Original subtitles

- Everyone thinks Big Larry's in the wrong place.

He's not.

The road is.

Therefore, the town shall construct a traffic tunnel

running underneath the statue,

like so.

[quizzical music]

* *

- Yeah, no.

- Give me one good reason this isn't totally awesome.

- Everyone agrees that we should just

move the statue, Nathan.

And don't you have bigger things to worry about

right now?

- Man, you Chisenhalls just love

sticking it to the Rutherfords, don't you?

All right, tell you what.

We'll regroup, and we'll be back

next Tuesday at our regular session.

- Does noon still work for you?

- No! We don't have a regular session.

You two birdbrains just show up every week

unannounced on my lunch break.

- Look, this took me 16 hours to build,

so just maybe play with it.

The cars are really fun. It might grow on you.

- Bye, Nathan. - Okay.

[upbeat music]

* *

[light acoustic music]

* *

- Josh, hi.

What are you doing--hi.

- Hi. I was just talking to some locals

and getting some casino ambience

for my podcast.

- Oh.

- Also, I just wanted to see you again.

So I got you an oat milk latte

- Wow.

You remembered that I'm lactose intolerant.

Thank you.

Also, you don't have to do that thing

that guys do where they're like,

checking up on you after sex

because they feel obligated.

- Um, I'm not doing that. - Oh.

- Also, I don't think anyone's ever done that?

- Really? - Excuse me, sir.

Is this sad lady bothering you? - What?

- Are you lost? Looking for the men's room?

Is that why you're talking to her?

- You don't have to lower yourself this way.

I'll take you from here.

- Okay, enough. Josh, this is Wayne and Sally.

They are terrible. - Nice to meet you?

- Well, that's some way to talk to the only two people

that ever visit this dump.

- It's not a dump.

- Yeah, it's more of an empty void.

- Mm, the only Minishonka artifacts in here

are that basket and those bangs.

- [laughs]

- Okay, well what are you guys doing to help?

I tried to meet with Sally's aunt

and you gave me the phone number to the Pentagon.

- Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

- It's super easy to drag me-- I get it--

but seriously, what are you two doing for our people?

- No, you're right.

It's super easy to drag you.

- It's a big part of the appeal.

Plus, we quit smoking, and...

together: Gotta have something.

- I think the bangs work.

- Thank you. Aw. - Yeah.

- What is the move to sway Deirdre?

- We hack her phone and blackmail her

with whatever dirt we find.

- Bobbie, love your passion,

but you can't always go to blackmail.

All right?

It scares me how often you draw from that well.

- I'm a product of the times.

- Hey, Kaitlyn.

To what do we owe this delight?

- Terry Thomas just named our company

in a lawsuit brought by the Minishonka Nation.

- Wow. So he's really poking the bear?

He's gonna regret not taking that popcorn.

- You offered him...

Never mind. I don't want to know.

Nathan, listen. Your name is all over this lawsuit.

His lawyer cited you as an employee of the company.

- Well, yeah, I mean, I'm on the board.

- As a ceremonial gesture.

Sort of like how we have the town's image

on all of our products, but no one who works here

has ever been there.

- Well, I work there, and I've been here a lot.

- Okay, do you have any idea

how much other crap I'm dealing with?

The Cuyahoga River is glowing from factory runoff.

I mean, it's Cleveland, so nobody cares.

I never said that.

- Hi, Kaitlyn. Bobbie Yang here.

Um, bioluminescence is actually a natural phenomenon,

maybe you could blame it on that?

- Hm, that's pretty good.

Okay, we're sending legal counsel

from the firm Quinn & Hall.

Nathan, I need you to do exactly what they say

and nothing else.

- I hear you loud and clear, my fearless--

and, huh, signal dropped or something.

All right, you heard Kaitlyn.

We have mere hours to turn the museum into a war room.

Write this down.

All right, gonna need four dozen bagels,

two pints of cream cheese, low-fat--these are city people.

- Any chive?

- Eh... I'm freezing on that one.

Come back to me on that. - Okay.

- Oh, some brownies? - Brownies.

- Can you make brownies? But--but, like, blondies.

- Blondies, okay. After that?

- Okay, uh, I feel like we're gonna need toothpicks.

I don't know why. - Toothpicks.

- And get a sleeve of Solo Cups, just in case.

