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1
00:00:10,060 --> 00:00:12,200
About an hour
away from show 1,457.
2
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:14,050
Not that we keep count.
3
00:00:14,070 --> 00:00:16,130
Yeah, I suppose by now the show
must really run itself.
4
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:18,059
Ah, bunch of horse shit.
5
00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:20,159
You know it really
pisses me off when
6
00:00:20,179 --> 00:00:22,089
you magazine people
say things like that.
7
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,119
I am sorry.
8
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:26,100
But, tell me has Larry
ever been romantically
9
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,000
involved with any
of the guests?
10
00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:30,129
What kinda question is that?
11
00:00:30,149 --> 00:00:31,199
My editor put it on here.
12
00:00:31,219 --> 00:00:33,019
You're right.
It's inappropriate.
13
00:00:33,039 --> 00:00:36,219
You think we have been busting
our balls doing 1,400 shows
14
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:38,060
so that Larry can get laid?
15
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:41,019
Believe me, if Mr. Sanders
wanted to fuck talent,
16
00:00:41,039 --> 00:00:42,209
he would have been an agent.
17
00:00:42,229 --> 00:00:44,049
Who you say you work for?
18
00:00:44,070 --> 00:00:45,150
"Entertainment Weekly."
Huh?
19
00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:47,100
"Entertainment Weekly."
Oh.
20
00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:48,139
When can I talk with Larry?
21
00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:49,199
Later.
22
00:00:49,219 --> 00:00:53,169
Will you let the audience in
in about five minutes and put
23
00:00:53,189 --> 00:00:56,279
the group from the nursing home
in the upper left corner there?
24
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,040
That's the warmest
place in the studio.
25
00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,160
Artie, excuse me.
26
00:01:00,179 --> 00:01:01,169
Hi.
27
00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:02,209
We've got a problem.
28
00:01:04,260 --> 00:01:06,010
What is it, Kiki?
29
00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:09,240
It's, uh, difficulty with the
network, satellite, feed again?
30
00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:11,120
No, it's Elizabeth Ashley.
31
00:01:11,140 --> 00:01:13,080
She's in wardrobe, wants
to talk to you right away.
32
00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:16,040
If you'll excuse me Roger,
33
00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:18,000
I have a show to produce.
34
00:01:18,019 --> 00:01:19,039
Oh god.
35
00:01:24,010 --> 00:01:25,090
I can't.
36
00:01:25,109 --> 00:01:26,129
I'm married, Liz.
37
00:01:26,150 --> 00:01:28,260
Oh, how is the little woman?
38
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,060
Huh?
39
00:01:30,079 --> 00:01:31,259
Your wife!
40
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:34,150
Elaine's in Kenya on a safari.
41
00:01:34,170 --> 00:01:35,150
Can you believe that?
42
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,080
What do you think of
a woman who'd leave her
43
00:01:37,099 --> 00:01:40,059
home for three months to
photograph zebras humping?
44
00:01:40,079 --> 00:01:43,109
I think that daddy's
lonesome too.
45
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:48,240
You are leaning
on Larry's suits.
46
00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:50,219
Oh, do I look like
I give a shit?
47
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,020
Now you just jump on
back here, little big man.
48
00:01:53,039 --> 00:01:55,119
Ever since you have
gone on slim fast,
49
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,150
I'm powerless.
50
00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:57,210
Oh god.
51
00:02:02,079 --> 00:02:04,079
Is Larry in a
good mood tonight?
52
00:02:04,099 --> 00:02:05,159
Oh, who cares.
53
00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:07,230
(moaning)
54
00:02:14,129 --> 00:02:17,079
Hank:
Hey, get word back to
Larry that they are great.
55
00:02:17,099 --> 00:02:19,179
All right?
Okay?
56
00:02:19,199 --> 00:02:21,119
Are you in your thoughts?
57
00:02:21,139 --> 00:02:22,999
No, no, I'm just going
over the cue cards.
58
00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:24,090
Okay Sid, good, good, great.
59
00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:25,280
Anything special
I need to know about tonight?
60
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:27,220
No. It's gonna be
a great show.
61
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,070
I think so too.
Is Ritter here yet?
62
00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:30,110
I believe so.
Great.
63
00:02:30,129 --> 00:02:31,149
How's Miss Ashley?
64
00:02:31,170 --> 00:02:32,190
Wonderful.
Good.
65
00:02:32,210 --> 00:02:34,010
Go like this.
What?
66
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:35,060
Do I have a bug here?
67
00:02:35,079 --> 00:02:37,039
No if you had a bug,
I would say go like this.
68
00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:38,240
You just had some hair
stickin' out or somethin'.
69
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:40,179
Oh, okay.
Nothing major.
