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1
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,080
Okay, that's it for
the show tonight.
2
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,149
Hank:
Yep, beautiful.
Terrific,
3
00:00:13,169 --> 00:00:14,269
thank you, everybody,
we're out of time.
4
00:00:14,289 --> 00:00:18,119
My guest tomorrow night will be,
uh, Gail O'Grady, Aaron Neville,
5
00:00:18,140 --> 00:00:21,070
and of course,
our good friend Dana Carvey!
6
00:00:21,089 --> 00:00:23,079
Wow.
Dana Carvey, tomorrow night.
7
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,160
Good night.
8
00:00:24,179 --> 00:00:27,099
(cheering and applause)
9
00:00:29,089 --> 00:00:30,239
Good job.
Oh, I'm way off.
10
00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,260
Way off, no, I couldn't
find my glasses and--
11
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:33,260
The water.
12
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,050
Your lips look a little
cracked or something.
13
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,180
Oh, of course,
they misplaced the lip balm.
14
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,060
Man:
Clear!
15
00:00:41,130 --> 00:00:42,220
(phone ringing)
16
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,140
(typing)
17
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,070
Hello, Hank Kingsley's office.
18
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,140
Hello?
19
00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,059
Oh, damn it.
20
00:00:51,079 --> 00:00:53,159
Excuse me, I hate to be
a bother, but is there some
21
00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:55,219
religious reason you're
not answering my phone?
22
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:56,250
Uh, Hank,
23
00:00:56,270 --> 00:01:00,000
I am Larry's assistant
and I answer Larry's phone.
24
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,180
Why don't you just hire a temp?
25
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,090
Hey, Hank,
I got a friend that needs a job.
26
00:01:03,109 --> 00:01:06,059
(mocking) Hey, Hank, I have
a friend that needs a job.
27
00:01:06,079 --> 00:01:08,229
I'm sure you have lots of
friends that need a job.
28
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:11,060
What Darlene does is not a job,
29
00:01:11,079 --> 00:01:13,059
you see, it's a calling and I--
30
00:01:13,079 --> 00:01:14,129
I will wait for her return.
31
00:01:14,150 --> 00:01:15,140
Thank you.
32
00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:16,199
Thank you very much.
33
00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,209
Good show, Larry.
34
00:01:17,230 --> 00:01:18,230
Dana Carvey called,
35
00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:20,180
he's definitely in
for poker tomorrow night
36
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,020
and his office
sent this tape over.
37
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,999
It's an impression of Dana doing
you on "Saturday Night Live."
38
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:27,109
He wants to do it
on the show.
39
00:01:27,129 --> 00:01:29,019
You wanna watch it?
Oh. No.
40
00:01:29,039 --> 00:01:30,199
I don't need to see it,
I'm sure it's fine.
41
00:01:30,219 --> 00:01:32,059
Okay.
Leave it.
42
00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:34,160
Okay.
43
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:36,210
Hey!
Look out, me boy.
44
00:01:36,229 --> 00:01:39,159
I found me
lucky poker hat.
Oh, yeah, by the way.
45
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:41,250
Dana Carvey called and he's in
for the game tomorrow night,
46
00:01:41,270 --> 00:01:44,230
so let's hope we can win some of
that "Wayne's World" money, huh?
47
00:01:44,250 --> 00:01:46,170
"Wayne's World" money!
48
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,209
Mmm.
49
00:01:47,229 --> 00:01:48,289
Shwing!
50
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,129
Well, see you mañana.
51
00:01:50,150 --> 00:01:52,030
Artie, Artie?
Yeah.
52
00:01:52,049 --> 00:01:53,229
You-- You've got
my tape.
53
00:01:53,250 --> 00:01:54,240
What tape?
54
00:01:54,259 --> 00:01:56,199
The-- the tape
under your hat.
55
00:01:56,219 --> 00:01:57,269
Yeah.
Oh!
56
00:01:57,289 --> 00:01:59,099
Oh.
57
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,150
That is the Dana Carvey tape,
the impression he did of me on
58
00:02:02,170 --> 00:02:03,240
"Saturday Night Live,"
and I have--
59
00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:04,250
I haven't seen it.
60
00:02:04,269 --> 00:02:05,279
Well, of course you haven't.
61
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,210
You've got better things
to do on Saturday night
62
00:02:07,230 --> 00:02:08,290
than watch that crap.
63
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:11,069
Right.
Let's look at it.
64
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:12,160
I wouldn't do that.
Yeah.
65
00:02:12,180 --> 00:02:13,240
I want to see it.
66
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,129
You'll love it.
67
00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,270
(audience applause on TV)
68
00:02:19,289 --> 00:02:21,149
You know, he's so weird,
Lorne Michaels.
69
00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:22,190
I-- I think
he's on crack.
70
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:24,150
You're in front
of the TV.
71
00:02:24,170 --> 00:02:27,120
Just remember that
all America loves you, buddy.
72
00:02:27,139 --> 00:02:29,199
Okay, okay.
73
00:02:29,219 --> 00:02:31,069
Well, I can't--
What are you doing?
74
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:32,100
I can't see.
75
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:33,170
Thank you.
76
00:02:33,189 --> 00:02:35,189
Are you working out
or something?
You're getting very wide.
77
00:02:35,210 --> 00:02:37,080
I'm shoving it up.
78
00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:39,159
Yasser Arafat,
the first terrorist
79
00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:40,280
nominated for the peace prize.
80
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,260
This is sort of akin to Madonna
being nominated for best virgin!
81
00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:48,220
Well, it's not
accurate at all.
82
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,250
Of course not, it's just more
of that shit
83
00:02:50,270 --> 00:02:52,080
they do on
Saturday Night Live.
84
00:02:52,099 --> 00:02:54,039
I mean, what is that thing
he's doing with his chin?
85
00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:55,140
My chin doesn't look
like that, does it?
86
00:02:55,159 --> 00:02:56,269
You have a beautiful chin.
87
00:02:56,289 --> 00:02:59,139
All those people on "Saturday
Night Live," they just wish they
88
00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:02,139
had a chin like yours,
chinless little cocksucker.
89
00:03:02,159 --> 00:03:03,239
Why is he whining like that?
