Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

.So, this is happening

.Yeah, and it is not good

.So not good

[GROWLS]

,Master Po why do you look ?so calm

My plan .has clearly failed

,Nu Hai .your plan was great

You were just .lacking one thing

?Success .No

!Experience

[WHISTLES]

[ALL GASP]

[ALL GASP]

Look at that guy .with the bandana

[GRUNTS] .He's gorgeous

.He's you, Bao

?Sun Wukong

.Exactly

!Arrest them. Now

[EXCLAIMS]

[GRUNTS]

I don't know how they're doing this .and I don't care

.Ladies, on me

[GRUNTS]

.We need to help our son

.Agreed You should .do something

[SIGHS] ?Where's Grandma

Just taking a quick nap .to regain my strength

.Or I died temporarily

So, we gettin' it on .again? Good

[GRUNTS]

[EFFORT GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNT]

.Thanks, Bao .No problem, Bao

We should hang out .when this is done

.Read my mind, brother

!BOTH: Pound it

.This can't happen .I'm so close

.Out of my way, Princess

.I'm not a princess anymore

Okay, I am, but not in the condescending way .you mean

[GRUNTS]

.You were my sister .My friend

How could you betray ?the family that took you in

.Daddy loved you

.Perhaps once

But that ended .when you were born

.Still, he was kind to me

It made poisoning him .difficult, but necessary

?You killed him

?Oops. Did I say that out loud

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

You'll always be a pathetic little girl

unworthy to sit .on my throne

!Xiao

,Fan Tong ?where are you going

.To save Xiao You of all people .should know this, Fan Tong

.Bao, move .Shi Long has Xiao

.I know .I'm coming with you

?You are ,Look, dude

I admit that I don't get ,what she sees in you ,like, at all

but you're the closest thing ,I have to a brother

and if something ...happened to you

?Ugh! I'm just coming, okay .Don't make it weird

.And stop smiling We're probably both .gonna die anyways

[GRUNTING]

[EXCLAIMS, GRUNTS]

[PANTING]

.Uh, real Master Po, problem

[BOTH GASP]

.Uh-oh

Splitting yourself in five ways .can really take it out of ya

PANTING] Just need] .a little breather

.Be right back

Boy, I hate .that monkey sometimes

?Yeah, he's the worst, right

,On the bright side .he's not throwing his poo

[GROWLS] ?BOTH: Hmm

!Take them

[GASPS]

,Master Po, Jing .time to go

[GRUNTING]

!Mei Mei, punch it

?Like that

!No! Get us out of here

,Keep in mind .I have brain damage

!Whoa! Whoa! Whoa

[GRUNTING]

.Mei Mei, Mei Mei, Mei Mei ?What are you doing !Pull up! Pull up

[PO SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

[EXCLAIMS]

[GRUNTING]

,FYI, what you're doing it's gonna be a hard one ,to get past

even for someone with a ridiculously .generous heart like me

.I'll live

What did I do ?that was so bad

.You were born ,And nice, and kind .and beautiful

.Everything I wasn't

,Oh, Shi Long you could be beautiful

,in the right light

.or darkness

You took .my whole world, Xiao

.I want it back

.I know your secret ?Secret

What did Nu Hai ?tell you

Is it about the bald patch ?on my head

'Cause it's totally normal and not the reason I wear .a bandana to cover it up

.Yeah, that's not it

And I actually think .you'd look good bald

No, your secret is .you're a nice guy, Bao

Dude, why would ?you say that

.Take it back. Now

[GRUNTS] Where are you ?taking me

.A day spa

?Really .No

!BAO: Let her go, skizard

"That's "scumbag .and "lizard" combined

Pretty clever word play .I'd say

.Oh, Fan Tong .You came to rescue me

Come any closer and I snap your .girlfriend in half

Oh, we're not actually .boyfriend and girlfriend [CHUCKLES]

Unless Fan Tong .said something

,Fan Tong ?did you say something

.Stop talking

Don't follow us or you know .what will happen

[DOOR LOCKING]

,What do you think she meant by "?You know what will happen"

!Seriously, dude? Ugh

Come on, let's find .another way in

.XIAO: Listen, Shi Long Give up now

and I promise limited .public floggings

!I'm not into grudges. Ow

?What is that

:SHI LONG That is the future ,of my power

and the end .of your empire

[GRUNTING]

[PO SCREAMING]

