00:53,119
battling each other?
25
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:56,109
News flash--
it's us versus them.
26
00:00:56,130 --> 00:00:58,070
You know who "them" is.
27
00:00:58,090 --> 00:00:59,200
And why so many Zs in Verzuz?
28
00:00:59,219 --> 00:01:01,189
They're trying to put us
to sleep!
29
00:01:01,210 --> 00:01:02,189
If you cut a dollar bill
in half,
30
00:01:02,210 --> 00:01:04,150
you know what you'll find
on the inside?
31
00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:05,189
A blond hair.
32
00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:07,189
Now, they didn't put
Harriet Tubman on the $20 bill
33
00:01:07,209 --> 00:01:10,180
because they don't want
our dollars to be free.
34
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,140
Think about it.
Tubman breaks down to tub man.
35
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:15,230
They don't wash their legs.
36
00:01:16,010 --> 00:01:17,109
Stevie Wonder's not blind.
37
00:01:17,129 --> 00:01:19,099
He was just sick of looking
at white people.
38
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,140
White people wouldn't know
a racial reckoning
39
00:01:21,159 --> 00:01:24,170
if it pulled up in a Volvo
with a kayak on the roof.
40
00:01:24,189 --> 00:01:27,200
See, see, see,
the real racial reckoning
41
00:01:27,219 --> 00:01:29,230
will be when Black people
are reinstated
42
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,039
to our true place in society--
43
00:01:32,060 --> 00:01:33,200
"106 & Park."
44
00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:35,170
I'm not worried
about coronavirus.
45
00:01:35,189 --> 00:01:37,120
See, see, see,
see, see, see, see,
46
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:39,009
white people are the pandemic
47
00:01:39,030 --> 00:01:40,150
for which we'll never have
a vaccine.
48
00:01:40,170 --> 00:01:41,189
But y'all don't hear me.
49
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:43,049
Maybe I have to rap it to you
50
00:01:43,069 --> 00:01:44,210
to get you to understand
the true learning.
51
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:46,099
♪ Construct is a race ♪
52
00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:48,060
♪ Not the other way
and back again ♪
53
00:01:48,079 --> 00:01:50,009
♪ You stupid
with a saggy face ♪
54
00:01:50,030 --> 00:01:51,109
♪ 'Cause you ain't got
no collagen ♪
55
00:01:51,129 --> 00:01:52,150
Bars.
56
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:54,129
Now enough with this dolly.
It's making me dizzy.
57
00:01:54,150 --> 00:01:56,150
Where is this thing
airing--HBO?
58
00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,200
What's that stand for,
he bought and oppressed us?
59
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,180
[scoffs]
Terrible name for a network.
60
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,159
- ♪ Here's a little story
'bout a raw-ass bitch ♪
61
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:04,150
♪ That'll take yo' man
like she take that dick ♪
62
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:06,170
♪ She got 99 problems
but a bitch ain't one ♪
63
00:02:06,189 --> 00:02:08,080
♪ She like
strapped street niggas ♪
64
00:02:08,099 --> 00:02:09,120
♪ Who gon' run them funds ♪
65
00:02:09,139 --> 00:02:11,210
♪ I got a gang of bitches who
gon' see 'bout me ♪
66
00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:14,039
♪ Quick to run up in your
shit, ho, one, two, three ♪
67
00:02:14,060 --> 00:02:16,110
♪ Selling out 'bout me,
I still remain untouched ♪
68
00:02:16,129 --> 00:02:18,210
♪ I just walk through them hos
and drop my nuts ♪
69
00:02:18,229 --> 00:02:21,079
♪ Your baby daddy fell in
love, I just wanted to fuck ♪
70
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,139
♪ I just wanted the cash,
all he wanted was us ♪
71
00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:25,219
♪ Take a blunt to the face
while he rubbing my butt ♪
72
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,039
♪ Countin' money
in my panties ♪
73
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,039
♪ That shit give me rush ♪
74
00:02:28,060 --> 00:02:29,180
♪ And be like ♪
75
00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:30,170
♪ Go, girl,
wit' yo' fine ass ♪
76
00:02:30,189 --> 00:02:31,229
♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪
77
00:02:32,009 --> 00:02:33,120
♪ Bitch, you bad
with your fine ass ♪
78
00:02:33,139 --> 00:02:35,090
♪ Go, girl,
with your fine ass ♪
79
00:02:35,110 --> 00:02:36,170
♪ Make a mess,
leave 'em pressed ♪
80
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:38,079
♪ You the best
wit' yo fine ass ♪
81
00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:39,199
♪ Go, girl,
with your fine ass ♪
82
00:02:39,219 --> 00:02:40,229
♪ Get a bag, make 'em mad ♪
83
00:02:41,009 --> 00:02:42,129
♪ Bitch, you bad
with your fine azz ♪
84
00:02:42,150 --> 00:02:44,159
[cork thuds, music stops]
85
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,030
♪ Fly with it, vibe with it ♪
86
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:50,219
♪ Talk to your homegirl,
high-five with me ♪
87
00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,110
♪ Let me see you do it ♪
88
00:02:54,079 --> 00:02:56,020
[overlapping angry crosstalk]
89
00:02:56,039 --> 00:02:58,110
- Ladies, enough!
90
00:02:58,129 --> 00:03:02,000
It is far too early for us
to be losing our minds.
91
00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:05,000
We have to look out
for each other.
92
00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:08,180
We have to have
each other's backs.
93
00:03:08,199 --> 00:03:11,180
We're all we got.
It's just us.
94
00:03:11,199 --> 00:03:13,120
[doorbell rings]
Oh.
95
00:03:13,139 --> 00:03:16,120
[suspenseful music]
96
00:03:16,139 --> 00:03:21,129
♪ ♪
97
00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:24,009
- Before Kevin cut the phone!
- It's just a phone!
98
00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,170
- Fuck you!
99
00:03:25,189 --> 00:03:26,189
- When you sent us
a Facebook invite
100
00:03:26,210 --> 00:03:28,050
to the end of the world,
101
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:30,030
I did not think
that you would be right.
102
00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,150
- Bottoms up, hos.
all: Cheers!
103
00:03:31,170 --> 00:03:32,219
- Ginuwine was...
all: On the gurney!
104
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,030
- Yes!
- Yaas!
105
00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:35,189
- [grunts]
- Clear!
106
00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:38,150
- Y'all dildo-to-alcohol ratio
is all off.
107
00:03:38,170 --> 00:03:39,229
- You all have me to thank.
