All language subtitles for The-Comeback-Trail-Transcript

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HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA 1974

Stop desecrating God's holy world!

'KILLER NUNS'
WORLD PREMIERE

One two three four!
God's what we're fighting for!

God's free speech!

Five, six, seven, eight!
The Bible is- -

Boycott this movie. Make Hollywood stop
irreverent content!

God is love!

I've never seen the line down the block
in front of one of our films before.

It's a picket line, Uncle Max.

Maybe the film is just ahead of its time.
You never know, Walter.

When Igor Stravinsky's The Rite of Spring
first performed

at the Th��tre des Champs- �lys�es
in Paris

people were so overwhelmed
by its unique atonal qualities

that a fist fight erupted
amongst the patrons.

What does that have to do with us?
- Well, I'm just saying.

"The movie's excruciatingly bad taste
can only be matched

by the ineptitude of its execution.

Truly, the only good thing
about this film is that after 90 minutes...

it's over."

I thought you said we got a good review.

This is a good review. They liked the end.

Blasphemy! You're the devil! The devil!

Stop the exploitation!

Uncle Max, I gotta ask you something.

We've been at this a long time...
- So?

Do you think maybe we should...

quit?

I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that word.

Quit? Are you outta your fucking mind?
Quit, Walter?

Bite your tongue.

We don't quit. We're Miracle
Motion Pictures. What's our motto?

"If it's good - it's a miracle."

Exactly. And why do we call ourselves MMP?
Because miracles are out there. They exist.

They happen every day.
Not to us but... they're real.

All we have to do is to keep
our eyes open and hearts free

so that when our miracle presents itself,
we then recognize it and seize it accordingly.

All right, let's go find our miracle.

Great. Can you help me with the check?
- Sure.

One two three four!

God is what we're fighting for!

Boycott movies made by MMP.

They are not miracles
They are blasphemy!

"Avon Used Car"

Scene 1, take 1.

Hi, I'm Duke Mon...

Sorry. We will go again.
Keep it rollin'.

It's fine. We're shooting on videotape.

What?

It's the latest thing. We're always rollin'.
So ready whenever you are, Duke.

MY HEART SINGS
ONLY FOR YOU

DUKE MONTANA
AND THE GOLDEN LASSO

DUKE MONTANA
AND THE LOBOS OF THE RIVER

THE
Comeback Trail

Hey, Reggie, glad you're here.

You know, first I thought I would
put a fucking bomb in your car.

Like that Mexican kid did
in Orson Welles' "Touch Of Evil".

That kid was shifty.

Then I thought, "No..."

no, what I'll do is
I'll stab him to death

like Tony Perkins did
to Janet Leigh in "Psycho."

That motherfucker really loved his mama.

Then I thought,
"No, no. You know what I'll do?"

I'll push his ass down the stairs

like Richard Widmark did
to that old bat in "Kiss of Death".

Remember Tommy Udo?
- I haven't seen that one.

Did you ever consider letting me go

like Claude Rains did to John Garfield
in "They Made Me A Criminal"?

Shit I hated that movie.

That's bad luck for you,
I liked that movie.

Unfortunately for you, Max,

this is one time
when life would not imitate art.

Reggie, listen.

I... I... I told you this the movie
business and there's always a chance

that we could take a loss.
I told you that. - A "loss"?

I just looked by the theater.
You haven't sold one goddamn ticket.

There's gotta be
some sort of fucking record.

But that's not my fault.

I didn't do anything. Those goddamn Catholics
went all the way crazy.

They won't let people into the theaters.
But this is gonna blow over. Wait and see.

And all of this press is great for us.
You can't buy this kind of publicity.

Listen to me, Max.

That piece of shit cost me 350,000 dollars.
I want my money back. all of it.

But I don't have your money.
It's up on the screen.

"A sure hit" - is what you said.
- I said that? - Yeah.

I said that?
- "A guaranteed hit".

We all heard you say that bull of shit.

Reggie, come on, I'm a producer.

You can't always believe every word I say
when I'm trying to raise money.

I get carried away.
That's normal.

Just give me time.
Give me time and I'll have your money.

I'll have all of your money. I promise.

You are lying.

I swear I'm not lying.
Well, okay, I'm lying a little bit.

But hear me out. I'm a hustler.
I'm a producer. That's what I do.

And I... I promise I will look under
every rock, every nook, every cranny.

I will leave no stone unturned.

I will leave no resource untapped
until I have your money in full.

I promise you.

With vig?
- Yeah, vig... of course.

All right, you got 72 hours.
- 72 hours?

After that I'll choke you to death.

Like Tony Curtis in "The
Boston Strangler"? - You bet.

I liked that movie.

BEVERLY HILLS

...but he's so drunk
that he can't even stand up...

so they throw me out there...

thank God I'm a master of improvisation.

And I thought to myself,
"Who gives a shit?

The French don't speak English."

Security! Who the fuck let
this guy in here? - Funny.

Max Barber.
- Jimmy Moore.

I prefer "James". - I remember
you when you were just a kid.

That was a long time ago, Max.
- Things have changed.

Yeah.

Can we go somewhere private to talk?
- Sure thing.

Let me guess... you need money.

Is it that obvious?

No, I can't tell from your eyes.

I can't tell from your posture.

You've always concealed your motives well.

That's one of the many things
I've learned from working with you, Max.

Never let them know what's
really going on inside of you.

Sit down.

It's all over the street, Max.

You owe 350,000 of Reggie
Fontaine for your latest opus.

Look, Jimmy... I mean James...

It's all short term, believe me.

What? You gotta whole strings in
the hands you're putting together?

All right. Very funny.
- I'm just messing with you, Max.

I'm happy to give it to you.

For old time sake.
- Thank you.

I'm just gonna need
one thing in return.

Terry Miller's script...
"Paradise". I want it.

I... I... I. No, I...
No, Jimmy, no, no.

It's the best script I've ever read.

It's guaranteed best picture
for me and I want it.

I can't. I can't.
Anything but that.

You can't get it made, Max.

It'll cost 10 million dollars
to make that picture the right way.

I can get that kind of money
in a heartbeat.

You couldn't put that kind of money
together in a dozen lifetimes.

Why are you being
so goddamn stubborn?

Because that script is my baby.
It what keeps me going, Jimmy.

I can't do it.

You forgot who brought it to you?
- Yeah. You did. So what?

Look who put all the work into it.

Look who had to fuck his widow
to get their hand over the rights.

You did? No, I did.
You know what courage that took?

You had a chance to make it years ago
when you were almost somebody.

You wanted to make it
with Frank Pierce, for Christ�s sake.

Frank Pierce is a movie star!
- Frank Pierce is a bum.

He's wrong for the part! He's dead wrong.
He would've ruined it.

At least it would've been
something to ruin!

350,000 dollars, Max.
I'll write you the check right now.

I get that script once and for all
and you avoid your shallow grave.

I can't do it.
I can't do it.

500,000 dollars, Max.

Absolutely not. I can't.

750,000.

I can't.

All right... A million dollars, Max.

A million?

No, no, no...
I can't...

I'm not gonna let you have that script.

Every scene is perfect.
Every word is a gem.

You're beneath that script.
You don't deserve it.

I'm never gonna let you have it.
I'm never gonna let you have it.

You just gonna ruin it.
You're gonna ruin it like Frank Pierce...

Fine.

You can't you just give me the money?

You gotta put me through
this fucking humiliation?

I'll just make it
with Walter once you're dead.

I'll will that script to Ed Wood

before I let you get your greasy
fucking hands on it. Fuck you!

