Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

?FAN: Guys

There's three ships .coming this way

?What do you think they want

There are only ,two options here .fans or paparazzi

.Gimme that, let me see

,On my signal !prepare to fire

[CANNON WHEELS ROLLING]

Sorry to bust ,your bubble, Bubba

.but it's the Gongmen City cops

!POLICE CHIEF: Fire

[WATER SPLASHING]

I always wanted .a burial at sea .Just not this soon

,Wait a minute .I've got an idea

.We'll sink the boat

I'm kinda working ,on this whole .not maiming anyone thing

.But if we gotta, we gotta

.No. Not their boat, ours

[CHUCKLES]

.Good morning, Shi Long

.You're up early, Empress

I trust you had ?a good night's sleep

.Oh, did I ever

And I face today ready to embrace .my role as Empress

.How wonderful for us all

So, what would you like ?to do first

?Pose for a portrait ?Repaint the palace

?Kiss some babies

,We'll have them disinfected .of course

.I want to learn to kick butt

That's not traditionally in the purview .of being a ruler

Perhaps a crash course ,in nodding, waving ?and walking on tiptoe

,This is not a request .it's an order

If I am to be a leader ,who fights for my people

I must first know .how to fight for myself

.Of course, your majesty

,General Fang as the kingdom's ,most decorated warrior

you shall instruct the Empress .in the art of Kung Fu

...STAMMERS] I] .But of course

,Oh, and FYI .I already know a few moves

[GRUNTS]

[CONTINUES GRUNTING]

,Empress .you're a born warrior

[GIGGLES] ?I'm good, aren't I

.We got lucky She's completely .uncoordinated

The last thing we need is for her to know .how to defend herself

?So, what should I teach her

,I don't care .as long as it's not lethal

[GRUNTING]

!Ow

.You have a really hard face

What do ya think ?they're doing down there

I don't know .and I don't care

,All right everybody .we're on the buddy system

Grab your partner and make sure .your badges are showing

We need to know that .they know our names

.Well, that solves that .Another case closed

.Great police work, everybody .Back to Gongmen City

This is not what ,I would have done

,but no one died .so I guess your plan worked

.Good job, Nu Hai

.Thanks, Master Po

?"Good job, Nu Hai"

,I don't know if you noticed but we're in the middle .of the ocean here

PO: And that's why .we keep heading that way

[SQUEALS]

?MR. PING: Are we there yet

I'm starving for the taste of sweet revenge

on those who took .our precious Po from us

And don't forget .about my grand-kids

And those other two .I sorta tolerated

.Patience, you two Rooster has assured us he is .an experienced cartographer

?Cartographer

,We'll be the judge of that ?won't we, Cart

?See what I did there

.Shh, No distractions

If my calculations ,are correct

the entrance to the volcano .is here

?Oh, for the love of-- Again

?What d'ya know I guess I must've drawn .the map upside down

We're farther away now than when we landed .on this godforsaken island

[GRUNTS]

!Mmm-hmm. I knew it .It's chicken scratch

.Well, I'm done

This seems like a good enough place to drop dead .and get eaten by crabs

!You

You're the reason we're lost in this jungle-scape .with no water, no food

?Why are you doing this to us ?Who do you work for

.Rooster don't work for nobody

Yeah, he's never held down .a job in his life

.Everyone stop yelling Cart is very sensitive .to tension

!Cart

.Oh, Cart

?Huh

[GASPS]

.Look at what saved Cart

.A dolly. Cootchy, cootchy

Ah, that doll looks like .how my mouth tastes

.Don't touch that !It's Bai Gu Jing

[GASPS] !Not Bai Gu Jing

[SHRIEKS]

?Who's Bai Gu Jing

.I thought you knew

None of you know ?the story of Bai Gu Jing

?The White Bone Demon

:ROOSTER .Let me tell you a tale

Years ago, there lived a mysterious woman who ,journeyed across China

stopping in remote villages to eat and perhaps to rest .for a night or two

LI: Wow! That is some amazing .shadow puppet work, Rooster

WONG: Just imagine .if he had fingers

.LI: I always do

!ROOSTER: Shut it

[ROOSTER CLEARS THROAT]

,As I was saying

unassuming villagers would ,open their doors to her

.only to realize too late that she was no ordinary traveler

She was .the White Bone Demon

Yes! And it was not food .for which she hungered

[ALL SCREAMING]

.But for their very souls

And if that's not bad enough, each time she ate a soul

she'd leave behind a memento .of her evil deed

.WONG: No .ROOSTER: Yes

For years ,she terrorized villages

devouring the souls [across the land.[LIGHTNING CRASHES

,Until she tried to eat the soul of a legendary Kung Fu Master

.who fought and defeated her

[SWORD SWOOSHING]