70
00:02:40,199 --> 00:02:43,269
Larry Sanders, don't tell me you
are doing the show tonight too.
71
00:02:43,289 --> 00:02:45,019
Hey John, good to see you.
72
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,069
Hey John.
73
00:02:46,090 --> 00:02:47,280
It's not really a good time.
74
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:50,090
See Larry likes to get
into his thoughts.
75
00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,120
Come on, this is John Ritter.
No, that's all right.
76
00:02:52,139 --> 00:02:53,259
It's the John Ritter.
77
00:02:53,280 --> 00:02:54,280
No shit.
78
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,070
Who's this key chain?
79
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:58,130
Arthur, Larry this is
my agent Adam Loderman.
80
00:02:58,150 --> 00:03:00,000
Arthur, Larry.
81
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:01,130
Adam Loderman.
82
00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:03,120
Thank you so much.
He's to get into his thoughts.
83
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,019
I am sorry.
Just wanted to say hi.
Artie, It's okay.
84
00:03:05,039 --> 00:03:06,189
It's all right.
I'm sorry for Artie.
85
00:03:06,210 --> 00:03:07,240
It's cool.
It's cool.
86
00:03:07,259 --> 00:03:09,049
So, how's
"Hearts of Fire" going?
87
00:03:09,069 --> 00:03:10,249
Man: Five, four, three, two...
Oh, you know.
88
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:13,250
(theme music plays)
The network is giving us all
this flak, we have to retool.
89
00:03:13,270 --> 00:03:15,210
I am just, I am sick of
the network bullshit.
90
00:03:15,229 --> 00:03:17,239
Hank: Live, on tape
from Hollywood...
Well, that's a choice.
91
00:03:17,259 --> 00:03:19,099
So how are you doing?
92
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:20,250
Good. See you
out there, huh?
93
00:03:20,270 --> 00:03:21,280
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
94
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,100
Sorry.
Just wanted to say hi.
95
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,020
Jesus Christ Artie,
I told you I don't
96
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,199
want to talk to the
guests before the show.
97
00:03:27,219 --> 00:03:28,249
Will never happen again.
98
00:03:28,270 --> 00:03:30,190
I've never even seen
"Hearts of Fire."
99
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,230
Now I am involved in some
conversation about retooling?
100
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,050
Make a note.
Make a note.
101
00:03:34,069 --> 00:03:35,139
Yes.
Okay.
102
00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:36,149
Just go like that.
103
00:03:36,170 --> 00:03:38,060
Hank: Larry Sanders!
104
00:03:38,079 --> 00:03:39,249
(cheering)
105
00:03:39,270 --> 00:03:41,070
I am gonna--
Get out there.
106
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:52,120
Hello, hello.
107
00:03:52,139 --> 00:03:53,159
How pretty.
108
00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:55,220
How very, very pretty.
109
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,060
Look how pretty.
110
00:03:57,079 --> 00:03:59,049
Look how pretty.
111
00:03:59,069 --> 00:04:00,189
Everything okay?
112
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,110
Wanna see what
I got down here?
113
00:04:03,129 --> 00:04:04,289
Yes I do.
114
00:04:08,229 --> 00:04:09,279
Oh!
115
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:11,220
Isn't he cute?
116
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:13,210
Come on Darlene.
Another stray?
117
00:04:13,229 --> 00:04:15,009
I thought you were over this.
118
00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:16,190
No tags, no collar, nothing.
119
00:04:16,209 --> 00:04:18,109
I found him right near
the 110 freeway.
120
00:04:18,129 --> 00:04:20,269
If it wasn't for me, this dog
would be dead right now.
121
00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:22,130
Look at this little face.
122
00:04:22,149 --> 00:04:24,279
This face would be dead.
123
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:26,080
Yeah. Well that
would be a tragedy,
124
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,090
what would his fleas do?
125
00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:29,070
It's got fleas all over it.
Look at his neck.
126
00:04:29,089 --> 00:04:30,119
He's a flea hotel.
127
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,999
Look Darlene,
just get the dog out of here.
128
00:04:32,019 --> 00:04:33,059
There's a show going on.
129
00:04:33,079 --> 00:04:35,129
Don't want to see
what you got down there.
130
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,259
Larry:
John Ritter, Gene Siskel...
131
00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:38,179
What a cutie.
132
00:04:38,199 --> 00:04:40,219
Poor little cutie.
133
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:44,290
Ah! Damn flea.
134
00:04:45,009 --> 00:04:47,059
She played Freida
on "Evening Shade",
135
00:04:47,079 --> 00:04:48,269
please welcome Elizabeth Ashley.
136
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:00,190
Thank you, darling.
