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1
00:00:10,060 --> 00:00:13,070
Bobcat: I was thinking,
"well, it is sweeps and I love
Jay very much," and I thought,
2
00:00:13,089 --> 00:00:15,169
well, what if I--
I don't know.
3
00:00:15,189 --> 00:00:17,159
What if I set
his furniture on fire?
What are you doing?
4
00:00:17,179 --> 00:00:18,189
Oh, don't set
that on fire!
5
00:00:18,210 --> 00:00:23,030
(laughter)
6
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:25,160
Now, you have to
sit in this.
7
00:00:25,179 --> 00:00:29,259
Now, sit down.
Sit down, sit down.
8
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,100
Sit down.
I'm not sitting in it!
9
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,159
Sit in that chair.
10
00:00:33,179 --> 00:00:36,119
Wow, you can tell Emma's pissed.
Look at her.
11
00:00:36,140 --> 00:00:38,270
That Bobcat has got
serious mental problems.
12
00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,149
I think he's got
incredible balls.
13
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,060
He's got something.
14
00:00:42,079 --> 00:00:45,069
Paula, don't say "balls."
Men find that off-putting.
15
00:00:45,090 --> 00:00:46,170
Thanks for the tip.
16
00:00:46,189 --> 00:00:49,079
Don't say "tip."
You know what happened?
17
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:51,020
I'll tell you exactly.
He did "Arsenio."
18
00:00:51,039 --> 00:00:53,129
They got a lot of press
when he ransacked the stage,
19
00:00:53,149 --> 00:00:56,189
so "The Tonight Show,"
uh, booked him.
They're whores.
20
00:00:56,210 --> 00:00:57,230
Whores.
Whores.
21
00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:59,170
Bobcat here yet?
Yes.
22
00:00:59,189 --> 00:01:01,149
Michael Bolton
and Regis Philbin are
here as well.
23
00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:03,140
Have you talked
to Bobcat?
Yes.
24
00:01:03,159 --> 00:01:05,089
You told him
no crazy stuff?
25
00:01:05,109 --> 00:01:06,219
Yes. He'll be
zany and wacky
26
00:01:06,239 --> 00:01:08,259
and the set will remain
completely intact.
27
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,250
Well, I like pranky stunts.
You know that.
28
00:01:10,269 --> 00:01:13,049
But, I mean, if I wanted
to see furniture destroyed
29
00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:16,059
or our set ablaze, I'd go
over to Jimmy Caan's place.
30
00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:23,020
No. No.
I'm gonna find this.
31
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:25,079
'Cause right in the middle
of Helen Hunt last night,
32
00:01:25,099 --> 00:01:28,159
I get the spring
right up my ass.
33
00:01:28,180 --> 00:01:32,100
There it is.
There it is, right there.
34
00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,060
Can-- can we fix that, fellas?
35
00:01:34,079 --> 00:01:36,249
I mean, before tonight's show,
please? Thank you.
36
00:01:36,270 --> 00:01:40,000
My ass is my fortune.
37
00:01:40,020 --> 00:01:41,220
Bobby, you up there?
38
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:42,270
Bobby:
Yeah, Hank?
39
00:01:42,289 --> 00:01:44,199
Listen, I-- I don't know
what you did with this mic,
40
00:01:44,219 --> 00:01:46,219
but it's got
a whole bunch of reverb.
41
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,050
It was all over the place
last night.
42
00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:49,249
Listen to this.
Hey now!
43
00:01:49,270 --> 00:01:51,250
We-- we didn't--
we didn't do anything to it.
44
00:01:51,270 --> 00:01:53,100
It's the same
as it's always been.
45
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,050
No. No,
I don't think so.
46
00:01:55,069 --> 00:01:58,019
I mean, there's a lot of treble
but there's-- there's no bass.
47
00:01:58,039 --> 00:01:59,159
Hey now!
You know?
48
00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:02,160
Look out! Who's that
big stud in the mustache?
49
00:02:02,180 --> 00:02:03,270
Uh-oh!
Hank!
50
00:02:03,290 --> 00:02:05,040
Uh-oh!
How are you, Hanker?
51
00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,270
How are you? How are you?
Good to see you, Hank.
52
00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:08,290
You look great.
Oh, thanks.
53
00:02:09,009 --> 00:02:10,189
So, how are you?
I'm great.
54
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:12,120
Show's cruising
right along.
Yeah?
55
00:02:12,139 --> 00:02:14,029
No complaints, really.
Great.
56
00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,160
I gotta tell you,
I love that spot
57
00:02:15,180 --> 00:02:18,090
that you and Joy do
with the-- the crackers.
58
00:02:18,110 --> 00:02:19,190
Bobby, you got this?
59
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:20,270
Bobby:
Yep. Yeah.
60
00:02:20,289 --> 00:02:22,169
Joy and I had a lot of fun
with that commercial.
61
00:02:22,189 --> 00:02:25,009
Did you get the box
of crackers we sent you?
62
00:02:25,030 --> 00:02:27,160
Yes. Yes, I did,
and-- and thank you.
63
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:30,270
Uh, to be truthful,
the wife's been on my ass
64
00:02:30,289 --> 00:02:32,129
a little bit
about the-- the snacks.
65
00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:34,100
I put the crackers
out in the garage
66
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:38,180
and something got into
that box and built a nest.
67
00:02:38,199 --> 00:02:42,009
Don't worry about it.
We'll send you another case.
68
00:02:42,030 --> 00:02:46,070
Hank, is there someplace
we can go to talk?
69
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:52,070
So... so how's it going
for you here?
70
00:02:52,090 --> 00:02:56,070
Well, I'm--
I'm the luckiest man
in show business here.
71
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:59,120
I mean, everyone says so.
I have to agree.
Really?
