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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,160
There are great opportunities
2
00:00:07,179 --> 00:00:09,169
for new talent in television.
3
00:00:09,189 --> 00:00:12,009
I know, from my own
beginnings in radio,
4
00:00:12,029 --> 00:00:14,119
how important
that first break can be.
5
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,080
And I've tried to offer
such a beginning
6
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,040
to new performers
on this program.
7
00:00:19,109 --> 00:00:21,169
In a sense, that's what
I'm doing now too,
8
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:24,280
having run out of fresh,
exciting, new ideas
9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,070
to bring you myself,
10
00:00:26,089 --> 00:00:28,159
I feel I should give
somebody else a turn.
11
00:00:28,179 --> 00:00:29,219
At any rate,
12
00:00:29,239 --> 00:00:32,009
this is in no sense
a valedictory.
13
00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:34,100
In fact, if anything,
14
00:00:34,119 --> 00:00:36,179
it's more of a valentine
to a network
15
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:39,250
and a profession that have
been very good to me.
16
00:00:39,270 --> 00:00:42,230
I hope I have given them
a good run for their money.
17
00:00:42,250 --> 00:00:44,040
And who knows?
18
00:00:44,060 --> 00:00:46,190
Some day I may re-enter
the lists with a new saber,
19
00:00:46,210 --> 00:00:49,100
neither broken nor bent,
and plow up the field
20
00:00:49,119 --> 00:00:50,249
all over again.
21
00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:56,120
So now thank you,
goodbye, good night.
22
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,020
Come on, Leica.
23
00:00:58,039 --> 00:00:59,119
We're going to go home.
24
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:00,270
Come on. Come on.
25
00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:02,179
♪ ♪
26
00:01:11,109 --> 00:01:12,289
Larry:
You think I should
mention God?
27
00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:14,140
What do you mean?
28
00:01:14,159 --> 00:01:16,189
You know, in
the closing goodbye.
29
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:19,100
"God bless you,"
something in that, uh, vein or--
30
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:22,040
Well, hell, we've plugged
everybody else on the planet,
31
00:01:22,060 --> 00:01:24,200
let's give
the deity His due.
32
00:01:24,219 --> 00:01:27,249
I just want to say
a heartfelt and deeply sincere
33
00:01:27,269 --> 00:01:32,119
thank you
for the opportunity
you've-- you've given me.
34
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,260
The last 10 years have
been your glorious gift...
35
00:01:37,289 --> 00:01:39,099
to the people
of this country...
36
00:01:40,189 --> 00:01:42,019
but they have
also been a gift...
37
00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:45,240
to a man
by the name
of Hank Kingsley.
38
00:01:47,069 --> 00:01:48,159
(sighs) Wow.
39
00:01:49,159 --> 00:01:51,099
(sighs)
Okay?
40
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,140
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
41
00:01:53,159 --> 00:01:56,019
(breathing shakily)
42
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,060
(emotionally)
Here's all the cards.
43
00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:01,129
(crying)
Please, sweetheart.
44
00:02:01,150 --> 00:02:02,220
I thought
she stopped.
45
00:02:02,239 --> 00:02:03,999
Yeah, for about
two seconds.
46
00:02:04,019 --> 00:02:05,209
I think the hormones
from the baby.
47
00:02:05,230 --> 00:02:07,280
Beverly, come on.
48
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,160
You're gonna
get me started
and believe me,
49
00:02:10,180 --> 00:02:12,020
nobody needs
to see that.
50
00:02:12,039 --> 00:02:14,089
You should have seen me
at the end of "Titanic."
51
00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:17,000
(emotionally)
You think those people
in the water were wailing?
52
00:02:17,020 --> 00:02:18,110
Oh god!
53
00:02:18,129 --> 00:02:21,119
Oh please, people,
come on!
54
00:02:21,139 --> 00:02:23,999
Larry doesn't want to have
any display of emotion.
55
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:27,060
He wants to stay
focused on the show.
56
00:02:27,079 --> 00:02:29,239
Just suck it up.
57
00:02:30,259 --> 00:02:31,279
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
58
00:02:50,039 --> 00:02:51,139
(crumbles paper)
59
00:03:20,020 --> 00:03:22,080
(crying)
60
00:03:28,259 --> 00:03:31,179
Oh, fuckin' buncha bullshit.
61
00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,129
Hey, Larry.
Hey.
62
00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,140
Hey.
Phil, how's it going?
63
00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:42,189
Good.
64
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,260
Hey, listen,
I was wondering...
65
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:46,090
you know the letters
over by the band
66
00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:47,180
that spell "Larry"?
Mm-hmm.
67
00:03:47,199 --> 00:03:49,209
I was wondering if I could--
if I could take those.
68
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,109
The letters?
Yeah.
69
00:03:51,129 --> 00:03:53,109
Yeah, no, I mean, not all
of them or anything.
70
00:03:53,129 --> 00:03:56,029
See, I have this buddy Ray,
his name's Ray.
71
00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:58,120
And I figured I could
take the letters from--
72
00:03:58,139 --> 00:04:00,249
that just spell his name,
and then I could put them
73
00:04:00,270 --> 00:04:02,130
on the lawn
of his house tonight.
74
00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:03,290
And then when he opens up
the blinds tomorrow
75
00:04:04,009 --> 00:04:05,279
and sees it tomorrow,
it's like "Ray"!
Yeah, well, you know,
76
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,000
I think that those letters
77
00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:09,060
are owned
by the, uh, network,
78
00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,090
but if it was up
to me, seriously,
79
00:04:11,110 --> 00:04:12,290
you would not get them.
(scoffs)
80
00:04:13,009 --> 00:04:14,119
Come on, I mean they
don't get give a shit.
81
00:04:14,139 --> 00:04:15,279
They're gonna be
in a dumpster after the show.
82
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,140
You know, tomorrow
night after the show?
Yeah?
83
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,230
You're fired.
But for the last time,
so celebrate.
84
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,020
Funny.
85
00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:30,159
Don't ask me
for the couch.
86
00:04:30,180 --> 00:04:32,190
What-- at what point are
you gonna thank me,
87
00:04:32,209 --> 00:04:34,029
uh, tomorrow night
on the show?
88
00:04:35,029 --> 00:04:37,109
Because--
here's the deal--
I think...
89
00:04:37,129 --> 00:04:39,039
my-- my "thank you"...
90
00:04:39,060 --> 00:04:40,270
Uh-huh.
...should not come
directly after yours,
91
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:42,220
'cause that would
sound tit-for-tat.
92
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,230
Now, I think I should
say my "thank you"
93
00:04:45,250 --> 00:04:48,160
in the second half hour
and yours, of course,
94
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,160
should come as close
to the end as possible.
95
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:52,080
Uh-huh.
And please give me
a separate "thank you."
96
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,240
Don't lump me in
with those fucking
craft service retards.
97
00:04:54,259 --> 00:04:56,269
Okay.
Also, I need...
98
00:04:56,290 --> 00:05:00,100
well, an exact script
of what you're going to say...
Uh-huh.
99
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,140
...because I think
our thank yous should
complement each other.
100
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:04,010
Like wedding vows.
101
00:05:04,029 --> 00:05:06,049
Wh--
I think you should
wear a veil.
102
00:05:06,069 --> 00:05:08,029
I think we should come
down the aisle together,
103
00:05:08,050 --> 00:05:10,160
maybe in white.
Excuse me, Larry?
104
00:05:10,180 --> 00:05:12,290
Artie and Norman are
waiting for you.
105
00:05:13,009 --> 00:05:15,049
Well, I think we've
done very well, Larry.
106
00:05:15,069 --> 00:05:16,159
I mean, the people
that we have...
Yeah.
107
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:18,030
...for tomorrow
night's show--
you know what?
108
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:20,230
I think it's a testament
to-- to how respected
109
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:24,080
and admired and well-loved
you are in the business.
110
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,160
Mmm. Who?
111
00:05:26,180 --> 00:05:28,090
The emotional moment...
Larry: Yeah?
112
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,020
...the lump in the throat?
113
00:05:31,019 --> 00:05:32,059
Carol Burnett.
114
00:05:32,079 --> 00:05:33,189
Hey!
115
00:05:33,209 --> 00:05:35,119
Uh-huh.
You think she'll cry?
116
00:05:35,139 --> 00:05:38,209
Well... I didn't go so far
as to make the request,
117
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:41,050
but that call
can be made.
Larry: Okay, good.
118
00:05:41,069 --> 00:05:42,259
Who do we have
to sing to me?
119
00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:45,259
We have Clint Black locked.
120
00:05:47,189 --> 00:05:51,109
That... is a man.
That's a fucking man.
121
00:05:51,129 --> 00:05:53,139
I don't want a fucking
man singing to me.
It's Clint!
122
00:05:53,159 --> 00:05:55,259
You don't have to worry
about the homoerotic
underpinnings!
123
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,109
He's a country
music singer!
124
00:05:57,129 --> 00:05:59,029
But a man,
nonetheless.
125
00:05:59,050 --> 00:06:00,130
And I think,
by the way,
126
00:06:00,149 --> 00:06:01,209
we're a superstar short.
127
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:03,110
Did we have any
luck on Jim Carrey?
128
00:06:03,129 --> 00:06:06,199
Well, that's iffy,
because we never
let him plug "Ace Ventura."
129
00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:09,140
Come on.
Everyone thought
he was too broad.
130
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,030
Who knew he was
gonna be so...?
131
00:06:11,050 --> 00:06:14,170
Hey. Hey, I think
that's Warren Beatty
in the parking lot.
132
00:06:14,189 --> 00:06:16,999
He must still be putting
the finishing touches
on "Bulworth."
133
00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,139
That's already out.
134
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,060
Well, the man
is never satisfied.
135
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:21,089
Excuse me.
136
00:06:27,149 --> 00:06:28,249
(elevator dings)
137
00:06:37,199 --> 00:06:39,039
Hey, Warren.
138
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:40,140
Hey, Larry.
Hey.
139
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:44,120
Uh, listen,
how would you...
140
00:06:44,139 --> 00:06:46,139
(pants)
141
00:06:46,159 --> 00:06:48,009
like to come on my show
tomorrow night
142
00:06:48,029 --> 00:06:49,069
and just say
a little goodbye to me?
143
00:06:49,090 --> 00:06:50,250
'Cause, you know,
it's the end of the whole...
144
00:06:51,259 --> 00:06:53,039
thing tomorrow night.
145
00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:54,260
I-- I could say
goodbye to you now.
146
00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:56,199
(engine starts)
Yeah, but... (laughs)
147
00:06:56,220 --> 00:06:58,120
there are no cameras
or anything here.