137
00:05:00,209 --> 00:05:01,209
You look beautiful and--
138
00:05:01,230 --> 00:05:02,230
You are more than kind.
139
00:05:02,250 --> 00:05:04,100
May I say I'm a gardener.
140
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,260
'Cause that's
a beautiful flower.
141
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:10,199
I'm a little slow brains
broccoli, but hey no problem.
142
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:11,270
Thank you.
143
00:05:11,290 --> 00:05:13,170
Are you, are you hot?
144
00:05:13,189 --> 00:05:15,019
Is that a fan?
145
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,140
Is that a fan that you need?
146
00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:17,280
Is that a fan for
fashion or fan for--
147
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,080
No, it's a fan that I need
148
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,210
because my hands like my brains
will, left to their own devices,
149
00:05:22,230 --> 00:05:25,120
get away from me
and start to flap and so,
150
00:05:25,139 --> 00:05:27,269
it's just Southern ladies always
have something to keep in their
151
00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:30,060
hands and also you never know
when you gonna get the vapors
152
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:32,029
and just fade right away.
153
00:05:32,050 --> 00:05:33,270
Hi, Gene Siskel.
154
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,010
Oh, John Ritter.
155
00:05:35,029 --> 00:05:36,029
I know.
156
00:05:36,050 --> 00:05:37,080
I know you know.
157
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,050
I've heard you talk about
my work on your show.
158
00:05:39,069 --> 00:05:40,179
Hmm, good things I hope.
159
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:42,290
Not really.
160
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:45,109
Oh, that Blake Edwards movie.
161
00:05:45,129 --> 00:05:47,149
What was that?
"Skin Deep."
162
00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:50,250
Ya, well, that, you know that
glow in the dark condom scene?
163
00:05:50,269 --> 00:05:52,059
That was kinda cute.
164
00:05:52,079 --> 00:05:53,259
I don't care.
I don't listen to critics.
165
00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:55,009
I don't find it constructive.
166
00:05:55,029 --> 00:05:56,089
I really don't care.
167
00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:59,190
Hey come on, I mean I know
you are basically a TV actor,
168
00:05:59,209 --> 00:06:02,119
but surely you know the
difference between a good movie
169
00:06:02,139 --> 00:06:03,169
and a bad movie.
170
00:06:03,189 --> 00:06:06,089
I mean haven't you made both
"Problem Child" 1 and 2.
171
00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:07,200
"Skin Deep" was
a very good movie.
172
00:06:07,220 --> 00:06:09,130
It did extremely well in Europe.
173
00:06:09,149 --> 00:06:11,119
You know all I know is
I did the work.
174
00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:14,009
I put a lot of good
positive energy in to it.
175
00:06:14,029 --> 00:06:17,039
Then I turn on my TV set and
I have to listen to you say that
176
00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,200
I seemed distracted by
what was going on around me
177
00:06:19,220 --> 00:06:20,260
during the making of the movie
178
00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,169
and you know that
I became a bore after a while.
179
00:06:23,189 --> 00:06:24,269
I don't need that.
180
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:27,290
You know what I think those
were the exact words I used.
181
00:06:28,009 --> 00:06:29,119
Like, how long ago was that?
182
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,219
Like five years ago?
183
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,060
You remember it pretty well,
184
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:35,029
for an actor who doesn't pay
any attention to critics.
185
00:06:35,050 --> 00:06:36,090
You are not married now, right?
186
00:06:36,110 --> 00:06:37,100
Oh, no, no, no, no.
187
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,120
Are you seeing anybody now?
188
00:06:38,139 --> 00:06:40,109
Well, yes I am.
189
00:06:40,129 --> 00:06:41,179
And who would that be?
190
00:06:41,199 --> 00:06:43,099
Well it's not anybody
that America knows.
191
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:44,160
But you know, ooh.
192
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:47,170
It's somebody that
you know real well.
193
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:49,109
(audience laughing)
194
00:06:49,129 --> 00:06:51,099
Is that true?
195
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,030
It's somebody I know.
196
00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:55,020
Real well.
That you're with.
197
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,140
And you are fanning yourself.
198
00:06:56,159 --> 00:06:57,279
(audience laughing)
199
00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,040
Well you know if,
200
00:06:59,060 --> 00:07:03,040
I should tell you this
Hank is married.
201
00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:04,260
Did he tell you that?
Did you know that?
202
00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:06,019
Oh, honey.
203
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,140
No, no, I mean listen,
I think you are sugar pop.
204
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,200
You are just cute as a button.
205
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,090
But I mean I just--
206
00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:13,140
I need something up here
to just grab hold of.
207
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:17,000
Right. Or maybe we could know
mold a handle or something.
208
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,059
No, no, no.
