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1
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,547
Well, Pop, I'm all
ready to go fishing, man.
2
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,548
That's great, son.
3
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,417
Mexico, one week. Great.
4
00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:14,717
With Rollo.
5
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,985
You know, Rollo
could catch anything.
6
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,320
I know it.
7
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:19,464
I've seen some of the
girls he goes out with.
8
00:01:24,651 --> 00:01:26,430
What you gonna be
doing while I'm gone, Pop?
9
00:01:26,454 --> 00:01:28,165
Well, I've figured
out a schedule, here,
10
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:29,466
for every day of the week.
11
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,667
Oh, yeah, well, I'm just glad
12
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,668
you're not gonna pull
13
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,371
that old heart
attack routine on me.
14
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,374
Let me take a look at that, Pop.
15
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:43,746
Okay, "Monday, join the
Lonely Old Men's Club.
16
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:47,106
"Tuesday, call the hospital
and send for an ambulance."
17
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:53,523
"Wednesday, pull the
old heart attack routine."
18
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,724
I'm gonna tell you
something, Pop.
19
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:56,193
I'm not gonna go for it, man,
20
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:58,428
because I haven't had
a vacation in a long time,
21
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,098
and I'm not gonna let
you ruin this one for me.
22
00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:02,299
You're right, son.
23
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:03,500
I mean, you've
been working hard,
24
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:05,668
and you deserve some time off.
25
00:02:05,692 --> 00:02:07,003
I mean that.
26
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:08,605
Well, what you gonna
do while I'm gone?
27
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:09,806
To keep yourself busy, I mean.
28
00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,774
What do you mean,
keep myself busy?
29
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,042
Well, I really don't expect you
30
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:14,444
to make any money
on the business
31
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,979
while I'm gone.
32
00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:17,347
What?
33
00:02:17,371 --> 00:02:19,316
You don't expect me
to make any money
34
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,450
while you're gone?
35
00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:21,585
How do you...
36
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,587
Where do you think I
got all this stuff from,
37
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:25,388
the good fairy?
38
00:02:25,412 --> 00:02:27,424
Okay, I'll tell you what.
39
00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,792
I'll bet you $20
that while I'm gone,
40
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:32,395
you don't make one cent
profit on this business.
41
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:36,099
I won't make any
profit. Are you kidding?
42
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:39,024
Listen, I am the big
biz whiz of Watts.
43
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,473
You're the big biz
whiz of Watts, huh?
44
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,143
Allow me to introduce myself...
45
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,366
J. Paul Ghetto.
46
00:02:52,873 --> 00:02:54,251
So it's a bet?
47
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,619
20 bucks.
48
00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:56,819
Bet to you.
49
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,445
Come on in!
50
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:03,383
Hey...
51
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,396
Hey, Pops, how's it going?
52
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,931
Uh, everything will be in order,
53
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:11,934
as soon as you have
crossed the border.
54
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,336
Hey, man, why don't
you dig yourself?
55
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,638
Hey, man, it's cool.
56
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,640
It just goes in one
ear and out the other.
57
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,441
That's because you ain't
got nothing in your head
58
00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:19,942
to slow it down.
59
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:22,512
Hey, come on,
Rollo, let's go, man.
60
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,013
Yeah. Bon voyage, Pops.
61
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:25,048
So long, Pop.
62
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,016
And "bon garbage" to you too.
63
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,451
We don't have time for that.
64
00:03:28,475 --> 00:03:29,619
We're going fishing.
65
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,654
Nobody botherin' me.
66
00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:31,921
Funny...
67
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,956
Me not making any
money while you gone...
68
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:35,425
I won't make no profit.
69
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,529
Shucks, I can make
money just like that...
70
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,030
Well, I can make money fast.
71
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:43,766
All I have to do
is, uh... is, uh...
72
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,769
And then I'll, uh...
73
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,672
And after I finish doing...
74
00:03:48,696 --> 00:03:50,736
Before I do anything,
I'll watch some TV.
75
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,615
I got it!
76
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:02,274
Fred G. Sanford. G
must be for "genius."
77
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:12,128
Hello. Is this the L.A. Times?
78
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:15,465
Let me speak to Ellie.
79
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:18,034
Hello, Ellie? This
is Fred Sanford.