148
00:06:58,139 --> 00:06:59,269
Tomorrow night,
millions of people.
149
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:01,290
We got a fantastic show.
Yeah? Who you got?
150
00:07:02,009 --> 00:07:04,009
We have Carol Burnett.
We have...
151
00:07:04,029 --> 00:07:07,149
Greg Kinnear, Sean Penn,
Tom Petty, Clint Black.
152
00:07:07,170 --> 00:07:09,180
Who?
Clint Black,
he's a country music singer.
153
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:11,069
He's gonna sing
goodbye to me.
154
00:07:11,089 --> 00:07:12,149
It's gonna
be fantastic.
155
00:07:16,149 --> 00:07:17,149
Goodbye.
156
00:07:20,009 --> 00:07:21,009
Hey!
157
00:07:22,089 --> 00:07:24,149
Maybe like... a pre-tape.
158
00:07:24,170 --> 00:07:25,290
Let's-- let's think
about it.
159
00:07:27,089 --> 00:07:28,189
What about
David Duchovny?
160
00:07:29,189 --> 00:07:31,119
He's a little too needy,
161
00:07:31,139 --> 00:07:32,199
and that would be
distracting for me.
162
00:07:32,220 --> 00:07:36,060
We believe that David's
in love with Larry.
163
00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:39,079
What?
Please.
164
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,270
(stammers)
He's married.
165
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:43,120
Huh? So was
Rock Hudson, okay?
166
00:07:43,139 --> 00:07:45,189
Oh, that wasn't real.
It was arranged
by the studios.
167
00:07:45,209 --> 00:07:48,029
I didn't know that. Really?
Fellas, please.
168
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:51,030
Who else?
169
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:53,270
Larry, look, we need
David Duchovny.
170
00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:55,050
You know,
he's very big.
171
00:07:55,069 --> 00:07:56,269
And you know,
we lost Kevin Costner.
172
00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:59,100
He slipped on some ice
making his new movie.
173
00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:01,140
The whole thing, it was all
on ice or something,
174
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,160
I don't know.
175
00:08:04,019 --> 00:08:05,109
Crazy.
(dial tone)
176
00:08:05,129 --> 00:08:08,069
(deep sigh)
(dialing)
177
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,010
I know his number
by heart,
178
00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:16,259
because he's
a good friend of mine.
179
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,160
(ringing)
180
00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,240
David on phone:
Hello?
181
00:08:21,259 --> 00:08:23,149
David,
it's Larry.
182
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,200
David: Oh--
(sighs)
183
00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:26,130
(David whispering)
Hey, Larry, how you doing?
184
00:08:26,149 --> 00:08:27,209
I'm glad
you called.
185
00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:29,130
Listen, I've been
thinking about you.
186
00:08:30,129 --> 00:08:31,219
Is this
a bad connection?
187
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,230
(David whispers)
No, it's just that...
Tea's here.
188
00:08:34,250 --> 00:08:36,190
Hold on. Let me go
into the other room. Hold on.
189
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,100
(Tea speaks indistinctly)
190
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,280
David:
Yeah, just shut-shut--
shut the door.
191
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,250
It's my mother.
My mother.
192
00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:48,209
Okay. Hey, how you doing?
193
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:50,050
How's Tea?
194
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:51,160
David:
Tea is great.
195
00:08:51,179 --> 00:08:53,019
You dating anyone?
196
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:55,129
I'm dating Illeana Douglas,
as a matter of fact.
197
00:08:55,149 --> 00:08:56,209
She's fantastic.
198
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:59,280
It's just a wonderful
male/female relationship,
199
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,180
and I am so happy.
200
00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:05,179
Hello?
201
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,060
Hello?
David: Uh-huh.
202
00:09:11,110 --> 00:09:13,280
Can I-- can I ask
you something?
203
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,220
David:
Look, why don't we
have lunch tomorrow
204
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,000
and talk about it?
I'll be in town.
205
00:09:22,289 --> 00:09:24,139
Well, okay.
206
00:09:24,159 --> 00:09:26,049
David:
Oh great, so why
don't you just mee--
207
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:28,190
(whispering)
meet me-- meet me
at the Bel-Air Hotel
208
00:09:28,210 --> 00:09:30,100
around noon.
The where?
209
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,110
(David whispers)
Bel-Air Hotel! Noon!
210
00:09:33,129 --> 00:09:35,139
I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
I am not meeting him
at the Bel-Air.
211
00:09:35,159 --> 00:09:37,059
I am not meeting him
at the Bel-Air.
(dial tone)
212
00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,150
I am not meeting him.
213
00:09:38,169 --> 00:09:40,059
(knocking)
♪ ♪
214
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,220
(sighs)
215
00:09:42,220 --> 00:09:44,050
There he is.
Hey.
216
00:09:44,070 --> 00:09:45,060
Hey, how you doing?
Come on in.
217
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,110
Good to see you.
Good to see you too.
218
00:09:47,129 --> 00:09:50,039
(chuckles)
God, you look--
219
00:09:50,059 --> 00:09:51,239
you look great.
Thank you.
220
00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:53,249
Your hair
looks great.
221
00:09:53,269 --> 00:09:56,069
Tea here?
The whole thing.
Tea-- she went golfing.
222
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:57,170
Really?
Yeah.
223
00:09:57,190 --> 00:10:00,060
Well, that's fantastic.
Yeah.
224
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,080
You look great.
Thanks, so do you.
225
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,280
I mean, whatever
you're doing.
Appreciate it. Yeah.
226
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,260
You working out?
A little bit.
227
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:10,070
What's up?
(sighs)
You're not gonna believe this.
228
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:12,240
See, we have this big,
you know,
final show tonight,
229
00:10:12,259 --> 00:10:14,239
and Kevin Costner
drops out.
230
00:10:14,259 --> 00:10:17,079
Oh, shit.
And, you know, it's the last
night of the show,
231
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:19,090
so would it be imposing...
232
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,230
to ask you if you
would do the show?
233
00:10:26,090 --> 00:10:27,290
You know,
I've actually been wanting
234
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:30,019
to be on the last show
very much,
235
00:10:30,039 --> 00:10:33,069
and I'm glad that
you finally asked me.
236
00:10:35,279 --> 00:10:37,059
Thank you.
You're welcome.
237
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,000
Hey, I heard you
got rid of Stevie Grant.
238
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:41,129
I did.
Yeah.
239
00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:45,019
His behavior was
so "detesticle."
240
00:10:46,139 --> 00:10:47,179
Is that a word?
241
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:48,290
What'd I say?
242
00:10:49,009 --> 00:10:50,239
You said his behavior
was "detesticle."
243
00:10:50,259 --> 00:10:52,149
(laughs)
Oh, did I?
244
00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:54,169
I meant "despicable."
Yeah.
245
00:10:54,190 --> 00:10:56,190
Hey, can I have
some fruit?
246
00:10:58,190 --> 00:10:59,240
Yeah.
247
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,219
Appreciate it.
Oh.
248
00:11:01,259 --> 00:11:03,199
Monday night,
can you believe it?
249
00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,270
No. Man,
I'm scared to death.
250
00:11:05,289 --> 00:11:07,259
Hey, I'm not blowing
smoke up your ass.
251
00:11:07,279 --> 00:11:09,209
Larry did the show
for 10 years.
252
00:11:09,230 --> 00:11:11,220
You're gonna do it
for twice as long.
253
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,170
This isn't fucking
Jeane Dixon talking here.
254
00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:15,020
This is reality, man.
255
00:11:15,039 --> 00:11:16,239
You think?
Yeah!
256
00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:19,999
(laughs)
I gotta talk
to Larry, though.
257
00:11:20,019 --> 00:11:22,129
You know, I haven't
had a chance to--
Don't worry about Larry, okay?
258
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,179
Larry's a thing
of the past, okay?
259
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:25,270
The guy's
the 8-track, all right?
260
00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:27,239
He's the fucking horse
and buggy, that guy.
261
00:11:27,259 --> 00:11:30,049
This is Darwinism.
Don't fight it.
262
00:11:30,070 --> 00:11:31,140
You'll fucking lose.
263
00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:34,259
(breathes deeply)
(distant chattering)
264
00:11:36,159 --> 00:11:38,019
Jon:
Hey, Larry.
265
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:40,229
Beverly told me you
were in-- in make-up here.
266
00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:42,210
Bruce, excuse us
a second.
267
00:11:42,230 --> 00:11:45,230
Hey, sorry.
Look, I know this is weird.
268
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:47,010
How you doing?
Good, how are you?
269
00:11:47,029 --> 00:11:48,289
Good.
I just wanted to tell you
270
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,119
I'll be thanking you
at the top of the show
271
00:11:50,139 --> 00:11:51,249
on Monday, first thing.
No need to do that.
272
00:11:51,269 --> 00:11:53,079
No, I'm gonna
tell everyone
273
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,230
how much I've
appreciated your support,
274
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:58,150
just... what an honor
and a huge challenge
275
00:11:58,169 --> 00:12:01,109
it's gonna be...
I would--
I would skip "challenge."
276
00:12:01,129 --> 00:12:02,269
Leave out "challenge,"
do "honor."
277
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,229
But-- that's a good note.
278
00:12:04,250 --> 00:12:06,200
Tighten it up,
get to the jokes.
279
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,230
I'll say it twice.
Did Stevie Grant
280
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:11,010
tell you that he was
signing me beforehand?
281
00:12:12,129 --> 00:12:14,089
No, no, he didn't.
282
00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,190
God. I didn't know that.
283
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:18,090
Well...
Well, well, hello, Jon.
284
00:12:18,110 --> 00:12:19,240
Hey, Arthur.
Monday already?
285
00:12:19,259 --> 00:12:22,109
(chuckles)
Listen, have a great show.
286
00:12:22,129 --> 00:12:23,189
You as well.
287
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,080
Thank you.
All right, thanks.
Excuse us, thank you.
288
00:12:28,259 --> 00:12:30,059
Let's go, buddy.
289
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,070
Let's do this show
one more time.
290
00:12:34,289 --> 00:12:36,129
(sighs)
291
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,100
(chattering continues)
292
00:12:47,139 --> 00:12:49,099
Who are
these people?
293
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,200
Faces from the past,
294
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:52,160
they always show up
for a "wrap" gift.
295
00:12:56,029 --> 00:12:57,139
Darlene,
my goodness.
296
00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:59,259
What a delight. I thought
you were in India.
I was.
297
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,169
Larry, I'm so glad
you're changing your life
298
00:13:01,190 --> 00:13:03,120
and leaving all
of this behind
299
00:13:03,139 --> 00:13:05,129
and creating a new
universe for yourself.