- [laughs]
108
00:03:40,009 --> 00:03:41,180
- What is wrong
with you people?
109
00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:45,009
I am the only one
who had a plan!
110
00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:47,030
I am the--
111
00:03:47,050 --> 00:03:48,150
- Is she dead?
- Robin? Please get up.
112
00:03:48,170 --> 00:03:49,210
[doorbell rings]
113
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,150
- You had me muted on twerk.
114
00:03:51,170 --> 00:03:53,050
- Robin, wake up.
115
00:03:53,069 --> 00:03:55,060
[school bell rings]
116
00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:58,219
[school bell rings]
117
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,009
[school bell ringing]
118
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,069
- Wake up, girl.
How you gonna pass out?
119
00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,159
Laci, do you know CPR?
120
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,199
- No, but I know P90X.
121
00:04:08,219 --> 00:04:09,229
- That is not helpful.
122
00:04:10,009 --> 00:04:12,060
- Okay, Robin.
Get up.
123
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,150
It's time to toast.
124
00:04:13,169 --> 00:04:15,180
We just survived
the end of the world!
125
00:04:15,199 --> 00:04:18,220
- I know.
Thanks to my fortified house.
126
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,079
But that was yesterday.
127
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:23,189
- No, thanks to Skye's
fortified warehouse.
128
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:26,040
- Today.
Just now.
129
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:27,209
- What?
130
00:04:27,230 --> 00:04:30,040
The fuck?
131
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:33,029
[bassy dramatic music]
132
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:39,000
[suspenseful music]
133
00:04:39,019 --> 00:04:41,120
♪ ♪
134
00:04:41,139 --> 00:04:43,110
- I thought I'd be driving
a nice car,
135
00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:44,110
you know what I'm saying?
136
00:04:44,129 --> 00:04:45,230
Married to my fantasy man
137
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:48,090
and live in a mansion
with a bathtub big enough
138
00:04:48,110 --> 00:04:50,079
that my knees and my titties
can be underwater
139
00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,209
at the same time.
140
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,009
Instead, I ended up
smelling like hot grease
141
00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:55,170
married to a man
whose beard doesn't connect
142
00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:57,220
and having nine
very ugly children.
143
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,180
- [Caribbean accent]
Well, nine for now.
144
00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:01,100
- I rebuke that.
145
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,050
Why has my life turned out
so wack, Psychic Zabrina?
146
00:05:04,069 --> 00:05:07,060
[dramatic music]
- Ah...
147
00:05:07,079 --> 00:05:09,100
[ethereal shimmering]
Hmm...
148
00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,129
do you remember playing
a game of MASH
149
00:05:12,149 --> 00:05:18,199
March 26, 1996
with LaDonna Deladio?
150
00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:21,029
- MASH?
No, what are you--
151
00:05:21,050 --> 00:05:25,000
- You and LaDonna
sealed your future
152
00:05:25,019 --> 00:05:29,209
the day you used the gel pen
to circle your fates.
153
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:31,160
♪ ♪
154
00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:33,060
- [gasps]
- See?
155
00:05:33,079 --> 00:05:37,090
S is for the living in shack
with nine kids.
156
00:05:37,110 --> 00:05:41,019
- Oh, that's me.
- And driving a...
157
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,110
[American accent]
Ford Pinto?
158
00:05:42,129 --> 00:05:45,009
- Mm-hmm.
- Girl, pick a struggle.
159
00:05:45,029 --> 00:05:46,029
- Yeah--
- [Caribbean accent] Wait.
160
00:05:46,050 --> 00:05:49,129
- Oh, what?
- Oh...
161
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,019
this is troubling.
162
00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:52,170
- What--what--what--what is it?
163
00:05:52,189 --> 00:05:55,090
- It seems that LaDonna
164
00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:58,090
tragically miscounted.
165
00:05:58,110 --> 00:06:00,040
- That girl was always trash
at math.
166
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,209
You know she tried to tell me
167
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,129
that trigonometry was just
slang for three niggas?
168
00:06:03,149 --> 00:06:07,089
- You must find her
and replay the game,
169
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:10,089
for she is the only reason
170
00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:13,170
you are not pushing a Lambo.
171
00:06:13,189 --> 00:06:16,180
- I knew I was meant to be
opening my doors like this,
172
00:06:16,199 --> 00:06:19,040
not like this.
173
00:06:19,060 --> 00:06:20,079
[grunts]
174
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:22,019
Aah!
175
00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:24,000
[engine backfires]
176
00:06:24,019 --> 00:06:26,199
[dramatic music]
177
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:29,110
LaDonna, LaDonna!
[car door opens]
178
00:06:29,129 --> 00:06:33,029
Hey, it's me! Salina Duplass,
your bestie from middle school!
179
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:34,069
Remember?
180
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:35,230
- Oh, my Jesus.
181
00:06:36,009 --> 00:06:39,139
- Oh, so good to see you!
I bow to you! [laughs]
182
00:06:39,159 --> 00:06:42,209
L-Drizzle!
You look good, girl!
183
00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:44,220
You look good
like you own two couches.
184
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,180
- Look, I don't have
any drugs, babe.
185
00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:48,170
- Drugs?
Why would you--
186
00:06:48,189 --> 00:06:50,220
Oh, 'cause of the--
'cause I smell.
187
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,009
That's mustard.
188
00:06:52,029 --> 00:06:53,189
Yeah, well, look, the funny
thing is--it's a funny story,
189
00:06:53,209 --> 00:06:55,189
'cause I went to a psychic
a couple days ago,
190
00:06:55,209 --> 00:06:58,189
and she told me the reason why
my life is like "Baby Boy 2"
191
00:06:58,209 --> 00:07:00,199
is because of this MASH game
we played years ago.
192
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,160
- MASH? Mm.
- That's crazy, right?
193
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,079
That's crazy.
- Yeah.
194
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,230
- So I just got in my car
and bought some adult diapers
195
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,209
and came to find you,
and here I am.
196
00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:09,060
- Yeah.
- Yeah!
197
00:07:09,079 --> 00:07:10,189
- You are here
in an adult diaper, wow!
198
00:07:10,209 --> 00:07:12,000
- Yeah!
199
00:07:12,019 --> 00:07:13,170
- Um, a MASH game, yeah?
- Yeah.
200
00:07:13,189 --> 00:07:15,149
- Yeah, I have no idea
what you're talking about.
201
00:07:15,170 --> 00:07:16,160
- Oh, okay. That's cool.
