Original subtitles

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Thank you for shopping at CCC

and making a better tomorrow today.

Yes. Copy that.

I'm on it.

I think we're out of the W76.

No, not that peach. That's W75.

I said the W76, the pumpkin.

Are you asleep at the wheel over there?

Today's a very special day. It's Aqua 65.

Every aquamarine item, 65% off.

Oh, I just... I just I can't believe I'm here.

This is so exciting.

I've been wanting to work here ever since I turned 16.

How long have you worked here?

Since 1987.

I just think what Harold Landsgrove is doing

is so great.

Like, he's my humanitarian hero.

Have you ever met him?

Only in my dreams?

Shruti?

Rule number 175.

It's Diwali, Craig.

Listening to music is part of my cultural heritage.

I thought the CCC promoted

cultural diversity and inclusion.

Well, I'm sorry, Truthy.

I don't want to step out of my cultural zone

and on to yours, but pretty sure Diwali is in November.

You're right.

What can I do you for?

- New hire. - Hi, there.

Hi. And you are?

Libby. Libby.

Libby, you are here for the new collection turn around.

Yeah.

This is such an important night for us.

Yeah, it's... it's a huge honor for me to be here.

So...

gonna have you fill out all your information

and have you set up to work on the floor tonight.

Okay.

So you're going to go back on the floor.

You're gonna ask for Hunter.

She's gonna explain about the clothes.

Hunter. Right. Got it. Thank you.

No, Libby, thank you for joining the CCC family

and making a better tomorrow...

...today. Today.

Okay. See you out there.

Okay. Okay.

Hi, sorry, uh, I'm looking for Hunter attitude.

I'm on it. I'm on it, Hunter. I'm there in like T-minus 5.

Hi. Hi. I'm looking for Hunter. Could you, um... excuse me.

Hi, guys. Welcome today. We're at hash tag #yoga,

a store I'm like totally in love with.

Spandex. Spandex everywhere!

How can I resist?

Namaste.

Good boy.

Break room, five minutes

Hi. Um, Craig told me to see you about the clothes.

Oh, Jesus. I don't have time for this

My ecosystem's a complete mess.

Go see Lord. Lord.

I'm sending you the new hire

And I have time for this because?

Because I say so.

Hi.

The CCC contractually requires all employees to wear

CCC apparel at all times both on and off the floor.

I'm wearing some right now.

Oh, those aren't from the season.

I just bought them.

When? Last month.

Last month was three seasons ago.

You need to be in season.

Every time the season changes, your wardrobe follows.

Right.

So get to it.

We need you back on the floor at 9:00 p.m. sharp.

Harold's on his way to address the germs.

Harold Landgrove's coming here?

So that'll be $175.52.

I'm a new employee here,

so I get a discount, right?

Technically...

you don't start till 12:01 so, uh...

you're not an employee till tomorrow.

Oh, okay. I'll, uh, get the discount next time I guess.

Thank you for shopping at CCC

and making a better tomorrow today.

Dead valued customers, the CCC will be closing

in 15 minutes.

Please proceed to the cash at your earliest convenience.

And thank you for making a better tomorrow today.

Belong, believe, be love, become you!

You're gonna be the best regional manager

this company has ever seen.

You are gonna take Q2 into these stratosphere.

Ah!

Take that, Barb Lubotski.

I can't believe I agreed to pull a turn around shift.

WTF was I thinking?

Holy shit, girl, those are triple locked away in Fort Knox.

How the hell did you get ...Magic.

Ate half an apple at lunch,

which I know is more than 20 calories.

But these are literally going to save my ass.

And what the stopping me from reporting you

to the Robot King?

Uh, because I would not hesitate to report you

to the Robot King about your little indiscretions

in the back store with that muy caliente jail bait.

Mm! Mmm.

If Robot King catched you, know that I have no part in this.

Small price to pay for an awesome ass.

Come on, we're going to be late.

Okay, everybody,

Harold Landsgrove is almost here, and let's not forget

why we are here, which to unveil the new CCC collection.

So I want you to give him a warm CCC welcome.

Be to be. Be to be. Be to be.

You are an integral Adam in the CCC galaxy.

You Soldier and in its army of success.

Be to be. Be to be.

WTF?

Aunt Flow's come to visit.

A week early, that bitch.

Plug it up, girl. Plug it up.

Craig to Jemma.

- Jemma to Craig. - Are you wearing

what I think you're wearing?

Jemma, where the... where are you going?

