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Peacock and Lee for 10 years in Sydney.

But you're originally from Melbourne?

Yeah, I moved to Sydney when I got married,

but then recently my husband ran off with an older woman

so I thought the best way to deal with the trauma...

..run away, so here I am back in Melbourne.

That's just a temporary address, though.

I'm just in an Airbnb till I sort myself out.

None of that's relevant. I'll just shush.

I don't see a reference.

No? No. Is there a reference?

No? -No.

No.

Can you get a reference?

No.

Well, that's going to limit No.

Well, that's going to limit your options.

Well, that's going to limit I will take anything.

I will take anything.

Family law.

Except maybe... Yeah, I do contract law.

Except maybe... I don't have any court experience.

I don't have any court experience.

And I'm not really a people person, so...

And I'm not really What about dead people?

What about dead people?

Not really a dead people person either.

Gruber & Gruber, a small suburban firm

specialising in probate and wills.

It's nothing fancy. That's alright. I'm not fancy.

No.

Is this how you would normally dress for work?

Is this how you would normally dress Yeah. Every day.

Yeah. Every day.

I've got three suits all the same.

Saves time. Never have to make a decision about what to wear.

It's great. Is it?

May I suggest that you polish yourself up for the interview?

I think this is beyond polishing, don't you?

Could you at least lose the festival of brown?

You are blending into the chair like some sort of furniture chameleon.

Annabelle, do you mind if we talk about

this job that's come in for next week.

This job that's come in I'm really not sure...

I'm really not sure...

I am so sorry. I did not see you there.

Thank you. I like your suit.

Thank you. Reminds me of cheese.

Reminds me of cheese.

Ooh. Strong choice.

Ray Gruber. Helen Tudor-Fisk.

Tudafish? What is that? Is that Dutch?

Fisk. Fisk with a K.

Hello. Not Fisk as in...

Justice Anthony Fisk, yes, that's my dad.

The great man! Yeah, retired now, but yeah.

I only went before him a couple of times. I liked his style.

Real talky, your dad. Loves to talk you through the judgement.

Ooh, he does love an anecdote. Yep.

Alright, what have we got here.

Peacock and Lee. Good firm.

Is there a reference with that? Peacock and Lee. Good firm.

Is there a reference with that? Er, yeah... should be there.

Is there a reference with that? The agency didn't send it?

The agency didn't send it?

Do you want me to give them a call?

I'll see if they can send it over... Do you want me to give them a call?

I'll see if they can send it over... No, we're all good, Helen.

I'll see if they can send it over... You know why?

You know why?

'Cause I like your face. This one?

A lot of experience in that face.

Says, "I've been around the block, I know what I'm doing." Yeah?

Says, "I've been around the block, "I'm a workhorse." Yeah?

"I'm a workhorse." Yeah?

"Plain and simple. I get the job "I'm a workhorse." Yeah?

"Plain and simple. I get the job done." Am I right?

"Plain and simple. I get the job Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, that's me.

Plain and simple and... like a horse.

Helen, when someone dies, it's sad.

Then it's kind of boring.

There's a lot of business, Then it's kind of boring.

There's a lot of business, a lot of paperwork.

There's a lot of business, What we've found here

What we've found here

is that people would prefer to deal with a more mature lady.

Can't say 'lady' anymore. It's sort of... um, female.

Non-male. Whatever you call yourself.

Non-male. Woman, usually.

Woman, usually.

Point is, you are one.

So tick, tick and tick, Helen Tudor-Fisk.

Tick, tick and tick, as in, I got the job?

Yes! No-one in this pile even comes close to your age.

Yes! No-one in this pile What are you? 50? 55?

What are you? 50? 55?

47.

You look older. Which works for me.

Start Monday? Sure. Great. Thank you.

Welcome aboard. Great stuff. I'm loving the yellow.

Welcome aboard. Great stuff. Good, because I just...

Good, because I just...

I'm joking. I'll see you Monday. No hi-vis, yeah?

OK.

Thanks very much.

Sorry. Do you want to come in?

Who's the walking banana?

That's your replacement. She is the new you.

That's your replacement. Is she afraid of being hit by a car?

Is she afraid of being hit by a car?

Where's the reference?