72
00:02:59,139 --> 00:03:01,119
What would you say
if I told you
73
00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,179
that I've
just been offered
74
00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:04,259
my own late night
talk show?
75
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,050
What would I say?
Mm-hmm.
76
00:03:07,069 --> 00:03:10,149
Well, I would say--
I'd say that's great.
77
00:03:10,169 --> 00:03:12,239
That's great! Well, who's
the lucky cable channel?
Thanks.
78
00:03:12,259 --> 00:03:16,069
No. No cable. No, no.
Network. It's network.
79
00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:19,040
Get out of here, Regis Philbin.
I'm serious, Hank.
80
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:21,060
My demographics are
better than Letterman's,
81
00:03:21,079 --> 00:03:22,119
better than Leno's,
82
00:03:22,139 --> 00:03:24,009
better than any
of these young punks.
83
00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,270
All I've got to do
is go in, sign my name--
84
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:29,179
done, official,
in 85% of the country
85
00:03:29,199 --> 00:03:32,019
in three weeks.
Boom! Just like that.
86
00:03:32,039 --> 00:03:33,239
You lucky dog, you!
87
00:03:33,259 --> 00:03:37,109
No, but you're lucky, too,
Hank. Listen to me.
88
00:03:37,129 --> 00:03:40,079
I want you to be
my sidekick.
89
00:03:42,219 --> 00:03:47,009
Wow. Well,
that is, uh...
90
00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:50,010
that is, um,
that's an honor.
91
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:52,200
I am, um...
I'm honored
92
00:03:52,219 --> 00:03:57,209
I'm-- I'm--
and I'm deeply,
um... I'm honored.
93
00:03:57,229 --> 00:03:59,019
(laughing)
94
00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:00,249
I'm gonna turn you down,
95
00:04:00,270 --> 00:04:02,080
uh, because there's a--
96
00:04:02,099 --> 00:04:03,279
there's a loyalty
to this place,
97
00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,230
and, uh, I, uh,
these people are
like my family, so...
98
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:08,060
Hank, Hank, Hank,
I can top
99
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,190
anything they're
paying you here.
100
00:04:09,210 --> 00:04:11,100
Well, I'm even more honored,
101
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,050
but I'm-- I'm gonna--
I'm gonna turn you down,
102
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:15,029
and I--
I thank you.
103
00:04:16,060 --> 00:04:17,290
I should--
I gotta go.
104
00:04:18,009 --> 00:04:20,289
I'm having a late lunch
with my better half, you know.
105
00:04:21,009 --> 00:04:23,169
Larry?
Uh, no, my wife Margaret.
106
00:04:23,189 --> 00:04:25,009
She gets mad
when I'm-- I'm late.
107
00:04:25,029 --> 00:04:28,129
She doesn't get mad.
She gets upset. Concerned.
108
00:04:28,149 --> 00:04:31,059
Hank, think about what
I said, will you?
109
00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:35,019
I have. Thank you. No.
110
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:39,090
Colleen! Colleen,
can you hear me?
111
00:04:39,110 --> 00:04:40,130
Call Margaret!
112
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:43,069
Tell her I'm three
to four minutes late!
113
00:04:43,090 --> 00:04:44,290
Yeah, no, it wasn't just
like me setting it on fire.
114
00:04:45,009 --> 00:04:47,189
I actually soaked
the thing.
Right, right. Leno had no clue?
115
00:04:47,209 --> 00:04:49,009
No, no, not at all.
He had no clue.
116
00:04:49,029 --> 00:04:51,259
So I just-- I just, uh,
I opened it up,
117
00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:53,029
and then it's, like,
leaking out.
118
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:54,040
I actually burned my ass.
119
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,080
I got a couple of welts
on it from it.
120
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:58,070
And then-- I mean, I don't
want to toot my own horn,
121
00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,090
but I was pretty proud
that I could actually
get a couple,
122
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:02,230
you know, some--
some jokes off while
this was going on.
123
00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:04,080
He was--
He was pissed, wasn't he?
124
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,160
He-- he fuckin' snapped.
125
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,140
(laughing)
126
00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:08,260
Listen, it was
just a little fire.
127
00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:10,119
I really don't know
what the big deal was.
128
00:05:10,139 --> 00:05:12,999
Hey, I've got to go
look over my notes,
129
00:05:13,019 --> 00:05:15,009
and you want to talk about
this Leno thing on the air?
130
00:05:15,029 --> 00:05:17,039
Uh, I-- I could if you want,
but I'd rather not
131
00:05:17,060 --> 00:05:18,250
because my lawyer told me
just to shut up
132
00:05:18,269 --> 00:05:20,019
because I keep
making it worse.
133
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,170
I keep talking about it
and-- and-- and it just--
134
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,169
it's not good.
Hey, then we don't
have to do it.
135
00:05:24,189 --> 00:05:26,219
Paula went over the list of
questions with you, right?
136
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,240
Yeah.
Good.
137
00:05:27,259 --> 00:05:29,079
Good.
Then we're all set.
138
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:30,250
And listen,
if you want to stray
139
00:05:30,269 --> 00:05:32,099
within the questions
at all, that's fine.
140
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,000
I mean, I want to have
some fun too, okay?
141
00:05:34,019 --> 00:05:36,059
No, I'll--
I'll do the questions.
They're-- they're really funny.
142
00:05:36,079 --> 00:05:37,169
Good. Good.
All right.
143
00:05:37,189 --> 00:05:41,109
"Robert Le Show" in person.
Hey, 20 minutes.
144
00:05:41,129 --> 00:05:43,109
That means, uh,
half an hour, Bob.
145
00:05:43,129 --> 00:05:47,019
Hey, how you doing, Bob?
I'm, uh, I'm living a dream.
146
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,030
How are you doing?
Great. Great!
147
00:05:49,050 --> 00:05:50,120
It's great
to have you here.