90
00:03:03,259 --> 00:03:05,289
I mean, I don't
whine like that.
91
00:03:06,009 --> 00:03:07,999
No, not like that.
92
00:03:08,020 --> 00:03:10,000
What do you mean
not like that?
93
00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:11,230
Well, you--
You lilt.
94
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:15,150
He wants to do this on the show.
Are you aware of that?
95
00:03:15,169 --> 00:03:16,249
I don't know why
he thinks it's funny,
96
00:03:16,270 --> 00:03:18,190
it looks like Tim Curry.
Well, just--
97
00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:19,290
Well, just tell him
that he can't.
98
00:03:20,009 --> 00:03:21,209
Well, thank you,
I intend to.
99
00:03:21,229 --> 00:03:23,109
There.
100
00:03:24,229 --> 00:03:26,039
Okay, hold it.
101
00:03:27,259 --> 00:03:29,059
Don't tell him no.
102
00:03:29,079 --> 00:03:31,269
Then it'll look like I can't
laugh at myself, and we know
103
00:03:31,289 --> 00:03:34,199
that's not true, so just tell
him he can do it, it's fine.
104
00:03:34,219 --> 00:03:37,079
That's why you, sir, are the
greatest man in show business.
105
00:03:37,099 --> 00:03:38,109
Yeah.
(kisses)
106
00:03:38,129 --> 00:03:40,189
Hello?
Hello?
107
00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,050
Fuck you!
108
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,220
Why Darlene needs a vacation,
I don't know.
109
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,290
I'm the one that
needs a vacation.
110
00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:51,049
(phone ringing)
111
00:03:51,069 --> 00:03:53,259
Hello?
112
00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:57,010
Just tell your friend
to please be here
113
00:03:57,030 --> 00:03:58,060
first thing in the morning.
114
00:03:58,079 --> 00:03:59,149
Really?
Yes.
115
00:03:59,170 --> 00:04:01,270
That's great, you won't be
sorry, thanks.
116
00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:02,289
Hello?
117
00:04:03,009 --> 00:04:04,039
Hank:
I'm tracing this call
118
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,050
right now.
119
00:04:05,069 --> 00:04:07,019
Pound sand up your ass!
120
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,240
Delete?
What is delete?
121
00:04:13,289 --> 00:04:15,069
Paula:
Good morning, Hank.
122
00:04:15,090 --> 00:04:17,020
This is my friend
I was telling you about.
123
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,040
Hey now.
124
00:04:19,230 --> 00:04:20,220
(quietly)
Oh, of course.
125
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,050
Oh, of course!
126
00:04:22,069 --> 00:04:23,289
From the
Cirque du Soleil.
127
00:04:24,009 --> 00:04:25,109
The sad clown, right?
128
00:04:25,129 --> 00:04:27,069
No, no, you're
thinking of Pinot.
129
00:04:27,089 --> 00:04:29,179
This is Brian, he's here
for the assistant's job.
130
00:04:29,199 --> 00:04:31,099
Hey now.
Well, hey now.
131
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:33,100
Really a big fan,
Mr. Kingsley.
Thanks.
132
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,270
Yeah, I've been a big fan
ever since you hosted
133
00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:36,210
"Double Danger."
Remember?
134
00:04:36,230 --> 00:04:38,180
(imitating Hank)
Everybody put on their
protective goggles
135
00:04:38,199 --> 00:04:40,229
and let's all play
"Double Danger"!
"Double Danger."
136
00:04:40,250 --> 00:04:42,230
Wow, you really
are big fan, aren't you?
I am.
137
00:04:42,250 --> 00:04:43,280
Paula:
Show him your resume.
138
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,110
Oh.
No, you don't have to.
139
00:04:47,159 --> 00:04:50,229
Wow, personal assistant to
Barbara Streisand?
140
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:53,040
Well, actually, I was the
personal assistant to her
141
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:54,210
personal assistant.
142
00:04:54,230 --> 00:04:57,140
And you left that job because?
143
00:04:57,159 --> 00:04:58,259
Well, I really can't say
144
00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:00,279
because I signed
a confidentiality agreement.
145
00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:02,239
She made him clean
the hair out of her tub.
146
00:05:02,259 --> 00:05:04,209
Paula, the woman
wears a lot of hats.
147
00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:07,030
Well, you're not gonna have
that problem with me.
148
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:11,150
Where are you from?
149
00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:13,110
Ah, originally
British Columbia.
150
00:05:13,129 --> 00:05:15,109
Oh, our nation's capital.
151
00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:16,239
Canada.
(phone ringing)
152
00:05:16,259 --> 00:05:18,129
I know.
Whatever.
153
00:05:18,149 --> 00:05:19,199
Canada.
Close.
154
00:05:19,220 --> 00:05:21,200
Please, you're--
You got the job, help me.
155
00:05:21,220 --> 00:05:22,210
Okay.
156
00:05:22,230 --> 00:05:25,260
Mr. Hank Kingley's office,
may I help you?
157
00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:27,219
Fred Travalena.
158
00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,170
Um, he can't be reached right
now, he's in a meeting.
159
00:05:29,189 --> 00:05:31,029
May I take a message?
160
00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:32,050
Certainly.
Great.
161
00:05:32,069 --> 00:05:33,079
Thanks.
Thank you.
162
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,200
And, you know,
he's a big fan, so.
163
00:05:34,220 --> 00:05:35,220
What else?
164
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,270
He's from our
nation's capital.
165
00:05:38,290 --> 00:05:42,080
So, uh, here's how
the drill goes, it's real--
166
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,280
Artie.
I'd like you to meet Brian,
167
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,180
he's substituting for Darlene
while she's on vacation.
168
00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:49,019
Oh, welcome to our little
family, Brian.
169
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,080
Little tip.
170
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,190
Don't speak to Larry
unless he speaks to you.
171
00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:53,249
Have fun, my boy.
172
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,249
Nice suit.
173
00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:57,119
Cut it out, okay?
Well, this is a crazy year.
174
00:05:57,139 --> 00:05:59,119
A lot of firsts this year.
We've got in the peace
category...
175
00:05:59,139 --> 00:06:01,059
What do you think?
Is that-- Is that funny?
176
00:06:01,079 --> 00:06:04,049
I... Yeah, I think
it's funny, don't you?