Say hi to Reggie for me
you self centered son of a bitch.

You know what you make?
You make fucking garbage, and I win Oscars!

7155 HOLLYWOOD BLVD

Good morning.
- Good morning.

What's this?

It's a present from Jimmy Moore.
But it's an odd one.

What does that card mean?
Did somebody die? - No idea.

He also sent this.

VIPER LYE

Why the hell would he send you
a shovel and a bag of lye?

It's an inside joke
between the two of us.

You wanna let me hit on it?
- Not really. Any messages?

Yeah, Reggie Fontaine.

He only said "48 hours".
What the hell does that mean?

I don't know.

You don't know much
this morning, do you?

Walter...

you're my nephew.

If anything God forbid would happen to me
all of this would be yours.

So I suppose you have the
right to know what's going on.

We both know that Jimmy Moore
has wanted "Paradise" for forever.

Yeah.

Last night he made me an offer
to buy the script.

How much?
- It was a lot.

How much is "a lot"?

A million dollars.

A million dollars? What'd you say?

What do you think I said?
- I would image you said yes.

I said no. - What! Are you
kid... It's a million dollars!

Walter, what are we
if we don't have our dreams?

Rich?

Walter... no, no...

This script, "Paradise"
is one of the greatest scripts ever written.

We'd win Academy Awards.
Me and you up there on the stage taking bows.

Up at the podium thanking each other.
Thanking each other.

But a million dollars.
I mean,

I mean, with a million dollars

we'd not only be out of the hock,
we'd be living the good life.

With a million dollars
we could make a dozen more movies.

I can't stand the thought
of him making this film.

After all the fucking work I did?

Why should he be doing this.
Why should he be taking bows,

receiving accolades
when I did all the fucking work?

It was me! Me! Me!

Don't you get that? Me!

I'm not an idiot,
I know you're in trouble.

I'm in trouble? What do you mean?
What are you talking about?

Come on, the flowers
and the shovel and the lye.

And someone saying "48 hours".
Come on. I'm not an idiot.

What exactly are you getting at?

I think you haven't painted the most
accurate portrait of our investor, Mr. Fontaine.

Walter, sometimes you stun me
with your ability to connect the dots.

That's amazing.

Don't patronize me.
- I'm not patro- -

Yes, you're being very patronizing.
- I'm not patronizing you.

You're talking down to me
like I'm a nephew.

I'm not patronizing you.
- Yes, you are!

All right! All right! Yes,
all right, we're in trouble.

We've been in trouble before.
We're always in trouble.

We always find a way out, Walter.

That's what we do. We're Miracle
Motion Pictures. What's our motto?

Stop with the motto!

Ok, you were talking about miracles
yesterday. How they're out there.

All we have to do is recognize them
when they presented themselves.

I'll tell you what a miracle is.

It's a miracle that Jimmy Moore
wants to cut you a check

for a million dollars
over some stupid script.

How could you say stupid script?
Don't you...

How can you say stupid script?
You take that back right now, Walter.

You worked on this too, Walter!

For once in your
life please be practical.

Sell the script.
Take the money.

Let us... look at this place.
Let's turn our lives around.

Turn your life around
while you still got it.

Okay? Please.

It's the adult thing to do.

So then we agree? 1.2 million?

Yeah.

I'm proud of you, Max.
It's the adult thing to do.

That's exactly what I said, Jimmy.

James...

And I'll have the paperwork drawn
up and over to you by 6:00 PM.

And in the spirit of being adult

here is down payment...
of 350,000 dollars.

So that you can take care
of your... investor issues.

Take it, Max...

Again, it's the adult thing to do.

He's kidding, right?
- No, he's not kidding.

You're not kidding, Max?

Hey, stop it...

We're gonna find you another great script.

Why don't you guys come by
the set? It's the first day of shooting.

Frank Pierce is gonna be there.
He's gonna perform a terrific stunt.

Frank Pierce is my favorite actor.

I'm gonna cast him as the lead in "Paradise".
- That's exciting!

We love Frank Pierce.

Let's go visit the set, huh?
And see him do his stunt.

I would love to meet Frank Pierce.

You're not kidding?
- Let's go meet Frank Pierce.

Frank, give me a second,
I'll get you strapped up, bud.

Here you go, darlin'.

Did I tell you guys
about the new Oldsmobile 442?

It's got a rocket 4.55 in it.

Cops were chasing me all over the Laurel
last night, couldn't catch me.

Wow, a real movie set.

Come on, act like you've been on set before.
- That's Frank Pierce right there!

I see it.
- It certainly is. You wanna go say hi?

Do you think I could?
I don't wanna bother him.

It's not bothering. I called ahead
and told him you were coming.

And he said as soon as you get here
to just walk right over there.

Okay. I'll be right back.

You know Frank's wrong for "Paradise".

He's a movie star, Max.
One of the biggest in the world.

With him the picture gets
an automatic green light.

He doesn't have the gravitas
to play the lead character.

This is a story about dreams.

The stuff that lingers in their souls.
It's about a man who refuses to perform.

Who goes on a quest.

Excuse me, Mr. Pierce? I'm so sorry
to bother you, I'm Walter Creason.

James said that I could say hi.

Guys, can we lock it up?
Where's the security?

What's going on around here?

I'm James Moore's
associate friend acquaintance.

That's right! Jimmy's friend.
Yeah. Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, Max, I know the goddamn story.

But Jimmy, James, this is my letter
to the world.

How many more movies can I make?
You remember when I was starting this project?

Please just consider, we can't have
someone like... Frank is totally wrong.

You need someone who's not happy
with the way things are.

You need someone who's looking for
a better world, looking for a better life.

Who's tortured in living
in an alternate universe

but ultimately is forced to confront
the demons of his own reality.

You sound like you'd be perfect
for the part.

Yeah. What?

Nice to meet you. Can I shake your hand?
I am your biggest fan.

Please?
Frank, you're not strapped in yet.

Would you calm down, please?

Not like I haven't done this
a million times before, you know what I mean?

He's Frank Pierce,
I think he knows what he's doing.

Please don't use him.
Don't use him. I'll do anything.

What happened to you, Max? Honestly.
- What can I do?

The Max I used to know would kill
to get this movie made.

Respect my age, James. You worked for me.
- Don't let me down anymore.

You're embarrassing me, Max. This is sad.

Can I get your autograph?

Please?
- Sure.

Just let it go, Max. Let it go.

This is my letter
to the world. Please?

No, I'm giving it to Frank Pierce.

Fuck you... prick.

Here's a pen.

Give me a fucking break.

Frank!

Frank!

Looks like that's lunch.

Such a wonderful day, yes a wonderful day.

I just saw a movie star fall away.

Walter, did you see the look on his face?

Whose, Frank's?

How could I look at Frank's face?
He was 20 storeys down.

I'm talking about Jimmy.

Watching his dreams implode
just like Frank's head when he hit that bus.

That look was fucking priceless! Priceless

I loved it. I loved it.

And I have you to thank for that, Walter.
- What?

Because if you hadn't twisted my arm
to go and struck this deal

this whole thing never would've happened.

You're right, Walter, "Oh, God".
It's times like these when I actually believe

in the big guy upstairs.

What you're saying
is so incredibly horrible.

Schadenfreude, that's what it's called.
That's what the Germans call it.

"Please derived
from the misfortune of others".

Leave it to the Krauts... They come up
with an actual word for it.

I don't want this party to end.

I wanna go back to my place
and I wanna get drunk.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

You can do whatever you want.