Agency forgot to send it. Relax, she's a Fisk.

A what? Justice Anthony Fisk.

She's the daughter of a Supreme Court judge.

Exactly what we need here, Rozalind. A little bit of class.

Good, good.

Yes. Hi. Juliana?

You've called me about a million Yes. Hi. Juliana?

You've called me about a million times. What's the problem?

OK, um, your grandmother is in my bedroom again.

She keeps coming in here and, you know, cleaning stuff up...

Apparently you're really messy and she doesn't like it.

Apparently you're really messy Yeah, but I'm renting the house.

Yeah, but I'm renting the house.

No, you're Airbnb-ing the house.

It's the same thing.

Not really. Yes, really.

And the listing said I would have the whole house

and your grandmother supposedly lives in the flat down the back, so...

She lets you have your dog here so you should be grateful.

She lets you have your dog here I am grateful.

I am grateful.

Um, but she needs to stop I am grateful.

Um, but she needs to stop feeding the dog.

Doesn't need to be fed by her. I feed the dog.

Doesn't need to be fed by her. She doesn't need to feed me either.

She doesn't need to feed me either.

There's a fridge full of food there She doesn't need to feed me either.

There's a fridge full of food there that she keeps bringing me.

There's a fridge full of food there Why is she bringing me food?

Why is she bringing me food?

Because you've complained that the stove is broken.

What do you think she was going to do?

What do you think I thought she might fix the stove.

I thought she might fix the stove.

OK, and now with the shoes. See, I need to...

They're my shoes.

Yeah, can you explain the rules, please?

Sure, but...

OK, I know it's tough but that's... rules are rules.

I don't make the rules but we all need to abide by them, so thank you.

I don't make the rules but we all Thank God. God, my shoes.

Thank God. God, my shoes.

God, can I have my shoes, please?

Jeffo!

Yep, yep. Looking at the numbers Jeffo!

Yep, yep. Looking at the numbers right now.

Yep, yep. Looking at the numbers Not bad. Could be better.

Not bad. Could be better.

Can always be better.

Yeah. That's classic Bevvo.

But hey, let's talk timing.

Jeff? Jeff?

You're cutting out. Mate, can you hear me?

You're cutting out. Jeff? Can you hear me?

Jeff? Can you hear me?

Mate, we can all hear you.

Call me back when you can, Jeffo.

Um, hi. Hi.

Yeah, I'm really sorry but I have to ask you to leave.

Yeah, I'm really sorry Me? I have to leave?

Me? I have to leave?

Yeah, you can't shout in the cafe.

I didn't shout.

You're talking aggressively, so...

You know, your vibe You're talking aggressively, so...

You know, your vibe is, like, really loud.

OK, fine, but for the record, this is loud.

Wha-hey! Bevvo! Yeah, I'm an important businessman.

Business, business, business. Numbers, numbers, numbers.

Business, business, business. I'm important! That's loud.

I'm important! That's loud.

But what I'm doing now, what I was doing before,

that's talking at a perfectly reasonable level for a cafe, OK?

That's talking at a perfectly Can you please just go?

Can you please just go?

A lot of us find shouting really triggering.

F... Triggering. Yeah, righto.

God...

Sorry, what's it for?

It's for the website. The "Who We Are" page.

I'm the webmaster.

I think that's enough.

If you're happy with that... Yeah, I don't care...

If you're happy with that... God no. OK, take another one.

God no. OK, take another one.

Maybe you could put a filter on it.

Yeah, maybe.

Helen. Yes.

I'm Roz Gruber. Office manager.

I see you've met George.

The webmaster. Yeah. Still taking pictures.

Webmaster... He's our probate clerk.

Any questions on process, see George.

Any questions on process, Will do.

Will do.

And, sorry, did you say you're one of Will do.

And, sorry, did you say you're one of the Gruber & Gruber Grubers?

And, sorry, did you say you're one of Yes. I'm Raymond's sister.

Yes. I'm Raymond's sister.

Right. But you're the office manager, not a solicitor?

Not anymore. She's been struck off.

I've not been struck off. I've been temporarily suspended.

But you could get struck off at any moment.

Why don't you go and do something useful.

Yeah, I'll fix Helen's face. Thank you.