Unless you want me to bleed all over the floor,

I've got to go plug my hole right now.

Is that okay?

I register your feminine issues, and I respect them.

Just make sure you're back on the floor

in time for Harold's presentation.

All hands on deck, okay?

What's that? I can't hear you.

Yeah, there's static on the line.

I'm losing you, Craig.

Jemma!

Jemma, I'm pretty sure I made myself clear that no one

is to have eyes on those jeans until tomorrow morning.

You would get us all in a lot of trouble here.

Jemma?

Hello, my CCC family!

How are y'all doing tonight?

Be to be.

- Be to be. - To be.

Belong.

Belong!

Believe.

Believe!

Be love.

Be love.

Become!

Become!

All right, you guys!

Tonight is a landmark night,

and you, all you very special people,

are here witnessing history.

What the fuck?

There's been a lot of talk about this item.

A lot of people have been very keen to get their eyes on it.

That's why we've been keeping it under wraps

until now.

We hired the top thread count consultants,

the best stitching specialists,

the cotton masters from across the planet

to bring you the latest in our denim revolution,

the Super Shapers!

Whoo!

Jeans that automatically adapt to your body size.

The first ever gender-inclusive jeans!

One shape for all!

One shape for all!

One shape for all!

One shape for all!

Made from an exclusive cotton strand

found only on the rich plains of the Indian subcontinent,

this revolutionary fabric is thermally activated

to mold to your unique body shape.

Five pounds underweight or five pounds overweight,

they'll make you look great.

All done in accord with are ethically sourced

fair trade organic

and economically sanctioned partners.

Making a better tomorrow today.

Starting tomorrow at 8:00 a.m., our Super Shapers will be

available exclusively here!

Yeah!

But we're not done.

We have exclusive exciting news for all of you.

Peyton Jules is gonna be here tonight...

...for an exclusive

sneak preview of the new collection.

So be sure to give her a warm CCC welcome.

All right!

All right, you guys.

I'm counting on you to have the most awesome

CCC Monday Madness ever.

Whoo!

Mr. Landgrove, hi.

I just wanted to tell you I think...

I thin what you're doing is amazing.

It's my first day, and I'm so glad to be here.

I'm so glad to hear it.

I hope you'll be with the CCC family

for a long, long time.

Wow, Peyton Jules. Amazing, amazing news.

So exciting. So excitingly amazing.

Mm, exciting. Peyton Jules coming here

is the most important PR move anyone could ever orchestrate.

Super Shapers release rests stress completely on her.

But the store's going to be in lock down all night.

She's going to get in how exactly?

Doors will open for five minutes to let her in,

five minutes to let her out, and she'll have an hour

- to do her fashion haul. - An hour. Live?

Of course. This is a total lockdown.

It'll be online as of 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

So you better get your cherubs moving.

Okay! Okay, everyone. Back to work, guys.

Thanks. All right.

Landmark speech, Mr. Landsgrove. Land mark speech.

I want you to know I will do whatever it takes

to make sure things go as scheduled.

Whatever it takes.

Of course you are.

Have you made a decision about that

regional manager position?

Not yet.

But tomorrow's Monday Madness performance

will be a major deciding factor, Chris.

A major deciding factor.

Um, it's Craig.

Oh.

Please, call me Harold.

Right. Harold.

I won't let you down, sir.

Harold, you can count on me, sir.

I won't let you down.

- Lockdown activated. - Won't let you down.

Oh, my God, I am totally batty for this batty-utiful top.

Oh, my God.

How did you get in here, little guy?

I'm gonna call him Little P!

See you tonight at the CCC.

Put them in the back.

Is this... Marigold. Over there.

Craig to Jemma. Come in, Jemma.

Hello. I need five boxes of A25s

in the yellow ecosystem.

Craig to Hunter.

Hunter to Craig.

Hunter, what is Jemma's 20?

I don't know. I'm not her keeper.

Her bee keeper? Be her bee keeper. Find her.

I've looked everywhere except for the ladies room.

This is seriously going to compromise

the rebuild of my ecosystem.

You can borrow Jemma to help you finish

once you've found her.

Fine.

Thanks for being such a great team player.

Jemma?

Jemma, Robot King's got ants in his pants.

You know what that means.

Craig to Hunter. Craig to Hunter.

Any sign of her?

Nope.

Well, then get back out here stat.

We're falling behind.10-4.

I love Bollywood music.

My favorite song is "Hamara India."

What?

Uh, I was just saying that I really love

"Hamara India."

Where you from?