I'm going back there
and I am going to get drunk. Celebrate it.

It's on. Come on. It's on.

Walter, come on!
- I don't wanna see it.

Come on, you have to, it's part
of the healing process. Come on.

In sad news today...
- Come on!

Hollywood is mourning the loss
of one of their own,

Frank Pierce,
renowned for doing all of his own stunts

died today in a fall
from the Los Angeles courthouse.

We're just in shock.

Can you believe this asshole?

Going on TV like this
sucking up all the glory for himself?

You're a dick.
You're a dick, you little shithead!

At this time I would also liked to say

that the whole production,
we gonna cancel it

Look at this guy. He's so fucking phony!

I love you, Frank...
Fucking Frank Pierce, man.

Did you hear that? Guess whose movie
fell apart this time, jerk- off?

Yours did. It fell. Get it?

It is worth noting however

that because Pierce
did all of his own stunts

he was insured for five million dollars.

A portion of which
James Moore is planning to donate

to a foundation set in Pierce's name.

Five million dollars, oh my God.
Five million dollars.

This scumbag walks away
with five million dollars.

He doesn't shoot a frame of the fucking film
and he makes five million dollars?

I'm beaten up. I'm done. He's the devil.

I don't have enough holy water,
crucifixes, garlic

to be able to fight
this fucking son of a...

You're a fucking crook.
You little fucking shit!

His a fucking crook! This is crazy.
- Calm down...

You're fucking killing me. You see
where I live, in this fucking shithole.

And your little fucking face,
you fucking... You little shithead!

You're gonna give yourself a stroke.

Please, God, give me
a fucking stroke. Let me die!

Let me go right now! Let me die.
This is so fucking unjust.

Somebody's at the door. Can you please calm- -
- What more do I need?

A delivery for Mr. Barber
from James Moore.

Give us a second
and we'll get back to you, okay?

The final nail to the coffin.

Give me a pen, Walter
so I could stab myself to death

and put myself out of my fucking misery.

You're thinking about this
the wrong way, Uncle Max.

You're not putting yourself
in James' shoes.

Remember in "Killer Nuns"
when Bernadette Tabbot caught on fire?

How would you have felt
if she burnt to death

and all you had to show for it
was a lousy insurance check?

You know, Walter, as always you're right.
- Thank you.

FUCK YOU!

SINCERELY, MAX BARBER

All right, let's give this back to James.

You did it! You went through with it.

I gotta be honest I didn't think
you were gonna get through with it.

Of course I'm gonna go through with it.

Here you go.

Wait, let's give the young man a nice tip

here for going out of his way.
- Sure.

Here you go, that's for you.
Thank you for waiting.

You did it. You signed it. You went
through with it. I'm so proud of you.

How does it feel?

Surprisingly wonderful. Invigorating.

I feel very inspired all of the sudden.

A whole new sense of purpose
is washing over me, Walter.

We're making our next movie

and I wanna be in production
as soon as we can.

It'll be our greatest venture
to the world of cinema.

I love it when you get inspired.
What script you wanna make?

What script do you wanna make?

The blue one.

The blue one?
- Yeah.

This is "The Oldest Gun In The West"?
This is Uncle Eddie's script.

Yeah, may he rest in peace.
"The Oldest Gun In The West". It's perfect.

You hate this script.
- Hated... past tense.

So you like it now?
- Like it? I love it.

I can't think of anything
more worthy to being put on celluloid.

That's what I've been saying forever!
- I know.

I love this script. How could you not
love the story

about the washed up cowboy
finding out that he is Indian blood.

And then helping his tribe drive out
all the bigoted members of the town

that have settled on their land
after screwing them over

in a horrible land deal?
- It's a magnificent story.

Oh my God, all this time I thought
you weren't even listening to me.

Of course I've been listening.

Just sometimes it takes a little time
for the words to sink into this...

skull of mine.

So what do you say, Walter? How about it?
- Are you kidding me? I am so in, partner.

Let's go find our star.

Okay. Back at it.

I don't know about this, Uncle Max.
These people look really...

Talented?
- Old.

That's the point.

There's a lot of dangerous stunts
in this film.

I know.

Walter, my dear nephew,
who doesn't love a comeback?

Think of what we gonna do.
We gonna give one of this forgotten souls

one last shot at glory

while giving their adoring public our ticket
to buy the chance to re- live their childhoods.

I mean that's beautiful, isn't it?

It kinda is when you put it that way.

Come on.

Good morning.

Good morning, gentlemen.
- Good morning.

Are you here to join the facility?

Not in the matters you're thinking.
We're producers. Film producers.

My name is Max Barber.

This is my partner, Walter Creason.
And we're from Miracle Motion Pictures.

We're looking to cast
a male lead in our new film.

Did you say producers?
- Yes, I did.

I've lived in New York for 35 years.
I did 16 Broadway musicals.

I'm a singer. I'm a dancer.
I did two shows with Bob Fosse.

What you need is someone
with real acting chops

not some old hoofer.

I starred alongside Laurence Olivier,
Ingrid Bergman,

and Orson Welles!

That's impressive.
- That's impressive.

You wanna see impressive? Watch this!

My heart! Help!

Doctor!

I'm telling you if he's not actually dead
that was pretty damn convincing.

Who gives a shit if he's alive or dead?
What you need is a strong female character.

I think we'll probably go just a little bit
younger with the female role.

I was a child actor.
- Were you?

Maybe you saw me in "The Dead Incas".
I was the kid in the end.

You gotta get me outta here.

Come on back to my room and I'll show you
just how right I am for the role.

Uncle Max, one of them got me.
- I'm trying.

I'll pay you.
- Sure.

Put me in the trunk of your car.
Just take me with you.

Just take your fucking hands off me.
- Take me with you!

Go. We'll talk to you later.

Quick, Walter. In here.

Sorry to interrupt.

Oh my God, you're Duke Montana,
"The Man with the Golden Lasso".

You think you fellas could give me
a little privacy here?

You're Duke Montana?
- Yeah, that's Duke Montana.

What are you doing, Duke Montana?

My daily game of Russian Roulette.

You could kill yourself
doing something like that.

It's more like euthanasia.
- But it's wrong.

Well I'll have to kill someone, son.

You reckon that it would rather be you?
- Wait! Don't!

Mr. Montana?
You can't kill us. We're producers.

I've always wanted to kill a producer.

Even the ones that came here
to give you your next part?

My next part?

That's right, Duke.
Now if you'd put that gun down...

my partner here and I would like to offer
you the leading role in our next film.

Can we just have a quick chat?

Excuse us a moment.
- One moment.

Him? You're offering him the part?
- Yeah I'm offering him the part. He's perfect.

He's suicidal.

He's a star, Walter. He's worked
with John Ford, John Houston. He's perfect.

That was 20 years ago.

So what? Think about all the pain
and hardship, and anguish

that must've brought him
to this very moment

in his life when he tries to kill himself.

Imagine bringing that pain
to this character.

That's charisma. That's depth.
That's gravitas.

That's insane.
- Not true.

Let me say it to you, boys.
- You don't know what you're talking about.

I'm not interested.

I'm totally washed up.

I have no desire whatsoever to make
any kind of a goddamn comeback.

I just wanna die.

Comprende, amigo?

Comprende, amigos?

Duke, I gotta tell you
as an experienced producer,

you are perfect for this particular part.

I can't think of anybody better than you.

Let's leave him alone.
I think he might be afraid.

Afraid? Duke Montana
is not afraid of a goddamn thing!

I didn't mean "afraid" like that.
- Do you think I can't do this role?