Yeah, I'll fix Helen's face. Let me take you on a tour.

Let me take you on a tour.

Great. Can I ask Let me take you on a tour.

Great. Can I ask why you were suspended?

No. OK, I won't.

So, kitchen. Bushells, International Roast.

Anything on this side, help yourself.

Anything on this side, OK.

OK.

Twinings, fancy biscuits, teacups, etc, on this side

for client use only.

Please bring your own mug for use around the office.

And the Corn Thins are mine. Hands off.

Morning, Fisk! Any special milk, that's on you.

Got a bunch of files to get you going.

Righty, I'm ready. Raymond, do you mind?

I'm in the middle of an induction. It's not a hall of fame, Roz.

She hasn't had a lot to do since she was struck off.

Suspended. I've been suspended. I have not been struck off.

Still a bit touchy.

We're in here now. Yep. With you.

Coming.

The toilet key lives on this hook by my desk

The toilet key and must be returned at all times.

And must be returned at all times.

OK. And where's the toilet?

Just up there to the left.

Inside? So why do you lock it?

I like to keep track. Keeps the boys honest.

Keeps the place clean.

OK, so do you check it after every visit?

Well, not after every visit.

Obviously I do have other things Well, not after every visit.

Obviously I do have other things to do.

Obviously I do have other things Sure, but do you see the problem?

Sure, but do you see the problem?

If you don't check it after every visit,

theoretically I could get blamed for someone else's mess.

Theoretically I could get blamed Do you know what I mean?

Do you know what I mean?

Someone else leaves the place in a state, you don't check it,

I use the bathroom, you DO check it,

you might think I'm the one that left a crime scene in there.

You might think I'm the one that left Listen.

Listen.

The toilet key lives on that hook.

You can see my point, though. No. No.

You can see my point, though. Rare, medium rare, well done.

Rare, medium rare, well done.

All done and inducted?

I don't know. Have you finished All done and inducted?

I don't know. Have you finished talking about the toilet?

I don't know. Have you finished Yep, all good.

Yep, all good.

I don't quite understand why you would lock it when it's insi...

Yep. I have. Good. Alright.

Yep. I have. Well, we have got you in there

Well, we have got you in there

until we can sort an office out for you.

OK, great. Please, follow me.

Watch the edge of that. That'll get your knee every time.

Shall we go in? Yes.

Helen. This is Ruth O'Malley. Hello.

Ruth, I'm going to leave you with our new associate, Helen.

But don't you leave without giving me that apricot chicken recipe.

But don't you leave without giving Will do. Thank you, Roz.

Will do. Thank you, Roz.

So, Ruth, can you just give me one second?

Hey!

Sorry, Roz... who's Ruth?

She's the client. Your client. Already?

I thought first week I'd just be reading files

and reacquainting myself with probate law, you know.

Like, an actual client just feels a bit... eugh,

it's a bit full-on for a first day.

I'm sorry. Yeah.

Is the job not to your liking, Helen?

No.

No, it's to my liking. A lot!

So, yeah. Let's get in there... No, it's to my liking. A lot!

So, yeah. Let's get in there... with the client.

Yes, let's. OK.

OK, Ruth. Go.

Beg your pardon? Start. Talk.

What do you need? What can I do for you?

Well, er, hubby suggested I should see...

Well, er, hubby Husband. Husband. Don't say hubby.

Husband. Husband. Don't say hubby.

Are we on the record? Do I need to be formal?

No, I just don't like the word 'hubby'.

For some people it's 'moist'. For me it's 'hubby'.

For some people it's 'moist'. Anyway, keep going.

Anyway, keep going.

Um, my mother died recently and...

Yeah. OK.

And I am sorry for your loss. Thank you.

In her will she left half her estate to me

In her will she left and half to my brother, Dean.

And half to my brother, Dean.

On one condition.

Is that the will? Can I see that, please?

Yes. Yep. Thank you.

Now, as you can see...

Shh. Just let me read it.

This says your brother only inherits his money

This says your brother if he has a vasectomy.

If he has a vasectomy.

Yes. If he has a vasectomy.

Yes. No.

You can't put conditions like that in a will.

But he has five children to five different women.

It has to stop. I couldn't agree with you more.

