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1
00:00:09,269 --> 00:00:12,189
(cheering and applause)
2
00:00:14,099 --> 00:00:16,179
My next guest, I'm
sure you'll recognize.
3
00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:18,999
She is an inter...
I can't even say this...
4
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,119
she's an internationally
known model and actress.
5
00:00:21,140 --> 00:00:23,260
Please welcome Tatjana.
6
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,250
(cheering and applause)
♪ ♪
7
00:00:37,109 --> 00:00:39,039
Tatjana, I'm sorry.
8
00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:41,100
You began to... you started
to kiss me on each cheek
9
00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:43,179
and I pulled away
because I... I...
10
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,230
first of all,
I'm American,
11
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:46,100
and I'm used to only
kissing on one cheek.
12
00:00:46,119 --> 00:00:47,229
That's okay.
Second of all,
13
00:00:47,250 --> 00:00:50,270
just being who I am, I'm always
just happy with one kiss,
14
00:00:50,289 --> 00:00:52,079
and I figure
the second one's...
15
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,130
I'm gonna somehow
get hurt.
16
00:00:53,149 --> 00:00:54,999
No, no.
17
00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,140
So I... when you kissed me
on one side
18
00:00:56,159 --> 00:00:57,269
then went
to the other side,
19
00:00:57,289 --> 00:00:59,199
I... I panicked 'cause I
thought I was gonna get hit.
20
00:00:59,219 --> 00:01:01,109
Usually a kiss
on one side
21
00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:03,000
and a hit
on the other.
22
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:05,020
But that's a very
European thing, isn't it?
23
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:06,200
Yes.
Sure, sure.
24
00:01:06,219 --> 00:01:08,099
Because of your...
sure.
25
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:12,110
If you were Asian,
we would have bowed.
26
00:01:12,129 --> 00:01:15,279
So, uh... oh, so you're
from Sweden, aren't you?
27
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,000
I grew up there.
You grew up in Sweden.
28
00:01:18,019 --> 00:01:19,079
What city,
if I may ask?
29
00:01:19,099 --> 00:01:21,089
Uh, Malmo.
Oh,
that's beautiful.
30
00:01:21,109 --> 00:01:22,179
Hank:
What city?
31
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,000
Have you been?
(audience laughs)
32
00:01:24,019 --> 00:01:26,019
What do I know
of that...
33
00:01:26,039 --> 00:01:27,249
I love Oslo.
That's in Norway.
34
00:01:27,269 --> 00:01:30,279
Yes, it's Norway.
(laughter)
35
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,130
Paula! Paula,
you gotta help me.
36
00:01:32,150 --> 00:01:33,290
Jeannie's coming up
in the elevator.
37
00:01:34,009 --> 00:01:35,079
Hank on TV:
Yeah, I know one...
38
00:01:35,099 --> 00:01:36,149
Did you hear me?
39
00:01:36,170 --> 00:01:38,020
Jeannie's coming up in
the elevator right now!
40
00:01:38,039 --> 00:01:39,029
Jeannie who?
41
00:01:39,049 --> 00:01:42,119
Jeannie Sanders,
Larry's ex-wife!
42
00:01:43,189 --> 00:01:45,229
Well, you're delightful.
And do you cook?
43
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:48,020
Yeah.
Oh, man.
44
00:01:48,039 --> 00:01:50,099
That is great.
What do you make?
45
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:51,150
I cook all kinds
of things.
46
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,160
Really?
Mm-hmm.
47
00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:53,180
Like?
48
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:56,000
Well, some
Swedish things,
49
00:01:56,020 --> 00:01:58,060
but I... I like
Italian food,
50
00:01:58,079 --> 00:01:59,129
so I cook a lot of that.
51
00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:01,080
Wow, that is so rare
to find someone else
52
00:02:01,099 --> 00:02:02,289
who likes
Italian food.
53
00:02:03,010 --> 00:02:04,050
Ha ha!
54
00:02:04,069 --> 00:02:06,039
Artie, according to Beverly,
Jeannie Sanders is here.
55
00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:07,190
Oh, gee, what the hell
is she doing here?
56
00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:08,259
I don't know.
You asking me?
57
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:10,190
No, I'm asking the guy
with one eye in row 6.
58
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,060
I don't think
he knows either.
59
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,160
First we have
the damn juggler
60
00:02:13,180 --> 00:02:15,060
who bangs his head
with a bowling ball,
61
00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:17,030
and now this.
Ohh. Take over.
62
00:02:17,050 --> 00:02:18,220
Don't get drunk.
63
00:02:19,219 --> 00:02:21,079
We want to know
everything.
64
00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:23,289
I just... we don't
have enough time.
65
00:02:24,009 --> 00:02:27,179
I'll have to tell you
over, uh, heh heh, dinner.
66
00:02:27,199 --> 00:02:28,279
But, listen,
we're out of time.