300
00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:07,049
It's just
a big trap.
301
00:13:07,070 --> 00:13:08,200
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
302
00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,240
See, he's changing already.
303
00:13:09,259 --> 00:13:11,069
If I had said
that to you before,
304
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:12,170
you would have
thought I was crazy.
305
00:13:12,190 --> 00:13:14,240
Sweetie, you must let go
of Larry's hand.
Please, please, please.
306
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:16,089
Jerry, right?
Yeah, yeah.
307
00:13:16,110 --> 00:13:19,200
Gosh, I fired you, what,
four fucking years ago!
Four years, yeah.
308
00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:21,080
I'll be damned.
Yeah, I just wanted to see,
309
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:22,270
after you fired me
and fucked up my life,
310
00:13:22,289 --> 00:13:25,059
if you'd stand there
and smile at me like
we were old buddies.
311
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,260
(chuckles)
Well, now you know.
312
00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:30,049
Yeah, huh? Nice.
(Artie laughs)
313
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,050
Good to see you.
Good to see you.
Hey, Larry.
314
00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:36,020
You don't remember me,
do you?
315
00:13:36,039 --> 00:13:38,279
Uh, yes, I do,
yes, I do.
316
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,270
Absolutely,
of course I do.
317
00:13:40,289 --> 00:13:43,019
I'm happy you're here.
Thank you for coming.
The lighting guy.
318
00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:45,109
I know, I know,
the lighting guy.
319
00:13:45,129 --> 00:13:47,209
I understand.
The sound guy.
320
00:13:47,230 --> 00:13:49,230
This is Mark,
the sound guy.
You fired him
321
00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:51,280
after he hit you
in the head with a boom.
322
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,110
That's right.
323
00:13:53,129 --> 00:13:55,119
Three days in a row,
still a record.
324
00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:57,159
(chuckles)
Screw you, Larry.
325
00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:58,999
Yeah,
screw you.
326
00:14:00,190 --> 00:14:02,040
Sid's brother.
Hi.
327
00:14:04,009 --> 00:14:06,189
There are no more people
from the past out there,
are there?
328
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:09,100
No, but I got a...
present for you.
329
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,290
The great Jim Carrey
is in the house.
330
00:14:12,009 --> 00:14:14,159
Stage manager:
Five, four, three, two.
(chuckles)
331
00:14:14,179 --> 00:14:18,069
(theme music playing)
332
00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:20,200
Hank:
Live on tape
from Hollywood,
333
00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:22,000
"The Larry Sanders Show"!
334
00:14:22,019 --> 00:14:23,199
Tonight, join Larry
and his guests
335
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:27,010
Jim Carrey, Tim Allen,
Tom Petty, Sean Penn,
336
00:14:27,029 --> 00:14:31,019
Carol Burnett, David Duchovny,
Greg Kinnear, Clint Black,
337
00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:35,119
Bruno Kirby, and me,
"hey now," Hank Kingsley.
338
00:14:35,139 --> 00:14:37,219
And now because
this is the last time
339
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,030
I'm going to say it,
340
00:14:39,049 --> 00:14:44,179
Larry... Sanders!
341
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:47,190
(applause)
342
00:15:06,190 --> 00:15:08,040
Thank you so much.
343
00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:14,079
Honestly, you'll have
nothing left for the end
344
00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,170
when I finally
do say goodbye.
345
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,060
Blow it all now.
I couldn't be--
346
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:21,280
What a delightful
response. Honestly,
I'm just thrilled.
347
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,170
Thank you so much.
Of course, this is
our last show.
348
00:15:25,190 --> 00:15:27,100
Can you guys
hear me all okay?
349
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,030
Audience: Yeah!
It's so important,
350
00:15:29,049 --> 00:15:31,179
because we just installed
the sound system today.
351
00:15:33,279 --> 00:15:36,079
I didn't realize
it was the end of the show
'til last night.
352
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,180
I was lying in bed
with a woman,
353
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,230
and I said, "Seriously,
we're gonna have you on soon!"
354
00:15:42,029 --> 00:15:43,079
(grunts)
355
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:45,130
Now I'm in trouble.
356
00:15:45,149 --> 00:15:48,289
Because this show, oddly--
this show, oddly, is like
my sex life,
357
00:15:49,009 --> 00:15:51,019
in that it lasts about an hour,
there's applause,
358
00:15:51,039 --> 00:15:52,289
and I'm usually
interrupted by Hank!
359
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:57,010
What will you do
when the show's over,
360
00:15:57,029 --> 00:15:58,279
by the way?
You have any plans?
361
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,100
I-- I don't know.
A lot of driving.
362
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:04,150
Have you been
there every night?
Right there?
363
00:16:05,279 --> 00:16:07,999
Oddly enough,
this show has survived
364
00:16:08,019 --> 00:16:10,229
three presidential
administrations,
365
00:16:10,250 --> 00:16:12,030
and, oddly enough,
366
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:14,269
Clinton is our first
two-intern president!
367
00:16:16,190 --> 00:16:19,160
Do you realize
when we started
this show 10 years ago,
368
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:22,049
Michael Jackson still looked
like Michael Jackson?
369
00:16:22,070 --> 00:16:24,050
(laughter on TV)
How's your
talk show going?
370
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:26,260
I'm acting now.
371
00:16:26,279 --> 00:16:28,069
(Larry speaks indistinctly)
372
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:29,100
Really?
373
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:33,130
Yeah, I--
I got an Academy
Award nomination.
374
00:16:33,149 --> 00:16:36,079
So...
You're acting?
375
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,110
Yeah, I mean, it's--
it's a snap.
376
00:16:39,129 --> 00:16:42,059
One minute I'm
talking to Tempestt Bledsoe
377
00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:44,170
at 1:35 in the morning
about her dogs
or something.
378
00:16:44,190 --> 00:16:46,000
Next thing you know,
I got a nomination.
379
00:16:46,019 --> 00:16:47,029
It's like...
380
00:16:49,139 --> 00:16:50,279
God bless you.
381
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,070
This Monica Lewinsky
scandal-- my goodness!
382
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:56,060
Would we have ever thought
we'd end up back here
with Monica Lewinsky?
383
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,290
I remember,
when this show first started,
384
00:16:58,009 --> 00:16:59,209
it was just enough
that Reagan had brought
385
00:16:59,230 --> 00:17:01,190
the Soviet Union
to its knees!
386
00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:08,269
Bob, is that all
we have on the cards?
387
00:17:08,289 --> 00:17:11,129
After all these years,
we're out of cards.
388
00:17:11,150 --> 00:17:14,080
So, we'll be right back.
We have some sensational guests.
389
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,039
Thank you for joining us.
We'll be right back.
390
00:17:16,059 --> 00:17:18,179
No flipping.
(theme music playing)
391
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:24,210
Welcome back.
392
00:17:26,119 --> 00:17:29,099
This is, of course,
a fantastic night for us
393
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:31,129
and a fantastic
night for you,
394
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,110
because we are
starting off our show
395
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:35,220
with Mr. Jim Carrey!
Jim Carrey!
396
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,060
♪ ♪
(cheers, applause)
397
00:17:44,049 --> 00:17:46,139
(indistinct dialog)
398
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,210
Wow.
Wow.
399
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,120
You'd think it was
your last night!
400
00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:08,120
Wow, man,
this is incredible.
This is my last night.
401
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:11,070
What energy in this place.
Welcome.
Welcome to the show.
402
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:12,189
(cheering)
This is--
403
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,000
Hey.
404
00:18:14,019 --> 00:18:16,059
Wow, look at this.
That's fantastic.
405
00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,049
Larry:
Isn't that something?
Oh, please.
406
00:18:18,069 --> 00:18:20,209
I cannot thank you enough
for being here tonight.
407
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:22,150
You know that
I'm a gigantic fan
408
00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:24,120
and really appreciate
you coming here tonight.
409
00:18:24,140 --> 00:18:26,040
Oh, well, it's an honor
for me to be here
410
00:18:26,059 --> 00:18:28,149
on this historic night.
Really, truly.
That is so sweet of you, yeah.
411
00:18:28,170 --> 00:18:30,260
I mean what
a legacy he's left,
hasn't he?
412
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:36,120
It's just fantastic.
It is just...
413
00:18:36,140 --> 00:18:39,020
To go out when you're at
the very tip-top of your game.
414
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:40,099
That's fantastic.
Well...
415
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,119
The cream of the crop,
king of the hill...
Thank you.
416
00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:44,090
Cock of the walk.
Yeah.
417
00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:46,210
Man: Woo!
Woman: Yeah.
418
00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,290
That is so kind.
419
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:49,269
I know walk is
certainly correct.
Well...
420
00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:52,250
That is really nice.
Thank you.
421
00:18:52,269 --> 00:18:54,249
Yeah, well, you know,
it's great.
Thank you so much.
422
00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:57,129
You ever see the last
episode of "Newhart"?
423
00:18:57,150 --> 00:18:59,180
Yes, I did.
Fantastic.
Oh, so funny.
424
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:05,040
Fantastic.
When Bob goes back
and has the dream
425
00:19:05,059 --> 00:19:07,059
and he's suddenly
in his own show--
426
00:19:07,079 --> 00:19:08,199
Right.
his old show,
427
00:19:08,220 --> 00:19:10,070
and it just-- it just...
That's right.
428
00:19:12,190 --> 00:19:15,070
(emotionally)
It-- they do kind of a...
429
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,189
It's almost like
they're...
430
00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:26,210
just right in the...
431
00:19:29,079 --> 00:19:30,199
I'm sorry.
I can't do this.
432
00:19:33,019 --> 00:19:35,069
I can't do comedy
right now.
433
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,110
What is--
what is it?
434
00:19:39,269 --> 00:19:41,059
"What is it?"
What is it?
435
00:19:41,079 --> 00:19:42,159
What isn't it?
436
00:19:43,170 --> 00:19:45,120
You're leaving, Larry.
Right.
437
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:48,070
Just when I thought everything
was solid in my life...
438
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,270
you decide to go.
439
00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,259
You know
I can't get it up?
440
00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:01,210
Ever since the announcement,
I've been flaccid.
441
00:20:03,150 --> 00:20:05,270
I'm sure everybody
in this audience
feels the same way.
442
00:20:05,289 --> 00:20:08,139
We need us some "Larry,"
right, guys?
443
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,050
(audience cheering)
444
00:20:12,049 --> 00:20:14,179
Very nice of you.
445
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,000
If you're as upset
446
00:20:16,019 --> 00:20:18,059
about Larry leaving
the show as I am,
447
00:20:18,079 --> 00:20:19,159
say, "No way!"
