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1
00:00:09,289 --> 00:00:12,249
♪ She came into town
not looking for much ♪
2
00:00:12,269 --> 00:00:14,289
♪ And when she found
a hound dog ♪
3
00:00:15,009 --> 00:00:16,279
♪ She named him Dutch ♪
4
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,240
♪ 'Cause she got a job
at the arcade ♪
5
00:00:19,260 --> 00:00:21,160
♪ Taking quarters ♪
6
00:00:21,179 --> 00:00:25,119
♪ But she was never too good
at taking orders ♪
7
00:00:25,140 --> 00:00:29,000
♪ So one day she stopped
giving out the change ♪
8
00:00:29,019 --> 00:00:31,149
♪ She kicked the boss
in the shins ♪
9
00:00:31,170 --> 00:00:33,040
♪ And unplugged the games ♪
10
00:00:33,060 --> 00:00:37,100
♪ She's only a person ♪
11
00:00:37,119 --> 00:00:39,089
♪ Who doesn't know shit ♪
12
00:00:41,090 --> 00:00:44,240
♪ There's nothing happening ♪
13
00:00:46,270 --> 00:00:49,120
♪ That's about it ♪
14
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,080
♪ Whoo hoo ♪
15
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,060
Is he making this up
as he goes along?
16
00:00:58,079 --> 00:00:59,229
He's telling
an American story.
17
00:00:59,250 --> 00:01:01,060
I thought he was
gonna do his hit.
18
00:01:01,079 --> 00:01:03,249
I think he's doing
his bong hit.
I see.
19
00:01:10,239 --> 00:01:14,229
♪ Jimmy was living
in the heartland ♪
20
00:01:14,250 --> 00:01:19,160
♪ The back porch slammed
off his hand ♪
21
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:23,120
♪ He was drinking whiskey
in the back patch ♪
22
00:01:23,140 --> 00:01:25,040
♪ The place where he ♪
23
00:01:25,060 --> 00:01:28,230
♪ When he was a kid
he played catch ♪
24
00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:30,230
Odd booking for the show,
wouldn't you say?
25
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:33,020
Well, Paula, you know,
she was looking
for something different.
26
00:01:33,039 --> 00:01:34,239
She wanted something hip.
Yeah.
27
00:01:34,259 --> 00:01:36,039
What about Harry Connick Jr.?
28
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:37,110
I thought he was
supposed to be on.
29
00:01:37,129 --> 00:01:39,079
Harry Connick Jr.,
dear sir,
30
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,239
is not handled
by Stevie Grant.
31
00:01:41,259 --> 00:01:43,079
Yeah. So?
32
00:01:43,099 --> 00:01:46,139
And Stevie and Paula are,
as they say, an item.
33
00:01:48,170 --> 00:01:51,060
Stevie and Paula
are an item.
34
00:01:51,079 --> 00:01:53,149
So my agent's
fucking my booker.
35
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:56,230
Oh. Good to know.
36
00:01:56,250 --> 00:02:01,220
♪ Nothing happenin' ♪
37
00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:04,179
♪ That's about it ♪
38
00:02:08,039 --> 00:02:10,059
♪ Whoo hoo ♪
39
00:02:11,270 --> 00:02:16,140
♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪
40
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:19,019
(voice cracking)
♪ Yeah ♪
41
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,249
(strumming guitar chords)
42
00:02:39,060 --> 00:02:41,290
Beck is very original,
and I thought it was my job
43
00:02:42,009 --> 00:02:44,069
to find fresh, exciting
talent for this show.
44
00:02:44,090 --> 00:02:46,080
I'd love to watch him
from the mosh pit,
45
00:02:46,099 --> 00:02:49,029
and we're in search of fresh
faces with a point of view,
46
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:51,160
but not a hillbilly
from outer space.
47
00:02:51,180 --> 00:02:53,080
Granted he's no John Tesh,
48
00:02:53,099 --> 00:02:54,279
but he's got
the Lollapalooza following,
49
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,160
and Letterman's people
have been all over him.
50
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:58,110
Who is Beck's agent?
Stevie Grant.
51
00:02:58,129 --> 00:03:00,049
And Jake Johannsen?
Stevie.
52
00:03:00,069 --> 00:03:01,109
Ed Begley Jr.?
53
00:03:01,129 --> 00:03:03,109
Those names have nothing to do
with my relationship.
54
00:03:03,129 --> 00:03:05,059
Stevie happens to have
some very good clients.
55
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,260
He also has several
shit clients as well!
56
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,180
And I love Sally,
but if I see
57
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:11,159
Miss Struthers up here
one more time this month,
58
00:03:11,180 --> 00:03:13,240
you have crossed the line!
You got it?
59
00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:17,159
As of now, Lea Thompson
has dropped out.
60
00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:21,020
You have to find somebody
for tomorrow night.
61
00:03:21,039 --> 00:03:22,189
I'd stay and help,
but I know how
62
00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:24,140
you love to earn
your paycheck.
63
00:03:24,159 --> 00:03:26,139
Stevie, no, you're
misunderstanding me.