But unfortunately, you can't force a person...

This is a legal binding document. Is it?

We used a proper will kit from the post office.

We used a proper will kit Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you

Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you

your mother can't make your brother have a vasectomy,

and neither can you.

And before you ask me, neither can the post office.

Not in their purview, I'm afraid, Ruth.

Did you speak to anyone at Peacock and Lee

Did you speak to anyone before you hired Helen?

Before you hired Helen?

No, I didn't, Roz. I made a judgement call.

Well, perhaps a phone call might have been more useful.

Did you know she was fired?

Yep.

No.

Did not know that.

It's not about the money, it's about the principle.

It's not about the money, Sure...

Sure...

If you ask me, it was the shame

that finally drove my mother into the grave.

Well, shame and cancer, according to these records.

Sorry? What?

Sorry? She should be supervised.

She should be supervised.

Well, you can't sit in with clients. You're suspended.

I know.

Come on. Really? Yes, come on.

Seriously, Roz.

I would if I could but I can't.

I've had a heavy lunch.

OK, so is there a death certificate I've had a heavy lunch.

OK, so is there a death certificate in here?

I didn't see one. It's all in there.

I didn't see one. It looks fine to me.

It looks fine to me.

It's just too old birds It looks fine to me.

It's just too old birds having a chat.

What I should ask is what does your brother say about all this?

I assume he's not keen on the idea or you wouldn't be here.

No, he's afraid it might affect his work.

What, is he a professional sperm donor or...

What, is he a professional No, he's a penis painter.

No, he's a penis painter.

That's OK. No judgement. No, he's a penis painter.

That's OK. No judgement. It's all art.

He paints penises. No, he paints WITH his penis.

He paints penises. Er... with... and... why would he...

Er... with... and... why would he...

How can... Sorry, just explain to me Er... with... and... why would he...

How can... Sorry, just explain to me how does he do that?

Look, I'm sorry, I really don't want to go into details.

Look, I'm sorry, I really don't Totally understand.

Totally understand.

Unfortunately, I need to get Totally understand.

Unfortunately, I need to get everything down for the record,

Unfortunately, I need to get so can you tell...

so can you tell...

What does he do? How does he do it?

He goes to parties and paints What does he do? How does he do it?

He goes to parties and paints people's portraits with his penis.

It's a form of entertainment, apparently.

I'm sorry, you're not writing this down.

No, so let's call that... What do we call that?

Like, it's a cock and canvas type of thing?

Look, I just need you to tell me if I can get a court order

so I can force him to have a vasectomy.

OK, let me explain something to you, Ruth.

OK, let me explain This is not going to court ever

This is not going to court ever

so you need to get that idea right out of your head right now.

So you need to get that idea I think you're wrong

I think you're wrong

and I think a judge would come down I think you're wrong

and I think a judge would come down on my side, so...

I think you haven't heard a word I've said this whole time.

Sorry, I can't hear you. You're mumbling.

It's very irritating. Can you speak up?

It's very irritating. Yeah, OK, I'll speak up.

Yeah, OK, I'll speak up.

Here you go. Maybe this will help you.

Can you hear me now? Ray.

You. Ray! Raymond.

You. Cannot. Force someone.

Cannot. Force someone.

To have. A vasectomy.

It's against the law. Mate. Step out.

Just... she said she couldn't hear me so I was...

It's OK. I think she heard you towards the end there.

Yeah.

Can you guess what I'm going to say?

Is it, "You were right, you can't Can you guess what I'm going to say?

Is it, "You were right, you can't force someone to have a vasectomy"?

If it's about the megaphone thing, I was just trying to make a point

'cause she wasn't listening.

Is this why you were fired 'cause she wasn't listening.

Is this why you were fired from your job in Sydney?

You don't know... How do you know I was fired?

Roz rang your old boss and he said you attacked a client.

Roz rang your old boss and he said OK, hang on, I didn't attack her.

OK, hang on, I didn't attack her.

I did shout and I might have called her a silly old whore, but...

Jesus Christ! I know, I'm not proud of it.

That's why I didn't bring it up in the interview.

And in my defence, I did have just cause

because she was having an affair...

You know, you might have just lost us a client.

You know, you might have just Do you know what a client is?