448
00:20:19,180 --> 00:20:20,290
Audience:
No way!
449
00:20:21,009 --> 00:20:23,019
If you feel
the same way I do,
450
00:20:23,039 --> 00:20:26,259
like Larry owes you...
for all the years
451
00:20:26,279 --> 00:20:28,079
you've devoted to him,
452
00:20:28,099 --> 00:20:29,239
say, "No way!"
453
00:20:29,259 --> 00:20:30,269
Audience: No way!
454
00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:32,209
No way!
No way!
455
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,110
No way!
No way!
456
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:35,200
No!
Audience: No!
457
00:20:35,220 --> 00:20:36,260
Way!
Audience: Way!
458
00:20:36,279 --> 00:20:38,199
No way, way!
No way, way!
459
00:20:38,220 --> 00:20:40,190
No, no way, way!
No, no way, way!
460
00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:42,210
Nnn!
Nnn!
461
00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:44,080
Ohh!
Ohh!
462
00:20:44,099 --> 00:20:45,149
Wha!
Wha!
463
00:20:45,170 --> 00:20:47,100
Ay!
Ay!
464
00:20:50,289 --> 00:20:52,269
(kazoo)
465
00:20:52,289 --> 00:20:55,229
♪ No, no, no, no way ♪
466
00:20:55,250 --> 00:21:00,040
♪ No, no, no, no way
we're livin' without you ♪
467
00:21:01,019 --> 00:21:04,129
♪ We're not living
without you ♪
468
00:21:04,150 --> 00:21:10,160
♪ Mmm, there's just
no way, no way ♪
469
00:21:10,180 --> 00:21:12,000
♪ Burn down
the mountains ♪
470
00:21:12,019 --> 00:21:13,179
♪ Yell, scream,
and shout ♪
471
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,050
♪ You can say what you want
without walking out ♪
472
00:21:18,150 --> 00:21:22,030
♪ Don't need no Leno,
Conan, or Dave ♪
473
00:21:22,049 --> 00:21:28,099
♪ You want you some Larry,
let's give him a wave ♪
474
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,209
Whoo! Come on!
475
00:21:31,230 --> 00:21:33,190
All:
Whoo!
476
00:21:34,180 --> 00:21:36,150
♪ And... ♪
477
00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:41,220
Both: ♪ I... ♪
♪ Am telling you ♪
478
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:45,010
♪ You're not going,
you're not going, ha-ha! ♪
479
00:21:45,029 --> 00:21:49,279
♪ 'Cause you're the best host
I've ever known ♪
480
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,230
♪ There's just no way you can ♪
481
00:21:51,250 --> 00:21:53,270
♪ Leave this-- leave this--
leave this show ♪
482
00:21:53,289 --> 00:21:56,179
♪ No, no, no way ♪
483
00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,290
♪ Larry, there's no way
we're living without you ♪
484
00:22:02,009 --> 00:22:04,099
♪ We're not living
without you ♪
485
00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:06,179
♪ Not living
without you ♪
486
00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:10,280
♪ We don't wanna
be free ♪
487
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,150
♪ And you,
you'll stay, you'll stay ♪
488
00:22:14,170 --> 00:22:18,030
♪ And you, and you, and you ♪
489
00:22:18,049 --> 00:22:21,279
♪ You're gonna love me ♪
490
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,150
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
491
00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:29,280
♪ You're gonna
love me ♪
492
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:34,040
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
493
00:22:34,059 --> 00:22:37,289
♪ You're gonna... love me ♪
494
00:22:38,009 --> 00:22:41,239
♪ Love me, love me ♪
495
00:22:42,220 --> 00:22:49,160
♪ Love... ♪
496
00:22:52,049 --> 00:22:55,209
Larry!
497
00:22:55,230 --> 00:23:01,110
♪ Larry! ♪
498
00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:03,240
(applause)
499
00:23:03,259 --> 00:23:06,009
(crying)
500
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:12,090
(babbling)
501
00:23:14,150 --> 00:23:16,290
Larry on TV:
Jim Carrey!
Jim Carrey!
502
00:23:17,009 --> 00:23:18,169
We'll be right back.
503
00:23:23,220 --> 00:23:25,140
Thank you so much.
I don't know, really--
504
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,200
I don't know
how to thank you.
That was so fantastic.
505
00:23:27,220 --> 00:23:30,060
Let's just cut
the crap, Larry, okay?
506
00:23:30,079 --> 00:23:31,279
You never
liked my work.
507
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,020
Huh? What?
Not until I got
hugely famous.
508
00:23:34,039 --> 00:23:36,209
That is not... true.
509
00:23:36,230 --> 00:23:39,210
I happen to--
What are you gonna
do now, movies?
510
00:23:39,230 --> 00:23:41,040
I'll crush you.
511
00:23:41,059 --> 00:23:44,259
I-- are you doing
a bit now?
512
00:23:44,279 --> 00:23:48,159
(whispers)
Larry, we're off the air.
513
00:23:50,039 --> 00:23:51,159
This is real life now.
514
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:53,230
Can I be honest
with you?
Yeah.
515
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:56,070
I'm here for
three good reasons--
516
00:23:56,089 --> 00:23:59,199
last show, big ratings,
movie coming out.
517
00:23:59,220 --> 00:24:02,080
Bim-bam-boom.
(blows)
518
00:24:02,099 --> 00:24:04,209
Otherwise, I'd be sitting
home watching "Nightline"...
519
00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:06,150
as usual.
520
00:24:06,170 --> 00:24:08,060
There's too many
singers, Artie.
521
00:24:08,079 --> 00:24:09,209
There's three people
here already
522
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,220
that think they're
singing goodbye to Larry.
523
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,180
Yeah?
Hey, I don't know what
you're telling him,
524
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,080
but you told me
that I was doing
the goodbye song.
525
00:24:16,099 --> 00:24:19,029
Quiet down, cowpoke,
I'm talking to Artie.
Those were your exact words.
526
00:24:19,049 --> 00:24:20,259
Well, that's right,
I guess I did.
527
00:24:20,279 --> 00:24:23,059
Look, I thought I was
your Bette Midler.
528
00:24:23,079 --> 00:24:25,149
This is bullshit.
Hey, you guys, let's not
forget why we're here.
529
00:24:25,170 --> 00:24:27,020
All right?
It's Larry's
final show.
530
00:24:27,039 --> 00:24:29,029
Was I talking
to you?
531
00:24:29,049 --> 00:24:30,119
Well, you are now.
532
00:24:30,140 --> 00:24:32,290
Hey look, this guy's
nominated for an Oscar,
all right?
533
00:24:33,009 --> 00:24:34,169
For what,
"Talk Soup"?
534
00:24:34,190 --> 00:24:36,210
Hey, hey, take it easy!
(grunting)
535
00:24:36,230 --> 00:24:38,120
Greg, No!
I'm all right. I'm all right.
536
00:24:38,140 --> 00:24:39,290
Whoa! Guys!
537
00:24:40,009 --> 00:24:42,219
I haven't seen such
a rumble since the Stones
played Altamont.
538
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,290
Well, then you
don't need me.
Oh, come on.
539
00:24:45,009 --> 00:24:46,159
You've already
got Roy Rogers.
540
00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:48,170
Hey, man!
Kinnear: Kick his ass!
Kick his ass!
541
00:24:48,190 --> 00:24:51,170
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jesus Christ, it's like
a rodeo in here!
542
00:24:51,190 --> 00:24:53,130
Welcome back.
My goodness.
543
00:24:54,279 --> 00:24:56,279
This is a really
fantastic night.
544
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,060
Hank:
Seriously. Seriously.
545
00:24:59,079 --> 00:25:00,189
My...
546
00:25:02,069 --> 00:25:04,059
next guest,
547
00:25:04,079 --> 00:25:07,149
I have to tell
you folks, honestly,
548
00:25:07,170 --> 00:25:10,010
when I knew that
I was going to be doing
549
00:25:10,029 --> 00:25:12,139
this last farewell show,
550
00:25:12,160 --> 00:25:15,090
the first person
that I asked for
551
00:25:15,109 --> 00:25:19,149
is this next guest,
who is-- in my opinion,
552
00:25:19,170 --> 00:25:20,290
if I may say--
553
00:25:21,009 --> 00:25:24,209
the First Lady
of American comedy,
554
00:25:24,230 --> 00:25:26,180
Miss Carol Burnett!
Carol Burnett.
555
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,070
(applause)
556
00:25:28,089 --> 00:25:31,199
♪ ♪
557
00:25:50,259 --> 00:25:54,279
I-I-I-- the audience
loves you. I love you.
558
00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:57,130
Thank you.
What an honor
to have you here
559
00:25:57,150 --> 00:26:01,070
on my last night.
Oh. Thank you.
Thank you.
560
00:26:01,089 --> 00:26:04,079
Thank you.
And thank you for that
beautiful introduction.
561
00:26:04,099 --> 00:26:08,009
Well, I meant it
honestly from my heart.
Yeah.
562
00:26:08,029 --> 00:26:10,139
Well, I--
You were the first
person that I called
563
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:13,060
to have on the show.
Thank you for being here.
564
00:26:13,079 --> 00:26:15,119
I really was
the first person
you called?
565
00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:18,000
You were, literally,
the first-- honestly,
the first person
566
00:26:18,019 --> 00:26:19,189
that I called
when I said,
567
00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:21,240
"You know what?
I think it's over."
Really?
568
00:26:21,259 --> 00:26:23,199
Uh-huh.
"I want Carol Burnett."
569
00:26:23,220 --> 00:26:25,040
And I was the...
(laughter)
570
00:26:26,180 --> 00:26:27,260
The first.
To be on the show?
571
00:26:27,279 --> 00:26:28,999
To be--
Yeah.
572
00:26:31,079 --> 00:26:33,079
There was that too.
There was that too.
573
00:26:33,099 --> 00:26:35,029
You know, I--
The first.
574
00:26:35,049 --> 00:26:37,149
I-- I don't--
I don't believe you.
575
00:26:37,170 --> 00:26:39,000
You should
believe me.
576
00:26:39,019 --> 00:26:42,109
I-I-- no,
I don't believe you,
because I know
577
00:26:42,130 --> 00:26:45,250
I was not the first
person you called.
578
00:26:45,269 --> 00:26:48,039
You were the fir--
wasn't she the first
person we called?
579
00:26:48,059 --> 00:26:50,129
You are--
no, he's speaking
the truth.
580
00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:51,290
No, no.
I know I wasn't.
You are the first person.
581
00:26:53,039 --> 00:26:56,249
Ellen. Ellen.
Come here.