209
00:07:18,079 --> 00:07:20,199
I mean it's one man at a time.
210
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,040
What the fuck is
going on back here?
211
00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:28,190
Nothing, Arthur.
It's nothing.
It's nothing.
212
00:07:28,209 --> 00:07:30,189
This fucking maniac
attacked my client.
213
00:07:30,209 --> 00:07:33,039
This fucking people from
Chicago, this is all they know,
214
00:07:33,060 --> 00:07:34,050
punching and fists.
215
00:07:34,069 --> 00:07:35,109
Hey cut the Chicago crap.
216
00:07:35,129 --> 00:07:37,129
All you people from L.A. know is
how to validate your parking.
217
00:07:37,149 --> 00:07:39,079
You are so clever.
Hey what's your name?
218
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,250
Adam Loderman, Triger agency.
219
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:41,279
Shut the fuck up.
220
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,180
Oh, there's blood
all over the sheets.
221
00:07:44,199 --> 00:07:45,229
It's bad enough that
222
00:07:45,250 --> 00:07:47,060
I had to be on the
same show as this moron,
223
00:07:47,079 --> 00:07:49,149
but then I get assaulted
by his fucking dog!
224
00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:51,140
I don't have a dog.
Did he bite you on the face?
225
00:07:51,159 --> 00:07:53,099
No, got between my legs.
226
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:55,000
I tripped.
I hit my face on the table.
227
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:56,049
Siskel:
I don't even own a dog.
228
00:07:56,069 --> 00:07:58,239
Gene. Is there
a dog on the show?
229
00:07:58,259 --> 00:08:01,279
Ashley, Siskel, Ritter, Zevon.
230
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,040
No dog.
231
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,060
Now, I want you to take
Mr. Siskel to wardrobe.
232
00:08:05,079 --> 00:08:07,009
Get him a new shirt.
233
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:08,039
Couple of ties.
234
00:08:08,060 --> 00:08:10,020
This shit doesn't even happen
on Montel Williams.
235
00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,070
I think you should really
have that looked at.
236
00:08:12,089 --> 00:08:13,999
No, no, no,
it's okay. I am fine.
237
00:08:14,019 --> 00:08:16,099
Oh, bull, go home.
Get some rest.
238
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,100
We will have you on
early first thing next month.
239
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,130
I'm not going home.
I'm not letting Larry down.
240
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,159
I'm gonna tough it out.
241
00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:23,070
Mr. Ritter, Robert Brody,
"Entertainment Weekly."
242
00:08:23,089 --> 00:08:26,169
Can I talk to you about
being a guest on the show?
243
00:08:26,189 --> 00:08:28,069
Yeah, look
I gotta get cleaned up.
244
00:08:28,089 --> 00:08:29,149
Okay?
245
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:31,100
Do you see this?
He's a trooper.
246
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,120
You know what you should do?
247
00:08:32,139 --> 00:08:34,069
You should give him
Siskel's time.
248
00:08:34,090 --> 00:08:35,130
That's what you should do.
249
00:08:35,149 --> 00:08:37,039
If you don't
shut the fuck up,
250
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:40,209
I will kick you in the nuts
so hard, your dentist will
251
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:43,040
have to work around them
at your next cleaning.
252
00:08:43,059 --> 00:08:45,139
Ha! Just kidding.
253
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:48,290
Sorry, that's
what I meant.
254
00:08:49,009 --> 00:08:50,119
Oh, for god sakes.
255
00:08:51,259 --> 00:08:53,049
Larry:
They cannot let go of you.
256
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,200
I know.
Listen, it's been a delight
having you here.
257
00:08:55,220 --> 00:08:56,240
I wish we had more time.
258
00:08:56,259 --> 00:08:58,089
We have to move on with
the rest of the show.
259
00:08:58,110 --> 00:09:00,080
It's been-- Anytime.
We hope you'll
come back soon.
260
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,150
You know,
you're always welcome back.
261
00:09:01,169 --> 00:09:02,209
Stay tuned.
262
00:09:02,230 --> 00:09:04,090
We will be right
back with John Ritter.
263
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,290
♪ ♪
264
00:09:10,009 --> 00:09:11,139
Man: Clear!
265
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:18,110
Ashley, it is always
a joy and a delight.
266
00:09:19,269 --> 00:09:21,289
The show is going
great so far, huh?
267
00:09:22,009 --> 00:09:23,029
Uh, yes.
268
00:09:23,049 --> 00:09:24,179
Smooth as silk.
269
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:26,130
I think this is gonna
be a best of Larry.
270
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,019
Ah. Uh...
271
00:09:28,039 --> 00:09:30,099
Gene Siskel will be on next.
272
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,250
I thought it was Ritter.
273
00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:33,019
Uh no.