148
00:05:50,139 --> 00:05:52,079
I just want you to know
that I am a big fan, Bob.
149
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,260
I just love
your clown movie.
150
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:56,079
I'm just a sucker
for drunk clowns.
151
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,180
So, listen up, junior.
152
00:05:57,199 --> 00:05:58,269
I'm gonna say this
one time.
153
00:05:58,290 --> 00:06:00,190
That fabric
on the guest chair
154
00:06:00,209 --> 00:06:02,029
is no longer
being manufactured
155
00:06:02,050 --> 00:06:04,080
and those huge Larry
letters over by the band,
156
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,240
they're much more
expensive than they look.
157
00:06:05,259 --> 00:06:09,039
And don't get near
my fuckin' plants.
158
00:06:09,060 --> 00:06:11,270
They're my babies.
159
00:06:14,019 --> 00:06:16,009
See you on television!
160
00:06:16,029 --> 00:06:17,109
(door slams)
161
00:06:17,129 --> 00:06:18,999
Jesus Christ.
162
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,140
Ho!
163
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,140
♪ It is Sidney,
it is Sidney ♪
164
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,100
♪ It is Sidney, it is he ♪
165
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:28,100
♪ We are shaking,
we are quaking ♪
166
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:30,000
♪ Can it be,
oh, can it be? ♪
167
00:06:30,019 --> 00:06:31,229
♪ It is Sid, it is Sid ♪
168
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:34,180
♪ It is Sid,
it's the agent ♪
169
00:06:34,199 --> 00:06:36,259
♪ Who's been with me
a long time ♪
170
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:38,289
♪ Who's sitting
on the couch ♪
171
00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:41,129
Hank, please, I'm your
agent, not your mother.
172
00:06:41,149 --> 00:06:43,139
You are--
you are my mother.
173
00:06:43,159 --> 00:06:44,209
All right,
I'm your mother.
174
00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:46,060
What are you doing here?
175
00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:48,129
Your wife called and said
you wanted to see me.
176
00:06:48,149 --> 00:06:50,999
Right. I told her
to do that.
177
00:06:51,019 --> 00:06:53,249
Yeah. Something about
a Regis Philbin job offer.
178
00:06:53,269 --> 00:06:57,209
Get this. This guy
has been offered
179
00:06:57,230 --> 00:06:58,270
his own late night show.
180
00:06:58,290 --> 00:07:00,210
He wants me to sidekick.
181
00:07:00,230 --> 00:07:02,020
Well, good for Regis.
182
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,190
He's a sweet kid.
He is.
183
00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:05,139
You're not thinking of
going with him, are you?
184
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,070
No, no, no, no, no.
185
00:07:07,089 --> 00:07:10,019
But, uh, now just
listen to this, okay?
186
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,110
Just listen.
All right. I'm listening.
187
00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:12,209
He leaves
"The Morning Show,"
188
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:14,100
there's a vacancy--
is that right?
189
00:07:15,139 --> 00:07:18,229
Right. So, uh,
think about it.
190
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:22,100
"Live With Hank
and Kathie Lee."
191
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:26,129
Hankala.
Tchotchkala.
192
00:07:26,149 --> 00:07:28,279
This is not a smart move.
193
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,080
Here, "The Larry
Sanders Show,"
194
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,150
this is your base.
195
00:07:32,170 --> 00:07:35,070
Yeah.
Where did you come up
with such a facacta idea?
196
00:07:35,090 --> 00:07:36,190
I don't know.
I was just-- I don't know.
197
00:07:36,209 --> 00:07:38,279
I was thinking about it
over lunch.
198
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,170
Lunch with your wife?
199
00:07:40,189 --> 00:07:42,179
Yeah, lunch with my wife.
She was there.
200
00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:44,089
The last time I had lunch
with my wife,
201
00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:46,020
I ended up
redoing the living room
202
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,260
in a pattern that I'm not
allowed to sit down on.
203
00:07:48,279 --> 00:07:51,099
This is my own decision.
204
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,170
(intercom buzzing)
205
00:07:52,189 --> 00:07:55,049
Woman:
Hank, your wife
is on line four.
206
00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:59,089
Hello? Yeah.
207
00:07:59,110 --> 00:08:01,070
How are you?
208
00:08:01,089 --> 00:08:02,139
Mm-hmm.
209
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,120
Yes. Yeah, he's--
he's right here.
210
00:08:04,139 --> 00:08:05,149
We're talking about it
right now.
211
00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:08,150
Yeah. Yeah.
212
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:10,170
I promise you.
213
00:08:10,189 --> 00:08:12,239
Can I have a little
privacy, please?
214
00:08:12,259 --> 00:08:14,159
You realize
I'll have to get up?
215
00:08:14,180 --> 00:08:16,210
Yes. Thank you.
216
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:22,050
(muttering in Yiddish)
217
00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,289
He's leaving now.
218
00:08:24,009 --> 00:08:26,009
Yeah. I can--
(muttering)
219
00:08:26,029 --> 00:08:27,999
No, he's doing
his leaving thing.
220
00:08:28,019 --> 00:08:30,199
Yeah.
Ooh!
221
00:08:30,220 --> 00:08:32,130
Just a mild concussion.
Don't worry.
222
00:08:32,149 --> 00:08:34,079
Please?
223
00:08:36,289 --> 00:08:37,279
Hi.
224
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,080
I think Bobcat
will be funny.
225
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:41,110
If he touches my plants,
he dies.
226
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:43,049
I will move swiftly.
He will be dead.
227
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:45,220
Good. So, you gave him just
the normal welcoming speech.
228
00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:47,060
Pretty much so.
Uh-huh.
229
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,100
And I have Hank news.
230
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,180
What? What's this time?
What's wrong with him?
231
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,220
Not enough oxygen to
the brain as a fetus.
232
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,220
That's my first guess.