[ROARING]

Then banished her .to the Realm of the Dead

Well, thank goodness .that's over

Don't you know how ?campfire stories work

.It's not over

Because some say the ,White Bone Demon has escaped

,and on nights like tonight she wanders the land

in search .of new souls to consume

!Stop

.I have to go to the bathroom .I'll be right back

No way. That's what .Bai Gu Jing wants

.To split us up. No We all go to the bathroom !together

[COUGHING]

?Huh

,Oh, no .I didn't say anything

WING: Could you ?keep making noise .I'm kind of self-conscious

.Well, this is madness

Waiting in the bushes while someone .makes a boom-boom

?Now then, where was I

Immortal demon leaves creepy doll after she .steals your soul

Yep, that .pretty much covers it

Well, I think it .sounds like poppycock

I don't know ,what poppycock means

but I don't like .the sound of it

?WONG: Wing ?You all done back there

I mean, if you need .an extra hoof

[SCREAMING]

It's really not .such a bad likeness

[ALL SCREAMING]

.It's the White Bone Demon !She's coming for us all

?Wing? Wing

.This is no time to panic

Perhaps, Wing is just still busy .with his bathroom break

Sure. It often takes me .eight hours to push one out

.You're not helping, Grandma

My gang was on the upswing until we got caught up .with you pandas

?"You Pandas" ?How dare you

,I lost my son ?or have you forgotten

You know, you're always ."saying "my son

.He's my son, too

And what about that ?old lady's grandchildren

And those two other kids .she sorta tolerated

Would you tell your cohort ?not to speak for Grandma

.She can speak for herself

.Go ahead, Grandma

[ALL SCREAMING]

?XIAO: What will we start with

?Hand to hand combat ?Psychological torture

That weird staring thing where you don't ,really look in their eyes

but more at like an invisible spot ?on their forehead

.Let's begin with weapons

[CHUCKLES]

?A hairbrush

.Yes

,Though unassuming it is the deadliest .of weapons

.Oh, I see it now

,I did hear of a princess who brushed her hair so much

she gave herself .a permanent bald spot

[GASPS]

?Is that what you're suggesting .'Cause that is hardcore

.Something like that, yes

!Kung Fu

!Yay

SHI LONG: You looked fierce .out there, Empress

Any criminal would be unlucky .to cross your path

I don't feel any fiercer today .than I was yesterday

.Oh, but you are

Your father would be pleased, as would your ,fat little Panda friend

.may they both rest in peace

I know they are looking down on you .from the Spirit Realm

So proud of the strong ruler .you are becoming

.Thank you, Shi Long

.I'll see myself to my room

Where do you think ?you're going

Well, I had a blowout scheduled .for later this evening

.You know it's shedding season

Don't you mean you're going ,to head into town

so that when the Empress ,sneaks out to prove herself ?she has a bad guy to fight

,With all due respect ,Mistress Long ...why would you think that

[GRUNTS]

Now go and disguise .yourself well

The Empress must not know .your true identity

.I have just the outfit

.PO: This is it This must be where .our ship was headed

.Oh. sweet, stable, land

Let's take it down a notch 'cause you know we gotta start --strategizing on how to get

[SHUSHES]

[GROANING]

We have to get inside .without anyone seeing us

.Yeah. I have an idea .Check it out

,Nu Hai, you and Bao go left

,while Fan Tong and Jing ...you guys'll be

Listen guys, I get you wanna try out all your ideas .but we gotta be smart

,'Cause now we're in here we don't know .what's happening out there

We could be in these crates all night before ...anything happ

.We're moving, Master Po

I think they're .taking us inside

?Huh? Well, what d'ya know

[GRUNTS]

,Barkeep .one glass of juice .With extra pulp

[BURPS]

Do you know where I might find some wrongs ?that need to be righted

The kitchen doesn't open ...till later, so

[SCREAMING]

I told you to .give me your money

.Busted

Return this poor wretched .creature's money

...STUTTERS] I] .I haven't taken any yet

,Well then .give him some of yours

.You... you, butt-sniffer

.You just cost me my dinner .You're in real trouble now

,Unfortunately for you ,vile creature .I know Kung Fu

.I was hoping you'd say that

[THUMPS]

.Jade Tusk. Hey

?Um, what's that in your mouth

I'm just trying .something new

?What are you doing here

I had that bad hombre .on the ropes

,Uh... No .you didn't

JADE: You must be .more careful, Empress

And the next time you need my protection, remember to .light a candle in the window

[XIAO COUGHING]