67
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,000
Join me
tomorrow night.
68
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:32,080
My guests will be,
uh, Shawn Colvin,
69
00:02:32,099 --> 00:02:34,139
Parker Posey, and,
uh, David Duchovny.
70
00:02:34,159 --> 00:02:36,189
Again? We have
David Duchovny again.
71
00:02:36,210 --> 00:02:40,120
(scoffs) Wow, Larry's office
hasn't changed a bit.
72
00:02:40,139 --> 00:02:42,119
Oh, is, uh,
73
00:02:42,139 --> 00:02:43,169
that right?
74
00:02:43,189 --> 00:02:44,209
Who is this?
75
00:02:44,229 --> 00:02:46,169
Uh, that's
Dana Delany.
76
00:02:46,189 --> 00:02:48,079
She was on
"China Beach."
77
00:02:48,099 --> 00:02:49,159
I don't watch TV.
78
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,140
Larry used to
get so annoyed
79
00:02:51,159 --> 00:02:53,139
that I didn't know
who any of the guests were.
80
00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:55,209
Jeannie Sanders
is in the house!
81
00:02:55,229 --> 00:02:58,019
Hey, sweetie,
you look great.
82
00:02:58,039 --> 00:03:01,059
Oh, thank you, Arthur.
That's so sweet. So do you.
83
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,090
Hey, Beverly, why don't we
put Jeannie in the green room?
84
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:05,030
The Wayans family
is in there.
85
00:03:05,050 --> 00:03:07,110
A lot of fun going on.
Hey, big house party.
86
00:03:07,129 --> 00:03:10,089
I would really rather just
stay here, if that's okay.
87
00:03:10,110 --> 00:03:11,150
Sure.
Okay.
88
00:03:11,169 --> 00:03:13,019
Tatjana:
You made me
laugh so hard.
89
00:03:13,039 --> 00:03:15,069
No, you did great...
Oh, hey.
90
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:16,160
It's Jeannie!
91
00:03:16,180 --> 00:03:17,170
I know
who it is.
92
00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:19,009
What's wrong
with you?
93
00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:20,140
Hi-- Gee, I didn't know
you were coming.
94
00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,169
No one told me.
95
00:03:21,189 --> 00:03:23,029
Well, I wanted it
to be a surprise.
96
00:03:23,050 --> 00:03:25,010
Well, you look great.
Did you see any of the show?
97
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,130
No, I just got here.
98
00:03:26,150 --> 00:03:28,280
Magnificent.
The best of Larry.
99
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,100
And you, my dear-- (blows kiss)
the best of Tatjana.
100
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,190
Tatjana, this is my
ex-wife Jeannie.
101
00:03:32,210 --> 00:03:33,200
Jeannie,
Tatjana.
102
00:03:33,219 --> 00:03:35,109
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
103
00:03:35,129 --> 00:03:37,169
I, I hope it's all right
that I came by like this.
104
00:03:37,189 --> 00:03:39,079
Oh, it's fine.
105
00:03:39,099 --> 00:03:42,019
Yes, of course.
Don't be silly.
106
00:03:42,039 --> 00:03:44,169
I mean, uh,
I'm happy to see you.
107
00:03:44,189 --> 00:03:45,289
How was
the, uh, juggler?
108
00:03:46,009 --> 00:03:48,009
Mucho blood, but, you know,
not as bad as it looks.
109
00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:49,090
Lot of veins
in the scalp, you know.
110
00:03:49,110 --> 00:03:50,280
Yeah, good to know.
Well, we should...
111
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,160
we should have dinner, catch
up. But, uh, tonight I'm...
112
00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:57,150
Oh, it's okay, I,
I should've called ahead.
No, no, no.
113
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,190
I just have dinner every night
with the third guest.
114
00:03:59,210 --> 00:04:01,130
It just happens
to be Tatjana tonight.
115
00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:03,230
Hey, uh, what do I have
the rest of the week?
116
00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,240
Uh, actually I think you're
booked for the rest of the week.
117
00:04:05,259 --> 00:04:07,029
Well, let's just come up
with something
118
00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:08,140
and, uh,
open a date up.
119
00:04:08,159 --> 00:04:10,169
When... whichever day you can
go, and we'll have dinner,
120
00:04:10,189 --> 00:04:12,059
and catch up.
It'll be nice.
121
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,290
Okay.
Good.
122
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,109
Your keys.
Oh, thank you.
123
00:04:17,129 --> 00:04:19,189
Vendela was right.
It's so terrific in here.
124
00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:20,259
Isn't it?
Yeah.
125
00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,129
Yeah...
126
00:04:25,129 --> 00:04:27,289
I can't believe
I drove an hour for that.
127
00:04:28,009 --> 00:04:29,189
Beverly:
Well, he didn't know
you were coming.