Really?
177
00:06:04,069 --> 00:06:07,049
I don't know, I'm too close to
it, I really can't tell.
178
00:06:07,069 --> 00:06:08,129
Are my lips that fat?
179
00:06:08,149 --> 00:06:09,289
No, Larry,
they're not.
180
00:06:10,009 --> 00:06:11,149
Really? You know what
the kids used to call me
181
00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,180
when I was little?
No.
182
00:06:12,199 --> 00:06:13,239
Fat lips.
183
00:06:13,259 --> 00:06:15,059
Look, your lips are fine.
184
00:06:15,079 --> 00:06:18,209
At least they're not out of
proportion with your teeth.
185
00:06:18,230 --> 00:06:20,060
You know what the kids
used to call my teeth
186
00:06:20,079 --> 00:06:21,119
when I was little?
187
00:06:21,139 --> 00:06:23,269
You know what?
I can't do this anymore, Larry.
188
00:06:23,290 --> 00:06:25,020
I already told you
that your butt,
189
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,210
your lips and your teeth
are all fine.
190
00:06:26,230 --> 00:06:27,230
No, okay.
191
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,240
So it's my chin.
192
00:06:28,259 --> 00:06:29,259
You know...
That's what it is.
193
00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:31,059
I've earned the right
to leave the room.
194
00:06:31,079 --> 00:06:32,169
You're saying that's
accurate to my chin?
195
00:06:32,189 --> 00:06:33,189
May I leave the room?
Sure.
196
00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:34,279
I didn't know
it was so painful.
197
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,160
No one forced you to stay.
198
00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,210
Would you send Paul
in here, please?
199
00:06:41,189 --> 00:06:42,219
Hey.
200
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,250
Hey now.
201
00:06:43,269 --> 00:06:44,289
You get the stuff?
Yep.
202
00:06:45,009 --> 00:06:46,079
Mouthwash?
203
00:06:47,259 --> 00:06:48,999
Eye drops.
204
00:06:50,069 --> 00:06:51,239
Odor eaters.
205
00:06:51,259 --> 00:06:53,199
Size 12, for the big man.
206
00:06:53,220 --> 00:06:54,270
Uh-huh.
207
00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:56,070
Hand lotion?
208
00:06:56,090 --> 00:06:58,110
Check.
All right.
209
00:06:58,129 --> 00:06:59,219
Hard-on cream?
210
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,160
No, I forgot it.
211
00:07:03,250 --> 00:07:05,120
This is fun.
Yeah.
212
00:07:05,139 --> 00:07:06,259
I can never talk
this way around Darlene,
213
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:08,289
she'd just get
all insulted.
Ah, you know women.
214
00:07:09,009 --> 00:07:10,069
Okay.
215
00:07:10,089 --> 00:07:11,109
I'll be in my
office whacking off.
216
00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:12,119
Okay.
217
00:07:12,139 --> 00:07:14,049
I'll hold all
your calls.
218
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,010
Brian!
219
00:07:18,029 --> 00:07:19,159
Coming!
Coming!
220
00:07:22,029 --> 00:07:23,019
Yes?
221
00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:24,110
What the hell
did you do in here?
222
00:07:24,129 --> 00:07:26,229
I tidied things up a bit,
just moved the furniture
223
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:27,250
around a little.
224
00:07:27,269 --> 00:07:28,259
I can move it all back.
225
00:07:28,279 --> 00:07:30,279
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't you dare.
226
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,140
I-- I love this.
227
00:07:32,159 --> 00:07:33,229
You do?
228
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,290
What did--
What'd you do?
229
00:07:35,009 --> 00:07:36,029
I mean, the room, it just seems,
230
00:07:36,050 --> 00:07:38,000
I don't know,
so much bigger.
Yeah.
231
00:07:38,019 --> 00:07:40,079
The Chinese
call it Feng Shui,
232
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:42,000
the placement of objects
in a room to maximize
233
00:07:42,019 --> 00:07:43,999
your harmony and power.
234
00:07:44,019 --> 00:07:47,019
Well, since my divorce, my dick
could use a little Feng Shui.
235
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,050
That's very funny.
236
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,059
Thank you.
And--
237
00:07:50,079 --> 00:07:51,069
Oh, this.
238
00:07:51,090 --> 00:07:53,000
This came Federal Express.
Mhm.
239
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,219
My god,
it's from Darlene.
240
00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:01,030
Oh.
It's-- it's a letter
from Darlene.
241
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:02,200
Hey, guys!
242
00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,220
(clearing throat)
243
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,080
Can I have your
attention, please?
244
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:08,060
Come on, come on,
gather around.
245
00:08:08,079 --> 00:08:09,239
Look what I have got.
246
00:08:09,259 --> 00:08:10,249
Hey, look, everybody.
247
00:08:10,269 --> 00:08:11,269
Hank got mail.
248
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,230
No, no, no,
it's not just mail.
249
00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:17,140
It is a letter from Darlene.
250
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:19,160
"Dear Hank, I hope you
are doing well.
251
00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:20,240
"How's Beverly?
252
00:08:20,259 --> 00:08:23,089
Please say hello
to her for me."
253
00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:24,260
Hello, Beverly.
254
00:08:24,279 --> 00:08:26,099
"How is Paula?"
255
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,110
Fine, Darlene.
256
00:08:27,129 --> 00:08:28,159
"Has she lost
any weight?"
257
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:29,280
No!
No.
258
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:33,000
"I love her more than
she can love herself.
259
00:08:33,019 --> 00:08:34,999
"Hank, I have met
a wonderful man.
260
00:08:35,019 --> 00:08:37,189
"A holy man,
he lives in India
261
00:08:37,210 --> 00:08:40,140
"and I have decided
to follow him.
262
00:08:40,159 --> 00:08:41,199
"He has shown me the true way
263
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:43,110
"and I have been
reborn into truth
264
00:08:43,129 --> 00:08:47,189
"and light and I now know that
I can never return to the life
265
00:08:47,210 --> 00:08:49,180
"that I had there
with all of you.
266
00:08:52,049 --> 00:08:53,109
"Please forgive me, Hank.
267
00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:57,030
"I'll miss..."
Um.