Greenville.

And do you like Green Day?

What's Green Day?

It's a band from the 90s?

Oh, that's cool. No, I don't. Why?

Because it sounds like you're implying

that just because my parents are from India,

I must automatically like Bollywood music.

What? No. No, no, no, no.

That's not what I meant.

No, I didn't mean that just...

Lord, you have eyes on Hunter?

She's not in her ecosystem.

I sure don't, Craig.

How's your ecosystem coming along?

We're on schedule.

And if I asked you to locate her,

that would put you ...I've only got new hires here.

If I leave my ecosystem,

there's no telling what would happen.

Right.

Libby, Libby, I have a very important challenge for you.

You up for it?

- Yes, sir. - Craig. Just Craig.

We're all equal here.

Sort of like communism. but not really.

I have two employees missing.

I need them back on the floor A.S.A.P.

- Okay. - I need you to locate them.

Can you do that for me, Libby?

- Yeah. - Yes?

I think so, yes.

- That's great. - Who are we missing exactly?

Jemma and Hunter, my two top girls

Jemma and Hunter, right.

Start with the bathroom, the break room,

anywhere, everywhere.

I am tasking you with this, Libby,

because I am confident that you can do this for me.

Wow.

Alrighty then. Okay?

- Okay. - Okay, off you go.

Yeah.

Hello?

Those mellow yellow should have been folded

30 minutes ago.

Are you the rabbit or the turtle, Camilo?

Like the Ninja Turtle?

I'd be like... I'd be like Leonardo.

Libby!

What is it?

I found her.

Wow, this is horrible. Truly horrible.

I knew she was battling serious body issues,

but it's just so sad that she couldn't reach out for help.

So tragic. So sad.

Should we call the police?

We can't. We're in lockdown.

We have no reception.

That means no phones, no Internet,

no nothing until the new collection

is safely on the shelves.

That's the way the CCC's always done it,

and we're not deviate at this crucial juncture, right?

Right. We have to do something.

If we tell anyone else, it could just be panic.

Besides, we're on lockdown.

There's really nothing we can do until 8:00 a.m.

tomorrow morning.

What if there's a killer out there?

There's no killer,

unless you consider Jemma a killer.

Of herself.

Are you afraid there's a killer out there?

Yeah.

Do you like being afraid?

No.

Do you want everyone else to be afraid, too?

That's not really showing team spirit, is it?

Right.

Libby, I know it's your first day

and you're eager to do things by the book,

but I don't think you understand

the impact this could have.

If we don't get that new collection turned around

on time, that means Monday Madness is a disaster.

And if Monday Madness is a disaster,

then the new collection fails,

and if the new collection fails, the CCC fails.

That's not what you want, is it?

You were doing a great job, by the way.

You know we had to do that, right?

Even if I wanted to, we couldn't even get out to call the police

until Peyton Jules and her crew arrived at midnight.

I will take care of this first thing in the morning.

I promise.

Tell you what.

You were such a trooper back there that

I'm going to waive the first month of your

mandatory employee purchase plan.

How's that sound?

Sounds great.

Thank you.

We take care of our own here at CCC.

Let's go.

Are we on target?

Craig to Lord. Craig to Lord

Lord to Craig.

Lord, do you have eyes on Hunter?

I sure don't, Craig.

Copy that.

Okay, ladies, I don't know what you're playing at,

but Robot King is going to BLO if he finds out

you're playing with the Super Shapers.

I'm gonna save your ass this time, but...

Craig to Lord, Craig to Lord.

What's your 20?

Craig to Lord. What's your 20?

I'm in the stock room looking for Hunter.

Forget about her. I'll take care of that.

I need you back on the floor stat.

Lord, do you copy?! Just get back to the floor stat.

I am two men down, and I can't be three.

We are running out of time, and I can't have that.

Lord!

Lord!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Lord!

Lord, what's your 20?

I told you get back on the floor.

We have a situation here!

Lord!

Lord!

Lord?

Lord, what's your 20?

Lord?

Lord, what's your... 20?

No! No, no, no. No. You are the...

You're the best goddamn regional manager this place has.

It's you. Be to be. Be to be.

Oh, my God.

It's that guy!

It's just a mannequin.

Stuffed in a very tiny box.

It's a practical joke.

People get a little...

...crazy around Monday Madness.

Aaah!

- You know? - No. No, no.

That didn't look like a mannequin.

- It's happening again. - Libby, Libby.

Don't you trust Harold Landsgrove?

