Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Hate to ask ,the obvious question

but what the flippin' flip ?are these things

.Get behind me, Jing

!Stop right there

[GROWLING]

.Hmm. Well, that was easy

!Look out

[YELPS]

?Was that a chiblast

Do these things [have chi? [GRUNTS

!Whoa

[GRUNTS]

,Chi'dup or not,there's only three of them .and five of us

.We can totally take 'em

[GROWLS]

.Or not

[GASPS]

.Bao, quick, we need cover

.I'm on it

[GRUNTS]

!Hyah

BOTH: I'll hold 'em off .on the left

You can take .the left, Master Po

.No, no, after you, m'lady

Guys, I'm just .gonna make this call

,Master Po .you cover the right

,Nu Hai and Fan Tong .take the left

And I'll just stand by till one of you gets .morbidly injured

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[Hyah! [CHUCKLES !Whoo-hoo

.Now that's teamwork

,Uh, actually .that's teamwork

[GASPING]

[SCREAMING]

.And they regenerate. Great

[GRUNTS]

[SCREAMING]

!Hyah

[GRUNTS]

[GROWLS]

?Huh

[YELLS]

.That's how we stop them

What are we ?waiting for .Let's do this

[YELLING]

!Hyah

[GRUNTING]

.That wasn't so bad

Yeah, but how many of these walking hot pots ?are out there

?And what are they

And who are they ?working for

And is there ?a bathroom nearby

,What? I thought this was .like, open Q and A time

.Om

,Oh, hey there .roguish villain

?You lookin' at me

Well, I guess I'm gonna have to show you some of .my sweet kung fu techniques

!Tickle attack

!Single nose hair pull

!Wet-willy

!Hyah

[GASPS]

?So, thoughts

You are incredibly bad .at kung fu

Thanks for .the constructive criticism

:Lesson number one

you must always .expect the unexpected

.Oh, wait, yeah, hold on .I need to write this down

You've never ?heard that phrase

.It's a cliche !Hyah

[GIGGLES] [GROANING]

.I see you're a quick learner

Now, time for lessons --two through six

!Whoo! Right on! Hyah-five

.Hundred forty-seven

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

!Ow

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[GIGGLES]

[SCREAMS]

[CRYING]

?What? Are you crying

There's no crying --in kung fu

[GRUNTS]

Don't forget .lesson one, Jade

--Always expect the unex

[GRUNTS]

Wow, you're .a really good teacher

[GRUNTING]

!Hyah

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

You impressed me .today, Empress

.Cool

Does this mean I'm a total ?kung fu master now

.No !Great

And does it mean you and I are ?official BFFs now

.Absolutely not

!Oh, great

,Okay, so from now on I'll just light a candle in my window

whenever I wanna chit-chat .or trade some hot goss

Only light a candle ,if you really

,really, really ,really, really

.really need me

.Oh, I see

You're more of .an introvert type

.That's okay .We can be pen pals

?You can read, can't you

[PANTING]

I have an urgent message for

Mistress Shi Long" ".and or Current Resident

.Give that to me !Ah

Po and the Four Constellations"

have been spotted" ?"at Volcano Island

!Ugh

I never should have put my secret lab .in a volcano

.It's far too obvious

.Wait a second

The letter only says .they were spotted

Spotted"? What does" ?that even mean

?Were they captured ?Moderately maimed

Well, that's .the Chow Chows for ya

,I mean ,great at following orders .but no eye for detail

[CHOW CHOWS GROWLING ANGRILY]

Anyhoo, I'm gonna .hit the head [HUMMING TUNE]

,As the old saying goes

If you want" ,something done right

you've got to hire" ".competent employees

And if you" ,neglected to do that ".you've got to do it yourself

.Prepare the Royal Dirigible

.I'm going to Volcano Island

?Huh

[ALL GROWLING]

.Coast is clear

Let's fall into sneak formation

.and commence sneaking

[SCREAMS] .Reverse sneak .Reverse sneak

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

.Snap out of it, bozo

.It's only freakin' Po

[ALL SIGH]