202
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:17,199
We can just replay it
real quick.
203
00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:19,060
You don't have to remember.
We can just play.
204
00:07:19,079 --> 00:07:20,209
You can just--
205
00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:22,050
- Put that Trapper Keeper shit
away, Salina.
206
00:07:22,069 --> 00:07:23,089
Of course I remember you
and the game.
207
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,069
- Oh, zero to 100 real quick.
- You know what?
208
00:07:25,089 --> 00:07:27,199
You got a lot of nerve coming
up in here demanding a replay.
209
00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:29,139
What you get is what you gots.
210
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,050
Them's the rules.
211
00:07:31,069 --> 00:07:33,069
- I got what I got
'cause your ass can't count.
212
00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:35,069
- What the fuck you mean
I can't count?
213
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,189
- I mean, how many fingers
and I holding up?
214
00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:39,079
- Uh...
215
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,100
five.
216
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,189
- You gonna play this MASH.
217
00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:43,090
- No, no!
There's no do-overs in MASH!
218
00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:45,060
- Uh-uh, LaDonna!
You gonna give me my LaDo-over!
219
00:07:45,079 --> 00:07:47,090
- No, please! No, please!
Don't touch me!
220
00:07:47,110 --> 00:07:49,019
Oh, my God, you're so greasy!
221
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,170
- Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on over there?
222
00:07:51,189 --> 00:07:54,220
Jason, Lyric,
y'all stay in the house.
223
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,139
Daddy'll be right back.
224
00:07:56,159 --> 00:07:59,100
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
225
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,089
[dreamy music]
226
00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:05,189
♪ ♪
227
00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:08,050
[gasps]
228
00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:15,040
♪ ♪
229
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,100
- Is everything okay, baby?
230
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,000
both: Yes.
231
00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:19,180
- Oh, my God,
you married Omarion?
232
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,149
You know he was my top choice.
233
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:24,079
Wait a minute.
Omarion, two kids, mansion.
234
00:08:24,100 --> 00:08:26,110
Don't tell me you a--
both: Video vixen.
235
00:08:26,129 --> 00:08:27,189
- God damn it!
- Yeah.
236
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:29,209
- [sobs]
Those are all my good choices!
237
00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:31,040
You stole my life!
238
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,159
You were supposed to be
with me, Omarion!
239
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,019
[electrical crackling]
240
00:08:36,039 --> 00:08:37,100
both: Damn.
241
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,169
- [chuckles]
242
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,200
You didn't think that you would
be able to touch me, did you?
243
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,100
- [groaning]
244
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,139
- I know all
about your little MASH game,
245
00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:46,049
Salina Duplass
from sixth grade.
246
00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:48,169
And I'm thrilled to be
in this paid-off house
247
00:08:48,190 --> 00:08:51,129
with this
perfectly symmetrical woman
248
00:08:51,149 --> 00:08:53,129
and our Rhodes Scholar
children.
249
00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:56,009
Now, if you'll excuse me,
250
00:08:56,029 --> 00:08:57,220
me and my queen have a Lambo
to get into.
251
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:59,100
- A Lambo.
252
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,139
- Baby,
remember the doors open like---
253
00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:02,080
[imitates zooming]
254
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,230
- [sobs]
255
00:09:04,009 --> 00:09:06,039
All I wanted to do was touch.
256
00:09:06,059 --> 00:09:08,159
[crying] Oh, God!
257
00:09:08,179 --> 00:09:11,000
Oh, oh, God!
258
00:09:11,019 --> 00:09:12,179
Oh, my hat.
And my Trapper.
259
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,190
[crying and screaming]
260
00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:18,179
[quirky dramatic music]
261
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,070
♪ ♪
262
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,000
- What?
263
00:09:24,019 --> 00:09:25,220
The fuck?
- I know, right?
264
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,149
Everybody's probably dead now.
265
00:09:27,169 --> 00:09:30,059
- No, not that.
I've done this before.
266
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:32,179
You were there.
And you were there.
267
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,080
And you were not.
268
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,149
And...no, you were not.
269
00:09:36,169 --> 00:09:38,029
- Robin,
not that I don't appreciate
270
00:09:38,049 --> 00:09:39,230
the Judy Garland moment
you're having,
271
00:09:40,009 --> 00:09:42,139
but do you think you hit your
head when you passed out?
272
00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:43,220
- Well,
of course she passed out.
273
00:09:44,009 --> 00:09:45,179
It was an apocalypse.
274
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,200
- Uh, okay.
So how did we all get here?
275
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,210
- Aw.
You really do have amnesia.
276
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,159
This is cute.
- Guys.
277
00:09:53,179 --> 00:09:56,000
Let's reset her memory.
278
00:09:56,019 --> 00:09:58,210
Robin,
your name is Viola Davis.
279
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:00,190
You're the star
of a legal drama.
280
00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:03,000
And--
- Laci, no.
281
00:10:03,019 --> 00:10:05,110
Robin, we all answered
Skye's Facebook invite
282
00:10:05,129 --> 00:10:07,080
to come
to the end-of-the-world party,
283
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:09,049
met her here
about 15 minutes ago,
284
00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:10,110
then there was a loud boom,
285
00:10:10,129 --> 00:10:13,049
and now we're
the last people left on Earth.
286
00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:14,190
- And then we toasted.
287
00:10:14,210 --> 00:10:16,070
[bottles clink]
[chuckles]
288
00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:17,190
- Okay.
289
00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:20,000
All right,
that sounds familiar, I guess.
290
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,210
- Yay, her memory is back.
291
00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:23,230
- Ah! But just to be sure...
292
00:10:24,009 --> 00:10:25,220
follow my finger.
[chuckling]
293
00:10:26,009 --> 00:10:28,049
- Skye, it has been a minute.
294
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:29,169
I haven't seen you
since you installed
295
00:10:29,190 --> 00:10:31,049
my summer locs in January.
296
00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,149
- You do like to stay ahead
of the curve.
297
00:10:32,169 --> 00:10:34,000
- Oh, and I haven't seen you
298
00:10:34,019 --> 00:10:35,009
since my hair appointment
in February
299
00:10:35,029 --> 00:10:36,059
when you got scissor-happy.
300
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,139
- Ooh.
- In my defense,
301
00:10:37,159 --> 00:10:39,070
you had split ends
and beginnings.
302
00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:41,029
[laughter]
- You right.
303
00:10:41,049 --> 00:10:42,100
- Let me ask you this, Skye.
304
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,100
Exactly how did you find
this place?