Yeah, that would be mine.
233
00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,050
Did you know
that Regis is getting
234
00:08:58,070 --> 00:08:59,270
a late night show
of his own?
235
00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:01,279
You're kidding.
236
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,160
No. He's looking
for a sidekick.
237
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:11,020
Someone like, uh, Hank?
238
00:09:11,039 --> 00:09:13,079
Hank?
Yes.
239
00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,000
Well, is he
pursuing it?
240
00:09:15,019 --> 00:09:17,019
His wife
is pursuing it.
241
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,139
Well, handle it.
242
00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,019
Don't you want me to tell
you how I handle it?
243
00:09:24,039 --> 00:09:26,029
No. Just handle it.
That's enough for you?
244
00:09:26,049 --> 00:09:27,159
Yeah. That's more
than enough for me
245
00:09:27,179 --> 00:09:28,289
just to know that
you're handling it.
246
00:09:29,009 --> 00:09:31,029
All right.
Boy, I don't get it.
247
00:09:31,049 --> 00:09:33,229
You know, I thought
Hank's wife was really, uh,
248
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:36,080
you know,
quiet and sweet.
She was.
249
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,040
What happened?
He married her.
250
00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:42,219
Make him pretty, Bruno.
251
00:09:44,179 --> 00:09:46,149
Again.
252
00:09:47,149 --> 00:09:49,129
(knocking on door)
Come on!
253
00:09:49,149 --> 00:09:51,049
You wanted to see me?
254
00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:54,200
Yes, Hank. Uh, shut
the door, will you?
255
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:55,210
What's up?
256
00:09:55,230 --> 00:09:57,120
Close the door, please.
257
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,189
Well, I'd like to know
what we're talking about
258
00:09:59,210 --> 00:10:01,040
before I do that.
259
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,049
Don't worry about it.
Take a chair.
260
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,250
Just a man-to-man chat.
261
00:10:04,269 --> 00:10:07,099
(laughing)
262
00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:11,170
Man-to-man, huh?
Okay, well-- Oh.
263
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:14,110
I know what's up, huh?
You got some action, huh?
264
00:10:14,129 --> 00:10:16,249
You finally bagged
that chick at NBC, right?
265
00:10:16,269 --> 00:10:18,249
I know about Regis.
266
00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:23,220
Oh, cut the crap, Hank!
267
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,060
Who told you?
268
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,100
Well, that's
not important.
269
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,030
People always have
told me everything, huh?
270
00:10:28,049 --> 00:10:29,229
All my life.
I can't help that.
271
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:34,150
So, Regis is looking
for a sidekick, huh?
272
00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:38,050
Well, I'm, uh...
All right.
273
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,020
I'm not gonna lie to you,
because I, uh,
274
00:10:40,039 --> 00:10:43,999
I have far too much respect
for you for that, but, uh,
275
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,999
I-- I don't know what you heard,
but if it's about the job
276
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:48,109
that Regis offered me, no,
no, I'm not interested.
277
00:10:48,129 --> 00:10:50,149
This is my home.
This is where I will stay.
278
00:10:50,169 --> 00:10:52,009
Thank you.
Cut the crap!
279
00:10:52,029 --> 00:10:54,269
I told you, sit down!
Okay.
280
00:10:54,289 --> 00:10:57,009
You're trying to get his job
on "The Morning Show."
281
00:10:57,029 --> 00:10:59,249
Damn it! Who are
these fucking people?
282
00:10:59,269 --> 00:11:01,039
Just give me a name!
283
00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:02,189
I'm trying to help you,
Hank.
284
00:11:02,210 --> 00:11:04,250
If I was pussy-whipped,
you'd be talking to me
285
00:11:04,269 --> 00:11:06,189
the way I'm talking
to you now.
286
00:11:08,029 --> 00:11:11,209
Whoa. You think my wife has
something to do with this?
287
00:11:11,230 --> 00:11:14,130
Oh, hell, everybody
knows she's on your ass.
288
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:16,209
And by the way,
I never liked Margaret.
289
00:11:16,230 --> 00:11:19,010
She looks at you like
she's got X-Ray vision.
290
00:11:19,029 --> 00:11:20,139
It gives me the creeps.
291
00:11:20,159 --> 00:11:21,999
Everybody knows.
Is that what you said?
292
00:11:22,019 --> 00:11:23,099
Yeah.
Everybody knows?
293
00:11:25,029 --> 00:11:27,129
Well, everybody's wrong!
294
00:11:27,149 --> 00:11:29,009
You'll all wrong!
295
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:32,220
You're talking
about my wife.
296
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:35,290
She happens to love me
very much
297
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:37,259
and she's just looking out
for my best interest.
298
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,209
She happens to think
that I deserve more
299
00:11:40,230 --> 00:11:43,080
than I am getting right now,
and you know what?
300
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,280
I think--
I think she's right.
301
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,220
And, uh, that thing
with her eyes?
302
00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:53,149
That is a severe
astigmatism, okay?
303
00:11:53,169 --> 00:11:55,249
I'm sorry.
Don't get me wrong.
304
00:11:55,269 --> 00:11:58,269
She's a lovely girl,
but I can't allow her
305
00:11:58,289 --> 00:12:02,109
to lift her skirt for every
other show that comes along!
306
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:06,230
I quit.
307
00:12:09,159 --> 00:12:11,149
I think that solves
your problem, right?
308
00:12:11,169 --> 00:12:13,019
I'm trying to help,
but Goddamn it,
309
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:15,059
I will not put up
with your bullshit!
310
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,170
Yeah? Well, I-- I am gone.
Listen, I'm a pro.
311
00:12:17,190 --> 00:12:18,190
I'm gonna do the show
tonight,
312
00:12:18,210 --> 00:12:21,210
but after that,
hasta la vista, baby.
All right.