128
00:04:29,209 --> 00:04:31,199
You know these supermodels
have no stored fat.
129
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:33,280
When they gotta eat,
they gotta eat.
130
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:35,040
Hey.
131
00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:37,010
Hey hey hey.
Hey.
132
00:04:37,029 --> 00:04:38,219
Jeannie Sanders.
Hello, Hank.
133
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,190
Gee,
you look great.
134
00:04:40,209 --> 00:04:42,029
Does Larry know
you're here?
135
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:44,020
Yes, he knows.
136
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:45,170
Is, uh, Larry going
to dinner with Tatjana?
137
00:04:45,189 --> 00:04:46,269
Yes.
Ah.
138
00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:49,070
Heh heh.
Oh, it's so typical.
139
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,210
You know,
I warm 'em up,
140
00:04:50,230 --> 00:04:52,070
and just...
Larry scores.
141
00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:55,090
Well, it was nice
seeing you all.
142
00:04:55,110 --> 00:04:57,080
You're not going so soon,
are you, dear?
143
00:04:57,100 --> 00:05:00,100
Uh, yeah. I'm gonna go across
the street and have a drink.
144
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:02,170
See you later.
145
00:05:02,189 --> 00:05:05,049
I need a drink.
You want to join me?
146
00:05:05,069 --> 00:05:06,279
I'm on the wagon.
147
00:05:08,079 --> 00:05:09,109
Mm-mmm.
148
00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:13,060
Jeannie?
149
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:17,010
Would you
like a drink?
150
00:05:17,029 --> 00:05:19,019
Yeah, I could sure
use one.
151
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,160
He looked
right through me.
152
00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,060
Oh, I know.
153
00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:24,009
I know.
It's a cold stare.
154
00:05:24,029 --> 00:05:26,079
Yeah, like, um,
"Hi.
155
00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,080
"I'm a star.
Who are you?"
156
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,060
Oh, my God,
that's it.
157
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,069
You send shivers
down my spine.
158
00:05:32,090 --> 00:05:34,190
Really?
Yeah!
159
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,199
I also do Cagney,
you know.
160
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:38,080
(both laugh)
161
00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:40,060
Thank you.
162
00:05:40,079 --> 00:05:41,149
You know why
he's like that.
163
00:05:41,170 --> 00:05:42,180
Why?
164
00:05:42,199 --> 00:05:44,099
His family completely
screwed him up.
165
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,180
I gotta ask you something.
Mmm.
166
00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:49,069
You don't have to tell me,
but I mean,
167
00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:50,110
did they spank him?
168
00:05:50,129 --> 00:05:51,169
Yes.
169
00:05:51,189 --> 00:05:53,289
Constantly.
I knew that.
170
00:05:54,009 --> 00:05:55,039
Yeah.
171
00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:57,140
(doing a bad Cagney impression)
You dirty rat.
172
00:05:57,159 --> 00:05:59,059
You killed
my brother, see?
173
00:05:59,079 --> 00:06:01,999
And now I'm gonna
kill you, see? Yeah.
174
00:06:02,019 --> 00:06:03,149
(laughs)
175
00:06:03,170 --> 00:06:05,270
(laughs)
176
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:07,100
Oh, my God.
177
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:10,100
I am... I'm never having
another drink again in my life.
178
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,050
I've got to go.
179
00:06:12,069 --> 00:06:13,289
Oh, Jesus.
180
00:06:14,009 --> 00:06:16,029
I have to, uh...
181
00:06:16,050 --> 00:06:18,050
I have to go.
What?
182
00:06:18,069 --> 00:06:20,099
You're not gonna
say anything to Larry?
183
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,120
Hank,
that's my dress.
184
00:06:22,139 --> 00:06:23,169
Okay.
185
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:26,150
Uh, Jeannie?
What?
186
00:06:26,170 --> 00:06:28,080
I'm gonna go now.
187
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,260
I, uh, I ate everything
in the mini bar
188
00:06:30,279 --> 00:06:32,039
while you were asleep.
189
00:06:32,060 --> 00:06:35,030
I'll send you
a check.
190
00:06:37,139 --> 00:06:38,129
What do you think?
191
00:06:38,149 --> 00:06:40,179
Hank, you've got
to be yelling at Larry
192
00:06:40,199 --> 00:06:41,199
'cause your teeth hurt.
193
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:42,230
Hank:
Okay, I got it, I'm sorry.
194
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:44,030
I'm ready now.
195
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:46,130
I mean, I didn't mind
it that way. All right.
196
00:06:46,149 --> 00:06:48,219
Let's... can we try it
again? Please.
Yeah.
197
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,160
All right.
Mr. Washington,
198
00:06:50,180 --> 00:06:54,040
you know, these wooden
teeth will last a lifetime,
199
00:06:54,060 --> 00:06:57,160
as long as you don't put
a, uh, beaver in your mouth.