64
00:03:26,159 --> 00:03:27,259
It's not the I didn't like
Beck's music.
65
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,000
It's just that he said
"shit" in the middle
of one of the songs.
66
00:03:30,020 --> 00:03:31,060
Well...
Are you aware of that?
67
00:03:31,079 --> 00:03:32,109
He-He's an artist.
68
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,189
Well, I'm sure "shit" rhymes
with a lot of things.
69
00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:36,100
(laughs)
You know...
70
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,120
Hey, look, I've got
a lot of musical acts,
by the way.
71
00:03:38,139 --> 00:03:40,149
Say the word and I can
get you Hole.
72
00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,230
Well, you know,
my hooker days are over.
73
00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:44,240
(laughs)
You are the king!
74
00:03:44,259 --> 00:03:47,029
King Kong!
75
00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:49,270
Hey, babe.
Hey.
76
00:03:49,289 --> 00:03:52,069
Hey, we gotta hurry
if we're gonna make
our 8:30 at Pane E Vino.
77
00:03:52,090 --> 00:03:54,030
Oh, I'm sorry.
I left you a message.
78
00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:55,270
I can't go.
Lea Thompson bailed,
79
00:03:55,289 --> 00:03:57,059
and now I have to find
a replacement.
80
00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:59,089
No problem. I'll get you
a replacement.
81
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:01,120
How about Jennifer Aniston?
82
00:04:01,139 --> 00:04:03,079
Jennifer Aniston
would be amazing.
83
00:04:03,099 --> 00:04:05,019
Can you get her?
Yeah, absolutely.
84
00:04:05,039 --> 00:04:06,239
I represent half
the cast of "Friends."
85
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:08,189
Which ones?
The ones who can act.
86
00:04:08,210 --> 00:04:09,250
I'll call Jennifer
in the morning.
87
00:04:09,270 --> 00:04:12,030
Let's go.
88
00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:14,030
Hey, do you have a spot
for Andy Kindler?
89
00:04:14,050 --> 00:04:16,020
Who's Andy Kindler?
He's a comic.
90
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,020
The little guy,
the hyper guy?
91
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:20,100
Mm-hmm.
I don't think so.
92
00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,170
He's more of
a Conan O'Brien act.
93
00:04:21,189 --> 00:04:22,239
Conan won't put him on.
94
00:04:22,259 --> 00:04:24,269
Come on, Paula,
he needs a national shot.
95
00:04:24,290 --> 00:04:26,210
I guarantee you,
he's great.
96
00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:28,190
(whispering)
I don't think so.
97
00:04:28,209 --> 00:04:30,279
Come on. Jennifer Aniston
tomorrow night,
98
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,260
Andy Kindler Thursday?
99
00:04:34,139 --> 00:04:36,009
Come on.
100
00:04:37,079 --> 00:04:38,199
(whispering)
Come on.
101
00:04:38,220 --> 00:04:40,080
Okay.
102
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,189
Well, now, uh...
103
00:04:45,209 --> 00:04:48,029
What, uh, what movies
have you seen lately
104
00:04:48,050 --> 00:04:50,230
that you'd like to, uh,
review for us tonight?
105
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:53,010
Oh, yes. Uh, tonight,
I'm going to review
106
00:04:53,029 --> 00:04:54,209
"Operation Dumbo Drop."
107
00:04:54,230 --> 00:04:59,040
Right. That is the, uh,
movie where the elephant is--
108
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,110
Yes, about American soldiers,
109
00:05:00,129 --> 00:05:02,109
push big elephant
out of plane.
110
00:05:02,129 --> 00:05:03,269
Very funny.
111
00:05:03,290 --> 00:05:05,100
Is it funny?
112
00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:07,000
Absolutely,
Very, very funny.
113
00:05:07,019 --> 00:05:09,219
I give it three--
four fortune cookies.
114
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,070
Highest rating.
115
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:13,259
(chuckles)
116
00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,249
So, you, uh...
117
00:05:15,269 --> 00:05:18,279
Is this "Operation
Dumbo Drop" a comedy, then?
118
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,280
Uh, it's a comedy.
119
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,190
Uh, actually,
it's very, very funny.
120
00:05:23,209 --> 00:05:25,119
What is it with
the Chinese guy?
121
00:05:25,139 --> 00:05:27,089
He's on once a week
and he's not funny.
122
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,190
I know.
Why don't you tell Larry?
123
00:05:29,209 --> 00:05:31,029
Why don't you tell Larry?
124
00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:33,080
I'm not gonna tell him.
125
00:05:38,110 --> 00:05:39,280
Also, the seat was broken.
126
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,250
The seat was broken?
Very bad for hemorrhoids.
127
00:05:42,269 --> 00:05:45,019
(audience laughing)
128
00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:50,070
Are you talking about
your own or just in general?
129
00:05:50,090 --> 00:05:51,260
Is that a movie tip
from...
130
00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:54,209
We've gotten a little movie tip
from the Far East.
131
00:05:57,029 --> 00:05:58,029
What?