313
00:12:21,230 --> 00:12:24,040
Let me tell you
another thing.
314
00:12:24,059 --> 00:12:26,229
You do not apply
the term "pussy-whipped"
315
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:28,190
to Hank Kingsley.
No?
316
00:12:28,210 --> 00:12:32,290
No. He has never been nor never
will be whipped by anything,
317
00:12:33,009 --> 00:12:34,179
let alone a pussy.
318
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,030
Excuse me. Hank.
Yeah?
319
00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:37,999
Margaret called.
She says it's urgent.
320
00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:48,000
See that? Yeah,
I'm really pussy-whipped.
321
00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:49,139
Did she call from home
or the car?
322
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,999
Home.
323
00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:52,079
(chuckles)
324
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:54,160
Yeah,
like I give a shit.
325
00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:59,000
How's it going, Hank?
326
00:12:59,019 --> 00:13:00,079
(laughing)
327
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,200
How's the wife?
328
00:13:06,169 --> 00:13:09,109
You're the one who plays
uh, the real kooky guy, right?
329
00:13:09,129 --> 00:13:12,039
In your act?
Yeah.
330
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:15,029
Now, do you want to see
something really kooky?
331
00:13:17,269 --> 00:13:20,099
Ask me about
my lady again.
332
00:13:27,070 --> 00:13:29,010
The guy's
a fucking wingnut.
333
00:13:29,029 --> 00:13:32,089
Okay, tell me something
I want to hear.
334
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,180
What, I don't get
the song?
335
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,010
No, not this time.
Come on.
336
00:13:36,029 --> 00:13:37,099
All right, all right.
337
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:38,270
I-- I called Kathie Lee
at home.
338
00:13:38,289 --> 00:13:40,159
I talked to her
on the phone,
Yes, yes.
339
00:13:40,179 --> 00:13:42,059
and, uh, she's a nice girl.
340
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,030
Yes. Come on.
I ran the idea by her.
341
00:13:44,049 --> 00:13:46,099
Yes. Come on.
Uh...
342
00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:47,270
Come on.
she, uh...
343
00:13:47,289 --> 00:13:49,279
she feels there'd be
some difficulties.
344
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,060
She said that?
In so many words.
345
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,070
What'd she say?
346
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:53,180
She doesn't want to
work with you.
347
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,070
She said that?
In so many words.
348
00:13:55,090 --> 00:13:57,110
Come on, what did--
She hates you.
349
00:13:58,169 --> 00:14:00,249
She hates me?
How could she hate me?
350
00:14:00,269 --> 00:14:03,059
She doesn't even--
She doesn't even know me.
351
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,160
She mentioned something
352
00:14:04,179 --> 00:14:07,049
about an auto show
in Buffalo in 1979,
353
00:14:07,070 --> 00:14:09,280
where you locked her in the--
in the trunk of a Camaro,
354
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,170
as she puts it,
for laughs.
No.
355
00:14:12,190 --> 00:14:17,010
Well--
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That's Cathy Lee Crosby.
356
00:14:17,029 --> 00:14:18,259
Uh...
357
00:14:18,279 --> 00:14:23,119
Oh! Oh, shit!
358
00:14:23,139 --> 00:14:27,039
Oh, shit! Shit!
359
00:14:27,059 --> 00:14:28,159
Listen, it's better
this way.
No, no.
360
00:14:28,179 --> 00:14:30,099
No, it's better this way.
No. You're gonna kill me.
361
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,230
You can stay here
where you belong.
362
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:34,120
I had a-- I had
a fight with Arthur and, uh...
Yeah?
363
00:14:34,139 --> 00:14:39,109
he found out about the job
and I, uh...
364
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,169
I said I, uh...
I said I quit, you know?
365
00:14:44,090 --> 00:14:46,080
What are we gonna do?
366
00:14:48,269 --> 00:14:51,069
I will tell you one thing.
367
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,260
You talk to Regis.
368
00:14:52,279 --> 00:14:55,199
You tell him you'd be very
happy to be his sidekick.
369
00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:02,029
Okay.
Can you live with that?
370
00:15:02,049 --> 00:15:05,109
Or more importantly,
can your wife live with that?
371
00:15:05,129 --> 00:15:06,179
I don't know.
What I hear is that
372
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:09,160
I may be performing
a benefit in a burn unit.
373
00:15:09,179 --> 00:15:11,159
A burn unit?
Yeah, really.
374
00:15:11,179 --> 00:15:12,289
Yeah, I know.
If you're recovering
375
00:15:13,009 --> 00:15:14,029
and you're in a burn unit,
376
00:15:14,049 --> 00:15:15,129
like, I think
I'm the last person
377
00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:16,289
you want to see
swinging through the doors.
378
00:15:17,009 --> 00:15:19,149
Is that really true?
It is. Yeah, it's--
it's really true.
379
00:15:19,169 --> 00:15:21,189
(laughing)
There's Michael Bolton.
380
00:15:21,210 --> 00:15:23,290
Where? Oh, my God.
Excuse us.
381
00:15:24,009 --> 00:15:26,069
Oh, that's great.
Thanks for the warning.
382
00:15:28,019 --> 00:15:29,049
How are you doing, Bob?
383
00:15:29,070 --> 00:15:30,290
I'm, uh, I'm still
living that same dream.
384
00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:33,219
Yeah.
Good, good, good.
385
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,290
Regis is on the show.
Yeah. Yeah, I know.
386
00:15:36,009 --> 00:15:37,209
That's great.
I want to do his show.
Yeah, yeah.
387
00:15:37,230 --> 00:15:40,290
You do? Why?
'Cause I'm a morning guy.
388
00:15:41,009 --> 00:15:42,199
Yeah. Oh, I could
see that.
389
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:44,020
No, actually,
I want to do the show
390
00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:45,079
'cause I had this idea.