268
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:12,040
This is sort of akin to Madonna
being nominated for best virgin!
269
00:09:12,059 --> 00:09:14,229
(laughter on TV)
270
00:09:16,049 --> 00:09:18,279
Okay, I have an appointment to
catch with the Swedish
271
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,080
bikini team,
so let's get started...
272
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,010
Larry? Dana Carvey's
here to see you.
273
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,069
... Nobel Prize for medicine.
(TV clicks off)
274
00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:37,230
You got a cigarette?
275
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:39,000
Yeah.
276
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,050
There you go.
277
00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:45,000
Darlene would never
let me smoke.
278
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,029
No?
Mm-mmm.
279
00:09:47,049 --> 00:09:48,139
Thank you.
280
00:09:50,139 --> 00:09:53,119
I was with Darlene for...
281
00:09:53,139 --> 00:09:55,019
I was with her
for six years.
282
00:09:59,190 --> 00:10:01,280
We were best friends.
283
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,130
I am so sorry.
284
00:10:03,149 --> 00:10:05,099
(sobbing)
285
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,080
Oh, god...
286
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:09,210
I am so pathetic.
287
00:10:09,230 --> 00:10:11,040
You are not pathetic.
288
00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:14,289
I don't even know you.
289
00:10:15,009 --> 00:10:16,219
That's okay.
290
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,250
You know, the toughest people
are the ones who can cry.
291
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,999
I'm tough.
292
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,059
Yeah, you are.
293
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,180
You're tough, sir.
294
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,040
Hey, life.
295
00:10:24,059 --> 00:10:25,219
Take your best shot.
296
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:29,000
'Cause to Mr. Hank Kingsley,
life is a carousel
297
00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:32,009
and the sun is a scoop
of ice cream.
298
00:10:32,029 --> 00:10:35,279
Yeah, so blow away those clouds
that rain on his parade.
299
00:10:37,190 --> 00:10:39,240
You got a job lined up
after this?
300
00:10:39,259 --> 00:10:41,129
No.
301
00:10:41,149 --> 00:10:42,219
Wanna be
my personal assistant?
302
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,050
Really?
Yeah.
303
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:45,120
What the fuck?
304
00:10:45,139 --> 00:10:46,209
Oh, wow.
305
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:49,260
Might be fun, you know?
306
00:10:49,279 --> 00:10:53,169
Go to ballgames, chase women,
work out at the gym.
307
00:10:53,190 --> 00:10:54,290
I love the gym.
308
00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:56,159
Oh, you saw the tape?
309
00:10:56,179 --> 00:10:58,019
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
310
00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:00,109
Yeah, yeah, with the impression?
Yeah, I love it.
311
00:11:00,129 --> 00:11:01,269
You gotta do it
on the show.
We're gonna do it.
312
00:11:01,289 --> 00:11:03,259
Good. Oh, they didn't
mention that to me.
313
00:11:03,279 --> 00:11:06,169
No, we're gonna do it.
I'm gonna get the whole--
the teeth, the whole thing, and
314
00:11:06,190 --> 00:11:08,290
we'll do it back and forth, like
I used to do with Dennis Miller.
315
00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:10,079
It always killed.
Right.
316
00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:12,080
Remember that?
Carvey, don't wanna
be "coquicous" here,
317
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,130
but I feel squeaky
in my squawka.
318
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:15,209
Bawk, bawk.
319
00:11:15,230 --> 00:11:17,260
I'm like a wheeka-pop.
320
00:11:17,279 --> 00:11:18,269
He must hate that.
321
00:11:18,289 --> 00:11:20,089
He loved it.
He must hate it.
322
00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:23,070
It was his idea.
Really? What else
is he gonna say?
323
00:11:23,090 --> 00:11:26,050
Oh, me...
There you go,
there, come on.
324
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:27,150
You are so tense.
325
00:11:27,169 --> 00:11:29,069
Oh, me...
Give it up.
326
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:30,160
There you go.
327
00:11:30,179 --> 00:11:31,169
Oh, that's good.
Yeah?
328
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,280
You see?
I can tell.
329
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,150
I can feel it
all in your back.
330
00:11:34,169 --> 00:11:36,009
You're mad,
you're angry,
331
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,009
because Darlene
ran away, right?
332
00:11:38,029 --> 00:11:39,079
'Cause she left you.
333
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:43,050
I know, I felt exactly
the same way when Keith ran off.
334
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,010
I'm sorry.
335
00:11:45,029 --> 00:11:46,039
Who's Keith, your dog?
336
00:11:46,059 --> 00:11:48,139
No, he was my lover.
337
00:11:48,159 --> 00:11:50,289
We were together
for five years.
338
00:11:54,269 --> 00:11:55,289
Sorry, um...
339
00:11:56,009 --> 00:11:57,049
I'm not--
I'm not following you.
340
00:11:57,070 --> 00:11:58,210
Your--
Your lover?
341
00:11:58,230 --> 00:12:00,100
Yeah, he was my boyfriend.
342
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,200
Hmm.
(quietly)
Oh, man.
343
00:12:02,220 --> 00:12:04,030
Are you--
344
00:12:04,049 --> 00:12:06,119
Um...
345
00:12:06,139 --> 00:12:07,269
Are you gay?
Yeah.
346
00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:10,199
But that was two years ago
and I got over it.
347
00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:12,220
So you're not--
You're not gay?
348
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,150
What do you mean?
Um...
349
00:12:14,169 --> 00:12:16,059
His chin is all
puffed out, you know,
350
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:17,190
and I don't think
that I look like that,
351
00:12:17,210 --> 00:12:18,230
but he seems
to want to do it.
352
00:12:18,250 --> 00:12:20,010
Well, I wouldn't know,
Mr. Sanders.
353
00:12:20,029 --> 00:12:21,279
I haven't seen that show
since Eddie Murphy left.
354
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,180
Yeah, well,
I can understand that.
355
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,290
He walks around whining
356
00:12:25,009 --> 00:12:27,999
and he's always rubbing
his ass and he goes, oh, my--
357
00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:29,099
Does my ass look fat?
358
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,140
Does my ass
look fat?
359
00:12:30,159 --> 00:12:32,119
I've-- I don't think
I do that, do I?