132
00:05:58,050 --> 00:05:59,230
I can't do this
with Larry watching me.
133
00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:01,240
It gives me the creeps.
134
00:06:01,259 --> 00:06:04,189
Doing it in front of
my clients turns me on.
135
00:06:04,209 --> 00:06:07,239
I feel my power.
(laughs)
136
00:06:07,259 --> 00:06:10,179
Just turn it off.
137
00:06:10,199 --> 00:06:12,129
It's not funny anyways.
138
00:06:12,149 --> 00:06:13,219
(turns TV off)
139
00:06:16,189 --> 00:06:18,049
Is, uh...
140
00:06:18,069 --> 00:06:19,249
What other movies
have you seen recently
141
00:06:19,269 --> 00:06:22,029
that you'd like to,
uh, review?
142
00:06:22,050 --> 00:06:23,240
A movie called "Babe."
143
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:26,079
That's the movie about
the talking pig, isn't it?
144
00:06:26,100 --> 00:06:28,070
Yes.
(laughing)
145
00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:30,139
Is it...
(audience laughing)
146
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:32,120
Is it funny?
Did you enjoy it?
147
00:06:32,139 --> 00:06:36,069
Yeah, but I suspect
lately our, uh,
148
00:06:36,090 --> 00:06:38,030
pork chop dishes, they suffer.
149
00:06:38,050 --> 00:06:40,140
Nobody order
pork chop dishes.
150
00:06:40,159 --> 00:06:41,999
(audience laughing)
151
00:06:42,019 --> 00:06:44,039
Barbecue pork, very bad.
Not selling.
152
00:06:48,069 --> 00:06:51,009
You're saying that people
probably see the talking pig
153
00:06:51,029 --> 00:06:53,159
and then don't want
to order the pork there
at the restaurant.
154
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,160
Apparently. I think so.
155
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:57,250
So, that's really been
bad for business, huh?
156
00:06:57,269 --> 00:06:59,249
Barbecue pork suffer.
157
00:06:59,269 --> 00:07:02,019
(laughing)
158
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,100
Oh, man, this is hilarious,
don't you think?
159
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:09,180
Artie? Don't you think
this is hilarious?
160
00:07:09,199 --> 00:07:12,039
Artie (on phone):
It's terrific.
I'm enjoying it.
161
00:07:12,060 --> 00:07:14,120
We should do this
more often, I mean it.
162
00:07:14,139 --> 00:07:17,129
Absolutely. Now, buddy,
if you don't mind,
163
00:07:17,149 --> 00:07:19,169
I'm entertaining
some guests.
164
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:22,149
Yes.
Want to say hello?
165
00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:23,280
Hi.
166
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,180
Go back, go back,
go back.
167
00:07:25,199 --> 00:07:28,239
(laughing)
This guy's hilarious.
168
00:07:28,259 --> 00:07:30,089
All right, I'll talk
to you tomorrow.
169
00:07:30,110 --> 00:07:32,020
Artie:
Ciao, baby!
170
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,210
(dial tone, dialing)
171
00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:37,020
(laughing)
(line ringing)
172
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,060
Beverly.
Beverly:
Hello?
173
00:07:39,079 --> 00:07:40,249
Isn't this hilarious?
174
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:44,059
Um, Larry?
Larry, what time is it?
175
00:07:44,079 --> 00:07:46,099
Come on, sleepyhead,
time to get up.
176
00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,220
No!
177
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,260
Come on.
You gotta get up.
178
00:07:48,279 --> 00:07:50,009
Rosario's here to clean.
179
00:07:50,029 --> 00:07:52,119
Tell her to clean
around me.
180
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:56,280
Warner's not going
to happen today.
181
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,170
Hey, sweetie,
do you have to smoke
the second you get up?
182
00:07:59,189 --> 00:08:01,069
Yes, sweetie, I do,
I'm an addict.
183
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:03,009
Okay, that's it.
184
00:08:03,029 --> 00:08:05,029
You get the guitar.
185
00:08:05,050 --> 00:08:06,090
(off-key)
♪ Love ♪
186
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:10,130
♪ Look at the two of us ♪
187
00:08:10,149 --> 00:08:15,089
♪ Strangers in many ways ♪
188
00:08:15,110 --> 00:08:16,140
♪ Ways ♪
♪ Ways ♪
189
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:19,110
♪ Keep it there ♪
(laughing)
190
00:08:19,129 --> 00:08:21,029
Mwah!
191
00:08:21,050 --> 00:08:25,070
♪ We've got a lifetime
to share ♪
192
00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:30,169
♪ And love may go
for all we know ♪
193
00:08:30,189 --> 00:08:33,099
(telephone ringing)
You like that? That's good.
194
00:08:35,049 --> 00:08:36,159
What?!
195
00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:38,169
Yeah? Yeah.
196
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,130
Fuck him!
He doesn't know!
197
00:08:40,149 --> 00:08:43,059
He's the one who swore
Ovitz wasn't leaving.
198
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,180
Okay, okay, okay.