You're the one who said you were finished.
- I'll be the judge of that.

That's right, you let him be
the judge of that.

He was the judge of that.
- He is the judge- -

And I'm the judge...
- You both the judge of that. Case closed.

Goddamnit!

Shit.

I'm in, fellas.

I am in.

Duke...

Congratulations.

Hey, is Bess home?

No, Mr. Montana, she's not here.

Will she be back later?
- No, sir. She's out of town.

Do you know if she's been reading
my letters or throwing them out?

Hell, never mind,
that's not a fair question.

Just tell her that I was here.
Tell her I came by.

Sure.

Hey, you gotta pay the rent.

I hope that's my money
you've got in that bag, Max.

I got Moo goo gai pan, I got ribs.
Egg rolls maybe? Anything else?

All I want is my money.

Just give me my money and me
and the boys will be on our way.

What, on an empty stomach?
Come on, Reggie...

Why don't guys grab some plates over
in the cupboard over there.

And then we gonna get some silverware
over this drawer over here.

And then I could tell you
how you can make some real money.

How about five times more than your money?

Don't tell me that want me
to invest in another goddamn movie, Max.

That's exact same spiel you used before.

But the difference is that this time
I can absolutely guarantee

that you gonna make a ton of money.

You guaranteed it the last time.
Same shit, different day, Max.

Then I'm guaranteeing it again with
a completely new guarantee. How about that?

All right, that's enough.
Choke the fucking life out of him.

Please...

Reggie, don't you at least wanna hear
what I have to say?

About some goddamn movie? No, all I want
to hear is you struggling to breathe.

But Reggie, I'm telling you
this can't fail, just listen.

You can crush my windpipe
in a minute, just listen.

All right, Max. One minute.

You've got one minute.
- Okay.

Yeah, well, look, I gotta script.
I've got Duke Montana.

Duke Montana?
- Yeah, Duke Montana.

He's alive?

Yeah, barely, but he's alive.

All I need to get this payday going.

All I need to do to get this
absolute guaranteed payday off the ground -

just some money,
that's all. Just a little money.

How much money, Max?

A million dollars?

Kill him.

No, no, that's not a minute.
You said you'd give me a minute.

That's not...

That's not a minute.
You said you'd give me a minute.

We're not really gonna be making a movie.

We're gonna make it look
like we're making a movie. It's a scam.

Wait!

Let him go.

Come over here, Maxy.

Have a seat.

Now you speak in my language.
What do you mean "a scam"?

A scam.

But we'll make it look like we're actually
gonna be putting together a movie.

That we're serious about it.
The bigger the better.

We're making an entire movie.

We heavily insure the star
who'll do his own stunts,

which Duke Montana will do.

And then on the first day of shooting.
Bam! We kill him in a stunt. He's dead.

And the insurance companies
they pay us all off.

And then what? We're rich. We're rich!

You say you've got egg rolls?

Find me egg rolls.

DUKE MONTANA IS BACK!

How is it the guy making a million dollar
movie doesn't have a better car?

Well, Duke, I don't believe in
instantaneous flamboyance.

I believe it corrupts and corrodes
the creative process.

"Creative process?"

Your last movie was about a bunch
of fucking nuns slicing people to ribbons.

That ain't exactly Shakespeare.

Trying to hurt my feelings,
aren't you, Duke?

You have feelings now? You told me
you're a Motion Picture producer.

Any other sober insights
you'd like to get off your chest?

Yeah, who in the hell would finance
a million dollar movie with me?

A broke down over the hill man,
doesn't make any sense.

Max is financing it himself, Duke.

He's come into a bunch of money
and he's putting every dime he has in you.

You really did that?
- Yes, I did.

What, you're stupid?

No, Duke, I'm not stupid at all.
I believe in you.

I believe in Duke Montana.
And I believe your big comeback

is exactly what the world
wants to see right now.

MIRACLE MOTION PICTURES
MOVIE STUDIO

He is the oldest gun in the West. Right?

Now, he's not what he used to be.

Shaking hands. Failing eyesight.

So I want to shoot the whole movie
with a camera that is hardly shaking. ja?

The camera...
it's like it has its Parkinson's disease.

Parkinson Krankheit, you understand?

And all of it should be out of focus, ja?

Just like his failing eyesight.

The whole movie should be shaking
und out of focus. All of it.

Die ganze zeit.

Yeah, that's a way to go.

Oppression, motherfuckers,
that's what this movie is about.

Indians ain't nothing
but niggas of the West

oppressed by whitey
and the cavalries of men.

When this white cracker old fame
motherfucker finds out he's got Indian blood

coursing through his veins.
What does he do?

He embraces his own inner nigga.

And takes over the goddamn imperialist
government machine. You smell that?

Smells like an Oscar.

I felt like I really connected
to this story.

And especially the main character.

As the matter of fact
my heart broke for him.

It seemed as he was living a lie.

It was as if all along he knew
that he was something else.

He just didn't know
how to express it.

I know this character.

I know this character very well.

And I know if you give me the chance
I can do a great job.

But you are a woman.
- So?

No. It's just kinda like
a guys movie. Right?

We have a lot of gun fights,
big stunts, drinking, womanizing.

But your movie is so much more
than just that.

Is it?
- Yes.

She'll do. Hire her.

But Duke, with all due respect,
it's sorta like guys movie.

Yeah. Hire her.

But Duke it's like
a root- in'- toot western.

It's very masculine.

Okay, our star has spoken.
- Congratulations.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Thank you guys. Thank you.

You won't be disappointed.

Thank you, Mr. Montana.

When I was a little girl my dad
would take me to movies to see you.

When you'd appear on screen
he'd say, "Now that is a hero.

That's what a real man
looks and sound like."

And now I know.

He was right. Thank you.

Thank you guys.

She'll do.

You're sitting all alone?

Uncle Max, I don't know how you did it.
But once again you pulled it off.

Thank you, Walter.

These people are ready
to die for you.

Not the best choice of words,
but again thank you.

And the setting, the atmosphere...
It's perfect.

Uncle Eddie would be very proud of us.
- May he rest in peace.

Amen.

By the way, the cherry on top: did you see
that old drive- in we past on the way up?

No, I didn't.

Well, it's pretty beat up,
but I asked around.

The projector still works.

We could screen our dailies
underneath the stars.

How great would that be?
- Wonderful.

We should do it!
- Yeah, that's... We will.

Definitely gonna do that.

I'm just so happy.

I've heard this expression before
but I never understood it until this movie.

I know what they mean
when they say, "movie magic".

You said it.
- I'm very proud to be your partner.

To success.
- In whatever form she may come.

Mr. Barber? The animal trainer
is here for you.

Excuse me, Walter.
- Sure. That's exciting.

Hey, Mr. Barber.
- Hey there, Duke.

Everything all right?
- Sure. Fine.

I'm just thinking about having a drink.

Good. Have a whole bunch.
Charge it all through me.

That's very kind of you, Mr. Barber.
- No problem. My pleasure.

Hey, Mr. Barber, you're paying
for everyone's drink?

No, not yours.

Max Barber. Bob Stillwater.
- Hey, Bob. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too I guess. Guess what?
- What?

Here he is. This is gonna be
our stunt horse. Ol' Butterscotch.

Beautiful horse.

He's not just a horse.
- He's not?

No, Butterscotch is a champion, a giant.

He's a legend amongst legends.

John Wayne says it's the greatest horse
he's ever ridden.

He did?
- Yes, sir.

Wow.
- Yeah.