305
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,080
- Oh, yeah.
306
00:10:46,100 --> 00:10:47,210
So you know when I'm not doing
hair, I'm a courier, right?
307
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:49,149
- I thought you were a chef.
308
00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:51,080
- I thought you taught rich
people's kids how to krump.
309
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,210
- Mm-hmm. So I had courie-ay
a package here last week.
310
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,149
- Ooh, that's not a word.
311
00:10:54,169 --> 00:10:56,080
- And I realized that
there was nobody working here.
312
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,080
So, when I heard the apocalypse
was gonna pop off,
313
00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:00,039
I knew this place
would be dope.
314
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:01,179
So of course I had
to hit my girls up
315
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,039
and see if you wanted
to come through and live!
316
00:11:04,059 --> 00:11:06,019
- Yes.
You know I like being alive.
317
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:08,139
- I know you do!
[laughter]
318
00:11:08,159 --> 00:11:11,149
[light music playing]
319
00:11:11,169 --> 00:11:15,019
♪ ♪
320
00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:16,159
- All right, listen up!
321
00:11:16,179 --> 00:11:19,120
Everybody on the ground now!
322
00:11:19,139 --> 00:11:22,029
I said now! You think I'm
playing with y'all?
323
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,159
Because I ain't!
324
00:11:23,179 --> 00:11:25,110
Do you know how many times
325
00:11:25,129 --> 00:11:27,110
I had to call up here
to get somebody on the phone?
326
00:11:27,129 --> 00:11:29,019
16!
327
00:11:29,039 --> 00:11:30,169
I didn't call Steve Harvey
that many times,
328
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,029
and I really needed an answer
to my Strawberry Letter.
329
00:11:33,049 --> 00:11:35,129
- Just take the money
and let us go, please!
330
00:11:35,149 --> 00:11:38,009
- Money?
This isn't about money.
331
00:11:38,029 --> 00:11:40,019
This is about customer service!
332
00:11:40,039 --> 00:11:43,029
Somebody is gonna listen
to me today!
333
00:11:43,049 --> 00:11:45,110
[relaxing music playing]
334
00:11:45,129 --> 00:11:47,080
[door opens]
[clamoring and screaming]
335
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:49,139
- Everybody on the--
336
00:11:49,159 --> 00:11:51,190
[relaxing music playing]
337
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,080
Oh, y'all already
on the ground.
338
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,120
[chuckles]
Amen.
339
00:11:56,139 --> 00:11:59,080
Well, stay on the ground then.
[clamoring and screaming]
340
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:00,139
- Don't shoot me.
341
00:12:00,159 --> 00:12:02,200
You can have all the cash.
That's not even why I'm here.
342
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:04,110
- You're preaching
to the choir, saint.
343
00:12:04,129 --> 00:12:05,120
[inhales deeply]
344
00:12:05,139 --> 00:12:07,009
[chuckling]
Mm-hmm.
345
00:12:07,029 --> 00:12:10,059
Ms. Harlot, I'm gonna ask you
this one time...
346
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,149
[suspenseful music]
347
00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:13,070
To what capacity
do you trust the security
348
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:15,019
of online banking services?
349
00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:19,019
Completely, somewhat, dubious,
or not at all?
350
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:21,100
- Um...dubious?
351
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,110
- [gasps]
Thank you.
352
00:12:23,129 --> 00:12:25,139
I am sick and tired
of being ignored.
353
00:12:25,159 --> 00:12:27,139
- [chuckles] I hear that.
- Yeah.
354
00:12:27,159 --> 00:12:29,230
Don't nobody ever want
to take these dang surveys.
355
00:12:30,009 --> 00:12:31,230
And I desperately need
a diverse,
356
00:12:32,009 --> 00:12:35,000
as in Black, group of people
to participate
357
00:12:35,019 --> 00:12:36,080
so that I can reach
my weekly quota.
358
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:38,049
- Handle your shit.
I'll hold.
359
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:42,019
Since that's
what I'm used to, anyway.
360
00:12:42,039 --> 00:12:44,070
[mechanical whirring]
361
00:12:52,110 --> 00:12:55,179
- [sniffs, slurps]
Mmm!
362
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,230
[door opens,
clamoring and screaming]
363
00:12:58,009 --> 00:12:59,190
- Everybody freeze!
364
00:12:59,210 --> 00:13:01,139
- Oh, shit.
- Oh, Lord.
365
00:13:01,159 --> 00:13:03,159
- Oh, wait, you can't
366
00:13:03,179 --> 00:13:06,190
because the Earth is officially
warming at a rapid pace.
367
00:13:06,210 --> 00:13:09,070
- Just take the money and get.
We have bigger fish to fry.
368
00:13:09,090 --> 00:13:11,029
- The fish are frying.
369
00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,200
Alaskan salmon can't even lay
their eggs
370
00:13:13,220 --> 00:13:15,230
because the rivers are too hot!
371
00:13:16,009 --> 00:13:19,049
- But the tilapias are fine,
though, right?
372
00:13:19,070 --> 00:13:21,009
- Look, lady,
373
00:13:21,029 --> 00:13:23,179
those plastic titties won't
work as a flotation device
374
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:26,190
when Miami just slides off
into the ocean!
375
00:13:26,210 --> 00:13:29,190
And is this plexiglass
biodegradable?
376
00:13:29,210 --> 00:13:32,029
What part of minimizing
our carbon footprint
377
00:13:32,049 --> 00:13:33,139
don't you people understand?
378
00:13:33,159 --> 00:13:34,200
I can't be the only one
379
00:13:34,220 --> 00:13:36,200
who flips my panties
three times before I wash them.
380
00:13:36,220 --> 00:13:40,080
- Oh, Jesus.
Be an antibacterial wipe.
381
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:42,039
- No money!
382
00:13:42,059 --> 00:13:44,070
We just want to be heard.
383
00:13:44,090 --> 00:13:46,159
- Come on, sis!
You should understand!
384
00:13:46,179 --> 00:13:49,149
- Do you hear us, lady?
We're talking to you!
385
00:13:49,169 --> 00:13:51,009
- Listen up!
386
00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:53,179
[all tapping plexiglass]
387
00:13:56,190 --> 00:13:57,230
- Oh.
388
00:14:02,049 --> 00:14:04,190
[click]
389
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,149
- Made me pop my ear on.
390
00:14:07,169 --> 00:14:10,049
Fine.
What?
391
00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:14,179
- See, this is why
I hate customer service.
392
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,110
She ain't even have her ear on?