That's not exactly .how that's supposed to work

.But never mind

?You need my protection

.I don't want your protection

Now you're not .making any sense

I want you to teach me .to protect myself, Jade Tusk

.Hmm. It would be my honor

.Yay

.But we must do it in secret First though, about this ...weapon of yours

?Oh, yeah. Cool, huh

?Where is the weapon I gave you

Oh, the green thing that ?smells like plaque

!Hiya

?Mmm

.We have much work to do

[THUDS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

.The coast is clear .Come on

Let's see if we can figure out .what Shi Long has planned

,Which way should we go ?Master Po

?Oh, what was that

Did somebody want my opinion ?about something

.Whoa Master Po's flexing some .'tude right now

?Ya think

.Hey. I hear it, too

[WATER DRIPPING]

.I'm sorry

I'm just having trouble with the idea that you guys

don't seem to need me .as much anymore

That was the part where you were supposed .to disagree with me

You know we owe everything .to you, Master Po

But we are getting .pretty advanced

.Some of us faster than others .Underwater Chi Ball, y'all

,Maybe it's time that we I dunno, re-evaluate ?our relationship

Wait a minute, are you guys ?breaking up with me

.Oh, geez

Like, maybe instead of ,four students and a master

we should think of ourselves ?as a team of five equals

.Hey, guys

Maybe we should stop .calling you Master Po

?What? Just Po

Or not. You know, just .spitballing some ideas

?Yo, guys

.No, it's okay .I totally get it

,Does not hurt my feelings .not one bit

.Hey, dip-sticks

Does anybody else think these creepy lights and noises ?are worth investigating

.We have got to remain calm

I'm sure there's a rational reason for .what is happening here

.We're all gonna die

I wish I had done more things .on my bucket list

.Cart and I had wedding plans

We were just waiting .for the laws to change

Can I say something ?I've never told anyone

As a child I would sometimes pretend .I was a goose

[WAILING]

.Of course Who in their right mind ?wants to be a rooster

.I'm feeling judged

.That's what I was going for

?Wong? A little help

.Sorry, Boss

!Stop it, all of you

Well, I'm sorry you all ,had to see that side of me

,but, you know sometimes you have to .get a little crazy

?What's the matter ?Afraid to speak

[SCREAMING]

,If anything happens to me --promise me

.Don't worry, Ping I won't stop until .I avenge Po's death

I was going to ask you .to look after Cart

.Dang it, Ping

Are you comparing --our son to a

Be very careful .what you say, Li

Oh, how could I ?have been so blind

?Don't you see what's happening

,Whenever we fight .someone gets taken

We must stop fighting with each other .before it's too late

...What the

.Oh, no

[GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

,Here me now ,White Bone Demon .we are not afraid of you

The only thing we have to fear .is fear itself

[INDISTINCT WHISPERS]

[GASPS]

[CREAKING]

But that weird creaking noise .is a close second

[SCREAMING]

.I won't let you take cart

[YELLING]

.Finally

We were wondering .when you would get here

?But how

,All right .grab yourself a plate

,The dumplings are soggy .but the noodles aren't bad

Is the ?White Bone Demon here

.She never showed

I think we can assume she was intimidated by my .powerful and capable presence

Or she was driven away .by your high-pitched screams

I think the White Bone Demon .is just misunderstood

.It's obvious .She don't want to eat folks

.She just want folks to eat

Yeah, it seems pretty fishy .to me too .But I'm too hungry to care

,Oh, thank you ,White Bone Demon ,or whoever you are

for helping us find the volcano entrance, and for reminding us that harsh words

and strife have no place when it comes to .family and friends

?Who are you talking to .Just shut up and eat

.But don't eat too much Because the next course .is revenge

.PING: Oh, boy

.The goose is right .They are soggy

All that iron they had ,shipped here .they're melting it

?But why

.I think I know

You could really hurt someone .with a sword this big

Not that I'm into .that sorta thing

But I can't wait to meet .the warrior who is

.I can

We gotta get to the .bottom of this

I mean, as long as you don't feel like I'm telling .you what to do or anything

.Master Po

Okay, so Jing's still down .with calling me Master ?Anyone else

.No. Behind you

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTING]

.There's too many of them ?What do we do

!Run

We should be safe .for the moment

It's a Terra Cotta Warrior

like the ones .in the Emperor's tomb

Don't tell me we're on an .ancient burial ground

If zombies start rising ,out of the ground .I am gonna freak

.It's not a tomb Just some kind of .storage area

.Whoa. Check it out

?JING: Why's it glowing

Just looking at it .gives me the willies

You sure this isn't an ?ancient burial ground

If there's one thing I can say with complete confidence, Fan Tong

it's that there are no .zombies here

.Phew. Well, that's a relief

[SCREAMING]