274
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:37,019
John Ritter will be batting
cleanup. By that time the bases
275
00:09:37,039 --> 00:09:38,079
will be loaded.
276
00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:44,260
Well, I've got to go.
277
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,079
Okay.
Thank you.
278
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,100
Bye.
279
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,260
Bye.
280
00:09:52,220 --> 00:09:55,290
My next guest is one half
of America's most popular movie
281
00:09:56,009 --> 00:09:57,139
reviewing couple.
282
00:09:57,159 --> 00:09:58,219
I am a big fan.
283
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,070
We are happy to have
him from Chicago,
284
00:10:00,090 --> 00:10:02,040
please welcome Gene Siskel.
285
00:10:02,059 --> 00:10:03,099
(audience clapping)
286
00:10:11,139 --> 00:10:12,249
Thank you for
coming in Gene
287
00:10:12,269 --> 00:10:15,009
and nice to see you.
288
00:10:15,029 --> 00:10:16,059
I'm a big fan.
289
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,090
Well, thank you.
290
00:10:17,110 --> 00:10:20,000
Where is Roger
tonight because--
291
00:10:20,019 --> 00:10:21,199
Well thank you for asking
about Roger first Larry.
292
00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,230
(audience laughing)
293
00:10:22,250 --> 00:10:25,210
Well, I, uh, I-- I--
I could rephrase that.
294
00:10:25,230 --> 00:10:27,160
(barks)
I don't think he likes me.
295
00:10:27,179 --> 00:10:29,189
Oh, come on.
Look I don't have time for this.
296
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:32,070
Hank needs his midshow
water bottle at 6:04.
297
00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:34,040
He's friendly right?
298
00:10:34,059 --> 00:10:35,219
But Hollywood
really misses the boat by
299
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,180
not filming
good love stories.
300
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:42,040
You see cause, were I dating,
I would look in the paper
301
00:10:42,059 --> 00:10:43,279
and take a woman
to see "Free Willy."
302
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,070
(audience laughing)
303
00:10:45,090 --> 00:10:46,190
And nudge her
304
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,150
when he comes you know
heaving out of the water.
305
00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:51,089
See if she gets the hint.
306
00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:52,220
(barking)
307
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,070
Man:
Ahh, son of a--
308
00:10:57,220 --> 00:10:59,050
You little son of a bitch!
(barks)
309
00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:01,140
Artie this goddamn dog bit me.
310
00:11:01,159 --> 00:11:03,019
Darlene, come back here!
311
00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:05,189
Jesus, it's like running
fucking preschool.
312
00:11:05,210 --> 00:11:06,270
What'cha got there?
Oh it's bleeding.
313
00:11:06,289 --> 00:11:08,059
I think I am gonna puke.
314
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:11,050
Oh bullshit, wait just
some puncture wounds,
315
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,190
no stitches necessary.
316
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:15,090
We'll get you a Tetanus
shot right after the show.
317
00:11:15,110 --> 00:11:16,200
Right now, I want you
to go in my office,
318
00:11:16,220 --> 00:11:18,230
top left hand drawer,
bottle of brandy.
319
00:11:18,250 --> 00:11:20,260
Take a big belt,
pour it on that hand.
320
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:22,049
You'll be fine.
321
00:11:22,070 --> 00:11:23,070
But it really hurts.
322
00:11:23,090 --> 00:11:26,070
Oh, stop being such a fucking
baby goddammit Phil.
323
00:11:26,090 --> 00:11:28,270
So you jerk off with the
other hand for a few weeks.
324
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:34,259
Shouldn't he
get a Tetanus shot?
325
00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:37,179
Submit your questions
in a written form.
326
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,000
We'll get to them when we can.
327
00:11:39,019 --> 00:11:42,199
Warren.
328
00:11:44,129 --> 00:11:47,049
Can't wait to hear you tickle
them ivories, dear boy.
329
00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,130
Thanks.
330
00:11:48,149 --> 00:11:49,189
Listen, Artie.
331
00:11:49,210 --> 00:11:51,090
I don't wanna be a prick,
but you guys want me
332
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,050
to play Werewolves of London
on the show tonight, right?
333
00:11:53,070 --> 00:11:54,270
That's one of Larry's
personal favorites.
334
00:11:54,289 --> 00:11:56,059
Yeah, well every single show
335
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,270
I do, I play Werewolves
in London you know.
336
00:11:57,289 --> 00:11:59,109
It's driving me fucking crazy.
337
00:11:59,129 --> 00:12:00,129
What about your first album?
338
00:12:00,149 --> 00:12:02,189
The French--
the "French Connection."
339
00:12:02,210 --> 00:12:03,240
The French Inhaler?
