All language subtitles for Me, MYSELF & I S01E13 There She Goes (English)

Sometimes moving on takes
a lot longer than you would like.

This house is perfect.

It's two bedrooms.

It's in Abby's school district.

- It's got a big backyard.
- Hmm.

Would this have anything
to do with Sarah

- coming into town tomorrow?
- That's interesting.

So you're saying my happily
engaged ex-wife visiting

while my life is still in
the toilet would make me

start feeling bad about myself?

No, that's very insightful, Darryl.

I'm just here to help.

Sometimes you think you've moved on,

but you actually haven't.

Hey, Chuckles, who are you texting?

Eleanor.

My Eleanor? I mean Eleanor that I know
who I introduced you to?

You'll be happy to know
we're having a double date

with her and Richard tomorrow night.

- Oh.
- They used to call you Chokey?

Oh, I'm loving every part of this now.

And sometimes you're
not ready to move on

until you give it one last try.

Okay, this is it.

No more schemes, no more crazy plans.

I'm just gonna go up to Nori and ask her

- to the Winter Formal.
- Are you sure?

Because I have a pretty good scheme

- and a really great plan.
- No.

Every time I try to do something clever,
it ends in disaster.

So I'm just gonna walk
over there and do it.

Right now.

You're not walking.

Are you sure?
Because it feels like I'm walking.

Yeah, no, you're just standing there.

Hey, Nori. Do you want to go
to the Winter Formal with me?

Um, okay.

Sweet.

Yes.

Don't feel bad.

That happened so fast,
my plan never would have worked.

Now, my scheme,
that might've had a chance.

Daddy, daddy,
when's the magician gonna be here?

- In a little while, sweetie.
- Okay.

- And when's the devil coming?
- What's this now?

I head Grandma say something
about the devil coming.

- Happy birthday, sweetheart.
- Mom!

- Speak of her, and she appears.
- Mom.

Oh, come on.

She cheated on you
and ruined your marriage.

Best behavior today, guys, please.

I'll try, but once Mr. Pinot
Greej here is on empty,

all bets are off.

- Hi, Sarah.
- Hey, Alex.

- So where's Jeremy?
- Oh, he couldn't make it.

He had to work at the restaurant.

Oh, what a shame.

Sorry, did that sound
borderline sincere at all?

Yeah, borderline.

- Hey.
- Hold on. It's the magician.

Hello, Incredible Harold.

What?

No. Seriously?

No, you can't cancel right now.

No, I can't give you a ride
to your custody hearing.

- The magician canceled.
- What?

He's not coming?

Oh, that's okay, sweetheart.

It's still gonna be a really fun party.

No, you know what?

My daughter wants a magician,
she's gonna get a magician.

Damn straight.
I'm gonna grab my nine iron.

We're gonna go down to that courthouse

and strike the fear of God
in Incredible Harold.

Yeah, or we could just
get another magician, Ron.

- That works too.
- Yeah.

So if you want to finish
writing up the report,

I can finish the model.

I have this idea to
modify a fish tank pump

so we can get Old Faithful
to actually shoot water.

We could even get together
over the weekend to work on it.

Unless you're going
to the Winter Formal.

Are you going to the Winter Formal?

Oh, no, no,
I think dances are so stupid.

Yeah, totally. They're the worst.

But if you went with the right person,

I guess it could be

kind of fun.

No, I don't really think so.

Yeah, me neither. Dances are dumb.

Anyway, I should probably go soon.

I'll also have plenty of time
to work on the project,

as I'm also not going to the dance.

Since no one's asked me yet.

Okeydokey.

To old friends, to new friends.

Ah, yes.

Oh, it's a shame
we're not going to be able

to get together like this more often.

- Why's that?
- I haven't told them yet.

Told me what? What's going on?

Well, Eleanor and I
are moving to Montana.

Oh, that's great.

Funny. Seriously, no,
really, what's going on?

We're leaving at the end of the month.

And now it's awkward.

We are 20,000 feet over Fresno.

And the right engine gave out

and the left one's working
harder than a streetwalker

trying to put her kids through college.