.Oh, my son !Po, you're alive

,Dads! You're here .for some reason

.Oh, son

I know we've only been apart for a few days

but it feels like

!seven years

[CRIES] .Get in here, Cart

.Don't be shy

All right, enough .touchy-feely time

Let's get out of here .and go home

All this running around .is murder on my toe warts

Grandma, we can't .go home yet

We still have ,questions to answer .volcanoes to explore

.Bathrooms to find

.Nu Hai's right

We need to learn as much as we can

from this weird .volcano facility

Oh, and one other ,teensy-weensy item before we escape

we also need to .figure out how to escape

[CHUCKLES] ?Any ideas

We can find a window .to jump out of

[ALL CHATTERING]

Feel free to take the lead .on this one, Master Po

.No, no, no, no, no .After you, madame

.No, no, no, no, no .After you, good sir

.Please, I defer .Not if I defer first

!Everybody, quiet

Shut your yappers .and listen up

There's a new sheriff .here in Volcano Town

[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY] ?There is? Who

!Me, you moron

Now, here's how .it's gonna go

I've constructed the weapon ,to your exact specifications .Highness

Wow! Peasants can work fast .when they want to

[CHUCKLES]

.Impeccable craftsmanship

,So, do you need, like ...a gift receipt, or

.Oh, no

.This one's for me

In my first act ,as your supreme leader

I've implemented a system for managing .group communications

It's called

[CLUCKS]

.the Hand

,No one is allowed to speak unless you hold

.the Hand

[CLUCKS]

!Uh-uh-uh .Not without the Hand

[CLUCKS]

[SIGHS]

[CLEARS THROAT] I think we can all agree

that while Rooster did somehow manage

to invent this somewhat helpful ,administrative device

the bird is in ,all other respects a terrible leader

,and he should not ,under any circumstances !be followed

?Excuse me

...How dare you

!Uh-uh-uh

.Oh. Defeated by my own Hand

,I suggest we form two groups .for efficiency's sake

,Po, my son, the Dragon Master will obviously lead my group

...since I cannot bear ?Huh

to be parted ...from him ever, ever

.Ever again

[CRYING]

.Thanks, Sad. I mean, Dad

,I'll take group two and we can figure out .what's going on around here

This must be the laboratory where they designed .those Terracotta whatsits

,Hey, y'all. Not to brag but also just to brag

.I just found a major clue

?Hmm

:NU HAI ,According to this map

it looks like the materials were secretly shipped in .from all over China

.BAO: Check this creepiness

.JING: "Day 50. Experiment 32

The subject responded" positively to our new ".chi-removal technique

[SCREAMING]

NU HAI: So they were experimenting with powering

the Terracottas by ?draining chifrom citizens

But that wouldn't be .enough chito power an army

They must have found .another source

[ALL GROWLING]

NU HAI: Let's get back .to the others

So if I'm reading ,my context clues right

this volcano ...is more than just a lab

!It's a whole flippin' factory

And these Terracotta warriors

aren't just a one-off monster-of-the-week .kind of villain

.They're a full-scale army

Oh, snap, that means .the Empress is in danger

.I gotta go warn her

She won't be happy .to hear about it

Hope she doesn't .shoot the messenger

.Great point, Grandma

,Hey, Fan Tong .the Empress is in danger

.You gotta go warn her

As a seasoned ,bureaucrat myself

,I can tell you whoever is behind this .must have ties to the Feds

,Now, think have we met any suspicious ?government officials recently

.ALL: Shi Long

Now, now, let's not .jump to conclusions

Is there anyone else ,we've met who seems ?particularly sinister

!ALL: Shi Long

.Let me finish

.Sinister and cold-blooded

!ALL: Shi Long

,Literally, dude .she's a lizard

,Someone with a motive say, perhaps a bone to pick ,with the royal family

,a vendetta born out of, say .jealousy or sibling rivalry

!ALL: Shi Long

She literally .threw us in the bay

Now, that could have .been a coincidence

.So let's stay open-minded

It very well .could be someone else

...Such as... uh

.Yep, it's Shi Long

If Shi Long ,is amassing an army ,and she definitely is

then Empress Xiao and the entire Kingdom

are in a whole bunch !of danger

.BOTH: I've got a plan

.Okay. Let's hear both plans

.Starting with Rooster

.My plan is simple

,For phase one of 17 ,we'll need three eagles

,one pair of chopsticks !and a giant balloon

.Cool. Nu Hai's plan it is

!Yes [CROWS]