Do you know what a client is?

Yes. A friend you haven't met yet.

It's money, Fisk. Cash money.

Ruth's going to come back tomorrow.

I told her Helen had a back injury Ruth's going to come back tomorrow.

I told her Helen had a back injury and had taken too many painkillers.

Thanks, Roz.

Silly old whore? You're kidding.

Extenuating circumstances.

Turns out the client, Extenuating circumstances.

Turns out the client, the silly old whore,

was having an affair with Fisk's husband.

I knew there was something not quite right about her.

She just needs a bit of guidance.

I'm sorry? You want to keep her on?

Seriously, Rozzy, I cannot be arsed interviewing any more people.

Can't you just do some of your mentoring shit with her?

Can't you just do some of Alright.

Alright.

You're good at that.

I know.

Can I get a small flat white, please?

Can I get a small flat white, No, you can't.

No, you can't.

I don't think this is any of your business.

Actually, it is my business. The whole place.

You can get your coffee somewhere else.

You can get your coffee OK.

OK.

So just to clarify, do you mean I can get my coffee somewhere else today

but then tomorrow we're all good and I can come back here?

No?

Morning, Roz. I got you a coffee.

You know there's a very good cafe downstairs called Artisan?

Yeah, I actually prefer this.

I don't know if you've tried it. It's interesting.

I don't know if you've tried it. Morning, all. Ooh, the dollar brew.

Morning, all. Ooh, the dollar brew.

Yes. Morning, all. Ooh, the dollar brew.

Yes. All yours, Ray.

Yes. $1. How do they do it?

$1. How do they do it?

I think they buy cheaper beans.

You know what that tastes like?

Savings.

That's from me. I bought that Savings.

That's from me. I bought that for you.

That's from me. I bought that What do you want? A dollar?

What do you want? A dollar?

No, I was just saying, little present to say thanks for not firing me.

Thought you bought it for me.

Yes, and thank you for not firing me too, Roz.

Yes, and thank you Thank you, Helen.

Thank you, Helen.

Webmaster.

Are you ready for me, Roz?

I'm sorry, did you want to eat Are you ready for me, Roz?

I'm sorry, did you want to eat your greasy snack before we start?

No, they came free with the coffee. Do you want one?

No, they came free No, I don't want one either.

No, I don't want one either.

Don't put it in my bin. No, I don't want one either.

Don't put it in my bin. It'll stink out my office.

Now, Raymond has asked me to work with you on your people skills.

Now, Raymond has asked me to work I like your pants-suit.

I like your pants-suit.

Thank you.

Where's it from?

I think it's a Noni B.

See what I'm doing?

Is it pants-suit research?

I'm making a connection.

Often our clients have lost a loved one,

Often our clients and do you know what they need?

And do you know what they need?

A pants-suit? And do you know what they need?

A pants-suit? A friend.

A pants-suit? You have to find a way to connect.

You have to find a way to connect.

I pretended to like your outfit.

What if a person likes to cook? I pretended to like your outfit.

What if a person likes to cook? You could ask them for recipes.

If they go to church, try bringing Jesus into the conversation.

If they go to church, try bringing I wonder what Jesus would do.

I wonder what Jesus would do.

And if they're a farmer, I wonder what Jesus would do.

And if they're a farmer, you could talk about...

And if they're a farmer, Hay. Cows. Manure?

Hay. Cows. Manure?

Um, wanting a wife.

The weather. Um, wanting a wife.

The weather.

Yeah, I thought of the weather, and then I didn't say it.

Yeah, I thought of the weather, I went with manure.

I went with manure.

Good morning.

Good morning. Good morning.

I'm not going to hug you because I've still got a bad back from yesterday.

Let's get started.

Because?

That's what Jesus would do.

Because at Gruber & Gruber, That's what Jesus would do.

Because at Gruber & Gruber, we get results.

Sorry, I didn't know we had a catchphrase, but I do now,

Sorry, I didn't know we had so I'm onto that.

So I'm onto that.

I'm going to leave you so I'm onto that.

I'm going to leave you in Helen's very capable hands.

And you've met George. He'll be taking notes.

I'm the webmaster. You're the probate clerk. Come on.

Let's go, Ruth. Come on!