199
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,130
You tell Bob Iger
that 10:00 is fine.
200
00:08:46,149 --> 00:08:49,089
I'll be there ready
to fuckin' go, go, go!
201
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:50,250
I got an idea.
202
00:08:50,269 --> 00:08:53,079
Blow off Iger and we'll
spend the morning in bed.
203
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,200
Are you insane?
204
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:56,260
I just got a 50% raise
by pretending
205
00:08:56,279 --> 00:08:58,199
I was gonna go form
my own agency.
206
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:00,010
I can't stay in bed.
207
00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:02,089
People actually notice when
I don't show up to work.
208
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:04,020
You stay in bed.
Fuck you.
209
00:09:04,039 --> 00:09:06,229
(sighs) Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
210
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:08,090
This whole Disney thing
has everybody
211
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:10,240
shitting bricks, pins
and party favors.
212
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:13,039
By the way, I can't go
to Ojai this weekend
213
00:09:13,059 --> 00:09:16,089
because Eisner's taking
the Young Turks
to a Ducks game.
214
00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:18,000
Are you gonna be like this
the rest of your life?
215
00:09:18,019 --> 00:09:19,079
Of course not.
216
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,110
I already told you,
I'm doing this for five years
217
00:09:21,129 --> 00:09:22,249
and then I'm getting out.
218
00:09:22,269 --> 00:09:24,289
You're so deluded.
Okay, eight years.
219
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,160
Artie thinks I'm booking
too many of your clients.
220
00:09:28,179 --> 00:09:31,129
What the fuck is that?
I've got good clients.
221
00:09:31,149 --> 00:09:33,289
I tried to explain to him
it had nothing to do
with our relationship.
222
00:09:34,009 --> 00:09:35,189
Of course it doesn't!
223
00:09:35,210 --> 00:09:37,120
You know, that guy's
fucking paranoid.
224
00:09:37,139 --> 00:09:38,289
That's just the kind
of Hollywood bullshit
225
00:09:39,009 --> 00:09:40,129
that makes me want
to chuck it all
226
00:09:40,149 --> 00:09:42,259
and join the Peace Corps.
(telephone ringing)
227
00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:46,089
Yeah? Big Bad Ron,
you piece of shit!
228
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:48,120
How's it going?!
229
00:09:48,139 --> 00:09:50,079
Fuck you, asshole!
230
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:52,210
Uh, we've received
a substantial number
231
00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:55,010
of faxes and letters from
the Anti-Defamation League
232
00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:57,149
protesting this segment that
you're doing with Peng Lee.
233
00:09:57,169 --> 00:09:59,139
Look, here's what
I don't get.
234
00:09:59,159 --> 00:10:01,239
Letterman can send
two guys from Bangladesh
around the world,
235
00:10:01,259 --> 00:10:03,279
and we can't send one Chinese
guy to the movies?
236
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,210
Indians do not watch television
as much as Asians do, Larry.
237
00:10:07,230 --> 00:10:11,100
And besides,
the Asian community is
much more organized and vocal.
238
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,240
Well, how does Leno
get away with it?
239
00:10:12,259 --> 00:10:15,049
He's keeps putting on those
damn Ito dancers.
240
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:18,210
That's a parody of
an Asian American judge,
241
00:10:18,230 --> 00:10:20,260
prancing around
with twinkle-toed
242
00:10:20,279 --> 00:10:22,239
dinner theater rejects.
243
00:10:22,259 --> 00:10:25,069
Oh, and, Dennis,
by twinkle-toed,
244
00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:28,130
I imply nothing about
their sexuality.
245
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:29,189
Well, it doesn't
make sense to me,
246
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:31,050
because I mean,
the piece is unwritten.
247
00:10:31,070 --> 00:10:32,130
That's the way he talks.
248
00:10:32,149 --> 00:10:34,089
I mean, that's the way I talk,
that's the way he talks.
249
00:10:34,110 --> 00:10:35,150
Let me clarify that.
250
00:10:35,169 --> 00:10:37,259
This bit is unscripted
chatter
251
00:10:37,279 --> 00:10:39,259
from a charming Chinese man.
252
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:42,009
And by the way, his restaurant
has never done better.
253
00:10:42,029 --> 00:10:44,079
That's right.
I mean, he should
really be thanking us.
254
00:10:44,100 --> 00:10:45,250
I had his sweet and sour
chicken the other day.
255
00:10:45,269 --> 00:10:46,999
It was like hot pink.
256
00:10:47,019 --> 00:10:49,059
I think it's cough syrup.
I swear to God.
257
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,110
Come on, people.
You know, in my day,
we had Amos 'n' Andy,
258
00:10:52,129 --> 00:10:54,199
we had José Jiménez.
259
00:10:54,220 --> 00:10:57,150
José Jiménez was the first
Hispanic in space.
260
00:10:57,169 --> 00:10:58,209
Kids looked up to him.
261
00:10:58,230 --> 00:11:00,150
Well, he didn't actually
go into space,
262
00:11:00,169 --> 00:11:01,219
that was just an act.
