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Hello, this is Ms. Ravier over at the Lyceum Theater. Is..

No, I don't wanna talk to Ms. Ravier. This is Ms. Ravier.

Is Professor Orco there?

Hello, profess..

Look, I'm trying to locate

a dark, foreign-looking party named Orco.

O-R-C-O, Professor Orco. Is he there?

Well, are you sure?

No, he's not a college professor, he's a knife thrower.

Yeah, yeah. Skip the gag, mister.

Don't let my voice fool you. I don't look that good.

Listen, take a look in the boots, will you?

Hurry, huh.

I gotta find him, I've been calling all over Chicago.

- Find him? - Not yet.

I got that bar across from his hotel, they're looking.

You've three minutes, then the act goes on or else..

Gee, wouldn't this have to happen

when things were beginning to perk up.

Yeah?

Oh, he isn't? And that was my last hope practically.

Well, thanks for your courtesy.

- Where is he? - You're asking me?

Wait. I'll call his hotel again. Give me a nickel, will ya?

Oh, there he is. He made it.

Huh!

Professor. Professor.

Professor, where've you been? Never mind, hurry up and change.

No time, he goes on as he is.

No. I do not perform. Not. Never.

I'm finished. Goodbye.

What do you mean? Are you out of your mind?

- We got a show. - Not me. No more.

'Flo.'

Flo!

She's run off. She leave me.

For what?

For that pig of a piccolo player.

- I kill myself-- - No, no, professor, gimme that.

- Come on. - Women... uh!

- I hate all women. - Oh, sure.

I know it's tough when someone ditches you

for somebody else, don't I know.

Don't take it to heart. Pull yourself together.

- You've got to, we're on. - No.

- I'm finished. Goodbye. - Listen, you greasy ham.

You leave me holding the sack for my main attraction

and you'll never get another booking from here to the coast.

Booking? Booking?

What's booking?

It's peanuts!

I kill myself!

Sure, that's the way you feel now, but you'll bounce.

Honest you will. Why, if you ask me, it's good riddance.

Did she appreciate you? No!

- No! - No. Well, that's what I said.

So, I finish with her.

I finish with women. All women in the world.

I hate women.

They should be dead.

Yeah, yeah, that's the old fight.

Nobody's gonna wreck your career.

Just remember you're Orco.

The greatest living knife thrower in captivity.

Your fans are out there waiting for you.

You belong to your public. The show must go on, Orco.

There's our cue. An artist like you never misses a cue.

Okay!

Okay!

I'll show them!

Wa-hoo!

Women... they should be dead.

But first... they should be tortured.

Oh, you'll be alright, just knock them dead.

Yeah.

Dead!

Yeah. Don't overdo it.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Professor Orco, who has performed

before the crowned heads of Europe and Asia

will now amaze you with his knives and nerves of steel.

Calling each and every shot, the only artist to do so

Professor Orco will hold the knives into the board

within a hair's breadth

of various portions of my anatomy.

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Professor Orco.

'Position.'

First, a little epaulette on right shoulder.

Say, I thought he said right shoulder?

Yeah.

'Next..'

...little epaulette on left shoulder.

Next... skirt on right side.

Hey, Orky, settle down, will you?

And left side.

And left cuff.

Right ankle.

Left ankle.

And..

...this one..

...I do not say... where she go.

Come back here. I kill you.

You two guys, get out.

Grab him! He's nuts!

You crazy stupid.

- You ruin my act. - Oh, yeah?

You're fired! Get out before I kill you.

Turn him loose, boys, so I can plead self-defense.

- Get out! - Left eye, coming up.

'Outside, you.'

- Come on. - I'm finished.

And maybe scooter on. Law says you have to wrap your garbage.

Well, here I am again.

No job, no dough, no prospect.

Tough luck, Maisie.

Yeah, they must've repealed the law of averages

the day I was born.

This is the all time worst.

But boy, you don't scare easy.

Him scare me?

Listen, I've got a cutting edge of my own.

- You said it. - Yeah, bring him back here.

That's all, I carve my initials in him.

That's what. I'll tear him limb from..

Oh!

Only ten cents, our patented exclusive potato peeler.

The way things've been breaking brother, I eat the skin.

- It's also a nail clipper. - And I bite my nails.

Only ten cents, our patented exclusive potato peeler.

Also can be used as a nail clipper.

Oh! Pardon me.

- Hey, buster. - In use. In use.

Say, what goes on here anyway?

What's your beef, sister?

Does anyone get to use of these phones

because those guys hold a lifetime lease.

You're wasting your time. Them is Indians.

Indians?

What are they doing? Waiting for a return match with Custer?

Nah. That's the name we created for 'em.

They're right here, steady all the time. Waiting for calls.

They can't afford an office.

If they could, there would've been a bed and a desk in it.

If they had an office, a desk, a bed..

An up and coming exterminator can make a fortune around here.

First time I've ever seen termites using a telephone.

Hey, you're a performer, ain't you?

Well, that all depends.

Hey, I can take that Mr. Mule look.

- Out of work, huh? - Buddy, you're almost psychic.

Here, take this here and go on upstairs.

Stick your potato in every office up there.

And ask, "Say, anything for me today." Tell them Ears sent you.

- No kidding. - Sure.

Mention my name, you get first call.

What's the connection?

Well, I make myself a comfortable dollar that way.

I do a lot of footwork for the performers

and my cut's 10% of 10%.

Okay. Where can I contact you?

I'm around here all the time. Ears Cofflin is the name.

Used to be a big time wrestler.

Used to wrestle barefoot. Till me toes would give up.

Well, I've been wrestling myself for 26 years.

Catch as catch can and no-holds-barred.

Thanks a million and the next time I see you

I hope I owe you ten percent.

Okay, Joe. That's enough.

Pardon me, have you got anything for me today?

Ears sent me.

Sure.

Step right in. I can use you.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, certainly.

I'm expectin' a call from a big theater owner at St. Joe.

You'll need four acts and a line of girls.

I've got several right-up-to-the-minute routine.

Have you ever heard of Frawley's Frolic?

Broadway production?

- Well, not exactly. - Then I wouldn't know.

I'm also expecting a big night club operator from Chatsburg

to pop up here at any minute... among others.

I'd like you to sit down and wait.

It'll be a pleasure. Thanks.

Hey there, beautiful.

Cecil, when you was cleaning up, did you see that letter from MGM

'about casting their super musical?'

You got it right there in your hand.

Hmm?

'Yeah. That's right.'

You know, I've discovered the little girl

they're gonna star in that production.

- Oh. - Mm-hmm.

She dropped in here, just like you.

And I spotted talent all over her.

So I rushed her out of the coast and..

...since then Hollywood keeps bothering me all the time.

Say, how long you've been waiting around here?

- Today? - Yeah.

Only about three hours... so far.

Stick 'em up or I'll blast you right outta your seats.

Come on. Get 'em up!

That's me, folks. Hap Hixby, the laugh bandit.

I'm holding you up for five, Mr. Podd.

A-ah!

You see, what I mean. That's the old happy shakedown.