391
00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,260
What I want to do
is I want to, um--
392
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:50,019
I'm gonna have a big meal,
big Denny's Grand Slam,
393
00:15:50,039 --> 00:15:51,179
and, you know,
eat as much as I can,
394
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,170
eat some pork and everything,
'cause I'm a vegetarian,
395
00:15:53,190 --> 00:15:56,110
and then the idea is
is I'm gonna have, uh,
396
00:15:56,129 --> 00:15:58,059
ipecac in a coffee mug.
397
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,110
That's the stuff
that induces vomiting.
398
00:16:00,129 --> 00:16:03,059
Uh-huh.
So, the first time,
you know, I hear "Cody,"
399
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,290
Uh-huh.
I take a big fucking swig
off of it, and then, boom!
400
00:16:06,009 --> 00:16:08,009
I'm just gonna projectile
vomit all over Kathie Lee.
401
00:16:08,029 --> 00:16:09,129
That's hilarious.
Thanks.
402
00:16:09,149 --> 00:16:11,079
That is hilarious.
Came up with it myself.
403
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,160
But-- but I also
want to hit him, too,
404
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,219
'cause I don't
want to be sexist.
405
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,000
And get Gelman
while you're at it.
406
00:16:15,019 --> 00:16:17,109
No, I don't-- I don't
have that kind of range.
407
00:16:17,129 --> 00:16:18,219
That's true.
All right.
408
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,200
See you out there.
Thanks.
409
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:29,050
Anything, uh, I need
to know, or...
410
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,150
Michael Bolton
has a slight head cold.
411
00:16:31,169 --> 00:16:34,149
He's still going to sing.
Good, good.
412
00:16:34,169 --> 00:16:36,219
And that thing with, uh, Hank--
did you take care of that?
413
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,190
Oh, that situation
is cleared up completely.
414
00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:41,190
Good, good, good.
Everything okay?
415
00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:43,270
He offered a solution.
I accepted.
416
00:16:43,289 --> 00:16:47,059
Great. Anything else?
Your fly is open.
417
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,210
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
418
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:50,230
Part of my job.
419
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,010
Looking at my crotch?
420
00:16:52,029 --> 00:16:55,009
I consider it a perk.
421
00:16:58,139 --> 00:16:59,999
I just want you to know,
I'm gonna go out there,
422
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,039
I'm gonna give it my all,
same as I always do.
423
00:17:02,059 --> 00:17:03,199
Good. Good to hear.
424
00:17:03,220 --> 00:17:06,050
Uh, this has nothing
to do with you and I.
425
00:17:06,069 --> 00:17:07,249
It's just, uh, I'm going
through some stuff
426
00:17:07,269 --> 00:17:09,999
and, uh, I'm not gonna let it
affect my performance.
427
00:17:10,019 --> 00:17:11,259
Hank. Hank.
Yeah?
428
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:12,999
I know
there was a problem,
429
00:17:13,019 --> 00:17:14,209
I know there's
a solution that we accepted,
430
00:17:14,230 --> 00:17:16,130
and I'm very happy.
431
00:17:16,150 --> 00:17:17,210
Have a good one.
432
00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:22,039
You are cold, baby.
433
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,240
So, you're here,
doing our show,
434
00:17:24,259 --> 00:17:25,259
which I appreciate.
Yeah.
435
00:17:25,279 --> 00:17:27,069
Are you doing
anything else in town?
436
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,259
Are you here for business?
Anything like that?
No.
437
00:17:28,279 --> 00:17:29,289
No. Just gonna
do your show.
438
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:31,179
Joy and I will have
a little dinner,
439
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,030
and get the plane home.
440
00:17:33,049 --> 00:17:34,269
Oh, good. Well, good luck
getting that plane.
441
00:17:34,289 --> 00:17:37,049
You know, there are not
many that go to New York.
442
00:17:37,069 --> 00:17:39,009
Okay. Stay tuned.
We'll be right back
443
00:17:39,029 --> 00:17:41,289
with Bobcat Goldthwait
right after this.
444
00:17:42,009 --> 00:17:44,049
(cheers and applause)
No flipping.
445
00:17:44,069 --> 00:17:46,179
(cheers and applause)
446
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,230
Great.
Thanks.
447
00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:49,120
Good job.
Thanks.
448
00:17:49,140 --> 00:17:51,020
♪ ♪
449
00:17:53,099 --> 00:17:54,219
(clears throat)
450
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:59,000
You know, uh, that was
really uncomfortable.
451
00:17:59,019 --> 00:18:01,059
Uh, I really don't want
to have Regis on again.
452
00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:03,099
At least he didn't sing.
Yeah. No, I'll give him that,
453
00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:05,119
but I don't like
the fact that he's, uh,
454
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:08,270
coming on the show and trying
to steal, you know, just Hank,
455
00:18:08,289 --> 00:18:10,109
and I really don't
want him on.
456
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,210
Well, Mr. Goldthwait's
up next.
Yeah. Good, good.
457
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:16,000
He's a loose cannon.
I don't trust his ass.
458
00:18:16,019 --> 00:18:19,079
Yeah, I know.
Let my get my
baby elephant palm off the set.
459
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,239
I-- I raised it
from a mere nut.
Oh, yeah?
460
00:18:21,259 --> 00:18:24,159
Those come from nuts, huh?
From a small nut.
461
00:18:24,180 --> 00:18:26,100
Right. Yeah, I see.
462
00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,179
Unlike your date palms.
They come from dates.
My date palms.
463
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:32,130
A different kind of--
well, you know.
Yeah.
464
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:33,280
Yeah.
You've had a date,
haven't you?
465
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,000
I've had a date, sure.
Yeah. I mean, the fruit.
466
00:18:36,019 --> 00:18:37,289
Right.
Well, that's
where it grows from.
467
00:18:38,009 --> 00:18:40,139
What?