200
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,270
All right?
All right.
201
00:06:59,290 --> 00:07:00,280
Line?
202
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,030
No, no, no!
203
00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:05,050
Take it easy!
Okay, crew, take five.
204
00:07:05,069 --> 00:07:07,069
But up to there
it was good, right?
205
00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:09,029
Terrific.
You were very good.
206
00:07:09,050 --> 00:07:11,040
Hank, buddy, you gotta
help me out with this.
207
00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:13,130
There's too many lines, or
are the words just too big?
208
00:07:13,149 --> 00:07:15,029
No. I'm just...
I'm just off today.
209
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:18,140
(sniffing) Hey,
I know that smell.
210
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,270
Excuse me.
Ah, shrimp puffs.
211
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:23,040
Thank you.
How did you know?
212
00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,120
How'd I know you were
hungry? Lucky guess.
213
00:07:25,139 --> 00:07:28,129
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
214
00:07:28,149 --> 00:07:30,189
I went out with
Jeannie last night.
215
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:31,199
Huh?
216
00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:33,040
Went out with Jeannie
last night.
217
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,100
Really? Well,
that's great.
218
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,020
Yeah, it was fun.
We had a couple of drinks.
219
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,160
We... we had fun.
Great, great.
220
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:38,220
I kind of felt bad
221
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,080
about leaving her here
the other night.
222
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:42,090
We really got drunk
later on, I tell you.
223
00:07:42,110 --> 00:07:44,140
Yeah.
Did she seem happy?
224
00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:47,059
Well, before or after
I fucked her?
225
00:07:47,079 --> 00:07:49,079
(all laughing)
226
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,240
I know
it wasn't during,
227
00:07:50,259 --> 00:07:52,049
'cause she would
have been nauseous.
228
00:07:52,069 --> 00:07:53,149
Can we... can we
try this again?
229
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:55,230
Yeah. Come on, guys,
let's go.
230
00:07:57,149 --> 00:08:00,059
I, uh...
231
00:08:00,079 --> 00:08:03,269
I did something, uh,
completely insane last night.
232
00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:08,000
What do you mean?
233
00:08:08,019 --> 00:08:09,089
I mean, uh,
I, uh...
234
00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:12,100
It was an accident,
but I slept with Jeannie.
235
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,170
Are you serious?
236
00:08:13,189 --> 00:08:16,189
Are you trying to say that
you slept with, uh, Jeannie?
237
00:08:16,209 --> 00:08:18,019
Yeah, but it was
an accident.
238
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,080
It was an accident?
Yeah.
239
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:21,020
What do you mean, she
slipped on something
240
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:22,050
and fell onto
your penis?
241
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,119
(whispers)
Sorry.
242
00:08:23,139 --> 00:08:25,019
He fucked her.
243
00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,250
Oh, God!
244
00:08:26,269 --> 00:08:28,039
Rehearsal's over!
245
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:31,040
Phil,
get out of here.
246
00:08:31,060 --> 00:08:33,180
Now you didn't see anything,
you didn't hear nothing. Scram!
247
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,270
I can't believe that
Hank drilled Jeannie.
248
00:08:35,289 --> 00:08:37,179
Get out of here!
249
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,260
No!
This way.
250
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:46,030
Sweetheart, baby,
trying to ruin us all?
251
00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:48,049
Our jobs depend on Larry
being just that much better
252
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:49,060
than the other guy.
253
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,130
I don't know
why I did it.
254
00:08:50,149 --> 00:08:52,079
Ah, forget that!
Why did you tell him?
255
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,030
I couldn't help it.
He was looking at me.
256
00:08:54,049 --> 00:08:55,119
Oh, god damn you.
257
00:08:55,139 --> 00:08:56,179
What should I do,
Artie?
258
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,190
First, you don't ever go
within a mile of Jeannie,
259
00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,200
never, ever.
260
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:01,200
Never, never...
No, ever!
261
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,180
Never ever.
Second...
262
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,000
don't say another word
to Larry, okay?
263
00:09:06,019 --> 00:09:07,079
I mean it, Hank.
264
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:09,200
Don't bring it up.
Don't apologize.
265
00:09:09,220 --> 00:09:10,260
I'll take care of it.
266
00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:11,269
Thanks, Artie.
267
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:13,999
Oh, shut
the fuck up.
Yes, sir.
268
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,290
What are you hiding?
Ha ha ha!
269
00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,249
Surprise!
270
00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:25,069
Oh, what is that?
271
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,160
Well, Larry felt bad that Artie
stopped the cappuccino runs
272
00:09:27,179 --> 00:09:29,009
so he bought this
for you.
273
00:09:29,029 --> 00:09:30,199
Oh, yeah? If he feels so bad,
why doesn't he pay
274
00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,210
for the cappuccino runs?
He's got the money.