I'm a one-man war or one-man gloom.

I just set back, soaps. I mean folks.

Get ready to laugh your sides off

Look, this is a very busy office.

Not half as busy as it'll be when you start booking my act.

No, wait till you see it before you say yes.

Now, the boys in the orchestra pit gimme the old razzmatazz.

Big fanfare, see.

The curtain shoots up and I am standing there.

Quick to get their attention and unloosen their stays

I wick, I mean..

'...I whip out a deck of cards.'

Then I ask a pretty girl in the audience to select one.

Ah, there's a pretty girl. A very pretty girl.

- Nice pickin'.. - Oh, you're murder, Jack.

Yeah. Hmm?

Come on. Pick a card. Pick any of them.

I'd like to oblige, but I'm taking a powder at the moment.

That's good. Can I use that in my act, huh?

Here, come on, be a trooper. Take a card.

Why don't you carry your own straight man?

That's the cue for the band to strike up "Anchors Aweigh."

If I let myself go, it's the cue for "Chopin's Funeral March."

Don't leave, you're missing the best part.

Am I?

Well, that's the first break I've had today.

One side, glamour boy.

Oh, miss.

- Remember me? - No.

Well, wait a minute.

Wasn't you dancing on a review at Seal Beach

about three years ago?

Wasn't it a hula number you did

with a dark-complected guy that played the ukulele?

- Yeah. - I thought so.

Remember, you picked off a beer out of a lady's hand

just before she let loose and crowned a guy with it?

- Yeah. - Meet that same fellow.

- The name's Goodring. - Well, what do you know?

I know for three years I've been wanting

to shake the hand that grabbed that bottle.

- Down? - Going down?

Yeah.

I'm glad you happened by at the right moment.

Well, did you get rid of your lady friend okay?

Well, Mrs. Goodring and I are still together.

- In Cicero. - Oh.

Cicero.

Yeah, she likes those schools for the kids.

- Um-hmm. - There are five of them.

It's been nice bumpin' into you, Mr. Goodring, but..

...I gotta be running along.

- Matinee? - Uh-uh.

I'm not working right now.

A performer of your talent didn't wanna be laying off.

You sure you're not confusing my flappin' wing

with my grip on a beer bottle?

No, I recall the act distinctly.

Oh.

Maybe I'll get a break one of these days if

right now I sprinkle wolf powder on the front door.

Wolf powder, huh?

- Well, so long. - Say..

...I got a business proposition. It might interest you.

- Proposition? - Yeah.

Step into my office and we'll discuss it.

It's a complicated thing

to manage this building which is what I do.

Yeah.

Recently, I've been looking around for an assistant.

Oh.

A... man I expect.

Man or lady, irregardless of sex.

Step in.

- Sit-down. - Well, thanks.

You know, only today I advertised.

All morning, I've been interviewing parties

and not one met the requirements.

Now, I was thinking..

...if you'd care to take on this job?

Oh, gee, offhand that sounds okay.

But what would the job pay about?

I'm not above taking the cut, goodness knows

but I can't leave go my standards completely.

The pay is not high.

Twenty a week.

Twenty a week?

Well, it's not high, but then again it's not brutal.

Mr. Goodring, you've got a new assistant.

- Good. - When do I start working?

- You're working right now. - Swell.

- Leave your things here. - Okay.

Well, now that everything is fixed up so nice

I'll admit I was pretty close to the end of my rope.

Yeah. I'll show you the way the building is laid out.

Okay.

I lock up since the day I returned to find a desk missing.

Here's the last one.

Art in many ways

turns the most legitimate dollar in the building.

All acts are gotta have costumes.

Even if it's only a bubble.

Art, meet my new assistant, Miss, uh..

Ravier, Maisie Ravier.

Miss Ravier.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha.

For him everybody is a character.

And all characters make him laugh.

That deal is still cooking, fella.

By the end of the week, sure on that rent.

That heel has no deal cookin'. Nor will he pay up no rent.

Turn him upside down anytime

and there will fall out only dust.

Well, I've got a sharp ear for malarkey.

Here you'll need it.

As the tenants get fewer and the heels think up new alibis

I grow to look more and more as has been said about me

like an oyster on the half shell.

About that two and a half pack rent, Pappy

accept my check until Saturday.

Perhaps, the lady would be interested in some hot tickets.

- Very cheap. - She's a friend, a friend.

Oh! Okay.

Okay!

"Denver, Colorado."

Mr. Goodring, how come you took that check?

It's six, two and even.

Nobody like him has a bank account anyways.

Let alone Denver, Colorado.

It's politeness.

And now he knows I can send him to jail.

Would you?

I'm gonna have to.

Which explains some of my troubles.

Pardon me, could you tell me where I could find Mr. Goodring?

You mean the young man with the old face? Right over there.

- Thank you very much. - Nothin' at all.

Nothin' at all.

- Pardon me, Mr. Goodring? - Yeah.

He said that you were the person to see about renting an office.

That's right. What did you have in mind? A cubicle?

I'd like something a little larger than that.

- Have you a suite vacant? - Why, yes.

Mr. Goodring, is that a coincidence

or is that a coincidence?

One of or most desirable suites is just vacated.

The party had to sort the government matter.

- Now, step this way, Mister.. - Marshall Denningham.

I'm Mr. Goodring's assistant, Miss Ravier.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- If you'll just come this way. - Yes.

Come right in, Mr. Denningham.

Of course, you want to picture this

with your own grace and desk and all.

In summer, you'll never be uncomfortably hot in here

on account you don't get the glare from the streets.

Ah, pardon me, Mr. Denningham

but how did you happen to come here looking for a place?

Well, frankly, I need a suite and I thought in the appearance

of the building that this rent might be within my budget.

Incidentally, what does this rent for?

Forty dollars.

Forty dollars?

Yes, it's forty dollars.

Well, I think that's very fair indeed.

I can't afford a high rent because I want to put everything

I can into the proper marketing of my product.

Will a half month's rent down be satisfactory?

- Well, that's perfectly okay. - Good.

Alright. Well, then I'll move my furniture in this afternoon.

And you know I-I think I'm gonna be very cozy here.

Well, we hope so.

What's your line, Mr. Denningham

if I'm not too nosy?

Oh, not at all, my dear. I bottle and sell a mineral water

with very fine health giving qualities, exceptionally fine.

- Denningham Sapphire Water. - Ah.

Where can I get some printing done and a sign for the door?

- Right here in the building. - Oh, well, that's wonderful.

Well, goodbye, Miss Ravier. I'll see you again.

Goodbye, Mr. Denningham.

Oh, goodbye, Mr. Goodring.

I'll see you again too, of course.

Goodbye.

A strictly legitimate character in a swarmy suite.

A $20 bill on the line.

No wiggling yet.

Miss Ravier

I'd be pleased if you'd eat lunch at Jasper's as my guest.

I really didn't have a thing to do with it.

You have an appeal for a legitimate party

like Mr. Denningham.

- Hi, Jasper. - Hi, Pappy.

What do you recommend today?

Blue plate special, stew.

Again?

Sounds swell.

Make it two.