,Po, my beautiful boy ?are you all right

About as all right ,as I can be

while holding onto a rope dangling from a dirigible

being driven by a mentally impaired !lounge singer

,I am not a lounge singer

.I am a chanteuse

[SCREAMS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

.Oh, looks like Mei Mei's dead

.We should bail

,When you're right .you're right

.Hopefully not about Mei Mei

!Jump

[SCREAMS]

[GROWLING]

.That's right, bozos Come closer, so I can .pot a plant in your heads

?What's the call, boss

.Well, let's see

Injured citizens ,need healing

Terra Cotta Warriors .need pounding

Where are we going to find someone ?who could do both

.I think I know someone

[EFFORT GRUNTS]

[ALL GASP]

[EXCLAIMS]

[ALL GASP]

!Let me out

!Shi Long

:SHI LONG ?Will you shut up

Now you stay .right there, Princess

I'd hate for you .to miss the show

,Forget about her ?what about us

A powerful villainess like you

is gonna need minions .like me and my gang

,Don't just stand there ,you dum-dums

.show her what we can do

.That's our cue

This would look better ,with the right lighting ?huh

.And our high heels

.I'm so alone

.Wait, I know you

,If that's a come-on, sister .forget it

Love ain't got no place in my world .unless it means survival

I can only respond "!to that with "Ew

!Ew

No. You were with the Dragon Master ,and the Constellations

?weren't you

How do you know ?they weren't with me

.Oh, um, okay, whatever

.You can help me escape

?Oh, did you need to escape

And here I thought ,you were the maid

come to fluff my pillow

and give me a tasty mint !to suckle

!Keep it down over there

The Wellspring is in the jade .as you desired

Powerful enough to pull you back into this world

.to rule by my side

Rise, and claim the body .I have made for you

[GROWLING]

[SOFT WHOOSHING]

[EXCLAIMS]

[SNARLING]

[LOUD RUMBLING] ?Hmm

[Master Po? [SCREAMS

!Whoa

?What's happening

[THUDDING]

.GASPS] Oh, no]

[RUMBLING CONTINUES]

[ALL GASP]

[LAUGHING DIABOLICALLY]

.Free

!I am free

.Ah, come on. Not fair

[PANTING] ?Son, what do we do

,Master Po Fang and the guards .are getting away

!Forget about them Dads, get the civilians !to safety. Go

!Sis! Up here

.I am Bai Gu Jing

.The White Bone Demon

.Your rebellion is over

The only choice now is how you will leave .this world

,With honor .or on your knees

I'll give you a moment .to choose

At least .she's giving us a choice .That's thoughtful

...Hmm

[GRUNTS]

?Where ya goin', monkey

.Please, let me go .I'm no good to you

.Look at her head

.She has your crown

,Which means ...if she knows I'm here

.She can use you against us

!Bingo. See ya

,Hold on there .barrel of fun ?Where's Shi Long

We lost her .down in the catacomb

She took Xiao and put her in that cage .on the demon

.We need to rescue Xiao

Shi Long resurrected .this creature

Perhaps she could .send her back

.Shi Long is just a pawn

I have experience .being a pawn

.Perhaps I can change her mind

.You're coming with me

BOTH: We need to get .that crown

!Whoa

We're totally thinking .the same plans now

.Mind meld high-five [EXCLAIMS]

You guys are .creeping me out

.Time's up ?What is your decision

...Well

!We will never surrender

!I'm coming Xiao

[SCREAMS]

,Don't worry .I'll watch over him .Kinda my thing lately

I guess you have .our answer, then

.LAUGHS] Wonderful news]

!Water Deer Help my brother !and Fan Tong

We'll concentrate .on the crown

!Hey

[ROARS]

[GROWLING]

[YELLING]

[GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

[LAUGHING]

Any ideas how we're gonna get a giant crown

off the head ?of an iron demon

.I might have one idea

?Where are we going .Asking for my pelvis

Since when ?are we baby sitters

.They need our help

Do you both have ?no sense of civic duty

No empathy ?for those in need

I don't understand .the question

Where were they ?when cart was dying

[CRASHING] [BOTH GASP]

[GASPS]

[WHIMPERS] We can't stay .out in the open

?What about the catacombs

.Great idea

.Start digging .I'll wait

I know .where there's an entrance

[GRUNTING]

[WHITE BONE DEMON LAUGHING]

,Everyone start making .your way down

We'll be safe there ,until the Dragon Master

my son, finishes defeating .the White Bone Demon

?Who's gonna carry me .I'm old

Ping, you and I should stay up on top .until everyone is safe

?Ping

[THUDDING] !Ping

[GROWLS]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[EXCLAIMS]

[GRUNTING]