From the seed
in the date.
468
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,250
A palm does?
469
00:18:41,269 --> 00:18:44,149
I've been thinking a lot
about the job offer,
470
00:18:44,170 --> 00:18:46,220
and I just want to
tell you, I'm in.
471
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,080
That's great!
Hank, that's terrific!
472
00:18:49,099 --> 00:18:50,229
We'll have
a wonderful time.
473
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:54,220
And when-- when
are you signing?
Next week.
474
00:19:08,009 --> 00:19:09,049
Well, I'm in, I'm in.
475
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:11,099
You know, I'm ready
as soon as you want me.
476
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:12,999
That's fabulous.
Fabulous!
477
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,139
We're gonna start
in the fall of '97.
478
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,200
Okay.
479
00:19:22,019 --> 00:19:23,039
What'd you say?
480
00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:26,030
Fall of '97.
481
00:19:26,049 --> 00:19:30,089
Wait, uh, but aren't--
when are you leaving
"The Morning Show"?
482
00:19:30,109 --> 00:19:34,249
When-- when my contract expires,
which is in the fall of '97.
483
00:19:34,269 --> 00:19:37,129
Uh, but you're not
quitting the show now?
484
00:19:37,150 --> 00:19:38,290
No, no. What,
are you nuts, Hank?
485
00:19:39,009 --> 00:19:40,179
That show is
everything to me.
486
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,130
It's my base.
It's where I live.
487
00:19:42,150 --> 00:19:44,100
It's-- I can't.
488
00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,169
Fall of '97?
Yeah.
489
00:19:49,009 --> 00:19:50,109
Hank, you okay?
Yeah.
490
00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:53,120
(exhaling)
491
00:19:53,140 --> 00:19:57,290
Does, uh, Joy ever give you,
uh, career advice?
492
00:19:58,009 --> 00:20:00,219
No, no, never.
493
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,260
Hank, you all right?
Yeah.
494
00:20:04,059 --> 00:20:05,109
Hank?
495
00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:09,240
(vomiting)
Jesus! Hank!
496
00:20:09,259 --> 00:20:12,059
(vomiting)
497
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:14,109
Oh, my baby.
498
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,140
(vomiting)
499
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:18,100
Tell me about the, uh,
"The Tonight Show" thing
500
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:19,279
and what you did there.
What was that about?
501
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,020
I know you can't discuss
some of it for legal reasons.
502
00:20:22,039 --> 00:20:26,009
Well, uh, to-- to be honest,
I'm-- I'm facing a year in jail,
503
00:20:26,029 --> 00:20:28,039
and I-- I really didn't think
we were gonna bring it up.
504
00:20:28,059 --> 00:20:29,189
Well, we don't have to
if you don't want to.
505
00:20:29,210 --> 00:20:30,270
I just thought
it was kind of...
506
00:20:30,289 --> 00:20:33,229
No, I-- I-- I think we said
I didn't want to.
Okay.
507
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:35,190
(laughter)
508
00:20:35,210 --> 00:20:37,220
Let's talk about
something else then, okay?
509
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,260
You want to do that?
510
00:20:38,279 --> 00:20:40,069
I was just curious
why you did that thing
511
00:20:40,089 --> 00:20:42,279
on "The Tonight Show."
Well, it worked. It worked.
512
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,030
The, uh, lighting
the, uh, chair worked?
513
00:20:46,049 --> 00:20:48,139
Yeah, I mean, that's-- that's
why you have me here tonight.
514
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,210
No, no, we have you on--
and I may say this,
515
00:20:50,230 --> 00:20:52,240
we are big fans of yours.
Oh, that's bull(bleep).
516
00:20:52,259 --> 00:20:54,129
(laughter)
517
00:20:54,150 --> 00:20:56,080
No. Bob-- all right.
(glass clattering)
518
00:20:56,099 --> 00:20:57,099
See? That's why
you have me on.
519
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,129
It's like, here,
go crazy, go nuts.
520
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:01,070
(clattering)
521
00:21:01,089 --> 00:21:04,139
Dance for us,
monkey boy! Dance!
522
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,170
(grunts)
523
00:21:07,190 --> 00:21:09,110
(crashing)
(audience gasps)
524
00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:10,120
(screaming)
525
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:12,050
Larry:
Can you, uh, watch...
526
00:21:12,069 --> 00:21:13,149
(yelps)
527
00:21:15,109 --> 00:21:17,279
This is usually when
they go to a commercial.
528
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,100
Okay. We'll be right back,
uh, with, uh, Michael Bolton,
529
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,149
right after this break.
Michael Bolton.
530
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:25,140
You know, Leno's right.
You can't do that kind of thing.
531
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,050
I thought you were gonna
stick to the questions.
532
00:21:27,069 --> 00:21:29,119
Are you aware of that?
hurt somebody.
533
00:21:29,140 --> 00:21:30,280
I thought it was funny.
I'm sorry.
534
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,090
You thought it was funny?
Here's the man you
should be apologizing to--
535
00:21:33,109 --> 00:21:35,159
this old man in
a wheelchair, you asshole.
536
00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:37,240
I-- I'm sorry. I didn't
know you were there.
537
00:21:37,259 --> 00:21:39,079
One minute, I'm standing
behind the curtain,
538
00:21:39,099 --> 00:21:40,229
eating a mint.
The next thing I know,
539
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:43,110
I've got a cardboard
mountain up my ass.
540
00:21:43,130 --> 00:21:45,150
You young people
don't know what funny is.
541
00:21:45,170 --> 00:21:47,080
Eddie Cantor was funny.
542
00:21:47,099 --> 00:21:51,159
If I didn't have arthritis,
I'd knock you right on your ass.
543
00:21:51,180 --> 00:21:52,240
Happy now?
544
00:21:53,269 --> 00:21:54,249
I'm sorry.