360
00:12:32,139 --> 00:12:33,189
Well, I've never
seen you do that.
361
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,020
Right, right.
I gotta run.
362
00:12:35,039 --> 00:12:37,139
My truck's parked
in a red zone.
All right, okay.
363
00:12:37,159 --> 00:12:38,229
Well, good talking
to you, Sam.
364
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:40,020
It's Steve.
Steve.
365
00:12:40,039 --> 00:12:43,039
(loud bang)
Hank:
God damn it.
366
00:12:43,059 --> 00:12:45,089
Hank, what are you doing?
367
00:12:45,110 --> 00:12:47,230
I put a quarter in and then
nothing came out.
368
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,060
Well, that's 'cause
it's 50 cents now.
369
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:50,140
It just went up
a couple of years ago.
370
00:12:50,159 --> 00:12:51,149
You wouldn't
have known that.
371
00:12:51,169 --> 00:12:53,029
Oh, thank you.
I want a... Coke.
372
00:12:53,049 --> 00:12:54,039
Oh...
373
00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:55,119
No, it's fine,
juice is great.
374
00:12:55,139 --> 00:12:56,179
Thanks.
375
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,290
Uh, Larry, I just got off
the phone with Neil Simon,
376
00:12:59,009 --> 00:13:00,059
he dropped out
of the poker game.
377
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,200
Now, see, Neil Simon,
he whines.
378
00:13:01,220 --> 00:13:03,270
Why doesn't Dana Carvey do an
impression of Neil Simon?
379
00:13:03,289 --> 00:13:05,009
Oh, great,
you guys playing poker?
380
00:13:05,029 --> 00:13:06,059
I'll--
I'll come.
381
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,070
I'm sorry,
we just gave an
382
00:13:07,090 --> 00:13:09,090
invitation to Barry Levinson.
383
00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:11,050
Excuse me, Hank?
I'm sorry to interrupt,
384
00:13:11,070 --> 00:13:13,260
but I just got off the phone
with a Mr. Lewis
385
00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:15,049
from Mother's Magic Soup--
386
00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:16,140
Hello.
387
00:13:16,159 --> 00:13:18,119
We're talking here.
388
00:13:18,139 --> 00:13:19,239
Oh, I'm sorry.
389
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,029
Hank, I know you're upset
about Darlene,
390
00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:25,249
but Jesus, we're not in
a meeting, for Christ's sake.
391
00:13:25,269 --> 00:13:28,019
We're just in the hallway,
so lighten up on that lad.
392
00:13:28,039 --> 00:13:30,059
He seems very nice.
You know?
You're right, you're right.
393
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,250
He's nice, he's very nice,
but I don't--
394
00:13:33,269 --> 00:13:35,189
He's-- He's gay.
395
00:13:35,210 --> 00:13:37,190
He's gay?
Well, don't tell Dana Carvey,
'cause you know what?
396
00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:39,050
He'll do an
impression of him.
397
00:13:39,070 --> 00:13:40,260
Well, okay.
Let me ask you a question.
398
00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:42,209
How would you feel
if Beverly was a gay?
399
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:43,260
A gay?
400
00:13:43,279 --> 00:13:45,069
What are you, Italian?
401
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,140
You know, look
at the bright side,
402
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,179
Maybe this will be your first
chance to fuck your assistant.
403
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:50,240
Aw, come on.
Come on, now.
404
00:13:50,259 --> 00:13:53,019
I gotta let him go.
405
00:13:53,039 --> 00:13:55,119
You cannot fire this boy
because he's gay, Hank.
406
00:13:55,139 --> 00:13:57,009
We'd have a lawsuit.
407
00:13:57,029 --> 00:13:59,159
If you want to fire him, you
better find a damn good reason.
408
00:13:59,179 --> 00:14:01,039
I have--
I have a good reason.
409
00:14:01,059 --> 00:14:05,269
There was not one indication on
that resume that he was gay,
410
00:14:05,289 --> 00:14:07,259
not-- not-- not one.
411
00:14:09,269 --> 00:14:10,259
Barbara Streisand.
412
00:14:10,279 --> 00:14:12,019
Aw...
413
00:14:12,039 --> 00:14:14,149
Aw, shit.
414
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,270
Do you know where I found
this message slip?
415
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:19,049
Hank, I don't even...
416
00:14:19,070 --> 00:14:20,240
In Larry's slot.
417
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,219
In Larry's slot.
418
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:25,180
Now I'm gonna be wondering all
the time, what else is waiting
419
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,260
for me in Larry's slot?
420
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:29,009
I-- I can't work this way.
421
00:14:29,029 --> 00:14:31,229
Hank, I don't even
remember him calling.
422
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,060
And I wished to god
it stopped there.
423
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,250
But-- What is this?
424
00:14:36,269 --> 00:14:37,259
Hello.
425
00:14:37,279 --> 00:14:38,269
What is this?
426
00:14:38,289 --> 00:14:39,279
Aloe vera.
Uh-huh.
427
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,260
And what did I ask for?
428
00:14:41,279 --> 00:14:42,269
Aloe vera.
429
00:14:42,289 --> 00:14:43,279
Yes.
430
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:45,220
I asked for lanolin.
431
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,000
I asked for lanolin.
432
00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:48,119
Darlene was with me
for six years.
433
00:14:48,139 --> 00:14:49,239
She never did this.
434
00:14:49,259 --> 00:14:51,119
Hank, you asked for aloe vera.
435
00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:55,269
See, that's the attitude
that I cannot take.
436
00:14:55,289 --> 00:14:58,069
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
437
00:15:00,159 --> 00:15:03,259
It's obvious this-- this is not
working out, so I would
438
00:15:03,279 --> 00:15:07,239
appreciate it if you would
just finish out the day and go.
439
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,170
So this has nothing to do with
me being gay, does it?
440
00:15:11,190 --> 00:15:14,210
Oh, come on, mister.
441
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,170
Come on!
442
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,160
No.
So-- so it's the aloe vera.
443
00:15:18,179 --> 00:15:20,249
'Cause I can certainly see how
that would be the last straw.
444
00:15:20,269 --> 00:15:22,039
You see?
There-- there
it is again,
445
00:15:22,059 --> 00:15:25,029
there's that attitude
thing, again.