- Tell her, I don't mind. - Oh.

Is it my looks or a stiff neck?

It is the result of watching the customers.

Jasper takes it for granted that performers is always broke.

You're wanted on the telephone.

'Telephone for Yoden.'

Hey, what about this check?

Get that later, Jasper. Sure.

Yeah, later.

That means never.

If that heel wasn't called to the phone, he'd have

to sit there and eat salami sandwiches for the duration.

Then why didn't that fella run after him?

Because the rest of the mob would disappear

like a cannon was shot off.

Poor Jasper. He makes a very hard dollar out of this place.

Hello, beautiful.

- Friend of yours? - Uh-uh!

I take my corn with lima beans.

What's yours?

Anything as long as it's a cheese sandwich

and a glass of moo juice.

Pappy Goodring, you're wanted on the phone.

- Pardon me. - Uh-uh-uh.

- Oh. - I'll be right back.

Never mind wrapping it up. I'll eat it here.

- Hey, this is cheese. - That's what you ordered.

Correct. The gentleman is absolutely correct.

Would you like to try for the $64 question?

Here, take a card. Pick any card. Go ahead.

Don't tell me what it is though.

Oh, oh, oh. Where are you going?

Right here, brother. The end of the line. Ding, ding.

Ding, ding, you don't get off without paying.

Who, me?

He thinks I'm like the cross-eyed man

who got arrested for burglary.

He just looked crooked. You get it?

Say, is this seat taken? No, sit down.

Thanks. I don't mind if I do.

Uh, some sugar, sugar?

That's guaranteed to sweeten a disposition.

Listen, funny man.

You've been looking for somebody to swat you since you flew in.

So, before there's a nasty accident

pull your comical gags elsewhere.

Gee, I didn't mean to make you mad. No kidding. I'm sorry.

I thought it'd hand you a laugh. Always went over big back home.

Then go back where you're appreciated?

- Gimme another cup, black. - Put it on my check.

I always pay for my mistakes.

That'd keep you broke most of the time.

It does.

I like the way you snap back with those quick ones.

I'm not kidding about the way I go back home.

- Where is that? - I'm from Dartsville.

- Dartsville. - Yeah.

Now, that explains a lot.

You're an actress, aren't you? Sure you are.

You've got that NDGWW written all over your face.

You know what that means? New Deal For The Great White Way.

I just made that up, good, huh?

Good? Uh-uh.

Boy, you kill me.

Hey, look, honey child. Why don't we team up?

You'd fit swell in my act.

Well, with your brains and my beauty, we'd kill 'em.

No kidding, you just say the word.

- Just say the word? - Just say the word.

No, I've always been a clean-spoken girl.

Ah-h, come on, it's--

Look, I started my professional career at the age of ten.

I was then billed as Baby Marie O'Connor.

I opened playing Java on an accordion and my finale

was a take off of Al Jolson, only on roller skates.

Gee, I bet you were cute.

My career closed last night in a storm of flying cutlery.

What happened in between is best forgotten.

This morning, I got a job, a regular job

as assistance to Mr. Goodring running this ant palace

so let me assure you, I couldn't be happier.

Oh, but you can't give up show business.

You got vaudeville in your blood.

- Oh, so that's where it went? - Hm.

Well, you take vaudeville and 20 points

and I'll take a square meal and a stomach.

The answer is no, buster.

I was keeping it warm for you, grab it while it's hot.

Sorry, Miss Ravier.

Mrs. Goodring was on the phone.

Mr. Goodring.

Yes, Mr. Stickwell.

I've just come from the third floor.

The tenant in 302 is cooking again.

I will speak to her, Mr. Stickwell.

But it's impossible to separate that character

from liver and onions, but I will speak to her.

While I act as receiver in bankruptcy for this building

there will be no cooking and no sleeping in the cubicles.

The tenement laws will be obeyed strictly.

Well, look, I'm all through, Mr. Goodring.

How about me bawling out the liver-fryer? Did you say 302?

Mr. Goodring will attend to this matter.

Well, I guess you don't know, I'm Mr. Goodring's assistant.

Mr. Goodring engaged you?

Yes, just this morning.

I, uh... that's right, Mr. Stickwell.

There are some angles I'll have to explain--

Do you need a constant reminder that the bankrupt makes

no financial commitments of any sort?

Please be good enough to come with me to your office.

How about it, honey?

I've got 15 minutes packed with laughs, sure fire.

All the time I ran the drugstore

I was preparing myself.

Get a gag, polish her, give her the old twisteroo.

'Then try it on a customer, on Ed Willins, my partner.'

'Ed says, I'd sell the store'

'and go into show business.'

I'll make it well worth your while. I've got capital.

There's the $5,000, I got for selling the store.

I figured two or three months on the outside and then bang.

Radio, pictures, nightclub.

A girl with your personality

don't belong working in an office building.

I know, I'm always making with the gags

but I've got my serious side too.

The minute I saw you, I said, "She belongs in the act."

'Walk in.'

Ah, Mr. Goodring

when you hired me this morning, I certainly never thought

I'd quit before the day was out, but the fact as a matter is

something came up, something in my own line

that I can't afford to turn down and..

...so, I'm afraid I'll have to offer my resignation.

Well..

I know you wouldn't stand in my way.

Especially since no money changed hands.

So, I guess it's so long and thanks.

Thanks for everything.

Good luck, Miss Ravier.

And to you, too, Mr. Goodring, always.

Listen, won't you change your mind?

With two personalities like us click

we ought to team up, that's all.

The way I've got the act now, it's strictly me all the way

but I could re-routine it so it'd work out for you.

Like a song maybe, while I'm changing for the rope spinning.

Oh, won't you please reconsider?

I'll even rent a place to rehearse in

and we'll start right now.

Who knows?

Maybe it's fate.

Here, let me carry your bag.

You like chicken? Grab a wing.

I got the $10.50 for the rent in this here pocket.

Five skins, a bin, and four bits.

May I drop dead if I'm not telling the truth, Pappy.

So, I'm riding downtown this trolley cart, see.

- And this guy next to me-- - I beg your pardon.

- I'll see you later. - Come right in, Mr. Denningham.

Nothing is going on here.

- Monday, sure, Pappy, Monday. - Sure, sure, Monday.

My two weeks are up and here it is rent day.

That's right, Mr. Denningham.

You're the first tenant that has give the day any real meaning.

- Forty dollars, that right? - That's right.

Walk in.

Hello, Pappy. Oh, hello, Mr. Denningham.

Hello, folks.

Draw a lucky number, take two, take three

take the young, folks, take the old, the mere the morrier.

- Oh, boy. - Come again.

Translate it.

We're trying out the act tonight at Glenfield.

He's practically bought out the whole house.

- Nice going. - Well, isn't that fine.

- Can you both come? - Regretfully, no.

The little woman's on the warpath, again.

Uh-oh.

Well, keep your fingers crossed, pal, for us, I mean.

- How about you, sir? - Oh, what a shame.

I have a meeting tonight. But I wish you both the best of luck.

Well, just medium-grade luck and I'll be happy.