340
00:12:03,259 --> 00:12:05,249
Yeah, that's the one, huh?
341
00:12:05,269 --> 00:12:07,079
Is that under four minutes?
342
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,150
I'll play it fast.
343
00:12:08,169 --> 00:12:09,179
Anything but werewolves.
344
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,240
Okay. You got it.
345
00:12:10,259 --> 00:12:11,259
Thanks Artie.
346
00:12:13,169 --> 00:12:16,069
Fucking musicians.
347
00:12:16,090 --> 00:12:19,100
I think the test of a good
thriller is really the villain.
348
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,110
How good the villain is.
349
00:12:20,129 --> 00:12:21,219
If you think about
the James Bond films,
350
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,110
he is a constant but what you
really like, Goldfinger.
351
00:12:24,129 --> 00:12:26,069
He was the best villain,
so you like "Goldfinger,"
352
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:27,290
so Malkovich is critically
important.
353
00:12:28,009 --> 00:12:29,249
The same time Eastwood,
354
00:12:29,269 --> 00:12:33,049
uh, is a really fine
minimalist actor.
355
00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:34,080
Uh-hm.
356
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:37,130
He in that scene on the Capital
or like Lincoln Memorial
357
00:12:37,149 --> 00:12:38,259
where he's comin' on to...
358
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,109
Rene Russo.
359
00:12:40,129 --> 00:12:41,169
Exactly right.
360
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,040
You know maybe
I could be Roger?
361
00:12:44,059 --> 00:12:45,209
Maybe I could take
Roger's place.
362
00:12:46,259 --> 00:12:48,059
Well, Gene.
363
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,220
Thanks for being here.
Just terrific tonight.
364
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,240
I wish you could stay but I
know you have a plane that you
365
00:12:51,259 --> 00:12:53,089
have to get back,
going back to Chicago.
366
00:12:53,110 --> 00:12:55,210
So, thank you.
See you soon.
367
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,060
And stay tuned.
We'll be right back.
368
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,090
(audience clapping)
369
00:12:58,110 --> 00:12:59,290
♪ ♪
370
00:13:05,259 --> 00:13:08,049
Gene, Gene, movie machine.
371
00:13:08,070 --> 00:13:09,090
Thank you, sir.
372
00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:10,130
We all thank you.
373
00:13:10,149 --> 00:13:11,159
Until next time.
374
00:13:11,179 --> 00:13:12,249
Thank you Arthur,
any time you want me.
375
00:13:12,269 --> 00:13:13,259
How about tomorrow night?
376
00:13:13,279 --> 00:13:15,049
You were great.
377
00:13:15,070 --> 00:13:17,280
Uh, who was that?
378
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,100
That was nothing.
379
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,190
What do you mean
it was nothing?
380
00:13:20,210 --> 00:13:21,290
Well, it was Phil.
381
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,019
Well, what happened?
382
00:13:23,039 --> 00:13:25,029
He shut his hand in the door.
383
00:13:25,049 --> 00:13:26,179
Shut his hand in the door?
384
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,230
Yes.
385
00:13:27,250 --> 00:13:28,250
Well, how did that happen?
386
00:13:28,269 --> 00:13:30,239
Well, he put his hand
up here in the hinge
387
00:13:30,259 --> 00:13:32,079
and closed the door on his--
388
00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,160
Well no it sounded like
this door right here.
389
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:35,209
It sounded like
It was his thumb.
390
00:13:35,230 --> 00:13:37,280
He got it right in the door.
391
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,270
Now actually I have a,
I have a bone to pick with you.
392
00:13:40,289 --> 00:13:42,019
Really?
Yeah.
393
00:13:42,039 --> 00:13:44,129
Uh, I went to see that
movie "The Crying Game"
394
00:13:44,149 --> 00:13:46,179
because you know you gave
it such a big rave.
395
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,290
It's a great film.
396
00:13:48,009 --> 00:13:51,129
Yeah. What's--
what's all the hoopla about?
397
00:13:51,149 --> 00:13:54,239
You know cause it's supposed
to this, I don't know fantastic
398
00:13:54,259 --> 00:13:57,239
plot twist and frankly I just,
399
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:59,249
I didn't, I didn't see it.
400
00:13:59,269 --> 00:14:01,199
You're kidding.
No, no.
401
00:14:01,220 --> 00:14:03,020
You're not kidding.
402
00:14:03,039 --> 00:14:04,059
No, no.
403
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,260
Hank, Stephen Rea's character?
404
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,079
Stephen Rea, yes.
405
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:08,270
The woman
he falls in love with?
406
00:14:08,289 --> 00:14:10,279
That dark-skinned cutie?
407
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,010
Hm-mm.
408
00:14:12,029 --> 00:14:13,199
She turns out to be a man.