275
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:34,200
'Cause this is better.
How is this better?
276
00:09:34,220 --> 00:09:37,280
Well, you can make your own
americano espresso cappuccino
277
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,010
any time you want.
278
00:09:39,029 --> 00:09:40,269
That's the problem.
I have to make it,
279
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,279
then I have
to clean it.
280
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,060
Or if somebody else
makes it,
281
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:44,210
probably
I have to clean it.
282
00:09:44,230 --> 00:09:46,090
Why are you being
so ungrateful?
283
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:48,000
Because it's
an empty gesture
284
00:09:48,019 --> 00:09:49,199
made in the spirit
of cheapness.
285
00:09:49,220 --> 00:09:51,140
Hey, I know how to
make cappuccino.
286
00:09:51,159 --> 00:09:53,039
Do you know how to
clean up after yourself
287
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:54,149
when you make
cappuccino?
288
00:09:54,169 --> 00:09:55,999
Don't be so grumpy.
289
00:09:56,019 --> 00:09:57,149
Um, here, Brian.
290
00:09:57,169 --> 00:09:59,079
Thank you,
Beverly.
291
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,170
This is a
beautiful plate.
292
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:07,280
This was sent in
to us from, uh,
293
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,220
Kim Caboutsie who
lives in Bend, Oregon.
294
00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:14,000
It's a plate,
and it says...
295
00:10:14,019 --> 00:10:17,029
"Sit Down With
Hank and Larry."
296
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:19,179
Wow. That is...
that is a beautiful plate.
297
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,270
That is
a beautiful plate,
298
00:10:20,289 --> 00:10:22,079
but not as beautiful
299
00:10:22,100 --> 00:10:24,020
as the plate
in your head.
300
00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:26,189
(audience hoots, laughs)
301
00:10:30,220 --> 00:10:35,170
This, uh, next gift
is from Dwayne Beller
302
00:10:35,190 --> 00:10:38,090
from Corpus Christi,
Texas.
303
00:10:38,110 --> 00:10:41,080
He wrote "The Larry Sanders
Show" on the side of it.
304
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:44,030
This is a...
this is a...
305
00:10:44,049 --> 00:10:46,289
It's nice the inmates
get time for arts and crafts.
306
00:10:47,009 --> 00:10:49,109
It says here that
this thing works
307
00:10:49,129 --> 00:10:51,229
from up to 10 feet
away... oh, my God!
308
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:53,200
My God,
it does work.
Wait a minute!
309
00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:57,020
Oh... that is not...
that is not 10 feet!
310
00:10:57,039 --> 00:10:58,079
No, that isn't
10 feet.
311
00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:59,160
Boy, that could
hurt you.
312
00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:02,109
Okay, why don't we take...
Hey, this works great!
313
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,169
We'll be right back.
No flipping.
314
00:11:04,190 --> 00:11:06,020
♪ ♪
315
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:08,009
Hey, hey, hey!
All right.
316
00:11:08,029 --> 00:11:09,159
You got it.
317
00:11:09,179 --> 00:11:11,279
Hey, what's
going on here?
318
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,200
Come on!
Hey, you kids settle down here!
319
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,180
(fly unzips)
320
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,220
Wow! Weird vibe,
weird vibe.
321
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,050
Can you feel it?
322
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:29,180
All I feel is
a slight burning.
323
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,020
Listen, uh,
I apologize, and--
324
00:11:33,039 --> 00:11:35,059
Let's just drop it,
please.
325
00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,060
I got to tell you though,
she was really coming on to me.
326
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:38,150
I really don't want
to talk about it.
327
00:11:38,169 --> 00:11:39,159
Even in the marriage,
328
00:11:39,179 --> 00:11:40,999
I should've seen
the whole thing,
329
00:11:41,019 --> 00:11:43,089
because it was obvious
that she... she dug me.
330
00:11:43,110 --> 00:11:46,020
You know, you're a talentless
fat fuck, you know that?
331
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,059
Wow. I'm sorry?
332
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:51,030
I'm sorry. Did I say...
talentless fat fuck,
333
00:11:51,049 --> 00:11:55,019
I meant... I meant,
uh, sidekick.
334
00:11:55,039 --> 00:11:56,069
So, well, Jeannie
tells me
335
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,290
you wet your little bed
till you were 8?
336
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:02,009
And what else did she say?
She said something about...
337
00:12:02,029 --> 00:12:04,019
Oh, yeah, we're both afraid
of white water rafting.
338
00:12:04,039 --> 00:12:08,039
I would
think twice...
339
00:12:08,059 --> 00:12:11,039
before you say
anything else.
340
00:12:18,149 --> 00:12:20,029
Uh, Larry?
The... oh.
341
00:12:20,049 --> 00:12:22,179
The... your yogurt's
melting.