Tell him, Butterscotch.

Tell Mr. Barber how many movies
you made with John Wayne.

You see, that'd be one. That would be two.
- Wow.

And that'd be three, and that'd be four.

Four?

Well now he's just lying,
you stop that, old lad, Butterscotch.

Sometimes he does that. I got you.

Somebody's telling me you wanna know
everything ol' Butterscotch here can do?

I do, Bob. Why don't we discuss it
over a couple of drinks inside?

You read my mind.

Johnny Carson!

Where the hell is he going?

Where is he going?
- Yeah.

His going back to the trailer.
To settle in. Take a nap.

To watch "The Tonight Show."
- "The Tonight Show"?

Don Rickles is the guest.

That's gotta be Butterscotch's favorite.
- Who doesn't like Don Rickles?

That's quite the impressive stager
you got there, Bob, I gotta say.

When I saw him take off for his trailer
to catch Carson? This is amazing.

Actually that's just the tip of the iceberg.
- Really?

You should see everything he can do.
- Like what?

Like what?
- Yeah.

Like if you say the word "pumpkin"
he's gonna bow.

He bows?
- Yeah.

And if you say the word "mattress"
he'll lay down.

Impressive.

Listen, if you say the word "rocket"
- Then what?

He's gonna go, like a rocket.

Oh yeah, "Sassafras".
- What happens?

He rears straight up.
- He rears up?

Straight up.

That's something.
- It is something.

I heard there was a word
that if you even suggest,

even the beginning of it,
that somehow he will just

go apeshit.
- No. No.

You sure man? Just tell me.
I'm not gonna say anything to anybody.

I'm just curious.
- No, that's too dangerous.

You gonna get somebody hurt.

I'll take my chances.
- Are you sure?

I'll never say in front of him.
I'm just curious.

Listen, if you that stupid.

Rhubarb.
- Rhubarb?

Rhubarb.
- What happens?

No. You don't wanna go there.

Hey, would you give a light to me?

Man, thank you so much.
Look at you. Very good for you, man.

To Butterscotch.

Yeah, to Butterscotch.

Amazing horse.

I just gotta make a couple of notes
about tomorrow's shootings. Give me a sec.

RHUBARB - INSANE

I wanna thank you, sir.
- About what?

You know I am grateful, Mr. Barber.
I think I've been a little bit tough on you.

I find most producers to be the lowest
form of human life imaginable.

People who'd throw their own mother
out of the window

just for a ham sandwich.

You sir, you're different.
- Thank you, Duke.

If it wasn't for you I'd be
six feet under on Bainville right now.

ROCKET - LIKE LIGHTNING
SASSAFRAS

Kalispell, just outside Whitefish.
You ever heard of it?

No, I didn't. Sorry.

My dad raised me
to be a farmer, not a cowboy.

We raised wheat, barley, lentils, garlic.

Sugar beets the size of a pumpkin.
Home made.

Not kidding? Wow.

Listen, I have a very important note
I have to write here.

How can I help you?
- It's for my mother.

What I'm talking about is the smell
of rhododendrons, Mr. Barber.

The lonesome cry
of the mysterious coyote.

Indians. Missouri Braves.

That's nice.
- Wigwams.

I have no idea what you're saying
but sounds nice.

What I'm trying to say, Mr. Barber
is that you are a cool drink

of Shayan Spring water

after a long gallop
across the golden arid prairie.

Thanks. Thanks.

Jesus.

Excuse me.

Big help, thank you.

Thanks.

Over there.
- Perfect.

Megan, are you sure
you wanna shoot that way?

You'll be shooting directly into the sun.

I want my star backlit.
I want him to look glorious.

Now put the camera right there.
- Yes. Perfect.

Megan, hi, all the wagons are brown.

Can we just please add
a splash color in there somewhere?

No, Danny, I want them to look real.

Dirty. Like the wagons have traveled
hundreds of miles across the plains.

Got it. More brown.
Why am I even here?

All right everyone, we better get
this film finished. Let's go!

That's our first shot.

Yeah, when I say "finished" I mean
one step closer to the end. That's good.

Max, we need to have a safety meeting.
- Good idea.

Like now?

Hey, Duke?
- Yo!

We gonna start filming now.
You might hop in on ol' Butterscotch here?

I'll be right there.

Where's Bob?

Bob's not feeling so great today,

but don't worry he told me everything
we need to know.

Are you sure? Is that safe?

Walter, are you questioning
my professionalism

and my dedication to my craft?

Who hasn't seen an accident
in over a year?

Our last film wrapped
a year and a half ago.

Irrelevant. And even if something
were to happen, which it won't

we have the best set medic
in Hollywood standing by right over there.

Mattress!

I'll ask you next time
to get all of your facts straight

before you attempt
to slander my good name, Walter.

Sorry.

Are you sure you gonna be able
to do this stunt, Duke?

Of course he can do this stunt.
He's Duke Montana.

I'll be fine.

You know you look pretty handsome
up there on that horse.

Let's make a movie.

Hold up! That's my horse!
- Everybody's set to one?

Picture's up!

Megan, I have an idea
if I may suggest something?

Sure, Max.

I was thinking instead of just
a simple jump

why don't we make this look
really spectacular?

I'm listening.

This being the first shot of our movie
and the introduction of Duke,

instead of him just galloping along
and jumping into frame

why don't we do it through a wall of fire?

Let's set the wagons in blazing, and Duke
and his beloved Steve jump through the flames

sail through the air and land right
into a Close up to save the settlers.

That sounds very dangerous.

That sounds great.
Get those wagons lit.

Great, set 'em in blaze.
That'll be some color.

Are you sure we shouldn't talk
to trainers about this? It's very dangerous.

Usually we rehearse with the horse- -

Walter. Walter.

For the last time, would you
stop the fucking bothering me.

Ready and...

Action!

Duke! Medic!

Awful hand of fate
that has dealt us these cards

I can see it now
in your obituary in Variety.

"Duke Montana, he died with his boots on."

If you were alive right now,
I know he would be saying- -

Where's that damn horse at?

Duke? My God, you're alive!

There you are.

If I come off you again

me and you are actually gonna have
some feisty cups. Is that clear?

All right then. Let's do this again.
Wardrobe?

Try to stay handy, will ya?
- Duke, are you sure?

Hell yes, I'm sure,
I just need to talk to my director.

Oh my God, that was so close.

Yeah, that was close.
That could've been a big tragedy.

We could've had a big tragedy.

We're so lucky.
- We are lucky. Yeah.

Reset. Let's go again.

Back to one!

And...

Action!

Cut!

Perfect. Great.

Moving on!

Shouldn't we just get one more,
for safety, for protection?

And maybe we should set up
an even bigger bigger fire

to make it more effective?

We can at least try that.
- I like what I've got. We're moving.

I'm really starting to like her.
She's very decisive.

Hey, Duke! Great job out there.
I like what you're doing.

Can I get you anything,
like a root beer with sassafras?

No, sir. I don't care for root beer.

How about something for lunch?
How about lentil soup?

I like beets well. I'd like a lentil soup.

How about pumpkin?

With lentils? No, thank you, sir.

What do you look so happy about?

Rodent?

Rhapsody?

Rotor? Runner?

Rhubarb?

Jesus, Uncle Max, are you okay?

You took off like a rocket.

My horse? My Butterscotch?
Just like that gone?

That horse looked up to me
like I was his father.

And I looked at him like he was my son.

Don't worry, Bob. We're insured.
- Insured?

Did you realize my horse is priceless?

And I wanna sue you.
And I'm gonna sue you.