- Sleeve of Solo Cups. I can hang a welcome banner.

Bobbie, if raises existed

in the world of unpaid internships,

that would be a double bump.

- That means the world to me.

- Well, you mean the world to me. Come on.

[uplifting music]

- And I hate to say it,

but Wayne and Sally were right.

I do need more items.

And I should grow my bangs out.

- Mm. - But the most annoying part is

is that they interrupted my flirty moment with Josh.

- You like him.

- No. - Yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.

- He lives in Brooklyn,

and he'll most likely leave when his story is done,

so it's dumb even considering.

- Don't do that. - What?

- The thing you just did. The Reagan that you do,

where you just, like, give up on a guy

before he even has a chance.

Let something happen. - Eh.

- Allow it to happen.

Seize the moment. This could be the moment.

Hey, what's uh...

What's Terry doing?

- Looks like he's getting ready to peacock

in front of your lawyers.

They haven't deep cleaned the carpet

since David Lee Roth was supposed to come.

It ended up being David LeRoth,

French magician.

Saddest day of my mom's life.

- One of the best nights of my life.

That show was incredible.

- Hey, I know that Terry is kind of a force,

and that you're probably a little bit worried about--

- I'm not at all. What?

Terry is the one who should be worried.

My guys are, like, power brokers.

You kidding me?

Trust me. 'Sall good.

- Okay, we have regular, half-caf, decaf,

cereal, Go-Gurt, chive cream cheese,

but I'm worried we don't have enough bagels.

- Okay, well, let's see.

Kaitlyn said they're sending legal counsel.

You gotta figure that's about a baker's dozen.

Each lawyer could have their own Bobbie.

We could be talking 25-30 people. Eh...

You know what? We're done.

You go to war with the bagels you have.

- Right.

- Oh, did you remember the banner?

- Sure did.

- Wow, that's a good-looking banner.

- I left out the year so we could reuse it.

- Bobbie, that was smart.

[car approaching]

They're here.

[electronic music]

* *

- * Common love isn't for us *

* We created something from none... *

- Uh...

* *

- Wait, is there anyone else, or?

- They must have drove separately.

- Nathan Rutherford?

- Uh, yeah, that's me.

- Blake Jensen, Quinn & Hall.

I'm here to change the sheets

on the bed that you shat.

- Definitely a little bit thrown

that they only sent one guy.

But he seems like a killer, right?

- Yeah, and he's surface-of-the-sun hot.

- You think every guy is hot.

- I'm 16. Doesn't take much.

- Okay. [toilet flushes]

Ope.

He definitely did not wash his hands.

- Let's talk strategy.

Saw your Founder's Day speech,

and I listened to that podcast.

- Thank you. - You sounded insane.

I was cracking up. At you, not with you.

Just to be clear. - Got it.

- This Terry guy seems pretty crushable.

I mean, anybody that runs a casino outside of Vegas

or Monte Carlo has to be an idiot, right?

- Oh, Terry is not an idiot.

Like, at all.

- Well, I went to Harvard Law,

so I'm pretty sure I can handle whatever

tomahawks he throws at me.

- Oh, not sure I would use that phrase,

or anything else racist,

but love the enthusiasm.

What can we do to help?

- Right, here's what I'm gonna need from you.

Nothing. Do nothing, say nothing.

- Done, but uh--

- Come on, let's roll.

- Do you want a bagel before we leave?

- If you got those around here, those are not really bagels.

- I hate that I love him.

[hip-hop music]

* *

- What...

in the name of Marie Kondo...

both: Surprise!

- I know I say this a lot,

but what the hell is wrong with you two?

What happened to my cultural center?

- It's a Minishonka tsunami, baby.

You telling us that we don't do something

really made us want to do it.

- We made a Facebook post asking the tribe

to donate whatever they could spare

to showcase Minishonka pride.

- Look, look. - Oh.

Show your Minishonka pride by helping someone

down and out.

Very nice. Makes me sound homeless.

Did you really need to bold the words "sad" and "lonely"?

- Well, it worked, so.

You're welcome.

- You know, this actually-- this is gorgeous.

This is a good one.

This has no historic value.

- Man, you're always crying around about

having no items in this place.

And now you're too bougie for these

humble artifacts.

- Ungrateful. - Mm.