393
00:14:16,129 --> 00:14:18,090
How was I supposed
to get my questions answered
394
00:14:18,110 --> 00:14:20,090
when you don't even have
your ear on?
395
00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,159
Man, this is so unprofessional.
396
00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:23,049
Like, that's not a lot
to ask, lady!
397
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:24,220
- Didn't hear not a single one
of my questions.
398
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,159
- I hate this shit.
399
00:14:26,179 --> 00:14:29,230
- I just want to be sure,
the tilapias are fine, right?
400
00:14:32,159 --> 00:14:34,169
- Okay, baby. You ready?
- Huh?
401
00:14:34,190 --> 00:14:37,110
You know I can't hear you
when my eyes are covered.
402
00:14:37,129 --> 00:14:39,159
- Happy anniversary.
403
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:41,080
I know you come here
all the time with your girls,
404
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:42,139
so you must love it.
405
00:14:42,159 --> 00:14:44,029
It's a steak house,
and you vegan.
406
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:46,070
- Yeah, I like
their truffle fries.
407
00:14:46,090 --> 00:14:47,159
- Well, you do fucks
with a truffle fry.
408
00:14:47,179 --> 00:14:49,070
- Hey, Taryn.
- Tron!
409
00:14:49,090 --> 00:14:51,090
Hey, uh,
410
00:14:51,110 --> 00:14:54,139
my husband brought me to
this fine-dining establishment,
411
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,110
uh, for our anniversary.
412
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:59,139
- That's right.
And you said Tron, is it? Tron?
413
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,039
Like the movie?
Pleasure to meet you, brother.
414
00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:03,169
Let me tell you,
the way my wife's eyes twinkle
415
00:15:03,190 --> 00:15:06,019
when she comes home
on Fridays and Saturdays,
416
00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,000
my man, your customer service
must be rock solid.
417
00:15:09,019 --> 00:15:10,139
- Nice to meet you, too.
418
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:12,049
All right, I'ma go grab
y'all some men...
419
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:14,200
- Hey.
- [chuckling] ...us.
420
00:15:14,220 --> 00:15:16,120
Grab y'all some menus.
421
00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:18,120
[chuckling]
All right, be right back.
422
00:15:18,139 --> 00:15:20,139
[sultry music]
423
00:15:20,159 --> 00:15:22,000
- Did I just see his butt?
424
00:15:22,019 --> 00:15:24,080
- I'm sorry?
- Did I just see Tron's butt?
425
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:27,000
- Uh, did you?
I don't know. Uh...
426
00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:28,200
- Feel like I saw his ass
just now.
427
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,120
- Oh, you know athleisure?
- Mm-hmm.
428
00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:31,230
- Now they got ass-leisure.
- Oh.
429
00:15:32,009 --> 00:15:33,090
- You should look it up.
- Yeah, I will.
430
00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:35,120
Baby, this is nice.
This is nice.
431
00:15:35,139 --> 00:15:37,039
They got a little stage
over there.
432
00:15:37,059 --> 00:15:38,169
- Yeah.
- All these mirrors?
433
00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:39,190
You know, I've never seen
434
00:15:39,210 --> 00:15:41,169
so many full-length mirrors
in a restaurant before.
435
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,220
It's kind of kinky,
436
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,179
like those hotels
with the mirrors over the bed.
437
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,200
- Well, I mean, we could just
get this food and take it home.
438
00:15:47,220 --> 00:15:50,190
I know you like to eat with
your pants unbuttoned, anyway.
439
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:52,190
- I unbuttoned 'em
as soon as we sat down.
440
00:15:52,210 --> 00:15:55,110
I'm not letting anything get in
the way of our special night.
441
00:15:55,129 --> 00:15:57,149
- Aww.
[both chuckling]
442
00:15:57,169 --> 00:16:00,000
Look at that.
443
00:16:00,019 --> 00:16:03,009
- And they got extra
support beams?
444
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,090
Any place that keeps my wife
this safe--
445
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:08,039
all right by me.
- [chuckles]
446
00:16:08,059 --> 00:16:10,179
- Taryn, girl!
Guess what!
447
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,210
both:
Chocolate cakes is back!
448
00:16:12,230 --> 00:16:14,000
[both laugh]
449
00:16:14,019 --> 00:16:15,019
- [chuckling]
Yeah.
450
00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:16,149
- They got chocolate cake?
451
00:16:16,169 --> 00:16:18,049
Now, that's what I'm
talking about.
452
00:16:18,070 --> 00:16:20,009
Do they have
that molten lava, though?
453
00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,169
- Uh, hey, Todd.
You know what?
454
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:25,100
I actually think you probably
wouldn't like it
455
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,200
'cause--
- They got nuts.
456
00:16:26,220 --> 00:16:27,210
- Mm-hmm.
457
00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:28,210
- Got to go!
458
00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:30,080
- Bye!
- Bye!
459
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,200
- [softly] Get out.
Get the fuck out.
460
00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,200
- Babe, you've been tense
since we got here.
461
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,120
What's wrong?
462
00:16:35,139 --> 00:16:37,090
- Uh, what are you talking
about? Nothing's wrong.
463
00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,159
- You all right?
- I'm not tense. Ow.
464
00:16:38,179 --> 00:16:39,159
- Relax.
465
00:16:39,179 --> 00:16:42,169
I've known you
since you were 35.
466
00:16:42,190 --> 00:16:44,179
Talk to me.
- Okay, okay.
467
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,090
So I have been keeping
a secret.
468
00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:48,029
I come here so much
469
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:51,019
because this place--
it's not a steak house.
470
00:16:51,039 --> 00:16:53,039
It's a strip club!
[sobs]
471
00:16:53,059 --> 00:16:54,080
Well, it also serves steak.
472
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:56,049
But it's a strip club!
473
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:57,070
I'm sorry.
474
00:16:57,090 --> 00:16:58,220
[air horn blaring]
475
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,220
[women cheering]
476
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,210
[Ginuwine's "So Anxious"]
477
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,180
♪ ♪
478
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,019
Todd?
What are you doing?
479
00:17:07,039 --> 00:17:09,210
- Happy anniversary, baby.
480
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,130
- Happy a--what?
481
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:14,160
- ♪ Wishing you'd come over ♪
482
00:17:14,180 --> 00:17:16,059
- Oh, yeah.
483
00:17:16,079 --> 00:17:17,170
♪ ♪
484
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:18,170
Whoo!
485
00:17:18,190 --> 00:17:20,089
- Oh!