Ruth, there's really only two choices.

Ruth, there's really It's this number or this.

It's this number or this.

Do you understand? No.

OK, I'll say it again.

This number,

or this number if you keep going down this road.

Maybe try a pie chart.

Sometimes it's easier to understand than numbers.

Sometimes it's easier OK. Um, yes. Good idea.

OK. Um, yes. Good idea.

Can you get me a knife?

Stay there.

This'll help.

Imagine this sausage roll represents your mother's money.

Now, you get half,

your brother Dean gets half.

It's so simple.

Does Dean get his procedure? It's so simple.

Does Dean get his procedure? No, he doesn't...

Not interested. OK. Let's try again.

Imagine... Argh!

That's the order of service for my mum's funeral.

Beg your pardon for that. That was an accident.

Here we go.

Imagine this sausage roll represents your mother's money. Here we go.

Imagine this sausage roll represents your mother's money.

I would prefer it if this sausage roll represents Dean's penis

and this represents a vasectomy!

And this represents a vasectomy! Clearly a circumcision gone horribly wrong, not a vasectomy.

Clearly a circumcision gone horribly wrong, not a vasectomy.

Ruth, if you pursue this, most if not all of your inheritance

will be eaten up by legal fees.

Look, I'm a lawyer. Watch me.

Ooh. That was a legal fee.

There's another one.

Is that Ruth's inheritance? Ooh, yum-yum!

All this is going to me.

You won't get any of it. That's gone.

You won't get that back.

Hang on. God, maybe you will.

No, that's gone.

Now, you're going to end up with this, Dean will get this,

and he will still have this. Now, you're going to end up with this, Dean will get this,

and he will still have this.

That's his whole penis.

I just want to go to court... That's not going to happen.

I just want to go to court... ...and then I can take the stand...

..and then I can take the stand...

We actually say, "Get in the box" here.

..where I can explain to the jury, to listen to me...

Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, there's no jury, OK?

It's not like television. Come on, I'm trying to help.

I think I need another lawyer.

Yeah. I think you need one from Law and Order.

That's not gone well.

Can I have a couple of bites of legal fee?

Can I have a couple of bites Yeah.

Yeah.

How did it go?

Yeah, good, good.

Did we get probate on this one? Er, um, maybe.

She's forgotten her funeral thing.

I'm just going to grab her.

She only just left. I'll catch up.

And I'll ask about the probate.

Why is there a knife in here?

But I like it extra hot.

If I scald the milk, you won't taste the beans.

If I scald the milk, But that's how I want it.

But that's how I want it.

Out! You're still banned.

Yeah, I know. Ruth...

Good. My lawyer.

Now I'm your lawyer.

Ruth, come on. We don't need to be here. Let's go.

Ruth, come on. We don't need I know somewhere much better.

I know somewhere much better.

Just so I know, how long is the ban? I know somewhere much better.

Just so I know, how long is the ban? Are we talking a week?

Just so I know, how long is the ban? Is it a month? Is it...

Is it a month? Is it...

You've got some pretty lame facial hair.

You too, lady. Rude.

He's unbelievably rude, that guy.

And speaking of which,

I'm so sorry I put a sausage roll on your mum's face.

That was a terrible thing to do. I didn't...

That was a terrible thing to do. That's alright.

That's alright.

It's just been an extremely difficult time at the moment.

Yeah, I know. I understand what you're going through.

Yeah, I know. I understand Do you really?

Do you really?

Yeah, I do, Ruth.

I mean, you know, I don't have Yeah, I do, Ruth.

I mean, you know, I don't have a brother who paints with his nob.

I mean, you know, I don't have Obviously. Who does?

Obviously. Who does?

But I lost my mum a couple of years ago

and, you know, we were really close.

It's very hard. I know that.

So just... will you let me buy you a coffee, please?

Just let me take you somewhere nice and buy you a coffee.

Just let me take you somewhere nice Sure.

Sure.

It's like one of Melbourne's hidden gems.

It's like one of Melbourne's It's great coffee. Come on in.

It's great coffee. Come on in.

Hey, buddy!

We'll just sit up the back here.

Sit down here. Are we allowed to sit here?

Yeah, yeah, I do all the time. I'm a regular.