- Okay, you both know that 90% of this stuff

belongs in a landfill.

I mean--

A blender

and a VHS copy of "Young Guns II"?

- Wayne's Uncle Earl was in that movie.

- That's right. Him and Emilio got super tight.

That's why my cousin's named Estevez.

- For real? - Mm-hmm.

- You know what?

Actually, I just got back on people's good side,

and now they're giving me gifts.

So I'm sure there's gems in here.

We just need to start by sorting the--

Damn it.

[hip-hop music]

* *

Okay, Josh.

- I'm just gonna say it...

I don't see a welcome banner.

- Nathan, Bobbie, good to see you.

- Likewise.

- Council members and the rest of the board

are on their way up.

Where are the lawyers your company sent?

- He's, uh, using the facilities.

- They only sent one? - Yeah.

One-man wrecking crew.

- [sighs]

It's a surprisingly clean bathroom.

Blake Jensen, Quinn & Hall. - Hi.

- Oh, let's skip the handshake

and we'll get straight down to brass tacks.

Shall we?

I'm gonna use a visual aid.

This represents Rutherford Inc.'s

$70 billion value,

- Whoa, he's "Big Short"-ing it.

I like it. - Me too.

- And this is our settlement offer.

It's $1/2 million for you to

drop this bullshit

and buy yourself some new slot machines.

But you seem like a hungry guy.

Maybe one's not enough, so I'll add another.

That's an even million.

Then you counter, you bluff your way up.

Let me just save us some time.

You got yourself a fun pack.

That's 3 million. Final offer.

Man, we could go back and forth, but in the end,

we both know that--

[candy clatters]

- 300 million.

I was thinking more like

300 million. Not 3.

300.

- [clears throat]

Listen to me, Mr. Thomas--

- No, you listen to me, Blake.

You went to Harvard Law School, didn't you?

- Yes, I did. Class of 2018--

- There's a building called Jensen Hall.

You do a lot of studying

at Jensen Hall,

Blake Jensen?

- Well--

- And this law firm you work for.

Your dad's a partner there, right?

- No.

It's my uncle.

- Was that a good comeback?

- No, it wasn't.

- Thank you for bringing your candy expertise

to explain things to a simpleton like me,

but I will not waste time

negotiating with someone whose legal experience

consists of fighting his own DUI charges.

Let me get down to brass tacks.

You're gonna take your nepotistic

first-year associate bullshit

back to Manhattan,

which is Lenape land filled with skyscrapers

built by Mohawks,

and you're gonna tell the people at your firm

who actually matter

to be here by Friday at noon

or I will bring the wrath of God down so hard

that their tennis instructor's children will feel it.

Tell them I will come for their summer homes

and their accountants' Teslas.

I will make sure all your lives

are a complete and total disaster.

- You're...

So mean!

[quirky music]

* *

- Let's go. Go, go, go, go, go. Go.

- Mom, it's me.

It went horrible. It was my first big meeting,

and I just totally biffed it.

Can you call Uncle Percy for me, please?

- I appreciate masculine vulnerability,

but what a little bitch.

- Thank you for helping me.

- No, I'm glad you called.

Turns out recording casino sounds all day

leads to severe depression.

- [laughs] Well,

so does going through people's junk.

[sighs]

An exhibit worthy of the Met.

- So what are you gonna tell people

whose stuff we threw away?

- Um, that I'm putting it into the "archives."

Which is the name of the dumpster

that we're throwing it into,

so technically not a lie.

- Mm. Okay... - Yeah.

- Hey, Reagan. - Hey.

- Maya, Terry's daughter.

- Yeah! Hi. I don't think

you're supposed to be in the casino.

- My mom is outside waiting for me.

- Oh.

- Um, I just, I saw that post,

and I wanted to donate some of my beadwork.

But maybe you already have enough stuff?

- No, these are amazing.

Are you sure you want to give them away?

I will take them and you did promise.

- Totally.

I know they're just emojis,

but I was looking at old beadwork to get ideas and stuff

and it would be cool if one day a Minishonka girl

could look at these and get inspired.

You know?

- Yes, I do know.

Thank you. - Of course.

Bye. - Bye.

[emotional music]

I mean, this is what I was hoping for:

items with meaning.

- Sure, yeah, uh, but...

If you didn't talk to her,

you might not have gotten that meaning, right?