582
00:26:56,269 --> 00:26:59,189
(applause)
583
00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,120
What a nice surprise!
Ellen: Yeah.
584
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:25,070
Ellen, when did
he call you?
585
00:27:25,089 --> 00:27:27,109
Um, Tuesday morning.
586
00:27:29,019 --> 00:27:30,209
(groans)
587
00:27:35,069 --> 00:27:37,079
You called me
on Wednesday.
588
00:27:38,140 --> 00:27:40,010
Don't do this to me.
589
00:27:40,029 --> 00:27:41,139
I called you...
590
00:27:42,190 --> 00:27:44,090
Wednesday.
591
00:27:44,109 --> 00:27:45,999
I did--
I called you...
592
00:27:46,019 --> 00:27:47,149
Her, Tuesday.
Tuesday.
593
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,120
Please, this is
my last night.
594
00:27:52,039 --> 00:27:55,059
Speaking of last shows,
your show--
I saw your last show.
595
00:27:55,079 --> 00:27:56,269
Well, let's just talk
about you first,
596
00:27:56,289 --> 00:27:58,289
because I am such
a huge fan...
Okay.
597
00:27:59,009 --> 00:28:02,279
...and I just--
your last show was
just so moving,
598
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,070
and so touching.
Well, I loved what
you did on yours.
599
00:28:06,089 --> 00:28:09,199
I had no idea.
I-- I mean, I love
your work,
600
00:28:09,220 --> 00:28:12,020
but I had no idea that
you were that versatile.
601
00:28:12,039 --> 00:28:14,049
Yeah.
I mean with all the stuff
that you did on there.
602
00:28:14,069 --> 00:28:15,189
A lot of people don't know
I started out
603
00:28:15,210 --> 00:28:19,080
as a plate spinner,
but it's just stuff that--
(laughter)
604
00:28:19,099 --> 00:28:22,009
But people will
catch up, eventually.
Carol: You know what I wish?
605
00:28:22,029 --> 00:28:24,169
I wish that
I still had my show,
606
00:28:24,190 --> 00:28:27,200
so that we could work together
and we could do sketches.
607
00:28:27,220 --> 00:28:30,090
I wish that we--
that would be so great
to work with you,
608
00:28:30,109 --> 00:28:33,019
because I just think
you're the most brilliant.
Well, maybe we can do it.
609
00:28:33,039 --> 00:28:36,019
(applause)
610
00:28:40,049 --> 00:28:42,119
Ellen:
I-I-- I wish that
I still had my show,
611
00:28:42,140 --> 00:28:44,260
so I could have you on.
This is my--
This is my last night.
612
00:28:48,019 --> 00:28:49,179
I understand
that sometimes
613
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,020
you did questions
and answers on your show.
614
00:28:52,039 --> 00:28:53,219
Yeah.
That you talked
to the audience.
615
00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,200
I used to talk to the
audience every night
before the show.
616
00:28:55,220 --> 00:28:57,240
That is so much fun.
Yeah, I love that,
I miss that.
617
00:28:57,259 --> 00:28:59,269
That's what I'm gonna miss.
Carol: You know
what I'm doing now?
618
00:28:59,289 --> 00:29:01,209
I go out--
I go out--
619
00:29:01,230 --> 00:29:03,210
You know,
this is my last night,
620
00:29:03,230 --> 00:29:06,080
and it would really mean
a lot to me
621
00:29:06,099 --> 00:29:08,109
if you guys could just--
I'm over there.
622
00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:10,020
Well, what's a shame is
that you would
623
00:29:10,039 --> 00:29:11,229
go out like this,
as a liar.
624
00:29:11,250 --> 00:29:14,110
But anyway,
so you-- you...
625
00:29:15,190 --> 00:29:17,040
Why don't we
take a little break...
626
00:29:18,220 --> 00:29:20,060
and let me try
to figure this out?
627
00:29:20,079 --> 00:29:21,289
Sure.
But anyway,
628
00:29:22,009 --> 00:29:24,249
you do the question
and answer thing now, right?
I go out on tour, and I--
629
00:29:24,269 --> 00:29:27,089
yeah, I go out on tour
and I do "Q&A's."
That's what I wanna do.
630
00:29:27,109 --> 00:29:29,149
And it's wonderful,
'cause you'll fly
by the seat of the pants.
631
00:29:29,170 --> 00:29:31,210
Yeah. Yeah.
It's not written like
some of this stuff.
632
00:29:33,180 --> 00:29:35,240
We'll be right back.
No flipping.
633
00:29:35,259 --> 00:29:38,209
(cheering)
♪ ♪
634
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,090
Our next guest--
you're not gonna believe it.
635
00:29:44,109 --> 00:29:46,189
We've dreamed
of having him on.
636
00:29:46,210 --> 00:29:49,260
He's probably...
never dreamed of being here,
637
00:29:49,279 --> 00:29:52,219
but we have him tonight.
It's a rare occasion.
638
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,100
One of the finest
actors alive,
639
00:29:54,119 --> 00:29:56,129
ladies and gentlemen--
I couldn't be a bigger fan--
640
00:29:56,150 --> 00:29:58,170
Mr. Sean Penn.
Mr. Sean Penn.
641
00:29:58,190 --> 00:30:01,240
(applause)
642
00:30:11,029 --> 00:30:12,249
You know,
first of all,
643
00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,199
look at this.
644
00:30:14,220 --> 00:30:16,290
Huh? Now let me
ask you this--
645
00:30:17,009 --> 00:30:18,999
you live--
you do not live in L.A.,
am I correct?
646
00:30:19,019 --> 00:30:21,129
No, I live up
in Northern California.
647
00:30:21,150 --> 00:30:23,040
Well, thank you
for coming.
Sean: Sure.
648
00:30:23,059 --> 00:30:25,159
(applause)
Well, let's not...
649
00:30:27,059 --> 00:30:28,149
Let's not make
a big deal about it.
650
00:30:28,170 --> 00:30:30,290
It's not that long a flight.
Everybody's going, "Wow!
651
00:30:31,009 --> 00:30:32,219
You flew all the way
from Northern California."
652
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:34,090
It can be
a long flight.
They can be--
653
00:30:34,109 --> 00:30:37,079
I had a stewardess
tell me as we were landing--
654
00:30:37,099 --> 00:30:39,239
I had a script
I was looking at.
Right.
655
00:30:39,259 --> 00:30:42,219
She said that I had to
put it away for landing.
656
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,130
This was a script.
A script?
657
00:30:44,150 --> 00:30:46,160
Yeah, and I-- you know,
658
00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:48,200
you have
a magazine on your lap,
they don't say anything.
659
00:30:48,220 --> 00:30:51,000
Right.
But I think
she had it in for me.
660
00:30:51,019 --> 00:30:55,169
And-- and I could see she had
that nasty thing coming up
661
00:30:55,190 --> 00:30:59,060
and I just decided, "No."
And I said, "No."
662
00:30:59,079 --> 00:31:02,149
So she said, "You're gonna
have to give me that script,"
663
00:31:02,170 --> 00:31:05,020
and I said, "No."
She called it a script.
664
00:31:05,039 --> 00:31:07,229
So she goes,
she talks to the pilot,
665
00:31:07,250 --> 00:31:09,210
she comes back
and says "Sir, I have
to tell you that you
666
00:31:09,230 --> 00:31:12,220
are in violation
of a F.A.R."
Of a F.A.R.?
667
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:15,170
Which I figure is
Federal Aviation Regulations.
668
00:31:15,190 --> 00:31:18,080
That you're not allowed
to have a script?
Right.
669
00:31:19,220 --> 00:31:22,020
So, why don't they--
marshals could come
in here right now,
670
00:31:22,039 --> 00:31:23,219
'cause I violated a F.A.R.
671
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:25,150
Was the script
that bad?
672
00:31:25,170 --> 00:31:27,110
(laughter)
673
00:31:27,130 --> 00:31:29,080
Well, so what
was the script,
if I may ask?
674
00:31:29,099 --> 00:31:31,139
What was the storyline
of the script?
675
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,130
Uh, I didn't get that far,
because I wasn't
really reading it.
676
00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:35,250
I was just trying--
trying to annoy her.
677
00:31:35,269 --> 00:31:37,239
Just trying to annoy
the stewardess.
678
00:31:37,259 --> 00:31:39,079
Well, you did the job.
679
00:31:40,220 --> 00:31:43,050
Let me ask you this, what--
what is coming up next?
680
00:31:43,069 --> 00:31:46,109
Well, I just finished
a movie called "Hurlyburly."
681
00:31:46,130 --> 00:31:49,110
Ah. That was a--
that was a play,
wasn't it?
682
00:31:49,130 --> 00:31:51,190
Right, David Rabe. Right.
David Rabe, yes.
683
00:31:51,210 --> 00:31:53,180
Great cast, so...
684
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,120
Who's in the cast?
685
00:31:55,140 --> 00:31:58,160
Uh, Kevin Spacey,
Anna Paquin,
686
00:31:58,180 --> 00:32:01,020
my wife, Robin,
Garry Shandling...
687
00:32:01,039 --> 00:32:03,069
Wow!
...Chazz Palminteri.
688
00:32:03,089 --> 00:32:06,169
What a fantastic cast, huh?
Yeah. Yeah. Good-- good group.
689
00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:08,110
Fantastic cast.
It's the--
690
00:32:08,130 --> 00:32:11,020
the spectrum
of acting ability.
691
00:32:14,180 --> 00:32:17,180
Who's on the low end
of the ability there?
692
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,290
Oh, I'm not gonna go,
you know, there.
693
00:32:20,009 --> 00:32:22,209
(laughter)
We made
a great movie, I think.
694
00:32:22,230 --> 00:32:24,050
Well, good luck with it.
695
00:32:24,069 --> 00:32:25,289
Why don't we take a break,
and we'll come right back.
696
00:32:26,009 --> 00:32:28,059
No flipping.
We'll be back.
697
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,130
That was fantastic.
Oh, thanks.
698
00:32:33,150 --> 00:32:35,280
(whispers)
I'll tell you.
It was Shandling.
699
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,110
Really?
This guy,
unbelievable.
700
00:32:38,130 --> 00:32:40,050
The most insecure man
I've ever met in my life.
701
00:32:40,069 --> 00:32:42,019
Has no focus at all.
702
00:32:42,039 --> 00:32:45,039
He'd-- before our director,
Tony Drazan,
703
00:32:45,059 --> 00:32:47,239
would even say, "Cut,"
he'd look at me, say,
"How was I?"
704
00:32:47,259 --> 00:32:49,209
Really?
Relentless.
705
00:32:49,230 --> 00:32:51,280
Wow.