And whoever else is responsible
in financing this debacle

for every pity you worth.

What's his problem?

I don't know.

On the bright sight this is
one of our best first days ever.

Best? What are you talking about?

We lost our featured horse,
we're getting sued,

I got ejected from my own feet.

Duke Montana is still...
- Still what? Still as good as ever?

Because he was incredible today.

And Megan said
she's got some fantastic stuff.

What the hell does she know?

I have no idea, you're the one who wanted
to hire her. But she's our director.

I'm not talking to anybody.
You hear me? Nobody.

I don't care if it's a Christ
on a cross. Nobody.

Okay. I'll get it.

Hello?

It's Reggie Fontaine.
- Give me the phone

Hey, Reggie. How are you?

Thanks for calling.
- So... the cowboy?

Dead, right?

No, well, not...

Why do you mean "no"?

You said "dead". You said "dead by noon".

"Dead"!

Like William Holden in "Sunset Boulevard".

Oh, no. He's doing great actually.

You should've seen him.
He's like amazing.

Jumping the horse like he was only 50.

It was really something to see.

I don't wanna hear that shit!
I wanna hear that he died tragically!

We gonna make that happen,
Reggie, wait and see.

Tomorrow we're shooting
this fantastic rope bridge scene.

You've never seen the chasm this deep.

It's gonna be a real killer.
Wait and see.

It better be, because if not
I'm gonna hunt you down.

I'm gonna hunt you down like
Lefors did with Newman and Redford

in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid".
You hear me?

Thank you, Reggie, thank you, and again,
thanks for the call. It was very nice of you.

Reggie I told you I never trusted
that motherfucker.

A little support.

Why the hell is Reggie Fontaine calling you?
- What?

Why is Reggie Fontaine calling you?
- I don't think I like your tone.

I'm sorry but I wanna know
why he's calling you.

- What do you think?

I have no idea, that's why I'm asking.

I'll tell you why. Because the word
must already be out there.

What word?

The word that every producer wants to hear

being said about their movie
on the first day of production.

I have no idea. What's the freaking word?
- Hit!

No.
- Yes, Walter. Hit.

And that's what we've got.
- Really?

A hit. It's already on the street.

Already on the lips of people who know.

Being whispered like the wind
in every corner of Tinseltown.

And it's obvious that Mr. Fontaine is trying
to work his way back into my good graces

but you heard what I said.
I was nice to him.

But I really was telling him
to go fuck himself.

Yes! A hit. I knew it!

I was feeling it.

I'm so proud of you.

If I have to be honest, I thought
you're up to something shady again.

I'll forgive you this time, Walter.
- Thank you.

Forest. Forest. How much?
What are we looking at?

... You gotta hang in there,
we're gonna get to you soon.

Great job on bridge.
- Sure. More brown.

No. It's beautiful.

I'm sorry, I'm actually seeing
someone else right now.

Can I talk to you fellas for a minute?
- Sure, Duke. What can we do for you?

I'm not too sure how to say this.

Duke, you can tell us anything, so...
- All right then.

I really don't wanna
get out there on that bridge.

But Duke, this is the scene
where you cross the gorge

into the sacred and forbidden
Indian burial ground

where you awaken the spirit
of your great- grandfather,

therefore revealing to your character
and the audience

that you're actually 1/8 Indian.

I don't care why I'm crossing
the goddamn gorge. I don't like heights.

The great Duke Montana
doesn't like heights?

That right there is the reason
I don't ever tell anybody about it.

But Duke. Look...

If we are to get this
incredibly poignant and important scene.

That one that would win you
your Academy Award

if you want that, and I know you do.

There's no way that you can't cross
that bridge.

You have to cross that bridge.

That's easy enough to say
from where you're standing.

I'll see you fellas when you find a new way
for me to reach the burial ground.

Perhaps some of the liquid courage
would help? What do you think?

You sure?
- No!

You know what, Duke, you're right.
It is easy to say from where we're standing.

But look.

Walter, what are you doing?
- Don't worry, Uncle Max.

Yeah, but what are you doing?
- Don't worry.

Walter.

See, Duke? It's perfectly safe.

Sure, when you're that close to solid ground.
But what about out in the middle?

All right...
- Is this really necessary?

It's okay, Uncle Max.
- Is this really necessary?

It's good.

I like the man who puts his money
where his mouth is.

Are you convinced
that it's safe now, Duke? Look.

No, how about a little further out?

Okay...

No, Walter!

Walter.

Now?

No, get further down out there.

Walter! Walter! Enough. Stop!

The scene is not worth it. Come back.

It's okay, Uncle Max. It doesn't matter.
We can't shot down.

We're making the greatest movie ever.
It's totally fine.

That is the kind of passion
and commitment to the project

that gets my blood boiling.

You have yourself a scene, Mr. Barber.
- You got this, Duke!

Okay...
- Let's shoot.

Rolling.

And...

Action!

This is gonna be great. Watch this.

Oh no.

What are you talking about? This is great.

No... yeah... sure.

Cut! Reset!

Let's go again.
- Back to one!

Hurry up, people!
- Listen to the lady Director!

Mach schnell ! Come on!

I think I'm over my fear of heights!

Yeah, Duke!
- That's great, Duke!

Duke Montana is not afraid of heights!

Run!

Roll the fucking camera!
- Yes. Yes. Quickly!

Everybody clear the bridge!

Oh my God!

Duke!

Yeah, Duke Montana!

Cut!

I know. I know.
Tell me you got it.

We got it? Yes!

Duke Montana, people! Duke Montana!

Good job, Duke.

I am Duke Montana.

I'm here to talk to you
about my good friends

from the Rio Grande
to the Rocky Mountains...

Hello?
- Who the fuck is Butterscotch?

What?

Who the fuck is Butterscotch?

He's a horse.

I'm being sued for a million dollars
because you lost a fucking horse

named Butterscotch?

No, we'll find him.
- You goddamn right you'll find him.

And what about the fucking cowboy?
No, let me guess: not dead.

No.

Max?

If you're fucking around with me

I swear for God, Max

I'm gonna throw your ass
off the roof.

Reggie I promise you
I'm doing my best.

It's not that hard
to kill somebody!

Fair enough. But you don't know this guy.
He's got like nine lives, Reggie.

Shoot him, strangle him, poison him.
I don't give a fuck how you'll do it!

But do it!

If not I'm gonna come out there
and do it myself.

And when I'm done with him
I'll be starting on you.

This motherfucker hung up on me.

Hey!

Look who's here. Butterscotch!

I'm so happy to see you. Come on.
Do you wanna watch the show?

Rodney Dangerfield,
Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Anthony Newley.
"What Kind Of Fool Am I"

It's okay, come on.

What are you thinking?

He's good too, you're gonna enjoy him.
Come on.

What?

Fuck you, Butterscotch!

There you go.

Nice horse. Nice horse.

That's it. That's it.

Good horse.

Thanks for coming back, Bob.
I really appreciate it.

Yeah? But I'm still suing you.

Do what you gotta do.
Tell me about old Mordecai here.

Mordecai comes from a very long
prestigious line of bulls.

Do you realize who his
great- grandfather was?

No.

El Jefe Jos� Gonzales.

And he's a bad son of a bitch.
- Really?

Killed 14 of them damn matadors
in less than 3 weeks.

So Mordecai charges
whenever he sees the color... red?

Jesus Christ! Come here!

Don't ever let me hear you say that word
around him again, do you understand me?

I'm the only one here
who can control that big bastard.