So maybe some of this has that too?

- Well, I mean, do we really need to know the backstory

of the can opener?

- Okay, not everything.

But, look.

My boss told me that there's no story here,

and I came anyway,

and while it's not exactly what I was expecting,

there is something here.

So maybe if you let go

of what you were hoping to find,

you might be able to see what you've really got.

- The podcasting voice is very manipulative.

- Yeah, it really helps when I'm

disputing credit card charges.

- [laughs]

Okay, fine.

Let's ask some people about their very random stuff.

- Yes!

Why am I so excited about this?

- I don't know.

[soft music]

* *

- Thanks, Jess.

- Mm-hmm. That was so cool.

You saying no to all that money.

- Yeah, well, we need to talk to the real lawyers.

The ones who come in black SUVs wearing Gucci loafers

and tailored suits.

Six men. Maybe one woman, probably for show.

Until they get here, I'm not negotiating.

- Well, that was so badass.

I mean, when people hear

that you turned down $3 million...

imagine how pissed off they'd be.

- Which is why it's of utmost importance

that we tell no one about this.

- Of course. [laughs]

I just mean that if they were to find out,

then they'd be super pissed.

- You can go. I'll clean these up.

- Okay.

- Uh, Rutherford Inc. isn't, um,

returning my calls.

It's, uh...

They're obviously on top of it.

They're gonna crush it.

I guess it's just getting unclear

where I fit into the crushing

process.

And...

so I need somebody really solid

and trustworthy in my corner.

- [screams]

- You okay?

- I am not.

That burned. Hard. - Ahh.

- You just can't win with these things.

Eat them too soon, you burn your tongue.

Wait too long, and it's as cold

as a witch's tit.

- Yeah.

- So I charge a flat fee of $600.

That's for everything,

from this meeting

to the judge's ruling.

Doesn't matter how long it takes.

- How is that a sustainable business model?

- I'm just excited for the work.

I've only got one other client right now.

Lydia Patterson.

She's suing the city for not moving that statue

everyone's crashing into.

- Well, if you're representing Lydia,

don't you have to recuse yourself from my case?

- Hm.

Yeah, hang on one sec here.

Recuse.

"To excuse one's self from a case

"because of a potential conflict of interest

or a lack of impartiality."

- Mm-hmm. - Huh.

Impartiality.

"Equal treatment of all rivals or disputants.

Fairness."

That cleared up nothing for me.

- Mm.

[hip-hop music]

- Thank you both for coming.

I really appreciate the help.

- We're here for Josh, not you.

- Yeah, we like him.

Even though he has terrible taste in women.

- Cool, thanks.

Um, why don't you tell me about the snow globe?

- Tommy Wilson once hitchhiked all the way down to Miami.

Only time he ever left the res.

- He thought snow in Florida was so funny,

so he brought this back.

- Oh, and he brought "The Macarena" to our people

six months before it got big.

- That was him?

- My mother used to make ribbon dresses,

but she passed away a few years ago.

I never learned how,

but I know she would want someone

in the tribe to get them.

- When I saw that post, I had to donate

my granny's celebrity rock collection.

She's got everyone in here, from Marilyn Monroe

to Zendaya, or Daya.

- Thank you so much. Yeah, this is interesting.

But actually, the cultural center is intended

for Minishonka items.

- Oh, both my grandparents always told me I was part,

and I got the proof right here.

- Oh.

- Are you really going to tell me these little baby

jazz apples I got under my eyes aren't 100% Minishonka?

- Okay, thank you so much for coming in today, Ms. Fish.

- See you later, sister.

- Archives? - Yes, please.

- After she got divorced, Mavis McClaire started

this sad candle company.

- Beware Mal-Mer?

- It's just this made-up story.

Basically like a monster that eats your poop.

We tell it to little kids so they don't take so long

shitting in the woods.

- Is that a big problem around here?

- Not anymore.

- I was a featured extra on this movie.

Got real close with Emilio.

He gave me the nicest compliment.

He said I was doing a lot in my scenes.

- Oh, wow.

- A week later I went on a date with a girl.

I told her I knew Emilio.

30 years, 4 kids, 2 dogs, and a snake later,

we're still together.

- That is beautiful.

- And can you believe that she's still

dynamite in the sack.

- Oh, that's...