263
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,200
Well, I believed it.
264
00:11:03,220 --> 00:11:05,060
So, it was not only funny,
265
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,150
but it was inspirational
as well.
266
00:11:06,169 --> 00:11:08,179
Look, Larry,
let's be clear here.
267
00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,130
We are not forcing you
to do anything.
268
00:11:11,149 --> 00:11:14,089
We just strongly urge you
to discontinue the piece.
269
00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:15,250
And if I don't?
270
00:11:15,269 --> 00:11:19,099
Well, then you'll have
a lot of screaming Japs
271
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:20,270
picketing outside
the studio.
272
00:11:20,289 --> 00:11:23,229
Screaming Asian Americans.
273
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,160
Hey, Phil.
274
00:11:25,179 --> 00:11:27,139
Hey, great shirt!
Where'd you get that?
275
00:11:27,159 --> 00:11:29,039
Oh, thanks.
I think I got it--
276
00:11:29,059 --> 00:11:31,149
Do you have a 20?
277
00:11:31,169 --> 00:11:33,069
(sighs)
Hank, the last time
I loaned you money,
278
00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,210
it took you, like,
a month to pay it back.
279
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,070
I know, and you know
what happened?
280
00:11:36,090 --> 00:11:39,210
I sent Brian to the bank
with my ATM card.
281
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:42,030
But I don't know
what happened to him.
282
00:11:42,049 --> 00:11:44,209
He probably got sucked into
some kind of parade.
283
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,090
Well, can't you just wait
for him to get back?
284
00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:49,090
No, I can't. I got
the delivery guy
from Peng's Place.
285
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:51,030
I ordered the sweet
and sour chicken.
286
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:53,119
It's incredible.
You ever had it?
It cured my cold.
287
00:11:53,139 --> 00:11:57,019
Well, here you go.
Listen, can I get that back
at the end of the day?
288
00:11:58,049 --> 00:12:00,169
I don't even know why you
go out with the guy, Paula.
289
00:12:00,190 --> 00:12:02,180
I just do.
I like him.
290
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,280
I know you don't
'cause you think
he's rude on the phone.
291
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,060
Yes, he is.
292
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:08,130
Because I have a name,
and he never uses it.
293
00:12:08,149 --> 00:12:09,179
Who, Larry?
294
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,030
No, that's Stevie.
Ah.
295
00:12:11,049 --> 00:12:12,219
What, is he only taking
10% of your love?
296
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,010
I don't want to discuss
this with you.
297
00:12:14,029 --> 00:12:16,249
Ah, there's trouble
in paradise.
298
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,169
So, is he running
from commitment?
299
00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:20,170
Are you making fun of me?
No, I'm not.
300
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:21,200
Are you running
from commitment?
301
00:12:21,220 --> 00:12:23,100
You're making fun of me.
302
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,170
No, I just want to make sure
that he's meeting your needs.
303
00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:27,280
Hey, doll, Phil.
304
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,080
I'm gone.
305
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:30,120
What are you doing here?
306
00:12:30,139 --> 00:12:32,099
I just wanted to see if
you were free for lunch.
307
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,280
Ivan Reitman
cancelled on me.
308
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,050
His loss.
309
00:12:35,070 --> 00:12:36,260
Come on.
It's on the agency.
310
00:12:36,279 --> 00:12:38,289
Lunch with the booker of
"The Larry Sanders Show."
311
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,059
It's totally legit.
312
00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,200
Let's go liberate some money
from the evil corporation.
313
00:12:47,149 --> 00:12:49,139
Come here a minute.
314
00:12:51,259 --> 00:12:53,169
How long have we been
going out?
315
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,270
(sighs)
I don't know,
three months?
316
00:12:54,289 --> 00:12:56,069
Four months.
317
00:12:56,090 --> 00:12:58,110
Gee, time flies
when you're having fun.
318
00:12:58,129 --> 00:13:00,029
What do you want
out of this relationship?
319
00:13:00,049 --> 00:13:01,189
Guess the fun's over.
320
00:13:01,210 --> 00:13:03,200
I'm serious.
321
00:13:03,220 --> 00:13:05,130
Um, I don't know.
What do you want?
322
00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:06,209
I asked you first.
323
00:13:06,230 --> 00:13:08,250
Okay. Uh...
324
00:13:08,269 --> 00:13:11,079
I want it to continue
the way that it is,
325
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,210
except with more fucking.
326
00:13:13,230 --> 00:13:16,230
(laughs)
327
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:20,090
Help me, Paula.
What's wrong?
328
00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:22,250
What would you say if
I told you I wanted to quit?
329
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:25,079
I don't know.
Are you quitting?
330
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:27,110
What if I said I wanted
to have a baby?
331
00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:29,139
Oh, my God,
are you pregnant?
332
00:13:29,159 --> 00:13:33,199
No, but it's nice to see
what your reaction would be.
333
00:13:33,220 --> 00:13:35,260
(sighs)
Look, we have to go
to lunch quick
334
00:13:35,279 --> 00:13:37,289
because your
blood sugar is dropping.