80
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,770
Yeah, I want to put
another ad in paper...
81
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:23,139
about a room. Yeah.
82
00:04:23,163 --> 00:04:26,008
Uh, "Manly furnished
room for rent.
83
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:29,613
"Separate and
equal toilet privileges.
84
00:04:29,637 --> 00:04:33,617
"On a clear day, you
can see the window.
85
00:04:33,641 --> 00:04:36,686
"One week only. 20 bucks."
86
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,321
Huh?
87
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:40,457
No, no, no, it's not
for Sanford Arms.
88
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:43,025
I'll give you a clue.
89
00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,528
Uh, when you want
yourself some extra money,
90
00:04:45,552 --> 00:04:49,432
rent out the room that
belonged to your sonny.
91
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,022
Yeah. Bye.
92
00:04:55,962 --> 00:05:00,310
♪ Gets along From
May to December ♪
93
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:03,713
♪ And... the days... ♪
94
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:06,215
one plant of new life... News.
95
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,386
News.
96
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,053
..deploying all combat
forces from Thailand...
97
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,422
News.
98
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:18,784
Frozen.
99
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:34,866
I'll get it! I'll get... Oh.
100
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:37,647
Hello, Fred.
101
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:38,791
Donna!
102
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:46,690
Your lip's as cold as ice.
103
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:48,692
Well, come and help
me thaw them out.
104
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,193
Oh, wait a minute, Fred.
105
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,894
I just stopped by after work.
106
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:52,895
May I come in?
107
00:05:52,919 --> 00:05:54,030
Sure, come on in.
108
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,396
Uh, now, let's see...
109
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:02,339
Hello?
110
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:05,375
What?
111
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,043
Oh, about the room.
112
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,478
Well, yeah. Yeah.
113
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,012
Uh, you're a trucker,
114
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,615
and you want the
room for one night?
115
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,539
Well, keep on truckin'.
116
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,824
What was that all about?
117
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,393
Well, see, I got a
bet with Lamont.
118
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,194
He bet me that I
wouldn't make no money
119
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,063
while he was in Mexico.
120
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,098
You know, so I'm
gonna rent his room out.
121
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:31,133
Oh, honey, now, is that fair?
122
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,069
Fair?
123
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,637
At 20 bucks a week?
124
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:36,706
Let's see, where were we?
125
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,463
Oh, yeah.
126
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:41,478
Hey, see there?
127
00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,780
Between the chin and the nose
128
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:44,881
is where the lips goes.
129
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:48,418
Ah...
130
00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:50,186
Hey, go away!
131
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:54,557
Fred... The
occupant is occupied!
132
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,493
Fred, answer the door.
133
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,694
Answer the door.
134
00:06:57,718 --> 00:07:00,196
Oh, just my kind of luck.
135
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,454
Knockus interruptus.
136
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,092
Hi!
137
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:13,209
Uh, how are the both of you?
138
00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:16,178
Um, are you Fred G. Sanford?
139
00:07:16,202 --> 00:07:20,917
Yes, and the G is
not for "gynecologist."
140
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:24,053
Uh, where's your husband?
141
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,389
Oh, he's, well... Fred...
142
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,458
invite the young lady in.
143
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:31,861
Uh, come in...
144
00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:34,196
But, see, I won't be
able to rent you the room
145
00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:36,132
in your condition. Why not?
146
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:39,702
Well, you know, I
hate surprise packages,
147
00:07:39,726 --> 00:07:42,160
and looks like she's
figuring to come unwrapped.
148
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,341
Sit down, honey.
149
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,643
Thank you.
150
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:47,644
What's your name?
151
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:48,745
Louella.
152
00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,713
Oh, Louella, that's
a pretty name.
153
00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:51,815
When's your baby due?
154
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:52,982
In about six weeks.
155
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,618
Oh, see, Fred, you got
nothing to worry about.
156
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,788
What if the baby
ain't got no calendar?
157
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,858
Please, honey, just one week.
158
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:04,160
Aw, she needs kindness,
159
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,996
and you're a kind, kind man.
160
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,132
Okay, kindly take the
first room on the left.
161
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,568
Oh, thank you, Mr. Sanford.
162
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,569
Oh, I don't want that.
163
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,058
Don't do that to me.
164
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,607
All right, Bubba, you
wanted to play Scrabble.
165
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,808
Go on and move.
166
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,477
Oh, don't rush me, Fred.
167
00:08:20,501 --> 00:08:24,547
Well... why don't you
go on and give up?
168
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,282
No, Fred.
169
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,585
Hey, looks like I
got something here.
170
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,787
Yeah. Let me see, here.
171
00:08:30,811 --> 00:08:33,122
I got a seven-letter word.
172
00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:36,493
Wow! A 50-point word,
and I win the game.
173
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:38,361
Wait a minute, wait
a minute, Bubba.
174
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,063
Ain't no such word as "gezinta."
175
00:08:41,087 --> 00:08:42,298
Sure there is.
176
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,700
No, wait a minute, I told you,
177
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,301
and I ain't gonna
tell you no more,
178
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,937
there's no such
word as "gezinta."
179
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,038
There is so.
180
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,640
It's an arithmetic word.
181
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,641
Gezinta?
182
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,643
Sure.
183
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:57,547
Two gezinta four.
Four gezinta eight...
184
00:08:57,571 --> 00:08:58,982
Are you kidding?
You're trying to cheat.
185
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,349
I ain't going for that stuff.
186
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:04,020
And five goes-inta your lips.
187
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:07,023
Hi, Mr. Sanford. Mr. Bexley.
188
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,124
Oh, hi.
189
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,291
How's the Scrabble game going?
190
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,827
I won.
191
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,228
Gezinta?
192
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:13,963
See, two gezinta four...
193
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:15,832
Will you shut up, Bubba!
194
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:17,099
I made some dessert for you.
195
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:19,201
Oh, good.
196
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:20,959
Get that phone for me.
197
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,041
Hello?
198
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,208
Oh, yeah.
199
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,410
Long distance from Mexico.
200
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:28,434
Uh-oh.
201
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,447
Uh, hello?
202
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,283
Hey, Pop, who was that girl
that just answered the phone?
203
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,085
I can't understand. It
must be a bad connection.
204
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,219
Well, there's no bad connection.
205
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,022
I know a bad
connection when I hear it.
206
00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,823
Listen, honey, would you
connect me with my son.
207
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,124
There must be some trouble here.
208
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:44,293
Would you stop it. Now,
a girl answered the phone.
209
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:45,895
There's a girl in
that house with you,
210
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,697
and I would like
to know who it is.
211
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:49,999
Son, it ain't no girl.
It's, uh, it's Bubba.
212
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,000
Bubba?
213
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,235
Yes, Bubba.
214
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,579
Hello, Lamont.
215
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:00,577
How are you, darling?
216
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,841
I'll talk to you
later, Son. Bye.
217
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,216
Thank you, Bubba.
218
00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,417
You're welcome, sweetheart.
219
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:09,919
Oh, shut up.
220
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,376
Dessert'll be ready
in just a second.
221
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,926
You know, Fred,
Louella's a nice person.
222
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:17,927
She is nice.
223
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,328
You know, for
the last three days,
224
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,529
she's been fixing my food
225
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:21,530
and scrubbing the floors
226
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,132
and the windows and everything.
227
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,266
Wonderful.
228
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:26,803
Yeah, but Fred, she's
gonna deliver a baby.
229
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,437
Well, what she does
in her spare time,
230
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,207
I ain't got nothing
to do with that.
231
00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:35,078
I made your
favorite, Mr. Sanford.
232
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,278
No, you didn't.
233
00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,780
Wow. Chocolate sundae
234
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:42,852
with whipped cream and nuts
and a married Chinese cherry.
235
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,054
Oh, wow!
236
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,489
Yup, it's got all that in it,
237
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:49,525
plus it's got one
of my favorites in it.
238
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,227
Well, I think I'm
going to bed now.
239
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:52,228
Goodnight.
240
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,229
Goodnight.
241
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,098
Goodnight, Louella. Thanks.
242
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,366
Hey, she does have
one of her favorites in it.
243
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:58,701
Hmm?
244
00:10:58,725 --> 00:11:01,938
You want my pickle?
245
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:04,295
No. You want mine?
246
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:16,019
Mr. Sanford?
247
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,856
Mr. Sanford...
Mr. Sanford, wake up.
248
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,124
Wake up, Mr. Sanford.
249
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:22,324
Wake up, I think it's time.
250
00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:24,694
Yes. The late show.
Turn it on. Turn it on.
251
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:26,595
No, Mr. Sanford, I'm
talking about my baby.
252
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,264
Turn it off. Turn it off.
253
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:30,800
I can't help it.
254
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:33,102
The pains are coming
closer and closer together.
255
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:34,570
Mine too.
256
00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:36,928
Oh, Mr. Sanford.
257
00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:43,713
This might be the big one.
258
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:45,148
Oh, Mr. Sanford, please.
259
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,282
Well, sit down.
260
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,017
I'll call Donna. She'll
know what to do.
261
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:50,161
Donna's not home, and
Lamont's got the truck.
262
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,857
Hello, operator.
263
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,826
Emergency, get me
the police, please.
264
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:58,294
There's about to be a breakout.
265
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,430
Come in! Come in!
266
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:05,523
Yeah, send them over to 92...
267
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,875
Wow. That sure was fast.
268
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:15,845
Yeah. Buenos
noches, Mr. Sanford.
269
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:18,414
Listen, I was just
cruising by in my cruiser,
270
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:20,049
and I thought it unusual
271
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:21,884
that your lights burning
this late at night, so...
272
00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,486
Yeah, Hoppy, I'm in big trouble.
273
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,055
Uh, Louella.
274
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:30,126
Oh, how do you do, Louella?
Officer Hopkins, L.A.P.D.
275
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,528
Our motto, "Protect and Serve,"
276
00:12:32,552 --> 00:12:37,100
but I see it's too
late to protect.
277
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:42,205
So... How can I serve you?
278
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:45,041
She's going to have
a baby any minute.
279
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:46,442
We've gotta get
her to the hospital.
280
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:47,643
You mean now?
She's gonna have...
281
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:49,045
Yeah, let's get
her to the hospital.
282
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,646
Well, once again, into
the breech, dear friends...
283
00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:51,647
Oh, no!
284
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,648
No, I didn't mean that.
285
00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:54,516
Uh, do you have
a bag or something
286
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,185
that you'd like to...?
287
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,186
I'll move that chair.
288
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,888
Ah, here it is.
289
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,189
Oh, golly, Louella,
290
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,791
I can't tell you
how thrilled I am
291
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,059
to be a part of this.
292
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,460
If it'll make you
feel any better,
293
00:13:04,484 --> 00:13:06,062
I am specially trained
to deliver a child
294
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,096
should the emergency arise,
295
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,965
and since the
emergency has arisen,
296
00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,300
I want you to know that
I'm gonna react to this
297
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,792
in just the way I
was prepared to do.
298
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:25,514
Attention. Attention, please.
299
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,884
This is Officer
Hopkins speaking!
300
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,518
I radioed ahead
for a wheelchair.
301
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:31,242
Oh, yes. There it is.
302
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:48,805
Sir, that chair is to take the
lady into the delivery room.
303
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:53,075
Okay, well, just me... Get
me one of them stretchers.
304
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:54,811
Just get right in there.
305
00:13:54,835 --> 00:13:56,545
Here, take this.
306
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,181
Don't mash the baby.
307
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:00,216
Okay, well, well, Mr. Sanford,
308
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,651
I've... I've got to get
back to my beat now,
309
00:14:02,675 --> 00:14:04,620
so I'll just leave you to
handle everything here,
310
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:07,190
and I will handle
everything out there.
311
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:08,791
Sir, would you come
over here, please?
312
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,092
For what?
313
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:12,761
There are some forms
I'd like you to fill out.
314
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,163
I just brought you a form here,
315
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,454
took nine months to fill out.
316
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,370
Your name, please.
317
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:22,939
Fred G. Sanford.
318
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,606
G is for "Goodbye."
319
00:14:24,630 --> 00:14:26,943
Mr. Sanford...
320
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,410
What is your
relationship to the patient?
321
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:32,070
I didn't touch that woman.
322
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:40,022
You mean you're not the husband?
323
00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,324
No, there is no husband.
324
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:42,458
Bye.
325
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,561
Mr. Sanford, I have
to ask some questions
326
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,363
when a woman comes
to us out of wedlock.
327
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:51,367
I don't care if the woman
came out of El Segundo.
328
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,668
Don't look at me.
329
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:57,240
Now, I have the patient
listed here as Louella Evans.
330
00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:59,242
Do you know what the
name of the father is?
331
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:02,700
Uh... Chickened Out.
332
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:13,589
Listen, buddy, I've
had a long, hard day.
333
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,291
I've seen broken bones,
334
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,894
bruises, contusions,
and fractures,
335
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:21,364
and the last thing I
need is a cranky old man
336
00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:25,723
who ought to sue Mother Nature
for malpractice of the mouth.
337
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,346
I really don't need
none of your lip,
338
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:42,684
Mrs. Florence Nightenbuzzard.
339
00:15:42,708 --> 00:15:44,053
I didn't ask to be here.
340
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,288
I'm not surprised.
341
00:15:45,312 --> 00:15:47,678
You're probably not
asked to go anywhere.
342
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,726
Wait a minute.
343
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:54,363
Didn't I see you on
TV in Medical Story?
344
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,886
Didn't you play a bedpan?
345
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,909
Now, why don't you just
go into the waiting room,
346
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,344
pick up a magazine,
347
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,848
and stuff it in your mouth.
348
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,229
Hey, buddy, give me a cigarette.
349
00:16:27,253 --> 00:16:28,786
Yeah, sure.
350
00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,073
Good.
351
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,473
Hey, man!
352
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,975
You really are nervous.
353
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:39,976
This your first one?
354
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:42,911
No, I've been smoking for years.
355
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:46,349
This is my third.
It's always the same.
356
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:47,683
Here, have a cigar.
357
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,341
Take two.
358
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:53,555
No, really, man,
359
00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,657
is your wife really
having a baby?
360
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:56,959
At your age?
361
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,594
No, see, it's not my wife.
362
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:00,396
It's just a girl who's
living with me.
363
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,632
You're kidding.
364
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,501
You sly old buzzard, you.
365
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,603
No, wait a minute.
You got me wrong.
366
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,105
Let me explain it to you. See...
367
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,129
Mr. Sanford...
368
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:13,942
Would you step over here?
369
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,600
Excuse me, fellas.
370
00:17:18,938 --> 00:17:20,716
Now, you are the acting father
371
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:22,018
for the Evans baby.
372
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,286
I ain't acting for
no-no-no baby.
373
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,510
Let him watch TV like
all the rest of the kids.
374
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,493
Since the real
father is missing,
375
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:31,894
I have to give you a lesson
376
00:17:31,918 --> 00:17:33,262
in how to change the baby.
377
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,386
Into what?
378
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,800
Observe.
379
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,504
Pick up the diaper, stretch it.
380
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,206
Pick the child up,
set her in the center,
381
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:46,675
a little powder, pull through.
382
00:17:46,699 --> 00:17:48,877
Turn this down.
383
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:53,115
Now, pick up the tape and press,
384
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:56,852
and pick up the tape
on this side and press.
385
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,021
Now, you try it.
386
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:00,325
All right.
387
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,949
Jump up on the table.
388
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,242
Well, I never!
389
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,546
Not with anybody
in his right mind.
390
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,349
Change that baby!
391
00:18:27,373 --> 00:18:28,817
What are you doing?
392
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,018
Take off the...
393
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:32,254
Put the baby in the
center, and powder it...
394
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:35,458
Mr. Sanford... Mr. Sanford!
395
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:39,761
And then... That's enough!
396
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,231
You take the baby, and put...
397
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:45,468
No... Take off the tape.
398
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,703
What are you doing?
399
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,495
And pull... Off the tape...
400
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,311
Congratulations, Mr. Sanford,
401
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,812
it's a baby boy.
402
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,281
Hey, how about that!
403
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,549
Congratulations, man!
404
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,251
A man your age.
405
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,252
Still virile.
406
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:04,253
Virile!
407
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,387
Still got what it takes!
408
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:06,922
Still hot stuff!
409
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:08,790
Yeah.
410
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,792
What do you say,
Mr. Sanford, huh?
411
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:12,228
What do you say?
412
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,029
Have a cigar.
413
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,464
Have a cigar.
414
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,622
How about that.
415
00:19:22,828 --> 00:19:25,207
Hey, man, I said I was sorry.
416
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:27,176
Just keep your
voice down, Rollo.
417
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,545
It's 3:00 in the morning,
and besides that,
418
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,946
I'm a little upset
about what happened.
419
00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,114
Hey, man, I'm sorry.
420
00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:36,685
I want to tell you, man,
my idea of a double date
421
00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:40,222
is not a girl for you
and her mother for me.
422
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,624
I mean, you get the hot tamale,
423
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,393
and I get the chili dog.
424
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:49,231
What was that?
425
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:52,190
I don't know. I
thought it was you.
426
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,005
Hello, son. Hello, Rollo.
427
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,040
Hey, Pop. Goodbye, Rollo.
428
00:19:58,064 --> 00:19:59,763
Yeah.
429
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,579
Ooh, I'll see you, son.
430
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,648
Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
431
00:20:05,672 --> 00:20:08,850
Yeah, son. Shh,
not too much noise.
432
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,553
What are you doing?
433
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,087
I'm testing this.
434
00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:13,322
Ow!
435
00:20:13,346 --> 00:20:14,323
Shh! Shh!
436
00:20:14,347 --> 00:20:15,824
Pop, what are you
doing down here
437
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,859
in the middle of the
night with a baby bottle?
438
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,196
Son, if I told you, you
ain't gonna believe me.
439
00:20:20,220 --> 00:20:21,497
I'll tell you.
440
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:25,167
See, this afternoon, at
exactly quarter after 4:00,
441
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:27,425
Bubba started his
second childhood.
442
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,239
You're right, I
don't believe you.
443
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,275
Well, I can't lie to you, son.
444
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,577
There's a baby in the house.
445
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:36,111
No kidding.
446
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:37,580
Yeah, I can explain it, though.
447
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,114
It's my fault, but
I can explain...
448
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:40,216
Oh, hello, Lamont.
449
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:41,250
You mean to tell me
450
00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,451
you and Donna had a baby?
451
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:43,519
I don't believe it.
452
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:44,687
Come on, Lamont.
453
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:46,922
Uh, Listen, but we have
something to tell you.
454
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,024
Don't tell me. Tell the
Guinness Book of Records.
455
00:20:49,048 --> 00:20:51,360
Lamont... While you were away,
456
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,362
your father rented your
room out to a young lady,
457
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:54,396
and she had a baby.
458
00:20:54,420 --> 00:20:55,698
Oh, thank you.
459
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,099
She had a baby in my room?
460
00:20:57,123 --> 00:20:59,101
No, son, she didn't have
the baby in the room,
461
00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,502
she had the baby
at the hospital,
462
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,170
and we brought her
and the baby home.
463
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:03,572
Well, how long
they gonna be here?
464
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,841
Uh, not long. How long?
465
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:11,247
U-u-until the baby
graduates from high school.
466
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:14,104
I'll get it.
467
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:17,653
Is this the Sanford residence?
468
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:18,654
Yeah.
469
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,222
I'm Don Evans,
Louella's husband.
470
00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:24,226
Oh... it's the invisible man.
471
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:25,827
The hospital told me
she was staying here.
472
00:21:25,851 --> 00:21:26,895
Where is she?
473
00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:28,919
She's upstairs.
First room to the left.
474
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:32,668
Well, congratulations, Pop.
475
00:21:32,692 --> 00:21:33,736
Congratulations for what?
476
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,203
You've reached the bottom, man.
477
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:36,605
Not only did you rent my room
478
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,073
without asking my permission,
479
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:40,075
but you rented it to
a girl for one week
480
00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:41,677
when you know she
needed longer than that,
481
00:21:41,701 --> 00:21:44,680
and now that I'm back home,
what's the poor girl gonna do?
482
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,081
You don't care
about anything, Pop.
483
00:21:46,105 --> 00:21:47,449
You don't care about nothing.
484
00:21:47,473 --> 00:21:48,450
I do care, son...
485
00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:49,851
I don't want to talk about it.
486
00:21:49,875 --> 00:21:50,852
Oh, well, I...
487
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:54,156
Mr. Sanford, I owe
you my gratitude.
488
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:55,357
Oh, you don't owe me nothing.
489
00:21:55,381 --> 00:21:56,358
Yes, I do.
490
00:21:56,382 --> 00:21:57,526
You see, last week,
491
00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,528
Louella and I had
a terrible argument,
492
00:21:59,552 --> 00:22:02,197
and I let her leave the
house without stopping her.
493
00:22:02,221 --> 00:22:04,500
I was just stupid.
494
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,335
If it weren't for you,
495
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,570
I hate to think what might
have happened to her.
496
00:22:08,594 --> 00:22:11,573
Well, what did he
do? He took your $20.
497
00:22:11,597 --> 00:22:13,175
No, Lamont, I think
you ought to know
498
00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,277
that your father went
with Louella to the hospital
499
00:22:15,301 --> 00:22:16,679
in the middle of the night,
500
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:19,247
stayed with her until
the baby was born,
501
00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:21,350
visited her and
brought her home again,
502
00:22:21,374 --> 00:22:24,085
without knowing when or if
her husband would show up.
503
00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:27,356
Well, she deserved it.
504
00:22:27,380 --> 00:22:29,358
I mean, after all, she
was renting a room here.
505
00:22:29,382 --> 00:22:31,960
Mr. Sanford, thanks
for everything.
506
00:22:31,984 --> 00:22:33,696
Louella and I are
going to leave now.
507
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,397
I love you, Mr. Sanford.
508
00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:37,700
I don't like that stuff.
509
00:22:37,724 --> 00:22:39,968
Watch the baby's back. Okay.
510
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:41,704
Hey, hey, just-just-
just wait a minute.
511
00:22:41,728 --> 00:22:43,071
Just a moment.
512
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:45,307
I almost forgot. My $20?
513
00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:46,709
Hey, Pop, I don't
think you should...
514
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:48,109
Hey, you keep out of this, now.
515
00:22:48,133 --> 00:22:49,378
I'll handle this myself.
516
00:22:49,402 --> 00:22:50,412
Here you go.
517
00:22:50,436 --> 00:22:52,113
Yeah, thank you very much.
518
00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:53,215
You see, son,
519
00:22:53,239 --> 00:22:55,818
I did make a profit
while you was in Mexico,
520
00:22:55,842 --> 00:22:57,653
so you lose your bet.
521
00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:59,988
Here. Here's
something for the baby.
522
00:23:00,012 --> 00:23:02,572
Come on. Come
on. Take it. Take it.
523
00:23:09,288 --> 00:23:12,267
A-and, son, you mind
paying the bet off now?
524
00:23:12,291 --> 00:23:13,268
It'll be my pleasure, Pop.
525
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:14,670
All right, then.
526
00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:16,037
Here you go.
527
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:17,840
And here's something
from my son for the baby.
528
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:19,329
Yeah.
529
00:23:24,136 --> 00:23:25,481
Buy something nice for him.
530
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:26,615
Thank you both. Goodbye, now.
531
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:29,017
Hey, Pop, you're something else.
532
00:23:29,041 --> 00:23:31,019
Now, wait a minute, son,
you'll mash my cigars.
533
00:23:31,043 --> 00:23:32,488
Here, have a cigar.
534
00:23:32,512 --> 00:23:33,489
All right.
535
00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:35,045
Donna, have a cigar.
536
00:23:36,348 --> 00:23:37,815
Ah, what the hell.
537
00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:42,798
Oh, hi, Lamont.
538
00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:44,900
Oh, hi, Donna.
Hey, look at this.
539
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:47,603
I got a telegram from
Louella and Don Evans
540
00:23:47,627 --> 00:23:50,105
naming Pop the
godfather of their baby.
541
00:23:50,129 --> 00:23:51,206
How about that?
542
00:23:51,230 --> 00:23:52,207
Oh! Isn't that wonderful.
543
00:23:52,231 --> 00:23:53,275
Yeah.
544
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:56,344
Say, does Fred know
he's the godfather?
545
00:24:12,585 --> 00:24:13,951
Son...
546
00:24:18,324 --> 00:24:19,367
He knows.
547
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:20,402
He knows.
36996
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