Maybe we should... maybe we should call the police

when Peyton Jules comes in.

You don't... no, no, no, no, no.

No, I highly advise against that course of action.

You know what, Libby? You're right.

We should do something about this.

I tell you what, I will call Harold.

He will be the one to advise us

on the best course of action, okay?

Yeah. Yeah?

Great.

Okay.

After you.

Fudge.

Lockdown deactivated.

Oh, my God.

I'm so, like, totally excited I could just die.

Hi, you guys. Hi.

No photos. No photos!

Hey, guys, phones down.

- Phones down! - Where the fuck were you?

Just tidying up.

Everything better be ready, or Harold will roast your ass.

All set now, Barb. All set.

So what's the game plan?

I think I start with the floor

and take her through the jeans ecosystem.

You!

I've been tasked with that, Craig.

Me, me, me.

Got that? Me.

Absolutely. Mm.

Absolutely. 100%.

Loud and clear. So... so glad to have you

on board with us, Barb.

So glad!

Oh, my God. Are those the Super Shapers?

Yes, they certainly are.

I've been waiting for these for my whole entire life.

So have we all.

So, Peyton, you're the woman of the hour.

What are you thinking? Give us your vision.

I love everything but these.

These I want.

Can we got these for her?

Abso-doozely-lutely.

Absolutely.

What size are you, honey?

Zero. Got that?

I certainly do.

Now, Peyton, if you'll excuse me,

I'll have to go get those myself personally.

Just get them, okay?

He needs to hurry up. We're going live in 10 minutes.

It's not my opinion. I explained it before.

There are no live feeds during the change over.

Your piece will go online at 8:00 a.m. when the doors open.

What?! My credibility is at stake here.

I have millions waiting for my broadcast.

Well, just think about how much they'll be begging for it

if they have to wait.

It's all about building the anticipation.

Are we cool?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about I get you and your crew

some awesome CCC promo gear?

It's ultra exclusive.

Sounds awesome.

Don't move.

Jemma!

You guys, I am losing my mojo.

I can't really lose my mojo.

So let's just shoot this thing, okay?

Ready?

Oh, hey, guys!

Welcome to the CCC's brand-spankin-new

collection reveal.

Have you ever been Peyton Julesing

to lose those five extra pounds, but it's just like not possible

to cut back on those triple fudge Oreos

or that last bite of Mickey D's.

These are totally for you...

the Super Shapers!

They have some crazy CCC magic

that'll give you the best bod of the century without the...

I'm buying an entire box!

And their fair trade,

sweatshop free, and 120% organic.

Some sweet, sweet denim.

Tonight is a landmark night.

And you very special...

...are here witnessing history.

Belong...

believe, be love, become.

The Super Shaper!

One shape for all!

Where's that promo Gary sent you last month?

And what are you doing here?

You're supposed to be on the floor.

You're not... you didn't...

What? Speak up?

The pants.

Are you mentally challenged? Peyton needs these, not me.

What the fuck are you doing?

No! Wait!

What?

Do you actually think you have a shot

at being regional manager?

Dream on.

You're nothing but a pathetic little store manager.

And that's what you'll always be.

Are we done here?

Yes.

Yes, indeedy.

Mm.

Never send a boy in to do a woman's job.

♪ Hamara India ♪

♪ Hamara India ♪

♪ Hamara India ♪

♪ Hamara India ♪

Break time!

Hello?

Hello?

The Super Shapers!

They have some crazy CCC magic that'll give you

the best bod of the century without the...

I'm buying an entire box.

And they're fair trade, sweat shop free,

and 120% organic.

Some sweet, sweet denim.

Break time!

Don't do that!

Sorry. I'm sorry.

Okay, okay.

You didn't kill me or anything?

You need to watch this.

And they're fair trade, sweat shop free,

and 120% organic.

Some sweet, sweet denim.

Oh!

He said Peyton Jules would have an hour, right?

Come on. What?

Come on.

Lockdown activated.

No!

Shit.

Come on.

This is Shruti. Come in!

This is Shruti. This is Shruti. Come in!

Shruti, what's your 20?

Craig? Yes.

I'm at the back door. You?

My office.

What?

What is it? Spit it out.

I don't know.

Are you afraid there's a killer out there?

I will do whatever it takes

to make sure things go as scheduled.

Whatever it takes.

His office has the only door that locks.

So unless you have a better idea,

that's where we're going.

Craig, let us in!

Us? Who?

Shruti and ...bby!

Come on, hurry! Hurry!