335
00:13:38,009 --> 00:13:39,209
How many of these clients
would be up here
336
00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:41,010
if you and I weren't dating?
337
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,029
Jesus, Paula, I'm not
going out with you
338
00:13:43,049 --> 00:13:44,269
to get my clients
on the show.
339
00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:46,079
That's good news.
340
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:48,150
Then I guess you won't mind
if I unbook Andy Kindler.
341
00:13:48,169 --> 00:13:50,089
You can't do that!
He's booked!
342
00:13:50,110 --> 00:13:52,250
We've got a verbal contract.
I just did it.
343
00:13:52,269 --> 00:13:54,199
Bye, Jake Johannsen.
344
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:55,260
These are good acts.
345
00:13:55,279 --> 00:13:57,109
You know, I didn't force you
to book them.
346
00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:59,049
I could have brought them
to Letterman first.
347
00:13:59,070 --> 00:14:01,010
Oh, I'm sure he'd be
so thrilled to hear
348
00:14:01,029 --> 00:14:04,049
about Ed Begley Jr.'s
fucking electric car.
349
00:14:04,070 --> 00:14:05,270
Okay, you're insane.
350
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:07,169
All right, if you're gonna
do that to them,
351
00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:11,220
then say good-bye
to Jennifer Aniston.
352
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,130
You can't.
353
00:14:13,149 --> 00:14:16,029
You can't unbook somebody
who's booked for tonight!
354
00:14:16,049 --> 00:14:17,289
I'll talk to you tonight.
355
00:14:18,009 --> 00:14:20,019
No. I don't want to see
you anymore.
356
00:14:20,039 --> 00:14:23,229
(sighs)
I don't have time
for this shit.
357
00:14:23,250 --> 00:14:26,000
(door closes)
358
00:14:26,019 --> 00:14:28,129
What the hell do you mean
Jennifer Aniston cancelled?
359
00:14:28,149 --> 00:14:30,079
Her people called,
she can't make it.
360
00:14:30,100 --> 00:14:31,230
I see.
What happened?
361
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:33,050
I don't know exactly.
362
00:14:33,070 --> 00:14:34,280
Didn't they give
a reason for cancelling?
363
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,140
Yeah, you're right,
they did, I'm sorry.
364
00:14:36,159 --> 00:14:38,199
Uh, she was skiing in Aspen,
365
00:14:38,220 --> 00:14:42,020
and she, uh,
got a really bad cold
366
00:14:42,039 --> 00:14:43,169
and she can't make it.
367
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:45,040
I see.
A cold.
368
00:14:45,059 --> 00:14:47,059
Yeah, it's pretty serious.
Yes, it is.
369
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,030
You know how Larry's gonna feel
when he hears about this?
370
00:14:49,049 --> 00:14:50,279
Do we have to tell him?
371
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,230
Paula, let me explain
how it works.
372
00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:55,200
Larry introduces the guest,
373
00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:57,020
they come out, they sit down.
374
00:14:57,039 --> 00:14:58,069
When that doesn't happen,
375
00:14:58,090 --> 00:14:59,180
Larry knows that
something's wrong.
376
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:01,070
Without a guest,
377
00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:04,140
Larry will sit here
with his thumb up his ass.
378
00:15:04,159 --> 00:15:06,139
Excuse me. Artie?
379
00:15:06,159 --> 00:15:08,159
A Mr. Chen's called
three times.
380
00:15:08,179 --> 00:15:09,229
I think you ought
to take it.
381
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:12,110
Oh.
382
00:15:12,129 --> 00:15:14,119
Skiing in Aspen.
383
00:15:14,139 --> 00:15:16,169
Weather's so unpredictable
this time of year
384
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,280
when there's no snow.
385
00:15:20,149 --> 00:15:23,089
You want half of this?
Uh-uh.
386
00:15:23,110 --> 00:15:26,100
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
387
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,180
Hi.
388
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,190
I'm Andy Kindler.
389
00:15:29,210 --> 00:15:30,200
Oh, my God, Andy.
390
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,240
I'm sorry, I didn't
recognize you.
391
00:15:31,259 --> 00:15:32,279
Well, maybe you don't
recognize me
392
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,090
'cause I'm a comic
who never gets on TV.
393
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:38,290
And why? Well, basically
thanks to people like you,
that's why.
394
00:15:39,009 --> 00:15:40,089
Andy, do you know Beverly?
395
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:43,120
Mm. Excuse me.
I've go to go and...
396
00:15:43,139 --> 00:15:44,999
eat up the rest
of my, uh, cookie.
397
00:15:45,019 --> 00:15:46,109
I was booked for the show,
398
00:15:46,129 --> 00:15:47,279
and then, you know,
guess what?
399
00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:48,290
I'm not booked for the show.
400
00:15:49,009 --> 00:15:50,249
I called Stevie,
I asked him
what happened,
401
00:15:50,269 --> 00:15:53,049
and he says it's because
you don't think I'm right
for the show.
402
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,170
Listen, I don't make the final
decisions around here, okay?