342
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:24,180
Would you do me a favor
and call Jeannie
343
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,290
and tell her I want to have
dinner with her tonight, please?
344
00:12:28,009 --> 00:12:29,049
Somewhere nice?
345
00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:31,090
(flushing)
346
00:12:31,110 --> 00:12:33,210
Then we had... we had
Kevin Costner on last night.
347
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,230
And then tomorrow night
we've got David Duchovny
348
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:36,270
and the Black Crowes.
349
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,139
Oh, well, that sounds
like a good show.
350
00:12:38,159 --> 00:12:39,169
Yeah, I think
it'll be good.
351
00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:41,020
You don't know
who they are, do you?
352
00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:42,069
No, not really.
353
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,030
Well, David Duchovny's
on "The X-Files."
354
00:12:44,049 --> 00:12:45,269
Wonderful show.
Very hot show right now.
355
00:12:45,289 --> 00:12:46,999
You ever seen it?
356
00:12:47,019 --> 00:12:48,029
No, I haven't.
357
00:12:48,049 --> 00:12:50,089
No.
Neither have I.
358
00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:53,090
I saw you Tuesday
on the side of a bus.
359
00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:55,230
Oh, really?
Which one?
360
00:12:55,250 --> 00:12:58,290
Uh, it was going
to El Segundo.
361
00:12:59,009 --> 00:13:01,109
Oh, yes, yes.
How was the picture?
362
00:13:01,129 --> 00:13:03,209
Well, it was, um,
covered with exhaust
363
00:13:03,230 --> 00:13:05,080
but you looked thin.
364
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:08,060
All right, you know what?
I'm done.
365
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,290
You haven't touched
your fish.
366
00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:11,089
No, I mean I'm done
waiting for you
367
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:12,190
to tell me that
you slept with Hank.
368
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:14,240
Oh, Jesus,
he told you?
369
00:13:14,259 --> 00:13:16,009
Yes, he told me.
370
00:13:16,029 --> 00:13:17,239
I'm...
371
00:13:17,259 --> 00:13:19,169
Okay.
372
00:13:19,190 --> 00:13:21,130
Okay, I slipped.
373
00:13:21,149 --> 00:13:23,279
Oh, and fell
onto his penis?
374
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,100
Just as I suspected.
375
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,210
Larry, stop it.
What?
376
00:13:26,230 --> 00:13:28,010
Fine, fine.
377
00:13:28,029 --> 00:13:29,059
Fine.
You know what?
378
00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,160
Who's to say
what life is?
379
00:13:30,179 --> 00:13:32,099
Maybe you guys are meant
to be together.
Oh, please.
380
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:33,180
Maybe you're perfect
for each other.
381
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,290
I am not gonna
discuss this with you.
382
00:13:35,009 --> 00:13:36,129
Oh, good,
good, fine.
383
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,179
And I would appreciate if
you did not discuss with Hank
384
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,010
anything about
my personal life,
385
00:13:40,029 --> 00:13:42,069
including the fact that
I wet my bed when I was 8.
386
00:13:42,090 --> 00:13:44,270
I believe that
is my business.
387
00:13:44,289 --> 00:13:46,209
All right, I'm sorry.
It slipped out.
388
00:13:46,230 --> 00:13:48,210
Oh, it slipped out,
along with the fact
389
00:13:48,230 --> 00:13:50,200
that I am afraid to go
white water rafting?
390
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:52,010
So I guess when
you had an orgasm,
391
00:13:52,029 --> 00:13:53,089
you started yelling,
392
00:13:53,110 --> 00:13:54,200
"Larry doesn't like
white water rafting!
393
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:57,010
"Oh, God! Larry doesn't
like white water rafting!"
394
00:13:57,029 --> 00:13:58,119
You know this makes it so clear
395
00:13:58,139 --> 00:13:59,249
why our marriage
didn't work out.
396
00:14:01,190 --> 00:14:04,080
Do you think you can
stay past, uh, Friday?
397
00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:06,130
Can you change your flight?
No, I can't.
398
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,189
You know, I have
to go back to work.
399
00:14:08,210 --> 00:14:10,290
Oh, gee, I thought
we'd... we'd...
400
00:14:11,009 --> 00:14:12,109
you know,
what is this?
401
00:14:12,129 --> 00:14:14,009
It's a kitty cat.
402
00:14:14,029 --> 00:14:15,139
"Thanks for
a purr-fect evening"?
403
00:14:15,159 --> 00:14:18,189
Yeah.
Hank drew it for me.
404
00:14:18,210 --> 00:14:20,070
Oh, yeah?
405
00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:22,120
Then it can't be
too serious
406
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:24,119
'cause otherwise, you know,
he would've drawn a pony.
407
00:14:24,139 --> 00:14:26,019
That's what he's best at.
Larry...
408
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:27,279
Larry,
the only reason...
409
00:14:28,009 --> 00:14:30,009
Listen, I want you
to know something.