486
00:17:20,109 --> 00:17:24,230
- ♪ Girl,
I hope you hurry 'cause ♪
487
00:17:25,009 --> 00:17:27,230
[squealing]
488
00:17:28,009 --> 00:17:29,119
No, no, no.
That's my husband!
489
00:17:29,140 --> 00:17:33,000
- ♪ Love the way
you're talking dirty ♪
490
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:38,160
♪ Said I'm so anxious ♪
491
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:41,069
♪ Girl, could you quit
this stallin'? ♪
492
00:17:41,089 --> 00:17:43,029
♪ You know I'm a sexaholic ♪
493
00:17:43,049 --> 00:17:47,140
♪ Said I'm so anxious ♪
[cheering]
494
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,029
- Mm.
495
00:17:49,049 --> 00:17:50,200
You catch all that?
496
00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:51,190
What you think, baby?
497
00:17:51,210 --> 00:17:54,099
- [chuckling]
498
00:17:54,119 --> 00:17:55,150
I didn't love it.
499
00:17:55,170 --> 00:17:57,059
- But I thought you like
when half-naked men
500
00:17:57,079 --> 00:17:58,140
gyrate in your face.
501
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:00,059
- Hey, Taryn.
502
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,009
- Not now, Chocolate Cakes!
503
00:18:02,029 --> 00:18:03,009
[groans]
504
00:18:03,029 --> 00:18:04,160
Listen...
505
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:06,190
it's just that it's different
when you do it.
506
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:09,109
You kinda--[sighs]
You ruin the fantasy.
507
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,150
- Really?
508
00:18:10,170 --> 00:18:12,079
- [sighs]
After that,
509
00:18:12,099 --> 00:18:14,170
I don't know if I ever want
to come back here again.
510
00:18:16,140 --> 00:18:18,039
- Mission accomplished!
511
00:18:18,059 --> 00:18:19,160
- What the fuck?
- Good job, fellas.
512
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:22,009
All right.
Hey. Get y'all ass out of here.
513
00:18:22,029 --> 00:18:23,099
That's firm, that's firm.
514
00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:25,210
Hey, Tron!
Where them menus at, man?
515
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:29,190
- ♪ So anxious ♪
516
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,019
- Aww.
517
00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,029
You know, if Rodney hadn't been
sleeping with both of you
518
00:18:34,049 --> 00:18:37,039
at the same time, you two never
would have become friends.
519
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:40,059
- And we would have never met
the Serena of hairstylists.
520
00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:42,039
- I guess Rodney did
one thing right.
521
00:18:42,059 --> 00:18:43,190
- Oh, he did
a couple things right.
522
00:18:43,210 --> 00:18:46,029
- Okay, her memory is back
for real.
523
00:18:46,049 --> 00:18:48,069
- A dick will spark a memory.
524
00:18:48,089 --> 00:18:50,170
- Ooh, I remember dick.
It's been so long.
525
00:18:50,190 --> 00:18:52,150
Like what, 15 minutes?
- I know.
526
00:18:52,170 --> 00:18:55,009
- Too long.
- 45 for me.
527
00:18:56,039 --> 00:18:59,009
["People's Court" theme]
528
00:18:59,029 --> 00:19:03,059
- That was a good filter.
[chuckles]
529
00:19:03,079 --> 00:19:06,079
- Good morning.
- [chuckling]
530
00:19:06,099 --> 00:19:08,160
♪ ♪
531
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,079
- Good morning!
532
00:19:10,099 --> 00:19:13,170
I'm Nadia.
- I'm Shantira, the bailiff.
533
00:19:13,190 --> 00:19:15,069
- I know who you are.
- [chuckles]
534
00:19:15,089 --> 00:19:17,039
- Is that the picture?
535
00:19:17,059 --> 00:19:19,029
I thought that that was, like,
a Black Twitter rumor.
536
00:19:19,049 --> 00:19:21,029
You know, like COVID-19.
537
00:19:21,049 --> 00:19:22,109
Do you think it'll
ever happen again?
538
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:24,000
- Ooh.
539
00:19:24,019 --> 00:19:26,079
I keep hoping,
but you know what they say.
540
00:19:26,099 --> 00:19:28,019
Good things only happen
to Black women once.
541
00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:30,059
- I'm actually inclined
to agree with your client,
542
00:19:30,079 --> 00:19:32,059
but I'm not interested
in cutting corners.
543
00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:36,029
I was voted most professional
in my graduating class.
544
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:37,049
Oh, snap!
545
00:19:37,069 --> 00:19:38,140
Negresses!
546
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,130
Deuces.
[chuckling]
547
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:42,200
♪ ♪
548
00:19:42,220 --> 00:19:44,019
[door opens, music stops]
549
00:19:44,039 --> 00:19:46,019
[gasps]
Oh.
550
00:19:46,039 --> 00:19:47,210
[door closes]
551
00:19:47,230 --> 00:19:49,140
- Won't he do it?
552
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,150
- He just did.
553
00:19:50,170 --> 00:19:52,130
- One, two, three, four.
554
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:54,039
Dare I say it?
555
00:19:54,059 --> 00:19:56,009
I think we have ourselves a...
556
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,180
♪ Black lady-- ♪
Oh, no.
557
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,150
- Good morning, ladies!
- [groans softly]
558
00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:01,210
- What am I, a pregnancy test?
559
00:20:01,230 --> 00:20:03,230
Y'all looking at me
real negative.
560
00:20:04,009 --> 00:20:06,089
- [groans]
No, you're good.
561
00:20:06,109 --> 00:20:08,190
- All right.
Well, uh, let's get started.
562
00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:10,170
Just as a reminder,
we are all here
563
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:14,190
to select a jury
for Civil Case 5669-B,
564
00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,029
which starts tomorrow.
565
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:18,069
Bailiff Shantira,
can you bring the pool in?
566
00:20:18,089 --> 00:20:19,200
- Forgive me, Your Honor?
- Why?
567
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:21,079
Do you run the Wi-Fi
for Verzuz?
568
00:20:21,099 --> 00:20:22,180
- [chuckles]
569
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,140
I'm a little confused,
Your Honor.
570
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,089
See, I'm a good-looking
Black man, successful attorney,
571
00:20:27,109 --> 00:20:28,230
got my Euro-cut suit on,
572
00:20:29,009 --> 00:20:31,009
and I know I got you seasick
with these waves.
573
00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:33,180
Ah, ah, ah.
Ahoy, matey.
574
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,019
- [chuckles sarcastically]
So?
575
00:20:36,039 --> 00:20:38,079
I got waves, too.
576
00:20:38,099 --> 00:20:40,180
- What does any of that have
to do with the case, Counselor?
577
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:43,069
- Nothing.
I'm single.
578
00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:44,180
- I'm good.
579
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,150
- [gasps]
- Holy Dora Milaje.
580
00:20:47,170 --> 00:20:49,130
♪ ♪
581
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:50,170
- It's a--a--
582
00:20:50,190 --> 00:20:53,029
it's a Black lady jury,
Your Honor.
583
00:20:53,049 --> 00:20:54,119
- Oh, it's happening.
584
00:20:54,140 --> 00:20:56,000
Oh, it's happening.
Oh, it's happening.
585
00:20:56,019 --> 00:20:58,069
- Hey!
Y'all better pose.
586
00:20:58,089 --> 00:20:59,130
- Yes!
- Come on, melanin.
587
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:00,160
- Oh, ooh!
- Yes!
588
00:21:00,180 --> 00:21:02,079
- It's a video, it's a video.
589
00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:04,130
- [chuckling] Okay,
"America's Next Top Jury."
590
00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:07,089
- Yes, sis, sis, sis, sis, sis,
sis, sis, sis, sis. Yes!
591
00:21:07,109 --> 00:21:10,039
- Come on, Fro.
Dance or something. Yes!
592
00:21:10,059 --> 00:21:11,119
Fine-ass jury.
593
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:13,160
- You can't film
in a courtroom.
594
00:21:13,180 --> 00:21:14,170
- Really, guy?
[gavel bangs]
595
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:15,190
- Order in the court.
596
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,150
Let's begin jury selection.
597
00:21:17,170 --> 00:21:19,210
Plaintiff's counsel,
we will start with you.
598
00:21:19,230 --> 00:21:21,160
- Thank you, Judge Harper.
599
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:24,069
Ladies of the jury,
have any of you worked for
600
00:21:24,089 --> 00:21:27,150
or do you have family members
who work for the government?
601
00:21:27,170 --> 00:21:29,019
Okay, great.
602
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:31,000
So that brings me
to my second question.
603
00:21:31,019 --> 00:21:35,009
Uh, have any of you previously
participated in a...
604
00:21:35,029 --> 00:21:37,089
Black lady jury?
605
00:21:37,109 --> 00:21:39,099
all: ♪ Black lady jury ♪
[two claps]
606
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,099
♪ Black lady jury ♪
[two claps]
607
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:43,089
♪ Black lady jury ♪
[two claps]
608
00:21:43,109 --> 00:21:45,009
♪ Black lady jury ♪
[two claps]
609
00:21:45,029 --> 00:21:46,210
- Now y'all doing
the Rockaway.
610
00:21:46,230 --> 00:21:48,210
[gavel bangs]
- Okay, everybody, settle down.
611
00:21:48,230 --> 00:21:50,170
- Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
612
00:21:50,190 --> 00:21:53,049
My client had a shift
at Burlington Coat Factory.
613
00:21:53,069 --> 00:21:56,200
She doesn't work there--she
just steals from 10:00 to 4:00.
614
00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:59,230
What in the pink oil?
615
00:22:00,009 --> 00:22:02,180
What in the Murray's?
- Yeah, girl. We can't call it.
616
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,119
- Hey, y'all in here
doing Fat Joe choreo
617
00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:07,119
when we're supposed
to be selecting the jurors
618
00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:09,109
for Case 5668-B.
619
00:22:09,130 --> 00:22:11,200
[gavel bangs]
- First, your tone.
620
00:22:11,220 --> 00:22:13,200
Second, that's not even
the right docket number.
621
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:16,150
I said it is case 5669-B.
622
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:19,029
- Ah, that's on me.
623
00:22:19,049 --> 00:22:21,059
Let me just leave you ladies
to your
624
00:22:21,079 --> 00:22:22,180
♪ Black lady-- ♪
- Uh-uh!
625
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:24,009
- You right.
626
00:22:24,029 --> 00:22:26,029
Excuse me.
627
00:22:27,069 --> 00:22:28,059
- [scoffs]
628
00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:29,109
- He done lost
his doggone mind.
629
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,019
- Thank you, Your Honor.
630
00:22:31,039 --> 00:22:32,210
Now, first, I'd like to begin
by petitioning the court
631
00:22:32,230 --> 00:22:35,029
for a waiver of jury limits
so that
632
00:22:35,049 --> 00:22:37,039
all these queens can take part
in the proceedings!
633
00:22:37,059 --> 00:22:38,089
[laughter]
634
00:22:38,109 --> 00:22:39,220
[gavel bangs]
- Granted.
635
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,039
- ♪ Black lady jury ♪
636
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:43,039
- Um, um...
637
00:22:43,059 --> 00:22:45,089
Miss Judge, ma'am, I would like
to say something.
638
00:22:45,109 --> 00:22:48,130
Ever since I first stepped
in your courtroom,
639
00:22:48,150 --> 00:22:50,130
my life changed.
640
00:22:50,150 --> 00:22:52,130
I had never seen
641
00:22:52,150 --> 00:22:54,130
so many professional,
Black women in one place.
642
00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:59,119
It inspired me, and I wanted
that feeling every day.
643
00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:04,049
So I went from a successful
but lonely small-business owner
644
00:23:04,069 --> 00:23:07,150
to committing petty crimes
and swindles,
645
00:23:07,170 --> 00:23:10,200
hoping that it would one day
lead me back into a courtroom
646
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:12,230
full of beautiful
Black goddesses.
647
00:23:13,009 --> 00:23:15,000
[dramatic music]
648
00:23:15,019 --> 00:23:17,230
- [choked up]
You did all of that...
649
00:23:18,009 --> 00:23:19,200
just to be with us?
650
00:23:19,220 --> 00:23:22,220
- Yeah, Bailiff, I did.
651
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:24,160
- I'm sorry.
[sobs softly]
652
00:23:24,180 --> 00:23:27,099
- Your Honor,
I don't represent her,
653
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,190
but I would like to plead
for the court's mercy on Trina.
654
00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:34,029
- I appreciate you, sis.
Thank you. She is so dumb.
655
00:23:34,049 --> 00:23:36,200
- That's obvious.
656
00:23:36,220 --> 00:23:39,089
- Now, Trina, as special as
this Black lady courtroom is--
657
00:23:39,109 --> 00:23:40,119
- [crying] And Black lady jury,
Your Honor.
658
00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:41,170
And a Black lady jury.
659
00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:43,210
- You better say it.
Say it.
660
00:23:43,230 --> 00:23:47,000
I cannot in good conscience
turn a blind eye
661
00:23:47,019 --> 00:23:50,029
to the crimes you have just
confessed to on today.
662
00:23:50,049 --> 00:23:51,119
- Oh, no.
663
00:23:51,140 --> 00:23:52,230
- But considering this
is a civil court
664
00:23:53,009 --> 00:23:55,029
and not a criminal court,
sustained!
665
00:23:55,049 --> 00:23:57,230
[cheers and applause]
666
00:23:58,009 --> 00:23:59,089
[laughter]
667
00:23:59,109 --> 00:24:00,190
- You probably going
to jail soon!
668
00:24:00,210 --> 00:24:02,059
- Worth it!
[laughter]
669
00:24:02,079 --> 00:24:04,109
Black lady courtroom!
all: [two claps]
670
00:24:04,130 --> 00:24:06,109
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
671
00:24:06,130 --> 00:24:08,130
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
672
00:24:08,150 --> 00:24:10,210
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
673
00:24:10,230 --> 00:24:12,119
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
674
00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:14,039
- Hey!
675
00:24:14,059 --> 00:24:15,150
all: ♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
676
00:24:15,170 --> 00:24:17,099
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
677
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,140
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
678
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,140
♪ Black lady courtroom ♪
[two claps]
679
00:24:24,190 --> 00:24:27,160
[mellow techno music]
680
00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:34,170
♪ ♪
681
00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,079
- Forgive me, Your Honor.
- Why?
682
00:25:26,099 --> 00:25:27,220
Are you the one that hired
the second Aunt Viv?
683
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:29,210
- Forgive me, Your Honor.
- Uh, why?
684
00:25:29,230 --> 00:25:31,130
Do you clap on the ones
and threes?
685
00:25:31,150 --> 00:25:34,009
- Please go. You're
getting grease on my chair.
686
00:25:34,029 --> 00:25:35,170
- I'm sorry about that.
687
00:25:35,190 --> 00:25:37,059
- But leave positive
Yelp review.
688
00:25:37,079 --> 00:25:38,210
We are Black-owned business.
689
00:25:38,230 --> 00:25:39,230
- Okay, I will.
690
00:25:40,009 --> 00:25:41,089
I don't have any internet.
691
00:25:41,109 --> 00:25:42,190
Do you have a Wi-Fi
and a computer?
692
00:25:42,210 --> 00:25:44,099
I have to ask you a question.
- Yes?
693
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:47,029
- Do you have a bathroom?
- Not for non-customers.
694
00:25:47,049 --> 00:25:48,160
- Okay, well, it's good I went
in the chair, then.
695
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:49,190
You ever have
your door get stuck
696
00:25:49,210 --> 00:25:51,029
in the middle of the freeway?
697
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:53,069
- No, I have excellent credit.
698
00:25:53,089 --> 00:25:54,069
- Oh, okay.
That's cool.
699
00:25:54,089 --> 00:25:55,079
Can I have some?
700
00:25:55,099 --> 00:25:56,119
- No.
- Okay.
701
00:25:56,140 --> 00:25:57,220
- Please go--
702
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,049
- Y'all need any help
around here?
703
00:25:59,069 --> 00:26:00,119
[laughter]
704
00:26:00,140 --> 00:26:02,220
All right, look, can I ask you
just one more thing?
705
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,190
- Sure.
706
00:26:04,210 --> 00:26:06,059
- Do you think, like, I could
ever look like Halle Berry?
707
00:26:06,079 --> 00:26:07,170
'Cause I had thought
when I was younger--
708
00:26:07,190 --> 00:26:08,170
- Cut.
- No?
709
00:26:08,190 --> 00:26:11,099
[laughter]
710
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:12,190
- Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
711
00:26:12,210 --> 00:26:14,130
My client refused
to come to court
712
00:26:14,150 --> 00:26:16,009
until she found
a snakeskin shirt,
713
00:26:16,029 --> 00:26:18,119
and this is the one she chose.
714
00:26:18,140 --> 00:26:19,230
- [stifled laugh]
- What?
715
00:26:20,009 --> 00:26:21,180
- She's out, she's out.
[laughter]
716
00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,140
She's done.
[laughter]
717
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:28,000
We lost her.
718
00:26:28,019 --> 00:26:30,039
- Sorry I am late, Your Honor.
719
00:26:30,059 --> 00:26:32,200
I just found out my client has
been impersonating Issa Rae
720
00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:34,119
and is now wanted for fraud.
721
00:26:34,140 --> 00:26:36,089
Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
722
00:26:36,109 --> 00:26:39,039
My client decided to enter a
Malcolm X lookalike competition
723
00:26:39,059 --> 00:26:40,150
and, clearly, she lost.
724
00:26:40,170 --> 00:26:42,039
- Aww.
725
00:26:42,059 --> 00:26:44,009
- Sorry I am late, Your Honor.
726
00:26:44,029 --> 00:26:45,210
My client said she would not
come to court--
727
00:26:45,230 --> 00:26:48,170
- No, stop.
- It's over before it began.
728
00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:51,230
- [laughing]
Oh, God.
729
00:26:52,009 --> 00:26:54,000
- Sorry I'm late, Your Honor.
730
00:26:54,019 --> 00:26:55,190
My client decided
to trick-or-treat,
731
00:26:55,210 --> 00:26:57,069
but because she was dressed
as Lauryn Hill,
732
00:26:57,089 --> 00:26:59,190
she just finished
three months late.
733
00:26:59,210 --> 00:27:01,160
Sorry I am late, Your Honor.
734
00:27:01,180 --> 00:27:04,140
My client decided to audition
for "Princess and the Frog 2"
735
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:08,019
and got the frog.
736
00:27:08,039 --> 00:27:11,099
What in the pink oil?
737
00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:13,039
What in the Murray's--
You laughed!
738
00:27:13,059 --> 00:27:15,119
- It's her! [indistinct]
[laughter]
739
00:27:15,140 --> 00:27:17,130
[shouts indistinctly]
740
00:27:17,150 --> 00:27:20,059
[laughter]
741
00:27:20,079 --> 00:27:21,230
- I had already laughed,
but I just--
742
00:27:22,009 --> 00:27:24,000
- [laughing]
I know, I know.
743
00:27:35,230 --> 00:27:38,009
[bright tone]
744
00:27:38,059 --> 00:27:42,609
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