I try to keep the terror out of my voice

as I lie to 200 souls

and tell them everything's
gonna be just fine.

- All right, Ron.
- So I grab...

Thanks for entertaining the kids,

but I have an announcement
about the magician.

Is there a problem with the magician?

Everything is gonna be just fine.

There was a small issue
with the original magician,

but we found an even better one.

Please welcome the Amazing Alex!

Hello, everyone!

Magical greetings and Hogwarts to all.

Alex does magic?

There's a lot you don't know about Alex.

Hello, birthday girl.

What? Oh, is that a quarter
I see behind your ear?

Oh, boy.

Sorry. That's, like...
That's, like, $2.75 there.

- You can just...
- But no, he does not do magic.

Now, I am not
a classically trained magician.

But I did watch a
ten-minute YouTube tutorial.

And if that doesn't work,

we shall break stuff.

That cashier could not
stop flirting with you.

Thought she was gonna
put her bra in the bag.

I get it all the time.

Women just love a man in uniform.

You're not jealous, are you?

Please, I'm not the jealous type.

Just don't forget who owns you.

- Roger that.
- Hmm.

I know we should be
happy that our parents

love each other,
but they make it so difficult.

Yes, they are certainly repulsive.

But their nauseating display
of affection is instructive.

You learned how to kiss from
watching your dad and my mom?

No. I mean, I picked up
a little here and there,

but that's not what I'm talking about.

Jealousy. That's how
we're going to get Nori

to like you once and for all.

Jealousy? Who does Nori
have to be jealous of?

Your lab partner, Julia.

When she was over,
I heard you guys talking.

She was trying to get you
to ask her to the dance.

She said dances were dumb.

And your mom said
she's not the jealous type.

Women never say what they mean.

Julia wants to go with you,
and if you take her,

it'll drive Nori crazy.

You want me to use Julia
to make Nori jealous?

"Use" is such an ugly word.

I prefer...

Actually, "use" is the right word.

But the way you said it
made it sound so mean.

That was some quick thinking back there.

- I'm pretty impressed.
- Not bad, right?

Can't believe it took me 11
tries to get that kid's card.

Yeah, pretty sure she
handed you that one, though.

Yeah, I think so too.

You know, today was a lot of fun.

Reminded me of better times.

Like before you cheated
and imploded our marriage?

Wow. Sorry.

Guess I still had that
one in the chamber.

It's okay. You don't have to apologize.

I-I deserve that.

Actually, I've been thinking,
and I realized I never

apologized to you for everything
I put you through.

So I know it can't change anything,

but I did want to say
I am really, really sorry.

Oh, thank you.
That's actually very nice.

I guess being with Jeremy
turned you into a softie.

Well, he might disagree.

We... we broke up.

Why? 'Cause you banged another EMT?

- Wow.
- That's right there.

Sorry about that,

and I'm sorry about you and Jeremy.

- Oh.
- What happened?

Well, I realized
that I had made a huge mistake

and if I didn't try to correct it,

I would probably regret it
for the rest of my life.

What are you saying?

I'm saying I want us
to get back together.

No!

We ran out of ice cream.

I'm not listening to your conversation.

Mayday, Ron! Mayday!

Go ahead. She's all alone,
so this is your big chance.

Yep, I'm just gonna go up to Julia

and ask her to the Winter Formal.

Hey, Julia, do you want to go
to the Winter Formal with me?

Sure, I'd love to.

Cool. See ya.

Yes.

Told you shouldn't have
waited till after lunch.

So I had an interesting conversation
with Sarah after the party.

Turns out she's leaving her fianc�

and wants to get back together with me.

Really?

And how did she take it when you laughed
in her face and told her no chance?

Oh, she took it so hard.

Yeah, I crushed her. She was so crushed.

Especially when I
didn't crush her at all

and I agreed to have
dinner with her instead.

No, no, I have talked way too much trash

about that woman for you
to get back with her.

You know, I never told you this.

I made a voodoo doll, man.

- Excuse me?
- It wasn't on purpose.

I was at one of those
make-your-own-bear places

with Jasmine.