409
00:14:16,139 --> 00:14:18,009
I don't think so.
410
00:14:19,139 --> 00:14:22,999
Hank, there's
a shot in the film.
411
00:14:23,019 --> 00:14:25,059
The camera pans down
the body.
412
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,120
Right below the waist,
Yes.
413
00:14:26,139 --> 00:14:27,139
There's a penis.
414
00:14:30,149 --> 00:14:31,189
I don't think so.
415
00:14:31,210 --> 00:14:33,040
Well, you know what?
416
00:14:33,059 --> 00:14:35,159
We should have a policy where
you can't open or close
417
00:14:35,179 --> 00:14:37,059
doors during the show.
Absolutely.
418
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,040
See, that was the interview.
I'll prepare a memo.
419
00:14:39,059 --> 00:14:41,009
Good.
Send it out tonight.
420
00:14:41,029 --> 00:14:42,229
Immediately.
Okay. Thank you.
421
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:43,260
Lemme ask you a question.
422
00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:46,179
I mean how was she hung?
423
00:14:48,169 --> 00:14:50,249
You know you've gotta
excuse Hank.
424
00:14:50,269 --> 00:14:53,059
It's been years since he's seen
a movie without the words
425
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,150
busty or stewardess
in the title.
426
00:14:57,210 --> 00:15:00,000
Mm, this is a little awkward
427
00:15:00,019 --> 00:15:02,109
but we are back in four
seconds so,
428
00:15:02,129 --> 00:15:03,139
Yeah.
If you could--
429
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:07,070
You know what he said to me?
430
00:15:07,090 --> 00:15:08,140
Wait'll you hear this.
431
00:15:10,179 --> 00:15:12,009
Did you see "The Crying Game"?
432
00:15:12,029 --> 00:15:13,179
Yeah.
433
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,180
That is a man.
434
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,050
(audience clapping)
435
00:15:17,070 --> 00:15:18,080
Welcome back.
436
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:24,070
My next guest is a talented
singer and songwriter.
437
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:27,080
His new album is called
"Learning to Flinch"
438
00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:28,120
and I'm a big fan.
439
00:15:28,139 --> 00:15:30,039
Please welcome Warren Zevon.
440
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,220
♪ ♪
441
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,160
♪ How you gonna make
your way in the world ♪
442
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:51,149
♪ When you weren't cut out
for workin' ♪
443
00:15:51,169 --> 00:15:56,129
♪ When your fingers are
slender and frail ♪
444
00:15:59,149 --> 00:16:02,079
♪ And how you going
to get around ♪
445
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:05,090
♪ In this sleazy
bedroom town ♪
446
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:09,240
♪ If you don't put
yourself up for sale ♪
447
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:16,189
(snoring)
448
00:16:16,210 --> 00:16:17,280
Mr. Ritter,
449
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,000
I am ready
I am ready,
450
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:20,089
Oh, Jesus.
451
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:22,280
Say if you're not feeling so
good, why don't we reschedule?
452
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:23,290
No, no, no,
453
00:16:24,009 --> 00:16:25,129
I'm a professional
dammit, I can make it.
454
00:16:25,149 --> 00:16:27,019
Next week.
No, no, no, I am fine.
455
00:16:27,039 --> 00:16:28,089
Okay.
Let's go.
456
00:16:28,110 --> 00:16:29,170
You need anything?
457
00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:31,250
No, no.
Just a little Dramamine.
458
00:16:31,269 --> 00:16:33,129
Well, Zevon's only
doing one number.
459
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:37,170
Hey put some of this on it.
it stings a little bit but--
460
00:16:37,190 --> 00:16:39,280
No, no.
I got to focus.
461
00:16:43,159 --> 00:16:49,289
♪ Your pretty face
looks so wasted ♪
462
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,159
♪ Another pretty face, ah ♪
463
00:16:53,179 --> 00:16:56,129
♪ Devastated ♪
464
00:16:58,210 --> 00:17:04,010
♪ The French inhaler, he
stamped and mailed her ♪
465
00:17:04,289 --> 00:17:10,059
♪ So long, Norman ♪
466
00:17:11,279 --> 00:17:18,099
♪ She said so long, Norman ♪
467
00:17:33,009 --> 00:17:34,229
(applause)
468
00:17:35,230 --> 00:17:37,060
Warren Zevon.
469
00:17:37,079 --> 00:17:38,269
That was great.
470
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:42,230
Larry:
Great. Great,
Warren, thank you.
471
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:43,260
God, that was great.
472
00:17:43,279 --> 00:17:45,019
Do we have time for another?
473
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:46,249
Can you do another Warren?
474
00:17:46,269 --> 00:17:49,089
All right.