Well, I've already voted grade A.

And that ain't for apple sauce, that's A for applause.

Well, you're looking more blooming than ever, my dear.

Well, thanks.

Just as long as my figure don't bloom in the wrong places.

Eating regular is getting to be a habit, thanks to my chum.

Hey, that's progress, Pappy.

Start off chump and now it's chum.

- Where do we go from here? - We go upstairs to rehearse.

If you can take your hand off your back long enough

to write that check, fella.

Well, my hand is quicker than the eye, dear.

We should hang on to the rehearsal room for another week.

Even after the night, in case we have to brush up on the act.

Okay, now, what's my name and what year is it?

Oyster.

Resemblance is very strong today.

Ah-h, personally that face looks good to me.

You've been advertising in the want ads with invisible ink?

This, uh, act as it shapes up

you still feel it's something you can't afford to turn down?

Well..

Maybe, it wasn't such a bad move.

All things considered.

Catch this, Pappy, it won't bounce.

I'd lay anybody odds on that, Hap.

- Come on, let's go to work. - Okay.

Catch our exit.

You see, what I'm up against, Pappy.

Right out of the top drawer, that girl.

Yes, indeed.

And I find myself drawn to the young man too.

He's an okay kid, if slightly cracked.

Plenty of moolah in the wall. Well, he's stagestruck.

- That's one for Ripley. - Yeah, it certainly is.

Good heavens, it's ten o'clock. I've got to hurry along.

- Good day, Mr. Goodring. - 'Same to you, Mr. Denningham''

Sugarplum, let's go through the way we're gonna do it tonight.

Okay. Boy, they sure got a kick of that exit we made.

- Here are your shoes. - Oh, thanks, Hixby.

Ow.

What's that?

'Very funny.'

Very, very funny.

Too bad, I didn't break my toe. Ha ha!

Listen, Joe Miller, I'm a professional

trying to whip an amateur act into somethin' like shape.

I've liked you in spite of your corny tricks.

But when you pull something like this at a time like this..

- Well, don't throw it. - No, I suppose it'll explode.

No, go ahead and open it up.

Open it up.

Oh, Hapsy, what am I gonna do with you?

I thought it'd be a good luck charm if you wore it tonight.

- Do you like it? - Like it?

It's exquisite!

Oh, Hap.

Pardon the intrusion, if any.

Been asking for a letter every day.

Now that you get one, you're too busy to pick it up.

- Well, I'm sorry. - Yeah, I bet you are.

Woo-hoo.

Well, go ahead and read it. They don't mail summonses, honey.

Okay.

Not bad news, is it?

No, it's-it's just a letter.

It's from Elsie, back in Dartsville.

Ah.

'Girl I'm engaged to.'

Oh.

Am I intruding?

No, that's alright, come right in, Mr. Denningham.

Miss Ravier, my meeting for this evening has been cancelled.

Am I too late to take that offer of a ticket to the show?

- No. Swell you can come. - Thank you.

Are you sure one's enough?

You wouldn't like to escort a girlfriend maybe.

Oh, what would an old bach like me be doing with a girlfriend?

I'm sure glad you're coming, Mr. Denningham.

I'm looking forward to it.

If you like it, give out some real New Hampshire applause now.

I certainly shall.

And thank you again, young man.

Oh, and great success to the both of you. Great success!

Well, I'm glad he's coming.

- Are you all set? - All set.

- Let's take it from the start. - Okay.

Okay, I'm near the front row. Make your entrance.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Mind if I horn in raise a little cane?

Well, as I stand here looking into your faces

I see there's a lot of faces that need looking into.

Everybody looks happy, but this young lady

down in the front row. You don't look happy.

That's none of your business.

None of my business. How do you like that?

That's just what my business is, making people smile.

- Now, step up here beside me. - No.

- No? - 'No.'

- Don't you ever say, yes? - 'No.'

- Not for a lollipop? - No.

- 'Not for a fur coat?' - No.

Not for a brand new attire?

Coming right up!

- Okay, I'm up beside you. - Yeah.

Now.

Hey, this is gonna be fun for both of us.

Pardon me, you don't know my name, but here's my card.

I take a card and it blows up in my hand. Ouch, that burns me up.

Now, I walk away and you catch me.

You're a fresh guy, aren't you?

Fresh as a daisy. Here, have a sniff.

No, you have a sniff.

Then I squirt water in my own face.

That's pretty good, but we got to speed it up.

- Let's take it from the start. - Okay.

- That's quick, huh? - 'Come on.'

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

He..

What a character.

Come on, do something, say something.

Yeah, louder and funnier.

I've, uh..

Uh..

Are you looking for somebody to cheer up, mister?

Well, ask about me, I don't look very happy, do I?

This ought to be fun for everybody.

Come to life, Hap.

Of course, we've never been introduced

but I guess it'll be alright if you gave me your card.

Your card would take care of the social angle okay.

Card trick, Hap.

Hixby, the other pocket, Hap.

Now watch this, ladies and gentlemen.

Nothing up the sleeve, nothing you cannot see. Oh..

Oh, go on back home.

Come on, give us another act.

Oh, I get it, you wanted to burn me up.

Fresh guy, aren't you?

I said fresh as a daisy, aren't you?

Smell the flower, Hap. Smell the flower.

Call the next act.

Please, ladies and gentlemen

if the maestro play any popular number

I'll be glad to sing for you.

Alright, sister you're through.

Take your hands off me. What did you have to do that for?

- Go on and get out. - I'm not gonna..

Where did he go?

I don't know, but get him out of here.

Hap.

Hap.

Hap!

Oh, Miss Ravier.

- Well, where is the poor man? - Mr. Denningham, I don't know.

And the way he felt, he might do practically anything.

Oh, pop, did Hap Hixby go out?

Yup, run past me like a swarm of bees was chasing him.

- Oh. - 'Make up and all.'

Which way is the lake?

- The lake? - Yeah, yeah, the lake.

- The lake is miles from here. - Oh, thank heaven.

You don't think anything has happened to him?

Oh, no, he's probably trying to walk off his humiliation.

Oh, just so long as he don't walk off anything else.

Like a bridge. I gotta find him.

Will you give me a call when you do locate him?

- Show up to your apartment. - Sure, sure.

I don't know when I've taken such a liking to a young man.

He's, he's the kind of boy, I'd be proud to have for a son.

Yeah, that's part of it with me too.

I'd like to see him go into business.

Now that's where he belongs.

Young fella of that type would be a great asset.

Such energy and so likeable.

I'd take him into Denningham Sapphire Water Company

in a minute.

Well, you will let me know, my dear?

Yes, and thanks a lot. You've been more than lovely.

Oh, not at all, my dear. Don't you worry too much.

'Maisie.'

Hap.

O-oh, Hap.

But for crying out loud

what's the idea of running out like that without a word?

I've been half crazy, calling up, going over to your hotel.

For all I know, you might have been..

Oh, honey, you alright?

I'm sorry, Maisie, I had to get out of there.

I walked around and everybody on that train was laughing at me

with all this paint on my face.

Oh, poor little fella.

A fine actress like you getting mixed up in a thing like that.

I didn't know what it was.

I was fine and all those lights and those people..

I can never do it, I know that now.

Oh, Hapsy, don't let a little thing like this throw you.

Why, tonight was nothing, it could happen to anybody.

We'll try the act out some place else.

Well, that's an awful tough audience anyway.

It's a swell act and you'll go great next time.

No, I'm-I'm what you said Maisie, an amateur.

I don't belong in show business.

- Oh, now, Hapsy-- - No, don't kid me, Maisie.

Okay, sweetie.

You don't belong in show business.

Never in a thousand years.

Well, I just wanted to apologize and..

...say thanks.

So long, Maisie, you've been swell.

Where are you going?

Home, I guess.

Sure.

Sure, I guess that's best.

Your intended is there and you can buyback into the drugstore.

Drugstore? Oh, no.

'This is what I like, the big city.'

'Right off I felt I belonged here.'

If you feel that way about it, why don't you stay?

You said yourself, I'd never be any good.

Just in show business.

I only meant not in show business.

Oh, Hap, you got plenty to offer.

Don't kid yourself. You got a whole world of personality.

I don't want you crawling back and feeling like you're a flop.

A big flop number one, that's me.

Oh, no, Hap.

Get into some business, that's where you belong.

In some nice office with some good firm.

No, I mean it.

Mr. Denningham said he'd love to have you work for him, Hap.

Well, he was only sorry for me.

Sure, but that isn't why he said that, he meant it.

You know how sincere, Mr. Denningham is.

He's nuts about you.

- Yeah, I bet he is. - You don't believe me?

Well, come here and I'll prove it.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Miss Ravier, did you find that boy?

Oh, I'm glad. I certainly was worried.

Mr. Denningham, pardon me for asking.

But what you said tonight about how you'd like to have

Hap work for you in your business, remember?

Well, was that on a level or were just feeling sorry for him?

Well, Mr. Denningham, that's nice of you.

That's the way I feel about it.

I'd like nothing better than to have you with me.

That's swell.

There's another thing, Maisie is my partner.

Hap, don't be silly.

Me folding up like that leaves her unemployed.

You think, you could use her around the office?

Well, offhand, I just don't know what I could find for her to do.

I'll tell you what, boy.

You drop in and see me tomorrow and we'll work something out.

I'll see you the first thing in the morning, Mr. Denningham.

And thanks a million.

Oh, nonsense. Don't thank me. I'm doing myself a favor.

Goodnight, Hap.

♪ ...Home in oldNew Hampshire ♪

♪ Wonderful feeling ♪

♪ I'm happy again ♪

♪ I'm singing ♪

♪ Yes, I'm singing in the rain ♪

Hap Hixby, Vice President.

This is the payoff.

Well, what's so funny?

That's gettin' places in four weeks.

Vice President and $2500 worth of stock.

Denningham gave him $2500 worth of stock?

Art, I can see you just don't understand big business.

Denningham Sapphire Water stock

is not cigarette coupon. You buy it.

$2500?

That must be some water you got there.

- Didn't you ever taste it? - Uh-uh.

Come here.

- Good stuff, huh? - Yup.

Here. Get outside of that.

Denningham Sapphire water has spoilt plain water for me.

It has got a very high class taste to it.

Gee, you can almost smell the pine trees in it.

Huh?

Yeah, I think I'll buy some stock.

That is if any of the characters ever pay me.

You better hurry up, Art. It's going fast.

There's a married couple in there now buying some.

- Yeah? - Oh.

- Excuse me. - Sure.

Hap, I think you got something there.

- Well, there it is, dear. - Wonderful.

Yes, Mr. Dillon and we're certainly gratified

to number you among our investors.

- Well, thanks, Mr. Denningham. - Not at all.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye, Mrs. Dillon.

- Pay us a visit real soon. - Thank you, we will.

I'll show you folks to the elevator.

Well, it's been a great day for Denningham Sapphire Water.

Mr. and Mrs. Dillon bought a very nice block of stock.

- Look at that, 1000 shares. - Gee.

You know, you and Hap are my good luck charms.

- Ah. - Ah, but you are.

That means a new wing on the bottling works.

Oh, gee, that's wonderful, Mr. Denningham.

You really got the go-ahead signal at last.

Yes, indeed, my dear.

Full speed ahead.

Guess I must have read that line wrong.

Oh, Maisie, you do say the most amusing things.

You know, I've got a very warm brotherly feeling for you.

Yeah.

I guess my family must have been cold-blooded.

When you hear the chime, it will be exactly

chime for lunch, on me. Bo-o-ong.

Thanks very much, Hap.

But I've got to get down to the bank with this check.

It's necessary to cover several improvements up at the spring.

Oh, I've got a couple of other things to do.

It may take several hours.

You and Maisie carry on while I'm gone.

- I'll see you later. Goodbye. - Okay, Prez.

Do you think you'll get back in time for lunch?

Oh, I was just--

Oh, where is my wandering mind tonight?

Oh, Hap, get out of that corn field.

- Hi, Sammie. - 'Hello, Maisie.'

- Oh, Zip. - Ditto, ditto.

Hi, Hart.

- Hello, Kid? - Hiya, Maisie.

Uh-uh-uh.

Uh-uh-uh.

- Hiya, gorgeous. - Hello, Eddie-weddie.

How're ya? What's cooking, Jasper?

If you mean business, it's terrible.

But on the stove, the blue plate special stew.

- That's for me. - I'll have the same thing.

Leave out the vegetables, wrap the rest of it up with bread.

Translated, he wants a beef sandwich.

- Oh. - What a comic.

Don't encourage him, he's good enough already to be dangerous.

Ain't changed your mind about going back to show business?

Not me, I like being a lady tycoon.

Hi, Art.

Bonecrusher!

Ha ha. You're looking sharp, son. When did you get out?

- Sprung today. - Yeah, come here.

Hey, Maisie, I want you to meet a really colossal character.

Watch this. Dunceville, shake hands with a friend of mine.

I'm glad to know you..

This is the Bonecrusher, he gets his name for mangling

people's fingers when he shakes hands.

They numb up, no feeling, just like this.

No, what're you doing.

- I was showing a gentle one. - Well, I believe you.

While the fingers is numb, you can slip the ring off.

That's why I've been away for six months.

- Well, I'll be seeing you. - Okay.

- Hi, Eddie. - Hiya, Pappy.

Well, hello, Pappy.

Hiya, Pappy. Come on, sit down here, I'm finished.

Yeah, pull up a chair and cheer up, no extra charge.

Ha ha ha.

Oh, hello-hello, Pappy. What's it gonna be?

Cup of coffee.

How about the blue plate special stew?

Go ahead and try, try it, it's good day.

- It's got meat in it. - No, just coffee.

Oh.

What's the matter, Pappy? Stomach upset.

Yeah, among other things.

Oh, it's Stickwell again, huh?

Can't you figure some way to get that guy out of your hair?

- He beat me to it. - What do you mean?

As of Tuesday, the Larceny Building is out of my hands

for good and old.

Oh, but, Pappy, how come? This is your building.

Not legally.

When you're bankrupt, nothing is yours, but troubles.

Now, what's the latest bad news?

- Pappy just got tossed out. - What?

Pappy, is that on a level. How do you like that?

- Well, that is the play. - Such a tough play.

That's it folks, I'm moving.

But I'm leaving Stickwell to cockroaches.

Yeah, they can keep those telephone booths too.

They wouldn't be in this spot if any of you ever paid your rent.

You didn't do yourself any good being so nice to me either.

Well, no need to get upset.

Eddie Flittermouth, wanted on the phone.

Just introduce me to this guy Stickwell, Pappy.

Just introduce me.

Well, the sentiment is very appreciated

but what comes... comes.

Uh-uh-uh.

This is on the house, Pappy.

Well, thanks.

You certainly make a wonderful cup of coffee, Jasper.

Gee, Pappy, I don't know what to say.

I'm finding the same difficulty facing Mrs. Goodring.

Yeah, that's gonna be tough.

As I remember her, she's the emotional type.

So emotional, she's likely to head right to the divorce court.

In which case, maybe that ain't bad.

We'll be in to see you.

Somebody oughta straighten out that Stickwell.

Hey, you, Stickwell.

Come here, I wanna talk to you.

Inside.

Well.

Well, what is it?

I'd be careful if I were you.

Yes, if I were you

I'd be pretty careful of what I said to people

who are not a couple of jerks as you seem to think

but the vice president and the receptionist

of the Denningham Sapphire Water Corporation

and don't forget it, Mr. Stinkwell.

Stickwell!

The crack still goes.

And furthermore, this company is right now considering

taking more office space.

Yeah, we may take over the whole third floor in time.

You heard him, the entire third floor.

What have you got to say to that, Mr. Stinkwell?

Well, that's, that's splendid.

I'm delighted!

Delighted.

He's delighted.

What do you know about Denningham Sapphire Water?

I don't know much about it.

I had no idea it was doing so well.

Did you ever taste Denningham Sapphire water?

No, no, I'm afraid, I haven't.

I understood, it wasn't yet on the market.

When you taste it you'll know why

it's the biggest thing in bottle. Here.

Well, you stay here, I'll get you a sample.

I knew, of course, this was an up and coming concern.

Up and going, you mean.

Did you or did you not hand Mr. Pappy Goodring

his walking papers?

I discharged Goodring because he has

proven entirely unsatisfactory.

Oh, well, not for this company, he hasn't.

All that has held the Denningham Sapphire Water Corporation

to this oversized mouse trap is Mr. Pappy Goodring.

Well, you listen to me, Stickwell.

Your viewpoint is based entirely

on personality, my dear young woman.

Yeah, but what is there but personality for cryin' out loud?

And I'm not your dear young woman.

Drink this, it'll make a new man out of you.

Well, that's asking a lot of our product.

Now, now, a soft answer turneth away wrath.

Yeah, and a hard heart and a pighead

turneth away a swell guy like Pappy.

If Mr. Denningham, who's the tenant here

has anything to discuss with me, I'm here every day.

Listen, it so happens that Mr. Denningham

has gone to the bank to deposit

some more than substantial checks.

But Mr. Denningham, being a broad gauge type of man

and having not only a brain, but a heart which is not

scribbled up to nothing like the last prune in the box

if Mr. Denningham were here, he'd say what I'm saying.

"If Pappy goes, we go!"

Not bad, not bad.

You mean, that guy, Stickwell, fired you?

That's it.

He ain't getting no service from me, I'll tell you that.

Come on, Stinky.

Woop, easy does it.

Whoever built those doors must've been a gopher.

O-oh, Pappy. Come over here.

Oh, Pappy.

Now, Stinky, go ahead and tell him.

Come on, Stinky, tell him.

He's drunk as a skunk.

I have something to say.

Mr. Stickwell, I and you have had our last say.

Oh, no, wait a minute, Pappy, hold your horses.

Mr. Goodring, a great injustice has been done, but

I now see things in a different light.

And that light is slowly dimming.

Oh, what're you talking about?

He's been drinking nothing, but pure crude

Denningham Sapphire water.

Have you ever tasted the Denningham Sapphire water?

- No. - No? Then come with me.

You got an extra glass of that?

Outside, hay stack.

I even like you now.

A loving cup.

Pure mumbling Henningdam's Sapphire water, Pappy.

'You don't care if I call you Pappy, do you, Pappy?'

'Granted, Mr. Stickwell.'

'Oh, don't call me that.'

Shh.

'Just call me, Stinky.'

- Congratulations. - Me too.

- Hap. - Hmm?

That Sapphire water... that wasn't Sapphire water.

- Nope. - Oh, what was it?

- Gin. - Gin?

- But I never touch it. - I never touch it either.

Well, I never touch it either, either.

Let's go outside and get some air, hmm?

Okay. No.

- No? - No.

Because they're there

and we'd have to walk through them

and that would be very rude.

- Maisie. - Yeah.

- I like you. - Well, I like you too.

No, I like you more than you do, me.

- No, you don't. - Yes, I do.

No, you don't.

Would you like me if I was stupid?

Well, don't I?

There's something I'd like to ask you, if you don't mind?

- What? - Well, it's nothin' much, uh..

Would you mind if I kinda put my arms around you?

No, I wouldn't mind.

- You wouldn't? - No.

I think, it's about time.

Gee, I, oh, pardon me.

Thanks.

Oh, I get it.

Make it with a gag, as usual.

Beep, beep, I'm a jeep.

Beep.

Beep, beep, he's a jeep.

I guess, I just don't live right.

Phew!

What have I got, a trout?

Hello, long distance. How are you, long distance?

How are all the little distances?

Guess who this is?

Hap, yep.

Surprise.

Well, look, long distance.

This is how it is.

I wanna talk to Elsie.

I wanna tell Elsie right now that she's a fine girl

but I don't love her.

'I don't love her because...'cause I don't.'

Because of Maisie.

Wouldn't be fair to be engaged to Elsie

and be in love with Maisie, would it?

Hmm?

Yeah, that's what I mean. That's not right.

- That's, uh, that's, uh-- - That's bigotry.

You heard what she said. Now let me talk to Elsie.

But don't make me talk to her mother.

There's an awful lot of her, mother, if you know what I mean?

Hapsy.

If you really mean all that

and you wanna get the operator

dial the dial, darling.

I wanted to see if you felt the same way.

Oh, Hapsy.

In spades.

I'll do it.

No.

- No? - No.

In the morning, sober.

But you said I was to deal the dial, darling.

Yes, but after you've slept on it.

- Well, over that? - Oh, no, no.

But if I was Elsie and I was to call me up

and I was the way you are now, I wouldn't believe me.

Understand?

No. But the first thing in the morning, for sure.

Right.

Maisie, I've got some very good news.

I beg to inform that I remain, as of today

reinstated by Mr. Stinky.

Here it is, black on white.

Oh!

You, inky stinky parlez vous.

Muah.

Mademoiselle..

I salute you.

Oh.

- Hiya, Pappy. - Hello, Maisie.

Hey, Pappy, about you stayin' on here

is that still okay this morning?

As good as gold.

I've been over to the Stickwell residence already.

And even with his headache, he was very friendly.

Swell.

You seem to feel okay this morning?

Oh, I do. I know, I shouldn't, but I do.

Maisie, permit me to tender my congratulations

to both you and Hap.

For some people, I guess, matrimony might be very alright.

Oh, thanks, Pappy.

Gee, I got to open up or Mr. Denningham will beat me in.

See you later. So long.

Hiya, Cecil.

How are you?

Oh, hello, sweetie.

'Feel okay?'

Oh, sure, I'm fine.

Well..

...you don't look it.

Is anything the matter?

Well, look, Maisie... I feel I owe you an apology.

Apology? For what?

Well, for the way I behaved yesterday.

I don't remember everything that happened, but..

Oh, you don't remember, huh?

If I hurt your feelings or frightened you

gosh, I'm sorry because that's the last thing

in the world I'd want to do.

Oh, honey, you didn't frighten me yesterday

but right now you almost scared me to death.

Why? What did I do?

I thought, maybe everything looked different to you

in the cold gray dawn.

Oh, gosh, no.

I've got a long-distance call and Elsie didn't answer

but the operator said she'll try again and call me back.

- Okay, sugarplum. - Oh, gosh..

- Come here. - Hmm?

Bend down.

"Denningham Sapphire Water."

"H.P. Hixby, Vice President."

That's him.

Oh, excuse me, honey.

Oh, good morning, ladies, may I--

Herbert.

Oh, darling!

Gee, Elsie, I thought you were--

Hasn't our boy a kiss for Mother Myra?

Oh, Herbert, you look pale.

'You've been neglecting your health, here in Chicago.'

I didn't know you were planning a trip.

I thought you were in..

Well, when did you get in?

- 'Darling, guess what?' - 'What?'

My ma says, we can be married right here in Chicago today.

'Isn't that divine? I'm so happy, I could die.'

Well, Elsie, we couldn't do that.

You see, I..

'Oh, Maisie.'

Miss McIntyre, my, uh, Miss Ravier and Elsie's mother.

- 'How do you do?' - Hello.

Herbert, what do you mean we can't be married today?

I've got my trousseau and everything for my hope chest.

'But why can't it be today?'

Well, look, Elsie.

We... well, there's a three-day law in Chicago.

'Three day law?'

'You've to wait for three days before you can get married.'

'My cousin, John Latch, knows the Mayor very well.'

'We'll soon fix that up.'

'Darling, you've been a very bad boy about letters.'

'Do you know that you haven't written to me for three weeks?'

'If I hadn't been so busy with the showers and all'

'I would've felt awful.'

'Oh, sweetheart'

'it's so wonderful to see you again.'

'I'm glad that you're connected with a good firm, Herbert.'

Hiya, Maisie.

Me for a glass of that Denningham's Sapphire water.

I wouldn't drink that if I were you.

Makes people say lots of things they don't mean.

- Down? - Yeah.

Down and out.

Will you excuse me?

Yes?

- You're Marshall S. Denningham? - No, he's isn't in just yet.

- Then you're Hixby? - Well, yes, I am.

Okay, come along.

- You stay and wait for him. - Okay.

Would you let me know what this is all about?

Come on, the DA wants to see you.

Well, what for? I haven't done anything.

I'm all set, when do we go on?

Lots of time, there'll be dancing a while yet.

Then there's a couple of speeches and a raffle.

Gee, we've had two shows already today

and now a benefit on top of it. My feet hurt.

Honey, when you've been in for show business

as long as I have, you'll find that your feet always hurt.

Listen, a benefit like this is strictly class

don't do the business no harm, no harm at all.

We get a very refined type of audience, when it's for nothin'.

But these days you gotta do all you can.

- Can I take a peek outside? - Why not?

Gee, it sure is a doll of a place.

I was in a fly shack once that had..

Oh, Miss Anna

now remember, you promised me a dance this evening.

Clarence Greaves, I'd love to dance with you.

'but I'm so busy with my fashion show.'

'Now, now, the most charitable lady in all the southland'

'can spare a little charity for a devoted admirer.'

Clarence Greaves, I can't resist ya.

I promise you the next dance.

- I'll be waiting right here. - Sure, love.

What's the matter, honey? You see something?

I don't know yet.

Operator, operator, I wanna speak

to a party in Cicero, Illinois.

The name is Pappy Goodring.

'What's the idea of calling up at this time of the night?'

Oh, Mrs. Goodring, let me talk to Mr. Goodring, please.

Well, you wouldn't remember me, but my name is Maisie Ravier.

Look, I'm in Georgia, what harm can I do from here?

Let me talk to him!

Oh, hello.

Hello, Pappy. Honey, this is Maisie. I'm in Atlanta.

Atlanta?

What's the rap?

Oh. I'm alright. I'm not in jail.

Look, um..

Pappy, is Mr. Denningham, still around the Larceny Building?

No, he's not around, Maisie.

Starting so legitimate

Mr. Denningham turned out to be the biggest thief of all.

- What? - Yeah.

That Denningham Sapphire Water was strictly phony.

All that moolah he collected, he ran out with.

Haps too?

Haps also.

Added to which he got arrested for being a party to a swindle.

They arrested Hap? You mean Hap's in jail?

He's out on bail at present, but his chances are not good.

Poor schnook.

But, Pappy, they can't put Hap in jail.

Haven't they got any sense?

How could they look at his face and think he'd cheat anybody?

It was me who got him into the whole thing.

That dirty Denningham.

Listen, Pappy, Denningham's here. He's here in Georgia.

He's known as Grease or somethin'

and he's wearing a moustache.

Listen, I'll keep an eye on him and you call the police.

Call the police or the DA or something and tell them

he's at the Taylor Estate in Canefield, Georgia.

Sure, Maisie, I'll call the cops right away.

They'll doubtless get right in touch with the law down there.

Yeah, and I'll lead them right to the fat slug.

Pappy..

...have you seen Hap?

How is he?

Oh, he don't look good, huh?

Poor baby.

Well, did he get married?

Miss, that I couldn't say.

The girl was around, but if he got married when he got bail

I couldn't say.

Well, look, Pappy, you call the cops

and I'll stay close to Denningham.

Alright, sweetie, bye-bye.

Oh, I could just swear

they told me to meet him here, by the dance floor.

Pity my brains, I always get so excited at these parties..

Well, hello, y'all!

Y'all haven't forgotten little me, have you?

- Melinda Calhoun. - Oh, I don't believe--

Oh, you have so, but y'all can just dance with me

that's what and I'll forgive you.

- Lovely party, isn't it? - Delightful.

Well, my soul and body

it's Uncle Clarence.

Oh, pardon me for being so downright bold.

But Mr. Greaves is my daddy's oldest friend

in this entire world

and I never was so happy to see anybody in all my born days.

It's nice to see you again, my dear.

Um, Mrs. Taylor, this is--

Melinda Calhoun, Mrs. Taylor.

Oh, Mrs. Taylor, be a honey lamb and trade partners, will you?

This gentleman dances like nothing in this entire world.

And I've just got to talk about old times with Mr. Greaves.

Thank you, sugar.

Uncle Clarence, it's been a cool day.

Why, I never dreamed about this, y'all down here.

Especially with a moustache.

But that only goes to prove what a little old

little world we live in.

Don't give me away, Denningham.

- I'm asking as a pal. - What are you up to?

Oh, I got a deal cooking that'll set me for life.

A deal?

You've got a deal?

Oh, Maisie, I never guessed.

We'll call it a draw. I never played you either.

I had Hap all lined up for myself till you beat me to it.

Well, bless your heart.

Why, we should have teamed up and really taken him.

You know, I always did like you, Maisie.

Yeah.

Like a ballet.

You little t..

What are you working on down here?

Well, that fella I was dancing with

he's fallen slow, but sure.

I've got mine, lollipop.

By the time I pull out of this town tonight

it will be clean as a new shaved neck.

- You're lemmin' on tonight? - Yeah, about an hour.

Wanna come along?

Honey, we'd have lot of fun.

Oh, uh, yeah, that's an idea.

Let's go over to my hotel and talk it over.

Wonderful!

And we'll crack a bottle of Denningham Sapphire water.

One scotch and soda and one root beer.

- Oh, I'll get that. - Oh, no, Uncle Clarence.

Your money is no good.

- Give me a pencil. - Yes.

I didn't know you had such a long name, my dear.

Oh, what's in a name, Mr. Greaves?

Your tip is on there.

Yes, ma'am. Thank you very much.

Well... here's to crime.

Here's to us.

Sit-down, make yourself comfortable.

There's no time. I gotta catch a train.

Are you coming with me?

I got this pigeon ready to baste.

I kinda hate to leave him.

Well, baby, it's up to you.

'Cause as much as I like you, Maisie

I like even better, now that I'm wise to you.

If you don't make up your mind in a hurry, I'm on my way.

'Cause they're gonna make it hot for me here in any minute.

Now, it's yes or no?

Well, I'll admit it's awful temptin', but I'm--

Now, no buts, sugar. Yes or no?

Maybe, I am silly waiting for this local joke to pay off.

From what I got on him, there are a couple of coal mines

and a railroad, but who knows, maybe it's in his wife's name.

It's a gamble, but... with you..

- Okay. - Wonderful, then we're a team.

How about sealing that bargain with a little brotherly hug?

Oh, uh, what about that train we gotta catch? What time?

Oh, 11:30.

Oh, gee, it's 10:02 now. I got to get packed.

Now, let me see, what did I do with my suitcase?

Oh, excuse me, mooshy, it's probably in there.

Alright, honey.

♪ That wonderful feeling I'm happy again ♪

Did you find it, honey?

No, but I'm looking.

Well, come, come, come, honey. Time's a-wastin'.

Yeah, well, the shelf, I thought it was on the shelf.

- Nothing here, but this thing. - Oh, yeah.

Now, let me see. What did I do with that silly thing? I just..

Oh, I'm a dope. It's under the bed.

- Oh. - Will you get it for me?

Of course, I will. And it's way under.

Yes, but I always put them way under.

Oh, come in!

What's the trouble?

Oh, brother, I thought you'd never get here.

Well, there it is.

'Marshall Denningham or Clarence Greaves'

'or you name it.'

Marshall Denningham. Oh, sure.

We just got a call from Chicago to pick him up.

Carl Carter's just gone out to the Taylor Estate for him.

Is a nice, dopey, honest kid

being held for trial on account of him?

Maisie, you are a rogue.

- You ought to know. - Alright, come on.

I'm go..

Oh, just one moment, officer.

To you, my sweet. It's a shame, it would have been a lot of fun.

My boy, crime does not pay.

Nice going, Sam.

Yes, when I read that message "Call the cops quick"

my legs almost turned to rubber.

Shh. Not so loud. Somebody might weave you into a tire.

Yes.

I wish we could wear these kinda hats all the time.

Those iron hats they give us, whatever way you tilt 'em

it's the way you walk through the day.

♪ Nowadays when anyone is clickin' ♪

♪ If he's really tickin' ♪

♪ Then they say he's cookin' with gas ♪

♪ Makes no difference ♪

♪ What he maybe doin' ♪

♪ If he's really stewing ♪

♪ That's the way he's cookin' with gas ♪

♪ It's a crazy phrase ♪

♪ That seems to me to be insane ♪

♪ And if you don't know what I mean ♪

♪ Then I will try to explain ♪

♪ When you hear Glenn Miller's band ♪

♪ Get solid in the brass ♪

♪ That is jive It's really live ♪

♪ Because they're cookin' with gas ♪

♪ When Joe Louis stays right up there ♪

♪ In the champion class ♪

♪ I've a hunch it's not his punch ♪

♪ It's 'cause he's cookin' with gas ♪

♪ Joe DiMaggio swats the ball ♪

♪ It's 23 skidoo ♪

♪ They all dodge ♪

♪ 'Cause Joe DiMaggio is really cookin' too ♪

♪ When that good old army team ♪

♪ Begins to forward pass ♪

♪ You can bet that each cadet is really cookin' with gas ♪

♪ We were in the doll rooms ♪

♪ Everything is tens and twelves ♪

♪ Then Franklin D. said, follow me ♪

♪ And let's start cookin' ourselves ♪

♪ We cannot afford to let this opportunity pass ♪

♪ If you're hip then get in step and start ♪

♪ Start cookin' ♪

♪ Really cookin' Really cookin' ♪

♪ And when you're cookin' And when you're cookin' ♪

♪ Be sure you're cookin' with ♪

♪ Gas ♪

Thanks, boys, from the heart.

I gotta say this is the best audience

that Frawley's Frolic ever played to.

And the all-time best looking.

I'd kinda like to stick around.

You don't need a good cook, do you?

Well..

Hope I'll be seeing y'all again soon.

Bless you.

You're wonderful.

Pick a card.

Hap.

Yup, it's me.

Come on, pick a card or you'll crap the act.

Get off, Hap, you're too corny.

- Hap. - Maisie.

Oh-h..

- When did this happen? - When you got me out of jail.

- Oh, honey. - Take a bow, miss, come on.

Well, gee, you look so--

Oh... well, uh... did you get married?

No, I finally got up enough nerve to tell Elsie.

She went back to Dartsville.

- She did? - Yeah.

Well--

Uh, will you wait till I win the war, darling?

- Oh, honey, forever. - They still want you, Maisie.

- Give 'em another-- - Alright, okay.

- Well, come on. - No, no.

♪ We were in the dance.. ♪

♪ And Franklin D. said, follow me ♪

♪ And let's start cookin' ourselves ♪

♪ We cannot afford to let this opportunity pass ♪

♪ If you're hip then get in step and start ♪

♪ Start cookin' ♪

♪ Really cookin' Really cookin' ♪

♪ When you're cookin' When you're cookin' ♪

♪ Be sure you're cookin' with ♪

♪ Gas ♪