But it did kind of turn
out to look like Sarah.

So I went with it.

Look, man, I'm not gonna get
back together with Sarah,

but it doesn't seem like a bad idea

to have a better
relationship with Abby's mom.

Okay, well,
while you're having dinner with her,

make sure to ask her how her
lower back's been feeling.

I want to see if this
thing has any juice.

Well, thank you so much for dinner.

And sorry to spring that on you.

Unbelievable, Alex.

What? You're mad at me?

Look, I was willing to tolerate you
having a nostalgic crush on Eleanor,

but this is clearly something more.

Kelly, please, I'm...

Don't lie to me or yourself, Alex.

You are in love with Eleanor.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

So just admit it so
we can move past this.

I'm in love with Eleanor.

Oh, my God, you were supposed to lie.

Oh!

I told myself

I would only do this
as long as it's fun,

and it ain't fun anymore.

No, please, wait, Kelly.

I'm sorry.

You're right.

I've been in denial about how
strong my feelings are for her.

Good luck, Alex.

I hope you get your girl one day.

Don't think you will, but good luck.

So should we dance?

Dancing's not really my thing.

Yeah, me neither.

So that geyser you designed,
it's gonna be really cool.

Where'd you get that idea?

Um, I don't know, probably

from going to the Buckingham Fountain
when I used to live in Chicago.

Oh, you're from Chicago?

I'm from Milwaukee. Go, Bucks.

Bucks? Dude, the Bucks suck.

They destroyed your
Bulls the other night.

That was a one-time fluke.

That's happened twice in a row.

Okay, but at least
we can agree on one thing...

The Lakers are the worst.

Yes.

So what do you think of living out here?

It's okay.

But the winters are brutal.

- I know. All the sunshine.
- Everyone's all happy.

They go to the beach on Christmas.
It's sacrilegious.

We're at the Winter Formal.
It's 85 degrees out.

I miss the snow.

Yeah, me too.

Hey.

Do you want to dance?

Sure.

This is fun.

Yeah, I know.

What's wrong?

I was just hoping not
to have a good time

so it'd be easier to tell
you that I don't think

we should even think about
getting back together.

But here we are,
and you're being so charming and...

I think I smell some
kind of new perfume?

Oh, it's called Apple Blossom.

Yeah, well, it really interacts

with your body chemistry
in a pleasing manner.

Listen, Alex, I think it's okay
if you have a good time.

You know, we don't even have
to decide anything tonight.

I think we should just have fun.

We fought so much before,

I forgot how nice it is
when it's like this.

Yeah, I forgot too.

Gosh, you smell so good.

You smell good too.

It's, uh...

prescription talcum powder.

The over-the-counter stuff
wasn't keeping me dry.

You never did know when to stop talking.

Mm. Here,
I'll get us a couple of refills.

Oh.

Dude, how's it going?

- Really good, actually.
- Looks like it.

You're being so smooth,
I can't even tell

you're only with Julia
to make Nori jealous.

I got to be honest, I completely forgot

- about the jealousy plan.
- Scheme.

Harebrained scheme.

Julia is awesome.
We have so much in common.

That's great; that'll make
this whole thing look more natural.

That's what I'm saying. It is natural.

I think I may be starting to like her.

So you were just using me
to make another girl jealous?

I thought you weren't a jerk,

but I was obviously wrong.

One day, we're gonna look
back on all this and laugh.

Or not. It will definitely
be one or the other.

Okay, well, I should get to work.

Okay, I'm at work.

Look, I know it's weird that
we're living in a garage,

but I think I found a house to rent.

It's a little pricey for me,

but it's a really nice place for Abby.

Speaking of Abby,
I think I should probably go

before she gets back from her sleepover.

I don't want things
to be confusing for her.

Yeah, definitely don't want
things to be confusing for her.

So how are you feeling about all this?

Good, bad, totally freaked out?

I don't know.

I mean, last night
was really great, right?

But I don't want to rush into anything,

because the whole thing terrifies me.

I totally get it.

But it also excites me.

I mean, the idea of you, me, and Abby

having a life together
again sounds amazing.