475
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:52,069
Well, let's do another tune.
476
00:17:52,089 --> 00:17:54,179
You know what my favorite--
477
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,240
my favorite is, is
Werewolves of London.
478
00:17:56,259 --> 00:17:58,079
Would you mind doing that?
479
00:17:58,099 --> 00:17:59,259
Great!
480
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:02,239
♪ ♪
481
00:18:19,069 --> 00:18:22,219
♪ I saw a werewolf with a
Chinese menu in his hand ♪
482
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,050
Adam, they fuckin' bumped me?
483
00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:26,059
Adam? Come on.
484
00:18:26,079 --> 00:18:27,269
John, please.
Hey, don't you talk to me.
485
00:18:27,289 --> 00:18:29,289
Come on.
We were trying to
give you more time.
486
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:31,169
All right.
487
00:18:31,190 --> 00:18:32,210
Artie.
What?
488
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:35,130
Hey gotta go say hi to Warren.
489
00:18:35,150 --> 00:18:38,230
Ah-woo! Werewolf--
490
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,140
Warren: ♪ Ah-woo! ♪
491
00:18:41,160 --> 00:18:42,220
(groaning)
492
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,000
Oh my neck.
493
00:18:44,019 --> 00:18:45,109
That really hurt.
494
00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:48,290
Arthur this is the last time
I am ever doing this show,
495
00:18:49,009 --> 00:18:50,019
The last time.
496
00:18:50,039 --> 00:18:51,249
You want an interview
I'll give you an interview.
497
00:18:51,269 --> 00:18:53,069
You keep him away from me.
498
00:18:53,089 --> 00:18:55,129
♪ His hair was perfect ♪
499
00:18:55,150 --> 00:18:56,160
Oh...
500
00:18:57,230 --> 00:19:01,200
♪ Ah-woo! ♪
501
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:05,150
♪ Werewolves of London ♪
502
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:09,169
♪ Ah-woo! ♪
503
00:19:11,289 --> 00:19:13,239
♪ Werewolves of London ♪
504
00:19:15,269 --> 00:19:16,999
(audience clapping)
505
00:19:17,019 --> 00:19:18,139
Larry: Warren Zevon.
506
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:19,190
Well, listen,
we're out of time.
507
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:22,230
My thanks to all my guests.
my apologies to John Ritter,
508
00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:24,220
we'll have him on soon
and goodnight.
509
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:25,230
See you all soon.
510
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:28,000
♪ ♪
Thank you very much.
511
00:19:28,019 --> 00:19:29,049
Ritter okay?
512
00:19:29,069 --> 00:19:30,239
Happy as a clam,
he will be on next week.
513
00:19:30,259 --> 00:19:32,099
Great show.
Thanks.
514
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:33,169
Good job to all of you.
515
00:19:33,190 --> 00:19:35,200
Mr. Sanders, Robert Brody
from "Entertainment Weekly."
516
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:37,070
Hi nice meeting you.
Nice to meet you.
517
00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:38,119
Can I ask you a few questions?
518
00:19:38,140 --> 00:19:39,160
Ixnay.
519
00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,210
Sure, fire away.
520
00:19:40,230 --> 00:19:42,130
How do you think
it went tonight?
521
00:19:42,150 --> 00:19:44,060
Good, good, real good.
522
00:19:44,079 --> 00:19:46,159
Sometimes it just comes off
like clockwork. I think I speak
523
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:48,280
for everyone when I say I can't
believe we get paid to do this.
524
00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:51,000
(all laughing)
525
00:19:51,019 --> 00:19:52,179
When is this coming
out by the way?
526
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,290
About a month.
I'll send you a copy.
527
00:19:54,009 --> 00:19:55,009
Good.
528
00:20:00,029 --> 00:20:02,249
I've never understood
why you read this shit.
529
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:05,129
Because it's an article
about the show.
530
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:07,020
I'm sure it's
excellent publicity.
531
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,089
Excellent publicity?
532
00:20:08,109 --> 00:20:09,279
Excellent--
Have you seen this,
533
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,150
you know what this--
this is unbelievable.
No.
534
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:14,250
This guy says John Ritter and
Gene Siskel got in to a fight,
535
00:20:14,269 --> 00:20:19,019
a dog bit Phil, you and Phil
were wrestling on the floor,
536
00:20:19,039 --> 00:20:22,999
it says you and Elizabeth Ashley
were doing god knows
537
00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:24,079
what in the wardrobe room.
538
00:20:24,099 --> 00:20:26,209
Well, you see
what these guys are,
they come on the show,
539
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:29,090
it's not exciting enough for
them. They make up the shit.
540
00:20:35,180 --> 00:20:40,070
♪ ♪
37913
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