410
00:14:30,029 --> 00:14:34,129
The only reason that I slept
with Hank was to hurt you.
411
00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:36,129
But, but I don't
want you to tell him that,
412
00:14:36,149 --> 00:14:38,109
'cause I don't want
to hurt his feelings.
413
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:42,119
Hey, hey, I don't want to
hurt his feelings either.
414
00:14:53,090 --> 00:14:56,080
Jeannie slept with you because
she was trying to hurt me.
415
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:59,170
Wow. You're really
something, aren't you?
416
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,040
You just have to get in
there and take it away,
417
00:15:02,059 --> 00:15:04,269
that special something that
happened between she and I.
418
00:15:04,289 --> 00:15:06,189
Wow, did you read that off
of a greeting card?
419
00:15:06,210 --> 00:15:08,000
That was sweet.
420
00:15:08,019 --> 00:15:10,009
You know, she happens
to be my ex-wife.
421
00:15:10,029 --> 00:15:12,009
Oh, that's right,
I forgot. I'm sorry.
422
00:15:12,029 --> 00:15:13,059
I mean, it's just
the universe
423
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:16,030
just revolves
around Larry Sanders.
424
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,049
The sun sets at night
425
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:20,120
so it can be at home
to watch your monologue.
426
00:15:20,139 --> 00:15:22,259
The world
just loves Larry.
427
00:15:22,279 --> 00:15:26,139
There they are,
the sunshine boys.
428
00:15:28,129 --> 00:15:30,049
I'm not
cleaning that.
429
00:15:30,070 --> 00:15:31,280
I'm well aware
of that.
430
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,010
Uh, excuse me, I just wanted
to get a cup of coffee.
431
00:15:34,029 --> 00:15:36,019
Oh, wait, here.
Have a cappuccino.
432
00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:38,059
Hey, when did we get
a cappuccino machine?
433
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,090
I was told you bought
the cappuccino machine.
434
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:42,190
Oh, I did.
I hope you like it.
435
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,020
Be careful,
it's hot!
436
00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:46,039
Mmm! God,
it's fucking hot!
437
00:15:46,059 --> 00:15:47,109
I told you
it was hot.
438
00:15:47,129 --> 00:15:49,009
Oh, Beverly always
says it's hot,
439
00:15:49,029 --> 00:15:50,139
but it's never
that fucking hot.
440
00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:52,209
Exactly, because we get
the good kind from Starbucks
441
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:54,120
and they arrive at
the perfect temperature.
442
00:15:54,139 --> 00:15:56,029
I don't care,
that's fucking hot.
443
00:15:56,049 --> 00:15:58,179
Beverly?
I told you
it was hot.
444
00:15:58,200 --> 00:16:01,060
Mmm, look at him,
gloating.
445
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:02,210
I'm the one who
should be gloating.
446
00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:04,090
I'm the one who
banged his ex-wife.
447
00:16:04,110 --> 00:16:06,100
Actually, neither one
of you should be gloating.
448
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:07,190
Big gloater.
449
00:16:07,210 --> 00:16:10,100
He's not gloating,
he burned his mouth.
450
00:16:12,009 --> 00:16:13,019
Researchers have found
451
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,189
that scuba diving
may cause brain damage.
452
00:16:15,210 --> 00:16:18,240
Well, there's a shock to the
people who watch "Baywatch."
453
00:16:18,259 --> 00:16:20,279
(audience laughs)
454
00:16:28,179 --> 00:16:31,069
Did you know that they have,
uh, found, evidently, now...
455
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:33,280
the FBI's investigating
that a 12-year-old boy
456
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,010
may somehow be involved
457
00:16:35,029 --> 00:16:37,019
with this horrible tragedy
in Oklahoma?
458
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,259
A 12-year-old boy?
459
00:16:38,279 --> 00:16:40,099
Now that's where you just got
to say,
460
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,190
"Hey, son,
you're grounded."
461
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:44,020
(audience laughs)
462
00:16:44,039 --> 00:16:46,259
(phone ringing)
463
00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:49,290
Hello?
464
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,019
Hi. Stu, hi.
465
00:16:52,039 --> 00:16:54,029
How are you?
466
00:16:54,049 --> 00:16:57,129
Yeah, I... I...
I miss you, too.
467
00:16:57,149 --> 00:16:58,279
Uh-huh.
468
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,190
I'm coming home
tomorrow.
469
00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:04,170
Yeah. Uh, nothing.
470
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,190
Saw
some old friends.
471
00:17:09,170 --> 00:17:11,150
Listen, can... can...
472
00:17:11,170 --> 00:17:13,150
can you hold on
for a second?
473
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:16,030
Just... just hold on.
474
00:17:20,230 --> 00:17:22,210
(TV clicks off)
475
00:17:26,019 --> 00:17:27,089
Hi.