Yeah, and it
didn't stop there.
706
00:32:52,000 --> 00:32:54,110
Then-- I don't know
if he knew
707
00:32:54,130 --> 00:32:56,290
that my wife and I
were together or--
708
00:32:57,009 --> 00:32:58,229
or what it was, but...
709
00:32:58,250 --> 00:33:01,270
he was...
constantly after her,
710
00:33:01,289 --> 00:33:03,229
trying to get
in her trailer.
711
00:33:03,250 --> 00:33:06,290
And then he's got like
200 acting coaches around.
712
00:33:07,009 --> 00:33:08,239
I got on the set
the first day,
713
00:33:08,259 --> 00:33:10,119
and I thought
they were extras.
714
00:33:10,140 --> 00:33:12,010
It's-- it's--
Wow.
715
00:33:12,029 --> 00:33:15,199
You know him
from his hugely successful
television show
716
00:33:15,220 --> 00:33:17,150
and from his
many movies.
717
00:33:17,170 --> 00:33:19,110
Please welcome
Tim Allen! Tim Allen!
718
00:33:19,130 --> 00:33:22,230
♪ ♪
(cheers, applause)
719
00:33:30,009 --> 00:33:32,149
Hey! Close the fucking door.
720
00:33:32,170 --> 00:33:34,180
I heard the news
about Jon Stewart.
721
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,150
What, he's leaving
the agency?
Yeah, you know why?
722
00:33:37,170 --> 00:33:39,040
He says
he caught me in a lie.
723
00:33:39,059 --> 00:33:40,189
(scoffs) Right.
724
00:33:40,210 --> 00:33:42,290
(mockingly)
Oh my god,
I told a fucking lie!
725
00:33:43,009 --> 00:33:45,119
Yeah, I told him
his fucking show
would run for 20 years.
726
00:33:45,140 --> 00:33:47,030
He didn't seem to
mind that lie!
727
00:33:47,049 --> 00:33:48,149
Look, can I be
honest with you?
728
00:33:48,170 --> 00:33:50,290
He's got nothing,
I'm telling you.
729
00:33:51,009 --> 00:33:53,029
I took a shit this morning
with more talent.
730
00:33:53,049 --> 00:33:54,199
Stevie:
Fucking artists.
731
00:33:54,220 --> 00:33:58,270
They're all crazy,
neurotic... babies.
732
00:33:58,289 --> 00:34:01,049
(snorts)
733
00:34:01,069 --> 00:34:03,129
You want?
Where'd you get it?
734
00:34:03,150 --> 00:34:05,000
Jimmy Fedderson.
735
00:34:05,019 --> 00:34:07,109
He gave it to me at
the Simon Wiesenthal dinner.
736
00:34:07,130 --> 00:34:09,100
(laughter on TV)
737
00:34:09,119 --> 00:34:11,119
Goddammit, fuck.
738
00:34:11,139 --> 00:34:13,089
I can't tell you how
easy our job would be
739
00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:14,280
if we didn't have
to deal with talent.
740
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,000
But none of us
are happy.
You--
741
00:34:17,019 --> 00:34:19,169
Ten years. This has
been such a big deal.
Yes, ten years.
742
00:34:19,190 --> 00:34:20,270
Well,
I appreciate it.
743
00:34:20,289 --> 00:34:23,169
Everybody in the business
is gonna miss you so much.
744
00:34:23,190 --> 00:34:26,070
That's so kind of you.
Thank you.
No, no, I'm serious.
745
00:34:26,090 --> 00:34:28,170
Fucking celebrity
circle jerks!
746
00:34:30,210 --> 00:34:32,160
We'll have some free time,
let's get together.
747
00:34:32,179 --> 00:34:34,249
I look forward to that.
And I mean it, you've got me.
Do something.
748
00:34:34,269 --> 00:34:37,159
You've got me committed.
Ten years!
Can I say it? Ten years!
749
00:34:37,179 --> 00:34:40,069
We'll be right back.
No flipping.
750
00:34:40,090 --> 00:34:41,170
We'll be right back.
751
00:34:41,190 --> 00:34:43,270
♪ ♪
(cheers, applause)
752
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,010
That was fantastic,
thank you.
Thanks.
753
00:34:48,030 --> 00:34:51,000
You want to get together
next week, maybe,
and do something?
754
00:34:51,019 --> 00:34:52,089
My kids are here
to see me.
Your kids.
755
00:34:52,110 --> 00:34:54,030
Anyway, I gotta split.
I got stuff to do.
756
00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:55,280
Well, thanks
for coming by.
Ten years.
757
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:57,160
You want my home number?
I got your home number.
758
00:34:57,179 --> 00:34:59,049
It's been great.
Hey, Tim. Tim?
759
00:34:59,070 --> 00:35:02,220
"Jungle 2 Jungle"--
underrated.
760
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:06,079
(cheering)
And welcome back. Now...
761
00:35:08,090 --> 00:35:13,190
Before... we bring
out our next guest,
762
00:35:13,210 --> 00:35:15,020
I guess this is where
763
00:35:15,039 --> 00:35:18,109
we're gonna take
a moment to hear from Hank.
764
00:35:18,130 --> 00:35:19,260
I understand
you've got something
765
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:22,050
you would like to say.
I've got a little something
I would like to say.
766
00:35:22,070 --> 00:35:24,140
Thank you.
I've been waiting for this.
767
00:35:24,159 --> 00:35:26,249
I just want to say,
768
00:35:26,269 --> 00:35:30,179
in a very heartfelt and deeply
sincere way, for the--
769
00:35:30,199 --> 00:35:33,289
Oh my god,
Jerry Seinfeld!
(applause)
770
00:35:34,010 --> 00:35:36,110
Jerry Seinfeld!
771
00:35:36,130 --> 00:35:38,280
Oh my god!
Let Jerry sit here.
772
00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,210
(indistinct dialog)
773
00:35:50,260 --> 00:35:52,130
My god.
774
00:35:52,150 --> 00:35:54,070
What a...
775
00:35:57,019 --> 00:35:58,199
What an unexpected--
776
00:35:58,219 --> 00:36:00,199
what a pleasant surprise
for you to come by.
777
00:36:00,219 --> 00:36:04,009
Well, Larry, I just
wanted to come by
and let you know
778
00:36:04,030 --> 00:36:07,020
that we're gonna miss you
and to say goodbye
779
00:36:07,039 --> 00:36:09,229
and I think you're really
doing the right thing.
780
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:11,290
(laughter)
781
00:36:12,010 --> 00:36:14,180
Thank you.
That means so much to me.
Thank you so much.
782
00:36:14,199 --> 00:36:16,239
And that was
very touching,
by the way,
783
00:36:16,260 --> 00:36:18,120
what you were saying.
784
00:36:18,139 --> 00:36:20,029
Thank you.
785
00:36:20,050 --> 00:36:22,220
That was just the first part.
I wasn't-- I wasn't finished.
786
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:24,209
Oh well, if that was
just the first part,
787
00:36:24,230 --> 00:36:26,080
then it was
fantastic.
788
00:36:26,099 --> 00:36:28,169
(laughter)
But...
789
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:33,109
Anyway, Larry,
790
00:36:33,130 --> 00:36:35,250
we're certainly gonna enjoy
watching you in syndication
791
00:36:35,269 --> 00:36:37,059
after this. I mean--
Oh, well,
792
00:36:37,079 --> 00:36:38,249
this show isn't
gonna be syndicated, but--
793
00:36:38,269 --> 00:36:41,139
Oh, that's right,
that's me.
That is--
794
00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:43,019
(laughter)
795
00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:45,270
That is you.
You're thinking of you.
796
00:36:45,289 --> 00:36:49,099
And let me--
The last ten years
have been your gift
797
00:36:49,119 --> 00:36:50,999
to the people
of this country.
798
00:36:53,059 --> 00:36:55,259
(emotionally)
They've also been
a gift to a man
799
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,020
who goes by the name
of Hank Kingsley.
800
00:37:00,210 --> 00:37:01,210
Every night?
801
00:37:01,230 --> 00:37:03,020
Every night.
802
00:37:04,110 --> 00:37:06,080
Well, you're definitely
doing the right thing.
803
00:37:06,099 --> 00:37:08,259
(laughter)
804
00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:09,270
Why don't we
take a break?
805
00:37:09,289 --> 00:37:11,139
No flipping,
we'll be right back.
806
00:37:11,159 --> 00:37:14,059
♪ ♪
(cheers, applause)
807
00:37:17,179 --> 00:37:20,079
My next guest is--
we're so lucky to have him.
808
00:37:20,099 --> 00:37:22,119
He's a fantastic singer,
he's a friend,
809
00:37:22,139 --> 00:37:25,129
and he's been on the show
many times over the years.
810
00:37:25,150 --> 00:37:27,030
We're lucky to have him.
Clint Black.
811
00:37:27,050 --> 00:37:28,160
Clint Black,
ladies and gentlemen!
812
00:37:28,179 --> 00:37:32,249
♪ ♪
(cheers, applause)
813
00:37:41,019 --> 00:37:42,039
Clint Black.
814
00:37:45,250 --> 00:37:47,160
This is a--
a terrific crowd.
815
00:37:47,179 --> 00:37:49,229
Thank you
for participating
in this evening.
816
00:37:49,250 --> 00:37:52,130
This is a night to be on.
They said if I did real well
817
00:37:52,150 --> 00:37:54,100
you'd have me back again.
818
00:37:54,119 --> 00:37:57,239
Well, let's see--
let's see how it goes.
819
00:38:00,289 --> 00:38:03,179
You know, I had
a surprise for you.
820
00:38:03,199 --> 00:38:05,159
What would that be?
It was a surprise
for me,
821
00:38:05,179 --> 00:38:07,269
and they forgot to
tell me what it was, so...
822
00:38:07,289 --> 00:38:09,139
So, it's a surprise
for everybody.
823
00:38:09,159 --> 00:38:11,219
For the both of us.
Now I see that there is a,
824
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,039
if I may say...
825
00:38:14,139 --> 00:38:16,159
Can you say?
...a guitar back there.
826
00:38:16,179 --> 00:38:19,159
(applause)
827
00:38:19,179 --> 00:38:22,259
What is that?
Oh my goodness.
828
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,159
See, I was hoping
they would say that.
829
00:38:34,170 --> 00:38:36,220
I think we would all
love to hear you sing.
830
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:38,289
What are you going to--
Well, I'm such a huge fan.
831
00:38:39,010 --> 00:38:41,160
We all--
I think I can speak
for everybody--
832
00:38:41,179 --> 00:38:43,189
not just here
in the audience,
but at home--
833
00:38:43,210 --> 00:38:45,160
we hate to see you go.