446
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,199
Listen, my friend.
447
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:29,050
I am a supporter
of the gay community.
448
00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:32,040
I wore a red ribbon
to the Emmys.
449
00:15:32,059 --> 00:15:35,279
I have been to several
Elton John concerts.
450
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,110
What does that mean?
451
00:15:37,129 --> 00:15:39,209
Elton John...
452
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,220
is a gay.
453
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,010
Dana, doing impression :
Is my hair too big? What is it?
454
00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:47,249
I mean, my god, look at my hair.
(laughter)
455
00:15:47,269 --> 00:15:51,239
Does my ass look too fat
in these pants or what?
456
00:15:51,259 --> 00:15:53,119
I mean, look at my ass.
457
00:15:53,139 --> 00:15:54,259
I'm touching my ass.
458
00:15:54,279 --> 00:15:57,029
Um, I'm gonna
go get your, uh, fruit.
Okay, thanks.
459
00:16:01,179 --> 00:16:03,059
Hey.
So, I guess--
I guess you're gonna do it, huh?
460
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,170
Yeah.
Good, good, good.
461
00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:07,210
Well, now that you've kinda
seen it, does it bother you?
462
00:16:07,230 --> 00:16:10,080
Honestly.
Same disguise,
I think Michael Jackson wears
463
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,030
when he goes
to Disneyland, isn't it?
464
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:14,079
Uh, it's a bit
over the top, yes.
465
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,040
But that's how I do these
things, I mean, you know,
466
00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,289
my hope is that
it's so abstract,
467
00:16:18,009 --> 00:16:20,169
so cartoony that it
wouldn't be offensive to you,
468
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:22,280
you know, I mean, like, well
George Bush is just like,
469
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,150
(impersonating)
not gonna do it,
wouldn't be...
470
00:16:24,169 --> 00:16:26,999
You know, I mean, and if you've
seen me do Jay Leno, it becomes,
471
00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,109
(impersonating)
Yeah, so, like, anyone...
472
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:29,149
And you are just...
473
00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:31,019
(whining)
474
00:16:31,039 --> 00:16:32,269
So that's my hope.
475
00:16:32,289 --> 00:16:37,029
I mean, so you're all right?
Is it all right?
476
00:16:37,049 --> 00:16:38,289
It bothers you.
477
00:16:39,009 --> 00:16:40,109
Do you have to do
the teeth, you think?
478
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:41,229
I mean, that's up to you.
479
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:44,010
It's great,
I'm just kidding.
480
00:16:44,029 --> 00:16:48,149
Well, uh... the teeth
are the best part.
481
00:16:48,169 --> 00:16:49,289
(chatter)
482
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,109
Man:
20 seconds.
483
00:16:53,129 --> 00:16:54,249
Well, what?
Is he gonna do it?
484
00:16:54,269 --> 00:16:56,249
Well, last time I saw him, he
was still in his Larry makeup.
485
00:16:56,269 --> 00:16:58,029
What the hell difference
does it make?
486
00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:00,059
I just want you to remember
there was only one Elvis,
487
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,190
look how many people
imitated him.
488
00:17:01,210 --> 00:17:03,260
Elvis is also fat
and has a big fat ass.
489
00:17:03,279 --> 00:17:05,079
Well, wear a cape
and a big belt,
490
00:17:05,099 --> 00:17:07,009
nobody will notice
your ass.
491
00:17:09,009 --> 00:17:09,999
(cheering and applause)
492
00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:13,189
Welcome back.
493
00:17:13,210 --> 00:17:17,270
My next guest
is a very good friend,
494
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:20,019
he's an extremely
talented performer
495
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:22,149
and we're always thrilled
to have him here
496
00:17:22,170 --> 00:17:23,200
on the Larry Sanders show.
497
00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:25,250
Please welcome
Mr. Dana Carvey.
498
00:17:25,269 --> 00:17:26,279
Dana Carvey!
499
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,090
(cheering and applause)
500
00:17:29,109 --> 00:17:31,209
Oh! (laughs)
501
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,030
(laughs)
502
00:17:37,049 --> 00:17:39,239
Wow. Why, you look--
you look great.
What?
503
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,049
That's a beautiful suit.
Thank you.
504
00:17:41,069 --> 00:17:42,139
(Italian accent)
It's a Versace, eh?
505
00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,240
Baby, you
like-a that, huh?
506
00:17:43,259 --> 00:17:46,009
Hey, you seem to touch
yourself when you say it.
507
00:17:46,029 --> 00:17:47,119
What?
You touched yourself.
508
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:49,050
You said Versace
and you touched yourself.
509
00:17:49,069 --> 00:17:50,089
Touch myself on the leg.
510
00:17:50,109 --> 00:17:51,289
Why does "yourself"
have to mean penis?
511
00:17:52,009 --> 00:17:53,159
Good night.
I thought that's
what Versace meant.
512
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:54,180
Hey!
513
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,280
Now, let's talk about
your political--
514
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,140
Yes, of course.
What you're doing
politically.
515
00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,210
(impersonating Bush)
Well, I was known
as doing George Bush.
516
00:18:01,230 --> 00:18:03,210
I do Clinton now,
Bill Clinton.
517
00:18:03,230 --> 00:18:05,060
My image of Clinton
is that Hillary
518
00:18:05,079 --> 00:18:07,019
goes off to the hill and works
and Clinton stays home.
519
00:18:07,039 --> 00:18:10,119
(impersonating Clinton)
See, I mean, I like to stay in
bed, I'll be honest with you
520
00:18:10,140 --> 00:18:13,210
and I get a big piece of toast
with a big gob of marmalade
521
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:16,080
on it and I just watch Regis
and Kathy Lee every morning,
522
00:18:16,099 --> 00:18:17,089
you know?
(laughter)
523
00:18:17,109 --> 00:18:18,189
'Cause you never
know what Regis
524
00:18:18,210 --> 00:18:20,140
will say to Kathy Lee
about Frank Gifford,
525
00:18:20,160 --> 00:18:22,020
I mean, it is funny stuff.