476
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:29,200
Yeah.
477
00:17:31,019 --> 00:17:34,119
I've been thinking about the
question that you asked me.
478
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,260
How's your mouth?
479
00:17:36,279 --> 00:17:38,159
It's not good.
I burned myself
480
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:39,280
on the coffee
yesterday.
481
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,280
Can't we just get the
coffee from Starbucks
482
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,080
from now on with
the little cookies
483
00:17:43,099 --> 00:17:44,269
with the chocolate on
the tip? I like those.
484
00:17:44,289 --> 00:17:45,279
Okay.
Please?
485
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,050
Jeannie:
Hey.
486
00:17:47,069 --> 00:17:49,189
Oh, hey.
Hi.
Are you busy?
487
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,110
No, no.
488
00:17:51,130 --> 00:17:53,190
I'll, um,
get the Orajel.
Okay.
489
00:17:53,210 --> 00:17:56,030
I burned my tongue
on coffee earlier.
490
00:17:56,049 --> 00:17:57,079
Um, I came
to say good-bye.
491
00:17:57,099 --> 00:17:58,119
I'm flying home.
492
00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:00,000
Oh, you're kidding.
No.
493
00:18:00,019 --> 00:18:01,079
You can't stay
through the weekend?
494
00:18:01,099 --> 00:18:03,049
I was... I was gonna have
more free time there.
495
00:18:03,069 --> 00:18:04,999
Hank, we're in the
middle of discussing...
496
00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,129
I... I asked him
to come in.
497
00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:10,000
Whenever I come to L.A.,
I get all confused
498
00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:12,249
and... and twisted around.
I, I hate L.A.
499
00:18:12,269 --> 00:18:15,139
The good thing about
being here this time
500
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,000
is that I know
what I want, now.
501
00:18:18,019 --> 00:18:20,079
I want a normal life.
502
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,289
So do I.
503
00:18:23,009 --> 00:18:25,109
As do I.
504
00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:27,170
For the love of God.
505
00:18:27,190 --> 00:18:29,040
I was hoping
you could stay
506
00:18:29,059 --> 00:18:30,999
for a couple
more days.
507
00:18:31,019 --> 00:18:32,209
Larry,
I can't.
508
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,290
I'm engaged.
509
00:18:34,009 --> 00:18:36,069
You're engaged?
Yeah.
510
00:18:36,089 --> 00:18:39,039
Well, when did you
get engaged?
511
00:18:39,059 --> 00:18:41,079
At about 11:45
last night.
512
00:18:41,099 --> 00:18:43,039
And... and Stu's
a really good person.
513
00:18:43,059 --> 00:18:44,999
You're marrying
someone named Stu?
514
00:18:45,019 --> 00:18:46,999
Yes, I am.
515
00:18:47,019 --> 00:18:48,049
And you know,
I might even...
516
00:18:48,069 --> 00:18:49,999
I might even tell him
about all of this some day.
517
00:18:50,019 --> 00:18:53,109
Oh, I wouldn't
do that.
518
00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:56,070
Well, you're right.
You wouldn't.
519
00:18:56,089 --> 00:18:57,119
Look, I have to go.
520
00:18:57,140 --> 00:18:59,190
I don't want
to miss my flight.
521
00:18:59,210 --> 00:19:01,020
Bye, Larry.
522
00:19:01,039 --> 00:19:02,139
Bye,
Hank.
523
00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,120
Bye-bye.
524
00:19:07,009 --> 00:19:10,289
Wow, wow, wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow.
525
00:19:15,009 --> 00:19:16,119
(exhales sharply)
526
00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:18,150
You were married
to that whacko for three years?
527
00:19:18,170 --> 00:19:19,230
Can you
believe that?
528
00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:27,069
Jeannie, dear, thank you
so much for coming today.
529
00:19:27,089 --> 00:19:29,059
Oh, well, thank you for
convincing me to come, Arthur.
530
00:19:29,079 --> 00:19:30,149
I hope it did
some good.
531
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,110
I think, my dear,
it was something
532
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:35,180
only you could lay
to rest, so to speak.
533
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:37,170
Well, see you.
534
00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:40,090
Good luck with the wedding.
Just a sec.
535
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:44,289
From all of us here, we'd like
you to take this little gift.
536
00:19:45,009 --> 00:19:46,999
Oh!
Uh, thank you.
537
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:49,009
Stu loves
cappuccino.
538
00:19:49,029 --> 00:19:51,059
I'm sure he does, and
Jeannie, sweetheart,
539
00:19:51,079 --> 00:19:53,069
I hope you don't take
this the wrong way,
540
00:19:53,089 --> 00:19:55,079
but you're never coming
back again, are you?
541
00:19:55,099 --> 00:19:56,109
No.
542
00:19:58,039 --> 00:20:00,059
♪ ♪
38201
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