834
00:38:45,179 --> 00:38:46,259
And we-- we all--
Thank you very much.
835
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:49,010
(applause)
836
00:38:57,210 --> 00:38:59,240
And so, I wanted
to think of something
837
00:38:59,260 --> 00:39:03,070
that would be appropriate,
that I might sing to...
838
00:39:03,090 --> 00:39:06,070
♪ ♪
kinda maybe embody
what we all feel
839
00:39:06,090 --> 00:39:08,270
and maybe a little
of what you feel,
840
00:39:08,289 --> 00:39:10,209
although, without
talking to your shrink...
841
00:39:10,230 --> 00:39:12,150
Play the damn song.
...I'm not sure--
842
00:39:12,170 --> 00:39:13,230
(laughter)
843
00:39:13,250 --> 00:39:16,220
♪ ♪
Anyway, this is--
844
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:18,279
this is a song that...
845
00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,010
I think will
really say it all.
Thank you.
846
00:39:24,119 --> 00:39:26,039
Now I have
to get sentimental.
847
00:39:28,019 --> 00:39:30,119
♪ ♪
848
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:47,059
♪ I've been bound
to leave you ♪
849
00:39:47,079 --> 00:39:52,179
♪ We've known on that
for a while ♪
850
00:39:53,289 --> 00:39:59,099
♪ I'm sure
it's something
I can't do ♪
851
00:39:59,119 --> 00:40:04,169
♪ If I can't leave you
with a smile ♪
852
00:40:05,269 --> 00:40:10,019
♪ I don't know how far ♪
853
00:40:10,039 --> 00:40:12,089
♪ I'll have to go ♪
854
00:40:12,110 --> 00:40:18,010
♪ 'Til I'm sure
those eyes won't cry ♪
855
00:40:18,030 --> 00:40:24,190
♪ And in my mind
I've left enough to know ♪
856
00:40:24,210 --> 00:40:27,210
♪ That I can't
leave you ♪
857
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:34,150
♪ With a bad goodbye ♪
858
00:40:34,170 --> 00:40:37,170
♪ Goodbye... ♪
859
00:40:37,190 --> 00:40:39,030
(whispering)
I got another job.
860
00:40:39,050 --> 00:40:41,200
Oh! Great, tell me.
It sucks.
861
00:40:41,219 --> 00:40:44,059
I'm gonna be the contestant
coordinator for "Jeopardy."
862
00:40:44,079 --> 00:40:47,189
Oh, I-- I like--
I like that show.
863
00:40:47,210 --> 00:40:49,260
Yeah, right.
I get to spend all day
864
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,100
asking a bunch
of fucking eggheads
865
00:40:51,119 --> 00:40:53,269
if they know anything
about the Monroe Doctrine.
866
00:40:53,289 --> 00:40:56,219
Well, get this.
Hank offered me a job,
867
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,039
$300 a week
with no benefits.
868
00:40:59,059 --> 00:41:01,009
I'm sorry.
869
00:41:01,030 --> 00:41:02,200
I'm thinking
of taking it.
870
00:41:03,260 --> 00:41:09,240
♪ I'm still bound
to leave you ♪
871
00:41:09,260 --> 00:41:14,080
♪ I surely don't
know how... ♪
872
00:41:16,059 --> 00:41:18,149
Artie!
Hey, Bruno,
how you doing, man?
873
00:41:18,170 --> 00:41:20,090
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.
874
00:41:20,110 --> 00:41:22,080
You're bumping me?
What?
875
00:41:22,099 --> 00:41:25,119
The man is singing
the fucking goodbye song.
876
00:41:25,139 --> 00:41:26,219
I can't believe
this shit.
877
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,189
We'll have you on
another time.
878
00:41:28,210 --> 00:41:31,080
Did you just hear
what you said?
879
00:41:31,099 --> 00:41:33,019
There is
no "another time."
880
00:41:33,039 --> 00:41:35,049
The party is over.
This is it.
881
00:41:35,070 --> 00:41:39,120
Clint:
♪ No way to fly ♪
882
00:41:39,139 --> 00:41:42,269
Excuse me.
♪ ...I'm in just makes ♪
883
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,170
A man singing
to a man.
♪ It all too clear ♪
884
00:41:45,190 --> 00:41:48,290
How fucking sick is that?
♪ That I can't leave you ♪
885
00:41:49,010 --> 00:41:52,010
♪ With a bad... ♪
886
00:41:52,030 --> 00:41:55,100
(crying)
♪ Goodbye ♪
887
00:41:55,119 --> 00:41:58,029
♪ Goodbye ♪
888
00:41:58,050 --> 00:42:01,200
♪ Easier said
than done ♪
889
00:42:01,219 --> 00:42:03,279
♪ Goodbye ♪
890
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:08,040
♪ There's no good
when you're the one ♪
891
00:42:08,059 --> 00:42:14,179
♪ Whose goodbye you swore
would never come ♪
892
00:42:14,199 --> 00:42:18,259
♪ And in my goodbye ♪
893
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:23,030
♪ You're finding none ♪
894
00:42:25,289 --> 00:42:28,279
♪ How can I be ♪
895
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,130
♪ So far between ♪
896
00:42:31,150 --> 00:42:37,120
♪ Where we are
and one more try ♪
897
00:42:37,139 --> 00:42:41,009
♪ And any way I look ♪
898
00:42:41,030 --> 00:42:44,070
♪ I've only seen ♪
899
00:42:44,090 --> 00:42:47,100
♪ That I can't
leave you ♪
900
00:42:47,119 --> 00:42:51,179
♪ With a bad ♪
901
00:42:53,179 --> 00:42:59,999
♪ Goodbye ♪
902
00:43:06,050 --> 00:43:08,150
Goodbye, Larry.
(cheers, applause)
903
00:43:08,170 --> 00:43:10,000
We'll miss you.
904
00:43:13,210 --> 00:43:15,020
Thank you, Clint.
905
00:43:15,039 --> 00:43:17,099
We'll be right back.
No flipping.
906
00:43:17,119 --> 00:43:19,029
We'll be right back.
907
00:43:19,050 --> 00:43:21,230
♪ ♪
(cheers, applause)
908
00:43:27,110 --> 00:43:30,190
Well, welcome back.
909
00:43:39,050 --> 00:43:42,020
I'm thrilled to have had
the people on tonight
910
00:43:42,039 --> 00:43:44,289
that have come here
to say good night.
911
00:43:45,010 --> 00:43:48,130
You know, television
is a risky business
912
00:43:48,150 --> 00:43:51,210
and you want
to entertain,
913
00:43:51,230 --> 00:43:54,010
you want to try and do
something new every night,
914
00:43:54,030 --> 00:43:56,060
want to say
something fresh.
915
00:43:56,079 --> 00:43:59,109
Nine times out of ten
you end up with "The Ropers."
916
00:43:59,130 --> 00:44:02,130
But hopefully,
917
00:44:02,150 --> 00:44:04,180
occasionally...
918
00:44:04,199 --> 00:44:07,999
there are nights
when we're not...
919
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:11,280
one of those nine.
920
00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:16,190
And I have many, many,
many talented people
to thank for...
921
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:21,160
making this show work
922
00:44:21,179 --> 00:44:23,049
the way it does
every night.
923
00:44:23,070 --> 00:44:26,150
Artie, who, of course--
924
00:44:26,170 --> 00:44:30,150
the most talented
television producer around,
925
00:44:30,170 --> 00:44:34,110
and without whom
I could not have done
the last ten years.
926
00:44:34,130 --> 00:44:37,130
It's an honor, sir,
thank you so much.
(mouths)
927
00:44:37,150 --> 00:44:39,000
(applause)
Larry: And...
928
00:44:45,260 --> 00:44:48,020
Of course,
Hank Kingsley, who...
929
00:44:49,019 --> 00:44:50,999
I joke about
every night, but...
930
00:44:52,139 --> 00:44:54,199
but besides the fact
that he is such a talented man,
931
00:44:54,219 --> 00:44:57,039
he's a good friend,
and I thank you.
932
00:44:57,059 --> 00:45:00,039
(applause)
And...
933
00:45:01,099 --> 00:45:04,239
my assistant--
my assistant, Beverly,
934
00:45:04,260 --> 00:45:07,240
who I could not
do the show without,
935
00:45:07,260 --> 00:45:11,020
and all of the writers
and staff and crew.
936
00:45:11,039 --> 00:45:12,199
Thank you so much.
937
00:45:12,219 --> 00:45:16,059
And to you at home,
thank you so much...
938
00:45:22,190 --> 00:45:25,150
for letting us be
in your house every night
939
00:45:25,170 --> 00:45:27,230
to entertain you.
It's an honor...
940
00:45:27,250 --> 00:45:30,180
and to tell you the truth,
941
00:45:30,199 --> 00:45:32,999
I don't know
exactly what I'm going to do
942
00:45:33,019 --> 00:45:34,059
without you.
943
00:45:34,079 --> 00:45:35,249
Thank you so much.
944
00:45:37,119 --> 00:45:40,009
(emotionally)
God bless you,
and you may now flip.
945
00:45:40,030 --> 00:45:43,220
(cheers, applause)
946
00:46:09,179 --> 00:46:11,069
Well, buddy, you did it.
947
00:46:11,090 --> 00:46:13,160
It was great.
It was a great show.
948
00:46:13,179 --> 00:46:16,159
It was?
Yeah. Absolutamente.
949
00:46:16,179 --> 00:46:17,269
(chuckles)
950
00:46:17,289 --> 00:46:19,089
(sniffles)
951
00:46:19,110 --> 00:46:21,170
(people chattering)
952
00:46:24,039 --> 00:46:26,209
I can't get
off the stool.
(chuckles)
953
00:46:26,230 --> 00:46:28,290
I can't move my legs.
954
00:46:29,010 --> 00:46:30,230
I can't get
off the stool.
955
00:46:30,250 --> 00:46:33,010
What?
I can't get
off the stool.
956
00:46:33,030 --> 00:46:34,030
Yeah?
957
00:46:35,130 --> 00:46:37,030
Well here,
let me help you.
958
00:46:39,269 --> 00:46:41,289
(pats)
Give me that hand.
959
00:46:42,010 --> 00:46:45,100
(applause)
960
00:46:45,119 --> 00:46:48,169
Larry sprained his ankle.
I should have waited
another six months.
961
00:46:48,190 --> 00:46:50,160
Oh no, no, Larry.
I should have dragged
it out a little bit.
962
00:46:50,179 --> 00:46:52,189
It's all over.
You did good.