So...

are we really gonna do this?

Are we gonna give it another shot?

Jeremy, what are you doing here?

I came because I'm not
ready to give up on us.

I want you back.

- I'm sorry about Kelly.
- Mm.

And what are you gonna do about Eleanor?

Nothing I can do.

You owe it to yourself and Eleanor

and this long, weird crush you guys have

to tell her exactly how you feel.

Why? I did that already.
She'll just reject me again.

She might.

But at least you'll know
once and for all.

You can't afford to wait and hope

you'll run into each other
again in 50 years.

Because you'll both be dead.

You were so close to
nailing this pep talk thing.

I was, wasn't I?

Julia, I...

Hey, is everything okay
with you and Julia?

No, not really.

I don't know what happens
to me these dances.

Yeah, for everyone's safety,
you should probably skip Spring Fling.

You know, I really thought
there might be something there,

and I blew it forever.

Trust me. You didn't.

Sometimes these things take time.

If you like her, don't give up.

Huh. No slo-mo.

I'm sorry, Jeremy. It's over.

Sarah, please.

Just think about it.

There's nothing to think about.

The problems in our
relationship aren't gonna

just magically go away
because we want them to.

The fact is, we don't work as a couple.

We need to move forward,
and us getting back together

is a major step back for both of us.

Also, just in total honesty
because you deserve to know,

Alex and I are talking about
giving things another shot.

Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen.

What?

Literally everything
you just said to Jeremy

applies to us as well.

Our relationship problems
aren't gonna magically

go away just because we want them to.

- They might.
- Same with ours.

Don't be ridiculous, Jeremy.

You want him to move forward,
not backward,

and I think we need that too.

Okay, I feel like you're using
my own words against me,

which is something that you
did a lot during our marriage.

See?

Oh, my God. Maybe you're right.

I am totally fine moving backwards,
by the way.

Get out of here, Jeremy.

Why are you still here, Jeremy?

I don't know.

I guess I just...
I got so caught up in all the fun

we were having the past couple days,

I forgot to think about
things objectively.

I was having fun too.

I just think we both know deep down

that we're not meant to be together.

I know. You're right.

And while I would like to
have a better relationship

for Abby's sake, I...

just don't see anything
romantic in the cards.

Okay, I already said that you're right.

I don't know why you have to,
like, repeat things

over and over again,
like, into the ground.

This is one of those
things like from before.

Yep, there you go.

Yeah.

The best part of moving on

is that it opens you up
to new adventures.

Julia, I want to apologize.

Did you get the geyser to
shoot water like you promised?

- Actually, no.
- Of course you didn't.

So why should I believe
anything you say?

Look, I know my words don't mean
a lot to you right now, so...

I made you something.

What are you talking about?

I present to you Winter in LA.

Justin?

I'm really sorry for what I did.

And I hope you'll be able to forgive me.

I really like you.

But sometimes you need
to reconnect with the past

before you can really move forward.

Alex.

Eleanor, just hear me out.

If you're gonna try to stop me
from going to Montana, then...

No. That's not why I'm here.

I had this whole prepared speech

to deliver about how much I love you.

Then I realized, you know,
"She knows all that stuff already".

So what I have to say now is this.

I want you to be happy.

And if going to Montana with Richard

makes you happy,

then that's what I want you to do.

Well... thank you.

So I guess this is, um, good-bye.

No, I'll see you around
before I leave. I'm not...

No, I tell you selfishly,
I think it'll be easier for me

if I just stay away from
Corky's until after you go.

Oh, okay, okay.

All right, well, then good-bye, Alex.

Good-bye, Nori.

Good-bye, Alex?

But the best way to move on

is to bring the people you
love along for the ride.

- You ready to go?
- What's our new house like?

Ah, you're gonna love it. It's amazing.

You're gonna have your own room.

Well, you have to share it
with a monster

who lives under the bed,
but if you get good grades,

he'll probably leave you alone.

Daddy.

There's even enough room
out back for a swing set.

Yay!

Yay.

You ready?

- Yes, I'm super excited.
- Let's go.

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