526
00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:24,199
And about 1:00 on TNT,
527
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,230
I mean, you can
watch "Flipper,"
528
00:18:26,250 --> 00:18:28,030
which is a good show,
529
00:18:28,049 --> 00:18:30,109
'cause that's a smart fish,
I swear to god,
530
00:18:30,130 --> 00:18:31,210
I wish I had him
in my cabinet.
531
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:34,120
If there's dynamite
in an underwater mine,
532
00:18:34,140 --> 00:18:36,100
Flipper will tell you
five times out of seven.
533
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:38,009
(laughter)
534
00:18:38,029 --> 00:18:39,169
People say I flip-flop
and I don't,
535
00:18:39,190 --> 00:18:41,010
but then again, I do.
But...
536
00:18:44,099 --> 00:18:45,229
(old man impersonation)
Now, you're all gone.
537
00:18:45,250 --> 00:18:47,030
See, so the grumpy old man
538
00:18:47,049 --> 00:18:49,009
is just Lionel Barrymore
being abstract.
539
00:18:49,029 --> 00:18:51,029
Now, Monty Python did
that bit about...
540
00:18:51,049 --> 00:18:52,109
(British accent)
our life was so hard,
541
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:53,260
were were, like,
here we are in a paper bag,
542
00:18:53,279 --> 00:18:55,099
when we grew up,
we ate dirt.
543
00:18:55,119 --> 00:18:56,999
And they compete for
who had the worst childhood.
544
00:18:57,019 --> 00:18:59,069
Well, I thought it would be neat
to have a character who actually
545
00:18:59,089 --> 00:19:02,049
liked the hideousness of his
past, the grumpy old man.
546
00:19:02,069 --> 00:19:04,209
(old man impersonation)
Things were great
when I was young.
547
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,030
I loved it, God love it.
548
00:19:06,049 --> 00:19:10,179
In my day, we didn't have safety
belts to restrain you.
549
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,230
If you hit something and stopped
suddenly, you knew where you
550
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:16,120
were going, straight
through the windshield.
551
00:19:16,140 --> 00:19:17,160
Splat.
552
00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:19,080
You were dead
and you loved it.
553
00:19:19,099 --> 00:19:20,109
Whoopee!
554
00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:22,030
I'm a mass
of bleeding bones
555
00:19:22,049 --> 00:19:25,269
on the highway
and I love it.
556
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,229
In my day, we didn't have
flame-retardant sleepwear.
557
00:19:28,250 --> 00:19:31,270
If you went to bed smoking,
you woke up engulfed in flames.
558
00:19:31,289 --> 00:19:35,019
Whoopity-doo!
I'm on fire and I love it.
559
00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:39,239
I'm a bleeding, flaming corpse
and god, I love it so!
560
00:19:39,259 --> 00:19:43,249
As God as my witness,
I'm in heaven as I flame up
561
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:46,119
in a bleeding kinda way.
562
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:48,030
Oh!
563
00:19:48,049 --> 00:19:49,049
Wait, I have more!
564
00:19:49,069 --> 00:19:50,129
You wanna do more?
565
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:51,260
I'll do more.
566
00:19:51,279 --> 00:19:53,179
We're running out of time.
We're running
out of time?
567
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,230
Okay.
568
00:19:54,250 --> 00:19:56,280
Uh, well, why don't
you come back sometime.
569
00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:58,120
I hope you will,
'cause we were--
570
00:19:58,140 --> 00:20:00,010
Of course I will.
Okay.
571
00:20:00,029 --> 00:20:02,099
But Dana Carvey, he's been
great, and we'll be right back
572
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,179
with the Raspyni Brothers.
573
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,230
Hank:
Beautiful.
574
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:06,060
Man:
Clear!
575
00:20:09,049 --> 00:20:10,129
Why didn't you do
the impression?
576
00:20:10,150 --> 00:20:11,270
Well...
I was shocked.
577
00:20:11,289 --> 00:20:13,159
I thought you were gonna do
the impression of me.
578
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:14,270
No, I could tell
that bothered you.
579
00:20:14,289 --> 00:20:16,249
Oh, no, no, no,
I loved it.
When we talked.
580
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:18,049
I was hoping you
were gonna do it.
581
00:20:18,069 --> 00:20:19,119
I think it would have
been a great top
582
00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:20,170
for what just went
on tonight.
583
00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:22,250
No. I could tell
you hated it.
584
00:20:22,269 --> 00:20:24,259
The only problem was that, you
know, I mean, I was under the
585
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:26,109
impression that I was supposed
to do it
586
00:20:26,130 --> 00:20:27,280
and it was a bit
of a hassle
587
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,020
getting the wig and the teeth,
it was expensive.
I'm sorry.
588
00:20:30,039 --> 00:20:32,259
Well, no, it's all right.
You'll win all the money back
at the poker game tonight.
589
00:20:32,279 --> 00:20:34,069
Oh, I-- I can't
make the poker game.
590
00:20:34,089 --> 00:20:36,279
My son's got an ear infection.
He might be up tonight.
591
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:39,040
Why aren't you coming
to the poker game?
You love the poker game.
592
00:20:39,059 --> 00:20:41,059
So you're mad, aren't you?
No, no, no, he has
an ear infection.
593
00:20:41,079 --> 00:20:42,159
I'm not mad.
You're mad because
you think
594
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:43,220
I didn't let you
do the impression.
595
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:44,230
No, I'm not.
596
00:20:44,250 --> 00:20:46,070
Let it out, you're
holding your anger in,
597
00:20:46,089 --> 00:20:47,099
this is weird.
It's crazy.
598
00:20:47,119 --> 00:20:48,259
I'm not mad.
599
00:20:48,279 --> 00:20:50,139
Just tell me, let it out.
600
00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:52,020
(Austrian accent)
Why should I be mad?
601
00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:55,079
I have many arrows
in my comedic arsenal, Larry.
602
00:20:55,099 --> 00:20:58,199
Let's put the Larry Sanders back
in the sheath and pull out the
603
00:20:58,220 --> 00:21:00,140
Jimmy Stewart arrow.
604
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,090
Bing!
605
00:21:02,109 --> 00:21:04,059
Bull's eye.
606
00:21:04,079 --> 00:21:06,189
There's your anger.
You're an asshole.
607
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:07,240
I need a water.
608
00:21:07,259 --> 00:21:08,279
A water, please?