Why don't you tell me about the blender?

- Oh, my sister Corissa took it to Standing Rock

to protest the pipeline.

- Mm. - They ground beans for coffee,

blended tomatoes for soup,

mixed smoothies for Shailene Woodley.

Then it broke. January 24, 2017,

when pipeline construction was allowed to begin.

- What are the chances

that they would break on the same day?

- Pretty good, actually.

Corissa was pissed, and she smashed it against a yurt post.

Still, that blender saw everything.

- Mm. - Where is that thing, anyway?

- What's so special about a blender?

- We just...

Shailene protests the...

pipeline smoothie...

It's a whole-- - I found it!

- Yes! Yes, that's it, that's it, yes.

Thank you.

- Do you smell that?

- Yes, I do. It's disgusting.

- Yep. I really want to kiss you,

but we are waist-deep in garbage right now.

- Let's take a shower,

and then later, that.

- Yeah, okay. - Okay.

- Well, yeah, I just feel really out of the loop

on this whole lawsuit thing.

I mean, I've tried Kaitlyn four times.

No response.

Should I call her again?

- No, don't do that.

[exhales] Just take a minute to decompress

and think clearly about your next--

no, not there.

The offices are closed anyways,

so there's not really much you can do.

Ah, that's good.

No, not you,

but also maybe you--

I don't know, I can't remember

what I just said.

I'm sorry, I'm just...

I'm trying to put up this exhibit--

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Do your thing.

I'll talk to you later. - Okay.

- Bye.

[exhales]

Oh, uh, sorry. Excuse me.

There's supposed to be a pickle.

The burgers always come with a pickle.

- Oh, yeah, sorry, we're all out.

- Mm, that doesn't work for me at all.

Yeah, gotta have a pickle.

Burgers needs a pickle, right?

It's like a gin and tonic.

You can't have one without the other.

Oh, man, sorry. Ah.

Just had a long day, and I--

That guy has a pickle!

What the hell, man?

Is it too much to ask for some respect and some pickles?

- Sir, do I have to ask you to leave?

- What? - Alex,

get a pickle from Kelly's blizzard stash

in the back of the pantry.

- Wha-- - Now.

- Fine.

- Thank you.

- I worked here in high school.

- Oh.

- I have to say,

you impressed me in our meeting earlier today.

You really held it together while I eviscerated Blake.

- Well, your conference room looked lovely.

The peonies were a classy touch.

Were they fresh?

- Fake, but silk. - Hm.

Yeah, sure.

- Can't believe they only sent one lawyer.

- It's literally insane.

He was, like, 14 years old.

- Yeah, well, they all start to look young

the older we get.

- Look, Terry, for what it's worth,

I told him not to underestimate you.

Thank you.

- Well, enjoy your meal.

And, uh,

all this other stuff,

it'll work itself out.

Okay?

[door opens]

- No black SUVs yet.

- We still have 22 minutes.

[funky music]

* *

- History favors the big events,

but it's the little moments in our lives

that make us who we are.

Each of these items tells a story

of the tribal member who donated it,

and each is a source of pride in our nation.

Thank you so much for coming.

- So these beaded emojis "Indigenize"

popular culture, offering an important commentary on the way

that Native artists are treated like second-class--

Oh, my God. Am I Columbusing and mansplaining

at the same time?

- When Sally and I first started this cultural center,

it was just an empty room under poor management.

- One clay pot.

- That's right. One clay pot.

- Hey, you guys made it. - Yeah, of course.

We're not gonna miss the big reopening.

Congratulations.

- Thank you. Oh, for me?

- I wanted to get you dry hair shampoo,

but Nathan said you'd like this more.

- [laughs] Well, yeah.

- Beautiful exhibit.

- Thank you.

I know that we started getting these for each other

as a joke, but please never stop.

- Oh, I'm not gonna. They're amazing.

- Uh-huh.

- It's also a bit of an apology

for just not showing up to help when you called.

- Hey, it's okay.

I know that you've been dealing with all that legal stuff,

and plus, I have Josh.

- He is so great, by the way.

I'm really happy for you. - Thanks.

- And next time you're putting an exhibit together,

I will be helping so--

[phones ringing and buzzing]

- What's going on? - I don't know.

[helicopter whirring]

both: Here we go.

[funky music]

* *