545
00:21:54,269 --> 00:21:57,269
Okay. I'll escort you
to your dressing room
546
00:21:57,289 --> 00:22:00,049
in case you get the urge
to push a Coke machine
547
00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:01,229
over on Michael Bolton.
548
00:22:01,250 --> 00:22:04,000
I wouldn't do it
if it wasn't televised.
549
00:22:04,019 --> 00:22:06,089
Oh, come on,
you fucking asshole.
550
00:22:06,109 --> 00:22:10,189
Uh, Larry, uh,
Hank has something to say.
551
00:22:10,210 --> 00:22:14,080
Uh, yeah, I just, uh--
well, the bottom line is,
552
00:22:14,099 --> 00:22:17,039
I'm just-- I'm--
I'm a fucking mess.
553
00:22:17,059 --> 00:22:20,019
"My marriage..."
And my marriage is, uh...
554
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,069
"My life."
My life is, uh...
555
00:22:22,089 --> 00:22:23,179
All right, fine.
It's fine.
556
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,120
This is fine.
What do you mean, it's fine?
557
00:22:26,140 --> 00:22:28,130
You mean I can stay?
Yeah, you stay.
558
00:22:28,150 --> 00:22:29,240
Really?
Yeah.
559
00:22:29,259 --> 00:22:32,009
See you tomorrow?
See you tomorrow.
560
00:22:32,029 --> 00:22:33,069
Great.
A little smile?
561
00:22:33,089 --> 00:22:34,089
Okay.
Good.
562
00:22:34,109 --> 00:22:36,019
Tell Artie...
Tell Artie what?
563
00:22:36,039 --> 00:22:39,069
Would you,
uh, tell Artie?
564
00:22:39,089 --> 00:22:41,229
So, you know
Hank is staying.
565
00:22:41,250 --> 00:22:43,130
Does that mean
something to you?
566
00:22:43,150 --> 00:22:46,090
I'll bet he is.
He found out
567
00:22:46,109 --> 00:22:48,079
Regis' show doesn't go
in three years.
568
00:22:48,099 --> 00:22:50,059
What'd you do?
Hire him back?
569
00:22:51,170 --> 00:22:53,290
What do you mean?
He quit this morning.
570
00:22:54,009 --> 00:22:56,259
Well, I didn't know that.
Well, why should you?
571
00:22:56,279 --> 00:22:58,049
You told me you
didn't want to know.
572
00:22:58,069 --> 00:22:59,209
Well, I'd like to know
if someone quits.
573
00:22:59,230 --> 00:23:01,010
Yeah, well, I tell
you what happened.
574
00:23:01,029 --> 00:23:02,189
I called the fucker
in your office here
575
00:23:02,210 --> 00:23:03,250
and I told him
he was pussy-whipped
576
00:23:03,269 --> 00:23:05,009
and better get
his act straight now.
577
00:23:05,029 --> 00:23:06,199
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
As long as you handled it.
578
00:23:06,220 --> 00:23:08,100
I handled it.
'Cause I don't
really need to know.
579
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:09,219
Okay.
Good.
580
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,030
Regis:
Hi, guys.
581
00:23:11,049 --> 00:23:12,079
Hey, Reg.
Hey.
582
00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:14,290
Anybody going to
invite me in?
583
00:23:15,009 --> 00:23:16,109
Oh, come on in,
buddy!
Yeah, come on.
584
00:23:16,130 --> 00:23:19,080
Two years to get on the show,
two years in the hallway.
585
00:23:19,099 --> 00:23:20,999
Just wanted to say
I had a great time. Thanks.
586
00:23:21,019 --> 00:23:22,229
R.P., you're
the greatest.
587
00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:24,050
We're gonna have you
sing next time.
588
00:23:24,069 --> 00:23:25,139
Thanks, Artie. Yeah.
589
00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,080
Hey, that Bobcat
is wild, huh?
590
00:23:27,099 --> 00:23:28,199
You know what I did?
591
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:31,200
I asked him to come on our show
in New York next week. Yeah.
592
00:23:31,220 --> 00:23:33,040
Yeah?
Oh, good.
You're gonna have fun.
593
00:23:33,059 --> 00:23:34,159
Yeah?
Yeah. You'll have
a lot of fun.
594
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:37,190
I think so. Listen, he can't
be the kook he was here.
595
00:23:37,210 --> 00:23:40,070
This is daytime,
and he promised me
he'd be a good boy.
596
00:23:40,089 --> 00:23:41,209
Yeah, well, if he
promised you, he will be.
597
00:23:41,230 --> 00:23:43,080
I don't think you have
anything to worry about.
598
00:23:43,099 --> 00:23:45,289
But I'd tell Kathie Lee to stay
about 10 feet back, okay?
599
00:23:46,009 --> 00:23:47,109
That's a little tip.
Oh, come on, come on.
600
00:23:47,130 --> 00:23:48,290
All right.
Anyway, thanks, guys.
601
00:23:49,009 --> 00:23:50,119
Hey, see you.
Hey, see you, champ.
602
00:23:50,140 --> 00:23:51,290
Tell Sally I said hi.
I will.
603
00:23:52,009 --> 00:23:53,229
Excuse me. He promised,
he promised,
604
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:55,260
he promised when I spoke to him
he wasn't gonna do anything.
605
00:23:55,279 --> 00:23:57,019
In the morning,
young lady.
606
00:23:57,039 --> 00:23:58,059
I'm really,
really sorry.
607
00:23:58,079 --> 00:24:01,219
In the morning!
Please. Thank you.
608
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,250
You know, this is gonna be all
over the press in the morning.
609
00:24:03,269 --> 00:24:05,999
How's that
gonna make us look?
610
00:24:08,220 --> 00:24:10,230
Yay!
611
00:24:10,250 --> 00:24:13,240
(theme music plays)
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