609
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,260
A water.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
610
00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:12,289
Well, the top is on.
611
00:21:13,289 --> 00:21:15,069
You know,
you want the truth?
612
00:21:15,089 --> 00:21:17,189
What's really pissing me off
is that your staff said come out
613
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:19,090
and do-- do Larry Sanders,
he'll love it.
614
00:21:19,109 --> 00:21:21,149
Then I get out here, you're
obviously saying, don't do it,
615
00:21:21,170 --> 00:21:23,240
but you wouldn't tell me,
now you're saying,
why didn't you do it?
616
00:21:23,259 --> 00:21:25,159
And that does
piss me off.
All right, you know what?
617
00:21:25,180 --> 00:21:26,160
Other than that.
I love you.
618
00:21:26,180 --> 00:21:28,070
Okay.
I'll never do it again.
619
00:21:30,190 --> 00:21:31,240
Fucking believe Larry?
620
00:21:31,259 --> 00:21:32,279
What do you mean?
621
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,080
Well, he's so vain,
he won't let Carvey
622
00:21:34,099 --> 00:21:35,099
do that great
impression of him.
623
00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:36,189
Brian:
I don't blame him.
624
00:21:36,210 --> 00:21:39,140
If I was Larry, I'd take that
little Dana Carvey and I'd
625
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,190
dry-shave him with a Flicker.
626
00:21:41,210 --> 00:21:44,000
What are you
talking about?
627
00:21:44,019 --> 00:21:45,159
Brian:
Just because Larry
has his own show
628
00:21:45,180 --> 00:21:47,100
doesn't mean he's
not a human being.
629
00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,159
How would you feel, Phil, if,
like, one of your friends wanted
630
00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:52,270
to make you look like
a sniveling, annoying fool
631
00:21:52,289 --> 00:21:55,269
on national television?
632
00:21:55,289 --> 00:21:58,119
I mean, Dana Carvey obviously
hurt him with that impression.
633
00:21:58,140 --> 00:22:00,090
(sighs)
He did.
634
00:22:00,109 --> 00:22:01,999
Thank you.
635
00:22:02,019 --> 00:22:03,059
Very refreshing.
636
00:22:03,079 --> 00:22:04,139
Woman:
Good show, Larry.
637
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,270
Larry?
638
00:22:05,289 --> 00:22:08,029
I think you were absolutely
right in not letting Carvey
639
00:22:08,049 --> 00:22:09,159
do that impression of you.
640
00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:11,120
Really?
Oh, absolutely.
641
00:22:11,140 --> 00:22:13,210
He's supposed to be a friend of
yours, he should know better.
642
00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:15,010
He should know that
something like that
643
00:22:15,029 --> 00:22:17,009
would hurt your feelings.
Well, see, that's
what I thought.
644
00:22:17,029 --> 00:22:18,189
I think you should dry-shave
that little fucker
645
00:22:18,210 --> 00:22:19,200
with a Flicker.
646
00:22:19,220 --> 00:22:20,220
Right.
That's exactly right.
647
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,080
What's a Flicker?
I...
648
00:22:23,099 --> 00:22:25,039
Listen, what are
you doing later?
649
00:22:25,059 --> 00:22:26,099
Nothing.
650
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:27,189
I'm not doing anything.
Really?
651
00:22:27,210 --> 00:22:28,250
Hey, well, why don't
you come along?
652
00:22:28,269 --> 00:22:30,039
We're gonna be playing some
poker later
653
00:22:30,059 --> 00:22:31,049
with some of the guys.
654
00:22:31,069 --> 00:22:32,179
Would you like to play?
655
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,120
I would love to play.
656
00:22:34,140 --> 00:22:37,140
Uh, you might have to refresh
my memory on some of the rules.
657
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,210
Ah, well, just bring
your money.
658
00:22:39,230 --> 00:22:40,220
Okay.
All right?
659
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,260
All right.
660
00:22:45,220 --> 00:22:47,250
Where do you think you're going,
Mr. Hank Kingsley's
661
00:22:47,269 --> 00:22:49,149
permanent assistant?
662
00:22:49,170 --> 00:22:51,190
I thought you were uncomfortable
with me being gay.
663
00:22:51,210 --> 00:22:52,280
I am.
664
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,250
Where else am I gonna find
a personal assistant
665
00:22:54,269 --> 00:22:57,159
who will tell me
when Larry is hurt?
666
00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:58,200
Thank you.
667
00:22:59,289 --> 00:23:00,279
You ordered aloe vera.
668
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,130
Yes, I did.
669
00:23:02,150 --> 00:23:03,280
I'm sorry, forgive me.
670
00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:05,270
And Doug Llewelyn
didn't call, did he?
671
00:23:05,289 --> 00:23:07,119
Doug Llewelyn's a faggot.
672
00:23:09,079 --> 00:23:10,119
Sorry.
673
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:12,130
Now, I am going
to play poker
674
00:23:12,150 --> 00:23:14,280
with Larry and Arthur.
Great.
675
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,030
Do you want me to download some
tips from the Internet for you?
676
00:23:17,049 --> 00:23:19,069
There's no need, I worked on
a cruise ship for eight years.
677
00:23:19,089 --> 00:23:22,059
I did nothing
but play poker.
678
00:23:22,079 --> 00:23:26,039
I am going to kick
their asses.
679
00:23:27,059 --> 00:23:28,139
He seems really angry.
680
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:30,040
Oh, fuck Dana,
we don't need him.
681
00:23:30,059 --> 00:23:32,109
Well, maybe you're right.
682
00:23:33,190 --> 00:23:35,170
You feeling
lucky tonight, me'boy?
683
00:23:35,190 --> 00:23:38,000
Well, I got a boner.
684
00:23:38,019 --> 00:23:39,119
Whoa, we're all
in trouble!
685
00:23:39,140 --> 00:23:40,230
Beverly:
Larry?
686
00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:43,050
Larry, uh, Dana Carvey just
called from his car and he's
687
00:23:43,069 --> 00:23:44,229
coming to the poker game.
688
00:23:44,250 --> 00:23:48,010
Hey, now we don't
need Hank.
689
00:23:48,029 --> 00:23:52,019
♪ ♪
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