,Wow, Bao ?helping me again

Sure seems like something .a nice guy would do

Dude, would you cut it ?with that

We need to find a way to take this rusty witch down

.before we run outta chi

.Wait

.Hear that

?When you hit her .I think she's hollow

We have to do something !to get ourselves out of here

[SCREAMS]

.She's right

!Wrong

.XIAO: I beg your pardon

.Beg all you want .It won't help

Our survival depends on one thing

.and one thing only

.My superior brain

.Everyone, huddle .Now listen up

,Sooner or later .this she-demon has to sleep

All we have to do is wait for her .to shut her eyes

:WHITE BONE DEMON ?What if she doesn't sleep

.Oh, ridiculous ...Everyone has to

!Whoa! Spank me cross-eyed

[ROARING]

,Xiao was right .the Emperor had a huge head

Perhaps it doesn't fit because it wasn't .meant for you

Ah, Xiao's little .warrior friend

,And look .you brought a pet

.Pet? Ow

.Sun Wukong

.Displeasure to meet you

?Sun Wukong

The trickster who imprisoned ?the White Bone Demon

,Yes. And you let her out

after you helped her steal my Red Jade .and my crown

You realize she's playing you ?for a fool, hmm

,Take it from a fool who knows .you can't control her

.We have an agreement

Her release in return .for her service to me

[SCOFFS] Evil serves no one .but itself

I'd ask you to surrender .but I already know the answer

[GENERAL FANG GROANS]

The one with the bad teeth [is mine. [CHUCKLES

[GRUNTS]

?Ping? Ping, where are you

?Ping

?Ping, what are you doing .We have to get to safety

.Look at them, Li

.Like angels from heaven

.Cart called to me, Li

.He's been reincarnated

I just have to figure out .which one he is

!Cart! I'm coming

.Ping, no .We're not safe out here

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMS]

,All right, you three .time for some hard truth

You're going to die .and I can't save you

:FAN TONG .No one's going to die

?Fan Tong

.That's me

.Sorry it took us so long .This iron is really strong

,Move it, Fan Tong I'm tired of staring .at your butt

.Hey there, Empress .It's, uh, me, Bao

.Yeah, we've met ?You read my book

.Oh, right, hi

[WHISPERS] .I don't remember

.You fools You're going to .get us all killed

.Or at least them

No. The Demon's body .is hollow

We can escape .through her thigh

!That is madness

.I'm in

[FAN TONG GRUNTING]

,Shh! Dude ,keep it down .she'll hear

:WHITE BONE DEMON .Too late

[GROWLING]

[GRUNTS]

!Fan Tong

.You're kinda cute

[Uh, thanks? [GROANS

Wonder what you look like .on the inside when you pop

[SCREAMING]

,Don't worry [I've got you. [GASPS

[GROWLING]

Let's get the crown .and end this

.I'm on it

[GRUNTS]

!Whoo-hoo

[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

[GASPS, STAMMERS]

[SCREAMS]

[SUN WUKONG SCREAMS] [GROANS]

You really could have .done that without me

True. But it wouldn't .have been as fun

,Now, Shi Long ?it's your turn. Huh

?Where is she

[SHI LONG PANTING]

!Jing, get us closer

Trying but Mei Mei is making it !a little difficult

[SCREAMS]

[GROWLING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

Dude, the chain .is breaking

We're never gonna .make it to the thigh

,Maybe not you

but my bones .are hollow

.Light as air

?Huh

.I've put on weight recently

[ALL SCREAM]

[GROWLING]

[BOTH EXCLAIM]

[GROWLS]

!No

!Abandon ship

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GROWLS]

!Here I come

I couldn't decide which cart ,was Cart reincarnated

.so I brought them all

We can't take [all of the... [GASPS

!Ping, watch out

[GASPS]

[GROANS]

!Ping

[BAO GRUNTING]

!I did it! We're alive

!Alive

,Oh, Bao .thank you

.You saved us

...Well, of course, I

I mean, I was just .looking out for my friend

Told you .you were nice

,Oh, dude you got slobber .on my dimple

!Bao! Fan Tong

[GROANS]

?Did we win

Is it time ?for my curtain call

,Know what, Mei Mei .I think we did

[GROANS]

!SHI LONG: No

!Get up I risked everything .to give you life

You promised .I would be Empress

!You promised me China

.We had a deal !We had a deal

[WHIRRING]

?Huh

SHI LONG: We were .to rule together

.That's what you said

That's what .you promised me

[GASPS]

[HUMMING SOFTLY]

[SHI LONG SCREAMS]

!No

.Deal's off

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]