403
00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:57,020
Oh, well, that's
just bullshit.
404
00:15:57,039 --> 00:16:00,039
Um, you know, maybe I could
look at your tape again...
405
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,039
if you wanna leave it...
406
00:16:02,059 --> 00:16:04,219
with me.
407
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,130
Hey, Hank?
Hmm?
408
00:16:06,149 --> 00:16:08,219
Listen, I can't find Brian.
Well, join the club.
409
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:11,060
Do you have the money
you owe me?
410
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,160
What money?
411
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:14,139
The $20 that I loaned you
this morning.
412
00:16:14,159 --> 00:16:16,189
Oh, right! See Brian
about that.
413
00:16:16,210 --> 00:16:19,050
Hank, I can't find Brian.
414
00:16:19,070 --> 00:16:20,260
Okay, that was
my last $20,
415
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:22,129
and I can't go to the cash
machine after dark
416
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,149
because I get mugged.
417
00:16:23,169 --> 00:16:25,059
My advice? Pepper spray.
418
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,070
And don't be afraid
to use it.
419
00:16:27,090 --> 00:16:29,230
Jennifer sprained her ankle.
Really?
420
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:32,180
You know, according to Paula,
she mentioned to Artie
421
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,050
that Jennifer has
a head cold.
422
00:16:34,070 --> 00:16:35,150
And now you know what,
Stevie?
423
00:16:35,169 --> 00:16:37,119
Now we have a show to do,
and I don't have a guest.
424
00:16:37,139 --> 00:16:39,049
I mean, you're supposed
to be my agent.
425
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:41,010
You're not supposed
to come in here and
fuck up the show.
426
00:16:41,029 --> 00:16:42,079
(weeping)
427
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,120
All right, okay.
All right.
428
00:16:44,139 --> 00:16:45,269
Maybe I'm being
too hard on you
429
00:16:45,289 --> 00:16:47,139
about this
Jennifer Aniston--
430
00:16:47,159 --> 00:16:48,249
I blew it with Paula!
431
00:16:48,269 --> 00:16:51,139
Why don't we have her
come in and talk to you?
432
00:16:51,159 --> 00:16:52,189
No!
433
00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:54,050
We'll have her come in.
I'm gonna get her.
434
00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:55,210
I'm gonna tell Beverly
to go--
No!
435
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:58,010
Beverly, would you get
Paula for me, please?
436
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,130
Okay, Hank,
give him the money.
437
00:17:01,149 --> 00:17:03,029
What money?
438
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:06,190
Hey, there it is.
439
00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:08,120
What are you...
440
00:17:13,089 --> 00:17:15,049
All you had to do
was ask.
441
00:17:15,069 --> 00:17:17,079
(scoffs)
Prick.
442
00:17:18,140 --> 00:17:21,080
(weeping) I walk around
in my Italian suit all day
443
00:17:21,099 --> 00:17:22,269
like I'm on top
of the world!
444
00:17:22,289 --> 00:17:25,029
But I'm a fake!
445
00:17:25,049 --> 00:17:27,159
If I stop pretending
for a second,
446
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:29,190
I'll fall apart
'cause I'm terrified!
447
00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,130
I don't know what
the fuck I'm doing!
448
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:34,240
What's going on?
Paula!
449
00:17:34,259 --> 00:17:37,019
Oh, don't look at me!
450
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:38,199
He's a little upset.
451
00:17:38,220 --> 00:17:42,120
Oh. Are you upset about
what happened?
Yeah.
452
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:44,190
Now you're gonna
get me upset!
453
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,220
Tell her about the suit.
454
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:48,100
Paula, I'm terrified!
455
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,179
I've built up these walls
inside me,
456
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:53,060
and I'm sorry it's so hard
for me to open up.
457
00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:54,219
What about the suit?
458
00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:58,010
Uh, may I interrupt?
459
00:17:58,029 --> 00:18:00,249
A Mr. Chen from
the Asian-American
Anti-Defamation League
460
00:18:00,269 --> 00:18:02,279
would like to talk to you
about Peng Lee.
461
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,140
Stevie:
Is that the movie critic guy?
462
00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,020
I wanted to say it,
but I was afraid to,
463
00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:08,129
but he's lame.
464
00:18:08,150 --> 00:18:10,170
Everybody in town
thinks so.
465
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,240
He's not funny.
466
00:18:11,259 --> 00:18:13,209
Well, what do you think?
467
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:15,260
Well, I think we ought to tell
this pain in the ass
468
00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:17,159
from the Anti-Defamation League
469
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,230
that we think
that the remote
470
00:18:18,250 --> 00:18:20,210
is detrimental
to the Asian community.
471
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:22,250
Yeah. It is.
That's smart.
472
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:23,269
Good practice.
Right, exactly.
473
00:18:23,289 --> 00:18:25,029
Peng Lee safeway.
474
00:18:25,049 --> 00:18:28,189
Larry:
Look how they fucked up
their lives.
475
00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:30,210
I get a last-minute phone call
to do the show.