Let us in!

Libby! There you are.

I was wondering ...What happened?

- What is that thing? - What thing?

That thing that killed everyone in the store.

I don't know what that was, nothing.

Mass hallucination.

Mass hallucination?

Bullshit.

Uh, Libby, please, please don't touch that.

There.

There's someone out there.

We have to go check it out.

I'm not going anywhere. That thing is still out there.

We have to make sure everyone's okay.

Well, you go out there, and you're dead.

Hang on. You were out there.

And you're not dead.

Look.

There.

You're singing "Hamara India", right?

Okay, so I like to listen to Bollywood music

once in a while.

Is that a crime?

Give me your phone, Shruti.

Your phone.

There.

Hello there.

That... that's a bindi.

It can hear me. I can understand.

You don't actually think you can

communicate with that thing.

Okay. So we know two things... it loves Bollywood music,

and it has a bindi on its forehead.

You speak Indian, right?

There are over like 130 different languages in India.

Okay, well, you speak one of them.

Yeah, Hindi, and a little bit of Urdu.

Let's get what it wants.

What?

It obviously wants something.

Maybe if we give it what it wants, it'll stop.

Wait, where'd it go?

It... it's Hindi.

Keerat.

Keerat? What's Keerat?

It's a girl's name.

"Me."

Who's Keerat?

How should I know?

Look up your employee records.

Employees... We don't have employees.

Over there, it's just lines and lines and lines

and lines of subcontractors.

We don't actually know who... who works for us.

Well... then, how can you know if you're

employing fair trade workers and that they aren't working

in sweatshops and that the cotton they're using is organic?

We don't!

Okay? Jesus! That's just a line.

When are you gonna figure that out?

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no. W-what we can do and what we do know

is we can trace everything back about those chains.

We know exactly which genetically modified seed

- they're grown from. - GMOs?

You're using GMOs?

How do you think they can make a pair of jeans

for five dollars and sell them for 150?

Keerat.

"Picked cotton."

"Dead."

How old were you when you died, Keerat?

It's not called child labor for nothing, right?

Hold on now. The SCC has strict ethical standards...

You just said you can't trace back who works for you!

You guys were supposed to be the good guys.

I came here to do good.

And get half-price clothes.

We have to help her.

"Justice."

"Justice for Keerat."

Keerat, if we tell the world your story,

will you stop killing?

No, stop!

What did you do?!

You idiot!

I had her.

And you just made her mad again.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Did I not get the memo, or are we talking about

a pair of killer pants here?!

You knew what was out there, and you didn't do

anything about it!

You knew?

If you hadn't hidden that girl's death

and if you'd let me call the police,

then they'd all still be alive!

That is some God danged insubordination right there.

I'm gonna have to sanction you, young lady.

Sanction me all you want.

I quit. Yeah?

- Well, you're fired. - Enough!

How many more pairs of those jeans are there?

175.

What? What? What? What?

What if more of them are alive?

Shit. Oh, God.

It's coming for us.

We have to make sure.

Come on.

What the fuck, Craig?! Let us out.

So, I've been thinking.

I'm going to need you to hand over that camera.

Can't have that story floating out there.

I'm sure you understand.

No way.

You and your bunch of CCC hypocrites are going down.

Why, Shruti, I didn't know you cared

about anything.

This must be a first for you. How does that feel?

You will do anything to make it right.

Soon that door is going to burst.

It's you or the camera.

Your choice.

This is what you want?

Come and get it.

Just give me the camera, and we can all go home

like none of this ever happened.

I'll even give you a raise.

Come on, Shruti.

This isn't you.

Why the sudden change of heart?

Craig to Shruti.

Craig to Shruti. Come in, Shruti.

Come in, Shruti.

Okay, Craig. You win.

There you go.

Fuck!

Give it now!

The card. I know you have it.

No. No, no!

You're not gonna ruin it for those pants,

ruin everything I have ever worked for.

It's clothes. It's just clothes.

It's not just clothes.

See, see, see.

In an ecosystem of life.

Keerat!

Justice!

Keerat?

Please... don't.

These people haven't done anything to you.

This is right, Keerat.

This isn't justice.

Lockdown deactivated.

No, don't! Don't!

No!

Welcome to the CCC family.

We're all equal here, sort of like capitalism.

Capitalism.

Hi, you guys.

Welcome back.

And now we're all ready for yoga season!

Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm! Mm!

Hello?

Hello?

Hunter?

It's been way more than five minutes.

Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull