Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:11,310 --> 00:00:13,871
Hey, Catherine.
How was your trip?
2
00:00:13,950 --> 00:00:15,261
Did you find your orgasm?
3
00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:16,489
Oh, my God!
4
00:00:16,535 --> 00:00:18,728
Gabrielle, pack your bags.
5
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:20,418
You have to experience this.
6
00:00:21,915 --> 00:00:24,314
Catherine has...
We've been through so much,
7
00:00:24,339 --> 00:00:26,346
and for so many years,
I get these phone calls
8
00:00:26,371 --> 00:00:28,557
and we're on different sides
of the planet,
9
00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:32,948
and she's like, "Oh, my God!
You have got...
10
00:00:32,973 --> 00:00:34,628
You have got to do this.
11
00:00:34,653 --> 00:00:37,237
It is a miracle.
It's a miracle."
12
00:00:37,262 --> 00:00:40,887
I'm so sorry that it took me
so long to figure it out,
13
00:00:40,912 --> 00:00:42,302
that it's us.
14
00:00:42,637 --> 00:00:46,237
I have spent so many years
being so miserable
15
00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,911
being made love to.
16
00:00:48,114 --> 00:00:50,206
No matter how much
I love my partner,
17
00:00:50,231 --> 00:00:52,864
no matter how beautiful
of a man he is,
18
00:00:52,942 --> 00:00:54,579
no matter how...
19
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,032
how willing I am to go there,
20
00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,301
I don't know how to get there.
21
00:00:59,442 --> 00:01:01,419
I came home after having
met a woman
22
00:01:01,444 --> 00:01:03,174
who had full-bodied orgasms
23
00:01:03,199 --> 00:01:05,341
and an incredibly awakened
sex life,
24
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,634
and I had a deep sense,
suddenly,
25
00:01:07,659 --> 00:01:09,573
that I was capable of this,
26
00:01:09,598 --> 00:01:12,317
in fact, that all women
are capable of this.
27
00:01:12,481 --> 00:01:14,674
And I said to him, "If I don't
get to experience
28
00:01:14,699 --> 00:01:18,166
my full sexual potential,
what I'm hardwired
29
00:01:18,191 --> 00:01:19,481
to be able to feel
as a woman,
30
00:01:19,506 --> 00:01:21,557
this deep pleasure...
before I die,
31
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,238
I don't think I want to live."
32
00:01:23,691 --> 00:01:26,557
It didn't matter
how successful I was
33
00:01:26,582 --> 00:01:29,020
in every area of my life,
as a mother, a wife,
34
00:01:29,045 --> 00:01:30,051
in my career.
35
00:01:30,145 --> 00:01:32,660
As long as I was
sexually unsatisfied,
36
00:01:32,685 --> 00:01:34,098
I felt like a failure.
37
00:01:34,168 --> 00:01:36,096
I would say the moment
that it shifted
38
00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:38,206
was this experience that I had
with my husband
39
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:40,582
that for an entire week
I was orgasmic.
40
00:01:41,106 --> 00:01:42,129
-And...
-Whoa.
41
00:01:42,154 --> 00:01:43,652
...everything orgasmed.
42
00:01:44,082 --> 00:01:46,624
My tongue on the roof
of my mouth.
43
00:01:46,949 --> 00:01:48,682
His nose to my nose.
44
00:01:48,707 --> 00:01:52,429
His finger stimulating
my fingertips.
45
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,549
Like for hours and hours
and hours.
46
00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:58,731
So much so that I thought I was
going to explode and die.
47
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:00,760
It was insane.
48
00:02:00,785 --> 00:02:02,901
I'm like,
"Oh, my God, Gabrielle!
49
00:02:02,926 --> 00:02:05,285
You're not going to believe
what is possible!"
50
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,143
There is no physical pleasure,
51
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,512
because I can't get out of
the way of my thoughts.
52
00:02:10,535 --> 00:02:12,737
And we're going to learn
to transcend that?
53
00:02:12,762 --> 00:02:17,074
Yes, because I've been
headlocked most of my life.
54
00:02:17,222 --> 00:02:19,582
I have actually been able
to experience
55
00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:23,168
what it feels like to be able
to release the head
56
00:02:23,193 --> 00:02:24,418
and move into the body.
57
00:02:25,801 --> 00:02:27,465
I'm not sure
I can do this.
58
00:02:28,082 --> 00:02:29,666
I think I'm a lost cause.
59
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,174
Would you just
trust me?
60
00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:33,644
If it can work for me,
it can work for anybody.
61
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:35,855
OK.
62
00:02:36,027 --> 00:02:38,181
I'm going to
introduce you to every expert
63
00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:41,308
in the field of sexuality
until you find your orgasm.
64
00:02:55,115 --> 00:02:57,442
Because we live in such
a sexually repressed culture,
65
00:02:57,467 --> 00:03:00,330
any investigation or talking
about that makes you a pervert,
66
00:03:00,355 --> 00:03:02,349
because we're terrified
of sexual desire.
67
00:03:02,381 --> 00:03:04,723
All religions shame sexuality.
68
00:03:04,748 --> 00:03:07,279
It's like, watch out, it's bad,
it's naughty, et cetera.
69
00:03:07,412 --> 00:03:08,842
Other than procreation.
70
00:03:08,967 --> 00:03:11,037
Because that happens to help
build our numbers
71
00:03:11,062 --> 00:03:12,062
in our religion.
72
00:03:12,087 --> 00:03:15,224
Sex is what animals do,
and we are animals.
73
00:03:15,623 --> 00:03:18,504
And making love
is a different business.
74
00:03:18,529 --> 00:03:20,592
When I talk to women about
sex drive, for example,
75
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:22,692
or libido, that happens to be
76
00:03:22,717 --> 00:03:24,490
the biggest sexual complaint
in America.
77
00:03:24,515 --> 00:03:27,068
This is baffling to me.
78
00:03:27,279 --> 00:03:30,738
How can we be still sexually
illiterate in the 21st century?
79
00:03:30,763 --> 00:03:33,834
Learning sex is just like
learning to play an instrument.
80
00:03:34,326 --> 00:03:36,875
We all have natural
musical ability.
81
00:03:36,900 --> 00:03:38,473
Everyone has a sense of rhythm,
82
00:03:38,498 --> 00:03:40,887
but whether you learn to play
the piano or not is up to you.
83
00:03:40,919 --> 00:03:42,099
I think that women don't know
84
00:03:42,124 --> 00:03:44,310
that they're entitled
to have great sex.
85
00:03:44,335 --> 00:03:46,879
And I don't think they know that
their bodies are capable of it.
86
00:03:46,904 --> 00:03:50,513
I was not having cataclysmic
sexual experiences.
87
00:03:50,732 --> 00:03:52,326
But I knew that there was more.
88
00:03:52,351 --> 00:03:54,176
I didn't know there was more.
89
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,365
I actually thought women
were lying
90
00:03:56,663 --> 00:03:57,973
when they said there was more.
91
00:03:57,998 --> 00:04:00,131
When they said they had
full-body orgasms
92
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,682
or sex was fabulous.
93
00:04:01,707 --> 00:04:03,420
The question we need
to ask ourselves,
94
00:04:03,445 --> 00:04:04,646
we need to ask everyone,
95
00:04:04,671 --> 00:04:08,537
is, "Are you ready to play
a larger game?"
96
00:04:12,865 --> 00:04:15,396
As a man,
I have no idea about women.
97
00:04:15,633 --> 00:04:16,653
Still?
98
00:04:16,848 --> 00:04:19,295
I'm still learning.
I'm still learning.
99
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,443
You never learn completely
about women.
100
00:04:22,468 --> 00:04:23,525
Why?
101
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:26,599
Why? Because they are
opposite to us.
102
00:04:26,894 --> 00:04:28,785
Completely opposite to us.
103
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:32,381
Do you think that men and women
separate their mind and body
104
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,606
the same way,
or do you think that women
105
00:04:34,631 --> 00:04:37,718
are more inclined to do that,
to sort of disconnect
106
00:04:37,743 --> 00:04:39,529
between the head
and what lies beneath?
107
00:04:39,554 --> 00:04:41,670
Can a woman have a satisfying
sexual experience
108
00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:43,474
if she's disconnected
from her body?
109
00:04:43,499 --> 00:04:46,363
Absolutely not, impossible.
110
00:04:46,388 --> 00:04:48,472
Can a man
have a sexual experience,
111
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:50,023
maybe not hugely satisfying,
112
00:04:50,048 --> 00:04:52,949
if he's not really in his body,
absolutely.
113
00:04:52,974 --> 00:04:56,365
Men reach orgasm fairly easily,
most men do, anyway.
114
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,660
The women, you have to know
how to do it,
115
00:04:58,685 --> 00:05:00,451
and, of course,
women themselves know how--
116
00:05:00,476 --> 00:05:03,888
Well...?
117
00:05:03,913 --> 00:05:05,537
Yes, some don't, that's true.
118
00:05:05,562 --> 00:05:07,692
In fact, there are places
in the world
119
00:05:07,717 --> 00:05:11,953
where you ask the women
how often do you have orgasm,
120
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,632
and they don't even know
what you mean.
121
00:05:13,657 --> 00:05:15,817
A lot of people in our culture
feel like they're broken
122
00:05:15,844 --> 00:05:18,084
or something's wrong with them
because they're not having
123
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,459
the mind-blowing orgasm.
124
00:05:19,484 --> 00:05:22,145
And it's not that you're broken.
125
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:24,316
It's that you have a lack
of sex education.
126
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,201
The question is,
how do I have an orgasm?
127
00:05:26,420 --> 00:05:28,895
Is it a kind of pathetic,
spasmodic...
128
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,131
-Sneeze
-...seven-second...
129
00:05:30,156 --> 00:05:31,623
...sneeze, thank you...
130
00:05:31,648 --> 00:05:34,457
or is it this full experience,
131
00:05:34,482 --> 00:05:36,317
where the heart is fucked open
to God,
132
00:05:36,342 --> 00:05:39,606
where the entire body shudders
with quivering tenderness,
133
00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:41,459
opening up the heavens
and the earth
134
00:05:41,484 --> 00:05:42,868
in this ecstatic merger
135
00:05:42,893 --> 00:05:45,078
which reveals the ultimate
essence of all that is?
136
00:05:45,103 --> 00:05:48,401
-Yes! I say yes!
-Thank you, thank God!
137
00:05:48,426 --> 00:05:50,849
That's the orgasm
I want to have.
138
00:05:51,805 --> 00:05:53,723
When women are looking
for a man,
139
00:05:53,748 --> 00:05:56,443
subconsciously they're looking
for this real man
140
00:05:56,468 --> 00:05:57,818
who can give me an orgasm.
141
00:05:57,843 --> 00:06:00,052
Do all men think they're
great fucks?
142
00:06:00,077 --> 00:06:01,927
It's cultural
conditioning, yeah.
143
00:06:01,952 --> 00:06:03,271
So, yes.
144
00:06:07,382 --> 00:06:09,693
But you know what, so do women.
145
00:06:11,553 --> 00:06:15,231
Normal penetration lasts between
two and seven minutes.
146
00:06:15,256 --> 00:06:17,231
-What? That's it?
-Yeah, that's it.
147
00:06:17,256 --> 00:06:19,481
And it takes between 20
and 45 minutes
148
00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:21,490
for a woman to become
fully aroused.
149
00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:23,754
That doesn't work very well
hand in hand, does it now?
150
00:06:23,779 --> 00:06:24,865
Yes, exactly.
151
00:06:24,890 --> 00:06:26,942
The ability to stay aroused
152
00:06:26,967 --> 00:06:30,832
in a relationship
which is sustained is huge.
153
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:33,176
So let's offer two things
which I think are just
154
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,896
so critical, and without it,
we can't move.
155
00:06:36,217 --> 00:06:41,349
The first is that each partner
has to take responsibility
156
00:06:41,374 --> 00:06:42,849
for their own arousal.
157
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,420
What we usually do is the man
says to the woman,
158
00:06:46,445 --> 00:06:47,460
"Turn me on."
159
00:06:47,927 --> 00:06:50,486
The woman says to the man,
"Arouse me."
160
00:06:50,585 --> 00:06:52,695
Now, that should
absolutely happen --
161
00:06:52,795 --> 00:06:54,606
the man should
ravish his woman,
162
00:06:54,631 --> 00:06:57,868
the woman should be
a radiant goddess for her man --
163
00:06:57,912 --> 00:07:00,209
but that's only half
the story.
164
00:07:00,404 --> 00:07:03,498
The other half of the story is,
I need to take responsibility
165
00:07:03,523 --> 00:07:05,443
for my arousal,
and the way I do that
166
00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:07,037
in a monogamous relationship
167
00:07:07,131 --> 00:07:10,177
is that I eroticize
all of my partner.
168
00:07:10,474 --> 00:07:12,582
When women don't take
responsibility
169
00:07:12,607 --> 00:07:15,412
for their sexuality,
they split off from it.
170
00:07:15,552 --> 00:07:17,777
They either wait for someone
to come rescue them,
171
00:07:17,802 --> 00:07:21,404
or they project the perceived
negative aspects
172
00:07:21,429 --> 00:07:23,084
onto somebody else.
173
00:07:23,342 --> 00:07:25,310
I just have been
174
00:07:25,335 --> 00:07:29,521
blaming my lovers
for my dissatisfaction
175
00:07:29,546 --> 00:07:33,365
and have been completely
shut down in my body.
176
00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:42,652
There's a whole network
of erectile tissue
177
00:07:42,677 --> 00:07:46,285
in a woman's body,
in her vaginal area.
178
00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:48,660
It looks like a penis
turned inside out, really.
179
00:07:48,685 --> 00:07:50,443
Like split in half
and turned inside out.
180
00:07:50,468 --> 00:07:52,709
We have as much erectile tissue
internally
181
00:07:52,734 --> 00:07:54,240
as a man has externally.
182
00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,162
Pound for pound,
inch for inch,
183
00:07:57,349 --> 00:08:00,387
women have a penis's worth
of erectile tissue.
184
00:08:00,412 --> 00:08:03,271
It just takes us 20 to 45
minutes to get a hard-on.
185
00:08:03,296 --> 00:08:05,177
The vagina
is from the same tissue
186
00:08:05,202 --> 00:08:07,012
that makes the shaft
of the penis.
187
00:08:07,037 --> 00:08:09,564
The clitoris is from the same
tissue at the head of the penis.
188
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,365
Your clitoris has 6,000
to 8,000 nerve endings,
189
00:08:12,390 --> 00:08:14,186
and it's an extraordinary tool
190
00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:16,451
that's just there
for your pleasure.
191
00:08:28,433 --> 00:08:31,211
I've experienced
two very different type
192
00:08:31,342 --> 00:08:33,248
of orgasm/climaxes,
193
00:08:33,273 --> 00:08:34,763
that I didn't know existed.
194
00:08:34,788 --> 00:08:36,295
One was this
195
00:08:36,537 --> 00:08:40,804
type of climax that I literally
had to force to happen.
196
00:08:40,904 --> 00:08:43,740
It's like it was very
will-induced.
197
00:08:43,765 --> 00:08:47,637
And there was a lot of pressure
around it and stress.
198
00:08:47,662 --> 00:08:50,347
I have to say, like physical,
muscular tension
199
00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:52,777
and withholding of breath
and clenching.
200
00:08:52,802 --> 00:08:56,236
Then there was this other orgasm
that was very elusive,
201
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,738
that just happened to me.
202
00:08:57,838 --> 00:09:00,084
And I didn't have
to do anything.
203
00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:01,645
And I think there's a confusion.
204
00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:03,535
We've had so many discussions
with girlfriends
205
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:05,119
and they don't know
the difference.
206
00:09:05,818 --> 00:09:10,208
The clitoris is where you have
the light bulb orgasms.
207
00:09:10,308 --> 00:09:13,568
Clitoral orgasms
are very exciting.
208
00:09:14,052 --> 00:09:17,232
Cervical orgasms,
vaginal orgasms,
209
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:18,701
are voluptuous.
210
00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:20,741
The orgasms that happen for me
211
00:09:20,766 --> 00:09:23,238
45 minutes
into a love-making session
212
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:25,309
are completely different
than the ones that happen
213
00:09:25,334 --> 00:09:27,162
20 minutes
into a love-making session.
214
00:09:27,187 --> 00:09:29,535
So there is
this cumulative effect.
215
00:09:29,560 --> 00:09:31,621
The longer we're bringing
that arousal,
216
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:34,399
the more juices are flowing,
literally,
217
00:09:34,424 --> 00:09:35,734
the more blood --
218
00:09:35,759 --> 00:09:37,965
It's just like everything's
enriched, engorged.
219
00:09:37,990 --> 00:09:41,244
The body is working
at its optimum capacity.
220
00:09:41,424 --> 00:09:46,375
I definitely feel like I've had
a varied experience
221
00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:48,246
with all different types
of orgasms.
222
00:09:48,271 --> 00:09:50,291
Some are full-body,
some are more...
223
00:09:50,862 --> 00:09:52,367
soul shattering.
224
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:55,642
How long do you think
your orgasms last?
225
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:57,166
Uh...
226
00:09:57,191 --> 00:09:58,220
Minutes.
227
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,681
Are you talking
or am I talking?
228
00:10:03,666 --> 00:10:05,703
As soon as he ejaculates,
he has to go to sleep.
229
00:10:05,728 --> 00:10:08,930
And you haven't even started,
he's gone to sleep.
230
00:10:08,955 --> 00:10:12,142
It's true. It would be good
to have lots of men lined up.
231
00:10:12,167 --> 00:10:13,388
Absolutely.
232
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:17,775
The masters of old used to say
the man should enter soft
233
00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:19,986
and come out hard.
234
00:10:20,011 --> 00:10:22,774
Not go in hard, finish himself,
235
00:10:22,799 --> 00:10:24,791
come out soft,
meaning he's depleted.
236
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:27,994
He should come out more virile
than when he started.
237
00:10:28,142 --> 00:10:29,939
Which is not that easy to do.
238
00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:32,304
-How do you get it in?
-She stuffs him in.
239
00:10:32,384 --> 00:10:34,585
Like she folds
the socks together.
240
00:10:34,610 --> 00:10:38,227
-Oh, so you fold the penis...
-You fold him in, stuff him in,
241
00:10:38,368 --> 00:10:41,501
and he grows
and lengthens inside you.
242
00:10:41,526 --> 00:10:43,257
-Hopefully.
-Hopefully.
243
00:10:43,282 --> 00:10:46,712
Well, with a little squeezing
of the muscles, this can happen.
244
00:10:46,766 --> 00:10:48,313
OK, we're going to discuss
245
00:10:48,338 --> 00:10:53,187
everything from mapping
the female genitals,
246
00:10:53,462 --> 00:10:55,938
which, you would think
we would know what's going on
247
00:10:55,963 --> 00:10:58,024
between our legs,
but actually we don't.
248
00:11:14,188 --> 00:11:16,242
I don't like to go to the gym,
but when I have been
249
00:11:16,267 --> 00:11:18,343
and I'm in the shower,
I make a point of making sure
250
00:11:18,368 --> 00:11:21,405
I look at every woman's vagina
to compare my own to,
251
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,756
because it's the only chance
I get if I don't look at porn,
252
00:11:23,781 --> 00:11:26,016
-which is not accurate.
-Those aren't even real.
253
00:11:26,041 --> 00:11:28,469
You can't even see
the full vagina.
254
00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:29,993
No, but I do my best.
255
00:11:30,756 --> 00:11:32,825
I'm so curious.
256
00:11:33,261 --> 00:11:34,996
If they were celebrated
everywhere,
257
00:11:35,021 --> 00:11:37,577
if we had these massive shrines
to them,
258
00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:39,683
I think we would be like,
"That's right, mm-hmm."
259
00:11:39,708 --> 00:11:42,539
We should be able to spread
our legs and go, "Wow!"
260
00:11:42,726 --> 00:11:46,031
Women have all
of these pleasure parts
261
00:11:46,056 --> 00:11:47,562
that most of us
don't know about.
262
00:11:47,587 --> 00:11:48,828
We don't know.
263
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:51,023
Our healthcare providers
don't know.
264
00:11:51,125 --> 00:11:55,287
The sex books, the textbooks,
most tantra teachers,
265
00:11:55,312 --> 00:11:57,992
sexuality teachers,
sex educators,
266
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,907
midwives, doctors -- they don't
know this stuff is there.
267
00:12:00,932 --> 00:12:01,975
Why?
268
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,082
The first edition
ofJoy of Sex
269
00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:05,654
did not mention
the word "clitoris."
270
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:06,687
Really?
271
00:12:06,712 --> 00:12:08,780
-You're kidding.
-I kid you not.
272
00:12:09,078 --> 00:12:12,242
Didn't really focus that much
on female pleasure, actually.
273
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:15,476
So we got back one part
of the clitoris.
274
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,648
And then we got
the "G spot."
275
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,933
Um, which isn't a spot
276
00:12:20,958 --> 00:12:24,195
and the Dr. Grafenberg,
who it's named after,
277
00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:25,395
didn't have one.
278
00:12:25,420 --> 00:12:28,053
So I don't really care
for that name.
279
00:12:28,078 --> 00:12:30,515
The only problem is it's not
actually a spot.
280
00:12:30,540 --> 00:12:32,485
It's a tube of erectile tissue
281
00:12:32,510 --> 00:12:34,734
that surrounds the tube
of the urethra.
282
00:12:39,969 --> 00:12:41,851
Do you know where
your G spot is?
283
00:12:41,876 --> 00:12:42,897
Yes.
284
00:12:42,922 --> 00:12:45,070
This is the clitoris.
285
00:12:45,914 --> 00:12:48,836
This, therefore,
would be the G spot,
286
00:12:49,179 --> 00:12:50,781
which we're not calling
a G spot anymore.
287
00:12:50,806 --> 00:12:53,148
-No, fuck the G spot.
-Fuck the G spot.
288
00:12:54,047 --> 00:12:55,664
-Sacred spot.
-Sacred spot.
289
00:12:55,689 --> 00:12:56,761
Whoo!
290
00:12:56,785 --> 00:12:59,461
-Have you mapped your G spot?
-No.
291
00:12:59,486 --> 00:13:01,780
So, mapping,
it's like a clock face.
292
00:13:01,805 --> 00:13:04,498
You want to see your G spot
like a clock face.
293
00:13:04,523 --> 00:13:06,570
Let's say you're at
the twelve o'clock position,
294
00:13:07,004 --> 00:13:09,907
and you would do like,
OK, now I'm doing
295
00:13:09,932 --> 00:13:12,826
back and forth
with medium pressure.
296
00:13:12,851 --> 00:13:15,437
On a scale of 1 to 5,
how arousing is that?
297
00:13:15,797 --> 00:13:17,288
-Yeah.
-So it might be side to side,
298
00:13:17,313 --> 00:13:19,350
it might be more
of the "come hither."
299
00:13:19,375 --> 00:13:21,976
I say anchor and pull
instead of "come hither."
300
00:13:22,039 --> 00:13:24,758
So this is like
what normal sex does,
301
00:13:24,783 --> 00:13:25,992
is friction over,
302
00:13:26,095 --> 00:13:28,461
versus anchoring in
and pulling towards.
303
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:29,834
Do you see the difference?
304
00:13:29,930 --> 00:13:32,595
So you're anchoring underneath
and pulling away.
305
00:13:32,695 --> 00:13:35,272
This is the area where
the Grafenberg spot is.
306
00:13:35,297 --> 00:13:36,561
And that's where
it will swell.
307
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:39,039
But you have to use
quite a bit of pressure.
308
00:13:39,195 --> 00:13:42,313
It's not just a nice --
you have to use two fingers.
309
00:13:42,413 --> 00:13:45,264
-You really wanna come here!
-You really wanna come here!
310
00:13:45,289 --> 00:13:47,156
It's hard to stimulate
with a penis.
311
00:13:47,181 --> 00:13:48,475
A lot easier with fingers.
312
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,984
You could do it with a penis
but at quite an angle.
313
00:13:51,237 --> 00:13:53,820
The clitoris has a shaft,
314
00:13:54,346 --> 00:13:55,992
which is under the hood.
315
00:13:56,017 --> 00:13:57,529
The clitoris has legs,
316
00:13:57,554 --> 00:14:00,547
which extend 3 to 4 inches
down on either side,
317
00:14:00,572 --> 00:14:02,562
like a fat wishbone.
318
00:14:02,642 --> 00:14:04,680
And that's just the three parts
of the clitoris.
319
00:14:04,705 --> 00:14:06,648
all made of erectile tissue.
320
00:14:06,673 --> 00:14:08,139
There's the vestibular bulbs,
321
00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:11,676
which are two big, fat wads
of erectile tissue.
322
00:14:11,701 --> 00:14:14,890
-Mm. That sounds so good.
-I know.
323
00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:16,339
Pleasure in a woman's body
324
00:14:16,364 --> 00:14:19,453
is the offering that we make
to the divine.
325
00:14:19,478 --> 00:14:22,847
And the expression of pleasure
in the body
326
00:14:22,872 --> 00:14:24,906
is something that's hard
for most women.
327
00:14:25,593 --> 00:14:29,359
Because we've been shut down,
right, and it's not safe.
328
00:14:29,578 --> 00:14:33,406
My earliest memories were where
I was very orgasmic
329
00:14:33,431 --> 00:14:34,555
at a very early age
330
00:14:34,580 --> 00:14:38,492
and was utterly ashamed
because of it
331
00:14:38,898 --> 00:14:41,162
and would spend hours
in the gym class
332
00:14:41,187 --> 00:14:44,140
at the top of the ropes where
no one could see me coming.
333
00:14:44,413 --> 00:14:45,816
Like this.
334
00:14:47,682 --> 00:14:51,295
Like a little monkey.
Like a bonobo.
335
00:14:51,320 --> 00:14:53,883
Oh, you are a bonobo!
336
00:14:53,908 --> 00:14:56,156
Play with gifting yourself,
337
00:14:56,181 --> 00:14:59,049
giving yourself
pleasure sessions.
338
00:14:59,074 --> 00:15:01,351
I've been conditioned
for so many years,
339
00:15:01,376 --> 00:15:03,281
because I've been
self-pleasuring
340
00:15:03,306 --> 00:15:04,721
since I was very young,
341
00:15:04,746 --> 00:15:07,240
to do it from such
a negative place.
342
00:15:07,265 --> 00:15:10,281
You know, it's what's turned me
on has been so negative.
343
00:15:11,109 --> 00:15:13,976
So the idea of doing
something tender and...
344
00:15:14,505 --> 00:15:17,155
It's just like,
"That's gonna turn me on?"
345
00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:20,756
Forget the orgasm stuff for now.
Focus on the pleasure.
346
00:15:20,781 --> 00:15:23,336
And run little experiments
and notice what happens
347
00:15:23,361 --> 00:15:25,686
and when anything good happens,
practice that.
348
00:15:25,711 --> 00:15:29,344
The best way to get to
the orgasm is to let go of it.
349
00:15:29,369 --> 00:15:30,373
Yeah.
350
00:15:30,398 --> 00:15:35,398
Pleasure practice is, in fact,
the attention towards opening
351
00:15:35,423 --> 00:15:36,617
and relaxing.
352
00:15:36,844 --> 00:15:40,608
There's specific aspects
like dancing,
353
00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:44,390
like being with your animals,
like being in beauty.
354
00:15:44,415 --> 00:15:46,281
Like being in nature.
355
00:15:46,788 --> 00:15:49,920
Smells, sounds,
delicious foods.
356
00:15:49,945 --> 00:15:54,109
All of those things
automatically open the body.
357
00:15:54,961 --> 00:15:57,232
So this brings us to pleasure
and the body
358
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,967
and women, and women's
orgasmic potential.
359
00:15:59,992 --> 00:16:03,600
The Hitachi Magic Wand was,
for a number of years,
360
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:07,008
the most popular masturbatory
device in the United States.
361
00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:08,493
It's hard core,
362
00:16:08,518 --> 00:16:11,226
the amount of voltage coming out
of that thing.
363
00:16:11,251 --> 00:16:13,076
-How big is it?
-It's...
364
00:16:13,101 --> 00:16:16,001
You can put all penises aside
when you have one of those.
365
00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:17,992
But it's not used internally,
of course.
366
00:16:18,017 --> 00:16:20,240
It's an external massage device.
367
00:16:20,265 --> 00:16:22,984
Why have something so big
for just the clit?
368
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:25,117
'Cause it works wonders.
369
00:16:25,142 --> 00:16:26,422
Oh, OK.
370
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,726
I mean, as opposed to like
a "zzz,"
371
00:16:28,751 --> 00:16:30,711
it's like "ZZZ!"
372
00:16:30,736 --> 00:16:33,195
It's kind of scary, actually.
373
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:36,108
Vibrators were invented
by doctors
374
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:37,969
who didn't want to actually
touch women
375
00:16:37,994 --> 00:16:41,984
because it was considered that
orgasms cured hysteria.
376
00:16:42,086 --> 00:16:44,578
There's something that
a woman has designed
377
00:16:44,603 --> 00:16:46,773
called the Crystal Wand.
378
00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,408
It actually has a little handle,
379
00:16:48,433 --> 00:16:50,410
and it's beautifully curved.
380
00:16:50,435 --> 00:16:52,398
It's not the size of a penis
at all.
381
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:54,194
It's... it's delicate.
382
00:16:54,219 --> 00:16:56,742
-More like the size of a finger?
Yes, like the size of a finger.
383
00:16:56,767 --> 00:17:00,647
It's a delicate piece
of assistance
384
00:17:00,672 --> 00:17:04,945
to help keep
the energy in there awake.
385
00:17:06,078 --> 00:17:07,897
By the way,
if anybody's worried about it,
386
00:17:07,922 --> 00:17:11,195
the stats are that in couples
where they self-cultivate,
387
00:17:11,242 --> 00:17:13,156
they have more partnered sex.
388
00:17:13,289 --> 00:17:15,615
It does not take the place
of partnered sex.
389
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,366
It's not like somehow
if you touch yourself,
390
00:17:17,391 --> 00:17:20,312
you're not going to want
your mate -- not true.
391
00:17:36,679 --> 00:17:39,445
Most of our body parts
were named by men.
392
00:17:39,633 --> 00:17:43,125
So there's this lack of sort
of sensual sensitivity
393
00:17:43,150 --> 00:17:44,912
to the anatomy.
394
00:17:44,937 --> 00:17:46,429
So, what do we do
with our vaginas,
395
00:17:46,454 --> 00:17:47,843
do we just make something up?
396
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:50,270
What would that word be?
What would it look like?
397
00:17:50,295 --> 00:17:51,638
How many syllables
would it have?
398
00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:53,983
The most accurate word
would be "vulva."
399
00:17:54,008 --> 00:17:55,578
It sounds like a bloody car.
400
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:59,146
I think it's important to
reclaim every single word
401
00:17:59,171 --> 00:18:02,076
that has been identified
as our genitals.
402
00:18:02,101 --> 00:18:04,226
And I don't mind going back
historically
403
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,679
and reclaiming "cunt,"
404
00:18:05,788 --> 00:18:09,890
because it was like
not an insult, originally.
405
00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:13,671
And in fact, it was like
a very honoring term.
406
00:18:14,249 --> 00:18:17,132
What I'd invite you to do
with all of the media images
407
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:19,258
and all of the stuff that you've
been bombarded with
408
00:18:19,283 --> 00:18:21,010
that has a negative like, ecch,
409
00:18:21,110 --> 00:18:23,857
is to start creating
your own new images.
410
00:18:23,882 --> 00:18:26,944
In our culture right now,
coming on a woman's face
411
00:18:26,969 --> 00:18:29,005
is more like a degrading thing,
412
00:18:29,030 --> 00:18:31,349
as opposed to seeing it
as something beautiful
413
00:18:31,374 --> 00:18:33,263
and something that is
life giving.
414
00:18:33,288 --> 00:18:36,123
The idea of Amrita for
the female sexual fluids,
415
00:18:36,148 --> 00:18:39,153
that this is like the divine
nectar of a goddess.
416
00:18:39,253 --> 00:18:41,446
And you can think of it the same
way with a man,
417
00:18:41,546 --> 00:18:44,099
like this is the divine
nectar of a man.
418
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:50,756
However, I'm more concerned
by what he is feeling
419
00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:52,491
when he ejaculates.
420
00:18:52,655 --> 00:18:55,952
And if he is feeling
negativity
421
00:18:55,977 --> 00:18:57,975
and objectifying me.
422
00:18:58,092 --> 00:19:00,544
Because it's very hard for me
then to transcend that
423
00:19:00,569 --> 00:19:04,192
into my own version of, "OK,
I'm absorbing his essence,"
424
00:19:04,217 --> 00:19:05,841
even though he may be thinking,
425
00:19:05,866 --> 00:19:09,475
"I'm gonna fucking come all over
her fucking face, that cunt."
426
00:19:09,678 --> 00:19:11,218
Why are you sleeping
with that person?
427
00:19:11,243 --> 00:19:13,045
No, I'm not sleeping
with that person,
428
00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:16,481
but that's where my mind
goes to,
429
00:19:16,506 --> 00:19:19,143
because of the images
that I've absorbed
430
00:19:19,168 --> 00:19:20,486
throughout my life
431
00:19:20,511 --> 00:19:24,272
and through my own sexual
experiences in my past.
432
00:19:24,491 --> 00:19:26,920
Can you reframe objectification?
433
00:19:26,945 --> 00:19:27,947
Please.
434
00:19:27,972 --> 00:19:31,544
So, instead of being an object
in a negative sense,
435
00:19:31,569 --> 00:19:34,249
being like,
"You're irresistible."
436
00:19:34,522 --> 00:19:36,335
You are so hot and irresistible
437
00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,216
that he just has to have
an orgasm.
438
00:19:38,241 --> 00:19:40,496
It's more like idolizing
rather than objectifying.
439
00:19:40,521 --> 00:19:41,853
Yes, like they're idolizing you.
440
00:19:41,878 --> 00:19:43,738
You're so irresistible,
you're so hot.
441
00:19:43,763 --> 00:19:44,949
OK, that I like.
442
00:19:46,668 --> 00:19:48,138
So you become what you believe,
443
00:19:48,238 --> 00:19:52,843
and you must believe yourself
to be this vibrant, juicy,
444
00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:56,549
powerful, self-healing
majestic creature,
445
00:19:56,574 --> 00:19:58,316
because that is truly
what you are.
446
00:19:58,451 --> 00:19:59,641
A woman.
447
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,378
We need to make new language,
so for example,
448
00:20:02,403 --> 00:20:04,654
what's the word
for a clit erection?
449
00:20:04,933 --> 00:20:08,371
OK, men have "boner," "hard-on,"
"morning wood."
450
00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:10,707
Tumescence. Tumy.
451
00:20:10,732 --> 00:20:12,246
I have never
heard this word before.
452
00:20:12,271 --> 00:20:13,714
It means engorgement,
apparently.
453
00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:15,016
I got a tumy?
454
00:20:16,496 --> 00:20:18,324
That sounds like a suitcase.
455
00:20:18,349 --> 00:20:19,589
What about a hoodie?
456
00:20:19,710 --> 00:20:21,972
A standing-O?
Like a standing ovation?
457
00:20:21,997 --> 00:20:23,248
Oh, I like that.
458
00:20:23,273 --> 00:20:26,222
Like, I have a standing-O
for so-and-so.
459
00:20:26,247 --> 00:20:27,775
I got a throb.
460
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:28,894
What about a whale?
461
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:32,257
-Really, a whale in your pants?
-I got a whaler.
462
00:20:32,282 --> 00:20:34,613
I think that the earthquake ones
are really good.
463
00:20:34,638 --> 00:20:35,972
Like an 8.0?
464
00:20:35,997 --> 00:20:38,106
An 8.0, oh, I love that.
465
00:20:38,131 --> 00:20:41,277
Blue balls, right?
How many blue clits are there?
466
00:20:47,164 --> 00:20:49,189
No human is just masculine
or feminine.
467
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:52,019
The masculine and the man,
you know, ask a guy,
468
00:20:52,044 --> 00:20:53,112
how is he feeling?
469
00:20:53,137 --> 00:20:54,788
Good, OK.
470
00:20:54,813 --> 00:20:56,097
What are you thinking?
Nothing.
471
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,511
What are you thinking? Nothing.
472
00:20:57,536 --> 00:21:01,900
When you have a wife
and six children in a cave
473
00:21:01,925 --> 00:21:06,183
in the middle of winter
and you go out and track a deer
474
00:21:06,285 --> 00:21:10,189
and that deer has a baby,
you better be dull enough
475
00:21:10,214 --> 00:21:12,635
that you don't feel
enough compassion
476
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:14,814
to not kill the mother
and the baby
477
00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:17,964
because otherwise
your whole tribe will die.
478
00:21:18,058 --> 00:21:19,918
Why do I have
a hard time with that?
479
00:21:19,943 --> 00:21:22,746
Because you're a woman
and life
480
00:21:22,771 --> 00:21:26,160
and the sustaining of life
and the exchange of love
481
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:27,830
is the most important thing.
482
00:21:27,855 --> 00:21:32,252
Everybody has an internal female
and an internal male.
483
00:21:32,277 --> 00:21:36,807
So woman have a male that is
actually there for them to use.
484
00:21:36,832 --> 00:21:40,932
What they end up doing is,
they use it in an unhealthy way.
485
00:21:40,957 --> 00:21:43,879
So what that looks like is
the aggressiveness,
486
00:21:43,904 --> 00:21:47,010
the control, the domination.
487
00:21:47,035 --> 00:21:50,441
But those are actually
unhealthy male qualities
488
00:21:50,466 --> 00:21:51,488
even in a male.
489
00:21:51,589 --> 00:21:53,644
Women are not happy
with modern men.
490
00:21:54,027 --> 00:21:56,869
Thousands and thousands
of women told me about,
491
00:21:56,894 --> 00:21:59,433
why can't they find a guy
who's just gonna man up?
492
00:21:59,519 --> 00:22:01,941
But when they run across
a man who does,
493
00:22:02,035 --> 00:22:03,732
they go, "He's acting like
a caveman,
494
00:22:03,832 --> 00:22:06,277
he's not being sensitive,"
and so yeah.
495
00:22:06,302 --> 00:22:09,313
-That is so funny.
-Not from a man's point of view.
496
00:22:09,338 --> 00:22:12,183
I can't help that.
I mean, I want the ape man.
497
00:22:12,285 --> 00:22:14,589
But then when he does something
apelike, I'm horrified.
498
00:22:14,614 --> 00:22:16,478
It just hasn't really
occurred to me,
499
00:22:16,503 --> 00:22:20,814
in my little nucleus of a family
and my relationship with my man,
500
00:22:20,839 --> 00:22:23,103
I didn't think he was still
a Neanderthal.
501
00:22:23,128 --> 00:22:26,535
Well, actually, I do call him
a Neanderthal at times.
502
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:29,402
But hasn't he evolved
away from that cave?
503
00:22:29,785 --> 00:22:33,178
Yes, he has, but the first thing
that happens is
504
00:22:33,203 --> 00:22:35,277
survival needs to be handled.
505
00:22:35,347 --> 00:22:38,939
What is the disparity
between the female...
506
00:22:38,964 --> 00:22:41,330
Just the undulations between
all those emotions.
507
00:22:41,355 --> 00:22:43,941
There is no undulation
in the masculine.
508
00:22:43,966 --> 00:22:45,385
-None?
-None.
509
00:22:45,410 --> 00:22:49,972
You have to imagine
if your masculine is the pole,
510
00:22:50,058 --> 00:22:53,365
the unwavering pole
of consciousness
511
00:22:53,390 --> 00:22:56,566
that you can undulate around?
512
00:23:06,353 --> 00:23:11,300
The pole is, to me,
it's a symbol
513
00:23:11,392 --> 00:23:13,275
of the fourth wave
of feminism,
514
00:23:13,308 --> 00:23:16,535
which I believe is coming,
we're on it, we're in it.
515
00:23:18,347 --> 00:23:20,842
But it is the wave
of sexual reclamation,
516
00:23:20,867 --> 00:23:23,330
body reclamation,
feminine body reclamation,
517
00:23:23,355 --> 00:23:25,714
and within that body
resides our sexuality.
518
00:23:25,739 --> 00:23:27,425
We are sexual creatures, right?
519
00:23:27,527 --> 00:23:29,753
Our breasts curve,
our hips curve,
520
00:23:29,778 --> 00:23:34,002
our asses curve,
our legs curve, our necks curve.
521
00:23:34,027 --> 00:23:37,150
We're just these wonderful,
curvy, beautiful creatures,
522
00:23:37,175 --> 00:23:40,221
and our bodies are meant
to attract
523
00:23:40,246 --> 00:23:43,197
and have conversations
with everybody,
524
00:23:43,222 --> 00:23:45,471
very specifically
the masculine energy
525
00:23:45,496 --> 00:23:48,285
and the masculine eye
and the masculine body,
526
00:23:48,310 --> 00:23:51,135
and the feminine has to master
the dance
527
00:23:51,160 --> 00:23:53,230
between her feminine
and masculine energy.
528
00:23:53,255 --> 00:23:54,503
It's a dance.
529
00:24:00,714 --> 00:24:02,058
Curve of movement.
530
00:24:02,083 --> 00:24:03,103
Feminine movement.
531
00:24:03,128 --> 00:24:08,549
That's that big, stretchy,
round, curvy, yummy movement
532
00:24:08,574 --> 00:24:11,105
that is slow...
Yeah, yeah, beautiful.
533
00:24:11,130 --> 00:24:13,503
You're already moving
through sensuality.
534
00:24:17,215 --> 00:24:18,733
Letting the flavours move you.
535
00:24:18,758 --> 00:24:21,402
Letting them stir up
the emotion inside,
536
00:24:21,427 --> 00:24:24,097
which is allowing yourself
to feel.
537
00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:34,341
Dr. Pat Allen
will help Gabriel and me,
538
00:24:34,558 --> 00:24:38,512
um, be less masculine.
539
00:24:38,871 --> 00:24:41,339
And she's the one who said,
before I met you,
540
00:24:41,364 --> 00:24:44,301
when I was in a really
paltry relationship
541
00:24:44,326 --> 00:24:46,464
and she had just autopsied
the relationship,
542
00:24:46,489 --> 00:24:48,021
which she does very finely,
543
00:24:48,121 --> 00:24:50,111
and I said, "When am I gonna
meet a good man?"
544
00:24:50,136 --> 00:24:53,068
And she said, "When you meet
a better man than you."
545
00:24:53,527 --> 00:24:56,830
So let's say I, hypothetically,
come to you and say --
546
00:24:56,855 --> 00:24:58,535
You're asking for a friend,
right?
547
00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,836
Yes, I am.
548
00:24:59,861 --> 00:25:02,519
So, my friend
is sexually unsatisfied.
549
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:04,580
-Man or woman?
-She's a female.
550
00:25:04,605 --> 00:25:06,668
-She looks a lot like me.
-No, she's not female.
551
00:25:06,693 --> 00:25:07,908
She's male.
552
00:25:08,816 --> 00:25:12,527
You women have Yin bodies
but Yang souls.
553
00:25:13,753 --> 00:25:16,893
We use this word "chivalry,"
but it's really to describe
554
00:25:16,918 --> 00:25:19,228
this act of the masculine
showing up
555
00:25:19,253 --> 00:25:20,947
and being present
for the woman.
556
00:25:20,972 --> 00:25:23,033
That's what a lot
of modern women are craving,
557
00:25:23,058 --> 00:25:25,350
is that they have so much
masculine energy at play,
558
00:25:25,450 --> 00:25:28,439
they're dying for a place
to surrender and let go.
559
00:25:28,464 --> 00:25:32,065
My fellow insists on opening
the car door for me,
560
00:25:32,090 --> 00:25:33,400
no matter what is going on.
561
00:25:33,425 --> 00:25:35,025
There could be
a torrential downpour,
562
00:25:35,050 --> 00:25:37,079
but he walks around the car,
and I say,
563
00:25:37,104 --> 00:25:38,730
"It's OK, honey,
I'll make a run for it,"
564
00:25:38,755 --> 00:25:41,847
He ignores me completely,
and it is so fucking sexy
565
00:25:41,872 --> 00:25:43,863
to be ignored in that instance.
566
00:25:43,888 --> 00:25:44,964
Exactly.
567
00:25:45,027 --> 00:25:50,503
It's about allowing myself
to feel safe to let go.
568
00:25:50,605 --> 00:25:52,793
Like if every time he does
something like that,
569
00:25:52,818 --> 00:25:54,738
I take a moment just to go,
570
00:25:54,763 --> 00:25:57,753
"Wow, he's signaling to me
that I can let go."
571
00:25:57,778 --> 00:26:00,480
This conversation we're having
in certain circles
572
00:26:00,505 --> 00:26:02,769
would be very frowned upon,
right?
573
00:26:02,794 --> 00:26:04,582
From a strong feminist
perspective.
574
00:26:04,607 --> 00:26:08,136
I would have frowned upon this
conversation six months ago.
575
00:26:08,161 --> 00:26:11,263
That's the difference,
it's a choice, right?
576
00:26:22,536 --> 00:26:24,513
I don't think we trust
our own pleasure.
577
00:26:24,624 --> 00:26:25,935
We were taught not to.
578
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,904
We were taught pleasure
was dangerous,
579
00:26:27,929 --> 00:26:29,873
it was gonna get us
in trouble.
580
00:26:29,973 --> 00:26:34,238
It was gonna cause us
to be too wild.
581
00:26:34,263 --> 00:26:37,310
We weren't going to be pleasing
to other people.
582
00:26:37,335 --> 00:26:38,411
We'd be bad girls.
583
00:26:38,436 --> 00:26:41,474
Most of us have shut down
our sexual energy at some point
584
00:26:41,499 --> 00:26:43,817
earlier on in our lives,
when we were told
585
00:26:43,842 --> 00:26:45,488
that what we were doing
was inappropriate.
586
00:26:45,513 --> 00:26:47,605
Whether it was touching
ourselves, whatever,
587
00:26:47,630 --> 00:26:48,833
which all little children do.
588
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:52,386
We got negative messages
about our sexual energy,
589
00:26:52,411 --> 00:26:55,398
how to hide that and not to
pleasure ourselves in any way.
590
00:26:55,423 --> 00:26:56,941
I think I have been
so shut down,
591
00:26:56,966 --> 00:27:00,153
the thought of deep pleasure has
been almost terrifying to me.
592
00:27:00,253 --> 00:27:03,135
Like if I allowed myself
to feel that good,
593
00:27:03,423 --> 00:27:04,657
what does that mean?
594
00:27:04,773 --> 00:27:06,111
Am I that worthy?
595
00:27:06,619 --> 00:27:09,204
You know, I've never felt that
I've been worthy
596
00:27:09,229 --> 00:27:13,478
of that kind of release,
of feeling the bliss.
597
00:27:13,736 --> 00:27:17,235
I can read that in you, that you
don't love yourself deeply.
598
00:27:17,260 --> 00:27:21,619
No. Not even much at all,
let alone deeply.
599
00:27:22,533 --> 00:27:26,088
Do you stop yourself from having
a full experience
600
00:27:26,113 --> 00:27:27,338
because of that fear?
601
00:27:27,541 --> 00:27:30,425
I mean, it seems like you go
for that anyway.
602
00:27:31,205 --> 00:27:34,855
Well, I think I've spent
so many years trying to be
603
00:27:35,439 --> 00:27:38,361
what I want people to think
that I am
604
00:27:38,386 --> 00:27:39,900
rather than...
605
00:27:41,183 --> 00:27:43,150
being my authentic self.
606
00:27:43,502 --> 00:27:46,103
I'm sure that has to do with
not wanting to let go
607
00:27:46,128 --> 00:27:49,336
to even be able to climax,
608
00:27:49,361 --> 00:27:51,533
because it's like you have
to let go to that degree
609
00:27:51,558 --> 00:27:54,752
of appearing foolish or not
knowing what's going to happen.
610
00:27:55,502 --> 00:27:57,731
I just had this funny image
of myself
611
00:27:57,769 --> 00:27:59,588
when I would receive pleasure
as a child,
612
00:27:59,613 --> 00:28:01,456
and it was in the wrong way.
613
00:28:01,481 --> 00:28:03,797
The person who
I sought pleasure with,
614
00:28:03,822 --> 00:28:06,596
we would make a tent
in my bedroom,
615
00:28:06,642 --> 00:28:09,037
within a tent,
so that if someone were--
616
00:28:09,062 --> 00:28:10,586
'Cause there was no lock
on the door --
617
00:28:10,611 --> 00:28:12,768
if someone entered the room,
we would have enough time
618
00:28:12,793 --> 00:28:14,636
to undo what we were doing
in our pleasure
619
00:28:14,661 --> 00:28:17,010
before they got through
the two layers of the tent.
620
00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,407
And I'm thinking, maybe,
in my love making,
621
00:28:19,432 --> 00:28:20,524
I should make a tent.
622
00:28:20,549 --> 00:28:23,695
Two tents.
That's a way of creating safety.
623
00:28:23,795 --> 00:28:25,572
And when you really feel safe,
624
00:28:25,672 --> 00:28:28,049
then you can start
to feel your pleasure.
625
00:28:29,978 --> 00:28:32,195
Your goal is to actually focus
on the sensation,
626
00:28:32,220 --> 00:28:33,823
but if something
is distracting you,
627
00:28:33,848 --> 00:28:35,821
allow yourself the ability
to say,
628
00:28:35,846 --> 00:28:40,127
"Oh, that's distracting me,
I need something adjusted."
629
00:28:54,492 --> 00:28:58,189
We just have to wait
while she drifts off.
630
00:28:58,485 --> 00:29:00,096
See you later.
631
00:29:25,166 --> 00:29:28,110
So the sensual are ruled
by the mind,
632
00:29:28,135 --> 00:29:30,503
and they have a hard time
getting in their body.
633
00:29:30,528 --> 00:29:33,000
Um, a great example is like
634
00:29:33,025 --> 00:29:35,132
what I do with the sensual
wiring types in session is
635
00:29:35,157 --> 00:29:36,890
literally get them on the table
and be like,
636
00:29:36,915 --> 00:29:38,842
"OK, tell me everything
that's wrong in the room
637
00:29:38,867 --> 00:29:41,106
that needs to be adjusted
before you can settle down."
638
00:29:41,206 --> 00:29:44,267
They need to have like
all of the t's crossed
639
00:29:44,292 --> 00:29:46,783
and the i's dotted
and everything set up
640
00:29:46,808 --> 00:29:47,853
in a particular way
641
00:29:47,878 --> 00:29:51,189
so then they can settle
into their sensuality.
642
00:29:51,252 --> 00:29:54,197
Ding! Oh, yeah, I forgot
to turn the laundry over.
643
00:29:54,222 --> 00:29:55,455
The bedroom's not clean.
644
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,041
Beep. Gotta start
all over again.
645
00:29:57,066 --> 00:29:58,468
That would be me.
646
00:29:59,182 --> 00:30:00,742
Get the Swiffer out.
647
00:30:00,767 --> 00:30:03,829
So she can interrupt
her sex drive at any moment
648
00:30:03,854 --> 00:30:05,381
with any kind
of stressful thing,
649
00:30:05,406 --> 00:30:07,969
and as soon as
the stress hormones come in,
650
00:30:07,994 --> 00:30:11,219
epinephrine, norepinephrine,urrrr,arousal goes down
651
00:30:11,244 --> 00:30:12,320
and lubrication goes down
652
00:30:12,345 --> 00:30:14,764
and her sex drive
goes in the toilet again.
653
00:30:14,865 --> 00:30:16,828
Do you find it hard to get
out of your head
654
00:30:16,853 --> 00:30:18,603
and out of your thinking
and into your body?
655
00:30:18,628 --> 00:30:21,416
For a woman, totally,
100 percent. For a man, no.
656
00:30:21,495 --> 00:30:22,775
For women, yes.
657
00:30:22,916 --> 00:30:28,789
If I relax myself and I let
the day's problems go,
658
00:30:28,814 --> 00:30:30,736
the children go, whatever,
and I say,
659
00:30:30,761 --> 00:30:34,119
"OK, tonight, you know,
nothing else matters,"
660
00:30:34,144 --> 00:30:35,452
then it can happen.
661
00:30:36,096 --> 00:30:38,869
But if one thing is on my mind,
it's not gonna happen.
662
00:30:38,894 --> 00:30:40,582
I don't care how hard he tries.
663
00:30:40,766 --> 00:30:42,635
It's OK to sit there
in a meditation,
664
00:30:42,660 --> 00:30:44,289
"I love myself,
I love my body,
665
00:30:44,314 --> 00:30:46,328
I love my breasts,
I love my vagina,
666
00:30:46,353 --> 00:30:49,257
I love my thighs,"
but that's my mind talking.
667
00:30:49,282 --> 00:30:51,676
My body does not feel that
at all.
668
00:30:51,776 --> 00:30:53,649
The mind's job is to think,
so number one,
669
00:30:53,674 --> 00:30:56,057
don't make an enemy
of your mind, that is its job.
670
00:30:56,260 --> 00:30:58,258
But then you should be able
to develop a frequency
671
00:30:58,283 --> 00:31:00,594
that the mind can go
and you can keep going.
672
00:31:00,619 --> 00:31:03,760
If the mind is stopping you
from the deeper experience,
673
00:31:03,785 --> 00:31:05,867
then you're having an aversion
674
00:31:05,892 --> 00:31:08,799
and probably avoidance
of some deeper feelings.
675
00:31:08,824 --> 00:31:11,328
So to really have
a deep ability
676
00:31:11,353 --> 00:31:14,407
to hold orgasmic energy
for a long time,
677
00:31:14,432 --> 00:31:16,868
you're going to feel a lot,
678
00:31:16,894 --> 00:31:19,236
not just what you
"want to feel."
679
00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:21,297
A lot of people just want
to have a better orgasm,
680
00:31:21,322 --> 00:31:23,414
they want their relationships
to get better.
681
00:31:23,439 --> 00:31:26,166
They don't understand
that they're going to feel
682
00:31:26,236 --> 00:31:29,424
more of what they haven't
been feeling.
683
00:31:29,449 --> 00:31:31,197
I need more instruction.
684
00:31:31,222 --> 00:31:32,611
Where is the problem?
685
00:31:32,636 --> 00:31:33,666
Right here.
686
00:31:33,691 --> 00:31:36,291
But the body's still having
these experiences.
687
00:31:36,316 --> 00:31:38,485
Yes, but what's the good of that
if the mind is saying,
688
00:31:38,510 --> 00:31:40,976
"You're faking, you're lying,
you're shit, you're ugly,
689
00:31:41,001 --> 00:31:43,604
you're frigid, you're cold,
fuck you"?
690
00:31:43,629 --> 00:31:45,471
You can't stop your body
from being orgasmic.
691
00:31:45,496 --> 00:31:49,127
However horrible the things are
that you say to yourself,
692
00:31:49,221 --> 00:31:52,016
your body's still having
these profound experiences.
693
00:31:52,041 --> 00:31:55,141
But my mind is nullifying it
because I'm not able to enjoy it
694
00:31:55,166 --> 00:31:58,016
because it's...
there's such a restriction
695
00:31:58,041 --> 00:32:02,447
put on the experience
by my interpretation of it.
696
00:32:02,472 --> 00:32:03,908
My question to you is,
697
00:32:03,933 --> 00:32:06,242
how can your mind
actually prevent
698
00:32:06,267 --> 00:32:08,411
the sensation of your fingertips
on your arm?
699
00:32:08,436 --> 00:32:10,242
It can't reduce the feeling
on my arm,
700
00:32:10,267 --> 00:32:13,737
but what it can do is reduce
the experience of pleasure.
701
00:32:13,762 --> 00:32:14,806
How?
702
00:32:14,831 --> 00:32:17,682
All right, you be my lover
and stroke my arm.
703
00:32:17,707 --> 00:32:18,752
OK.
704
00:32:20,799 --> 00:32:23,219
Oh, my lover is stroking my arm.
705
00:32:23,244 --> 00:32:25,220
I wonder why he's doing that.
What's he after?
706
00:32:25,245 --> 00:32:26,981
He wants something
from me because--
707
00:32:27,006 --> 00:32:31,213
OK, so what I'm hearing
right then is that
708
00:32:31,626 --> 00:32:33,820
the moment you had this
experience, you were present,
709
00:32:33,845 --> 00:32:35,396
and then you stopped
being present
710
00:32:35,421 --> 00:32:37,703
and you went off
in your mind loopy.
711
00:32:37,728 --> 00:32:40,243
Do you remain present
while I'm talking to you
712
00:32:40,268 --> 00:32:41,486
or are you still looping?
713
00:32:41,511 --> 00:32:43,413
-Always looping.
-You're always looping.
714
00:32:43,438 --> 00:32:45,494
-You want to slap me, don't you?
-Yeah.
715
00:32:45,519 --> 00:32:46,627
Oh, no!
716
00:32:55,767 --> 00:32:59,213
The South Pole of the clitoris
is the sacred spot,
717
00:32:59,238 --> 00:33:00,494
or the G spot.
718
00:33:00,939 --> 00:33:03,432
And that's where
all of the messages
719
00:33:03,457 --> 00:33:05,049
really get to the brain,
720
00:33:05,314 --> 00:33:09,010
that I'm having orgasms here,
I'm having a great time.
721
00:33:09,252 --> 00:33:13,377
I love penetration, I love
a man's penis inside me.
722
00:33:13,447 --> 00:33:15,939
That's all being said
to your brain
723
00:33:15,964 --> 00:33:17,700
in a positive response.
724
00:33:18,215 --> 00:33:20,608
Letting yourself be penetrated
by a man
725
00:33:20,633 --> 00:33:23,336
is a deeply intimate,
deeply vulnerable,
726
00:33:23,361 --> 00:33:26,572
deeply spiritual,
deeply scary thing.
727
00:33:27,135 --> 00:33:29,710
Before physical penetration
there comes
728
00:33:29,810 --> 00:33:32,642
emotional penetration,
psychic penetration,
729
00:33:32,667 --> 00:33:34,861
spiritual penetration,
where...
730
00:33:35,274 --> 00:33:39,375
we feel a man and we feel
how stable is he.
731
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,689
When we want to be penetrated,
we have to make ourselves soft.
732
00:33:43,799 --> 00:33:46,135
What you're saying is so key.
I thought it was backwards.
733
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,760
I thought the penetration
would move me
734
00:33:48,785 --> 00:33:50,571
and would cause me to surrender,
735
00:33:50,596 --> 00:33:53,055
but it wasn't until
I completely surrendered
736
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,244
that he could actually
penetrate me effectively.
737
00:33:56,642 --> 00:34:00,523
As a man, I think, you know,
when spending time with a woman
738
00:34:00,548 --> 00:34:02,164
or a lover,
it's really important
739
00:34:02,189 --> 00:34:04,161
what you're bringing
to the space as well,
740
00:34:04,186 --> 00:34:06,246
you know, and if you're
in a relaxed state,
741
00:34:06,346 --> 00:34:08,314
women typically respond
to that, you know.
742
00:34:08,339 --> 00:34:10,635
So that's a great place
to start, checking...
743
00:34:10,660 --> 00:34:14,071
how you're breathing,
what your intention is.
744
00:34:14,096 --> 00:34:17,049
What is it that you could bring
that would, uh...
745
00:34:17,510 --> 00:34:20,783
have a woman soften
and feel safe?
746
00:34:20,924 --> 00:34:24,361
When you get penetrated by
a man who is that conscious,
747
00:34:24,447 --> 00:34:26,853
the penetration has
a different weight.
748
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,346
It's a totally
different feeling,
749
00:34:29,371 --> 00:34:32,086
when the whole totality
of existence
750
00:34:32,111 --> 00:34:35,603
presses down on this man
who then presses into you.
751
00:34:36,303 --> 00:34:38,497
I have experienced that.
752
00:34:38,589 --> 00:34:40,658
How do you teach a man
to penetrate?
753
00:34:40,860 --> 00:34:43,025
Well, he has to know
his purpose.
754
00:34:43,338 --> 00:34:47,446
He has to know what he's about,
and the most important thing is
755
00:34:47,471 --> 00:34:50,533
you cannot be more important
than his purpose,
756
00:34:50,642 --> 00:34:52,955
which, of course,
every woman hates...
757
00:34:52,980 --> 00:34:54,971
-Mm-hmm.
-...and loves.
758
00:34:55,062 --> 00:34:58,539
Yeah, it is really sexy
and annoying at the same time.
759
00:34:58,564 --> 00:35:02,111
Yes, it is sexy
and annoying as fuck!
760
00:35:09,002 --> 00:35:10,828
Catherine's been through
a process
761
00:35:10,853 --> 00:35:13,110
with one of the healers,
his name is Nityama,
762
00:35:13,135 --> 00:35:16,830
and he takes you into your body
where you're experiencing
763
00:35:16,855 --> 00:35:19,652
this wave of orgasmic pleasure.
764
00:35:19,752 --> 00:35:21,280
And we're looking for a model
765
00:35:21,305 --> 00:35:23,564
to do this demonstration
on camera because
766
00:35:23,589 --> 00:35:25,450
Catherine and I are too chicken.
767
00:35:26,529 --> 00:35:30,135
In the end of the process,
your genitals don't exist.
768
00:35:30,213 --> 00:35:32,947
You are literally
an orgasmic wave.
769
00:35:33,252 --> 00:35:37,678
I would love to experience
these long-lasting waves
770
00:35:37,703 --> 00:35:39,214
that you've
been telling me about,
771
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:43,459
but I can't really say
that I've experienced that.
772
00:35:43,484 --> 00:35:45,794
My fella and I are going to work
on the same techniques
773
00:35:45,819 --> 00:35:48,359
so I can actually
accomplish that with him.
774
00:35:52,695 --> 00:35:55,685
The two of you will do
a simple exercise,
775
00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:59,773
and you'll be able to see how
it's a metaphor of love making.
776
00:35:59,798 --> 00:36:01,283
Right hand to right hand.
777
00:36:01,669 --> 00:36:02,960
You'll close your eyes.
778
00:36:03,367 --> 00:36:07,703
Calm your mind and become aware
of your own hand.
779
00:36:08,551 --> 00:36:10,585
Your own right hand.
780
00:36:11,398 --> 00:36:13,178
I'm going to massage you
for a long time.
781
00:36:13,203 --> 00:36:15,553
I'm focusing on releasing
your negative emotions.
782
00:36:15,578 --> 00:36:18,405
You're breathing, you're
releasing negative emotions
783
00:36:18,430 --> 00:36:20,374
and then filling up
with positive emotions.
784
00:36:20,399 --> 00:36:21,799
You're moving your body
785
00:36:21,824 --> 00:36:23,608
and processing
your positive emotions.
786
00:36:23,633 --> 00:36:26,483
And now, very slowly,
787
00:36:27,593 --> 00:36:30,108
start to explore
your partner's hand.
788
00:36:30,133 --> 00:36:31,425
Where is their hand?
789
00:36:31,731 --> 00:36:34,866
You'll start moving the hand
to actually explore it.
790
00:36:39,210 --> 00:36:42,826
Go slow enough to where you
never lose sight of yourself
791
00:36:42,851 --> 00:36:45,124
or your friend's hand,
your partner's hand.
792
00:36:46,405 --> 00:36:47,749
Where are they?
793
00:36:49,726 --> 00:36:52,955
When I went back to Shareef,
I said, "I got it.
794
00:36:52,980 --> 00:36:56,505
I figured it all out, I got it.
This is what we're gonna do.
795
00:36:56,530 --> 00:36:58,287
I'm gonna do this
and you're gonna do this,
796
00:36:58,312 --> 00:36:59,744
and I will do that
when you do this.
797
00:36:59,769 --> 00:37:02,921
After that, you'll do this,
and I will do this."
798
00:37:03,296 --> 00:37:07,343
And the minute
we got into intimacy,
799
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,247
my fear arose
800
00:37:09,456 --> 00:37:11,163
and my trust issues arose.
801
00:37:11,188 --> 00:37:13,464
And I said, "Stop everything."
802
00:37:13,569 --> 00:37:14,801
Shareef isn't a healer.
803
00:37:14,826 --> 00:37:17,230
He hasn't been trained
in the art of tantra.
804
00:37:17,329 --> 00:37:19,866
He's a beautiful gentleman,
so guess what he did?
805
00:37:19,891 --> 00:37:21,733
He stopped and he backed off.
806
00:37:22,382 --> 00:37:24,652
What I needed was for him
to do this thing
807
00:37:24,677 --> 00:37:26,404
which is new for me
of holding space,
808
00:37:26,429 --> 00:37:29,782
which is basically,
"My wife is raging at me.
809
00:37:29,807 --> 00:37:31,726
I'm just gonna stay here
with her."
810
00:37:31,969 --> 00:37:34,372
What happens is, in that love,
811
00:37:34,851 --> 00:37:39,913
you pass through that phase
of mistrust and fear,
812
00:37:40,131 --> 00:37:43,476
and then you can come back
to an orgasmic potential.
813
00:37:53,073 --> 00:37:56,991
During our session,
I don't know what I was feeling.
814
00:37:57,016 --> 00:38:00,105
I went through
so many different degrees
815
00:38:00,130 --> 00:38:02,585
of sensory awareness in my body.
816
00:38:02,624 --> 00:38:05,835
What happened to you
is you lose your control.
817
00:38:06,143 --> 00:38:07,293
You surrender.
818
00:38:08,155 --> 00:38:10,279
You know when you're exercising
and you push yourself
819
00:38:10,304 --> 00:38:11,888
and you push yourself
and push yourself
820
00:38:11,913 --> 00:38:14,255
like you get to this level,
this plateau, and you're like,
821
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,273
"I'm going to go further." No?
822
00:38:16,298 --> 00:38:19,398
Well, that was my entryway
into seeing
823
00:38:19,423 --> 00:38:22,123
that leveled potential in sex,
824
00:38:22,148 --> 00:38:24,521
that I would hit this level
and then go another level
825
00:38:24,546 --> 00:38:26,748
and then go another level
and go another level
826
00:38:26,773 --> 00:38:29,146
and break through to something
completely, you know,
827
00:38:29,171 --> 00:38:31,873
where I would come out of this
experience with this orgasm
828
00:38:31,898 --> 00:38:33,523
and feel like
a different person,
829
00:38:33,548 --> 00:38:35,708
but feel like more of me.
830
00:38:35,733 --> 00:38:38,232
Not different like
somebody else, but more of me.
831
00:38:38,257 --> 00:38:41,585
Guys are offended when somebody
offers to teach them,
832
00:38:41,694 --> 00:38:44,851
and they're even offended
when women offer to teach them.
833
00:38:45,421 --> 00:38:47,602
Yeah, well, I'm going about it
in a different way.
834
00:38:47,627 --> 00:38:49,319
I'm not saying that that's
what I want.
835
00:38:49,344 --> 00:38:51,204
I'm getting pissed
836
00:38:51,699 --> 00:38:54,435
and I'm being, I'm angry.
837
00:38:55,233 --> 00:38:57,866
What are you telling him
you're pissed at?
838
00:38:57,891 --> 00:38:58,921
Anything, everything.
839
00:38:58,946 --> 00:39:00,574
So you're blaming everything
and anything
840
00:39:00,599 --> 00:39:02,167
rather than
the root cause of it?
841
00:39:02,624 --> 00:39:05,504
Haven't you stressed
how important that is to you,
842
00:39:05,529 --> 00:39:06,905
to have that time with him?
843
00:39:11,266 --> 00:39:13,835
Do you think he understands
it's hard for you?
844
00:39:16,490 --> 00:39:18,991
You're holding, not just a hand,
845
00:39:19,016 --> 00:39:21,144
it's a person's hand.
846
00:39:21,507 --> 00:39:24,624
And the person has lived
many years
847
00:39:24,649 --> 00:39:26,155
and been through many things.
848
00:39:26,366 --> 00:39:30,116
The actual hand you're holding,
if you can imagine this,
849
00:39:30,444 --> 00:39:32,755
that hand, that simple thing
we take for granted,
850
00:39:32,780 --> 00:39:37,108
that hand has actually
clenched in pain,
851
00:39:37,991 --> 00:39:40,608
it's actually wiped away tears,
852
00:39:41,722 --> 00:39:43,601
it's waved goodbye,
853
00:39:45,116 --> 00:39:47,905
it's carried its first lunchbox
to school.
854
00:39:48,378 --> 00:39:50,694
It held hands
for the first time.
855
00:39:59,574 --> 00:40:01,648
Beautiful.
Hold still for just a second.
856
00:40:02,194 --> 00:40:04,937
Good. Good.
857
00:40:11,084 --> 00:40:14,069
That was a beautiful exercise,
and I felt...
858
00:40:15,079 --> 00:40:16,140
I felt...
859
00:40:17,332 --> 00:40:18,687
everything.
860
00:40:34,726 --> 00:40:38,847
I thought that once Shareef
had experienced me in that state
861
00:40:38,872 --> 00:40:40,682
and had experienced
that state himself
862
00:40:40,707 --> 00:40:43,466
that everything would change,
but it hasn't.
863
00:40:43,491 --> 00:40:47,773
I think I had this misconception
that once a woman is opened up,
864
00:40:48,898 --> 00:40:51,413
that she's in
a perpetual state of bliss.
865
00:40:51,843 --> 00:40:53,437
-And that's not...
-That's not the case.
866
00:40:53,462 --> 00:40:55,021
Not, not necessarily.
It's like...
867
00:40:55,046 --> 00:40:57,749
It's layer
after layer after layer.
868
00:40:59,030 --> 00:41:00,437
Great.
869
00:41:05,108 --> 00:41:08,718
Sacred spot or G spot area
itself can be very numb
870
00:41:08,743 --> 00:41:11,202
initially upon contact.
871
00:41:11,336 --> 00:41:13,530
And it's numb to protect itself.
872
00:41:13,624 --> 00:41:16,733
It's a sleeping giant in there.
873
00:41:17,046 --> 00:41:21,223
And it's filled with energy and
it's filled with consciousness.
874
00:41:21,702 --> 00:41:25,185
And the body kind of like
holds trauma and it goes numb.
875
00:41:25,285 --> 00:41:28,522
It's called body armoring.
It desensitizes.
876
00:41:28,843 --> 00:41:31,691
So it needs to go through
a process of reawakening.
877
00:41:31,716 --> 00:41:33,991
And that is called
somatic sexual healing
878
00:41:34,016 --> 00:41:35,562
or we call it tantric healing.
879
00:41:35,670 --> 00:41:38,906
People also have, uh,
in particular
880
00:41:38,931 --> 00:41:42,108
like emotional trauma
and wounding.
881
00:41:42,601 --> 00:41:44,912
It's not uncommon
and they say--
882
00:41:44,937 --> 00:41:47,583
There's no scientific basis
for us to say this,
883
00:41:47,608 --> 00:41:49,624
but they will say
clinically that people seem
884
00:41:49,649 --> 00:41:53,312
to hold wounding
in the sexual areas
885
00:41:53,337 --> 00:41:56,508
if they have had trauma,
and sometimes
886
00:41:56,819 --> 00:41:58,421
when they do the healing work,
887
00:41:58,446 --> 00:42:00,483
it will release
a lot of emotion.
888
00:42:15,905 --> 00:42:20,771
Well, I'm really inspired
to hear a doctor state
889
00:42:20,796 --> 00:42:23,248
that trauma is stored
in vaginal tissue.
890
00:42:23,273 --> 00:42:27,029
A lot of my experiences
as I was waking up this area
891
00:42:27,216 --> 00:42:29,357
was a huge release of emotion.
892
00:42:29,382 --> 00:42:31,988
I had sexual trauma as a child,
893
00:42:32,013 --> 00:42:35,302
and I did decades
of different types of therapy,
894
00:42:35,622 --> 00:42:37,707
and I always still felt
like a victim.
895
00:42:37,732 --> 00:42:40,755
My body felt like it was never
going to purge itself
896
00:42:40,780 --> 00:42:43,425
of that original trauma.
897
00:42:43,450 --> 00:42:45,632
But when I started doing
sexual healing work,
898
00:42:45,657 --> 00:42:48,727
somatic sexual healing work,
it's gone.
899
00:42:48,974 --> 00:42:51,472
When you think of the number
of women
900
00:42:51,497 --> 00:42:55,442
who have been sexually abused --
the numbers are phenomenal --
901
00:42:55,482 --> 00:42:58,754
and the number of women
who report problems
902
00:42:58,779 --> 00:43:00,599
where they're not feeling
pleasure,
903
00:43:00,794 --> 00:43:04,011
I think there's got to be some
correlation there.
904
00:43:04,036 --> 00:43:07,808
And trauma doesn't always have
to mean like a specific trauma,
905
00:43:07,833 --> 00:43:11,083
although that can be very
painful and long-lasting.
906
00:43:11,216 --> 00:43:12,982
It can be a series
907
00:43:13,007 --> 00:43:16,216
of stress-related
negative experiences
908
00:43:16,241 --> 00:43:17,911
and cultural conditioning.
909
00:43:17,936 --> 00:43:19,800
Why is that vagina numb?
910
00:43:19,825 --> 00:43:21,927
It's a problem with nerves,
right?
911
00:43:22,036 --> 00:43:23,911
So you look
at the pudendal nerve
912
00:43:23,936 --> 00:43:25,683
and see if that's a problem.
913
00:43:25,708 --> 00:43:28,488
That can give you clitoral
numbness, penile numbness.
914
00:43:28,513 --> 00:43:31,591
How do you look at that nerve?
What does that entail?
915
00:43:34,005 --> 00:43:35,583
Hi, Dr. Weiss.
916
00:43:35,802 --> 00:43:38,794
Keep pushing in against my hand.
The other way.
917
00:43:39,620 --> 00:43:41,935
-I'm just going to check the...
-Whoo!
918
00:43:43,214 --> 00:43:46,130
-Right there?
-Yes, that's so painful.
919
00:43:46,155 --> 00:43:48,521
So that's when I press the tube.
920
00:43:48,553 --> 00:43:49,707
What does that mean?
921
00:43:49,732 --> 00:43:52,060
She has an injury
in that muscle fiber.
922
00:43:52,286 --> 00:43:54,246
That can give, that area--
923
00:43:54,271 --> 00:43:55,746
See, this goes next
to the bladder.
924
00:43:55,771 --> 00:43:57,982
That can give you urinary
urgency or frequency.
925
00:43:58,325 --> 00:44:00,990
That's tight.
926
00:44:01,024 --> 00:44:02,053
OK.
927
00:44:02,078 --> 00:44:05,346
You don't have to change
anything for me.
928
00:44:08,794 --> 00:44:11,599
I guess I feel very vulnerable
with your hand inside me.
929
00:44:11,696 --> 00:44:13,060
Oh, that feels good.
930
00:44:13,244 --> 00:44:17,232
-Ahahahahaha...
-You have a good voice.
931
00:44:18,166 --> 00:44:20,175
That whole area feels
like it's on fire.
932
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:23,021
-And that's about to be fixed.
-Oh, it can?
933
00:44:23,786 --> 00:44:26,908
Oh, I don't like that.
934
00:44:27,008 --> 00:44:28,622
That feels very...
935
00:44:28,647 --> 00:44:30,215
Ever fall on your tailbone?
936
00:44:30,240 --> 00:44:34,238
Yeah, I did have
a roller-skating accident.
937
00:44:34,263 --> 00:44:37,377
I must have been about,
I don't know, 15?
938
00:44:37,477 --> 00:44:38,837
When you get to a muscle
like this,
939
00:44:38,862 --> 00:44:42,544
it's like the body armor
captures emotions at the time
940
00:44:42,943 --> 00:44:46,488
and people will start crying
and doing all kinds of stuff.
941
00:44:46,513 --> 00:44:48,865
Maybe I'm just hanging onto
some old stuff.
942
00:44:48,921 --> 00:44:53,701
Tight ass?
No, I have a tight clitoris.
943
00:44:58,700 --> 00:45:04,450
Catherine and I believe that
there's a point during labour
944
00:45:04,591 --> 00:45:07,480
where we both felt
very close to orgasm.
945
00:45:07,505 --> 00:45:12,636
Had we a better understanding
of deep relaxation in the body
946
00:45:12,661 --> 00:45:15,582
and were able to be more
centered and grounded,
947
00:45:15,607 --> 00:45:17,560
specifically in the area
that was birthing,
948
00:45:17,585 --> 00:45:21,590
we may have been able
to sort of transcend
949
00:45:21,615 --> 00:45:25,083
the pain during childbirth
and actually have an experience
950
00:45:25,108 --> 00:45:26,635
that was quite pleasurable.
951
00:45:26,839 --> 00:45:28,769
So we wanted
a professional opinion
952
00:45:28,794 --> 00:45:31,255
about whether you thought
that was even possible.
953
00:45:31,919 --> 00:45:34,027
Yeah, I mean,
theoretically, why not?
954
00:45:34,052 --> 00:45:37,294
Because the boundary
between pleasure and pain
955
00:45:37,319 --> 00:45:38,980
is very close.
956
00:45:39,005 --> 00:45:42,730
There were moments where I felt
tremendous sexual pleasure.
957
00:45:42,755 --> 00:45:46,488
But I was so convinced that
it was probably more like pain
958
00:45:46,513 --> 00:45:48,740
because that's how I was
conditioned to think.
959
00:45:48,771 --> 00:45:51,693
Even if we just reprogrammed
women into thinking...
960
00:45:51,718 --> 00:45:55,677
-Just giving them permission.
-Yes, to feel pleasure.
961
00:45:55,763 --> 00:45:57,668
You were a midwife.
962
00:45:57,693 --> 00:46:00,482
Did you ever experience a woman
having an orgasmic birth?
963
00:46:00,507 --> 00:46:01,638
Absolutely.
964
00:46:01,663 --> 00:46:05,146
In fact, most of what I learned
about how to have amazing sex
965
00:46:05,171 --> 00:46:07,154
I learned from being a midwife,
966
00:46:07,179 --> 00:46:08,599
from working with women,
967
00:46:08,624 --> 00:46:11,005
and from learning from birth.
968
00:46:11,271 --> 00:46:14,613
That makes sense because it's
a trance state that you go in.
969
00:46:14,638 --> 00:46:15,676
It's an altered state.
970
00:46:15,701 --> 00:46:17,372
We've both given birth
three times,
971
00:46:17,443 --> 00:46:19,179
and you go into
an altered state.
972
00:46:19,204 --> 00:46:23,441
Exactly. In fact,
the altered state of labour
973
00:46:23,466 --> 00:46:25,151
and the altered state
of arousal
974
00:46:25,176 --> 00:46:26,779
are almost exactly
the same state.
975
00:46:26,804 --> 00:46:28,823
-Yes, they are.
-Yes, they are.
976
00:46:28,848 --> 00:46:31,449
Then they're supposed to be
that way.
977
00:46:31,474 --> 00:46:35,349
If we knew how to stimulate
women properly during labour,
978
00:46:35,374 --> 00:46:37,607
we would have orgasmic births.
979
00:46:37,632 --> 00:46:39,249
There are birth orgasms.
980
00:46:39,349 --> 00:46:44,254
There are cultures who apply
vaginal stimulation, massage,
981
00:46:44,279 --> 00:46:46,848
vaginal massage,
prior to the delivery.
982
00:46:46,873 --> 00:46:49,381
I imagine that if you're
stimulating a woman sexually
983
00:46:49,406 --> 00:46:50,746
around the clitoris,
984
00:46:50,771 --> 00:46:53,301
that it would change
the nerve impulses.
985
00:46:53,326 --> 00:46:57,051
That must be a Californian thing
because I do a perineal massage
986
00:46:57,076 --> 00:46:58,606
and I promise you
I never go there.
987
00:46:58,631 --> 00:47:01,301
So you do a perineal massage,
but you're massaging
988
00:47:01,326 --> 00:47:02,523
all the way around
the vagina.
989
00:47:02,548 --> 00:47:04,809
Just the perineum because
that's the area
990
00:47:04,834 --> 00:47:07,842
that's the most,
you know, under pressure,
991
00:47:07,867 --> 00:47:10,154
the most at risk
of breaking apart.
992
00:47:10,179 --> 00:47:12,123
This is precisely our point.
993
00:47:12,350 --> 00:47:14,176
If we avoid the area
994
00:47:14,201 --> 00:47:17,256
that presents itself
as a pleasure zone --
995
00:47:17,701 --> 00:47:20,903
I'm not sure why we avoid
that area but we obviously do...
996
00:47:20,928 --> 00:47:22,920
I don't know if I need to speak
to my lawyer now.
997
00:47:24,242 --> 00:47:26,171
We set them up to fail.
998
00:47:26,271 --> 00:47:28,856
We did everything
we possibly could
999
00:47:28,881 --> 00:47:31,969
to keep them from getting
into that altered state.
1000
00:47:31,994 --> 00:47:33,637
It would be like
saying to somebody,
1001
00:47:33,662 --> 00:47:37,770
"OK, I want you to get turned on
and have an orgasm
1002
00:47:37,795 --> 00:47:40,512
and you have to go to the
hospital because it's dangerous,
1003
00:47:40,537 --> 00:47:43,231
and you might fail at it
because a lot of people do.
1004
00:47:43,256 --> 00:47:45,653
And now we're going
to put you in a silly gown
1005
00:47:45,678 --> 00:47:48,286
and put you in the bed
with the fluorescent lights
1006
00:47:48,311 --> 00:47:50,856
and the weird smells and then
strange people are gonna come in
1007
00:47:50,881 --> 00:47:54,900
and periodically stick
their hand in your crotch
1008
00:47:54,925 --> 00:47:58,512
and judge you, and then also
ask you ridiculous questions,
1009
00:47:58,537 --> 00:48:01,081
like your mother's maiden name,
your social security number.
1010
00:48:01,106 --> 00:48:04,125
You have to think about
the answers.
1011
00:48:04,150 --> 00:48:05,627
And you're on a clock.
1012
00:48:05,652 --> 00:48:08,442
You better do it in time,"
and then they're gonna go,
1013
00:48:08,467 --> 00:48:11,137
"So how you doing, getting wet?
Getting turned on?"
1014
00:48:11,162 --> 00:48:13,504
That's what we're doing
to women with labour.
1015
00:48:13,529 --> 00:48:17,365
And when we understand
the connection
1016
00:48:17,436 --> 00:48:19,192
between birth and sex,
1017
00:48:19,217 --> 00:48:21,811
then we would treat birth
entirely differently.
1018
00:48:21,836 --> 00:48:23,879
Yeah, yeah.
1019
00:48:23,904 --> 00:48:27,754
In my first labour, during many,
many hours of labour,
1020
00:48:27,779 --> 00:48:30,342
at one point I was hanging off
my midwife's neck,
1021
00:48:30,367 --> 00:48:33,395
like just dangling off her
like, "Help me!"
1022
00:48:33,420 --> 00:48:35,842
And she looked down at me
and she said,
1023
00:48:35,867 --> 00:48:37,896
"You can let this baby out now."
1024
00:48:38,162 --> 00:48:40,545
And I was like, "Oh!"
1025
00:48:40,669 --> 00:48:42,661
I was given permission
to be safe enough
1026
00:48:42,686 --> 00:48:44,081
to bring this child
into the world,
1027
00:48:44,106 --> 00:48:45,589
and all of the sudden,
my hips opened
1028
00:48:45,614 --> 00:48:47,457
and everything started moving
and out she came.
1029
00:48:47,482 --> 00:48:50,552
Same thing with sex.
Same thing with pleasure.
1030
00:48:52,177 --> 00:48:54,028
I learned monkey breath
from Elena Tonetti
1031
00:48:54,053 --> 00:48:56,544
who was the birth woman,
and it's what they gave women
1032
00:48:56,569 --> 00:48:58,886
when they got stuck in labour,
second stage,
1033
00:48:58,911 --> 00:49:01,019
so that they could have
the orgasmic birth.
1034
00:49:01,044 --> 00:49:04,599
But it was also a technique
that helped them get out
1035
00:49:04,624 --> 00:49:07,806
of their thinking minds
and into their primal mind.
1036
00:49:07,831 --> 00:49:09,432
Which is where you need to go
for orgasm,
1037
00:49:09,457 --> 00:49:11,484
and sensual types really have
trouble with this.
1038
00:49:11,584 --> 00:49:14,278
So I say do a little
monkey breath in the bathroom
1039
00:49:14,303 --> 00:49:15,438
before you go have sex.
1040
00:49:15,463 --> 00:49:17,925
Because maybe you don't want
your partner seeing you
1041
00:49:17,950 --> 00:49:19,917
doing monkey breath
'cause it looks kind of crazy.
1042
00:49:19,942 --> 00:49:22,810
Move your jaw side to side,
don't get in a pattern.
1043
00:49:22,835 --> 00:49:25,161
Close it, tighten it,
squeeze your eyes shut,
1044
00:49:25,186 --> 00:49:26,731
open, keep breathing.
1045
00:49:28,396 --> 00:49:30,410
Move your bodies,
a little stiff in your bodies.
1046
00:49:30,435 --> 00:49:32,296
You can move your body...
1047
00:49:34,504 --> 00:49:36,719
Female ejaculation.
1048
00:49:37,192 --> 00:49:39,825
We're going to demystify
what that is
1049
00:49:39,850 --> 00:49:42,114
and why it's so important.
1050
00:49:42,139 --> 00:49:43,254
Squirting.
1051
00:49:43,449 --> 00:49:46,145
-Otherwise known as squirting.
-OK.
1052
00:49:46,809 --> 00:49:50,817
There's a difference, not only
in urine and female ejaculation,
1053
00:49:50,842 --> 00:49:52,721
but a significant difference
1054
00:49:52,746 --> 00:49:55,401
and something they call
gushing or squirting,
1055
00:49:55,426 --> 00:49:57,971
which is diluted urine
that has a little bit
1056
00:49:57,996 --> 00:50:00,667
of the component from
the female prostate gland,
1057
00:50:00,692 --> 00:50:04,192
the PSA,
prostate-specific androgen,
1058
00:50:04,217 --> 00:50:07,870
and glucose and fructose,
1059
00:50:07,895 --> 00:50:09,910
and it has some
of the components of urine
1060
00:50:09,935 --> 00:50:10,964
in the gushing.
1061
00:50:10,989 --> 00:50:13,129
Have you encountered a squirter?
1062
00:50:13,154 --> 00:50:14,547
Oh, yeah.
1063
00:50:14,572 --> 00:50:16,208
-Oh, yeah.
-Or a gusher.
1064
00:50:16,233 --> 00:50:19,331
So you have a technique in order
to elicit such a thing?
1065
00:50:19,356 --> 00:50:21,722
I wouldn't say it because
every woman's not the same.
1066
00:50:21,747 --> 00:50:23,143
-Right.
-Good answer.
1067
00:50:23,168 --> 00:50:26,340
The one I experienced it with
was actually an older lady,
1068
00:50:26,365 --> 00:50:27,723
like in her 40s.
1069
00:50:27,748 --> 00:50:31,637
Older.
1070
00:50:31,746 --> 00:50:34,700
The thing about ejaculating is,
you have to really, really,
1071
00:50:34,725 --> 00:50:36,340
really surrender.
1072
00:50:36,528 --> 00:50:40,232
Because now you're actually
pushing out a little bit
1073
00:50:40,257 --> 00:50:42,268
as the pleasure rolls
through you.
1074
00:50:42,293 --> 00:50:43,580
Which is the hardest thing
to do.
1075
00:50:43,605 --> 00:50:45,782
So you have to be really
comfortable that you're not...
1076
00:50:45,807 --> 00:50:48,282
You know, that even if you peed
on the bed, it doesn't matter.
1077
00:50:48,307 --> 00:50:51,059
Or whatever, you have to be
really comfortable
1078
00:50:51,084 --> 00:50:52,202
with your partner.
1079
00:50:52,227 --> 00:50:54,737
And if you're not
and you're holding back,
1080
00:50:54,762 --> 00:50:56,757
and you're keeping that muscle
a little bit tight,
1081
00:50:56,782 --> 00:50:57,885
you can't ejaculate.
1082
00:50:57,910 --> 00:51:00,135
The tendency in women,
we're to be good girls.
1083
00:51:00,235 --> 00:51:02,512
We're not supposed to make
messes in bed.
1084
00:51:02,537 --> 00:51:04,278
We're not supposed
to completely surrender
1085
00:51:04,303 --> 00:51:05,817
and let go of everything.
1086
00:51:05,856 --> 00:51:08,518
I want to be good and I want
to be sweet and perfect
1087
00:51:08,543 --> 00:51:11,050
and I want to look good
and hold it all together.
1088
00:51:11,075 --> 00:51:12,628
And I think that's
the biggest thing
1089
00:51:12,653 --> 00:51:14,596
that holds many women back.
1090
00:51:14,621 --> 00:51:16,901
I think we're so afraid
of being out of control,
1091
00:51:16,926 --> 00:51:19,813
and when you're experiencing
intense bliss,
1092
00:51:19,838 --> 00:51:21,825
you're completely
out of control.
1093
00:51:21,887 --> 00:51:24,925
Some women ejaculate so much
1094
00:51:24,950 --> 00:51:27,137
that scientists can't quite
explain it.
1095
00:51:27,162 --> 00:51:28,622
Don't look at me!
1096
00:51:28,647 --> 00:51:30,656
Catherine was calling me,
"Oh, my God.
1097
00:51:30,681 --> 00:51:33,010
You have to try this modality,
it's amazing,
1098
00:51:33,035 --> 00:51:35,614
I'm squirting
all over the house!
1099
00:51:35,639 --> 00:51:37,528
I'm squirting the neighbours."
1100
00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:39,333
And that is a gift from God.
1101
00:51:39,785 --> 00:51:42,870
And the goddess flows through
in this wet way.
1102
00:51:42,895 --> 00:51:46,909
She just, in her own wet way,
she just flows through.
1103
00:51:46,934 --> 00:51:48,995
-The gushing goddess.
-The gushing goddess.
1104
00:51:49,020 --> 00:51:53,268
Not in teaspoons or tablespoons,
but in cups and quarts.
1105
00:51:53,293 --> 00:51:57,226
Ancient cultures called it
this sacred fluid, the Amrita.
1106
00:51:57,251 --> 00:51:59,903
Kama Sutra.
I mean, this goes way back.
1107
00:51:59,928 --> 00:52:02,184
Thousands and thousands
of years.
1108
00:52:02,457 --> 00:52:05,471
There's a tribe in Africa
where they teach women
1109
00:52:05,496 --> 00:52:07,768
-to spray the walls...
-To spray the walls?
1110
00:52:07,793 --> 00:52:10,981
-Yeah, so that's the gushing.
-How fun!
1111
00:52:12,668 --> 00:52:15,760
The Batoro tribe
and they call it Kachapati.
1112
00:52:15,785 --> 00:52:18,840
How fabulous. We should have
a Kachapati party.
1113
00:52:21,254 --> 00:52:25,050
I invite women to expand
their orgasmic potential
1114
00:52:25,075 --> 00:52:27,721
because it makes you happier,
it's better for your health.
1115
00:52:27,746 --> 00:52:30,309
It helps keep you more useful,
your biochemistry,
1116
00:52:30,334 --> 00:52:33,228
your hormones,
helps menopause symptoms.
1117
00:52:33,253 --> 00:52:34,860
There's so much research
now coming out
1118
00:52:34,885 --> 00:52:37,379
on how orgasm
is amazing for you,
1119
00:52:37,404 --> 00:52:39,010
and how expanding your orgasm
1120
00:52:39,035 --> 00:52:40,971
and having
different kinds of orgasms
1121
00:52:40,996 --> 00:52:43,864
helps keep you healthy
and actually live longer.
1122
00:52:44,176 --> 00:52:46,542
Orgasm is a whole-brain
phenomenon.
1123
00:52:46,567 --> 00:52:49,200
Basically, all the systems
of the brain
1124
00:52:49,225 --> 00:52:50,768
are "go" at orgasm.
1125
00:52:50,793 --> 00:52:54,175
One of the biggest things that
our participants have to do
1126
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:57,417
to find out what is going on
in the brain
1127
00:52:57,442 --> 00:53:00,948
is either be self-stimulated
or stimulated by a partner
1128
00:53:00,973 --> 00:53:03,325
and keep still
while they have an orgasm.
1129
00:53:03,350 --> 00:53:05,026
You have to invent
a new machine.
1130
00:53:05,051 --> 00:53:08,895
We've made a "happy helmet,"
which has a nice neck brace,
1131
00:53:08,989 --> 00:53:11,557
that really helps stabilize
the brain.
1132
00:53:11,582 --> 00:53:14,354
-Would you like to model that?
-No.
1133
00:53:14,379 --> 00:53:16,305
-This is mine.
-Oh, that's yours?
1134
00:53:16,330 --> 00:53:19,832
And he's contributed a bunch
of orgasms for the men's study.
1135
00:53:19,857 --> 00:53:21,593
Bravo!
1136
00:53:28,083 --> 00:53:30,194
What OM taught me was
1137
00:53:30,219 --> 00:53:31,695
to feel what was there
1138
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:32,792
as it was happening,
1139
00:53:32,817 --> 00:53:36,356
literally one stroke at a time,
and it changed my sex life.
1140
00:53:36,381 --> 00:53:38,534
So I don't know that I would
experience
1141
00:53:38,559 --> 00:53:42,270
what I experience in sex
without have OMed.
1142
00:53:48,020 --> 00:53:50,931
I could see that one hand
was stroking the clitoris,
1143
00:53:50,956 --> 00:53:52,768
but it looked like your thumb
1144
00:53:52,793 --> 00:53:54,503
was right at the entrance
of her vagina.
1145
00:53:54,528 --> 00:53:57,784
So this is the entry,
the introitus, right?
1146
00:53:57,809 --> 00:54:02,293
I would have my thumb
just barely at the edge.
1147
00:54:02,442 --> 00:54:05,561
And that gives me,
it has a couple purposes.
1148
00:54:05,586 --> 00:54:08,596
It's like a ground,
and it's also a way
1149
00:54:08,621 --> 00:54:11,368
that I can actually feel
the involuntary contractions
1150
00:54:11,393 --> 00:54:13,887
going through her body,
so at a certain point,
1151
00:54:13,912 --> 00:54:15,473
it's almost like RPMs.
1152
00:54:15,614 --> 00:54:20,332
I can actually feel the speed
her body is actually moving at.
1153
00:54:20,715 --> 00:54:23,413
The beauty for me of OM
is that you can plug it--
1154
00:54:23,438 --> 00:54:25,825
If you're a monogamous couple,
you can use it
1155
00:54:25,850 --> 00:54:27,167
to get closer to your partner.
1156
00:54:27,192 --> 00:54:29,970
There are people who are
interested in realization
1157
00:54:29,995 --> 00:54:31,542
who use it for that purpose.
1158
00:54:31,567 --> 00:54:34,503
There are women who are,
like I said, tired and wired,
1159
00:54:34,528 --> 00:54:38,520
who just want to like get
their shot of oxytocin
1160
00:54:38,545 --> 00:54:40,526
and be on with their day.
1161
00:54:40,551 --> 00:54:44,121
I think the other element is
that it's 15 minutes a day.
1162
00:54:44,146 --> 00:54:45,450
I'm missing something.
1163
00:54:45,477 --> 00:54:47,190
You don't do it in conjunction
with sex.
1164
00:54:47,215 --> 00:54:49,192
So a woman will strip
from her waist down.
1165
00:54:49,217 --> 00:54:51,112
Assume a position.
1166
00:54:51,137 --> 00:54:55,495
And you stimulate the left
upper quadrant of the clitoris.
1167
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:57,536
The number-one thing
I would say about it
1168
00:54:57,561 --> 00:55:01,192
is my attention has like
shot through the roof.
1169
00:55:01,217 --> 00:55:03,731
And I realize it is
my most valuable asset.
1170
00:55:03,756 --> 00:55:04,834
Your awareness.
1171
00:55:04,859 --> 00:55:08,484
This isn't sex and it's not
a replacement for sex,
1172
00:55:08,509 --> 00:55:09,888
and it's not foreplay.
1173
00:55:09,913 --> 00:55:12,794
It's like I would go
and do yoga
1174
00:55:12,819 --> 00:55:15,052
or I would do
sitting meditation.
1175
00:55:15,077 --> 00:55:18,035
It's my practice that I have
to have it be
1176
00:55:18,060 --> 00:55:19,950
that my tank is full.
1177
00:55:19,975 --> 00:55:21,591
And when my tank is full,
you know,
1178
00:55:21,616 --> 00:55:25,419
when I have a massive amount
of pleasure in my body,
1179
00:55:25,444 --> 00:55:28,044
it will naturally change
my sex life.
1180
00:55:28,069 --> 00:55:30,794
I brought a present
for both of you.
1181
00:55:30,819 --> 00:55:33,600
I brought you some rose quartz
Ben Wa balls.
1182
00:55:33,625 --> 00:55:34,856
It sounds like dessert.
1183
00:55:34,881 --> 00:55:36,973
Your vagina's
going to swallow them.
1184
00:55:36,998 --> 00:55:40,044
And they're delectable
and delicious.
1185
00:55:40,069 --> 00:55:41,856
So you want to put it
through the hole.
1186
00:55:41,881 --> 00:55:44,138
And then we're going
to tie it off.
1187
00:55:44,163 --> 00:55:47,334
So you want to make sure that
you thread them individually.
1188
00:55:47,373 --> 00:55:48,700
OK, because what you want
1189
00:55:48,725 --> 00:55:51,234
is for them to be
moving around separately
1190
00:55:51,334 --> 00:55:53,536
inside your vagina.
1191
00:55:53,561 --> 00:55:56,615
So the Jade Egg practices
are really good to help you
1192
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,145
just really gently start
to get to know
1193
00:56:00,170 --> 00:56:03,833
the internal parts
of your vaginal walls.
1194
00:56:03,858 --> 00:56:05,614
What can you do with your egg?
1195
00:56:05,639 --> 00:56:07,184
How skilled are you
with your egg?
1196
00:56:07,209 --> 00:56:10,622
OK, this is probably a
reflection of my own practice,
1197
00:56:10,647 --> 00:56:14,794
but I can push eggs
and cocks out of me.
1198
00:56:14,819 --> 00:56:16,385
Like...
I mean, I'm telling you.
1199
00:56:16,410 --> 00:56:20,517
I will be in this crazy
orgasmic experience,
1200
00:56:20,542 --> 00:56:22,334
-and all of the sudden...
-You eject a cock!
1201
00:56:22,359 --> 00:56:23,647
I eject a cock.
1202
00:56:26,266 --> 00:56:27,542
One more time.
1203
00:56:30,801 --> 00:56:32,388
Good, now connect the dots.
1204
00:56:32,413 --> 00:56:34,795
Inhaling to the back,
exhaling as you come front.
1205
00:56:37,250 --> 00:56:43,038
Yeah, good!
1206
00:56:49,373 --> 00:56:50,647
Oh! Lost one.
1207
00:56:54,616 --> 00:56:57,635
To get women
to exhale with sound,
1208
00:56:57,952 --> 00:57:00,220
to get women to make any sound
1209
00:57:00,320 --> 00:57:01,983
is a big accomplishment.
1210
00:57:02,045 --> 00:57:03,942
That's the one thing
they all say.
1211
00:57:03,967 --> 00:57:05,934
"Oh, I'm not used
to making sounds.
1212
00:57:05,959 --> 00:57:07,295
I don't make sounds."
1213
00:57:07,670 --> 00:57:10,958
Do you see how we, like,
shut all this off?
1214
00:57:10,983 --> 00:57:13,528
Like we're afraid to make sound,
we're afraid...
1215
00:57:13,553 --> 00:57:16,005
So all of our tools
that lead us to ecstasy
1216
00:57:16,030 --> 00:57:20,131
we've kind of shut down
and didn't allow.
1217
00:57:20,799 --> 00:57:23,952
And if you think about
sexual energy
1218
00:57:23,977 --> 00:57:25,078
as a zero to a ten,
1219
00:57:25,103 --> 00:57:27,427
like zero being freezing,
ten being boiling,
1220
00:57:27,452 --> 00:57:30,122
if every time you come together,
you're starting at freezing,
1221
00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:32,380
it's going to take a really
long time to get to boiling.
1222
00:57:32,405 --> 00:57:35,880
And so ideally you're constantly
hanging out at this simmer,
1223
00:57:35,905 --> 00:57:38,809
like a five or a six and even
a seven or an eight,
1224
00:57:38,909 --> 00:57:40,888
where the sexual energy
is already high,
1225
00:57:40,913 --> 00:57:43,847
so that all it takes is
a bit of a touch, a squeeze,
1226
00:57:43,872 --> 00:57:45,303
-a bit of a stroke.
-Whoo!
1227
00:57:45,328 --> 00:57:47,848
And somebody's already
very close,
1228
00:57:47,873 --> 00:57:50,195
because they're in
this perpetual state,
1229
00:57:50,295 --> 00:57:52,577
the perpetual state
of wantonness.
1230
00:57:52,702 --> 00:57:56,256
I think that I'm more aroused
by a love scene,
1231
00:57:56,281 --> 00:57:57,919
explicit or not,
1232
00:57:57,944 --> 00:58:01,834
in a beautifully shot film
than any porn I've ever seen.
1233
00:58:02,053 --> 00:58:04,770
So I wondered what would it be
like to be exposed
1234
00:58:04,795 --> 00:58:08,422
to images and sounds that are
not forced and faked,
1235
00:58:08,447 --> 00:58:10,606
debasing, dehumanizing women.
1236
00:58:10,631 --> 00:58:13,327
dismissing their right
to explore profoundly
1237
00:58:13,352 --> 00:58:15,345
genuine pleasure?
1238
00:58:15,873 --> 00:58:18,388
What if we were to make
an erotic film
1239
00:58:18,413 --> 00:58:20,952
that had the sensibility
of a feature romance
1240
00:58:21,022 --> 00:58:23,845
with a real couple
who'd been exposed
1241
00:58:23,870 --> 00:58:26,441
to the same journey
of sexual awakening,
1242
00:58:26,991 --> 00:58:29,436
making love
without a performance?
1243
00:58:29,910 --> 00:58:31,178
What would it be like
1244
00:58:31,203 --> 00:58:34,280
to witness her
authentic arousal,
1245
00:58:34,305 --> 00:58:37,006
her sounds, her movements,
1246
00:58:37,264 --> 00:58:39,327
her expressions,
1247
00:58:39,636 --> 00:58:41,155
her vulnerability,
1248
00:58:42,084 --> 00:58:46,077
to see his utter devotion
to her pleasure?
1249
00:58:51,215 --> 00:58:53,311
What would that look like?
1250
00:59:04,491 --> 00:59:06,444
When you are in trance,
1251
00:59:07,615 --> 00:59:10,143
you stop making
critical judgments
1252
00:59:10,375 --> 00:59:12,811
and you have acceptable
selective focus
1253
00:59:12,836 --> 00:59:14,694
'cause you have
a direct experience.
1254
00:59:14,719 --> 00:59:15,873
So, G, when you know
1255
00:59:15,898 --> 00:59:17,941
that you have your eyelids
totally relaxed,
1256
00:59:17,966 --> 00:59:19,998
just give them a little test
so that I know.
1257
00:59:20,244 --> 00:59:22,756
That's right, now stop
in relaxation,
1258
00:59:22,781 --> 00:59:24,897
deeper and deeper now...
1259
00:59:25,053 --> 00:59:28,700
The acceptable selective focus
part is that
1260
00:59:28,725 --> 00:59:30,920
you're perfectly aware
of everything that's going on
1261
00:59:30,945 --> 00:59:33,077
and, in fact,
when you're in trance,
1262
00:59:33,123 --> 00:59:36,718
actually your sensory apparatus
lights up.
1263
00:59:36,818 --> 00:59:39,444
And you're actually
way more aware
1264
00:59:39,608 --> 00:59:41,473
of everything
that's going on around you,
1265
00:59:41,498 --> 00:59:42,973
it's just that you don't care
1266
00:59:42,998 --> 00:59:45,239
because you're focused in
on the person
1267
00:59:45,264 --> 00:59:47,319
who's leading you through
the experience
1268
00:59:47,561 --> 00:59:51,858
because everything that person
says, feels, does,
1269
00:59:51,983 --> 00:59:53,966
turns into your experience
as well.
1270
00:59:53,991 --> 00:59:57,848
Whenever some old bad habit
or some old way of thinking
1271
00:59:57,873 --> 01:00:00,700
pops up, you will hear my voice
going, "G, stop it."
1272
01:00:00,725 --> 01:00:03,834
The reward that virtually
all women have asked for
1273
01:00:04,212 --> 01:00:06,811
is they want to become
fully orgasmic.
1274
01:00:06,836 --> 01:00:09,897
Why does orgasmic energy
heal neurosis?
1275
01:00:09,922 --> 01:00:14,428
Because the lack
of orgasmic energy
1276
01:00:14,453 --> 01:00:16,803
is what causes neurosis,
1277
01:00:17,022 --> 01:00:19,038
with that intense frustration,
OK?
1278
01:00:19,528 --> 01:00:23,181
And you're seeking
gratification desperately
1279
01:00:23,206 --> 01:00:24,825
in any way you can,
1280
01:00:24,850 --> 01:00:29,605
and a lot of it tends to be
attention-getting behaviors,
1281
01:00:29,630 --> 01:00:33,319
which neuroses are.
1282
01:00:34,819 --> 01:00:37,981
All throughout mind and body,
that's right.
1283
01:00:38,006 --> 01:00:40,975
It gets stronger.
It takes you away.
1284
01:00:41,155 --> 01:00:43,905
That's right,
your body wants this.
1285
01:00:43,930 --> 01:00:46,499
Your mind is ready for this.
1286
01:00:50,908 --> 01:00:53,185
Now stop.
1287
01:00:57,842 --> 01:01:00,561
Your desire to be free
grows stronger.
1288
01:01:00,987 --> 01:01:02,944
Take a deep breath now.
1289
01:01:04,334 --> 01:01:05,957
Your eyes open, wide awake,
1290
01:01:05,982 --> 01:01:08,639
returning all the way back
to the room.
1291
01:01:08,664 --> 01:01:10,897
And how are you doing?
1292
01:01:11,001 --> 01:01:12,097
OK.
1293
01:01:12,122 --> 01:01:14,397
OK, so tell me what happened.
1294
01:01:16,566 --> 01:01:19,344
-I'm not sure.
-Mm-hmm.
1295
01:01:19,601 --> 01:01:23,213
-I think I went pretty deep.
-Mm-hmm.
1296
01:01:23,238 --> 01:01:25,641
-I could feel the heat.
-OK.
1297
01:01:26,342 --> 01:01:29,045
And then I could feel
the desire.
1298
01:01:29,070 --> 01:01:30,077
Mm-hmm.
1299
01:01:31,282 --> 01:01:32,795
And then I just felt...
1300
01:01:35,616 --> 01:01:38,791
a release, but it wasn't quite
the desired release
1301
01:01:38,816 --> 01:01:40,301
that I was going for.
1302
01:01:40,326 --> 01:01:42,803
No, that's OK. That's OK.
1303
01:01:42,850 --> 01:01:44,794
Whatever response you have is,
in fact,
1304
01:01:44,819 --> 01:01:46,702
the perfect response
for you at that time.
1305
01:01:46,727 --> 01:01:47,897
That's why you're having it.
1306
01:01:58,866 --> 01:02:02,841
Can you tell us what happens
when somebody experiences
1307
01:02:02,866 --> 01:02:05,075
sexual abuse,
especially children?
1308
01:02:05,100 --> 01:02:07,934
It taints or it skews the sexual
experience going forward,
1309
01:02:07,959 --> 01:02:10,193
because it's got this other
thing attached to it.
1310
01:02:10,218 --> 01:02:12,692
And I think that's where people
can get stuck, right,
1311
01:02:12,733 --> 01:02:15,366
is doing years and years
of talking therapy
1312
01:02:15,701 --> 01:02:17,184
and being like,
"I know what happened.
1313
01:02:17,209 --> 01:02:19,297
You know, I've done
all this work around it,
1314
01:02:19,322 --> 01:02:21,176
and yet I'm still
feeling stuck."
1315
01:02:21,201 --> 01:02:23,918
The child might feel
some arousal just from the fact
1316
01:02:23,943 --> 01:02:26,263
that they're being stimulated,
but now that arousal
1317
01:02:26,288 --> 01:02:27,857
is coupled with this memory
1318
01:02:27,882 --> 01:02:30,392
of a violation,
so those become married.
1319
01:02:30,417 --> 01:02:31,988
Those actually become
neuropathways
1320
01:02:32,013 --> 01:02:33,637
that are established
in the person.
1321
01:02:33,662 --> 01:02:35,472
So if it's not consensual,
you can have
1322
01:02:35,497 --> 01:02:38,441
this incredible sexual energy
opened up in a child
1323
01:02:38,541 --> 01:02:40,395
but her consciousness
or his consciousness
1324
01:02:40,420 --> 01:02:43,528
is not capable of processing
or integrating.
1325
01:02:43,553 --> 01:02:46,232
I think once a child
is turned on sexually,
1326
01:02:46,257 --> 01:02:49,361
in that perverse manner,
she's turned on.
1327
01:02:49,386 --> 01:02:51,053
Tell me a little bit
about that.
1328
01:02:51,415 --> 01:02:53,224
Well, I...
1329
01:02:53,912 --> 01:02:58,435
I was sexually tampered with
by my next-door neighbour
1330
01:02:58,460 --> 01:02:59,528
growing up.
1331
01:02:59,553 --> 01:03:00,829
How old were you?
1332
01:03:00,854 --> 01:03:01,880
I was 4.
1333
01:03:02,721 --> 01:03:06,279
And then, uh...
1334
01:03:07,897 --> 01:03:09,646
And then there was more abuse.
1335
01:03:09,671 --> 01:03:13,270
I was terribly confused
and I felt dirty.
1336
01:03:13,295 --> 01:03:18,060
And so I would look for
that kind of stimulus and...
1337
01:03:19,013 --> 01:03:20,400
What does that mean?
1338
01:03:20,662 --> 01:03:23,709
It means I became
a masturbating machine.
1339
01:03:24,218 --> 01:03:25,369
From 4?
1340
01:03:25,615 --> 01:03:28,283
Yes. Oh, yeah.
1341
01:03:28,383 --> 01:03:32,154
It was just such
a powerful emotion
1342
01:03:32,179 --> 01:03:36,396
to feel, uh... orgasmic...
1343
01:03:38,170 --> 01:03:40,435
that I would seek it out.
1344
01:03:41,449 --> 01:03:43,154
Do you make that wrong?
1345
01:03:43,606 --> 01:03:46,537
There was just such
a stigma surrounding...
1346
01:03:46,654 --> 01:03:48,584
Even when my mother talked to me
about the abuse,
1347
01:03:48,609 --> 01:03:49,826
it was in a whisper.
1348
01:03:50,138 --> 01:03:52,850
And if she caught me
playing with myself,
1349
01:03:52,875 --> 01:03:55,303
it was, "That's not OK."
1350
01:03:56,037 --> 01:03:58,396
So I was always like,
"Oh, fuck.
1351
01:03:58,904 --> 01:04:00,557
I have to do this really
quietly."
1352
01:04:00,582 --> 01:04:01,947
It's the quiet thing about her.
1353
01:04:01,972 --> 01:04:04,654
And no one can hear me
or see me,
1354
01:04:04,679 --> 01:04:05,865
or smell me.
1355
01:04:07,263 --> 01:04:10,715
You know, there was
a sensory like vacuum.
1356
01:04:10,740 --> 01:04:13,445
That's when you started
disconnecting from your body?
1357
01:04:13,470 --> 01:04:16,568
I would imagine so.
It would make total sense.
1358
01:04:19,803 --> 01:04:23,678
How would you describe
your sexual experiences now
1359
01:04:23,703 --> 01:04:24,810
as an adult?
1360
01:04:31,592 --> 01:04:34,685
Did anything happen in your body
when I asked that question?
1361
01:04:35,743 --> 01:04:38,325
-Yeah.
-What happens in your body?
1362
01:04:40,015 --> 01:04:41,256
Just...
1363
01:04:43,775 --> 01:04:47,887
that same feeling of choking.
1364
01:04:55,131 --> 01:04:58,412
Do you think it's possible
to heal sexual trauma
1365
01:04:58,437 --> 01:05:00,714
without working
physically on the body?
1366
01:05:00,739 --> 01:05:03,829
I think that it's possible.
1367
01:05:04,381 --> 01:05:07,176
But I think that,
because I hold the belief
1368
01:05:07,201 --> 01:05:10,021
that the body holds memory,
emotion and trauma,
1369
01:05:10,209 --> 01:05:13,545
that needs to be released
in some way.
1370
01:05:13,570 --> 01:05:15,334
We are constantly having to work
1371
01:05:15,359 --> 01:05:17,559
against the tension
in our bodies,
1372
01:05:17,599 --> 01:05:20,270
and the more we know
how to do that,
1373
01:05:20,295 --> 01:05:21,810
the more pleasure we can have.
1374
01:05:21,951 --> 01:05:25,670
You relax your lips and mouth
and let the emotion flow.
1375
01:05:26,123 --> 01:05:27,967
Yeah, relax your mouth again,
sweetie.
1376
01:05:28,138 --> 01:05:30,781
You gotta let it go,
because if you don't, Gabrielle,
1377
01:05:30,806 --> 01:05:32,825
it lives in your body.
1378
01:05:32,925 --> 01:05:34,860
And the reason you can't
feel your body
1379
01:05:34,885 --> 01:05:37,709
is 'cause she's frozen
in muscular contraction.
1380
01:05:38,638 --> 01:05:40,707
You have to release it,
1381
01:05:40,808 --> 01:05:44,420
in order to rec--
1382
01:05:45,209 --> 01:05:46,839
That's the feminine.
1383
01:05:46,864 --> 01:05:48,678
Relax your-- yes!
1384
01:05:49,935 --> 01:05:50,990
It hurts.
1385
01:05:51,015 --> 01:05:53,929
Yes, it does hurt.
Then let it go.
1386
01:05:54,029 --> 01:05:56,881
-Oh!
-You have to release it, baby.
1387
01:05:56,906 --> 01:05:58,933
The pain of that-- Yes!
1388
01:05:59,599 --> 01:06:01,404
Put your hand on where it hurts.
1389
01:06:02,029 --> 01:06:03,896
Oh, yeah.
1390
01:06:03,921 --> 01:06:05,865
OK, release it.
1391
01:06:06,057 --> 01:06:07,750
Yeah.
1392
01:06:19,004 --> 01:06:21,857
I don't care if it's difficult.
1393
01:06:21,882 --> 01:06:24,342
I can tell.
1394
01:06:24,748 --> 01:06:28,685
A lot of people start
their sex life with just sex.
1395
01:06:29,459 --> 01:06:32,209
Then they find out you're not
compatible at all.
1396
01:06:33,021 --> 01:06:35,254
And then they find out
they can't communicate
1397
01:06:35,279 --> 01:06:39,559
or negotiate, so you agree
not to have intercourse
1398
01:06:39,584 --> 01:06:44,037
until you agree that you are
1399
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:46,474
sexually and socially monogamous
1400
01:06:46,615 --> 01:06:48,840
and you're going to build
the relationship.
1401
01:06:48,865 --> 01:06:52,020
It's about pacing,
growing a relationship.
1402
01:06:52,060 --> 01:06:53,513
That's the organic bit.
1403
01:06:53,623 --> 01:06:57,957
If you can imagine that
what you need is forgiveness
1404
01:06:57,982 --> 01:07:00,613
for all the times you said yes
when you meant no.
1405
01:07:00,658 --> 01:07:03,543
God! How many times was that?
1406
01:07:03,568 --> 01:07:06,449
You have to learn to say no
before you say yes.
1407
01:07:06,474 --> 01:07:07,857
That's the right way.
1408
01:07:07,998 --> 01:07:11,233
Know why you're choosing
who you're choosing
1409
01:07:11,258 --> 01:07:12,459
to be intimate with.
1410
01:07:15,467 --> 01:07:17,035
There's a part of you
that really wanted
1411
01:07:17,060 --> 01:07:19,298
to get your dad's attention,
and he was busy
1412
01:07:19,323 --> 01:07:21,418
and you didn't get that.
1413
01:07:21,443 --> 01:07:25,168
And I'm wondering if you've
used sexuality
1414
01:07:25,193 --> 01:07:26,912
as a means
of getting men's attention.
1415
01:07:26,937 --> 01:07:27,990
Yeah.
1416
01:07:30,428 --> 01:07:31,811
And...
1417
01:07:32,193 --> 01:07:36,154
because of your need
to feel needed,
1418
01:07:36,334 --> 01:07:40,842
you've allowed your boundaries
to be crossed.
1419
01:07:50,701 --> 01:07:54,617
Squeeze, hold for a moment.
Then exhale and bear down.
1420
01:07:57,560 --> 01:07:59,762
OK, so when you breathe
into your abdomen,
1421
01:07:59,787 --> 01:08:03,426
you're actually bringing
blood supply, nutrients, oxygen,
1422
01:08:03,451 --> 01:08:04,785
down into your vaginal muscles
1423
01:08:04,810 --> 01:08:06,293
and activating
your pelvic floor.
1424
01:08:06,318 --> 01:08:09,529
By doing that, you awaken
your sex center.
1425
01:08:09,670 --> 01:08:11,848
So I like to visualize
like I have roots
1426
01:08:11,873 --> 01:08:13,519
that grow down into the earth.
1427
01:08:13,619 --> 01:08:15,895
Pull forgiveness from the earth.
1428
01:08:15,920 --> 01:08:18,699
As if you could take
a deep breath of forgiveness
1429
01:08:18,724 --> 01:08:20,465
from the bottom of your spine.
1430
01:08:20,490 --> 01:08:22,738
Imagine that the Mother Earth
is giving it to you
1431
01:08:22,763 --> 01:08:24,613
and you let it fill your heart.
1432
01:08:24,638 --> 01:08:29,295
And I'm pulling up nutrients
from the earth into my vulva.
1433
01:08:30,205 --> 01:08:31,481
And then, as I'm exhaling,
1434
01:08:31,506 --> 01:08:34,262
I'm releasing the stuff I don't
want back into the earth.
1435
01:08:34,287 --> 01:08:38,707
And then you let that thread,
on the exhale, of forgiveness,
1436
01:08:38,732 --> 01:08:39,881
come from your heart
1437
01:08:39,906 --> 01:08:42,748
and you send the energy
into that chakra.
1438
01:08:42,773 --> 01:08:44,068
Hold for a moment.
1439
01:08:45,108 --> 01:08:46,844
And exhale.
1440
01:08:49,451 --> 01:08:51,807
Four-count inhale,
four-count exhale.
1441
01:08:51,832 --> 01:08:54,357
And breathe deeply
into your belly.
1442
01:09:08,665 --> 01:09:12,593
Do you think that then
we're still expecting
1443
01:09:12,618 --> 01:09:16,976
"them" to be responsible
for our state,
1444
01:09:17,001 --> 01:09:19,812
for our capacity to let go?
1445
01:09:19,837 --> 01:09:22,234
That's where I've been
my whole adult life
1446
01:09:22,259 --> 01:09:25,173
is, "Why can't you make me come?
What's wrong with you?"
1447
01:09:25,198 --> 01:09:27,593
People who found it bizarrely
difficult to talk about sex
1448
01:09:27,618 --> 01:09:30,421
were the people having it while
they were actually having it.
1449
01:09:30,446 --> 01:09:32,772
Because you're terrified
that if you say anything at all
1450
01:09:32,797 --> 01:09:34,218
about what is going on,
1451
01:09:34,243 --> 01:09:36,251
you will hurt
the other person's feelings,
1452
01:09:36,337 --> 01:09:39,288
you'll put them off you,
you'll derail the encounter.
1453
01:09:39,313 --> 01:09:41,085
You'll derail
the entire relationship.
1454
01:09:41,110 --> 01:09:44,367
I've successfully done
all of those things during sex.
1455
01:09:44,516 --> 01:09:46,710
-How about you?
-No.
1456
01:09:46,735 --> 01:09:49,546
But at the same time,
you want to please your partner,
1457
01:09:49,571 --> 01:09:52,358
so you'll seize your cues
from anywhere you can,
1458
01:09:52,383 --> 01:09:55,161
If the only cues were from porn,
those are the ones you'll take.
1459
01:09:55,261 --> 01:09:58,249
The problem is, most women know,
1460
01:09:58,274 --> 01:10:00,202
"I don't know
what I want you to do.
1461
01:10:00,234 --> 01:10:03,577
I just know that I don't want
what you're doing."
1462
01:10:03,602 --> 01:10:07,623
And so how do you then
begin the conversation
1463
01:10:07,648 --> 01:10:10,761
and be experimental
with each other,
1464
01:10:10,861 --> 01:10:13,483
so that you both get to win?
1465
01:10:13,508 --> 01:10:15,991
Love-making becomes
very awkward suddenly,
1466
01:10:16,032 --> 01:10:18,858
even with a partner who you've
been with for a long time,
1467
01:10:18,883 --> 01:10:21,680
and you have tremendous trust
and obviously have,
1468
01:10:21,705 --> 01:10:23,816
you know, profound feelings for,
1469
01:10:24,172 --> 01:10:26,381
you have to take a step back
and say,
1470
01:10:26,406 --> 01:10:29,842
"OK, I'm not going to do this
the way I've been doing it."
1471
01:10:29,867 --> 01:10:32,775
We're talking about
an entire reinvention of sex
1472
01:10:32,800 --> 01:10:34,172
as we know it.
1473
01:10:41,758 --> 01:10:45,629
What would be beautiful is
if each partner
1474
01:10:45,953 --> 01:10:47,889
was ready to be curious
1475
01:10:47,914 --> 01:10:51,529
and available to make discovery
about the other,
1476
01:10:51,554 --> 01:10:53,804
rather than assuming
we already know
1477
01:10:53,829 --> 01:10:55,390
everything there is to know.
1478
01:10:55,789 --> 01:10:58,756
I can totally empathize with
how enormously hard it is
1479
01:10:58,781 --> 01:11:00,018
to have that conversation,
1480
01:11:00,164 --> 01:11:02,203
because I will sleep
with a young guy
1481
01:11:02,289 --> 01:11:05,412
and I'll go, "OK, this has
got to be addressed."
1482
01:11:05,437 --> 01:11:08,116
Now, do I have
this conversation or not?
1483
01:11:08,141 --> 01:11:09,914
Because the moment I begin it,
1484
01:11:10,070 --> 01:11:12,233
the entire dynamic
is gonna change.
1485
01:11:12,258 --> 01:11:13,795
Then I'll go, no,
I have to do this
1486
01:11:13,820 --> 01:11:15,859
for every other woman
he will ever sleep with.
1487
01:11:15,992 --> 01:11:18,272
And, by the way,
we all have to do that.
1488
01:11:18,297 --> 01:11:21,617
I have never, ever, ever faked
an orgasm in my entire life.
1489
01:11:24,304 --> 01:11:25,398
I have.
1490
01:11:25,492 --> 01:11:28,497
No one teaches you to fake.
You just know.
1491
01:11:28,522 --> 01:11:30,904
It's like, "Oh, my God,
is he ever gonna stop?
1492
01:11:30,929 --> 01:11:34,475
OK, I'm gonna come now.
Here I go."
1493
01:11:34,500 --> 01:11:38,015
That's what we were taught
when I was a young woman.
1494
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:39,672
It's good manners.
1495
01:11:40,218 --> 01:11:41,984
Ooooh!
1496
01:11:42,531 --> 01:11:48,017
In my youth, to say that you
did not have orgasms in coitus
1497
01:11:48,042 --> 01:11:49,867
was to admit to a defect.
1498
01:11:50,062 --> 01:11:51,959
for most of my life
1499
01:11:51,984 --> 01:11:53,561
I couldn't have
vaginal orgasms.
1500
01:11:53,586 --> 01:11:55,687
-I felt defective.
-Yeah.
1501
01:11:56,906 --> 01:12:01,233
I realize now, in retrospect,
that I was faking everything.
1502
01:12:01,258 --> 01:12:03,741
And I'm not just talking about
this fabulous faked orgasm,
1503
01:12:03,766 --> 01:12:05,501
which I have down, by the way.
1504
01:12:05,656 --> 01:12:07,703
I'm talking about...
1505
01:12:09,060 --> 01:12:11,523
faking my desire.
1506
01:12:11,548 --> 01:12:12,742
Hmm.
1507
01:12:12,767 --> 01:12:14,383
Faking...
1508
01:12:16,015 --> 01:12:18,088
the desire for my partner.
1509
01:12:18,773 --> 01:12:20,884
So what do you get
from faking your desire?
1510
01:12:20,909 --> 01:12:22,226
Their desire.
1511
01:12:22,992 --> 01:12:27,062
And if you evoke their desire,
how does that make you feel?
1512
01:12:27,860 --> 01:12:29,258
Desirable.
1513
01:12:31,867 --> 01:12:35,428
I think now I would rather
be real and undesirable
1514
01:12:35,453 --> 01:12:39,383
than fake and hot.
1515
01:12:47,258 --> 01:12:49,139
Do you think that women
know what they're doing
1516
01:12:49,164 --> 01:12:52,756
when it comes
to satisfying a man orally?
1517
01:12:52,789 --> 01:12:54,318
Uh, all that matters to me is
1518
01:12:54,343 --> 01:12:57,281
the one that does it to me
does it right.
1519
01:12:57,343 --> 01:13:00,584
It's OK to love sucking cock.
1520
01:13:00,609 --> 01:13:04,725
If you have to put a banana
in your mouth for 15 minutes
1521
01:13:04,750 --> 01:13:07,748
and enthusiastically suck it
and choke on it,
1522
01:13:07,773 --> 01:13:10,490
after three minutes, would you
still be enthusiastic
1523
01:13:10,515 --> 01:13:12,061
about sucking
on this big banana?
1524
01:13:12,086 --> 01:13:14,272
I do have an answer for that.
1525
01:13:14,297 --> 01:13:17,764
Uh-huh-uh-huh.
Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
1526
01:13:17,789 --> 01:13:19,740
It's big, it's messy,
20 things happen.
1527
01:13:19,765 --> 01:13:23,250
You don't know when it's going
to like squirt at you.
1528
01:13:23,337 --> 01:13:24,617
So...
1529
01:13:24,750 --> 01:13:29,043
So I decided, I'm going
to fall in love with the penis.
1530
01:13:29,914 --> 01:13:33,436
Women! We must not be
embarrassed like this.
1531
01:13:33,461 --> 01:13:35,170
Must give better head!
1532
01:13:35,195 --> 01:13:39,093
Women love to give blow jobs
1533
01:13:39,133 --> 01:13:43,406
because they like to see
the guy helplessly entranced,
1534
01:13:43,539 --> 01:13:45,303
his eyes rolling back.
1535
01:13:45,328 --> 01:13:47,631
I was thinking, couldn't lingams
be very useful
1536
01:13:47,656 --> 01:13:49,805
in opening a woman's
throat chakra?
1537
01:13:49,830 --> 01:13:51,815
Yes, yes.
1538
01:13:56,328 --> 01:13:57,701
Almost all women
1539
01:13:57,726 --> 01:14:02,993
have lost
the capacity to really enjoy
1540
01:14:03,711 --> 01:14:08,741
all of the exquisite feelings
of the throat.
1541
01:14:09,734 --> 01:14:13,037
The throat is directly connected
to the vagina.
1542
01:14:13,062 --> 01:14:17,615
Even to the point that when
a woman is truly connected,
1543
01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:22,429
when her vagina contracts,
so does her throat.
1544
01:14:35,414 --> 01:14:39,156
Often, what is slow
or soft or gentle to a man
1545
01:14:39,181 --> 01:14:41,190
is still too fast for us.
1546
01:14:41,531 --> 01:14:44,034
Because a man doesn't have
the wiring yet
1547
01:14:44,134 --> 01:14:46,022
to go that slow and that gently
1548
01:14:46,047 --> 01:14:48,453
and still think
that anything's going to happen.
1549
01:14:48,570 --> 01:14:51,851
The thing I have to say
most often in bed is, "Slower."
1550
01:14:51,876 --> 01:14:52,883
Yes.
1551
01:14:52,908 --> 01:14:55,029
That is a function
of porn culture,
1552
01:14:55,054 --> 01:14:58,109
because men get the impression
it's all about the jackhammer.
1553
01:14:58,134 --> 01:14:59,324
Vrrrr! You know.
1554
01:14:59,349 --> 01:15:01,992
The second thing I have
to say is,
1555
01:15:02,061 --> 01:15:03,537
"Don't touch me down there
1556
01:15:03,562 --> 01:15:05,421
until I'm begging you
to touch me down there."
1557
01:15:05,446 --> 01:15:07,007
Yes!
1558
01:15:23,647 --> 01:15:26,810
Wiring, it's an erotic blueprint
that happens from,
1559
01:15:26,835 --> 01:15:28,372
I believe from birth.
1560
01:15:28,397 --> 01:15:31,216
It's based on your biochemistry,
your hormonal makeup.
1561
01:15:31,248 --> 01:15:33,723
It's based on your history
growing up.
1562
01:15:33,748 --> 01:15:35,880
So if you touch someone
who's energetically wired
1563
01:15:35,905 --> 01:15:39,926
on their genitals
before they're fully ignited,
1564
01:15:39,951 --> 01:15:41,301
it short-circuits them.
1565
01:15:41,326 --> 01:15:44,897
So they need to be ignited
through like not touching.
1566
01:15:44,967 --> 01:15:47,239
I'm energetically wired,
so, for example,
1567
01:15:47,264 --> 01:15:48,951
for many years,
I didn't understand myself.
1568
01:15:48,976 --> 01:15:50,598
I was like, something's
wrong with me.
1569
01:15:50,623 --> 01:15:52,094
I need to heal something.
1570
01:15:52,119 --> 01:15:55,543
I kept thinking, I'm broken,
as opposed to thinking,
1571
01:15:55,568 --> 01:15:57,975
no, I'm just wired
and these are my needs
1572
01:15:58,000 --> 01:15:59,403
before I can get sexual.
1573
01:15:59,428 --> 01:16:01,348
Catherine, for example,
is energetically wired,
1574
01:16:01,373 --> 01:16:04,958
so for her, Casper,
if he spends more time
1575
01:16:04,983 --> 01:16:07,150
sort of on
the outskirts of her,
1576
01:16:07,175 --> 01:16:09,965
that's where she's going to go
into her sensual self,
1577
01:16:09,990 --> 01:16:13,012
whereas very few women
are sexually wired
1578
01:16:13,037 --> 01:16:15,364
where it's like, let's go
straight for the kill.
1579
01:16:15,389 --> 01:16:18,128
So you speak energy,
she speaks sensuality.
1580
01:16:18,459 --> 01:16:19,715
Oooh!
1581
01:16:19,740 --> 01:16:21,451
And together we make
quite a team.
1582
01:16:23,389 --> 01:16:25,825
There are layers to touch,
so here's the first layer.
1583
01:16:25,850 --> 01:16:27,951
Do this, Catherine,
start way out here.
1584
01:16:28,068 --> 01:16:30,467
This is like going
directly to your clitoris.
1585
01:16:31,740 --> 01:16:33,677
I said I was
one giant clitoris.
1586
01:16:33,702 --> 01:16:35,062
I did, I already said it.
1587
01:16:36,584 --> 01:16:38,232
Breathe...
1588
01:16:38,522 --> 01:16:41,543
Allow yourself the deliciousness
of all of this
1589
01:16:41,568 --> 01:16:43,068
before you even get
to the elbow.
1590
01:16:43,093 --> 01:16:45,654
Like go so slow.
1591
01:16:46,256 --> 01:16:49,506
But why is it that I want
my lover to do this to me?
1592
01:16:49,654 --> 01:16:52,037
Well, because you're
sensation-wired.
1593
01:16:52,568 --> 01:16:55,717
-And why can't he?
-Because he's sexually wired.
1594
01:16:55,742 --> 01:16:56,750
It's not that he can't,
1595
01:16:56,775 --> 01:16:59,481
it's just that he doesn't
know how to.
1596
01:16:59,506 --> 01:17:01,973
As a man,
first of all, you touch me,
1597
01:17:01,998 --> 01:17:03,561
I know you touched me.
1598
01:17:03,959 --> 01:17:06,404
If you do it too light,
it's like...
1599
01:17:06,592 --> 01:17:08,998
it almost irritates me.
1600
01:17:10,240 --> 01:17:12,247
This is one of the downsides
of a woman
1601
01:17:12,272 --> 01:17:16,770
trying to do to a man
what a man does to her.
1602
01:17:17,046 --> 01:17:19,076
You're two different people.
1603
01:17:19,623 --> 01:17:21,316
Pleasure comes in all forms.
1604
01:17:21,341 --> 01:17:25,200
But we tend to have
a go-to expression.
1605
01:17:25,865 --> 01:17:29,052
Right? Because
we have a natural flavour.
1606
01:17:29,091 --> 01:17:32,694
She's a cool blonde,
you're a hot brunette.
1607
01:17:33,060 --> 01:17:36,777
A man's relationship to women
and sexuality
1608
01:17:36,802 --> 01:17:39,777
is like a woman's relationship
to shoes and clothing.
1609
01:17:39,802 --> 01:17:43,340
Your men are doomed to walking
into a clothing store
1610
01:17:43,365 --> 01:17:46,751
where every item is the same
color and the same cut.
1611
01:17:46,776 --> 01:17:48,082
If you're always brunette,
1612
01:17:48,107 --> 01:17:50,480
it's like he has to eat pizza
every day
1613
01:17:50,505 --> 01:17:52,982
and wear the same clothes
day and night.
1614
01:17:53,216 --> 01:17:56,722
The impulse for variety in us
will never go away.
1615
01:17:56,747 --> 01:17:59,840
If we could have one outfit
for the rest of our lives,
1616
01:17:59,865 --> 01:18:01,198
we'd kill ourselves.
1617
01:18:01,637 --> 01:18:04,794
When we first met,
I would go straight from the set
1618
01:18:04,981 --> 01:18:08,466
to his restaurant,
and I'd still be in costume.
1619
01:18:16,919 --> 01:18:19,230
You're right,
the way he reacted to me
1620
01:18:19,255 --> 01:18:21,576
was as though I was
a different woman each time.
1621
01:18:21,601 --> 01:18:23,175
Yes, because you were.
1622
01:18:23,200 --> 01:18:27,097
I was, right, and now that I'm
wrapped with the show,
1623
01:18:27,122 --> 01:18:30,138
I wouldn't possibly wear
those outfits, I'm dull.
1624
01:18:30,497 --> 01:18:33,183
-You're a pizza every evening.
-I'm the pizza.
1625
01:18:33,208 --> 01:18:38,686
Most of us have learned to
become this tiny little sliver.
1626
01:18:38,711 --> 01:18:39,854
Because I thought that's how
1627
01:18:39,879 --> 01:18:43,222
you hold onto your integrity
sexually, but that's not true.
1628
01:18:43,247 --> 01:18:45,817
Your partner looks at someone
and there's sexual attraction.
1629
01:18:45,842 --> 01:18:48,206
And I think it's funny 'cause
some people still act shocked.
1630
01:18:48,231 --> 01:18:50,665
They're like, "Oh, my God,
if you really loved me,
1631
01:18:50,690 --> 01:18:52,888
you wouldn't be looking
at so-and-so."
1632
01:18:52,913 --> 01:18:55,855
I say that all the time.
Busted.
1633
01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:58,122
"If you really loved me,
you wouldn't look at her ass."
1634
01:18:58,147 --> 01:19:00,113
Well, that's ridiculous
because we're animals.
1635
01:19:00,138 --> 01:19:02,934
Instead of, "I can't believe
you're looking
1636
01:19:02,959 --> 01:19:04,612
at this other dude,"
it's like, you know,
1637
01:19:04,637 --> 01:19:06,463
"What is it
about this attraction
1638
01:19:06,488 --> 01:19:08,230
that we can apply
to our connection?
1639
01:19:08,255 --> 01:19:11,051
What is it about him
that you're finding appealing
1640
01:19:11,076 --> 01:19:12,825
that might be missing with us."
1641
01:19:19,285 --> 01:19:23,596
If anything, I feel nervous
about being vulnerable,
1642
01:19:23,621 --> 01:19:26,274
you know, to someone
like that emotionally
1643
01:19:26,299 --> 01:19:30,621
and digging deep into
some trauma that may be in me,
1644
01:19:30,646 --> 01:19:34,590
but mostly just excited
about that, too.
1645
01:19:35,153 --> 01:19:38,340
You have a lot of innocence
and yearning and hope, right?
1646
01:19:38,365 --> 01:19:40,184
Bring it to me, yeah.
Bring it...
1647
01:19:40,209 --> 01:19:42,645
Bring it into your body. Yes!
1648
01:19:43,238 --> 01:19:45,582
Keep looking at me, though.
Yeah.
1649
01:19:46,854 --> 01:19:48,756
When you close right now,
it's easier,
1650
01:19:48,781 --> 01:19:50,988
and I'm gonna make it harder
for you.
1651
01:19:51,013 --> 01:19:52,348
-Thanks.
-Yeah.
1652
01:19:52,544 --> 01:19:54,746
Now, find pleasure right there.
1653
01:19:57,043 --> 01:20:00,199
-There you go.
-Oh, it's so painful.
1654
01:20:00,224 --> 01:20:02,838
You gotta let it go, yeah.
You can sob it.
1655
01:20:02,863 --> 01:20:04,856
And I'll hold you
if you want me to.
1656
01:20:04,881 --> 01:20:05,965
Let it go.
1657
01:20:06,594 --> 01:20:08,871
Yeah, sob it.
Yeah, sob it.
1658
01:20:09,629 --> 01:20:11,543
Sob it.
You're not making any noise.
1659
01:20:11,568 --> 01:20:13,809
Let it go.
1660
01:20:14,007 --> 01:20:16,403
Let it go.
1661
01:20:17,905 --> 01:20:19,807
Let it go.
1662
01:20:20,353 --> 01:20:23,048
That's it, more.
Feel I'm touching, right here.
1663
01:20:23,073 --> 01:20:25,067
Let it go here, yes.
Now here.
1664
01:20:28,051 --> 01:20:30,245
Did you feel the places
I touched on your body
1665
01:20:30,270 --> 01:20:32,582
and all of the sudden
it melted into your feminine?
1666
01:20:32,607 --> 01:20:33,942
That's your feminine.
1667
01:20:36,204 --> 01:20:37,229
Hmm-mm.
1668
01:20:38,356 --> 01:20:41,090
Enjoy the sensuality of tears.
1669
01:20:44,088 --> 01:20:45,338
Now do a little sensation.
1670
01:20:45,363 --> 01:20:47,782
Touch your face, and just notice
how that feels
1671
01:20:47,807 --> 01:20:49,098
while you're doing that.
1672
01:20:54,719 --> 01:20:57,037
Good. What are you aware of?
1673
01:20:57,496 --> 01:20:59,051
When you're ready to talk.
1674
01:20:59,946 --> 01:21:01,699
What do you notice in your body?
1675
01:21:08,613 --> 01:21:10,518
Oh, me?
1676
01:21:10,543 --> 01:21:12,268
I'm pointing at you because
she was lost.
1677
01:21:12,293 --> 01:21:15,862
Did you notice,
she was completely lost
1678
01:21:15,887 --> 01:21:18,676
in just the sensation
of her arm.
1679
01:21:18,701 --> 01:21:20,563
Yeah, I was realizing
that my body
1680
01:21:20,588 --> 01:21:22,496
is, in fact,
attached to my head.
1681
01:21:23,006 --> 01:21:24,059
Uh-huh.
1682
01:21:24,084 --> 01:21:26,520
Yeah, they are connected
after all.
1683
01:21:29,028 --> 01:21:30,900
It's so beautiful for me
to witness someone
1684
01:21:30,925 --> 01:21:32,870
who feels dissociated
from their body,
1685
01:21:32,895 --> 01:21:35,905
who feels unsafe, to gradually
come into the experience
1686
01:21:35,930 --> 01:21:37,832
of their body safely
and to be able
1687
01:21:37,857 --> 01:21:39,466
to open themselves
to intimacy,
1688
01:21:39,716 --> 01:21:41,659
knowing that
they're fully centered,
1689
01:21:41,684 --> 01:21:44,012
they're able to be
and stay in their body.
1690
01:21:44,090 --> 01:21:47,854
In my old thinking, an orgasm
has to happen to me.
1691
01:21:47,879 --> 01:21:51,356
But it is something that I have
to do for myself.
1692
01:21:51,381 --> 01:21:53,088
But I never understood that.
1693
01:21:53,113 --> 01:21:56,262
Because you have
all these tactile receptors,
1694
01:21:56,660 --> 01:21:59,442
if I know how
to activate them all,
1695
01:21:59,467 --> 01:22:01,512
you take off.
1696
01:22:02,306 --> 01:22:05,107
I could actually bring you
to orgasm and never touch you.
1697
01:22:05,132 --> 01:22:06,826
I feel excited.
1698
01:22:10,396 --> 01:22:15,068
As a man comes to understand
energetic love making,
1699
01:22:15,427 --> 01:22:18,693
he realizes
that he makes contact
1700
01:22:19,409 --> 01:22:20,978
with the woman
1701
01:22:21,412 --> 01:22:25,802
long before he ever
physically touches her.
1702
01:22:26,467 --> 01:22:29,185
And that becomes the basis
1703
01:22:29,615 --> 01:22:34,826
of his ability to make love
to her 24/7.
1704
01:22:40,084 --> 01:22:42,951
So just to start out,
I'm just gonna...
1705
01:22:44,842 --> 01:22:48,151
gently come in and make contact
with her body.
1706
01:22:48,490 --> 01:22:51,021
When I was waving my hand
over her,
1707
01:22:51,787 --> 01:22:55,849
I had already made contact
with her energy field.
1708
01:22:56,794 --> 01:22:59,420
So the body is like
1709
01:22:59,445 --> 01:23:03,513
the gross level of her.
1710
01:23:03,849 --> 01:23:07,830
And the energy field out here is
like the subtle level of her.
1711
01:23:08,474 --> 01:23:14,451
So I was making contact with
the subtle layer of her energy.
1712
01:23:15,498 --> 01:23:17,505
And as I'm moving my hand,
1713
01:23:17,530 --> 01:23:22,310
I'm actually moving
that layer of energy.
1714
01:23:22,485 --> 01:23:26,807
So she feels me waving
back and forth
1715
01:23:26,832 --> 01:23:30,092
in that layer of energy
in her field.
1716
01:23:30,810 --> 01:23:34,162
Actually making love
to her without...
1717
01:23:35,453 --> 01:23:38,349
direct contact at first.
1718
01:23:38,881 --> 01:23:43,874
And then at a certain point,
her body starts to take on
1719
01:23:43,974 --> 01:23:49,185
the natural undulating wave
that energy has.
1720
01:23:51,265 --> 01:23:53,865
So then at that point,
I can just
1721
01:23:54,037 --> 01:23:59,349
dance with her, play with her,
stay in tune with her,
1722
01:23:59,585 --> 01:24:05,287
and she just kind of rides
the wave of her own energy.
1723
01:24:08,334 --> 01:24:10,391
Let's be aroused
by the entire body.
1724
01:24:10,491 --> 01:24:12,998
But then
let's actually be aroused
1725
01:24:13,023 --> 01:24:14,841
by everything about my partner.
1726
01:24:15,263 --> 01:24:19,279
It's about the utter,
unique specificity
1727
01:24:19,420 --> 01:24:20,819
of me meeting you
1728
01:24:21,029 --> 01:24:24,363
and me receiving all of you,
everything.
1729
01:24:24,388 --> 01:24:27,256
Your entire childhood,
all of your pain,
1730
01:24:27,442 --> 01:24:29,129
your brokenness, right?
1731
01:24:29,154 --> 01:24:32,615
Everything that went wrong,
taking it into my body,
1732
01:24:32,802 --> 01:24:36,309
receiving it, transforming it,
opening it.
1733
01:24:36,334 --> 01:24:38,787
Fucking it open and giving you
everything that I am,
1734
01:24:38,812 --> 01:24:40,676
all of my ecstasy
and all of my joy,
1735
01:24:40,701 --> 01:24:42,674
and the passion of my life
and my brokenness
1736
01:24:42,699 --> 01:24:45,317
and everything that is me.
1737
01:24:45,342 --> 01:24:47,998
And I'm giving it to you
and saying, "Fuck me open."
1738
01:24:57,731 --> 01:24:59,677
So, here's the crazy thing.
1739
01:24:59,702 --> 01:25:03,106
A, it's really really, really,
really sad
1740
01:25:03,328 --> 01:25:05,662
that it's so hard
to get to this place.
1741
01:25:06,607 --> 01:25:10,677
And B, once you've been there,
you...
1742
01:25:10,941 --> 01:25:14,170
everything changes
because you can't go back.
1743
01:25:14,195 --> 01:25:17,857
It's so hard making
that transition
1744
01:25:18,498 --> 01:25:23,334
so that you can surrender enough
to experience your femininity.
1745
01:25:23,452 --> 01:25:26,688
The minute you're with a man
and they're giving you the thing
1746
01:25:26,851 --> 01:25:29,396
that they know you want that you
didn't even know that you want,
1747
01:25:29,421 --> 01:25:31,467
they become
immediately trustworthy.
1748
01:25:38,738 --> 01:25:42,701
And suddenly that man
becomes a god.
1749
01:25:54,894 --> 01:25:58,144
Your body has been having
to listen to your mind.
1750
01:25:59,456 --> 01:26:01,839
Your mind has been telling
your body
1751
01:26:01,947 --> 01:26:03,566
what it is,
what it's capable of,
1752
01:26:03,591 --> 01:26:05,050
what it's not capable of,
1753
01:26:05,748 --> 01:26:07,274
and...
1754
01:26:07,812 --> 01:26:09,171
so...
1755
01:26:09,885 --> 01:26:13,722
I had to work through my body
not listening to my mind.
1756
01:26:14,045 --> 01:26:16,489
I have a secret,
I know the secret.
1757
01:26:16,643 --> 01:26:18,027
And I am the secret.
1758
01:26:18,118 --> 01:26:22,488
But ironically, we all have
the same secret.
1759
01:26:22,513 --> 01:26:23,550
Yes.
1760
01:26:23,679 --> 01:26:27,416
That emotional breakthrough
was amazing!
1761
01:26:28,598 --> 01:26:29,666
Celebrate!
1762
01:26:30,451 --> 01:26:33,581
What?!
1763
01:26:35,758 --> 01:26:38,300
There you go, let your head go,
let your head go.
1764
01:26:38,325 --> 01:26:39,518
Yes!
1765
01:26:43,595 --> 01:26:46,456
OK, baby, that was gorgeous.
1766
01:26:52,511 --> 01:26:54,247
So, Nityama was doing
1767
01:26:54,272 --> 01:26:56,799
I guess what would be considered
a couple's session,
1768
01:26:56,824 --> 01:26:59,227
and what happened
was extraordinary.
1769
01:26:59,252 --> 01:27:01,894
And Shareef was able
to be responsible
1770
01:27:01,919 --> 01:27:04,073
for sending me
into this place of
1771
01:27:04,098 --> 01:27:08,127
what I could describe as bliss,
just pure bliss.
1772
01:27:08,495 --> 01:27:11,269
At a certain point,
Shareef had his hand
1773
01:27:11,294 --> 01:27:12,315
under my left shoulder
1774
01:27:12,340 --> 01:27:14,894
and Nityama had his hand
under my right.
1775
01:27:15,519 --> 01:27:18,816
And it felt like
I was being nurtured, by men,
1776
01:27:18,841 --> 01:27:20,698
which is very rare.
1777
01:27:22,245 --> 01:27:25,277
And then I felt this...
1778
01:27:27,409 --> 01:27:30,230
this connection
coming from my left,
1779
01:27:30,255 --> 01:27:32,011
which is where Shareef was.
1780
01:27:33,329 --> 01:27:37,253
I felt this sudden
deep connection
1781
01:27:38,012 --> 01:27:40,252
just for a second.
1782
01:27:40,613 --> 01:27:43,230
And then all of a sudden,
his fingertips
1783
01:27:43,255 --> 01:27:45,823
went like this along my throat,
1784
01:27:47,176 --> 01:27:49,589
and I...
1785
01:27:51,148 --> 01:27:52,673
lost it.
1786
01:27:53,581 --> 01:27:55,134
I mean, literally lost it
1787
01:27:55,159 --> 01:28:00,378
I lost all sense of restraint
and judgement...
1788
01:28:01,691 --> 01:28:07,628
and I just went
into this extraordinary
1789
01:28:08,182 --> 01:28:11,253
full-body experience
where I felt
1790
01:28:11,544 --> 01:28:16,205
nothing but self-love
just pouring into my body,
1791
01:28:16,230 --> 01:28:20,575
all around my genitals and down
into my beautiful thighs,
1792
01:28:20,600 --> 01:28:23,295
and there was no cellulite
involved whatsoever.
1793
01:28:23,320 --> 01:28:27,057
Down into my gorgeous legs
and my fucking amazing feet,
1794
01:28:27,082 --> 01:28:31,261
and all the way back into
my flat beautiful six-pack.
1795
01:28:32,317 --> 01:28:33,417
This was my experience.
1796
01:28:33,636 --> 01:28:36,464
You know, into these beautiful
bodacious breasts
1797
01:28:36,489 --> 01:28:38,455
and these fabulous petals
of nipples
1798
01:28:38,480 --> 01:28:42,197
and into my neck and my arms,
my capable brilliant hands
1799
01:28:42,222 --> 01:28:45,859
and into my mind that was just
this flowing lotus flower.
1800
01:28:45,884 --> 01:28:50,705
I mean, I was just in this place
of like pure self-love.
1801
01:28:50,730 --> 01:28:53,040
And I was so excited that I was
able to do it,
1802
01:28:53,065 --> 01:28:54,960
which was spurring it on
even more.
1803
01:28:54,985 --> 01:28:56,784
I was just like,
"Here we are, here we are!
1804
01:28:56,809 --> 01:28:59,519
It does work, it does work!
I am perfect!
1805
01:28:59,544 --> 01:29:01,019
I'm not flawed."
1806
01:29:08,959 --> 01:29:10,620
In all of us
there's a virgin,
1807
01:29:10,645 --> 01:29:13,590
and the virgin means integrity.
1808
01:29:14,738 --> 01:29:17,902
Do you think that that part is
inside each of us
1809
01:29:17,927 --> 01:29:20,512
and cannot be perpetrated?
1810
01:29:20,537 --> 01:29:21,597
It cannot be.
1811
01:29:21,622 --> 01:29:23,518
That's the piece
that I connected with,
1812
01:29:23,543 --> 01:29:25,503
that, for the first time
in my life, I felt
1813
01:29:25,528 --> 01:29:27,019
what it was like
to feel perfect.
1814
01:29:27,504 --> 01:29:28,738
Me too.
1815
01:29:42,506 --> 01:29:43,865
Rolling.
1816
01:31:26,357 --> 01:31:27,811
Look at the light bouncing off.
1817
01:31:27,836 --> 01:31:29,362
The light bouncing off his hat?
1818
01:31:34,870 --> 01:31:40,253
You can kind of see
everything more in-depth.
142798
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.