He goes ballistic and crazy
if he just sees that color.

And you need to tell your crew about that.

I told everybody
to stay clear of Mordecai here.

That's good.
- What's the story on this bull?

Excuse me.

Duke, this is the scene
where the cowboys fight the Indians

over the bull that they stole from them.

I know what this scene is about
it just doesn't make any sense.

I'm sorry.

Why in the world would an Indian
steal a white man's bull

when there're 3 million buffaloes
standing out there?

That's a good point, but let's just focus
on today's work, can we do that?

Fine, tell me about the bull
that doesn't make any sense.

He's a Stunt Bull. He looks mean
but he wouldn't harm a fly.

Sounds hanky.
- Hanky?

As in "ridiculous".
- It's the newest thing, Duke.

You've been out
of the business for a long time.

Believe me, Duke
this is the state of the art.

By the way, where is that big beautiful
bright red hat that I gave you?

I like my hat. I gave the red one
to that little kid down there.

What? What kid?

Walter. Walter.
- Yes.

What's with the kid?

Megan had a great idea this morning.
Instead of Duke just facing off the bull

first he's gonna rescue
that little boy named Lyle.

What?
- Isn't that exciting?

Why didn't you tell me this?
- It's gonna be great. You gonna love it.

We're in position!
- Looking good, Lyle!

Rolling!

Ready. And action!

And action, Duke!

Hurry up!

Come on. What's the matter with you?

Shit!

Harriet! No!

No!

Harriet! No!

No no!

No no!

Hey Look! Butterscotch!

Stunt bull my ass.

Get out of here.

And cut!

Hey, Mr. Barber, can I get you anything?

Uncle Max, you're sure are light
on your feet.

I gotta tell you almost dodged that bull.

Lie down, get your feet up.

Fucking thing looked like Satan.

On the bright side, Butterscotch coming back
is something we never could've planned.

And I was thinking, it totally encapsulates
the heroic nature of Duke

and the Indians, and the town's people.

And even Megan said
it's some of the best stuff we've gotten.

Yeah. Fucking fabulous.

There's a note here from Reggie Fontaine.

Don't worry it's Morgan News,
he says he's gonna come to set tomorrow

to make sure we end up
on the front page of the trades.

Can you believe that?

He's sure as nice to go out of his way to
help out on a movie he's not even involved in.

Duke, whatever happened to you?

I don't know. I think
I'd rather not talk about it.

But you know what,

I'd really like to know.

If all of my years have taught me anything
is that you have to be what you are.

With no apology.

Even when there ain't no role to play.

All I want to do is make movies.

Fuck you.
You should be dead now.

No matter what you think you saw
I was not talking to that horse.

Come here I gotta show you something.
You not gonna believe this.

Just come with me.
I gotta surprise for you.

You gotta see this.

Come here.

Walter, I have absolutely no interest
whatsoever in seeing this.

Start it up.
- Please.

Just trust me. Start it up.

Oh my God.
- I know, Uncle Max.

Oh my God.
- I know, Uncle Max.

Did you just see what he...
- It's incredible.

Oh my God.
- I know.

It's a hit...
It's a bona fide hit.

It's wonderful. It's breathtaking.

It's Duke Montana...

I've never seen him more virile.

More alive. My God.

Oh my God...
- What? What?

Oh my God. Oh my God.

Duke!

Harriet, where's Duke?
Where's Duke?

I don't know, Mr. Barber,
I think he went to his trailer.

What's going on?
- Stay there! Stay over there!

Stay back!

Duke!

Oh my God. Duke, where are you? Duke!

Duke!

Hey, there you are!

I wanna ask you something.

You've been trying to kill Duke Montana.

What?
- You heard me.

Who are you?

You don't have an amnesia,
you lying son of a bitch.

Is that how you talk to your own flesh and
blood who's just coming out of a coma?

A coma?

You've only been out for three hours.

You never had any intention
of making a great movie.

You are incapable of making a great movie.

You just wanted to take the easy way out
and cash in on the insurance.

And that's why you invested
your own money.

Just the idea that you were
never even gonna tell me any of this.

I didn't think you'd approve.
- Of course I don't approve.

You see? Keeping you in the dark
was the best thing for all of us.

Not Duke!
- Duke?

Duke got a gun in his mouth
when we met him. He wanted to die.

We gave him the greatest gift of all -
the will to live again.

An besides, you know what
this is really all your fault.

What?

You're the one who killed Frank Pierce.

You are the one
who wanted to go on the set.

And you are the one who put
that idea into my head in the first place.

Your ability to twist things around
is incredible.

How you can just... You... You...

You cherrypick information and you just
mold it into whatever you want.

It's truly incredible. How do you do it?

I gotta know because you make...

You make greed seem palatable.

You make murder seem just...
you know... It's well...

What kind of a human being are you?

Well, I'm a producer, Walter.
That's my gift.

You're nothing more
than a garden variety of psychopath.

That is finally becoming clear to me.

My God, gambling on this insanity
with your own money

is the only quasi respectable thing
you've done this entire shoot.

You're not gambling with your own money?

Please tell me you didn't get us
into the bed with Reggie Fontaine again.

Oh my God!
- That's my line.

What happened to all the money you got
from selling "Paradise" to Jimmy Moore?

I never signed that contract.
I told him to go fuck himself.

Why would you do that?
- Why would I do that?

He doesn't deserve that script.
He's beneath that script.

I'll never let him have that script.

I'll take that script to my grave
before I would let him have that script.

Are you kidding me?

You are an insane person.

Fine, Walter, sticks and stones.
Call me whatever you want.

But we need to protect our movie right now.

We are on the precipice
of greatness of cinematic glory

or dare I say it?
Academy Awards.

There's only one thing stopping us now.

That Reggie Fontaine is on his way
to kill Duke Montana himself.

And possibly you and me.

Help me find my shoes, where are they?

What are you doing there, Sheriff?
- I'm afraid I can't let you in the town.

And why is that?

Anyone siding with the Indians
ain't welcome here.

That's where you got
things wrong, Sheriff.

I ain't on the side of the Indians,
I'm on the side of right.

You know this is
where they shot Gunga Din?

Who's Gunga Din,
and why did they shoot him?

Never mind.

How do you wanna do this, boss?

Publicly.

It's your move, Sheriff.

Go get Duke and meet me at the drive- in.

Drive- in?
- Yeah, trust me.

We don't want Indians in here.

You better be reaching
for that holster on your hip.

Cut! Cut!

Who the hell are these guys?
- Who cares? At least it's some color.

Rhubarb!

Rhubarb! Rhubarb!

Shit!

Motherfucker!

Duke, we gotta get out of here!
We gotta go. We gotta get out of here.

Get the car! Get the car!

Hurry up!

Butterscotch, no! Come back!

Sorry, Mr. Montana...

but I'm gonna have to kill you.
- Kill me?

Under different circumstances
I might be telling you

how much I appreciated your work

in "Silver Spurs",
"I'll Save Three For Papa".

You liked that fucking movie?
- Yeah. A lot.

But... Well I...

I gotta kill you.

Reggie, don't do something
you gonna regret, please.

Reggie? Do you know these guys?

I'm not gonna regret any part of this.

As a matter of fact,
I gotta kill you first, Max.

Great job, Duke. Now what?

Now what? How about telling me
what the hell is going on here?

Duke...

Holy fucking shit...

Yes!
- Yes!

Maxy, goddamn
I think you did it, partner.

That's our movie?
- Yeah, that's it.

I would say
this is some of your best work, Max.

But that wouldn't be saying
a whole lot, would it?

But let me be the first one
to say it to you...

Oscar!

How much more do you gotta shoot?
- One day.

I'll see you in LA.

Mr. Mon...

Duke? Duke?

Thank you.

Put the guns away.
We're not killing anybody!

Can I at least throw a bullet
at the motherfucker?

Like I said would you mind telling me
what's going on here?

Well, Duke, I just...
I don't want you to be upset with...

With what I'm gonna tell you.

Oh, heck, Mr. Barber,
you can tell me anything.

We're friends.

Duke, you can't!
- Why the hell not? You were trying too.

What the hell are you doing?

Max is sorry
he was trying to kill you, Duke.

Which Walter inspired me to do.
- No, I did not!

Oh, yes, you did.
Oh, Yes, you did.

I did not... the point is,
Duke, we all want you alive.

Goddammit this is not about me
living or dying.

It's not?
- No.

Duke, you're not making any sense.

I have been trying to destroy myself.

because I broke her heart.

The love of my life.
I can't let her go.

Who, Duke?
- Bessy.

Bessy Jones.

When I was in New Orleans
I wound up in black club.

Booze, and Willie Proudfoot playing.

Then she looked at me
with those big beautiful eyes and...

she sang.

And I knew right then
that she was the one for me.

And me for her.

I'm about to sign a million dollar contract
and studio old boss says:

Duke, you gotta make up your mind:
you wanna be a rich western movie star

or do you wanna run off
with your black girlfriend?

So you chose stardom?

Who the goddamn hell
is telling this fucking story?

A happy, well adjusted man
with a sole mate at his side

or an angry, broke down, emptied up

suicidal drunk?

Why don't you guys get out of here
so I can kill myself?

No! No!

Duke! No, no!

Duke!

Listen to me, you son of a bitch!

I'm sick and tired of this shit.

I don't give a shit about you
or your sad story.

Or your fucking colored Louisiana
blues singer girlfriend!

I bled to my ass for this fucking moment.

And I am one sit away
from my fucking Oscar.

You gonna stop with the booze,
stop with the gun and stop with the bullshit!

You gonna get a good night sleep.
You gonna have wonderful, beautiful dreams

of prairies and mountain streams
with the dear and antelope playing.

And in the morning
you gonna wake up refreshed

Drink a pot of fucking coffee,
you gonna do the goddamn scene.

And you gonna do it brilliantly.

And after that
when our director yells 'cut'

you can stick up bazooka up your ass
and pull the fucking trigger for all I care.

But you will be on that set
tomorrow morning at 7 AM,

and you will finish this movie!

That's the most honest thing
anybody's said this entire shooting.

Life is really
just one big mistake, isn't it?

I mean so precious

and we're treating it
like it was meaningless.

I was playing poker one time
with this old Chinese fella named Chen Liu.

Long, black flowing hair,
boniest of hands, far too many teeth.

And he was laughing, and drinking
and having a good ol' time

and I swear he had the biggest pot
of poker chips in front of him

I had ever seen.

Thousands of dollars.

Thousands upon thousands. Hell...

He had so many poker chips
he was giving them away.

And then his pile of poker chips dwindled.

And it dwindled some more.

And the evening went on,
Old Chen sobered up,

realized what he had done.

I wish I had been a little bit
more respectful of a pile of poker chips

that God put in front of me
to get started on.

But hell, that's life.

Mistakes and lost poker chips.

One great day, beautiful...

mistake.

And cut!

That's a wrap!

You did it!

DUKE MONTANA
THE OLDEST GUN IN THE WEST

This is Sophie Renee. It's a beautiful
summer evening in Los Angeles.

And we're all here for the world premiere
of "The Oldest Gun In The West".

We're waiting for the stars to arrive.

We have some producers,
we have some of the actors.

And this is a big return of Duke Montana.

One of the greatest Hollywood icons
ever to grace the silver screen.

Excuse me, gentlemen? Hello.

Max Barber, Walter Creason.

You two and the producers of
"The Oldest Gun In The West"

which many are saying is gonna be the one
to beat on Oscar night.

How are you feeling?

We are very honored
and humbled to be here.

And this is what happens
when a lot of talented individuals

all come together
with a singular vision and purpose.

It's quite special.

I want to say that my uncle and I
believe in miracles.

That's for sure.
- That's lovely.

Excuse me, Megan Albert, I heard
your work is amazing in the picture.

You are one of the very few
female directors in the Hollywood.

How does that feel?

I really hope that I can inspire
more women to become directors.

I really have Max Barber, Walter Creason,

and most of all Duke Montana
to thank for believing in me.

She's cool, huh? We met at work together.

What's next for you all?

Actually, now that I'm the president
of the studio

I've signed Max, Walter and Megan
to a multi- picture deal.

In fact my first project out of the gate
is gonna be the epic "Paradise".

And I will be co- financing
all future Miracle Motion Picture pictures.

Right, you heard me.

Just like Humphrey Bogart muscled up
Jimmy Cagney in "The Roaring Twenties".

You remember that?

That's right, yeah.
- Remember?

Like the brother just said:
We in the business!

And we're gonna be doing black movies soon
with black actors. Right on!

Okay, so...

Max and James, rumor has it
that over the years

you two have had
very contentious relationship.

You care to comment?

Jimmy and I have talked this over
and we both agree

that there's nothing as tenuous
as enemies in show business.

Yeah, you can't believe
everything you hear. Max Barber

is a great great grandfather figure
for me. Always has been.

Okay, gentlemen, thank you for stopping
and I wish you all the best tonight.

Thank you.
- Thank you very much.

What the fuck is the "grandfather" thing?
I told you not to call me Jimmy.

Don't call "Paradise" your movie.
Cause it's not.

Can we at least agree that it is ours?

No, it's not ours. I haven't signed- -
- Max, come on. Max...

Come on, it's our movie.
- Yeah, all right, that.

Duke Montana, how does it feel
to be back on top?

I don't know.

I guess it's very nice if you all
came out to see an old cowboy.

Congratulations, and we wish you
the best of luck tonight.

Duke? Come on,
you gonna miss your big comeback.

I'll be right with you, partner.

Hey, Duke.

Come on, Duke, this is more your night
than anybody's.

I don't do very well
in crowds, Mr. Barber.

I think I do better
in the wide open spaces.

But we need you. Come on.

Mr. Barber.

I can�t do it.

Thank you for trying to kill me.

Thanks for not dying.

Okay.

What's he doing?

Stay!

You're the man, Duke.

You're the best, Duke.

We're gonna watch your movie, Duke.

Thank you, Duke.

Hope you'll find
what you're looking for.

Is Bess home?

There's an after credit scene.

Transcript by sub.Trader
subscene.com

From Miracle Motion Pictures,
the studio that brought you:

"Cows From Beyond"

"Bigfoot was my Lover"

"The Hackensack Blowtorch Atrocities"

And the timeless classic, "Mantula",

comes a new movie that literally tests
the boundaries of cinema

The Sisters of Eternal Sorrow
take their vows very very seriously.

Fuck!

Jesus, these are some fucking hot nuns.

Say your prayers.

"Killer Nuns"

They're cleaning up the streets
in their own special way.

This is a big score for the orphanage!

The kids are gonna love this.

Killer Nuns!

They are nuns with bad habits.

Get these freaking cops off of me!

Okay. I'm on it.

They are sisters on a mission.

it's a good shit, kid. Enjoy it.

Sell drugs to babies?

I'm a Catholic.
- So are we!

They are tough. They are mean.

Killer Nuns!