Latte? Yes, please.

Great. Just grab a couple of your dollar brews.

That is delicious. Great.

Hey, Ruth, I know you don't want to talk about it,

but I really have to know, how does he do the painting?

But I really have to know, God.

God.

I just... I can't even fathom it, God.

I just... I can't even fathom it, you know? Just...

He has a website. OK.

There he is. Right.

God, so he really does paint, like, with it.

Gee. He is...

He is banging that thing around. That doesn't hurt...

Hey. Hi, mate.

I don't mind if you want to hang out here, pretend it's a cafe

and drink this shitty coffee

but you can't watch porn in here, OK?

But you can't watch porn in here, Shut it down.

Shut it down.

Is he serious?

There's a lot of cock in there.

This coffee's delicious.

Want another one?

Er, yeah, sure. Why not?

Excuse me! It's Michael, isn't it?

Can I please have two more lattes?

Push the button, you can kind of just get 'em yourself.

Grassroots. Get it yourself.

Man.

Well done, Fisk.

Hear we're doing probate Well done, Fisk.

Hear we're doing probate for O'Malley

and no-one's getting their dick cut off.

Yeah, they don't cut your dick off when they do a vasectomy.

Helen. Yes?

Helen. Fixed your face for you.

Fixed your face for you.

Ooh. Uncanny.

That looks just like me.

No, it doesn't. It looks heaps better.

No, it doesn't. I spent 23 minutes on that.

I spent 23 minutes on that.

You're right. It's heaps better. Thanks, Webmaster.

No worries. OK.

Argh! Don't! What...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm Dean. I'm Dean. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm Dean. I'm Dean.

I'm Dean. I'm Dean. Ruth's brother.

Ruth's brother.

OK. How do you know...

How do you know where I live? OK. How do you know...

How do you know where I live? I rang your office.

The webmaster gave me your address

and your beautiful partner let me in.

My... What? My partner? God.

My... What? My partner? Hi. Hi, Minh.

Hi. Hi, Minh.

Here for you, Dean.

Enjoy. Cam on, beautiful lady.

Thank you. That means thank you.

She's a keeper. Lot of love in this food.

She's not my partner. God.

No judgement. Love is love.

Now, Helen, there's something that I want to do for you.

What?

God, no, no!

No, thank you, no.

Please, let me do this. It would mean a lot to me.

You'll love it.

Thank you but no. One moment in time.

Thank you but no. -Just... O...

Just... O...

OK, yes.

But one condition. Can you...

..paint from a photograph?

Morning, Fisk! Hey, Ray.

Great minds! Yes.

And... got you something. Little present for the office.

What do you think about that? Ooh, shit.

Ooh, I like that. Yeah?

A bit of art.

That's classy. Who is that? Is that an Anh Do?

That's an O'Malley. Ruth's brother.

What, the dick painter? Yeah.

What, the dick painter? Wow!

Wow!

So all of that's done with jizz? No...

So all of that's done with jizz? It's... paint.

It's... paint.

I think it's paint. It's... paint.

I think it's paint. Ooh, superb!

Yes. Perhaps I should get mine done.

Yeah, you just send him a photo. He works from a photo.

No, I'd prefer to sit for it.

She knows it was painted with a cock?

She knows.

Wow.

Have you sat for an artist before?

Many times. Yeah.

Archibald. All the rest.

Really?

Keep your eyes looking at me.

That's good. Yeah.

And tell me, Dean, what medium are you working in?

I prefer acrylics.

I prefer acrylics. Anything water-based is best.

Anything water-based is best.

Yes, of course.

You don't want to be rinsing that Yes, of course.

You don't want to be rinsing that brush of yours

You don't want to be rinsing that in turpentine, now, do you?

In turpentine, now, do you?

OK, just going to do your eyes now.

Look at me.

One...

..and two... two. That's good.

Do you want it signed?

I'd love it signed.

Have you got a dimple in your chin?

No, you haven't. Have you got a dimple in your chin?

No, you haven't. No.

You've got a glint in your eye.

You've got a glint in your eye. What's your middle name?

What's your middle name?

Joanne. What's your middle name?

Joanne. Joanne.

Yeah. I thought so. Did you?

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