476
00:18:30,230 --> 00:18:33,040
Then I get a phone call saying
I'm not doing the show,
477
00:18:33,059 --> 00:18:35,239
then another phone call
saying I am doing the show.
478
00:18:35,259 --> 00:18:37,109
But, sweetie,
you're here now,
479
00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:38,160
and we couldn't
be happier.
480
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,230
Look at me.
481
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:41,140
Well, I certainly wouldn't
be able to tell
482
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,190
by the way I was
treated today.
483
00:18:42,210 --> 00:18:44,160
You got the Tiffany frame,
didn't you?
484
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:46,170
Well, the only reason
I'm doing this
485
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,050
is because
I'm dating Eddie.
486
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:49,059
Who's Eddie?
487
00:18:49,079 --> 00:18:50,249
Eddie Ring, our sound man.
488
00:18:50,269 --> 00:18:52,179
Oh! You know, we also
have a guy
489
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,030
working on the show
who's just a grip,
490
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,109
who's dating
Sandra Bullock.
491
00:18:55,130 --> 00:18:57,050
Donny Padilla.
He's in "People" magazine.
492
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,169
Larry:
He gets excited by
that kind of stuff.
493
00:18:59,190 --> 00:19:00,280
What's this about
a Tiffany frame?
494
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,170
My next guest, uh...
495
00:19:03,190 --> 00:19:04,180
(cheering and applause)
496
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,010
...we're thrilled
to have her on.
497
00:19:06,029 --> 00:19:08,259
This is her first time on
"The Larry Sanders Show."
498
00:19:08,279 --> 00:19:10,259
And you know her best,
of course,
499
00:19:10,279 --> 00:19:14,049
from the, uh, gigantic
hit series "Friends."
500
00:19:14,069 --> 00:19:16,139
Please welcome
Jennifer Aniston.
501
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,160
(cheering and applause)
502
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:20,180
(band playing)
503
00:19:33,190 --> 00:19:35,250
Well...
504
00:19:35,269 --> 00:19:37,209
These are all, uh--
505
00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:40,270
Are you all, uh,
fans of, uh, "Friends"?
506
00:19:40,289 --> 00:19:43,149
(cheering)
507
00:19:45,069 --> 00:19:47,189
Who's your favorite,
"friend," yeah?
508
00:19:47,210 --> 00:19:49,080
(laughing)
509
00:19:49,099 --> 00:19:50,129
I don't have a favorite friend.
510
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:52,120
I love all of them equally.
They're different.
511
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:53,260
They're...
I can't say.
512
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,029
Is that true?
Yeah.
513
00:19:55,049 --> 00:19:57,009
Do you spend time with
514
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,129
any one of them
in particular
off camera?
515
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:01,150
More than--
Yes.
516
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:04,020
Is one of them more
than just a pen pal?
517
00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:05,179
Well, wait.
It's "Friends."
I meant friends.
518
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,000
Yeah. Well, we spend...
519
00:20:08,019 --> 00:20:10,279
During the summer,
the girls hung out a lot,
520
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,010
'cause everybody else was off
doing this and that and--
521
00:20:13,029 --> 00:20:15,109
Where did they hang out?
Where do we hang out?
522
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:16,250
Where do the girls hang out?
We hang out--
523
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:18,219
The girls from "Friends."
Yeah, the girls from "Friends."
524
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:20,120
Where do they hang out?
They hang out at our homes,
525
00:20:20,140 --> 00:20:24,130
or we go out to dinner.
Where's the homes?
526
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:26,170
Larry is the king, man!
527
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:28,020
King Kong!
528
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:29,189
(laughing)
What does that mean?
529
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:31,170
Where does an 800-pound
gorilla sleep?
530
00:20:31,190 --> 00:20:33,280
Anywhere he wants to.
531
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,080
I don't get it.
532
00:20:35,099 --> 00:20:37,119
Larry is the gorilla.
533
00:20:37,140 --> 00:20:39,190
He's huge,
talent-wise.
534
00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:41,110
You're delightful.
Well, thank you.
535
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:43,140
What would you like
to ask us?
536
00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:46,010
Um, I...
537
00:20:46,029 --> 00:20:48,019
Gosh, I can't really
think of anything
538
00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,149
I'd like to ask you
at the moment.
539
00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:52,270
If I come up with something,
I'll ask you later.
540
00:20:52,289 --> 00:20:55,049
Well, you're more
than welcome to, uh,
541
00:20:55,069 --> 00:20:57,139
call in.
542
00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,000
Jennifer Aniston
is doing so well.
543
00:21:00,019 --> 00:21:01,249
We gotta get her back
right away.
544
00:21:01,269 --> 00:21:03,179
Yeah.
545
00:21:06,059 --> 00:21:08,109
Hey, you-you didn't
get back together with me
546
00:21:08,130 --> 00:21:10,060
just so you could get
Jennifer Aniston
547
00:21:10,079 --> 00:21:12,029
back on the show,
did you?
548
00:21:13,039 --> 00:21:14,229
Of course not.
549
00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:20,259
(theme music playing)
40010
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