You did good.
963
00:46:52,210 --> 00:46:54,130
Oh, God. Oh, God.
964
00:46:54,150 --> 00:46:56,110
I hope we beat Leno.
965
00:46:57,239 --> 00:46:59,999
(moaning)
Oh, God!
966
00:47:14,030 --> 00:47:15,150
Artie:
Hello, stranger.
967
00:47:16,150 --> 00:47:18,220
Well, well, well.
968
00:47:18,239 --> 00:47:22,099
What are you
doing here?
Oh, just being a--
969
00:47:22,119 --> 00:47:24,109
just being a sad
and pathetic shithead
970
00:47:24,130 --> 00:47:26,130
like you.
(chuckles) Sit down.
971
00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:28,289
Really?
972
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,059
You know, now that I see
the desk like that...
973
00:47:35,170 --> 00:47:37,290
I don't know why
we didn't try it before.
974
00:47:38,010 --> 00:47:40,230
Oh hell, if we'd...
done it that way,
975
00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:42,110
we'd probably still
be on the air.
976
00:47:42,130 --> 00:47:45,200
Listen, I'm not gonna
get all gooey, kiddo,
977
00:47:45,219 --> 00:47:48,179
but I'm sure as hell
gonna miss you.
978
00:47:48,199 --> 00:47:51,129
You're a very
clever man,
979
00:47:51,150 --> 00:47:55,050
and in spite of all
the daily "this and that,"
980
00:47:55,070 --> 00:47:58,130
your constant whining
about the size of your ass
981
00:47:58,150 --> 00:48:00,080
and all the shit
you made me clean up
982
00:48:00,099 --> 00:48:03,019
because you were too much
of a pussy to do it yourself...
983
00:48:04,150 --> 00:48:05,290
anytime I came
down here,
984
00:48:06,010 --> 00:48:08,050
I always forgot
all that, because...
985
00:48:10,130 --> 00:48:11,250
you made me laugh.
986
00:48:13,070 --> 00:48:15,030
And that's what
I'm gonna miss.
987
00:48:15,050 --> 00:48:18,130
Oh, I'm gonna
miss those laughs.
988
00:48:20,219 --> 00:48:23,099
And the part about
whining about my ass,
989
00:48:23,119 --> 00:48:25,159
you're gonna miss that
a little bit, aren't you?
990
00:48:25,179 --> 00:48:28,199
Because who else is gonna
whine about their ass
unless it's me?
991
00:48:28,219 --> 00:48:31,089
Come on.
Oh, he knows me
all too well.
992
00:48:31,110 --> 00:48:33,160
Hey, here we are,
the happy trio.
993
00:48:33,179 --> 00:48:35,149
What, having
a last look-see, Hank?
994
00:48:35,170 --> 00:48:38,190
Before it all goes
the way of television.
995
00:48:38,210 --> 00:48:40,270
Hank:
Thank you!
996
00:48:40,289 --> 00:48:43,189
Thank you, for not letting
me say my thank you.
997
00:48:43,210 --> 00:48:46,140
I mean, I knew you guys
were pieces of shit,
998
00:48:46,159 --> 00:48:50,109
but I-- you know,
I had no idea.
999
00:48:50,130 --> 00:48:53,250
Artie:
Well, try not to be such
an asshole, will you?
1000
00:48:53,269 --> 00:48:56,259
Hey, don't tell me
what to do, okay?
1001
00:48:56,280 --> 00:48:58,080
You're not
my boss anymore.
1002
00:48:58,099 --> 00:49:01,079
That is over.
What is your
problem?
1003
00:49:01,099 --> 00:49:02,239
What is
my problem?
Hey!
1004
00:49:04,079 --> 00:49:05,209
What is my problem?
1005
00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:08,270
I spent the last ten years
being the butt of your jokes.
1006
00:49:08,289 --> 00:49:11,069
The little-- the little--
little fucking dog
1007
00:49:11,090 --> 00:49:13,160
at the end--
at the end of the couch!
1008
00:49:13,179 --> 00:49:15,189
But, you know,
it's my fault,
1009
00:49:15,210 --> 00:49:17,140
because I smiled
and I let it happen,
1010
00:49:17,159 --> 00:49:19,099
because this face
was being seen
1011
00:49:19,119 --> 00:49:22,239
by millions of people
every-every-- every night,
1012
00:49:22,260 --> 00:49:24,180
and there was
lots of money,
1013
00:49:24,199 --> 00:49:26,199
and there was
lots of pussy!
1014
00:49:26,219 --> 00:49:30,049
Well, more... money
than pussy.
1015
00:49:30,070 --> 00:49:33,040
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
(chuckles)
What's fucking wrong with you?
1016
00:49:33,059 --> 00:49:35,199
No more!
I swear to God, no more!
1017
00:49:35,219 --> 00:49:38,109
One more--
one more remark,
and I-I-I-- I swear,
1018
00:49:38,130 --> 00:49:41,150
I'll fucking choke you
with my hands!
1019
00:49:45,099 --> 00:49:46,259
I'm sorry.
I'm just sorry.
1020
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:49,000
I mean, there is a--
there is a book
1021
00:49:49,019 --> 00:49:50,049
called "Hank...
1022
00:49:51,050 --> 00:49:52,050
Kingsley."
1023
00:49:53,050 --> 00:49:54,220
But there's
a new chapter,
1024
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:57,079
and you, sir,
are not in it.
1025
00:49:57,099 --> 00:50:00,169
And you, sir,
are not in it.
1026
00:50:02,250 --> 00:50:06,160
And all I gotta
say is fuck you.
1027
00:50:08,170 --> 00:50:09,230
Fuck you.
1028
00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:13,290
Fuck you for the way you--
for the way you treated me,
1029
00:50:14,010 --> 00:50:18,030
and the joke-- the joke
you made me out to be.
1030
00:50:21,190 --> 00:50:23,140
(Artie chuckles)
Fuck you.
1031
00:50:28,159 --> 00:50:31,109
He's such
a goddamn idiot,
but I truly love him.
1032
00:50:32,130 --> 00:50:37,170
Well, this is a nice way
to bring down the curtain
1033
00:50:37,190 --> 00:50:39,000
on a long career.
1034
00:50:41,119 --> 00:50:44,099
You retiring?
Absolutely.
Shit yeah.
1035
00:50:44,119 --> 00:50:47,109
I'm just sick and tired
of all the bullshit,
1036
00:50:47,130 --> 00:50:49,280
scraping and bowing,
1037
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,180
to... fucking...
1038
00:50:52,199 --> 00:50:54,229
executives
who think that...
1039
00:50:54,250 --> 00:50:58,270
creativity is nothing but a--
accounting problem.
1040
00:51:00,030 --> 00:51:04,210
So, I've had it,
and that's it, finis,
1041
00:51:04,230 --> 00:51:06,240
and I ain't never
coming back.
1042
00:51:08,099 --> 00:51:11,049
I thought you took
the job on "Roseanne."
1043
00:51:12,119 --> 00:51:14,119
Oh, that's just
a consulting gig.
1044
00:51:14,139 --> 00:51:16,259
You know,
that doesn't count.
1045
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,230
Rosie wants to come back
nice this time,
1046
00:51:19,250 --> 00:51:22,050
so she wants to have me come
around one day a week
1047
00:51:22,070 --> 00:51:24,270
to scare the shit
out of her staff.
1048
00:51:24,289 --> 00:51:27,999
The money's good,
so I couldn't turn it down.
1049
00:51:28,019 --> 00:51:30,069
(banging)
1050
00:51:30,090 --> 00:51:31,250
What the hell
was that?
1051
00:51:36,039 --> 00:51:38,129
(crying)
1052
00:51:40,219 --> 00:51:43,219
Artie:
What is it?
(chuckles)
1053
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,069
I'm sorry.
1054
00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:47,260
I'm sorry.
Artie: Wait.
1055
00:51:50,170 --> 00:51:53,270
(babbles)
Hank. (chuckles)
1056
00:51:55,039 --> 00:51:57,199
Hank:
Oh, it's such a bad day.
1057
00:52:03,119 --> 00:52:05,089
Could you guys--
You can have
the couch.
1058
00:52:05,110 --> 00:52:08,240
Oh, great.
Oh, great, great.
1059
00:52:08,260 --> 00:52:10,200
Can you give
me a hand?
1060
00:52:10,219 --> 00:52:12,229
I thought I had
the car in reverse,
1061
00:52:12,250 --> 00:52:16,200
and I ran into
the fucking dumpster,
1062
00:52:16,219 --> 00:52:20,179
and it's hooked
on my bumper.
1063
00:52:20,199 --> 00:52:22,269
Come on, Lawrence,
let's help our brother here.
1064
00:52:22,289 --> 00:52:25,139
He's all hooked up
on the dumpster.
1065
00:52:25,159 --> 00:52:27,169
Hey, what are you guys do--
doing tomorrow?
1066
00:52:27,190 --> 00:52:29,160
You wanna--
you wanna, like,
get together?
1067
00:52:29,179 --> 00:52:31,119
I've got a date
with Illeana Douglas.
1068
00:52:31,139 --> 00:52:33,039
Oh, good for you!
1069
00:52:33,059 --> 00:52:35,099
I guess it's us.
I love you.
1070
00:52:35,119 --> 00:52:38,129
Oh, I love you,
I love you.
Don't, don't, don't, don't.
1071
00:52:38,150 --> 00:52:40,270
Oh, please.
I'm such a--
1072
00:52:40,289 --> 00:52:45,049
Let's go-- let's-let's--
let's go to the Smokehouse
and think this over.
1073
00:52:45,070 --> 00:52:48,060
Hank:
I'm such a prick.
(Artie laughs)
1074
00:52:56,210 --> 00:52:59,270
(acoustic guitar playing)
1075
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:06,220
♪ Tonight you're mine ♪
1076
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:11,249
♪ Completely ♪
1077
00:53:14,070 --> 00:53:18,100
♪ You give your love ♪
1078
00:53:18,119 --> 00:53:22,259
♪ So sweetly ♪
1079
00:53:24,019 --> 00:53:26,249
♪ Tonight ♪
1080
00:53:26,269 --> 00:53:31,069
♪ The light of love ♪
1081
00:53:31,090 --> 00:53:34,270
♪ Is in your eyes ♪
1082
00:53:37,019 --> 00:53:41,039
♪ But will you love me ♪
1083
00:53:41,059 --> 00:53:45,219
♪ Tomorrow? ♪
1084
00:53:48,139 --> 00:53:52,239
♪ Will you still love me ♪
1085
00:53:52,260 --> 00:53:59,290
♪ Tomorrow... ♪
80673
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