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

:GENERAL FANG .Open up, Princess

?Princess

I believe you meant ".to say "Empress

.Don't forget, General Fang

.You work for me .Not the other way around

[POUNDING]

[GRUNTS]

,What do you want ?General Fang

Time for your .fighting lessons, Princess

,For the last time .I'm the Empress now

And I don't need fighting lessons .from you anymore

.I'll be the judge of that

[CHUCKLES] ".Come on, "Empress

.Show me what you've got

!Ah [GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

.Bring it, kibble-breath

[YELLING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

The ol' Fang boy's ...still got some move

!Ow

!PANTING] Ah]

You can't hide .from me, Empress

I know these halls --like the back

?What

?Like the back of your head

Or is it ?the back of your hand

[GRUNTS]

,General Fang .your behavior is unacceptable

Shi Long and I will see to it ...that you are swiftly degeneralized

and subjected to a strict regimen .of anger management therapy

Aw, you still think ?Shi Long is your friend

I always knew you were .a bit simple, but wow

?What do you mean

.Shi Long is my sister

.Well, I mean my adopted sister

But still, she'd have no reason to resent me

just because I was our father's favorite

,and the heir to the throne ,and a fashion icon .and a natural beauty

[LAUGHING]

I don't know what ,you're alluding to, Fang

but I do know your betrayal .will not go unpunished

!Guards ?Hello, guards

.A little help, please

.Seize him

[GROWLING] ?Wait, wait. What's going on

?Why aren't you obeying me ?Is this a coup

I order you !to stop this coup

.You're all alone, Empress

And you won't be .Empress for long

JING: You know, at first I thought hiding inside

these terracotta suits .would be stuffy and awkward

.Turns out, I was right

.PO: I'll admit .They're a wee bit snug

?Everyone else doing okay

,Honestly, please just say yes 'cause there's nothing .we can do about it now

I would be if Wing had put on .deodorant this morning

.Sorry, boss .It's so easy to forget

.Hmm

.Oh

[SNIFFING]

.Hmm. Mm-hmm

.Oh, no. Cart

.Ah. Hmm

.Shipment approved. Next

Our terrible disguises ?actually worked

.CHUCKLES] Awesome]

Twelve Terracotta warriors" "in group A

!SHI LONG: Halt that train

!Halt the train

!Halt the train !Halt the train

!Halting

[ALL GRUNTING]

.My liege

[GUARDS GROWLING]

NU HAI: What's going on ?out there

PO: I'm gonna take a wild stab ".and say "bad stuff

We are honored .by your presence

Real talk, though, is there ?a surprise inspection

?Is there a mass layoff ?Am I fired

!Please say I'm not fired

,You're extremely paranoid .and no

I'm here to find Po .and the Four Constellations

,I know they're here somewhere

and I won't rest .until I've found them

[PREPARING TO SNEEZE]

.Don't you dare

[SNEEZES LOUDLY]

!ROOSTER: No !It's everywhere! Everywhere

[CROWS]

[HISSING]

[GUARDS GROWLING]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLES]

!I surrender

!Ah

!Mercy! Please, have mercy

!The warthogs made me do it

,NU HAI: Master Po .we have to save them

?PO: Do we

.Okay, fine

[CHUCKLES]

[CLUCKS]

[ALL YELLING]

,So we meet again .for the last time

[ALL YELLING]

!Yeah

[ALL GRUNTING]

!Hyah! Hyah

[GRUNTS]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

!Yeah

[GROANS]

[LAUGHS]

?Huh

Take your dirty !mutt mitts off my son

?Huh

[YELLING]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTS]

.It's no use .More keep coming

!Go

!Yee-haw

[GASPS]

.Oh, boy

.And so it ends

,Not with a bang

but more of an "Ah, I'm burning" .kind of sound

[ALL YELLING]

!PO: Run

[GROANING SOFTLY]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTING]

[STRAINING]

[GROANS]

!Oh

.Hmm

[EXHALES]

[GRUNTS]

!Hyah

[GRUNTS]

[STRAINING]

[GASPS]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]